My parents didn’t teach me anything. I was to stay outside and be quiet all the time. I have ADHD. That wasn’t possible. My dad was angry with me all the time. Said I was slow, stupid, hot tempered, and didn’t learn. He said I would never get married and blah blah blah. My mom was there but not there. I had few friends as a kid. I didn’t understand why no one wanted me around. It really broke my heart at 6 years old until I was 13. I then realized I wasn’t the problem. I was already in a state of depression and hated myself for a long time. I still struggle with keeping friends because I feel like everyone is fake. Trauma has really hurt me social wise. I haven’t spoken to my dad in 18 yrs. Don’t plan on it either. I have 6 kids now and I took them to the park all the time so they could learn to socialize and on vacations a lot. I made sure I taught them affection and compassion because my parents didn’t do that with me. My whole family is toxic so I keep my kids away from them. I’m glad I didn’t turn out like my parents. I left at 16.
Love to you for all you have been trough. And look what a chain breaker you are! A bad parental example can be a good example and create a good parent in so many ways - I can relate to some of that.
When my wife and I were raising our daughters the thing we noticed about other parents was the total lack of interest by the parents for their kids. Children act out to gain attention but many parents instead ignore even the acting out! The kids just seem to be wild except for feeding and watering. Then thrust upon the schools as substitute parents which does not help things at all. Very little parent influences in kids lives, my wife and I took turns with the kids, took them on vacations, went to the playground together, always used everything we did as a teaching and learning opportunity. We showed them flowers, how to be friendly to animals, how to clean their rooms, table manners, please and thank you, how to share, the list is endless and although I’m older now I’m still a parent and my kids ask me about things. Most parents today just think being a parent means piping the kid out and let the school raise them. We have been heading toward catastrophe for a long time.
This is so true! Exactly how my parents were. Not interested in me and constantly blaming the school for everything I lacked. I vowed to never do that to my kids.
I feel bad people do what happened to them and are still not grown and mature before having kids and choosing to heal themselves and discover what and how an involved parent is. Internally it takes caring and wanting to write wrongs and be there and want to do the work to have your children love you and be interested in you and build a family of support. 🌹
I think your disillusionment of those kinds of parents does not appropriately recognize that for most of human history, kids were simply “piped” out and hopefully a couple made it to adulthood. Being “present” in children’s lives is actual a rather recent development. A very good one for sure.
My father grew up without a father and naturally didn’t know how to be one, luckily I watched this lecture and many others when my son was 2-3yo and I have successfully cut the chain of fatherless family with my generation. My relationship with my now 8year old son is well above average. Thank you Dr. Jordan Peterson.
@@jadeworsley8768 Based on subjective baseline that I can observe. It’s definitely not scientific but I consider myself middle class and even middle class families don’t have their shit together let alone the families who fall in to lower part of the bell curve. No father is better than abusive father I think.
Wow. I'm exactly the same way. I'm 21 male and still never knew my father. I don't know his name, what he looks like, his race or if he's even alive. Now I have a 2 year old son and a 4 month old daughter and my wife and I are raising them together in our own home due to me working my ass off every day. It feels good to know I'm more of a man at 21 than my father ever was
You only cut the first chain. There's more. Stay vigilant because you may very well be unable to see some things your father (and two previous generations) passed on to you via Template DNA. I assume you may know this. My comment derives from 45 years of observation. I come from a line of impoverished males myself. And I chose as a young teen to not perpetuate my parents bad ways. I really thought I had completely eradicated the bad habits passed down to me. But, there are things WE don't know that WE don't know. Be open to those lessons. Now that I have grandkids I get to see how my adult children and their spouses train up their kids. There's no doubt they patterned me in some good things and some bad. As for the bad, I am appalled at some of what I was cock sure I did better than my dad. Thank God kids are resilient (and forgiving) because even the most well-intended, well-educated efforts by parents can backfire simply because each child is different--and you can't know for certain what will work 100% of the time.
Just finished reading ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ and it really opened my eyes to some new ways of guiding my kids in their faith. Highly recommend it if you’re looking to strenghten your family’s spiritual life
My son was aggressive with other children as a toddler. I was convinced to bring him to the Dr to see if he was hyperactive which of course is now ADHD. The doctor listened and in the end asked only one question. Does he sleep all night? I said yes always. He said stop worrying and he will grow out of the behaviors. He was right. 100%. Such wisdom. Thanks Dr Joe!
I wish my baby daddy would get this but no he continues to put habanero/ghost pepper on her tongue/lips(for lieing), slaps her leg, slap across the head(for not using her brain), spank on the butt, name calling like dumb, stupid, lier, makes her kneel down on her knees on the hardwood floor, sit in the dark with door closed while she cries, uses the devil voice to make her scared but he says it's not a form of abuse because he don't leave any marks! So I feel like she is doomed and will grow up hating her dad, she is only 8
@@elizabethroberts5577 That is abuse, get away from that man. That is evil. You have to work harder to protect your daughter. Ask for help. Get help. She is suffering. Stop it!!!!!! Stop wishing, stop the abuse now.
As a child I was extremely talkative and very active. My mom didn't medicate me, thank God! Allowing me to get my energy out and with redirection, it worked it's self out. Naturally.
@@hellosunshine3304 Hyper in relation to WHAT? In the 19th century, 7y old kids worked on farms and plants. ALL DAY. STANDING UP. No cars, no heating. Ridiculous. You were just not well parented, so a bit disrespectful to the society rules, well, you adjusted, so turned OK.
As a father to a boy who is approaching 2 years old, I am extremely grateful to have found Jordan Peterson and this clip in particular. My son is already displaying acts of aggression and knowing how to socialize him going forward is extremely valuable and eye-opening for me. Thank you so much, Dr. Peterson 👍
So true. My daughter is approaching three and we've come a long (tantrum) way since last year. I can only be happy to slowly see her more aware of the environment she grows up in.
My son is a 45 pound two year old. I am starting to see the same thing going on with my son. Thank god for Jordan's lectures. You must be a great father being proactive in raising your son. I wish my son's father cared as much as you do. He is going to prison next month. I cannot understand not caring about your child so much so that you are willing to land yourself in prison for years at a time. When I met him he was a therapist with a great life. Now he is a lonely drug addicted felon. Unbelievable what a person can do in a year of bad behavior. He ruined his life.
You took words out of my mouth. I had to take my son out of daycare because teachers just couldn't deal with his agression towards his classmates. After viewing this video, and understanding the importance of socialization, now I'm afraid if I did a mistake in taking him out of daycare because now I wouldn't be interacting with children his age, everyday.
I’ve been struggling with how to balance technology and faith in our home, and ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ provided some amazing insights that we’ve already started using
He just explained almost every mass shooter or serial killer ever. I’m sure there are some exceptions out there but this was by far the best explanation I’ve seen, yet no one has talked about it. I can only assume it’s because it points a big fat finger at the failures of us as parents and a society as a whole. I guess it’s just easier to blame a gun than to actually reflect upon yourself and the mistakes you made as a parent.
The wast majority of serial killers do not even use guns to murder their victims, but they murder a lot of people during a lifetime. The gun by itself cannot murder anyone. But having a gun in the home can be dangerous if it is the wrong hands, like in the hands of a child or a lunatic for example.
Guns are easier to target for legislation, THAT'S why they get the blame. Politicians using coffins for soapboxes to strip us so they can keep their power.
There’s a boy in my son’s class who I think is going to grow up into a serial killer. He’s awaiting an autism & ADHD diagnosis and the teachers are too scared to punish him for bad behaviour and his parents are now using the potential diagnosis as an excuse for his behaviour as it’s easier than dealing with it
Every parent, everywhere, every age. Literally every parent needs to watch this over and over. Each time I consume this video, I feel in my gut that I increase my value as a father to my son. Thank God for TH-cam, because I can't keep up with the density of his wisdom, I need to rewind and ponder. Great name for JP's next book actually. "Rewind And Ponder". Mr. Peterson, call me for the rights to the name :) And thank you for bringing us facts in such a consistently unique, thoughtful and provoking style of delivery. You are an uncommonly generous man and I am grateful for you.
💯💯💯💯. It encourages me in my mothering instincts and actually be careful about my language when my husband rough and tumble plays with my 3 year old.... He sometimes scares me and I want to constantly say "be careful" .. but I mustn't. And trust his lesson in that is just as tender as mine in mothering.
This is exactly why judo works so well with kids who are too agressive or hyper and are constantly pushing other ppl's boundaries: rough and tumble play combined with strict rules and constant ceremonial structures of how to behave with each other.
That would depend on what is underlying the aggression and how that is expressed, training may simply add arsenal to a psychopathic type. I knew a martial arts trainer who trained women in self defence who had two sons, all three of them were serial predatory abusers.
@@charliesanders6930 Really, perhaps you could think a little more on that. To give the most obvious answer..Was Hitler in possession of control? Or is a man who rejected the advantage of his extraordinary privilege to learn the nature of the suffering in the world and begins a movement of non judgement, compassion, harm minimisation mutual respect actually the dangerous one. But of course we would have to agree on what better means. The bias confirmation he peddles is intended to make him and other fearful ‘conservatives’ feel better, and for things to appear just the way he likes them, and to deny the uncomfortable nuances that disturb his sense of how things should be ordered. He is a puppet strung to his own anxieties, he fell to pieces and gave up any semblance of critical thinking at the first challenge. He is a study in basic psychology, projection, denial and deflection. He isn’t the only academic who thought he had a lifetime intellectual authority simply by his title and arrogantly forgot that learning is a lifelong journey. The biased belief that the words academic are infallible is not uncommon. It is not surprising that those who have been allowed to make it by faking it are unsettled by the growing movement that is not prepared deny reality for the benefit of the shrivelled egos that find themselves exposed by the recent technology that empowers those who until now were denied a voice. If you here information that you immediately feel comfortable with, that is the cue to question what, how and why you connect to it in a positive way. That requires awareness of biases as much as possible. Peterson is dangerously validating narcissistic self congratulation and the denial of vulnerabilities through imagining attributes and intentions incuriously.
My son had ADHD and his kindegarten teacher wad comcerned so i took him to dr and he prescribed ritalin😱The teachers were happy but i wasnt he became withdràwn . I took him off after a week and i had heard dr dean edel talking on radio . He said Adhd kids need focus . Put them im karate so we did 5 days a week . Best thing for him he did well in school it helped him so much . And from then on i put him in sports because he was really good. And he has grown up to be a successful man
So true! Children need rough & tumble play. Children need outdoor play, especially nowadays.. Jordan Peterson is always so insightful and wise. Thank you 🌞
I took her out the other day and she got violent with almost all the other kids on the playground... I had to pull her out and she made a fit all the way to home.
@@tiffanyflood945 Why not? It doesn't means they are gonna hit or throw things at each other, is more like wrestling. Me and my brother would play Lucha Libre by just grabbing each others and jumping on the bed with our dad playing with us.
I was aggressive as a child because I was being abused by adults at the time .My time of youthful training was full of violent behaviour by people I looked up for leaning.I still had compassion for the abusers ,I leaned this as an as an child .I spent many years in and out of of children Court and spent time in youth training farms for violent crimes In the back of my mind I know I was heading to the adult jail if I continued . Thank God I changed my ways in my youth .I choses my own path in Stead of the path I could have gone down.
Thank you for sharing your experience and I am sorry to hear the terrible things that happened in your childhood. 😢 at the same time you showed the power of humanity to be able to decide your future on your own by changing course.
We all have the power to what path we all have on the journey of life.We can not blame the past for our actions as adults .In the mist of the darkness I saw the light of heaven.
@@kayleneemery8217 In the most difficult time of my young life I found God ,when at the age of nine I tried to end my life, Jesus Christ showed me the true meaning of God love for all of his children and me .When touched by the hands of God 🙏 my life was changed by the life savings encounter with our father in heaven..
I was an interventionist at a very low income school one year. They were desperate because several teachers called out sick, including the teacher I assisted most. So here i was unqualified and subbing for a kinder class. They immediately took advantage lol. But something i discovered about them was they would hone their attention better when I gave them more than the usual recess breaks. And on those breaks we would do an easy choreographed dance. The kids loved it so much, they would beg the teacher for the rest of the year to do this dance. She allowed it and they even performed it at their promotion. It was eye opening and taught me a lot about children in my own life. Best experience ever.
I recently attended a seminar on restorative practice. One thing the presenter said was "rhythm is regulation". Consistent rhythms help us regulate ourselves - your story bears witness to that concept in a practical sense.
You were creative when put in a difficult situatipn. You brought out the best in the children by helping them to have fun and learn at the same time. You're a natural!
OMG! This is so well explained. The worst part is that some parents don't see their children as aggressive as the rest of the people do. And we are forced to smile at them. Thanks!!
I was just 10years when I lost both parents, was abused emotionally, psychologically etc by those who suppose to care. Have no playmate bc I wasn't allowed to. Used for child labour. Was raped at the age bc I was made to sleep in the street by elder sister. But I thank God that I was able to break away from that circle and became a compassionate, caring and a loving person I am today. Still praying all the time to forget the past totally and move on though not easy bc of what I went through. I am trying to show my daughter and all the children around me now all the care and love I can
I am so grateful and thankful that I have been homeschooling since my 3 kids were born. My oldest is now 17 and he is such a gentle yet strong young man. He is so helpful and hardworking. My 15 yr old boy and 13 yr old girl are also helpful, cooperative, smart, friendly, etc.. People think that homeschoolers don't socialize and all I can do is just smile!
@@andrewhersh4040 She's calling the race before anyone has crossed the finish line. Many homeschooling parents ignore the socialization aspect and their kids fail to or struggle hard with the transition into adult life afterwards. Given her flippant attitude towards the issue she has likely neglected to address it.
@@MrScigeek101 You obviously have zero experience in this area and are plainly talking directly out of your… lack of experience. You are HOPING that she’s wrong, but she isn’t.
@@MrScigeek101 do some research. The socialization thing is a myth. Never again in your life are you in a group of hundreds of people of your exact same age from your exact same demographic. That’s not socialization or real life…
Being misunderstood during elementary years was awful for me specially being a female. I never had problems with girls but I fought a lot with males because I couldn’t stand being touch or hug I was aggressive because my parents physically fought constantly and I was a punching bag as well so by the age of 7 I was spell from my third grade( I was ahead in school ) I was constantly criticize by teachers, principal and other parent because I was not able to settle down “ accordingly” being quite and staying on my seat was not my strength but no one ever asked what’s going on with me at home ? ever they just pointed the finger at me and Thank God I was never put on meds because now as adult I know 100% my problem was environmental and it came from home. I went to college and moved out on my own by the age of 19 because I was still being abuse. I found God and my life changed dramatically and I grew out of my adhd.
Similar story but I went to college at 18. While gone my dad killed my cat. I got back home after my first semester and my parents had a list of demands. I never even unpacked. Was briefly diagnosed with ADHD but it didn't stick because the medication (and they tried them all on me) made me extremely paranoid.
Although in the minority of those dx with ADHD, my daughter's kindergarten teacher, her 1st grade teacher and her 2nd grade teacher begged me to medicate her. I refused. 2nd grade it came to a head. They attempted to force me to get her medication by threatening CPS. After not backing down, several meetings and a near insane shouting match I pulled her from public school and home schooled. She was homeschooled until Junior high. She graduated full honors 3 years ago. I was doped up for most of my childhood with Ritalin. When I reached the age of 12 I was taking 4 pills 4 times a day. I quit taking them without my parents knowledge unaware of the dangers. I then spent a month in a child psychiatric ward because of it. I refused to allow my daughter to be part of it.
@@alfredocalzoni8161 thanks for the compliment but im just a momma trying to give my kids the best chance in life. That starts by being their advocate and going as far as you can to protect them.
@@maybetomorrow4755 thats it, they are everything. this insanse system is nothing. not made for humanbeings. Wish you everything good, stay strong, you are never alone :)
I was recently dx with ADHD and went overlooked my entire life until now. ADHD has turned into something debilitating for me, among other mental illnesses, traumas, a dysfunctional marriage and dozens of health issues. The medication helped me stay focused on tasks I must get done and it's been a godsend for me tbh. However, I hate the side effects. My son was placed into early intervention preschool, kindergarten and now elementary school. He's a brilliant child and multi-talented, however, his ADHD is very severe, so much, in fact, that it kept him back academically, socially and mentally. We got him into sports (because he loves them and is good at them). We tried homeschool and it was pretty much impossible for him to learn even what he loves. We put him back into school where he does better because he's a very social creature, and then after much deliberation, praying, and speaking with Drs and his teachers, we felt it was in his very best interest to medicate him. And it has been a complete life-changer for him! He plays in his sports much better, he excelled in his school classes, passing up all his peers until he was graduated into the mainstream public school rather than the "special needs" school, and started to make friends for the first time. My only regret is that we hadn't decided this for him sooner because the kids around here that knew him before medication will not give him a chance even though he's remarkably better and even prefers to take his medication than to go without it. He sees a big difference in it himself and prefers the benefits of it rather than going without it. It's a night and day difference for him. We can tell for sure when he's missed a dose by accident. So in some cases it's a blessing, not a curse, and shouldn't be deemed a forced poison onto kids who "don't really need it".
@@LisaPFrampton like everything in life - there is a golden midway. some should some not. thank you for sharing :) wish you and for your family the best
This video explain my life. Coming from a destructive cycle and trying to break said cycle while also teaching my son to avoid that same cycle. Being antisocial and focusing on my own issues with interacting whole simultaneously showing him is okay to interact and be social even through I may be over-defensive from a traumatic past. Basically not wanting to ruin his purity and his experience of learning but while also teaching him a proper way to interact. Which where I came from we were never taught properly to deal with our emotions
The first few minutes of this video brought be such a massive amount of relief! As a single mother to a 2 year old boy, no father around, I needed to hear this.
I have 4 boys and one of them has trouble with being overly aggressive. I have learned to make him exercise when he is getting aggressive. I’ll send him to climb or pull up on something and that seems to help him.
I have three boys and the oldest is the same way. Living in the second coldest state does not help makes it harder to get the energy out by going outside. The day of family farms with outdoor chores and land to run around sound quite appealing. 😅
My older brother (1 year older) was absolutely nuts and quite abusive when we were teens. I moved to the US when I was 22 and go back home for Christmas every year. I think it was right when he turned 27 that I went back and he seemed a completely different person. He wished me happy birthday for the first time I could remember, was nice to my boyfriend (now husband) and it felt SO weird!! Now he's even nice to my son and sent me a present when he was born. It was difficult to get passed everything he did to me but I saw Dr. Peterson's talk about the testosterone and it matched his timeline perfectly so I figured I should give this "new" brother a shot and he hasn't disappointed so far.
“They learn in their bones what can hurt them,….and help regulate aggressive behavior!” Completely agree. I find the concept of rough and tumble of play is wonderful. They have to learn those physical boundaries.
I have an 8-month-old baby. I have been listening to Jordan Peterson for many years now and I am equipped and ready to make my child someone who is enjoyable to be around right from the get-go
This is ABSOLUTELY fascinating. What I would do to be able to sit in on one of his lectures in person. My mind is blown. As a young father of 3 children ranging from 7yrs-4weeks this information resonated so strongly with me.
I m a small childcare provider. I use outdoor play as most of teaching. We are outdoors most of the day of most days. Even in warm rain and sunny winter days. I m aware that kids need to run and jump and explore. I wish more parents would jump onto this bandwagon. I had to tell parents years ago that there are no handheld devices in my childcare at all. Years ago. Yet I still have parents asking me to allow it. Boldly bringing it in for their child. There child will “melt down” (parents words. And in front of the kid) without it they say. I just hold my ground. I m lucky in that my childcare isn’t in my actual home - it’s a separate area all it’s own. I have no TV over there at all. Educational toys along with a lot of imagination play based items. Most days it’s a day of outdoors with sand box, water, swings, slides and climbing, an entire kids garden with sunflowers, small cukes and mini tomatoes I plant and care for with them, a climbing structure, playhouse, big wooden box for a “stove”, sinks, lots of aluminum pots, pans, colanders, muffin tins, and soup spoons, tree trunks placed here and there for seats, small tables or just for rolling around the yard. All this for imagination and mud play. I ve recently incorporated a digging area for small digging vehicles with rock pile and small sticks. Most kids are super happy with all this. I change them into clothes that I buy second hand so they can get as dirty as they want. I just wash arms hands legs feet and faces at outdoor wash station and changed them into their clothes and shoes (they re barefoot here if they want anytime they want except for cold weather days obviously) for pick up. We have small preschool moments under the shaded patio and for those who nap I set play pens or cots on shaded patio. I cook/prepare snacks and lunch and we all eat outside. BUT there are more and more children I m noticing who don’t want to have any involvement in any of this. The imagination of some children is just not there. I notice they don’t seem to know how to play or how to play for longer than a minute or two. They want TV. They want Tablet. They want MY phone and melt down when I simply say no. The Emotional Quotient of more and more of this society’s children is extremely on the edge. They end up screaming, crying at the drop of a hat, thrashing around, slapping out, going to another child and grabbing something from them to then throw it in anger or just simply barge in and destroy what others have been playing with. When I speak to the parents about it it is one excuse after the other. It’s a very disturbing place they are heading to.
Yes, so true. Many parent's are enabling the negative behaviour. No play in those households, just devices, with parent's obsessed with social media, games and TV and so those devices become the child's play and babysitter!! It's frightening, it's negatively wiring a child's brain and development!
I used to help out a friend who ran a daycare. Absolutely spot on. It is definitely a huge deal and one that is going to be a lot of work to correct, if anyone wants a decent society to live in in the future.
Your daycare sounds wonderful and very stimulating to a child’s imagination. I have a child with high functioning autism, severe adhd and some other issues- which is not uncommon to have a mixed bags of issues when one has autism. I used to work at a daycare in the late 80d, early 90s and most kids did well but there were a few that always stuck out because they had severe inattentiveness, were overly rough and didn’t fit in well with peers. Later I worked in healthcare and noticed over the years that more and more of my patients had a high functioning autism diagnosis or in my opinion probably should have. I say that with respect to having a son with it and have researched and tried to figure out how to help him as well as trying to be a good provider to patients that had it. What I know is that it’s absolutely gotten worse over time as there are many many more cases diagnosed and undiagnosed and they gravitate towards electronics. They are not what causes it but too much exposure to these electronics is detrimental to any child but one with autism is at a worse disadvantage when it comes to social emotional skills. We as a society need to realize these electronics are only hurting us all and we need to severely limit their use. Unfortunately, that is not the way the world is going and this won’t be a popular opinion.
I have a passion for working with the “hyperactive” an “non-compliant” children. Particularly 4 and 5 year olds. EVERYTHING this man said is the TRUTH! I’ve never heard anyone so perfectly and eloquently describe this phenomenon about young aggressive boys. The current school system is not designed for boys and actually does a great disservice to them. These children need more time outside in nature and more time to be physically active. Dr. Peterson is a treasure and one of the greatest minds of our generation. I am so happy someone is speaking up about this.
Then what is the solution to this school system? Most families have no other choice and place their children in public schools. Parents are overworked and tired, barely having enough energy by the end of the day to interact with their children… what can be done about this?
My son has always been the Agressive Twin. He was becoming violent with his aggression, so I found a book at the Library, pre google, that tells you to Physically Love them, touch them, and kindly give them hugs and kisses through the day. We did that, and he became softer and overall non-violent. He's now graduated college and is graduating next week as an Officer in the Army.
This is SO true. My husband did this with all three of our children. We have 1 daughter and 2 sons and it’s 100% true that fathers are necessary for this. We even had a small bounce house we’d set up in the living room that just turned into a wrestling ring for my two boys lol. My youngest was definitely the most aggressive as a toddler. His instinct was to punch no matter what strong feelings he had. He’s 4 now and while he’s still more aggressive than his older brother was at that age, he’s absolutely lovable by everyone. I was so worried when he was young that he was going to be a bully but he’s better with other people better than my other son (My older son is incredibly sensitive physically and emotionally and THAT IS FAR MORE of a problem socially!)
Ye the younger one has dominated over the older one somehow and you can’t let that slide cuz he’s only 4 he needs to learn his place. It won’t take away his aggression but it will teach him he is not the biggest baddest thing YET. And being aggressively nice is a thing so that’s probably why ppl love him.. I have similar traits I was hyper aggressive for seemingly no reason as a kid and got placed into football cuz I was knocking kids down in soccer. Football will for sure show the kid his limits and give him a healthy outlet.
Watch the older one. These kids are much more savvy and may have hurt the little one at an early age causing him to be more aggressive. Older ones are sneakier.
@@katemiller7874 normally I’d agree. But my older son would literally never hurt his brother. He’s never done anything onpurpose to hurt anyone even in anger.
When I was a young girl with adhd,I had trouble properly expressing my emotions. I would become easily frustrated by my inability to communicate, and by those around me not listening to me when I tried to tell them things. As a result I would often lash out and even harm myself, ripping out my own hair in clumps. It was very frightening for the people who loved me, as they didn't understand why I was so upset and couldn't do much to help by the time things had escalated to that point. As a mature adult woman, reflecting on this violent history, I realize why I did it--because there was a failure to communicate, and when you can't express yourself in words, it's only natural then to use actions to get some message across. When dealing with small children I'd suggest taking extreme care to pay attention to their emotional state and try to understand what they're saying before they stoop to making physical statements to get your attention. I'm not saying I was right to do these things when I was little, of course--I'd certainly never do such things now! But back then I didn't have enough experience and education to know better or to communicate effectively. Children are not simply blank slates or automatons you can talk down to even if you are in charge of taking care of them. You have to recognize them as people and open up forms of communication so that they can grow healthily. The institution of play as described by Jordan Peterson here has a wonderful explanation of how to develop some dialogue with a child--the example of wrestling and teaching them what's okay and what's not okay to do and why (because it hurts) is fantastic! I didn't consider two year olds to be the most violent humans before watching this (in fairness I never really thought about it) but with my own memories and the memories of my family members to reflect on, I can understand why that would be. We are all animals, and never as much so as when we are first born and driven purely by instinct. Though I was born female so I don't entirely fit in with the majority of males described in this lecture, I feel like I can contribute a bit to the dialogue on why this happens.
I'm sorry that happened to you as a child. I would've loved to sit on the floor with you a d just listen to what you had to say! The highlight of my life was raising little kids. Absolutely loved every moment. Even when they were little 2 year old monsters!
@@BeADad2447 no worries dear, I'm glad to hear you enjoyed being a parent c: I'm hopeful that one day I can be a good parent to my future kids too. Don't feel too bad for me; I've grown up to be a healthy young woman with an understanding of how to better deal with kids as a result of my own experience being one!
@@necrosadotor if you're speaking from your own experience, I hope you won't hurt anyone. It's true that sometimes people still won't understand you--I still get into conflicts myself! But hopefully you'll gain experience from every misunderstanding you encounter so that in the future you'll be able to handle them better. Just don't give up and don't stoop to physical violence even when it gets really frustrating. Sometimes the only payoff for having any faith is when it's tested again and again every day, and the same is true for patience. Try to work on being patient with others. Good luck. I'm just a random Internet stranger, but I believe in you!
@@SonicdaShapeshifter thanx a lot but no worries, that was at my teens. doing quite good these days. but yeah, had to really put on the work on getting better. still do, but so should anyone, no matter how little things about. keep it up
As you can see over recorded time your comment and behavior shows that you were a very disturbed sick child. Your parents should have taught you moral etiquette and stop disrespecting or feeling entitled to once belongings or to disrespect or trust one another. As you can see when you don't listen it will be charted within a system and people will always tell the truth.
Both fascinating and alarming. My kids had this approach, but I see many many mothers in my practice and circles that did not do this. And as, Jordan said, it is the kids who suffer for the rest of their lives
My mother always makes fun of me because i was "talking my son tired" even when he was little as 3 years old. My son's now about to turn 11 and easily debates the adults around him to the ground. He can control his temper, has arguments, stands his viewpoint, knows how to listen and to work out compromises. He trusts me and tells me when he did something wrong because he knows he doesn't get punished, especially if he tells me instead of me finding out some other way. There are consequences, of course, that's just how life works, but i never grounded him or gave him the silent treatment or punshed him. He's a human, humans make mistakes, especially if they are young and still learning. We had some instances where i even told him it's a good thing he made that mistake, because it's a experience and that way he learn what to not do the next time he gets in that situation. I feel like parents forget they were kids/teenagers too. I still remember how miserable my parents made me feel about myself, how scared i was, how misunderstood i felt and that i couldn't trust them. Why would I want someone i love to feel the same way with me. Doesn't make any sense. Now my parents wonder why my son and i have such a good relationship and we don't. It's because i treat him like human beeing, i never told him "because I'm the adult" or "you're to young". There's always a way to work around. Of course, some situation i had to tell him "no my way" but with that i explain him why. It's actually pretty easy to be a good parent. Just look in the mirror and asks yourself how you wish to be treated and then act on it.
@@oliviae2176 thanks, i also wanted to add, there is no shame in apologizing to your kid. Parents are just humans too, humans make mistakes, so if you as a parent have a bad day and you let that out on your child it's okay to say "I'm sorry, mom/dad had a bad day, it's not about you and it wasn't okay that i was grumpy towards you". It teaches your child to apologize, to accept an apology, to take responsibility and to not take everything personally. It also humanizes the parents, which is tricky, because i feel like kids glorify their parents and later on get disappointed that their parents are not what they were thought to be. So if you live in a healthy household, once the kids are over the rebellious phase, the relationship between children and parents settle on a kind of eye to eye level, but when you're not living in a healthy household it's really hard to settle that relationship and get over the disappointment.
I agree. The last bit was perfect. Treat them how you'd want to be treated, but age appropriate of course. I am very mindful of making sure kids feel heard and understood. I didn't receive that so i have a hard time communicating my feelings or wants/needs. I always feel ashamed or embarrassed. I'm assuming it's cuz my mother never bothered to see me as someone other than, "just a kid, I'm the parent your the child"mentality. I'm doing my best to ensure any kid i interact with doesn't feel the way i did. Stay strong parents, the fact that you came to this video to attempt to better yourselves as a parent is awesome! Much love ❤️❤️❤️
I definitely had issues in my development. I found that working out a lot and finding a hobby kept my impulses under control. However it’s really unfortunate that my parents really missed those 4 critical years. In a way I had to work on my development by myself since I didn’t really have good guidance. Great talk man!
Thank you for what you do. My youngest son had a phenomenal kindergarten teacher. We loved her and I believe she loved our son. It was impossible for him to keep his hiney in his seat and he was always busy and always moving. She knew how to get the best out of him despite this. He didn't slow down until he was about 9.
@@mountainmama2101 Children do not start school in Finland until they are seven. That is when the average boy is developmentally able to start dealing with symbolic language. You know, the stuff you have just been reading.
@@michelehemlokhexwhite4310 I guess we all have opinions. I used to teach many courses on developmental psychology before I retired from forty years of teaching. My wife and I share our four married children who have given us thirteen grandchildren. I find myself constantly nodding in approval and admiration of his lecturing excellence. But that's jus me and there are 7,999,998 other opinions out there.
@@freddyfriesen And in America, we don't take our cues from any other nation and how they do things. That's why we were the first to land on the moon, the first to produce electricity and are the most prosperous nation on the face of the earth. But, by all means, you do you.
We had my 2 year old grandson several days a week and he loved to rough and tumble. He and his grandfather would do this almost every evening and I would watch and just laugh and laugh it was so much fun to watch. He would do it with me a little bit but he learned very young that I was a girl and he couldn’t be as rough with me. I think this is very important.
@@jp1135 Of course he would. A lot of children hate play fighting. Most kids hate being tickled but because they laugh, people keep going but to some kids that is torture. Some kids love it, some kids hate it but almost every little kid wants to be a people pleaser.
@@anneanne9009 he was a very rough and tumble boy and initiated the play. Don’t remember tickling, just mainly wrestling and him rolling around trying to pin his grandpa
@@mitzicoleman7187 That's great. Lot's of kids definately love rough play but it comes down to the individual kids. There's no blanket advice for parents or kids when it comes to this. My older kids loved it but my youngest absolutely hates it and gets super distressed. It's about the kid, not 'kids' in general.
I have a very aggressive son. I absolutely fell in love with my children, immediately. I left work to be home as soon as he was born. I read so many parenting books. I played with my children, baked with my children, did chores with my children, and read to them every day. My son's behavior was often quite bad when he was young, but a lot of it was wild exuberance for life. But he also had angry fits that were intense. I would physically hold him in my arms while he screamed and scratched and head butted. It might last 30 minutes to more than an hour before he would fall asleep from exhaustion. I was determined not to let him win. None of my friends had children who behaved like him. I worried he would eventually end up in prison. I prayed constantly. We later found out that red dye #40 caused this terrible rage. It was obvious one day after a peaceful time together that was followed by a complete flip in his behavior. He drank a Big Red soda in between. After a couple of snack mistakes, we learned that the amount of dye mattered. The tiniest amount makes him angry but a large amount makes him psychotic. He's grown now and reads labels carefully. He has friends and a fiance. He works hard, hunts, fishes, and hikes. He is very social. He still has an aggressive bend to his personality. But he is always trying to figure people and situations out. My husband and I joke that if he had been left alone he would be the leader of a gang. I am actually amazed at how well he is doing. I pray he continues to mature in a positive way.
Thank you for sharing this. There are many “odd” reasons for sudden mood changes and rage that can be hard to figure out. Mold exposure does this to me, as well as exposure to certain chemicals used in fragrances. The toxins cause brain inflammation.
Yes! Our ASD child is absolutely wild and fully body itchy if he has any red dye 40. It's like a light switch! The FDA knows how it impacts children in general and they still won't pull it off the shelves. We have gone dye free and it's been life changing for all of us. Absolutely crazy what foods have the dye for NO reason what so ever.
@@ashb4smokemy nieces eldest child had food allergies and was manic if he had the smallest amount. Doctors gave him a strict diet and he was a different child. Then he started school and if he had so much as a smartie it would set him off for hours.
im a antisocial person. This is what happened to me. I was a very lonely 5 year old. I stayed home alone most of the time. I wasn't able to socialize with people properly. I tried throughout my life, but I am 100% what Jordan is saying.
📌 2:00 Rough & tumble play 3:00 Body fluency 4:00 ADHD medication 5:00 Socialization 6:06 Your job as a parent 7:00 Rules of behavior 8:00 Normal boys 9:00 Predatory aggression
My son hit one year old right at the covid lockdowns. We went through very limited social interactions between 1 and 2 years old. This video is spot on. I have been battling to socialize him since then
I am a single mom of a little boy who is almost three . I have to remind myself all the time that he is a boy and he needs rough house play . When I see myself lacking on doing this I find him getting aggressive so I gently remind myself that I have to pillow fight or wrestle with him and I notice his behavior settling back down . I like these lectures because it reiterates what I already know . Thank you . Tomorrow we are going to have a pillow fight championship game .
I am a woman and have divine memories of wrestling with my dad when I was about 4-5 years old. I was and have always been extremely active and (not to brag), strong. I think your son will cherish these moments with you. :)
My mom and dad THINK they know it all. They constantly tell me my son will grow up to hit us and control us. They’re very old school minded! They want my 1 year old to sit still. Over time I’ve set boundaries But so glad I came across this video So helpful ❤
I was always a few years older than the other kids (mentally) at every age. That's another problem. I got nothing but rejection because of it and I got attacked continuously for being smart. I believe anything outside the norm is problematic. Children need to learn how to blend, but also they need to develop self-confidence and to use their differences to their own advantage rather than treating them as a curse. We're still fundamentally animals, and some people act like predators, especially when they are young. They can feel when another kid is weak and they pick on this one.
Anything outside the norm is problematic, it's true. I had the opposite problem, funnily enough. I wasn't as smart as the others and felt insecure about that. I think it made me develop higher emotional intelligence later in life though, because I had to be hyper aware of the way people perceived me so I could act in a way that would make me fit in in spite of my weaknesses. It's sad that it has to end up that way though, and I agree, we should build children's self confidence by highlighting their strengths, instead of just allowing them to go through life with a lot of rejection and failure. Otherwise they're more likely to get bullied as you said - speaking from personal experience.
I’m curious if you’re an only child. Many I knew growing up seemed more mature in their mannerisms and I chalked it up to being around adults more than kids.
I was offered by the school to skip ahead a grade as I was in a split class of grade 4 and 5. I fid my grade 4 work, then I'd do the grade 5 work too. I loved the challenge for once and not being bored. My parents refused to let me skip grade 5 a d go onto grade 6, because they wanted to keep me with my peers. Well I was already the girl in class defending my friends from the mean boys who pushed them, and hurt them. But parents didn't pay attention to that social role. It would have been good to be in a new social setting, new peer group.
I think it's the same for dogs. We adopted a puppy that was separated from mom and siblings at a couple weeks old. It took him an extremely long time to figure out what bites hurt, which ones don't, how to interact with other dogs and people. He is mostly fine now, but still a little off.
Yep. Puppies need to learn from mom and their siblings how to play and when “enough is enough”. I’ve found that saying loudly “OUCH” when my puppy gets too rough, really helps.
I had an aggressive father who hit me when i was young, i thought it was normal, so you do that to other children and then be surprised when you get punished and learned mostly from women that you can hurt the other. I recognize lying faces and faces of dissapointment, they started dissapearing after i didnt see my family for 3 months, since then life is better. But im still a single frustrated male. A women had to explain to me that my parents are not how parents should be. There should be a test if you want to have children, prove your worth. Otherwise you're nothing but a problem for your child. And it would be better if you weren't born. #lifeishard. Making sense of it eases the weight on your shoulders.
Plenty of people that were raised in bad situations have grow up to be fine people. Life's not perfect and who would be the perfect people to give that test. The left, the right?
@@stanal4064 sorry you had that experience, God hates religion. A bunch of religious narcissists crucified Jesus cus he exposed their hypocrisy! Thanks for seeing through the bs too. To have overcome such hostility like you have is a sure sign of an amazing plan and purpose for your life. See Derek Prince on breaking generational curses, pray Psalm 18 and 7 for vengeance. I came from a violent family. We are in the world but not of the world, pretenders don't get it. Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find. Search the book of Adam and Eve from flat water fe - you'll see all the stunts your parents pulled, hope it validates you, you are loved🔥th-cam.com/video/qpSE3eZTCNo/w-d-xo.html
@@fatimorisAre you from India (or near by) or the US? I mostly hear people moaning about right to procreate when they come from these places.. Noone should have freedom to procreate so casually. The amount of neglected, abused or children in foster homes tell you all you need to know about letting anyone have a kid.
💯 Correct, this is very relevant also with adults and I'm glad JP touched on this. Aggression levels can also be built up via boredom, a man that goes to work, has hobbies, goes to the gym Is less likely to be a menace to society and disruptive, as well as more responsibile. Than a man that doesn't work, has no hobbies and a lot of time on their hands,
You have no idea how long this has sat in my recommendations on my homepage!!! Im so glad i finally watched it. Interesting to apply these thoughts to the poor kids who had to go through lockdown at this pivotal point in their development. My boy was born March 21 when we were just starting to come out of lockdown. I dont know what id do without parks, soft play & toddler groups etc!!! Now, off to take my beautiful little monster off swimming ❤
Parenting school should be a obligation every year. Being parents requires: patience, psychology, perseverance, wisdom, unconditional love, a lot of time and many other qualities. The time of quality spent with your children during childhood will greatly determine his attitude in adolescence and in is adult life. Communication with us will only be easier. Do not expect to ask a teenager to have an attitude that we did not pass on to him during childhood. It is very difficult to straighten a bent tree.
No. This because, although parenting skill is paramount, people who will prescribe those courses will be unqualified social workers on low salary, delivering very questionable ideas and values.
Such parenting classes can only be given by people whose kids have grown up to be well educated, happy, healthy people with well paid professional jobs and noce relationships. How many of those super parents would agree to give such classes? A formal qualification would be required for them, they wpn't bother.
Really needed to hear this. My 2 year old boy is quite aggressive. Couldn’t have a better man assist with my parenting. Unsure how I didn’t know this existed.
My daughter is 26 years old. My son is 18 months. This is the most accurate parenteral advice I have ever heard. My daughter did laps when she was hyped up and she loved it.
My son is 4, almost 5 and we struggled always. He’s now in a jiu jitsu class, 4 days a week. Life changing! Hes with older kids, and very masculine strong men, getting to wrestle and have time on mats in a dojo.
I am instantly intrigued by the correlation between this and Dr. Gabor Mate's work on the development of children prior to age 3 being the most crucial. In addition to this, I want to look into the correlation between this rough and tumble play necessity and the success of Karate assisting children with ADHD and ASD.
I completely agree. In the UK, children as young as 4 are expected to go to school from 9am until 3pm and it’s far too long for any young child to bear. In some of the Nordic countries they don’t expect that. They’re not even taught to read until 7 yrs old and they’re ahead in their reading when they do begin. They take them outside into nature and not only are the children are letting off steam, they’re leaning through socialising, learning team work, life experiences and from nature itself.
UK is nothing compared to where I live. How about 9-5 from age 2/3... (France). There' seems to be a lot of french people who can't manage their emotions, here. Quiet until something gets slightly difficult then they lose their minds..
My son is severely autistic and was biting headbutting scratching and kicking from the time he could crawl. Single mum, but rough play was the best teacher for him. These antisocial behaviours where nearly non existent by the time he went to daycare Couldn’t agree with mr Peterson more, fantastic advice. I’ve had hunting ferrets as well and bite training them is similar Seems to echo through the entire animal kingdom.
Sally I'm so happy you were able to work with your child without doping them up. It's the little things we do with children that make the biggest impact.
My son had ADHD when he was a kid and I took him out side to “exhaust” him each and every single day. And I can tell you that he never ever ever collapsed exhausted. At best he acted a little bit more “normal”.
@@KittyMeow1993 I feel you. I had to listen to my family and society tell me that I was spoiling my kid and that’s why he acted “wild”. But then one day I just didn’t let anybody tell me any more advice about my own kid. Nobody knew him like I do. So I got him on meds and it completely changed his life and our lives for the better. Now we are 20 years later and I never regretted it for a minute. He’s a chief engineer at his company and very successful. The hyper activity dropped off in puberty (as it often does) but he kept the ADD. He no longer needs to take meds and has learned how to navigate through life without it.
I was literally having this EXACT conversation with my husband last night.... he loves us and respects me but thinks more outside play will solve our problems....
This video just highlights how detached some social scientists are from understanding ADHD and ASD. I agree with the last comment in this section it is a chemical imbalance. And the lucky few are able to come close to balance(but I may say maybe these children do not have ADHD, but a similar condition). However to blame parents for the behaviour resulting from this condition is wrong. Health professionals know that it is not the parents fault. I never understood ADHD until I had a child with that condition. It completely changed many aspects of socialising with others and the way I organised my life. Things where never the same, everything had to be tailored around the level of risk/health and safety. For someone who just works in a field of work diagnosing the condition, to blame parents is very very wrong. He may have researched however he should know that it is a biological and chemical imbalance. This video just radiates ignorant behaviour towards parents. He should rethink it, further his research and do better. If their was no imbalance why is their medication. Sometimes going natural is not always enough.
When my ypungest was just 3, my husband and I divorced. So, the play with dad stopped. His aggression increased. He was diagnised with ADHD. I did not allow medication. Instead, I put him into sports. Im happy to say he became a fine young man, capable of focus, calm.
The real tragedy (of which I'm now keenly aware) is the recovery from childhood or adolescent (developmental) misdirection is usually far too late to affect a positive difference .. resulting in little more than a bitter realization of lost time and opportunity .. adding to the burning heap of what '...could have been if only...'!
I am a very compassionate and caring person and mom. I have raised 4 wonderful humans who are very loving and compassionate also. Two of my daughter however were both ADHD and ODD as children and although presented their ODD with different ranges of anxiety and aggression, they are complimented every day about how lovely they are. I just feel the need to throw in there, that I’m a hunting Mama, and I taught and hunt with two of my daughters as well! Caring and compassionate women also love to provide and feed our families fresh and wholesome food 😊
6:32 as someone with autism who had my dad living away from me, and my mum not disciplining me enough, this hits really hard, because it's completely true. Up until I was about 16; one year ago, i was incredibly socially undesirable, and people would either reject me, or treat me like i had the mental age of 3.
I am sorry you had that experience. My parents divorced when I was two. Alot of people these days are bucking traditional marriage and relationships and now we see how important it is, especially for a son (and daughters also need their father, but the consequences manifest a bit differently) to have the dad around. Don't be discouraged. Just make up your mind to not let your children have the same experience you have had. I have been married for 27 years now. I have two boys and they are my world. What you missed out on (and what I missed out on) you can make sure your children don't have to live like this. God bless you, and keep on keeping on. Love from America.
My nephew has autism mostly seems to be from neglect and him not getting proper interaction when he was younger. I resonate with this as well. I dont have autism as far as I know, but always been a little on the antisocial side. In in alot of ways always feel like a black sheep. I always felt smarter than the people around me, but not so much in a good way and not in an egotistical way. Just in the way of me being a deep thinker and contemplating often. I see it as more of an empathic artistic state of mind. Often In school i would daydream and get bored with work. I liked the creative aspects of math and science. I hated English class and the need for handwriting to be a certain way. I've always had a big problem with focusing and concentration. Funny thing is fitting in is good, but only up to a point. The creative side desires to be different and not fit it. Often the smartest people in the world are autistic,. In a way I think it is because being so extremely smart, it can cause overstimulation. Processing vast ammountnof information most people don't process all at once.. how some people can watch TV and drown out the world. But any single smallest of stimuli grabs my attention, I find myself repeatedly rewinding shows, and trying to regain my attention to things.
@@Rich904 autism isn't caused by neglect or bad parenting. You're either born with it or not. Also most autistic people aren't geniuses but just average intelligence. Sounds like you have ADHD... not autism.
@@awkwardautistic i never said I had autism. And this video was about how limited social interaction leads to lack of development in which many consider it autism. You are right it is a spectrum thing. But many autistic people can lead functional lives. It is not a decrease, we are all on the spectrum, even "normal people". I think the autism stigma makes it out as something bad. When it rather ju st different, usually being more in touch with the creative side. I think think it so much causes it, but lead to developmental delays if they get left behind in development. Alot of autistic kids are less developed than their age. But there are others who are capable and you wouldn't even know they were autistic at first glance. My point is is not bad, it isn't like they have a stunted brain or are incapable or being great. Some of the coolest people can have autism
I was neglected, but female and the aggression turned in, became depression. Several decades later I have learned all sorts of coping mechanisms, and live in a vibrant inclusive peer group. For myself I can tolerate inflicting necessary pain, I just don’t enjoy it at all.
I’m so glad to watch the video. I pray to me the best father I can be for my kids. This almost brought tears to my eyes cause it’s nothing having an impact of children and to feel like you can fail them or help them to achievement it’s such a thin line it’s scary. I’m 26 and I pray for strength and courage.
I was in honors and AP and had ADD, yet I always had one of the highest grades in class. I was a stoner/tagger who frequently got into fights but would show up on test day and take everyone out. I’m 34 and life is no different. I have a hunger for knowing and learning and challenges. But, according to my curiosities and intrigue. It is physically impossible for me to give you my fullest attention if I’m not interested in what you are telling me.
I work at a preschool, they run around all day long barefoot in the sand, we have a water pump outside they love to play with water, splashing and digging also creating little rivers/lakes together they’re learning to collaborate. Parents send them with a change of clothes. The kids draw, paint, glue, make books all day, too. We teach them their letters and numbers through holding crayons, markers and paint brushes. Whoever wants to learn to write can come to the table and if you want to do legos or run outside it’s your choice. I love my school more after hearing Jordan’s talk here.
My mother died few months after I was born, my father left me with his sister's family to be raised, always in contact with that father and knowing the truth. Since forever he used to lie to me, then the verbal and physical abuse began, the first memory is around 5/6 yo. I used to be near my uncles during school age and on vacations I was sent to him. Even though I cried and pledged every time vacation time was arriving to please not send me there, the response was always: but he is your father. I've been asking for help all my adult life because everything was always a mess, psychology, psychiatrists, many healers and after many years, my daughter told me: mom, I know what you have: adhd. I'm almost 50 yo!!! Payed money I hadn't to people that know nothing about childhood trauma and consequences.Got bullied at school because that father used the money given by the government to take care of me being orphan, to pay for his bitches and buzz, very badly dressed and always with no money for an ice cream with the possible or eventually futurelly friends.I would get up in the morning with 12 and was beaten, didn't know why, after asking his hoe she would say: oh, he got drunk last night and forgot he gave you that apple, when he woke up, thought you had stolen it and did it...this is just one tiny example of what I lived for almost half of each year.I dealt with a psicopath by force as a child because my relatives couldn't care less and it was clear I was not their child, they made me realize that in the way I was dressed or what I could eat or not. None of the responsible had hard money issues, all with superior education. If I haven't had my daughter, I would pass through this life without knowing what love is....
This makes me feel so much better about not giving in to my daughter's teachers in elementary school. She would get up in the middle of class and just start dancing and moving. They would give obvious "hints" that she needed to be taken to a doctor (they aren't allowed to outright say it in our state). But her grades were excellent, and after talking to a friend who went to an ADD specialist, I was certain she was fine. She just needed more exercise. We went through several teacher suggested ADD toys to help her, they didn't work at all and just became distractions. In the end we made her get up a half an hour early and run/walk on the treadmill. She did a little better then, according to her teacher. The teachers swear they are doctors when it comes to ADD/ADHD. They know so little and just roll their eyes when I tell them things I learned that show their ignorance and how wrong they are in their "diagnosis".
The teachers issues are there they’re dealing with a lot of children at the same time 20 to 35 children in the same classroom. And you only have one, big difference not only that she’s trying to teach a class.
They’re teachers not doctors. They shouldn’t be diagnosed. Unfortunately I have a similar story. Brother was displaying disruptive behaviors in school but we were being beat at home and instead of ask what’s wrong at home the school concluded he needed meds and couldn’t be in school without medication. My mom did not fight it at all. Just gave in and medicated him. That moment on I lost the bright happy boy that used to be my little brother. He became angry all the time. He became loud. Very violent quick to anger. Some of the meds eventually made him develop breasts. But the schools were so sure he needed the meds
@@Jane5720 that doesn’t mean bedsuse there’s 25-30 kids that each kid isn’t important. To teach anything best you must know your pupils. Any teacher that cannot connect with each kid separately as well as on a group level. Shouldn’t be a teacher. Teaching requires patience and if you can’t be patient and give individual time to each student you’re going to fail.
I took in 2 foster boys the eldest was 4 and he has so many aggressive traits that my heart sank hearing this today he is not asked to go play with others and when he is is it smaller children that do want to play with him ( he is 7 now) he will do good for a short period of time but when he feels wronged all hades breaks loose….. I also have is younger brother who was 4 months when they came into our care he is the civilized monster this was such an eye opening video that I will share it with others
Kids need love period.. all kids act out and parents should learn how deal with it. Instead of yelling at them try talk to them like a human being. A lot of parents pressure their kids to do good in school instead explain to them why it’s important that they focus on school work.
Wish I had heard this ten years ago. Signed, The mom of a 10 year old boy with ADHD and anger outbursts who was a calm, gentle toddler who wasn’t allowed to engage in rough play through both home and school.
My son was one of those aggressive 2 year olds you speak of. He slapped his new born sister when she was a week old because he was angry about the amount of attention she was getting. He would hit, kick, and bite me and throw screaming fits. He thought everything was his and would rip what he wanted out of your hands. He was also very defiant and would refuse to verbally communicate. I brought a climber into the house so I could care for my twins while he played. He's almost 4 now and his behavior has improved greatly.
Let me guess; you don't really discipline him, do you? You just try to make a 2 to 4 yr old understand your reasoning? Right? I'm betting you and your family will reap the consequences of your lack of parenting for years to come, and so will society. The truth is hard sometimes.
Rough and tumble play is different than letting a child be defiant towards their parents. Teach your child to show you respect and obedience. Also teach them to show kindness and respect towards their siblings. Then help them engage in physical activity that will give them plenty of exercise.
While working as a interpretive guide this shocked me , One day I overheard a question from a young Japanese boy to his father What is this green stuff on the ground ? His Father replied to the young boy " grass it grows in the soil" ,"whats soil he continued" it was an insite into another world for me in my barefooted playground in the rainforests, wow how we have changed the world
My Mom taught us to do what she did; to train our children so that OTHER PPL CAN STAND TO BE AROUND THEM, bc other ppl aren’t going to love children like their parents do.
We bore and raised nine kids. 8 are now adults. They never got in trouble with the law, partied, or did drugs. We loved their teen years... Someone told me long ago. A child when they are under 3 years of age will ask their parent to look (100's of times a day) at what they are doing. Is your childcare worker going to spend that kind of time with your child and recognize all their firsts with them. I decided they wouldn't nor would they care for and love my child like I would. I've been a stay at home Mom all my married life. I don't care how much criticism I got about not using my brains etc. I can tell you now. It was worth it.
I had an aggressive toddler. Was at the worst between 3 and 4 years old. After that it completely went away, and he is now a well adjusted teenager, intelligent, doing very well in school, has close friends, and aims for becoming an engineer. But his father and I put in a LOT of effort when he was a toddler. But it was well worth the hard work.
@@-41337 We used time-out, so made him sit somewhere in the same room as us until he calmed down. Just talking to him to calm him down had absolutely no effect. This method did not work for another one of our children, they responded better to talking and explaining. So there is no one way that fits all children.
We noticed this with our son, and innately knew he needed a good weekly rough and tumble with his Dad to deal with aggression. They only stopped doing that so often once our son became the same height and strength as his Dad (early teens). Every now and then he'll have a little go, but his Dad still wins. For now. The difference between a week with or without rough and tumble was quite stark, to me, and I made sure he got that opportunity. He has grown up to be the sweetest young man. He is funny, thoughtful, compassionate, servant-hearted, reflective and fairly self-aware. Given that he is also wired with an ADHD brain, I think that's really quite remarkable.
My son would always complain he couldn’t wrestle at school with his mates. Aged 6 he would rough play with the other boys and they all loved it! As he grew throughout the primary school years the boys would organise a “fight club” where the boys would test their strengths. Funny enough not one boy got badly hurt, just minor bumps. Yet the teachers would do everything to forbid this natural behaviour at school. Moving forward- my son has since finished primary school and in a private high school with what he quotes as “nerds”. The boys are depressed, repressed and soft! My son hates it there. My husband always play fights our son (son now 12 years old). Since our son was aged 5, my husband would always tackle our son. He loves it! I have to say, while the other kids in my sons school are depressed and sedated, our son has grown into a health, happy, confident young boy!
Excellent lecture, Dr. Peterson. The parenting skill, as well as the teaching on behaviors that children ( we all ), demonstrate through-out our lifetimes, should be taught to every young parent. If fact, it should be known by all who are curious about their own behavior and why they may behave the way they do. Thank you, Dr. Peterson.
My son was an only child born to a single mom and he never got the rough and tumble. He got in trouble at school all the time for compulsive behavior. And he has been in the criminal justice system since age 12.
My parents didn’t teach me anything. I was to stay outside and be quiet all the time. I have ADHD. That wasn’t possible. My dad was angry with me all the time. Said I was slow, stupid, hot tempered, and didn’t learn. He said I would never get married and blah blah blah. My mom was there but not there. I had few friends as a kid. I didn’t understand why no one wanted me around. It really broke my heart at 6 years old until I was 13. I then realized I wasn’t the problem. I was already in a state of depression and hated myself for a long time. I still struggle with keeping friends because I feel like everyone is fake. Trauma has really hurt me social wise. I haven’t spoken to my dad in 18 yrs. Don’t plan on it either. I have 6 kids now and I took them to the park all the time so they could learn to socialize and on vacations a lot. I made sure I taught them affection and compassion because my parents didn’t do that with me. My whole family is toxic so I keep my kids away from them. I’m glad I didn’t turn out like my parents. I left at 16.
And good for you. You did well💖
Good for you ☺️
❤❤❤❤
Love to you for all you have been trough. And look what a chain breaker you are! A bad parental example can be a good example and create a good parent in so many ways - I can relate to some of that.
I am so proud of you 👏 🥰 be a loving presence to your children ❤
When my wife and I were raising our daughters the thing we noticed about other parents was the total lack of interest by the parents for their kids. Children act out to gain attention but many parents instead ignore even the acting out! The kids just seem to be wild except for feeding and watering. Then thrust upon the schools as substitute parents which does not help things at all. Very little parent influences in kids lives, my wife and I took turns with the kids, took them on vacations, went to the playground together, always used everything we did as a teaching and learning opportunity. We showed them flowers, how to be friendly to animals, how to clean their rooms, table manners, please and thank you, how to share, the list is endless and although I’m older now I’m still a parent and my kids ask me about things. Most parents today just think being a parent means piping the kid out and let the school raise them. We have been heading toward catastrophe for a long time.
This is so true! Exactly how my parents were. Not interested in me and constantly blaming the school for everything I lacked. I vowed to never do that to my kids.
I agree and see it all the time.
I feel bad people do what happened to them and are still not grown and mature before having kids and choosing to heal themselves and discover what and how an involved parent is. Internally it takes caring and wanting to write wrongs and be there and want to do the work to have your children love you and be interested in you and build a family of support. 🌹
I think your disillusionment of those kinds of parents does not appropriately recognize that for most of human history, kids were simply “piped” out and hopefully a couple made it to adulthood.
Being “present” in children’s lives is actual a rather recent development. A very good one for sure.
Agreed. Parenting is much more than sticking kids on a screen.
My father grew up without a father and naturally didn’t know how to be one, luckily I watched this lecture and many others when my son was 2-3yo and I have successfully cut the chain of fatherless family with my generation.
My relationship with my now 8year old son is well above average.
Thank you Dr. Jordan Peterson.
Amazing. My son is 6 months old, and I have the same idea. I hope I can stay close to him, like you
Where do you find your baseline of what average is? Amd is it better to have no father or an abusive father?
@@jadeworsley8768 Based on subjective baseline that I can observe.
It’s definitely not scientific but I consider myself middle class and even middle class families don’t have their shit together let alone the families who fall in to lower part of the bell curve.
No father is better than abusive father I think.
Wow. I'm exactly the same way. I'm 21 male and still never knew my father. I don't know his name, what he looks like, his race or if he's even alive. Now I have a 2 year old son and a 4 month old daughter and my wife and I are raising them together in our own home due to me working my ass off every day. It feels good to know I'm more of a man at 21 than my father ever was
You only cut the first chain. There's more. Stay vigilant because you may very well be unable to see some things your father (and two previous generations) passed on to you via Template DNA. I assume you may know this.
My comment derives from 45 years of observation. I come from a line of impoverished males myself. And I chose as a young teen to not perpetuate my parents bad ways. I really thought I had completely eradicated the bad habits passed down to me. But, there are things WE don't know that WE don't know. Be open to those lessons.
Now that I have grandkids I get to see how my adult children and their spouses train up their kids. There's no doubt they patterned me in some good things and some bad. As for the bad, I am appalled at some of what I was cock sure I did better than my dad. Thank God kids are resilient (and forgiving) because even the most well-intended, well-educated efforts by parents can backfire simply because each child is different--and you can't know for certain what will work 100% of the time.
Just finished reading ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ and it really opened my eyes to some new ways of guiding my kids in their faith. Highly recommend it if you’re looking to strenghten your family’s spiritual life
My son was aggressive with other children as a toddler. I was convinced to bring him to the Dr to see if he was hyperactive which of course is now ADHD. The doctor listened and in the end asked only one question. Does he sleep all night? I said yes always. He said stop worrying and he will grow out of the behaviors. He was right. 100%. Such wisdom. Thanks Dr Joe!
I wish my baby daddy would get this but no he continues to put habanero/ghost pepper on her tongue/lips(for lieing), slaps her leg, slap across the head(for not using her brain), spank on the butt, name calling like dumb, stupid, lier, makes her kneel down on her knees on the hardwood floor, sit in the dark with door closed while she cries, uses the devil voice to make her scared but he says it's not a form of abuse because he don't leave any marks! So I feel like she is doomed and will grow up hating her dad, she is only 8
@@elizabethroberts5577 That is abuse, get away from that man. That is evil. You have to work harder to protect your daughter. Ask for help. Get help. She is suffering. Stop it!!!!!! Stop wishing, stop the abuse now.
As a child I was extremely talkative and very active. My mom didn't medicate me, thank God! Allowing me to get my energy out and with redirection, it worked it's self out. Naturally.
That sucks that now your a robot. I will never run out of energy
@@TheInfantry98 Actually, it's good because they're not draining their adrenals unnecessarily, but you certainly are.
Since when being talkavie and active was abnormal?
@@svetavinogradova4243 when it's nonstop and you're hyper, people tend to notice and try to limit that.
@@hellosunshine3304 Hyper in relation to WHAT?
In the 19th century, 7y old kids worked on farms and plants. ALL DAY. STANDING UP. No cars, no heating.
Ridiculous.
You were just not well parented, so a bit disrespectful to the society rules, well, you adjusted, so turned OK.
As a father to a boy who is approaching 2 years old, I am extremely grateful to have found Jordan Peterson and this clip in particular. My son is already displaying acts of aggression and knowing how to socialize him going forward is extremely valuable and eye-opening for me. Thank you so much, Dr. Peterson 👍
So true. My daughter is approaching three and we've come a long (tantrum) way since last year. I can only be happy to slowly see her more aware of the environment she grows up in.
My son is a 45 pound two year old. I am starting to see the same thing going on with my son. Thank god for Jordan's lectures. You must be a great father being proactive in raising your son. I wish my son's father cared as much as you do. He is going to prison next month. I cannot understand not caring about your child so much so that you are willing to land yourself in prison for years at a time. When I met him he was a therapist with a great life. Now he is a lonely drug addicted felon. Unbelievable what a person can do in a year of bad behavior. He ruined his life.
He is my Guru and my hero. ❤️
It’s normal at 2. That’s when you start teaching them.
You took words out of my mouth. I had to take my son out of daycare because teachers just couldn't deal with his agression towards his classmates.
After viewing this video, and understanding the importance of socialization, now I'm afraid if I did a mistake in taking him out of daycare because now I wouldn't be interacting with children his age, everyday.
I’ve been struggling with how to balance technology and faith in our home, and ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ provided some amazing insights that we’ve already started using
He just explained almost every mass shooter or serial killer ever. I’m sure there are some exceptions out there but this was by far the best explanation I’ve seen, yet no one has talked about it. I can only assume it’s because it points a big fat finger at the failures of us as parents and a society as a whole. I guess it’s just easier to blame a gun than to actually reflect upon yourself and the mistakes you made as a parent.
of course. He raises the true issue, while most professionals hide behind various " diagnoses".
Yes!!!
The wast majority of serial killers do not even use guns to murder their victims, but they murder a lot of people during a lifetime. The gun by itself cannot murder anyone. But having a gun in the home can be dangerous if it is the wrong hands, like in the hands of a child or a lunatic for example.
Guns are easier to target for legislation, THAT'S why they get the blame. Politicians using coffins for soapboxes to strip us so they can keep their power.
There’s a boy in my son’s class who I think is going to grow up into a serial killer. He’s awaiting an autism & ADHD diagnosis and the teachers are too scared to punish him for bad behaviour and his parents are now using the potential diagnosis as an excuse for his behaviour as it’s easier than dealing with it
Every parent, everywhere, every age. Literally every parent needs to watch this over and over. Each time I consume this video, I feel in my gut that I increase my value as a father to my son. Thank God for TH-cam, because I can't keep up with the density of his wisdom, I need to rewind and ponder. Great name for JP's next book actually. "Rewind And Ponder". Mr. Peterson, call me for the rights to the name :) And thank you for bringing us facts in such a consistently unique, thoughtful and provoking style of delivery. You are an uncommonly generous man and I am grateful for you.
Agreed!
Agreed!!!
single mom need to see this
💯💯💯💯. It encourages me in my mothering instincts and actually be careful about my language when my husband rough and tumble plays with my 3 year old.... He sometimes scares me and I want to constantly say "be careful" .. but I mustn't. And trust his lesson in that is just as tender as mine in mothering.
i have done. numerous times since 2017 lecture its a clip of.
This is exactly why judo works so well with kids who are too agressive or hyper and are constantly pushing other ppl's boundaries: rough and tumble play combined with strict rules and constant ceremonial structures of how to behave with each other.
That would depend on what is underlying the aggression and how that is expressed, training may simply add arsenal to a psychopathic type. I knew a martial arts trainer who trained women in self defence who had two sons, all three of them were serial predatory abusers.
And respect 😀💪
I agree, I've been a martial artist since I was 13. I teach my children and can tell you from experience it helps.
@@charliesanders6930 Really, perhaps you could think a little more on that. To give the most obvious answer..Was Hitler in possession of control? Or is a man who rejected the advantage of his extraordinary privilege to learn the nature of the suffering in the world and begins a movement of non judgement, compassion, harm minimisation mutual respect actually the dangerous one. But of course we would have to agree on what better means. The bias confirmation he peddles is intended to make him and other fearful ‘conservatives’ feel better, and for things to appear just the way he likes them, and to deny the uncomfortable nuances that disturb his sense of how things should be ordered. He is a puppet strung to his own anxieties, he fell to pieces and gave up any semblance of critical thinking at the first challenge. He is a study in basic psychology, projection, denial and deflection. He isn’t the only academic who thought he had a lifetime intellectual authority simply by his title and arrogantly forgot that learning is a lifelong journey. The biased belief that the words academic are infallible is not uncommon. It is not surprising that those who have been allowed to make it by faking it are unsettled by the growing movement that is not prepared deny reality for the benefit of the shrivelled egos that find themselves exposed by the recent technology that empowers those who until now were denied a voice. If you here information that you immediately feel comfortable with, that is the cue to question what, how and why you connect to it in a positive way. That requires awareness of biases as much as possible. Peterson is dangerously validating narcissistic self congratulation and the denial of vulnerabilities through imagining attributes and intentions incuriously.
My son had ADHD and his kindegarten teacher wad comcerned so i took him to dr and he prescribed ritalin😱The teachers were happy but i wasnt he became withdràwn . I took him off after a week and i had heard dr dean edel talking on radio . He said Adhd kids need focus . Put them im karate so we did 5 days a week . Best thing for him he did well in school it helped him so much . And from then on i put him in sports because he was really good. And he has grown up to be a successful man
So true! Children need rough & tumble play. Children need outdoor play, especially nowadays.. Jordan Peterson is always so insightful and wise. Thank you 🌞
My son yes but my girl fuck no!
@@tiffanyflood945 That's just your girl most small girls also enjoy rough and tumble!
I took her out the other day and she got violent with almost all the other kids on the playground... I had to pull her out and she made a fit all the way to home.
@@helenalang7489 lol I remember riding a 4 wheeler in the fields it was FUN.
@@tiffanyflood945 Why not? It doesn't means they are gonna hit or throw things at each other, is more like wrestling. Me and my brother would play Lucha Libre by just grabbing each others and jumping on the bed with our dad playing with us.
I was aggressive as a child because I was being abused by adults at the time .My time of youthful training was full of violent behaviour by people I looked up for leaning.I still had compassion for the abusers ,I leaned this as an as an child .I spent many years in and out of of children Court and spent time in youth training farms for violent crimes In the back of my mind I know I was heading to the adult jail if I continued . Thank God I changed my ways in my youth .I choses my own path in Stead of the path I could have gone down.
Thank you for sharing your experience and I am sorry to hear the terrible things that happened in your childhood. 😢 at the same time you showed the power of humanity to be able to decide your future on your own by changing course.
We all have the power to what path we all have on the journey of life.We can not blame the past for our actions as adults .In the mist of the darkness I saw the light of heaven.
@@wayneiles9823 You are correct and...........me too. Love and blessings to you and those you love, from Sydney Australia.
@@kayleneemery8217 In the most difficult time of my young life I found God ,when at the age of nine I tried to end my life, Jesus Christ showed me the true meaning of God love for all of his children and me .When touched by the hands of God 🙏 my life was changed by the life savings encounter with our father in heaven..
Your story is inspiring...thank you. 🙂
I was an interventionist at a very low income school one year. They were desperate because several teachers called out sick, including the teacher I assisted most. So here i was unqualified and subbing for a kinder class. They immediately took advantage lol. But something i discovered about them was they would hone their attention better when I gave them more than the usual recess breaks. And on those breaks we would do an easy choreographed dance. The kids loved it so much, they would beg the teacher for the rest of the year to do this dance. She allowed it and they even performed it at their promotion. It was eye opening and taught me a lot about children in my own life. Best experience ever.
😊I kill
Moore😊
Was this elementary or middle school?
@@bizzedbuzzz k-8
I recently attended a seminar on restorative practice. One thing the presenter said was "rhythm is regulation". Consistent rhythms help us regulate ourselves - your story bears witness to that concept in a practical sense.
You were creative when put in a difficult situatipn. You brought out the best in the children by helping them to have fun and learn at the same time. You're a natural!
OMG! This is so well explained. The worst part is that some parents don't see their children as aggressive as the rest of the people do. And we are forced to smile at them. Thanks!!
What are you saying, you provide no context to your statement pls explain what you mean
You are so right. Especially the part where we are forced to smile at them.
Did you watch , more than the first minute?
I was just 10years when I lost both parents, was abused emotionally, psychologically etc by those who suppose to care. Have no playmate bc I wasn't allowed to. Used for child labour. Was raped at the age bc I was made to sleep in the street by elder sister. But I thank God that I was able to break away from that circle and became a compassionate, caring and a loving person I am today. Still praying all the time to forget the past totally and move on though not easy bc of what I went through. I am trying to show my daughter and all the children around me now all the care and love I can
Proud of you ❤
God bless you 🙏
@@kimberlym1980 thank you
@@KekeEspo thank you
I understand how you feel, stay strong and never change who you are for others. :))
I am so grateful and thankful that I have been homeschooling since my 3 kids were born. My oldest is now 17 and he is such a gentle yet strong young man. He is so helpful and hardworking. My 15 yr old boy and 13 yr old girl are also helpful, cooperative, smart, friendly, etc.. People think that homeschoolers don't socialize and all I can do is just smile!
Give it five years.
@@MrScigeek101You people are unbelievable. “Give it five years.” SHE’S GIVEN IT SEVENTEEN.
@@andrewhersh4040 She's calling the race before anyone has crossed the finish line.
Many homeschooling parents ignore the socialization aspect and their kids fail to or struggle hard with the transition into adult life afterwards. Given her flippant attitude towards the issue she has likely neglected to address it.
@@MrScigeek101 You obviously have zero experience in this area and are plainly talking directly out of your… lack of experience.
You are HOPING that she’s wrong, but she isn’t.
@@MrScigeek101 do some research. The socialization thing is a myth. Never again in your life are you in a group of hundreds of people of your exact same age from your exact same demographic. That’s not socialization or real life…
Every time I listen to Dr Peterson I learn something about myself or a loved one. Thanks
Being misunderstood during elementary years was awful for me specially being a female. I never had problems with girls but I fought a lot with males because I couldn’t stand being touch or hug I was aggressive because my parents physically fought constantly and I was a punching bag as well so by the age of 7 I was spell from my third grade( I was ahead in school ) I was constantly criticize by teachers, principal and other parent because I was not able to settle down “ accordingly” being quite and staying on my seat was not my strength but no one ever asked what’s going on with me at home ? ever they just pointed the finger at me and Thank God I was never put on meds because now as adult I know 100% my problem was environmental and it came from home. I went to college and moved out on my own by the age of 19 because I was still being abuse. I found God and my life changed dramatically and I grew out of my adhd.
Amazing story sister Christ loves you.
Similar story but I went to college at 18. While gone my dad killed my cat. I got back home after my first semester and my parents had a list of demands. I never even unpacked.
Was briefly diagnosed with ADHD but it didn't stick because the medication (and they tried them all on me) made me extremely paranoid.
Although in the minority of those dx with ADHD, my daughter's kindergarten teacher, her 1st grade teacher and her 2nd grade teacher begged me to medicate her. I refused. 2nd grade it came to a head. They attempted to force me to get her medication by threatening CPS. After not backing down, several meetings and a near insane shouting match I pulled her from public school and home schooled. She was homeschooled until Junior high. She graduated full honors 3 years ago. I was doped up for most of my childhood with Ritalin. When I reached the age of 12 I was taking 4 pills 4 times a day. I quit taking them without my parents knowledge unaware of the dangers. I then spent a month in a child psychiatric ward because of it. I refused to allow my daughter to be part of it.
Let me call you a hero, because you are one. Got goosebumps by reading your story.
@@alfredocalzoni8161 thanks for the compliment but im just a momma trying to give my kids the best chance in life. That starts by being their advocate and going as far as you can to protect them.
@@maybetomorrow4755 thats it, they are everything. this insanse system is nothing. not made for humanbeings.
Wish you everything good, stay strong, you are never alone :)
I was recently dx with ADHD and went overlooked my entire life until now.
ADHD has turned into something debilitating for me, among other mental illnesses, traumas, a dysfunctional marriage and dozens of health issues.
The medication helped me stay focused on tasks I must get done and it's been a godsend for me tbh.
However, I hate the side effects.
My son was placed into early intervention preschool, kindergarten and now elementary school.
He's a brilliant child and multi-talented, however, his ADHD is very severe, so much, in fact, that it kept him back academically, socially and mentally.
We got him into sports (because he loves them and is good at them).
We tried homeschool and it was pretty much impossible for him to learn even what he loves.
We put him back into school where he does better because he's a very social creature, and then after much deliberation, praying, and speaking with Drs and his teachers, we felt it was in his very best interest to medicate him.
And it has been a complete life-changer for him!
He plays in his sports much better, he excelled in his school classes, passing up all his peers until he was graduated into the mainstream public school rather than the "special needs" school, and started to make friends for the first time.
My only regret is that we hadn't decided this for him sooner because the kids around here that knew him before medication will not give him a chance even though he's remarkably better and even prefers to take his medication than to go without it. He sees a big difference in it himself and prefers the benefits of it rather than going without it.
It's a night and day difference for him. We can tell for sure when he's missed a dose by accident.
So in some cases it's a blessing, not a curse, and shouldn't be deemed a forced poison onto kids who "don't really need it".
@@LisaPFrampton like everything in life - there is a golden midway. some should some not.
thank you for sharing :) wish you and for your family the best
This video explain my life. Coming from a destructive cycle and trying to break said cycle while also teaching my son to avoid that same cycle. Being antisocial and focusing on my own issues with interacting whole simultaneously showing him is okay to interact and be social even through I may be over-defensive from a traumatic past.
Basically not wanting to ruin his purity and his experience of learning but while also teaching him a proper way to interact. Which where I came from we were never taught properly to deal with our emotions
The first few minutes of this video brought be such a massive amount of relief! As a single mother to a 2 year old boy, no father around, I needed to hear this.
I have 4 boys and one of them has trouble with being overly aggressive. I have learned to make him exercise when he is getting aggressive. I’ll send him to climb or pull up on something and that seems to help him.
I do the same with my cat :p
So true! We got a neighbor kid a speed bag and it helped. He could play and be aggressive with his sister in a fun way.
I have three boys and the oldest is the same way. Living in the second coldest state does not help makes it harder to get the energy out by going outside. The day of family farms with outdoor chores and land to run around sound quite appealing. 😅
My older brother (1 year older) was absolutely nuts and quite abusive when we were teens. I moved to the US when I was 22 and go back home for Christmas every year. I think it was right when he turned 27 that I went back and he seemed a completely different person. He wished me happy birthday for the first time I could remember, was nice to my boyfriend (now husband) and it felt SO weird!! Now he's even nice to my son and sent me a present when he was born. It was difficult to get passed everything he did to me but I saw Dr. Peterson's talk about the testosterone and it matched his timeline perfectly so I figured I should give this "new" brother a shot and he hasn't disappointed so far.
“They learn in their bones what can hurt them,….and help regulate aggressive behavior!” Completely agree. I find the concept of rough and tumble of play is wonderful. They have to learn those physical boundaries.
I have an 8-month-old baby. I have been listening to Jordan Peterson for many years now and I am equipped and ready to make my child someone who is enjoyable to be around right from the get-go
Ever thought to get to know your kid first? That's what good parents do!
@@anneanne9009 I completely agree with you
This is ABSOLUTELY fascinating. What I would do to be able to sit in on one of his lectures in person. My mind is blown. As a young father of 3 children ranging from 7yrs-4weeks this information resonated so strongly with me.
I m a small childcare provider. I use outdoor play as most of teaching. We are outdoors most of the day of most days. Even in warm rain and sunny winter days. I m aware that kids need to run and jump and explore. I wish more parents would jump onto this bandwagon. I had to tell parents years ago that there are no handheld devices in my childcare at all. Years ago. Yet I still have parents asking me to allow it. Boldly bringing it in for their child. There child will “melt down” (parents words. And in front of the kid) without it they say. I just hold my ground. I m lucky in that my childcare isn’t in my actual home - it’s a separate area all it’s own. I have no TV over there at all. Educational toys along with a lot of imagination play based items. Most days it’s a day of outdoors with sand box, water, swings, slides and climbing, an entire kids garden with sunflowers, small cukes and mini tomatoes I plant and care for with them, a climbing structure, playhouse, big wooden box for a “stove”, sinks, lots of aluminum pots, pans, colanders, muffin tins, and soup spoons, tree trunks placed here and there for seats, small tables or just for rolling around the yard. All this for imagination and mud play. I ve recently incorporated a digging area for small digging vehicles with rock pile and small sticks. Most kids are super happy with all this. I change them into clothes that I buy second hand so they can get as dirty as they want. I just wash arms hands legs feet and faces at outdoor wash station and changed them into their clothes and shoes (they re barefoot here if they want anytime they want except for cold weather days obviously) for pick up. We have small preschool moments under the shaded patio and for those who nap I set play pens or cots on shaded patio. I cook/prepare snacks and lunch and we all eat outside. BUT there are more and more children I m noticing who don’t want to have any involvement in any of this. The imagination of some children is just not there. I notice they don’t seem to know how to play or how to play for longer than a minute or two. They want TV. They want Tablet. They want MY phone and melt down when I simply say no. The Emotional Quotient of more and more of this society’s children is extremely on the edge. They end up screaming, crying at the drop of a hat, thrashing around, slapping out, going to another child and grabbing something from them to then throw it in anger or just simply barge in and destroy what others have been playing with. When I speak to the parents about it it is one excuse after the other. It’s a very disturbing place they are heading to.
Good for you-and dang that’s rough
Wow, this is an alarming observation
Yes, so true. Many parent's are enabling the negative behaviour. No play in those households, just devices, with parent's obsessed with social media, games and TV and so those devices become the child's play and babysitter!! It's frightening, it's negatively wiring a child's brain and development!
I used to help out a friend who ran a daycare. Absolutely spot on. It is definitely a huge deal and one that is going to be a lot of work to correct, if anyone wants a decent society to live in in the future.
Your daycare sounds wonderful and very stimulating to a child’s imagination. I have a child with high functioning autism, severe adhd and some other issues- which is not uncommon to have a mixed bags of issues when one has autism. I used to work at a daycare in the late 80d, early 90s and most kids did well but there were a few that always stuck out because they had severe inattentiveness, were overly rough and didn’t fit in well with peers. Later I worked in healthcare and noticed over the years that more and more of my patients had a high functioning autism diagnosis or in my opinion probably should have. I say that with respect to having a son with it and have researched and tried to figure out how to help him as well as trying to be a good provider to patients that had it. What I know is that it’s absolutely gotten worse over time as there are many many more cases diagnosed and undiagnosed and they gravitate towards electronics. They are not what causes it but too much exposure to these electronics is detrimental to any child but one with autism is at a worse disadvantage when it comes to social emotional skills. We as a society need to realize these electronics are only hurting us all and we need to severely limit their use. Unfortunately, that is not the way the world is going and this won’t be a popular opinion.
I have a passion for working with the “hyperactive” an “non-compliant” children. Particularly 4 and 5 year olds.
EVERYTHING this man said is the TRUTH!
I’ve never heard anyone so perfectly and eloquently describe this phenomenon about young aggressive boys. The current school system is not designed for boys and actually does a great disservice to them. These children need more time outside in nature and more time to be physically active.
Dr. Peterson is a treasure and one of the greatest minds of our generation. I am so happy someone is speaking up about this.
Stay away from children because you are mental.
Then what is the solution to this school system? Most families have no other choice and place their children in public schools. Parents are overworked and tired, barely having enough energy by the end of the day to interact with their children… what can be done about this?
My son has always been the Agressive Twin. He was becoming violent with his aggression, so I found a book at the Library, pre google, that tells you to Physically Love them, touch them, and kindly give them hugs and kisses through the day. We did that, and he became softer and overall non-violent. He's now graduated college and is graduating next week as an Officer in the Army.
This is SO true. My husband did this with all three of our children. We have 1 daughter and 2 sons and it’s 100% true that fathers are necessary for this. We even had a small bounce house we’d set up in the living room that just turned into a wrestling ring for my two boys lol. My youngest was definitely the most aggressive as a toddler. His instinct was to punch no matter what strong feelings he had. He’s 4 now and while he’s still more aggressive than his older brother was at that age, he’s absolutely lovable by everyone. I was so worried when he was young that he was going to be a bully but he’s better with other people better than my other son (My older son is incredibly sensitive physically and emotionally and THAT IS FAR MORE of a problem socially!)
Stop yelling at the older boy for defending himself against the younger one. Not to damage the younger, but allow him to defend himself.
Ye the younger one has dominated over the older one somehow and you can’t let that slide cuz he’s only 4 he needs to learn his place. It won’t take away his aggression but it will teach him he is not the biggest baddest thing YET. And being aggressively nice is a thing so that’s probably why ppl love him.. I have similar traits I was hyper aggressive for seemingly no reason as a kid and got placed into football cuz I was knocking kids down in soccer. Football will for sure show the kid his limits and give him a healthy outlet.
@@zogbogbean2464 That makes sense. I’m trying to toughen up the older one and calm down the younger one lol. They’re slowly figuring it out.
Watch the older one. These kids are much more savvy and may have hurt the little one at an early age causing him to be more aggressive. Older ones are sneakier.
@@katemiller7874 normally I’d agree. But my older son would literally never hurt his brother. He’s never done anything onpurpose to hurt anyone even in anger.
When I was a young girl with adhd,I had trouble properly expressing my emotions. I would become easily frustrated by my inability to communicate, and by those around me not listening to me when I tried to tell them things. As a result I would often lash out and even harm myself, ripping out my own hair in clumps. It was very frightening for the people who loved me, as they didn't understand why I was so upset and couldn't do much to help by the time things had escalated to that point. As a mature adult woman, reflecting on this violent history, I realize why I did it--because there was a failure to communicate, and when you can't express yourself in words, it's only natural then to use actions to get some message across. When dealing with small children I'd suggest taking extreme care to pay attention to their emotional state and try to understand what they're saying before they stoop to making physical statements to get your attention. I'm not saying I was right to do these things when I was little, of course--I'd certainly never do such things now! But back then I didn't have enough experience and education to know better or to communicate effectively. Children are not simply blank slates or automatons you can talk down to even if you are in charge of taking care of them. You have to recognize them as people and open up forms of communication so that they can grow healthily. The institution of play as described by Jordan Peterson here has a wonderful explanation of how to develop some dialogue with a child--the example of wrestling and teaching them what's okay and what's not okay to do and why (because it hurts) is fantastic! I didn't consider two year olds to be the most violent humans before watching this (in fairness I never really thought about it) but with my own memories and the memories of my family members to reflect on, I can understand why that would be. We are all animals, and never as much so as when we are first born and driven purely by instinct. Though I was born female so I don't entirely fit in with the majority of males described in this lecture, I feel like I can contribute a bit to the dialogue on why this happens.
I'm sorry that happened to you as a child. I would've loved to sit on the floor with you a d just listen to what you had to say! The highlight of my life was raising little kids. Absolutely loved every moment. Even when they were little 2 year old monsters!
it's even worse when you've gotten older and noone's still listening or trying to understand, when you can actually hurt them physically
@@BeADad2447 no worries dear, I'm glad to hear you enjoyed being a parent c: I'm hopeful that one day I can be a good parent to my future kids too. Don't feel too bad for me; I've grown up to be a healthy young woman with an understanding of how to better deal with kids as a result of my own experience being one!
@@necrosadotor if you're speaking from your own experience, I hope you won't hurt anyone. It's true that sometimes people still won't understand you--I still get into conflicts myself! But hopefully you'll gain experience from every misunderstanding you encounter so that in the future you'll be able to handle them better. Just don't give up and don't stoop to physical violence even when it gets really frustrating. Sometimes the only payoff for having any faith is when it's tested again and again every day, and the same is true for patience. Try to work on being patient with others. Good luck. I'm just a random Internet stranger, but I believe in you!
@@SonicdaShapeshifter thanx a lot but no worries, that was at my teens. doing quite good these days. but yeah, had to really put on the work on getting better. still do, but so should anyone, no matter how little things about. keep it up
This should be mandatory viewing for all parents, but especially new parents. This way, they know what to expect and what to do about it.
"don't hit the other kids over the head with a truck more then absolutely necessary" lmfao 🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤘🤘
I totally understand that lol
As you can see over recorded time your comment and behavior shows that you were a very disturbed sick child. Your parents should have taught you moral etiquette and stop disrespecting or feeling entitled to once belongings or to disrespect or trust one another. As you can see when you don't listen it will be charted within a system and people will always tell the truth.
Both fascinating and alarming.
My kids had this approach, but I see many many mothers in my practice and circles that did not do this. And as, Jordan said, it is the kids who suffer for the rest of their lives
The worst parents are the ones who think that the lil aggressive, undisciplined kids are cute
@@cleophasmatinhari6188 agreed. And they grow up to be adults with little to no self control.
My mother always makes fun of me because i was "talking my son tired" even when he was little as 3 years old. My son's now about to turn 11 and easily debates the adults around him to the ground. He can control his temper, has arguments, stands his viewpoint, knows how to listen and to work out compromises.
He trusts me and tells me when he did something wrong because he knows he doesn't get punished, especially if he tells me instead of me finding out some other way. There are consequences, of course, that's just how life works, but i never grounded him or gave him the silent treatment or punshed him. He's a human, humans make mistakes, especially if they are young and still learning. We had some instances where i even told him it's a good thing he made that mistake, because it's a experience and that way he learn what to not do the next time he gets in that situation.
I feel like parents forget they were kids/teenagers too. I still remember how miserable my parents made me feel about myself, how scared i was, how misunderstood i felt and that i couldn't trust them. Why would I want someone i love to feel the same way with me. Doesn't make any sense. Now my parents wonder why my son and i have such a good relationship and we don't. It's because i treat him like human beeing, i never told him "because I'm the adult" or "you're to young". There's always a way to work around. Of course, some situation i had to tell him "no my way" but with that i explain him why.
It's actually pretty easy to be a good parent. Just look in the mirror and asks yourself how you wish to be treated and then act on it.
Thanks, I really liked your comment. ❤️
Like this....😊
love this
@@oliviae2176 thanks, i also wanted to add, there is no shame in apologizing to your kid. Parents are just humans too, humans make mistakes, so if you as a parent have a bad day and you let that out on your child it's okay to say "I'm sorry, mom/dad had a bad day, it's not about you and it wasn't okay that i was grumpy towards you". It teaches your child to apologize, to accept an apology, to take responsibility and to not take everything personally.
It also humanizes the parents, which is tricky, because i feel like kids glorify their parents and later on get disappointed that their parents are not what they were thought to be. So if you live in a healthy household, once the kids are over the rebellious phase, the relationship between children and parents settle on a kind of eye to eye level, but when you're not living in a healthy household it's really hard to settle that relationship and get over the disappointment.
I agree. The last bit was perfect. Treat them how you'd want to be treated, but age appropriate of course. I am very mindful of making sure kids feel heard and understood. I didn't receive that so i have a hard time communicating my feelings or wants/needs. I always feel ashamed or embarrassed. I'm assuming it's cuz my mother never bothered to see me as someone other than, "just a kid, I'm the parent your the child"mentality. I'm doing my best to ensure any kid i interact with doesn't feel the way i did. Stay strong parents, the fact that you came to this video to attempt to better yourselves as a parent is awesome! Much love ❤️❤️❤️
I definitely had issues in my development. I found that working out a lot and finding a hobby kept my impulses under control. However it’s really unfortunate that my parents really missed those 4 critical years. In a way I had to work on my development by myself since I didn’t really have good guidance. Great talk man!
Yjj
Jj
As a teacher of 2 year Olds, he is so right in this video. Everyone who is ever around children should see this.
Thank you for what you do. My youngest son had a phenomenal kindergarten teacher. We loved her and I believe she loved our son. It was impossible for him to keep his hiney in his seat and he was always busy and always moving. She knew how to get the best out of him despite this. He didn't slow down until he was about 9.
@@mountainmama2101 Children do not start school in Finland until they are seven. That is when the average boy is developmentally able to start dealing with symbolic language. You know, the stuff you have just been reading.
But we already know rough and tumble play is great for kids. Most of the rest of JP teachings are absolute bs.
@@michelehemlokhexwhite4310 I guess we all have opinions. I used to teach many courses on developmental psychology before I retired from forty years of teaching. My wife and I share our four married children who have given us thirteen grandchildren. I find myself constantly nodding in approval and admiration of his lecturing excellence. But that's jus me and there are 7,999,998 other opinions out there.
@@freddyfriesen And in America, we don't take our cues from any other nation and how they do things. That's why we were the first to land on the moon, the first to produce electricity and are the most prosperous nation on the face of the earth. But, by all means, you do you.
We had my 2 year old grandson several days a week and he loved to rough and tumble. He and his grandfather would do this almost every evening and I would watch and just laugh and laugh it was so much fun to watch. He would do it with me a little bit but he learned very young that I was a girl and he couldn’t be as rough with me. I think this is very important.
What if he didn't like that?
@@anneanne9009 I imagine he wouldn't do it if he didn't like it.
@@jp1135 Of course he would. A lot of children hate play fighting. Most kids hate being tickled but because they laugh, people keep going but to some kids that is torture. Some kids love it, some kids hate it but almost every little kid wants to be a people pleaser.
@@anneanne9009 he was a very rough and tumble boy and initiated the play. Don’t remember tickling, just mainly wrestling and him rolling around trying to pin his grandpa
@@mitzicoleman7187 That's great. Lot's of kids definately love rough play but it comes down to the individual kids. There's no blanket advice for parents or kids when it comes to this. My older kids loved it but my youngest absolutely hates it and gets super distressed. It's about the kid, not 'kids' in general.
I have a very aggressive son. I absolutely fell in love with my children, immediately. I left work to be home as soon as he was born. I read so many parenting books. I played with my children, baked with my children, did chores with my children, and read to them every day. My son's behavior was often quite bad when he was young, but a lot of it was wild exuberance for life. But he also had angry fits that were intense. I would physically hold him in my arms while he screamed and scratched and head butted. It might last 30 minutes to more than an hour before he would fall asleep from exhaustion. I was determined not to let him win. None of my friends had children who behaved like him. I worried he would eventually end up in prison. I prayed constantly. We later found out that red dye #40 caused this terrible rage. It was obvious one day after a peaceful time together that was followed by a complete flip in his behavior. He drank a Big Red soda in between. After a couple of snack mistakes, we learned that the amount of dye mattered. The tiniest amount makes him angry but a large amount makes him psychotic. He's grown now and reads labels carefully. He has friends and a fiance. He works hard, hunts, fishes, and hikes. He is very social. He still has an aggressive bend to his personality. But he is always trying to figure people and situations out. My husband and I joke that if he had been left alone he would be the leader of a gang. I am actually amazed at how well he is doing. I pray he continues to mature in a positive way.
😂😂😂😂
Thank you for sharing this. There are many “odd” reasons for sudden mood changes and rage that can be hard to figure out. Mold exposure does this to me, as well as exposure to certain chemicals used in fragrances. The toxins cause brain inflammation.
My stepdaughter was like this too. Her parents said she had an allergy to red dye. She also has autism and probably ADHD too.
Yes! Our ASD child is absolutely wild and fully body itchy if he has any red dye 40. It's like a light switch! The FDA knows how it impacts children in general and they still won't pull it off the shelves. We have gone dye free and it's been life changing for all of us. Absolutely crazy what foods have the dye for NO reason what so ever.
@@ashb4smokemy nieces eldest child had food allergies and was manic if he had the smallest amount. Doctors gave him a strict diet and he was a different child. Then he started school and if he had so much as a smartie it would set him off for hours.
im a antisocial person. This is what happened to me. I was a very lonely 5 year old. I stayed home alone most of the time. I wasn't able to socialize with people properly. I tried throughout my life, but I am 100% what Jordan is saying.
You were never alone Jesus was with yoi the whole time ❤
📌 2:00 Rough & tumble play
3:00 Body fluency
4:00 ADHD medication
5:00 Socialization
6:06 Your job as a parent
7:00 Rules of behavior
8:00 Normal boys
9:00 Predatory aggression
My son hit one year old right at the covid lockdowns. We went through very limited social interactions between 1 and 2 years old. This video is spot on. I have been battling to socialize him since then
I am a single mom of a little boy who is almost three . I have to remind myself all the time that he is a boy and he needs rough house play . When I see myself lacking on doing this I find him getting aggressive so I gently remind myself that I have to pillow fight or wrestle with him and I notice his behavior settling back down . I like these lectures because it reiterates what I already know . Thank you . Tomorrow we are going to have a pillow fight championship game .
I am a woman and have divine memories of wrestling with my dad when I was about 4-5 years old. I was and have always been extremely active and (not to brag), strong. I think your son will cherish these moments with you. :)
Fathers are sorely needed , and indispensable.😊
@greymanBB yup. These single mother boss babe yaaaas quuens certainly have it figured out
Why’s the dad not around?
@@MeHoyMinoy-cv3ps he passed away
Excellent topic. And thank you for always including a link to the full presentation.
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Everything makes absolute sense and is condensed into just over 10 minutes.
My mom and dad THINK they know it all. They constantly tell me my son will grow up to hit us and control us.
They’re very old school minded! They want my 1 year old to sit still.
Over time I’ve set boundaries
But so glad I came across this video
So helpful ❤
I was always a few years older than the other kids (mentally) at every age. That's another problem. I got nothing but rejection because of it and I got attacked continuously for being smart. I believe anything outside the norm is problematic. Children need to learn how to blend, but also they need to develop self-confidence and to use their differences to their own advantage rather than treating them as a curse. We're still fundamentally animals, and some people act like predators, especially when they are young. They can feel when another kid is weak and they pick on this one.
You are probably very book smart but he is advocating for emotional intelligence. That is something completely different.
"I got attacked for being smart."
No, you were rejected and attacked for being a stuck up little sh*t by the sound of it
Anything outside the norm is problematic, it's true. I had the opposite problem, funnily enough. I wasn't as smart as the others and felt insecure about that. I think it made me develop higher emotional intelligence later in life though, because I had to be hyper aware of the way people perceived me so I could act in a way that would make me fit in in spite of my weaknesses.
It's sad that it has to end up that way though, and I agree, we should build children's self confidence by highlighting their strengths, instead of just allowing them to go through life with a lot of rejection and failure. Otherwise they're more likely to get bullied as you said - speaking from personal experience.
I’m curious if you’re an only child. Many I knew growing up seemed more mature in their mannerisms and I chalked it up to being around adults more than kids.
I was offered by the school to skip ahead a grade as I was in a split class of grade 4 and 5. I fid my grade 4 work, then I'd do the grade 5 work too. I loved the challenge for once and not being bored. My parents refused to let me skip grade 5 a d go onto grade 6, because they wanted to keep me with my peers. Well I was already the girl in class defending my friends from the mean boys who pushed them, and hurt them. But parents didn't pay attention to that social role. It would have been good to be in a new social setting, new peer group.
I think it's the same for dogs. We adopted a puppy that was separated from mom and siblings at a couple weeks old. It took him an extremely long time to figure out what bites hurt, which ones don't, how to interact with other dogs and people. He is mostly fine now, but still a little off.
Yep. Puppies need to learn from mom and their siblings how to play and when “enough is enough”.
I’ve found that saying loudly “OUCH” when my puppy gets too rough, really helps.
I had an aggressive father who hit me when i was young, i thought it was normal, so you do that to other children and then be surprised when you get punished and learned mostly from women that you can hurt the other. I recognize lying faces and faces of dissapointment, they started dissapearing after i didnt see my family for 3 months, since then life is better. But im still a single frustrated male. A women had to explain to me that my parents are not how parents should be. There should be a test if you want to have children, prove your worth. Otherwise you're nothing but a problem for your child. And it would be better if you weren't born. #lifeishard. Making sense of it eases the weight on your shoulders.
Plenty of people that were raised in bad situations have grow up to be fine people. Life's not perfect and who would be the perfect people to give that test. The left, the right?
I couldn't agree more that you should have to take a test of some sort to have kids.
No, the freedom to procreate should never be infringed. Who is to determine who gets to have children? Based on whose principals and morals?
@@stanal4064 sorry you had that experience, God hates religion. A bunch of religious narcissists crucified Jesus cus he exposed their hypocrisy! Thanks for seeing through the bs too.
To have overcome such hostility like you have is a sure sign of an amazing plan and purpose for your life. See Derek Prince on breaking generational curses, pray Psalm 18 and 7 for vengeance. I came from a violent family.
We are in the world but not of the world, pretenders don't get it. Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find. Search the book of Adam and Eve from flat water fe - you'll see all the stunts your parents pulled, hope it validates you, you are loved🔥th-cam.com/video/qpSE3eZTCNo/w-d-xo.html
@@fatimorisAre you from India (or near by) or the US? I mostly hear people moaning about right to procreate when they come from these places..
Noone should have freedom to procreate so casually. The amount of neglected, abused or children in foster homes tell you all you need to know about letting anyone have a kid.
💯 Correct, this is very relevant also with adults and I'm glad JP touched on this.
Aggression levels can also be built up via boredom, a man that goes to work, has hobbies, goes to the gym Is less likely to be a menace to society and disruptive, as well as more responsibile. Than a man that doesn't work, has no hobbies and a lot of time on their hands,
I sent this to my daughter in Law who has a 5 yr old, and teaches 2 and 3 yr olds !!! Just brilliant ‼
Teaches law to 2 and 3yr olds huh? Lol
You have no idea how long this has sat in my recommendations on my homepage!!! Im so glad i finally watched it. Interesting to apply these thoughts to the poor kids who had to go through lockdown at this pivotal point in their development. My boy was born March 21 when we were just starting to come out of lockdown. I dont know what id do without parks, soft play & toddler groups etc!!! Now, off to take my beautiful little monster off swimming ❤
Parenting school should be a obligation every year. Being parents requires: patience, psychology, perseverance, wisdom, unconditional love, a lot of time and many other qualities. The time of quality spent with your children during childhood will greatly determine his attitude in adolescence and in is adult life. Communication with us will only be easier. Do not expect to ask a teenager to have an attitude that we did not pass on to him during childhood. It is very difficult to straighten a bent tree.
No. This because, although parenting skill is paramount, people who will prescribe those courses will be unqualified social workers on low salary, delivering very questionable ideas and values.
Such parenting classes can only be given by people whose kids have grown up to be well educated, happy, healthy people with well paid professional jobs and noce relationships.
How many of those super parents would agree to give such classes? A formal qualification would be required for them, they wpn't bother.
10000%
Worst idea ever.
First time to the channel. And you're very well spoken. That little bit of time brought me some lightbulb moments. Thank you
Really needed to hear this. My 2 year old boy is quite aggressive. Couldn’t have a better man assist with my parenting. Unsure how I didn’t know this existed.
That’s true
Raised two young men I agree with him!
My daughter is 26 years old. My son is 18 months. This is the most accurate parenteral advice I have ever heard. My daughter did laps when she was hyped up and she loved it.
My son is 4, almost 5 and we struggled always. He’s now in a jiu jitsu class, 4 days a week. Life changing! Hes with older kids, and very masculine strong men, getting to wrestle and have time on mats in a dojo.
I am instantly intrigued by the correlation between this and Dr. Gabor Mate's work on the development of children prior to age 3 being the most crucial. In addition to this, I want to look into the correlation between this rough and tumble play necessity and the success of Karate assisting children with ADHD and ASD.
What a good father Mr Peterson is.
I completely agree. In the UK, children as young as 4 are expected to go to school from 9am until 3pm and it’s far too long for any young child to bear. In some of the Nordic countries they don’t expect that. They’re not even taught to read until 7 yrs old and they’re ahead in their reading when they do begin. They take them outside into nature and not only are the children are letting off steam, they’re leaning through socialising, learning team work, life experiences and from nature itself.
UK is nothing compared to where I live. How about 9-5 from age 2/3... (France). There' seems to be a lot of french people who can't manage their emotions, here. Quiet until something gets slightly difficult then they lose their minds..
My son is severely autistic and was biting headbutting scratching and kicking from the time he could crawl.
Single mum, but rough play was the best teacher for him. These antisocial behaviours where nearly non existent by the time he went to daycare
Couldn’t agree with mr Peterson more, fantastic advice.
I’ve had hunting ferrets as well and bite training them is similar
Seems to echo through the entire animal kingdom.
Sally I'm so happy you were able to work with your child without doping them up. It's the little things we do with children that make the biggest impact.
Pretty awesome.
GOODY GOODY
My daily dose of sanity,rationality and common sense
🙌🙌
wow I agree so much with the development in my humble experience..JR has a way of focusing the story
My son had ADHD when he was a kid and I took him out side to “exhaust” him each and every single day. And I can tell you that he never ever ever collapsed exhausted. At best he acted a little bit more “normal”.
Stop vaccinating that child.
@@KittyMeow1993 I feel you. I had to listen to my family and society tell me that I was spoiling my kid and that’s why he acted “wild”. But then one day I just didn’t let anybody tell me any more advice about my own kid. Nobody knew him like I do. So I got him on meds and it completely changed his life and our lives for the better. Now we are 20 years later and I never regretted it for a minute. He’s a chief engineer at his company and very successful. The hyper activity dropped off in puberty (as it often does) but he kept the ADD. He no longer needs to take meds and has learned how to navigate through life without it.
I was literally having this EXACT conversation with my husband last night.... he loves us and respects me but thinks more outside play will solve our problems....
This video just highlights how detached some social scientists are from understanding ADHD and ASD.
I agree with the last comment in this section it is a chemical imbalance. And the lucky few are able to come close to balance(but I may say maybe these children do not have ADHD, but a similar condition). However to blame parents for the behaviour resulting from this condition is wrong. Health professionals know that it is not the parents fault.
I never understood ADHD until I had a child with that condition. It completely changed many aspects of socialising with others and the way I organised my life. Things where never the same, everything had to be tailored around the level of risk/health and safety.
For someone who just works in a field of work diagnosing the condition, to blame parents is very very wrong. He may have researched however he should know that it is a biological and chemical imbalance. This video just radiates ignorant behaviour towards parents. He should rethink it, further his research and do better. If their was no imbalance why is their medication. Sometimes going natural is not always enough.
Same, my son also has ADHD exhausting him had the opposite effect. Paradoxically he gets more charged up and over excited.
When my ypungest was just 3, my husband and I divorced. So, the play with dad stopped. His aggression increased. He was diagnised with ADHD. I did not allow medication. Instead, I put him into sports. Im happy to say he became a fine young man, capable of focus, calm.
The real tragedy (of which I'm now keenly aware) is the recovery from childhood or adolescent (developmental) misdirection is usually far too late to affect a positive difference .. resulting in little more than a bitter realization of lost time and opportunity .. adding to the burning heap of what '...could have been if only...'!
I am a very compassionate and caring person and mom. I have raised 4 wonderful humans who are very loving and compassionate also. Two of my daughter however were both ADHD and ODD as children and although presented their ODD with different ranges of anxiety and aggression, they are complimented every day about how lovely they are. I just feel the need to throw in there, that I’m a hunting Mama, and I taught and hunt with two of my daughters as well! Caring and compassionate women also love to provide and feed our families fresh and wholesome food 😊
6:32 as someone with autism who had my dad living away from me, and my mum not disciplining me enough, this hits really hard, because it's completely true. Up until I was about 16; one year ago, i was incredibly socially undesirable, and people would either reject me, or treat me like i had the mental age of 3.
I am sorry you had that experience. My parents divorced when I was two. Alot of people these days are bucking traditional marriage and relationships and now we see how important it is, especially for a son (and daughters also need their father, but the consequences manifest a bit differently) to have the dad around. Don't be discouraged. Just make up your mind to not let your children have the same experience you have had. I have been married for 27 years now. I have two boys and they are my world. What you missed out on (and what I missed out on) you can make sure your children don't have to live like this. God bless you, and keep on keeping on. Love from America.
My nephew has autism mostly seems to be from neglect and him not getting proper interaction when he was younger. I resonate with this as well. I dont have autism as far as I know, but always been a little on the antisocial side. In in alot of ways always feel like a black sheep. I always felt smarter than the people around me, but not so much in a good way and not in an egotistical way. Just in the way of me being a deep thinker and contemplating often. I see it as more of an empathic artistic state of mind. Often In school i would daydream and get bored with work. I liked the creative aspects of math and science. I hated English class and the need for handwriting to be a certain way. I've always had a big problem with focusing and concentration. Funny thing is fitting in is good, but only up to a point. The creative side desires to be different and not fit it. Often the smartest people in the world are autistic,. In a way I think it is because being so extremely smart, it can cause overstimulation. Processing vast ammountnof information most people don't process all at once.. how some people can watch TV and drown out the world. But any single smallest of stimuli grabs my attention, I find myself repeatedly rewinding shows, and trying to regain my attention to things.
To be fair... autistic kids often don't respond to normal discipline techniques.
@@Rich904 autism isn't caused by neglect or bad parenting. You're either born with it or not. Also most autistic people aren't geniuses but just average intelligence. Sounds like you have ADHD... not autism.
@@awkwardautistic i never said I had autism. And this video was about how limited social interaction leads to lack of development in which many consider it autism. You are right it is a spectrum thing. But many autistic people can lead functional lives. It is not a decrease, we are all on the spectrum, even "normal people". I think the autism stigma makes it out as something bad. When it rather ju st different, usually being more in touch with the creative side. I think think it so much causes it, but lead to developmental delays if they get left behind in development. Alot of autistic kids are less developed than their age. But there are others who are capable and you wouldn't even know they were autistic at first glance. My point is is not bad, it isn't like they have a stunted brain or are incapable or being great. Some of the coolest people can have autism
So inspiring..My son just turned 4..Everything you said is spot on!!Keep up the good work!!
I was neglected, but female and the aggression turned in, became depression.
Several decades later I have learned all sorts of coping mechanisms, and live in a vibrant inclusive peer group.
For myself I can tolerate inflicting necessary pain, I just don’t enjoy it at all.
I’m so glad to watch the video. I pray to me the best father I can be for my kids. This almost brought tears to my eyes cause it’s nothing having an impact of children and to feel like you can fail them or help them to achievement it’s such a thin line it’s scary. I’m 26 and I pray for strength and courage.
I was in honors and AP and had ADD, yet I always had one of the highest grades in class. I was a stoner/tagger who frequently got into fights but would show up on test day and take everyone out. I’m 34 and life is no different. I have a hunger for knowing and learning and challenges. But, according to my curiosities and intrigue. It is physically impossible for me to give you my fullest attention if I’m not interested in what you are telling me.
Nothing wrong with it, sounds like myself and I'm 39. And I'm doing quite well overall.
I work at a preschool, they run around all day long barefoot in the sand, we have a water pump outside they love to play with water, splashing and digging also creating little rivers/lakes together they’re learning to collaborate. Parents send them with a change of clothes. The kids draw, paint, glue, make books all day, too. We teach them their letters and numbers through holding crayons, markers and paint brushes. Whoever wants to learn to write can come to the table and if you want to do legos or run outside it’s your choice. I love my school more after hearing Jordan’s talk here.
Fabulous
Magnificent explanation. Great content! Not the speaker I often agree with but I do really love this particular teaching
My mother died few months after I was born, my father left me with his sister's family to be raised, always in contact with that father and knowing the truth. Since forever he used to lie to me, then the verbal and physical abuse began, the first memory is around 5/6 yo. I used to be near my uncles during school age and on vacations I was sent to him. Even though I cried and pledged every time vacation time was arriving to please not send me there, the response was always: but he is your father. I've been asking for help all my adult life because everything was always a mess, psychology, psychiatrists, many healers and after many years, my daughter told me: mom, I know what you have: adhd. I'm almost 50 yo!!! Payed money I hadn't to people that know nothing about childhood trauma and consequences.Got bullied at school because that father used the money given by the government to take care of me being orphan, to pay for his bitches and buzz, very badly dressed and always with no money for an ice cream with the possible or eventually futurelly friends.I would get up in the morning with 12 and was beaten, didn't know why, after asking his hoe she would say: oh, he got drunk last night and forgot he gave you that apple, when he woke up, thought you had stolen it and did it...this is just one tiny example of what I lived for almost half of each year.I dealt with a psicopath by force as a child because my relatives couldn't care less and it was clear I was not their child, they made me realize that in the way I was dressed or what I could eat or not. None of the responsible had hard money issues, all with superior education. If I haven't had my daughter, I would pass through this life without knowing what love is....
Brilliant description of childhood needs from parents.
This makes me feel so much better about not giving in to my daughter's teachers in elementary school. She would get up in the middle of class and just start dancing and moving. They would give obvious "hints" that she needed to be taken to a doctor (they aren't allowed to outright say it in our state). But her grades were excellent, and after talking to a friend who went to an ADD specialist, I was certain she was fine. She just needed more exercise. We went through several teacher suggested ADD toys to help her, they didn't work at all and just became distractions. In the end we made her get up a half an hour early and run/walk on the treadmill. She did a little better then, according to her teacher. The teachers swear they are doctors when it comes to ADD/ADHD. They know so little and just roll their eyes when I tell them things I learned that show their ignorance and how wrong they are in their "diagnosis".
The teachers issues are there they’re dealing with a lot of children at the same time 20 to 35 children in the same classroom. And you only have one, big difference not only that she’s trying to teach a class.
@@Jane5720 Exercise is part of learning. There is lots to learn outside.
They’re teachers not doctors. They shouldn’t be diagnosed. Unfortunately I have a similar story. Brother was displaying disruptive behaviors in school but we were being beat at home and instead of ask what’s wrong at home the school concluded he needed meds and couldn’t be in school without medication. My mom did not fight it at all. Just gave in and medicated him. That moment on I lost the bright happy boy that used to be my little brother. He became angry all the time. He became loud. Very violent quick to anger. Some of the meds eventually made him develop breasts. But the schools were so sure he needed the meds
@@Jane5720 that doesn’t mean bedsuse there’s 25-30 kids that each kid isn’t important. To teach anything best you must know your pupils. Any teacher that cannot connect with each kid separately as well as on a group level. Shouldn’t be a teacher. Teaching requires patience and if you can’t be patient and give individual time to each student you’re going to fail.
Teachers have taken it upon themselves to demand children be medicated. It’s why I’ve lost respect for teachers of any kind .
I took in 2 foster boys the eldest was 4 and he has so many aggressive traits that my heart sank hearing this today he is not asked to go play with others and when he is is it smaller children that do want to play with him ( he is 7 now) he will do good for a short period of time but when he feels wronged all hades breaks loose….. I also have is younger brother who was 4 months when they came into our care he is the civilized monster this was such an eye opening video that I will share it with others
The last line was the real gem, worth watching the whole thing for. Common sense, but sometimes it's worth hearing it said so succinctly.
Children see violence then become either fearful or violent
I love to hear Jordan speak on any topic.
Kids need love period.. all kids act out and parents should learn how deal with it. Instead of yelling at them try talk to them like a human being. A lot of parents pressure their kids to do good in school instead explain to them why it’s important that they focus on school work.
Wish I had heard this ten years ago.
Signed,
The mom of a 10 year old boy with ADHD and anger outbursts who was a calm, gentle toddler who wasn’t allowed to engage in rough play through both home and school.
not late yet. Find Sami Titimi, a British psychiatrist. He is a good as Peterson.
My son was one of those aggressive 2 year olds you speak of. He slapped his new born sister when she was a week old because he was angry about the amount of attention she was getting. He would hit, kick, and bite me and throw screaming fits. He thought everything was his and would rip what he wanted out of your hands. He was also very defiant and would refuse to verbally communicate. I brought a climber into the house so I could care for my twins while he played. He's almost 4 now and his behavior has improved greatly.
Wow that’s great
Let me guess; you don't really discipline him, do you?
You just try to make a 2 to 4 yr old understand your reasoning? Right?
I'm betting you and your family will reap the consequences of your lack of parenting for years to come, and so will society.
The truth is hard sometimes.
Wow judgemental!! My son is the same and I absolutely DO discipline him!!! Some kids are just more difficult temperementally!
Rough and tumble play is different than letting a child be defiant towards their parents. Teach your child to show you respect and obedience. Also teach them to show kindness and respect towards their siblings. Then help them engage in physical activity that will give them plenty of exercise.
@@mistyriver1839 nope. Some kids have loose screw on head
.. call or genetic, call it mental illness or mutation of genes.. sick kids exist.
Dr. Peterson is an amazing human being. He is an inspiration.
While working as a interpretive guide this shocked me , One day I overheard a question from a young Japanese boy to his father What is this green stuff on the ground ?
His Father replied to the young boy " grass it grows in the soil"
,"whats soil he continued"
it was an insite into another world for me in my barefooted playground in the rainforests, wow how we have changed the world
What do you mean?
@@benjaminkok1945 his reality was a city the child lived in an apartment block never seen grass before ! the difference in people's environment .
@@bluey-uo9li ok I got you
My Mom taught us to do what she did; to train our children so that OTHER PPL CAN STAND TO BE AROUND THEM, bc other ppl aren’t going to love children like their parents do.
@j p RAISE UR D*CK ur nothingless incel
We bore and raised nine kids. 8 are now adults. They never got in trouble with the law, partied, or did drugs. We loved their teen years... Someone told me long ago. A child when they are under 3 years of age will ask their parent to look (100's of times a day) at what they are doing. Is your childcare worker going to spend that kind of time with your child and recognize all their firsts with them. I decided they wouldn't nor would they care for and love my child like I would. I've been a stay at home Mom all my married life. I don't care how much criticism I got about not using my brains etc. I can tell you now. It was worth it.
Dr. Peterson - One of the very best human beings.
Love this man! Always educational 🤍
I had an aggressive toddler. Was at the worst between 3 and 4 years old. After that it completely went away, and he is now a well adjusted teenager, intelligent, doing very well in school, has close friends, and aims for becoming an engineer. But his father and I put in a LOT of effort when he was a toddler. But it was well worth the hard work.
What kind of things did you do to make them better?
@@-41337 We used time-out, so made him sit somewhere in the same room as us until he calmed down. Just talking to him to calm him down had absolutely no effect. This method did not work for another one of our children, they responded better to talking and explaining. So there is no one way that fits all children.
These students are still fortunate to be able to learn from the greatest - face to face. I would give anything to sit in his class !
We noticed this with our son, and innately knew he needed a good weekly rough and tumble with his Dad to deal with aggression. They only stopped doing that so often once our son became the same height and strength as his Dad (early teens). Every now and then he'll have a little go, but his Dad still wins. For now. The difference between a week with or without rough and tumble was quite stark, to me, and I made sure he got that opportunity. He has grown up to be the sweetest young man. He is funny, thoughtful, compassionate, servant-hearted, reflective and fairly self-aware. Given that he is also wired with an ADHD brain, I think that's really quite remarkable.
I find it fascinating to watch Jordan Peterson speak. He too is “A Beautiful Mind”
My son would always complain he couldn’t wrestle at school with his mates. Aged 6 he would rough play with the other boys and they all loved it! As he grew throughout the primary school years the boys would organise a “fight club” where the boys would test their strengths. Funny enough not one boy got badly hurt, just minor bumps. Yet the teachers would do everything to forbid this natural behaviour at school. Moving forward- my son has since finished primary school and in a private high school with what he quotes as “nerds”. The boys are depressed, repressed and soft! My son hates it there. My husband always play fights our son (son now 12 years old). Since our son was aged 5, my husband would always tackle our son. He loves it! I have to say, while the other kids in my sons school are depressed and sedated, our son has grown into a health, happy, confident young boy!
Excellent lecture, Dr. Peterson. The parenting skill, as well as the teaching on behaviors that children ( we all ), demonstrate through-out our lifetimes, should be taught to every young parent. If fact, it should be known by all who are curious about their own behavior and why they may behave the way they do. Thank you, Dr. Peterson.
My son was an only child born to a single mom and he never got the rough and tumble. He got in trouble at school all the time for compulsive behavior. And he has been in the criminal justice system since age 12.
this is the power of having your kids play in so many dimensions, wow
My very aggressive child is ALWAYS complimented by his teachers. He is a friend, helper, leader. But he was scary as a little guy.
You just described my son lol