I grieve whenever you say you have value. I have always fought for me but have always been second to the "husband". Thank you for being availiable on you tube. This is where I found you and you my dear sisters have pulled me from the mire into the truth and beauty of who I really am. We, I am not alone. We are valued and loved. Thank you thank you
YOU. HAVE. GREAT. VALUE... and that doesn't change because others are too blind to see it. A diamond in the trash is still a diamond. If that diamond just thinks of itself as a rock, how sad is that? You, my friend, are a diamond. Lift your head and learn to sparkle like one again. - Julie, Leslie Vernick & Co
The church can also be a great place for some of these abusers to hide. They use the empathy and forgiveness they find there to hide their true selves and continue the abuse. After 25 years with a covert narcissist who is such a, “nice, Christian guy”, God gave me the strength to remove myself from what was evil. Even in divorce, I still have to deal with the judgement, smear campaigns, manipulation through our children, etc., but I have hope again. God is my husband, He is the one who walks with me, and it’s Him I put my faith and trust in. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I really wish I would’ve had an attorney like you! Thank you, for answering God’s call and leading women out of Egypt and through the desert.❤
My experience is yes abusers are protected in churches. The first thing my abusive husband did when I got a restraining order and had him removed was run and tell prominent church leaders I hold grudges and am unforgiving. The rule of thumb is the wife is disobedient even with a wealth of information suggesting otherwise. I'll tell you what abusers count on this and use it to their advantage to further punish the victim.
I too am a lawyer, once in denial, who did not know how to identify the cause of my marital misery until I began following Leslie's guidance. Our Biblical counselors were ill equipped and ran out of useful insightful advice early in our 4.5 years of sessions. It took the Lord's oversight, and a couple of divorce lawyers' advice, to give me the ability to leave prudently after 26 years. The divorce went quickly to my and my kids' benefit, despite trading some financial benefits for peaceful resolution. Good legal and tax advice are critical, before and after. Thank you ladies for this encouraging program. Let me know if I can ever be of help to you and your followers.
I think what has hindered me from moving on and becoming the Proverbs 31 woman is the lies that I believe/ed about my husband. The promises that were made in the beginning of our relationship. The dreams for our future that we talked about over and over. So, in addition to all of the other losses I'm mourning the loss of the dreams of my heart. It's the love bombing and the trauma bonding that is so difficult for me to get past.
I love your podcast. With all due repect, I'm myself from Africa and I have never ever heard people eat bugs in Africa. Africa is a continent it's not a country. Where I come from, we are very selective for what we eat.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Obviously a stereotype kind of comment and not meant to be derogatory. Apologies if it came across that way. - Julie Sedenko, Leslie Vernick & Co
Recognising, Rejecting and Replacing Lies with Gods truth in order to Recognise, Remove and Recover from abuse. I would add this R. So that we can Receive all God has for Us. I love that. Thank you so much Charlene. ❤️
It is so perfound listening to your message in this pod cast. You both speak such incredibly powerful truth with your messages, tears roll out of me listening and hearing your words throughout, I hear you so clearly! I know how much god loves us and who we are to him. I was married for 19 year I did not have the discernment to see the truth in how god see us, I now see the behavior that was put upon me through your teachings, I am now learning how to have boundries! Thank you for your words of knowledge, encouragement, wisdom and being the vessel! I am so grateful!
29:00 I'm going to push back on that Leslie because although we have personal responsibility...this is a cult of one. When you swim in the fish bowl to you that is normal and you do not know better. Why would it be the person's responsibility if they do not know that they are being abused. Their is murky waters here. But I do not always have the words to articulate how I feel about this topic. And no one can think for you but. you. I do not want to make a choice that God does not approve of. I still have stuff to work out. But I am trying and that is all I can do. 30:00 I push back again! When you said teach women to think for themselves....I DO THINK FOR MYSELF... I have just been told that what I think is wrong! I have not been appreciate as a thinking human being. I think that I am rather smart and whity. My innersole is not recognized. But I digress because the statement you made triggers me.
You obviously DO think for yourself and that is wonderful!!! And, you certainly do not have to agree with everything said by Leslie or the podcast guests or anyone else. I'm sorry you felt triggered. Unfortunately, soooo many women blindly follow what a pastor or counselor or husband say and DON'T think for themselves. Please know comments are sometimes geared to this general population and we certainly realize they don't always apply to every single listener and situation. We are SO GLAD you recognize the value in your personality and can think for yourself...enough to even disagree publicly. GOOD JOB! I'm sorry others aren't able to see the value. Please now, ladyesther, we DO. God bless you in every way. - Julie, Leslie Vernick & Co
I felt the same way in a couple of spots - if me and other women would only have used our minds and been discerning we would not have been deceived. Also having the feeling that I wanted to be rescued was a step in me seeing and believing that I needed to do something; so it has a place, I think. I appreciate hearing the discussion with Charlene and the additional resource!
As a strong woman who yet spent nearly twenty years in a destructive marriage and now in my third year with Conquer I can honestly say I valued me but did not see my blind spots. I did not seek to be rescued or to rescue but I did believe the “love and prayer conquers all adversity” message. God has gently pulled that apart in the last three years to give me as an intercessor a very different picture of prayer and spiritual warfare, and I am more solid for having wrestled this. These insecure people target us because of our giftings and strength but we always win because we are also humble and teachable. Bless you and may this be a safe space for you and God to heal those triggers. 🙏❤️
I knew he had areas where he could still be a little child, but I saw those in me too. So I assumed that Prayer and good boundaries would bring them to light in both of us and we would work on it together. I never understood that the foundation was deceptive because the man I was marrying was not understanding Gods love for him or how to love others. And he was utterly convinced the way he thought and did relationships was correct. He genuinely believed that raging and venting hate was the right way to solve conflict and he would say he is good at resolving conflict. That is how deep the dysfunction goes. 1 John 1:8 “If we say that we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth (Jesus) is not IN us.” Dear sister or brother please be gentle with you in this discovery because how could you know what was in their heart?
I remarried 2011 to my ex husband, not understanding he was a narcessist. Is it ok not to speak with him? He moved to a different part of house June 22 & still here.
I remarried My Ex too. We live in CA. and it's really expensive. The answer to your question is absolutely yes! If you are able to work it out and not be abused. I didn't realize My husband was a narcissist either until he finally moved away. Lysa Turkhurst Good Boundaries and Goodbyes is an excellent book. You have the boundary of him living on the other side of the house. If you can make it work and not be mentally or emotionally abused and in My case even physically abused, I don't see why not. But, if you're still being hurt and poorly treated, then No. The court can help you get him out in most States. It's abuse and you can get a Removal Order and have him evicted. But, if it works for you Both, why not?
I enjoyed my hair dryer n hairspray in Afrika plenty. Afrika is diverse and wonderful and I bet there s a part of it that would make anyone s heart sing!❤
Having trouble processing this bc I often feel like you are blaming the victim. As if they should have known. I don't think you would do that to members of cults. And abusive relationships are cults of one. And religious abuse take the name of God and shame us into compliance so that we will comply bc we want to please God.
I'm not sure where you heard victim blaming. As you can see in both Leslie's and Charlene's ministry, that is absolutely not their hearts in any way. - Julie, Leslie Vernick & Co.
Please know that neither Leslie or I blame the victim! The Enemy's main weapon is deception. He is an excellent liar - Oscar worthy! We are trying to show women where we have believed lies (whether they come from our abuser, the church, a misinterpretation of the Bible, or anywhere else) and point out God's truth. We all need to know the lies we have believed, reject them, and replace them with God's truth to heal, to avoid unhealthy relationships in the future, and to understand how we got into an unhealthy relationship in the first place. Hugs to you! Charlene Quint
I don’t think the problem is always a woman not seeing herself as being made in the image of God I think after living with an abuser as I did for 28 years, I think the future is what women are most afraid of. I know with giving all my time to my family and raising my children and working a part-time job the thought of divorcing my husband paralyzed me Because of the fact of knowing that I probably wouldn’t be able to afford health insurance rent is sky high not to mention groceries utility bills and everything else combined. You almost feel defeated before you walk out the door. I know that there are groups that will help women with these problems, but they’re very few and far Between. I go to an abuse group at our local police station every Monday night and most of the women it’s not that they don’t think highly of themselves. It’s just the fact that they feel stuck because they know that being able to provide for themselves or their children might be nearly impossible. That’s part of the abusive nature of a relationship, the financial aspect, and I honestly think that women are more afraid of that than they are afraid of not living with their abuser. I think your podcast are wonderful. I listen to them all the time you give us a chance to look at ourselves, possibly being free from all of this emotional conflict that we suffer every day trying to lead our abuser.
Good message shared. The only thing I would like to share is that GOD ALMIGHTY does not have "opinions". People do, but GOD's WORD is TRUTH. I do believe his word has been preserved in the Authorized 1611 King James Holy Bible (old English). Beware of the leaven found in the 1769 Blayney KJV, NKJV, NIV, ESV, NASB, and other perVersions.
Are you disputing Mal 2:16 in this comment? Or 1 Cor 7:15? Or the fact that God HATES treacherous people found multitudes of times in Scripture. I wish we all had the Geneva Bible which predates KJV because it seems that there are deliberate differences in Mal 2:16 between them. And I believe we should read across many translations especially if there is a verse missing in the one we are reading. Gretchen Baskerville has a video on this verse that you might find informative.
I think Charlene means 2 Timothy and not 1 Timothy. 🩷 I am learning so much. I'm appreciating all the Scriptures. Thank you ladies for an excellent discussion.
I grieve whenever you say you have value. I have always fought for me but have always been second to the "husband". Thank you for being availiable on you tube. This is where I found you and you my dear sisters have pulled me from the mire into the truth and beauty of who I really am. We, I am not alone. We are valued and loved. Thank you thank you
YOU. HAVE. GREAT. VALUE... and that doesn't change because others are too blind to see it. A diamond in the trash is still a diamond. If that diamond just thinks of itself as a rock, how sad is that? You, my friend, are a diamond. Lift your head and learn to sparkle like one again. - Julie, Leslie Vernick & Co
The church can also be a great place for some of these abusers to hide. They use the empathy and forgiveness they find there to hide their true selves and continue the abuse. After 25 years with a covert narcissist who is such a, “nice, Christian guy”, God gave me the strength to remove myself from what was evil. Even in divorce, I still have to deal with the judgement, smear campaigns, manipulation through our children, etc., but I have hope again. God is my husband, He is the one who walks with me, and it’s Him I put my faith and trust in. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I really wish I would’ve had an attorney like you! Thank you, for answering God’s call and leading women out of Egypt and through the desert.❤
My experience is yes abusers are protected in churches. The first thing my abusive husband did when I got a restraining order and had him removed was run and tell prominent church leaders I hold grudges and am unforgiving. The rule of thumb is the wife is disobedient even with a wealth of information suggesting otherwise. I'll tell you what abusers count on this and use it to their advantage to further punish the victim.
I too am a lawyer, once in denial, who did not know how to identify the cause of my marital misery until I began following Leslie's guidance. Our Biblical counselors were ill equipped and ran out of useful insightful advice early in our 4.5 years of sessions. It took the Lord's oversight, and a couple of divorce lawyers' advice, to give me the ability to leave prudently after 26 years. The divorce went quickly to my and my kids' benefit, despite trading some financial benefits for peaceful resolution. Good legal and tax advice are critical, before and after. Thank you ladies for this encouraging program. Let me know if I can ever be of help to you and your followers.
I think what has hindered me from moving on and becoming the Proverbs 31 woman is the lies that I believe/ed about my husband. The promises that were made in the beginning of our relationship. The dreams for our future that we talked about over and over. So, in addition to all of the other losses I'm mourning the loss of the dreams of my heart. It's the love bombing and the trauma bonding that is so difficult for me to get past.
Same here❤. I have been fighting the trauma bond for 3 years and I haven't made much progress.
I love your podcast. With all due repect, I'm myself from Africa and I have never ever heard people eat bugs in Africa. Africa is a continent it's not a country. Where I come from, we are very selective for what we eat.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Obviously a stereotype kind of comment and not meant to be derogatory. Apologies if it came across that way. - Julie Sedenko, Leslie Vernick & Co
Thank you ladies. Very helpful 😃🙏🙏💜
I am happy this is a blessing to you!
Thank you Charlene. This is all so spot on for me.
I am glad this resonates with you and is a blessing to you! Charlene Quint
Recognising, Rejecting and Replacing Lies with Gods truth in order to Recognise, Remove and Recover from abuse. I would add this R. So that we can Receive all God has for Us. I love that. Thank you so much Charlene. ❤️
Once again excellent.
It is so perfound listening to your message in this pod cast. You both speak such incredibly powerful truth with your messages, tears roll out of me listening and hearing your words throughout, I hear you so clearly! I know how much god loves us and who we are to him. I was married for 19 year I did not have the discernment to see the truth in how god see us, I now see the behavior that was put upon me through your teachings, I am now learning how to have boundries! Thank you for your words of knowledge, encouragement, wisdom and being the vessel!
I am so grateful!
Thank you Leslie. I need to be a "God centered woman" VS. a "man centered woman".
I appreciate your work Leslie. Thank you
Thank you, Leslie .
So true step by step
29:00 I'm going to push back on that Leslie because although we have personal responsibility...this is a cult of one. When you swim in the fish bowl to you that is normal and you do not know better. Why would it be the person's responsibility if they do not know that they are being abused. Their is murky waters here. But I do not always have the words to articulate how I feel about this topic. And no one can think for you but. you. I do not want to make a choice that God does not approve of. I still have stuff to work out. But I am trying and that is all I can do. 30:00 I push back again! When you said teach women to think for themselves....I DO THINK FOR MYSELF... I have just been told that what I think is wrong! I have not been appreciate as a thinking human being. I think that I am rather smart and whity. My innersole is not recognized. But I digress because the statement you made triggers me.
You obviously DO think for yourself and that is wonderful!!! And, you certainly do not have to agree with everything said by Leslie or the podcast guests or anyone else. I'm sorry you felt triggered. Unfortunately, soooo many women blindly follow what a pastor or counselor or husband say and DON'T think for themselves. Please know comments are sometimes geared to this general population and we certainly realize they don't always apply to every single listener and situation. We are SO GLAD you recognize the value in your personality and can think for yourself...enough to even disagree publicly. GOOD JOB! I'm sorry others aren't able to see the value. Please now, ladyesther, we DO. God bless you in every way. - Julie, Leslie Vernick & Co
I felt the same way in a couple of spots - if me and other women would only have used our minds and been discerning we would not have been deceived. Also having the feeling that I wanted to be rescued was a step in me seeing and believing that I needed to do something; so it has a place, I think.
I appreciate hearing the discussion with Charlene and the additional resource!
As a strong woman who yet spent nearly twenty years in a destructive marriage and now in my third year with Conquer I can honestly say I valued me but did not see my blind spots. I did not seek to be rescued or to rescue but I did believe the “love and prayer conquers all adversity” message. God has gently pulled that apart in the last three years to give me as an intercessor a very different picture of prayer and spiritual warfare, and I am more solid for having wrestled this. These insecure people target us because of our giftings and strength but we always win because we are also humble and teachable. Bless you and may this be a safe space for you and God to heal those triggers. 🙏❤️
@@shelleyd9910 I appreciate that. It's been hard.
I knew he had areas where he could still be a little child, but I saw those in me too. So I assumed that Prayer and good boundaries would bring them to light in both of us and we would work on it together. I never understood that the foundation was deceptive because the man I was marrying was not understanding Gods love for him or how to love others. And he was utterly convinced the way he thought and did relationships was correct. He genuinely believed that raging and venting hate was the right way to solve conflict and he would say he is good at resolving conflict. That is how deep the dysfunction goes.
1 John 1:8 “If we say that we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth (Jesus) is not IN us.” Dear sister or brother please be gentle with you in this discovery because how could you know what was in their heart?
I remarried 2011 to my ex husband, not understanding he was a narcessist. Is it ok not to speak with him? He moved to a different part of house June 22 & still here.
I remarried My Ex too. We live in CA. and it's really expensive. The answer to your question is absolutely yes! If you are able to work it out and not be abused. I didn't realize My husband was a narcissist either until he finally moved away. Lysa Turkhurst Good Boundaries and Goodbyes is an excellent book. You have the boundary of him living on the other side of the house. If you can make it work and not be mentally or emotionally abused and in My case even physically abused, I don't see why not. But, if you're still being hurt and poorly treated, then No. The court can help you get him out in most States. It's abuse and you can get a Removal Order and have him evicted. But, if it works for you Both, why not?
Lol...gotta have my hair dryer AND hair spray ! Hair Spray makes my heart sing...
I enjoyed my hair dryer n hairspray in Afrika plenty. Afrika is diverse and wonderful and I bet there s a part of it that would make anyone s heart sing!❤
I think proverbs 31 is the mother in laws desire for her son who will be king, to marry the perfect woman, in her (mother in law) eyes.😀
Having trouble processing this bc I often feel like you are blaming the victim. As if they should have known. I don't think you would do that to members of cults. And abusive relationships are cults of one. And religious abuse take the name of God and shame us into compliance so that we will comply bc we want to please God.
I'm not sure where you heard victim blaming. As you can see in both Leslie's and Charlene's ministry, that is absolutely not their hearts in any way. - Julie, Leslie Vernick & Co.
Please know that neither Leslie or I blame the victim! The Enemy's main weapon is deception. He is an excellent liar - Oscar worthy! We are trying to show women where we have believed lies (whether they come from our abuser, the church, a misinterpretation of the Bible, or anywhere else) and point out God's truth. We all need to know the lies we have believed, reject them, and replace them with God's truth to heal, to avoid unhealthy relationships in the future, and to understand how we got into an unhealthy relationship in the first place. Hugs to you! Charlene Quint
I don’t think the problem is always a woman not seeing herself as being made in the image of God I think after living with an abuser as I did for 28 years, I think the future is what women are most afraid of. I know with giving all my time to my family and raising my children and working a part-time job the thought of divorcing my husband paralyzed me Because of the fact of knowing that I probably wouldn’t be able to afford health insurance rent is sky high not to mention groceries utility bills and everything else combined. You almost feel defeated before you walk out the door. I know that there are groups that will help women with these problems, but they’re very few and far Between. I go to an abuse group at our local police station every Monday night and most of the women it’s not that they don’t think highly of themselves. It’s just the fact that they feel stuck because they know that being able to provide for themselves or their children might be nearly impossible. That’s part of the abusive nature of a relationship, the financial aspect, and I honestly think that women are more afraid of that than they are afraid of not living with their abuser. I think your podcast are wonderful. I listen to them all the time you give us a chance to look at ourselves, possibly being free from all of this emotional conflict that we suffer every day trying to lead our abuser.
Good message shared. The only thing I would like to share is that GOD ALMIGHTY does not have "opinions". People do, but GOD's WORD is TRUTH. I do believe his word has been preserved in the Authorized 1611 King James Holy Bible (old English). Beware of the leaven found in the 1769 Blayney KJV, NKJV, NIV, ESV, NASB, and other perVersions.
Are you disputing Mal 2:16 in this comment? Or 1 Cor 7:15? Or the fact that God HATES treacherous people found multitudes of times in Scripture. I wish we all had the Geneva Bible which predates KJV because it seems that there are deliberate differences in Mal 2:16 between them. And I believe we should read across many translations especially if there is a verse missing in the one we are reading. Gretchen Baskerville has a video on this verse that you might find informative.
I think Charlene means 2 Timothy and not 1 Timothy. 🩷 I am learning so much. I'm appreciating all the Scriptures. Thank you ladies for an excellent discussion.
Penny, you are right. 2 Timothy 3.