Thank you Lesley Vernick! You have changed the narrative for those of us who knew something was wrong, but didn't get the help we needed from the church. I hope this teaching spreads far and wide because it is certainly needed.
One year later, I come back to this video after an hour of searching through my Google Activity, to identify how I journeyed through domestic abuse. I am free, happier, thankful, and still learning after this video, and the information it set me off on, has enabled me to make the changes to save my own life. Even as I am a believer in the Lord, sometimes it is up to us to save our own lives. I do what I can, and He does what I cannot do. So, Leslie, you were the first person out there to spark me up off on my journey. At the time I thought I will die; now one year later I am enjoying my beautiful life. I am now making a record of my online activity, from the momet I reached out to Google for help till the time I sourced everything that has taught me so much. Thank you Leslie for being the first person in the queue of powerful women out there, serving us who are last, and now first. You have made a difference where God has catapulted my character, ouch. Standing at the top worth every bruise. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I highly recommend Lesie Vernick & co. They are a team of life changing women . Helping women to get healthy & fully trusting in God for their healing. 🦋💜
I suffered mental and emotional abuse from my now x husband. I stayed in it for 24 1/2 years because of my daughter our only child. He also manipulated her against me then and now since our divorce in 2012. She now is so hateful and rejected me. It hurts so much and even more now that she had my first grandchild. She even uses my grandchild to hurt and control me. I'm so broken 💔. I really need a Christian counselor, one that's affordable. Prayers please. Thank you.
Don't worry about going to a Christian counselor bc they might end up trying to shame you. Many of them are do not understand abuse. You are better off with a clinically trained therapist
@@Star-dj1kw I have to say I disagree. It is vital I believe to have a Christian therapist and the root of this is a spiritual battle , often generational. I spent 40 yrs and grateful he was away with work . Reason I lasted so long . It was a Christian psychiatrist who met the X and identified. I can’t say how much your own research is vital . I began in 2012 and I’ve listen from many and I can now sift them down to who is best for me as to where I am at on my healing journey. So many more now on line and authors . I can recommend several for you to learn much from . Some are recovery coaches, other explain how to navigate… many counseling do not know the very depth . I was last given 2 books by my psychiatrist and he so understood for he was married 30 yrs and going through it same time as I . In Sheeps Clothing by Dr George Simon And Divorce Poison Dr Richard Warshak Where are you in your journey? I have two adult sons who have been manipulated with $ but I know it’s generational sin and my sons are 4th generation. It has to be approached properly and with knowledge of it . 🙏
I’ve listened to Dr.Dobson my whole adult life. My uncle was Divinity professor and he experienced what I did. We both married narcissists who were black holes of destruction. Both spouses grew up in the church and knew perfectly how to manipulate. His ex caused him his pulpit and my ex caused me to lose my whole family. If the Lord would only smite liars and soul killers. And yeah, they’ll get theirs however ever after 41 years of marriage it destroyed me. And you are wrong. The church tells me to keep on trying for the sake of family and who am I? Weak and not knowing my place. Well the fallout is all the mental and emotional abuse that they witnessed. We never raised voices. No need. Dad’ s always right.
Thank you Leslie for speaking up on our behalf, fighting for us and telling the truth even when it makes others uncomfortable. There’s so much misinformation about abuse and what it is. I wish the host would have let Leslie explain things a bit more such as what is emotional or spiritual abuse. We understand physical abuse but verbal and emotional and its impact, not as much, People have been taught to value marriage more than human beings caught in unbearable pain and destruction to not only the wife or husband but the children as well.
I would so love to see more of these conversations but around other people other than spouses because I do hear so much about marital dynamics, etc. I fortunately am happily married to a good, solid man but I so struggle in difficult female friendships (probably due to difficult relationships with my mother and step-mother). I need help and guidance there!
My ex would call time out, but NEVER revisit the issue. His responses where either " you're nagging", or " you didn't remind me". He was never competent nor willing to work on the issues he often created.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for not simply acknowledging, but also bringing up a real situation about a man being the victim of abuse (~17:00). I couldn't agree more that we've idolized the sanctity of marriage above its proper place. Another dangerous assumption we've made is this: I don't know what the stats are, probably still a large majority of women are the victims. But that has led to too many people just assuming the man is at fault. NOT TRUE! Even in the first sin, BOTH Adam & Eve each had their faults. I am going to try to adopt some version of the advice to the man in the example given. My wife tends to be controlling at times. Our situation is a little different in that she has untreated ADHD and/or bi-polar disorder, past childhood trauma that hasn't been properly addressed. And of course, I didn't see any of that at the surface when we first married. It seems a switch was flipped when we had kids. The way she was treated and the parenting she witnessed as a child started to come out in her. Now, I'm seriously thinking a separation is in order. Or at least I need to find an abuse support group. Thank you for bringing light to this!
Interviewer didn’t ask enough specific questions about mental and emotional abuse. People may go to Leslie’s website to learn more about what they are.
Lord keep me from throwing up. I know no man who doesn’t call the shots. And if the men aren’t aggressive then they are passive aggressive. Power imbalance? Not even looks or money gives her decision making power. This reminds of “If you want a better man, you need to be a better woman “. To the point of a nervous breakdown.and contempt, derision and stonewalling on his part. I failed him because I went to the hospital.
I am so sorry about what you went through. No one should be treated that way! If you haven't heard more of Leslie's work, I would encourage you to check it out because it could be a great resource for you after what you suffered. She is very upfront that the abuser is most often men by a landslide. In all her years of counseling, she has only dealt with a couple men who were being abused by women. She grew up with an abusive mother so she knows that women can be abusive (most often to children or the elderly). She normally says that when asked about men being abused. I think she didn't in this interview due to the short time slot. As you probably experienced, women who are abused (I am a survivor and victim advocate) have had their voice and their choice stripped from them. This differs from "if you want a better man, you need to be a better woman" because the purpose is to restore the woman's voice and choice for HERSELF. It isn't to get a man or make your husband change. You can't make anyone change, but you are in control of yourself and often we have more power than we exercise because of lies we believe from our abuser, society or poor scriptural teachings. She helps women build themselves and their life into something they enjoy based on their personal values. I hope you listen to a different interview with her to get a better idea of what she does. Much love on your healing journey ❤
I've been verbally, emotionally and at times physically abused by my wife. Manipulated as she is always the victim. I would never leave due to kids and they are grown into early 20's. My love for family is so strong I still second guess whether I'm being selfish by wanting a mate who loves me vs just staying put. So yes men get abused too!
What if the husband changed right after the marriage ? He was very passive and then took control and said it’s because his role changed . He was a husband now .
I’ve been married almost 35 years and in 2000 I found porn on our computer my husband first denied it and acted like he had no clue. Well I believed him, because I had no clue about computers at the time but over the years I’ve learned. Well the truth finally came out and of course he blamed in all on me. I was like how is this my fault ?? Well fast forward till now, he I am still married very unhappy nothing ever fixed , just swept under the rug. My husband told me that I just needed to accept it and allow it and look the other way like his mom did. But I can’t so now he is very verbal abusive to me and I walk on egg shells all the time. I wanna leave but I can’t afford too so I just stay, I guess sometimes I feel it’s my responsibility to stay because I made vows before God and I should stay married and do the best I can , so that’s what I’ve done 😢
To truly care about someone that is SICK, you want to take them to SEE a physician. The Great Physician (Jesus) wants your husband to be well. Hold him accountable by exposing his bad choices that is destroying your marriage. Love confronts the toxic abusive behaviours. If he had cancer, would you just ignore this illness, or would you seek out good medical care? Do not allow FEAR to keep you from doing what Jesus did. FEAR is: False Evidence Appearing Real. Jesus has not given us a spirit of fear. It takes courage to face our GOLIATH’S in our lives. Cowards do not want to face (deal with) their UN-healthy destructive behaviours. The prisons are overflowing with criminals that were unwilling to face themselves, and get the “HELP” that they need. The parable of the PRODIGAL SON shows how the “prodigal” left with an arrogant and prideful attitude. He said to his father, “give me” when he left home. When he came to the end of himself, he returned to his father and said, “make me as one of your servants”. He left with a proud and arrogant spirit. He returned with a humble and broken spirit.
Thank God for this woman. Wish i had found her sooner
Thank you Lesley Vernick! You have changed the narrative for those of us who knew something was wrong, but didn't get the help we needed from the church. I hope this teaching spreads far and wide because it is certainly needed.
PERIOD Guys! Bravo! Thank you for speaking truth to what happens!
One year later, I come back to this video after an hour of searching through my Google Activity, to identify how I journeyed through domestic abuse. I am free, happier, thankful, and still learning after this video, and the information it set me off on, has enabled me to make the changes to save my own life. Even as I am a believer in the Lord, sometimes it is up to us to save our own lives. I do what I can, and He does what I cannot do. So, Leslie, you were the first person out there to spark me up off on my journey. At the time I thought I will die; now one year later I am enjoying my beautiful life. I am now making a record of my online activity, from the momet I reached out to Google for help till the time I sourced everything that has taught me so much. Thank you Leslie for being the first person in the queue of powerful women out there, serving us who are last, and now first. You have made a difference where God has catapulted my character, ouch. Standing at the top worth every bruise. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I highly recommend Lesie Vernick & co. They are a team of life changing women . Helping women to get healthy & fully trusting in God for their healing. 🦋💜
I suffered mental and emotional abuse from my now x husband. I stayed in it for 24 1/2 years because of my daughter our only child. He also manipulated her against me then and now since our divorce in 2012. She now is so hateful and rejected me. It hurts so much and even more now that she had my first grandchild. She even uses my grandchild to hurt and control me. I'm so broken 💔. I really need a Christian counselor, one that's affordable. Prayers please. Thank you.
I understand too well
Have you found an affordable therapist?
Don't worry about going to a Christian counselor bc they might end up trying to shame you. Many of them are do not understand abuse. You are better off with a clinically trained therapist
Also, there are many resources available for free online and at your local library
@@Star-dj1kw I have to say I disagree.
It is vital I believe to have a Christian therapist and the root of this is a spiritual battle , often generational.
I spent 40 yrs and grateful he was away with work . Reason I lasted so long . It was a Christian psychiatrist who met the X and identified. I can’t say how much your own research is vital . I began in 2012 and I’ve listen from many and I can now sift them down to who is best for me as to where I am at on my healing journey.
So many more now on line and authors . I can recommend several
for you to learn much from . Some are recovery coaches, other explain how to navigate… many counseling do not know the very depth . I was last given 2 books by my psychiatrist and he so understood for he was married 30 yrs and going through it same time as I .
In Sheeps Clothing by
Dr George Simon
And
Divorce Poison
Dr Richard Warshak
Where are you in your journey?
I have two adult sons who have been manipulated with $ but I know it’s generational sin and my sons are 4th generation. It has to be approached properly and with knowledge of it .
🙏
I’ve listened to Dr.Dobson my whole adult life. My uncle was Divinity professor and he experienced what I did. We both married narcissists who were black holes of destruction. Both spouses grew up in the church and knew perfectly how to manipulate. His ex caused him his pulpit and my ex caused me to lose my whole family. If the Lord would only smite liars and soul killers. And yeah, they’ll get theirs however ever after 41 years of marriage it destroyed me. And you are wrong. The church tells me to keep on trying for the sake of family and who am I? Weak and not knowing my place. Well the fallout is all the mental and emotional abuse that they witnessed. We never raised voices. No need. Dad’ s always right.
Thank you Leslie for speaking up on our behalf, fighting for us and telling the truth even when it makes others uncomfortable. There’s so much misinformation about abuse and what it is. I wish the host would have let Leslie explain things a bit more such as what is emotional or spiritual abuse. We understand physical abuse but verbal and emotional and its impact, not as much, People have been taught to value marriage more than human beings caught in unbearable pain and destruction to not only the wife or husband but the children as well.
it’s good to acknowledge abuse. Abuse is a biblical reason for divorce.
Leslie is amazing. This interviewer did not bring out the issues as she was touching on them!
Thank God for Leslie 🙏
Thanks so much Leslie. I am always blessed with your teaching. God bless you.
I wanted to hear more actual examples of emotional abuse.
There is a great book called The verbally abusive relationship by Patricia Evans that has a lot of real life examples.
Her book emotionally destructive marriages has a lot of specifics
The book "Is It Me?" by Natalie Hoffman has so many examples. Also, her blog and TH-cam channel: Flying Free.
I would so love to see more of these conversations but around other people other than spouses because I do hear so much about marital dynamics, etc. I fortunately am happily married to a good, solid man but I so struggle in difficult female friendships (probably due to difficult relationships with my mother and step-mother). I need help and guidance there!
My ex would call time out, but NEVER revisit the issue. His responses where either " you're nagging", or " you didn't remind me". He was never competent nor willing to work on the issues he often created.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for not simply acknowledging, but also bringing up a real situation about a man being the victim of abuse (~17:00). I couldn't agree more that we've idolized the sanctity of marriage above its proper place. Another dangerous assumption we've made is this: I don't know what the stats are, probably still a large majority of women are the victims. But that has led to too many people just assuming the man is at fault. NOT TRUE! Even in the first sin, BOTH Adam & Eve each had their faults.
I am going to try to adopt some version of the advice to the man in the example given. My wife tends to be controlling at times. Our situation is a little different in that she has untreated ADHD and/or bi-polar disorder, past childhood trauma that hasn't been properly addressed. And of course, I didn't see any of that at the surface when we first married. It seems a switch was flipped when we had kids. The way she was treated and the parenting she witnessed as a child started to come out in her. Now, I'm seriously thinking a separation is in order. Or at least I need to find an abuse support group.
Thank you for bringing light to this!
Interviewer didn’t ask enough specific questions about mental and emotional abuse. People may go to Leslie’s website to learn more about what they are.
Lord keep me from throwing up. I know no man who doesn’t call the shots. And if the men aren’t aggressive then they are passive aggressive. Power imbalance? Not even looks or money gives her decision making power. This reminds of “If you want a better man, you need to be a better woman “. To the point of a nervous breakdown.and contempt, derision and stonewalling on his part. I failed him because I went to the hospital.
Please, it is not your fault. God, help this dear lady.
I am so sorry about what you went through. No one should be treated that way! If you haven't heard more of Leslie's work, I would encourage you to check it out because it could be a great resource for you after what you suffered. She is very upfront that the abuser is most often men by a landslide. In all her years of counseling, she has only dealt with a couple men who were being abused by women. She grew up with an abusive mother so she knows that women can be abusive (most often to children or the elderly). She normally says that when asked about men being abused. I think she didn't in this interview due to the short time slot.
As you probably experienced, women who are abused (I am a survivor and victim advocate) have had their voice and their choice stripped from them. This differs from "if you want a better man, you need to be a better woman" because the purpose is to restore the woman's voice and choice for HERSELF. It isn't to get a man or make your husband change. You can't make anyone change, but you are in control of yourself and often we have more power than we exercise because of lies we believe from our abuser, society or poor scriptural teachings. She helps women build themselves and their life into something they enjoy based on their personal values. I hope you listen to a different interview with her to get a better idea of what she does. Much love on your healing journey ❤
I've been verbally, emotionally and at times physically abused by my wife. Manipulated as she is always the victim. I would never leave due to kids and they are grown into early 20's. My love for family is so strong I still second guess whether I'm being selfish by wanting a mate who loves me vs just staying put. So yes men get abused too!
This helps
What if the husband changed right after the marriage ? He was very passive and then took control and said it’s because his role changed . He was a husband now .
16:00
Can’t hear the guy
You didn't miss anything
I’ve been married almost 35 years and in 2000 I found porn on our computer my husband first denied it and acted like he had no clue. Well I believed him, because I had no clue about computers at the time but over the years I’ve learned. Well the truth finally came out and of course he blamed in all on me. I was like how is this my fault ?? Well fast forward till now, he I am still married very unhappy nothing ever fixed , just swept under the rug. My husband told me that I just needed to accept it and allow it and look the other way like his mom did. But I can’t so now he is very verbal abusive to me and I walk on egg shells all the time. I wanna leave but I can’t afford too so I just stay, I guess sometimes I feel it’s my responsibility to stay because I made vows before God and I should stay married and do the best I can , so that’s what I’ve done 😢
To truly care about someone that is SICK, you want to take them to SEE a physician. The Great Physician (Jesus) wants your husband to be well. Hold him accountable by exposing his bad choices that is destroying your marriage. Love confronts the toxic abusive behaviours. If he had cancer, would you just ignore this illness, or would you seek out good medical care? Do not allow FEAR to keep you from doing what Jesus did. FEAR is: False Evidence Appearing Real. Jesus has not given us a spirit of fear. It takes courage to face our GOLIATH’S in our lives. Cowards do not want to face (deal with) their UN-healthy destructive behaviours. The prisons are overflowing with criminals that were unwilling to face themselves, and get the “HELP” that they need. The parable of the PRODIGAL SON shows how the “prodigal” left with an arrogant and prideful attitude. He said to his father, “give me” when he left home. When he came to the end of himself, he returned to his father and said, “make me as one of your servants”. He left with a proud and arrogant spirit. He returned with a humble and broken spirit.