Sometimes, peple will see projects that I have made for my home etc and they'll say, "I want one of those!" That is easy to say, if you are not a maker. They have absolutely no concept of how much yarn or time goes into a project. When my daughter graduated with her doctrate, I spent 10 months and hundreds of dollars on nice yarn to make her a mosaic crochet blanket, not to meantion the blood, sweat and tears, but this was specia,l yet when people asked how much I would charge to make one for them, I would reply, " It's priceless, because you couldn't pay me enough to make this blanket again, lol!"
And on that subject...I joined the Loose End Project that matches crafters of all sorts with families who need a beloved project finished because the original crafter became disabled or is no longer with us. They make it very easy to say no if the project isn't in your wheelhouse. I just finished a sweater with I yarn that I wouldn't have picked in a million years, but it was so satisfying to complete the sweater for the family!
I was so inspired by this comment that I signed up immediately. I hope I can make some families very happy :) tired of making things for myself and people that don’t appreciate the craft.
I am not a crocheter. I knit and tat. My niece asked for a hair comb to wear (I made two). I tatted one and included beads from her maternal grandmother and great-grandmother - a four generational item if you include me and her. She wore it to her rehearsal dinner. The second incorporated a brooch from her paternal grandmother. After the wedding, I framed them together. She requested handkerchiefs for her bridesmaids. Each one took about 12 hours. Then she asked for one for herself and her future mother-in-law, which I incorporated beading. I was unable to attend the bridal luncheon when all these were presented to the wedding party. All seemed to be appreciated by the recipients except the MIL who threw it down. My sisters were offended on my behalf and one told her how long it took to make the lace edging. The last gift I made was for my nephew's expected son. I knew exactly what was going to happen, so I knit a baby blanket using scrap yarn. It was a cute, multi-color blanket in strong colors with a black I-cord binding. I gave it to my sister-in-law to give to him and his fiance. No acknowledgment was given by the couple that they ever received it. All I had invested was time. My family understands the value of crafting - they do it (crochet, knitting, quilting, wood turning, etc). Never give a handcrafted gift to someone who doesn't craft.
Another person to say no to is someone who constantly wants you to lower your price. I have a family/friend price for shawls I make ($45 is big discount in my opinion!), but this person still wanted it $15 cheaper... $30 total, which is barely enough to cover materials. We are not machines that can mass produce, we deserve pay for our time and talent.
Yeah that's a HARD NO!! 45 dollars? No. 45 dollars plus yarn cost is still the huge discount imo. I either love you enough to gift you one or I don't. It's just that simple. Lol
My sister makes adorable crochet critters, she gets mad when I pay her full price for them, but I insist because I value her time and effort. Bought 3 for my granddaughter and several for myself. I wish more people would value the time and effort that goes into handmade items.
I had a woman that I really admire ask me to make amigurumi cardinals. That wasn't the issue because I've made a lot of those. But she had particular yarn she wanted me to use and it was wool. I'm allergic to wool. I did it because I admire her so much but by the time I got them finished, my hands, arms, face, inside my mouth and throat were covered in painful hives. I won't hesitate to say no if I'm put in that position again. Thank you for your video. Now I won't feel guilty about the no's I need to say.
I am so glad to hear someone besides me gets AWFUL hives & swelling on my face from a particular yarn. I am in misery right now and the only thing new is the yarn I've been using. I'm allergic to the sizing on clothes so I wash everything but after a lifetime doing crochet, 60 years! here I sit with a rashy, red, swollen face. I'm fine with every brand but Loops & Threads apparently It feels like a cotton/wool blend which is why I've been using it for this years blanket gifts. Luckily I finished the last one last night when I just had hives & figured it was the yarn. Woke up swollen & miserable. Over night. Is that what happens when you use wool?
12:30, I think that hits the nail on the head. If the situation will make you resentful in any way - whether it's the time spent, the money lost on yarn, not seeing it worn, not hearing a thank you or seeing a photo on Facebook, and not feeling validated - and those are all things you need, then say no.
This is a great video. I stopped altering clothing for people because they all had the 'could you just' syndrome. "Could you just take the sleeve up on this jacket? It only needs an inch off" - this tailored, lined jacket that takes as much work to take off an inch on each sleeve as it would to take off two inches. This is because so many people do not understand the amount of work that goes into a 'could you just' project. They don't get that the lining needed to be opened, the jacket turned inside out through the opening, the 'tiny little' inch taking up, cuff buttons being moved on both sleeves and then it all being put back, the opening restitched and most dangerous part of all, pressing the garment. Either that or once you've started the project they'll tell you how much it cost them!!! Because these were people I knew they expected it done for a couple of pounds. So now I sew and I knit and crochet for my kids (if they want it) my grandkids (if it's asked for) and for me, which is mostly what I do. It's hard to say no, especially to me if I see a new project or skill (needle tattting at the moment) which I want to learn but I am getting there and I'm saying no to other people a lot more now - it does get easier to do. Thank you for sharing such a good video.
I am new to crochet ... but i sew clothing/costumes ... i have said no from the start, lol .... i do these hobbies for my own pleasure and relaxation. I will make things for my family only. I could not handle the stress of making sure it was done fast enough and to the highest quality etc ... nope ... keeping it as my hobby/relaxation. You are spot on ... people do not understand the amount of work that goes into altering
Well said! Unless someone does these things, they don’t understand the “could you just” all take a good deal of time and effort. Like you, I have learned to say no more often. I fker to teach them how to do it themselves, if they say they don’t have time to learn or aren’t interested in learning, the “no” is much easier. I have also begun charging more than a few bucks for the “could you just” and give them the number for alteration small businesses and say I can’t beat them on price as I need $15+ an hour plus incidentals and go through everything it takes and rough amount of time for each aspect and give a general price. They would be offended if they had a skill you wanted them to “just” for little money. But, if you do find you want to sew, knit, and crochet for others, I highly recommend stitching for charity. I miscarried 21 years ago and was given an outfit for my baby, one for him to wear as we said our goodbyes and grieve and the other to bury him in. The one we had him in to hold him and say our goodbyes was sent home with us so we had something he had touched, had worn and had a memory of him, for us to hold as we grieved and later as proof he existed. Once we got through the hardest part of grieving and life became its new normal, a friend of mine gave birth to twins at 30 weeks. They were so tiny but they were fighters. They needed many hats and things and buying in the store is impossible and if you do find something for preemies and micro preemies they are so outrageously expensive and the families will be having a hard enough financially with all the neonatal intensive care hospital bills. I have gone on to make and donate to all the NIC Units in my area. As well as knitting and crocheting for the preemies and angels, I crochet and knit hats, scarves, mittens, socks, etc for the homeless. I collect and use plastic bags to make “yarn” or plarn. I make ground mats for the homeless folks to sleep on to keep them off the ground with the plarn. With so many folks around the world who are immigrating due to wars, many arriving with just the things they are wearing, clothing and food are the most important things and various charities see to those things, but children need more, they need toys. But as these folks have no space of their own and need to travel very lightly, small, pocket size toys that weigh next to nothing. SoI knit little toys for the children, little dolls, animals little trucks, planes, etc. and finally, we have such a problem with domestic violence and when the person, usually a woman, but not always, manages to get away, they and the children, if they have them, are relocated and have nothing. They need to start all over and the homely touches of throws, pillows, toys, and clothing (all the winter things, like hats, scarves, mittens but also sweaters, socks, tops, etc) and so on are needed too. I guarantee everyone that receives something in their time of need appreciates what is given, that someone is thinking of them, reaching out heart to heart to let them know they are not alone, that others care. They appreciate the time put into making things and they love and cherish whatever has been given to them. And the good feelings you get creating something that you know will help another in need is amazing. And there is no time pressure, you do as you have the time, enthusiasm, etc.
Another aspect of saying No to the bright ideas we have, especially for gifts is that the very nature of gifts is they are supposed to be unconditional. If you are so invested in getting a huge and positive response then say No to yourself. Give with no expectation of thankful response. If you can't do that, then don't.
I'm actually not so sure about that. In all cultures that gifts is actually a complex system requiring some form of reciprocity. More or less visible, sometimes only symbolic. But it's fair to expect at least some appreciation for a gift, especially if handmade, it's human. Handmade gifts are not just about the item, but time, intention, effort put into them... It's natural to want to have at the very least, some appreciation in return.
@joane24 that's precisely why I don't gift crochet items to those who won't appreciate them. I don't expect a whole bunch of fanfare, but I do expect that the receiver with respect and value the time and effort that went into the gift. If I know it won't be appreciated, I gift them something else. I'll save the hours of effort for those who appreciate it!
I sometimes rescue crochet blankets from thrift stores because I want to see that handmade effort have a chance to be loved again. I'll gift them to people I care about but don't have 20 hours of crochet levels of care for. "here you go, I have no feelings about this project, but I thought it would make a nice photo blanket for your new baby!" (not in those words, but you get the idea).
Maybe I’m just selfish…….but I DO want accolades and ‘thank you thank you thank you’. And, yes, that’s why I NEVER give any of my knitted or crocheted beauties to ANYONE, except maybe immediate family. And, even those folks, I question whether they REALLY Really want these treasured items.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Greetings everyone! I have a couple of tips that can help you say no, and not cause problems. I don't do as much crocheting as I used to, mainly because I can't crochet as fast as I used to be able to. I do not do projects for craft fairs, or online shops like I used to. I now crochet to create new patterns and then sell the patterns; I make homemade gifts, and I sometimes take on commissioned work. Sometimes I've had to say no... and here are some ways that I've used to do so without ruffling feathers. 1- I don't take on projects for other people during my gift making season, which for me, is sometime mid to late August through until Christmas. Now, I may amend that for specific people IF I don't have a lot of gifts I'm trying to make, but as a general rule, if anyone asks me to make anything during that time, my response is: "I'm sorry, but this is my biggest crafting season and I just don't have the time to take on any more projects. For future reference, if you want to commission me for a project for holiday gifts, I need to know by June 1st, so I can work it into my schedule." Of course, it depends on what type of gifts you are making. I also make beadwork and wire wrapped jewelry. If I don't have any major crochet projects, I will take commissions on those all the way through October 1st, because those take hours to a week to make, where as a crochet project can take MONTHS. 2 - I won't take on ANY project for someone else, if I'm not getting paid for it. I also tell them that I will have to get back to them on the cost of said project, because I need to see how much it's going to cost me in materials. I try to figure out the price to the customer BEFORE I start the project, factoring in cost to ship (if I have to ship it), I talk to the customer, tell them the price, and then let them now that I require half the cost UP FRONT before I purchase any materials. I say no to ANYONE that asks to just pay me once the project is complete. My response: "I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I can't afford to pay for the materials out of my own pocket, I just don't have the funds. The half up front is to cover the materials I need for the project. So let me know when you are ready to pay for the materials, and I can get started." I also don't ship or give the project until I have the rest of the agreed price IN HAND. That means checks have cleared the bank, money orders deposited. This way, I'm NEVER out of my own money if someone reneges on the deal. 3 - For those that want to negotiate the cost down... my prices are firm. My response: "I'm not making a profit on this project. This is how much it costs for the materials; this is how much it costs to ship/get it to you, and the rest of the cost covers my time to make it. I'm sorry, but I don't negotiate on my prices. They are already as low as I can make them." 4 - Someone else to say no to, is someone that wants to put a 'rush' on the project, especially if I can't physically finish the project in the time allotted. My response: 'I'm sorry, I simply cannot finish this project in that amount of time. I need X amount of time to get the materials in, and then X amount of time to complete the project.' I ALWAYS factor in PLENTY of extra time, because life can throw curveballs, and I take that into account. I hope these help!!!
My friend and I have what we call "knit worthy" people that we will make things for haha. We know that they will appreciate it and also know how to take care of the item. We use the phrase for any kind of craft we are working on. I actually asked a woman what made her knit worthy once when she wanted to me make an item for her to give away to a grandchild.
Shannon, Shannon, Shannon-Once again you have brought up such important points. I think that your message also speaks to the point of having enough self-respect as crafters to say “no”. At 80 years young, I have learned that it is as important to know when to say “no”, as it is to know when to say “yes”. Sometimes more important personally to say “no” and feel that I also have standards as a crafter-whether crochet or knitting. Acknowledging our own personal craft limits, at whatever level, and understanding what gives us joy in what me make, is an important part of self respect. Looking forward to your next thoughtful presentation.
Wow, I resonate so deeply with jumping right to making a gift as a sign of affection even though it’s not necessarily the best option! I’d never heard someone express that same sentiment or articulate so clearly all the reasons I should maybe say no to myself. Thanks for the great advice! This one’s gonna stick in my mind for a long while
I made a crochet blanket from a vintage pattern. It toom 5 months and it's beautiful. Someone said they would buy the yarn if I could do them one. When they found out the yarn came to £110 they changed their mind! 😂
I believe machine made crochet is still impossible, I saw a video on youtube explaining why. Knitting machines exist but not crochet machines. Those fast fashion pieces you are talking about are sadly all made by hand, by underpaid people or forced labour!
I know exactly what you’re talking about! There’s also this weird machine made “crochet” where it’s actually top stitching being sewn but to non-crocheters it looks enough like crochet to pass. Either way, it’s not good!
I sew and crochet and when i first began my sewing journey there was no shortage of people who wanted me to either make them a costume, or hem their pants, often times heavy duty work overalls. They just didn't understand that it wasn't that type of sewing I was getting into. ALSO, I don't make cheap Halloween costumes that are only worn once, I do cosplay with quality materials. I started watching your channel because it's Autumn, and I always start crocheting things in the Fall. Your scarf is lovely, and I'm definitely watching your video on that scarf, OMG!
I’ll be honest I really don’t get people like this. I have horrible social anxiety and even asking minor favors such as asking someone to carry a bag for me feels like I’m about to recite a speech for the president!
I agree with every point youve made and with a lot in the comments too. I am a crafter and only make things for family members as gifts. If its something very time consuming, like a blanket, I know which ones appreciate my efforts and which really dont, so they probably just get hats and scarves, lol. I'm retired so my time is extremely precious. Without being too morbid, I don't know how long I'll be able to continue doing the things I love (I make miniature houses too) so I take the stance that I only make what gives me joy too. I may sound selfish but at my age, every day is a blessing and I want to enjoy what time I have left. 😂❤
Thanks, Shannon! A video like this is important for newer crocheters or people who have problems saying NO. After decades of crocheting and knitting, I have my own rules too. It's always amazing to me that folks have no conception of the amount of time it takes to make most projects and the fact that yarn has really gone up in price during the last 8-10 years. One of the easiest ways to nip it in the bud is to tell them that you will be happy to meet them at Hobby Lobby so that they can buy the right amount and colors of yarn for the project they want made. That usually stops it right there! I plan to start your shawl soon!
I've had many I have said no to. I enjoy crochet but I also sew. I do projects that I enjoy, but I constantly have people at work who know I can sew ask me to do repairs or hemming or making curtains. They offer to pay me but I say no because I enjoy sewing and crochet and other crafting as a hobby and it's therapeutic for me not hemming their pants. I have had some who think I'm just being mean refusing to do what they want, I mean seriously. I will only do things like that for my immediate family as needed. That's it.
I have had that problem many times, too. People just kind of expect/demand I must do something. But it's not what I feel like, or it's too much work etc. When I say no, they struggle to accept it.
Having a hobby that is *just* a hobby is so important. Not everything needs to be nor should be monetized. You are right to say no to other people's projects that bring you no joy, even if they are offering to pay.
Had to laugh at saying no to the MIL. Mine... Whew! She gave me back every single gift I ever gave her, including baked goods. She was always gracious when receiving the items but 45 days later (past the return date for purchased items) she would havd the item back and say, "Here, you take this, I don't want it." Store bought, handmade or home cooked, it didn't matter. Took me years to get the courage to give her nothing but gosh! Not getting back stale, molded cookies was so freeing!
Oh my that's such a strange behavior! Honestly, I would've never given her anything of value/effort as soon as I would've figured out the pattern. Or give something I might be using anyway (anticipating the return). It's just so bizarre. I had in my family a different situation - a family member would feel entitled to get her gifts back even after many years... Especially if she thought we weren't using them often enough. I just learned to hide the things from her that she couldn't see them when visiting. But this was also most likely early stages of dementia or something like that, as she was getting older and having various issues. She used to embroid when younger, beautiful things.
@@joane24 LOL, I actually did give her things I wanted there for a while. Your situation would have been super awkward though, at least if you liked the item and wanted to keep it. People are so weird! :)
I watched that video a few weeks ago, but I’ve thought about it several times. I’d like to say thank you because I was able to give myself permission to focus my yarn purchases and projects on myself and it’s taken the pressure off.
I made a beautiful shawl for my step daughter and when my hubby met up with them for lunch I had him take it. I bought a beautiful box and a lovely card for it. I asked for a photo but never got one. I never heard a thank you or anything at all. I’m still heartbroken over it. 😢
YUP! Shannon that happened to me 3 years ago. Did a nice Christening afterwards outfit for a baby girl. From head to toe. Sent it and never got a cent!! Never again! Also, in reference to family. Oh boy!! My Mil made her a beautiful shawl this was awhile back. She didn't like it she put it away in her closet in plastic bag. Never was it worn. She preferred something else named CASH. Everyone else I know like my siblings and my children yes; they love what I make. Especially my DIL loves everything I make I know she wears it and shows it off in her home as well. I love my craft and what I can do, and I know this is my craft and I love making patterns along the way and seeing how they turn out. TFS!
So, I was watching another crochet video and yours popped up afterwards. I saw the title and I said, okay, this I have to watch. I am so glad I did. So, I am now subscribed to you and so incredibly happy I have found your page. As a 48 year old who is also a recovering people pleaser, it is incredibly hard to say no to people. I actually had a handbag making business a few years ago. I made all kinds of handbags, crossbody bags, diaper bags, overnight bags, shoulder bags, backpacks, backpack style purses, wristlets, men's and women's wallets, all different styles, rucksacks and even insulated lunch bags. The plan was that I would always have a handful of ready to ship items, I had a shop on Etsy and I think I sold a couple of things, but it wasn't much, I did do some craft fairs, and that is where I ended up having to bring a second person on to help with the custom orders I ended up with. It was crazy. While I loved it at first, I started to resent it. I had all this beautiful fabric, waiting to be turned into beautiful bags, and sometimes I would just make the bags because I needed to do something different before my head exploded. Then, one of the main pattern designers that I used came out with a new ladies wallet design and shortly after that a new diaper bag. I couldn't make either of them fast enough. Most of the orders by now, they were word of mouth. I didn't have the Etsy shop anymore, we were busy enough without needing that. We did exactly 3 craft shows, 2 the first year and did a repeat at the second show from the year before because of how good we did the year before. That time, we ended up with so much stock, we had to rent 2 booth spaces side by side so we would have enough space for everything. We sold out the first day of the show by 2 pm. The show opened by 9. We had so many orders that we had to have a cut off for any Christmas orders because there was no way we could meet the demand. I stopped taking any more orders. I told my partner that I would not be opening back up, if she wanted to continue, she was more than welcome to, but she would have to come up with a different brand. She was welcome to somehow mention that she had been the other maker for my business but since we had never made anything official, she understood. I got so burned out, it just started to stifle my creativity because I was constantly making what someone else wanted me to make, it was never what I wanted to make. Well, at least not for about the last 18 months before I had finally said no. It took my dad's passing for me to say, "life is too damn short for me to keep doing what other people tell me to do in my own business!" This was not supposed to be a custom order company, this was supposed to be my personality in these bags, my blood, sweat and tears! (Usually some really colorful language too, oh and some blisters from the iron or just mild burns.) But you get the point.
Hello and welcome! I'm so glad you're here! Your experience sounds very difficult, I think so many people dream of crocheting as a job and this is the perfect example of things aren't always as they seem. It sounds incredibly stressful! I hope you've been able to get back into enjoying making for yourself!!!
@@ShannonTalksYarn thank you for the warm welcome. I am getting there. I did make one more bag after my dad passed, I made myself a nice big hobo style bag so I could fit my medications I would need, a change of underwear, socks toothbrush, and a book to take on the plane with me when I went to stay with my mom for a week while we had my dad's celebration of life a few months after he passed. I used it then, then it became my everyday purse until earlier this year and he passed away on Thanksgiving day in 2018. I still have it, still holding strong despite the mistakes I made because I finally narrowed down my decisions about 3 days before my flight. Oops. ❤️ I think that is why I crochet, I can do that quietly. I can sit in my bedroom while binge watching TV, or TH-cam or listening to audiobooks or music. When I am creating bags, It's music or audiobooks, nothing else because I can't be looking anywhere else while I am cutting materials, labeling them so I know what is what and then piecing them all together. I can watch TV while I am ironing the pieces to straighten them after washing and then when I am adhering them to their respective stabilizers, but I do prefer to try to keep my fingers without holes from the sewing machine, cuts from the rotary cutter and burns from the iron, even though I did burn myself a lot, like really, a lot! Lol Crochet is way less dangerous that way. I like that. 😄
Glad to see this topic! I do not pursue commissions in the first place. Involving money is a joy kill for me. I have been asked a few times over the years to do the latest fads or things that go viral on FB, and I’ve become very good at directing people to Etsy. I do a quick search and find out the going prices for that item, and I will give them the link when I reply. If it’s something I’m not wanting to make for my family or myself, it won’t be fun to do it for pay. I’m also ok with saying it’s beyond my expertise at this time. No, I don’t want to learn it just for this person. No is a holy word too!
My granddaughter saw a crocheted top at a clothing store and loved it but not the price. She took pictures when she tried it on and asked me to reproduce it. I should have said no but I didn’t think it would be difficult to do. After buying the yarn and working out the pattern and size, I hated working on it. I should have said no. Never again. If I don’t have a written pattern, I can’t make it.
I am very selfish with my crochet! I make what i want, for me to wear or use, and rarely gift my projects unless I know the person really well. I always have a hook in my hand, so the people I spend time with know how long things take to make. I try to balance this by making beanies and scarves from all my remnants and donating them at the beginning of winter to the homeless hub. Keeps me busy, and I know how much those gifts are appreciated by those who need them.
Same. I had the idea to make a blanket for my MiL because I thought she might appreciate it, but my FiL keeps the place so hot due to his neuropathy that anything outside of a pure cotton blanket would cook her in her own juices as she sleeps. 😅I am changing gears and using the yarn I bought for it to make charity blankets. The other occasion I think someone shoulda said no was my mom had a friend make an afghan for her full sized bed. The lady was making it while she was with her son in the hospital during his chemo treatments. The blanket was never used and she was going to just get rid of it along with one my grandmother made. I now have both stored away because the blanket was simple but beautiful. The blanket wasn't appreciated, which is sad.
I don't do commissions. If someone is close enough to me to receive a gift of my crochet, then they know theyre special to me. I eant to keep it that way.
Very sound advice - thank you for sharing. I have been a craft teacher for decades. I teach all sorts of things, crochet, knitting, quilting, rug hooking, tatting, etc. Years ago I was a couture dressmaker. What I have learned over the decades is NOT to take on commissions … period. Of course, everyone’s situation is different, but for me, it was a constant pain. I discovered, that if I don’t love their colour choice in fabric, yarn, or whatever, I am not going to be "into" that project no matter how much I’m paid. I needed to work on things that inspired ME, otherwise I lost all joy in it. So what I do now when approached by someone to make them an item, my stock response is, "I’m sorry, I no longer do commissions, but I am happy to teach you how to make it yourself". I usually get a response something like this, "Why would I do that when I can just buy one from the department store?" I still make a lot of stuff, and if someone falls in love with a piece I’ve made, then it goes home with them because I know they will love and care for it. I ALWAYS, include a card that details how to care for/store the item properly, so that it will last. Just my thoughts … ☺️
I crocheted a cowl scarf for my closest friend, whom I’ve known for 60 years. In a group WhatsApp chat she made some disparaging remarks about the scarf, which told me she hadn’t bothered to check who the gift was from nor read the card I sent with the gift, as she referred to it as a shawl. I pointed out to her that the gift was from me and it was a scarf, not a shawl. She never apologised for her remarks. I’ve now moved her to the outer limits of my friend circle, and learned my lesson about gifting my crochet.
So funny! I was just shopping for yarn and I kept looking at your scarf and thinking it looked like the Stroll yarn I was looking at and thinking was so pretty. I can’t believe I identified the yarn correctly! 😊
When i had been crocheting for all of about 3 weeks, a woman from church asked me, privately, if i could make some baby things for her to make a memory box for a baby she had lost. I was such a beginner. I was terrified. Terrified. Never made a hat, let alone a miniature one. Never made booties. Never had even put a border on a blanket. Worse yet, she bought some yarn for it that i didn't love and didn't have good stitch definition. But i said yes because of the circumstance and because she came to me with this very personal request. I was a googling fool, trying to find patterns that i didn't have to adjust too much because i was so out of my element. I learned how to make a hat. I made booties that were not the same size. But i stuffed them with scrap yarn and dangled them on some cotton, offset, with a bow (think: hanging ballet slippers) so that the difference wasn't noticeable. And i muddled my way through a shell border on a miniature blanket. I was sweating bullets but, trimmed with some nice, solid colored cotton, the set ended up looking so much better than it could have. And thankfully it was never going to be worn. Sometimes you say "yes" to something that breaks the rules. But you definitely have to learn who is NOT crochet worthy. As it happens, the woman was THRILLED with it and said it was so much more than she ever imagined. So.... worth it. :)
Great points! As a crocheter myself, I actually view crocheted gifts as a burden to the receiver, especially if it's a wearable or blanket that can't simply join the rest of the laundry in the washer and dryer. Like, imagine gifting a handmade baby item to a new parent and being all "here's something you can only wash on a delicate cycle and dry flat, oh and also do not get stains on it. You're welcome!".
You do need to yes to yourself!!! Thank you! Here’s a video on it: Let's Crochet Matching Shawls! High End & Beginner Friendly Project th-cam.com/video/YqutECCpnAE/w-d-xo.html
Wise, helpful words! I recently rediscovered yarn arts. After the beginner make everyone a hat excitement, I made one big un-requested project, and some of what you said came to me. You've confirmed and greatly expanded my wisdom in this area. It's unfair and awkward on both sides to impose a gift that may be unwanted. I'm now concentrating on making things for myself, and occasional special requests from special to me people. I gladly consider requests that are unsolicited and sincere, from people close to me who appreciate the investment of time and $.
I visited several cousins in England last year. I hadn’t seen them in 30 years. I crocheted and wove dozens of items. When I gave them out, 1)learned them choose from the pike, 2) told them that it was okay if the pieces ended up in a charity/thrift shop.
@@californiacapybara l have also done the 'choose an item' gift, with some bought items in the box as well. It started when l was full-time full-class teaching and receivibg a lot of candles, chocolate and biscuit gifts. I remember thinking that a pair of candlesticks l was given would match a friend's mirror perfectly! The items were still a gift to me even when l passed them on - l felt appreciated and l got a thrill of pleasure from my friends' happiness. So the box of gifts and goodies, some homemade, can be a really fun part of Christmas hostess gifts or similar situations when meeting groyps or travelling around multiple households. I also feel thrilled when a friend chooses the exact item l intended for them!
I cross stitched a wedding present for one of my dad’s friends/coworkers once. It’s been 6 years and I have yet to receive a thank you. I still get angry when I think about it. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I knit a toddler size sweater with a crochet appliqué for a friend’s new baby and they loved it. I even heard from a different friend that they’d heard about the sweater from yet another person 🥰 I’ve gotten a lot better at judging who in my life is craft worthy and saying no (to both myself and others) so I don’t expect to get the first reaction ever again
The first time i learned crochet, i was addicted, i bought so many yarns... i wear things i made. My acquaintance asked me to crochet cat t-shirt for free and i agreed, first i enjoyed it and it's turned out good, but i feel used cuz she asked me to work faster and yes, i should re-think about it in case that happened again. Now i had a handcrafts small business, my friends supporting me and suggested me to do many projects that they liked, Oh! so many requests.. But what they liked doesn't mean the best things to sell right? I always do the project what i feel like making and i keep politely rejected them.. which is i hate doing it but i should. They'll never know how every project takes time (cuz none of them do crochet) even the smallest one existed. The more we agreed and keep listening what people wanted, the unhappy i am!
I appreciate this video, thank you for shooting it. The vast majority of people who think they can pay you for a project fail to figure in labor, offering ridiculously low prices for your time. Because of this, I will never take on a crochet project for extra cash. Also, the two crocheted gifts that everyone I know seems to like are tablecloths and large doilies (at least a foot in diameter). I'm not sure why.
Oh I made the time mistake. Of course I can make you 5 quilted Christmas stockings in 3 days. No problem. Yes it was a problem but I did get it done. And I will never make that mistake again.
Indeed - the Tay Tay dress is a big long project and I've just finished the front and back panels and not done my arms yet.... lol But it's for myself so it's all good. I know how long it's taking me and would NOT make it for anyone else.
i just realised i actually did make a gift for another person to gift to someone. when you said that i thought this must not happen that often. i don't even know what the recipient thought
I couldn't agree more! That said , while listening to your video I'm finishing a baby blanket, I've been working on constantly for 2 days to my former neighbor. 3 days ago she sent me a photo of her beautiful newborn baby girl 😍. I put everything else, I was working on, on pause! She not a close freind, not family, and 20 years younger than me... Why? And why did I choose to make a blanket, when I could have made a sweater, size 0, and be done yesterday. Because she's possibly the one person I've met, the last 25 years, who appreciate handmade things more than anybody else! She doesn't expect me to give her anything, but she'll be so thankful! She's simply worth it.❤ And you made me think. There's not anybody else I would do this for, family, closer friends etc... I'd even say no if they asked. But I will enjoy handing her the blanket in a few days, when she comes by to present her daughter. And she'll be so surprised and happy! ❤
Hi Shannon I agree with a lot of what you say..I have made things in the past for people and they have decided the price .I now crochet all the time for charity.for a children's hospital.blankets for kiddies in a cancer ward.so it makes it all worthwhile.thanks Shannon.💝💝
"An internal 'no' negates an external 'yes'." - Chip Judd I was just revisiting some podcasts about boundaries. Great follow-up to your last video on this topic, Shannon!
I thought this video would be on rasons to causion yourself to start crocheting for myself only, as a hobby but mainly to make custom-fit gloves (wrist and thumb but not the entire palm of the hand and no other fingers). My mom makes these for me, aside from her patchworking hobby and more and adjusting to life without her husband/my father so I’ve been thinking of maybe there’s a way to gauge whether doing it myself would be optional. So, the do’s and don’t but certainly the works of it all (like “you need a good thumb” or “be aware of the strain on your knuckles” or whatever comes to mind, things like that). So, a video on that topic would be very interesting to me. Sucks when you get rejected for a gift but this is a great video on that topic. As long as there is respect and communication, everything will work out great but we best protect ourselves and be aware what OUR expectations will be when we give someone a gift. But indeed, making something for a crochet-fan to give to a third party (who’s sometimes totally unknown to the crocheter), that seems like a recipe prone for disaster more than normal (though they can be the most appreciated as well but still, the scale can tip in either direction far more)
I was asked to make a long cardigan for a friends coworker. I priced the yarn then a guesstimate on how long it would take. The fair price for the item was going to be at minimum $450. Needless to say, I did not make the cardigan. There are many ways to say no. This was mine. Price the item out of reach.
Not present related but say no to the ppl who ask you to make something and they offer to pay for the yarn not taking into consideration your time that goes into it. I battle with myself for saying no I’m too nice 😢
I made a crocheted blanket for my great granddaughter that we had planned together. It took one and a half years. Her mother threw it in the trash! Can you imagine? She threw it away right in front of her too. Can you imagine? Who does that? 😢
That's so terrible! Sounds a bit abusive too (towards the kid - it surely must've been a big thing for her, a year and a half is long for a kid or teen /don't know the age/). So sorry!
Let me tell you about my lovely experience with my family (to be more accurate my husband's family). I don't crochet, but at the time, I was trying to start a scrapbooking business (way before the economy crash when it was super popular). So I gifted my MIL, his grandmas and my SIL custom scrapbook for the new baby she was about to have. Yeah, I learned my lesson. It was the first and last time I put any thought into their gifts. They acted like it was an inconvenience for them. Then my MIL had the nerve to say "you always do such a good job with these". Yeah. Never again.
People don’t understand the time, the energy, that goes into making anything. And then some are not appreciative of your time and effort and expertise; after all if they know enough to critique my work they could make it themselves. Led me to quit the doing of those things for others unless they’re my kids or grandkids.
I’m an indie dyer and I crochet and knit, but I prefer crochet. I understand what you’re saying here on a much deeper level. I made a sweater that I love and wear often. My neighbor, a very sweet woman in her 80’s, would ask me to come over every time she saw me in the sweater, which is alpaca silk blend that is on the more expensive side. She would rub my arm always commenting on its silky softness and finally asked if I could make one for her. This is usually a no, I only make thing for my family. But she’s having health issues so I broke my own rule. She knows I make custom colors so she asked me to make 3 shades of a specific color, dye it up and crochet her the sweater. Because she’s older, I did this for her as a gift. A sweater of this magnitude costs roughly $400 to make. Within a week the sweater was completed and it was drop dead gorgeous. To my horror, a week later I saw her daughter come for a visit wearing the sweater. I’m a forward person, it cost me a lot of time to create the color, dye them, and then make the sweater so I had a right to ask why the daughter was given the sweater. She told me, oh it’s too scratchy, I couldn’t wear it. Alpaca is one of the most, if not the most softest fiber, it worn because of its warmth and softness. I know because this is what I do for a living. Needless to say, I was floored, I was angry, and I was over the top offended. She offered to pay me $30 for the sweater after she realized I was really mad. The daughter then came to speak to me and admitted she wanted the sweater but since she didn’t know me, she had her mom lie about who the sweater was for. Needless to say, if you have a rule not to make things for people outside of your family, stick to the rule, you have it for a reason.
Shannon I always enjoy your videos. You have very interesting content. You are beautiful inside and out. You always give me things to ponder and consider. Basically. If I make something, give to someone, that’s the end. They don’t owe me anything. They can give it away. Donate it. I’ve given it. Period. But mostly I don’t force my love of needle arts onto anyone! and I think some of us are guilty of that. Thanks for your yarny chats!!
The thing about the baby shower and calling yarn string shocked me. When I came into this world my grandma gave my zero years old self two baby blankets she made for me while my mom was pregnant, both crocheted, both acrylic but one softer and baby yarn like. Both done in a granny square style. The softer one was solid pastel yellow and sadly got undone by violent washing machine when I had no other options and I mourn it to this day, the other one I still have, it's pastel rainbow variegated yarn and while not as soft was still just as loved, my grandmother died when I was 28... now I'm 42 and that blanket is going to live on as long as I can humanly keep it alive because it's the only thing I have left of her and I will always love it, I might take it to the grave with me as I will never have children to pass it down to. I can kinda understand if it's from someone not in your family gifting something like a crochet baby blanket... so say Person A is having baby and Person B asks Person C to make the blanket and A and B are either friends or related and C is not, that's somewhat understandable, but nothing in this life will ever be more important to me than this blanket that has survived nearly half a century except my dogs while are arguably my children. It makes me want to cry that parents would rob their baby/child of the treasure I have in my baby blanket.
Very good advice. Some of the recipients need to learn how to be kind in their response to not particularly liking the item. I know a man with cancer. His relative made him a hat. He told his daughter it was too scratchy. She told him to wear it just long enough to take a photo to send her, and to thank her for it. In order not to get more scratchy hats and wasting her time and money, I'm recommending that he tells his relative that his skin is sensitive from the therapy. Would it be possible to find a softer yarn. I think this is better than pretending the item was appreciated.
I agree, I think that’s totally reasonable in that situation! And it’s a situation that probably needs more attention anyway! I’ve heard several organizations say that about cancer treatment donations, that they need to be very soft. I’ve only done one for someone in treatment and I made it out of the hygge yarn, which is super silky, because I didn’t want to take any chances! I feel like Caron Simply Soft might be a good one…..
It is recommended that if you make an amigurumi or anything with eyes for a child under 3 do NOT use safety eyes. Glue on felt eyes, make crochet eyes or if it doesn't look weird leave it without eyes. There is a risk that safety eyes can be pulled out and becomes a choking hazard.
Great insight! I am not a professional crocheter although I have to start selling things because my manikin is going to topple under the weight, I crochet for joy and relaxation. I don't usually do things if asked, only if an interest is shown so I offer. If I offer, the project is done within my boundaries. Not selfish, just given or sold on my terms.
I had a co-worker who continually asked me how much would I charge to make something I was wearing. One day I had made a beautiful ( if I say so) alpaca sweater coat that I wore to work. She asked and I replied $450. This was 10 years ago. She stopped asking.
I'm making my daughter the Taylor Swift crochet dress right now and I know she will not wear it for long. I told her its okay if she wears it once, gets the photo op and sells it. It's been satisfying for me to make but theres no way she's wearing the dress much.
My father and his side of the family are bad gift recievers (and givers). When I was a child I had two bad experiences giving handmade gifts to my grandmother (a scarf and a set of wine glass coasters); I never saw the coasters again so she likely gifted them or threw them away and has actively mocked the scarf multiple times to my face. I made a set of coasters to my dad as well and they spent 8 years in a drawer collecting dust, and my dad didn't even notice when I took them to frog for another project later on. It's been 6 months and even though they were stored on top of the wine glasses he hasn't noticed they're gone. They've been the experiences that have led me to not wanting to do crafted gifts for anyone unless I love them deeply AND know they'll appreciate it. For some reason my mom got into the sentimentality of me making a crochet gift for my grandma. I spent two months with her showing me photos and tutorials of things that would be "perfect" for her, and me telling her no. The only way to get her to stop was to tell her I'd do it if either she or my dad bought the yarn. It took a couple of times of saying that for her to stop, so obviously the rosy-glasses fantasy of my grandma being sweetly excited by a special handmade gift (and it's a fantasy, my grandmother is a cold, slightly cruel and quite elitist sort of person who doesn't appreciate most ifts, even less handmade "cheap" ones) were easily shattered by the cost of a couple of skeins of yarn XD
The worst is when someone asks you to make them a beautiful blanket and then just turn around and uses it to dry their dogs. That’s called passive aggressive (in-laws are masters at this one).
Mary Berger Tustin CA. Just stumbled upon your channel. Love your crochet multi color scarf Do you have the pattern on your website or somewhere else. It is beautiful
I once made a crocheted shawl for a friend’s Mom. My friend had seen my other work, and deeply respected needlecrafts as Art. I was happy to, and we agreed on $50. We agreed on a pattern and I completed the project in good time for her Mom’s birthday. Her Mom got mad that her daughter had “commissioned” a shawl instead just buying one from a store. I’d seen her Mom working on a stunning , and impressively large, needlepoint piece. Ironically I have no patience for needlepoint LoL! I simply told my friend to tell her Mom that I’d admired her Mother’s work: How much would the Mom want to be paid for her time and effort on a needlepoint piece? I never heard back from my friend, but I hope that settled the argument. $50 didn’t even cover the price of the yarn, BTW, which was “washable” merino wool! 😅
I'm saying no all the time now. I don't mind giving away or selling items I have made, but those items are already made and I don't have to set off time to make them. Crochet is my own relaxing time, and having a pressure knowing I have to make this item for someone isn't very nice. I have made a crocheted horse for a co-workers children, and I had the feeling afterwards that that horse will soon be left in a pile of other toys and not be appreciated. I also say now when people just "oh can you make me one" and they don't realize how long it takes to make one.
This resonates with me. I had to learn the hard way that sometimes I just can’t do certain projects for others. Thank you for sharing this message. 🫶🏼🧶🫶🏾🧶🫶🏻🧶
I don't know if I commented on the other video, but it is really hard to find out who is crochet worthy. My family doesn't really enjoy handmade across the board. They like the blankets, maybe a hat... but they feel things are either too precious or "handmade" looking... there is no in between for the most part. I have turned down making for a lot of people because they want things that just aren't practical in yarn or the yarn they are wanting. There are a number of people who just don't understand what goes into projects and what will hold up...
Gifting a handmade item as an adult should always take the recipient into consideration. What it means to US may not be what it means to THEM. I don't know why people assume that everyone loves handmade stuff or even would appreciate the time spent on something that they had no interest in receiving. It also doesn't make them a bad person or less worthy; just one you shouldn't gift with your handmades. "Recovering people pleaser" is totally relatable. For myself, this has improved with age personal growth. I can say no and still be a nice person, a loving person, a giving person. I can know my own limits and not feel pressured into going past those to meet someone else's expectations. I see some comments about not gifting to non-crafters. I find that to be bunk. A lot of what is asked of me is by people who *cannot* do this themselves and are grateful for my lending of skill. I take twigs and string and make whole things out of that like magic (as a family member reminds me constantly). The bonus to gifting to crafters, or taking on their jobs, is that they have another level of understanding and often overpay (usually because we short-change ourselves to help out a fellow crafter and they know better 😂).
My daughter is encouraging me to show my crocheted items on Instagram and sell them. I declined because I'm crocheting for charity, not for monetary profit. I may not have enough time to crochet once I decide to sell my crocheted items. Crocheting is very time-consuming when I really put my mind and heart in it, not just do it as a routine, but as an expression of me and also as a way of reaching out to others who can benefit from it without spending money which they may sorely lack.
A friend asked me if they could commission a hat, and I offered to do it for 30€. They said that's too low and offered me 50€. Green flags everyone.
That’s awesome!
Sometimes, peple will see projects that I have made for my home etc and they'll say, "I want one of those!" That is easy to say, if you are not a maker. They have absolutely no concept of how much yarn or time goes into a project. When my daughter graduated with her doctrate, I spent 10 months and hundreds of dollars on nice yarn to make her a mosaic crochet blanket, not to meantion the blood, sweat and tears, but this was specia,l yet when people asked how much I would charge to make one for them, I would reply, " It's priceless, because you couldn't pay me enough to make this blanket again, lol!"
Very true!!!
Very true I just started amigurumi and all they say is make make give give like no it takes hours and hand pain to make it
@@LindaScott-q9z gimmie pigs suck. My spare time is MINE not everyone else's.
I say to no people for a bottle cover too 😅 because it's a hobby for me and it takes me a long time as I have a full-time job.
I usually answer with “understandable its very Nice”
And on that subject...I joined the Loose End Project that matches crafters of all sorts with families who need a beloved project finished because the original crafter became disabled or is no longer with us. They make it very easy to say no if the project isn't in your wheelhouse. I just finished a sweater with I yarn that I wouldn't have picked in a million years, but it was so satisfying to complete the sweater for the family!
Oh my gosh, that’s so cool, I hadn’t ever heard of the loose end project!
What a wonderful project. I finished a birth sampler (x-stitch) for a friend who passed before completing it for her first grandchild ♥️
Thank you! This sounds lovely😊. Immediately shared their site with some folks.
I joined LooseEnds a few weeks ago.
I was so inspired by this comment that I signed up immediately. I hope I can make some families very happy :) tired of making things for myself and people that don’t appreciate the craft.
I am not a crocheter. I knit and tat. My niece asked for a hair comb to wear (I made two). I tatted one and included beads from her maternal grandmother and great-grandmother - a four generational item if you include me and her. She wore it to her rehearsal dinner. The second incorporated a brooch from her paternal grandmother. After the wedding, I framed them together. She requested handkerchiefs for her bridesmaids. Each one took about 12 hours. Then she asked for one for herself and her future mother-in-law, which I incorporated beading. I was unable to attend the bridal luncheon when all these were presented to the wedding party. All seemed to be appreciated by the recipients except the MIL who threw it down. My sisters were offended on my behalf and one told her how long it took to make the lace edging.
The last gift I made was for my nephew's expected son. I knew exactly what was going to happen, so I knit a baby blanket using scrap yarn. It was a cute, multi-color blanket in strong colors with a black I-cord binding. I gave it to my sister-in-law to give to him and his fiance. No acknowledgment was given by the couple that they ever received it. All I had invested was time.
My family understands the value of crafting - they do it (crochet, knitting, quilting, wood turning, etc). Never give a handcrafted gift to someone who doesn't craft.
Another person to say no to is someone who constantly wants you to lower your price. I have a family/friend price for shawls I make ($45 is big discount in my opinion!), but this person still wanted it $15 cheaper... $30 total, which is barely enough to cover materials. We are not machines that can mass produce, we deserve pay for our time and talent.
Very true
absolutely
So true , I did have one person and I did say no
Yeah that's a HARD NO!! 45 dollars? No. 45 dollars plus yarn cost is still the huge discount imo.
I either love you enough to gift you one or I don't. It's just that simple. Lol
My sister makes adorable crochet critters, she gets mad when I pay her full price for them, but I insist because I value her time and effort. Bought 3 for my granddaughter and several for myself. I wish more people would value the time and effort that goes into handmade items.
I had a woman that I really admire ask me to make amigurumi cardinals. That wasn't the issue because I've made a lot of those. But she had particular yarn she wanted me to use and it was wool. I'm allergic to wool. I did it because I admire her so much but by the time I got them finished, my hands, arms, face, inside my mouth and throat were covered in painful hives. I won't hesitate to say no if I'm put in that position again. Thank you for your video. Now I won't feel guilty about the no's I need to say.
I totally get it! That’s exactly how I am sometimes too!
I am so glad to hear someone besides me gets AWFUL hives & swelling on my face from a particular yarn. I am in misery right now and the only thing new is the yarn I've been using. I'm allergic to the sizing on clothes so I wash everything but after a lifetime doing crochet, 60 years! here I sit with a rashy, red, swollen face. I'm fine with every brand but Loops & Threads apparently It feels like a cotton/wool blend which is why I've been using it for this years blanket gifts. Luckily I finished the last one last night when I just had hives & figured it was the yarn. Woke up swollen & miserable. Over night. Is that what happens when you use wool?
@@KDM__19 you are too nice for your own good (quite literally)
I’m sorry but this woman should feel ashamed of herself. She practically forced you to torture yourself because she needed her wool.
12:30, I think that hits the nail on the head. If the situation will make you resentful in any way - whether it's the time spent, the money lost on yarn, not seeing it worn, not hearing a thank you or seeing a photo on Facebook, and not feeling validated - and those are all things you need, then say no.
I couldn’t agree more!
I’ve learned to say, “sure….I’ll teach you!”
This is a great video. I stopped altering clothing for people because they all had the 'could you just' syndrome. "Could you just take the sleeve up on this jacket? It only needs an inch off" - this tailored, lined jacket that takes as much work to take off an inch on each sleeve as it would to take off two inches. This is because so many people do not understand the amount of work that goes into a 'could you just' project. They don't get that the lining needed to be opened, the jacket turned inside out through the opening, the 'tiny little' inch taking up, cuff buttons being moved on both sleeves and then it all being put back, the opening restitched and most dangerous part of all, pressing the garment. Either that or once you've started the project they'll tell you how much it cost them!!! Because these were people I knew they expected it done for a couple of pounds. So now I sew and I knit and crochet for my kids (if they want it) my grandkids (if it's asked for) and for me, which is mostly what I do. It's hard to say no, especially to me if I see a new project or skill (needle tattting at the moment) which I want to learn but I am getting there and I'm saying no to other people a lot more now - it does get easier to do. Thank you for sharing such a good video.
That's so funny! You said it, it's the same amount of effort regardless of what you cut off!!!!
I am new to crochet ... but i sew clothing/costumes ... i have said no from the start, lol .... i do these hobbies for my own pleasure and relaxation. I will make things for my family only. I could not handle the stress of making sure it was done fast enough and to the highest quality etc ... nope ... keeping it as my hobby/relaxation. You are spot on ... people do not understand the amount of work that goes into altering
Well said! Unless someone does these things, they don’t understand the “could you just” all take a good deal of time and effort. Like you, I have learned to say no more often. I fker to teach them how to do it themselves, if they say they don’t have time to learn or aren’t interested in learning, the “no” is much easier. I have also begun charging more than a few bucks for the “could you just” and give them the number for alteration small businesses and say I can’t beat them on price as I need $15+ an hour plus incidentals and go through everything it takes and rough amount of time for each aspect and give a general price. They would be offended if they had a skill you wanted them to “just” for little money.
But, if you do find you want to sew, knit, and crochet for others, I highly recommend stitching for charity. I miscarried 21 years ago and was given an outfit for my baby, one for him to wear as we said our goodbyes and grieve and the other to bury him in. The one we had him in to hold him and say our goodbyes was sent home with us so we had something he had touched, had worn and had a memory of him, for us to hold as we grieved and later as proof he existed. Once we got through the hardest part of grieving and life became its new normal, a friend of mine gave birth to twins at 30 weeks. They were so tiny but they were fighters. They needed many hats and things and buying in the store is impossible and if you do find something for preemies and micro preemies they are so outrageously expensive and the families will be having a hard enough financially with all the neonatal intensive care hospital bills. I have gone on to make and donate to all the NIC Units in my area.
As well as knitting and crocheting for the preemies and angels, I crochet and knit hats, scarves, mittens, socks, etc for the homeless. I collect and use plastic bags to make “yarn” or plarn. I make ground mats for the homeless folks to sleep on to keep them off the ground with the plarn.
With so many folks around the world who are immigrating due to wars, many arriving with just the things they are wearing, clothing and food are the most important things and various charities see to those things, but children need more, they need toys. But as these folks have no space of their own and need to travel very lightly, small, pocket size toys that weigh next to nothing. SoI knit little toys for the children, little dolls, animals little trucks, planes, etc.
and finally, we have such a problem with domestic violence and when the person, usually a woman, but not always, manages to get away, they and the children, if they have them, are relocated and have nothing. They need to start all over and the homely touches of throws, pillows, toys, and clothing (all the winter things, like hats, scarves, mittens but also sweaters, socks, tops, etc) and so on are needed too.
I guarantee everyone that receives something in their time of need appreciates what is given, that someone is thinking of them, reaching out heart to heart to let them know they are not alone, that others care. They appreciate the time put into making things and they love and cherish whatever has been given to them. And the good feelings you get creating something that you know will help another in need is amazing. And there is no time pressure, you do as you have the time, enthusiasm, etc.
Another aspect of saying No to the bright ideas we have, especially for gifts is that the very nature of gifts is they are supposed to be unconditional. If you are so invested in getting a huge and positive response then say No to yourself. Give with no expectation of thankful response. If you can't do that, then don't.
Very well said!
I'm actually not so sure about that. In all cultures that gifts is actually a complex system requiring some form of reciprocity. More or less visible, sometimes only symbolic. But it's fair to expect at least some appreciation for a gift, especially if handmade, it's human. Handmade gifts are not just about the item, but time, intention, effort put into them... It's natural to want to have at the very least, some appreciation in return.
@joane24 that's precisely why I don't gift crochet items to those who won't appreciate them. I don't expect a whole bunch of fanfare, but I do expect that the receiver with respect and value the time and effort that went into the gift. If I know it won't be appreciated, I gift them something else. I'll save the hours of effort for those who appreciate it!
I sometimes rescue crochet blankets from thrift stores because I want to see that handmade effort have a chance to be loved again. I'll gift them to people I care about but don't have 20 hours of crochet levels of care for. "here you go, I have no feelings about this project, but I thought it would make a nice photo blanket for your new baby!" (not in those words, but you get the idea).
Maybe I’m just selfish…….but I DO want accolades and ‘thank you thank you thank you’. And, yes, that’s why I NEVER give any of my knitted or crocheted beauties to ANYONE, except maybe immediate family. And, even those folks, I question whether they REALLY Really want these treasured items.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Greetings everyone! I have a couple of tips that can help you say no, and not cause problems. I don't do as much crocheting as I used to, mainly because I can't crochet as fast as I used to be able to. I do not do projects for craft fairs, or online shops like I used to. I now crochet to create new patterns and then sell the patterns; I make homemade gifts, and I sometimes take on commissioned work. Sometimes I've had to say no... and here are some ways that I've used to do so without ruffling feathers.
1- I don't take on projects for other people during my gift making season, which for me, is sometime mid to late August through until Christmas. Now, I may amend that for specific people IF I don't have a lot of gifts I'm trying to make, but as a general rule, if anyone asks me to make anything during that time, my response is: "I'm sorry, but this is my biggest crafting season and I just don't have the time to take on any more projects. For future reference, if you want to commission me for a project for holiday gifts, I need to know by June 1st, so I can work it into my schedule." Of course, it depends on what type of gifts you are making. I also make beadwork and wire wrapped jewelry. If I don't have any major crochet projects, I will take commissions on those all the way through October 1st, because those take hours to a week to make, where as a crochet project can take MONTHS.
2 - I won't take on ANY project for someone else, if I'm not getting paid for it. I also tell them that I will have to get back to them on the cost of said project, because I need to see how much it's going to cost me in materials. I try to figure out the price to the customer BEFORE I start the project, factoring in cost to ship (if I have to ship it), I talk to the customer, tell them the price, and then let them now that I require half the cost UP FRONT before I purchase any materials. I say no to ANYONE that asks to just pay me once the project is complete. My response: "I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I can't afford to pay for the materials out of my own pocket, I just don't have the funds. The half up front is to cover the materials I need for the project. So let me know when you are ready to pay for the materials, and I can get started." I also don't ship or give the project until I have the rest of the agreed price IN HAND. That means checks have cleared the bank, money orders deposited. This way, I'm NEVER out of my own money if someone reneges on the deal.
3 - For those that want to negotiate the cost down... my prices are firm. My response: "I'm not making a profit on this project. This is how much it costs for the materials; this is how much it costs to ship/get it to you, and the rest of the cost covers my time to make it. I'm sorry, but I don't negotiate on my prices. They are already as low as I can make them."
4 - Someone else to say no to, is someone that wants to put a 'rush' on the project, especially if I can't physically finish the project in the time allotted. My response: 'I'm sorry, I simply cannot finish this project in that amount of time. I need X amount of time to get the materials in, and then X amount of time to complete the project.' I ALWAYS factor in PLENTY of extra time, because life can throw curveballs, and I take that into account.
I hope these help!!!
My friend and I have what we call "knit worthy" people that we will make things for haha. We know that they will appreciate it and also know how to take care of the item. We use the phrase for any kind of craft we are working on. I actually asked a woman what made her knit worthy once when she wanted to me make an item for her to give away to a grandchild.
Shannon, Shannon, Shannon-Once again you have brought up such important points. I think that your message also speaks to the point of having enough self-respect as crafters to say “no”. At 80 years young, I have learned that it is as important to know when to say “no”, as it is to know when to say “yes”. Sometimes more important personally to say “no” and feel that I also have standards as a crafter-whether crochet or knitting. Acknowledging our own personal craft limits, at whatever level, and understanding what gives us joy in what me make, is an important part of self respect. Looking forward to your next thoughtful presentation.
Respecting our limits is sooo important!
Wow, I resonate so deeply with jumping right to making a gift as a sign of affection even though it’s not necessarily the best option! I’d never heard someone express that same sentiment or articulate so clearly all the reasons I should maybe say no to myself. Thanks for the great advice! This one’s gonna stick in my mind for a long while
You are so welcome ❤
I made a crochet blanket from a vintage pattern. It toom 5 months and it's beautiful. Someone said they would buy the yarn if I could do them one. When they found out the yarn came to £110 they changed their mind! 😂
😂😂😂
I believe machine made crochet is still impossible, I saw a video on youtube explaining why. Knitting machines exist but not crochet machines. Those fast fashion pieces you are talking about are sadly all made by hand, by underpaid people or forced labour!
I know exactly what you’re talking about! There’s also this weird machine made “crochet” where it’s actually top stitching being sewn but to non-crocheters it looks enough like crochet to pass. Either way, it’s not good!
Yep. Machines can't crochet
I sew and crochet and when i first began my sewing journey there was no shortage of people who wanted me to either make them a costume, or hem their pants, often times heavy duty work overalls. They just didn't understand that it wasn't that type of sewing I was getting into. ALSO, I don't make cheap Halloween costumes that are only worn once, I do cosplay with quality materials. I started watching your channel because it's Autumn, and I always start crocheting things in the Fall. Your scarf is lovely, and I'm definitely watching your video on that scarf, OMG!
I’ll be honest I really don’t get people like this. I have horrible social anxiety and even asking minor favors such as asking someone to carry a bag for me feels like I’m about to recite a speech for the president!
I agree with every point youve made and with a lot in the comments too. I am a crafter and only make things for family members as gifts. If its something very time consuming, like a blanket, I know which ones appreciate my efforts and which really dont, so they probably just get hats and scarves, lol. I'm retired so my time is extremely precious. Without being too morbid, I don't know how long I'll be able to continue doing the things I love (I make miniature houses too) so I take the stance that I only make what gives me joy too. I may sound selfish but at my age, every day is a blessing and I want to enjoy what time I have left. 😂❤
Thanks, Shannon! A video like this is important for newer crocheters or people who have problems saying NO. After decades of crocheting and knitting, I have my own rules too. It's always amazing to me that folks have no conception of the amount of time it takes to make most projects and the fact that yarn has really gone up in price during the last 8-10 years. One of the easiest ways to nip it in the bud is to tell them that you will be happy to meet them at Hobby Lobby so that they can buy the right amount and colors of yarn for the project they want made. That usually stops it right there!
I plan to start your shawl soon!
Send me a pick if you do, I’d love to see it!
I've had many I have said no to. I enjoy crochet but I also sew. I do projects that I enjoy, but I constantly have people at work who know I can sew ask me to do repairs or hemming or making curtains. They offer to pay me but I say no because I enjoy sewing and crochet and other crafting as a hobby and it's therapeutic for me not hemming their pants. I have had some who think I'm just being mean refusing to do what they want, I mean seriously. I will only do things like that for my immediate family as needed. That's it.
I have had that problem many times, too. People just kind of expect/demand I must do something. But it's not what I feel like, or it's too much work etc. When I say no, they struggle to accept it.
Having a hobby that is *just* a hobby is so important. Not everything needs to be nor should be monetized. You are right to say no to other people's projects that bring you no joy, even if they are offering to pay.
Had to laugh at saying no to the MIL. Mine... Whew! She gave me back every single gift I ever gave her, including baked goods. She was always gracious when receiving the items but 45 days later (past the return date for purchased items) she would havd the item back and say, "Here, you take this, I don't want it." Store bought, handmade or home cooked, it didn't matter. Took me years to get the courage to give her nothing but gosh! Not getting back stale, molded cookies was so freeing!
I thought that one might hit home for a few people 🫠 I’m glad yours has a happy ending tho!
Oh my that's such a strange behavior! Honestly, I would've never given her anything of value/effort as soon as I would've figured out the pattern. Or give something I might be using anyway (anticipating the return). It's just so bizarre.
I had in my family a different situation - a family member would feel entitled to get her gifts back even after many years... Especially if she thought we weren't using them often enough. I just learned to hide the things from her that she couldn't see them when visiting. But this was also most likely early stages of dementia or something like that, as she was getting older and having various issues. She used to embroid when younger, beautiful things.
@@joane24 LOL, I actually did give her things I wanted there for a while. Your situation would have been super awkward though, at least if you liked the item and wanted to keep it. People are so weird! :)
LOL your MIL is a hoot !!! Give her 💲in a card, see if she gives it back, HA!
I watched that video a few weeks ago, but I’ve thought about it several times. I’d like to say thank you because I was able to give myself permission to focus my yarn purchases and projects on myself and it’s taken the pressure off.
You’re very welcome!
Wise words! I appreciate how you've put these types of people into perspective.
Thanks! And thank for watching and commenting too!
I made a beautiful shawl for my step daughter and when my hubby met up with them for lunch I had him take it. I bought a beautiful box and a lovely card for it. I asked for a photo but never got one. I never heard a thank you or anything at all. I’m still heartbroken over it. 😢
Oh noooo!
YUP! Shannon that happened to me 3 years ago. Did a nice Christening afterwards outfit for a baby girl. From head to toe. Sent it and never got a cent!! Never again! Also, in reference to family. Oh boy!! My Mil made her a beautiful shawl this was awhile back. She didn't like it she put it away in her closet in plastic bag. Never was it worn. She preferred something else named CASH. Everyone else I know like my siblings and my children yes; they love what I make. Especially my DIL loves everything I make I know she wears it and shows it off in her home as well. I love my craft and what I can do, and I know this is my craft and I love making patterns along the way and seeing how they turn out. TFS!
That is too bad! But awesome you have such a great DIL!
So, I was watching another crochet video and yours popped up afterwards. I saw the title and I said, okay, this I have to watch. I am so glad I did. So, I am now subscribed to you and so incredibly happy I have found your page. As a 48 year old who is also a recovering people pleaser, it is incredibly hard to say no to people. I actually had a handbag making business a few years ago. I made all kinds of handbags, crossbody bags, diaper bags, overnight bags, shoulder bags, backpacks, backpack style purses, wristlets, men's and women's wallets, all different styles, rucksacks and even insulated lunch bags. The plan was that I would always have a handful of ready to ship items, I had a shop on Etsy and I think I sold a couple of things, but it wasn't much, I did do some craft fairs, and that is where I ended up having to bring a second person on to help with the custom orders I ended up with. It was crazy. While I loved it at first, I started to resent it. I had all this beautiful fabric, waiting to be turned into beautiful bags, and sometimes I would just make the bags because I needed to do something different before my head exploded. Then, one of the main pattern designers that I used came out with a new ladies wallet design and shortly after that a new diaper bag. I couldn't make either of them fast enough. Most of the orders by now, they were word of mouth. I didn't have the Etsy shop anymore, we were busy enough without needing that. We did exactly 3 craft shows, 2 the first year and did a repeat at the second show from the year before because of how good we did the year before. That time, we ended up with so much stock, we had to rent 2 booth spaces side by side so we would have enough space for everything. We sold out the first day of the show by 2 pm. The show opened by 9. We had so many orders that we had to have a cut off for any Christmas orders because there was no way we could meet the demand. I stopped taking any more orders. I told my partner that I would not be opening back up, if she wanted to continue, she was more than welcome to, but she would have to come up with a different brand. She was welcome to somehow mention that she had been the other maker for my business but since we had never made anything official, she understood. I got so burned out, it just started to stifle my creativity because I was constantly making what someone else wanted me to make, it was never what I wanted to make. Well, at least not for about the last 18 months before I had finally said no. It took my dad's passing for me to say, "life is too damn short for me to keep doing what other people tell me to do in my own business!" This was not supposed to be a custom order company, this was supposed to be my personality in these bags, my blood, sweat and tears! (Usually some really colorful language too, oh and some blisters from the iron or just mild burns.) But you get the point.
Hello and welcome! I'm so glad you're here! Your experience sounds very difficult, I think so many people dream of crocheting as a job and this is the perfect example of things aren't always as they seem. It sounds incredibly stressful! I hope you've been able to get back into enjoying making for yourself!!!
@@ShannonTalksYarn thank you for the warm welcome. I am getting there. I did make one more bag after my dad passed, I made myself a nice big hobo style bag so I could fit my medications I would need, a change of underwear, socks toothbrush, and a book to take on the plane with me when I went to stay with my mom for a week while we had my dad's celebration of life a few months after he passed. I used it then, then it became my everyday purse until earlier this year and he passed away on Thanksgiving day in 2018. I still have it, still holding strong despite the mistakes I made because I finally narrowed down my decisions about 3 days before my flight. Oops. ❤️ I think that is why I crochet, I can do that quietly. I can sit in my bedroom while binge watching TV, or TH-cam or listening to audiobooks or music. When I am creating bags, It's music or audiobooks, nothing else because I can't be looking anywhere else while I am cutting materials, labeling them so I know what is what and then piecing them all together. I can watch TV while I am ironing the pieces to straighten them after washing and then when I am adhering them to their respective stabilizers, but I do prefer to try to keep my fingers without holes from the sewing machine, cuts from the rotary cutter and burns from the iron, even though I did burn myself a lot, like really, a lot! Lol Crochet is way less dangerous that way. I like that. 😄
Glad to see this topic! I do not pursue commissions in the first place. Involving money is a joy kill for me. I have been asked a few times over the years to do the latest fads or things that go viral on FB, and I’ve become very good at directing people to Etsy. I do a quick search and find out the going prices for that item, and I will give them the link when I reply. If it’s something I’m not wanting to make for my family or myself, it won’t be fun to do it for pay. I’m also ok with saying it’s beyond my expertise at this time. No, I don’t want to learn it just for this person. No is a holy word too!
Thanks for watching! I do crochet for money either, I’m with you!!!
My granddaughter saw a crocheted top at a clothing store and loved it but not the price. She took pictures when she tried it on and asked me to reproduce it. I should have said no but I didn’t think it would be difficult to do. After buying the yarn and working out the pattern and size, I hated working on it. I should have said no. Never again. If I don’t have a written pattern, I can’t make it.
I am very selfish with my crochet! I make what i want, for me to wear or use, and rarely gift my projects unless I know the person really well. I always have a hook in my hand, so the people I spend time with know how long things take to make. I try to balance this by making beanies and scarves from all my remnants and donating them at the beginning of winter to the homeless hub. Keeps me busy, and I know how much those gifts are appreciated by those who need them.
Same. I had the idea to make a blanket for my MiL because I thought she might appreciate it, but my FiL keeps the place so hot due to his neuropathy that anything outside of a pure cotton blanket would cook her in her own juices as she sleeps. 😅I am changing gears and using the yarn I bought for it to make charity blankets. The other occasion I think someone shoulda said no was my mom had a friend make an afghan for her full sized bed. The lady was making it while she was with her son in the hospital during his chemo treatments. The blanket was never used and she was going to just get rid of it along with one my grandmother made. I now have both stored away because the blanket was simple but beautiful. The blanket wasn't appreciated, which is sad.
That’s awesome!
I need to adopt more of that mentality.
I don't do commissions. If someone is close enough to me to receive a gift of my crochet, then they know theyre special to me. I eant to keep it that way.
Very sound advice - thank you for sharing. I have been a craft teacher for decades. I teach all sorts of things, crochet, knitting, quilting, rug hooking, tatting, etc. Years ago I was a couture dressmaker. What I have learned over the decades is NOT to take on commissions … period. Of course, everyone’s situation is different, but for me, it was a constant pain. I discovered, that if I don’t love their colour choice in fabric, yarn, or whatever, I am not going to be "into" that project no matter how much I’m paid. I needed to work on things that inspired ME, otherwise I lost all joy in it. So what I do now when approached by someone to make them an item, my stock response is, "I’m sorry, I no longer do commissions, but I am happy to teach you how to make it yourself". I usually get a response something like this, "Why would I do that when I can just buy one from the department store?" I still make a lot of stuff, and if someone falls in love with a piece I’ve made, then it goes home with them because I know they will love and care for it. I ALWAYS, include a card that details how to care for/store the item properly, so that it will last. Just my thoughts … ☺️
Absolutely wonderful perspective!!!
I crocheted a cowl scarf for my closest friend, whom I’ve known for 60 years. In a group WhatsApp chat she made some disparaging remarks about the scarf, which told me she hadn’t bothered to check who the gift was from nor read the card I sent with the gift, as she referred to it as a shawl. I pointed out to her that the gift was from me and it was a scarf, not a shawl. She never apologised for her remarks. I’ve now moved her to the outer limits of my friend circle, and learned my lesson about gifting my crochet.
Yikes! Yeah probably good to create some distance there….
So funny! I was just shopping for yarn and I kept looking at your scarf and thinking it looked like the Stroll yarn I was looking at and thinking was so pretty. I can’t believe I identified the yarn correctly! 😊
Great eye!!! I’m impressed 💯
thank you, after having to stop a project i took on without thinking, this is so validating. ❤
When i had been crocheting for all of about 3 weeks, a woman from church asked me, privately, if i could make some baby things for her to make a memory box for a baby she had lost.
I was such a beginner. I was terrified. Terrified. Never made a hat, let alone a miniature one. Never made booties. Never had even put a border on a blanket.
Worse yet, she bought some yarn for it that i didn't love and didn't have good stitch definition.
But i said yes because of the circumstance and because she came to me with this very personal request.
I was a googling fool, trying to find patterns that i didn't have to adjust too much because i was so out of my element. I learned how to make a hat. I made booties that were not the same size. But i stuffed them with scrap yarn and dangled them on some cotton, offset, with a bow (think: hanging ballet slippers) so that the difference wasn't noticeable.
And i muddled my way through a shell border on a miniature blanket.
I was sweating bullets but, trimmed with some nice, solid colored cotton, the set ended up looking so much better than it could have.
And thankfully it was never going to be worn.
Sometimes you say "yes" to something that breaks the rules.
But you definitely have to learn who is NOT crochet worthy.
As it happens, the woman was THRILLED with it and said it was so much more than she ever imagined.
So.... worth it. :)
So glad there was a happy ending! 😊
Great points! As a crocheter myself, I actually view crocheted gifts as a burden to the receiver, especially if it's a wearable or blanket that can't simply join the rest of the laundry in the washer and dryer. Like, imagine gifting a handmade baby item to a new parent and being all "here's something you can only wash on a delicate cycle and dry flat, oh and also do not get stains on it. You're welcome!".
My problem is saying yes to myself when wanting to make a project lol. Love that shawl btw.❤
You do need to yes to yourself!!! Thank you! Here’s a video on it: Let's Crochet Matching Shawls! High End & Beginner Friendly Project
th-cam.com/video/YqutECCpnAE/w-d-xo.html
Wise, helpful words! I recently rediscovered yarn arts. After the beginner make everyone a hat excitement, I made one big un-requested project, and some of what you said came to me. You've confirmed and greatly expanded my wisdom in this area. It's unfair and awkward on both sides to impose a gift that may be unwanted. I'm now concentrating on making things for myself, and occasional special requests from special to me people. I gladly consider requests that are unsolicited and sincere, from people close to me who appreciate the investment of time and $.
I think that’s the perfect outlook!
That shawl scarf is gorgeous!
Thank you so much!
Great conversation!! I say no to everything except dish cloths, and I am in control of the dishcloth. I knit and crochet for me and charity only.❤
That’s awesome!
I visited several cousins in England last year. I hadn’t seen them in 30 years. I crocheted and wove dozens of items. When I gave them out, 1)learned them choose from the pike, 2) told them that it was okay if the pieces ended up in a charity/thrift shop.
@@californiacapybara l have also done the 'choose an item' gift, with some bought items in the box as well.
It started when l was full-time full-class teaching and receivibg a lot of candles, chocolate and biscuit gifts. I remember thinking that a pair of candlesticks l was given would match a friend's mirror perfectly! The items were still a gift to me even when l passed them on - l felt appreciated and l got a thrill of pleasure from my friends' happiness.
So the box of gifts and goodies, some homemade, can be a really fun part of Christmas hostess gifts or similar situations when meeting groyps or travelling around multiple households.
I also feel thrilled when a friend chooses the exact item l intended for them!
I cross stitched a wedding present for one of my dad’s friends/coworkers once. It’s been 6 years and I have yet to receive a thank you. I still get angry when I think about it. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I knit a toddler size sweater with a crochet appliqué for a friend’s new baby and they loved it. I even heard from a different friend that they’d heard about the sweater from yet another person 🥰
I’ve gotten a lot better at judging who in my life is craft worthy and saying no (to both myself and others) so I don’t expect to get the first reaction ever again
The first time i learned crochet, i was addicted, i bought so many yarns... i wear things i made. My acquaintance asked me to crochet cat t-shirt for free and i agreed, first i enjoyed it and it's turned out good, but i feel used cuz she asked me to work faster and yes, i should re-think about it in case that happened again.
Now i had a handcrafts small business, my friends supporting me and suggested me to do many projects that they liked, Oh! so many requests.. But what they liked doesn't mean the best things to sell right? I always do the project what i feel like making and i keep politely rejected them.. which is i hate doing it but i should.
They'll never know how every project takes time (cuz none of them do crochet) even the smallest one existed. The more we agreed and keep listening what people wanted, the unhappy i am!
I appreciate this video, thank you for shooting it. The vast majority of people who think they can pay you for a project fail to figure in labor, offering ridiculously low prices for your time. Because of this, I will never take on a crochet project for extra cash. Also, the two crocheted gifts that everyone I know seems to like are tablecloths and large doilies (at least a foot in diameter). I'm not sure why.
Oh I made the time mistake. Of course I can make you 5 quilted Christmas stockings in 3 days. No problem.
Yes it was a problem but I did get it done. And I will never make that mistake again.
Hahahabthats an easy one to fall for isn’t it!?!?!?
Your cat’s tail!! 😂 🐈⬛
Indeed - the Tay Tay dress is a big long project and I've just finished the front and back panels and not done my arms yet.... lol
But it's for myself so it's all good. I know how long it's taking me and would NOT make it for anyone else.
i just realised i actually did make a gift for another person to gift to someone. when you said that i thought this must not happen that often. i don't even know what the recipient thought
You are teaches how to not lose a piece of our souls into our craft.
Teaching*
I love all of your points and the colors in the scarf you're wearing are fabulous!
I couldn't agree more! That said , while listening to your video I'm finishing a baby blanket, I've been working on constantly for 2 days to my former neighbor. 3 days ago she sent me a photo of her beautiful newborn baby girl 😍. I put everything else, I was working on, on pause! She not a close freind, not family, and 20 years younger than me... Why? And why did I choose to make a blanket, when I could have made a sweater, size 0, and be done yesterday. Because she's possibly the one person I've met, the last 25 years, who appreciate handmade things more than anybody else! She doesn't expect me to give her anything, but she'll be so thankful! She's simply worth it.❤
And you made me think. There's not anybody else I would do this for, family, closer friends etc... I'd even say no if they asked. But I will enjoy handing her the blanket in a few days, when she comes by to present her daughter. And she'll be so surprised and happy! ❤
That is so awesome!
Now I'm going to go watch that other video. I was admiring your scarf and the colors!
It was pretty easy, and I loved working with yarn. I hope you enjoy it!
Hi Shannon I agree with a lot of what you say..I have made things in the past for people and they have decided the price .I now crochet all the time for charity.for a children's hospital.blankets for kiddies in a cancer ward.so it makes it all worthwhile.thanks Shannon.💝💝
If I make something general for someone, I usually make little stars or angels (3 to 4 rounds) that take me 15 minutes, only.
Another thoughtful, helpful, and interesting “episode”, shannon. Thank you, dear friend. 🧡🧡🧡🧡
You are so welcome! I hope you have a wonderful weekend! ❤️
"An internal 'no' negates an external 'yes'." - Chip Judd
I was just revisiting some podcasts about boundaries. Great follow-up to your last video on this topic, Shannon!
Thank you Mary! ❤️
I am yes for the updates!
I thought this video would be on rasons to causion yourself to start crocheting for myself only, as a hobby but mainly to make custom-fit gloves (wrist and thumb but not the entire palm of the hand and no other fingers). My mom makes these for me, aside from her patchworking hobby and more and adjusting to life without her husband/my father so I’ve been thinking of maybe there’s a way to gauge whether doing it myself would be optional. So, the do’s and don’t but certainly the works of it all (like “you need a good thumb” or “be aware of the strain on your knuckles” or whatever comes to mind, things like that). So, a video on that topic would be very interesting to me.
Sucks when you get rejected for a gift but this is a great video on that topic. As long as there is respect and communication, everything will work out great but we best protect ourselves and be aware what OUR expectations will be when we give someone a gift. But indeed, making something for a crochet-fan to give to a third party (who’s sometimes totally unknown to the crocheter), that seems like a recipe prone for disaster more than normal (though they can be the most appreciated as well but still, the scale can tip in either direction far more)
Thank you very much for sharing this ❤
Great video. I agree with everything you talked about. Thank you❤
I was asked to make a long cardigan for a friends coworker. I priced the yarn then a guesstimate on how long it would take. The fair price for the item was going to be at minimum $450. Needless to say, I did not make the cardigan. There are many ways to say no. This was mine. Price the item out of reach.
That’s is perfect! 💯
Not present related but say no to the ppl who ask you to make something and they offer to pay for the yarn not taking into consideration your time that goes into it. I battle with myself for saying no I’m too nice 😢
I made a crocheted blanket for my great granddaughter that we had planned together. It took one and a half years. Her mother threw it in the trash! Can you imagine? She threw it away right in front of her too. Can you imagine? Who does that? 😢
That's so terrible! Sounds a bit abusive too (towards the kid - it surely must've been a big thing for her, a year and a half is long for a kid or teen /don't know the age/). So sorry!
Oh noooo!
I would have walked right over to the trash and got it out, and left.
Hi Shannon 🤗 saying no is hard…but it gets easier! Looking forward to seeing your beanie! 🥰🧶🤩
It certainly can be!!! I hope you are doing well my Friend! ❤️
Let me tell you about my lovely experience with my family (to be more accurate my husband's family). I don't crochet, but at the time, I was trying to start a scrapbooking business (way before the economy crash when it was super popular). So I gifted my MIL, his grandmas and my SIL custom scrapbook for the new baby she was about to have. Yeah, I learned my lesson. It was the first and last time I put any thought into their gifts. They acted like it was an inconvenience for them. Then my MIL had the nerve to say "you always do such a good job with these". Yeah. Never again.
People don’t understand the time, the energy, that goes into making anything. And then some are not appreciative of your time and effort and expertise; after all if they know enough to critique my work they could make it themselves. Led me to quit the doing of those things for others unless they’re my kids or grandkids.
Good advice! I speak from personal experience.
I wish I was a good enough crocheter so people would want something I made 😂😂😂
I’m an indie dyer and I crochet and knit, but I prefer crochet. I understand what you’re saying here on a much deeper level. I made a sweater that I love and wear often. My neighbor, a very sweet woman in her 80’s, would ask me to come over every time she saw me in the sweater, which is alpaca silk blend that is on the more expensive side. She would rub my arm always commenting on its silky softness and finally asked if I could make one for her. This is usually a no, I only make thing for my family. But she’s having health issues so I broke my own rule. She knows I make custom colors so she asked me to make 3 shades of a specific color, dye it up and crochet her the sweater. Because she’s older, I did this for her as a gift. A sweater of this magnitude costs roughly $400 to make. Within a week the sweater was completed and it was drop dead gorgeous. To my horror, a week later I saw her daughter come for a visit wearing the sweater. I’m a forward person, it cost me a lot of time to create the color, dye them, and then make the sweater so I had a right to ask why the daughter was given the sweater. She told me, oh it’s too scratchy, I couldn’t wear it. Alpaca is one of the most, if not the most softest fiber, it worn because of its warmth and softness. I know because this is what I do for a living. Needless to say, I was floored, I was angry, and I was over the top offended. She offered to pay me $30 for the sweater after she realized I was really mad. The daughter then came to speak to me and admitted she wanted the sweater but since she didn’t know me, she had her mom lie about who the sweater was for. Needless to say, if you have a rule not to make things for people outside of your family, stick to the rule, you have it for a reason.
Maybe I am old but I don't get the hype of the Taylor Swift dress.
It's just that they are big fans if Taylor Swift . If she cut up a plastic back and wore it her fans would follow suite.
@@veniestagourdine3881 yeah, it's kind of weird to copy someone to that extent, or it's just TS-marketing and powerful PR and some people fall over?
Yeah, I don’t get it either. It’s just so boxy. But then again, maybe I’m just old, too. 😅
Count me in as being too old for it too. But I don’t listen to her music either so I am probably missing out on the hype lol
Looks like you took an old blanket, cut it and put it together BADLY. I think it's ugly. (Yes, this may be harsh) sorry, not sorry
Shannon I always enjoy your videos. You have very interesting content. You are beautiful inside and out. You always give me things to ponder and consider.
Basically. If I make something, give to someone, that’s the end. They don’t owe me anything. They can give it away. Donate it. I’ve given it. Period. But mostly I don’t force my love of needle arts onto anyone! and I think some of us are guilty of that. Thanks for your yarny chats!!
Hi Karen thank you so much! I appreciate you watching and commenting! I think you’ve got a great perspective on the situation! 💯
The thing about the baby shower and calling yarn string shocked me. When I came into this world my grandma gave my zero years old self two baby blankets she made for me while my mom was pregnant, both crocheted, both acrylic but one softer and baby yarn like. Both done in a granny square style. The softer one was solid pastel yellow and sadly got undone by violent washing machine when I had no other options and I mourn it to this day, the other one I still have, it's pastel rainbow variegated yarn and while not as soft was still just as loved, my grandmother died when I was 28... now I'm 42 and that blanket is going to live on as long as I can humanly keep it alive because it's the only thing I have left of her and I will always love it, I might take it to the grave with me as I will never have children to pass it down to. I can kinda understand if it's from someone not in your family gifting something like a crochet baby blanket... so say Person A is having baby and Person B asks Person C to make the blanket and A and B are either friends or related and C is not, that's somewhat understandable, but nothing in this life will ever be more important to me than this blanket that has survived nearly half a century except my dogs while are arguably my children. It makes me want to cry that parents would rob their baby/child of the treasure I have in my baby blanket.
Very good advice. Some of the recipients need to learn how to be kind in their response to not particularly liking the item. I know a man with cancer. His relative made him a hat. He told his daughter it was too scratchy. She told him to wear it just long enough to take a photo to send her, and to thank her for it. In order not to get more scratchy hats and wasting her time and money, I'm recommending that he tells his relative that his skin is sensitive from the therapy. Would it be possible to find a softer yarn. I think this is better than pretending the item was appreciated.
I agree, I think that’s totally reasonable in that situation! And it’s a situation that probably needs more attention anyway! I’ve heard several organizations say that about cancer treatment donations, that they need to be very soft. I’ve only done one for someone in treatment and I made it out of the hygge yarn, which is super silky, because I didn’t want to take any chances! I feel like Caron Simply Soft might be a good one…..
It is recommended that if you make an amigurumi or anything with eyes for a child under 3 do NOT use safety eyes. Glue on felt eyes, make crochet eyes or if it doesn't look weird leave it without eyes.
There is a risk that safety eyes can be pulled out and becomes a choking hazard.
Learning to say no is so hard!
It really is!!!! 💯
Such a HELPFUL video! Thank you!!!❤
You're so welcome!
Great insight! I am not a professional crocheter although I have to start selling things because my manikin is going to topple under the weight, I crochet for joy and relaxation. I don't usually do things if asked, only if an interest is shown so I offer. If I offer, the project is done within my boundaries. Not selfish, just given or sold on my terms.
Very good perspective!!!
I had a co-worker who continually asked me how much would I charge to make something I was wearing. One day I had made a beautiful ( if I say so) alpaca sweater coat that I wore to work. She asked and I replied $450. This was 10 years ago. She stopped asking.
Before crocheting something for someone, let him/ her choose the pattern and the yarn. It's too much work to be set aside and never worn.
I'm making my daughter the Taylor Swift crochet dress right now and I know she will not wear it for long. I told her its okay if she wears it once, gets the photo op and sells it. It's been satisfying for me to make but theres no way she's wearing the dress much.
Hi, just had to say, I love your shawl 🥰
Thank you! 😊
Your love language must be gifts
My father and his side of the family are bad gift recievers (and givers). When I was a child I had two bad experiences giving handmade gifts to my grandmother (a scarf and a set of wine glass coasters); I never saw the coasters again so she likely gifted them or threw them away and has actively mocked the scarf multiple times to my face. I made a set of coasters to my dad as well and they spent 8 years in a drawer collecting dust, and my dad didn't even notice when I took them to frog for another project later on. It's been 6 months and even though they were stored on top of the wine glasses he hasn't noticed they're gone. They've been the experiences that have led me to not wanting to do crafted gifts for anyone unless I love them deeply AND know they'll appreciate it.
For some reason my mom got into the sentimentality of me making a crochet gift for my grandma. I spent two months with her showing me photos and tutorials of things that would be "perfect" for her, and me telling her no. The only way to get her to stop was to tell her I'd do it if either she or my dad bought the yarn. It took a couple of times of saying that for her to stop, so obviously the rosy-glasses fantasy of my grandma being sweetly excited by a special handmade gift (and it's a fantasy, my grandmother is a cold, slightly cruel and quite elitist sort of person who doesn't appreciate most ifts, even less handmade "cheap" ones) were easily shattered by the cost of a couple of skeins of yarn XD
The worst is when someone asks you to make them a beautiful blanket and then just turn around and uses it to dry their dogs. That’s called passive aggressive (in-laws are masters at this one).
horrible. sorry.
And…..this is why I just do gift cards or $$.
Exactly! A much safer bet!!!
That’s real talk .
I love your scarf!
Thank you!!!
I just say. It’s above my paid grade ! 😂😂
I like your kitty buddy.😸
Mary Berger Tustin CA. Just stumbled upon your channel. Love your crochet multi color scarf Do you have the pattern on your website or somewhere else. It is beautiful
Hi Mary, Thank you so much! Here's a video where I talk all about it: th-cam.com/video/YqutECCpnAE/w-d-xo.htmlsi=DquZvtkqxkxW5Dg_
I once made a crocheted shawl for a friend’s Mom. My friend had seen my other work, and deeply respected needlecrafts as Art. I was happy to, and we agreed on $50. We agreed on a pattern and I completed the project in good time for her Mom’s birthday. Her Mom got mad that her daughter had “commissioned” a shawl instead just buying one from a store. I’d seen her Mom working on a stunning , and impressively large, needlepoint piece. Ironically I have no patience for needlepoint LoL! I simply told my friend to tell her Mom that I’d admired her Mother’s work: How much would the Mom want to be paid for her time and effort on a needlepoint piece? I never heard back from my friend, but I hope that settled the argument.
$50 didn’t even cover the price of the yarn, BTW, which was “washable” merino wool! 😅
Do you have a tutorial for the cowl you're wearing? It's beautiful!
Never mind! I found your "Let's Crochet Matching Shawls!" video for myself. :)
Awesome! I’d love to see a pic if you make it! 😃
I'm saying no all the time now. I don't mind giving away or selling items I have made, but those items are already made and I don't have to set off time to make them. Crochet is my own relaxing time, and having a pressure knowing I have to make this item for someone isn't very nice. I have made a crocheted horse for a co-workers children, and I had the feeling afterwards that that horse will soon be left in a pile of other toys and not be appreciated.
I also say now when people just "oh can you make me one" and they don't realize how long it takes to make one.
This resonates with me. I had to learn the hard way that sometimes I just can’t do certain projects for others. Thank you for sharing this message. 🫶🏼🧶🫶🏾🧶🫶🏻🧶
You are so welcome 🫶🏻
I don't know if I commented on the other video, but it is really hard to find out who is crochet worthy. My family doesn't really enjoy handmade across the board. They like the blankets, maybe a hat... but they feel things are either too precious or "handmade" looking... there is no in between for the most part.
I have turned down making for a lot of people because they want things that just aren't practical in yarn or the yarn they are wanting. There are a number of people who just don't understand what goes into projects and what will hold up...
Hi Carrie Penny!
Very similar experiences for me too!
Gifting a handmade item as an adult should always take the recipient into consideration. What it means to US may not be what it means to THEM. I don't know why people assume that everyone loves handmade stuff or even would appreciate the time spent on something that they had no interest in receiving. It also doesn't make them a bad person or less worthy; just one you shouldn't gift with your handmades.
"Recovering people pleaser" is totally relatable. For myself, this has improved with age personal growth. I can say no and still be a nice person, a loving person, a giving person. I can know my own limits and not feel pressured into going past those to meet someone else's expectations.
I see some comments about not gifting to non-crafters. I find that to be bunk. A lot of what is asked of me is by people who *cannot* do this themselves and are grateful for my lending of skill. I take twigs and string and make whole things out of that like magic (as a family member reminds me constantly). The bonus to gifting to crafters, or taking on their jobs, is that they have another level of understanding and often overpay (usually because we short-change ourselves to help out a fellow crafter and they know better 😂).
My daughter is encouraging me to show my crocheted items on Instagram and sell them. I declined because I'm crocheting for charity, not for monetary profit. I may not have enough time to crochet once I decide to sell my crocheted items. Crocheting is very time-consuming when I really put my mind and heart in it, not just do it as a routine, but as an expression of me and also as a way of reaching out to others who can benefit from it without spending money which they may sorely lack.
I say no to anything with chenille yarn.
I once made a crochet doll for a friend of mine’s baby boy. I don’t know what happened to it. It took me several weekends to finish it…
I enjoyed this video. 😊❤
Thank you! 😊