Thank you for this. It's exactly what I'm going through. I only had one relationship when I was 17/18. I'm 25 now what what I did to him still hurts so much, it can never be repaired. It's crazy but hurting him hurt so much but I kept doing it, and I hated him and loved him at the same time. It was a nightmare for both of us but I was the one to blame. I could never get into another relationship again, I couldn't bare the thought of hurting someone again. We never even had a proper breakup and my behaviour disgusts me to this day. I sent him a message a few weeks ago, apologizing to him but there was no reply, and I don't blame him. I know he moved on, but I can't. I'm still trapped in all the mistakes I made. I hope I can forgive myself some day, even though this person can't.
There won't be any fixing or repairing of the so called friendship I had with this previous person. The severe mood swings. the intense idealization, and devaluing take their toll. The person either thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to them, or their worst nightmare. Ppl get sick and damn tired of that rollercoaster ride. We forgive and forgive and forgive and no matter how much you love this person, no matter what you have done, no matter how you dropped everything to be by their side in time of crisis, when the mood hits hard, they conveniently forget all the good that you have done, and now you get to be The Hated One. The ferris wheel stopped into crazy town. I am DONE forgiving, and it's over and done. She loves looking for flaws and all the good deeds you have done get erased in less than ten seconds flat. The more you do, the more they HATE you! An excellent book that helps you understand the intense insanity in their heads is called, I Hate You, Don't Leave Me. Gives you a aha moment big time while reading. They need to be politicians, bec their bullshit reasons as to why they hate you yet AGAIN is so much full of crap but yet sounds very convincing. I find it pretty interesting that all the friends I had my entire life, well they never saw me as their worst nightmare..only this one person. So she can take her crazy mood swinging ass over to whoever has the time, and the patience to be loved/insulted and hated in five seconds..most normal ppl won't put up with it at ALL.
OMG this is my relationship all over. I'm trying to find all the info I can. It's not me!! I haven't done anything wrong. I'm constantly looking for answers bc I know there is something going on. I knew he had mental issues. And I didn't care bc I love him.. . However the ride is so exhausting and hurtful. I try and try and try something else that never works . Now I know why.
I can imagine many people would see re connection with a bpd ex as a massive risk. Because (unlike yourself being recovered) the chances are there not recovered and looking for some sort of attention/supply. The victim believed that they were the soulmate. After the discard the new guy is almost immediately on the scene while the victim is broken and not even thinking of a relationship with anyone else. Maybe i was just with a bad one, after all there are varying degrees of any illness. Im Pleased your recovered and its a great thing, and quite rare i believe?. But the pain being on the devalued/discarding end of a bpd relationship is almost soul destroying. Many Men/women never know whats just happened and the ones who eventually do have to spend a great deal of time rewiring their own brain. Its changed me, for better and worse. All the best anyway, i am a bit bitter but you cant expect the guy (if he understands whats happened to him/her) to ever risk the pain again.
+Raymond Deacon Wow Raymond, your post really touched exactly how I feel right now ( We have been broken up technically for last 2 weeks, but the ball was rolling a month and half ago) Wish we could talk somehow
+Raymond Deacon This also holds true for non romantic relationships as well. The person who isn't healed and is happy being unhealed causes destruction to everyone on their path. They are a tornado and hurricane wrapped up in one. They do the damage, then shrug their shoulders like oh well. I forgave over and over again and made excuses for their behavior but damn enough is enough and then you are forced to get rid of them for good. I used to be destroyed about it, I have cried my eyes out bec of the emotional destruction this person has caused me. But it's over now. It's the same as being in an abusive relationship. There is the feel great time period...slowly but inevitably followed by instant rage for no reason whatsoever. Enough. Is. Enough. That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger for sure.
Raymond Deacon Been there. I dealt (still deal with) a covert NPD ex on a very limited basis. That one stung, since I was totally blindsided by the disorder. I just got out of a relationship with a malignant BPD about 2 months ago. That one caused a lot of drama, but at least I saw the signs and figured she was a BPD pretty early on. Don't be bitter about it though. Cluster B personalities only have as much power over you as you let them. Be better, keep your head high, and enjoy your life.
Raymond Deacon I'm sorry for the actions and the pain her bpd caused..I'm currently in therapy trying to heal and see a better way out of this hell. 😪❤️
Very true ! Exactly what was done with me with my ex. Came back after 26 years! Took me on the most hellish ride ! Didn’t give a damn what they did to me at all. All the hurt and pain they caused! Been playing games with me since we dated at 14 yo! But I applauded the ppl who do actually get help for this terrible disorder.
it's great that u got assistance and ur healing, but u can't expect the ppl that were soul crushed by a person with BPD to be all open arm accepting and allowing u back into their lives. u think ur going thru hell experiencing it within urself, u have no clue what it's like to be someone who is in love with someone who has BPD.
Absolutely!!! We didn't even know. It's been a whole year now and I'm still struggling to go to work, socialise, trying to be the strength and wisdom in fixing my family that no longer wanted to know me. Mine tried to reconnect or at least clear her conscience by catfishing me on social media .. how can one possibly reconnect like that? and sent a 'friends now' message from 'anonymous'. How dare she say about its rarely one-sided, and say about remembering the negative .. we did NOTHING wrong .. it ended the way it did because our 'soul mate' completely destroyed us and we did not see it coming and neither did we deserve it. We truly loved completely unconditionally, forgave no end, and tried our very best to navigate through a war zone! We NEVER deserved this, and our reaction was expected .. WE thought they were our soul mates .. but soul mates NEVER would have hurt us psychologically, physically, emotionally and financially in the way that they did. How dare she say we were any part at fault! We were robbed of everything, even robbed of the true love we had for them. How dare she!
@UCJvEwV8AMda8MjwI3eJ_tTw It's all very true and very real .. and we as survivors of this give each other validation for what we've been through, recognising that we were victims of their abuse, that we ARE survivors of their abuse, and that we thrive. Hope you're not telling me or anyone to stop fishing for sympathy .. that's really possibly one of the worst things you could say to someone who has been through what I and possibly you have been through. It is hugely important to gain validation, to give validation and to tell our stories .. narcissists would try and shut us down and tell us that we're fishing for sympathy .. why .. because folks with empathy and who have gone through this don't tell others that .. they understand the healing process and they help to enable it, not try to shut it down.
@UCJvEwV8AMda8MjwI3eJ_tTw In UK, the Court and Law do not take the same view on this as you do .. they passed a law in December 2015 to punish this coercive control that they did .. up to 5 years .. they recognise the severity of it .. and they take a dim view on folk who try and shut people down. Abuse is abuse, period! Take it up with the British Court system
I am finally healing from my BPD ex. It takes time and some serious effort. She recently reached out to me and I allowed her to connect. What it did was help to reinforce how screwed up she really was. I was only with her for 5 months. I can't imagine how people last with them for years.
Good for you and your recovery. I had to end a relationship with a friend living with BPD. I gave her so many chances but she never got into any sort of recovery and when she was in therapy she always lied to her counselors so it was never really helpful. It sucked to have to end our relationship and I have chosen to ignore recent attempts on her part to reconcile. I had ended our relationship many times in the past and would reconsile only to end up in a one sided relationship again and its too painful to go down that same road again. I hope she finds peace like you have.
I had the very best group of friends in the world and at one of my very worst peaks of unacceptable behavior I said some things, specifically one horrible statement, I just went way way too far, I lost my friends because of my inability to control my nasty, vicious words... after almost year ish later I stabbed myself in my neck dragged a mora (survival knife) , left and right hard as I could across my throat, calmed down wrapped up my neck, went to bed... In the morning I volunteered myself into a phych ward... after what was FAR too short a stay, I sent a text to one of the friends telling what I'd done and I just wanted her and the rest of my old friends to know before I really do some how kill myself, i really knew what I'd said was absolutely awful and unacceptable no matter what I was going through,ect... I was sooooo very sorry for my behavior and I really appreciated all they had done for me, and they never deserved everything I put them all through. I loved them,enough to stay away from them, but I knew I was dead wrong for what I'd said, and I REALLY knew it, and wished them all the best... I never meant to be that wicked... I never heard back from her or anyone else. But my luck I'm a physically and mentally disabled person with, addiction issues!, so yes I miss them horribly but I'm not ready, as in done enough work, on myself or changed the situation I'm in that contributed to my freak out behaviors, and believe that @that point, I needed to make sure to genuinely apologize for the record, acknowledging my horrific behavior, but for now (I say for now to give myself hope, but I may not ever be able to be friends with them again), until I know I don't pose a serious risk of harming them in anyway,physical, mental, emotional, spiritual I honestly do believe that the best thing I can do, is let a dead dog lye... REALLY WORK ON ME,AND MY BEHAVIOR, with dbt...And general therapy to understand where the internal anger, hateful, thus hurtful statements came from... NOT pushing my still unhealthy self,much more aware and better educated, on friends that I've caused serious harm, to be rejected,or hurt them again, really I'm greatful she took the text, and didn't respond with I hate you,wish you had died...great harm can be done in seconds, but genuine repairs could take the rest of my life...
Ryannl Peckron thank you for sharing this. My sister is BPD and I have been so hurt by her. I often wonder if she ever feels bad or if she knows what she did or if she blames me? I feel from your comment that you do feel remorse and know what you said and how it hurt. Thank you.
My grandmother was misdiagnosed as bipolar for years. She was an alcoholic for years. She died in 2011 with only me, her granddaughter in her life. Her love for me was a curse & a blessing. As a child & even as an adult it was confusing to have her treat me as the best thing on earth & at other times "a piece of shit that wasn't going to get one red cent from her". As a child I was embarrassed by her & would wish for a sweet grandma who baked cookies. Other times I thought she was the smartest/bad ass person around. Her passing in 2011 when I was 38 left me feeling lonely & confused. The mother (my grandmas only child) that I had always felt the need to protect from my Grandmothers harsh words no longer seemed like a victim to me. And I no longer saw my Grandmother as the abusive, controlling woman who made everyone miserable. She was vulnerable, misunderstood, and very easy to point a finger at as the scapegoat & crazy/dysfunctional one in the family. Loving/hating honest bps...
Hi Debbie. I am inspired by your courage, authenticity, recovery, and compassion. It helps to feel less alone and more hopeful when seeing other people's journeys. I love your channel/videos and thank you for sharing.
I'm the one that thought the person that has BPD traits was "the one". I don't even know if he actually gave shit about me. I just couldn't take the pain anymore. I was on the fence about soulmates and life partners before. Now I know I'm better off alone. But that doesn't change my feelings for the person I thought he was and could be.
I can understand why a lot of people would be so hurt by a bpd ex. Oddly I was one of the cases where I thought I was a bpd magnet and all of my exes where either narcessitic or bpd... Then one very terrifying day I was walking with my partner and finally picked up on the color changes and the thickness of the moment ... Not long after that a lifetime of memories flooded back and long story short I wound up in therepy being diagnosed myself.
I think bpd can be managed quite well as long as the person with bpd and the people in their circle are aware of how their own emotions affect themselves and the people around them. Once people (with bpd or not) understand their own issues and want to be better people they can improve more easily and quickly than you might think. Its really a matter of catching yourself in the moment, pause and assess what is happening. Tell yourself not to trust your first instinct. Your first instinct may be right or may be wrong but you have to stop, pause, leave the situation safely if you have to, calm down then re-evaluate. There is more to it than that but its not too complicated in the end. Once people make it more complicated then healing from bpd takes longer than it needs to be. I have been with my bpd partner for over 15 years. She is the love of my life! Bottom line is check yourself before you wreck yourself
yeah, I'd like to second a lot of comments below and say that, Debbie, this was superbly articulated. The latter half, esp, of video I related to markedly regarding the issue of reconnecting with those ppl in which you've had a relationships/friendship with that you've done almost irrevocable damage to. The problem exists with me where the more I would like n want to express to someone, who I had a connection with, and who I also I pushed away, that I have changed and would request forgiveness, behave differently, and another chance to make good seems but a distant opportunity.
Found u on accident ur channel came up I still on here ur very insightful and ty I'm bpd myself and started DBT I know skills but doing them is hard anyway I'm still learning alot about myself why I think and do what I do I'm very hard on myself. I believe I am a Christian and struggle with my relationship with the Lord and very frustrating keep thinking He will leave abandoned me question my salvation because I push Him away and also my other relationships suffer. Learning tp leave old past relationships in the past looking at why they weren't healthy instead of only looking at some good but knowing these people aren't good for me. Ty I hope u post more on here
I have a borderline friend. She pushes me away frequently. She looks at my messages and rarely responds. If borderlines fear abandonment why does she do this? I’m overly understanding because I have bipolar disorder. I message her daily because I care. Her behavior hurts me so much. I just don’t understand. How can I assure her I’m not the enemy. I miss her.
I can relate to your friend. To me, I push my best friend away cuz I am afraid if the conversation is not satisfying or emotionally fulfilling as expected. If you change anything about your tone maybe, she will start to think about the possibility of abandonment. You can frequently remind her that you are waiting for her text or that you accept her. Also, remember to set boundaries. Hope it helped!
It’s a problem with attachments. I’d look up BPD & attachment theory, that might help you understand this type of thing. With my friend who does this, I will text once, and if he doesn’t text back, I leave him alone.
Diseases don't exist. This "condition" sounds like an Imbalance of the emotional side of the brain and the logical side of the brain. Childhood, conditioning and environment plays a huge role as well.
Although, it may be a result of impulse psychopathology and early childhood trauma, for example, the reality of BPD behaviour (the scorched emotional wasteland left behind and the effect on those who are at the receiving end) needs to be properly accounted for. My candid conversations with mental health professionals where they clearly described BPD traits, left little to the imagination and were far less than flattering. As an empathic person, my experiences with BPD affected people have been nothing less than horrifying. I felt that I could get more understanding, compassion, love and empathy from a shark or a pod-person from Invasion of the Body Snatchers, than a Cluster B personality.
Ursa Major I’m sorry you felt that way and I’m very sorry you have been hurt so badly by someone you cared about deeply. Recovery is possible. We can love! We can grow and evolve. We can learn to hold space for others and create, maintain and respect our own personal boundaries as well as others. We can develop and sense of self and overcome our mental health challenges and destructive patterns. We can heal and recover. We are Strength, Hope and Inspirations. We Love and Feel more deeply than most can understand. And we do not expect you too. ❤️✌️ Much love to you and your own healing journey. I know and understand just how hurtful, frustrating and devastating it can be to be on the receiving end. I am truly sorry you have suffered. I’ve much Gratitude for getting my own blinders off to my own Behavioral patterns and the affects and hurt I’ve caused and had on others in my past. Peace be with you 🙏
I guess what you are feeling is a little bit of what your partner felt when you discarded them. It was for me after 5 years with a borderline, I was traumatized twice in one pandemic year. It shook me to the core. My therapist called it "emotional violence" and thats what it was.
You clearly have no experience with BPD. It takes two to rumble, and people with BPD need to be triggered, that's only common sense. We're not schizophrenics, grow up and take responsibility for your own shitty actions.
Who says I don't take responsibility for my actions? You're the one saying it's single-sided when it's not. Don't change the topic of discussion to my day-to-day life just because you have nothing left to say.
You just sound like a sociopath. If you have nothing better to say, then piss off. I'm the one making a point, you're just failing attempts to insult me.
I'm not blaming anyone. I have made it quite clear that it takes two people for this to happen. Grow up and learn to argue maturely before attempting to argue with me.
I have dealt with Sabtaged relationships and people who put me through the bowels of hell and I am still dealing with this! Sabtaged realtionships is the worst feeling you could have but when it happens to constantly what can you do! Endure it
Angel Simone.....in the same boat as yourself in my option they leave they're mark and it's all done on purpose,so that we can be like them,dirty empty shells that aren't even human!..this isn't a mental illness this is purely a sickness...sick and twisted people!...but hey when they hit that wall which they all will sooner or later they'll be back as fake as ever...the hatred I feel for these people is off the charts!
Every single person who enters AA or NA has a trait out of the DSM 4 imof ill take it a step further Either NPD Or Borderline sprinkle in a sociopath or co dependent For myself and i can only speak for myself all my past relationships have been with NPD or Borderline I am a recovering Borderline ... Of the covert variety There were no victims just volunteers for them to forgive is to give up victim status To see people can change DBT works Im happy for you All the best
It doesn't just 'wear down the relationship", it DAMAGES the other person's life. It is deceptive to initiate or pretend at start that one does not know of their dysfunciton and how it affects other, that you will manipulate and act out of jealousy, cling, and play games. There is a reason there is a saying that Borderlines "leave a trail of destruction". I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings. Get help and heal. Face your fears and dysfunction and DON'T get into a relationship unless you have taken the time for this and unless you can be completely honest with what your tendencies are. To say there is a "100,000x) reaction to someone not being willing to be back in contact, just shows that you have no business being back in contact. It is not another's responsibilities to handle your fears and dysfunction. I'm nearly homeless because of a borderline man, who destroyed all i was working for and left me helpless, completely dysregulated from his need to control, manipulate, lie and deceive. It's utterly wicked. Now, mind you. This scumbag very likely was a sociopath too. Very nearly finished me off. He targeted a disabled woman with ALS who was fighting for her life already - me, who had managed to use every ounce of strength to save herself having over dozen properties lined up to flip. I befriended him. He soon became my partner supposedly to fund the deals (which i could have funded through contacts on the internet and was already colllapsing). We were to team up and be friends sticking by each other besides business. He fixated on me and was obsessed and sabotaged everything i had put together. He was a compulsive liar from the start who sabotaged and intentionally pushed every boundary repeatedly fixed on making me helpless and under his control. He had and has no empathy. He['s a piece of shit from the pits of hell. There is no excuse for this AT ALL. No matter the hurting there is NO EXCUSE to be dishonest and manipulate others. It is a PERSONALITY - CHARACTER - disorder, not mental disorder. Time to grow up and deal with it , not expecting others to pay for your fear to face and heal what is going on with you - PERIOD. NOW, be brave enough to face STRAIGHT UP TALK AND REALITY. It's the KINDEST thing i can say to you who are reading who deal with "Borderline". I was abused as child and have worked to overcome much. I was diagnosed at mayoclinic in early twenties as having borderline. I didn't believe them. I had trauma issues and i have worked on them. I didn't manipulate others nor make them pay for my dysfunction. Be brave and take the time to face and heal your trauma problems. Some of it is plain growing up , maturing, and doing what is right. Let that guide you.
Hi Debbie. Thank you for sharing your experience and hope. I've been separated from my NPD for 6 months. He is highly emotionally sensitive to perceived slights and criticisms and Ive only recently been learning about covert narcissists. However, my ex-narc personality seems to overlap into BPD. I understand there is little to no hope for an NPD to learn better behaviors, but there is help for BPD thru behavioral therapies and learning positive responses to stress. My NPD says he wants only me in his life and he will do whatever it takes to heal. Im not going back until he proves he can handle his anger, jealousy and impulsive behaviors. Can you offer any books or audio material that we can learn from?
If you return like I did to my bpd wife with narcissistic traits.....your life will be worse,Heres a helpful analogy ...when a dog returns to its owner after escaping... the owner is very pleased,to prevent the dog from escaping again the owner then decides to build an even bigger fence to stop the dog from escaping again.....Gloria be good to yourself.
hello, I don’t know if you will see this, but The DBT Workbook is available on Amazon for only $10. it’s very easy to follow, and easy to understand. you can do it by yourself or with a therapist. and of course, DBT from a therapist is very effective as well. if he doesn’t have an official diagnosis he should go to a psychiatrist as well to be evaluated and go over medication options (if deemed necessary)
I wonder if someone can help me make sense of it all because I'm in distress. I started going out with a quiet, introverted girl and knew I was her rebound, so I knew where I stood. However, she started showering me with love like no one else has before. And I felt we had so much in common and started feeling an intense connection. Everything was great, no fights and suddenly one day she was uneasy and her face was like she was in grief. That's when she started the slow fade and posted a sexy selfie of herself while travelling on the day of my birthday. Does this sound like a quiet bpd or a narc? It was only 3 months but I'm crushed. Thanks
It's almost been 3 months since I left her and every day is wonderful hard I don't know who Iam anymore everybody just thinks I'm a phycopath I miss her and my daughter so much the pain won't stop I want too hurt my self I don't. Want to wake up I'm crying out for help I don't want too die
I disagree. That person could have been a soulmate. But sadly Borderlines always push them away. The more you love a borderline the more difficult it is. Relationships between BPD and Narcissists last longer because the Narc tells the BPD what they want to hear and puts up with behaviour for what they can get!
@Mr Happy No, they were never your soulmate. When they love bomb you, they are just mirroring you, showing what they know you want in a partner. So you basically fell in love with yourself. When they know your hooked then they reveal who they truly are and the red flags appear and then devaluations and discard. Also a Borderline would eventually destroy a Narcissist when romantically involved.
Twin flame.. this is my situation. He's BPD and PTSD I'm so tired. I love him unconditionally. This hard and hurtful. I keep trying one more thing. And one more thing.
Kaci Beaver - The red flag for you is this, you are very tired and worn out and you keep trying and trying. Your efforts are a show of love on your part but not on his end. A mutually loving relationship is not one sided and should never be this difficult and draining! I hate to say this, but he doesn't love you. Love is not spoken, it is action. BPDs are notorious for BSing us with their mouths, and their actions do not line up with what they say. That's how they deceive us and keep us hooked in their hamster wheel of abuse. Please don't get hooked on this one abusive person. Separate yourself from him. You are worth more than what you have been dealing with.
@@kacibeaver4540 Don't now, Kaci .. be kind to yourself. This is not a twin flame .. it was a scam, a hoax, it wasn't real, he wasn't who you fell in love with .. and the truth is, he does not or did not or never will love you. And that's really hard to get the head out of that place .. and I am really so sorry you're in this situation. Your brain, as you know, is playing tricks on you now. It's something you have to rip away from, cancel out all the memories. I asked one person once, how long did his bpd ex leave him .. he said "none" .. what I realised he said was that there never was a relationship or that person, only someone who abused him. It is / was abuse .. that's all it was. You've been abused
I’m a narcissist and it’s destroying me. With time the BPD partner will show more and more red flags and treat you worse. Because I’m NPD I will always play it cool and act stable even when being treated poorly. It’s only for those rare moments when the borderline will reflect my behaviour and feed my self esteem, only to go cold again. It’s horrible and I feel like I’m at a breaking point, I just want it to end and be at peace. Starting to realise I’d rather have someone who acts more consistent rather than just being addicted to the hot and cold treatment inherent to borderline individuals.
She broke me...why was this her game this whole time???.so nasty and vindictive and to add insult to injury she's been stalking me the past fucking 8 months...all a fucking game...jokes on me!
When a BPD´s relationships don´t work it is most often the fault of only one person, and the other one understandably doesn´t want to go there again. As somebody once said: bad movies were meant to be seen only once. Get well and turn the page, honey. (Why do so many BPDérs have so many cats??? - just wondering.)
Debbie! Hello again! I just seen your next vid on sabotaged relationship! I kinda jumped the gun a little! Sorry about that! I understand now! You come across more healthier than this woman at work who is still out there! Borderline wise! In the pit! I say! I'm recovering from alcholica/addict! She alway wants to be the center of attention! Grandiose type! Extreme self centered! But I still care for her! But she just from my view point! Can't connect it's real sad! Big time! If you can help thx
Er, no .. we don't need the internet to persuade us that we want nothing to do with you type .. all we go by is our experience with you .. we use the internet to try and find out what the frigging heck it was that we were dealing with. Don't minimise our pain from abuse .. thank you!
Great video and im all for people in recovery ......however id really like people with bpd to stop using the term relationship.....its more accurate to use the term relationshit.
Some of my relationship break up wasn't all my fault (friendships bf or gf)so no I'm not reaching out to fix anything its over I'm moving on... great video
Hi , I sabotage my relationship many times, if expectations and any personal needs come, like wanted to love him, or expecting to listen positive from him and it won't happened, I do sabotage. He knows that he is also loved me, but in my case i stopped him to come closer. i feel fear, if he wanted to closer me and then i make huge distance, created disturbances, won't allow my feeling to know him then i started missed him, our love connection, beautiful time we had spend....and called him again. i am not able to control me, He said he is not in this relationship, he can't do anything , i am failure to save my relationship. can you give me some suggestions. it is 9 year relationship, i am terribly suffered the experiences i got and from the surrounding too.
I’m diagnosed with BPD. When I love someone, I really do fully love them. It’s like becoming blinded by love. It fills my days and nights, it is everywhere I go with the pink glasses on - UNTIL the demons awake. Then all I do is slowly push that Person away. That love starts to burn me too much, all my insecurities rise and the loop starts: ”You’re not good enough for this Person, he deserves better than you crazy ass bitch, he will abandon you eventually”, etc. Then it’s getting back and forth. Until they DO leave, and I blame myself like Hell for causing it. I need love, and want badly to give it to that other too, but get scared of losing them so I make it happen. Sounds psychotic but is a Harsh truth.
Absolutely yes. Fully yes. From the bottom of every BPD's heart, emphatically yes. The love is so, so real. It almost burns, it's so bright. The problem is, normal people don't feel THAT RIDICULOUS AMOUNT of love. And the realization that no one will ever love you that much is devastating. Not to excuse the horrible behavior that comes with it, but imagine walking the planet fully aware that you will never be loved as much as you love others. It sounds ridiculous, I know. But logic and feelings do not reside in the same part of the heart. You can know that the feeling is disproportional -- you can read all the books -- study all the workbooks -- watch all the videos -- attend all the therapy -- You can have all this knowledge and be completely aware that your feelings are out of whack. But when has truth ever made a feeling go away? I speak for no one but myself on this, but part of my own BPD recovery is coming to terms with the fact that my wonderful, patient, supportive partner of 11 years,,, will never feel about me as strongly as I feel about him. Daily I have to accept that he is not a monster -- I have to remind myself not to devalue him -- because while it's absolutely true he doesn't love me as much as I love him,,, he loves me in a healthy way, one that is solid and reliable, and while maybe lacking in the passion (and, okay, drama) I typically crave, he has stood by me like a rock while together we figured my shit out. I'm the luckiest person in the planet. My husband is the friend I need and I have to tell myself that every single day. Does a person with BPD ever really love someone? MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER KNOW. And it's enough to make me want to die sometimes, even on the best of days. Just because the emotion is potentially short-lived; and rooted in insecurity and faulty belief patterns; and causes childish behavior; that doesn't mean the feeling isn't real. It is so real. That's kind of the whole problem. We feel all the feels, like a volume knob constantly dialed up to either ten or zero. There is no Dana, only Zuul.
Not me! I don't try to miss people or long for the past!! I'm crazy and I attract lots of crazies... I'm not trying to live in the past life like that.
The bottom line guys is if the chic is still being diagnosed with bpd DO NOT get INVOLVED. Most women in general show many signs of BPD. When they show more than 2 run run run...
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This is absolutely hell. It's like slowly dying alone inside but instead of a quick death it's a lifetime of suffering.
Thank you for this. It's exactly what I'm going through. I only had one relationship when I was 17/18. I'm 25 now what what I did to him still hurts so much, it can never be repaired. It's crazy but hurting him hurt so much but I kept doing it, and I hated him and loved him at the same time. It was a nightmare for both of us but I was the one to blame. I could never get into another relationship again, I couldn't bare the thought of hurting someone again. We never even had a proper breakup and my behaviour disgusts me to this day. I sent him a message a few weeks ago, apologizing to him but there was no reply, and I don't blame him. I know he moved on, but I can't. I'm still trapped in all the mistakes I made. I hope I can forgive myself some day, even though this person can't.
Q
There won't be any fixing or repairing of the so called friendship I had with this previous person. The severe mood swings. the intense idealization, and devaluing take their toll. The person either thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to them, or their worst nightmare.
Ppl get sick and damn tired of that rollercoaster ride. We forgive and forgive and forgive and no matter how much you love this person, no matter what you have done, no matter how you dropped everything to be by their side in time of crisis, when the mood hits hard, they conveniently forget all the good that you have done, and now you get to be The Hated One. The ferris wheel stopped into crazy town.
I am DONE forgiving, and it's over and done. She loves looking for flaws and all the good deeds you have done get erased in less than ten seconds flat. The more you do, the more they HATE you! An excellent book that helps you understand the intense insanity in their heads is called, I Hate You, Don't Leave Me. Gives you a aha moment big time while reading. They need to be politicians, bec their bullshit reasons as to why they hate you yet AGAIN is so much full of crap but yet sounds very convincing.
I find it pretty interesting that all the friends I had my entire life, well they never saw me as their worst nightmare..only this one person. So she can take her crazy mood swinging ass over to whoever has the time, and the patience to be loved/insulted and hated in five seconds..most normal ppl won't put up with it at ALL.
The perfect summary
You just described me I seriously don’t know why I can’t change I hate being like this
OMG this is my relationship all over. I'm trying to find all the info I can. It's not me!! I haven't done anything wrong. I'm constantly looking for answers bc I know there is something going on. I knew he had mental issues. And I didn't care bc I love him.. . However the ride is so exhausting and hurtful. I try and try and try something else that never works . Now I know why.
@@kacibeaver4540 when you're ready to move on, lmk 👉📲😘
@@ormand3000 I'm letting you know I really need to talk to someone I'm at the point of just ending my life. Please respond
I can imagine many people would see re connection with a bpd ex as a massive risk. Because (unlike yourself being recovered) the chances are there not recovered and looking for some sort of attention/supply. The victim believed that they were the soulmate. After the discard the new guy is almost immediately on the scene while the victim is broken and not even thinking of a relationship with anyone else. Maybe i was just with a bad one, after all there are varying degrees of any illness.
Im Pleased your recovered and its a great thing, and quite rare i believe?. But the pain being on the devalued/discarding end of a bpd relationship is almost soul destroying. Many Men/women never know whats just happened and the ones who eventually do have to spend a great deal of time rewiring their own brain. Its changed me, for better and worse.
All the best anyway, i am a bit bitter but you cant expect the guy (if he understands whats happened to him/her) to ever risk the pain again.
+Raymond Deacon Wow Raymond, your post really touched exactly how I feel right now ( We have been broken up technically for last 2 weeks, but the ball was rolling a month and half ago) Wish we could talk somehow
+Raymond Deacon This also holds true for non romantic relationships as well. The person who isn't healed and is happy being unhealed causes destruction to everyone on their path. They are a tornado and hurricane wrapped up in one. They do the damage, then shrug their shoulders like oh well. I forgave over and over again and made excuses for their behavior but damn enough is enough and then you are forced to get rid of them for good. I used to be destroyed about it, I have cried my eyes out bec of the emotional destruction this person has caused me. But it's over now. It's the same as being in an abusive relationship. There is the feel great time period...slowly but inevitably followed by instant rage for no reason whatsoever. Enough. Is. Enough. That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger for sure.
Raymond Deacon Been there. I dealt (still deal with) a covert NPD ex on a very limited basis. That one stung, since I was totally blindsided by the disorder. I just got out of a relationship with a malignant BPD about 2 months ago. That one caused a lot of drama, but at least I saw the signs and figured she was a BPD pretty early on. Don't be bitter about it though. Cluster B personalities only have as much power over you as you let them. Be better, keep your head high, and enjoy your life.
Raymond Deacon I'm sorry for the actions and the pain her bpd caused..I'm currently in therapy trying to heal and see a better way out of this hell. 😪❤️
Very true ! Exactly what was done with me with my ex. Came back after 26 years! Took me on the most hellish ride ! Didn’t give a damn what they did to me at all. All the hurt and pain they caused! Been playing games with me since we dated at 14 yo! But I applauded the ppl who do actually get help for this terrible disorder.
it's great that u got assistance and ur healing, but u can't expect the ppl that were soul crushed by a person with BPD to be all open arm accepting and allowing u back into their lives. u think ur going thru hell experiencing it within urself, u have no clue what it's like to be someone who is in love with someone who has BPD.
Absolutely!!! We didn't even know. It's been a whole year now and I'm still struggling to go to work, socialise, trying to be the strength and wisdom in fixing my family that no longer wanted to know me. Mine tried to reconnect or at least clear her conscience by catfishing me on social media .. how can one possibly reconnect like that? and sent a 'friends now' message from 'anonymous'. How dare she say about its rarely one-sided, and say about remembering the negative .. we did NOTHING wrong .. it ended the way it did because our 'soul mate' completely destroyed us and we did not see it coming and neither did we deserve it. We truly loved completely unconditionally, forgave no end, and tried our very best to navigate through a war zone! We NEVER deserved this, and our reaction was expected .. WE thought they were our soul mates .. but soul mates NEVER would have hurt us psychologically, physically, emotionally and financially in the way that they did. How dare she say we were any part at fault! We were robbed of everything, even robbed of the true love we had for them. How dare she!
@UCJvEwV8AMda8MjwI3eJ_tTw It's all very true and very real .. and we as survivors of this give each other validation for what we've been through, recognising that we were victims of their abuse, that we ARE survivors of their abuse, and that we thrive. Hope you're not telling me or anyone to stop fishing for sympathy .. that's really possibly one of the worst things you could say to someone who has been through what I and possibly you have been through. It is hugely important to gain validation, to give validation and to tell our stories .. narcissists would try and shut us down and tell us that we're fishing for sympathy .. why .. because folks with empathy and who have gone through this don't tell others that .. they understand the healing process and they help to enable it, not try to shut it down.
@UCJvEwV8AMda8MjwI3eJ_tTw In UK, the Court and Law do not take the same view on this as you do .. they passed a law in December 2015 to punish this coercive control that they did .. up to 5 years .. they recognise the severity of it .. and they take a dim view on folk who try and shut people down. Abuse is abuse, period! Take it up with the British Court system
I am finally healing from my BPD ex. It takes time and some serious effort. She recently reached out to me and I allowed her to connect. What it did was help to reinforce how screwed up she really was. I was only with her for 5 months. I can't imagine how people last with them for years.
Earthing Earthling so true what you say. It’s just to much
Good for you and your recovery. I had to end a relationship with a friend living with BPD. I gave her so many chances but she never got into any sort of recovery and when she was in therapy she always lied to her counselors so it was never really helpful. It sucked to have to end our relationship and I have chosen to ignore recent attempts on her part to reconcile. I had ended our relationship many times in the past and would reconsile only to end up in a one sided relationship again and its too painful to go down that same road again. I hope she finds peace like you have.
I had the very best group of friends in the world and at one of my very worst peaks of unacceptable behavior I said some things, specifically one horrible statement, I just went way way too far, I lost my friends because of my inability to control my nasty, vicious words... after almost year ish later I stabbed myself in my neck dragged a mora (survival knife) , left and right hard as I could across my throat, calmed down wrapped up my neck, went to bed... In the morning I volunteered myself into a phych ward... after what was FAR too short a stay, I sent a text to one of the friends telling what I'd done and I just wanted her and the rest of my old friends to know before I really do some how kill myself, i really knew what I'd said was absolutely awful and unacceptable no matter what I was going through,ect... I was sooooo very sorry for my behavior and I really appreciated all they had done for me, and they never deserved everything I put them all through. I loved them,enough to stay away from them, but I knew I was dead wrong for what I'd said, and I REALLY knew it, and wished them all the best... I never meant to be that wicked... I never heard back from her or anyone else. But my luck I'm a physically and mentally disabled person with, addiction issues!, so yes I miss them horribly but I'm not ready, as in done enough work, on myself or changed the situation I'm in that contributed to my freak out behaviors, and believe that @that point, I needed to make sure to genuinely apologize for the record, acknowledging my horrific behavior, but for now (I say for now to give myself hope, but I may not ever be able to be friends with them again), until I know I don't pose a serious risk of harming them in anyway,physical, mental, emotional, spiritual I honestly do believe that the best thing I can do, is let a dead dog lye... REALLY WORK ON ME,AND MY BEHAVIOR, with dbt...And general therapy to understand where the internal anger, hateful, thus hurtful statements came from... NOT pushing my still unhealthy self,much more aware and better educated, on friends that I've caused serious harm, to be rejected,or hurt them again, really I'm greatful she took the text, and didn't respond with I hate you,wish you had died...great harm can be done in seconds, but genuine repairs could take the rest of my life...
Your post is amazing. Your courage is staggering. I wish for you all the healing and love in the world.
I understand that pain. I wish you the best healing on your journey. You are not alone
Ryannl Peckron thank you for sharing this. My sister is BPD and I have been so hurt by her. I often wonder if she ever feels bad or if she knows what she did or if she blames me? I feel from your comment that you do feel remorse and know what you said and how it hurt. Thank you.
My grandmother was misdiagnosed as bipolar for years. She was an alcoholic for years. She died in 2011 with only me, her granddaughter in her life. Her love for me was a curse & a blessing. As a child & even as an adult it was confusing to have her treat me as the best thing on earth & at other times "a piece of shit that wasn't going to get one red cent from her". As a child I was embarrassed by her & would wish for a sweet grandma who baked cookies. Other times I thought she was the smartest/bad ass person around. Her passing in 2011 when I was 38 left me feeling lonely & confused. The mother (my grandmas only child) that I had always felt the need to protect from my Grandmothers harsh words no longer seemed like a victim to me. And I no longer saw my Grandmother as the abusive, controlling woman who made everyone miserable. She was vulnerable, misunderstood, and very easy to point a finger at as the scapegoat & crazy/dysfunctional one in the family. Loving/hating honest bps...
Hi Debbie. I am inspired by your courage, authenticity, recovery, and compassion. It helps to feel less alone and more hopeful when seeing other people's journeys. I love your channel/videos and thank you for sharing.
I'm the one that thought the person that has BPD traits was "the one". I don't even know if he actually gave shit about me. I just couldn't take the pain anymore. I was on the fence about soulmates and life partners before. Now I know I'm better off alone. But that doesn't change my feelings for the person I thought he was and could be.
I can understand why a lot of people would be so hurt by a bpd ex. Oddly I was one of the cases where I thought I was a bpd magnet and all of my exes where either narcessitic or bpd... Then one very terrifying day I was walking with my partner and finally picked up on the color changes and the thickness of the moment ... Not long after that a lifetime of memories flooded back and long story short I wound up in therepy being diagnosed myself.
I think bpd can be managed quite well as long as the person with bpd and the people in their circle are aware of how their own emotions affect themselves and the people around them. Once people (with bpd or not) understand their own issues and want to be better people they can improve more easily and quickly than you might think. Its really a matter of catching yourself in the moment, pause and assess what is happening. Tell yourself not to trust your first instinct. Your first instinct may be right or may be wrong but you have to stop, pause, leave the situation safely if you have to, calm down then re-evaluate. There is more to it than that but its not too complicated in the end. Once people make it more complicated then healing from bpd takes longer than it needs to be. I have been with my bpd partner for over 15 years. She is the love of my life! Bottom line is check yourself before you wreck yourself
yeah, I'd like to second a lot of comments below and say that, Debbie, this was superbly articulated. The latter half, esp, of video I related to markedly regarding the issue of reconnecting with those ppl in which you've had a relationships/friendship with that you've done almost irrevocable damage to. The problem exists with me where the more I would like n want to express to someone, who I had a connection with, and who I also I pushed away, that I have changed and would request forgiveness, behave differently, and another chance to make good seems but a distant opportunity.
Found u on accident ur channel came up I still on here ur very insightful and ty I'm bpd myself and started DBT I know skills but doing them is hard anyway I'm still learning alot about myself why I think and do what I do I'm very hard on myself. I believe I am a Christian and struggle with my relationship with the Lord and very frustrating keep thinking He will leave abandoned me question my salvation because I push Him away and also my other relationships suffer. Learning tp leave old past relationships in the past looking at why they weren't healthy instead of only looking at some good but knowing these people aren't good for me. Ty I hope u post more on here
thank you Debbie. I'm started the interpersonal effectiveness module in DBT today! Its something I really struggle with.
OMG...thank you....thank you...thank you...for all the shares and rawness about BPD.
You are so welcome!
Thank you. You are so brave and inspirational.
I have a borderline friend. She pushes me away frequently. She looks at my messages and rarely responds. If borderlines fear abandonment why does she do this? I’m overly understanding because I have bipolar disorder. I message her daily because I care. Her behavior hurts me so much. I just don’t understand. How can I assure her I’m not the enemy. I miss her.
I have a friend like this also.text her & never texts back & I'm really tired of it. But I keep trying but don't know why.
I can relate to your friend. To me, I push my best friend away cuz I am afraid if the conversation is not satisfying or emotionally fulfilling as expected. If you change anything about your tone maybe, she will start to think about the possibility of abandonment. You can frequently remind her that you are waiting for her text or that you accept her. Also, remember to set boundaries. Hope it helped!
Maybelle White thanks I will try this. I won’t give up on her
@@samclark8448 I just want to thank you on behalf of your friend for being a great friend.
It’s a problem with attachments. I’d look up BPD & attachment theory, that might help you understand this type of thing. With my friend who does this, I will text once, and if he doesn’t text back, I leave him alone.
Diseases don't exist. This "condition" sounds like an Imbalance of the emotional side of the brain and the logical side of the brain. Childhood, conditioning and environment plays a huge role as well.
Wow someone else is also going through the same thing I am.. I’m like crying thank you
Although, it may be a result of impulse psychopathology and early childhood trauma, for example, the reality of BPD behaviour (the scorched emotional wasteland left behind and the effect on those who are at the receiving end) needs to be properly accounted for. My candid conversations with mental health professionals where they clearly described BPD traits, left little to the imagination and were far less than flattering. As an empathic person, my experiences with BPD affected people have been nothing less than horrifying. I felt that I could get more understanding, compassion, love and empathy from a shark or a pod-person from Invasion of the Body Snatchers, than a Cluster B personality.
Ursa Major I’m sorry you felt that way and I’m very sorry you have been hurt so badly by someone you cared about deeply.
Recovery is possible. We can love! We can grow and evolve. We can learn to hold space for others and create, maintain and respect our own personal boundaries as well as others. We can develop and sense of self and overcome our mental health challenges and destructive patterns. We can heal and recover.
We are Strength, Hope and Inspirations.
We Love and Feel more deeply than most can understand.
And we do not expect you too. ❤️✌️
Much love to you and your own healing journey.
I know and understand just how hurtful, frustrating and devastating it can be to be on the receiving end.
I am truly sorry you have suffered.
I’ve much Gratitude for getting my own blinders off to my own Behavioral patterns and the affects and hurt I’ve caused and had on others in my past.
Peace be with you 🙏
I guess what you are feeling is a little bit of what your partner felt when you discarded them. It was for me after 5 years with a borderline, I was traumatized twice in one pandemic year. It shook me to the core. My therapist called it "emotional violence" and thats what it was.
Actually a relationship with a BPD is pretty much a one sided affair in how it ends.
***** Why don't you grow up you inconsiderate loser?
You clearly have no experience with BPD. It takes two to rumble, and people with BPD need to be triggered, that's only common sense. We're not schizophrenics, grow up and take responsibility for your own shitty actions.
Who says I don't take responsibility for my actions? You're the one saying it's single-sided when it's not. Don't change the topic of discussion to my day-to-day life just because you have nothing left to say.
You just sound like a sociopath. If you have nothing better to say, then piss off. I'm the one making a point, you're just failing attempts to insult me.
I'm not blaming anyone. I have made it quite clear that it takes two people for this to happen. Grow up and learn to argue maturely before attempting to argue with me.
I have dealt with Sabtaged relationships and people who put me through the bowels of hell and I am still dealing with this! Sabtaged realtionships is the worst feeling you could have but when it happens to constantly what can you do! Endure it
Angel Simone.....in the same boat as yourself in my option they leave they're mark and it's all done on purpose,so that we can be like them,dirty empty shells that aren't even human!..this isn't a mental illness this is purely a sickness...sick and twisted people!...but hey when they hit that wall which they all will sooner or later they'll be back as fake as ever...the hatred I feel for these people is off the charts!
Darryl Greer It is a mental illness I am currently going through this with my boyfriend for some reason I just freak out when something goes wrong
Every single person who enters AA or NA has a trait out of the DSM 4 imof ill take it a step further
Either NPD Or Borderline sprinkle in a sociopath or co dependent
For myself and i can only speak for myself all my past relationships have been with NPD or Borderline
I am a recovering Borderline ... Of the covert variety
There were no victims just volunteers for them to forgive is to give up victim status
To see people can change DBT works Im happy for you
All the best
It doesn't just 'wear down the relationship", it DAMAGES the other person's life. It is deceptive to initiate or pretend at start that one does not know of their dysfunciton and how it affects other, that you will manipulate and act out of jealousy, cling, and play games. There is a reason there is a saying that Borderlines "leave a trail of destruction". I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings. Get help and heal. Face your fears and dysfunction and DON'T get into a relationship unless you have taken the time for this and unless you can be completely honest with what your tendencies are.
To say there is a "100,000x) reaction to someone not being willing to be back in contact, just shows that you have no business being back in contact. It is not another's responsibilities to handle your fears and dysfunction. I'm nearly homeless because of a borderline man, who destroyed all i was working for and left me helpless, completely dysregulated from his need to control, manipulate, lie and deceive. It's utterly wicked. Now, mind you. This scumbag very likely was a sociopath too. Very nearly finished me off.
He targeted a disabled woman with ALS who was fighting for her life already - me, who had managed to use every ounce of strength to save herself having over dozen properties lined up to flip. I befriended him. He soon became my partner supposedly to fund the deals (which i could have funded through contacts on the internet and was already colllapsing). We were to team up and be friends sticking by each other besides business.
He fixated on me and was obsessed and sabotaged everything i had put together. He was a compulsive liar from the start who sabotaged and intentionally pushed every boundary repeatedly fixed on making me helpless and under his control. He had and has no empathy. He['s a piece of shit from the pits of hell.
There is no excuse for this AT ALL. No matter the hurting there is NO EXCUSE to be dishonest and manipulate others. It is a PERSONALITY - CHARACTER - disorder, not mental disorder. Time to grow up and deal with it , not expecting others to pay for your fear to face and heal what is going on with you - PERIOD.
NOW, be brave enough to face STRAIGHT UP TALK AND REALITY. It's the KINDEST thing i can say to you who are reading who deal with "Borderline". I was abused as child and have worked to overcome much. I was diagnosed at mayoclinic in early twenties as having borderline. I didn't believe them. I had trauma issues and i have worked on them. I didn't manipulate others nor make them pay for my dysfunction. Be brave and take the time to face and heal your trauma problems. Some of it is plain growing up , maturing, and doing what is right. Let that guide you.
Hi Debbie. Thank you for sharing your experience and hope. I've been separated from my NPD for 6 months. He is highly emotionally sensitive to perceived slights and criticisms and Ive only recently been learning about covert narcissists. However, my ex-narc personality seems to overlap into BPD. I understand there is little to no hope for an NPD to learn better behaviors, but there is help for BPD thru behavioral therapies and learning positive responses to stress. My NPD says he wants only me in his life and he will do whatever it takes to heal. Im not going back until he proves he can handle his anger, jealousy and impulsive behaviors. Can you offer any books or audio material that we can learn from?
If you return like I did to my bpd wife with narcissistic traits.....your life will be worse,Heres a helpful analogy ...when a dog returns to its owner after escaping... the owner is very pleased,to prevent the dog from escaping again the owner then decides to build an even bigger fence to stop the dog from escaping again.....Gloria be good to yourself.
Thanks Jason. I am now caring for myself now - basic human needs like rest, peace of mind, it feels great! Thanks I hope you are well. 😄
hello, I don’t know if you will see this, but The DBT Workbook is available on Amazon for only $10. it’s very easy to follow, and easy to understand. you can do it by yourself or with a therapist. and of course, DBT from a therapist is very effective as well. if he doesn’t have an official diagnosis he should go to a psychiatrist as well to be evaluated and go over medication options (if deemed necessary)
You are amazing!
And brave.
I wonder if someone can help me make sense of it all because I'm in distress. I started going out with a quiet, introverted girl and knew I was her rebound, so I knew where I stood. However, she started showering me with love like no one else has before. And I felt we had so much in common and started feeling an intense connection. Everything was great, no fights and suddenly one day she was uneasy and her face was like she was in grief. That's when she started the slow fade and posted a sexy selfie of herself while travelling on the day of my birthday. Does this sound like a quiet bpd or a narc? It was only 3 months but I'm crushed. Thanks
yup bpd type stuff right there. they max out at 3 months. and are weird af about bdays...
@@thomasplacentia5201 thank you for your reply
Thank you for this Debbie!
Thank you for this.
YES I've had problems with my BPD in this area
Thankyou Debbie - this was just the topic I needed to hear about today, (funny how that happens isn't it!). Keep up your wonderful work.
It's almost been 3 months since I left her and every day is wonderful hard I don't know who Iam anymore everybody just thinks I'm a phycopath I miss her and my daughter so much the pain won't stop I want too hurt my self I don't. Want to wake up I'm crying out for help I don't want too die
DBT? Yes! !!!
Yes to DBT!
I disagree. That person could have been a soulmate. But sadly Borderlines always push them away. The more you love a borderline the more difficult it is. Relationships between BPD and Narcissists last longer because the Narc tells the BPD what they want to hear and puts up with behaviour for what they can get!
@Mr Happy
No, they were never your soulmate. When they love bomb you, they are just mirroring you, showing what they know you want in a partner. So you basically fell in love with yourself. When they know your hooked then they reveal who they truly are and the red flags appear and then devaluations and discard. Also a Borderline would eventually destroy a Narcissist when romantically involved.
Twin flame.. this is my situation. He's BPD and PTSD I'm so tired. I love him unconditionally. This hard and hurtful. I keep trying one more thing. And one more thing.
Kaci Beaver - The red flag for you is this, you are very tired and worn out and you keep trying and trying. Your efforts are a show of love on your part but not on his end. A mutually loving relationship is not one sided and should never be this difficult and draining! I hate to say this, but he doesn't love you. Love is not spoken, it is action.
BPDs are notorious for BSing us with their mouths, and their actions do not line up with what they say. That's how they deceive us and keep us hooked in their hamster wheel of abuse. Please don't get hooked on this one abusive person. Separate yourself from him. You are worth more than what you have been dealing with.
@@kacibeaver4540 Don't now, Kaci .. be kind to yourself. This is not a twin flame .. it was a scam, a hoax, it wasn't real, he wasn't who you fell in love with .. and the truth is, he does not or did not or never will love you. And that's really hard to get the head out of that place .. and I am really so sorry you're in this situation. Your brain, as you know, is playing tricks on you now. It's something you have to rip away from, cancel out all the memories. I asked one person once, how long did his bpd ex leave him .. he said "none" .. what I realised he said was that there never was a relationship or that person, only someone who abused him. It is / was abuse .. that's all it was. You've been abused
I’m a narcissist and it’s destroying me. With time the BPD partner will show more and more red flags and treat you worse. Because I’m NPD I will always play it cool and act stable even when being treated poorly. It’s only for those rare moments when the borderline will reflect my behaviour and feed my self esteem, only to go cold again. It’s horrible and I feel like I’m at a breaking point, I just want it to end and be at peace. Starting to realise I’d rather have someone who acts more consistent rather than just being addicted to the hot and cold treatment inherent to borderline individuals.
She broke me...why was this her game this whole time???.so nasty and vindictive and to add insult to injury she's been stalking me the past fucking 8 months...all a fucking game...jokes on me!
When a BPD´s relationships don´t work it is most often the fault of only one person, and the other one understandably doesn´t want to go there again. As somebody once said: bad movies were meant to be seen only once. Get well and turn the page, honey. (Why do so many BPDérs have so many cats??? - just wondering.)
cats give them emotional distance, they are similar to them.
Debbie! Hello again! I just seen your next vid on sabotaged relationship! I kinda jumped the gun a little! Sorry about that! I understand now! You come across more healthier than this woman at work who is still out there! Borderline wise! In the pit! I say! I'm recovering from alcholica/addict! She alway wants to be the center of attention! Grandiose type! Extreme self centered! But I still care for her! But she just from my view point! Can't connect it's real sad! Big time! If you can help thx
Er, no .. we don't need the internet to persuade us that we want nothing to do with you type .. all we go by is our experience with you .. we use the internet to try and find out what the frigging heck it was that we were dealing with. Don't minimise our pain from abuse .. thank you!
Crikeys "its not working" because they were forcing it to NOT work .. what a bloody nerve!!!
Lovely lady, useful videos!!
Great video and im all for people in recovery ......however id really like people with bpd to stop using the term relationship.....its more accurate to use the term relationshit.
jason rodgers can you email me for advice, brukwira@yahoo.com
jason rodgers I see you post on a lot of bpd videos
Thats very nice of you :)
Some of my relationship break up wasn't all my fault (friendships bf or gf)so no I'm not reaching out to fix anything its over I'm moving on... great video
Cats hate to be ignored. Pet the cat!!
I'm impressed
Okay.
Omg, is she really talking about hoovering her exes? Scary
this video is helpful
Hi , I sabotage my relationship many times, if expectations and any personal needs come, like wanted to love him, or expecting to listen positive from him and it won't happened, I do sabotage. He knows that he is also loved me, but in my case i stopped him to come closer. i feel fear, if he wanted to closer me and then i make huge distance, created disturbances, won't allow my feeling to know him then i started missed him, our love connection, beautiful time we had spend....and called him again. i am not able to control me, He said he is not in this relationship, he can't do anything , i am failure to save my relationship. can you give me some suggestions. it is 9 year relationship, i am terribly suffered the experiences i got and from the surrounding too.
Dude.
The sociopath
screwed that up, not you.
His stench would drive
a skunk away.
Don't take blame
for other folks, dude.
I love you.
Be at peace.
Merry x mass
Nice
Thanks!
Is someone with bpd REALLY in love with you?
I’m diagnosed with BPD. When I love someone, I really do fully love them. It’s like becoming blinded by love. It fills my days and nights, it is everywhere I go with the pink glasses on - UNTIL the demons awake. Then all I do is slowly push that Person away. That love starts to burn me too much, all my insecurities rise and the loop starts: ”You’re not good enough for this Person, he deserves better than you crazy ass bitch, he will abandon you eventually”, etc. Then it’s getting back and forth. Until they DO leave, and I blame myself like Hell for causing it. I need love, and want badly to give it to that other too, but get scared of losing them so I make it happen. Sounds psychotic but is a Harsh truth.
Absolutely yes. Fully yes. From the bottom of every BPD's heart, emphatically yes. The love is so, so real. It almost burns, it's so bright. The problem is, normal people don't feel THAT RIDICULOUS AMOUNT of love. And the realization that no one will ever love you that much is devastating. Not to excuse the horrible behavior that comes with it, but imagine walking the planet fully aware that you will never be loved as much as you love others. It sounds ridiculous, I know. But logic and feelings do not reside in the same part of the heart. You can know that the feeling is disproportional -- you can read all the books -- study all the workbooks -- watch all the videos -- attend all the therapy -- You can have all this knowledge and be completely aware that your feelings are out of whack. But when has truth ever made a feeling go away? I speak for no one but myself on this, but part of my own BPD recovery is coming to terms with the fact that my wonderful, patient, supportive partner of 11 years,,, will never feel about me as strongly as I feel about him. Daily I have to accept that he is not a monster -- I have to remind myself not to devalue him -- because while it's absolutely true he doesn't love me as much as I love him,,, he loves me in a healthy way, one that is solid and reliable, and while maybe lacking in the passion (and, okay, drama) I typically crave, he has stood by me like a rock while together we figured my shit out. I'm the luckiest person in the planet. My husband is the friend I need and I have to tell myself that every single day. Does a person with BPD ever really love someone? MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER KNOW. And it's enough to make me want to die sometimes, even on the best of days. Just because the emotion is potentially short-lived; and rooted in insecurity and faulty belief patterns; and causes childish behavior; that doesn't mean the feeling isn't real. It is so real. That's kind of the whole problem. We feel all the feels, like a volume knob constantly dialed up to either ten or zero. There is no Dana, only Zuul.
Not me! I don't try to miss people or long for the past!! I'm crazy and I attract lots of crazies... I'm not trying to live in the past life like that.
The bottom line guys is if the chic is still being diagnosed with bpd DO NOT get INVOLVED. Most women in general show many signs of BPD. When they show more than 2 run run run...
Tbh you're missing out then because some of the most loving, loyal, passionate and beautiful women have BPD.
Who cares you ruined good relationships
thank you Debbie. I'm started the interpersonal effectiveness module in DBT today! Its something I really struggle with.