Jessica I always have watched your videos and thought surely none of this could happen to me. Well, last night I was arrested for a DWI and it was truly a huge wake up call. I have a problem and I need to acknowledge it. Thank you for your videos, they really are helping me calm down right now.
I found your channel last year, right after I made the heart breaking decision to cut off contact with my oldest son. At the time he was 29, had been an addict since he was 14/15 and had just tried to kill me with a steel pipe while high. I was at my lowest emotionally thinking that I had failed. I had to put distance between my son and I or he would have killed me. My fear wasn't about dying it was about when he finally got clean he would have to deal with the fact he killed me and what that would do to him. He celebrated 1 year clean and sober in September. He invited me to his NA meeting to watch him get his 1 year charm. He spoke at that meeting and said something I never knew. He said that I had cut him off. That for the first time in his life I wasn't going to be there to catch him when he fell was made him realize just far out of control his addiction had become. He spoke of the fact that no matter what else was going on in my life, I was always there for him without question and without judgement. He spoke of the time he beat me up while high when he was 15. He spoke of so much of our history and that no matter what he had done, he knew he could count on me. Then 1 day, while high on meth, I went to pick him up and he came after me with a steel pipe he had ripped out of the ground. For the first time in my life I actually knew in my heart he would kill me and I ran. I felt like such a failure for running away, for filing the restraining order, for standing by it and not seeing or talking to him. But 3 weeks after that he finally walked into a rehab and meant it. He got clean. He has stayed clean. Thank you so much for all you share and know for me, and now my son you mean the world to us! Yep, got him watching you too!
@Jo DeAngelo - I am so sorry you had to go through all of that, but seeing your child speak about things you had no idea meant the world to him, I pray that you were able to take some of the burden off your shoulders. I'm so glad to see he is now 1 year sober. I had 12 years sober, and in a split of a second decision bc of "stress" (that kills me inside to think of to this day), I made one wrong split second move and Overdosed, never thinking it could've happened to me.. It was then that I said that's it. I need help. Even from one slip up. It literally took my life, my beating heart. I'm so extremely greatful to be alive. I thank our Amazing Lord for me coming back. and all the things people take for granted each day, are precious to me, bc it can be over in the blink of an eye. Today marks 3 years to the day after that fatal choice to use after 12 years clean. Mental health is such a huge part of recovery, and it's a shame that they don't always go hand in hand with too many patient's these days. However, regardless, We do recover! God bless you, your son, and your beautiful family! 🤲🏻
The only thing I can say to you, wonderful lady, is sometimes no matter how amazing you are as a parent people can still make their own bad decisions; this does NOT reflect on you. My mother is my world, I've definitely put her through the ringer. It's not because she failed me, it's because I wanted to find things out in my own way. I'm so sorry it became so extreme, and I hope the best for you. It's not your fault.
This just brought me to tears but that goes to show how much addiction can destroy relationships but it's the substance, not the person doing those things.. You are lucky to have a second chance.. not only at life of course but for you and your son to make amends is beautiful and shows how much love you have for each other 💞
I’ve been clean for almost 24 years now. I have a husband and 4 beautiful children and have so many blessings in my life. It’s hard to look back and think I once believed I didn’t deserve anything good or could be where I am today. I love your channel and for putting your story out there. You are very strong and inspiring!
I’m a recovering addict I’ve got 3 weeks off heroin and I’m 6 months pregnant. The baby’s father won’t get clean with me and it’s made it extremely hard for me to stay sober since we live together. I think I’m just gonna have to pack my shit and go so I can take care of our daughter.
I’ve been in your shoes. Please leave that situation for your baby. I promise it’s worth it in the end. Not only for yourself but that little blessing your carrying. He won’t get sober until he wants to so do right for you first. It will only get better I promise you, that was the toughest decision for me and it’s 5 years later and that was the best decision I ever made.
Congrats on three weeks, I can’t imagine how hard it is getting sober alone. Keep it up and get rid of anyone toxic in your life. I believe in you, motherhood gives us strength of spirit and you’ll won’t regret the good choices you make when they smile to see you everyday🥰
I promise you that if you do not kick him out or leave him, you will end up doing drugs again and ruining your child's life. I PROMISE you this will happen. It's hard af, but girl you gotta get away from him. You can do this!
Can’t wait !!! I’m 5 months pregnant and sober after 6 years in active heroine addiction. I truly feel as if this was the miracle I needed to save my life. I love my baby so much already and just know I’m going to be my best self so I can give it the best life possible. My little saving grace, just like your micah 🥰 slowing starting to get my life back in track and your story has inspired me so much. Keep doing what you’re doing Jessica ❤️🤞
Congrats on your sobriety and your baby! Just beware of depression after having the baby. That's very common in women that a new mothers. Whatever you do, DO NOT USE! You have a life that depends on your now! They need their mommy! My father was an alcoholic my whole life (my parents divorced when I was about 2 years old) and was pretty much a deadbeat dad and wasn't around much during my childhood nor did he pay much child support. My mom got remarried to her second husband when I was about 11 or 12 and he was an addict/alcoholic and abusive in every way you could imagine. When I was about 17 my mom FINALLY left him for good, and within a year or so after she left, he died from an overdose. My mom has been remarried to my current stepfather for 17 years now and he's been more of a father to me than ANY man EVER in my life! Always remember, your health and your child's health and well being ALWAYS COME FIRST! :) Good luck honey!
Hey my name is Rachael I am 15 years old. And my mom used to be addicted to alcohol it was horrible! But I helped her get through it and trust me it was a long process Of recovery but now she doesn’t even think about alcohol! And it makes me feel so good!
Jess! I have 30 days clean after my unfortunate New Year's Eve relapse! Woo hoo! You are a source of HUGE inspiration for me. Keep being you and keep doing what you are doing. You and I have had similar struggles and upbringing. I was bullied for being poor, like you, growing up in the suburbs of Detroit. I, too, was an introverted bookworm. You touch people more than you know. Keep killin' it girl. I love you. ♥️😍♥
Jess... this video just hit me so hard. I’ve been clean for 2.5 years, I have a 15 month old son and I have pushed off working steps and a real program. My mental health has been destroyed since I’ve had my son. It’s at its tipping point right now and you’ve inspired me to get back into my program. Thank you so much. Just thank you.
You've got this girl!!!! Stay strong. It's always a day to day battle. My moto is be better than yesterday. Some days we falter from that but just pick it back up the next day!!! Sending lots of love and happiness your way!!
@@amandaholt3196 I’ve been doing so much better! Had another baby, found a good therapist, and have got my self put back together better than ever ❤️ I appreciate the love and encouragement so much! I hope you’re doing well
I couldn’t agree more about 12 step meetings. I’m so glad I found a recovery community on TH-cam. I don’t think they are bad, they just don’t work for everyone and we need more options.
Dahlia Black I don’t know much about AA or NA. But I read an article recently about how patriarchal AA is and how it ignores the different approach women may need to be successful
I wouldn’t say NA is like that, it seemed pretty even where I used to go. But I can definitely believe that AA is like that based on the book and the founding being a meeting for men
My brother is a recovering alcoholic, he was never violent to his kids or wife, who was also an alcoholic at the time, but we all knew that they needed help. I do not know how long they have been sober, but what it took was my family being on call to watch their kids in moments of stress and drive them to the AA meetings, every Saturday night for 6 years I would go to their house and babysit their kids, some days I knew they were going on dates but it was mostly meetings. Back in June they told me they would not be needing me every Saturday anymore, and that made me so happy. I love seeing how much they built for themselves and their kids. I know alcohol and drugs aren't the same but anyone who has struggled with addiction and are sober, even if just for a few days, I am so proud of.
It’s honestly how crazy & how easy this could be you. I related to everything besides the moving all the time. But it’s really insane how one choice could have led me or anyone down that path. I think everyday “well maybe taking prescriptions pills could help me forget *insert personal thing here*” I was literally thinking of it last night before bed. Addiction doesn’t discriminate!! You strength to pick sobriety everyday since then is amazing.
“Pills don’t smell” was the first thought I had after repeatedly getting caught with weed (my parents are against it🙄). I sometimes think back to “I could try pills again” but then I remember all that I’ve gained while NOT being on pills. Watching your channel helps❤
When I first started to see your videos pop up I would watch a little bit and then click away because the things you talk about were surprisingly triggering for me and made me feel guilty about my own life, or even made me miss it sometimes. But now a few months later, I look forward to your videos and that “trigger” feeling is completely gone. So thank you, because I think it helped me get over some stuff I wasn’t over yet.
“I didn’t know who I was without a substance” that had to be one of the most scary things about getting sober... I thought I liked who I was sick and suffering. But in reality the sober life is so much easier and I love myself so much more now. I’m 6 months clean now! And without finding your videos and seeing that I wasn’t alone, I don’t think I could of done it. Thank you Jess! For being someone a lot of us look up to and aspire to be! Thank you for being so open, honest and vulnerable with the world! You’re helping so many people like me realize life I do much better without the substance and it is possible to overcome! 😘 xoxo ❤️❤️❤️
I have never been addicted to any substances, but I relate to so much of your childhood story. Being severely bullied and not belonging for many years, lashing out at people and getting punished for it, loving to read as a child and continuing to read to this day, having depression and anxiety.
Only ride or die crew likes the video before it premires💜 love you Jess your videos are very educational.p.s..per your recent video, I ordered high hopes off Amazon and it comes Feb.2, I'm so excited💞
I had the same experience in school, I was bullied by the popular kids and threw tables and chairs at them and I was the one to get into trouble, I was once pinned down and drawn on with permanent pen because I had really bad acne at the time. At the same time, I was being sexually abused by step brother. I didn't go to school the first 3 years of secondary school. I am so sorry you had to go through that, and becoming addicted to drugs. I never got that far, I mainly cut myself and stayed in bed. You are awesome, and I am so glad you are here to help others, even those like me who never took drugs. I wish I could be as brave as you.
U are so right, I'm a child of an addict, I'm an addict and my daughter recently died from addiction..it's such a devastating cycle, addicts are ppl.too!!!!
As the child of 2 alcoholics I'm trying really hard to take the advice about how to speak to them, Mom especially, and reaching down deep for more patience. Thank you for the insights.
I feel this so much, “when you’re young and the way you deal with your emotions is drugs then you don’t even know who you are without drugs” I’m clean now and have been for almost 4 years now but yes so relevant to how I felt when getting clean.
Thank you for talking about this and sharing your story. Whenever someone mentions addiction, a CG Kid quote comes to mind: "I'm not a substance addict, I'm an escape addict." I think that's powerful. All addicts actually just want to feel better and escape the difficulties.
Im older than you im 32 but you still have inspired me, and I look up to you. I was an addict for 10 years now I'm not (14 mths clean with methadone medication) . T.y for showing ppl we are more than just a addict or a number :)
The bullying itself does need to be addressed. I was bullied a lot as a kid and it seemed like everytime you were bullied and stood up for yourself you would very much be the one in trouble. I've been there and it sucks.
Eeeewwwsh a Premiere event exciting. I gave up a 15 year meth habit when my 1st born son blessed me with his life. At 1st I made it like a fight my son in one corner the devil in the other. I relapsed many times.. Till I decided it wasn’t the devil it was nothing an it no longer had any power over me. 6 years clean my boys 8 an I’m about to buy my first property. The love for a child is more powerful than any drug
Hi Jessica, My Brother is unfortunately in the deep deep hole of addiction. Unfortunately its been over 20 years of this. Your clips are a source of inspiration as well as information and support that we don't very often get here in South Africa. You are Reece are amazing. Keep doing what you are doing! You are very strong young individuals.
Jess, I got addicted to your channel about a week ago, I cant help it. I watch at least 3 videos from you (per day)😭 your vids are so so informative, raw, honest and educational! ♥️ I have never met a channel before like yours! I became so open-minded for these topics, thank you so much! You are spreading so much useful information and experiences Jess. I cannot thank you enough for that, really!
I SWEAR your story should be made into a film. The story arc is a rollercoaster, and very RARELY told. Almost everyone thinks the same things when they hear prison, or someone whose been, not only in prison, also pregnant. You've spent the last 8 years proving every statistic wrong. And the true story of 1 person's perspective of the failures of the system, it's so insane. You are such an inspiration.
I lived in Upstate NY from 8-11th grade. The town was very quaint but there were families who lived in run-down homes without windows, etc. The disparity was shocking. Despite poverty, you became well spoken. That's a very powerful tool in raising oneself out of poverty. Having limited verbal skills will keep you down and not enough people know that. Good for you!
💜 😊 JESSICA!! I'm a recovering addict as well. Thank you for all you do. I watch you every morning & I appreciate what you do help addicts. God bless you! Love ya! 😉
I personally don’t relate directly to anything to do with drug addiction or prison, BUT I struggle with an eating disorder which is an addiction in my eyes and the lessons you give throughout your videos and the distractions you give when telling stories etc. have helped me stay on track and I can never thank you enough xxxxxx (one little thing, if you move the lower strand of lighting a little to the left as I am viewing it so the two lights at the bottom frame your face more, that would make the best aesthetically pleasing background ever)
I’m pretty sure the internet is the only thing that has saved me from addiction. Being able to see stories like these and realize that the dangers far outweigh the temporary relief of drugs and see the hardship of people’s addiction has saved me. Thank you for sharing your stories with the world.
I'm sure you are (and you should be) very proud of surviving the extremely difficult childhood you had and going on to eventually thrive. Your past has made you the strong person you are today. Impressive.
Jessica, I love your channel and this video! I am 17 years old and I am so thankful and grateful that I grew up in a healthy environment both mentally and physically. This video made me realize just how lucky I was and am.
I know I’m late to this, but as someone who was also an addict, I can relate to a lot of things she said and felt. I’ve been through a lot of these same struggles. So thank you for sharing your story Jessica. I found it very inspiring. Gives me hope for the future. Really glad I found your channel. I just hit the two year sobriety mark.
I watch your videos every day and I’m so happy you are speaking about sobriety and incarceration. You speaking and educating people about incarceration is a huge thing for me. I was going to do my Masters thesis on prison communication but ended up not continuing school. You speak very concise and I hope you continue this channel. You are inspiring Jessica.
Agreed, my best friend is an addict who is now in prison. It breaks my heard but he seems to be on the right path and mindset for getting help when he’s out
According to Dr Drew that if someone has a drug or alcohol problem that is bad enough where they need to see him, then there is nearly 100% probability of childhood abuse. The main obstacle in treating addiction is for the drug addict to find someone to trust. The addict cant trust because they have been so severely violated in a vulnerable relationship
not exactly sure y but I really enjoyed this video,probably because im in my 2nd month clean after 10 years, but keep it up Jess you rock and your truly an inspiration to us all!
I just recently found your videos and have been enjoying them daily. You are a good story teller, you have good stories and you are an articulate speaker. You are doing a good public service by sharing your life's lessons to help others avoid the same mistakes and to follow your example of living in sobriety. You are a beautiful young woman and you have a beautiful spirit.
The drug addiction, including cigarettes, is often based on underlying mental/emotional problems, known and unknown. If the underlying issues are not treated the ability to get off drugs is almost impossible. It took six hard attempts for me to quit smoking, I was on pain killers for five years with no addition issues, but I was already under treatment for my depression and anxiety and medically supervised when I quit, which made the difference for me.
Love every single minute of this being an adult is not easy it is hard every day is a new day but even if I feel like I’m taking a half a step back not even in drugs just with my daily schedule or my goals for that day I know that at the end of the day I am doing the best I can do I’m sober I’m healthy and that’s all that matters love your channel love you keep doing what you doing girl thanks for the inspiration
The experiences you had in school - the bullying, the being the new kid, the unwillingness of adults to protect you and the way they made you the problem instead of your antagonists sounds so much like how I grew up. Middle school and High school were miserable for me; everything was my fault at school, and then it was all my fault at home with my mother. I couldn't even use the "in school suspension" tactic because my mother would have made it hell at home. On the other hand, she wasn't getting evicted all the time so I didn't have to deal with that. Regardless, this video was really an OMG moment because it occurred to me that I was really lucky that I never got involved with drugs, because if there had been a drug crowd that had said "yeah, you can hang with us, it's cool, but you need to try this stuff" I would have been super vulnerable. Fortunately for me, I was scared of drugs - it just seemed like another way that I'd be in trouble and of course it would have been 100% my fault if I had. I finally ended up in the military, and it's really unfortunate Jessica that someone hadn't, at age 12 or 13, told you "hey if you can just make it through high school without getting into drugs and trouble, there's a place where you can have a stable job, a roof over your head, and meals, and you'll have a team to be a part of and older people to watch out for you." You and Reece both seem like you'd have made good Soldiers if you'd just had the right encouragement and guidance at a young age. I taught for about a year at a charter school, and it had a lot of kids with similar problems to what you grew up with and I (and the couple other veterans who worked there) really thought a lot of the kids would make good Soldiers (or Sailors, Airmen, or Marines) if only someone could show them why they should do what they needed to do to get there. With a minimum of luck I'll make it to Lieutenant Colonel this year, which is as high as I think I care to go before I retire in a few more years, and my own daughters are (thank God) doing way better in school than I did, but this video really made me realize how lucky I was at how things worked out, because I totally could have had the same problems you did. Keep doing what you are doing, these videos are so great and so badly needed. Your videos ought to be shown in a lot of middle school and high school classrooms. Your work is incredibly important, please don't ever stop!
Yas Jess, you hit the nail on the head once again. People always think the same way about Connecticut being a “rich state” and “incapable of having anything bad happen-addiction, poverty, crime, etc.”, but that’s SO NOT THE CASE ‘when you peal back’ and really see what’s going on. I really relate to your childhood in regards to finding a “friend” (a few years older) at 12 after being an outcast that introduced me to the party scene-finding that acceptance made me feel like I had a purpose (and things began to spiral-and soon any substance helped me feel complete). I still have some struggles, but thank you for allowing me (and all of us) to see we’re not alone, our stories have coincidences, and we CAN recover with perseverance and HELP (in many forms, NOT JUST MEETINGS). LASTLY, thank you for offering this perspective to those who are the victims of addiction (family, friends, etc.), I think this really offered them insight into what goes on in OUR minds.
I heard what you said about being bullied. I was that one kid who befriended those who were being bullied. And omg, they turned out to be some of the coolest kids. They are still my friends today. 👌
Hi Jess! I'm not sure how I found the first video about your experience, but it grabbed my attention because I was born in Fort Smith. I grew up in the woods about 30 miles outside of the city. I had a rough homelife and we were poor, I was bullied, I started reading to escape when I was 8 and I got drunk for the first time when I was 14. My goal in life was to survive until I was 18, get away from home and move to Fort Smith and party with my friends. When I was 16, God intervened, and I was allowed to move to Pennsylvania with my older sister and my whole life focus changed. I'm so grateful my story changed, I'm so grateful your story changed. I want to help other people change their stories. Please post more videos on how to help?
I'm glad I found your channe. This message hits home for me. It kind of helped me understand my sons life as an addict. He was put in jail for selling drugs & I ended up losing my sweet granddaughters. Mom & dad were both addicts, so the girls were adopted. I am scared because my son is getting out of jail for the third time in the past 20 yrs. (He is almost 40) Each time he got out of jail he would do well then use again. I blamed myself for him turning to drugs. I wasn't a good mom. I hurt so bad and felt so alone, I fell into a very severe depression. I felt his hurt deep down. I am a much stronger person now & have learned not to be an enabler, and stick to my boundaries for my sake. But the closer the date comes for him getting out, the worse my anxiety gets. We haven't talked much about the past. With your videos, I feel I can see his side more clearly. Thank you for sharing your stories.
My daughter saved me. She will be three in March. I relapsed after she was born because my father died in a horrible car accident and I had PPD. As well as being diagnosed with major depression disorder and PTSD. But I went and got help in a rehab facility after hitting rock bottom and when I got out I moved away from that whole situation and came back home. My dad was my only family in that state the rest were 1000 miles away. I never pictured myself not being on drugs or having a career it’s been a little over two years since I got sober and I got my high school equivalency and went to college and became a Certified Medical Assistant at 20 years old. 💪🏻
Im so thankful for you to share your struggles so others dont feel alone! Feeling alone can feel so hopeless, but when you hear someone elses story, it makes things feel not impossible. Your videos have helped me personally! Ilysm !
I am a politox addict since im 16, and the last three years i was on oxycodone and heroine. Didnt really realised that im an addict. I thought im different and i could handle it. But im trying to stop using for one year, and never got it. But im different ;) Well, i think i really got it in the beginning 2020. Today its my sixed day sober. Im not feeling well, and im depressed, but im happy that im sober. Its helping me to see your vids, but also triggering me a little. Thank you for your work, and its fantastic that you got it!! Sorry for my bad english, im from germany
we always remember our first time using heroin. mine was after 5 days without sleep on ecstasy, my friend came to my house & asked: "you wanna sleep? i may have something for you" i answered "whatever it is, just give me". i smoked it several times & suddenly i felt this invisible warm, comfortable blanket around me. i closed my eyes & i felt like i'm on a roller coaster. it was just every feeling that you love..the ultimate high. but the withdrawal is the worst feeling..
I really believe that boundary setting, self care & understanding addiction should all be things taught in public schools! (just a few out of the many on the list!)
Jessica it's like you had a LOT of self-loathing, growing up and a LOT of control issues. I hope you can learn to love yourself and that you can find yourself some real release it's okay to give up that control. I have some of those same demons I get it I hope you can keep that happiness.
Every time I hear this amazing recovery story I always feel more and more inspired, just in general, thank you for sharing your story in detail. 💖 The bully thing really gets me, I do not like bullies at all. I was the type of person that stood up for myself and others, verbally though not physically and I would get them to stop. But to think you stood up for yourself and you would be the one to get in trouble, even though they were the bullies it's just so backwards and I know that can happen and it's awful. I wish I could have known you during that hard time in the very beginning, I would have been your friend and I have never been a part of the party scene.
I watched my mom die from heroin addiction at 14 and for a long time I blamed her for leaving me and my brother alone without her and the things the did to us for drugs .. watching these videos really help me see perspective from the other side 🥺 thank you Jessica and I don’t know you personally but I feel like you do and coming from me I AM SO PROUD OF YOU !! I watched my mom battle addiction and withdrawal and to see you come out of that strong means alot !! Keep going❤️
Hi Jess, I first heard of you and listened to you on Dopey. I was blown away. You are an incredibly intelligent and articulate young woman. It really amazes me that you not only survived your street and drug ordeals, but also that your brain and physical self are top of the scale. Congratulations on everything you have accomplished and I am sure you will be able to achieve everything you set out to do. You are a real hero. Very, very impressive you are!!!
Thank you so much for this. I'm an addict I'm about to be 2 years clean April 13th. I'm in quatantine and being isolated again is hard. Hearing your story helped a lot. Really appriciate it. Thank you for you time.
Jessica thank you for sharing. I am an addict/alcoholic and I started a bit younger than you and checked into rehab 6 days after my 22nd birthday and my sobriety birthday is a month later. (I'm hard headed.) In a little over a week I'll have 38 years free from all mind altering substances. When I was about 15 years clean/sober I started to deal with my mental health issues. They are a stone bi*ch when you aren't self medicating or receiving treatment. Keep speaking out about addiction and recovery. You can't keep it unless you give it away.
Me to ... minute after minute...step by step to the next day and so on I wish you TOO MUCH LUCK AND HEALTH 👏❤🙏 Not only for you!! TO EVERYONE WHO IS WITH SAME OR OTHER PROBLEMS 🙏
I love your videos so much. I grew up without my mom due to her addiction. Luckily she got sober & i ended up moving in with her after i turned 18 and we were able to rebuild. It’s still a struggle dealing with the past but your videos have helped a lot over the years and just made me feel better 🥰 proud of you!!
Long time member of Alanon here ! My father was an alcoholic and my ex husband is one too - my fiancée however has 33 years and still goes to 2 meetings a week 💪
I hear you talking about your childhood, and i just want to come through that screen and give you a big hug :/ please keep taking good care of yourself. And you’ve helped so many with this channel. Please keep being the good you. God bless that you finally reached sobriety. I still struggle with my alcohol and cocaine use. Only when you’ve really been through it can you actually understand what it’s like to go through it. It hurts like hell. Ans getting help is not easy at all. It is scary. Please, you guys, at least try to understand.
I am also a recovering addict who suffers from depression and anxiety. I’ve been 4 years sober. I got pregnant and never used again. Like you said, my daughter gave me a purpose in life. I cut all the negative people in my life out so I wouldn’t resort back to that lifestyle. Congratulations on your sobriety ❤️
I am so glad I found your channel. Although I have never used drugs or been to prison- you have educated me so much. I used to view people who used drugs or who have been to prison as bad people- you have totally changed my mind. People who are addicts deserve help- not prison. I'm so angry by all of the injustice of how our "justice" system treats people like animals. I now am educating others with the things I have learned from your videos.
Im so proud of you and your journey🖤 ive lived in poverty and have struggled with addiction and depression my whole life so i can relate to alot of parts of this. I love reading still, it helped me too. Im not struggling with my depression and my addiction anymore, I'm 20 years old and about to start my 2nd trimester of pregnancy. Im so glad your life is turning around and im working to do it with mine
Congrats on your sobriety love! I myself am 6 1/2 years sober from pain killers. I am also the child of an addict, sadly my father didn’t make it and addiction took him from us. We lost him in 2017 from liver failure because of his alcoholism. That nearly killed me and I came so close to relapsing but thank God my boyfriend (now husband), older sister, and big brother (brother in law) made sure I took care of myself and maintained my sobriety. that was almost as hard (maybe even harder) as coming off drugs. We tried so hard to save my dad but his wife (my step mother) is also an alcoholic and refused to admit he needed help because she would have to face her own demons. It killed me to tell my dad that I had to set healthy boundaries and that his wife was enabling him and I couldn’t continue to support their destructive toxic behavior. It was a miracle that I had lunch with my dad the Thursday before he died (he passed that Sunday) and we had talked a lot and were able to start mending that fence and I was optimistic about getting him out of that house and away from the physical abuse my step mom was committing. But it was just too late, my dad was too far gone and I think seeing me that Thursday was his way of knowing I was going to be okay because I had the support I needed and so did my sister. His body gave up so he could be with our mom (we lost her in 2011, my dad was married to her until the day she passed) he is out of pain and with the women he loves but is still really hard. He died 10/1/2017 and my mom passed 10/5/2011 so needless to say October is not exactly the best month for us. That’s why my husband and I decided to get married in October, in hopes of bringing joy back to that month. We got married 10/13/2019. I am also set to graduate with my bachelors degree in corrections and case management on 10/5/2021, which is very fitting because sadly my mom didn’t get to live long enough to see me sober, so I feel it is very fitting that I will finish school on the 10 year anniversary of her passing. I know they are both looking down on my sister and I and our husbands, as well as their 3 beautiful granddaughter (my perfect nieces) with big smiles on their faces. It’s just so hard to be without them day after day. So thank you so much for sharing your story and giving advise to family members of addicts, we need more people like you in this world. I’m sorry for rambling and giving you my entire life story but, it’s nice to get it out sometimes. I am so proud of you and I have never felt so connected with a total stranger in my entire life. It sounds weird but when I watch your videos I feel like I’m chatting with a friend. I hope that doesn’t sound creepy. Please don’t block me lol. Congrats once again on all your success, I am so excited to see how 2020 is the best year yet for you. Congrats on the new home and finishing your degree. And congrats to you and Reese on your beautiful life together. Your girls are beautiful. And thank you to Reese for his service. I actually work with veterans and active military personnel for my job. I help enroll them in school and it is so rewarding. I absolutely love what i do. Funny enough, I had my interview for my job 4 days after loosing my dad and on the anniversary of loosing my mom. God is such an amazing being, i feel there are connections to him everywhere around us. Sorry again for the rambling, if you made it this far thanks lol. Jess if you happen to read this...KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK! You are truly inspirational. I have even considered starting a TH-cam channel that focuses on recovery and all other sorts of things. I just havnt had the lady balls to actually do it. Maybe one day. For now I will live vicariously through you beautiful mama! Love you tons!
I’ve had many battles in my life, but have been lucky to never have a battle with drug addiction, hopefully never have to. However, I absolutely love your channel because it educates me so much and helps me empathize with others. Thank you, this video is especially helpful for me so that I can better understand those struggling with addiction and hopefully help them if I am able. I used reading as an escape mechanism in my childhood too, still do now that I am a librarian!!
bless you for sharing your story so openly to this youtube community! I've followed your channel/videos for a couple of months, and can't wait to see what you do with that degree!!! As an artist manager, i can tell you addiction and mental health are very prevalent in the creative industries, especially in the realm of "celebrity" to put the two together in one topic channel is EVERYTHING!!! keep up the hard work, it does not go unnoticed
I'm from upstate I live in Geneva NY (fingerlakes) have you heard of it? You are so right these towns around here there is nothing to do its filled with crime and drugs its so sad..I never thought I would fall into addiction but it sure doesn't discriminate. You inspire me and give me hope Its a EVERYDAY battle but it has given me better reasons to overcome and purpose. Your story's do matter and they do help so never stop!!
Jess, such a great video! I am 9 years clean, and completely agree with you! People can never understand exactly how far the rabbit hole of addiction can take someone! Awesome suggestions and advice! Much love to ya girl! 💖💖💖
Gosh, i relate to so much of this! Esp, getting prescribed by dentist, drs for really horrific ovarian cysts, etc, and then finally realizing I loved it and getting it anyway I could... turned in to Full blown H addiction. Being high in meetings (a lot). I want everyone to know you can live a happy, life, clean! Everyone’s journey to that, is different 💛
Several federal courts have found that AA/NA , 12 Steps are consistent with religious activities. You can not be required to attend 12 step meetings, if the court orders attending meetings, they have to provide a secular alternative, SMART Recovery, Lifering Secular Recovery, ect. You cannot be denied government funded health care , housing , educational programs based on your refusal to attend 12 step meetings. Inouey v Kemma, Munsion v Norris, Freedom From Religion Inc v McCallum, Joseph Destefano V Emergency Housing Group, and others.
🖤 To all who read this comment.. my comment is for all to see and hope to learn from each other! 🖤 Jess, This is hands down my Favorite Video you've Ever done👏 You couldn't have said any of that better. It was so real, and honest. I could feel your uplifting energy in your voice as you spoke. I'm a recovering addict 3 years sober after 13 years if prior recovery. However, it's like you said "My recovery is My recovery". IMO, As long as we're aware of what triggers we have, and what circle you choose to have in times of hardship, that's a great step. I have a severe TBI from an overdose in 2016, and I recently started EMDR therapy. It's an amazing tool for any with Mental health problems, but also great when used along with active sobriety engagement as well. EMDR practice isn't just for TBI's at all. It's also used with depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc... For me, so far it has worked wonders. Not gonna lie, It's a bit intense and emotionally draining at some points, but once done with one issue, off to the next. It's such an amazing feeling when you're freed from a memory that for example "any 4 yr old wouldn't ever see, but gets it out vocally and visually, and is put back in the part of the brain that allows us to not be haunted by it anymore".. Jess.. I love you regardless, but loved this video SO MUCH, and YES, Mental health is something that HAS to be looked into more when it comes to recovery. Thanks for the beautiful opening of your heart Jess! 🖤 Also, Congrats to You, Reece, and the girls on the new House of yours! 🏘️ 👨👩👧👧 🌻 🖤 #HardWorkPaysOff! 🖤 🖤#BlessedIsAnUnderstament!🖤 🖤#RideOrDie! 🖤
I just want you to know, apart of your story has helped me to get clean. I was a pill and meth addict. You’re so right you should not forget your past. My husband was murdered in 2018 due to selling dope he was set up an robbed. Keep doing what your doing you’re touching more people than you think. 👼❤️
That money trigger thing is really scary for me for some reason. I'm not an addict, or if I am, it's video games. I've never been in prison or jail. I started watching your videos out of curiosity. You got me intrigued, you made me feel utter disgust, you almost made me cry, I was happy for you, I grew to respect you. When you said depression is a trigger, I was thinking "That must be really hard but hardly surprising". When you said, in present tense, not even in past, that cash would do that to you... after 8 years... that terrifies me. It makes no sense to feel this, but I do. I'm glad you got out of it. I'm glad you are fighting. And I'm so freaking glad I didn't have the money when I was lost and could easily find a dealer.
Your very authentic and relatable and you touch on topics points and parts of your story in a gracious way. Keep pushing this message through you can touch others in the struggle
I struggle with alcoholism. I went through so much sexual abuse I wasn't equipped to deal with my problems at such a young age. I was 12 when I took my first drink and I rationalized it that at least I'm not on cocaine like my mom. A few years ago I lost custody of my kids. To my mom. That was a huge blow to me because she never took care of us and how is she better suited to take care of my kids? Then I started pills. I'm better now. No more alcohol or pills. 9 months sober so far. I get visits with my kids now without supervision. Love you Jess ❤
Really proud of you Jess. As a young adult, I went to my parents to ask for help because I had an addiction, unfortunately both of them verbally abused the shit out of me for having an addiction in the first place and that only drove me deeper into my addiction, so YEP YOU GUESSED IT, they REALLY got stuck into me. even more and that drove me so deep into my addiction, I couldn't stop so I ran away from it and I now live in a place where I can't feed the beast but I tried to OD in 2018, so I'm still pretty fkd up.
All my love and support to you from this video - sharing your story matters. Stories build understanding and understanding builds empathy and empathy makes the world a better and less ugly place.
I’m from the 845, and you are absolutely correct about the struggles going on in New York, I see that shit every day 😔 my story isn’t as complicated as yours, but I’ve definitely made bad decisions that I was only able to make because of where I grew up and what I had access to. Thankfully, it never amounted to anything incredibly serious, and now I’m about to be 21, and thankful I found your channel because where you were is where I would have ended up. Love you Jes 💜
Jessica I always have watched your videos and thought surely none of this could happen to me. Well, last night I was arrested for a DWI and it was truly a huge wake up call. I have a problem and I need to acknowledge it. Thank you for your videos, they really are helping me calm down right now.
Let me know how I can help you through this girl 🖤 My email is Nymin89@gmail.com
What is a DWI? sorry im from the Netherlands and I don’t know what is means
Demi ten Have it means “Driving While Intoxicated”
You may see “DUI” sometimes too which means “Driving Under the Influence”
Hope that’s helps! :)
@@erinntay thanks for clearing that up! :)
Kat Bergmann 😊
I found your channel last year, right after I made the heart breaking decision to cut off contact with my oldest son. At the time he was 29, had been an addict since he was 14/15 and had just tried to kill me with a steel pipe while high. I was at my lowest emotionally thinking that I had failed. I had to put distance between my son and I or he would have killed me. My fear wasn't about dying it was about when he finally got clean he would have to deal with the fact he killed me and what that would do to him. He celebrated 1 year clean and sober in September. He invited me to his NA meeting to watch him get his 1 year charm. He spoke at that meeting and said something I never knew. He said that I had cut him off. That for the first time in his life I wasn't going to be there to catch him when he fell was made him realize just far out of control his addiction had become. He spoke of the fact that no matter what else was going on in my life, I was always there for him without question and without judgement. He spoke of the time he beat me up while high when he was 15. He spoke of so much of our history and that no matter what he had done, he knew he could count on me. Then 1 day, while high on meth, I went to pick him up and he came after me with a steel pipe he had ripped out of the ground. For the first time in my life I actually knew in my heart he would kill me and I ran. I felt like such a failure for running away, for filing the restraining order, for standing by it and not seeing or talking to him. But 3 weeks after that he finally walked into a rehab and meant it. He got clean. He has stayed clean. Thank you so much for all you share and know for me, and now my son you mean the world to us! Yep, got him watching you too!
@Jo DeAngelo - I am so sorry you had to go through all of that, but seeing your child speak about things you had no idea meant the world to him, I pray that you were able to take some of the burden off your shoulders.
I'm so glad to see he is now 1 year sober. I had 12 years sober, and in a split of a second decision bc of "stress" (that kills me inside to think of to this day), I made one wrong split second move and Overdosed, never thinking it could've happened to me.. It was then that I said that's it. I need help. Even from one slip up. It literally took my life, my beating heart. I'm so extremely greatful to be alive. I thank our Amazing Lord for me coming back. and all the things people take for granted each day, are precious to me, bc it can be over in the blink of an eye. Today marks 3 years to the day after that fatal choice to use after 12 years clean. Mental health is such a huge part of recovery, and it's a shame that they don't always go hand in hand with too many patient's these days. However, regardless, We do recover! God bless you, your son, and your beautiful family! 🤲🏻
The only thing I can say to you, wonderful lady, is sometimes no matter how amazing you are as a parent people can still make their own bad decisions; this does NOT reflect on you. My mother is my world, I've definitely put her through the ringer. It's not because she failed me, it's because I wanted to find things out in my own way. I'm so sorry it became so extreme, and I hope the best for you. It's not your fault.
This is awesome, and so are you! So glad you both are here! So so happy to hear he is clean! He can do this, one day at a time!
Thank you for sharing, this will give many people hope!
This just brought me to tears but that goes to show how much addiction can destroy relationships but it's the substance, not the person doing those things..
You are lucky to have a second chance.. not only at life of course but for you and your son to make amends is beautiful and shows how much love you have for each other 💞
I am a Dad and a grandfather. My heart hurts for you and your childhood. I pray that God has good things ahead for you.
Beautiful message
Really sweet of you ❤
I pray that God has good things ahead for you, sir! ♥️
Love that.. " I am more than my addiction".
Aww
I’ve been clean for almost 24 years now. I have a husband and 4 beautiful children and have so many blessings in my life. It’s hard to look back and think I once believed I didn’t deserve anything good or could be where I am today. I love your channel and for putting your story out there. You are very strong and inspiring!
Jenny Hansen I’m proud of you!!!
Congrats on your time sober!!! 💕💕 all the happiness coming your way you deserve!!!!!
I’m a recovering addict I’ve got 3 weeks off heroin and I’m 6 months pregnant. The baby’s father won’t get clean with me and it’s made it extremely hard for me to stay sober since we live together. I think I’m just gonna have to pack my shit and go so I can take care of our daughter.
Make the right choice, there's a light at the end of every tunnel 😃
I’ve been in your shoes. Please leave that situation for your baby. I promise it’s worth it in the end. Not only for yourself but that little blessing your carrying. He won’t get sober until he wants to so do right for you first. It will only get better I promise you, that was the toughest decision for me and it’s 5 years later and that was the best decision I ever made.
Leave!! If you don't have family there are plenty of places that will help you!!! Do what you gotta do for you and your baby!!!!
Congrats on three weeks, I can’t imagine how hard it is getting sober alone. Keep it up and get rid of anyone toxic in your life. I believe in you, motherhood gives us strength of spirit and you’ll won’t regret the good choices you make when they smile to see you everyday🥰
I promise you that if you do not kick him out or leave him, you will end up doing drugs again and ruining your child's life. I PROMISE you this will happen. It's hard af, but girl you gotta get away from him. You can do this!
“I didn’t know who I was without a substance”
Same sis same . So glad that’s all in our past now 🙏🏻🎈
Exactly...I didn't either...she speaks the truth
GlamedByEv, I remember those days and I thank God I no longer live that life
I can't wait for that to be my past..
merncat75 rn it's my present:(
@@johnmiller4895 so sorry 😞
Can’t wait !!! I’m 5 months pregnant and sober after 6 years in active heroine addiction. I truly feel as if this was the miracle I needed to save my life. I love my baby so much already and just know I’m going to be my best self so I can give it the best life possible. My little saving grace, just like your micah 🥰 slowing starting to get my life back in track and your story has inspired me so much. Keep doing what you’re doing Jessica ❤️🤞
💜 😊 Hi Jordan! Congrats on your clean time. Every day is a miracle for US. "KEEP COMING BACK!" Best wishes with the new baby. God bless!! ❤️
Congrats on your sobriety and your baby! Just beware of depression after having the baby. That's very common in women that a new mothers. Whatever you do, DO NOT USE! You have a life that depends on your now! They need their mommy! My father was an alcoholic my whole life (my parents divorced when I was about 2 years old) and was pretty much a deadbeat dad and wasn't around much during my childhood nor did he pay much child support. My mom got remarried to her second husband when I was about 11 or 12 and he was an addict/alcoholic and abusive in every way you could imagine. When I was about 17 my mom FINALLY left him for good, and within a year or so after she left, he died from an overdose. My mom has been remarried to my current stepfather for 17 years now and he's been more of a father to me than ANY man EVER in my life! Always remember, your health and your child's health and well being ALWAYS COME FIRST! :) Good luck honey!
I'm SO PROUD OF YOU. Congratulations on the little one!
Congratulations on your recovery and your baby! Anyone who can battle heroin will make one hell of a strong and supportive parent!
Congratulations Jordan!
Hey my name is Rachael I am 15 years old. And my mom used to be addicted to alcohol it was horrible! But I helped her get through it and trust me it was a long process Of recovery but now she doesn’t even think about alcohol! And it makes me feel so good!
You should try alcohol when you turn 21. It's not as bad as they say it is..
@@sahilrizvi6583 Some people just don't want to drink and we should respect that.
@@fox_6174 do you drink alcohol?
@@sahilrizvi6583 No. It tastes like shit and alcoholism runs in the family.
@@sahilrizvi6583 you should stop being a creep and giving minors advice about drinking
I’m four years sober and luckily never got into any legal trouble, but other than that our stories are rather similar. Thank you for sharing yours 🖤
Congrats on your time being sober!!!! 💕💕 im so proud of you (:
Jess! I have 30 days clean after my unfortunate New Year's Eve relapse! Woo hoo! You are a source of HUGE inspiration for me. Keep being you and keep doing what you are doing. You and I have had similar struggles and upbringing. I was bullied for being poor, like you, growing up in the suburbs of Detroit. I, too, was an introverted bookworm. You touch people more than you know. Keep killin' it girl. I love you. ♥️😍♥
30 days amazing❤just know that you are worth the fight 🙏
Thank you! I've got a lot of fight in me. I'm finally starting to believe I'm worth it! 💪
I’ve been 5 months clean. Want to have a competition, whoever gets longer clean time? U just have to keep at it and you’ll win
Danielle Campbell keep going girl
Congrats on 30 days 🙏 and more coming!! I'm proud of you ♥♥
Jess... this video just hit me so hard. I’ve been clean for 2.5 years, I have a 15 month old son and I have pushed off working steps and a real program. My mental health has been destroyed since I’ve had my son. It’s at its tipping point right now and you’ve inspired me to get back into my program. Thank you so much. Just thank you.
Hope your doing well Lola 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼🌹
@@tracey4528 very well thank you! Still struggling with mental health but still sober (:
You've got this girl!!!! Stay strong. It's always a day to day battle. My moto is be better than yesterday. Some days we falter from that but just pick it back up the next day!!! Sending lots of love and happiness your way!!
@@amandaholt3196 I’ve been doing so much better! Had another baby, found a good therapist, and have got my self put back together better than ever ❤️ I appreciate the love and encouragement so much! I hope you’re doing well
I couldn’t agree more about 12 step meetings. I’m so glad I found a recovery community on TH-cam. I don’t think they are bad, they just don’t work for everyone and we need more options.
Dahlia Black I don’t know much about AA or NA. But I read an article recently about how patriarchal AA is and how it ignores the different approach women may need to be successful
I wouldn’t say NA is like that, it seemed pretty even where I used to go. But I can definitely believe that AA is like that based on the book and the founding being a meeting for men
What are you talking about? My X husband is in recovery,Coke is his drug of choice. He hates AA.
What is who talking about? Men and women can not like AA or NA meetings. No one said it was any other way. Chill.
@@dahliablack3999 it sounded like you found something on You Tube. What I said is my X husband doesn't like AA.
‘Its almost as if my childhood was preparing me for what i was going to endure’ - i cannot wait to read your book
My brother is a recovering alcoholic, he was never violent to his kids or wife, who was also an alcoholic at the time, but we all knew that they needed help. I do not know how long they have been sober, but what it took was my family being on call to watch their kids in moments of stress and drive them to the AA meetings, every Saturday night for 6 years I would go to their house and babysit their kids, some days I knew they were going on dates but it was mostly meetings. Back in June they told me they would not be needing me every Saturday anymore, and that made me so happy. I love seeing how much they built for themselves and their kids. I know alcohol and drugs aren't the same but anyone who has struggled with addiction and are sober, even if just for a few days, I am so proud of.
It’s honestly how crazy & how easy this could be you. I related to everything besides the moving all the time. But it’s really insane how one choice could have led me or anyone down that path. I think everyday “well maybe taking prescriptions pills could help me forget *insert personal thing here*” I was literally thinking of it last night before bed. Addiction doesn’t discriminate!! You strength to pick sobriety everyday since then is amazing.
“Pills don’t smell” was the first thought I had after repeatedly getting caught with weed (my parents are against it🙄). I sometimes think back to “I could try pills again” but then I remember all that I’ve gained while NOT being on pills. Watching your channel helps❤
When I first started to see your videos pop up I would watch a little bit and then click away because the things you talk about were surprisingly triggering for me and made me feel guilty about my own life, or even made me miss it sometimes. But now a few months later, I look forward to your videos and that “trigger” feeling is completely gone.
So thank you, because I think it helped me get over some stuff I wasn’t over yet.
Brady Nicole do you mean that you were an addict? Or more triggering in the sense of authority?
TK UA
I was an addict. Technically, I still am an addict but I don’t use drugs anymore.
“I didn’t know who I was without a substance” that had to be one of the most scary things about getting sober... I thought I liked who I was sick and suffering. But in reality the sober life is so much easier and I love myself so much more now. I’m 6 months clean now! And without finding your videos and seeing that I wasn’t alone, I don’t think I could of done it. Thank you Jess! For being someone a lot of us look up to and aspire to be! Thank you for being so open, honest and vulnerable with the world! You’re helping so many people like me realize life I do much better without the substance and it is possible to overcome! 😘 xoxo ❤️❤️❤️
Congrats on 9 months sober!!! 💕💕💕💕 im super duper luper proud of you!!
I have never been addicted to any substances, but I relate to so much of your childhood story. Being severely bullied and not belonging for many years, lashing out at people and getting punished for it, loving to read as a child and continuing to read to this day, having depression and anxiety.
Only ride or die crew likes the video before it premires💜 love you Jess your videos are very educational.p.s..per your recent video, I ordered high hopes off Amazon and it comes Feb.2, I'm so excited💞
We sure do!
I had the same experience in school, I was bullied by the popular kids and threw tables and chairs at them and I was the one to get into trouble, I was once pinned down and drawn on with permanent pen because I had really bad acne at the time. At the same time, I was being sexually abused by step brother. I didn't go to school the first 3 years of secondary school.
I am so sorry you had to go through that, and becoming addicted to drugs. I never got that far, I mainly cut myself and stayed in bed.
You are awesome, and I am so glad you are here to help others, even those like me who never took drugs.
I wish I could be as brave as you.
U are so right, I'm a child of an addict, I'm an addict and my daughter recently died from addiction..it's such a devastating cycle, addicts are ppl.too!!!!
As the child of 2 alcoholics I'm trying really hard to take the advice about how to speak to them, Mom especially, and reaching down deep for more patience. Thank you for the insights.
@Josh Frank Thank you ever so much for pointing out my phrasing error. Hopefully you also gained some useful insights from Jessica today as well.
I feel this so much, “when you’re young and the way you deal with your emotions is drugs then you don’t even know who you are without drugs”
I’m clean now and have been for almost 4 years now but yes so relevant to how I felt when getting clean.
You are soo awesome Jess!! 20 1/2 Years, May 5, 1999! I’m proud of you and me!
Omg congrats girl ❤❤❤ you deserve the happiness coming your way!!!
Thank you for talking about this and sharing your story. Whenever someone mentions addiction, a CG Kid quote comes to mind: "I'm not a substance addict, I'm an escape addict." I think that's powerful. All addicts actually just want to feel better and escape the difficulties.
Im older than you im 32 but you still have inspired me, and I look up to you. I was an addict for 10 years now I'm not (14 mths clean with methadone medication) . T.y for showing ppl we are more than just a addict or a number :)
Congrats on you time sober bb!!! 💝💝💝💝💝💝
The bullying itself does need to be addressed. I was bullied a lot as a kid and it seemed like everytime you were bullied and stood up for yourself you would very much be the one in trouble. I've been there and it sucks.
My brother overdosed on speedball in 2010 and did not survive so addiction hits home for me I’m so glad you talk about it Jess
Eeeewwwsh a Premiere event exciting. I gave up a 15 year meth habit when my 1st born son blessed me with his life. At 1st I made it like a fight my son in one corner the devil in the other. I relapsed many times.. Till I decided it wasn’t the devil it was nothing an it no longer had any power over me. 6 years clean my boys 8 an I’m about to buy my first property. The love for a child is more powerful than any drug
Ray Was here WOW! Love your story! Keep on going! That’s amazing 😊 What a great life you are living and giving to your child!💕
Thank you :)
makes me hopeful seeing that being sober can be done. i got out of detox a week ago after 16 years of using and still feel so tired and uncomfortable.
You’ve got this!!!❤️
Been there. Give it a few more days youll feel better
You can do this!
Hang in there you will be okay..I promise!!!!
Hi Jessica, My Brother is unfortunately in the deep deep hole of addiction. Unfortunately its been over 20 years of this. Your clips are a source of inspiration as well as information and support that we don't very often get here in South Africa. You are Reece are amazing. Keep doing what you are doing! You are very strong young individuals.
Jess, I got addicted to your channel about a week ago, I cant help it. I watch at least 3 videos from you (per day)😭 your vids are so so informative, raw, honest and educational! ♥️ I have never met a channel before like yours! I became so open-minded for these topics, thank you so much! You are spreading so much useful information and experiences Jess.
I cannot thank you enough for that, really!
You’ve helped me so much ! ❤️ I’m 2 weeks sober ! Taking it one day at a time !
You got this girl!!
I SWEAR your story should be made into a film. The story arc is a rollercoaster, and very RARELY told. Almost everyone thinks the same things when they hear prison, or someone whose been, not only in prison, also pregnant. You've spent the last 8 years proving every statistic wrong. And the true story of 1 person's perspective of the failures of the system, it's so insane. You are such an inspiration.
I lived in Upstate NY from 8-11th grade. The town was very quaint but there were families who lived in run-down homes without windows, etc. The disparity was shocking. Despite poverty, you became well spoken. That's a very powerful tool in raising oneself out of poverty. Having limited verbal skills will keep you down and not enough people know that. Good for you!
💜 😊 JESSICA!! I'm a recovering addict as well. Thank you for all you do. I watch you every morning & I appreciate what you do help addicts. God bless you! Love ya! 😉
Can’t wait to see this I love all your videos! Thank you for showing you can get past addiction even though it’s hard ❤️
I personally don’t relate directly to anything to do with drug addiction or prison, BUT I struggle with an eating disorder which is an addiction in my eyes and the lessons you give throughout your videos and the distractions you give when telling stories etc. have helped me stay on track and I can never thank you enough xxxxxx (one little thing, if you move the lower strand of lighting a little to the left as I am viewing it so the two lights at the bottom frame your face more, that would make the best aesthetically pleasing background ever)
This is awesome. Our resilience fighting our struggles is universal. Stay strong.
I’m crying like a little B.. complex PTSD, severe depression, anxiety, insomnia, and ADHD.. I needed to hear this.. thank you a million times over ♥️
I’m pretty sure the internet is the only thing that has saved me from addiction. Being able to see stories like these and realize that the dangers far outweigh the temporary relief of drugs and see the hardship of people’s addiction has saved me. Thank you for sharing your stories with the world.
People working with preteens, teens and young adults (in all sectors of education) need to hear this; your testimony speaks volumes!
I'm sure you are (and you should be) very proud of surviving the extremely difficult childhood you had and going on to eventually thrive. Your past has made you the strong person you are today. Impressive.
"my childhood wasn't even a childhood" same
Jessica, I love your channel and this video! I am 17 years old and I am so thankful and grateful that I grew up in a healthy environment both mentally and physically. This video made me realize just how lucky I was and am.
I know I’m late to this, but as someone who was also an addict, I can relate to a lot of things she said and felt. I’ve been through a lot of these same struggles. So thank you for sharing your story Jessica. I found it very inspiring. Gives me hope for the future. Really glad I found your channel. I just hit the two year sobriety mark.
I watch your videos every day and I’m so happy you are speaking about sobriety and incarceration. You speaking and educating people about incarceration is a huge thing for me. I was going to do my Masters thesis on prison communication but ended up not continuing school. You speak very concise and I hope you continue this channel. You are inspiring Jessica.
Loving an addict is def the hardest. It’s truly heartbreaking
Agreed, my best friend is an addict who is now in prison. It breaks my heard but he seems to be on the right path and mindset for getting help when he’s out
According to Dr Drew that if someone has a drug or alcohol problem that is bad enough where they need to see him, then there is nearly 100% probability of childhood abuse. The main obstacle in treating addiction is for the drug addict to find someone to trust. The addict cant trust because they have been so severely violated in a vulnerable relationship
not exactly sure y but I really enjoyed this video,probably because im in my 2nd month clean after 10 years, but keep it up Jess you rock and your truly an inspiration to us all!
I just recently found your videos and have been enjoying them daily. You are a good story teller, you have good stories and you are an articulate speaker. You are doing a good public service by sharing your life's lessons to help others avoid the same mistakes and to follow your example of living in sobriety. You are a beautiful young woman and you have a beautiful spirit.
The drug addiction, including cigarettes, is often based on underlying mental/emotional problems, known and unknown. If the underlying issues are not treated the ability to get off drugs is almost impossible. It took six hard attempts for me to quit smoking, I was on pain killers for five years with no addition issues, but I was already under treatment for my depression and anxiety and medically supervised when I quit, which made the difference for me.
Cigarettes are not a mind altering substance.
My God, I felt The same. I didn’t want to be around any one in recovery when I was high: the guilt! Thank God for this channel
Love every single minute of this being an adult is not easy it is hard every day is a new day but even if I feel like I’m taking a half a step back not even in drugs just with my daily schedule or my goals for that day I know that at the end of the day I am doing the best I can do I’m sober I’m healthy and that’s all that matters love your channel love you keep doing what you doing girl thanks for the inspiration
The experiences you had in school - the bullying, the being the new kid, the unwillingness of adults to protect you and the way they made you the problem instead of your antagonists sounds so much like how I grew up. Middle school and High school were miserable for me; everything was my fault at school, and then it was all my fault at home with my mother. I couldn't even use the "in school suspension" tactic because my mother would have made it hell at home. On the other hand, she wasn't getting evicted all the time so I didn't have to deal with that.
Regardless, this video was really an OMG moment because it occurred to me that I was really lucky that I never got involved with drugs, because if there had been a drug crowd that had said "yeah, you can hang with us, it's cool, but you need to try this stuff" I would have been super vulnerable. Fortunately for me, I was scared of drugs - it just seemed like another way that I'd be in trouble and of course it would have been 100% my fault if I had. I finally ended up in the military, and it's really unfortunate Jessica that someone hadn't, at age 12 or 13, told you "hey if you can just make it through high school without getting into drugs and trouble, there's a place where you can have a stable job, a roof over your head, and meals, and you'll have a team to be a part of and older people to watch out for you."
You and Reece both seem like you'd have made good Soldiers if you'd just had the right encouragement and guidance at a young age. I taught for about a year at a charter school, and it had a lot of kids with similar problems to what you grew up with and I (and the couple other veterans who worked there) really thought a lot of the kids would make good Soldiers (or Sailors, Airmen, or Marines) if only someone could show them why they should do what they needed to do to get there.
With a minimum of luck I'll make it to Lieutenant Colonel this year, which is as high as I think I care to go before I retire in a few more years, and my own daughters are (thank God) doing way better in school than I did, but this video really made me realize how lucky I was at how things worked out, because I totally could have had the same problems you did. Keep doing what you are doing, these videos are so great and so badly needed. Your videos ought to be shown in a lot of middle school and high school classrooms. Your work is incredibly important, please don't ever stop!
Reece was in military. See earlier videos if interested.
Yas Jess, you hit the nail on the head once again. People always think the same way about Connecticut being a “rich state” and “incapable of having anything bad happen-addiction, poverty, crime, etc.”, but that’s SO NOT THE CASE ‘when you peal back’ and really see what’s going on. I really relate to your childhood in regards to finding a “friend” (a few years older) at 12 after being an outcast that introduced me to the party scene-finding that acceptance made me feel like I had a purpose (and things began to spiral-and soon any substance helped me feel complete). I still have some struggles, but thank you for allowing me (and all of us) to see we’re not alone, our stories have coincidences, and we CAN recover with perseverance and HELP (in many forms, NOT JUST MEETINGS). LASTLY, thank you for offering this perspective to those who are the victims of addiction (family, friends, etc.), I think this really offered them insight into what goes on in OUR minds.
I heard what you said about being bullied. I was that one kid who befriended those who were being bullied. And omg, they turned out to be some of the coolest kids. They are still my friends today. 👌
1:30pm in Scotland watching this while eating lunch🏴🏴
Enjoy your meal
Dana Paterson I miss scotland
@@kritkratt6383 Where in Scotland have you been?
@@deceio was tasty thank you😀
@Josh Frank Nope we don't have hot pockets in Scotland, I've been to the US so I know what a hot pocket is.
Hi Jess! I'm not sure how I found the first video about your experience, but it grabbed my attention because I was born in Fort Smith. I grew up in the woods about 30 miles outside of the city. I had a rough homelife and we were poor, I was bullied, I started reading to escape when I was 8 and I got drunk for the first time when I was 14. My goal in life was to survive until I was 18, get away from home and move to Fort Smith and party with my friends. When I was 16, God intervened, and I was allowed to move to Pennsylvania with my older sister and my whole life focus changed. I'm so grateful my story changed, I'm so grateful your story changed. I want to help other people change their stories. Please post more videos on how to help?
its hard for me to get threw this whole video. the words your saying are so real, bullying is a serious problem!
I'm glad I found your channe. This message hits home for me. It kind of helped me understand my sons life as an addict. He was put in jail for selling drugs & I ended up losing my sweet granddaughters. Mom & dad were both addicts, so the girls were adopted. I am scared because my son is getting out of jail for the third time in the past 20 yrs. (He is almost 40) Each time he got out of jail he would do well then use again. I blamed myself for him turning to drugs. I wasn't a good mom. I hurt so bad and felt so alone, I fell into a very severe depression. I felt his hurt deep down. I am a much stronger person now & have learned not to be an enabler, and stick to my boundaries for my sake. But the closer the date comes for him getting out, the worse my anxiety gets. We haven't talked much about the past. With your videos, I feel I can see his side more clearly. Thank you for sharing your stories.
My daughter saved me. She will be three in March. I relapsed after she was born because my father died in a horrible car accident and I had PPD. As well as being diagnosed with major depression disorder and PTSD. But I went and got help in a rehab facility after hitting rock bottom and when I got out I moved away from that whole situation and came back home. My dad was my only family in that state the rest were 1000 miles away. I never pictured myself not being on drugs or having a career it’s been a little over two years since I got sober and I got my high school equivalency and went to college and became a Certified Medical Assistant at 20 years old. 💪🏻
Im so thankful for you to share your struggles so others dont feel alone! Feeling alone can feel so hopeless, but when you hear someone elses story, it makes things feel not impossible. Your videos have helped me personally! Ilysm !
I am a politox addict since im 16, and the last three years i was on oxycodone and heroine.
Didnt really realised that im an addict. I thought im different and i could handle it.
But im trying to stop using for one year, and never got it. But im different ;)
Well, i think i really got it in the beginning 2020.
Today its my sixed day sober.
Im not feeling well, and im depressed, but im happy that im sober.
Its helping me to see your vids, but also triggering me a little.
Thank you for your work, and its fantastic that you got it!!
Sorry for my bad english, im from germany
we always remember our first time using heroin. mine was after 5 days without sleep on ecstasy, my friend came to my house & asked: "you wanna sleep? i may have something for you" i answered "whatever it is, just give me".
i smoked it several times & suddenly i felt this invisible warm, comfortable blanket around me. i closed my eyes & i felt like i'm on a roller coaster. it was just every feeling that you love..the ultimate high.
but the withdrawal is the worst feeling..
I really believe that boundary setting, self care & understanding addiction should all be things taught in public schools! (just a few out of the many on the list!)
Jessica it's like you had a LOT of self-loathing, growing up and a LOT of control issues. I hope you can learn to love yourself and that you can find yourself some real release it's okay to give up that control. I have some of those same demons I get it I hope you can keep that happiness.
I really like this background. It fits the nature of your topics.
Every time I hear this amazing recovery story I always feel more and more inspired, just in general, thank you for sharing your story in detail. 💖
The bully thing really gets me, I do not like bullies at all. I was the type of person that stood up for myself and others, verbally though not physically and I would get them to stop. But to think you stood up for yourself and you would be the one to get in trouble, even though they were the bullies it's just so backwards and I know that can happen and it's awful.
I wish I could have known you during that hard time in the very beginning, I would have been your friend and I have never been a part of the party scene.
Your videos are getting more and more professional looking, daaaaang💜💕💜💕💜💕
My son was diagnosed with ODD oppositional defiance disorder and explained so much of his torment growing up.
I watched my mom die from heroin addiction at 14 and for a long time I blamed her for leaving me and my brother alone without her and the things the did to us for drugs .. watching these videos really help me see perspective from the other side 🥺 thank you Jessica and I don’t know you personally but I feel like you do and coming from me I AM SO PROUD OF YOU !! I watched my mom battle addiction and withdrawal and to see you come out of that strong means alot !! Keep going❤️
Hi Jess,
I first heard of you and listened to you on Dopey. I was blown away.
You are an incredibly intelligent and articulate young woman. It really amazes me that you not only survived your street and drug ordeals, but also that your brain and physical self are top of the scale.
Congratulations on everything you have accomplished and I am sure you will be able to achieve everything you set out to do. You are a real hero. Very, very impressive you are!!!
Thank you so much for this. I'm an addict I'm about to be 2 years clean April 13th. I'm in quatantine and being isolated again is hard. Hearing your story helped a lot. Really appriciate it. Thank you for you time.
Jessica thank you for sharing. I am an addict/alcoholic and I started a bit younger than you and checked into rehab 6 days after my 22nd birthday and my sobriety birthday is a month later. (I'm hard headed.) In a little over a week I'll have 38 years free from all mind altering substances. When I was about 15 years clean/sober I started to deal with my mental health issues. They are a stone bi*ch when you aren't self medicating or receiving treatment. Keep speaking out about addiction and recovery. You can't keep it unless you give it away.
I really needed something to look forward to tomorrow. Thank you ❤🙏
Me to ... minute after minute...step by step to the next day and so on
I wish you TOO MUCH LUCK AND HEALTH 👏❤🙏 Not only for you!! TO EVERYONE WHO IS WITH SAME OR OTHER PROBLEMS 🙏
I love listening to your story. You are changing so many people’s lives - both addicts & sober people!
I love your videos so much. I grew up without my mom due to her addiction. Luckily she got sober & i ended up moving in with her after i turned 18 and we were able to rebuild. It’s still a struggle dealing with the past but your videos have helped a lot over the years and just made me feel better 🥰 proud of you!!
Long time member of Alanon here ! My father was an alcoholic and my ex husband is one too - my fiancée however has 33 years and still goes to 2 meetings a week 💪
I hear you talking about your childhood, and i just want to come through that screen and give you a big hug :/ please keep taking good care of yourself. And you’ve helped so many with this channel. Please keep being the good you. God bless that you finally reached sobriety. I still struggle with my alcohol and cocaine use. Only when you’ve really been through it can you actually understand what it’s like to go through it. It hurts like hell. Ans getting help is not easy at all. It is scary. Please, you guys, at least try to understand.
I am also a recovering addict who suffers from depression and anxiety. I’ve been 4 years sober. I got pregnant and never used again. Like you said, my daughter gave me a purpose in life. I cut all the negative people in my life out so I wouldn’t resort back to that lifestyle. Congratulations on your sobriety ❤️
I am so glad I found your channel. Although I have never used drugs or been to prison- you have educated me so much. I used to view people who used drugs or who have been to prison as bad people- you have totally changed my mind. People who are addicts deserve help- not prison. I'm so angry by all of the injustice of how our "justice" system treats people like animals. I now am educating others with the things I have learned from your videos.
Im so proud of you and your journey🖤 ive lived in poverty and have struggled with addiction and depression my whole life so i can relate to alot of parts of this. I love reading still, it helped me too. Im not struggling with my depression and my addiction anymore, I'm 20 years old and about to start my 2nd trimester of pregnancy. Im so glad your life is turning around and im working to do it with mine
Congrats on your sobriety love! I myself am 6 1/2 years sober from pain killers. I am also the child of an addict, sadly my father didn’t make it and addiction took him from us. We lost him in 2017 from liver failure because of his alcoholism. That nearly killed me and I came so close to relapsing but thank God my boyfriend (now husband), older sister, and big brother (brother in law) made sure I took care of myself and maintained my sobriety. that was almost as hard (maybe even harder) as coming off drugs. We tried so hard to save my dad but his wife (my step mother) is also an alcoholic and refused to admit he needed help because she would have to face her own demons. It killed me to tell my dad that I had to set healthy boundaries and that his wife was enabling him and I couldn’t continue to support their destructive toxic behavior. It was a miracle that I had lunch with my dad the Thursday before he died (he passed that Sunday) and we had talked a lot and were able to start mending that fence and I was optimistic about getting him out of that house and away from the physical abuse my step mom was committing. But it was just too late, my dad was too far gone and I think seeing me that Thursday was his way of knowing I was going to be okay because I had the support I needed and so did my sister. His body gave up so he could be with our mom (we lost her in 2011, my dad was married to her until the day she passed) he is out of pain and with the women he loves but is still really hard. He died 10/1/2017 and my mom passed 10/5/2011 so needless to say October is not exactly the best month for us. That’s why my husband and I decided to get married in October, in hopes of bringing joy back to that month. We got married 10/13/2019. I am also set to graduate with my bachelors degree in corrections and case management on 10/5/2021, which is very fitting because sadly my mom didn’t get to live long enough to see me sober, so I feel it is very fitting that I will finish school on the 10 year anniversary of her passing. I know they are both looking down on my sister and I and our husbands, as well as their 3 beautiful granddaughter (my perfect nieces) with big smiles on their faces. It’s just so hard to be without them day after day. So thank you so much for sharing your story and giving advise to family members of addicts, we need more people like you in this world. I’m sorry for rambling and giving you my entire life story but, it’s nice to get it out sometimes. I am so proud of you and I have never felt so connected with a total stranger in my entire life. It sounds weird but when I watch your videos I feel like I’m chatting with a friend. I hope that doesn’t sound creepy. Please don’t block me lol. Congrats once again on all your success, I am so excited to see how 2020 is the best year yet for you. Congrats on the new home and finishing your degree. And congrats to you and Reese on your beautiful life together. Your girls are beautiful. And thank you to Reese for his service. I actually work with veterans and active military personnel for my job. I help enroll them in school and it is so rewarding. I absolutely love what i do. Funny enough, I had my interview for my job 4 days after loosing my dad and on the anniversary of loosing my mom. God is such an amazing being, i feel there are connections to him everywhere around us. Sorry again for the rambling, if you made it this far thanks lol. Jess if you happen to read this...KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK! You are truly inspirational. I have even considered starting a TH-cam channel that focuses on recovery and all other sorts of things. I just havnt had the lady balls to actually do it. Maybe one day. For now I will live vicariously through you beautiful mama! Love you tons!
I reallyu like the way you are so down to earth, God bless you!!
I’ve had many battles in my life, but have been lucky to never have a battle with drug addiction, hopefully never have to. However, I absolutely love your channel because it educates me so much and helps me empathize with others. Thank you, this video is especially helpful for me so that I can better understand those struggling with addiction and hopefully help them if I am able. I used reading as an escape mechanism in my childhood too, still do now that I am a librarian!!
bless you for sharing your story so openly to this youtube community! I've followed your channel/videos for a couple of months, and can't wait to see what you do with that degree!!! As an artist manager, i can tell you addiction and mental health are very prevalent in the creative industries, especially in the realm of "celebrity" to put the two together in one topic channel is EVERYTHING!!! keep up the hard work, it does not go unnoticed
I'm from upstate I live in Geneva NY (fingerlakes) have you heard of it? You are so right these towns around here there is nothing to do its filled with crime and drugs its so sad..I never thought I would fall into addiction but it sure doesn't discriminate. You inspire me and give me hope Its a EVERYDAY battle but it has given me better reasons to overcome and purpose. Your story's do matter and they do help so never stop!!
Jess, such a great video! I am 9 years clean, and completely agree with you! People can never understand exactly how far the rabbit hole of addiction can take someone! Awesome suggestions and advice! Much love to ya girl! 💖💖💖
So glad I made it! Love you and your content! You're an. Inspiration to sooo many! God bless!
Gosh, i relate to so much of this! Esp, getting prescribed by dentist, drs for really horrific ovarian cysts, etc, and then finally realizing I loved it and getting it anyway I could... turned in to Full blown H addiction. Being high in meetings (a lot).
I want everyone to know you can live a happy, life, clean! Everyone’s journey to that, is different 💛
Several federal courts have found that AA/NA , 12 Steps are consistent with religious activities. You can not be required to attend 12 step meetings, if the court orders attending meetings, they have to provide a secular alternative, SMART Recovery, Lifering Secular Recovery, ect.
You cannot be denied government funded health care , housing , educational programs based on your refusal to attend 12 step meetings. Inouey v Kemma, Munsion v Norris, Freedom From Religion Inc v McCallum, Joseph Destefano V Emergency Housing Group, and others.
🖤 To all who read this comment.. my comment is for all to see and hope to learn from each other! 🖤
Jess, This is hands down my Favorite Video you've Ever done👏 You couldn't have said any of that better. It was so real, and honest. I could feel your uplifting energy in your voice as you spoke.
I'm a recovering addict 3 years sober after 13 years if prior recovery. However, it's like you said "My recovery is My recovery". IMO, As long as we're aware of what triggers we have, and what circle you choose to have in times of hardship, that's a great step. I have a severe TBI from an overdose in 2016, and I recently started EMDR therapy. It's an amazing tool for any with Mental health problems, but also great when used along with active sobriety engagement as well.
EMDR practice isn't just for TBI's at all. It's also used with depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc...
For me, so far it has worked wonders. Not gonna lie, It's a bit intense and emotionally draining at some points, but once done with one issue, off to the next. It's such an amazing feeling when you're freed from a memory that for example "any 4 yr old wouldn't ever see, but gets it out vocally and visually, and is put back in the part of the brain that allows us to not be haunted by it anymore"..
Jess.. I love you regardless, but loved this video SO MUCH, and YES, Mental health is something that HAS to be looked into more when it comes to recovery.
Thanks for the beautiful opening of your heart Jess! 🖤
Also, Congrats to You, Reece, and the girls on the new House of yours! 🏘️ 👨👩👧👧 🌻
🖤 #HardWorkPaysOff! 🖤
🖤#BlessedIsAnUnderstament!🖤
🖤#RideOrDie! 🖤
I just want you to know, apart of your story has helped me to get clean. I was a pill and meth addict. You’re so right you should not forget your past. My husband was murdered in 2018 due to selling dope he was set up an robbed. Keep doing what your doing you’re touching more people than you think. 👼❤️
That money trigger thing is really scary for me for some reason.
I'm not an addict, or if I am, it's video games. I've never been in prison or jail. I started watching your videos out of curiosity. You got me intrigued, you made me feel utter disgust, you almost made me cry, I was happy for you, I grew to respect you.
When you said depression is a trigger, I was thinking "That must be really hard but hardly surprising". When you said, in present tense, not even in past, that cash would do that to you... after 8 years... that terrifies me. It makes no sense to feel this, but I do.
I'm glad you got out of it. I'm glad you are fighting. And I'm so freaking glad I didn't have the money when I was lost and could easily find a dealer.
Your very authentic and relatable and you touch on topics points and parts of your story in a gracious way. Keep pushing this message through you can touch others in the struggle
I struggle with alcoholism. I went through so much sexual abuse I wasn't equipped to deal with my problems at such a young age. I was 12 when I took my first drink and I rationalized it that at least I'm not on cocaine like my mom. A few years ago I lost custody of my kids. To my mom. That was a huge blow to me because she never took care of us and how is she better suited to take care of my kids? Then I started pills. I'm better now. No more alcohol or pills. 9 months sober so far. I get visits with my kids now without supervision. Love you Jess ❤
You're really brave. People love you. We love you. Stay safe and sober.
Really proud of you Jess. As a young adult, I went to my parents to ask for help because I had an addiction, unfortunately both of them verbally abused the shit out of me for having an addiction in the first place and that only drove me deeper into my addiction, so YEP YOU GUESSED IT, they REALLY got stuck into me. even more and that drove me so deep into my addiction, I couldn't stop so I ran away from it and I now live in a place where I can't feed the beast but I tried to OD in 2018, so I'm still pretty fkd up.
All my love and support to you from this video - sharing your story matters. Stories build understanding and understanding builds empathy and empathy makes the world a better and less ugly place.
I’m from the 845, and you are absolutely correct about the struggles going on in New York, I see that shit every day 😔 my story isn’t as complicated as yours, but I’ve definitely made bad decisions that I was only able to make because of where I grew up and what I had access to. Thankfully, it never amounted to anything incredibly serious, and now I’m about to be 21, and thankful I found your channel because where you were is where I would have ended up. Love you Jes 💜