Why is it so scary to see the abuser AS AN ABUSER? Why can you keep flip flopping to excusing the abuse to then seeing them for what they did? Where does forgiveness come into play? Or when, if ever? What do you do with the FEAR (and confusion) over their behavior? What do you do with the disappointment?
I would love if you did a video on reactive abuse. I am normally a very even keel person, I don’t have any of these reactions with anyone else I’m around. I felt horribly guilty when I reacted not within my normal range. Now I understand that it’s still not ok, but I also know I was like a cornered animal lashing out. It took probably a 100 plus times for me to finally explode. I realized I was a yeller when high stress traumatic situations happened, I even occasionally threw an empty water bottle across the room. Even during those times I did not want to hurt this person, I threw in the direction away from them. With years of therapy I have come to terms with the guilt and have learned to identify my intentions. My intentions were to get this unsafe person away from me and to stop hurting me, not for me to hurt them. It was a very hard experience to lose myself and be at my worst. I’ve learned so much from this traumatic experience and I’ve starting to learn what red flags to avoid and why I fell into the relationship in the first place.
Lol... it helps to keep in mind that they're common and normal reactions to have. It's possible to list them like that because so many others have experienced them too.
OK, I'll have to talk to some people first to understand better what has helped them get past that kind of experience. I'm guessing some of the points will include (1) a combination of bringing to light and processing a lot of underlying perspectives about self-worth and where it does and doesn't come from, (2) building mental habits of self-love and appreciation, (3) realizing that the abusive person's perspective is pretty skewed and isn't really a barometer or measure of anything... and no amount of trying hard will be good enough, usually, (4) processing / working through any other really negative thoughts or perspectives about self-worth that might not be related to the abusive behavior but are kind of being taken advantage of it and (5) where/how to start with all that because that's a lot to do on your own and hard to do on your own. But that's a guess, to make a video like that I think I first need to interview a few people who have experienced it to find out what the hardest parts were for them and what were the most helpful starting points for them.
found this when i needed it. thank you
Love it. Would Def like a part 3
Why is it so scary to see the abuser AS AN ABUSER? Why can you keep flip flopping to excusing the abuse to then seeing them for what they did? Where does forgiveness come into play? Or when, if ever? What do you do with the FEAR (and confusion) over their behavior? What do you do with the disappointment?
I would love if you did a video on reactive abuse. I am normally a very even keel person, I don’t have any of these reactions with anyone else I’m around. I felt horribly guilty when I reacted not within my normal range. Now I understand that it’s still not ok, but I also know I was like a cornered animal lashing out. It took probably a 100 plus times for me to finally explode. I realized I was a yeller when high stress traumatic situations happened, I even occasionally threw an empty water bottle across the room. Even during those times I did not want to hurt this person, I threw in the direction away from them. With years of therapy I have come to terms with the guilt and have learned to identify my intentions. My intentions were to get this unsafe person away from me and to stop hurting me, not for me to hurt them. It was a very hard experience to lose myself and be at my worst. I’ve learned so much from this traumatic experience and I’ve starting to learn what red flags to avoid and why I fell into the relationship in the first place.
yes, this please!
When he mentions what people can feel and you can tick all of them. 😅
Lol... it helps to keep in mind that they're common and normal reactions to have. It's possible to list them like that because so many others have experienced them too.
Could you please make a video about how we could avoid viewing abuse and/or toxicity as an indicator of our worth as a person?
OK, I'll have to talk to some people first to understand better what has helped them get past that kind of experience. I'm guessing some of the points will include (1) a combination of bringing to light and processing a lot of underlying perspectives about self-worth and where it does and doesn't come from, (2) building mental habits of self-love and appreciation, (3) realizing that the abusive person's perspective is pretty skewed and isn't really a barometer or measure of anything... and no amount of trying hard will be good enough, usually, (4) processing / working through any other really negative thoughts or perspectives about self-worth that might not be related to the abusive behavior but are kind of being taken advantage of it and (5) where/how to start with all that because that's a lot to do on your own and hard to do on your own. But that's a guess, to make a video like that I think I first need to interview a few people who have experienced it to find out what the hardest parts were for them and what were the most helpful starting points for them.
Link to Part 1: th-cam.com/video/rQcaHwlGJrs/w-d-xo.html