Do You Feel You’re Giving Too Much in Relationships? (Matthew Hussey)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ย. 2024
- Hey everyone! So many of you have been asking me questions this week relating to the crisis: managing your emotions, knowing what to do with your love life during this time, knowing how to keep things going with someone who has become long distance due to quarantine. I’m going to use next week’s video to give my thoughts on some of these issues. This video was shot before the world changed (although the content is still vitally important) and we didn’t have time to shoot another one to replace it. But stay tuned for next week’s video! And be sure to follow my Instagram (@thematthewhussey) where I’m giving my current thoughts on the developing crisis. Thanks everyone, and stay safe. Love you guys ❤🙏
▼
Don’t Miss Out! Subscribe to my TH-cam channel now.
I post new love life advice for you every weekend.
▼
Do you ignore red flags?
Do you feel like you give too much in your relationships?
Do you brush things under the carpet when someone violates your boundaries?
If so, this week’s video is specifically for you…
The richness and depth of a true connection can only come from giving other people the chance to reciprocate your warmth, kindness, and giving nature…
Because while it might feel selfless or nurturing to pour into others without receiving in return - it can actually backfire, weaken your connection, and make you feel resentful.
I promise that if you find the courage to be honest, you’ll find more satisfaction, fulfillment, and happiness in your relationships.
►► FREE download: “9 Texts No Man Can Resist”
→ www.9texts.com
►► FREE download: “5 Compliments to Get Him Addicted to You” → www.SayThisToHi...
▼ Get My Latest Dating Tips and Connect with Me… ▼
Blog → www.howtogetth...
Facebook → / coachmatthewhussey
Twitter → / matthewhussey
*Being overly giving without receiving is the mantra to end up with narcissistic and emotionally unavailable people*
Goes for both men and women
Stop talking about me! Yup ive been with 3 narcs. All taking and giving me bs answers to keep the gravy train 🚆 rolling.
Yes, being raised in house where you were to be a 'good girl' and not get angry or express yourself fully then being married to a narc for 20 years has brought me on a journey of breaking down old patterns to evolve into a self aware woman.
So sad...yet so true 😔
True! Been there done that, never again ✌🏼
A Datta i completely agree
Im no longer settling for the kind of relationship where theres no reciprocation. Fed up of giving my all and getting nothing in return
Same here 👏🏾👏🏾
Shot hurts man. Alot
im no longer settling for the kind of relationship where there is no reciprocation. fed up up og giving my all and getting nothing in return, copy because i needed that
That Part !!!
Same here..
over giving and getting nothing back in a relationship can be really exhausting. It can led to emtional break down for both men and women.
im a man and this hits me.
while im out here rejecting (politely and respectfully) other girls for her, she casually goes out with other guys behind my back :/
she said she doesnt want our relationship to be out in thw public because she likes to keep it private and im cool with that.
im not cool however with other guys replying to her story with heart emojis and flirting with her.
the thing with our relationship not being put out
in the public is that, i dont blame
those guys for
shooting their shot bcs they think she is single.
i think its on her to not entertain and replying to each of them
she said to me those guys are just her best friends yet those are the same guys that gave her flowers and chocolates, asking her out for dinners etc.
its so messed up, i feel like i deserve better :/
@@TimTim-dq2nf u do
Darn. You hit the nail on that.
I get sick of the question game. It’s when a man or woman asks 50 billion questions on how they need to change then when you mess with them (cause the multiple questions are pissing one off) they get mad and say you’re passive aggressive. Well stop asking me on fire multiple questions to gain information and then manipulate me. But then I guess I feel like I’m gas lighting. I’m just over it. But ive never been this needy in a relationship. We spent almost until 10 something text fighting. I get sick and tired of emotionally giving to people only to be treated like crap in the end. 🤷♀️ men give in a way of buying things my father did that and so did my last boyfriend. For once why doesn’t a man open up about himself and tell the damn truth and then change not just say, “I’ve done a lot of changing I don’t need to change” and then hours later say, “through Jesus I’ve been changing.” It’s been one of my worst relationships ever and I’m sick of it.
@@mariahconklin4150 I'm sorry to hear that.😞
As I guy, this is basically how I live my life, and I'm sure a lot of men go through this too. I am someone who gives gives and gives, and I hardly ever receive. My relationship is probably 90/10, and that's being generous, and it is quite painful when you are with someone you love so much, you give them everything, basically hand them over your self and soul, and that person in return does nothing and gives you nothing. And I am not talking about material things, I am talking about everything in general. I know this video is aimed towards women, but I can't help to think that men actually suffer from this far more, because society today expects men to be the support, the pillars of the relationship. In many relationships (not all), the woman rely on men, but who do we rely on? In my case, I have no one to rely on but myself. And the funny/ironic thing is that if someone came to me and told me that his/hers relationship was anything like mine, I would with no hesitation tell them "leave him/her" but when you are living it, it's a whole different story. I feel like I am being taken advantage of, and despite knowing that, it's hard to leave, especially when you have invested nearly 10 years into the relationship. The thought of leaving and having to start fresh is very scary, and emotionally taxing... The sad part about this is that many men suffer like this, but we have no one to talk to, because if we open up about it, we are seen as weak and unreliable, so we have to suffer in the shadow and alone, while pretending to be ok when we are not.
So true 🤞🏾🙏🏽
Get out, before another 10 years pass and you regret your life and being for this type of unhappiness. If you can give her everything, take it back and give it to rebuilding yourself
hit me right in the feels way too spot on
Wow . You just described everything I go through myself.
if you don’t leave you will be a very passive aggressive man . i left my ex . just go through the withdrawals like a drug addict . you will move on i promise
When he said “ the amount they give, they don’t feel worthy of it..” that hit home sooo hard that I just started sobbing .
I’m sorry you feel this way .. trust me, I cried too. We’re on the same boat.
Same here, it was uncanny like he knew me or something....
Same here sadly some people just manipulate themselves and if something doesn't go right they blame it on you!
I felt the same thing with this video
th-cam.com/video/9t1nH1rQsDg/w-d-xo.html
but when you understand and change, it's so worth it
I feel this. I really give so much and I am very uncomfortable to receive anything..even compliments
I over think everything when it comes to all relationships
Yeah, me too. It´s so annoying
Omg me too. That’s why I can’t keep a man :(
Me too
Me too 😫😫
Same for me
I really feel like he's talking about me
DUDE SAME I WAS LITERALLY SITTING MOUTH OPEN ALL THE TJME
I was about to comment the same thing 🙊
Are u an aquarius by chance?
@@胡蝶しのぶ-r3f me? No a Gemini
OMG SAME
Two years in and I broke off a relationship where I gave and gave. I’m drained and I want to focus on my worth! I’m battling with thinking I’ll be alone forever - but it’s a lie I’m telling myself and I realize that. Thank you
It's been two years since u commented this but I have to say, don't ever think you won't find someone else OR someone better. You have more experience now and that gives you a leg up
This is me bro. Sometimes people just don't give back to you and then you don't feel like giving that much anymore because people take advantage of you. Especially those people you thought were your friends don't seem to appreciate all that I do for them. Give to those people who deserve your time and energy rather than wasting it on people who never reciprocate...
"And then one day you may exode." Matthew Hussey
Eerily raise my hand because I did.
Mila Alt yikes same. I egged my exes car 😂
I gave everything I could, I wore my heart on my sleeve and loved so much despite not feeling it myself, I told her my needs and she left me saying it’s not who she is as a person. It’s hard, it was last night and I’m struggling but your videos are really helping. Thank you.
I have been in this same position my friend. It put me in a very difficult position. I used to communicate my needs with my spouse (now divorced), and I communicated in a way that didn't show anger or frustration. And every single time I get that same excuse from her. She wasn't able to adapt, compromise or go out of her comfort zone to even meet me half way. A year went on and she never touched me or reciprocated the same kindness, love and honesty. Funny thing was, that she was a very self aware but yet did nothing to make it work.
Turns out there were more issues and I just couldn't continue with the relationship anymore as I couldn't see a bright future with her. She never did wanted to reconcile when I brought up divorce. Straight up accepted it and we went our separate ways. I dont regret my decision. But it was a difficult decision nevertheless.
The only positive to take is that I grew and understood myself a little better. Although she did shot down my self esteem every now and then, it only gave me more understanding of the type of person she was, and it only firmed up my decision to divorce.
Hope you are doing good now
In the exact same boat man. How is it after two years? Found anyone that meets your needs yet?
@@majidkhan89 she's a narcissist, learn about narcissist behaviour, it'll help you, take care of yourself
I hope you're feeling better man
A person who'd abandon you for voicing your needs was going to eventually abandon you anyway. Things like respect, communication & honesty shouldn't be negotiable. They're the minimum. If someone can't even give you the minimum, why prolong the inevitable? Suffering in silence over silent expectations not met is the most cruel thing to do to yourself. If you avoid voicing your needs, you not only strip yourself of having met needs, you strip the other person of their chance to meet your needs & show you that they're capable of & willing to have your back. Fear of abandonment or being misunderstood is understandable b/c we're all human. But remember, what makes relationships so fun & worthy is in knowing that you found the 1 person you can be your complete vulnerable self with. If you can't even be that with someone, that defeats the purpose of choosing them out of billions of people/options to be with. Give yourself the permission to speak & live in your truth. The right person will respect you for having a voice, not abandon you for it
Krys B must be nice to have a person who go voices their needs and communicates when the feel off. And don’t just leave you after 5+ years without any communication of problems and just decide you’re not enough without telling you ever what was wrong and what they need.
You are wise and right! 💜
AMEN.
Well said Krys!!! 😁🙏🏿👍🏿🥰
Beautiful!!! Well said!
"pain isnt what deprives me of happiness, lack of growth does" *chefs kiss*
This is so true for all of my friendships. Thank you for pointing this out for me. I realize that I do not want to point things out because I know that people will leave, and I feel unworthy of having my needs met, then eventually realizing that pointing things out only makes people pretend to meet my needs, for none other than pleasing me. I feel unworthy of being pleased. Everything makes sense now..
I no longer know who I am. I’ve been putting so many masks throughout my life just to please others I never really gave all the love and care I really needed to myself first, that’s why I’m here. Re-learning and reworking things so that I can heal from within. Hope I will so that I can truly love and receive the love I deserve 🙏
So true. This applies to any relationship, whether its platonic or romantic, it's so important for us to recognise when we're giving energy to someone who isn't giving that back to you.
I call them the Vampires in your life. People who suck the energy from you but don't give back.
Let go of the vampire in your life :)
Thanks Matthew, an inspiration for me and my channel every day 😊
Love this!!😂
@@charlottesmith5760 Thanks 😋
He's talking about me, I give so much and everything for nothing .
I said the same thing once lol
But a while back I started to become like them. After everyone using me and then ignoring me or not helping me I started do the same thing back. It's hard dealing with people. And learning not to depend on them. It's also rlly hard knowing yourself and being brave about what you need
The problem is saying the truth to people in a way that is not ugly, passive aggressive, just straight aggressive or too scared to say it properly. COMMUNICATION is difficult
This is like you read my mind posting this video. It’s been four years and I’ve been wishing he treated me in a special way that I treat him. I communicated that to him several times and he turns it around and makes me sound that he already does these things and makes me sound like I’m just emotional. I feel like he takes things for granted that I do for him and doesn’t reciprocate that for me.
I dated someone like that too
Now I left him and found this guy who legit treats me like a princess and fulfills my needs but also gives me enough time alone and with my friends
LEAVE HIS ASSSSS
SUPERLADDERCAT I really needed to hear that. Thank you ❤️
That is/was me too. My boyfriend and I literally broke up 3 days ago. I also was patient and wished he would treat me just as special as I treated him but no. We are givers and we love very hard but we have to remember that we DO DESERVE to be treated just as special!! I have to keep saying that to myself, even saying out loud. Stay strong and if he is not willing to meet you halfway, let him go. Trust me, I know it is difficult.
Ladidymus Thank you!
That's what is called "gaslighting". Run, girl. He's not the one for you.
When you bottle your needs and not communicate it in the moment it will almost always explode. It's OK to ask and communicate your needs. You are WORTHY of receiving! ❤
Me: Things are so complicated.
Matt: Lemme help you.
Hey Matt! Thank you for the video. I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and I've come to an important conclusion that throughout years of constant bullying in school and criticism from my loved ones (I am now 23), my self worth has been extremely damaged and now I'm picking up the pieces and trying my hardest to know my worth. I've recently discovered the truth behind my "therapist friend" personality, I tend to always want to help people and go the extra mile for them, I do all that I have in my power to give and recently realized how little or none at all that I receive it back. I came to realize that I'm doing my best to keep them, because I always feel like when I meet new people, once they get to know me, they'll feel disgusted and leave. Deep down, I know how weird I am, and I'm afraid that if I don't mask my personality well enough and act as appealing to others as possible, no one will stick around. I do show the real me, so people do know what I'm like, I share my interests but cautiously, I don't want to weird them out too much that they leave. Instead, I talk to them about what they like, what they think, I make it about them.
I learned from my Mother. She burned her candle in both ends for everyone. It really hurts watching someone burning themselves out. I am also a giver, but I have learned to only give what I can afford. If I am given something in return I can give more and also really express my gratitude. Put the oxygen on yourself before helping others. :)
I told my partner my needs and all I was given was "okay I get it"....and I'm aware I have an anxious attachment style, but if im going through a personal struggle and I turn to my partner to complain and ask what I need right now and just not even get it back hurts me so much. I see the red flags, but when I bring it up he plays victim and it makes me feel bad
You're with an awful person. That's not normal you deserve better. Respect and value yourself by walking away. Give yourself time for recovery then move on. Life is too short to waste on emotionally unavailable people.
Okay, I gotta say this... This video made me CRY, seriously. It's the raw and honest truth that I've been hiding from myself for years. Now I've finally understood it. As always, thank you Matthew from the bottom of my heart ❤️
Just what I need. There’s something in my newish relationship started to bother me this week. I wanted to talk about it but couldn’t come up with a good way of phrasing it. “It would mean a lot to me if you did this” is perfect. Thanks Matt! Love your videos and book.
My wife thinks her only responsibilities should be half of basic household chores. I pay all the bills, I plan everything, I fix everything and solve all of my problems and her problems. And I do half the chores. She says I could do more. Apparently she thinks her only responsibility should be sitting on the couch watching t.v.
I want a relationship in which we sharpen one another.
Yes! A relationship should be about complementing each other. The holes/weaknesses that we have, is supported by our partners. We try and make them the best version and they try and do the same for us. We're not perfect human beings.
@ds electroshock indeed!, and hell yea. Makes me want to ask what you're up to this weekend, or maybe a drink 🤔 sometime.
Yes, great advice. From my therapist to add: make a list of 10 persons you will travel the world to help them. That's your inner circle. Others you can care to listen, but you can't solve their problems. Take care🙏
Lol that will be 3.
@@M.Moadeli123 Oh... sorry to haar that. Self care is key 🙏
@@louisevandiepen4129 Oh plenty of self care here. I just have high standards so my circle of people are small but strong connections. Don't spread myself thin. Hugs
This is brilliantly said..it's so important to speak your needs. It's also a good indicator of a healthy relationship if you can say how you feel and the other person is sensitive to it and understands you that's the ticket. Be wary of people who make you feel like you can't speak up and respond with insensitivity, disdain, or simply no reaction this is not healthy. As a recovering pleaser I realize the new depths a relationship can get to if you state your feelings, be unapologetic for who you are, stop doing things to get approval.
I am a very nurturing loving person who held back in my last relationship as he had a problem with anxiety and I didn’t want to force him to be affectionate. When I asked for basic couple acts of affection; cuddling, arms around me, lightly touching my back he thought I was breaking up with him.. and did it first. I tried to encourage him by telling him that I really enjoyed it when he held my hand or kissed my neck.. but he always thought I was being judgemental of him. When we met he said that I would have to initiate because he would never do it. I am not interested in someone that does not have mutual attraction in me. I am worth it!!
I actually had to work on this last year by putting my needs first. It was liberating and changed some of my relationship dynamics with people.
For me, it’s not a fear of him leaving if I express my needs. I don’t believe that I am worthy or good enough just as I am so I over-give and overcompensate for my own perceived lack of value. I am not worthy of love as I am, so I will be this person that I believe I’m supposed to be and who I think I need to be to be worthy.
No one’s worthy of love. It’s not about worthiness; it’s about grace. No imperfect person has the moral right to decide that another imperfect person is unworthy of love. Don’t cheat yourself of love by not giving yourself grace ❤️.
This came just at the perfect moment. I worked a lot in my feeling of not being worthy; I now need to take the next step and communicate my needs
Incredible. This "explosion" just happened yesterday, it was explained... they didn't get it... it was 4 years of pure pain and torture.
1. I need to learn to communicate
2. Self worth is low... I gotta work on that
I did this for 8 years and ended up deciding one morning that I don’t want this relationship and it’s over. I blindsided someone and left them which would have been absolutely shocking. Of course there is more to my story but it taught me that I needed to self evaluate and realise that I needed to learn how to be open about my needs and wants and how I really feel about situations. I’m with someone new now and I communicate everything and he sees me and he respects me and he appreciates all that I am and what I desire in life.
You deserve it
Ouch
@Sammy Long good luck
It was actually really nice to hear something that wasn't about "the virus". Thanks for this video! 🙂
I've always been giving for 2yrs but the moment I stopped and started to ask for wat I need I started seeing red flags
I think this out of fear thinking I’m not good enough and I feel if I give a lot they will stay in my life.
Guys, calm down about Matthew’s ring, it’s on the right hand 🙃
Matt! How are you doing?! I hope you’re healthy and safe in this scary time! Sending love and positivity! ❤️
exactly what happens to me, i give it SO much, now he's on tinder with the iphone that i bought to him. pathetic
We're giving way too much without receiving and putting others before us. That's the problem.
Even family members are the same. Just stop giving without asking. Put yourself first.
I learned this very late.
@@sadagathajiyeva5 i'm learning throught the pain
This is a dick move on his part but you definitely deserve better.
It’s so good to hear this...waking me up to the reality to ignore red flag and put my foot down when needed. Thank you Matt! ❤️
YEAH, that's why I am all alone now. No boyfriend, no friends.
Safe place to be, far away from parasites.
U aren't alone believe me is a very thin veil between the fallen world and the spiritual
We are not to worship or come up under mortals ,we are supposed to come up under spirit who controls death and time
If ure lonely how bout help
1. Elderly who can't walk pets
2. Elderly who cant get food now
3. Abused and hurting dogs and cats
4. Homeless just be safe first
5. Meals on wheels
6. Volunteer work
No-one owes u in the Fallen World this isn't paradise thisnplace is hardcore suffering and pain and u want a life u want something than how bout u go out and help without asking for something like mortals worshipping u as what u are owed in return how bout that
I'm a trauma survivor I come up hard u want something in life u want to court the most elusive maiden of all "Happiness" yeah than u Need to do the WORK
I feel so empty and alone. This video made me realize I’m losing myself by putting others’ needs before my own. I don’t want to make people upset so I push my feelings and wants/needs down. God I’m in so much pain 💔
That is so powerful and insightful. I just today had a serious conversation with my partner about exactly this topic. It just proved what I was saying is right. Thanks Matthew, you are amazing!
This video continues to help me everyday. Thank you 🥹
I plan every date, every trip we take, what we eat, where we are going, how to spend our money and I am exhausted!!! Thank God I am only 6 mths into this relationship cause if it doesn't change soon I am out! He makes no decisions at all! What do I do with this?
Run
Make a list of things that he should have resposability for...
For example, now you're in charge of going out activities.
May I ask what happened, this was 8 months ago now, did you guys split up?
@diane moon I was with someone exactly like this. Did you leave the relationship or get him to change?
Update!
I love what you say; when we are not authentic, when we are keeping things to ourselves just to be loved or accepted, it does not mean anything to be loved for that version as we deeply know that it is not Exactly who we are. We cant be mad at people or turn our internal struggle on to other people. Lets just be honest and authentic however crazy we are. If we love our crazy, we can find the real thing that loves that crazy too.
Lesson learned!!!! You deserve alot more than just saying "Thank you" Matthew!
Such a good lesson, thank you so much Matthew, I’m having that problem with my boyfriend, I just feel that I’m giving my absolute everything and he’s really not that into it. I always hide this issues and continue on with the relationship because I’m afraid of losing him. I spent hours thinking and wishing that he would give more to our relationship. I tried to tell him once, but I’m kind of bad expressing my emotions, I always get nervous and don’t like to talk about it. When I told him about it he literally just told me that if I was feeling bad we should just break up. But you see ? I was pissed because he could try to understand, and if we share this true connection it would’ve been different.
Exactly what I do! I avoid conflict saying I am understanding, by feeling how I can help ther other person first, etc etc🙄 I never put myself first!
This is exactly what I’ve felt for a long time with a lot of my friends, but I’ve never said it because I’m in general an open guy so saying this probably wouldn’t hold the same value as it should, since I say open stuff like this often. I don’t wanna sound selfish, but who cares it’s not selfish to ask for what I feel like is the reciprocation I deserve
I understand the "explosion" very Good. People was so many times surprised about my extreme reaktion!!!
Not just only all of this applies to couples, I think friendships too... and it’s so overwhelming and sad that nobody realizes.
This partially resonates with me, I keep going out of my way to give others at the expense of myself, cos i feel like its what I should do as a human being, and I hope if all humans help each other, the world will be a better place. It's not that I feel like I don't deserve the same in return, its more like I rarely need the help from others, but when i need, i do ask. Regardless, I noticed that this leads to frequent burnouts for me, as I keep giving and not noticing its toll on my emotional well-being. Thanks for the video, it made me learn that I should balance my well-being with my want to help others.
Well, they say that we get influenced by certain people because they represent our deep desires to be like them. Confident, self aware, self loving etc etc. So, I guess we should be thankful to such people for showing where we want to actually see ourself. Its painful but -"Take the input and level up."
Exactly me.... No one told me... I had to figure out by myself.... Now I pay attention to the red flags and expect to receive too... I hurt to much and that's enough... when I opened my eyes everyone left... I will find my true love now... with the same give and take... love my new self!!😍😍😍❤❤
Thanks to this video my eyes are opening. The first thing my boyfriend said to me was "I love surprises", so that's what I did, because I love to organise them and receive too, when he would talk nostalgicly about gymnastics, I would look for a trampoline place, but when I kept saying I wanted to hike with him he NEVER offered to take me or even try to organise it, he only had to tell his wish once and I fulfilled it because I loved loved him.. and then the asshole he always was revealed itself, he broke up with me when I needed him the most, my grandma just died 2 days prior, and he dumped me by text..
I used to be terrible for this in friendships as well as romantic relationship. Now I say what I think or if people don’t respect me I move on. Definitely it’s easy to get caught in the idea of been great to somebody but then resentment can eat away at you.
You are so right that when we don't communicate honestly it puts a wedge in between and creates distance.....and blocks us from knowing someone. I've been right in this place.
I know it really hurts when people take advantage of someone's giving nature and forces the person to start thinking about being mean.
You are a kind person who values kindness..nd thz z the best part of you Matthew Hussey..
You deserve all the happiness in the world..
I'm so supportive and caring. My boyfriend treats me like a dog, and only cares about my body. He said he doesn't know how to handle feelings. I've told him he always makes me cry. I even thought about suicide just to get away from the conflicting feelings of leaving and staying. I'm afraid I won't find better. I'm afraid I'll be too old to have kids by the time I find someone better. I'm afraid I'll miss him, but I'm also afraid to stay.
You will find someone better! I promise you, but, until you find that special someone you have to meet first the most special person you'll ever meet: yourself. The first step to feel free and not depend on anyone is to love yourself. Take care of yourself, listen to yourself. Write what you want, what you like, do somethings that make you feel good. If you don't take care of you and respect yourself your giving this bad energy that attracts toxic people. You should never be with anyone who is okay with making you cry! Sometimes relationships like that are like a burning ember, the more you hold it, the deeper is going to be the burn, more painfull and would take longer to heal. Throw that ember away! Try contact 0 (do not watch pictures with him, conversations, whatsoever) and start focusing on yourself! If you need anything else, i'm here to help you, but please, do not think about suicide and love yourself, be kind to yourself ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
so true. I learned i have to do that, even if it risks ending it. What i dislike is when people then tell you, that they just reach out because you want them too (making you sound like a manipulator and them sound like a holy knight). I have to (re-)learn to listen to my intuition more, if a relationship of any kind does feel right, or if i just want it to feel right and then believe it is, because the lie is more pleasant to look at than the truth.
I do stand up for what I want but she isn’t trying to fix herself!! It’s time to walk away!!
I always feel like that to be honest, this video helps
"Pain isn't what deprives me of happiness - lack of growth is." -oof that's too good Matthew
Ladies, I've been in a 14 years relationship "nurturing" my ex. And I've been feeling so miserable. Even if he wasn't someone "bad", it was like "meh, it's comfortable". I was slowly dying from inside. I did breakup tho. I'm finally on my way.
Lot of love and courage to all of you!
Thought that said neutering lmao 🤣 14 years is a pretty long minute, and deserves some respect. Hope it all works out.
I don’t understand how you always manage to post the exact video I need! Love you Matt ❤️
Finally, there is a deaper truth to be over giver. I have sth to work on, now. Thank you. ❤😊
I truly believe I am a giver and will do it with a cheerful heart. To the point that I 'pump the brakes' on the stuff I want to do so I dont look "desperate". I don't expect anything in return nor do I do things so I can ask a favor later. I go out of my way for female friends too. But the thought of being taken advantage of later, or laughed at DESTROYS me. What ensues is a constant battle to fight my own nature vs. looking weak to others. I wish I could end this singlehood and move forward with a healthy commitment so i don't have this internal conflict. I would love to nurture my nature in a safe place where it would be well received.
Amen Matthew to another amazing video. I practiced at all ready for the last couple of years since I started researching as to why I was struggling to find a relationship and I actually found you LOL and I started reading like crazy people don't like it when you set boundaries and you have standards it is mind-blowing how people think they deserve to treat you the way they want. It's definitely made me a much stronger person so thank you for your videos keep them up
So true. This reminds me of a friend of mine. She claims that she is a giver (I also am) but if you complain to her about anything she gets furious and thinks that you don't love her or that you have a bad opinion about her. I've walked away. We are no longer friends. And of course, now to her and her cycle... I am the bad person who never was a real friend to her.
This actually relates me, exactly as what you said, and I thank you for telling truth and opening my eyes
I feel like this video was made for me. Thank you for this message. You're helping so many with broken hearts. Blessings to everyone and hoping your hearts mend strong. ❤
Thank you Matthew! You posted the video on the right time for me. I am just going through a break up. My ex ask for space because he think I am a nurse, that I would have a big chance to expose to the Coronavirus, he didn’t want his son exposed to any of that. I expressed my understanding, and told him how I felt with the decision he made. He thought we are on a different level emotionally and mentally. He stopped reaching out. Showed no concern at all. at the same time, he never gave up on seeing his friends even though the COVID 19 cases are skyrocketing in the US.
This is one of your best videos!! So on point and so many nuggets of wisdom.
I give but I also tell what I need. And they leave everytime.
pain isnt what deprives me from being happy. Lack of growth is..
Mathew Hussey, always lovingly coming for my life 😅 Appreciating your thoughtful wisdom as always! Stay safe ✊🏼
This is a subject that has bothered me for a long time. I very much identify with being the person who gives so much because I truly do care and believe that we should give more intentional thought and care to our relationships. I've always felt that my standards for what my wants and needs are usually higher than most of my friends. I also feel like I'm a bit old fashioned when it comes to how we interact in our relationships. I have a hard time knowing when to draw the line of what is worth putting up with in my friendships. I'm at a point in life now that I do know what value and care I bring to my relationships and most of the time I do feel it goes unnoticed and also not reciprocated. I just worry that if I set these standards that I will be out of friends. Maybe thats too pessimistic but I don't have a lot of faith in people right now. I believe we live in a society now that relationships are based on convenience and not thoughtful care and intention. I very much feel this today as I turn 30 years old during this quarantine and not one of my friends has reached out to me. Maybe my standard for relationships are too much for people but I believe we would feel so much more loved and connected if we changed or added a few simple actions to our relationships.
Im definatly a giver and i always end up with crumbs on my plate left by the other person ive had a relationship with. One thing ive learnt is sticking to my standards even if men walk away which the usually do, I've realised they are not worthy of my time or me. Single life can be happy too.
Mathew is there a way to do "the single husbands show" in Australia! Lol. it's bias how all us women need to put in the hard yards. I feel there are men out there that need to also work in their approach towards women. We are mothers hard workers single amazing women that are always putting in the hard work giving our time love and support to everyone. So far I've never met a man that has had my back and wanted to get to know me as a person. Its always about sex straight away. I don't even put that kind of image out there to be treated that way. Men just try because it's obviously worked for them before. In fact I'm a very classy independent women. I don't understand. There are alot of men that don't see our value and who we are as people. Men also need to step up and be men and supports us women to. I wish men can see us for who we are our personalities what we do for our families not just the physical attraction thats portrait on social media. Its all false advertising that we all have to look and be a certain way and unfortunately society is buying into it. We all grow old one day and that person you grow old with needs to mean something more than just looks.I think we need to make that change within the human race. Both men and women need to put the conscious effort in realising what matters when looking for a long term partner. Covid gives us time to reflect on what's important. Human support towards each other and listening to people's stories. I've learnt to be me and love who I am. Its hard fighting against social media though as men are expecting a certain look in a women i feel these days. Beauty should be in all different forms not just perfection all the time. Women have feelings too not just looks. I feel men expect us to be visually perfect all the time. This is what social media puts out there and us women feel we have to live up to this consistant expectation all the time to be excepted by men and we have to look a certain way to attract the opposite sex. Men need to understand different is beautiful too. Alot of Women feel they always need to live up to this social media standard and men see it and thats what they want perfection. Love your work by the way and your advice has helped guide me to understand to be more sure of myself in what not to accept and accept from the opposite sex. It honestly is still hard to meet the right person. Im not alone though my friends are amazing women and are going through the same thing. it's okay , I'd rather be on my own than with a toxic person who can't see my value. I know so many single women single divorced. Some never end up in another relationship. I've realised I'm no better than them ,but there's other ways to find happiness with family and friends and by doing the things you love and your passionate about. Connecting with family and friends has helped me get through hard times and I've learnt to except what ever I'm delt with in life and not to mold or change myself to please or attract others. I know so many people and have heard so many stories and there all real people that have experienced something difficult in their lives. These are the stories that matter. Not what kim Kardashian is wearing this week.
I just feel better knowing I'm not the only one
You’re one of the most helpful, genuine, and connecting people I’ve come across, with the right dash of levity. You help heal a broken world. I started learning from you for empathy reasons but realized how much your work crosses genders to create bonds and connection between two people through emotional intelligence. Do you welcome sincere meaning men at your retreats ?
Matt, you did say this all on point. I have been in the worst every relationship been through, not only in romantic way, in friendship and family matter, I recently lost a very close friend who I consider as my other half, like my own sister. She betrayed me and manipulative, I gave her shelter and most primary things when no one could ever gave her even her own family or even her partner but me, now she bragged out things she gave to me and girls trip that she paid after whatever I have had done for almost 2 years for her and her family.... everyone of her friends now think I’m the worst person who used her for granted without everybody know what I have done for her, she is quite smart to let everyone know and think she is the victim, she even took ( kept ) my car until now just because she wanted her money for the trip she used when she actually needed me to company her during her rough cheating time to her husband, I have realize how stupid and weak I am to friends who always needs me without think my own need or my own happiness. Thank you Matt for this video, and sorry if sometimes I don’t always agree to your video, but this is so spot on to me and my situation 😔🙂
All I have learnt in life is to Just Give and only give
But when I don't get even some effort back and every time it's me msging and more
It breaks me
That little giggle you let out on the word “explode” was adorable. Can I keep you? 😉
thank u so much for doing such a video, it felt like hiving a great heart to heart conversation, and now it’s time for me to step up and make the change. really appreciate your content 😌
The detachment sooooo true
I'm just tired of impressing everyone
Both in dream's and reality
The worst I have a mental disorder to impress people even when I don't want to and daydream about success when I need to hustle at work
I'm trying my best to be realistic and sane
I am literally in a survival situation. My entire life is having to be fake to survive. Every single time I ask for my needs to be met, people look at me like I’m a monster. I finally started taking care of my own needs & now I’m isolated, but at least I’m not dating some awful person. And I just got laid off so now I have to get along with other awful people again. I agree that many people aren’t honest that they want their generosity reciprocated. I know I’m worthy & I communicate clearly when it is safe to do so. I just don’t know how to be honest & survive right now. But I do think this is an important video for a lot of these people who date “users” or “narcissists”. Maybe they need to stop being so giving. For me it’s more complicated. I’ll survive though, I always do.
I am watching this for the fifth time. Only this video gets me.
my take on lesson is - be honest in showing your expectations and what' s bothering you, for example my boyfriend calls a cab after me every time to take me to his house, although he plays the super nice guy, i definitely need to show him that I want to be his girlfriend(he has an issue verbizing this :( ), thus, he should come and walk with me, engage in outdoors activities.
Errorless participation inspires us, we are great full to Brother Matthew.
This made it clear for me to see the problem and now what to do about it. Thanks for the video!
Hello lovely I will introduce you to the same Relationship restorer who attracted my ex back to me within 48 hours.. He can also help you to reunite back with your ex real quick Believe me I'm not bragging or trying to make unnecessary comment here, this was what really happened to me. he helped me attract (Jeremy) the guy I wanted in my life the most.
What sApp him
+2347 030 894 892.🙏
i am someone who always care about others needs and help as possible as i could. and i just feel so frustrated when im caring about them and they dont care about me as much as i do. i thought they would change but they never tried to understand me or listen to what i needed. they became to neglect me more and things got normal. me wandering around house depressed became normal to them. after the heat of frustration calms i'll act the same. maybe i shouldnt expect much caus everyone is not the same. anytime i feel sad i'll just stay alone and calm myself down. its the best way to take care of myself
100% me! I´m gonna take your advice and try to change. It´s the only way I can move forward in life. Thanks Matt
Mette Andersen,you look so cute and so beautiful ❤💓🌹🌹and I will be glad to know you more
You just hit me really hard with this because I didn't know that this is what is going on with me. I was always a giver, my whole life. Of course, there are people in my life which I won't please, just because I don't think they're worthy of my love. But other than that, I always want togive people EVERYTHING I got, because I'm kinda afraid that they'll leave if I don't. I hate it when people leave. Tho I can't really talk about my needs because I find it kinda awkward. Mostly it's like "nah, we're not that far in the relationship yet" (or friendship). Like I really don't know when the right moment came to talk about it. What if I'm rushing things again? Then I just stay quiet and hope for time to pass by and somehow develop my confidence. Tho that time never really comes or it's too late by then. Or at least it seems to me like that. By then I'm already the giver and people would be shocked if I'd ask for a favor I guess, because they don't know me in that way.
It's kinda shocking to hear that truth, also because I don't really know how to change things. Honestly, I do think that it doesn't really bother me being the giver. Well, maybe it does sometimes but I'm so damn used to it that it's nothing special anymore... if you get what I mean...
Georgina D Long well having trust issues is normal, but going so far that you clone your cell just to look at his phone? Well, that is a huge crush of trust. I mean being cheated on sucks, but who knows, maybe he wanted to tell you but wasn’t really ready how to come out as being gay? Maybe it was a simple affair and he was just discovering himself? Maybe he wanted to tell you in a few weeks? Now, who do you think lacks in honesty? You kinda both cheated on each other, imo...
Certain people have stolen from me , then I meet people who haven't stolen from me , and I give them attention and buy them small things to make them feel good or to show I appreciate them , and I am mostly left alone not because I don't want company 🙂 but not the company of control freaks. There are people you can't tell what you need because they either ignore you or use it against you , empaths are walked over by narcissists