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Yep!

But it is possible right?

Life changing video. Needs way more views than it has.

And had two personalities

My ex literally lead two lives!

This is probably one of the BEST videos I have seen explaining the different facets of an abuser's personality. Thank you.

What if they don’t blame u? What if they take accountability is there better hope?

I don't know if you plan to continue to update this channel. But I want to thank you for all the videos you uploaded. I watched them over and over again, and they helped me leave an abusive relationship a little over a year ago :) Never looked back since. Thank you.

Thanks for these episodes. It’s my husband. He’s totally hit but his manipulative behavior is making him seem yucky. I have a son with him too and I believed in US sooo much so yeah it’s super hard!

I have been abusive psychologically and emotionally for most of my adult life, I'm 43. I want to change. I have gone through a marriage and am currently in a "situationship" that I have ended. They are still living with me. I want to change. I have to change. Once I get into trouble I look into "narcissistic personality disorder" which is a dodge because its something that can't be defined/cured. I really want to change.

but if they’re genuinely trying to change then aren’t they struggling and a loved one can support them bc it’s like a part of the persons struggle and not intentional?

Your videos are by far the most helpful videos I have ever come across on this subject. It's as if you were talking about me! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish you love and blessings in every area of your life ❤

Apply to parents?

They never change. You arent their first victim. This is who they are. The people involved with my abuse wanted me to come back and be "friends". They missed the abuse they gave. I lost my job and nearly my life just trying to get away grom them. They never change and neither their cruelity.

My abusive ex has not gotten in touch with me since last year. But I had a fall today and scraped my knee. And that adrenaline is lingering. She has not *drawn* me back, I made sure she hated me when I fled so even if I fell weak, she'd be repulsed. But the adrenaline rush, the instability, the... Masking. I've been triggered. I crave the chaos, I crave not knowing if I was safe in the house. And what she did was fucking disgusting and abnormal, but I'm so used to that chaos and that high degree of dissociation, that I'm bored being safe. I'm scared of being present. I feel like I'm being gaslit all over again, but I'm doing it to my own fucking self

Change in people comes at a glacially slow pace, whether learning to stop being an abuser or a people-pleaser. Our personalities develop over the years of our childhood and are ingrained very deeply. It starts with acknowledging that you want to make changes and working from there. Whether the change is stopping being an abuser or people-pleaser, it is going to take years. We never stop learning how to be a better person.

You really get it!

Very well stated.

You have to believe your wrong morally to change

Is it normal to feel guilty and shame for leaving a functional alcoholic.

i don't necessarily agree with this. i think when abusers are broken up with they'll do one of 2 things: 1) make their victims' lives hell by stalking, harassing, etc trying to do anything to get that person back or 2) they'll just quickly move on to the next victim. i don't think being broken up with necessarily opens an abusers' eyes to how sick they are.

If someone does any behavior that’s abusive they will always do it, leave

I just don’t want to risk my son being alone with husband ever if we get divorced. He did drugs as teen and relapsed and became abusive towards me and son then eventually went to rehab. Never abusive in almost 11 years then turns pure evil. I don’t have any emotional attachment to him and I don’t think I will ever trust him but I think keep friend close and enemies closer right now. I can control situation more and not let things get bad again. My son is too young to eventually have unsupervised visits with him right now. I don’t think the slide was significant enough that he would have continued supervised visits. I would rather do a prison sentence for 8 years than subject my son to risk.

I watched your videos after I left my abusive relationship and called off my wedding for validation. I wasn’t confident in my decision then because he started turning increasingly abusive for 4 months straight and I hoped he’d change and thought he was going through a stressful phase. Now I realize it was the right move after rewatching, making lists, therapy, Reddit and reading, and I feel so much more reassured and at peace accepting the truth that he will not change for the better. It took me 8 months to achieve this emotional clarity putting in the heavy work on myself. Thank you for your advice! Please continue to make more videos, love your content 🧡💗

I Understand. So you're saying the environment and the changes in the environment brings out the person. So what a person needs to know about themselves. As if this environment is too much for them, they need to remove themselves or Especially when you're young and you don't know yourself. One thing I think you failed to understand is this person didn't know who they were either until they got into these situations. So this comes into a fight or flight method. And if they don't learn to develop thicker skin and learn quicker, this will become a disaster. That's why you think the can't change.

Due to my experiences of being abused and gaslit by someone with borderline personality disorder who always played the victim I now have a knee jerk emotional reaction that whenever someone claims to be abused I immediately become skeptical and assume they are cluster b personality disordered how do i break out of this toxic mindset?

Wow this is fantastic. I’ve never been able to articulate this but this is so applicable to me.

This video was very helpful for me

Thank you, I was feeling particularly gloomy. I saw another guy in the comments and that also made me realize it’s not just women and that I’m not an outlier. Thanks for the video.

being falsely labeled an abuser is almost unbearable. And to keep giving her space, giving her time, letting her be angry, trying to understand. I read the book my S/O read. Almost none of it applies to me, yet she has several things highlighted throughout the book. She constantly treats me like I’m an abuser, giving me all sorts of labels like gaslighter, manipulator, etc and when I try to defend myself, it’s like that’s evidence of further abuse. When I ask for specific examples of what she’s talking about she has nothing other than I was lying about my chemical addiction, which I voluntarily went to treatment for. Idk what to do, but we have three small children together, and a shredded family unit.

I just wanted to let you know that your videos have helped me more than anything else and i've literally read so many books and watched numerous videos but nothing has validated my experience or given me as much clarity as your videos have. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It's 4 months now since i left my home, everything i knew and an awfully abusive situation and moved to another city to live with my son and his wife. Every day i'm getting stronger and thanks to your wonderful videos i can see a chink of light at the end of a very long tunnel. It has to be experienced to fully grasp the horror of an abusive relationship and every point you make it's as if you're talking about me which makes me realise that you truly do know what you're talking about and have first hand knowledge of how awful it is.Thank you and God bless you!

I've watched so many videos and read so many books about this subject, but i must say your channel has helped me the most. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Oh my God yes - the sobbing really gets to me and has to experienced to be believed!! Of course they know that you're a caring person and their sobbing is a manipulative tactic preying on your weakness.

I love this guy!!! So articulate, concise and insightful

It sucks to fall back down into the rabbit hole of the past and remember all the abuse my father did to me and my mother. I hope i dont get in my head again but i feel like im starting to dip. This whole day i have been thinking about all the bad memories and they just dont let me live. No mater how much time passes and how much i try to ignore it or it goes away for a bit. those memories haunt me so much and make me feel so bad.

Thank you so much for these videos ❤

Ew ! I don’t!

What about when an abusive partner claims you are the abusive party? I try to speak to my boyfriend about the things he does that hurt me, and he says it's his response to me not giving him affection, intimacy, etc... but for me, it's hard to be intimate with someone who is constantly mean.

understand now why narcissist/ sociopaths' like to torment you talking about 'their love languages '

The last year and a half has been the hardest of my adult life. Finding your videos today has been SO HELPFUL THANK YOU

Thank you

this is the most helpful video i have watched since going through a bad marriage. Family members really don't help at all until u turn RIP then they wish you had left when you had the chance. Thank you for this video.

I not yet watched the video but it reminded me a quote from another content creator. He says "you don't attract them (the abusive ones) you accept them" That is so right. I visualize the situation like this. There is a guy who has a knife in hand. 8 out of 10 people see him and assume that he may cause some causilties. And change their ways. The "humanist" 2 out of 10 say "Let's give him a chance. It doesn't mean he has a knife he would stab somebody." So. Metaphorically, if someone holds a knife, he will stab. Stay away.

555

One sentiment I've heard from a couple different people who I would consider emotionally/verbally abusive is that they DON'T WANT to be better to the people around them. If they are consistently good, kind, healthy and stable, how can they ever know if their loved ones actually care for THEM or if their loved ones simply like being treated well? So instead of treating others well, these people will regularly be nasty, selfish and chaotic to test the people around them. If their loved ones stick around and "pay the price" to maintain the relationship, that means they really care. And the higher the price their loved ones have to pay (the more B.S. behavior the abuser makes them suffer through), the more the victims must care. Basically, some abusers feel special and secure when they see people suffer for them.

Every video I see, something further explains the behavior of my ex. Here it was the stress, she was at her absolute worst once the stressful situation came along with her business. I stayed because I thought to myself, this is all because of how stressed she is, it's not her. Eventually I just came to terms with that's just who she really is (she wasn't a saint before). I still tear up from time to time when I remember the "sweet" her, I'm still finding that part hard to accept that it was a facade. In time I know I'll heel though.

Great video, thank you. I you dd pretty well for 3 minutes, and covered a lot.

Exactly i stayed because I loved my children and didnt want them to go thru a divorce.

I've watched a million online videos about these topics for the last 10 years and this channel has been the most effective at empowering me to prepare to act

Oh my goodness this video has provided me with an amazing epiphany, thankyou so much.