Coercive Control| 5 Covert Signs You're Being Coercively Controlled| Narcissistic Relationships

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    Coercive Control| 5 Covert Signs You're Being Coercively Controlled| Narcissistic Relationships
    Today I'm talking about coercion and coercive control and I want to talk about 5 ways that toxic people will isolate you - 5 signs your being coercively controlled through isolation. Some of these ways fly under the radar in fact there are some I fell for at one time. I want to share with you how dangerous coercive control is, why narcissists coercively isolate you and how to break out of it. Lets talk about what coercive control is and again understanding this reveals how dangerous narcissistic abuse is. Coercive control is when someone uses fear, they do things that cause you to feel fear as a way of controlling you. You get so scared of how they're going to act and react that you begin acting in ways that are contrary to who you really are, to how you want to be and to how you see things in general. For example - lets say you love to paint but every time you're painting and just enjoying yourself you're not doign anything wrong. Every time you're doing that - if it's met with extreme aggresion, anger, rage by either a narcissistic parent or narcissistic significant other - you begin to fear doing things you love and you actually stop doing things you love bc/ you're about to paint but you think they're going to get mad, something bad is going to happen, and then you stop doing what you love. So two things happen - one the person is controlling you but 2 you are actually changing on the inside.
    coercive control, isolation, how narcissists isolate you through coercive control, how narcissistic parents control you even when you are an adult, adult children of narcissists can be isolated and controlled by toxic parents, how narcissists manipulate, covert manipulation tactics, hidden signs gaslighting, toxic relationship signs, am I being abused by a narcissist narcissistic, how coercive control changes you

ความคิดเห็น • 118

  • @letym2271
    @letym2271 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    It's not only done through fear, it can also be done through guilt trip, victimizing themselves, insistance/persistence (not taking no for an answer) aka disrespect and breaking of boundaries.

  • @Cmac1328
    @Cmac1328 2 ปีที่แล้ว +62

    Trauma bonding. Something I had never known anything about, but an awareness of what it is and how it works has opened my eyes to so much toxic behavior I was so bewildered by previously.

  • @momackin1
    @momackin1 2 ปีที่แล้ว +36

    Thank you, Michele--always so enlightening. Even after a year of living seperately from my husband, I am discovering more and more the way his behavior was controlling. He has traits of a covert narcissist, but he is also so passive aggressive, it has taken a long time to see clearly what he did (and does) over the 15 years of marriage. I had no idea it began when I got married, moving to the other side of the country with no internet, no phone except on the weekends, and even no tv. He used the term, "Two become one," all the time, so I gave up so much of what what mine and who I was. Thanks again for your insightful videos!

    • @goldieh7121
      @goldieh7121 2 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Ah, yes, the passive aggressiveness makes it that more insidious. And, yes, the tryranny of we. After 20+ years with my ex I was conditioned to believe that what was his, was his, and, what was mine, was ours. At the end, he had me convinced he could sell my car, because it was ours through marriage. But, his truck was his truck. So good that you got away!

  • @izawaniek2568
    @izawaniek2568 2 ปีที่แล้ว +31

    What a great video! Thank you for such an accurate description of what coercive control is. It is like being a prisoner in a world of deception! Pure hell!

    • @rmarieshen862
      @rmarieshen862 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I recently visited "home" after 12 years living overseas and it felt *exactly* like being in prison. To the extent of being isolated to one room of the house for 5 days without being spoken to, invited to eat, etc. Like they would speak to each other infront of me without inclding me in the covnersation, and I was not allowed to see friends- and any time I talked to my friends I was interrupted or they shut the door so they did not have to hear me speak in a another language. I was supposed to visit for 3 weeks; I left after 1.5. It was such a WTF moment.

  • @Peecup
    @Peecup 2 ปีที่แล้ว +55

    My ex wife and mother inlaw both Narcs, called it "training". The mother inlaw openly and repeatedly said men need to be trained. She laughed and ridiculed her husband in public. She also trained her three children and anyone else in her reach, to dance to her tune or suffer her outbursts. The daughter was the same.

    • @berlinetta____2680
      @berlinetta____2680 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Eeeeew

    • @user-hl1eo1hz7y
      @user-hl1eo1hz7y 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      It takes a narcissist to make a narcissist. I have a very similar story, at least now my eyes are open. Knowledge is power, wisdom is what you do with it.

    • @brianreed8271
      @brianreed8271 ปีที่แล้ว

      I have a very similar story also, it's been years now and I'm still looking for myself.

    • @michaelasun7593
      @michaelasun7593 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I know exactly what you are talking about as I had been trained by a family member. And I must say that your ex wife and her mother remind me of Meghan Markle.

    • @ryanpape9815
      @ryanpape9815 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Sure it's not the ex I was married too... 😂

  • @healthadvisor464
    @healthadvisor464 2 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    I used to love going to the gym or outdoor stairs. He would always call me during my workouts, and seem "bothered" when I would let him go. He would also call me when I was on the stairs and start arguments. So happy I got away.... now its getting him out of my blocked messages ... 💣

    • @lastthingsministry
      @lastthingsministry 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Yes he was actively trying to ruin the things you love so that you would associate them with fear and unpleasant feelings.
      I got into mothing (which is catching moths in a light trap and then photographing them before letting them go). My dad knew how much I loved this but went out of his way to disconnect the battery so it wouldn't work and hoped I hadn't noticed. When I quizzed him, he completely denied it to my face. They will lie to your face and not even blush.

  • @michelejones5538
    @michelejones5538 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    My husband is controlling like this. His dad was that way and now my husband is. He tells me that my family members think I am stupid and that they talk about me behind my back. There are a lot of things I hide from him. There are things I don’t do because I don’t want to hear it from him. He doesn’t yell at me, instead he uses guilt and fear. I don’t do the things I love because he keeps me too busy to have time to do things I love. On the rare occasions that I do get to do things I love he won’t let me do them by myself. He always has to be with me and he has too much advice on how I should be doing my hobbies that I would just rather not do the hobbies because I can’t enjoy my hobbies when he is telling me how to do them.

    • @paulaw9764
      @paulaw9764 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Leave him, he's a horribly control freak.

    • @Sarah-hz3gy
      @Sarah-hz3gy 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      It is hard when your significant other becomes your husband or the father of your children, only to discover these toxic traits.
      It is of course, your choice to stay or leave.
      If it becomes someone else's' choice, you will have feelings of guilt etc...and you will probably go back.
      Once you make the decision to leave, you don't even think about it, it becomes a resolved path, and you tend not to feel like you owe anyone anything...only yourself!
      If you stay, you could try rising above the bad behaviour-becoming stronger...call out the behaviours...my concern however in these situations, is will the behaviour become worse or even violent???
      If that is not the case, call them out, show them for what they are, without stooping to their level of put-downs, mockery, etc... just rise above it and lead by example how you would like to be treated, and let them know you won't accept anything less.
      You don't deserve less.
      No one does.
      All the best, Michelle
      God Bless ✝

  • @hanagraphicdesigner782
    @hanagraphicdesigner782 2 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Just now the narcissitic father was using violence to get into the house. He threatened from outside and once he got in took hold of the sweeper to beat my elder sibling. It got stopped on time. I was trembling. His "reasoning" was just because he removed his clothes on before entering cause of covid. He could not wait for my elder sister to open the door he was already violent. My elder sister told me she can't remember anything. I want to say thank you for your channel, i was working on listing the core beliefs last night.

    • @Sarah-hz3gy
      @Sarah-hz3gy 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Call the cops. Do not put up with that from anyone. Don't let anyone behaving violently or threatening into your space/home.
      Ignore them and get on the phone for help.
      Secure your windows and doors.
      It will send a very clear message to them, that you won't tolerate that.
      You are not to blame/responsible for someone else's' poor/dangerous behaviour.
      Nip it in the bud, straight away...otherwise you will always be defending yourself or someone else and it could end badly.
      No one has to live/be around an environment like that and live on edge.
      That is so unfair.
      Take care and safety first, 🕊

  • @peterknyk1942
    @peterknyk1942 2 ปีที่แล้ว +32

    What you are talking about today I experienced repeatedly with the narcissist! Anytime I finished a project or created something I would often have this gut feeling that she would not be appreciative or would want to change something about what I just did…. I think it was all about control, subjugation and probably “putting me in my place” for the narcissist! It was in so many ways so debilitating and literally destroyed what self-esteem I had left in me at that moment when she did that! 👿

    • @goldieh7121
      @goldieh7121 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Been there. Once we do or finish anything, narcissists also like to tell us something else was more of a priority, complain about everything we haven't done, or talk about how much more they do than us.

    • @painoficarus
      @painoficarus 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      no
      this is your problem. your fault.
      do work without expecting reward. acts of kindess when no one is watchimg.
      sounds like your subjuating yourself. i mean after all that she didnt even say thank you!?
      was the things she wanted ot change bad ideas?
      these are your perspecticves. u can reframe them.
      rewrite that paragraph but take all the responsibily and empower yourself as much as possible....
      or is she behind you telling you that your weak and worthless and theres nothign u can do about it because
      what? its all her fault? you really want to live that way? especially if your no longer together?
      no one can destroy your SELF-esteem.
      really cant take you serioudly when u say "the narcissist". so she has been diagnosed by a licensed medical proffesional to have NDP?
      u seem like wolf in sheeps clothing friend

  • @HaleyMary
    @HaleyMary 2 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    I chose to distance myself from some old social circles due to some narcissists in the group and thankfully I was able to do that during the pandemic when things shut down. Even though some places have opened back up, I am cautious about getting out there and seeing people again because I'm not sure I want to be around the same toxic people and moving forward I might only want to be in social circles that are uplifting and supportive and stay away from those social circles where people try to coerce me to feel bad about not partying like they do. It gets lonely only seeing one friend group once a month for open mic nights, but it seems like the healthy alternative for now.

  • @Cowface
    @Cowface ปีที่แล้ว +6

    You can’t enjoy anything enduring covert abuse. The link between joy/fulfillment and pain is so entrenched your brain doesn’t even want to experience joyful and fulfilling things. It can’t feel joy without pain, and eventually just stops seeking joy.

    • @lastthingsministry
      @lastthingsministry 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It is because they feel no joy at all inside. Empty shells.

  • @RestingBeachFace
    @RestingBeachFace 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    This is so true!! My ex-husband used to yell at me and call me names when I would sit and read books, which I love to do. So I stopped reading and it’s been 13 years since we divorced, and I still can’t sit and read. I knew that it was his abuse that caused this, that it feels bad to read. I have so angry with him for taking that away from me. Thank you for validating this.

    • @LuvableAF
      @LuvableAF 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Ha both of my exes would get soooo mad and call me names when I picked up a book, and would always do things to make me stop reading. My issue now is, I am controlled from a distance, so lately when I pick up a book, I cannot even focus on the book anymore, I just start thinking of my situation.

    • @JaneCrossan
      @JaneCrossan 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Please start reading again. Don't let him control you any more. He has already taken so much joy from you. No one should be allowed to hold such power over another person. Learn to love books again and consider it a form of revenge. Try to manage a few chapters at a time at first, then progress a little more each day. Good luck ❤

  • @danyellesibert6724
    @danyellesibert6724 23 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    He told me he was mad at his dad so he didn’t want to talk to him or go to holidays. I pressed for him to go for our kids. We saw him and the family often before this. He insisted we don’t go to family functions. Then he told the family behind my back that I didn’t want to go.😮I didn’t know. I was supporting him. Begging to be apart of family functions. Then he turned around and started talking to them again behind my back. When I found out, I simply assumed I would be included and he had done so much damage that no one wants to be around me and my kids and I literally did nothing to them. Shows the character of the entire family to be honest. Either way, I am not allowed to attend family functions and if I tried to go they yell and scream for me to leave thinking they are protecting him. I don’t know from what? I’m married to him to this day. He swears he just talks to them occationally to be nice and I’m nuts. I literally see and hear his calls??

  • @rewildrevolution
    @rewildrevolution 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I’ve been through hell and back with abusive relationships to the degree, I can spot coercion very early on in dating. I dated a guy recently for a total of 2 weeks. We hung out about 5x within that time period, 2 of which were him showing up at the yoga classes I teach. From the very beginning he started texting me nonstop, calling me several times throughout the day, sending me tons of selfies, texting me late at night, first thing in the morning - it was overwhelming and stressful! I quickly found out he was married and that he had blocked my social media page from his wife’s account so that I would not see her - indicating he was controlling her social media page and controlling her! I cut the cord quick and told him what I thought of him in full detail so that I would be far less likely to have him try to come back around after I blocked him. I’m so thankful for videos like yours as they have helped me get out of abusive relationships and prevent getting involved with them in the first place!

  • @Kay-lc7wv
    @Kay-lc7wv ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Most people assume that these things only occur in intimate relationships, which isn't always the case. Thanks for the video!

    • @Kelly-oe8kr
      @Kelly-oe8kr 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      YES!!! Thank you! My mother was extremely coercive and controlling and the extended family were abusers by proxy when she needed reinforcement. These people are purely demonic, given over to a reprobate mind and beyond redemption

  • @marylindsey3774
    @marylindsey3774 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Having gone through mental and physical trauma related to my marriage, my brother has assumed the task of "helping" me. Many of the signs that you list are applicable to his behavior towards me now. It is extremely difficult to set boundaries with him, but I am working on it with my counselor. I just wanted to share this because I believe that coercive control can be found not only with partners and friends, but family members. Thank you for your insightful video.

    • @Sarah-hz3gy
      @Sarah-hz3gy 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It is often a desperate insecurity or 'short coming' they feel within themselves, sometimes they are not even conscience of this.
      Perhaps you could let them know (gently) when they behave like this...(give example) it has this' ... ' impact on you...then ask them WHY they do it?
      Get them to actually THINK about their behaviours, once it has been pointed out to them that it is an issue.
      Be gentle however, as they honestly may not even be aware of how their (pattern) of behaviour is affecting you.
      Try not to criticise them, but rather let them know how it is impacting you.
      It might be a better way of maintaining the relationship, rather than destroying it, if you feel that they might be willing to accept their behaviour is having a negative impact on you.
      Family relationships are hard sometimes.
      Take care Mary 😊

  • @lynnbilbrey8823
    @lynnbilbrey8823 2 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    You make the best videos on narcissistic abuse

    • @jo-annahicks3324
      @jo-annahicks3324 ปีที่แล้ว

      I agree!..thank you Michele for your excellent explanations..they really reveal a lot of wisdom on these topics.

  • @bradmcewen
    @bradmcewen 2 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Once you have received this and a collective array of priceless information, which can only find a permanent lodging in your knowledge after the fog, you will discern that these disordered individuals are the most toxic substance you ever chose to stay in contact with. Too much cognitive dissonance, too much not giving up, too much codependency on anybody. It is great to be on the other side yet Con-Ed on the subject still keeps shields up for the healthy life. Your decisesivness keenly resolute.

  • @Star-dj1kw
    @Star-dj1kw 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    ❤ excellent video 1. 1:40 steering you away from activities you enjoy with their anger or pouting 2.

  • @seaofsolace
    @seaofsolace 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Yep. This video describes my relationship with my mother perfectly. She is no longer in my life but I still struggle.

  • @user-hl1eo1hz7y
    @user-hl1eo1hz7y 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Thank you. Great video. I think the best part is learning that you're not alone and that there are ppl that understand and have been in your shoes.

  • @AgentTruth-yy9pw
    @AgentTruth-yy9pw 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Spot on! I was trauma bonded to my ex. I woke up…. Depressed of course but now that I’m unattached I feel so free. Thank God I let go. On my path to healing and happiness now. This video is helpful!

  • @goldieh7121
    @goldieh7121 2 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    This sounds so much like concern trolling, which can be so insidious and under the radar. So spot in describing my relationships with my parents, ex husband and ex best friend.
    They vilify us, and those around us, using their concern. Constant concern created and still creates so much fear. Living among "Nice" narcissists is always like waiting for the next shoe to drop. They will be so sweet, until we supposedly push too many of their buttons, then they are all rage. And, all of a sudden, people are treating us different. We just don't realize the narc has been expressing concern about us. It's others, the narcs say, not them, that are concerned. Then, there's plenty of talk about how the outside world is so scary and they are the only safe ones.
    Even when we leave, we can be left feeling like our lives are so tragic and sad and we are scared to venture out into the scary world.

    • @cottoncandyxunicorn
      @cottoncandyxunicorn 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Yea everything you said 😢 but i feel so lonely with no support it’s difficult . I wish there was a place for people who suffered this to meet. It’s really terrible when even parents / family are like this

    • @goldieh7121
      @goldieh7121 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@cottoncandyxunicornI totally know the feeling. I only knew support and connection through enmeshed and codependent relationships. Gabor Mate describes how, as children, some of us had to give up our autonomy in order to be able to stay connected to our parents. I fear abandonment every time I try to self differentiate. I was conditioned to think that I need to give up myself to be connected. But, I'm learning that we can't have true connection until we can be our authentic self and aren't afraid to lose the support of others by being ourselves.
      I've been trying to reconnect with a few long distance friends and family that I can have normal conversations with. I may not be able to consider them a support system and they may not understand what I'm going through, but they are a healthy connection and are respectful. It helps me to watch these videos and share in the comment section. Jay Reid also has a channel that speaks to my experience. So far, it's a small group that comments on his videos, but it is validating to read about their experiences so similar to mine.

    • @goldieh7121
      @goldieh7121 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@cottoncandyxunicorn I just gave a big response, but I didn't really acknowledge what you're going through. I am really sorry you are going through this, especially with your parents. I know I tend to think feeling lonely and not having a support system is proof there's something wrong with me. Then, I feel pressured to hold on to the wrong people. But, we are all worthy of a healthy relationships. It's just that it may take a little longer for those of us that didn't have good enough parents to teach us what was healthy.

  • @kilpel2
    @kilpel2 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Thank you for sharing from your own experience. Being controlled this way is the worst, and it takes a long time to get back to who you were.

  • @CourtneyK87
    @CourtneyK87 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    When you have to hide a healthy phone call. Yeah that hit home

  • @paulasussman6414
    @paulasussman6414 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I needed to hear this today. Thank you Michele

  • @lisbethbird8268
    @lisbethbird8268 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    She's completely nuts and likes being able to act out with no other witnesses. Makes it so much easier to gaslight.... "I'm not crazy, you're crazy!"

  • @b_b_b5146
    @b_b_b5146 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Thank you so much for this information.
    It's pure gold.

  • @tw2210
    @tw2210 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Great channel Michele 👍🏻 Best wishes from the UK

  • @pootlovatowashere
    @pootlovatowashere 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    This was a great video, brings a lot of insight ❤. Thank you for the wonderful educational content as always

  • @mariacliment2767
    @mariacliment2767 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Thank you, thank you and thank you for those wonderful and amazing videos which help thousands of people see the reality and escape. You are saving peoples lives!!😊😊😊♥️🙏

  • @JKDVIPER
    @JKDVIPER 18 วันที่ผ่านมา

    You are THE BEST. What a good job you do on those. Amazing seriously. 😎🙏💯what I get from it is... 1. THE HIDDEN THEFT of correct emotion. 2. CREDIT where it is due. 3. TRUTH matters. 4. FACTS are not subject to opinions. 5. INTERPRETATION shouldn’t be JUDGEMENT. 6. If you have to convince those that supposedly love you of your stress being undeserved. You’re being GAS LIT/ABUSED shorted. 😬💯✊

  • @katey614
    @katey614 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Thank you, Michele!!! Can you do more videos about coercive control? Also, I've heard that some countries have specific laws against it, but not here in the USA ...

  • @davidhinkson8856
    @davidhinkson8856 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    My narc wife, when I began dating her, convinced me to join her church, get rid of my friends, and either get my family to join the church or cut them off. I also had to limit my calls eventually to text messages because she always had a million and one questions when I was on the phone re who it was, my relationship to them and their sexual preference or marital status.

  • @chickenbiscuit4525
    @chickenbiscuit4525 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Best of hopes and interests for those joining in in February. 🙏

  • @OmenAkumaru20223
    @OmenAkumaru20223 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    The Hercule Poirot novel, "Appointment With Death" by Agatha Christie, has a Mrs Boynton who exemplifies a toxic person, especially one who is likely also a Narcissist.

  • @nh255
    @nh255 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    my narc sibling got emotionally and physically aggressive/ abusive during my appointment with my therapist. she was making comments about how i have too much makeup on and slammed my door shut & slammed my computer shut in front of the therapist. i’ve just been walking on eggshells since until i can fully move out

  • @EliteEssenceCo
    @EliteEssenceCo 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Needed this

  • @SunshineSyzygy
    @SunshineSyzygy หลายเดือนก่อน

    THANK YOU. I hear men explaining this but it hits different when it's coming from a fellow woman. It feels like.. honestly the best way I can put it is emotional torture. Not namecalling per se, he avoids the common derogatory words flung at women but degrades my character, gaslights, etc. It has taken a toll on my life, as he starts these text wars around midnight, knowing I work early in the morning.
    I then get an apology the next day, and by the next night he's back to rage texting.

    • @SunshineSyzygy
      @SunshineSyzygy หลายเดือนก่อน

      I do fear him. He would never hit me, but I fear him.

  • @lenoraperry6583
    @lenoraperry6583 26 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Grew up being called a retard by my step father, later in life I realized that it really got into my head and isolated me in the sense of being insecure that the feeling that I can't meet up to someone's standards and I'm just not enough. It made me shy, too afraid to speak up. It debilitated me in the sense that i believed it to a degree as did my siblings, I only ever poured my glass half full, never could carry my confidence to a max because I always felt like someone would see me and I would get some kind of backlash for it. When it comes to competing I feel a guilt pushing myself to the max as I feel I don't deserve it as much as someone out there, I'm no genius and my ideas are only a match compared to what someone else is capable of. I'm a late bloomer in all things, my independence being one of them. I find I really desire a life where I don't need anyone's input, I don't need to measure myself according to their expectations or their idea of happiness and a way of life. The worst thing I feel is having people you care about in your life that make you feel you can't do anything without them, that your ideas will not flourish, you're not good enough. I'm a very simple person who loves the idea of family life. I never wanted to grow my independence to a point where I had to sacrifice that but so far from my experience even within a family unit you can't transform to be your best you if the people in your life only see what they want to see. You've got to let someone be them and not try to change them to fit your plan, people are not tools to be used to obtain your vision of a dream or happiness in life. We all deserve to be happy and carry peace within us. Trauma from my past is something I've fought many people on but the biggest fight is with myself. Only you're responsible for your inner peace and happiness.

  • @kevinhanley6462
    @kevinhanley6462 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thanks for the education.

  • @A_z_e_o_n
    @A_z_e_o_n หลายเดือนก่อน

    #2 just tried happening...one day he announced a business trip to CA, and mentioned wanting to go to PA for another. The next night over dinner he pitched a question to our child, "what would you think if Daddy got a new job, in a new city, and we went to live there?" --> I instantly went into wtf mode inside...after dinner he told me he had already applied and was going for interviews in PA. He also already looked at houses, the school district, commute times, cost of living, etc....slowly he revealed things. A week before flying to in for an in person interview he said, "I never asked you what you thought of PA." That was the one time I said my piece about how I hadn't thought about PA yet (I lied) because I was too angry. That as the other consenting adult in the house I should know or have my 2 cents counted and instead learned over dinner. He was called out, then did the victim/bully plug. I learned when he got back, thank goodness he didn't get the job, that he did in fact have a choice between 2 locations, and then explained why he chose PA. Yeah, totally unplanned, spur of the moment opportunity-- what a liar. I knew if he got that job I wasn't going with. I knew I couldn't be that far from my support system as things are.
    He's done other things too. That was just the biggest, most recent.

  • @sab_1055
    @sab_1055 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This clarifies the cause of my fawning. A was recently asked, "If I don't help you, who will?" It was alarming because I think it's more than just invalidating, but I can't put my finger on it. I'm in a remote rural area, so it's valid in that respect only. I can't wait to blow out of here and go back to a beach city.

  • @missns51273
    @missns51273 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    been in the isolated 'place' where having no contact with family and friends,. Luckily God helps me with the job outside the 'place' then I can meet healthy people

  • @TowerOfArrakis
    @TowerOfArrakis 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    It’s all about fulfilling the prime aims of the narcissist
    Control
    Fuel (emotional attention) positive & negative
    Character traits
    Residual benefits
    They are the parasite and your the main host

  • @dreamiedips8624
    @dreamiedips8624 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Wow, I can truly understand the isolation stuff now. During childhood my mother would never let me socialize in the name of academic pressure and would gossip to other people like I'm not good at socialising and now when I socialise and people say how much I'm pleasing to be around I'm just shocked how much my mother isolated me in name of protection and academic pressure. 😢

  • @mikesmith6594
    @mikesmith6594 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    My narcissistic father went from being super hateful to then pretend to care about my well being. Don't buy into his manipulation anymore he's played so many mind games with me over the years and told me nothing but lies lies and more lies. He's either the victim after he done me crappy or he's some kinda hero who all of sudden shows concerns about me.

  • @harperlea9288
    @harperlea9288 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I'm experiencing this right now from a guy I never spent any time with, only texts. He locks down every phone and account I get and has for years now, it's Kid Rock doing it, and I don't know how to stop it.

    • @alleng9755
      @alleng9755 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      One thing a narc will do is use their talents against you to control you. You are being controlled. Find a service or expert who can protect your phones.

    • @harperlea9288
      @harperlea9288 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      They know he's having me gang stalked and my car messed with regularly and trying to get me taken out! And has been for over 3 years now?! Who else do you tell?! @@alleng9755

    • @aking4766
      @aking4766 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@harperlea9288 ok whoa...I fully understand how a person you connect with via text can easily take over accounts if they are very tech savvy, etc. But you are saying it is the rock singer Kid Rock and that you only text?!? If you can't see catfish with that PLEASE consider that is exactly what cyber narcs do (assume others identities, lie, etc.) I have met KR in real life and sorry to tell ya, I'd be willing to bet that is not who you are talking with. It just isn't. Ask yourself then why only texting....that is absurd. Please don't give out your info to people you've never met in real life, for your safety. Best of luck and stay safe!

    • @harperlea9288
      @harperlea9288 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      It was Kid Rock sweetheart. I appreciate your comment but it's a long story with up coming trail. I did meet him in Florida in passing.@@aking4766,

    • @kilpel2
      @kilpel2 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Don't let this person run your life. Change your identity

  • @rit20095
    @rit20095 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    My abusive husband did all of the above

  • @jaseenajesssy8004
    @jaseenajesssy8004 ปีที่แล้ว

    Absolutely true....

  • @alimccreery755
    @alimccreery755 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Oh, the narcs in my life actually helped me to get rid of my brother by using him as a flying monkey. I'm fine with it as I should have blocked him a long time ago as he was one of my siblings who abused me when I was a child, so yahoo thank you big time 😁

  • @70h8musicgaming5
    @70h8musicgaming5 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This hurts so bad

  • @thefishboneexperience7697
    @thefishboneexperience7697 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My roommate have a gf that is a narcissist she do all that stuff to him and it's sad his 62 years old and she's 28 years old
    Not to forget to mention how many times he cried having a conversation with me about his GF going out sometimes with her friends without him knowing that she out with a younger guy and he can't do nothing about it

  • @johnpaul2285
    @johnpaul2285 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    🌻

  • @angieash9560
    @angieash9560 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    I wanna sign up

  • @annel.bo.briggs
    @annel.bo.briggs 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Is that why I can't crochet anymore?

  • @VikingMom1970
    @VikingMom1970 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    It’s sad when you love yet fear your partner when the only one you should love and fear is the Good Lord

  • @wesleynicholls
    @wesleynicholls 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I need help with a question... My boyfriend is sleeping with his ex on the same bed. and when I say I am not comfortable with it. He says I will be uncomfortable with anyone in his life. That's makes me feel as if I am a controlling person and maybe something is wrong with me. I asked, where does the ex sleep when he sleeps over, he says I should ask his ex. Ok, when I go to ask the ex. He then says that I don't know when to let go of things. I just feel bad constantly because I feel as if I am doing something wrong and that I am the problem. I feel guilty constantly as if I am mistreating him.

    • @michellesimmons3150
      @michellesimmons3150 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      theyre having sex. you know this. your gut tells you this. just dump him, embrace the pain, work through whatever insecurity you have so that you dont choose this type of cheater again

    • @ufos-cos
      @ufos-cos หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      DUMP. HIM. leave quietly, don’t announce your plans. Slowly start moving your things out until one day, you are the last thing to leave & you’re just gone. Poof. Go no contact, block him on everything & move on with your life.

  • @createa.googleaccount713
    @createa.googleaccount713 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Pronounced kow-ur-suhv ☺

  • @MaestroMaxim
    @MaestroMaxim 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Sigh 😌

  • @nurseannesinspirationalwellnes
    @nurseannesinspirationalwellnes ปีที่แล้ว

    ‼️

  • @Ominous89
    @Ominous89 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    How to talk about governments and media without using the words 'governments and media'.

    • @idontknowyouthatsmypurse
      @idontknowyouthatsmypurse 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Since learning about NPD and things my husband did had a name (narcissist abuse and coercive control), I have come to the realization that the public at large is ABSOLUTELY in a narcissistically abusive relationship with our government and legacy media. 😬 I think the biggest tell is how their WORDS don’t seem to line up with their ACTIONS.

    • @Ominous89
      @Ominous89 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@idontknowyouthatsmypurse same goes for religious people. It's only a different trauma bond, and even worse in gaslighting. In fact, religion is the root of all the narcissism in this world. The Devil is in the details. Religion caused continuous traumas because they learn you to accept an abusive relationship with God/Allah/JHWH. Wich caused many women to stay in abusive relationships. That results in generational trauma. So the narcissism that you see today, comes from religion as a tool to coersively control the mass. Again, the Devil is in the details.

  • @bobhuisbaas1
    @bobhuisbaas1 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Insanity !

  • @taofik37
    @taofik37 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    What the hell Do they want??!!

  • @doreenplischke2169
    @doreenplischke2169 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    🫣☹️🫵🏼

  • @karinturkington2455
    @karinturkington2455 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    This sounds just like what Justin Trudeau has been doing to Canada over the past few years.

  • @TwoSexy4TheseShortsW
    @TwoSexy4TheseShortsW 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Also be aware that someone who outwardly uses coercive control could be trying to abuse your child in secret.

  • @witnessofchrist2524
    @witnessofchrist2524 ปีที่แล้ว

    I was thinking about this. 🫶🏾