I completely get that feeling with the fp, we want the intensity mirrored back and when we don't get it it's devastating. And then we kind of hate ourselves for allowing someone else to have SUCH an impact on our moods. We feel shame and guilt. They say to help we should try and make sure we do things with other people and strengthen all our relationships but that's so hard when all we want to do is be close with this 1 person. I also do the smile thing when I'm talking about feelings that I feel who I am talking to might feel awkward by, so I smile to sort of soften the impact for them. I'm like all the way over in Australia, but you're not alone 💕 It's really good to see you again 😊
I really appreciate that! Australia must be pretty cool haha I’m in the US. It’s definitely encouraging hearing that we’re not alone. I’m glad but not glad you know what I’m going through. You said it exactly right. Always feel free to message me if you’d ever like to discuss anything. Thank you so much.
@@salvatorej.quaglieri7792 It's nice growing up here. I'm very thankful. Im having a shitty day, its an emotional rollercoaster and its only 9am. Don't know whether it's the fp stuff or adjusting to new meds or just nothing or everything. I hate having a fp. I wish I didn't. Do you feel like that? I don't know how to stop feeling the way I do. It's like I'm an emotional hostage to my fp 😔
@@beccamai662 yes I had one of the today too with my friend. I know it sucks you let how they feel affect you. And it literally controls your mood nothing can necessarily fix it.. it’s impossible to even distract yourself. I love my fp but also at times it’s so challenging . I’m sorry you didn’t have such a good day today . Like I said feel free to chat if you need to. I know how it can be
@@beccamai662 the girl basically told me sorry I’m not ready for a relationship after a month of talking to me.. I didn’t even respond to that, it’s ridiculous she’s like I’m sorry I lead you on.
I’m sorry u are feeling low and hope that changes soon for u. I have a question for u. Do u split on people and if u do how do U feel while u are splitting someone. I’m very interested in your perspective. I have had an off and on 13 year relationship with a man we believe is borderline but he is undiagnosed. Every 6-8 months it’s like the man I love disappears and he all of a sudden hates me. I haven’t done anything differently than I ever do. I’m trying my best to be understanding and know that it’s his illness but it’s hard to deal with and he doesn’t understand why he feels the way he does or what brings it on or how to stop it. I just wondered if u had any insight to that. I think u are awesome for sharing your story!
Well generally most people with any illness don’t necessarily know they have it and aren’t as conscious or aware of it. I’m very in touch with myself and I know exactly what sets me off and I get a better understanding of how I react and how I respond, even my therapist is impressed with how in touch I am mentally as most people aren’t as aware. It can be very hard dealing with someone that has BPD. Sometimes you have to be on your tiptoes you have to watch out not to say the wrong thing to set them off or do the wrong thing or not do anything can set them off it’s almost like you have to cater to them but it’s not so hard like that, in my mind I mean I want basic things I want love and all that stuff but I can be very jealous, a lot of things can be very subtle that set me off even someone’s tone of voice which that’s pretty overreactive most people wouldn’t be so overreactive. He definitely could be splitting but do you see a pattern? Are you aware of what things may be setting him off? If you know him well enough which I’m sure you do maybe there are some telltale clues you can pick up on. It’s not that you have to change but perhaps be more understanding of him and how he perceives things as odd as it can be at times. It’s good you’re sticking by his side no matter what , but as long as you guys are doing well, that’s all that matters. I’m no marriage counselor but splitting generally is due to something that is done or said. I can split if I get jealous, if my friend doesn’t acknowledge something and or if I feel abandoned. I can stonewall him and be very low and just quiet for hours. I’m hoping this answers some of your question, please let me know if you need anymore information.
@@salvatorej.quaglieri7792 thank u so much for your very detailed response. Yes I see a very distinct pattern. He has calm periods and then what seems like episodes. He’s for the most part calm for about 6 months. He will deal with small up and down mood swings but they don’t disrupt his life or our relationship. But then almost like clockwork at the 6 month mark his whole mood shifts. I call these episodes. He starts becoming very irritable. Nothing I say or do is right and trust me when I say I have tried absolute everything during these times to diffuse the situation. He becomes very erratic, he once quit a very good job, he becomes very impulsive and buys lots of very expensive things and it’s almost like he’s becoming a whole different person. His identity shifts. He starts liking things he never liked before or he stops liking things he has always liked. He will change his appearance and then he says he doesn’t want to be together anymore and he will quit speaking to me. He will tell me I’m not the right person for him, we don’t have anything in common, he would be better off on his own. That’s the complete opposite of what he says during his calm phases. Once the episode ends he comes back and is so sorry for everything and he is back to normal. The length of time these episodes last has varied with them getting longer. They use to be about 2 weeks. The last one was last year and it lasted for 3 months and now we are in another one. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s a very hard situation. His mom who he doesn’t have a relationship with is borderline and that’s why we think he is also. He exhibits all of the traits but may also be bipolar. He was diagnosed with that years ago when he was a teenager but he hasn’t been back to a therapist since then and he’s now 46. When he is in a calm state he’s very self aware but when he’s in an episode he doesn’t see a problem at all with his behavior and blames me for all problems. I’m really at a loss. I appreciate your insight so much. My thoughts and feelings aren’t like that so it’s nice to hear a different perspective from someone that may understand how he is feeling and thinking
@@LauraNicole78 yea I can understand definitely how that must be. I know how I can be and I know sometimes it’s not easy for a select few of my friends I’m actually close with. I have identity issues at times, my mood can be low for a day or two and usually nothing can snap me out of it. So I can see how that must be. He’s definitely splitting for sure. My therapist thinks I may have bipolar because of the mood shifts can be really high or low at times but it’s still indecisive yet but bipolar and bpd can have some similarities. I mean again I’m not a doctor but I have a pretty good idea of what I go through and what can upset me. I’m not on medication I don’t like it it’s never worked for me only because BPD is usually caused by trauma more specifically in childhood but can also be genetic. Maybe when he’s calm try to talk to him perhaps see if you both could go to a counseling session together to address how your feelings vs how he’s behaving. I’m not so sure I don’t know the whole dynamic of your relationship I’m just throwing out some ideas. I can split on my best friend and if he does something so slightly to alter my mood not on purpose but because I’m so sensitive it can be crazy. But it’s my fault. Because of how I can be.
@@salvatorej.quaglieri7792 yes thank you for understanding. We tried couples counseling after the last split and it helped us to communicate so much better when he’s not in an episode but there was alot of stuff he didn’t want brought up during therapy so it wasn’t as effective as I had hoped and he won’t change his mind about talking about his past, his trauma and his family. We actually had been getting along the last 8 months better than we ever had in 13 years. I was very hopeful that things were finally going to be different but then this split came out of no where. I know that it’s actually coming from somewhere but it felt like no where. I have went over and over all of our interactions leading up to noticing the difference and I can’t pin point anything I said or did that was out of the ordinary. I really don’t know. I appreciate all of your kind words and wish u the absolute best of luck in your treatment
@@LauraNicole78 thank you, he definitely keeping in his trauma is not good for him. He doesn’t want to talk about it because it’s so painful he doesn’t want to seem vulnerable probably but if he did it would definitely help him, he may think he’ll seem weak if he talks about it.
I completely get that feeling with the fp, we want the intensity mirrored back and when we don't get it it's devastating. And then we kind of hate ourselves for allowing someone else to have SUCH an impact on our moods. We feel shame and guilt. They say to help we should try and make sure we do things with other people and strengthen all our relationships but that's so hard when all we want to do is be close with this 1 person. I also do the smile thing when I'm talking about feelings that I feel who I am talking to might feel awkward by, so I smile to sort of soften the impact for them. I'm like all the way over in Australia, but you're not alone 💕 It's really good to see you again 😊
I really appreciate that! Australia must be pretty cool haha I’m in the US. It’s definitely encouraging hearing that we’re not alone. I’m glad but not glad you know what I’m going through. You said it exactly right. Always feel free to message me if you’d ever like to discuss anything. Thank you so much.
@@salvatorej.quaglieri7792 It's nice growing up here. I'm very thankful. Im having a shitty day, its an emotional rollercoaster and its only 9am. Don't know whether it's the fp stuff or adjusting to new meds or just nothing or everything. I hate having a fp. I wish I didn't. Do you feel like that? I don't know how to stop feeling the way I do. It's like I'm an emotional hostage to my fp 😔
@@beccamai662 yes I had one of the today too with my friend. I know it sucks you let how they feel affect you. And it literally controls your mood nothing can necessarily fix it.. it’s impossible to even distract yourself. I love my fp but also at times it’s so challenging . I’m sorry you didn’t have such a good day today . Like I said feel free to chat if you need to. I know how it can be
@@salvatorej.quaglieri7792 hope you're doing well
@@beccamai662 the girl basically told me sorry I’m not ready for a relationship after a month of talking to me.. I didn’t even respond to that, it’s ridiculous she’s like I’m sorry I lead you on.
I’m sorry u are feeling low and hope that changes soon for u. I have a question for u. Do u split on people and if u do how do U feel while u are splitting someone. I’m very interested in your perspective. I have had an off and on 13 year relationship with a man we believe is borderline but he is undiagnosed. Every 6-8 months it’s like the man I love disappears and he all of a sudden hates me. I haven’t done anything differently than I ever do. I’m trying my best to be understanding and know that it’s his illness but it’s hard to deal with and he doesn’t understand why he feels the way he does or what brings it on or how to stop it. I just wondered if u had any insight to that. I think u are awesome for sharing your story!
Well generally most people with any illness don’t necessarily know they have it and aren’t as conscious or aware of it. I’m very in touch with myself and I know exactly what sets me off and I get a better understanding of how I react and how I respond, even my therapist is impressed with how in touch I am mentally as most people aren’t as aware. It can be very hard dealing with someone that has BPD. Sometimes you have to be on your tiptoes you have to watch out not to say the wrong thing to set them off or do the wrong thing or not do anything can set them off it’s almost like you have to cater to them but it’s not so hard like that, in my mind I mean I want basic things I want love and all that stuff but I can be very jealous, a lot of things can be very subtle that set me off even someone’s tone of voice which that’s pretty overreactive most people wouldn’t be so overreactive. He definitely could be splitting but do you see a pattern? Are you aware of what things may be setting him off? If you know him well enough which I’m sure you do maybe there are some telltale clues you can pick up on. It’s not that you have to change but perhaps be more understanding of him and how he perceives things as odd as it can be at times. It’s good you’re sticking by his side no matter what , but as long as you guys are doing well, that’s all that matters. I’m no marriage counselor but splitting generally is due to something that is done or said. I can split if I get jealous, if my friend doesn’t acknowledge something and or if I feel abandoned. I can stonewall him and be very low and just quiet for hours. I’m hoping this answers some of your question, please let me know if you need anymore information.
@@salvatorej.quaglieri7792 thank u so much for your very detailed response. Yes I see a very distinct pattern. He has calm periods and then what seems like episodes. He’s for the most part calm for about 6 months. He will deal with small up and down mood swings but they don’t disrupt his life or our relationship. But then almost like clockwork at the 6 month mark his whole mood shifts. I call these episodes. He starts becoming very irritable. Nothing I say or do is right and trust me when I say I have tried absolute everything during these times to diffuse the situation. He becomes very erratic, he once quit a very good job, he becomes very impulsive and buys lots of very expensive things and it’s almost like he’s becoming a whole different person. His identity shifts. He starts liking things he never liked before or he stops liking things he has always liked. He will change his appearance and then he says he doesn’t want to be together anymore and he will quit speaking to me. He will tell me I’m not the right person for him, we don’t have anything in common, he would be better off on his own. That’s the complete opposite of what he says during his calm phases. Once the episode ends he comes back and is so sorry for everything and he is back to normal. The length of time these episodes last has varied with them getting longer. They use to be about 2 weeks. The last one was last year and it lasted for 3 months and now we are in another one. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s a very hard situation. His mom who he doesn’t have a relationship with is borderline and that’s why we think he is also. He exhibits all of the traits but may also be bipolar. He was diagnosed with that years ago when he was a teenager but he hasn’t been back to a therapist since then and he’s now 46. When he is in a calm state he’s very self aware but when he’s in an episode he doesn’t see a problem at all with his behavior and blames me for all problems. I’m really at a loss. I appreciate your insight so much. My thoughts and feelings aren’t like that so it’s nice to hear a different perspective from someone that may understand how he is feeling and thinking
@@LauraNicole78 yea I can understand definitely how that must be. I know how I can be and I know sometimes it’s not easy for a select few of my friends I’m actually close with. I have identity issues at times, my mood can be low for a day or two and usually nothing can snap me out of it. So I can see how that must be. He’s definitely splitting for sure. My therapist thinks I may have bipolar because of the mood shifts can be really high or low at times but it’s still indecisive yet but bipolar and bpd can have some similarities. I mean again I’m not a doctor but I have a pretty good idea of what I go through and what can upset me. I’m not on medication I don’t like it it’s never worked for me only because BPD is usually caused by trauma more specifically in childhood but can also be genetic. Maybe when he’s calm try to talk to him perhaps see if you both could go to a counseling session together to address how your feelings vs how he’s behaving. I’m not so sure I don’t know the whole dynamic of your relationship I’m just throwing out some ideas. I can split on my best friend and if he does something so slightly to alter my mood not on purpose but because I’m so sensitive it can be crazy. But it’s my fault. Because of how I can be.
@@salvatorej.quaglieri7792 yes thank you for understanding. We tried couples counseling after the last split and it helped us to communicate so much better when he’s not in an episode but there was alot of stuff he didn’t want brought up during therapy so it wasn’t as effective as I had hoped and he won’t change his mind about talking about his past, his trauma and his family. We actually had been getting along the last 8 months better than we ever had in 13 years. I was very hopeful that things were finally going to be different but then this split came out of no where. I know that it’s actually coming from somewhere but it felt like no where. I have went over and over all of our interactions leading up to noticing the difference and I can’t pin point anything I said or did that was out of the ordinary. I really don’t know. I appreciate all of your kind words and wish u the absolute best of luck in your treatment
@@LauraNicole78 thank you, he definitely keeping in his trauma is not good for him. He doesn’t want to talk about it because it’s so painful he doesn’t want to seem vulnerable probably but if he did it would definitely help him, he may think he’ll seem weak if he talks about it.