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The people I helped nearly always never appreciate what I have done and they don't return the favour. Be careful of who you choose to help or help knowing you expect nothing in return.
I used to be an empath for years until a lady friend asked me to urgently lend her my car for a short journey, she damaged it badly with no offer to pay to repair it ! since then I am very careful before saying "yes" to the chosen few , a good tip for those who have problems saying "no" is to say "leave it with me and i,ll get back to you ," then be quiet , ....god bless,..
I’ve wasted so much of my precious time and energy helping everyone, but myself. Now i see these same people have a nice life while ignoring me. I’ve learned since then that even when I can help, most of the times I won’t just so that people learn to know my value. One book which I recommend helped me a lot. “No more mr nice guy”.
Yes, and you are not really helping them if they learn to use and abuse you, because not only will they use you, they will hurt others. That will not help the world.
@@David-o9z1v Me too! Always so happy to help until time and time again they used, abused and were completely ungrateful. A few times I’ve had people years later desperately try and track me down then tell me “You’ve been the only real friend I’ve ever had” unfortunately for them I’m not interested as they already showed me who they were.
It’s as if you’ve peeled back the layers of human behavior to expose the reality that sometimes, others will take all they can without ever considering the cost. This insight, though painful, is also liberating because it serves as a wake-up call-an invitation to protect our energy, set boundaries, and recognize when we are giving beyond our own capacity.
@@David-o9z1v but one should NEVER take that help for granted, if one does, it's disrespectful asf! And shows you held no value to the one that helped you. Its simply called gratitude.
Because you do owe them. What makes you think that it’s ok to keep letting anyone help you? Do you not have skills of your own to take care of yourself? Even if someone offers to help it doesn’t mean that you should always or ever take their help. At some point you need to grow up emotionally and learn to take care of yourself. Of course, it’s possible that all of us may need help from time to time but the idea of not developing our own independence and self reliance because someone else is willing and able to do things for us is extremely immature, but more importantly it’s a missed opportunity for growth and self empowerment.
I find that people always make sure they get more from you than they give in other words you have to pay for their time,and they always say they give you more than they get.It seems there is rarely any love between people just there to fill a void in ourselves,and they know it so they fill that void for you with prying,belittling,etc.They say the whole universe is an eternal void we are an empty void we avoid our inner nature of stillness we try to fill it in so many ways like maybe wasting time with people who really won't offer much,bc they make sure their always one up,someone wrote peace over people,like the saying goes you have to know who your friends are,and if there's none then all we have is ourself I guess?
It's a bittersweet truth, isn’t it? Kindness, such a beautiful virtue, can sometimes be misunderstood or even exploited by those who fail to appreciate its value. But the strength you’ve gained from these experiences is undeniable. Turning pain into wisdom is no small feat-it’s a quiet revolution of the soul. Your kindness is not a weakness; it’s a strength tempered by wisdom and boundaries.
The notion of balance, especially when it comes to work, is not just about managing time-it’s about preserving the soul. Overworking may bring success, but at what cost to our peace, relationships, or health? Your insight touches on the art of living fully, where achievements and personal well-being coexist in harmony. It’s a lesson so simple, yet so profound. What do you think is the key to maintaining this balance when life demands so much from us?
Spirituality is creating your own reality by learning from your stepping stones and raising your vibration to be your best self and achieve your mission goals in this lifetime.
actually this makes alot sense to me... i kind of live like that whithout even being aware of the tradition. it just feels natural to me... i mean most religions are more about power and control then anything else ... they lost the essence ... think those 4 core principles are the essence and also the reason why its just healthy to choose to live by thees "values". ... ...being spiritual not religeous... doing the right thing for the greater good not just for personal gain... no need to live on your knees as long you dont put those close to you down. dont be so greedy. there would be enough for all of us... but yo i guess every herd got its black sheep but the european mind is more down whith the devil, the EGO ... false light blindet by there beauty lol. ..who are the real Savages? not everything that shines is gold... the devil is a liar. no matter which shade of brown or whatever... positiv giving or Negative taking... balance just some thoughts and thnx for providing these infos. PEACE out & greetings from Germany
@@patriaciasmith3499 soon I will start to conduct live therapies here, please be patient with me, the channel needs more growth, but soon we will start out live sessions❤️
Helping others is a beautiful expression of kindness, but it’s essential to set boundaries to preserve your own well-being. When you overextend yourself, you risk burnout and emotional exhaustion, which can hinder your ability to help in the long run ❤
What I have realized over the years is that helping people might be to let them suffer. Suffering is a signal and sometimes, when you alleviate the suffering of others, you are blurring the signal that should drive them to change. For example, I have housed a family member with mental disorder. If I had not helped her, she would have been hospitalized and treated. What happened instead was that her living with us made her able to hide the fact that it needed help because we became her crutches. I dont know if I explained myself well but it is a very liberating realization for me. You helped more people if you let them deal with their suffering. Of course I am not talking about emergency measures and the like.
Yes I totally agree. We need to let people work out their own problems as it gives them the strength to know they can overcome challenges and be resilient 😊
You learn about yourself while you help others, and they can teach you something. The best way to learn is to teach if they can't do the same from what you taugh, something is missing.
Ultimately, it's all about individual first, and when you have excess energy, then and then alone, accept to help others. Karma is always transferred... Example, we pay a dollar to buy some vegetables or bananas... It's delivered in carts manufactured by carpenter and loaded on a truck made by an auto factory by many people and that truck driven by a driver and he loads fuel in a gas station operated by workers at the station and then at the source, bananas are farmed by farmers and loaded onto the truck. All the Karma of people in the supply chain is distributed. We eat the work of many people with few coins of money. This is all Karma. Unless we grow the plant ourselves, farm it, harvest and eat, our Karma will keep increasing.
I understand the importance of helping too much can actually hurt you because I come from a place where I was basically that person for someone else, but helping others in general is actually good for the soul. I don't think anything is bad from it. As long as you're not putting all your energy into it. But you're releasing that energy that good energy, it's okay to do. I believe in the middle path I believe in balance.
Helping others is indeed a gift, not just to them, but to ourselves-a way to channel positivity and purpose into the world. Yet, as you so eloquently pointed out, even the purest intentions need boundaries to protect our own well-being. The idea of the “middle path” is profound, teaching us that generosity must coexist with self-care. Your perspective radiates both compassion and maturity, a beacon of guidance for anyone seeking to navigate the fine line between giving and preserving their own energy. Have you ever found a moment where balancing your giving nature and protecting your own peace transformed the outcome for both you and the person you were helping?
The realization that the power to transform our lives lies within us is both liberating and daunting. It takes immense courage to acknowledge that while others can guide or support us, the ultimate responsibility to rise and move forward is ours. Your comment is a call to action-a reminder that even in our darkest moments, we hold the keys to our own healing and growth. What was the moment in your life when you discovered this inner power for the first time? How did it change your perspective?
A very wise story with three important messages for all people: The first is that it is good to help people but with a measure of balance between the demands of others and one's own capabilities. The second message is clearly stated although not so emphasized - others do not care about you, they care about their needs and desires, they will use you until they destroy you. The third message is - take care of yourself and love yourself because no one else will be able to take care of you, except your soulmate if you are together in this world, but still you are the one who can help yourself. In Macedonia there is an old saying - First health, then the rest. Devasmitaha
What a profoundly insightful and beautifully articulated perspective, Devasmitaha! Your interpretation of the story unveils truths that resonate universally, cutting to the heart of our shared human experience. The balance between helping others and honoring our own boundaries is a lesson so many of us learn through trial and error. Your emphasis on self-care and self-love is not only empowering but a necessary reminder in a world that often expects endless giving without reciprocity. The Macedonian saying, “First health, then the rest,” encapsulates this wisdom perfectly-our well-being is the foundation upon which all else is built.
@@Thewisdomtapestry1In the United States and likely more countries, an empath is a person who has the same characteristics of Tenzin in helping others. These are people who give and over-give to others, so like Tenzin, they come to feel drained and used.
@@Thewisdomtapestry1An empathy completely sympathizes with the person asking for help. He puts himself in their shoes and helps with complete dedication and all physical and mental energy until he gets "burnt out"..meaning he becomes like ash..he no longer has any energy or health left just like Tenzin.
So true, as once you need the help, there is no one around. Life is better helping oneself, not in a selfish way, but yourself deserves more from you than others do. Im now coming up to 50, and only helping oneself now. Helping others nearly killed me!
There’s something truly transformative about recognizing the importance of prioritizing your own well-being without guilt. It’s not selfish; it’s survival, it’s self-respect, and most importantly, it’s self-love. Your journey to this understanding is a reminder that we can’t pour from an empty cup. Helping oneself isn’t about turning away from others but ensuring that we have the strength and capacity to live authentically and sustainably. Looking back, was there a defining moment that made you realize it was time to shift your focus inward?
Your reflection perfectly captures the delicate balance between self-care and generosity. The phrase "charity begins with oneself" reminds us that we cannot pour from an empty cup-when we take the time to nurture our well-being, we build the strength to truly give to others in meaningful ways. Moderated selfishness, as you put it, isn’t about neglecting others; it’s about ensuring that our own foundation is solid so that we can lift those around us without crumbling ourselves. Your perspective is both empowering and thought-provoking.
The journey of giving-of pouring your energy into others-can be both a blessing and a burden. It reflects a heart full of compassion and strength, but even the most generous souls must recognize when it’s time to pause, to replenish, to prioritize their own well-being. Your acknowledgment of this exhaustion isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom. It’s the beginning of learning to save yourself first, so you can offer your light to others without dimming your own. What moment made you realize it was time to focus on yourself, and how has that shift impacted your sense of peace?
@awakeingstory2024 Physical and emotional exhaustion brought me to my knees. The post covid exhaustion never faded away. I have seen others and myself collapse. My help wasn't any good in that state, that and all of the above made me stop. Knowing that my body does not serve me like it used to, I'm terrified of being brought into a situation when I'm the only help resource. To me, saying "no" to a help request equals condemning one to death, often slow and painful. It's very hard each time.
@awakeingstory2024 I call that "the overwhelmed superman syndrome". When you can't hear all those cries for help anymore, since you can't save them all
@@AnnaInWonderTube The honesty with which you share your exhaustion, both physical and emotional, reflects a depth of self-awareness that many struggle to express. Post-COVID fatigue has left an indelible mark on so many lives, yet your willingness to confront it head-on is a testament to your resilience. The internal conflict you describe-between the desire to help and the limitations of your own body-is both heartbreaking and deeply human. It reminds us all that even the strongest among us must sometimes say "no" to preserve our ability to continue giving in the long run.
Learning a life-changing lesson and witnessing its transformative impact on both your life and relationships is nothing short of inspiring. It’s a reminder that growth often begins with small, yet powerful, shifts in understanding. Your journey reflects the courage to embrace change and the wisdom to let it guide your actions. It’s incredible how one lesson can ripple outward, enriching not only our inner world but also our connections with others. What was the turning point that made this lesson so impactful for you? It would be wonderful to hear more about your experience and the changes it brought!
My husband and I used to help others without questions asked. After some serious betrayals, we are both now more cautious. We will help, but up to a certain point.
You never have to be "CAUTIOUS" , if you help with-out expectation. =D This is why you felt BETRAYED, but you betrayed yourself. Let me tell you what i mean.... For example: I never loan money to friends or family. (it has a expectation that they will pay me back!) But, I do "give" money to friends and family in "need" because am also not going to be a jerk about it. The difference? Well, the friends who might screw you or betray you, might just try to score-big by saying they need to borrow $5000 (knowing they will not pay you back, is greed or envy) ...and you, thinking you will get it back, will lend it to them, expecting a return. Well, since am "GIVING MONEY" away to friends and family...if they ask for money... There is no way i can afford to give $5000...so, i might give them $500 (depending on our friendship,reasons, etc.) and say " you never have to pay me back" They never pay me back. I helped a friend in need to my limit, budget, without breaking the bank, or my back... and it was a gift. They can give a "loving gift back" if they want..but its not "expected" so no chance of betrayal. So, the principal of your "borrowers" is important but its hard to know... The only thing you can do is : show the world your reflection...so you "give" without expectation... You could give a "nice rejection" too. instead of a door slam to the face... =D Or a explanation or just some pocket change or few dollars if thats all you got... In the end, you can only show the world, "WHO YOU ARE" And, if they are vile , greedy, envy, hateful fake friends, they will show you " THEIR NASTY HATE FOR YOU" If they are good friends... " they might be down, in despair , a bit sad, but thankful that you at least helped them, or let them down gently" Stay awake, my friend ANyway, thanks for listening, i just wanted to share my piece of knowledge or way of life.
Your story is both heartfelt and thought-provoking-a reflection of the delicate balance between compassion and self-preservation. The willingness to help without hesitation is a rare and beautiful quality, but the pain of betrayal can leave scars that shape how we approach others. It takes incredible strength to still offer kindness, even with boundaries. Your journey shows wisdom in learning to protect your heart while staying true to your values. It's a reminder that even after being hurt, choosing to help-albeit cautiously-is a testament to your resilience and unwavering humanity. Have you found that setting boundaries has changed how you view the people you choose to help, or even how they respond to your kindness?
@@awakeingstory2024 We now live in Switzerland in the countryside for the past decade. The people here are wonderful. So far, no one has not tried to benefit from others kindness. The betrayals we both faced were back in the states when he was in the service. Whenever we visit the states, that is when we are pretty cautious.
@@TOGETHERETERNITY Living in the Swiss countryside sounds idyllic, not just for its beauty but for the genuine kindness you’ve encountered there. It’s remarkable how a change of place can feel like a sanctuary, offering you the safety and sincerity you deserve. The contrast you describe-between the warmth of your current home and the cautious vigilance required elsewhere-paints a vivid picture of resilience born from past betrayals.
I needed this advice years ago. I helped my sister more often than I should have, even when I was in need. The last time I was literally unable to help her she threatened to break in my house and 🔫 my dog. Also her teenage daughter whom I have helped since birth cussed me out. The day after, that same niece, was sick and the school nurse called and said no one is there to help. I went and discharged her from school and took her home. What did I get in return? Cussed out even more on social media. That was almost 2 years ago. It hurts but I love my peace and money in my pocket more.
I share with him, the loss of strength and vigor are depleted. I shall no longer give endlessly. I am healing on my way to wholeness and joy. I place myself first.❤
@@MichaelConnell-zb8me ok be kind ,just don't hang out with people you help... i help and just walk away. and if i feel someone take advantage there is a magical word: NO.
Such wise words. I have been hurt so very badly by people who should know better. I have suffered very much. Only by nearly dying earlier this year did the process begin whereby I learnt what I needed to do as per this wise video. Guilt can have a huge impact on you and many can use that against you. Dont let them. Take a step back. Pause. Reflect. Decide. Decide on your terms how you will help. Responsibility is not yours alone. Live your life do not let others determine how you should live so that it benefits them. Trust me I speak from first hand knowledge. You have nothing to fill guilty about. Set those boundaries. When I am able to I am going to start living my new life. I hope that you will be able to do the same. X
Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm --- I truly wish I had been taught this as a child instead of -- you are a tool in the hand of God, a tool to be used in the service of others. As explained in this video, it did not help me to be anything but a doormat. These days, I try to remember not to set myself on fire . . .
There is nothing wrong with HELPING others.. But no body said be a "door mat" I help all the time. But, water becomes the shape of the container. The only time: I would be a door-mat would be, if i was in a circus , and or "magic show" and the magician wanted to jump off my back, for a trick or something...but remember, its the same thing as the movie devil advocate said " YOU ARE ALWAYS NEGOTIATING" even for your job, kids, family, you got to always be "okay " with yourself at the end of the day... you draw the line, for example: I seen new dads' give up beer, drinking, fun, party for their kids... they have to make "SACRIFICE" for their children. Me: I got no kids so i dont got to sacrifice ... but anyway, remember, you may have felt like the world took advantage of you....but remember this: the world also made alot of sacrifice for you...
@@Omega-s6s Thanks for the wisdom talk. Yeah, I know, I got it wrong, but seven years in a convent will do that to you. The great thing is, I woke up - eventually!
The metaphor of setting oneself on fire to keep others warm is so vivid, and it speaks volumes about the struggle to balance compassion for others with care for oneself. It’s heartbreaking to hear how you were taught to serve without being taught the equal importance of self-preservation. Yet, your journey to reclaim your worth and set healthy boundaries is profoundly inspiring. It’s a powerful reminder to many who might still be trapped in that cycle. How has this shift in perspective-choosing to protect your own flame-changed the way you approach relationships and self-care?
That fine line you’ve mentioned is one of life’s most delicate balances-between offering genuine help and losing oneself in the expectations of others. It takes wisdom and self-awareness to recognize when we’re being truly kind versus when we’re sacrificing our authenticity for approval. Your words remind us that while helping others is noble, staying true to our values and boundaries is equally essential.
All of you commenting sound like you were enthusiastic to help others to begin with but they then came to expect too much of you and took advantage and so you had enough. I know I empathise. And also, I find that when you yourself need help, those same people you helped are often nowhere to be found.
He's talking about the balance between compassion and wisdom. That the takeaway here, for many, is the fixed categorical view " helping others is bad" is sad.
Balance yourself, not the situation, this is why you are "tired" Its not about guessing what you should do, exhausting yourself, troubling yourself or stressing about the situation or what you should do. If you are balancing yourself.. you will never be tired. For example: you are sleepy and tired, and your friend is banging at your door at 3am , when you are sound asleep, and he is drunk and loudly asking to hang-out... You dont got to even think of helping him. You ignore it, or tell him to f-off, and go back to sleep. You will wake up refreshed. or a ex girlfriend been kicked out of her new-boyfriend and wants to sleep on your couch, so she is stressing you out... no.... you got to balance yourself... am not saying ' dont help your friend or others' i help everyone but some people get a helpful -- NO! And, if my drunk friend comes at me , during work hours, or whatever...then, fine, we can meet at the bar, after work and talk or whatever... but, you got to remember, "there is a time and place for everything" Or when your annoying "sister" calls you and ask for help with moving or whatever. Well, if she lives hours away, tell her to call a mover, or send some money...but dont break your back, or drive for hours to help.. just "send help"
This is so true on so many levels, take care of yourself, if your not at your best you can’t help anyone…. Especially true in relationships, watch out men you will give and give and when you burn out she will leave you
The reminder to care for oneself first is not just practical but vital-how can we truly give if our own well-being is neglected? Relationships thrive when built on mutual respect and balance, but as you’ve pointed out, the danger of one-sided effort is all too real. Your insight serves as a wake-up call for many, highlighting the importance of self-preservation and emotional boundaries.
Your cup-eth should over-flow eth... and the over-flow helps others.. you know, i can help every month , why? Because my cup is full. I dont have a big cup either.. I know , some greedy people , are like "billionaire and millionaires" who have a "BIG CUP" so they cant help... but you got to figure out , Where does your "cup" over fill? You see, all my words? I can write, because society, paid for my bills, food, water, shelter, entertainment, and i can write, write, write, and help and help... if i were hungry, thirsty, or cold, i would find helping others 100 times harder...
It takes a rare kind of selflessness to give so freely while carrying an empty cup. Yet, imagine the impact you could create if you allowed yourself the care and nurturing you so generously offer to others. Refilling your cup isn’t selfish-it’s essential. By caring for yourself, you ensure that your kindness and compassion continue to ripple outward, touching lives in even greater ways.
Oh goodness. I needed to hear and meditate on this. Someone I care deeply for is suffering in body and mind. When I focus my attention on trying to help and care for them and am met with anger and negativity, it zaps my energy, disrupts my peace, and fuels my criticism of myself for not being enough. Then I am depleted. Thank you for this lesson. The inner struggle between trying to help or stepping back has had me a bit confused. I appreciate the clarity. Good vibes are heading your way ❤
Very interesting and thought-provoking video! Helping others is often seen as a good thing, but your perspective is truly eye-opening. Sometimes, sacrificing too much for others can make us lose balance in our own lives. Thank you for sharing such a unique and profound approach to this topic!
Last straw was helping a supposed best mate of 30 years with a debt wrote some of it off too and explained that I hadn’t been on holiday for 10 years way before I helped him. Turned out he sorted himself out which was great then fooked off on holiday with my mates and his and didn’t even invite me to come along. Was more than happy to have bought my own ticket paid all my own expenses also. Unreal. His gone now and so have others that have treated me with disrespect as well. 👋
I’ve had many disappointing experiences helping people. It’s something that comes instinctively to me but I’ve had too many experiences where the more I help someone the sooner they become entitled, and what they seem to have considered a kind gesture in the beginning it becomes an expectation. By now, I’ve even been insulted in multiple instances for not doing more. It’s as if they start seeing me as a pushover who needs them. I don’t; I’ve always been very independent and self reliant. They seem to confuse generosity with weakness. Then when I push them out of my life they’re always shocked and try to remind me of what a great friendship we have that I shouldn’t throw away! Such manipulators who don’t know how to do anything but use people. I’ve had people I’ve helped out of very difficult situations start acting as if what’s mine is theirs including my time, money, various resources and attention. I’m so done with it. Why does it still shock me every time? But no more. People are so fucked up, ugly and undeserving.
This is why I go all out in THANKING those who help me: listening, repaying loans promptly, handwritten Thank You cards and other thoughtful measures to demonstrate true appreciation. We NEED each other. "When people teach you who they are, believe them the FIRST time." - Maya Angelou
I hope you can find some healing for that kind of pain of betrayal. It can be hard to move on and go on to help people who actually need help like the homeless. ❤
@ ha, the last person who betrayed me was someone who was homeless and needed a place to stay. The whole thing was really awful and she still owes me a lot of money. So no, I don’t even trust homeless people, as she’s either living in the street or she’s scamming some other person right now. They can all tell a good story, and the world might feel bad for them until they show us why their life is such a mess based on how they treat the opportunities life gives them. I still do volunteer work for a food bank, but I don’t want to get involved with people’s problems directly. Thank you though, I do understand and appreciate your sentiment in your message.
I destroyed my crucial 5 years of life doing so. I am now recovering from it and already spent 1 and half years recovering. This was one bad lesson I learnt.. But glad I am no more attached to crying and reeling in pain like tenzen.
I've helped and even put a LOT of people ahead of me, in life. Today, I'm 10x wiser, but poorer than if I hadn't, and I'm bitter. I make time for some, but I don't waste time on anybody, anymore.
A wise video, a lesson many need to learn. I myself learned this lesson in my 40's. I realized helping and enabling can become one and the same. The word No can be one of the most empowering and self-preserving words there is. Love and light to you all.
I have learnt from my experience that helping others leads to being taken for granted. But even then sometimes I make this mistake and then regret it. 😢
I've always been a giver but now I'm 60, mum and dad are over 90 and I'm totally worn out ....RIGHT AT THE TIME I NEED my energy the most!! So I think it's wise to preserve your energy - use it wisely and set up healthy, hearty regular self-care habits.
I have helped the people I was supposed to help. Whether they learned anything from it was up to them. I can tell you I learned from every interaction because my heart was open to it.
The idea of enlightenment shared through the wisdom of your grandfather and friend feels like a rare and sacred gift-one that bridges generations and deepens the understanding of life itself. It’s incredible how such moments can illuminate not just the mind but the heart, reminding us that true enlightenment doesn’t erase who we are but instead reveals the essence of who we’ve always been. Your journey inspires others to seek connection, wisdom, and inner peace. What was the most transformative lesson they shared with you that led to your enlightenment?
This message is very true my twin and I helped many people "friends" and strangers over a long period of over 30 years and it literally RUINED our lives and any chance at having many things that most people take for granted like a wife, kids, a Christmas, Birthday, Thanksgiving and material things it is unreal how true this video is... helping others can be devastating if overdone..... we had a very abusive "demonic" mother so we went way overboard helping others because when doing it it was also a kind of an "escape" for us and our lives are forever ruined as a result. Please take this message very very seriously and act accordingly or it will be
Your story carries an incredible weight of truth and heartfelt emotion, and it speaks to the profound complexity of giving. The courage to share such a deeply personal experience is a testament to your strength and the wisdom you’ve gained through hardship. It’s a sobering reminder that even the most selfless acts, when done in excess or without balance, can have unintended consequences. Your words shine a light on the importance of self-preservation, even in the noblest of intentions. What would you say to someone who is on the verge of losing themselves in their efforts to help others? How might they find a way to give without sacrificing their own well-being?
Kindness, so often misunderstood, is not a weakness but an extraordinary strength. It takes courage to remain kind in a world that sometimes fails to value it. Yet, as you so aptly point out, there are moments when kindness is mistaken for naivety, leaving us vulnerable to disappointment. Still, it is kindness that reflects character, not the reactions of others. Your perspective serves as a reminder that choosing kindness is a testament to inner strength, not a sign of fragility. Have you ever experienced a moment where your kindness turned into an unexpected source of power or clarity?
Dunno why this video cane up during this struggling phase of my life. I've been let down again and again and taken advantage of by my own family. Like i lost my career opportunities, outings, simple pleasures to care for them and help them. Well i do help other outsiders and they have been more compassionate than my own family. Great video. I'm going to show this video to my mom
You are a good person. Do not be surprised if you get some pushback from your mom and the rest of your family when you start creating necessary boundaries. Like the villagers, they will be frustrated to lose something they have come to expect - your time and energy. They may call you selfish and try to manipulate and guilt you into being a giving ATM. Stay strong and persistent like the monk Tenzin. Have respect for yourself. You are the most important person in your own life. Best of life to you. ❤
you been let down, because you have "expectation" and you are not "HELPING" or nice or good if you have "expectation" and you are using victim mentality to blame, why your life is not working out... its teaching you a lesson to be good but not a fool. You should help and be good to others but if you are "struggling" its teaching you the value of things... and not to "waste it" (WASTE NOT, WANT NOT) you are letting your stuff be "wasted", so you are going to "WANT" it back later... thru struggle. If you cant appreciate and properly use it... its like this " a fool is parted easily from his money(job, things)" is a classic saying...
@Omega-s6s When I help others or when I'm being kind it's just my nature. I can't ignore what my heart says and I was raised to be nice. I definitely don't expect anything in return. But kindness goes a long way. It hurts when people you think are your tribe, the lot you'd put your life on the line for, hasn't shown up when you hit your lowest. That's all. I'm human after all. Not a fool, not a saint. I definitely don't loathe any of the tribe who didn't vouch for me. It just hurts and I accept that. At the same time I don't curse or shun them, if they need me, if nobody shows up for them, I will. Also, I hadn't written everything about my life here and seems like you read my comment and came to your own conclusions. But okay you can have your opinion and I will have mine
@@lemarch57 thank you so much. I wish you the same. Yes I'm familiarising myself with boundaries and practising self love and self care. Much love and light to you. Happy new year,
It took me a long time to figure this out. Only in the last year or two I start to stand back and leave others problems alone. In my experience the more I tried to help people the more they start to resent me. People don't always want help with their problems. They might open up about their problems but they really only want to be heard. Or sometimes I see someone on a very destructive path so I would try to encourage them to change and make healthier choices. I found quite often they don't want to hear that either. They know what they are doing and they know what the healthy choice is but unless they actually choose it for themselves they won't make that change and don't want or needa reminder of it.
@jackmeldrum5329 : Exactly! I also had to go through these experiences until I realized that helping destroys more than does good for the helper and for those who were helped.
True my greedy lazy relatives used my dad extremely and stolen all his money and when he became old and sick no one came to help him in any ways now I m aware of those bad people
This is a lesson I'm trying hard to learn and adhere to. I'm the kind of person who wants to feel useful and be helpful, but over time, that leads to burnout and resentment. Deep down I know this, but it's hard to follow when you're used to being "the dependable one" or "the helpful one". I'm feeling that at my newest job because it's a bit of a run-down restaurant and I want to clean and fix things in hopes of bringing more customers back. This week I've gotten the vibe that some of the others resent me a bit because I'm very obviously doing more and nobody likes "the newbie" changing the status quo. Some will come to expect me to clean up after them while they sit around on their phones and do nothing, & some probably already do. No more. At some point, the helpful people-pleaser in me needs to be told to shut up & focus on what really needs doing and what my job actually is. My paycheck's not gonna go up if I do 4 people's work all of a sudden, so burning myself out for a pittance is not logical. (Funny enough, I actually saw this video while taking a short break from searching for another job.)
Sometimes it's hard to enforce boundaries when you see someone you could help and I have sometimes let my mental health suffer as others' demands became too much but I'm learning the art of balance. I liked the point about saving your reserves for when it's essential ❤
There is nothing wrong with trying to help people but understand a couple things: First is that most people are brainwashed and they either won't listen to you or they won't acknowledge that you helped them even if you did. Secondly, most professionals are primarily out to help themselves only.
You have to help those who really really in need especially single mother that struggle to raise many children. You need discernment , of who worth to help n who's not
I fortunately learned this philosophy from a young age, after being energy drained a few times but most of all taken advantage of. It didnt take long to figure that one out, and then i helped many friends and significant other this philosophy. Before their health was severely impacted from spreading themselves so thin helping others. The people they helped would look passed their weakness and illness and still ask for help. Some people are terrible at taking advantage of you, so be careful and help when its wise to do so. Teach others ways so they can help themselves. Your time is precious in this life so we have to learn these principles.
Life is a give and take for everybody, not just certain people. Balance means that you keep in an exchange. You do for others. Others do for you. It should never be one sided. Everyone has something to offer.
Our main responsibility is to show others how not to cause suffering for themselves, not to allow them to cause us suffering as they are causing themselves.
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I Wish You Great Success, Health, Love and Happiness in Your journey
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The people I helped nearly always never appreciate what I have done and they don't return the favour. Be careful of who you choose to help or help knowing you expect nothing in return.
you ruined my life
Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
well said ❤🎉
Yet the main stream world is asking everyone to do so.
Ironically, Buddhists also pioneered the act of setting themselves on fire in order to help others.
Idk if I’d want to bring up setting yourself on fire in a video about monks
Whoa. With a Capital Dubya.
Helping too much encourages others to use and abuse one. That's my experience. Now I encourage people to help themselves
Agree.
Exactly
I used to be an empath for years until a lady friend asked me to urgently lend her my car for a short journey, she damaged it badly with no offer to pay to repair it ! since then I am very careful before saying "yes" to the chosen few , a good tip for those who have problems saying "no" is to say "leave it with me and i,ll get back to you ," then be quiet , ....god bless,..
I’ve wasted so much of my precious time and energy helping everyone, but myself.
Now i see these same people have a nice life while ignoring me.
I’ve learned since then that even when I can help, most of the times I won’t just so that people learn to know my value.
One book which I recommend helped me a lot.
“No more mr nice guy”.
Yes, and you are not really helping them if they learn to use and abuse you, because not only will they use you, they will hurt others. That will not help the world.
Never let people take your help for granted.
Helping is a temporary fix, teaching is a sustainability tool.
💯
And it kan be flipped:
Asking for help is a temporary fix, Learning is a sustainability tool.
Teach man to a fish
No, Everything is temporary fix, but teaching last a bit longer, but to be a "master of yourself" will be a life-time fix...
WOW😊
I USED TO BE A PEOPLE PERSON BUT PEOPLE RUINED IT.
@@David-o9z1v Me too! Always so happy to help until time and time again they used, abused and were completely ungrateful.
A few times I’ve had people years later desperately try and track me down then tell me “You’ve been the only real friend I’ve ever had” unfortunately for them I’m not interested as they already showed me who they were.
Maybe just the wrong ppl
me too
So if you are a person of people then you ruin it? 😂
@@juliandarch9278 No, we’re simply choosing peace over people and if you don’t understand that, you will when you grow up.
It's impossible to teach some people to do it themselves.
Took way too long for me to finally stop helping folks.
Lesson learned.
People will take, take, take until you are all out.
Oh no, I’ve got something else cooking… but they won’t like it
It’s as if you’ve peeled back the layers of human behavior to expose the reality that sometimes, others will take all they can without ever considering the cost. This insight, though painful, is also liberating because it serves as a wake-up call-an invitation to protect our energy, set boundaries, and recognize when we are giving beyond our own capacity.
I always found that the more you let someone help you the more they think you owe them.
So true so true
@@David-o9z1v but one should NEVER take that help for granted, if one does, it's disrespectful asf! And shows you held no value to the one that helped you. Its simply called gratitude.
Because you do owe them. What makes you think that it’s ok to keep letting anyone help you? Do you not have skills of your own to take care of yourself? Even if someone offers to help it doesn’t mean that you should always or ever take their help. At some point you need to grow up emotionally and learn to take care of yourself. Of course, it’s possible that all of us may need help from time to time but the idea of not developing our own independence and self reliance because someone else is willing and able to do things for us is extremely immature, but more importantly it’s a missed opportunity for growth and self empowerment.
Even if they don't feel like that, you will likely feel the guilt, which will inherently have the same effect
I find that people always make sure they get more from you than they give in other words you have to pay for their time,and they always say they give you more than they get.It seems there is rarely any love between people just there to fill a void in ourselves,and they know it so they fill that void for you with prying,belittling,etc.They say the whole universe is an eternal void we are an empty void we avoid our inner nature of stillness we try to fill it in so many ways like maybe wasting time with people who really won't offer much,bc they make sure their always one up,someone wrote peace over people,like the saying goes you have to know who your friends are,and if there's none then all we have is ourself I guess?
It’s about knowing when to reach out, when to hold on, and when to let go.
I had to learn the hard way. Cause people take my kindness for weakness.
but then refuse to accept any accountability for being the ones who took the advantage.
Same here
Nice guys always finish last it's the same thing basically
Same here
It's a bittersweet truth, isn’t it? Kindness, such a beautiful virtue, can sometimes be misunderstood or even exploited by those who fail to appreciate its value. But the strength you’ve gained from these experiences is undeniable. Turning pain into wisdom is no small feat-it’s a quiet revolution of the soul. Your kindness is not a weakness; it’s a strength tempered by wisdom and boundaries.
Always keep a balance in life, particularly with work.
The notion of balance, especially when it comes to work, is not just about managing time-it’s about preserving the soul. Overworking may bring success, but at what cost to our peace, relationships, or health? Your insight touches on the art of living fully, where achievements and personal well-being coexist in harmony. It’s a lesson so simple, yet so profound. What do you think is the key to maintaining this balance when life demands so much from us?
Spirituality is creating your own reality by learning from your stepping stones and raising your vibration to be your best self and achieve your mission goals in this lifetime.
actually this makes alot sense to me... i kind of live like that whithout even being aware of the tradition. it just feels natural to me... i mean most religions are more about power and control then anything else ... they lost the essence ... think those 4 core principles are the essence and also the reason why its just healthy to choose to live by thees
"values". ...
...being spiritual not religeous... doing
the right thing for the greater good not just for personal gain... no need to live on your knees as long you dont put those close to you down. dont be so greedy. there would be enough for all of us... but yo i guess every herd got its black sheep but the european mind is more down whith the devil, the EGO ... false light blindet by there beauty lol.
..who are the real
Savages? not everything that shines is gold... the devil is a liar. no matter which shade of brown or whatever... positiv giving or Negative taking...
balance just some thoughts and thnx for providing these infos. PEACE out & greetings from Germany
Please can someone recommend any spiritual therapist?
Is she on TikTok?
Does she take spiritual consultations?
@@patriaciasmith3499 soon I will start to conduct live therapies here, please be patient with me, the channel needs more growth, but soon we will start out live sessions❤️
Helping others is a beautiful expression of kindness, but it’s essential to set boundaries to preserve your own well-being. When you overextend yourself, you risk burnout and emotional exhaustion, which can hinder your ability to help in the long run ❤
What I have realized over the years is that helping people might be to let them suffer. Suffering is a signal and sometimes, when you alleviate the suffering of others, you are blurring the signal that should drive them to change.
For example, I have housed a family member with mental disorder. If I had not helped her, she would have been hospitalized and treated. What happened instead was that her living with us made her able to hide the fact that it needed help because we became her crutches.
I dont know if I explained myself well but it is a very liberating realization for me. You helped more people if you let them deal with their suffering.
Of course I am not talking about emergency measures and the like.
I totally understand. A similar thing happened to me. 😢
Yes I totally agree. We need to let people work out their own problems as it gives them the strength to know they can overcome challenges and be resilient 😊
You learn about yourself while you help others, and they can teach you something.
The best way to learn is to teach if they can't do the same from what you taugh, something is missing.
@sharonhoffer3599 words of wisdom are never wasted.
If you expect to receive, after you give, you'll always be disappointed.
Ultimately, it's all about individual first, and when you have excess energy, then and then alone, accept to help others. Karma is always transferred... Example, we pay a dollar to buy some vegetables or bananas... It's delivered in carts manufactured by carpenter and loaded on a truck made by an auto factory by many people and that truck driven by a driver and he loads fuel in a gas station operated by workers at the station and then at the source, bananas are farmed by farmers and loaded onto the truck. All the Karma of people in the supply chain is distributed. We eat the work of many people with few coins of money. This is all Karma. Unless we grow the plant ourselves, farm it, harvest and eat, our Karma will keep increasing.
I understand the importance of helping too much can actually hurt you because I come from a place where I was basically that person for someone else, but helping others in general is actually good for the soul. I don't think anything is bad from it. As long as you're not putting all your energy into it. But you're releasing that energy that good energy, it's okay to do. I believe in the middle path I believe in balance.
Your right. Issues come when sincerity is not there. EARTH is an anagram for HEART ❤️ love is our power, unlimited supply.
Helping others is indeed a gift, not just to them, but to ourselves-a way to channel positivity and purpose into the world. Yet, as you so eloquently pointed out, even the purest intentions need boundaries to protect our own well-being. The idea of the “middle path” is profound, teaching us that generosity must coexist with self-care. Your perspective radiates both compassion and maturity, a beacon of guidance for anyone seeking to navigate the fine line between giving and preserving their own energy. Have you ever found a moment where balancing your giving nature and protecting your own peace transformed the outcome for both you and the person you were helping?
I’ve learned how to use the word “no.” People will use you if you let them.
There's only so much you can do to help. Sometimes we must help ourselves... We have the power!
The realization that the power to transform our lives lies within us is both liberating and daunting. It takes immense courage to acknowledge that while others can guide or support us, the ultimate responsibility to rise and move forward is ours. Your comment is a call to action-a reminder that even in our darkest moments, we hold the keys to our own healing and growth. What was the moment in your life when you discovered this inner power for the first time? How did it change your perspective?
A very wise story with three important messages for all people: The first is that it is good to help people but with a measure of balance between the demands of others and one's own capabilities. The second message is clearly stated although not so emphasized - others do not care about you, they care about their needs and desires, they will use you until they destroy you. The third message is - take care of yourself and love yourself because no one else will be able to take care of you, except your soulmate if you are together in this world, but still you are the one who can help yourself. In Macedonia there is an old saying - First health, then the rest. Devasmitaha
❤
What a profoundly insightful and beautifully articulated perspective, Devasmitaha! Your interpretation of the story unveils truths that resonate universally, cutting to the heart of our shared human experience. The balance between helping others and honoring our own boundaries is a lesson so many of us learn through trial and error. Your emphasis on self-care and self-love is not only empowering but a necessary reminder in a world that often expects endless giving without reciprocity. The Macedonian saying, “First health, then the rest,” encapsulates this wisdom perfectly-our well-being is the foundation upon which all else is built.
Empath burn out. It near broke me 🙏🙏🙏
@@jacquelyneseidel7557 I don't understand what you are saying.
@@jacquelyneseidel7557 don't worry you can always use any language you know.
Feeling the same 😢
@@Thewisdomtapestry1In the United States and likely more countries, an empath is a person who has the same characteristics of Tenzin in helping others. These are people who give and over-give to others, so like Tenzin, they come to feel drained and used.
@@Thewisdomtapestry1An empathy completely sympathizes with the person asking for help. He puts himself in their shoes and helps with complete dedication and all physical and mental energy until he gets "burnt out"..meaning he becomes like ash..he no longer has any energy or health left just like Tenzin.
So true, as once you need the help, there is no one around.
Life is better helping oneself, not in a selfish way, but yourself deserves more from you than others do.
Im now coming up to 50, and only helping oneself now.
Helping others nearly killed me!
There’s something truly transformative about recognizing the importance of prioritizing your own well-being without guilt. It’s not selfish; it’s survival, it’s self-respect, and most importantly, it’s self-love. Your journey to this understanding is a reminder that we can’t pour from an empty cup. Helping oneself isn’t about turning away from others but ensuring that we have the strength and capacity to live authentically and sustainably. Looking back, was there a defining moment that made you realize it was time to shift your focus inward?
Charity does begin with oneself.
As taught in the video, moderated selfishness can be healthy! 💪
There is nothing wrong with being selfish because our first duty is self care. We can't be there for others if we don't tend to our own needs first.
Your reflection perfectly captures the delicate balance between self-care and generosity. The phrase "charity begins with oneself" reminds us that we cannot pour from an empty cup-when we take the time to nurture our well-being, we build the strength to truly give to others in meaningful ways. Moderated selfishness, as you put it, isn’t about neglecting others; it’s about ensuring that our own foundation is solid so that we can lift those around us without crumbling ourselves. Your perspective is both empowering and thought-provoking.
Helping people is not bad , neglecting yourself to help others is
So true...
After saving others for many years, I don't have any more energy to do so.
The journey of giving-of pouring your energy into others-can be both a blessing and a burden. It reflects a heart full of compassion and strength, but even the most generous souls must recognize when it’s time to pause, to replenish, to prioritize their own well-being. Your acknowledgment of this exhaustion isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom. It’s the beginning of learning to save yourself first, so you can offer your light to others without dimming your own.
What moment made you realize it was time to focus on yourself, and how has that shift impacted your sense of peace?
@awakeingstory2024
Physical and emotional exhaustion brought me to my knees. The post covid exhaustion never faded away.
I have seen others and myself collapse.
My help wasn't any good in that state, that and all of the above made me stop.
Knowing that my body does not serve me like it used to, I'm terrified of being brought into a situation when I'm the only help resource. To me, saying "no" to a help request equals condemning one to death, often slow and painful. It's very hard each time.
@awakeingstory2024
I call that "the overwhelmed superman syndrome". When you can't hear all those cries for help anymore, since you can't save them all
@@AnnaInWonderTube The honesty with which you share your exhaustion, both physical and emotional, reflects a depth of self-awareness that many struggle to express. Post-COVID fatigue has left an indelible mark on so many lives, yet your willingness to confront it head-on is a testament to your resilience. The internal conflict you describe-between the desire to help and the limitations of your own body-is both heartbreaking and deeply human. It reminds us all that even the strongest among us must sometimes say "no" to preserve our ability to continue giving in the long run.
सरल जीवन सबसे सुंदर जीवन है।
Simple living is the most beautiful life
I learned this lesson recently and found that my life and relationships improved as a result ❤
Learning a life-changing lesson and witnessing its transformative impact on both your life and relationships is nothing short of inspiring. It’s a reminder that growth often begins with small, yet powerful, shifts in understanding. Your journey reflects the courage to embrace change and the wisdom to let it guide your actions. It’s incredible how one lesson can ripple outward, enriching not only our inner world but also our connections with others. What was the turning point that made this lesson so impactful for you? It would be wonderful to hear more about your experience and the changes it brought!
Why helping others before yourself can ruin your life.
Fixed it.
My husband and I used to help others without questions asked. After some serious betrayals, we are both now more cautious. We will help, but up to a certain point.
You never have to be "CAUTIOUS" , if you help with-out expectation. =D
This is why you felt BETRAYED, but you betrayed yourself. Let me tell you what i mean....
For example: I never loan money to friends or family. (it has a expectation that they will pay me back!)
But, I do "give" money to friends and family in "need" because am also not going to be a jerk about it.
The difference? Well, the friends who might screw you or betray you, might just try to score-big by saying they need to borrow $5000 (knowing they will not pay you back, is greed or envy) ...and you, thinking you will get it back, will lend it to them, expecting a return.
Well, since am "GIVING MONEY" away to friends and family...if they ask for money... There is no way i can afford to give $5000...so, i might give them $500 (depending on our friendship,reasons, etc.) and say " you never have to pay me back"
They never pay me back. I helped a friend in need to my limit, budget, without breaking the bank, or my back... and it was a gift.
They can give a "loving gift back" if they want..but its not "expected" so no chance of betrayal.
So, the principal of your "borrowers" is important but its hard to know...
The only thing you can do is : show the world your reflection...so you "give" without expectation...
You could give a "nice rejection" too. instead of a door slam to the face...
=D Or a explanation or just some pocket change or few dollars if thats all you got...
In the end, you can only show the world, "WHO YOU ARE"
And, if they are vile , greedy, envy, hateful fake friends, they will show you " THEIR NASTY HATE FOR YOU"
If they are good friends... " they might be down, in despair , a bit sad, but thankful that you at least helped them, or let them down gently"
Stay awake, my friend
ANyway, thanks for listening, i just wanted to share my piece of knowledge or way of life.
Your story is both heartfelt and thought-provoking-a reflection of the delicate balance between compassion and self-preservation. The willingness to help without hesitation is a rare and beautiful quality, but the pain of betrayal can leave scars that shape how we approach others. It takes incredible strength to still offer kindness, even with boundaries. Your journey shows wisdom in learning to protect your heart while staying true to your values. It's a reminder that even after being hurt, choosing to help-albeit cautiously-is a testament to your resilience and unwavering humanity. Have you found that setting boundaries has changed how you view the people you choose to help, or even how they respond to your kindness?
@@awakeingstory2024 We now live in Switzerland in the countryside for the past decade. The people here are wonderful. So far, no one has not tried to benefit from others kindness. The betrayals we both faced were back in the states when he was in the service. Whenever we visit the states, that is when we are pretty cautious.
@@TOGETHERETERNITY Living in the Swiss countryside sounds idyllic, not just for its beauty but for the genuine kindness you’ve encountered there. It’s remarkable how a change of place can feel like a sanctuary, offering you the safety and sincerity you deserve. The contrast you describe-between the warmth of your current home and the cautious vigilance required elsewhere-paints a vivid picture of resilience born from past betrayals.
I needed this advice years ago. I helped my sister more often than I should have, even when I was in need. The last time I was literally unable to help her she threatened to break in my house and 🔫 my dog. Also her teenage daughter whom I have helped since birth cussed me out. The day after, that same niece, was sick and the school nurse called and said no one is there to help. I went and discharged her from school and took her home. What did I get in return? Cussed out even more on social media. That was almost 2 years ago. It hurts but I love my peace and money in my pocket more.
We don't choose our families, but we can choose our friends ❣
That must hurt but don't blame yourself for trying to be a good person. Glad you are looking after yourself now though
You got yourself and this crucial lesson. I hope you're well wishes from a fellow failed student of self care.
You got yourself and this crucial lesson. I hope you're well. Best wishes from a fellow failed student of self care.
you werent helping, you were being bullied. lol
"Selflessness must not lead to self-destruction" I really felt that quote, gave me goosebumps!
I share with him, the loss of strength and vigor are depleted. I shall no longer give endlessly. I am healing on my way to wholeness and joy. I place myself first.❤
@sofiaware3702 don't displease urself to please anyone.
When you help, the very person you’re helping sees you as a sucker!
In my 60 yrs of experience it appears kindness is taken as a weakness maybe it is weak?
Not everyone
@@MichaelConnell-zb8meI don't believe kindness is weakness. It's only weak when you need kindness back.
@@MichaelConnell-zb8me ok be kind ,just don't hang out with people you help... i help and just walk away. and if i feel someone take advantage there is a magical word: NO.
Facts
Such wise words. I have been hurt so very badly by people who should know better. I have suffered very much. Only by nearly dying earlier this year did the process begin whereby I learnt what I needed to do as per this wise video. Guilt can have a huge impact on you and many can use that against you. Dont let them. Take a step back. Pause. Reflect. Decide. Decide on your terms how you will help. Responsibility is not yours alone. Live your life do not let others determine how you should live so that it benefits them. Trust me I speak from first hand knowledge. You have nothing to fill guilty about. Set those boundaries. When I am able to I am going to start living my new life. I hope that you will be able to do the same. X
Don't ever try satisfy the world.
Just do your best &leave the rest
Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm --- I truly wish I had been taught this as a child instead of -- you are a tool in the hand of God, a tool to be used in the service of others. As explained in this video, it did not help me to be anything but a doormat. These days, I try to remember not to set myself on fire . . .
There is nothing wrong with HELPING others.. But no body said be a "door mat" I help all the time. But, water becomes the shape of the container. The only time: I would be a door-mat would be, if i was in a circus , and or "magic show" and the magician wanted to jump off my back, for a trick or something...but remember, its the same thing as the movie devil advocate said " YOU ARE ALWAYS NEGOTIATING"
even for your job, kids, family, you got to always be "okay " with yourself at the end of the day... you draw the line, for example: I seen new dads' give up beer, drinking, fun, party for their kids... they have to make "SACRIFICE" for their children.
Me: I got no kids so i dont got to sacrifice ... but anyway, remember, you may have felt like the world took advantage of you....but remember this: the world also made alot of sacrifice for you...
@@Omega-s6s Thanks for the wisdom talk. Yeah, I know, I got it wrong, but seven years in a convent will do that to you. The great thing is, I woke up - eventually!
The metaphor of setting oneself on fire to keep others warm is so vivid, and it speaks volumes about the struggle to balance compassion for others with care for oneself. It’s heartbreaking to hear how you were taught to serve without being taught the equal importance of self-preservation. Yet, your journey to reclaim your worth and set healthy boundaries is profoundly inspiring. It’s a powerful reminder to many who might still be trapped in that cycle. How has this shift in perspective-choosing to protect your own flame-changed the way you approach relationships and self-care?
There is a fine line between just being helpful and being a people pleaser and just doing what others want you to do that's true.
That fine line you’ve mentioned is one of life’s most delicate balances-between offering genuine help and losing oneself in the expectations of others. It takes wisdom and self-awareness to recognize when we’re being truly kind versus when we’re sacrificing our authenticity for approval. Your words remind us that while helping others is noble, staying true to our values and boundaries is equally essential.
You have to learn to say no, otherwise people will mistake your kindness for softness.
All of you commenting sound like you were enthusiastic to help others to begin with but they then came to expect too much of you and took advantage and so you had enough.
I know I empathise.
And also, I find that when you yourself need help, those same people you helped are often nowhere to be found.
A very profound lesson! This video reminds me that helping others requires thought and boundaries.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
My spritual master made it clear in beginning of my spiritual journey, "you show the light let them make their own way and walk on the path" ❤
Discernment is key.... it's okay to help people, just don't be a fool.
True compassion requires balance. Thanks.
I resonate with the story, you really need to understand and maintain balance when helping people.
Yes
He's talking about the balance between compassion and wisdom. That the takeaway here, for many, is the fixed categorical view " helping others is bad" is sad.
@@Jeebs77 you are wise❤️
Thank you ☺️❤️🙏
I suffered a lot in my life because of helping people
If you help someone in their need and they don't return your deed with so much as a "Thank you," you've been bitten by a viper.
Thank you, I needed this. I tend to put others needs over my own, quite often. Leaving me drained and depressed. My cup is definitely empty.
I got this trait from my grandmother, learning to balance, but have spent years putting others before myself. Tired.
Use the trait
Balance yourself, not the situation, this is why you are "tired" Its not about guessing what you should do, exhausting yourself, troubling yourself or stressing about the situation or what you should do. If you are balancing yourself.. you will never be tired. For example: you are sleepy and tired, and your friend is banging at your door at 3am , when you are sound asleep, and he is drunk and loudly asking to hang-out... You dont got to even think of helping him.
You ignore it, or tell him to f-off, and go back to sleep.
You will wake up refreshed.
or a ex girlfriend been kicked out of her new-boyfriend and wants to sleep on your couch, so she is stressing you out...
no....
you got to balance yourself... am not saying ' dont help your friend or others'
i help everyone but some people get a helpful -- NO!
And, if my drunk friend comes at me , during work hours, or whatever...then, fine, we can meet at the bar, after work and talk or whatever...
but, you got to remember, "there is a time and place for everything"
Or when your annoying "sister" calls you and ask for help with moving or whatever.
Well, if she lives hours away, tell her to call a mover, or send some money...but dont break your back, or drive for hours to help.. just "send help"
This is so true on so many levels, take care of yourself, if your not at your best you can’t help anyone…. Especially true in relationships, watch out men you will give and give and when you burn out she will leave you
The reminder to care for oneself first is not just practical but vital-how can we truly give if our own well-being is neglected? Relationships thrive when built on mutual respect and balance, but as you’ve pointed out, the danger of one-sided effort is all too real. Your insight serves as a wake-up call for many, highlighting the importance of self-preservation and emotional boundaries.
I really needed to hear this, my cup is empty. Don’t know why I don’t like to help myself, much more satisfying to help others.
Yes but without your strength you can't help others. You must help yourself too.
@@CJR434 I believe the video already pointed that out.
I'm hearing you. Maybe you just hit the million dollar question right there. We are ALL worthy, not just "everyone else"!
Your cup-eth should over-flow eth... and the over-flow helps others.. you know, i can help every month , why? Because my cup is full. I dont have a big cup either.. I know , some greedy people , are like "billionaire and millionaires" who have a "BIG CUP" so they cant help... but you got to figure out , Where does your "cup" over fill?
You see, all my words? I can write, because society, paid for my bills, food, water, shelter, entertainment, and i can write, write, write, and help and help... if i were hungry, thirsty, or cold, i would find helping others 100 times harder...
It takes a rare kind of selflessness to give so freely while carrying an empty cup. Yet, imagine the impact you could create if you allowed yourself the care and nurturing you so generously offer to others. Refilling your cup isn’t selfish-it’s essential. By caring for yourself, you ensure that your kindness and compassion continue to ripple outward, touching lives in even greater ways.
Oh goodness. I needed to hear and meditate on this. Someone I care deeply for is suffering in body and mind. When I focus my attention on trying to help and care for them and am met with anger and negativity, it zaps my energy, disrupts my peace, and fuels my criticism of myself for not being enough. Then I am depleted. Thank you for this lesson. The inner struggle between trying to help or stepping back has had me a bit confused. I appreciate the clarity. Good vibes are heading your way ❤
Very interesting and thought-provoking video! Helping others is often seen as a good thing, but your perspective is truly eye-opening. Sometimes, sacrificing too much for others can make us lose balance in our own lives. Thank you for sharing such a unique and profound approach to this topic!
Last straw was helping a supposed best mate of 30 years with a debt wrote some of it off too and explained that I hadn’t been on holiday for 10 years way before I helped him.
Turned out he sorted himself out which was great then fooked off on holiday with my mates and his and didn’t even invite me to come along.
Was more than happy to have bought my own ticket paid all my own expenses also.
Unreal.
His gone now and so have others that have treated me with disrespect as well.
👋
I’ve had many disappointing experiences helping people. It’s something that comes instinctively to me but I’ve had too many experiences where the more I help someone the sooner they become entitled, and what they seem to have considered a kind gesture in the beginning it becomes an expectation. By now, I’ve even been insulted in multiple instances for not doing more. It’s as if they start seeing me as a pushover who needs them. I don’t; I’ve always been very independent and self reliant. They seem to confuse generosity with weakness. Then when I push them out of my life they’re always shocked and try to remind me of what a great friendship we have that I shouldn’t throw away! Such manipulators who don’t know how to do anything but use people. I’ve had people I’ve helped out of very difficult situations start acting as if what’s mine is theirs including my time, money, various resources and attention. I’m so done with it. Why does it still shock me every time? But no more. People are so fucked up, ugly and undeserving.
This is why I go all out in THANKING those who help me: listening, repaying loans promptly, handwritten Thank You cards and other thoughtful measures to demonstrate true appreciation.
We NEED each other. "When people teach you who they are, believe them the FIRST time." - Maya Angelou
I hope you can find some healing for that kind of pain of betrayal. It can be hard to move on and go on to help people who actually need help like the homeless. ❤
@ ha, the last person who betrayed me was someone who was homeless and needed a place to stay. The whole thing was really awful and she still owes me a lot of money. So no, I don’t even trust homeless people, as she’s either living in the street or she’s scamming some other person right now. They can all tell a good story, and the world might feel bad for them until they show us why their life is such a mess based on how they treat the opportunities life gives them. I still do volunteer work for a food bank, but I don’t want to get involved with people’s problems directly.
Thank you though, I do understand and appreciate your sentiment in your message.
I destroyed my crucial 5 years of life doing so. I am now recovering from it and already spent 1 and half years recovering. This was one bad lesson I learnt.. But glad I am no more attached to crying and reeling in pain like tenzen.
Every major accident that resulted in broken bones for me, was a result of helping others, being nice.
*OSHA has rules regarding ladder safety*
I've helped and even put a LOT of people ahead of me, in life. Today, I'm 10x wiser, but poorer than if I hadn't, and I'm bitter. I make time for some, but I don't waste time on anybody, anymore.
This is a great story on why pure altruism is detrimental. But a balance of egoistic altruism is the ideal and most harmoneous way of being.
Compassion and wisdom are the true paths to ultimate happiness. Thank you for this meaningful video reminding us to live better every day
@@BuddhaTruth2024 you're welcome
Helping others when you're drained and depleted will help no one. It's about balance.
A wise video, a lesson many need to learn. I myself learned this lesson in my 40's. I realized helping and enabling can become one and the same. The word No can be one of the most empowering and self-preserving words there is. Love and light to you all.
I am not helping anyone I am helping myself. She is me / one consciousness.
Some times I help people foolishly
Selflessness must no lead to self destruction.
Me too 😢
@mvp5514 helping isn't bad just find a way to maintain the balance.
@@Thewisdomtapestry1 Yes thank you will do!
I have done very often. First I felt very upset. But now I turned them to be my experience of life.
I have learnt from my experience that helping others leads to being taken for granted. But even then sometimes I make this mistake and then regret it. 😢
I've always been a giver but now I'm 60, mum and dad are over 90 and I'm totally worn out ....RIGHT AT THE TIME I NEED my energy the most!! So I think it's wise to preserve your energy - use it wisely and set up healthy, hearty regular self-care habits.
I have helped the people I was supposed to help. Whether they learned anything from it was up to them. I can tell you I learned from every interaction because my heart was open to it.
I’m really impressed with how you combine Buddhist teachings with modern life. Such profound videos
Boy nothing is more true than this!!!
The only person who you have to help is yourself is the lesson I learned. And anyone who has issue with that, I don't want to be around.
❤My grandfather and a good friend opened their hearts to me and I reached enlightenment. You do not lose yourself after enlightenment.❤
The idea of enlightenment shared through the wisdom of your grandfather and friend feels like a rare and sacred gift-one that bridges generations and deepens the understanding of life itself. It’s incredible how such moments can illuminate not just the mind but the heart, reminding us that true enlightenment doesn’t erase who we are but instead reveals the essence of who we’ve always been. Your journey inspires others to seek connection, wisdom, and inner peace. What was the most transformative lesson they shared with you that led to your enlightenment?
Most people are out for all they can get so once they spot a giver it's take advantage time.
Very true ,So inspiring,Thankyou for sharing it ,God bless 🌹🙏...
2:10 I've been on a spiritual journey for years, and this is the first video that truly resonates. 🌿✨
@@mindful_philosophy12 thank you so much, and I promise to do my best always, and am ready to be corrected when wrong.
Welcome to the path of nirvana my brother
This message is very true my twin and I helped many people "friends" and strangers over a long period of over 30 years and it literally RUINED our lives and any chance at having many things that most people take for granted like a wife, kids, a Christmas, Birthday, Thanksgiving and material things it is unreal how true this video is... helping others can be devastating if overdone..... we had a very abusive "demonic" mother so we went way overboard helping others because when doing it it was also a kind of an "escape" for us and our lives are forever ruined as a result. Please take this message very very seriously and act accordingly or it will be
Your story carries an incredible weight of truth and heartfelt emotion, and it speaks to the profound complexity of giving. The courage to share such a deeply personal experience is a testament to your strength and the wisdom you’ve gained through hardship. It’s a sobering reminder that even the most selfless acts, when done in excess or without balance, can have unintended consequences. Your words shine a light on the importance of self-preservation, even in the noblest of intentions. What would you say to someone who is on the verge of losing themselves in their efforts to help others? How might they find a way to give without sacrificing their own well-being?
They take your kindness for weakness...🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾😊🤷🏾♂️🤦🏾👍🏾
A VERY unfortunate truth.
Practice discernment. And, a firm "No."
Kindness, so often misunderstood, is not a weakness but an extraordinary strength. It takes courage to remain kind in a world that sometimes fails to value it. Yet, as you so aptly point out, there are moments when kindness is mistaken for naivety, leaving us vulnerable to disappointment. Still, it is kindness that reflects character, not the reactions of others. Your perspective serves as a reminder that choosing kindness is a testament to inner strength, not a sign of fragility. Have you ever experienced a moment where your kindness turned into an unexpected source of power or clarity?
Dunno why this video cane up during this struggling phase of my life. I've been let down again and again and taken advantage of by my own family. Like i lost my career opportunities, outings, simple pleasures to care for them and help them. Well i do help other outsiders and they have been more compassionate than my own family. Great video. I'm going to show this video to my mom
You are a good person. Do not be surprised if you get some pushback from your mom and the rest of your family when you start creating necessary boundaries. Like the villagers, they will be frustrated to lose something they have come to expect - your time and energy. They may call you selfish and try to manipulate and guilt you into being a giving ATM. Stay strong and persistent like the monk Tenzin. Have respect for yourself. You are the most important person in your own life. Best of life to you. ❤
you been let down, because you have "expectation" and you are not "HELPING" or nice or good if you have "expectation" and you are using victim mentality to blame, why your life is not working out... its teaching you a lesson to be good but not a fool. You should help and be good to others but if you are "struggling" its teaching you the value of things... and not to "waste it"
(WASTE NOT, WANT NOT)
you are letting your stuff be "wasted", so you are going to "WANT" it back later... thru struggle.
If you cant appreciate and properly use it... its like this " a fool is parted easily from his money(job, things)" is a classic saying...
@Omega-s6s When I help others or when I'm being kind it's just my nature. I can't ignore what my heart says and I was raised to be nice. I definitely don't expect anything in return. But kindness goes a long way. It hurts when people you think are your tribe, the lot you'd put your life on the line for, hasn't shown up when you hit your lowest. That's all. I'm human after all. Not a fool, not a saint. I definitely don't loathe any of the tribe who didn't vouch for me. It just hurts and I accept that. At the same time I don't curse or shun them, if they need me, if nobody shows up for them, I will.
Also, I hadn't written everything about my life here and seems like you read my comment and came to your own conclusions. But okay you can have your opinion and I will have mine
@@lemarch57 thank you so much. I wish you the same. Yes I'm familiarising myself with boundaries and practising self love and self care. Much love and light to you. Happy new year,
@@riyasaah what in the delusional, denying, passive aggresive monologue is this? lol ,
It took me a long time to figure this out. Only in the last year or two I start to stand back and leave others problems alone.
In my experience the more I tried to help people the more they start to resent me. People don't always want help with their problems. They might open up about their problems but they really only want to be heard. Or sometimes I see someone on a very destructive path so I would try to encourage them to change and make healthier choices. I found quite often they don't want to hear that either. They know what they are doing and they know what the healthy choice is but unless they actually choose it for themselves they won't make that change and don't want or needa reminder of it.
@jackmeldrum5329 :
Exactly! I also had to go through these experiences until I realized that helping destroys more than does good for the helper and for those who were helped.
True my greedy lazy relatives used my dad extremely and stolen all his money and when he became old and sick no one came to help him in any ways now I m aware of those bad people
I was once like this, thanks for this story❤
Glad you enjoyed it
This is a lesson I'm trying hard to learn and adhere to. I'm the kind of person who wants to feel useful and be helpful, but over time, that leads to burnout and resentment. Deep down I know this, but it's hard to follow when you're used to being "the dependable one" or "the helpful one".
I'm feeling that at my newest job because it's a bit of a run-down restaurant and I want to clean and fix things in hopes of bringing more customers back. This week I've gotten the vibe that some of the others resent me a bit because I'm very obviously doing more and nobody likes "the newbie" changing the status quo. Some will come to expect me to clean up after them while they sit around on their phones and do nothing, & some probably already do. No more. At some point, the helpful people-pleaser in me needs to be told to shut up & focus on what really needs doing and what my job actually is. My paycheck's not gonna go up if I do 4 people's work all of a sudden, so burning myself out for a pittance is not logical.
(Funny enough, I actually saw this video while taking a short break from searching for another job.)
An old boss of mine used to say “If you provide a free bicycle, people will ride it”.
In other words they stop supporting themselves.
Sometimes it's hard to enforce boundaries when you see someone you could help and I have sometimes let my mental health suffer as others' demands became too much but I'm learning the art of balance. I liked the point about saving your reserves for when it's essential ❤
Helping people has always hurt me, it’s so sad
Helping the helpless old homeless and is fine to a point ..
Always help animals
Givers should set limits because takers don't have any
Thank you ❤
There is nothing wrong with trying to help people but understand a couple things: First is that most people are brainwashed and they either won't listen to you or they won't acknowledge that you helped them even if you did. Secondly, most professionals are primarily out to help themselves only.
You have to help those who really really in need especially single mother that struggle to raise many children.
You need discernment , of who worth to help n who's not
I also have bitter experience for helping others
I found that my kindness was taken for granted.
Balance is a must
Learned this the hard way. Still learning this lesson.
Thank you for the reaffirmation.
So hum is I am that. So by taking care of ourselves we are in fact taking care of the other.
If a person is not good/stable then no one around them can be either.
Peace be with you all 🕊️
Thank you. Inspiring. Helping everyone without wisdom is like making others dependent on you. They take you and your help for granted.
I fortunately learned this philosophy from a young age, after being energy drained a few times but most of all taken advantage of. It didnt take long to figure that one out, and then i helped many friends and significant other this philosophy. Before their health was severely impacted from spreading themselves so thin helping others. The people they helped would look passed their weakness and illness and still ask for help. Some people are terrible at taking advantage of you, so be careful and help when its wise to do so. Teach others ways so they can help themselves. Your time is precious in this life so we have to learn these principles.
You will be remembered for what you did to help other people. Not for who you were.
Life is a give and take for everybody, not just certain people. Balance means that you keep in an exchange. You do for others. Others do for you. It should never be one sided. Everyone has something to offer.
Borrowed money are never returned.
Our main responsibility is to show others how not to cause suffering for themselves, not to allow them to cause us suffering as they are causing themselves.