I’m still stuck- like I want to believe that the person I fell in love with was the person in the beginning. But my brain just keeps going back & forth.
@@LDTwin92 I have friends who I haven’t seen that initial loving, caring side, in years. But like Lee has said, if we cause these ones, a “narcissistic injury”, then they will never see us in the same light again, and they will never treat us with the same love and respect again. It’s very very sad. My former daughter-in-law had me duped for two years until she showed her true colors, devalued me and my son, threw out my son, and took away his newborn baby. It’s astounding how deceived and blinded we can be, but especially covert narcissists are great actors, putting on a good show. Usually once the mask comes off and we see their ugly side, it’s getting near the time they are discarding us.
I'm fine, and then all of a sudden it hits me...he's no longer here. I become temporarily confused as to why, but then I snap out of it...and over a span of not even 10 seconds, I relive the whole thing all over again. Hence, why I am watching this video over n over again. It sucks...it really does. As much as I try to convince myself that it doesn't, I have to come to the crude reality that he's really now gone.
@@mariannebauman3410 He would do the same thing to me too. So I hear you. I really honestly think they are clinically insane. Who can do that, when you think about it? Go from one extreme to another extreme in five seconds. Sounds insane to my opinion. The sociopath that was in my life was like that. His moods like were like the wind and drove me crazy. I really think he needs medication and a padded room.
Putting this on repeat! They consistently disappoint. Lee said before, we miss the "idea" of them. We got this ya'll, only we can make ourselves happy.
This situation hurts so bad… I wish he could be the empathetic, caring guy he was when we were friends. But now I’m the crazy girl he can’t deal with even tho he made me “crazy” by constantly disappointing me/ letting me down. I couldn’t express myself without being ignored for “harping on the issue” when all I needed was reassurance….. He loved to say “I don’t repeat myself”, but never understood what he did wrong. It’s like constantly running into a brick wall💔
That's how I've described it. Especially after the abuse had started, we had been subtly twisted and confused and find ourselves defending them, identifying with our abusers.
My therapist told me, a man that wants to change has to be in active therapy and not going back to the shit they used to do before you, example the bars! It takes years for a person to change. My ex woukd break up with me every 2 months if anything upset him and it can be any little thing like not getting his way. I finally caught up to the pattern where once 2 months hit I was on eggshells cuz I knew what was coming and when it didn't and I let my guard down, boom would break up with me. I miss the good times but I sure as heck do not miss getting yelled at, broken up with constantly and him criticizing my kids and I. Only 1.5 months was good which was the beginning and after that it was eggshells with pockets of good. It's hard to see when you're in it but now that some time has passed without him, I realized he's not all that. I fell in love with potential, he's not that great, I made him great in my head
@@araceliramirez7315 exactly my life story. I have been with mine 1 year and he has broke up with me exactly over 15 times. It’s insane… with the patterns of when he was getting a big amount of money he run off if upset him about the smallest thing. And then come back afterwards. It’s so so sad . You writing this really helped me know that there are others out here with a similar story. He just broke up with me a week before Christmas and now 5 days later sending me songs.
I miss her loads. I wake every morning with her on my mind. But that's normal, and that doesn't mean I want them back. If they get the help they need, then I'm all for that. I want that for her, but no way do I want her back. I wish no harm. I wish all the love and happiness. But yeah, I miss her.
Man 21 years and two kids later…… I cannot thank you enough for this material that you put out….. ITS POWERFUL. I’m on week 1 of no contact……. Last straw was finding out he was paying a prostitute over $200 a week and refused to help me and our daughters good f&$ckin bye sir……. This mess is hard I’m not gonna lie but these videos keep me going
I wake up mad at him and then I miss the fantasy and the comfort I felt in the fantasy when things were good. I feel like I’m back in reality picking up the pieces so I guess it’s more of a addiction really
Lee My ex is Homeless, an addict, NO MONEY, JOB, CAR, FRIENDS just down bad in Life. Guess What? He absolutely deserves it. I will NEVER go back to him. NEVER.
I Don't miss him , when it comes to being disrespectful, manipulation, lying , cheating. Absolutely not.So this is why I chose to walk away.I value my peace ,my heart and loving myself.Its so sad they behaved the way they do.
You got that right Lee. I have in the past broke no contact with him and I really regretted it in the past, when I did. He was always so nasty and cruel towards me, every time we have ever talked to each other. Today I am up 224 days of no contact. I plan to never go back to that demon at all. He can go and play his games elsewhere and I plan to stay away from his toxic ass behavior anymore. I don't need that cockroach in my life anymore. Someone else can have that pleasure of putting up with his shit. They can have all of the sleepless nights and everything that goes along with him too.
I remember after I separated from my ex-husband, he told me that he missed me more every day. I didn’t fall for it though. I realized he just missed the supply he got from me. He missed having me there for convenience. Leaving was a difficult decision to make but it was the best thing to do.
But I got because it was a million times worse… I went no contact and I’m staying no contact… I’ve learned my lesson… and u and ur videos help me stay on track… Thank you so much 🙏🏽🙏🏽
@@ginawillis4 when you start Reminiscent about the pros, always reminisce about the cons. The cons will win...my cons of going back won. I ran further away😃
I don’t understand why narcissists/toxic people think that therapy is such a horrible thing. Being self aware of your emotions & other people’s emotions is a strength. It takes a lot of work and it’s worth it. (Therapy saved my life as well)
Thank you Lee! This is perfect timing. I recently ended things for good with my narcissist after 6 years of hell. He usually hoovers but has not tried this time. I’m relieved in a way but I do miss him and have a hard time dealing with thoughts of him with other supply. Your videos are such a lifeline!
@@crystalclimenhage7159you probably only knew of 20% of what he did. Make sure you don’t give too much credit. It’s okay to be grateful but give yourself the high stats.
Today, I actually said it out loud. I miss you. I miss you Juan Carlos. Then, reality set in. I had to tell myself that it was all A LIE. I was with my husband for 16 yrs, but a 7 month relationship with a narcissist hurt TWICE as bad. No fool like an old fool I guess. 😢
It doesn’t matter what age you are my love. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Narcissists can be master manipulators and extremely charming when they first meet you. Anyone can be fooled. Just be thankful you got out 🙏💕 Stay strong
Lee you are so right!!! Omg, I once took my ex back and I instantly felt worse. I couldn’t figure out why initially but eventually I realized it was because I knew that I deserved better. I knew he hadn’t changed and I caught him out with a new woman. I walked away and haven’t looked back.
If you’re honest with yourself though even the love bombing felt toxic, delusional, strange, was interspersed with moments of horrible behavior, you barely got anything done, you barely slept. The person never even knew you. Let’s be real
@@spikestoyou You're 100% correct. It did feel extremely overwhelming and unnatural, but at the same time I felt like a queen. If somebody loved on me like that again I would definitely run for the hills, but it does make normal dating interactions seem lackluster now.
@@kimmae9283 Most dating interactions are lackluster. But there is someone out there who will knock your socks off in a way that isn’t boundary-breaking. They just don’t pop up every day. It takes time to find someone you really connect with and have genuine chemistry with
I watched to about 5:03. An was like thank you for slapping me with truth I'm good now 😂😂😂😂😂. Sometimes u have to love people from a far with no contact 😊
I left 7 times B4 I filed for divorce. He was worse every time. Judges blamed me for taking so long. It didn't hurt him it hurt me and the kids. That's all I have to offer
My God I need this cos I do miss him!!! I don't want him back but I miss having him around I miss having someone to talk to to laugh with I miss spending time with him and it hurts like hell that I can't nor won't have him around
Yap gave him 2 chances just to mess me up again and start all over the healing process . I miss him and wanted to text him but u just reminded me why I should not do that ...thank you for that
I'm in the process of getting out of my 31 year marriage, I didnt recognize the abuse for years, he did go to therapy, 5 different ones over the years, and hig raging started up again a few months ago. I married my mother. Your videos are extremely helpful Thank you!!
Ran Into my x and he said he was sorry for everything and I was like save your weak apologies I don’t need it I found closer within myself and he said I’ve changed and I’m too rough now even though I said it in a very calm way😂😂😂😆 for sure the me that use to let him abuse and manipulate me was much better for him to play with. I’m still a very soft loving forgiving and giving person I’m just no longer blind. My ears stopped working and my eyes took over.
Your channel is a great reaffirmation of why I left my ex. I may never be completely over him, nor heal from all of the damage that relationship did to me, but I can at least move forward knowing that leaving (and going no-contact) was the best thing for me. Thank you.
I’m so glad I saw this video. I was no contact for a few days and gave in. I spiraled out of control but here I am back at day one, no contact. I blocked him on all social media platforms. We’ll see how it goes. It’s been hard but this video helps so much.🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️
Currently 38:weeks pregnant & recently learned I’ve been in a narcissistic relationship for yrs! I just left for the LAST TIME & I feel like I’ve been in the matrix! The more I learn the more predictable & unattractive he is! & the easier it becomes for me to stay away & keep that BLOCK BUTTON on permanent 🙏💪✅🎯
I agree with Lee. I will never break the no contact, for real this time. I am going to validate my grief and guard my inner child from being exploited. Thank you Lee 🙏☺
Yes, yes and yes. You are speaking truth. Takers don’t deserve givers. For those of us with children there is also the deep desire for a happy cohesive family and leaving the narcissist shatters that. So it’s not just about realizing the manipulation of your so called partner, it’s about realizing that our choices have consequences for our children. So glad you pointed out that kids are better off growing up in a non toxic environment. My son was the reason I finally decided to leave. I grew up in a loving home and the fact that I couldn’t create that for my son and stay married to his mother made my decision simple. It wasn’t about me lying to myself about who I hoped she would be, it was about my son and his future.
It breaks my heart that my son has to miss one of his parents every time we do a drop off 😞 Yet if I returned all of our lives would be a disaster. Fighting to stay strong 🙏🏾
@nilaja-itsmylife My son goes through the same thing. It feels like a dismembering of his own body, every time my son has to say goodbye to his daughter,(this has been going on ever since my son’s daughter was three weeks old and now she is 5 1/2). But when my son was married to his BPD/NPD wife, she would beat my son sometime until his head and face hurt for days. My son would hide the knives in the house because he didn’t know what she might do with them. It really helped me to hear Lee H. say today that it’s better for a child to grow up going to both parents house separately then for the parents to live together in strife. Lee was saying that it’s harder on the child to live in a home where there’s great dysfunction between the parents.
They really come on strong.They see the holes within us and focus on that then they slowly take it away and watch you want it back. They play with your mind constantly at this point.
I needed to hear this today!!! He's been pulling on me all week and I found myself fighting inwardly. He would get online and block me so that I couldn't see him online...but I could still see that he was online. I believe that it was intentional. So I helped myself by blocking and deleting him then going about my day. It was just like you said...torture! Everything that you're saying is true! 💯💯💯
You said it Lee, how many times would they have forgiven you? I asked him that question, and didn't have an answer. Hell he has discarded and disregarded me for a lot less than he has done and wants me to overlook and forgive. A pipe or a diamond. I'm a damn diamond ☺️😂🔥💪🏼🙌🏼
THIS! My ex discarded me over something so minimal. After I realized I forgave him so many time and for so much worse and he wasn’t even willing to have a conversation, it made it so much easier to reject him when he hoovered back.
What can I do to stop ruminating the person I miss. Which was the fake version. I know that person was never real, but I can't stop missing him. I have been strong. We only text when it comes about our daughter's, and he has a new supply. I'm aware of the stages, and I'm enjoying the peace. I'm proud that I have been sticking to my boundaries, but I can't get him off my head and ruminate the "good times." I feel I'm in war with myself because as much I tell myself, everything was fake that version wasn't genuine. Sometimes, I hate myself. I feel like I'm an addicted.
They really become our addiction but you have to fight thru it. Think about how strong you are and push thru. Take up hobbies and keep yourself busy. Write down why you’re ruminating and understand it is normal, but set boundaries with rumination. Meaning have a time where you do it and then outside of that time then force yourself to think different thoughts. You really have to train your mind and give it time. I’m almost 1 year of limited contact since we have an 8 year old. I went back and forth for almost 13 years and some days are hard, but not like before. I understand my feelings and emotions and when you’ve been in a cycle for so long, it becomes apart of you and you just have to continue training your mind and focusing on other things. My focus is self love and worth. I know deep down he would never be able to give me what I need and deserve in a partnership and I don’t want to waste anymore time on him. Day by day is the key. I haven’t cried in a while but I feel it’s coming. I’m proud of myself tho because for all those years of back and forth, I finally said no more and this is the longest break up. I’m looking forward to what lies ahead for my life and just ensuring I continue putting in the work and be ready for what’s to come. We got this!!!
It is like an addiction. Even thinking about the good times can spike dopamine in your brain. It's not your fault. You are not weak, he is. Keep going! You can do this. When I start ruminating I call a friend who sets me straight and makes me laugh. Hang in there. ❤
Nothing but lip service! There is no reward for you but you are feeding every essence of their toxic being. You are strong and will get stronger every step forward to your true self.
I think about that also it’s only been a month a half we have been separated but now he’s distracted by someone else while I’m here still hurting and he can’t even validate my feelings when I tell him
@mcostilla7603 the new supply will see their mask slip too. It just takes time. Narcs blow up every relationship they have and I'm not just talking about romantic ones.
We have to accept this. A person who loves you and cares about you wouldn't abuse you. Love is not abuse. Narcs cant give what they don't have for even themselves.
I don''t make friends easily because im neurodivergent. Our friendship felt like a huge relief in the beginning. Through our relationship I discovered narcissistic traits in me that I was seeing in them. The difference is they never recognized it in themselves I hope I can be better for others in the future,. I hope they can too. I hope they just never think about me again. I don't want them to feel sad. There will always be a little love for them in my heart.
Narcissistic people do love you in fact they are obsessed they are just violently tormented and need to escape themselves I pity them but in the end you have to leave or sacrifice yourself
I think many of us just don't want it (the horrible situation we were put in) to be true...to the point that we want to close our eyes and believe they can change just to not face the horrible truth - I really never had any good times I was the good times for them - please take this pain and hate out of my heart and ove on and forget this bastard who hit me tortured me betrayed me lied as soon as they moved their lips - what is the missing maybe the thought that I don't want it to be true...even if I know it is ...let me fool myself ...NO NOT ANY MORE NEVER AGAIN I WILL BE FREE I AM FREE - thank you for this video!!
I cant believe i entertained the idea i was a narcissist bc of what they told me. But every time i took them back they abandoned and life would present me w the things they were doing behind my back. It hurts trying to unlove people. Im just tired of changing my number and running and hiding. Like how you gonna watch me dying and flopping around losing my mind and think its okay to be sleeping around. I tried to do the same they did. I apologized in specific about what i was doing. And they remained in the shadows. I dont miss crying myself to sleep at night. I dont miss feeling like im not good enough because they chose to sleep w someone else. I dont miss doubting God because men were liars. Thank you Lee.
This is actually a really good way to look at it when your missing them. From experience, don’t hold back or bottle in those feelings, it’s ok to want to cry, or have a moment to remember the good times (real or not). They were real to you, it was for me. But it’s important to remember the bad, the disrespect and why you’re not together anymore. And that’s it’s a win if you got out.
I told my baby mother who tried to hoover me that she wasn't happy in the relationship cause she wasn't wh*ring around cheating. The family life ain't for you. Which is why I cut you off. Now keep the topic about my daughter lol
I watch this video whenever I feel like I “miss him” I dont miss him I just miss the person he “was” in the beginning: he was someone to talk to, and I miss the person he “was” in the beginning. Not the alcoholic he ended up being.
I was convinced I needed therapy, but I was not the one who stayed out for 36 hours, but I did drugs and was cheating. Peace out! Already made calls today after he threatened me. I am only In it for 😂the dog. His threats seem real. I had to call multiple people to ensure my safety before he leaves for two weeks. His threats are real. I understand it though and he hates it..
This is a powerful video. I'm on the verge of starting my music career I cannot have any set backs. It's time to move on. I had a slight inkling... but now I know I have to step back. I have to continue being Strong!!! Thats what I get for loving and investing too much!!! 😩😩 It's time to let go. I have to freiken do it. So far we have been in no comtacr for 7 days. I also left my place of employment since he works with me and is in the same Dept and Floor. I have to move on! 💪💪 Time to hit the gym.
Thanks Lee I needed this to!!! But it's true miss what the disrespect,the over stepping boundaries the toxic jealousy!!! Honestly I wasn't happy the person I met was not the same person I left that was a total monster so yeah think of that before picking up the phone!!!
I was so happy for years. I dont know what happened? Im thinking it is me! Im so stuck. I am disabled and his financial help really has me stuck. But im just nothing to him now. I think there is some questioning of sexuality on his part. I cant prove it, but there are several clues. Needless to say there has been no cheeks clapping here. The thought scares me to death. 😢😢
Every time I would start to tear-up due to missing her, I will go back and listen to recordings I have of our arguments (I had to start recording them due to her constant gaslighting me that had me often questioning myself) or read the vast text messages of toxicity. When I can go back and see myself apologizing for my part of the conflicts and then see her shaming me for apologizing and then blaming me for her part (she always played both sides of the field so that she could keep me ping-ponging back-and-forth in confusion), that often helps me remind myself why I left. If that doesn't work, I have one specific text message towards the very end of the relationship that I kept that essentially displays who she truly is as a person; that helps me snap out of missing her almost immediately. Maybe I should go straight to that one first, every time. Lol. To end on a positive note, I listened to Brian McKnight's song, "One Last Cry" two days ago, had a really good cry, and have felt immensely better since. 🙂
I have a very bad habit of seeing her for her best version, then I idolized her and it goes "What Red Flags", then I eventually have enough, I set a boundary and she leaves, until she reaches back out 3 days later🤦🏾
I think it’s a lot harder to leave a covert than an overt. It’s easy to walk away from someone who is loud about their manipulation and crap treatment, but it’s hard when it’s someone who you genuinely enjoyed as a person, but only had a few bad traits. When you walk away you see what you’ve done that was contributing… Lee how do you just walk away from the ones you can’t tell are bad for you? This was something I battled with for months..
Going silent mode on my ex rn and watching this really helped its last night fresh but I’ve been watching your content and really thank you for helping us
After 5 years, I began to realize, everything was only working because of me
Very true.
I’m so exhausted too!
@@londontyler6598 And they never are satisfied. I'm done giving of myself.
I'm grieving a fake little boy that I thought was a real man. Grieving a relationship that wasn't real in the first place... Yikes it hurts.
Wow
You took the words out of my mouth it's crazy how adolescent he is 53 but in a 13-year-old mindset
I'm so traumatized
putting it like that really does open ones eyes,
in my case i thought i met the most mature women but she ended up being more immature then me
I'm sorry you experienced this and I can relate. I just expected mine to act like a respectful human being.
@@OGPowdersame, I thought that I was going to grow as a person with that maturity… shame it was all a play
It's a bitter pill but it's the truth!
I am beyond hurt. I thought I found the love of my life. 😔
❤ 🫂
I’m sorry, I understand the pain. I know it may not mean anything right now but the pain will subside.
So did I !;( it’s heart breaking
I feel so dumb for not recognizing the narcissism sooner.
don't
They don't teach narcissism 101 in high-school. It should be a mandatory workshop
Don’t Do that dude. You can’t see what you don’t see.
Confirmation that I fell for the fake, false self that attracted me in the beginning. They can hide their true self for years.
Power up ⬆️
I’m still stuck- like I want to believe that the person I fell in love with was the person in the beginning. But my brain just keeps going back & forth.
Mine took 6-7 months (cuz he couldn’t hide his drinking habits for long)
@@LDTwin92 I have friends who I haven’t seen that initial loving, caring side, in years. But like Lee has said, if we cause these ones, a “narcissistic injury”, then they will never see us in the same light again, and they will never treat us with the same love and respect again. It’s very very sad. My former daughter-in-law had me duped for two years until she showed her true colors, devalued me and my son, threw out my son, and took away his newborn baby. It’s astounding how deceived and blinded we can be, but especially covert narcissists are great actors, putting on a good show. Usually once the mask comes off and we see their ugly side, it’s getting near the time they are discarding us.
I fell for one as well.
I'm not missing him per say. But I miss not being alone. I'm never going back. But my heart is still broken and I have to trudge thru 😊
I'm fine, and then all of a sudden it hits me...he's no longer here. I become temporarily confused as to why, but then I snap out of it...and over a span of not even 10 seconds, I relive the whole thing all over again. Hence, why I am watching this video over n over again. It sucks...it really does. As much as I try to convince myself that it doesn't, I have to come to the crude reality that he's really now gone.
Yes I am in a similar situation! ❤❤😢
I am so happy and confident then for a whole week he will be on my mind. When is this gonna stop? 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
I didn't miss when he raged then acted like nothing happened!!!
same here and when I brought it up, yikes..
@@mariannebauman3410 He would do the same thing to me too. So I hear you. I really honestly think they are clinically insane. Who can do that, when you think about it? Go from one extreme to another extreme in five seconds. Sounds insane to my opinion. The sociopath that was in my life was like that. His moods like were like the wind and drove me crazy. I really think he needs medication and a padded room.
💯!!! Same here!
Putting this on repeat! They consistently disappoint. Lee said before, we miss the "idea" of them. We got this ya'll, only we can make ourselves happy.
This situation hurts so bad… I wish he could be the empathetic, caring guy he was when we were friends. But now I’m the crazy girl he can’t deal with even tho he made me “crazy” by constantly disappointing me/ letting me down. I couldn’t express myself without being ignored for “harping on the issue” when all I needed was reassurance….. He loved to say “I don’t repeat myself”, but never understood what he did wrong. It’s like constantly running into a brick wall💔
I feel you and definitely with the “crazy girl he can’t deal with” when he was doing the things that were making you “crazy”
5 months...no contact 🎉
SAME 🙏
That’s amazing I can’t wait until I get that far it’s been 7 days for me
Stay strong queen
1 month no contact, wish me luck
@@youarenotalone5532 You made it over the first hurdle! (Which is also the hardest)
Now we know what Stockholm syndrome feels like .
🎯
@@MentalHealness I know you have worked on healing yourself
There are still many out there who have not.
I wish they could
B I N G O
Sim.
Isso é horrível
That's how I've described it. Especially after the abuse had started, we had been subtly twisted and confused and find ourselves defending them, identifying with our abusers.
My therapist told me, a man that wants to change has to be in active therapy and not going back to the shit they used to do before you, example the bars! It takes years for a person to change. My ex woukd break up with me every 2 months if anything upset him and it can be any little thing like not getting his way. I finally caught up to the pattern where once 2 months hit I was on eggshells cuz I knew what was coming and when it didn't and I let my guard down, boom would break up with me. I miss the good times but I sure as heck do not miss getting yelled at, broken up with constantly and him criticizing my kids and I. Only 1.5 months was good which was the beginning and after that it was eggshells with pockets of good. It's hard to see when you're in it but now that some time has passed without him, I realized he's not all that. I fell in love with potential, he's not that great, I made him great in my head
@@araceliramirez7315 exactly my life story. I have been with mine 1 year and he has broke up with me exactly over 15 times. It’s insane… with the patterns of when he was getting a big amount of money he run off if upset him about the smallest thing. And then come back afterwards. It’s so so sad . You writing this really helped me know that there are others out here with a similar story. He just broke up with me a week before Christmas and now 5 days later sending me songs.
And he’s a Latin man 😊
I miss her loads. I wake every morning with her on my mind.
But that's normal, and that doesn't mean I want them back. If they get the help they need, then I'm all for that. I want that for her, but no way do I want her back. I wish no harm. I wish all the love and happiness. But yeah, I miss her.
I used to tell my ex , I didn't want him to change, I wanted him to change back into the academy award winner he portrayed
This part
Lol facts
Man 21 years and two kids later…… I cannot thank you enough for this material that you put out….. ITS POWERFUL. I’m on week 1 of no contact……. Last straw was finding out he was paying a prostitute over $200 a week and refused to help me and our daughters good f&$ckin bye sir……. This mess is hard I’m not gonna lie but these videos keep me going
🙌🏾🙌🏾
I miss who I thought she was
This!💯
That’s exactly it
So do I
😔
Yes that right there... I miss the person I fell in love with. The person I thought he was.
I wake up mad at him and then I miss the fantasy and the comfort I felt in the fantasy when things were good. I feel like I’m back in reality picking up the pieces so I guess it’s more of a addiction really
Lee My ex is Homeless, an addict, NO MONEY, JOB, CAR, FRIENDS just down bad in Life. Guess What? He absolutely deserves it. I will NEVER go back to him. NEVER.
🙌🏾🙌🏾
Consistent with being unconsistent..
When I look back at it I made the good times happen.
I Don't miss him , when it comes to being disrespectful, manipulation, lying , cheating. Absolutely not.So this is why I chose to walk away.I value my peace ,my heart and loving myself.Its so sad they behaved the way they do.
It's almost like he hated everything about me. There was nothing left. I been looking for the man I met. I didn't know him anymore
Same 😢
Same here. ;(
We actually never knew who they really were😢
You got that right Lee. I have in the past broke no contact with him and I really regretted it in the past, when I did. He was always so nasty and cruel towards me, every time we have ever talked to each other. Today I am up 224 days of no contact. I plan to never go back to that demon at all. He can go and play his games elsewhere and I plan to stay away from his toxic ass behavior anymore. I don't need that cockroach in my life anymore. Someone else can have that pleasure of putting up with his shit. They can have all of the sleepless nights and everything that goes along with him too.
I remember after I separated from my ex-husband, he told me that he missed me more every day. I didn’t fall for it though. I realized he just missed the supply he got from me. He missed having me there for convenience. Leaving was a difficult decision to make but it was the best thing to do.
It's not new. I'm just coming back to refresh my memory 😮 had a relapse in memory ... I'm back now 😂
Yoooo!!! I needed this because I let the narc back in after I broke up with him and his the exact same worse even…
Always gets worse
It definitely does for sure… well I know that now.. and never ever again
But I got because it was a million times worse… I went no contact and I’m staying no contact… I’ve learned my lesson… and u and ur videos help me stay on track… Thank you so much 🙏🏽🙏🏽
💯💯💯💯💣 I miss the idea of what I wanted a love to be. And yes when I gave them chances I felt like trash. 😢
💯💯
I put a pros and cons up where I could see it everyday
That's a fantastic idea!!
@catnip9253 💥
@@ginawillis4 when you start Reminiscent about the pros, always reminisce about the cons. The cons will win...my cons of going back won. I ran further away😃
🙌🏾
I'm going to do this. Thank You!
I don’t understand why narcissists/toxic people think that therapy is such a horrible thing. Being self aware of your emotions & other people’s emotions is a strength. It takes a lot of work and it’s worth it. (Therapy saved my life as well)
Thank you so much for what you do, I thought the gas lighting was me going crazy… now, I know otherwise.
You are so welcome
I fight with that battle every day now. It’s horrible.
Thank you Lee! This is perfect timing. I recently ended things for good with my narcissist after 6 years of hell. He usually hoovers but has not tried this time. I’m relieved in a way but I do miss him and have a hard time dealing with thoughts of him with other supply. Your videos are such a lifeline!
I miss.the good times...he was okay 80% of the time and a monster 20% of the time
he is probably not a narcissist then
@sommieani6798 he lied pathelogically....and cheated, devalued me.. i had a counsellor told me the 20% is who they really are
@@crystalclimenhage7159you probably only knew of 20% of what he did. Make sure you don’t give too much credit. It’s okay to be grateful but give yourself the high stats.
I was same but i think he was narc, because i tried to walk away from situation as fast as i can.
Today, I actually said it out loud. I miss you. I miss you Juan Carlos. Then, reality set in. I had to tell myself that it was all A LIE. I was with my husband for 16 yrs, but a 7 month relationship with a narcissist hurt TWICE as bad. No fool like an old fool I guess. 😢
It doesn’t matter what age you are my love. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Narcissists can be master manipulators and extremely charming when they first meet you. Anyone can be fooled. Just be thankful you got out 🙏💕 Stay strong
@@jenniferburton7044 Thank you for your kind words. You are right.
Thank you so much for your content saw me through a very dark time in my life!! Respect!!
You’re welcome
Lee you are so right!!! Omg, I once took my ex back and I instantly felt worse. I couldn’t figure out why initially but eventually I realized it was because I knew that I deserved better. I knew he hadn’t changed and I caught him out with a new woman. I walked away and haven’t looked back.
@@Natanecov same nothing better came out of the situation , just more hurt in top of hurt
I don't know why I feel tempted to reach out to this Ex he literally did nothing to improve my life or even make me feel good about myself .
I feel like the love bombing phase that he did in the beginning of the relationship really set the bar too high for any other guy to make me happy.
He set an unrealistic expectation and thus having a hold on you
@@LoveThando exactly!
If you’re honest with yourself though even the love bombing felt toxic, delusional, strange, was interspersed with moments of horrible behavior, you barely got anything done, you barely slept. The person never even knew you. Let’s be real
@@spikestoyou You're 100% correct. It did feel extremely overwhelming and unnatural, but at the same time I felt like a queen. If somebody loved on me like that again I would definitely run for the hills, but it does make normal dating interactions seem lackluster now.
@@kimmae9283 Most dating interactions are lackluster. But there is someone out there who will knock your socks off in a way that isn’t boundary-breaking. They just don’t pop up every day. It takes time to find someone you really connect with and have genuine chemistry with
You’re right. I regret it so much, breaking no contact after 8 days.
I watched to about 5:03. An was like thank you for slapping me with truth I'm good now 😂😂😂😂😂. Sometimes u have to love people from a far with no contact 😊
Thanks for this Lee. I miss the attention and the way I occasionally felt wanted by him. I do NOT miss the lies, gaslighting and the sneaky behaviour.
5:00 "im sorry for everything." A true apology requires specificity and change.
I left 7 times B4 I filed for divorce. He was worse every time. Judges blamed me for taking so long. It didn't hurt him it hurt me and the kids. That's all I have to offer
I miss the good times
A lot do
My God I need this cos I do miss him!!! I don't want him back but I miss having him around I miss having someone to talk to to laugh with I miss spending time with him and it hurts like hell that I can't nor won't have him around
🙌🏾 stay strong
I miss how she was during lovebombing. I know that person isn’t real and my heart is shattered.
Yap gave him 2 chances just to mess me up again and start all over the healing process . I miss him and wanted to text him but u just reminded me why I should not do that ...thank you for that
Now I gotta plan to get out again… he said he changed he didn’t so I definitely gotta go for good this time
😔
I got out!!! It’s been a month now.. he’s blocked on everything and I’m never ever going back🙌🏽🙌🏽
I'm in the process of getting out of my 31 year marriage, I didnt recognize the abuse for years, he did go to therapy, 5 different ones over the years, and hig raging started up again a few months ago. I married my mother. Your videos are extremely helpful Thank you!!
Omg! 31 yrs here too and in the middle of a divorce. Happy healing . ❤
My soon to be ex husband HAS real life charges against him for assaulting me.
Same. Although mine was a 2 year toxic relationship, I fr dated my narcissistic mother in another person’s body. Realizing it was quite disturbing tbh
@@sandraleehurst7350 same for you! I am very fortunate to have a good support system now and I can go there to heal, then see what's next.
@@brookeplifts It took me a very long time to even recognize the abuse I'd gotten used to as a child, was not ok
Ran Into my x and he said he was sorry for everything and I was like save your weak apologies I don’t need it I found closer within myself and he said I’ve changed and I’m too rough now even though I said it in a very calm way😂😂😂😆 for sure the me that use to let him abuse and manipulate me was much better for him to play with. I’m still a very soft loving forgiving and giving person I’m just no longer blind. My ears stopped working and my eyes took over.
Pressure creates diamonds, but it also bursts pipes! Which one do you want to be?
I felt that! I appreciate the video. Thank you. ❤
Facts
Hi it's been 4 weeks no contact I miss her it's hard I'm trying to say strong
Your channel is a great reaffirmation of why I left my ex. I may never be completely over him, nor heal from all of the damage that relationship did to me, but I can at least move forward knowing that leaving (and going no-contact) was the best thing for me. Thank you.
you’re welcome
I’m so glad I saw this video. I was no contact for a few days and gave in. I spiraled out of control but here I am back at day one, no contact. I blocked him on all social media platforms. We’ll see how it goes. It’s been hard but this video helps so much.🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️
Currently 38:weeks pregnant & recently learned I’ve been in a narcissistic relationship for yrs! I just left for the LAST TIME & I feel like I’ve been in the matrix! The more I learn the more predictable & unattractive he is! & the easier it becomes for me to stay away & keep that BLOCK BUTTON on permanent 🙏💪✅🎯
Congratulations for leaving all the best
I agree with Lee. I will never break the no contact, for real this time. I am going to validate my grief and guard my inner child from being exploited. Thank you Lee 🙏☺
My ex narcissist became my addiction like a drug nothing good became of it, they too have addictions it was just a melting pot !
Yes, yes and yes. You are speaking truth. Takers don’t deserve givers. For those of us with children there is also the deep desire for a happy cohesive family and leaving the narcissist shatters that. So it’s not just about realizing the manipulation of your so called partner, it’s about realizing that our choices have consequences for our children. So glad you pointed out that kids are better off growing up in a non toxic environment. My son was the reason I finally decided to leave. I grew up in a loving home and the fact that I couldn’t create that for my son and stay married to his mother made my decision simple. It wasn’t about me lying to myself about who I hoped she would be, it was about my son and his future.
It breaks my heart that my son has to miss one of his parents every time we do a drop off 😞
Yet if I returned all of our lives would be a disaster.
Fighting to stay strong 🙏🏾
😔
@nilaja-itsmylife My son goes through the same thing. It feels like a dismembering of his own body, every time my son has to say goodbye to his daughter,(this has been going on ever since my son’s daughter was three weeks old and now she is 5 1/2). But when my son was married to his BPD/NPD wife, she would beat my son sometime until his head and face hurt for days. My son would hide the knives in the house because he didn’t know what she might do with them. It really helped me to hear Lee H. say today that it’s better for a child to grow up going to both parents house separately then for the parents to live together in strife. Lee was saying that it’s harder on the child to live in a home where there’s great dysfunction between the parents.
Thank you for this❤️ it’s wild to me how I can miss someone who used and discarded me, but here we are
They really come on strong.They see the holes within us and focus on that then they slowly take it away and watch you want it back. They play with your mind constantly at this point.
We didn't have any good times . I don't miss him at all ,and told him I don't when he texted me saying he miss me a lot
I needed to hear this today!!! He's been pulling on me all week and I found myself fighting inwardly. He would get online and block me so that I couldn't see him online...but I could still see that he was online. I believe that it was intentional. So I helped myself by blocking and deleting him then going about my day. It was just like you said...torture! Everything that you're saying is true! 💯💯💯
He was consistent w his down low lover /bff/brother lol. That’s old faithful 😂
You said it Lee, how many times would they have forgiven you? I asked him that question, and didn't have an answer. Hell he has discarded and disregarded me for a lot less than he has done and wants me to overlook and forgive.
A pipe or a diamond. I'm a damn diamond ☺️😂🔥💪🏼🙌🏼
THIS! My ex discarded me over something so minimal. After I realized I forgave him so many time and for so much worse and he wasn’t even willing to have a conversation, it made it so much easier to reject him when he hoovered back.
He treated me like crap and hurt me on purpose and betrayed me laughed at me with his friends stole from me ...still I miss something about him FREAK!
Forgive yourself! Not your fault. Give yourself a little grace ^ you'll be okay. 😮
What can I do to stop ruminating the person I miss. Which was the fake version. I know that person was never real, but I can't stop missing him. I have been strong. We only text when it comes about our daughter's, and he has a new supply. I'm aware of the stages, and I'm enjoying the peace. I'm proud that I have been sticking to my boundaries, but I can't get him off my head and ruminate the "good times." I feel I'm in war with myself because as much I tell myself, everything was fake that version wasn't genuine. Sometimes, I hate myself. I feel like I'm an addicted.
They really become our addiction but you have to fight thru it. Think about how strong you are and push thru. Take up hobbies and keep yourself busy. Write down why you’re ruminating and understand it is normal, but set boundaries with rumination. Meaning have a time where you do it and then outside of that time then force yourself to think different thoughts. You really have to train your mind and give it time. I’m almost 1 year of limited contact since we have an 8 year old. I went back and forth for almost 13 years and some days are hard, but not like before. I understand my feelings and emotions and when you’ve been in a cycle for so long, it becomes apart of you and you just have to continue training your mind and focusing on other things. My focus is self love and worth. I know deep down he would never be able to give me what I need and deserve in a partnership and I don’t want to waste anymore time on him. Day by day is the key. I haven’t cried in a while but I feel it’s coming. I’m proud of myself tho because for all those years of back and forth, I finally said no more and this is the longest break up. I’m looking forward to what lies ahead for my life and just ensuring I continue putting in the work and be ready for what’s to come. We got this!!!
May god bless you@@inspiredbydior5447
It is like an addiction. Even thinking about the good times can spike dopamine in your brain. It's not your fault. You are not weak, he is. Keep going! You can do this. When I start ruminating I call a friend who sets me straight and makes me laugh. Hang in there. ❤
Nothing but lip service! There is no reward for you but you are feeding every essence of their toxic being. You are strong and will get stronger every step forward to your true self.
Thanks for this. I really need to remember not to " drop the charges"
you’re welcome
I think about that also it’s only been a month a half we have been separated but now he’s distracted by someone else while I’m here still hurting and he can’t even validate my feelings when I tell him
@mcostilla7603 the new supply will see their mask slip too. It just takes time. Narcs blow up every relationship they have and I'm not just talking about romantic ones.
Thank You, Lee I truly appreciate the video and yes, being with him was a waste of time.
It's all fake. There was no love there
😔
We have to accept this. A person who loves you and cares about you wouldn't abuse you. Love is not abuse. Narcs cant give what they don't have for even themselves.
I don''t make friends easily because im neurodivergent. Our friendship felt like a huge relief in the beginning. Through our relationship I discovered narcissistic traits in me that I was seeing in them. The difference is they never recognized it in themselves
I hope I can be better for others in the future,. I hope they can too. I hope they just never think about me again. I don't want them to feel sad. There will always be a little love for them in my heart.
I love this thank you. I was missing himmmm
You’re welcome
Narcissistic people do love you in fact they are obsessed they are just violently tormented and need to escape themselves I pity them but in the end you have to leave or sacrifice yourself
I think many of us just don't want it (the horrible situation we were put in) to be true...to the point that we want to close our eyes and believe they can change just to not face the horrible truth - I really never had any good times I was the good times for them - please take this pain and hate out of my heart and ove on and forget this bastard who hit me tortured me betrayed me lied as soon as they moved their lips - what is the missing maybe the thought that I don't want it to be true...even if I know it is ...let me fool myself ...NO NOT ANY MORE NEVER AGAIN I WILL BE FREE I AM FREE - thank you for this video!!
Listen to Lee, people!
The number of times he used to say "I can change....and fast!"....guess what, NOTHING ever changed.
fast change isn't real
"You have enough evidence, press charges on them." Perfect analogy
I was missing his presence. But the only thing he was consistent at was being inconsistent.
😢
Or, if he was Physically Abusive Not at All Don't let him back into your life period.
I will ask myself this when I start to miss him! Thank you for caring about us
I cant believe i entertained the idea i was a narcissist bc of what they told me. But every time i took them back they abandoned and life would present me w the things they were doing behind my back. It hurts trying to unlove people. Im just tired of changing my number and running and hiding. Like how you gonna watch me dying and flopping around losing my mind and think its okay to be sleeping around. I tried to do the same they did. I apologized in specific about what i was doing. And they remained in the shadows. I dont miss crying myself to sleep at night. I dont miss feeling like im not good enough because they chose to sleep w someone else. I dont miss doubting God because men were liars. Thank you Lee.
🙌🏾🙌🏾 you’re welcome
This is actually a really good way to look at it when your missing them. From experience, don’t hold back or bottle in those feelings, it’s ok to want to cry, or have a moment to remember the good times (real or not). They were real to you, it was for me. But it’s important to remember the bad, the disrespect and why you’re not together anymore. And that’s it’s a win if you got out.
I told my baby mother who tried to hoover me that she wasn't happy in the relationship cause she wasn't wh*ring around cheating. The family life ain't for you. Which is why I cut you off. Now keep the topic about my daughter lol
The honeymoon phase (not the actual honeymoon) was great!
I watch this video whenever I feel like I “miss him” I dont miss him I just miss the person he “was” in the beginning: he was someone to talk to, and I miss the person he “was” in the beginning. Not the alcoholic he ended up being.
I was convinced I needed therapy, but I was not the one who stayed out for 36 hours, but I did drugs and was cheating. Peace out! Already made calls today after he threatened me. I am only In it for 😂the dog. His threats seem real. I had to call multiple people to ensure my safety before he leaves for two weeks. His threats are real. I understand it though and he hates it..
This is one of the only sites where a person can talk about the weird humiliating world of their experiences with a narcissist in a relationship.
🙏🏽
This really hit home for me.
Stay strong
This is a powerful video. I'm on the verge of starting my music career I cannot have any set backs. It's time to move on.
I had a slight inkling... but now I know I have to step back.
I have to continue being Strong!!!
Thats what I get for loving and investing too much!!! 😩😩
It's time to let go. I have to freiken do it. So far we have been in no comtacr for 7 days. I also left my place of employment since he works with me and is in the same Dept and Floor.
I have to move on! 💪💪
Time to hit the gym.
Me too!!!!
Reminder as I date after a person with many narcissistic traits
💯‼️
Thanks Lee I needed this to!!! But it's true miss what the disrespect,the over stepping boundaries the toxic jealousy!!! Honestly I wasn't happy the person I met was not the same person I left that was a total monster so yeah think of that before picking up the phone!!!
I was so happy for years. I dont know what happened? Im thinking it is me! Im so stuck. I am disabled and his financial help really has me stuck. But im just nothing to him now. I think there is some questioning of sexuality on his part. I cant prove it, but there are several clues. Needless to say there has been no cheeks clapping here. The thought scares me to death. 😢😢
some don't even say sorry.
🎯🎯
Every time I would start to tear-up due to missing her, I will go back and listen to recordings I have of our arguments (I had to start recording them due to her constant gaslighting me that had me often questioning myself) or read the vast text messages of toxicity. When I can go back and see myself apologizing for my part of the conflicts and then see her shaming me for apologizing and then blaming me for her part (she always played both sides of the field so that she could keep me ping-ponging back-and-forth in confusion), that often helps me remind myself why I left. If that doesn't work, I have one specific text message towards the very end of the relationship that I kept that essentially displays who she truly is as a person; that helps me snap out of missing her almost immediately. Maybe I should go straight to that one first, every time. Lol.
To end on a positive note, I listened to Brian McKnight's song, "One Last Cry" two days ago, had a really good cry, and have felt immensely better since. 🙂
I have a very bad habit of seeing her for her best version, then I idolized her and it goes "What Red Flags", then I eventually have enough, I set a boundary and she leaves, until she reaches back out 3 days later🤦🏾
I think it’s a lot harder to leave a covert than an overt. It’s easy to walk away from someone who is loud about their manipulation and crap treatment, but it’s hard when it’s someone who you genuinely enjoyed as a person, but only had a few bad traits. When you walk away you see what you’ve done that was contributing… Lee how do you just walk away from the ones you can’t tell are bad for you? This was something I battled with for months..
for me, my gut feeling usually tells me which is a deep feeling of disgust and it hasn't been wrong yet
guy, you are narcissistic, you can not understand this deep tender feeling, this warm feeling to him that we must to smolder inside our hearts.
sure
Going silent mode on my ex rn and watching this really helped its last night fresh but I’ve been watching your content and really thank you for helping us