What gives you true reassurance? Let us know in the comments below and perhaps you could help someone else find peace. If you enjoy our films and want a say on what ones we make you can now become a channel member here: th-cam.com/channels/7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog.htmljoin
Knowing that every experience is an opportunity for growth, and there is nowhere else that I can be. Mindfulness. Knowing I'm not alone/sharing a sense of kinship with my fellow humans. Curiosity. Art. Poetry. Philosophy. Beauty, in a sense. What is beauty? It seems less of an essential thing and more of a product of some deeper resonance..
@@whimsycole246 Well said. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger. It gives you an opportunity to grow. That to me is reassuring. To me quite strangely science often helps. Maybe because to know there are truths out there that dont care about us believing in them reminds me of our relatively little importance in this world and as DeBotton often states: it doesnt really matter as much after all
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a single smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around”
Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.”
Validation: The most powerful relational skill that most of us were never taught. In essence, the act of helping someone feel heard and understood that feels deeply comforting.
@@ADUAquascaping and all of us want sympathy and flattery sometimes, that’s completely normal and part of being human. Emotional validation is neither sympathy nor flattery, nor is it fixated on honesty. It is caring, respectful and doesn’t try to change someone’s feelings. It also is not about (necessarily) agreeing with or condoning someone’s behaviour.
@@ayoubzahiri1918 statistically speaking, no not everyone who clicks on this video watches it all the way through, some watch halfway through, only for a few seconds, etc.
Why is assurance even needed? you should be confident with your individuality so much that people's reassurance/validation isn't something you're seeking
For other people's information, my personality type never needs this. And, usually, it makes us think that you don't care about us, or are at least a little rude, as it dismisses reality, and fails to value our actual (physical) needs.
"It may be pleasant to be found impressive, but it is more reassuring to discover that our vulnerability is ready to be treated with generosity." (The School of Life - What Do You Love Me For?)
My mom died at an early age and I never realized how much her "I love yous" and "I'm so proud of yous" meant until after she passed. It's a crucial part of your emotional well being, which is why a reassure the hell out of my kids as much as possible.
And that means more to their growth, health, wellness and vitality than any thing you can buy for them. They will have the self-confidence to make their own way in this crazy world with the gift of reassurance you’ve given them.
In case no one has told you today, Keep pushing through the heartache, lack of motivation & self doubt. When you feel lost, that’s the perfect opportunity to find a reroute. There’s so much you’re meant to do in this lifetime, don’t give up on it. Hope our channel helps you on your journey ✌
I've been reading 12 rules for life. That's been getting me through my days. It's a very inspiring book, and every time I open it I always find something I can relate to or even ponder upon.
To do so is very simple but hard, you must accept that pain and judgement is a normal humain behavior, and that not anything in life is built to please or to be whatever suits you better, by knowing it you become stronger and grow less false hopes and fear of being over judged, and thus becoming courageous for life only smiles to the brave. Hope it helped you, man... It's hard, but once you're into it, life gets lighter.
you got this. people's judgements aren't personal! when people are judgmental of others, it's because they're extremely judgmental of themselves... it's a reflection of their own past & pain. just do you and whatever feels good to you. slowly over time, it'll be real easy to not give a f*ck.
It can be useful to remember that other people may have useful insights or they may just be in a cranky or overly critical mood. You don't have to confront them about this. You could just say, "I will think over what you've said". Later you may think, "Well, I agree with this idea from my friend but I think he exaggerated about that." Or "Interesting idea but not useful to me at the moment"
I believe letting go of our own inner critical voice when it pops up is also a key to letting go of whatever unpleasant stuff other people say. The energy we allow for that inner voice is also the energy that makes it feel so dramatic when the critical voice is raised towards us from someone else. So finding that part of us that says 'it's okay, I know I'm not perfect, but I am whatever I am and will be whatever I'll be .. So, what's up for me now. Laundry?' Hehe .. Goodnight greetings
Well, there you have it...you want reassurance. You are great and it is ok if you aren't always sure what it is that you want. You will figure it out in time.
no matter how badly we convince ourselves we are better off alone, to act tough and indifferent. some days, we just want someone to hold on to, someone who can understand our silence. it gets a lil tiring to be always on your own, sometimes.
I find myself always beeing the one reassurring my friends and family and it's exhausting. I wish somebody noticed the way I feel, behind the mask my heart is broken in a thousand pieces. I just need a shoulder to cry on.
Mari you sound like an INFJ. We INFJs are like this all too often. Do for yourself more, and learn how to say no. If you never say no you are doomed to repeat this cycle. I have had to tell alot of people no since my parents passed in 2019 (which was hard enough), being INFJ and doing this is contradictive to how you feel but you need to push through it to get better. Allfather be with you, SKÅL!
@@tracesprite6078 my grandma passed away recently, I got left in my past relationships twice, divorced parents who despise each other, no siblings... my friends are nice from time to time, but they are not empathic at all, they live different situations and I try not to burden them to... I'm 22 and feel very lost.
Mari Honey, it might help to look at "Reconnected" by Andrew Leigh. It's both Australian but also online and maybe you'll get some ideas for connecting with others from that.
@Louqman Badr: You're not alone... That happens more often and to more people than what you think. I've been (still am) in that same situation for most of my life. Since they didn't and don't care for me, after reading lots about this problem from different points of view and thinking really hard for three-four years, I had to resign myself to let those people (my mother, brother, other family members, and very close friends) to carry on with their patterns of ignoring me, and I started ignoring them. It works for a lot of people, like you've gotten rid of heavy and useless baggage. I do feel like a miserable shit, I ain't nothing happy about it (I still care). But by cutting all communication with them and trying to forget them, I have reduced part of the pain. I'm not saying you should do this (the price you pay is really very high). I'm saying you need to think very carefully, taking all the time you need, about the situation and what could you do to make some of them change a little bit in your favor... and to have in writing, in full detail, an alternative plan if they don't react as you wish. I strongly encourage writing to those people you love & care for who never pay you back. Don't put everything in your first letter, which should be just about this one problem ("I give you a lot of my time, energy, love, care, and support; and I never get anything back. I would want you to do XYZ for me. Could you please do that?"). Some times some of the people who wouldn't listen to you will end up "listening" to you when they actually read the same thing in black & white, it makes them think again and reconsider (it didn't work in my case, but hopefully your case will turn out much better than mine). If nothing seems to work no matter how hard you try, then read again your alternative plan, make the last minutes corrections/adaptations as necessary and execute your plan. I did inform my people several times of what would happen if they carried on ignoring me. Now my mother is probably dying of Covid-19 in her country if she hasn't died before. Of course I'm not happy, but I think I'm respecting myself much better by not going to her deathbed, as I told her in person and in writing several times that I would do if she didn't show a little bit of affection & support for me. Since she was so fucking cold & hard with me all my life, she fully desserves to have her own treatment applied to her in her final years. Of course I don't feel proud nor happy, this is so fucking embarrasing to say and cruel to do. But apparently is the only way to start getting a little respect from the closest people to you, who should have respected you all along (and thus given you their love and support, as you did with them). Think very carefully, choose very wisely, and stick by your decision. Best of lucks!
The comments on this video are like a warm hug / if you stumble upon this , I hope you have a wonderful and exciting life. You've got this. Sending so so so much love your way.
@HIXHAM Perhaps you didn't mean it literally but I am curious how potential energy is released from dopamine/adrenaline and other chemicals within us and how our interactions with other people can increase our energy level
"Nourishing truths are a great deal more valuable and inclined to stick if someone else addresses them to us than if we try to rehearse them by ourselves." - A better truth has never been spoken! Thank you very much School of Life.
As humans, we've evolved to find solace and comfort in social bonds. To provide that reassurance to people is something that we're all looking for, at least subconsciously.
I find the narrator’s voice so clear and soothing just listening to this video calms all traces of my anxiety it’s better than therapy. Thank you, I really enjoyed this video. What makes it even better is it’s a humid evening 23C in the distance I can hear thunder and the Native birds are singing in the palm trees on my mountain home. For tonight all is well.
One of the more beautiful and helpful School of Life videos I've ever seen and that's saying a lot because there are many beautiful and helpful videos on this channel thank you Alain
I completed my graduation 🎓 and I don't wanna do any job nor I wanna continue higher studies and I have family and outside pressures to desperately go out and do something . I'm not financially okay that's one of the reason forcing me to accept and obey them and the other reason is not having enough clarity and commitment and not aware of who I am what I wanna be and how I wanna live .. ahh there are lot of questions and uncertainties going on in my life .. and this lockdown made me more lazy and bored of everything and I'm feeling like I'm stagnating with no purpose or place I just wanna get out of this space which is making me miserable . I don't wanna talk about relationships and people stuff but while everything is happening and I'm going through this phase of life channel's like school of life academy of ideas and after skool really helped me alot and made me realise there's alot to discover and explore and there's so much to know than what we think we know . I don't think this makes sense in anyway 🙂🔫😺
What you said made a lot of sense. It sounds like you need time to recover from the stress of your degree and to find your direction in life. With Covid, this rest time may be necessary anyway. One factor is that if you leave it too long to get a job, your degree may become a bit out of date. However a bit of a rest may be what you need. Can you talk to a counselor at your university? She may know of some ideas to help.
We all need companionship in Life. It may be Spouse, Family, Friends, Colleagues, Pets etc. Just the feeling of not being alone. This is how I understand it.
That is very true. You don’t need much really in this world to make you happy. Just to feel safe, secure and fulfilled. I think sometimes my husband withholds reassurance on purpose, or maybe he is simply incapable of giving it. It doesn’t cost anything to give - just a little time and a little energy.
I didn't go into this expecting to tear up at all. This video's a sort of sad truth about life that's good to be aware of. Thank you, The School of Life. We are all in this together.
I think this truth isn't sad. Because we're all struggling with those same things, it's possible to deeply connect with people, and that's the most beautiful thing :)
I love this guys videos. His voice is so soothing and it has a meditative effect. I mostly find myself caught up in some other thoughts or half asleep towards the end. Infact I never understood completely what he is actually saying in these videos without a second time listening. Anyone with me?
I Will say what I always wanted to hear from others I hope my words will help some of you. We are all imperfect human beings and every one makes mistakes so don't worry about anything weird you have done. Things will be hard but you are not alone, no one is better than you so never devalue your worth for anyone. Remember you are as precious as anyone else and if anyone makes you feel the contrary, simply understand he or she is not for. I repeat no one is better than you so never let anyone devalue you for your mistakes because you are not perfect no one is perfect. You are just human and every human is precious in its way. You may be bad on something but that doesn't mean that you will not excel on another. Just don't leave space for everyone who don't value your strength and don't support you in weaknesses. You deserve better never forget it.
School of life, you're so beautiful. Bringing us more tools for compassion to ourselves and others so that we may fulfil our basic, paramount needs of attachment authenticity, is one of the most beautiful things you could do for us. I hope to be as good as this sentiment for help is.
i was strongly considering writing a letter to my former college professor, because i won't see her this semester sadly, and because i wanted to celebrate all she's done for us in such uncertain times and during the two previous years. i was hesitating because i didn't want her to think that i'm craving attention - which i'm not, i don't really care, since what matters is her wonderful mindset. anyway, now i have my answer. i would love to make her see the reflection of, at least, one ray of the sun she's always been to us since we started college 🌕
@@janedoedodo I think your last sentence is very beautiful. "I would like to let you see the reflection of, at least, one ray of the sunshine that you have always been to us students since we started college."
@@tracesprite6078 i already wrote the letter, oopsie! however, the message remains the same... thank you though, i really appreciate your help, it just makes me happy, i don't really know why 🌻 have a wonderful day! 🌕
This channel is an enormous fountain of very deep wisdom. Thank you so much for all of the content you've been posting throughout the years. My best wishes from Argentina
whoever sees this, im just saying don’t get your mind all caught in the media and distractions from ourselves. all that matters is that your vibrating high and u are at peace with yourself, you just reading this comment I now send positivity and strength to whoever reads this. thank you may all of you be blessed you are loved I promise.
What I want is just to live in a place full of nature like Himalayas or Amazon forest and just pass my day by enjoying the nature, it's serenity and live in some ashram or monastery, surviving on just the basic necessities and probably do farming which interest me the most in this world. Cut it short, I just wanna get back to the life of our ancestors. WHAT I DON'T WANT- I am damn clear with this shit, I don't want to live in this modern societal system where if you've not achieved anything or are mediocre, you're assumed a failure or useless. This modern pro famous and successful admiring society. I don't wanna live in this.
One option is to take a holiday where you visit rural places and work as a volunteer. You will get to know the reality of rural life and find out in what way you'd like to be part of it. If you have the money, you can pay to work in a place in Thailand that rehabilitates injured elephants. That is wonderful work. Or you could assist the work done by Jane Goodall with chimpanzees. One option is to work in a city, save money and then use it to go to a rainforest or some place where you can volunteer.
@@tracesprite6078 that's what I'm planning to do mate, I've been to auroville in southern India, i literally love that place, though it's gonna be tough there compared to here in Florida but I'll embrace it.
I want to follow all of you, I wanted to live far away from this modern world. I wanted to be one with nature and a peaceful environment. I'm too overwhelmed with this world. I've been trying to live my everyday life just for the sake of surviving, not living the best of it.
Finally realizing that I am simply a human being among other human beings and that I therefore do NOT need to proove that I deserve to be alive and worth was such a relief. Now, I just AM, DO and HELP like there's nothing to show, earn or proove. Balloons don't need to fight their way upwards. They just need to let go and be.
When my fragile parts are seen and listened even when I don’t speak of them... it’s literally like my SOUL being stroked tenderly. It dawned on me that many can touch your skin easily but very few can caress your soul profoundly. It takes great effort to get to know the details and stories about a person in nowadays society because we are told to be materialistic and live efficiently mostly. Truth connection happens when people SEE you as the way you just are instead of labeling or judging so fast. This flesh is all mortal. We came with none and will leave with merely the memories connected with love ones.
Wonderful video! Thank you! We can’t easily give comfort because we have not come to terms with our own pain/anger.... As a parent I find hard to be the one to be taken for granted.... and see my adult children who don’t want to grow up, where they had many blessings in their lives..... to see ‘adults’ in constant psychological suffering and act like the victim, so to avoid responsibility and then scape goat the good enough parent!!!!!! We are all suffering, however I grew to love myself unconditionally and give me the right to be imperfect, my most inner desire is, one day, to see my loved ones give reassurance to themselves like they do to their virtual friends..... instead of be consumed with comparing their story… we all are working progress...... please make video about the importance of feeling one’s emotions.... so to read our anxieties like a messenger of who we are, and encourage to look inward, in our dark side .... it is there where we find treasures.... unique treasures, like our superpowers. Thank you, I love, love SOL
Reassurance depends on the honesty of the giver and the trust the receiver has in them. Cliche's and pandering can do as much damage as silence. Real trust is earned through consistent honesty and support.
For me It is letting people know that you are aware of their existence and all the difficulties that can happen at any moment in life. That life is not a straight line but a series of ups and downs (sometimes way down down) .
I needed this... I was trying to help a friend out with problems... They kept telling me of their lack of hope for a good future, yet not letting me know of the root problem. And silly me, came down hard on him. I ended up hurting him more
As a manager I try to regularly compliment my teammembers to boost morale and reassure them that they are doing well. I only do this when I seriously mean it and not for specific purposes. I do think however that it benefits both sides: a team member feels seen and heard and this will most probably benefit work. Is this reassurance or flattery or something else?
this came to my recommended at the perfect time. I've been going through basically all the things described in the video and this helped me realize that everyone goes through them, and that it will pass.
I really enjoyed this channel I found it reassuring and it has taught me so much about what it is to be Human and what our basic needs are, I wish you could show your videos to a wider audience the world needs to know this, thank you 🙏🕊
But, when people with anxiety disorders (like health anxiety) constantly seek external reassurance and never learn how to do it for themselves, they fail to improve
This is true. When I was a teenager and started to have armpit hair I was ashamed. Then my older friends said everyone has armpit hair and is fine. I never shaved after that.
I'm so glad I don't need reassurance from anybody anymore. There was a time when I was desperate for it and the people I expected to get it from kept me at arm's length. I felt lost and I realized that if I continued that way, I would die, literally, then I went into myself, to find the reassurance & love I needed. I found loads 😊.
im loving this channel and i love that proper vocabulary is used, for these explanations, as much as the topics explained, are important, and important stuff should be explained using the best posible language, be it vocabulary wise, grammar wise, etc.
So timely again. Just last night I had a moment of weakness and lashed out at someone innocent. Apologized and said I was lost again. He listened to my words without making early comments and at the end, told me to stop expecting a lot of things from myself and the world (esp nowadays), that everyone is unsure of how things will go, or when the world will open up again, that we're in our situation not because we're all to blame but there are factors that are just out of our hands.
What gives you true reassurance? Let us know in the comments below and perhaps you could help someone else find peace. If you enjoy our films and want a say on what ones we make you can now become a channel member here: th-cam.com/channels/7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog.htmljoin
its already done
music and talking to new people,a quote from film/book that perfectly describes my situation
Knowing that every experience is an opportunity for growth, and there is nowhere else that I can be. Mindfulness. Knowing I'm not alone/sharing a sense of kinship with my fellow humans. Curiosity. Art. Poetry. Philosophy. Beauty, in a sense. What is beauty? It seems less of an essential thing and more of a product of some deeper resonance..
not everyone has it bad like you claim some of them have a pretty good life while the rest of us suffer
@@whimsycole246 Well said. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger. It gives you an opportunity to grow. That to me is reassuring. To me quite strangely science often helps. Maybe because to know there are truths out there that dont care about us believing in them reminds me of our relatively little importance in this world and as DeBotton often states: it doesnt really matter as much after all
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a single smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around”
Powerful words Bek! Very true, from my experience. I like it.
We are too busy in this busy world and in our own minds. Well many are
Aren't most of those things illegal now?
some cultures never give hugs... so its always nice to meet beautiful Brit, a Kind and Beautiful French, and a lot of pretty Scandinavians.
♥️♥️♥️♥️
Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.”
I really enjoy it! Thanks for sharing
OOOOOOO...sniffed his hair
@@vinnartaigh2076 haha 😂 nice
One of my favorite lines from literature!
thanks for sharing! 🥺
Validation: The most powerful relational skill that most of us were never taught. In essence, the act of helping someone feel heard and understood that feels deeply comforting.
💯 true
@@ADUAquascaping and all of us want sympathy and flattery sometimes, that’s completely normal and part of being human. Emotional validation is neither sympathy nor flattery, nor is it fixated on honesty. It is caring, respectful and doesn’t try to change someone’s feelings. It also is not about (necessarily) agreeing with or condoning someone’s behaviour.
@S K I know right, that comment has way better insight than the video, which I don't usually say about school of life...
@@P-therapy What’s emotional validation?
All I've ever wanted was someone to give me reassurance that I am indeed loved and I am enough.
You are!
You're loved and you're enough =)
You are enough and you are so so loved!! Please listen to "Light" by sleeping at last : )
Sure you are
Have someone who makes u feel that
“Flattery is used to get benefits, reassurance is used to help”
We all saw the video :)
@Christian you are doing amazing
@@ayoubzahiri1918 statistically speaking, no not everyone who clicks on this video watches it all the way through, some watch halfway through, only for a few seconds, etc.
Spot on! 👍🏻
Why is assurance even needed? you should be confident with your individuality so much that people's reassurance/validation isn't something you're seeking
We never know what someone is going through,
So be KIND ALWAYS.
Amen
No
Nah sorry
@@pharaohh5560 😐
@@JayMoney-hd1jl why
The truth in this is immense
Sometimes we just need someone to tell us that it's gonna be okay
You can write the essence of the video briefly and clearly so that I can understand it later through the translator
Hey ... it’s gonna be okay 😊
@@Vanessa_vo2 With everything going on, both in America and globally, I'm oscillating between "Yeah, right" and "Maybe you're right".
For other people's information, my personality type never needs this. And, usually, it makes us think that you don't care about us, or are at least a little rude, as it dismisses reality, and fails to value our actual (physical) needs.
@@thewiseturtle I'm genuinely curious, which personality type are you?
"It may be pleasant to be found impressive, but it is more reassuring to discover that our vulnerability is ready to be treated with generosity."
(The School of Life - What Do You Love Me For?)
These are the kind of quotes we need!
i am gonna learn by hard your quote
"I have your back", no matter who tells you this, family, friend or the most important, from oneself is truly the biggest reassurance.
My mom died at an early age and I never realized how much her "I love yous" and "I'm so proud of yous" meant until after she passed. It's a crucial part of your emotional well being, which is why a reassure the hell out of my kids as much as possible.
❤️
And that means more to their growth, health, wellness and vitality than any thing you can buy for them. They will have the self-confidence to make their own way in this crazy world with the gift of reassurance you’ve given them.
In case no one has told you today, Keep pushing through the heartache, lack of motivation & self doubt. When you feel lost, that’s the perfect opportunity to find a reroute. There’s so much you’re meant to do in this lifetime, don’t give up on it. Hope our channel helps you on your journey ✌
I've been reading 12 rules for life. That's been getting me through my days. It's a very inspiring book, and every time I open it I always find something I can relate to or even ponder upon.
You can write the essence of the video briefly and clearly so that I can understand it later through the translator
Thank you
May God bless all of you.
What I’ve needed to hear everyday, thank you so much.
What I want is the capacity to live my life without being overly-sensitive to the judgment of others.
To do so is very simple but hard, you must accept that pain and judgement is a normal humain behavior, and that not anything in life is built to please or to be whatever suits you better, by knowing it you become stronger and grow less false hopes and fear of being over judged, and thus becoming courageous for life only smiles to the brave. Hope it helped you, man... It's hard, but once you're into it, life gets lighter.
So do I. Especially since I'm a writer, but I am working on it.
you got this. people's judgements aren't personal! when people are judgmental of others, it's because they're extremely judgmental of themselves... it's a reflection of their own past & pain. just do you and whatever feels good to you. slowly over time, it'll be real easy to not give a f*ck.
It can be useful to remember that other people may have useful insights or they may just be in a cranky or overly critical mood. You don't have to confront them about this. You could just say, "I will think over what you've said". Later you may think, "Well, I agree with this idea from my friend but I think he exaggerated about that." Or "Interesting idea but not useful to me at the moment"
I believe letting go of our own inner critical voice when it pops up is also a key to letting go of whatever unpleasant stuff other people say. The energy we allow for that inner voice is also the energy that makes it feel so dramatic when the critical voice is raised towards us from someone else. So finding that part of us that says 'it's okay, I know I'm not perfect, but I am whatever I am and will be whatever I'll be .. So, what's up for me now. Laundry?' Hehe .. Goodnight greetings
For all the people who are suffering. You can't change the past but you can change your future starting today. You are in control of your destiny.
The title of the vid is intriguing af. I've never known what I wanted for 29 years
Food
We probably didn't need to want.
@@cpengwin you're right
Well, there you have it...you want reassurance.
You are great and it is ok if you aren't always sure what it is that you want. You will figure it out in time.
YOU WANT REASSURANCE, NOTHING ELSE.
BE REASSURED!
I think it’s important to talk to ourselves like this too bc isn’t always gonna be someone there to reassure us.
Very much practical
❤️
no matter how badly we convince ourselves we are better off alone, to act tough and indifferent. some days, we just want someone to hold on to, someone who can understand our silence. it gets a lil tiring to be always on your own, sometimes.
I find myself always beeing the one reassurring my friends and family and it's exhausting. I wish somebody noticed the way I feel, behind the mask my heart is broken in a thousand pieces. I just need a shoulder to cry on.
That's awful that your heart is broken. I wish I could send you healing. You're welcome to write back about what the problem is, if you want to.
Mari you sound like an INFJ. We INFJs are like this all too often. Do for yourself more, and learn how to say no. If you never say no you are doomed to repeat this cycle. I have had to tell alot of people no since my parents passed in 2019 (which was hard enough), being INFJ and doing this is contradictive to how you feel but you need to push through it to get better.
Allfather be with you, SKÅL!
@@tracesprite6078 my grandma passed away recently, I got left in my past relationships twice, divorced parents who despise each other, no siblings... my friends are nice from time to time, but they are not empathic at all, they live different situations and I try not to burden them to... I'm 22 and feel very lost.
@@LannyX2 I'm sorry for your loss. Yes, I'm an INFJ too. Skål to you as well.
Mari Honey, it might help to look at "Reconnected" by Andrew Leigh. It's both Australian but also online and maybe you'll get some ideas for connecting with others from that.
Being lonely and ignored by people you care for , it is so harsh. That the way i feel
That sounds really tough for you to bear. wIll sorry you're going through that.
I see you
You’re loved my friend. I feel the same, so I’m going to tell you you are not alone.
@Louqman Badr: You're not alone... That happens more often and to more people than what you think. I've been (still am) in that same situation for most of my life. Since they didn't and don't care for me, after reading lots about this problem from different points of view and thinking really hard for three-four years, I had to resign myself to let those people (my mother, brother, other family members, and very close friends) to carry on with their patterns of ignoring me, and I started ignoring them. It works for a lot of people, like you've gotten rid of heavy and useless baggage. I do feel like a miserable shit, I ain't nothing happy about it (I still care). But by cutting all communication with them and trying to forget them, I have reduced part of the pain.
I'm not saying you should do this (the price you pay is really very high). I'm saying you need to think very carefully, taking all the time you need, about the situation and what could you do to make some of them change a little bit in your favor... and to have in writing, in full detail, an alternative plan if they don't react as you wish. I strongly encourage writing to those people you love & care for who never pay you back. Don't put everything in your first letter, which should be just about this one problem ("I give you a lot of my time, energy, love, care, and support; and I never get anything back. I would want you to do XYZ for me. Could you please do that?"). Some times some of the people who wouldn't listen to you will end up "listening" to you when they actually read the same thing in black & white, it makes them think again and reconsider (it didn't work in my case, but hopefully your case will turn out much better than mine). If nothing seems to work no matter how hard you try, then read again your alternative plan, make the last minutes corrections/adaptations as necessary and execute your plan. I did inform my people several times of what would happen if they carried on ignoring me. Now my mother is probably dying of Covid-19 in her country if she hasn't died before. Of course I'm not happy, but I think I'm respecting myself much better by not going to her deathbed, as I told her in person and in writing several times that I would do if she didn't show a little bit of affection & support for me. Since she was so fucking cold & hard with me all my life, she fully desserves to have her own treatment applied to her in her final years. Of course I don't feel proud nor happy, this is so fucking embarrasing to say and cruel to do. But apparently is the only way to start getting a little respect from the closest people to you, who should have respected you all along (and thus given you their love and support, as you did with them).
Think very carefully, choose very wisely, and stick by your decision. Best of lucks!
The comments on this video are like a warm hug / if you stumble upon this , I hope you have a wonderful and exciting life. You've got this. Sending so so so much love your way.
human beings are driven be their egos. If you never put in the effort to get past your own ego then you’ll always be begging for reassurance. 🙏🕉
I just finished my therapy session literally discussing this topic and now this pops up - well what i wanted just turns out!
The law of attraction
“Energy is the essence of life. Every day you decide how you’re going to use it by knowing what you want and what it takes to reach it.”
What do you want to reach..?
@@thehuman2861 death
@@zavedahmad2869 why?
@HIXHAM Perhaps you didn't mean it literally but I am curious how potential energy is released from dopamine/adrenaline and other chemicals within us and how our interactions with other people can increase our energy level
What if you don't know what you want or what it takes to reach it?
Be kind to yourself and others.
This is why emotional connections are so important. A sense of community and belonging is paramount tk human thriving.
For all the people who have never been this early congratulations you are finally superior.
Thank you 😅
So that's what it feels like :) ahhh refreshing.
Lmfao
One of the amazing things that happened to me last week was me finding this channel. Thanks for the videos.
recognizing the difference between flattery and reassurance is vital, thank you.
"Our minds are bad at holding on to their nourishing truths."
Why is that? 🤔
@@honingbijtje83 constant self-doubt? Lack of reassurance?
"Nourishing truths are a great deal more valuable and inclined to stick if someone else addresses them to us than if we try to rehearse them by ourselves." - A better truth has never been spoken! Thank you very much School of Life.
As humans, we've evolved to find solace and comfort in social bonds. To provide that reassurance to people is something that we're all looking for, at least subconsciously.
The School of Life never fails to hit the spot... thank you.
Thank you, school of life, for every video and every soothing knowledge you share with us!
Fantastic application of today's lesson! Oh, haha, I just realized my reply is giving you reassurance. Ha, funny how it can snowball :)
Insecurity, desperation, reassurance! Excellent de Botton!
I find the narrator’s voice so clear and soothing just listening to this video calms all traces of my anxiety it’s better than therapy. Thank you, I really enjoyed this video. What makes it even better is it’s a humid evening 23C in the distance I can hear thunder and the Native birds are singing in the palm trees on my mountain home. For tonight all is well.
"All of us are in deep need of reassurance."
What you and I want is the room and the openness to expand, to grow and to be more of ourselves.
I want to be a god
One of the more beautiful and helpful School of Life videos I've ever seen and that's saying a lot because there are many beautiful and helpful videos on this channel thank you Alain
I completed my graduation 🎓 and I don't wanna do any job nor I wanna continue higher studies and I have family and outside pressures to desperately go out and do something . I'm not financially okay that's one of the reason forcing me to accept and obey them and the other reason is not having enough clarity and commitment and not aware of who I am what I wanna be and how I wanna live .. ahh there are lot of questions and uncertainties going on in my life .. and this lockdown made me more lazy and bored of everything and I'm feeling like I'm stagnating with no purpose or place I just wanna get out of this space which is making me miserable . I don't wanna talk about relationships and people stuff but while everything is happening and I'm going through this phase of life channel's like school of life academy of ideas and after skool really helped me alot and made me realise there's alot to discover and explore and there's so much to know than what we think we know . I don't think this makes sense in anyway 🙂🔫😺
Friend, you absolutely made sense.
I am going through the exact inner states.
Things will change, because that's how life evolves.
😊
@@hrishapaul7582 yeah I hope it does and I hope you get what you're looking for:)
What you said made a lot of sense. It sounds like you need time to recover from the stress of your degree and to find your direction in life. With Covid, this rest time may be necessary anyway. One factor is that if you leave it too long to get a job, your degree may become a bit out of date. However a bit of a rest may be what you need. Can you talk to a counselor at your university? She may know of some ideas to help.
All I really want is peace of mind.Everything else is a bonus.
We all need companionship in Life. It may be Spouse, Family, Friends, Colleagues, Pets etc. Just the feeling of not being alone. This is how I understand it.
That is very true. You don’t need much really in this world to make you happy. Just to feel safe, secure and fulfilled. I think sometimes my husband withholds reassurance on purpose, or maybe he is simply incapable of giving it. It doesn’t cost anything to give - just a little time and a little energy.
I didn't go into this expecting to tear up at all. This video's a sort of sad truth about life that's good to be aware of. Thank you, The School of Life.
We are all in this together.
I think this truth isn't sad. Because we're all struggling with those same things, it's possible to deeply connect with people, and that's the most beautiful thing :)
Much needed words. The timing couldn’t be better. 💜
To be comfortable with ourselves and to have the courage to do what it takes to reach our dreams.
I love this guys videos. His voice is so soothing and it has a meditative effect. I mostly find myself caught up in some other thoughts or half asleep towards the end. Infact I never understood completely what he is actually saying in these videos without a second time listening. Anyone with me?
I think we need to receive reassurance from those we like or respect. Not all reassurances make our day.
True
@@midnightmoon9511 🌹
I Will say what I always wanted to hear from others I hope my words will help some of you.
We are all imperfect human beings and every one makes mistakes so don't worry about anything weird you have done.
Things will be hard but you are not alone, no one is better than you so never devalue your worth for anyone. Remember you are as precious as anyone else and if anyone makes you feel the contrary, simply understand he or she is not for.
I repeat no one is better than you so never let anyone devalue you for your mistakes because you are not perfect no one is perfect. You are just human and every human is precious in its way. You may be bad on something but that doesn't mean that you will not excel on another. Just don't leave space for everyone who don't value your strength and don't support you in weaknesses. You deserve better never forget it.
All that a human being is seeking is pleasantness within and pleasantness around
Compassion is so important in this.🌸
Empathizing with a person and being kind provides reassurance. ✨
Positive perspective: looking outside the self in service to others. Great reminder.
One things for sure is self reassurance without depending on others as source of happiness which eventually leads to frustration.
Everything's in the mind. That's where it all starts. Knowing what you want is the first step toward getting it
How to know brother ..??
That falls apart quickly when you know what you want has nothing to do with reality or the attainable.
Also the thought of death and my lifes finity brings me back to the truly important things. The small joyful moments in the here and now
School of life, you're so beautiful. Bringing us more tools for compassion to ourselves and others so that we may fulfil our basic, paramount needs of attachment authenticity, is one of the most beautiful things you could do for us. I hope to be as good as this sentiment for help is.
Yes we should tell people positive things to make them at peace especially when they are at a breaking point as long as they are true.
i was strongly considering writing a letter to my former college professor, because i won't see her this semester sadly, and because i wanted to celebrate all she's done for us in such uncertain times and during the two previous years. i was hesitating because i didn't want her to think that i'm craving attention - which i'm not, i don't really care, since what matters is her wonderful mindset. anyway, now i have my answer. i would love to make her see the reflection of, at least, one ray of the sun she's always been to us since we started college 🌕
As a former teacher, I would say to go ahead and write that letter. What you have to say is sincere so go ahead and say it but didn't overdo it.
@@tracesprite6078 thank you for your advice, i'll make it short and kind of neutral - i'll manage. have a good day 🌻
@@janedoedodo I think your last sentence is very beautiful. "I would like to let you see the reflection of, at least, one ray of the sunshine that you have always been to us students since we started college."
@@tracesprite6078 i already wrote the letter, oopsie! however, the message remains the same... thank you though, i really appreciate your help, it just makes me happy, i don't really know why 🌻 have a wonderful day! 🌕
@@janedoedodo It's lovely to think of you feeling happy and also of how your college professor will probably feel very encouraged.
You guys are geniuses! ❤️
I can't explain how much I love this channel
This channel is an enormous fountain of very deep wisdom. Thank you so much for all of the content you've been posting throughout the years. My best wishes from Argentina
I need that narrator to narrate the story of my life 😁❤️ his voice calms my ocd
It’s Alain de Botton. I love his voice to
Ikr...I love his voice ❤️
Simple and beautiful. "One day we will die", "yes, but on every other day, we will not."
The most important thing in life is knowing
what is the most important thing in yourlife
whoever sees this, im just saying don’t get your mind all caught in the media and distractions from ourselves. all that matters is that your vibrating high and u are at peace with yourself, you just reading this comment I now send positivity and strength to whoever reads this. thank you may all of you be blessed you are loved I promise.
Thank you for your kindness. I hope you feel calm, too.
What I want is just to live in a place full of nature like Himalayas or Amazon forest and just pass my day by enjoying the nature, it's serenity and live in some ashram or monastery, surviving on just the basic necessities and probably do farming which interest me the most in this world.
Cut it short, I just wanna get back to the life of our ancestors.
WHAT I DON'T WANT- I am damn clear with this shit, I don't want to live in this modern societal system where if you've not achieved anything or are mediocre, you're assumed a failure or useless. This modern pro famous and successful admiring society. I don't wanna live in this.
One option is to take a holiday where you visit rural places and work as a volunteer. You will get to know the reality of rural life and find out in what way you'd like to be part of it. If you have the money, you can pay to work in a place in Thailand that rehabilitates injured elephants. That is wonderful work. Or you could assist the work done by Jane Goodall with chimpanzees. One option is to work in a city, save money and then use it to go to a rainforest or some place where you can volunteer.
@@tracesprite6078 that's what I'm planning to do mate, I've been to auroville in southern India, i literally love that place, though it's gonna be tough there compared to here in Florida but I'll embrace it.
@@anuragcvsr7169 I hope it all goes really well for you.
Me tooo
Im 18 but i've always known my peace is in an ashram, forest, riverside or just simple living. But I don't know how to get there :/
I want to follow all of you, I wanted to live far away from this modern world. I wanted to be one with nature and a peaceful environment. I'm too overwhelmed with this world. I've been trying to live my everyday life just for the sake of surviving, not living the best of it.
the narrator voice is really like therapy to me. its so calming yet so straightforward. pls stay forever
Finally realizing that I am simply a human being among other human beings and that I therefore do NOT need to proove that I deserve to be alive and worth was such a relief. Now, I just AM, DO and HELP like there's nothing to show, earn or proove. Balloons don't need to fight their way upwards. They just need to let go and be.
When my fragile parts are seen and listened even when I don’t speak of them... it’s literally like my SOUL being stroked tenderly.
It dawned on me that many can touch your skin easily but very few can caress your soul profoundly. It takes great effort to get to know the details and stories about a person in nowadays society because we are told to be materialistic and live efficiently mostly.
Truth connection happens when people SEE you as the way you just are instead of labeling or judging so fast.
This flesh is all mortal.
We came with none and will leave with merely the memories connected with love ones.
Speechless. The Truth in words.
Am so sensitive to reassurance... It’s so mighty
Wonderful video! Thank you! We can’t easily give comfort because we have not come to terms with our own pain/anger.... As a parent I find hard to be the one to be taken for granted.... and see my adult children who don’t want to grow up, where they had many blessings in their lives..... to see ‘adults’ in constant psychological suffering and act like the victim, so to avoid responsibility and then scape goat the good enough parent!!!!!! We are all suffering, however I grew to love myself unconditionally and give me the right to be imperfect, my most inner desire is, one day, to see my loved ones give reassurance to themselves like they do to their virtual friends..... instead of be consumed with comparing their story… we all are working progress...... please make video about the importance of feeling one’s emotions.... so to read our anxieties like a messenger of who we are, and encourage to look inward, in our dark side .... it is there where we find treasures.... unique treasures, like our superpowers. Thank you, I love, love SOL
Thank you for this sharing. It is videos like these that help re-assure that I am not alone in suffering.
When you chose the name of your channel, it seems that you really mean it.
I really aprecciate that, thank you.
Totally agreed 😎
Reassurance depends on the honesty of the giver and the trust the receiver has in them. Cliche's and pandering can do as much damage as silence. Real trust is earned through consistent honesty and support.
Good to hear Alain's reassuring voice, in 2021.
#RememberYourLove
i think this is why my love and i are so attached to each other
we seek reassurance in each other
sounds codependent
Sincerity is necessary for reassurance. Hollow words and platitudes can have the reverse effect.
I have no words. It really touched me.
Fantastically clarifying. I wish we all could be these kind of people who can reassure others.
Pay attention and care for others, simply generosity.
For me It is letting people know that you are aware of their existence and all the difficulties that can happen at any moment in life. That life is not a straight line but a series of ups and downs (sometimes way down down) .
I needed this... I was trying to help a friend out with problems... They kept telling me of their lack of hope for a good future, yet not letting me know of the root problem. And silly me, came down hard on him. I ended up hurting him more
As a manager I try to regularly compliment my teammembers to boost morale and reassure them that they are doing well. I only do this when I seriously mean it and not for specific purposes. I do think however that it benefits both sides: a team member feels seen and heard and this will most probably benefit work. Is this reassurance or flattery or something else?
Funny enough, devine's objective is exactly that we can be able to reassure each other, love and be kind to each other. Excellent video!
If you’re reading this, you are loved.
I love this. Thank you for helping me all these years
this came to my recommended at the perfect time. I've been going through basically all the things described in the video and this helped me realize that everyone goes through them, and that it will pass.
I really enjoyed this channel I found it reassuring and it has taught me so much about what it is to be Human and what our basic needs are, I wish you could show your videos to a wider audience the world needs to know this, thank you 🙏🕊
I love both reasurance and flattery. A well placed compliment is heart warming❤
Love & acceptance is key
I love this. Thanks for the wisdom!
I would say, much more fundamental than reassurance, is love. The one thing, you can be sure someone requires, is love.
TSOL to the rescue 🌌
But, when people with anxiety disorders (like health anxiety) constantly seek external reassurance and never learn how to do it for themselves, they fail to improve
This is true. When I was a teenager and started to have armpit hair I was ashamed. Then my older friends said everyone has armpit hair and is fine. I never shaved after that.
I feel like people within this SOL community could perfectly date
I'm so glad I don't need reassurance from anybody anymore. There was a time when I was desperate for it and the people I expected to get it from kept me at arm's length. I felt lost and I realized that if I continued that way, I would die, literally, then I went into myself, to find the reassurance & love I needed. I found loads 😊.
im loving this channel and i love that proper vocabulary is used, for these explanations, as much as the topics explained, are important, and important stuff should be explained using the best posible language, be it vocabulary wise, grammar wise, etc.
So timely again. Just last night I had a moment of weakness and lashed out at someone innocent. Apologized and said I was lost again. He listened to my words without making early comments and at the end, told me to stop expecting a lot of things from myself and the world (esp nowadays), that everyone is unsure of how things will go, or when the world will open up again, that we're in our situation not because we're all to blame but there are factors that are just out of our hands.
We all know know there is a solution to our problem or misery but we all feel the need the hear the solution from someone else.