You WILL regret breaking no contact every single time. Just don't do it. You can't reason with or fix the narcissist. It gets easier to stay strong over time. Take back your dignity and block them forever.
I was doing okay till I saw him last night and wanted to talk to him don't know why 🙄 but was with my kids so my son keep driving,I need to be more stronger I fail last night.
So very true I've forgave and went back so many times it was almost involuntary I swallowed so much shit and forgave the unforgivable these individuals don't ever discard only disengage to suck you back in even deeper
I told my narc mother, after one of her insane, control-attempt phone calls via induced conversation, to lose my phone number. That was it, last call, no more talky-talk on the phone. Then I extended it to every other area of life. Result: peace and quiet. Whee !!! 😁🏞
Forgiving a narcissist who hurt you, is your gift to them! Forgetting a narcissist who hurt you, is your gift to you! You can't change someone who doesn't see an issue with their actions, You just have to distance yourself ......
@@aanler smh, obviously still missing the point. You’re still making about YOU. Self awareness is a great first step, but it does not erase painful memories or undo hurtful words and actions. Depending on how much damage you have done, you are the one that should be grateful if they are able to find it in their heart to forgive you for having the empathy level of an iguana, not that you can help it I guess, but still
One of the lightbulb moments for me was observing a narcissist and how they were able to completely act like nothing had ever happened after the previous time I’d seen them we had actually had a big row. No acknowledgment or apology or even negative vibe, just continuing as normal… I think this made me realise that I too, can just go on as if they never happened if I need to. I think realising the frivolity of their seemingly confronting actions can help to detach more and make it easier to go no contact and forget about them. You always have a choice in how something is going to effect you.
I think narcs are teachers. One you survive one and learned your lessons and do your healing, you change. I have a self acceptance and knowledge about myself, I’ve never had before. I am a new person. It was a painful journey. It is disappointing my ex turned out to be who she was but I wouldn’t be here the way I am without that painful experience.
I disagree, and it bothers me tgat people say this, they cannot teach you anything, you can teach yourself as you heal, but that is from your own self and perhaps even God. They can not teach you anything you did not already know. You already knew hurt and pain, you already knew your strengths and weaknesses. You already knew what was deep down. You akready knew your inner struggles. The narc exploited that. Exploitation is not teaching. Period.
I hope so. I’m only at the beginning of the healing. The emotions and mental health issues I’m experiencing are not anything I have ever felt before. Some days I feel completely disassociated with myself. I’m working on it. Praying for the day I wake up and these side affects of the manipulation are behind me.
I broke no contact once...to go to divorce ccourt. I did not talk to him, look at him or be near him. I stood as tall as I could, sat as tall as I could. So minus that one day, I've been no contact since July 11 2021.
This channel is like Methadone instead of Heroin to me. Am I the only one who feels this way? It’s safe, it’s satisfying, it’s empowering and it’s detoxing here.
2 years free and broke no contact, there is not a second that I don't regret the mistake. Please don't break no contact. Remember the unbearable withdrawals that happened after the first discard? You will have to face it all over again as if for the first time. Remember the suffering and agony? That will be neverending. Please don't reset the healing process and waste more years in this.
After a decade of reading every book I could, listening to every youtube channel I found.... your material is BY FAR, and I really want to emphasize that, the most accurate ! Plus, everything is explained in a way that make it simple to understand and apply. Finally, it just works. That's why I believe your work is the best on the planet. Take this fuel as a token of my gratitude.
Thank you. You are correct, my work is the most accurate, simple to understand and apply as you’ve identified and as do many others who embrace my work. The key is to ensure others are directed to it and avoid the clowns who spout nonsense about narcissism of which there are too many.
After 6 hoovers and still stuck on the narc and never able to heal I decided just cold turkey to go total no contact. Now I am slowly but surely healing. I have found that no contact is for the protection of the victim because the narc will never change, it will always be about them. We shouldn't care what effect no contact has on the narc. No contact is to help ourselves not care. It's like a painful withdrawal from an addiction. If you still care to know what effect the no contact is doing to the narc, you are self-sabotaging and breaking your own no contact. No contact means no contact physically and emotionally. The easiest part is the physical no contact. Now we work on the emotional no contact. To hell with the narc, we have to teach ourselves not to care, just as the narc doesn't care.
I left. Then started educating myself about narcissism which explained everything that I had sensed, but didn't want to see. I had a kind person drop all the narcs belongings off at their property. Blocked them on all "channels", and never looked back. It still takes time to heal from the trauma, but no contact is the only way.
If narcissism is so toxic and even dangerous, why the hell is it not considered high priority for mental health awareness and properly managed at a young age? Why is it not taken seriously in the world? If children are forced to live with it in the family home, and they are being affected by it, that child could take on those narc.traits without being aware of it and/or not know how to deal with the affects, properly. What if a child is a narc.? They won't know or know how to deal with it. Mental health should be taught in schools. Most mental health issues start in childhood. I'm just so flustered with how USA deals with mental health.
Healthy strong children will see the truth and snap out of the toxicity. Narcissists are MADE they aren’t born. It’s an altered ego a false self. A dead-end.
A narcissist will never care to be better or see what’s wrong with them ! That’s the whole problem with the disorder. It’s not your responsibility it’s on them. And they don’t care. A child is naturally narcissistic but grows out of it. A narcissist is a fully developed human who chooses to stay stagnant. Self love treats codependency so you don’t get involved with these people and they naturally get out of your way and you can attract healthier relationships.
@@n0426 choice to stay that way? I think it is unavoidable. Noting the most attractive humans are likely to be higher in narcissism it is natural to just let life continue. As the saying goes don't fix what isn't broke. They see no issue. It isn't a choice, they are just merely existing.
@@n0426I think it's a lack of learning as what they are already serves them and they do not get hurt by it and so are fulfilled. I don't know if they can be hurt but if they can, maybe an injury will change their pathway. I once waited hours at a festival to speak to someone that discarded me. When I finally saw them I saw fear in their eyes and they ran away. Evaluating the happenings here I eventually changed my outlook and dropped the clingy attachment. I once had the thought that if anyone treats me in a bad way that I would follow them for years and cause hell for them and then as above I realised my pattern of thinking is petty and child like. I don't think I am a narcissist as I don't manipulate but evidently I had some ducked up psychology. I believe I have a parent with potential npd. Lucky I was not the scapegoat but I have felt the dread living with the moaning
NPD is not diagnosable at a young age. There are plenty of other woes in the world to worry about. The internets passing fascination with narcissism is precisely that.
Thnx to your work, HG, i no longer give a flying f@$k what the narcissist is doing or how he feels! no contact is a sure-fire way of gaining one's freedom!!!
I left my mid-range narcissist ex 4 years ago. No contact - no phone, fax, email, texts, smoke signals, nothing. I do NOT regret it. At all. I highly recommend it.
Have gone no contact with Narc Mother - again...being doing this for 35 years!! I allowed her to have a conversation via email and when the inevitable bile about my father combined with mother's victimhood fell into my inbox (note with an additional dollop of something on the side that she'll use as my reason for not responding) I struggled with responding with a bomb of truth then I found you HG and decided no response, no contact was the way to manage it! Thank you...
Your story sounds not so different from my covert narcissistic mother too , when my father died , shes didnt even give me a chance to grife , thats down to the missed narcissistic trait , and that is a " Lack Of Empathy " , thats the one trait i wish people would understand about narcissist is that if they lack empathy then they are a danger to people in the general public and in there private lives too , mother would say to me what my father did to her for 20 years , but the things is we abandoned dad already after those odd 20 years of beating she took , yet she still moans and whinges and plays victim to what he did and uses that against my siblings to Triangulate problems amongst my siblings , now i am the " Scapegoat Child " my eldest brother the " Golden Child " the one who could do no wrong blah blah , the only thing that i did that was good for me was go " No Contact " but they managed to track me down and try to " Hoover " me back to see if the door is open for another cycle of abuse , i didnt take the bait and continuing to stay in No Contact.
My ex was malignant, vindictive narc. Since I went no contact I'm looking over my shoulder everytime I leave my house. But I know, this is what he wants. He wants me afraid. And I can't be afraid forever
I felt that when I'd go get the money order. Her daughter i helped raise since age 8 works there. Kept feeling like both of them were around somewhere. I'd see about 5 cars that looked like theirs. But yea they Want u afraid always thinking about them bring mad sad upset wanting them etc. What u feel is intended by them.
Wow I’m experiencing the same feeling…….. just wondering when they say he plans to take on revenge 🤦🏾♀️ I’m hoping it gets better in time! Stay safe goddess
It’s so difficult to get your truth seeker trait and emotional thinking in check. It will always come back to haunt you. I feel fortunate to be healthy. Once you control this emotion, the anxiety lessons and you slowly become apathetic towards the narcissist. You start to recognize odd behavioral patterns quite easily and put up a boundary when you come in contact with other narcissistic individuals.
I’m so glad someone guided me to you. I’ve been no contact with my ex ‘covert narc’ for 3 months (broke it off without him suspecting it, he tried to manipulate me to stay in that text convo but at the same time got very defensive, projected and gas lit the crap out of me) but I literally just said ‘bye’ then blocked him everywhere! I think you would describe him as a type b from what I’ve listened to tonight?? Anywho, I listened to a couple of audio books every day after that to keep me on track and no contact. But yours is even more insightful because you are diagnosed. It’s kind of freeing actually some of the things you’ve said about going no contact and coverts. I’m happy these days without him but I’m educating myself to never deal with someone like him again in future dating. So cheers
I’m a very strong person, I’ve been through and has gotten through more than I’d like to share... and my evil Narcissist mother made my life even harder- on top of the never ending pain I was already feeling. I was absolutely miserable. She controlled, criticized, demeaned, belittled, gossiped about, gaslit, and just literally made my life a living hell every step of the way... she almost broke me. I got away from her, started finding my sanity again. Then here she comes, being “nice” again, trying to come off loving again, wanting to repair our relationship... and what did I do? Fell for it. Believed her. I don’t know if I genuinely believed her, or was just pitying her due to being a HSP and a very sensitive empath. Her pain was my pain. But mine was only mine. I let her back into my life... and guess what? BINGO ! YOU’RE RIGHT ! ... just as you may have guessed, she broke me worse than the last time. My definition of a living hell. She’s my definition of evil. You can not CHANGE evil behaviors within people, because they lack self awareness !!!!! STAY STRONG AND DO NOT BREAK NO CONTACT BC YOU WILL BE THE ONE BROKEN IN THE END !!!!!!!!!!
@@sarahviolet6344indeed . But most of the time, the mother or the father are the root cause and needs to be removed in order to heal and to finally heal yourself from all the damage they have done to us ❤
I loved him…he discarded me after I lavished him with so many gifts but he treated me like a stranger in the end but even after all that, I still love him! This theory of no contact is extremely hard. Even after me groveling over him and crying for him to “take me back” he told me that he was leaving for a weak and going on a “vacation” to de stress and that he was adopting a no contact rule while away…and that he was giving himself an “unplugged” break from everyone because he claimed to be the victim. He never disclosed his destination to me when I asked and this really gutted me. I loved this man probably more than I should have. He was my everything and I’m completely torn and broken. 😢 Nobody to talk to about this due to embarrassment. Just wallowing in my own self pity at the moment!…Why me?😩
Dear, go to a good therapist! You can do this! Accept your flaws and weaknesses and work on them! I have been through this journey. It is painful, but boy what a feeling when you reach the other side. You can do this!
I LOVE that no contact annoys your kind. I don't care about your kinds reactions to NC. It's enough to know it drives you crazy. Especially after the last time they saw me mostly having a good time and not even knowing they're there LOL. It was a genuine response (coz I didn't recognise them) so I seemed indifferent but when I did realise that they were there I moved away.
I was in a relationship with a narcissist. Planned my getaway for 2 months. My excuse was being temporarily employed 400km away. All my closest friends and family knew and protected me. I blocked him and disappeared. Its now 12 months on and he has never been able to locate me. He was so callous he called my friends and family trying to get to know where I was saying he was concerned about my wellbeing.
I can't say it loud enough or long enough, this is what should be taught in our high schools so that we can protect our young ppl. Thank you H G, this is good stuff. It is the truth. I think also in place of the emotions there is also human curiosity. And I like how you say to treat it, go to the zoo, don't stand beside a lioness. That is a great analogy, there are plenty of narcissists to watch on social media to satiate our curiosity. Personally I love watching Ms. Markle implode and I love watching how each and every thing you prophesied coming true. She really is in a death spiral.
NC 3 years +..I moved, changed my number, ended mutual friendships,blocked him on all media..could careless how it effects him..I know how it effects me..I sleep so good at night and I am free and happy..
All the knowledge you have given me.in my latest relationship another one has captured me even with knowledge this shit is like roller blading threw a hurricane blind folded
Yes i would very much like to see a video of the Dysfunctional Narcissistic Family tree too !! As i was my Covert Narcissistic mothers so-called " Scapegoat Child " she would manipulate and triangulate the other siblings to turn against me , including my eldest brother who was " The Golden Child " , pleass if you could make a video of this it would be very much appreciated , thank you in advance H.G. Tudor
My narc mother tried to control me with the promise of a large inheritance. I shut her down when I told her I didn't care what she did with her money. When she died, I received a WAD. I consider it compensation for putting up with her for all those years.
Lol. how to know they are a narc is when they are such crybabies to your no-contact which most of them perceive as abandonment and a discard and start smearing you to the ground (because that’s their twisted way of operating in the world their whole lives) but in reality you just want to preserve your peace. they can see their ugly reflection in your behaviour towards them. Hopefully they see the truth and make a switch. 😘
Its been 3 months and counting with no contact so I came home last week and I see a Fed Ex box on my porch. Guess what's inside? A wedding ring set. Guess what I did? Sent it right back to him priority mail without breaking no contact!
I made the mistake to block the Narcissist only for ten years after he put me on "stand by" just after three months. As soon as he realized he can text me, he told me that I was the most special woman in his life, gave me a lot of gifts (not very expensive though). Guess what! When I recognized the same pattern in his behaviour, told him about this and started to question the authenticity of his feelings, he discarded me after three months but promising though a farewell gift for my birthday which was after a month. I refused and went to "no contact" this time forever. Thus I felt I regained my soul, my dignity and my strength although at that time, 2 months ago, I didn't know anything about narcissists. Thank you for what you're doing.
Okay, HG, no contact is key when dealing with narcissists. Specifically when one leaves. Edification, education & building an understanding. I like being equipped with this particular knowledge, it's enlightening & empowering. Knowledge is power, yes... Ooooooh, the Knowledge of Good & Evil...
Love your work HG! By definition though, your self-insight and ability to understand the emotional dimensions of narcissism refutes your belief that you are such a classic narcissist. Well done you!
He won’t leave me alone but wants to be with me just to point fingers and tell me how I’m playing him for a fool and talking to guys behind his back, it’s mental torture at this point.
I tried to tell an acquaintance that ‘no contact’ was the only sane response to her narcissistic ex boyfriend. Like all good advice it wasn’t taken. A fine example of ‘emotional thinking’.
If you‘re ever tempted to breach no-contact, remember that all you are doing is boosting (mostly male) ego, for guaranteed nothing in return. I never want to feed (particularly male) ego, and that keeps me from being tempted.
I don't want to 'see' the narcissist. I dont want revenge against the narcissist. 5 years & the narcissist is trying everything to contact me. 'See' me.😮
Hi HG I have a very strong NC GOSO since I found your work early January or Feb this yr. I noticed a pattern of the ex narc and even the replacement. About every 3-4 months I get an attempted hoover stalking or triangulation. With an enforced NC GOSO, will they eventually stop doing that pattern of such? Thank you for all your videos and the knowledge vault. I'm recovering slowly but steadily and I couldn't have done this without the proper education and guidance.
Hg you have the same Diagnosis as my ex narcissist. Gifted in the community but destructive in his relationships. I've been NC for 1.5 years. No spheres of influence can get to me. ❤
Here’s how to handle a NARCISSIST!! Once you’ve figured out who they really are, the FUN begins Step 1 - you expose them and watch the SHOCK in their reaction Step 2 - you become a ROCK, they don’t exist anymore. Any characteristics you had before (ie you were funny) no longer show Step 3 - you say NO!!!!! to EVERYTHING the narcissist wants or needs STEP 4 - WATCH THEM SUFFER!!! (this is the best part) How do I know this? It’s what I’ve done. Follow my “program” and the narcissistic will self destruct to a point (in my case) hospitalized her for weeks at a time (due to the trauma) and NEVER VISITING ONCE She’s a lost child now and she can thank herself for getting their
The narcissist plays the cat and mouse game. They're the predator and you're the victim. Watch miniseries "The Thing About Pam". Classic narcissist behavior.
No contact is possible even if u stayed married living in the same house. I have set iron boundaries which parts of the house is mine and after some months he never get even close!! I don’t talk to him, no service, I cook dinner for myself only, I have my own bathroom, washed my own laundry only. I travel as I please when I please. But according to my therapist with a phd on narcissism he is a low to medium narcissist. He is erased in my life. I don’t care how he see this, I don’t care if he is in pain or not, I don’t want revenge. Neither do I wish him bad or good. I just don’t care! Freedom
I literally changed my ex’s name in my phone to Gotye, because that’s exactly what happened in the end. After 9 yrs he was just somebody I used to know.
14 years after I dumped my ex Narc he calls me. I have been no contact 14 years and throughout that time I have not broken the rule and I will not now. I find it crazy he is still trying!
I really & truly don’t want ANY personal knowledge of the effects of no contact on my narcissist...just need to know how far they’ll go, how much real danger I’m going to be in of getting killed!!!
This is my mother to a t! She is a perpetual victim, paranoid and super agressive and controlling, black and white thinking, the works - definately a Narc. Her relationships all go through extreme roller coasters and all have an expiry date. No relationship can survive except where she has complete control over the fuel source. She was enmeshed with my frail grandmother who became her non-intimate primary source for many years when she discarded me. Now she's died suddenly I'm in favour again. Ive noticed my mother prefers to be around vulnerable people who she can latch on to and "help" - ie paint you white, try to rescue you from whatever struggles you have, take over every part of your life, make every interaction about herself, dishing out endless streams of unsolicited "wisdom" on every topic imaginable and when you dare to reclaim your own opinions or worse- don't follow any tiny bit of her advice, she flips the switch and suddenly you're instantly painted black and immediately discarded. After 12 years where she cut me off completely on the basis of daring to get married without her approval and hence "leave her" (or escape her grip of doom) I was so hurt by it all as it felt like a huge rejection and abandonment wound. I wanted to make contact again so after more than a decade I apologised to her. Even though my act of getting married was nothing to be sorry for, she very much believed I did it just to upset her and victimse her. She was hoping Id divorce and run back to her but im still married so she is not sure how to handle me as im not in complete submission to her like before. She loved when i reconnected as she was lonely at the time and instantly I was painted white again and love bombed. Fortunately, this time I knew it wasn't genuine. Never was, as you say HG, but i didnt see it. In her own mind she believes she loved me the whole that she discarded me and it was all for my own good and she was the victim the whole time! Talk about revision of history!!! It's hard to go no contact with a narc parent. They guilt trip and in my case also use religion to manipulate. In my case I've had to go no contact with both my parents, as my father is an alcoholic and gambling addict. A dysfunctional family dynamic in the extreme! HG has helped me so much. I finally understand the crazy behaviours!
yes actually I finally understand why no contact is the only option. as I recently realised 'the watcher' is a just as important person, maybe one of the most important persons in the fuel matrix. Because a 'watcher' can also be incorporated just by the fact they 'watch'. because the narcissist needs an audience to his World. Like a human video cam. I guess only the self aware ones maybe do this. Also this is why a narcissist 'blocks' people on social media sometimes. He/she knows they are addicted and punishes them by 'excluding him from the people that are allowed to watch him or her'
When I went NC with my NF and his entourage, what did he do? He had his lawyer write a letter to me. It said that he was NOT writing in behalf of NF, and he had "strict instructions" not to tell him my whereabouts. LOL. Stupid lawyer.
HG, I know you don't respond to chat or questions So I'll just say thanks. You do a great service and in a very entertaining way. Unfortunately, my narc is my son. He's 38 and recently, well he went too far and I went no contact with a restraining order. I have not let my emotional thinking allow delusional ideas that I can do anything to help because for twenty years, NOTHING I have done has helped him. I don't wonder, as you have mentioned I might, if I've wounded him. It wasn't my intention to by taking the action I did, it was self preservation. I've heard thru the grapevine that he tells people now both his parents are dead (his father died when he was 20) whilst I write poetry about 'deathless mourning'. This disorder is nothing to be trifled with, hence your flames are a perfect visual. Maybe you could do a talk on parenting a narcissist.
I have followed your no contact regime but he came to see me at my work place and I had no choice to interact coz of the nature of my job I gave minimum reaction what can you do when this happens? Thankyou for your work its helped me sooo much
I have imposed no contact orders on my own children who are diagnosed as narcissistic, antisocial psychopath. Yes, I raised two of them when I run across them as adults they may hit me once and then done that. Is it cut and dry I’ve been hit too many times in my life by them they have no access to me now.
Hg Tudor, I don`t understand this, I thought the narcisisist simply forgets about you when you`re not around ??? Like out of sight out of the mind ... ? Why does he then hate no contact?
You’ve misunderstood. When you are not on the radar, you don’t exist. You can come back on the radar in a variety of ways. Where you come back on the radar and the narcissist seeks to assert control directly I.e through a hoover should that hoover hit a no contact wall that wounds us and that is what we hate.
@@suzanne4396 Through either entering close proximity with the narcissist by being in the same physical space; sharing a mutual friend; any type of leeway he/she has, that they can use to contact you with. If he has none, then the better.
Soo the RF policy of “never explain, never complain is perfect way to deal this Harry and his wife! RF never acknowledge them or latest stunt . This drives Harry wife to more more desperate stunts to garner attention. It makes perfect sense. William how ever has mD it clear he will lol protect his family , the Queen and Charles. He will also protect the monarchy . These will never be allowed back to make videos and take pictures. The use of children no one has seen is desperation because she refuses to let her father see them. I certain the RF know if there are children , if there Harry’s and where they are now. Harry and his wife are figuratively pounding on the palace door begging to he let in . The door is locked and lights are off with out the RF acknowledgment of those two .
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Breaking no contact is like any combat scene from Das Boot. Again trying to escspe by going no contact again. then the Hoover: .......ping.......ping........ping...... BOOM!
Watching 'The Staircase' with Colin Firth, a murder mystery. Some way in, I thought this guy is a narcissist. All the symptoms, traits, and behaviors. Uncanny
I have so many really severe narcissists in my life and I get sad and tired of all the boundaries and no contacts I have to set. Idk how I ended up with two parents and two even worse step parents and now my daughter. It’s a lonely time sometimes.
Rudeness was never my concern. It was simply self preservation! This Ultra Empath had enough mistreatment period. No Contact was my way of getting rid of the cheating alcoholic Narcissist permanently. I have no regrets and have never been happier since taking that action.
I had to do just this after the damage she caused my late husband . It cost my young son and myself contact with the entire small family. All contact to wind up my husband's estate was conducted through solicitor's. very frustrating but in the long run it was for the best. I gather her own mental health suffered badly but then that was Karma and finally she died and my son inherited all of the family estate including sums that should have been my husband's. Oh how she would have fumed that I of all people had to process everything and as a result saw all the dirty deeds she had done. Despite everything I still see it as a win for justice.
If I get it right, you dont come to narc radar and they leave you alone. But it is also true that are some cases when they are reminded of you without you doing nth. Again if its NC and you insist on it, they are will not lose energy.. They need it there where its reaction.
HG ⚘my favorite narcissist 🌲thank you HG your work is spot-on⛓ Ex narcissist ready💪 move just the way you said in your work,& break up with my ex narcissist🤡 partner ,second primary source🤷♀️🤣 breaking up with him🤐😜 I did it in such a way it caught him by surprise😡😬🤣 and was able to slip through the cracks, & get out 🚶♀️with no problem, completely went no contact, absolutely none.. thank you HD your work will go far⚘ & will share it🎯 Sigma Empath 🧘♀️
Well he ruined my New Year’s Eve 2022 he sat outside and got drunk with my neighbor and bought himself things that he wasn’t supposed to and I got no Christmas present no merry Christmas nothing and now that I don’t wanna talk to him he sitting like a little baby in the car sleeping now he wants to give me a gift now he wants to give my cat a gift that’s the only reason because he sees I am infuriated and I feel like I’m done
How so when I have a almost 2 year old.. live in different states tho and already barely sees her or help support. I’m on day 5 but I worry what crazy thing he might do or would it impact her when she’s older asking why don’t I have a dad.
It's possible. Lots of us here have kids with narcissists. Go absolute minimal contact with your ex. Set boundaries like he can video chat with her on Thursday evenings between 6-7. Don't let him make you feel like the bad guy or use your daughter to manipulate you into being more involved with him than you need to be. If he wants to spend more time with her, he can move closer and have visitation with a defined schedule. Don't let him have spontaneous control over you from afar.
But, think of Paul, what a narc. Until Jesus knocked him off his high horse. Jesus is the only one who can change a narc, just ask Him if you want true reformation.
If someone has to deal with a narcissist or a psychopath either by choice or not, what would you advise them not to do to not trigger you wanting to harm them? Or is it no matter what they do it is inevitable they might get harmed?
You WILL regret breaking no contact every single time. Just don't do it. You can't reason with or fix the narcissist. It gets easier to stay strong over time. Take back your dignity and block them forever.
I was doing okay till I saw him last night and wanted to talk to him don't know why 🙄 but was with my kids so my son keep driving,I need to be more stronger I fail last night.
Even when its your adult daughter withholding contact with your granddaughter as punishment for your refusal to meet demands.
Very Correct. No return Stories.
Every single time
So very true I've forgave and went back so many times it was almost involuntary I swallowed so much shit and forgave the unforgivable these individuals don't ever discard only disengage to suck you back in even deeper
Tell your narcissist,
“If your phone doesn’t ring,
It’s probably me”. 😎
Lol when my ex tries to Hoover me I definitely have to use this lol
I told my narc mother, after one of her insane, control-attempt phone calls via induced conversation, to lose my phone number.
That was it, last call, no more talky-talk on the phone. Then I extended it to every other area of life.
Result: peace and quiet. Whee !!!
😁🏞
@@jeanettecook1088 lol
"Do you know how to forget" lol
"because you need to forget my number"
😂🤭
Love it!
Forgiving a narcissist who hurt you, is your gift to them!
Forgetting a narcissist who hurt you, is your gift to you!
You can't change someone who doesn't see an issue with their actions,
You just have to distance yourself ......
And for us that actually see how terribly we've treated everyone?
@@aanler smh, obviously still missing the point. You’re still making about YOU. Self awareness is a great first step, but it does not erase painful memories or undo hurtful words and actions. Depending on how much damage you have done, you are the one that should be grateful if they are able to find it in their heart to forgive you for having the empathy level of an iguana, not that you can help it I guess, but still
Great words 👏🏻
One of the lightbulb moments for me was observing a narcissist and how they were able to completely act like nothing had ever happened after the previous time I’d seen them we had actually had a big row. No acknowledgment or apology or even negative vibe, just continuing as normal… I think this made me realise that I too, can just go on as if they never happened if I need to. I think realising the frivolity of their seemingly confronting actions can help to detach more and make it easier to go no contact and forget about them. You always have a choice in how something is going to effect you.
I think narcs are teachers. One you survive one and learned your lessons and do your healing, you change. I have a self acceptance and knowledge about myself, I’ve never had before. I am a new person. It was a painful journey. It is disappointing my ex turned out to be who she was but I wouldn’t be here the way I am without that painful experience.
Agreed❤
And a new found self love and worth.
I know exactly what you mean!
I disagree, and it bothers me tgat people say this, they cannot teach you anything, you can teach yourself as you heal, but that is from your own self and perhaps even God. They can not teach you anything you did not already know. You already knew hurt and pain, you already knew your strengths and weaknesses. You already knew what was deep down. You akready knew your inner struggles. The narc exploited that. Exploitation is not teaching. Period.
I hope so. I’m only at the beginning of the healing. The emotions and mental health issues I’m experiencing are not anything I have ever felt before. Some days I feel completely disassociated with myself. I’m working on it. Praying for the day I wake up and these side affects of the manipulation are behind me.
No contact is the smartest move-plan quietly and run!
Yep, pretend then go in the opposite direction!
I broke no contact once...to go to divorce ccourt. I did not talk to him, look at him or be near him. I stood as tall as I could, sat as tall as I could. So minus that one day, I've been no contact since July 11 2021.
I'm proud of you for doing that
How did it go in court? I am in the same situation.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
That's great 👍💯
This channel is like Methadone instead of Heroin to me. Am I the only one who feels this way? It’s safe, it’s satisfying, it’s empowering and it’s detoxing here.
Most of us seem to feel like you do! 😊
Yes
2 years free and broke no contact, there is not a second that I don't regret the mistake. Please don't break no contact. Remember the unbearable withdrawals that happened after the first discard? You will have to face it all over again as if for the first time. Remember the suffering and agony? That will be neverending. Please don't reset the healing process and waste more years in this.
After a decade of reading every book I could, listening to every youtube channel I found.... your material is BY FAR, and I really want to emphasize that, the most accurate ! Plus, everything is explained in a way that make it simple to understand and apply. Finally, it just works. That's why I believe your work is the best on the planet. Take this fuel as a token of my gratitude.
Thank you. You are correct, my work is the most accurate, simple to understand and apply as you’ve identified and as do many others who embrace my work. The key is to ensure others are directed to it and avoid the clowns who spout nonsense about narcissism of which there are too many.
Elem air he really is the best!💯
@@toidean6953Agreed
After 6 hoovers and still stuck on the narc and never able to heal I decided just cold turkey to go total no contact. Now I am slowly but surely healing. I have found that no contact is for the protection of the victim because the narc will never change, it will always be about them. We shouldn't care what effect no contact has on the narc. No contact is to help ourselves not care. It's like a painful withdrawal from an addiction. If you still care to know what effect the no contact is doing to the narc, you are self-sabotaging and breaking your own no contact. No contact means no contact physically and emotionally. The easiest part is the physical no contact. Now we work on the emotional no contact. To hell with the narc, we have to teach ourselves not to care, just as the narc doesn't care.
I left. Then started educating myself about narcissism which explained everything that I had sensed, but didn't want to see. I had a kind person drop all the narcs belongings off at their property. Blocked them on all "channels", and never looked back. It still takes time to heal from the trauma, but no contact is the only way.
13 days no contact since final discard. He just texted me for the first time a half hour ago. I almost wrote him back but I came on here instead
Block his number!
No contact means that you are not on his social media and you have blocked him on all communications
If he is still able to text you, you are not correctly adhering to the NO contact rule...BLOCK from all means of CONTACT!
Block him and never return !
Well done. Distraction works
If narcissism is so toxic and even dangerous, why the hell is it not considered high priority for mental health awareness and properly managed at a young age? Why is it not taken seriously in the world? If children are forced to live with it in the family home, and they are being affected by it, that child could take on those narc.traits without being aware of it and/or not know how to deal with the affects, properly. What if a child is a narc.? They won't know or know how to deal with it. Mental health should be taught in schools. Most mental health issues start in childhood. I'm just so flustered with how USA deals with mental health.
Healthy strong children will see the truth and snap out of the toxicity.
Narcissists are MADE they aren’t born. It’s an altered ego a false self. A dead-end.
A narcissist will never care to be better or see what’s wrong with them ! That’s the whole problem with the disorder. It’s not your responsibility it’s on them. And they don’t care. A child is naturally narcissistic but grows out of it. A narcissist is a fully developed human who chooses to stay stagnant. Self love treats codependency so you don’t get involved with these people and they naturally get out of your way and you can attract healthier relationships.
@@n0426 choice to stay that way? I think it is unavoidable. Noting the most attractive humans are likely to be higher in narcissism it is natural to just let life continue. As the saying goes don't fix what isn't broke. They see no issue. It isn't a choice, they are just merely existing.
@@n0426I think it's a lack of learning as what they are already serves them and they do not get hurt by it and so are fulfilled. I don't know if they can be hurt but if they can, maybe an injury will change their pathway.
I once waited hours at a festival to speak to someone that discarded me. When I finally saw them I saw fear in their eyes and they ran away. Evaluating the happenings here I eventually changed my outlook and dropped the clingy attachment. I once had the thought that if anyone treats me in a bad way that I would follow them for years and cause hell for them and then as above I realised my pattern of thinking is petty and child like. I don't think I am a narcissist as I don't manipulate but evidently I had some ducked up psychology. I believe I have a parent with potential npd. Lucky I was not the scapegoat but I have felt the dread living with the moaning
NPD is not diagnosable at a young age. There are plenty of other woes in the world to worry about.
The internets passing fascination with narcissism is precisely that.
Thnx to your work, HG, i no longer give a flying f@$k what the narcissist is doing or how he feels! no contact is a sure-fire way of gaining one's freedom!!!
I left my mid-range narcissist ex 4 years ago. No contact - no phone, fax, email, texts, smoke signals, nothing. I do NOT regret it. At all. I highly recommend it.
The best thing in the world is knowing this channel exists because it is 100% accurate. It’s our job to listen and follow the advice.
Sometimes the trash takes out itself-hold on tightly, let go lightly-Don’t look back.
Have gone no contact with Narc Mother - again...being doing this for 35 years!! I allowed her to have a conversation via email and when the inevitable bile about my father combined with mother's victimhood fell into my inbox (note with an additional dollop of something on the side that she'll use as my reason for not responding) I struggled with responding with a bomb of truth then I found you HG and decided no response, no contact was the way to manage it! Thank you...
Your story sounds not so different from my covert narcissistic mother too , when my father died , shes didnt even give me a chance to grife , thats down to the missed narcissistic trait , and that is a " Lack Of Empathy " , thats the one trait i wish people would understand about narcissist is that if they lack empathy then they are a danger to people in the general public and in there private lives too , mother would say to me what my father did to her for 20 years , but the things is we abandoned dad already after those odd 20 years of beating she took , yet she still moans and whinges and plays victim to what he did and uses that against my siblings to Triangulate problems amongst my siblings , now i am the " Scapegoat Child " my eldest brother the " Golden Child " the one who could do no wrong blah blah , the only thing that i did that was good for me was go " No Contact " but they managed to track me down and try to " Hoover " me back to see if the door is open for another cycle of abuse , i didnt take the bait and continuing to stay in No Contact.
I can so relate to what you said about a Narc mother
🤦40
My ex was malignant, vindictive narc. Since I went no contact I'm looking over my shoulder everytime I leave my house. But I know, this is what he wants. He wants me afraid. And I can't be afraid forever
Ah the worst narc of all. I feel for you. Thank the stars if you don't have kids together 😪
I felt that when I'd go get the money order. Her daughter i helped raise since age 8 works there. Kept feeling like both of them were around somewhere.
I'd see about 5 cars that looked like theirs. But yea they Want u afraid always thinking about them bring mad sad upset wanting them etc. What u feel is intended by them.
Wow I’m experiencing the same feeling…….. just wondering when they say he plans to take on revenge 🤦🏾♀️ I’m hoping it gets better in time! Stay safe goddess
Oh and I dealt with a Covert Narcissistic Psychopath… heard they were the worse
Same- but life is so much better without them!
It’s so difficult to get your truth seeker trait and emotional thinking in check.
It will always come back to haunt you.
I feel fortunate to be healthy.
Once you control this emotion, the anxiety lessons and you slowly become apathetic towards the narcissist.
You start to recognize odd behavioral patterns quite easily and put up a boundary when you come in contact with other narcissistic individuals.
I’m so glad someone guided me to you. I’ve been no contact with my ex ‘covert narc’ for 3 months (broke it off without him suspecting it, he tried to manipulate me to stay in that text convo but at the same time got very defensive, projected and gas lit the crap out of me) but I literally just said ‘bye’ then blocked him everywhere! I think you would describe him as a type b from what I’ve listened to tonight?? Anywho, I listened to a couple of audio books every day after that to keep me on track and no contact. But yours is even more insightful because you are diagnosed. It’s kind of freeing actually some of the things you’ve said about going no contact and coverts. I’m happy these days without him but I’m educating myself to never deal with someone like him again in future dating. So cheers
Your material is so valuable HG. Thank you
I’m a very strong person, I’ve been through and has gotten through more than I’d like to share... and my evil Narcissist mother made my life even harder- on top of the never ending pain I was already feeling. I was absolutely miserable. She controlled, criticized, demeaned, belittled, gossiped about, gaslit, and just literally made my life a living hell every step of the way... she almost broke me. I got away from her, started finding my sanity again. Then here she comes, being “nice” again, trying to come off loving again, wanting to repair our relationship... and what did I do? Fell for it. Believed her. I don’t know if I genuinely believed her, or was just pitying her due to being a HSP and a very sensitive empath. Her pain was my pain. But mine was only mine. I let her back into my life... and guess what? BINGO ! YOU’RE RIGHT ! ... just as you may have guessed, she broke me worse than the last time. My definition of a living hell. She’s my definition of evil. You can not CHANGE evil behaviors within people, because they lack self awareness !!!!! STAY STRONG AND DO NOT BREAK NO CONTACT BC YOU WILL BE THE ONE BROKEN IN THE END !!!!!!!!!!
sounds soo familiar i think im gonna have to do same. you're very brave. it makes it so much harder the narc being your own mum.
@@sarahviolet6344indeed . But most of the time, the mother or the father are the root cause and needs to be removed in order to heal and to finally heal yourself from all the damage they have done to us ❤
I loved him…he discarded me after I lavished him with so many gifts but he treated me like a stranger in the end but even after all that, I still love him! This theory of no contact is extremely hard. Even after me groveling over him and crying for him to “take me back” he told me that he was leaving for a weak and going on a “vacation” to de stress and that he was adopting a no contact rule while away…and that he was giving himself an “unplugged” break from everyone because he claimed to be the victim. He never disclosed his destination to me when I asked and this really gutted me. I loved this man probably more than I should have. He was my everything and I’m completely torn and broken. 😢 Nobody to talk to about this due to embarrassment. Just wallowing in my own self pity at the moment!…Why me?😩
Eff him!!
Because you are there. Block everything change every number stop torturing yourself about why. Sharks do what sharks do somple
Dear, go to a good therapist! You can do this! Accept your flaws and weaknesses and work on them!
I have been through this journey. It is painful, but boy what a feeling when you reach the other side. You can do this!
I LOVE that no contact annoys your kind. I don't care about your kinds reactions to NC. It's enough to know it drives you crazy. Especially after the last time they saw me mostly having a good time and not even knowing they're there LOL. It was a genuine response (coz I didn't recognise them) so I seemed indifferent but when I did realise that they were there I moved away.
😂😂 you’re funny
I like your philosophy 😅
I was in a relationship with a narcissist. Planned my getaway for 2 months. My excuse was being temporarily employed 400km away. All my closest friends and family knew and protected me. I blocked him and disappeared. Its now 12 months on and he has never been able to locate me. He was so callous he called my friends and family trying to get to know where I was saying he was concerned about my wellbeing.
Congratulations.
They push peoples to suicide and they are concerned about us 😂😂😂 these people are so sick and dangerous. Twisted to the core . I am so proud of you ❤
This guy is absolutely hilarious, great, dry sense of humour. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, and in such a funny and charismatic way
Exactly my thoughts lol
been listening to HG tutor for a few years now myself.
I can't say it loud enough or long enough, this is what should be taught in our high schools so that we can protect our young ppl. Thank you H G, this is good stuff. It is the truth. I think also in place of the emotions there is also human curiosity. And I like how you say to treat it, go to the zoo, don't stand beside a lioness. That is a great analogy, there are plenty of narcissists to watch on social media to satiate our curiosity. Personally I love watching Ms. Markle implode and I love watching how each and every thing you prophesied coming true. She really is in a death spiral.
NC 3 years +..I moved, changed my number, ended mutual friendships,blocked him on all media..could careless how it effects him..I know how it effects me..I sleep so good at night and I am free and happy..
Thank you, HG, for your work.
Best remedy for narcissistic abuse.
I think it must be 30 years since I talked to my narcissist sil.
All the knowledge you have given me.in my latest relationship another one has captured me even with knowledge this shit is like roller blading threw a hurricane blind folded
Our THOUGHTS
Shape the way we
Speak and Live...
HG, could you please do a video on being the scapegoat child of a narcissist mother and the triangulation with the golden one/s?
Yes yes! I would like that too!!!
Yes i would very much like to see a video of the Dysfunctional Narcissistic Family tree too !! As i was my Covert Narcissistic mothers so-called " Scapegoat Child " she would manipulate and triangulate the other siblings to turn against me , including my eldest brother who was " The Golden Child " , pleass if you could make a video of this it would be very much appreciated , thank you in advance H.G. Tudor
Yes, more on that. Leveraging children for power.
Glad you mention the devil’s pitchfork!
I have used your methods and they have worked and been spot on.
My narc mother tried to control me with the promise of a large inheritance. I shut her down when I told her I didn't care what she did with her money. When she died, I received a WAD. I consider it compensation for putting up with her for all those years.
We ABSOLUTELY hate it! Yes, yes,yes,yes,yes......I ABSOLUTELY enjoy this Ha ha ha ha!😅🤣😂🤣😅
Lol. how to know they are a narc is when they are such crybabies to your no-contact which most of them perceive as abandonment and a discard and start smearing you to the ground (because that’s their twisted way of operating in the world their whole lives) but in reality you just want to preserve your peace. they can see their ugly reflection in your behaviour towards them. Hopefully they see the truth and make a switch. 😘
Its been 3 months and counting with no contact so I came home last week and I see a Fed Ex box on my porch. Guess what's inside?
A wedding ring set. Guess what I did? Sent it right back to him priority mail without breaking no contact!
Yes move if you have to
I made the mistake to block the Narcissist only for ten years after he put me on "stand by" just after three months. As soon as he realized he can text me, he told me that I was the most special woman in his life, gave me a lot of gifts (not very expensive though). Guess what! When I recognized the same pattern in his behaviour, told him about this and started to question the authenticity of his feelings, he discarded me after three months but promising though a farewell gift for my birthday which was after a month. I refused and went to "no contact" this time forever. Thus I felt I regained my soul, my dignity and my strength although at that time, 2 months ago, I didn't know anything about narcissists. Thank you for what you're doing.
Okay, HG, no contact is key when dealing with narcissists. Specifically when one leaves.
Edification, education & building an understanding.
I like being equipped with this particular knowledge, it's enlightening & empowering.
Knowledge is power, yes...
Ooooooh, the Knowledge of Good & Evil...
These are incredible insights. Thank you sir for the candid explanation. Never heard it explained like that before.
Watch as many HG Tudors as you are able. You will find the information life changing! ❤
Love your work HG! By definition though, your self-insight and ability to understand the emotional dimensions of narcissism refutes your belief that you are such a classic narcissist. Well done you!
So it’s gotten so bad that we come to a narc for advice 😭😭😭 wtf is going on here
Lmao good point
Yet here I am…LOL
Best person
God bless, 3rd time discarded, no contact not get any chance to hoover.❤
Good people 👍 i want to be strong
He won’t leave me alone but wants to be with me just to point fingers and tell me how I’m playing him for a fool and talking to guys behind his back, it’s mental torture at this point.
I tried to tell an acquaintance that ‘no contact’ was the only sane response to her narcissistic ex boyfriend. Like all good advice it wasn’t taken. A fine example of ‘emotional thinking’.
People communicate and help each other and support each other equally. Dont be fool to keep providing for no returns.
If you‘re ever tempted to breach no-contact, remember that all you are doing is boosting (mostly male) ego, for guaranteed nothing in return. I never want to feed (particularly male) ego, and that keeps me from being tempted.
My ex narcissist also has anti social personality disorder.
Mine too.
Mine too 🤦♀️
Don't feel bad My Ex Narc Girlfriend had the same anti social personality problem with her neighbors. Strange aren't they.
No contact has got me walking on sunshine 🌞 best year ever 🎉😊
I don't want to 'see' the narcissist. I dont want revenge against the narcissist. 5 years & the narcissist is trying everything to contact me. 'See' me.😮
I disconnected my phone line haha
Hi HG
I have a very strong NC GOSO since I found your work early January or Feb this yr.
I noticed a pattern of the ex narc and even the replacement.
About every 3-4 months I get an attempted hoover stalking or triangulation.
With an enforced NC GOSO, will they eventually stop doing that pattern of such?
Thank you for all your videos and the knowledge vault.
I'm recovering slowly but steadily and I couldn't have done this without the proper education and guidance.
You are welcome and well done.
This is powerful information. Thank you, HG.
I m so glad 🙂 I came across your videos ♏️❤️Superb
Welcome on board.
Thanks for the "What a Narcissist Is." Makes some things clearer starting 101 on some words you use.
Hg you have the same Diagnosis as my ex narcissist. Gifted in the community but destructive in his relationships. I've been NC for 1.5 years. No spheres of influence can get to me. ❤
Here’s how to handle a NARCISSIST!!
Once you’ve figured out who they really are, the FUN begins
Step 1 - you expose them and watch the SHOCK in their reaction
Step 2 - you become a ROCK, they don’t exist anymore. Any characteristics you had before (ie you were funny) no longer show
Step 3 - you say NO!!!!! to EVERYTHING the narcissist wants or needs
STEP 4 - WATCH THEM SUFFER!!! (this is the best part)
How do I know this? It’s what I’ve done. Follow my “program” and the narcissistic will self destruct to a point (in my case) hospitalized her for weeks at a time (due to the trauma) and NEVER VISITING ONCE
She’s a lost child now and she can thank herself for getting their
I went no contact and went straight to police. Id love to know how they reacted over the last month
Best question ever!
The narcissist plays the cat and mouse game. They're the predator and you're the victim. Watch miniseries "The Thing About Pam". Classic narcissist behavior.
No contact is possible even if u stayed married living in the same house. I have set iron boundaries which parts of the house is mine and after some months he never get even close!! I don’t talk to him, no service, I cook dinner for myself only, I have my own bathroom, washed my own laundry only. I travel as I please when I please. But according to my therapist with a phd on narcissism he is a low to medium narcissist.
He is erased in my life. I don’t care how he see this, I don’t care if he is in pain or not, I don’t want revenge. Neither do I wish him bad or good. I just don’t care! Freedom
I LOVE Indifference ❤️
Omg he told me his ex was a narcissist
I'm sure he's told the new appliance how terrible I was.
I don't know why HG but "Somebody That I Used To Know" comes to mind while listening to what you have to say about NO CONTACT.
I literally changed my ex’s name in my phone to Gotye, because that’s exactly what happened in the end. After 9 yrs he was just somebody I used to know.
14 years after I dumped my ex Narc he calls me. I have been no contact 14 years and throughout that time I have not broken the rule and I will not now. I find it crazy he is still trying!
I really & truly don’t want ANY personal knowledge of the effects of no contact on my narcissist...just need to know how far they’ll go, how much real danger I’m going to be in of getting killed!!!
This is my mother to a t! She is a perpetual victim, paranoid and super agressive and controlling, black and white thinking, the works - definately a Narc. Her relationships all go through extreme roller coasters and all have an expiry date. No relationship can survive except where she has complete control over the fuel source. She was enmeshed with my frail grandmother who became her non-intimate primary source for many years when she discarded me. Now she's died suddenly I'm in favour again.
Ive noticed my mother prefers to be around vulnerable people who she can latch on to and "help" - ie paint you white, try to rescue you from whatever struggles you have, take over every part of your life, make every interaction about herself, dishing out endless streams of unsolicited "wisdom" on every topic imaginable and when you dare to reclaim your own opinions or worse- don't follow any tiny bit of her advice, she flips the switch and suddenly you're instantly painted black and immediately discarded.
After 12 years where she cut me off completely on the basis of daring to get married without her approval and hence "leave her" (or escape her grip of doom) I was so hurt by it all as it felt like a huge rejection and abandonment wound. I wanted to make contact again so after more than a decade I apologised to her. Even though my act of getting married was nothing to be sorry for, she very much believed I did it just to upset her and victimse her. She was hoping Id divorce and run back to her but im still married so she is not sure how to handle me as im not in complete submission to her like before. She loved when i reconnected as she was lonely at the time and instantly I was painted white again and love bombed. Fortunately, this time I knew it wasn't genuine. Never was, as you say HG, but i didnt see it. In her own mind she believes she loved me the whole that she discarded me and it was all for my own good and she was the victim the whole time! Talk about revision of history!!!
It's hard to go no contact with a narc parent. They guilt trip and in my case also use religion to manipulate. In my case I've had to go no contact with both my parents, as my father is an alcoholic and gambling addict. A dysfunctional family dynamic in the extreme! HG has helped me so much. I finally understand the crazy behaviours!
yes actually I finally understand why no contact is the only option. as I recently realised 'the watcher' is a just as important person, maybe one of the most important persons in the fuel matrix. Because a 'watcher' can also be incorporated just by the fact they 'watch'. because the narcissist needs an audience to his World. Like a human video cam. I guess only the self aware ones maybe do this. Also this is why a narcissist 'blocks' people on social media sometimes. He/she knows they are addicted and punishes them by 'excluding him from the people that are allowed to watch him or her'
When I went NC with my NF and his entourage, what did he do? He had his lawyer write a letter to me. It said that he was NOT writing in behalf of NF, and he had "strict instructions" not to tell him my whereabouts. LOL. Stupid lawyer.
They are all stupid & deceiving (lawyers)
Thanks Sir Tudor my tutor.
To bad the no contact is actually what I love. I don’t give a shit I love being alone it’s my life’s meaning
HG, I know you don't respond to chat or questions So I'll just say thanks. You do a great service and in a very entertaining way. Unfortunately, my narc is my son. He's 38 and recently, well he went too far and I went no contact with a restraining order. I have not let my emotional thinking allow delusional ideas that I can do anything to help because for twenty years, NOTHING I have done has helped him. I don't wonder, as you have mentioned I might, if I've wounded him. It wasn't my intention to by taking the action I did, it was self preservation. I've heard thru the grapevine that he tells people now both his parents are dead (his father died when he was 20) whilst I write poetry about 'deathless mourning'. This disorder is nothing to be trifled with, hence your flames are a perfect visual. Maybe you could do a talk on parenting a narcissist.
I have followed your no contact regime but he came to see me at my work place and I had no choice to interact coz of the nature of my job I gave minimum reaction what can you do when this happens? Thankyou for your work its helped me sooo much
I have imposed no contact orders on my own children who are diagnosed as narcissistic, antisocial psychopath. Yes, I raised two of them when I run across them as adults they may hit me once and then done that. Is it cut and dry I’ve been hit too many times in my life by them they have no access to me now.
Thank you! The comparison with the Zoo was awesome.
...." and it's great being me"...😀❤
Omg you’re absolutely correct, about wanting to see the outcome of the what ‘no contact’ will do to the narcissist 😂
Hg Tudor, I don`t understand this, I thought the narcisisist simply forgets about you when you`re not around ??? Like out of sight out of the mind ... ? Why does he then hate no contact?
You’ve misunderstood.
When you are not on the radar, you don’t exist.
You can come back on the radar in a variety of ways.
Where you come back on the radar and the narcissist seeks to assert control directly I.e through a hoover should that hoover hit a no contact wall that wounds us and that is what we hate.
@@hgtudor-theultra What are the ways one might come back on their radar?
@@suzanne4396 Through either entering close proximity with the narcissist by being in the same physical space; sharing a mutual friend; any type of leeway he/she has, that they can use to contact you with. If he has none, then the better.
Hey! - Thank You for not imposing that distracting background noise!
Soo the RF policy of “never explain, never complain is perfect way to deal this Harry and his wife! RF never acknowledge them or latest stunt . This drives Harry wife to more more desperate stunts to garner attention.
It makes perfect sense. William how ever has mD it clear he will lol protect his family , the Queen and Charles. He will also protect the monarchy . These will never be allowed back to make videos and take pictures. The use of children no one has seen is desperation because she refuses to let her father see them.
I certain the RF know if there are children , if there Harry’s and where they are now.
Harry and his wife are figuratively pounding on the palace door begging to he let in . The door is locked and lights are off with out the RF acknowledgment of those two .
Breaking no contact is like any combat scene from Das Boot.
Again trying to escspe by going no contact again.
then the Hoover:
.......ping.......ping........ping......
BOOM!
Watching 'The Staircase' with Colin Firth, a murder mystery. Some way in, I thought this guy is a narcissist. All the symptoms, traits, and behaviors. Uncanny
I have so many really severe narcissists in my life and I get sad and tired of all the boundaries and no contacts I have to set. Idk how I ended up with two parents and two even worse step parents and now my daughter. It’s a lonely time sometimes.
Rudeness was never my concern. It was simply self preservation! This Ultra Empath had enough mistreatment period. No Contact was my way of getting rid of the cheating alcoholic Narcissist permanently. I have no regrets and have never been happier since taking that action.
I had to do just this after the damage she caused my late husband . It cost my young son and myself contact with the entire small family. All contact to wind up my husband's estate was conducted through solicitor's. very frustrating but in the long run it was for the best. I gather her own mental health suffered badly but then that was Karma and finally she died and my son inherited all of the family estate including sums that should have been my husband's. Oh how she would have fumed that I of all people had to process everything and as a result saw all the dirty deeds she had done. Despite everything I still see it as a win for justice.
Is it realistic n true when you ask us to go No Contact on you the Narcissists, do you truly n really mean it?
Yes.
That’s what attorney’s are for.No contact period.
If I get it right, you dont come to narc radar and they leave you alone. But it is also true that are some cases when they are reminded of you without you doing nth. Again if its NC and you insist on it, they are will not lose energy.. They need it there where its reaction.
Please advise where the link is to join and purchase the download
HG ⚘my favorite narcissist 🌲thank you HG your work is spot-on⛓ Ex narcissist ready💪 move just the way you said in your work,& break up with my ex narcissist🤡 partner ,second primary source🤷♀️🤣 breaking up with him🤐😜 I did it in such a way it caught him by surprise😡😬🤣 and was able to slip through the cracks, & get out 🚶♀️with no problem, completely went no contact, absolutely none.. thank you HD your work will go far⚘ & will share it🎯 Sigma Empath 🧘♀️
It does not work for me because he life next door....and is really doing things that bring big problems and police got involved.
Thank God I cut mine off! We don’t even co parent, I feel so much at peace 😍❤️
Well he ruined my New Year’s Eve 2022 he sat outside and got drunk with my neighbor and bought himself things that he wasn’t supposed to and I got no Christmas present no merry Christmas nothing and now that I don’t wanna talk to him he sitting like a little baby in the car sleeping now he wants to give me a gift now he wants to give my cat a gift that’s the only reason because he sees I am infuriated and I feel like I’m done
How so when I have a almost 2 year old.. live in different states tho and already barely sees her or help support. I’m on day 5 but I worry what crazy thing he might do or would it impact her when she’s older asking why don’t I have a dad.
It's possible. Lots of us here have kids with narcissists. Go absolute minimal contact with your ex. Set boundaries like he can video chat with her on Thursday evenings between 6-7. Don't let him make you feel like the bad guy or use your daughter to manipulate you into being more involved with him than you need to be. If he wants to spend more time with her, he can move closer and have visitation with a defined schedule. Don't let him have spontaneous control over you from afar.
But, think of Paul, what a narc. Until Jesus knocked him off his high horse. Jesus is the only one who can change a narc, just ask Him if you want true reformation.
If someone has to deal with a narcissist or a psychopath either by choice or not, what would you advise them not to do to not trigger you wanting to harm them? Or is it no matter what they do it is inevitable they might get harmed?