Thank you for stating what I’ve been feeling so deeply since Sinéad’s death. I was a huge fan of hers in the 80s and 90s, and didn’t realize why she resonated for me so powerfully. She had a VOICE!!! a beautiful, expressive, painful voice, but also a fierce voice in the face of patriarchy, Catholicism abnd in her words theocracy. I’ve noticed other women in my life who also had extreme ( complex ) PTSD, and the age of 50+ seems to be when their ability to cope and or transform that early pain gets much more difficult. I identify as also having childhood ptsd and I show all the nervous system issues as well. I’m very curious about the safe and sound technique. I appreciate somewhere to collectively share my own grief over Sinéad. The documentary made me wish I could have known her. Or given her a hug like someone else here said! Blessed be to all, may it harm none.
It's such a shame she had to leave us to allow a voice to middle-aged women struggling with their mental and physical health. But I wanted to share my thoughts that it's such a common problem that few people talk about and that there are solutions to. The Safe and sound technique is developed by Dr Stephen Porges and there around therapists you can look up on his website that offer it. It's not something you can just access. But I myself have tried it in a workshop he ran and it definitely had an effect. Think I put the link in the description but if not I'll make sure I add it!
When she was starting to post truly intense mood swings I wanted to wrap my arms around her like a child and tell her it was going to be ok. It was very clear she was a serious trauma victim. May she forever be at peace. This was a great discussion thank you
I'm so pleased you liked it... I was so moved by her loss I wanted to post something. And I agree that's what she so needed but few people were around who could truly do that for her.
The Lion and the Cobra was her first album released in ‘87. Enormously well received three years before I do not want what I haven’t got worth the prince cover. She was so much more than that one cover.
i think with her passing, many people discovered the deep affection they had for Sinéad. Like it was always there, but in the back of their minds. I personally felt guilty for paying more attention to her and her songs. As a person with trauma and mental illness, her death woke me up and I now try to pay more attention to the suffering of others and myself.
I'm incredibly grateful and happy that more attention is being given to childhood trauma and that there are genuine people offering real solutions to recover and hopefully heal from it. But can we also take a moment to ask ourselves the big question: "What is so terribly wrong in our world that so many generations of children grow up in unsafe and loveless home situations?" 😢
A very good question indeed. Sadly we are as disconnected as we've ever been from nature, from joy, from all that sustains us. And trauma begets trauma sadly. Traumatised children grow up to be traumatised parents themselves. We have to hold onto the hope that healing is possible for everyone. I cannot prevent the trauma from occurring but I can hope to support those willing to heal.
Siinead was not someone I was familiar with until her passing. Actually never having seen her perform,and watched her perform Nothing Compares to You video on TH-cam. I was drawn in as a result and this past week felt deeply connected to her story / history on many levels. What resonated for me was her love for God, her mother, her son and her reverence for so many causes. Her spirt touched me in death rather than life and I feel a hole in my soul which I am observing. Thank you for this video. Her song, Thank you For Hearing Me, brought me to tears. I feel so sad about this as like you said this didn’t have to happen yet it’s clear trauma is a force to be reckoned with and for myself, my faith in the God of my understanding and abstaining from addictive behaviors and substances has helped greatly to stay present. God bless, I pray Sinead is in peace /stillness now. Thank you again for sharing your insight 🙏
Thank you for your comment. I imagine you are like a lot of people who hadn't heard of her til she died tragically early. She was a bit of a shero of mine in the 80's (yes I'm that old) and I've been to two gigs where she performed but in one of them she turned her back on the audience the whole time! I knew then she had mental health issues as it was quite clear she felt rejected in some way. I am glad for you that your faith in God helps you to abstain but there is another way and that is to heal the wound in the first place. Feeling safe in your body is something that we can practise! And with another person who holds us, it becomes possible to heal the underlying cause of addiction and anxiety. That's my message really.
@@DrPatriciaWorby Agree🙏🏻 Bringing attention to the inner body. Abstaining, first things first, tip of the iceberg, then becoming present to the insides/ Know Thyself🙏🏻❤️
Thank you for this observation of dear Sinead, she loved the Holy Spirit. That’s what she is now, did I say she was a saint or has become one. This is not a social media, rant or worshiping of another human being. She incurred so much. From what I have seen now in Red I was not a huge fan all the way through. But I remember when of course her hit came through. I won’t mention it because people are just talking about it like it’s the only thing she ever did that was good. But I was going through a terrible, terrible relationship. That song was therapy for me. I have the CD to this day. Now I’m discovering the unbelievable beauty of the other songs, especially traditional Irish songs that she sang. She was full of so much love that it spilled out from every poor and she exhausted her self, giving it in her own way and trying to get some of it back. And one sense like she said about her mom I am glad she has passed for only one reason she is with the people she loved her unborn children, her son, and perhaps in the afterlife let’s just hope against hope that there is a reconciliation, and she has showered with love from her mother that she never got. I’m an empath, so when I hear these things, and when I hear her voice, I can feel it all and I feel for her and anyone else who suffers this way. You are an angel of a therapist online this is wonderful. They everyone out there who’s trouble to reach out and keep reaching out as far as you can, it’s not necessary to take this example, but she was not even being contacted by her family. It was sad to see her beg for that that should not have happened. Like so many things in this world. We need to open our heirs, much more. And, of course, even more than that opened our hearts.❤ Valencia
Thank you for your comment. She was a very spiritual woman, true. So interesting to hear of how the song helped you through a difficult time. I am sure she was channeling her relationship with her mother when she recorded it. Hence the tears in the video which are spontaneous.. I am highly sensitive myself (though probably not an empath) - so it's very interesting to hear this about you. Songs, poems and art all move us very deeply don't they. We feel other's pain too. I feel I need to talk about the importance of feeling emotions and processing pain. That's what I help people to do..
Thank you for uploading this video. Yes, there are tools and therapists to alleviate, however, what is missing are the financial resources ....so we're back on square one.
There are lots of ways of having trauma therapy for little cost. Self-help tools abound. But nothing quite replaces help from a therapist. And the problem is funding of course -mental health is the poor relation in health care. Woefully underfunded.
I lost my son nearly 4 years ago. I’ve suffered terribly anxiety every hour of every day. My daughter lost her son 21 years ago. She’s full of anxiety and has had cancer. I had a narcissist mother, still have but I have had to stop any connection. She has my sister as a flying monkey and two nieces. My dad died recently I didn’t find out when the funeral was. It’s a real knock on effect. I keep my circle very tight.
Thank you for this Dr Worby .Sinead was a truly remarkable and very troubled woman.Such heartbreak in her too short life.Yes,always looking for love and approval after such a terrible start in life.Her mum ebviously had traumatic issues too.She will be so missed I hope you get some peace now dear one.🙏
the more I read about her the more I have to admire. But sadly this isn't enough to change the outcome. She's gone and we're all poorer as a result. It raises all sorts of issue for me of how mental health is treated. So much stigma and suffering. I hope to help others so that they don't have to go through this.
Wasnt she given a radical hysterectomy without any hormone replacement? I'd say she was probably stronger than you gave her credit re her mother but that hysterectomy would have fucked her brain!! Poor woman! Her sons passing would have been the nail
Your ear muscles are part of your vagus nerve.. that's interesting. Hence why sound can provoke ptsd, or conversely be healing, and why singing or reciting helps, or even speaking of good. Maybe religion is good for us, after all, in developing a stable, constant relationship, toning the nervous system regularly and maintaining community. Without it I think people seek community and solace in drugs, which makes us less free, less likely develop wisdom from adversity, no matter the depth of trauma. That which connects us all, can hold all that is us. Thank you for your take on this subject.
Yes indeed that are part of the cranial nerves (connected to the vagus nerve) so can be either triggering or healing. you'll be interested to see a diversity of opinion on religion here - some think it is the root of all evil and others a solace in times of need. I personally think it is how it is interpreted by man that is the problem . A spiritual faith is a good thing but how that plays out with power is another thing entirely.
Shame Sinead did not get the opportunity to find real help like you work with. Childhood trauma is so deep if not dealt with can cause problems throughout life. Sinead got "help from the wrong people. Who used her really. The great Dr Gabor Mate speaks clearly of trauma trauma in Childhood. Shame on the so called doctors she met when she was at her lowest. And on those who were to have cared for her son Shane while at hospital. May they rest in peace ❤
Sadly I hear of this all the time. The system that is supposed to care is broken but there are answers out there. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
The problem is if you seek counselling in the UK you are almost certainly going to be offered CBT. I qualified as a Counsellor and although trained in different approaches to therapy CBT just doesn't work for everyone and is more succesful for addictive behaviours. I much prefer the person centred approach and I know this works really well for some people. I once spent 15 minutes of a counselling session with a patient at a Group Practice Surgery just standing at the window looking out at the changing colours of the leaves in Autumn. It might sound very simple but this particular patient hadn't noticed any of the changing seasons for years such was her trauma. It was quite a cathartic moment and for this patient she found it therapeutic to re engage with the nature she enjoyed as a young child before she was horribly abused. This was 20 years ago and I still remember it.
That's a perfect example of getting someone back into their body - to sense the seasons, to notice things outside their own thoughts. We as a culture are encouraged to think and not feel. That's why I believe so many people are riddled with anxiety.😳
The death of Sinead O Connor hit so many people very deeply, on account of the fact that she had a platform on which to be heard, and spoke the truth, without caring how it would effect her. She gave a voice to abused people who had none. This is a common trait of people who have experienced childhood abuse, an inner determination to find the truth, it’s why so many turn to religion or spirituality. The Catholic Church abuse scandal became news in the eighties/nineties, do people honestly think it only started then. Clerical abuse has been going on for a long time, it left a lot of people extremely damaged, but back then it would be unheard of to speak of such things, these people went on to have families of their own, and in some cases abused their own children. People treat people how they were treated, especially damaged people. The Catholic Church got away with causing an epidemic of abuse in Ireland. Do you think it has ended there, they are still at it, look at the amount of cases coming out in the U.S. They have the same protocol in every country they set up in, if a priest is caught, move him to another parish, if he attracts too much attention, move him to a different part of the country, next step move him to a different country. A continual cover up for what is probably the largest paedophile ring in the world. I do not agree with your statement the parents are not to blame, in my case, my father abused me, it was blatantly obvious he was abused by the Catholic Church. My mother, who knew something was very wrong, sided with her husband. It was more important to protect her husband and play happy families, than the welfare of her child. At my worse stage, as a child I would come home from school, go to my room and lock the door, stay there until the next morning, get up and go to school. I didn’t talk to anyone and stopped eating, a complete shutdown. If the parents were not to blame who was?
I agree that when you've been abused you have to acknowledge the abuse and that parents are often complicit if not the perpetrators. I guess the point I'm making is that trauma begets trauma and damaged people damage people, particularly their children, and a lot of that in Ireland was institutional as you say from the Catholic church and its power. I have to tread a very fine line between acknowledging this and yet not making parents feel universally guilty and shameful for things they wish they had done better. This applies more in non-abuse trauma than it does in your history I think. Clearly you were abandoned by your mother to the abuse of your father and that takes an awful lot of work to deal with in adulthood. I hope you are getting support for that. Thank you for engaging with me, it's such a rare thing on the internet these days that people will debate something without resorting to vitriol and shaming. I appreciate your comments hugely and I hope people reading this will recognise that there is healing, not only in forgiveness but in fully allowing blame first. A really good book I've read recently which concurs with this is 'The Tao of Fully Feeling' by Pete Walker. He puts this across so eloquently.
Thank you for your reply, I would have been grateful if my mother had abandoned me, instead I was the problem that could ruin their good family image, her answer was to turn on me as well. I have never received any help or therapy ever, but tried to counsel myself with books, which led me to spirituality. I must have done something right, as when she was dying I sat by her side for weeks, somehow I reasoned, she was the way she was because of him, I could never apply that concept to him.
I often think, if Sinead would have surrounded herself with kind and compassionate people, by living in a Thich Nhat Hanh monastery for five years, she could have learned how to suffer less.
@@RADHIKAAAAA-n2q 1. Have some respect for her family ffs!! 2. Have some respect for the dead - You don't know how she died!!! 3. If you can't say anything respectful, then STFU!!!!
I'm really sorry to hear that. If you want to do something about that find someone who does EMDR treatment. It's fast and effective for trauma. Or look into psychedelic therapy if that's available where you are. There is no reason to be stuck anymore.
I totally understand all your points in this video and thank you for that but now it is time for someone making such videos to concentrate on Irish Women who have gone through horrible terror and yet faced and overcome the damage in order to break the generational pain and to be the Mother their children need , There are many , many women who quietly faced the pain while not destroying their own children. Too much fuss & very little responsibility never ends well .
You are right. But I wouldn't be the person to make that video as it would need to come from someone who has experienced that particular pain of disconnection. Perhaps you could?
I recently read through the posts as I did not follow Sinead before. I agree that the expressing emotions are key provided that they are not invalidated and are I also tempered with reason. It is healthy and rationalisation is often only a sticking plaster but anxiety sufferers say that chemical imbalances are the cause. May I point out that there is no evidence that Sinead caused her son's suicide. 1) He was in hospital from where he escaped when he committed suicide. 2) He could have been a victim of bullying. Being on an international scene rife wth political consequences is more stressful than living in a monocultural community or a peaceful secular community. 3) There is no evidence to suggest that Sinead transferred the parenting style of her parents onto her son, in fact she complained that one child had been put into care by his father when Sinead had a temporary stay in hospital for a minor op. That was beyond cruel to her and her child. 4) Her Mother was sadistic according to her but she had because if that moved into the garden to protest at the absence maybe in fear of his safety. But we don't know that he was not abusive to her Mother and she wanted to support her Mother. 5) Her brother is said be an academic writer yet she was sent to a work in a laundry before 16 despite obviously intelligent. Clearly there existed sexist discrimination. Is this post an appologist for the Catholic church without addressing the effect of their dogma upon her mental health? Sinead and her family were very successful in all respects until her unresolved health problems caused by grief for her son who was perhaps abused by a Catholic? mental health facility. Its no good addressing psychological problems if the cause is physiological effect of societal bullying. The Catholic church usually survives by a pact with the devil do that they do not criticise any established order even if it contradicts their teaching so long as it serves a purpose. See Italy during the 2nd wwar. Its very easy to cast her as a weak person as soon as she has health problems when in fact she was a Joan of Arc figure, a tower of strength. She is also a model for single women who slashed a feminist path through a dominant make patriarchy.
I NEVER said that Sinead caused her son's suicide only that children of traumatised parents often do have more mental health issues. The chemical imbalance theory has been largely discredited as a cause of depression/anxiety. of course there are imbalances but they are, I believe as a response to lack of support and trauma with some genetic tendencies which are epigenetically switched on by those experiences.
@DrPatriciaWorby You seem to be in denial about the special relationship between a family including siblings and near relatives and child and that Sinead was the mother. A professional with only detached knowledge of a person is no substitute, while they can offer mental health and relationship advice. If a child feels that their mental health would improve away from the parent then that has to be their choice. Strange that he ran away from the mental health institution and also then felt that his mother would not help. Its obvious that the institution had not supported him or his relationship with his family. This is a common experience of tge damage that state institutions do to natura and genetic relative family relationships when factors external to them could be causing stress. Perhaps the state or establishment wish to cover up the cause by blaming the individuals?
@DrPatriciaWorby Have genes correlated with poor Mental Health been identified in studies that eliminate external factors as a cause? If you can prove that only some genes become suicidal under certain stresses I would see your point. In fact you would also then have to take into consideration self-harming behaviour such as substance abuse and exclude factors such as not conforming to bullying and cultural factors that preclude seeking support. So that similar personality types or genetic types may behave differently in different cultures.
@DrPatriciaWorby I think there is more correlation between developmental age and trauma than genetic or personality disposition. Children who are taken away from their genetic patents before they finish adolescence rather than given support in the home have a higher corrolationveith anxiety disorders I believe. High cortisol or those in a fear state are more likely to committ self harm. Thats why the phrase what foes not kill you makes you stronger is stupid as if refers to people who have to disconnect their emotions, which in the long run is less functional. The people who say this have never experienced real trauma or ptsd. Probably they were denied their ice cream? Shame they lock up soldiers who are in ptsd rather than offer mh help.
@DrPatriciaWorby To conflate mental health issues ptsd and stresses and mental health illness is disingenuous. One is psychiatric the other is psychological. It could be a case of similar external factors playing on both. If Sinead was having to be critical of the Catholic church then logically she should never have returned to live in Southern Ireland where the majority are Catholic. There are plenty of Irish ex-pats and Irish ex-Catholic that she could have associated with instead. She was Irish. Unfortunately goose in the Catholic cult don't always behave religiously and would try and make Sinead feel like to her genetic family she was not welcome because some like to exclude 'non-Catholics'. They are very cult like.
I have just read an obituary for Sinead and its insulting, patriarchial, superficial and objectifying. She was a philosopher and an agent of social change for the better. Most of her life she advocated reconciliation and peace and she was often portrayed as and reacted to accusations of political conflict as a result of raising controversial issues. What males do is exploit and objectify women and those given sexual attention may mistake it for love. Its also not uncommon for religious males, (those who expect compliance and submission) to as a group patronise, undermine and gaslight women. Literally they slander women until they suffer so much stress and community bullying that they go mad. The women are complicit in using nonsense tenets of patriarchical religion to hypocritically undermine other women instead of unjudgementally or accurately addressing the problem such as support for single women such as LIFE organisation provides to some single women who found themselves facing unwanted abortion.
You are right that hasn't been reported yet... I was making an assumption as we know she had sent increasingly desperate text messages to friends and colleagues in the weeks and months leading up to this.
I have put in the description that we simply don't know. She was very despairing and so it's what most people thought.. I'm not being insensitive to speculate. It's interesting how so many people loved her after she's gone but she had so little support while she was here.
@@DrPatriciaWorby I think if you spoke to her family and friends you would find that they see this kind of speculation as insensitive, if not distasteful, certainly coming from a specialist in the field. Someone very close to me passed away in similar circumstances from natural causes and I found it sickening when several people suggested their death was caused by suicide or overdose when they knew absolutely nothing about what had happened.
@@droidus point taken. Sorry to hear about your friend. It was certainly not my intention. I recorded this not long after her death. I have left it exactly as I recorded it because I though even if it wasn't perfect it came from my heart.
Bonsoir , Aujourd'hui (fin aout 2023) comment pouvez-vous vous permettre de dire que cette personne se soit prétendue suicidée !!!!! La mort n'est pas suspecte et sauf erreur de ma part , nous ne savons pas la cause du décès . Vous nous refaites la vie de Sinead en quelques minutes,c'est votre droit et je le respectes !!!!.Je pense qu'elle était catholique comme l'est ses parents et une partie de sa famille et l’Irlande de cette époque,elle avait la foi . Vous critiquez.......Cordialement pour une éventuelle suite
you are right of course the death was not confirmed suicide - as I said in the video - we presume but we do not know. It could have been an accidental overdose. I do not presume to know what happened and sincerely hope she is at peace now. I agree the trauma of growing up Catholic in Ireland is a big part of the picture but as I am not Irish I cannot claim expert knowledge of that. Someone else needs to take on that story!. Thank you for your comment.
Shows that for women patriarchical religions as opposed to spirituality do not support and may undermine emotional stability and sense of individual identity. The absence of a father figure may not be relevant but childhood trauma seems to be. Psychosis caused by fear and inability to challenge and deal with it is associated with trauma but may not be caused by past trauma. Adults with no childhood trauma may also suffer ptsd shock, etc. Reoccurent fear states in addition to problems such as grief are a separate issue. Question is where did her rational mind go when she was in distress? A psychological interpretation of dealing with fear or exhaustion does not explain the physical disconnection between fear state or psychosis and rational reconciliation. Fear state needs to be reset before rational mind can be in control.. Why do such psychotic or hyper lucid events occur?
I agree with you community about religion. Fear is driven from the body in my opinion. So rationality goes out the window as cognitive brain is inhibited and survival brain takes over. And given that this is unconscious and associative may be driven by all sorts of triggers which are in themselves unconscious too. So people are not aware of what it is that causing the psychosis or irrational feelings only that they suddenly feel completely out of control. It's a very disabling condition. Having been abandoned by a father figure is the relevance here. Another mm her mother and herself. Two parents is not essential but when a child perceives the loss that is the trauma. Trauma is not what happens per se is is the meaning made of the event.
@DrPatriciaWorby She diid not lose the father figure but lived with both but being put into care at 13. Too much trauma. Rationality does not necessarily go out the window if someone is emotionally well but most experience too much stress sometimes.
@@MurmMurationHer father left them. Divorce wasn't allowed in Ireland back then so he couldn't take divorce but according to Sinéad (she tells this in interviews) the dad left. She loved him, cried after him and so her mom got mad at her and said she could live in the garden, which she did...(i somehow recall her telling her mom blaimed her for the dad leaving) I don't know how much the father was there for her. So he was an absent father it seems.
@captainbarbosa6567 I also did not know or follow her but was puzzled about the circumstances of her death and her post and later music, which I listened to afterwards. I was struck by the fact she was a feminist, single and has a passive aggressive sense of humour, which may have arisen with her frustration at being projected upon so pervasively and publicly for so many years. Life as an independent ex-Catholic, Irish or part Irish female is rife with isolation, exploitation and malignant racist defamation in spite of her success. The mortality rate is fairly high.
@captainbarbosa6567 neither of us know the circumstances of her childhood and she said she 'chose' to cut off her hair and sleep in the garden but I agree that could be a by-word for the consequences of declining to align herself with either side of her parents or with the expectations of feminity as a Catholic. Anglo and Irish Catholic females are not always but often very victimised by their parents whilst the male is exhaulted. Sometimes parents who abandon the children emotionally may also be physically present and abusive. The cases of unofficial adoption in the Catholic Church I think used to be frequent as its common for children not to look like their parents or to be rejected by them. She said that she went to live with her father for some time. If he or the mother had mental health problems then separation is a common thing to do. Its upsetting disturbing but better than violence especially if the child still has contact
You missed out her phase of Rastafarianism. You don’t know much about Sinead do you? You may know about trauma. You should not use her recent death to get clicks on your video. Not respectful
Thank you. I didn't know that you're right. I already said that I'm not an expert on Sinead but I had read and watched some of the obituaries but I wanted to highlight the effect of trauma and so that's what I did. It wasn't to get clicks but to use a recent example of someone who didn't 'deserve to die to highlight a common problem. I don't hide behind a pseudonym, I put my opinion out there to advance the understanding of mental health issues as you'll see if you looked at other videos on my channel. I often use celebrity examples because that's what people are reading about. But respect for her I definitely had..
She got the gist and is getting her point out about the correlation with childhood trauma and mental health issues. I think Sinead would be thrilled that it is being talked about as she always believed it should be, but I guess you don’t know much about Sinead either.
Thank you for stating what I’ve been feeling so deeply since Sinéad’s death. I was a huge fan of hers in the 80s and 90s, and didn’t realize why she resonated for me so powerfully. She had a VOICE!!! a beautiful, expressive, painful voice, but also a fierce voice in the face of patriarchy, Catholicism abnd in her words theocracy. I’ve noticed other women in my life who also had extreme ( complex ) PTSD, and the age of 50+ seems to be when their ability to cope and or transform that early pain gets much more difficult. I identify as also having childhood ptsd and I show all the nervous system issues as well. I’m very curious about the safe and sound technique. I appreciate somewhere to collectively share my own grief over Sinéad. The documentary made me wish I could have known her. Or given her a hug like someone else here said! Blessed be to all, may it harm none.
It's such a shame she had to leave us to allow a voice to middle-aged women struggling with their mental and physical health. But I wanted to share my thoughts that it's such a common problem that few people talk about and that there are solutions to. The Safe and sound technique is developed by Dr Stephen Porges and there around therapists you can look up on his website that offer it. It's not something you can just access. But I myself have tried it in a workshop he ran and it definitely had an effect. Think I put the link in the description but if not I'll make sure I add it!
When she was starting to post truly intense mood swings I wanted to wrap my arms around her like a child and tell her it was going to be ok. It was very clear she was a serious trauma victim. May she forever be at peace. This was a great discussion thank you
I'm so pleased you liked it... I was so moved by her loss I wanted to post something. And I agree that's what she so needed but few people were around who could truly do that for her.
🙏❤️🌹 rip sinead. Your heart is free now❤ i miss you very very much❤❤❤
She was every young rebellious girl's IDOL here in America with my friends growing up! She had BALLS! In her SHORT TIME she made a HUGE impression!
Sinead was a beautiful soul. She faced great adversity in her life here. She doesnt deserve to be antagonized in her death.
Agreed totally. May she rest in peace.
The Lion and the Cobra was her first album released in ‘87. Enormously well received three years before I do not want what I haven’t got worth the prince cover. She was so much more than that one cover.
Yes, thank you it's good to remember that she was producing great music before and after that one hit.
i think with her passing, many people discovered the deep affection they had for Sinéad. Like it was always there, but in the back of their minds. I personally felt guilty for paying more attention to her and her songs. As a person with trauma and mental illness, her death woke me up and I now try to pay more attention to the suffering of others and myself.
I'm incredibly grateful and happy that more attention is being given to childhood trauma and that there are genuine people offering real solutions to recover and hopefully heal from it.
But can we also take a moment to ask ourselves the big question: "What is so terribly wrong in our world that so many generations of children grow up in unsafe and loveless home situations?"
😢
A very good question indeed. Sadly we are as disconnected as we've ever been from nature, from joy, from all that sustains us. And trauma begets trauma sadly. Traumatised children grow up to be traumatised parents themselves. We have to hold onto the hope that healing is possible for everyone. I cannot prevent the trauma from occurring but I can hope to support those willing to heal.
Siinead was not someone I was familiar with until her passing. Actually never having seen her perform,and watched her perform Nothing Compares to You video on TH-cam. I was drawn in as a result and this past week felt deeply connected to her story / history on many levels. What resonated for me was her love for God, her mother, her son and her reverence for so many causes. Her spirt touched me in death rather than life and I feel a hole in my soul which I am observing. Thank you for this video. Her song, Thank you For Hearing Me, brought me to tears. I feel so sad about this as like you said this didn’t have to happen yet it’s clear trauma is a force to be reckoned with and for myself, my faith in the God of my understanding and abstaining from addictive behaviors and substances has helped greatly to stay present. God bless, I pray Sinead is in peace /stillness now. Thank you again for sharing your insight 🙏
Thank you for your comment. I imagine you are like a lot of people who hadn't heard of her til she died tragically early. She was a bit of a shero of mine in the 80's (yes I'm that old) and I've been to two gigs where she performed but in one of them she turned her back on the audience the whole time! I knew then she had mental health issues as it was quite clear she felt rejected in some way. I am glad for you that your faith in God helps you to abstain but there is another way and that is to heal the wound in the first place. Feeling safe in your body is something that we can practise! And with another person who holds us, it becomes possible to heal the underlying cause of addiction and anxiety. That's my message really.
@@DrPatriciaWorby Agree🙏🏻 Bringing attention to the inner body. Abstaining, first things first, tip of the iceberg, then becoming present to the insides/ Know Thyself🙏🏻❤️
The shaving of her head was an act of defiance. 🙏
that was the word I was looking for!!
Thank you for this observation of dear Sinead, she loved the Holy Spirit. That’s what she is now, did I say she was a saint or has become one. This is not a social media, rant or worshiping of another human being. She incurred so much. From what I have seen now in Red I was not a huge fan all the way through. But I remember when of course her hit came through. I won’t mention it because people are just talking about it like it’s the only thing she ever did that was good. But I was going through a terrible, terrible relationship. That song was therapy for me. I have the CD to this day. Now I’m discovering the unbelievable beauty of the other songs, especially traditional Irish songs that she sang. She was full of so much love that it spilled out from every poor and she exhausted her self, giving it in her own way and trying to get some of it back. And one sense like she said about her mom I am glad she has passed for only one reason she is with the people she loved her unborn children, her son, and perhaps in the afterlife let’s just hope against hope that there is a reconciliation, and she has showered with love from her mother that she never got. I’m an empath, so when I hear these things, and when I hear her voice, I can feel it all and I feel for her and anyone else who suffers this way. You are an angel of a therapist online this is wonderful. They everyone out there who’s trouble to reach out and keep reaching out as far as you can, it’s not necessary to take this example, but she was not even being contacted by her family. It was sad to see her beg for that that should not have happened. Like so many things in this world. We need to open our heirs, much more. And, of course, even more than that opened our hearts.❤
Valencia
Thank you for your comment. She was a very spiritual woman, true. So interesting to hear of how the song helped you through a difficult time. I am sure she was channeling her relationship with her mother when she recorded it. Hence the tears in the video which are spontaneous.. I am highly sensitive myself (though probably not an empath) - so it's very interesting to hear this about you. Songs, poems and art all move us very deeply don't they. We feel other's pain too. I feel I need to talk about the importance of feeling emotions and processing pain. That's what I help people to do..
Thank you! She was such a gift.
Thank you for uploading this video. Yes, there are tools and therapists to alleviate, however, what is missing are the financial resources ....so we're back on square one.
There are lots of ways of having trauma therapy for little cost. Self-help tools abound. But nothing quite replaces help from a therapist. And the problem is funding of course -mental health is the poor relation in health care. Woefully underfunded.
I lost my son nearly 4 years ago. I’ve suffered terribly anxiety every hour of every day. My daughter lost her son 21 years ago. She’s full of anxiety and has had cancer. I had a narcissist mother, still have but I have had to stop any connection. She has my sister as a flying monkey and two nieces. My dad died recently I didn’t find out when the funeral was. It’s a real knock on effect. I keep my circle very tight.
trauma travels down the generations if unaddressed. So sorry for your sadness and loss.
Thank you for this Dr Worby .Sinead was a truly remarkable and very troubled woman.Such heartbreak in her too short life.Yes,always looking for love and approval after such a terrible start in life.Her mum ebviously had traumatic issues too.She will be so missed I hope you get some peace now dear one.🙏
the more I read about her the more I have to admire. But sadly this isn't enough to change the outcome. She's gone and we're all poorer as a result. It raises all sorts of issue for me of how mental health is treated. So much stigma and suffering. I hope to help others so that they don't have to go through this.
Wasnt she given a radical hysterectomy without any hormone replacement? I'd say she was probably stronger than you gave her credit re her mother but that hysterectomy would have fucked her brain!! Poor woman!
Her sons passing would have been the nail
Very true. I only found that out later from her autobiography. I think she was incredibly strong just very traumatised and lacking true support. .
Your ear muscles are part of your vagus nerve.. that's interesting. Hence why sound can provoke ptsd, or conversely be healing, and why singing or reciting helps, or even speaking of good. Maybe religion is good for us, after all, in developing a stable, constant relationship, toning the nervous system regularly and maintaining community. Without it I think people seek community and solace in drugs, which makes us less free, less likely develop wisdom from adversity, no matter the depth of trauma. That which connects us all, can hold all that is us. Thank you for your take on this subject.
Yes indeed that are part of the cranial nerves (connected to the vagus nerve) so can be either triggering or healing. you'll be interested to see a diversity of opinion on religion here - some think it is the root of all evil and others a solace in times of need. I personally think it is how it is interpreted by man that is the problem . A spiritual faith is a good thing but how that plays out with power is another thing entirely.
Shame Sinead did not get the opportunity to find real help like you work with. Childhood trauma is so deep if not dealt with can cause problems throughout life. Sinead got "help from the wrong people. Who used her really. The great Dr Gabor Mate speaks clearly of trauma trauma in Childhood. Shame on the so called doctors she met when she was at her lowest. And on those who were to have cared for her son Shane while at hospital.
May they rest in peace ❤
Sadly I hear of this all the time. The system that is supposed to care is broken but there are answers out there. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
The problem is if you seek counselling in the UK you are almost certainly going to be offered CBT. I qualified as a Counsellor and although trained in different approaches to therapy CBT just doesn't work for everyone and is more succesful for addictive behaviours. I much prefer the person centred approach and I know this works really well for some people.
I once spent 15 minutes of a counselling session with a patient at a Group Practice Surgery just standing at the window looking out at the changing colours of the leaves in Autumn. It might sound very simple but this particular patient hadn't noticed any of the changing seasons for years such was her trauma. It was quite a cathartic moment and for this patient she found it therapeutic to re engage with the nature she enjoyed as a young child before she was horribly abused. This was 20 years ago and I still remember it.
That's a perfect example of getting someone back into their body - to sense the seasons, to notice things outside their own thoughts. We as a culture are encouraged to think and not feel. That's why I believe so many people are riddled with anxiety.😳
The death of Sinead O Connor hit so many people very deeply, on account of the fact that she had a platform on which to be heard, and spoke the truth, without caring how it would effect her. She gave a voice to abused people who had none.
This is a common trait of people who have experienced childhood abuse, an inner determination to find the truth, it’s why so many turn to religion or spirituality. The Catholic Church abuse scandal became news in the eighties/nineties, do people honestly think it only started then.
Clerical abuse has been going on for a long time, it left a lot of people extremely damaged, but back then it would be unheard of to speak of such things, these people went on to have families of their own, and in some cases abused their own children.
People treat people how they were treated, especially damaged people. The Catholic Church got away with causing an epidemic of abuse in Ireland. Do you think it has ended there, they are still at it, look at the amount of cases coming out in the U.S.
They have the same protocol in every country they set up in, if a priest is caught, move him to another parish, if he attracts too much attention, move him to a different part of the country, next step move him to a different country.
A continual cover up for what is probably the largest paedophile ring in the world.
I do not agree with your statement the parents are not to blame, in my case, my father abused me, it was blatantly obvious he was abused by the Catholic Church. My mother, who knew something was very wrong, sided with her husband. It was more important to protect her husband and play happy families, than the welfare of her child.
At my worse stage, as a child I would come home from school, go to my room and lock the door, stay there until the next morning, get up and go to school. I didn’t talk to anyone and stopped eating, a complete shutdown.
If the parents were not to blame who was?
I agree that when you've been abused you have to acknowledge the abuse and that parents are often complicit if not the perpetrators. I guess the point I'm making is that trauma begets trauma and damaged people damage people, particularly their children, and a lot of that in Ireland was institutional as you say from the Catholic church and its power.
I have to tread a very fine line between acknowledging this and yet not making parents feel universally guilty and shameful for things they wish they had done better. This applies more in non-abuse trauma than it does in your history I think. Clearly you were abandoned by your mother to the abuse of your father and that takes an awful lot of work to deal with in adulthood. I hope you are getting support for that. Thank you for engaging with me, it's such a rare thing on the internet these days that people will debate something without resorting to vitriol and shaming. I appreciate your comments hugely and I hope people reading this will recognise that there is healing, not only in forgiveness but in fully allowing blame first. A really good book I've read recently which concurs with this is 'The Tao of Fully Feeling' by Pete Walker. He puts this across so eloquently.
Thank you for your reply, I would have been grateful if my mother had abandoned me, instead I was the problem that could ruin their good family image, her answer was to turn on me as well. I have never received any help or therapy ever, but tried to counsel myself with books, which led me to spirituality. I must have done something right, as when she was dying I sat by her side for weeks, somehow I reasoned, she was the way she was because of him, I could never apply that concept to him.
I often think, if Sinead would have surrounded herself with kind and compassionate people, by living in a Thich Nhat Hanh monastery for five years, she could have learned how to suffer less.
Kindness goes a long way, yes. Suffering is healable in the right hands but of course not all of us find that right place.
Sinéad is the definition of being sent to an early grave
Very apt comment thank you. Yes being sent there by the programming your received as a child and the effect that has on your body. RIP.
I Heard She Shot Herself......
Perhaps Why We Say
And What Is Affirmed In Holy Bible
" The Good People Die First "
@@RADHIKAAAAA-n2q 1. Have some respect for her family ffs!! 2. Have some respect for the dead - You don't know how she died!!! 3. If you can't say anything respectful, then STFU!!!!
'To say what you feel is to dig your own grave' 😥
I have it too. The thoughts never leave me
I'm really sorry to hear that. If you want to do something about that find someone who does EMDR treatment. It's fast and effective for trauma. Or look into psychedelic therapy if that's available where you are.
There is no reason to be stuck anymore.
I totally understand all your points in this video and thank you for that but now it is time for someone making such videos to concentrate on Irish Women who have gone through horrible terror and yet faced and overcome the damage in order to break the generational pain and to be the Mother their children need , There are many , many women who quietly faced the pain while not destroying their own children. Too much fuss & very little responsibility never ends well .
You are right. But I wouldn't be the person to make that video as it would need to come from someone who has experienced that particular pain of disconnection. Perhaps you could?
I recently read through the posts as I did not follow Sinead before. I agree that the expressing emotions are key provided that they are not invalidated and are I also tempered with reason. It is healthy and rationalisation is often only a sticking plaster but anxiety sufferers say that chemical imbalances are the cause. May I point out that there is no evidence that Sinead caused her son's suicide.
1) He was in hospital from where he escaped when he committed suicide.
2) He could have been a victim of bullying. Being on an international scene rife wth political consequences is more stressful than living in a monocultural community or a peaceful secular community.
3) There is no evidence to suggest that Sinead transferred the parenting style of her parents onto her son, in fact she complained that one child had been put into care by his father when Sinead had a temporary stay in hospital for a minor op. That was beyond cruel to her and her child.
4) Her Mother was sadistic according to her but she had because if that moved into the garden to protest at the absence maybe in fear of his safety. But we don't know that he was not abusive to her Mother and she wanted to support her Mother.
5) Her brother is said be an academic writer yet she was sent to a work in a laundry before 16 despite obviously intelligent. Clearly there existed sexist discrimination.
Is this post an appologist for the Catholic church without addressing the effect of their dogma upon her mental health?
Sinead and her family were very successful in all respects until her unresolved health problems caused by grief for her son who was perhaps abused by a Catholic? mental health facility.
Its no good addressing psychological problems if the cause is physiological effect of societal bullying.
The Catholic church usually survives by a pact with the devil do that they do not criticise any established order even if it contradicts their teaching so long as it serves a purpose. See Italy during the 2nd wwar.
Its very easy to cast her as a weak person as soon as she has health problems when in fact she was a Joan of Arc figure, a tower of strength. She is also a model for single women who slashed a feminist path through a dominant make patriarchy.
I NEVER said that Sinead caused her son's suicide only that children of traumatised parents often do have more mental health issues. The chemical imbalance theory has been largely discredited as a cause of depression/anxiety. of course there are imbalances but they are, I believe as a response to lack of support and trauma with some genetic tendencies which are epigenetically switched on by those experiences.
@DrPatriciaWorby You seem to be in denial about the special relationship between a family including siblings and near relatives and child and that Sinead was the mother. A professional with only detached knowledge of a person is no substitute, while they can offer mental health and relationship advice. If a child feels that their mental health would improve away from the parent then that has to be their choice.
Strange that he ran away from the mental health institution and also then felt that his mother would not help.
Its obvious that the institution had not supported him or his relationship with his family.
This is a common experience of tge damage that state institutions do to natura and genetic relative family relationships when factors external to them could be causing stress. Perhaps the state or establishment wish to cover up the cause by blaming the individuals?
@DrPatriciaWorby Have genes correlated with poor Mental Health been identified in studies that eliminate external factors as a cause? If you can prove that only some genes become suicidal under certain stresses I would see your point. In fact you would also then have to take into consideration self-harming behaviour such as substance abuse and exclude factors such as not conforming to bullying and cultural factors that preclude seeking support. So that similar personality types or genetic types may behave differently in different cultures.
@DrPatriciaWorby I think there is more correlation between developmental age and trauma than genetic or personality disposition. Children who are taken away from their genetic patents before they finish adolescence rather than given support in the home have a higher corrolationveith anxiety disorders I believe. High cortisol or those in a fear state are more likely to committ self harm. Thats why the phrase what foes not kill you makes you stronger is stupid as if refers to people who have to disconnect their emotions, which in the long run is less functional. The people who say this have never experienced real trauma or ptsd. Probably they were denied their ice cream?
Shame they lock up soldiers who are in ptsd rather than offer mh help.
@DrPatriciaWorby To conflate mental health issues ptsd and stresses and mental health illness is disingenuous. One is psychiatric the other is psychological.
It could be a case of similar external factors playing on both. If Sinead was having to be critical of the Catholic church then logically she should never have returned to live in Southern Ireland where the majority are Catholic. There are plenty of Irish ex-pats and Irish ex-Catholic that she could have associated with instead. She was Irish.
Unfortunately goose in the Catholic cult don't always behave religiously and would try and make Sinead feel like to her genetic family she was not welcome because some like to exclude 'non-Catholics'. They are very cult like.
I have just read an obituary for Sinead and its insulting, patriarchial, superficial and objectifying. She was a philosopher and an agent of social change for the better. Most of her life she advocated reconciliation and peace and she was often portrayed as and reacted to accusations of political conflict as a result of raising controversial issues.
What males do is exploit and objectify women and those given sexual attention may mistake it for love.
Its also not uncommon for religious males, (those who expect compliance and submission) to as a group patronise, undermine and gaslight women. Literally they slander women until they suffer so much stress and community bullying that they go mad. The women are complicit in using nonsense tenets of patriarchical religion to hypocritically undermine other women instead of unjudgementally or accurately addressing the problem such as support for single women such as LIFE organisation provides to some single women who found themselves facing unwanted abortion.
She was also rastafari.
Yes I missed that I know... she tried many religions. thankyou for commenting
10:04 : “… and it wasn’t enough to prevent her taking her own life”… This is news!?!… Where was this reported?
You are right that hasn't been reported yet... I was making an assumption as we know she had sent increasingly desperate text messages to friends and colleagues in the weeks and months leading up to this.
@@DrPatriciaWorbyNo, I agree w you. It’s what always seems to accompany “was found unresponsive “… God bless her.
Has it being decided that it was suicide?????
I've not heard that. We don't know yet. it could have been an overdose of some kind. But most people I guess are assuming that.
May this is interesting: th-cam.com/video/2JmElf9AJRA/w-d-xo.html (Sinead O'Connor talks about Dr. Phil) as an example of what is not therapy.
wow thanks for posting that. Yes that's what happens when you're famous I guess. But I've heard of bad experiences here in the NHS too.
This is very helpful information thank you!
"I presume suicide". Thats a pretty big, and somewhat insensitive presumption to make without any evidence.
I have put in the description that we simply don't know. She was very despairing and so it's what most people thought.. I'm not being insensitive to speculate. It's interesting how so many people loved her after she's gone but she had so little support while she was here.
@@DrPatriciaWorby I think if you spoke to her family and friends you would find that they see this kind of speculation as insensitive, if not distasteful, certainly coming from a specialist in the field. Someone very close to me passed away in similar circumstances from natural causes and I found it sickening when several people suggested their death was caused by suicide or overdose when they knew absolutely nothing about what had happened.
@@droidus point taken. Sorry to hear about your friend. It was certainly not my intention. I recorded this not long after her death. I have left it exactly as I recorded it because I though even if it wasn't perfect it came from my heart.
Bonsoir , Aujourd'hui (fin aout 2023) comment pouvez-vous vous permettre de dire que cette personne se soit prétendue suicidée !!!!! La mort n'est pas suspecte et sauf erreur de ma part , nous ne savons pas la cause du décès . Vous nous refaites la vie de Sinead en quelques minutes,c'est votre droit et je le respectes !!!!.Je pense qu'elle était catholique comme l'est ses parents et une partie de sa famille et l’Irlande de cette époque,elle avait la foi . Vous critiquez.......Cordialement pour une éventuelle suite
you are right of course the death was not confirmed suicide - as I said in the video - we presume but we do not know. It could have been an accidental overdose. I do not presume to know what happened and sincerely hope she is at peace now. I agree the trauma of growing up Catholic in Ireland is a big part of the picture but as I am not Irish I cannot claim expert knowledge of that. Someone else needs to take on that story!. Thank you for your comment.
💙💞💙
Shows that for women patriarchical religions as opposed to spirituality do not support and may undermine emotional stability and sense of individual identity. The absence of a father figure may not be relevant but childhood trauma seems to be.
Psychosis caused by fear and inability to challenge and deal with it is associated with trauma but may not be caused by past trauma. Adults with no childhood trauma may also suffer ptsd shock, etc. Reoccurent fear states in addition to problems such as grief are a separate issue.
Question is where did her rational mind go when she was in distress?
A psychological interpretation of dealing with fear or exhaustion does not explain the physical disconnection between fear state or psychosis and rational reconciliation.
Fear state needs to be reset before rational mind can be in control..
Why do such psychotic or hyper lucid events occur?
I agree with you community about religion. Fear is driven from the body in my opinion. So rationality goes out the window as cognitive brain is inhibited and survival brain takes over. And given that this is unconscious and associative may be driven by all sorts of triggers which are in themselves unconscious too. So people are not aware of what it is that causing the psychosis or irrational feelings only that they suddenly feel completely out of control. It's a very disabling condition.
Having been abandoned by a father figure is the relevance here. Another mm her mother and herself. Two parents is not essential but when a child perceives the loss that is the trauma. Trauma is not what happens per se is is the meaning made of the event.
@DrPatriciaWorby She diid not lose the father figure but lived with both but being put into care at 13. Too much trauma. Rationality does not necessarily go out the window if someone is emotionally well but most experience too much stress sometimes.
@@MurmMurationHer father left them. Divorce wasn't allowed in Ireland back then so he couldn't take divorce but according to Sinéad (she tells this in interviews) the dad left. She loved him, cried after him and so her mom got mad at her and said she could live in the garden, which she did...(i somehow recall her telling her mom blaimed her for the dad leaving)
I don't know how much the father was there for her. So he was an absent father it seems.
@captainbarbosa6567 I also did not know or follow her but was puzzled about the circumstances of her death and her post and later music, which I listened to afterwards. I was struck by the fact she was a feminist, single and has a passive aggressive sense of humour, which may have arisen with her frustration at being projected upon so pervasively and publicly for so many years.
Life as an independent ex-Catholic, Irish or part Irish female is rife with isolation, exploitation and malignant racist defamation in spite of her success. The mortality rate is fairly high.
@captainbarbosa6567 neither of us know the circumstances of her childhood and she said she 'chose' to cut off her hair and sleep in the garden but I agree that could be a by-word for the consequences of declining to align herself with either side of her parents or with the expectations of feminity as a Catholic. Anglo and Irish Catholic females are not always but often very victimised by their parents whilst the male is exhaulted. Sometimes parents who abandon the children emotionally may also be physically present and abusive. The cases of unofficial adoption in the Catholic Church I think used to be frequent as its common for children not to look like their parents or to be rejected by them.
She said that she went to live with her father for some time. If he or the mother had mental health problems then separation is a common thing to do. Its upsetting disturbing but better than violence especially if the child still has contact
You missed out her phase of Rastafarianism. You don’t know much about Sinead do you? You may know about trauma. You should not use her recent death to get clicks on your video. Not respectful
Thank you. I didn't know that you're right. I already said that I'm not an expert on Sinead but I had read and watched some of the obituaries but I wanted to highlight the effect of trauma and so that's what I did. It wasn't to get clicks but to use a recent example of someone who didn't 'deserve to die to highlight a common problem. I don't hide behind a pseudonym, I put my opinion out there to advance the understanding of mental health issues as you'll see if you looked at other videos on my channel. I often use celebrity examples because that's what people are reading about. But respect for her I definitely had..
She got the gist and is getting her point out about the correlation with childhood trauma and mental health issues. I think Sinead would be thrilled that it is being talked about as she always believed it should be, but I guess you don’t know much about Sinead either.
Thank you for this sharing - so true about a collective grief