@Hybrid Vigour I think we are all the same lol, sure there are some specific obsticals that LGbTQ people face that cis couples don't, but arguments are often about the exact same thing. We are simple creatures lol, we like everything our way and that isn't always possible
Fr! I’m not even interested a romantic relationship, but I am a writer. So this is giving me great material for how I should develop conflict in couple in a healthy way if I write them!
That was a real lightbulb moment for me when she said that couples often fight because one or both of them feels like they have been making too many compromises and can't express it.
Yes! I've also heard that another huge reason behind couples' arguments is because they're fighting to be heard and understood, not fighting to be right.
@@Datasavingmode to have the amount of understanding and empathy she seems to have is certainly a gift, some therapists do not have these traits unfortunately
I completely agree!! Some people train for a specialty or discipline, and they might actually really like it and be very interested in it....but it's a WHOLE NOTHER THING to actually [almost] be made for that thing!! It is clear that this is this woman's vocation. She's extremely well suited to her profession; it is her own characteristics - her empathy and compassion namely - more than her training that make her so good. Any couple would be lucky to have her as their therapist.
Aye she’s one of the best for a reason. As a fellow psych major (not comparing myself at all to this wonderful person’s expertise, just pointing out how I’m also interested in the human psyche), the whole point of therapy is not to put blame on anyone. It’s dealing with the problem, not the person.
Yes! This was probably my favorite Break Down yet! The way she explains everything, plus her non judgmental, open attitude was just perfection. Her clients are lucky to have her, because she definitely seems like an amazing therapist ❤️
I think discussion about kids should happen with first date, unless you are really young, because there it’s the age that makes you not want to think of it.
You are never too young to learn about relationships and life and becoming more emotional intelligent and responsible. I wish I had seen this video even before having my first bf.
The thing she said about "don't go into a relationship with someone who doesn't want kids and think you can change them" is spot on. Too many times people sabotage the child free partner and force a pregnancy. It goea for both genders. If they say theu don't want kids, and you do, take an honest look at yourself to see if you can be OK with that, if not, move on. Forcing someone to ha e a kid they didn't want is selfish and hurts not only the other party, but the kid as well.
Goes both ways. Don't force someone who wants kids to not have them. I really think that kids are a deal breaker. It's a topic that you can't compromise on.
@@thatonedog819 I don't know if you watched the show but in the show that's why the man didn't want to marry her because he knows he could never give her children (because he doesn't want to)but she insisted. I agree that it does go both ways but I think in the situation he did not force her into the marriage or to not have kids. She came into it willingly knowing kids wasn't an option.
I love how optimistic she is in her assessments of these relationships. This is how I know that she's a great therapist because she isn't just analyzing the issues but very hopefully for reconciliation. She seems extremely caring about the individuals and their love
Its a little odd though, why is she seemingly focused on people staying together? Is that valued too much? Is it in preference to being single? Just strikes me as odd, especially the black and white clips, he gave no fucks and was cruel, why stick it out with a man like him? I don't see the value in that, just seems like self-injury.
@@skullsaintdead usually people go to couple therapy to reconcile and get on the same page, so it is her job sometimes to reconcile them if they are ok with it
@@naomssi1300 Yeah, that's a good take on her perspective, she's paid to reconcile people, not encourage them to be single. I wonder what psychiatrists/psychologists think of couples therapists, re: are they on the same page? Interesting to consider the different strategies and goals they might use.
You did everything EXCEPT talk to the person you had an issue with; I tell my husband all the time, “I can’t fix a problem if I don’t know there is one.”
The kid thing is SO important. I wanted kids and I wanted them very quickly after marriage. When I was dating, I told every guy I went out with on the first date. I saw no point in getting invested if they wanted different things. Why waste their time? Why waste my own?
my husband told me what he wanted on our first date, i was a little taken aback at first since it was our first date but in his defense he said, i just never felt like that with anyone else and you brought it out of me.
I agree totally, people always ask 'what about your husband?' when I say I don't want kids and I don't get it...why would I have married someone who wanted kids? if I really don't want kids??
Im probably too young to be considering this but if I ever wanted kids I’d rather adopt, in part because dang there’s a lot of parentless children out there and I want to bring them the same comfort and protection I feel with my parents, and also cause I’m deathly afraid of giving birth 💀 this whole discussion about kids has made me think differently about knowing the wants and goals of your partner in a relationship and how important it is to let your priorities also be known. I’m taking mental notes even tho I probably wont be in a relationship for years.
@@pokaay3163 adoption is a fantastic route to take! My husband and I are certified to do foster care and adoption and we’ve been involved with the foster care system in our state for a few years now. I’m currently pregnant with our last biological child and we are looking to bring in a foster child who will likely be placed for adoption soon!
Yeah it aways felt weird to me how there’s a common idea of “Oh NEVER talk about kids or marriage on the first date!” Like uh... why? If we are not compatible on such big topics, why hide it? Who is that helping?
1. I'm gonna say it. I am so happy to see a black therapist in one of these videos 2. I am sooooo glad she addressed the issues of consent and deception in Bridgerton. My biggest issue with Daphne's character. 3. Her hair is amazing.
Agreeed with all points!! I really hated how Bridgerton passed off what Daphne did, as if how she felt deceived redeemed it. I currently don’t recall if they did, but they really should’ve included her apologizing and making up for it.
@@Moonstar79 the script was bad yes but john david Washington did a good job with what he was given. i think its more just zendaya not fitting the character at all. like shes literary 24 why is she playing some married woman
It took a long time for me to realise that my husbands love language is acts of service. I always wondered why he wasn't all sweet words and constant cuddles because that's my way of showing love? While not noticing that he brings me things without me asking, takes out the rubbish and changes the bedsheets every time because he knows I hate those jobs, will send me upstairs to take a nap if it's it's weekend and he can see I'm all parent-ed out, etc.
This! I realised this AFTER we broke up despite the fact that he told me MULTIPLE times that he shows his love by doing things and not through words 🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️ I just refused to accept him like that and tried forcing him to change. Ah well
As long as they don’t mind my love language that’s fine. I’m very physical. Headbutts, hugs, etc. little brushed against you. Funnily enough I don’t like other people initiating contact with me.
Me, studying in university to be a therapist, hearing all the concepts I've learned about applied to real examples: Hm, interesting Me, a Black woman: *analyzing that exquisite braid-out*
Ok so in the catholic church you have to lmao. Like you have a few sessions with your priest (and at least at mine a therapist.) It's to like, prepare you for married life. And to like see if you're ready for that.
@@Serpico_Digg hmm, leads me to wonder the qualifications of a priest to act as a couples therapist. Just doesn’t seem like giving sermons and giving couples counseling are that similar, and they might end up projecting their own biases onto the couple. Does your priest just have special training in that area?
The main thing this nearly 40 minutes has confirmed for me: *communication is key.* It’s added: that doesn’t _just_ boil down to interacting, talking. It means doing all of that and more, sure, but doing it effectively. Something I saw in a cartoon the other day said that sustained relationships are something that has to be mutually worked on, and I don’t think it’s emphasized enough.
If anything I'd say that divorce rates going up probably points to people having healthier relationships since they arnt forcing themselves to stay in a relationship they aren't happy in.
communication is key but understanding is the door. you can communicate all you want, but if your partner doesn’t have the open mind to understand, nothing changes
about Bridgerton: it has to be taken into account that he didn’t say he wanted children, he said he was infertile. in 1815 having children was mandatory knowing that he had lied to something so important to her and that he knew it was important, it was a huge betrayal for her
@@mariaclaracamelo even if he was fertile, he clearly did not want children. He told her multiple times that he could not marry her because he could not ‘provide’ children but then... yeah
@@JessicaPereira-sv8yq Cannot and want not are two differents things. If he clearly say I don't want children maybe she would take a few step back to reevaluate hers options. But he clearly confused her and lied to her.
I like how she discusses jealousy. Too many people only see jealousy as just a negative thing, but it can tell us a lot about ourselves and another person.
I felt so bad for him in that moment. It was really violating. Yes, he took advantage of naivety and that wasn't cool, but there's no excuse for how she handled it.
@@AC-ze1nh I believed him when he said, he didn't get, she didn't know how babies were made. Can't and Won't are often used interchangeably. His Mistake was a misunderstanding, her mistake was assault in my opinion.
You can't even imagine how much TH-cam I watch for learning how to write better, being a super antisocial introvert, it makes me aware of everything I ignore
And SIMILARIRTIES. I have always hated the belief that polar opposite attracts or balance each other which is scientifically not true and uncommon. You need to have at least two things in common.
In Bridgertone I felt extremely uncomfortable when she forced him to make her conceive, he clearly didn't consent and when consent is withdrawn it's literally r@pe, but I don't know if I am the only one who felt like this, even though I understand the character's motivation it upset me how they watered down the consequences of what she did
What consequences? That she got literally everything she wanted without acknowledging any wrongdoing? And who was she to decide how valid his motivation was?? The whole scenario was ridiculous & I strongly dislike Daphne.
@@4pensword4 no, that he stopped trusting her for like a week and then afterwards everything was roses and laughs which is ridiculous, and I agree with the rest of what you said
@@zareenatheasimone3945 exactly!!!! Having characters do horrible things is alright, but what’s not alright is the fact that she faces zero consequences. She never admits or realized she did the wrong thing. We are supposed to side with her and not mind. It’s crazy
I would have loved to see her analyze Jim and Pam arguments for season 9 of the office. Because I think that storyline is something so many people go through and don't fully know what to do.
if you liked this you should follow her channel. Love it! I've been a subscriber since day one! She's the best. And always breaks it down in a way everyone can understand.
I thoroughly enjoyed this, but in my opinion the scene in Bridgerton where she said "she would never withhold information of such importance" that wasn't a "I care about you" that was a "unlike YOU, I would never withhold information of such importance". She just jabbed at him being dishonest.
@@exia4203 yes he was dishonest. ‘I don’t want children’ or ‘it is my personal choice to not have children’ is VERY different to ‘I can’t have children’. people often use ‘can’t’ when referring to infertility. he lied. and I agree with the therapist in the video that they’re both wrong
Some of the "best" fights with my husband were resolved after he went to sleep and I sent a text message where I was able to actually communicate what I needed in a way that worked. And the next morning he'd read it and we didn't even have to talk anymore, it's like he just got it.
I've had to do this so many times too! Maybe it's just the way that women communicate. In the moment I can't come up with the right way to say it because emotions are high. So after I've calmed down I'm able to finally say what I needed to and texts are so much easier. My fiance will then call me after so we can resolve it completely. It totally works!
This is exactly why I try to walk away when I'm angry. If I try to talk immediately, I end up saying super mean and hurtful or even stupid and nonsensical things that I don't even mean. It just makes the argument worse.
Seriously. She touched on two major issues I have with my relationship and helped me make some break throughs as to why I may be feeling a certain way - helped me to verbalize what I want to say. In one TH-cam video 🤯
0:39 Marriage Story (2019) 7:42 Bridgerton (2020) 15:21 The Office (2008) 20:36 Euphoria (2019) 27:17 Malcom and Marie (2021) 34:48 Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
Her point about using "I" statements instead of "You" statements and telling people how they feel is THE single most important thing if I could tell people only one thing on how to improve relationships with anyone to be honest. I'm still working on it with people I blow up on and with sometimes, it can be hard but it's absolutely crucial and so helpful to do it for others and have it done for you as well, just not having someone tell you how you feel.
I think some scenes were a little over the top but, I thought that scene was phenomenal. A lot of energy and a lot; and i mean a lot, of bitterness between the two characters. I really haven't been Scarlet Johansson play that type of character though. More of the cool and collected and less a cold woman in a bitter marriage. It was refreshing. Seeing Kalo Ren anger again was still dope.
Because Malcolm pushed the argument and didn’t care about Marie’s pain or feelings.... but she repeatedly gave him opportunities to let the argument calm down, but he would disengage, go on a tangent, or resort to very low blows. And it’s revealed that he has a pattern of behaving this way, with a vulnerable person he’s exploited for his “art”.
@@zendayasfruityfrenchfry1784 idk I think it was because they’re both so young so sometimes it’s hard to express your feelings. Which explains a lot of the arguing. I personally love them together and I mean the chemistry between them is kinda hard to ignore. I hope she’s not having a kid tho lol
exactly I was so confused after they got married and were fighting all the time like they didn't like each other or something. When they weren't married they actually acted like they wanted to be around each other and it was really cute because you could totally tell that they were best friends falling in love with each other. But when they got married all their chemistry literally just fizzled into dust.
That scene with Adam Driver always gets to me because it's so painfully emotional. Having gone through similar arguments in a previous relationship, I can relate to it all too well.
One of the issues I had with my ex-boyfriend is whenever we had an argument, it would take me time to process what I was upset about, word it properly in my head, and then respond. I would always try to craft my response without invalidating what he was feeling because sometimes I was in the wrong, or was trying to understand how he felt and explain my feelings. He HATED it because I would just be tense and it would take me 2-3 minutes of trying to think of what to say while he immediately knew what to say. I knew that if I rushed it I wouldn't be able to say how I felt things properly, or I'd end up saying something that hurt him. When she said that it's always important to give the person time in a fight or argument when there is an issue, I was like THANK GOD it's not just me.
right! sooo refreshing it's not just you! granted your 2-3 minutes of wait time is my 1 day depending on the issue..im working on it. this video is so amazing & helpful!!!
My partner is good about letting me have a day or two of being angry and quiet while I'm sorting out my feelings. Which is really nice and part of the reason we've been together for so long. I need that time to sort out and communicate my feelings without being defensive or hurtful.
I do the same and for the exact same reason. My beau thinks I'm walking away or avoiding. No, I just need time to process. My beau take everything I say so literal that I need that time and mental space. Then he puts words in my mouth or tells me how I'm feeling like the clip in Malcom and Marie. The struggle of loving someone is REAL!
That's literally me too, it's heartbreaking when your partner takes no time and says the cruelest things to you and then apologizes because they didn't mean it, they're able to reel back quickly but I'm here sitting and thinking about it for 10 more days
Wow. I’ve never seen Malcolm and Marie but that was heartbreaking. Marie was barring her soul and his response was so cold and uncaring. That hurt to watch.
Very few movies have touched me the way Marriage Story did. The scene when he shouts "every day I wake up and I hope you're dead!" shook me to my very core.
6:55 this is such a nuanced and intellectual point to make about the fact that divorce rates are going up. it’s not necessarily that people are more unhappy later in life, it also has to do with changing societal norms, gender expectations, and more resources and familial support. she made a lot of great points since she’s obv very well-researched and professional but this one really stood out to me!!
It made me so happy to hear her say that. I'm so tired of people attributing previous generations having longer marriages because of effort and genuine love when in reality it has more to do with women having had less options and basically being forced to be dependent on their male partner. Just because a relationship lasted for decades, it doesn't necessarily equate to lasting love. Sometimes women felt like they had no other option 🤷♀️
@@Mochuslatte Yes!…but remember that norms meant that BOTH women & men experienced not being able to leave miserable marriages. (Worse for women financially obviously) My uncle’s marriage ended because his wife had an affair. My grandad stated that if it had been his beloved son had been the one to cheat (on his wife AND children) he would, “HAVE to disown him!”!! (That was only the 1970’s!)
I think everyone should go to counseling prior to getting married. There you may become aware of a reasonable way to communicate with your partner that will help before you make that kind of commitment
I’m soo glad she highlighted the Bridgerton issue with Daphne violating Simon’s consent. If it was the other way around and Simon violated her consent there would have been a massive uproar. Just because Daphne is a beautiful character that doesn’t mean she can get away with it. I hope Season 2 is better in multiple ways!
I hope so too. She faced zero consequences, I don’t even think she ever truly realized that she was in the wrong. The fact that they ended up happy is not a “redemption arc”
This is an incredibly nuanced scenario where people keep seeing it as right and wrong. 1. He knowingly violated her trust and took advantage of her 2. He lied saying can vs won’t relying on her ignorance (which is covered in point 1). 3. Bc of these violations she sought revenge on him 4. She violated his trust through revenge 5. Neither of them were communicating and only considering what they wanted through manipulation 6. Consent between married couples is still an incredibly new thing in the eyes of the law. In many countries it’s still not legal. It’s never been right, but it is important because taking into legal action draws more eyes to the topic and opens conversations about what is consent btwn a couple. This fictional show takes place over 200 yrs ago. 7. Ignorance of an act is a very real sticking point here. If it wouldn’t have been considered assault m-to-w then it wouldn’t have m-to-w. Yes, today’s lens it was assault. But also with today’s lens there’s forms of bc and she would have known how pregnancy happens. So you have to look at the picture as a whole. They BOTH physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated one another. They are both in the wrong here.
You bringing up the different style of approaching conflict made me feel so much better about myself. In my life, I only ever have arguments with my brothers, he’s my one constant source of conflict. He’s told me over and over again that whatever we’re feeling in an argument, we need to talk it out now, or else we’ll bottle it up and it’ll be worse later on, and I hate how he forces me to talk about it. You bringing up how some people need time to process, and even how if you force the conversation to happen, they could shut down, that’s exactly what happens to me. Whenever he and I have those conflicts, and he forces me to talk it out, I begin to shut down and it only makes him more mad and everything gets worse. Hearing a therapist talk about how the way I handle conflict is real, and that I’m not just being difficult, makes me feel so much better about myself, that I’m not the problem. I’ll have to talk to him about it
My husband and I once tried the "silent" treatment thing... then we both realized that it was more of a reward... so now we do the... discuss the issue, repeat what the other said then a rebuttal, repeat. We get so tired of talking that we fix the issue super quick now.
i’m glad she clarified “not including weight” when speaking on grooming and personal upkeep 🥺 i go through random depressive episode that last about a month where i gain some weight and it makes me so self conscious. my partner says he thinks i’m beautiful no matter my physique but i don’t feel desirable or deserving of that appreciation when i’m going through it.
I love the part about the honeymoon stage not ending because my partner and I have been together for almost 3 years and still constantly tell each other we love each other no I love you more type of stuff. People kept telling us after a couple months we'd stop doing that but surprisingly that didn't happen lol
Me and my fiance have been together 7 years we say I love you everyday and kiss each other goodbye every time one leaves even if it's just to the store 🥰
This. 5 years in counting and we are still in this honeymoon state. & honestly I don't even call it honeymoon this is just who we are with each other. I know the 1st 3 years was utter bliss though.
I agree ☝🏾 Me and my boyfriend are wicked affectionate. All our texts, phone calls and interactions are cute and cuddly 🥰 lol. I couldn’t imagine it any other way. We love to hold hands, give kisses and always complimenting one another.
So many relationships end horribly simple due to lack of communication! Marriage Story made me so sad because they most likely could have worked it out if they had talked more about how they felt rather than shut each other out.
12:25 as someone who has struggled with building a relationship with their mom for all of my 18 years of life, this factor of taking breaks during arguments to say "I love you" or "I'm listening and trying to understand," has made all the difference in our relationship. It eases the tension and lets the other know that their feelings are valued. Lovely video!
I’m always so much better having serious discussions by text because I can stop and think about what’s been said, face to face it’s like I can’t think and just stay quiet
It's so interesting how we all experience different things in relationships. I've often found that it's too easy for partners to read a tone in text and then run with it.
@Christian Gormley I have had serious conversations face to face and by text. Texting has its drawbacks, sure, but what I mean is that it allows me to express myself better because otherwise in person I just freeze and can’t think properly, and stay quiet, or word things the wrong way. Through text that doesn’t happen and i can say better what I mean.
@Christian Gormley that’s what I meant! I know it’s not the case for most people, but one shouldn’t be as absolutist in saying it’s the worst form of communication
@Vale, I would encourage you to use the safety of writing to your advantage. Before a serious conversation, try writing down what you want to say and what’s important to address. I did this for YEARS because I felt so uncomfortable with serious face-to-face discussions. I even brought my notes with me sometimes, if I thought the conversation might be tense. It’s been proven that communicating through technology creates a false sense of intimacy and can make it harder for us to get past our discomfort with in-person communication. Like any skill, it takes practice. But your clear self-awareness means you’re already ahead of the game and probably a way better communicator than you think you are! 🙂
I do fine with face-to-face conversation, but I still need the person I'm speaking to to give me a few moments to process what they said and gather my thoughts. I hate when I'm quiet after they say something and they immediately jump to accusing me of ignoring them or something.
I really like the fact that you spoke about allowing your partner to process their feelings. I do this, and in so many relationships, people try to get me to have the conversation in the here and now because they assume I'm avoiding the issue.
I’m thinking she would probably say they should have negotiated the terms of their break in advance, so they didn’t have conflicting expectations. And they definitely should have talked about it and worked through it at some point after, so “we were on a BREAK!” didn’t constantly come up every time they fought.
I have been married for 17 years now. Our relationship started off with a rocky start. Teen pregnancy, 3 years apart, and it took close to 10 years of our married to hone our communication. 17 years and 4 beautiful children, we are happier than we have been so far.
I only disagree with one part. I think when she said “I wouldn’t dream of hiding that information” in bridgerton, I think she was saying “I wouldn’t hide important information... unlike you”. It was more a slap in the face rather than being communicative
@Matthew I actually do have my degree in psychology. Nice try though. Also even if I didn’t, I’m still allowed to have an opinion (and it’s apparently an opinion that plenty of people seem to agree with me on so)
I love how Stephanie breaks the scenes down in real time, it’d be amazing to have her in every rom com “behind the scenes” to tear down the fantasies that rom coms perpetuate
There is also a yt-channel called "cinema therapy". If you want to see more on how a therapist reacts to a movie, you can go there to see even more. :D Btw, love the idea. I already learned so much through that.
i love the way she describes what an argument should end up in a healthy relationship, because a healthy relationship comes with arguments but it’s the way you approach the argument/disagreement, i’ve learned so much, and now i know that disagreements are normal and healthy
"if you're trying to win the argument, you both already lost" something we should all remember
lawyers 👁👄👁
@@finnbirkeland128 haha, well, I mean, except one that case
It reminds me of the statement “a discussion with your partner should never be you vs your partner, it should be you and your partner vs the problem.”
@Hybrid Vigour I think we are all the same lol, sure there are some specific obsticals that LGbTQ people face that cis couples don't, but arguments are often about the exact same thing. We are simple creatures lol, we like everything our way and that isn't always possible
I like to say if you want to know the quickest and easiest way to end an argument, it only takes 4 words: You're right. I'm sorry.
this was like a free therapy session..
Haha it really was.
Fr! I’m not even interested a romantic relationship, but I am a writer. So this is giving me great material for how I should develop conflict in couple in a healthy way if I write them!
For reals
truly
SERIOUSLY!! ❤️
The actors are so good at acting that an actual therapist understand not only their words but also their facials and body language.
Duh that’s the point
I was thinking this too 😍
yes! but he credit also goes to the writers who thought of a scene and dialogue that would allow that!
when the actor is good at acting 😳😳😵😵😱😱😱😱
Facials
That was a real lightbulb moment for me when she said that couples often fight because one or both of them feels like they have been making too many compromises and can't express it.
It was really powerful
Same
Yes! I've also heard that another huge reason behind couples' arguments is because they're fighting to be heard and understood, not fighting to be right.
correct. mde me look at my own current situation and wonder about certain things
🙌🏻
Now let's get a family therapist reviewing family squabbles.
It was amazing but wow they were crazy
Pleaaaase
Cinema therapy did something similar when they reacted to knives out
We need one for shameless
Yasss yass yasss to this 😍
What a gift to be this emotionally intelligent. I know she’s a professional, but there is so much talent behind her training.
it's not a gift, if you go to therapy you can learn it
@@Datasavingmode It kinda is, some therapists are way better than other ones
@@Datasavingmode to have the amount of understanding and empathy she seems to have is certainly a gift, some therapists do not have these traits unfortunately
I completely agree!! Some people train for a specialty or discipline, and they might actually really like it and be very interested in it....but it's a WHOLE NOTHER THING to actually [almost] be made for that thing!! It is clear that this is this woman's vocation. She's extremely well suited to her profession; it is her own characteristics - her empathy and compassion namely - more than her training that make her so good. Any couple would be lucky to have her as their therapist.
fr and to be able to articulate it in this way
One of these videos should be like: "a child therapist reacts to bullying in movies" or something like that
Do you mean play therapist?
@@ritav793 what is a play therapist?!?!
Yes please
th-cam.com/video/cVcPVn5Cwzg/w-d-xo.html
ooooh that would be a good one
I noticed how she didn't point fingers and say he was wrong or she was wrong, but rather a collective responsibility
EA
Aye she’s one of the best for a reason. As a fellow psych major (not comparing myself at all to this wonderful person’s expertise, just pointing out how I’m also interested in the human psyche), the whole point of therapy is not to put blame on anyone. It’s dealing with the problem, not the person.
Yes! This was probably my favorite Break Down yet! The way she explains everything, plus her non judgmental, open attitude was just perfection. Her clients are lucky to have her, because she definitely seems like an amazing therapist ❤️
That’s usually what it is in a healthy relationship. Usually argumente going on have to do with both people. Again, healthy relationship
but sometimes people are wrong
“don’t get with someone who has said they don’t want kids with the expectation you can change them” i’m looking at you owen hunt.
BYE YES
BAHAHAHHAHA FR
The most tragic element of his character arc!!
I think discussion about kids should happen with first date, unless you are really young, because there it’s the age that makes you not want to think of it.
RIGHT?! I spent both those seasons yelling that at the tv screen 😆
me, a single 16 year old girl, taking notes to save my marriage 📖✍️👁👄👁
what about 13 years old
You are never too young to learn about relationships and life and becoming more emotional intelligent and responsible. I wish I had seen this video even before having my first bf.
@@capsulamental same
Okay same, me at 17.
I can see this as a good way to understand regular relationships as well, with family or friends (when applicable)
The thing she said about "don't go into a relationship with someone who doesn't want kids and think you can change them" is spot on. Too many times people sabotage the child free partner and force a pregnancy. It goea for both genders. If they say theu don't want kids, and you do, take an honest look at yourself to see if you can be OK with that, if not, move on. Forcing someone to ha e a kid they didn't want is selfish and hurts not only the other party, but the kid as well.
Goes both ways. Don't force someone who wants kids to not have them. I really think that kids are a deal breaker. It's a topic that you can't compromise on.
@@thatonedog819 for sure
So many children suffer because they are brought into this world under these type of circumstances
@@thatonedog819 I don't know if you watched the show but in the show that's why the man didn't want to marry her because he knows he could never give her children (because he doesn't want to)but she insisted. I agree that it does go both ways but I think in the situation he did not force her into the marriage or to not have kids. She came into it willingly knowing kids wasn't an option.
@@jojoc8229 yeah exactly, she forces HIM to have children!
Some of the things she said are so obvious but most people forget about them once they're in an actual relationship.
Uh-huh
Yup. Bc they’re scared to be alone n afraid to try again
I love how optimistic she is in her assessments of these relationships. This is how I know that she's a great therapist because she isn't just analyzing the issues but very hopefully for reconciliation. She seems extremely caring about the individuals and their love
her voice is very soothing aswell
Its a little odd though, why is she seemingly focused on people staying together? Is that valued too much? Is it in preference to being single? Just strikes me as odd, especially the black and white clips, he gave no fucks and was cruel, why stick it out with a man like him? I don't see the value in that, just seems like self-injury.
@@skullsaintdead usually people go to couple therapy to reconcile and get on the same page, so it is her job sometimes to reconcile them if they are ok with it
@@naomssi1300 Yeah, that's a good take on her perspective, she's paid to reconcile people, not encourage them to be single. I wonder what psychiatrists/psychologists think of couples therapists, re: are they on the same page? Interesting to consider the different strategies and goals they might use.
@@letmesleep6056 she actually seems like a terrible therapist. Sometimes people have to walk away and it’s not about all staying together.
This woman’s mind is gold. Like wow how impressive
A great therapist is such a gift to the world.
Yes!
@@linden5165 absolutely!
@sunoomintchoco Like seriously, I have no clue what they are trying to prove/say
You did everything EXCEPT talk to the person you had an issue with;
I tell my husband all the time, “I can’t fix a problem if I don’t know there is one.”
Ooh uhh…mind if I steal that quote for the foreseeable future? 👉👈
@@isabellathomas1314 With pleasure ! Use it in good health.
I have the same issue with mine…
You seem dont know your husband well enough then lol
@@beaub9098 You're immature. :)
The kid thing is SO important. I wanted kids and I wanted them very quickly after marriage. When I was dating, I told every guy I went out with on the first date. I saw no point in getting invested if they wanted different things. Why waste their time? Why waste my own?
my husband told me what he wanted on our first date, i was a little taken aback at first since it was our first date but in his defense he said, i just never felt like that with anyone else and you brought it out of me.
I agree totally, people always ask 'what about your husband?' when I say I don't want kids and I don't get it...why would I have married someone who wanted kids? if I really don't want kids??
Im probably too young to be considering this but if I ever wanted kids I’d rather adopt, in part because dang there’s a lot of parentless children out there and I want to bring them the same comfort and protection I feel with my parents, and also cause I’m deathly afraid of giving birth 💀 this whole discussion about kids has made me think differently about knowing the wants and goals of your partner in a relationship and how important it is to let your priorities also be known. I’m taking mental notes even tho I probably wont be in a relationship for years.
@@pokaay3163 adoption is a fantastic route to take! My husband and I are certified to do foster care and adoption and we’ve been involved with the foster care system in our state for a few years now. I’m currently pregnant with our last biological child and we are looking to bring in a foster child who will likely be placed for adoption soon!
Yeah it aways felt weird to me how there’s a common idea of “Oh NEVER talk about kids or marriage on the first date!” Like uh... why? If we are not compatible on such big topics, why hide it? Who is that helping?
1. I'm gonna say it. I am so happy to see a black therapist in one of these videos
2. I am sooooo glad she addressed the issues of consent and deception in Bridgerton. My biggest issue with Daphne's character.
3. Her hair is amazing.
1. I didn't notice and didn't care. People are people
Agreeed with all points!! I really hated how Bridgerton passed off what Daphne did, as if how she felt deceived redeemed it. I currently don’t recall if they did, but they really should’ve included her apologizing and making up for it.
@@adrianl7147 are you blind then? Because you definitely noticed that this woman is black. And if you don’t care...keep scrolling.
@@ninaa683 Perhaps I was too subtle. The original poster's comments are superficial--what counts is Stephanie's insight, not her hair or skin color.
@@adrianl7147 so are you saying that positive representation is unimportant?
The main things I learned:
-Talk it out
-Zendaya can do it all
she was really bad in that movie lmaoo
@@imsadlol4528 I blame the script, not the actress
@@Moonstar79 the script was bad yes but john david Washington did a good job with what he was given. i think its more just zendaya not fitting the character at all. like shes literary 24 why is she playing some married woman
@@imsadlol4528 I suppose that’s true. She was great in Euphoria though, which is a more fitting role for her
@@imsadlol4528 Zendaya did great in the film & many critics agree she deserved a best actress nomination
I hope they paid her well. This woman’s about to get GQ A LOT of subscribers!
That part
I just subscribed!
Deadass. I love watching these videos and just subscribed after finishing the vid
Make sure you check out her channel as well! She has a bunch of helpful videos for couples, families, etc. th-cam.com/users/StephAnya
@@NDObeats OMG Thank you!!! It's a shame GQ didn't promote her youtube channel in any of these videos
"I tried everything except telling you what was bothering me." TRUTH
Bs she made it known.
I mean considering what I’ve seen men do when women are honest and open…. Yeah I’d want other things to try first.
This woman is a great therapist. But on a separate note, I can’t help but notice how much she glows! And her eyeshadow compliments her so nicely
I couldn’t disagree more. I think whoever chose that shade for her is an absolute moron. They’re doing her a complete disservice.
She’s an amazing women. Both inside and out.
Yes !!😮
I love how sincerely and simply she puts things across. No jargon, no superior tone. She's lovely! And absolutely dreamy hair.
This is exactly HOW a therapist should be.
Bring 👏🏾 her 👏🏾 back 👏🏾 Bring her back!!
I love her analysis! It actually made me appreciate the films more
She has a youtube channel!
Yesss
She’s back!!
@@kesavvzD you are the GOAT for coming here to tell me this ❣️ thank you
It took a long time for me to realise that my husbands love language is acts of service. I always wondered why he wasn't all sweet words and constant cuddles because that's my way of showing love? While not noticing that he brings me things without me asking, takes out the rubbish and changes the bedsheets every time because he knows I hate those jobs, will send me upstairs to take a nap if it's it's weekend and he can see I'm all parent-ed out, etc.
Same 💖
This is my love language too. I appreciate it so much when my significant other makes my life easier in any way
This! I realised this AFTER we broke up despite the fact that he told me MULTIPLE times that he shows his love by doing things and not through words 🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️ I just refused to accept him like that and tried forcing him to change. Ah well
@@cutefifsta I'm sorry
As long as they don’t mind my love language that’s fine. I’m very physical. Headbutts, hugs, etc. little brushed against you.
Funnily enough I don’t like other people initiating contact with me.
Me, studying in university to be a therapist, hearing all the concepts I've learned about applied to real examples: Hm, interesting
Me, a Black woman: *analyzing that exquisite braid-out*
Yessss! I was listening, but I was also staring at her hair the whole time. So so gorgeous and healthy.
LMFAO YES I AM SO MESMERIZED BY HER BRAID OUT
Lol yes I was looking at her implacable hair this whole time
Yeahh that braid out😍
Not even a black woman but I have also been mesmerized by her hair all video 😍 it really does look so amazing. My hair could never.
Couples therapy before marriage would prevent alot of issues!
My husband and I did this. “Pre-marital counseling,” it was called. It was incredibly helpful.
In an ideal world!
Ok so in the catholic church you have to lmao. Like you have a few sessions with your priest (and at least at mine a therapist.) It's to like, prepare you for married life. And to like see if you're ready for that.
@@Serpico_Digg hmm, leads me to wonder the qualifications of a priest to act as a couples therapist. Just doesn’t seem like giving sermons and giving couples counseling are that similar, and they might end up projecting their own biases onto the couple. Does your priest just have special training in that area?
my church requires it, pre-marriage.
SHE IS SPITTIN'!!!
omg hi Jade! love your videos 🧡
Chill
for real for real
specially on how people use the word toxic and how people love just pointing fingers.
You are a stereotype
I'm bout to be such a better boyfriend after watching this.
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
gl to your relationship, your partner’s lucky to have someone who would do this for them!
We love to see it
I love this for you
What a mad lad 👏
bless this woman.
You should follow her channel, Steph Anya. I've been a subscriber since day one! She's really good.
@@rmy_TH-cam she has a channel?! thanks for letting me know, i'm on my way over to subscribe now! 😍
@@zoerphl Yes Girl! It's fairly new but really good. Just search: Steph Anya
The main thing this nearly 40 minutes has confirmed for me: *communication is key.*
It’s added: that doesn’t _just_ boil down to interacting, talking. It means doing all of that and more, sure, but doing it effectively. Something I saw in a cartoon the other day said that sustained relationships are something that has to be mutually worked on, and I don’t think it’s emphasized enough.
If anything I'd say that divorce rates going up probably points to people having healthier relationships since they arnt forcing themselves to stay in a relationship they aren't happy in.
I'm the 600th like! Woo!
communication is key but understanding is the door. you can communicate all you want, but if your partner doesn’t have the open mind to understand, nothing changes
0:39 Marriage Story
7:42 Bridgerton
15:21 The office
20:36 Euphoria
27:17 Malcom and Marie
34:48 Forgetting Sarah Marshall
about Bridgerton: it has to be taken into account that he didn’t say he wanted children, he said he was infertile. in 1815 having children was mandatory
knowing that he had lied to something so important to her and that he knew it was important, it was a huge betrayal for her
Thank you
@@mariaclaracamelo even if he was fertile, he clearly did not want children. He told her multiple times that he could not marry her because he could not ‘provide’ children but then... yeah
thank you 🙏🏽
@@JessicaPereira-sv8yq Cannot and want not are two differents things. If he clearly say I don't want children maybe she would take a few step back to reevaluate hers options. But he clearly confused her and lied to her.
She is so beautiful and gives such insightful discussion, I’m not even in a relationship but I’m taking notes. Hope to see her again!
Agreed!
Uh...she says there will be a part 2 in the video. So you will see her again.
Yeeesssssss!!! She's great!
also she has a YT channel totally following
I think a lot of these advices go for all relationships we have. Friendships and family members.
I like how she discusses jealousy. Too many people only see jealousy as just a negative thing, but it can tell us a lot about ourselves and another person.
HI there
I would love to know more about you
@@Meneses-kn7esdude go outside
It’s a mirror 🪞
But to be clear... Daphne didn’t “trick” him. She assaulted him. He said no and she kept going.
So true
Uh huh
THANK YOU! People really are treating it as if it was nothing but i was shocked.
I felt so bad for him in that moment. It was really violating. Yes, he took advantage of naivety and that wasn't cool, but there's no excuse for how she handled it.
@@AC-ze1nh I believed him when he said, he didn't get, she didn't know how babies were made. Can't and Won't are often used interchangeably. His Mistake was a misunderstanding, her mistake was assault in my opinion.
Me, a single lady with no prospects: avoid✍🏻triangulation ✍🏻
Same 😭😂
Surely you’ve got prospects, you’re just not attracted to them yet
lol
Triangulation isn’t reserved for romantic relationships. It can happen in any type of relationship, so good on you for filing that away!
Me 🤣🤣🤣 Hey, atleast we will be prepared. 💁♀️
let me just mention how frigging weird it is to see a marriage drama ultra serious film with kylo ren and black widow arguing.
Ikr, it feels like I’m watching a fan mashup. Cool, but it’s so hard to ignore the more iconic characters they played
Ik I was giggling during that’s part 😂
Pretty funny seeing Kylo yell not to compare him to his father🤧
🤣🤣
They’re both amazing actors and I knew them before those roles so I didn’t even notice that! I can see how that’d be funny though
I only watch GQ vids where they have experts breaking things down. These vids are fantastica and I'd love to see more of this therapist
facts. i love this series
GQ has vids when their aren't experts breaking things down? Who knew.
Me too
Except the the chef one. Hes so full of himself lmao
She has a TH-cam channel! The link is in the description
POV: You're a fanfic writer, and you're here to learn how to write a good relationship.
You can't even imagine how much TH-cam I watch for learning how to write better, being a super antisocial introvert, it makes me aware of everything I ignore
Don’t call me out man
Okay, just gonna expose me like that.
Why you called me out like that🧍
Bro how’d you know
Why is this free just for all of us to have? She's so informative and helpful and breaks down everything like ma'am needs a raise
She has her own channel which is amazing !
Yes!!!😼👏👏
One of the main points...: COMMUNICATION IS KEY 🔑
YESSS and COMPREHENSION
And empathy.
And SIMILARIRTIES. I have always hated the belief that polar opposite attracts or balance each other which is scientifically not true and uncommon. You need to have at least two things in common.
In Bridgertone I felt extremely uncomfortable when she forced him to make her conceive, he clearly didn't consent and when consent is withdrawn it's literally r@pe, but I don't know if I am the only one who felt like this, even though I understand the character's motivation it upset me how they watered down the consequences of what she did
I felt that way too
I feel that way too. It bothered me how it was never addressed properly either.
What consequences? That she got literally everything she wanted without acknowledging any wrongdoing? And who was she to decide how valid his motivation was?? The whole scenario was ridiculous & I strongly dislike Daphne.
@@4pensword4 no, that he stopped trusting her for like a week and then afterwards everything was roses and laughs which is ridiculous, and I agree with the rest of what you said
@@zareenatheasimone3945 exactly!!!! Having characters do horrible things is alright, but what’s not alright is the fact that she faces zero consequences. She never admits or realized she did the wrong thing. We are supposed to side with her and not mind. It’s crazy
I would have loved to see her analyze Jim and Pam arguments for season 9 of the office. Because I think that storyline is something so many people go through and don't fully know what to do.
Her: “Next up, Malcolm and Marie”
Me: ...Y’all gone make her watch the whole movie?😂😂
🤣🤣🤣
My exact thoughts 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂 I couldn’t even finish watching it! I think I stopped halfway because I was tired of the non stop fighting
@@arolamichelle They weren't fighting the entire time. That's so ignorant to assume that. You clearly weren't paying any attention at all.
OMG I F*****ING LOOOVE THIS MOVIE! Please do this!!
I hope she comes back for a part 2, she’s very insightful!
I just finished it, and she said she is coming back so yay!
if you liked this you should follow her channel. Love it! I've been a subscriber since day one! She's the best. And always breaks it down in a way everyone can understand.
I didn’t know she had her own channel! Thanks for telling me ☺️
Bring her back! An expert therapist and a movie buff who KNOWS the plot and knows the views of others on those scenes, 10/10.
not me listening to this and seeing all the flaws in my parents' marriage lol
STOP 😭✋🏿 cause me too 💀
I thought about this too... It was horrible when I was a kid though and there’s still problems just not as worst.
Saaaammmmmeeeee
I wasn’t ready for this comment lol
@@nephlesperance8977 same😂
I thoroughly enjoyed this, but in my opinion the scene in Bridgerton where she said "she would never withhold information of such importance" that wasn't a "I care about you" that was a "unlike YOU, I would never withhold information of such importance". She just jabbed at him being dishonest.
Yes, you're correct.
Exactly!
He wasn’t dishonest she just didn’t clarify what he said and she got salty and went immediately to jabs
@@exia4203 he lied by omission. Knowing that she would assume that he physically cannot have children when he told her.
@@exia4203 yes he was dishonest. ‘I don’t want children’ or ‘it is my personal choice to not have children’ is VERY different to ‘I can’t have children’. people often use ‘can’t’ when referring to infertility. he lied. and I agree with the therapist in the video that they’re both wrong
Some of the "best" fights with my husband were resolved after he went to sleep and I sent a text message where I was able to actually communicate what I needed in a way that worked. And the next morning he'd read it and we didn't even have to talk anymore, it's like he just got it.
I've had to do this so many times too! Maybe it's just the way that women communicate. In the moment I can't come up with the right way to say it because emotions are high. So after I've calmed down I'm able to finally say what I needed to and texts are so much easier. My fiance will then call me after so we can resolve it completely. It totally works!
❤️
Ahahah, nice))) 😆
Awwww. That’s actually very sweet.
This is exactly why I try to walk away when I'm angry. If I try to talk immediately, I end up saying super mean and hurtful or even stupid and nonsensical things that I don't even mean. It just makes the argument worse.
This should be an educational video that teachers use in the classrooms.
Yes!!!
One hundred percent! Love your pic, btw 😍😍
EXACTLY
this was very helpful. so how much do i owe for this session again?
Love Steph Anya! I've been a subscriber of her channel since day one! She's amazing and always so informative. You have to subscribe!!
Seriously. She touched on two major issues I have with my relationship and helped me make some break throughs as to why I may be feeling a certain way - helped me to verbalize what I want to say. In one TH-cam video 🤯
Subscribe to her channel linked in the subscription
Don't worry the ad paid for it
"If you're just trying to win the argument, then you both already lost." I love how blunt she is about that
This lady is awesome. She’s not afraid to call it how she sees it.
0:39 Marriage Story (2019)
7:42 Bridgerton (2020)
15:21 The Office (2008)
20:36 Euphoria (2019)
27:17 Malcom and Marie (2021)
34:48 Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
Thanks so much!!
god bless lol
THANK YOU, GIRL! I definitely haven’t seen all these movies
Not all heroes wear capes! (・∀・)
Thanks man! I'm writing some fanfics on Wattpad and I want to make sure I write them properly.
You're awesome, thank you!
I really liked her insight, bur as a black girl, I’m loving that twist out
Same; I'm here wondering what products she used
She has a channel called Steph Anya maybe she has a video on it
Her point about using "I" statements instead of "You" statements and telling people how they feel is THE single most important thing if I could tell people only one thing on how to improve relationships with anyone to be honest. I'm still working on it with people I blow up on and with sometimes, it can be hard but it's absolutely crucial and so helpful to do it for others and have it done for you as well, just not having someone tell you how you feel.
The Marriage Story scene was done so well
It’s one of my fav scenes of all time. Adam Driver is phenomenal
@@minacesari268 he is amazing!!
Personally I think the acting was horrible
I think some scenes were a little over the top but, I thought that scene was phenomenal. A lot of energy and a lot; and i mean a lot, of bitterness between the two characters. I really haven't been Scarlet Johansson play that type of character though. More of the cool and collected and less a cold woman in a bitter marriage. It was refreshing. Seeing Kalo Ren anger again was still dope.
@@ddf5878 I thought the movie was trash. Adam is a usually great actor and scar jo is serviceable
children of divorce are questioning wether or not they should send this to their parents rn
I'm just watching this cause these scenes have so much reverse-nostalgia
It's so familiar
The triangulation was real.
I feel like it'd be viewed as a passive-aggressive motion at the least no mater the intention
Do it ✔
Lol I literally sent this to my (not divorced but very argumentative) parents just 2 minutes into the video cuz I knew she was abt to spit some facts
Please do father/son relationships next. toxic or healthy
Omg yessssss!!
And mother and daughter one too!! Yes I have mommy issues lmfao
Ooh and father daughter. I think those can often be quite toxic.
@@violetskies14 yess, my dad and I have issues because we're so alike and I'd love to see something like that
That would be great
So GQ, y’all already planned like pt 2 through infinity right? I could stay hrs listening/watching her talk through all sorts of relationships.
She had a channel! I think it's linked in the description of this video
@@giselle_kvm THANK YOU OMG
There is a part 2 if you haven't watched it yet: th-cam.com/video/cC0gzqojfoo/w-d-xo.html
This young woman is wonderful! It seems like she cares deeply about the happiness and wellbeing of the people that she treats.
In Malcolm and Marie I just left hating Malcolm and feeling bad for Marie 💀
Do u even kno why?
Because Malcolm pushed the argument and didn’t care about Marie’s pain or feelings.... but she repeatedly gave him opportunities to let the argument calm down, but he would disengage, go on a tangent, or resort to very low blows. And it’s revealed that he has a pattern of behaving this way, with a vulnerable person he’s exploited for his “art”.
She was also a flippin' psychopath, so there's that. 😂
@@Vic-Vega aren’t they all
@@Vic-Vega how?
Whew, me watching this in my bed at 3am having never been in a relationship LMAO
3am always brings me to watch the weirdest things on TH-cam. (Not saying this is wierd, but I literally can’t relate to this lmao)
This will be useful in the future love keep that in mind
Lmfao me too
You’ll have better chances at your first relationship, now that you’re equipped with this knowledge, than most people had with their last relationship
I love how she broke down that Euphoria scene. I didn't even noticed Rue's nervous body movements and how Jules closed the gap to comfort her
Daphne and Simon annoyed the life out of me. The fact that they claimed to be best friends but then fought like cats and dogs annoyed me!!
No one argues more than two people who are alike
@@josiejos201 This is beyond arguing though
@@zendayasfruityfrenchfry1784 idk I think it was because they’re both so young so sometimes it’s hard to express your feelings. Which explains a lot of the arguing. I personally love them together and I mean the chemistry between them is kinda hard to ignore. I hope she’s not having a kid tho lol
Not the user name
exactly I was so confused after they got married and were fighting all the time like they didn't like each other or something. When they weren't married they actually acted like they wanted to be around each other and it was really cute because you could totally tell that they were best friends falling in love with each other. But when they got married all their chemistry literally just fizzled into dust.
I see a lot of comments saying they want to see more of her - but she has her own TH-cam channel linked in the bio that everyone should check out!
Thank you!!!
Thank you for the heads up!
That scene with Adam Driver always gets to me because it's so painfully emotional. Having gone through similar arguments in a previous relationship, I can relate to it all too well.
One of the issues I had with my ex-boyfriend is whenever we had an argument, it would take me time to process what I was upset about, word it properly in my head, and then respond. I would always try to craft my response without invalidating what he was feeling because sometimes I was in the wrong, or was trying to understand how he felt and explain my feelings. He HATED it because I would just be tense and it would take me 2-3 minutes of trying to think of what to say while he immediately knew what to say. I knew that if I rushed it I wouldn't be able to say how I felt things properly, or I'd end up saying something that hurt him. When she said that it's always important to give the person time in a fight or argument when there is an issue, I was like THANK GOD it's not just me.
right! sooo refreshing it's not just you! granted your 2-3 minutes of wait time is my 1 day depending on the issue..im working on it. this video is so amazing & helpful!!!
My partner is good about letting me have a day or two of being angry and quiet while I'm sorting out my feelings. Which is really nice and part of the reason we've been together for so long. I need that time to sort out and communicate my feelings without being defensive or hurtful.
I do the same and for the exact same reason. My beau thinks I'm walking away or avoiding. No, I just need time to process. My beau take everything I say so literal that I need that time and mental space. Then he puts words in my mouth or tells me how I'm feeling like the clip in Malcom and Marie. The struggle of loving someone is REAL!
That is exactly me and was me with my previous partner
That's literally me too, it's heartbreaking when your partner takes no time and says the cruelest things to you and then apologizes because they didn't mean it, they're able to reel back quickly but I'm here sitting and thinking about it for 10 more days
Wow. I’ve never seen Malcolm and Marie but that was heartbreaking. Marie was barring her soul and his response was so cold and uncaring. That hurt to watch.
Right? I’m on that part right now and there are tears.
When you realize that this scene is near the later half of their back and forth argument of the movie.
That was so painful to watch. Don't think I'll be watching the whole movie :(
I knooooow right ? Makes me want to watch it so much!
the bathroom scene was so much more heartbreaking
Very few movies have touched me the way Marriage Story did.
The scene when he shouts "every day I wake up and I hope you're dead!" shook me to my very core.
6:55 this is such a nuanced and intellectual point to make about the fact that divorce rates are going up. it’s not necessarily that people are more unhappy later in life, it also has to do with changing societal norms, gender expectations, and more resources and familial support. she made a lot of great points since she’s obv very well-researched and professional but this one really stood out to me!!
👍
It made me so happy to hear her say that. I'm so tired of people attributing previous generations having longer marriages because of effort and genuine love when in reality it has more to do with women having had less options and basically being forced to be dependent on their male partner. Just because a relationship lasted for decades, it doesn't necessarily equate to lasting love. Sometimes women felt like they had no other option 🤷♀️
@@Mochuslatte Yes!…but remember that norms meant that BOTH women & men experienced not being able to leave miserable marriages. (Worse for women financially obviously)
My uncle’s marriage ended because his wife had an affair. My grandad stated that if it had been his beloved son had been the one to cheat (on his wife AND children) he would, “HAVE to disown him!”!! (That was only the 1970’s!)
I think everyone should go to counseling prior to getting married. There you may become aware of a reasonable way to communicate with your partner that will help before you make that kind of commitment
There are quite a few marriage prep courses that are really good. Most of them are religious though, so it might put people off.
@@HotEatTheFood sadly people lie in those too sometimes
@@HotEatTheFood I LOVED my Catholic marriage prep. Sooo many good discussions about what we wanted for our marriage!
@@OrWhatWeHave I know my parents did a catholic marriage prep course and they’re still going strong almost 30 years later ☺️
Pre marriage counseling is sooo much more important than the wedding
This should be a weekly series. I absolutely love listening to her advice and insights. ❤️
I’m soo glad she highlighted the Bridgerton issue with Daphne violating Simon’s consent. If it was the other way around and Simon violated her consent there would have been a massive uproar. Just because Daphne is a beautiful character that doesn’t mean she can get away with it. I hope Season 2 is better in multiple ways!
I hope so too. She faced zero consequences, I don’t even think she ever truly realized that she was in the wrong. The fact that they ended up happy is not a “redemption arc”
This is an incredibly nuanced scenario where people keep seeing it as right and wrong.
1. He knowingly violated her trust and took advantage of her
2. He lied saying can vs won’t relying on her ignorance (which is covered in point 1).
3. Bc of these violations she sought revenge on him
4. She violated his trust through revenge
5. Neither of them were communicating and only considering what they wanted through manipulation
6. Consent between married couples is still an incredibly new thing in the eyes of the law. In many countries it’s still not legal. It’s never been right, but it is important because taking into legal action draws more eyes to the topic and opens conversations about what is consent btwn a couple. This fictional show takes place over 200 yrs ago.
7. Ignorance of an act is a very real sticking point here. If it wouldn’t have been considered assault m-to-w then it wouldn’t have m-to-w. Yes, today’s lens it was assault. But also with today’s lens there’s forms of bc and she would have known how pregnancy happens. So you have to look at the picture as a whole.
They BOTH physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated one another. They are both in the wrong here.
@@lenaschneider7706 you must be new to Shondaland. She never takes that glossy of take on anything.
@@kaylee5438 this I agree with
She is great & her hair is so healthy and bomb!!
Follow her on her TH-cam channel! I have been following her for a long time now and love her content!
@@ritav793 she sounds amazing!
You bringing up the different style of approaching conflict made me feel so much better about myself. In my life, I only ever have arguments with my brothers, he’s my one constant source of conflict. He’s told me over and over again that whatever we’re feeling in an argument, we need to talk it out now, or else we’ll bottle it up and it’ll be worse later on, and I hate how he forces me to talk about it. You bringing up how some people need time to process, and even how if you force the conversation to happen, they could shut down, that’s exactly what happens to me. Whenever he and I have those conflicts, and he forces me to talk it out, I begin to shut down and it only makes him more mad and everything gets worse. Hearing a therapist talk about how the way I handle conflict is real, and that I’m not just being difficult, makes me feel so much better about myself, that I’m not the problem. I’ll have to talk to him about it
Love the way she explains these different situations, this was a very productive video ✨
Yes! You should subscribe to her channel. I've been a subscriber since day one! She's amazing and always so informative.
My husband and I once tried the "silent" treatment thing... then we both realized that it was more of a reward... so now we do the... discuss the issue, repeat what the other said then a rebuttal, repeat. We get so tired of talking that we fix the issue super quick now.
Depending on how heated it is, a silent treatment could be a pretty good time-out
Marriage Story was so real that it hit hard for a lot of us who has been in an unhealthy intense relationship
i’m glad she clarified “not including weight” when speaking on grooming and personal upkeep 🥺 i go through random depressive episode that last about a month where i gain some weight and it makes me so self conscious. my partner says he thinks i’m beautiful no matter my physique but i don’t feel desirable or deserving of that appreciation when i’m going through it.
Wow, I need her to do 90 day fiancé next
Oh god HAHAHAHA
Check out doctor Kirk Honda at the channel Psychology in Seattle!! He’s got what u want
Came here to say Dr Kirk Honda!
Thirding in Dr. Honda; I love him to pieces
and Married At First Sight!
I love the part about the honeymoon stage not ending because my partner and I have been together for almost 3 years and still constantly tell each other we love each other no I love you more type of stuff. People kept telling us after a couple months we'd stop doing that but surprisingly that didn't happen lol
Me and my fiance have been together 7 years we say I love you everyday and kiss each other goodbye every time one leaves even if it's just to the store 🥰
This. 5 years in counting and we are still in this honeymoon state. & honestly I don't even call it honeymoon this is just who we are with each other. I know the 1st 3 years was utter bliss though.
parents have been together for 35 years. they still act like teenagers. compatibility and love has no expiration date.
I agree ☝🏾 Me and my boyfriend are wicked affectionate. All our texts, phone calls and interactions are cute and cuddly 🥰 lol. I couldn’t imagine it any other way. We love to hold hands, give kisses and always complimenting one another.
Don't ever give it up! After 25 years and 5 kids, we still do this! It's relationship and life affirming, Blessings to you both!
moral of the story; communicate and learn how to do it in a healthy way.
She was talking about kids and i was thinking about Cristina and Owen in Grey's Anatomy the WHOLE time.
SAME !
Same !
Cristina Yang. The gift that keeps on giving
@@ginao6810 Oh my god YES. Absolutely.
Yes! And her relationship with Burk! He pushed her into marriage then left her at the altar for not being ready.
That’s why it’s important when tension is getting high, to remind each other “Hey, where on the same team, remember?”
So many relationships end horribly simple due to lack of communication! Marriage Story made me so sad because they most likely could have worked it out if they had talked more about how they felt rather than shut each other out.
There absolutely NEEDS to be a part two
With before midnight 😭😭
Omg yes
I love this woman she seems so kind and has such an inviting , friendly personality
12:25 as someone who has struggled with building a relationship with their mom for all of my 18 years of life, this factor of taking breaks during arguments to say "I love you" or "I'm listening and trying to understand," has made all the difference in our relationship. It eases the tension and lets the other know that their feelings are valued. Lovely video!
I’m always so much better having serious discussions by text because I can stop and think about what’s been said, face to face it’s like I can’t think and just stay quiet
It's so interesting how we all experience different things in relationships. I've often found that it's too easy for partners to read a tone in text and then run with it.
@Christian Gormley I have had serious conversations face to face and by text. Texting has its drawbacks, sure, but what I mean is that it allows me to express myself better because otherwise in person I just freeze and can’t think properly, and stay quiet, or word things the wrong way. Through text that doesn’t happen and i can say better what I mean.
@Christian Gormley that’s what I meant! I know it’s not the case for most people, but one shouldn’t be as absolutist in saying it’s the worst form of communication
@Vale, I would encourage you to use the safety of writing to your advantage. Before a serious conversation, try writing down what you want to say and what’s important to address. I did this for YEARS because I felt so uncomfortable with serious face-to-face discussions. I even brought my notes with me sometimes, if I thought the conversation might be tense. It’s been proven that communicating through technology creates a false sense of intimacy and can make it harder for us to get past our discomfort with in-person communication. Like any skill, it takes practice. But your clear self-awareness means you’re already ahead of the game and probably a way better communicator than you think you are! 🙂
I do fine with face-to-face conversation, but I still need the person I'm speaking to to give me a few moments to process what they said and gather my thoughts. I hate when I'm quiet after they say something and they immediately jump to accusing me of ignoring them or something.
I really like the fact that you spoke about allowing your partner to process their feelings. I do this, and in so many relationships, people try to get me to have the conversation in the here and now because they assume I'm avoiding the issue.
She needs to come back and react to Ross and Rachel after she finds out he slept with another girl on their break!
YEEEEEEES
Ross was right. Glad I could clear that up.
@nehe nooo
I’m thinking she would probably say they should have negotiated the terms of their break in advance, so they didn’t have conflicting expectations. And they definitely should have talked about it and worked through it at some point after, so “we were on a BREAK!” didn’t constantly come up every time they fought.
The Hereditary table fight is heartbreakingly real. I would love to see her take.
I have been married for 17 years now. Our relationship started off with a rocky start. Teen pregnancy, 3 years apart, and it took close to 10 years of our married to hone our communication. 17 years and 4 beautiful children, we are happier than we have been so far.
these 40 minutes flew by, she’s very engaging
Omg i didnt notice this was 40 minutes !!!! Wow
I only disagree with one part. I think when she said “I wouldn’t dream of hiding that information” in bridgerton, I think she was saying “I wouldn’t hide important information... unlike you”. It was more a slap in the face rather than being communicative
yes this for sure, i took it this way as well
she probably didn't know the context
Oh this is definitely how I read it too.
@Matthew I actually do have my degree in psychology. Nice try though. Also even if I didn’t, I’m still allowed to have an opinion (and it’s apparently an opinion that plenty of people seem to agree with me on so)
Agreed. That time period had more shade than outright yelling lol
I love how Stephanie breaks the scenes down in real time, it’d be amazing to have her in every rom com “behind the scenes” to tear down the fantasies that rom coms perpetuate
She described a "bit" of tension during the Bridgerton scene. That was a megaton warhead of tension 🤣
There is also a yt-channel called "cinema therapy". If you want to see more on how a therapist reacts to a movie, you can go there to see even more. :D Btw, love the idea. I already learned so much through that.
Yes, I love Cinema Therapy!
I love that channel
Have you guys watched the inside out one ?
i lov their video about gaslighting in Tangled.
Love that channel
She indeed is smart but above that she's a good empathetic human being. She's a patcher and not a breaker, something that this world needs more of.
i love the way she describes what an argument should end up in a healthy relationship, because a healthy relationship comes with arguments but it’s the way you approach the argument/disagreement, i’ve learned so much, and now i know that disagreements are normal and healthy