Do you accept new clients? I have been looking for help since I was 19 years old and I have been through so much trauma, a lot of emotional trauma pain and stress. I am now 52 and I have been looking for help. My mother and I sat in a bookstore of Books A Million actually when I was 19 years old, and I was trying to describe to her depersonalization, and the realization no one back, then talked about it, but I was describing everything that now is common practice, so I'm a nurse and I went to school to be a life and health coach but unfortunately I think I should've done more counseling. I've been through it all. I really need somebody to help me. I looked up on your therapy link and there was nobody for my area. Thank you and God bless.
Do you have a website or something that can provide us that are following you as a way to self help with things like worksheets or things for more hands on type of people? I personally love working with worksheets I can really take a good look at and think about as I answer
It’s sad as hell that people like us are the ones that got “left behind” so to speak. While others were navigating through life safely with love and support we were just trying to survive. But for the first time in a long time I actually have some hope. I finally found a good counselor, started exercising, intermittent fasting, taking a curcumin and magnesium supplement and I can finally see through this fog that has clouded my mind and judgement my entire life. Thank you for making your videos!
Yes. It wasnt your fault & you didn't deserve this. I can only imagine how hard it is to see some people have it much "easier" & not realize how good they have it. You are worthy of so much, & I wish I could take some of that pain away. But you have come so far on your own & should be so proud. Sending love, light, and support your way ❤
If I may, I'll add a few: 1) Persecution Complex. Even if you're no longer being traumatized, you constantly feel like everyone's out to get you. 2) Aggression toward family, friends, and even strangers (in an attempt to protect yourself). 3) Inability to forgive or even give a chance at forgiveness of people who have wronged the person. 4) Cutting yourself off from society... i.e. Unfriending EVERYONE on social media, blocking friends from being able to call you, purposefully not answering calls or visits, etc. I'm sure there's so many more, but all of those 8 and these 4 are main issues I, personally, am experiencing with ongoing trauma.
Summary of the 8 signs: 1. (1:20) Disassociation or Numbing 2. (2:43) Body in an Aroused State 3. (4:48) Self-Loathing 4. (5:46) Stuck in the Past 5. (7:08) Speechless Terror 6. (7:44) Loss of Self 7. (8:29) Physical Immobility 8. (9:33) Difficulty Learning New Information
This is literally my mother and I. Both of us traumatized by the men in our lives. In her case her dad and ex husbands. My case, my dad and older brother. It's a trauma bond we share and that we protect each other from now. While my mom still struggles with finding her voice and speaking up when she needs to, I step up to protect her. Ain't no one going to treat her badly again. I won't allow it. For those wondering we're Punjabi. Lots of family trauma in our lives from the men who surround us. But my mother has shown me to be independent and self reliant. She's made me the strong woman I am today.
Loss of self is probably one of the most confusing, scary and depressing things I've ever experienced. It took me several years to recover from. I wish I knew at the time that it was a trauma response. I think it would have helped me regain my identity much sooner if I knew what was happening to me. Loss of self is not talked about very often, however the effects are devastating. I'm happy to say I've crawled out of that dark place and am doing great now.
It took me several years to recover too. I am actually still recovering from it, but I feel more hopeful and I'm making progress in therapy so I'm on my way!
Yes! Most people truly don't understand what we mean when we say "I've lost myself". Not feeling connected to who you are or who you have been for years and decades of your life is the scariest most painful thing in the world . Not feeling connected mentally to your normal thoughts and memories is devastating. It's like who you were prior to this trauma didn't even exist . And how can you truly have vision for your life and feel happy if you don't even know who you are anymore? So I get it and send out much well wishes to you
Does anyone in this thread know any articles/videos/any resources for learning more abt this and treating it? I've tried looking but haven't found anything, this video was the first i heard someone mention it but I still would like more info I've struggled with this for so many years, and with therapy it's gotten a bit better, but there's still so much of myself that I don't know or feel disconnected from
I would love to hear what things we can do to help ourselves. I often hear the “Ask for help” or “go to therapy” all over the place but a lot of us don’t have anyone to ask for help and don’t even know what that means to get help from others and therapy is something we can’t all afford.
Personally, I dont feel comfortable telling a complete stranger how I feel and what I've been through and what I've done due to what I've been through🤷🏾♀️ ...then I dont have anyone to go to but MaryJ. The only constant in the past 17yrs that has been any help, but then has been what has been holding me back because my work depends on drug testing. Thankfully it never progressed past that, but I end up trapping myself because moving forward means giving that up. Then BOOM! I'm all alone with nothing to give me a break from the constant torment and memories and self-doubt, self-hatred, loneliness, heartbrokenness, etc etc etc.... My body doesn't take to liquor so becoming a drunk wasnt an option and I dont like shots or being totally wired so I never wanted anything past what MaryJ would do....😥 ...my daughter is my main goal. I put her before at all times, but when she sees me not doing what I'm teaching her, she is resisting my advice😔 ...so now I'm scared I'll loose her as she becomes a teenager. But other ppl have it worse, right. Greatest line I get to hear from others. Sorry just venting.
As someone whos been in and out of therapy for thirty years, i want to agree and there is help free online you just have to find what works for you. Like this video! Educating yourself is power and personality i watch a few helpful humans on you tube that helps with therapy on myself 🌟✌🏽💜
@@redcandi01 Maybe try therapy anyways. They are probably used to people not wanting to open up. And I would say it's okay to not open up entirely at 1st, let them know you don't feel comfortable and just want to start out talking about the surface issues and slowly work your way down. If they don't want to work that way then get a new therapist that is willing to work slowly with you.
Jesus is ready to hear us our and help us if only we accept Him as our Lord and savior and tell Him our problems even though He knows but want us to willingly come to Him for help. He loves us So much and He is all we need in fact He is the solution to our problems. Am a living testimony to the Lord’s goodness. If He did for even me He will do for you too. Call upon His name and be safe!!! ✝️❤️❤️❤️✝️
i have only recently realized that i have childhood trauma, and relate to many of these points. i wanted to say thank you for spreading awareness about this topic
I realized this about myself a couple years ago! I used to be a mean snooty high school girl until I realized I was like that bc of my trauma! It changed everything. I hope you're doing better too
I was born with a hole in my heart and had corrective surgery twice before the age of 4: I woke up from anesthesia once during one of the many procedures I underwent. I awoke to needles being stuck into the palm of my hand. I remember waking up crying from the pain. The doctor put his face inches from mine and yelled at me to stop crying. From that day on, anytime I have pain, I shut down emotionally. I become stiff and unresponsive. I still don’t know what was being done to me to this day. All I know is that sometimes, residents will be allowed to “practice” procedures on patients under anesthesia. All my other memories fit the facts. But this memory is so bizarre to me. But I do know that it is the reason that I freeze and allow bad things to happen to me
1:20 1:Disassociation or Numbing 2:39 2:Body in an aroused state 4:48 3:Self loathing 7:08 5:Speechless Terror 7:44 6:Loss of self 8:29 7:Physical Immobility 9:22 8:Difficulty learning new information
I just verbally spoke it out loud to myself, my husband, and some of my family that I was raped by a family when I was a child. I didn't realize how much of a weight I was carry basically all my life. I buried that trauma SOOOO deep that one day out of nowhere it came rushing out like a tsunami, the tears that flowed and my feelings where unstoppable to the point where I thought I would have to go to the emergency room. The after affect of now dealing with this is SOOOOO HARD because now I have to face the ghost that was buried many many years ago. It's scary knowing that I have to go down that dark journey of facing my rape in order to see the light of the journey. I'M SOOOOOOOO SCARED TO GO ON THAT JOURNEY. My family are doing their best to help but they don't understand the PAIN (mentally, physically, and spiritually) that I have to relive. Even sharing this now is triggering like I want to run and hide. But I am glad this video popped up on my news feed so that I could speak my trauma again.
It's scary to have to go through the darkness again and sometimes again and again for healing purposes. I've had to talk about my trauma to different therapists over the years and see how it has helped me overcome a lot of my anxieties, my depression, my lack of motivation, etc. I recently had a major breakthrough related to my trauma and motivation (which seemed unrelated - but surprisingly was), but this was years in the making. I still get triggered and heard things in this video that i still resonate with, and unfortunately it was a recent trauma, not childhood trauma that I buried. Either way, there are ways through this... Hopefully you have been able to find what helps you. 🤗
I’m a 17 year old and one of the things I learned is that you have to acknowledge a problem first in order to solve it. I already knew I was traumatized/living with trauma. I really wanna take the small baby steps in order to heal. A follow up video would be so helpful thank you❤️
I had told my mother several times that I can remember about "feeling like an empty soda can". And my doctor when I was a teenager. And several school counselors. None of them acted like they had ever heard of anyone else experiencing that. My mother told me to just cheer up, go take a nap, or she was too busy to handle me right then. As an adult, I found out I have DID which is caused by early childhood trauma. This isn't the first medical issue I have been handling as an adult that could have been addressed when I was much younger.
I can relate so much to this. I'm 20 years old and my mother has said some horrible things that I'm pretty sure she knows are trauma responses herself. She's gone through a heavy amount of sexual trauma for most of her life and her own mother didn't respond correctly to it. Now I haven't told my mother that I was sexually abused by two friends in my life from the age of six to ten. But I'm sure she has an idea from the way I acted growing up. Clear signs of trauma. She even has these trauma signs as well and has a degree in psychology. She drops hints that she possible knows what I've been through but then she'll say things like "you just copied your brother going to therapy". And it's crazy because even if she didn't know what happened to me something traumatic just happened to our entire family just recently and for her to say I don't need therapy for that big event and that I'm just copying my brother is a huge slap in the face.
@@Royalty_girlie You would think she would know better. I'm sorry you haven't received the support you need, especially when you need it most. Sometimes our parents don't know how best to parent us and fail in certain areas. Continue toget help and build your own support systems, with people who really know and understand you better and also note this so that you don't don't repeat the cycle with your kids. 💗
@@Lindamorena of course. And I know my mother would never say anything intentionally to hurt me because she doesn't know what happened to me. So I can't push the blame of how I feel onto her. And I know she would definitely never say those things if she knew what happened to me.
No credible therapist would diagnose you would DID. It’s a very controversial diagnosis for good reason. Most of the time it is a diagnosis created by poorly trained - conspiratorial therapists. Bessel van der Kook rose to prominence during the Satanic Panic. He had his research assistant falsify data (proven in a court of law) and then pretended he never shared the falsified data while spewing it all over tv and print. Evangelical preachers used to hold “exorcism therapy sessions” during the panic that allegedly released trapped traumatic memories stored in the abdomen or elbow. The same nonsensical crap Bessel promotes that is absurd at face value. Your arm, leg, stomach, etc… cannot store traumatic memories. MPD/DID and repressed/recovered memory junk science started the Satanic Panic and destroyed countless lives, including the many troubled - mentally ill women that were told they had it.
I have so many traumas and my mind is a carnival ride that I can't get off. Everyone thinks I am great, yep, those smiles hide A LOT. I am 57 years old and never got the help I desperately needed so many decades ago. I did start therapy with a good therapist a couple years ago, then covid happened. I have SO many triggers, smells, music, certain scenes, you name it, it triggers me. Peeps get help young and stick with it, no one paid attention to the traumas that filled my brain, I was the "Robin Williams" , and just kept on smiling. Anyway ✌
I honestly wanted to start crying as I sat through this video. Especially the part when you said that the trauma can make it’s presence known physically. I got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia almost a year ago. I’ve been traumatized for so long, every single point you made was accurate. I’m currently trying to get help, I didn’t have much luck with physical therapy but I plan on changing my diet, practicing healthy coping skills, and finding a therapist soon. Thank you for making me wake up, and see that I need to take this more seriously. I lost my sense of self a while ago too. I’ve been trying to find her for two years now. I cry everyday because I don’t know who I am. I dissociate all the time. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD since I was 18, but for some reason I always feel like I don’t need help, because I’m always busy helping someone else, and avoiding my trauma. But the reality is I can’t avoid it. It is so bad that I feel it physically. My whole body always feels like I’m burning alive. I’m always depressed and tired. My hands and feet tingle and burn. My trauma has gotten the best of me, that it’s literally disabling me. If no one has told you this yet, YOU DESERVE TO GET HELP.❤️
Thank u for sharing your story, and letting others know it’s okay to get help. I hope you’re recovering has been better during this time 🙏 Sending care and love your way ❤️
Baby girl you will get better, I pray for you ❤ I feel on this, all my heart. I am going through this process again. But let me tell you, going to therapy, connecting with nature, ❤ God, you can take small steps download a app on your phone, for example ;) ❤ and a healthy diet really really do help. You may want to look up, for a holistic therapist specialized in bio- orthomoleculaire and nutrition medicine. And combine that with a Clinic therapeut- psychologist if you need. Oh yeah find a outlet to realise feelings ❤ I hope that helps 🙏🏼❤️🌜😘👒😍
I read your comment and hope you do better. I got serious back pain that developed to double hernia that had to be operated thanks to my trauma with covert narcisst ex. Its so true its easier to help others than ourselves bur nowadays when I feel I have been able to heal my creativity blocks that for me felt also like loss of self its a joy also to help others being now this 2.0 version of me. I have found ways to heal with my creativity and spirituality and awareness nd compassion of my emotions, especially sadness has been big part of my healing process. Beauty of healing is that on the other side of all pain can be new way to be stronger. Dont give up!
I don't know exactly what the perps did to you, but gossip and slander are known as "Slow murder" because they can do exactly what you are talking about. I don't have any great advice for you, but I wish you the best. I do pray about this thing which helps knowing God knows the truth whether good or bad on my part. I haven't directly harmed anyone, but I have stayed away from women for the past four years since my wife disappeared one morning, that made me crazy. I have made women angry for me ignoring them, but I can't go into something I don't feel
I hope you get the care you need. I'm in the medical field and you might wanna get the tingling and burning checked out, it could be a sign of neuropathy.
@@kimaniruth964 How are you now? In life there are only 2 problems--mind and the body. Be careful what you feed your mind. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and try to reach a state of equanmity. . Avoid comparing with others, reduce negative social media and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives relief from stress-anxiety. To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight, eyes closed, avoid moving too much and observe the sensations of your incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 5-10-15 minutes or more. Never meditate with expectations but with awareness. Don’t fight your thoughts. With practice the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations before sleep, when reading, in the kitchen, at work, when taking a walk etc -----anytime-anywhere with eyes open or closed. . Like me, make this a lifetime habit to have a better life. Best wishes--Counsellor.
As a person who has struggled with disassociation since my childhood traumas, and have recently accepted those traumas, learning new coping mechanisms would be great for me at this moment. Since I am between therapists/counselors. Just discovered your channel and im loving it all. Thank you.
It has taken years but I recognize when it's about to happen. The keywords I use to tell my wife is that "I feel funny. I'm having a moment." She tries hard to keep me grounded in the present by asking me to count backwards, or describe a happy memory to counteract it. I've had panic attacks that have resulted in near seizures, a cardiologist rushing to rip my shirt off, with the help of nurses, to apply leads to see if I'm having a medical episode. I have drank myself stupid, curled up in a ball in the shower, and found myself dealing with the dramas of others to keep myself busy. The only thing that calms me is music. I pick a recent moment in time, I can remember, that means something to me and I replay it in my head. I hold onto to the positive feeling I got from it and try to feel the moment like it's happening that very second. The fraction of time that I get from feeling that kind of happy helps me push forward.
The numbing sensation is called depersonalization/ derealization. For anyone terrified of this feeling and needing the right term. Research it you are not alone ❤️
I remember the only time that happened was when I was deep within anorexia. Even after the eating disorder, codependency never left till I got raped and that when I was able to acknowledge the sexual abuse I had as a child was I able to fight and forgive myself. As human, trauma can trigger but can I confidently say I can deal with anyone and everyone and yes that includes personality disorder. Will of a human mind is the strongest thing when you find your identity.
I had this after my dad died. I've dealt with mental health issues for almost my whole life,but they hit me differently. Never experienced any thing like it before.
I’m currently dealing with DPDR induced by panic attacks, any tips on healing? I know it’s a work in progress but sometimes it’s difficult especially when you have set backs. Also to mention, mine is 24/7. It’s exhausting.
I've felt this way several times and the last time I felt it was when I realised something was wrong in feeling that kind of numbness. Someone said something horrible happened and while my mind processed it as it being terrible, overall I didn't react at all. It's honestly scary and I know that is the beginnings of going on a depressive spiral.
I’ve dealt with all of these… the disassociation, stuck in the past, loss of self, and the self loathing ones are definitely the strongest ones I’ve dealt with the most… I think my trauma has affected my body so much that it feels like I’m stuck in the body of a 50 year old, rather than a 26 year old. It’s so important to work on healing, instead of letting your trauma own you. It’s really hard, but I’m finally starting to reclaim my sense of self and my life. I don’t think it’s ever to late to heal, but the sooner, the better. Deep breathing, meditation, therapy, building healthy relationships, finding healthy hobbies, and exercising can do a lot to help you. Eating healthier is also beneficial. It’s very tiring, but don’t give up.
The "manual calm down" is so real, as someone who has self harming tendencies as a soothing mechanism, and next to zero interest in sex or alcohol unless I'm unable to relax
That first one, disassociation/numbness, is one of the strangest feelings. It's like you're a shell, and you're self-aware of it, and you don't feel anything other then just existence and knowing this is not how a human should feel. On one of my worse days having an episode like this, someone in a large pickup truck swerved without looking in the grocery store parking lot and almost hit me. Luckily the guy stopped in time otherwise I'm sure I would be dead or at least severely injured because the truck's hood was almost level with my head. I stopped like a deer in headlights, unable to feel anything - not even fear - just some surprise. And then I walked away and continued grocery shopping, and suddenly I knew how bad being so emotionally numb was because I should be feeling SOMETHING - fear, anxiety, exhiliatrtion from having a near death experience - but I felt NOTHING and that was the most troubling part. You can feel 'troubled', where the fact you feel nothing is bothering you, but it's not entirely an emotion. I'm even able to laugh and smile but I am very aware that I am acting. Mind you, this isn't an every day thing for me. Some days I just wake up and realize it's a non-emotional day though I've been much better with therapy and meds. Now my body is in the "time to feel EVERYTHING we've been repressing" stage which is also not fun but it's part of the process.
Thank you so much for this! I am currently healing childhood trauma. I just recently found out that I have cptsd because I have a narc mom and had a very toxic father…had a narc ex….and was a victim of SA in the last year. I just noticed how all of those things have had a physical toll on my body. Thank you for your videos. Lots of love🧡
I don't know you personally, but I am so proud of you for initiating your healing process. It takes so much courage to unlearn the very trauma responses that seemed to keep us protected. The mind body connection is still so fascinating to me. Thank you for watching. Sending lots of love right back to you.
wow why is this my current life situation 😢, im 26 and I am slowly getting out of survival mode I definitely have symptoms of cptsd and panic attacks when im thinking about the past
YES YES YES, PLEASE DO A FOLLOW UP. This is extremely useful, not just for dealing with own traumas and those of our close relationships but also for understanding and creating empathy for other people in society, random people we meet. Especially now with the pandemic, we are living a collective trauma and we need to understand each other better thru it. Stephanie, you are touching so many people's lives, please continue. You are making a difference. Much love!
I read a book called"drama of gifted child" in my 40's.I am 72 years old now.I was so impressed with the author Alice Miller who wrote the book.I believe her last book"the body never lies"has the same intention about body and trauma.I was sad when heard she died at age 87.She was a controversial author with feminine dimension in a very patriarchal world,.Freud and Jung giants.Anyways I thought I just would put this out there....by the way she is a Swiss psychoanalyst :)
It's been 2 years since I was diagnosed with PTSD and I'm just now coming to terms with it. I've been telling myself "it wasn't that bad, people have it worse" and "I didn't go to war" etc.. but I have so many symptoms and this year, I'm finally coming to terms with how bad it has gotten. I'm finally getting treatment (SGB treatment) and I have hope I can come out of this and live the life I've always wanted. Edit: I did receive the stellate ganglion block in early April and I can confidently say that I have not felt this calm and happy since I was 8. It's only been 2 weeks and my life has done a complete 180. Science is truly a miracle and if anyone has questions, feel free to ask because I know I was scared shitless. I now have a new lease on life and I'm so eternally grateful 🙏
Congradulations! I know I'm a stranger but I am so happy for you and you give me hope ♡ I have depression and I am always saying to myself "it's not that bad people have it worse" it's good to not feel alone in that
@@smileygirl622 You are very kind, thank you 🥰 I completely understand how you feel. I was always comparing myself with others because maybe I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't so bad and hate myself more for not being able to accomplish what I wanted to. I believed I was "functionally" depressed but I believe we truly underestimate the importance of mental health in our society. I was really not functional. I went to work and paid my bills but I had no motivation to do anything new, I lost interest in all my hobbies, didn't want to talk to anyone, ended up crying pretty much everyday, being negative and irritable all the time... ever since the injection, all of that is better. I truly had given up and thought I would be depressed and anxious for the rest of my life and thought that was something I would have to deal with forever but I was so wrong. Everything is so much better and I'm so so grateful. I hope you are able to one day find something that helps and works for you 💖 Never give up!
@@arielm1374 thank u for ur honesty and strength It touched me in a profound way I’m interested in this medicine Could u please tell me more about it? Thank u
@@MsJones3 sure! They basically inject anesthesia into a bundle of nerves in your neck that are in control of your "fight or flight" response. This basically resets your nervous system which to me was a blessing. My mental health was affecting my physical health really bad and I truly feel like a better version of myself now.
Thank you for addressing trauma and I would love a follow up. Can you talk about treatment and types of therapy for dealing with trauma? I'm currently reading this book as well.
I wish you all the best. You probably have heard already of the renown trauma expert Gabor Maté. There's many Interviews and presentations on youtube. They are extremely helpful.
I started breaking down in tears and and was soothing myself because of the things I heard in this video. This video is so profound and spoke to me on such a deep level, I realize how much trauma I've been carrying around all my life. I'm in a perpetual state of "fine" that I realize I'm not fine and have just learned how to cope with all this trauma on the day to day. The truth is that I don't do that well even with that as I have to deal with undiagnosed bipolar symptoms as well, my mania is absolutely crazy.
Thank you Nina, I got out of therapy a couple months ago and I started coaching sessions (today actually) which I think will help me quite a bit.@@lo_ttie
I’m a younger teenager but I think I may have trauma from my childhood (current and past). I relate with a lot of these points, especially disassociation and difficulty learning. It’s very hard for me to function in the real world when I’m constantly backtracking due to this. Thank you for this, it really helped me :)
Great lesson for the narcissists,so they can learn to love themself instead of trying to destroy others to feel good about themselves. The best actors hiding their trauma-hood very well.
I've had panic attacks, i have anorexia, depression, and self harm. Only started presenting when i turned 16 to now at 19yrs old. I was sexually abused of course, so that's how I cope. Im pretty sure im traumatized, but there it is what it is. Appreciate this video, helps me understand myself
I hope you know that you are strong. You are resilient as hell!!! The fact that something that traumatic happened to you and your still here on this Earth moving forward is a amazing. I want you to keep on living because you are a beautiful soul. Don’t let ANY negativity get you down!!! I pray that your panic attacks, anorexia,depression,and self harming get better. You deserve to feel some relief. But please be careful I really hope the best for you!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ MUCH LOVEEEE💗 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
@@kailah6358 I know this wasn't directed towards me, but I'm pretty much dealing with the same thing except the effects of my trauma started effecting me at age 9. I just wanted to say reading this brought a tear to my face. I hope everybody who has dealt with trauma remains strong.
I have been in a cycle of all of this for about 7 months. It’s been hell. I don’t understand how I got so overwhelmed. And how extreme it’s effected me. I’m literally living entirely in my head I’m so disassociated. And it’s so frustrating.
you should check out this guy’s videos on depersonalization/derealization which are types of dissociative disorders. his videos were reassuring to me me. he even sells a manual to getting over dissociation. I haven’t bought it (yet) but am considering it given his understanding and personal accounts of dealing with the disorder. th-cam.com/video/h7u59TkQTxY/w-d-xo.html
aside from him, look up on youtube “somatic meditation” or “vagus nerve exercises”. I did one by her (link below) and a lot of my anxiety that day was relieved. obviously it must be practiced continuously for long term relief but it helped that day. I 100% am in your boat. I live in an anxious, guarded state and this is the “survival mode” where you’re looking for threats or things that are a danger to you. th-cam.com/video/eFV0FfMc_uo/w-d-xo.html
It took me up until i was 18 to now 20, to realize the trauma i went through with having an absent/narcissistic mother. I didn’t understand why i was failing in relationships or failing myself. These were very accurate and I’m in a much better state of mind than i was. Thank you for being helpful
I would highly recommend reading “Breaking the habit of being yourself” by Joe Dispenza for people interested about neuroscience, he talks about how we can stay stuck in survival mode and how it affects our relationship with our environment, time and our body. It really helped me to understand the power I had over my thoughts and my reactions from my trauma.
Watching this after being generally curious. I realize that everything I went through at the end of 2019-beginning of 2020, is what led me to a year of all of these symptoms. I had a psychotic break at the end of 2019, which led me to having to take a 4 month leave of absence from school, dealt with the stress of the holidays, had my first seizure 5 days before my 20th birthday in February, finally went back to school 3 weeks later, and then was only back in school for 4 days before we went into shelter in place and everything shut down. No wonder I was literally traumatized for that entire year following. I felt every single one of these symptoms and was so cruel to myself for feeling them as I was going through it, wondering every day what was wrong with me. Now looking back, I realized how that was all incredibly traumatic. I look back in retrospect and just wish I could’ve been kinder to that younger girl during my healing from trauma. Thank you for shedding light on this subject, making so many of us watchers feel validated in what we went through.
I recognize I’ve experienced trauma that my body and brain are still dealing with, but I feel bad or guilty even actually admitting to myself that I’ve been traumatized because I keep telling myself that I’m not strong if I let the things that happened traumatize me. I keep thinking “others have had much worse things happen, I shouldn’t feel anything because of this”
Thanks! Just listed to grief. Excellent my husband was shot I was in the vehicle and started having flashbacks of words the shooter said to me. He was arrested on Friday and I wasn't happy??? Surprised me but a sadness for him came upon me. He's a lost soul too. Had compassion I want God to forgive me I have to forgive others. Wow
I have been through a lot of trauma due to my family ignoring me and placing me around people we didn’t know very well if u know what I mean. It’s sad to hear that many people go through this but I am glad to hear that I am not alone in this healing process. I swore it was only anxiety and depression until I went to a therapist and got accurately diagnosed. Lol nice video!!
My therapist recommended this book, and it was SO helpful! I am currently dealing with complex PTSD and it's a long haul. This book made me cry because at last I found text I could identify with and case studies I could relate to. It was hard to go through the emotions but a blessing to finally understand that what was happening to me was indeed as a result of trauma and that my reactions were "normal"!
The Body Keeps the Score is one of the most informative and eye opening books I ever read - if I'd never read it I would have never known I literally had a traumatic brain injury.
Also, it has opened my eyes to others' actions and reactions due to traumas and PTSD and I am leaning that it is not my fault or responsibility to "fix" anyone.
I was (and still am) experiencing mental trauma, and your comment on arousal was very insightful. I’ve struggled with anxiety for YEARS and severe OCD and releasing that momentarily with self pleasure is something I learned in my psychology classes in college. It stops anxiety for a moment but it is very difficult to maintain that. I miss anxiety medication but I moved abroad so I have to find new vices and I’m going back to old patterns.. it’s sad honestly):
What else raises your dopamine and endorphins? Try making time for those. Exercise can be done at home, you don't have to go anywhere. Unless it's walking/running. What about video/phone games for a set amount of time.
Love how direct and practical you are on your videos. People with trauma need simple and direct information, we are so confused most the times. God bless you!
You are the first person to mention speechless terror. I also froze in place on the ground, where I landed, after he threw me across the room. One instant I was standing, the next moment I was in the air. I wasn’t hurt when I landed, because I think my body was not expecting it. Very good work.
Someone gifted this book to my boyfriend about a year ago, and after watching your video, I’m gonna go try to find it in the basement! Great video, sub’d!
you bought tears to my eyes because i identity with more than half of the things on this list and it’s moving me because i know have to face the fact that i actually am traumatized. i didn’t think i was before but wow. it’s scary because i feel like i’m forever changed and didn’t even recognize it. ugh. thank you.
#8 "Difficulty Learning New Information" I've been in therapy and trying so many things. It seems like every step forward is two steps back. Every time I have an "aha" moment it disappears hours or days later like it never happened. I go back to where I started. It's like I learn it then I unlearn it, and it's more difficult to re-learn a second, third, or umpteenth time. I'm so frustrated and hard on myself, but understanding that maybe it's just hard for me to learn and retain makes me realize I've probably been too harsh on myself (thus making it even harder cause I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to get better now and not mess this up). Anyway, all that to say thank you.
Feels good hearing this, I've been dealing with trauma from when I was still a tiny toddler, and the possibility of it got flat out rejected by my mom, instead it all gets blamed on mental disorders instead of understanding there's a reason why I acted like I did, I've had to deal with physical and psychological abuse. Usually when traveling other people don't notice I carry it with me, because at those moments I feel free from my past because no one knows me and can just judge me for who I am now instead of letting my past drag me down.
Thank ypu so much for this powerful and helpful video. I'm a cutter and self abuser. I've been cutting myself since 14-15 years old, now at 34 y.o. and as a mom of 2 I still fall into it, especially after recent death of my mother from cancer. I blame myself for not curing her of cancer. Throughout my whole life I was traumatized and retraumatized over and over again. The most damaging is the difficulty learning new information bc I really do go through these waves of "yes! I feel free finally, let's do this! Let's move forward, let's dive into our passions learn new things, blah blah blah" only to end up shortly after back in the pits of loss of self, self loathing and self hatred. And unfortunately those bursts of positivity and activity have been short lived, where as the darkness is long lasting. It's like my internal geography is that of the northern countries. Long ass winters and brief ass summers. It's exhausting and demoralizing to keep going.
Wauw im a speech therapist and sometimes children have so much trouble making steps in my therapy. Maybe it’s trauma thank u! I will be even more patient! X
As a child I was diagnosed with APD (auditory processing disorder). It applies more to speech but also to written information. I am slower at processing information and formulating responses than other people. Is it possible that I could have developed this because of childhood trauma? Thanks in advance!
@@Hannah-ov6ki trauma is not my specialty as I’m not a psychologist…. But I work in an area with loads of social problems. My experience is that language and speech problems is more complex than in rich areas. Also because of multiple language speaking at home… I don’t think I can answer you’re question sorry
I have not watched the entire video yet, am half way through the body keeps the score. Regarding speech/voice issues, ‘The polyvagal theory’ book is helpful in explaining how the vagus nerve is affected by trauma. You likely are already aware but just in case. Thanks for all you do for others!
definitely 1,2,3 and 8. however ive found that with time, 2 has been on a huge decline for the past few years. i’m so grateful that there are some parts of myself that i’ve been able to heal on my own with my own research and learning. this really helped a lot, thank you
I’ve experienced self-loathing and being stuck in the past since my most recent relationship ended. Dating him really brought my self-esteem to an all time low, and I genuinely feel like it’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. He wasn’t abusive or anything, but I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, and he put me down a lot towards the end of the relationship, and experiencing that rejection from someone I had invested so much time into up to that point was unbearable for me. I feel like I would be so much better off now if we had chosen to remain just friends. I don’t think I’m traumatized, but I do constantly feel like everyone around me is secretly thinking the criticisms he expressed about me, but they’re just to nice to actually say them.
I have complex-ptsd, major depression and anxiety and ocd. I been through years of every kind of abuse you can think of. I've been abused most of my life. I don't trust anyone anymore and I prefer to be alone most of the time because that's my nature and character. I'm a calm quiet person by nature. I don't like to be in large groups of people. I have come to realize that I need to just live by myself for my own sanity, privacy, calm and quiet environment. I can't handle anymore stress. I need my own little place and space to myself for my mental and emotional well-being.
as I watch this video, I am overcome and overwhelmed by a deepest desire for true love. I love somebody, they don't feel the same way about me. I long and ache: to be wanted and needed and loved and cherished and desired. I pray for this. I pray to (re)unite with my twin-flame/soul-mate/true-love...
It's strange, I could never really find the right way to describe what I feel but this honestly explained so much. I'm definitely going to make an appointment tomorrow with my doctor to see about my options and discussing this further. Thank you.
I experience all of this. Was diagnosed with dissociation, anxiety and depression when I was 16, but I never talked about my upbringing, because I was still brainwashed and too afraid. I think I have dealt with trauma since I was born and I still blame myself a lot for my trauma, because I often spoke up for myself. I went to psychologists since I was 12, and I was misdiagnosed with autism at 19, because I didn't speak about my trauma from my upbringing, and I feel like no one really asked me. I've dealt with digestive issues all my life and joint inflammation since I was 16. I also got hives on my hands. Went to a rheumatologist, and he said that there was nothing wrong, so I think it's all trauma. I had EMDR once, for one thing that happened to me when I was a kid, but I never spoke about all the other things. I'm 28 now and I have a lot of anxiety, I'm depressed most of the time, I isolate myself a lot even though I'm actually a very extraverted person, I never had a job and don't have an education and I feel so left out. I know now that there is nothing wrong with me other than trauma and that gives me hope for my future. I really hope I can heal from it one day.
From reading your comment, gathered that you have endured a lot. The only thing I can say is I for one recognize, acknowledge and accept you as the beautiful precious person you are. Also, I heard and felt every word you said. Your voice should be heard as well as everyone else. In doing so, your body, soul, and mind will feel better. You are dearly loved.
I really relate to most of these. Especially numbing and constantly in an aroused state. I still catch myself catastrophizing when it unnecessary due to past bad experiences. 🤦🏾♀️
I got 6/8. I do self studies on mental health and having healthy people around had me reflect on myself and I came to a realization that there is trauma I have to overcome. Thank you for sharing this with us.
This video made me tear up. I was able to identify and relate to a lot of what you mentioned here. I’m in therapy but sometimes it’s hard to articulate or remember stuff I should bring up. Maybe a follow up video on how to address these traumas? Ty for this
Yep, I’m traumatized. The reason for it is because of abuse and bullying. I feel this symptoms. I’m glad I’m not alone though. That would be even tougher.
Excellent video! I have been stalked by an insane rich man who has spent beaucoup money abusing me. I can relate to most of these, and suspect most victims of narcissism or psycopathy should see this video. Thank you SO much.
Thank you. I learned some new things about this trauma. Now I understand why it’s hard for me to just study something without freaking out. Little by little I am getting better though. It’s just frustrating at times. I am also getting better with disassociation
Thank you so much for including the example of hearing about someone else's experience as being trauma. I invalidate myself a lot because I didn't experience the abuse myself. I just grew up knowing what happened to my family before I was born. Hearing that from you helps.
I am trying to heal from a narcissistic relationship and have spent my life in horrible toxic relationships....my childhood experiences have set me up to fail I'm relationships ...people pleasing with no self esteem and no coping skills as attention wasn't given in my house....my needs were not met as a child so as an adult, they aren't met either. I have found a good counselor helping me see the order of things and the dots are finally being connected.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for mentioning cutting. People usually don't mention that in relation to trauma and it can leave you feeling crazier and more isolated.
I feel like this is a safe space so I'll vent a little: I've been verbally abused and degraded by my family for so long that I can't remember when it started. My father and mother never emotionally supported me and ignored my emotional needs and then my step-father constantly tells me I'm dumb (he uses the r-word that means the same thing) and things like that. My mother just stands there and lets him scream at me for the littlest things unless it "gives her a headache" because he's so loud. So, my family never gave me the emotional support I need. I use fiction (anime, fandoms, things like that) to give myself a happy feeling and make up self-inserted plots in my head about my favorite characters in a relationship with me to the extent of sometimes not being able to tell the difference between real life and my fake, fictional lives. I also have bad enough anxiety to the point of hives breaking out all over my body and repeating the same information in my head or out loud until I feel like it's "true". It can be really stupid information like a fictional character's hair color that I obsessively murmur to myself over and over again. I also can't take people yelling or being loud around me or raising their hand because I think they might hit me (my family doesn't physically abuse me yet but they do threaten to all the time). I don't even have feelings toward real people. I've never been "in love" with a real-life, not fictional man, and I've never cared for anybody, even people who consider themselves my friends. I feel horrible and like I'm a two-faced asswhole for not caring about people who obviously want to talk to me (my brother, for example. He's the only non-abusive person in our household, but he is favorited, which he hates) but I just can't care about real people. Fictional Characters on the other hand I will cry over and love like a real person. It doesn't make sense and I've been told I need to see a therapist by our family doctor, but my mother doesn't want to "waste money" and doesn't want to admit that she and my step-father are horrible parents. I'm also suicidal and have been cutting myself for 3 or 4 years (I'm 15 until May btw, my step-father came down from Pennsylvania 6 or 7 years ago, but my real father was still horrible. He'd watch Porn in front of us and not turn it off even if he knew we were behind him and were hungry.) and have tried taking my life once. My parents know this, but it's too expensive (my parents both work good jobs and get paid loads of money.) to get me help, even free help like the Suicide Prevention Line. I have constant panic attacks ( the really bad shaking, crying, hyperventilating ones) and I've been told to "control myself". I'm not allowed to cry at all or show any negative emotions (let alone emotions at all) or they will bully me and call me a crybaby and that "I'd never be able to live in their shoes." I also have this really weird superiority/inferiority complex that will switch super fast. One minute I'll be numb and the next feel like a Goddess. So that's my little (not very little) vent comment. Sorry for it being really really really long, I've never told anyone other than my brother any of this (I don't have friends at school and I'm controlled to the point of not being allowed to be out of the house at all and my internet time is an hour because the internet will "make me even stupider) but I think it's just because they know I cope by using fiction (again anime, manga, video games, stuff like that) and don't want me to. (They always tell me to "Be in the real world sometimes" in a derogatory way to make fun of me, but I can't go a minute, let alone a day, without my fictional lives) Again, I'm super sorry for posting this eye-sore of a huge comment, but it did help. I've got 3 or 4 more years until I can move out, so I hope I make it to then. I hope you have a really good week and feel happy. Bye-Bye! 😚
I’m really sorry about everything that’s going on! I pray for you that things end up alright once you are able to leave your home. Have you tried talking to a trusted friend?
You literally spoke as if you were telling me my past, save for the porn part. I also use fiction as an escape. When not working, I either go shopping or lock myself away in my bedroom. I rarely go out in public and associate with few people. I feel such a disconnect with others that I surround myself with inanimate objects to make me feel better. I much prefer the company of stuffed animals and the like over actual people.
Wow, I experience all those symptoms everyday..I have dealt with a lot of traumatizing events in my life that I dealt with on my own..I thought I was getting stronger when dealing with these issues, but now I know I’m not. Thank you for sharing this information..now I know what’s going on, I can find help to try to heal myself.
Great video Steph. I read this after completing my Masters in psychotherapy and it’s definitely been a helpful resource. Love how you broke things down
The most frustrating one for me, not that the others aren’t, is trying to integrate and incorporate and understand NEW information! It’s so challenging and frustrating. I try to remember to be self compassionate.
😢GOD BLESS AND PROTECT THIS WOMAN 🙏🏾 she read me to a T …I thought no one would ever understand me thank God she has given me hope I have flew through a back windshield in my early 20s,I have been in a medical induced coma for a month and half due to mal practice at hospital from contracting “severe sepsis” I wasn’t lucky and I’m still suffering and I was pregnant my daughter survived I just now suffer the after effects of sepsis ,my moms umbilical cord wrapped around my neck before I came out …I have had the “works” my whole life and I live to tell the tale but thank God I’m here I just THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME HOPE 😢❤️❤️🙏🏾
Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️❤️ I am currently dealing with my past traumas. I am always searching for things that will help. Your channel is an eye opener. It’s tough but we all have to dig so deep, just to stay awake. Blessings to anyone who is and has to live life with their traumas.
More please! This was incredible. Could you please put up a text bubble of terms with brief description please? Your explanations are easy to understand and I appreciate you
Thank you because I deal with the not being able to "learn" or progress forward. This perspective has given me a bright light bulb to where I can retrain my brain.
Trauma from an abusive person in a group setting often has the group-the enablers- as the ones pushing the idea: "if you only... then ..." but in the end you have internalised it real good.
I read the book but you made it more understandable, especially the part about the parasympathetic system shutting down. I was in a car accident a couple of years ago, minor with no injuries but ever since then I barely have any emotions. The accident happened at a time when I had already gone through a lot of other trauma. It finally makes sense. TY.
Does anyone else think we WERE TRAUMATIZED from the craziness of 2020 & beyond????? I sure do!!! I think we are all messed up bc of what’s been done to us 😢😔
Yes. Absolutely. And that was by design. Many of us have been in fight-or-flight mode for so long that our bodies, brains, and nervous systems are pretty shot... You are not alone. Take whatever steps you can to help yourself recover. Nothing less than radical self-care is required now. Ask your body what it needs, and then do it Just the fact that you are *still here* and surviving is a testament to how strong you are! Never forget that ❤
Yes! Definitely! 2020 was collective trauma....like Covid PTSD isn't talked about much. Plus so many of us work from home, remotely, and are alone and pretty isolated and socially awkward.
Yeah 2020 was difficult to say the least, I got on psych meds in 2021…. Health concerns and the pandemic really took me for a loop. I finally got off the mental meds last month
I hate to say this but it almost seems like your comment is mocking. Almost like when people who like a clean space always refer to themselves as 'OCD'. This comment is almost insulting.
I just found you and realized two things. 1- I need a better psych/ therapist 2- gotten alot better with my trauma responses. Im currently dealing with the "ick" is the only way i could describe it. Almost as if my mind and body remember something i dont. It makes me feel disgusting in my skin.
Thank you so much for this video! As a survivor of trauma, this hit really close to home but was also incredibly validating. I'm currently studying to become a counselor and taking a Crisis and Trauma Counseling course where we use the book "The Body Keeps Score," and I'll definitely be showing your video to my professor!
Please please please in your future endeavors please stay open to the essential question of: what happened to you NOT what is wrong with you (a label/diagnosis). Please use ‘the body keeps the score’ close, please let the truth of a broken system as cataloged in this book drive you to practice outside the totally current inept, political and damaging system. ‘The wisdom of trauma’ documentary is also packed with evidence that our system IS broken. There is hope for healing should more of us compassionately listen to the pain of others. One more resource ‘The work’ very raw and real is an excellent example of what listening and holding each other in our pain can accomplish. God bless you as you endeavor to bring healing to the wounded souls of so many.
Thank you for this video definitely want that follow up on how to deal with or work through that trauma. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years and a car accident about a year ago. Since surviving both I’ve been not feeling like myself lately; I’ve been going to the doctor to have them tell me nothings wrong with me but me not feeling “ok” for lack of a better word. I’m concerned my problem may not be physical but more psychological and It’s disconcerting to say the lease.
You explained trauma super well. I'm really interested in understanding if one can "break the cycle" and I'm also interested to know if all trauma is the same, i.e. sexual vs. physical abuse. Thanks!
The not being able to learn new things is so real♥️ I read in the book she’s talking about that trauma takes up the side of your brain that has to do with creativity and problem solving which is why you can’t think your way out of it and need help to do that. It also makes sense why doing creative things as therapy helps you deal with trauma cause the trauma is taking up that part of your brain. I realized that the CPTSD I experienced was making it impossible for me to learn new skills and I’m still finding ways to heal so I can get my brain in a healthier place to grow!
I wasn't subbed but kept seeing this video suggested the last few days. I immediately thought "I already know I am, don't want to be reminded". But the more I kept seeing it suggested, I finally gave in and just watched it and I'm glad I did. You helped put into words what I wasn't able to and helped me realize a few things I didn't understand. Super thankful for your videos, definitely subbing. ❤
I was traumatized by my abusive "therapists" at Fort Eustis Behavioral Health, who stabbed me in the back and ruined my mental health and my life. Is there a word to describe this form of medical abuse and could you please speak on it? I think many people especially in the military have had this experience, and that is why there is such a large number of suicides and a stigma against receiving mental health help within the military. It's a topic that isn't spoken of enough, and sadly Army leadership just does not care about making changes that promotes proper treatment and diagnosis.
@@kendras250 What makes it even worse is that I was called a liar by the chief, my commander, and multiple other people and made to feel guilty for talking bad about BH. The thing is, these individuals were not there when I was being gaslighted, given an attitude, and told not to take medication if I want to stay in the Army. Its sickening that suicidal soldiers have to go through so much abuse in order to receive treatment, only to be traumatized in return by their providers. Those same doctors still work there, and it makes me sick knowing that they're going to end up killing more people. One month was all it took to get stabbed in the back and thrown out onto the street where I became homeless.
I read this book while going through intense trauma therapy with my therapist and it helped me immensely. I wouldn't have recovered and healed so quickly (3 years, but that's my favorite number and relatively quick for trauma therapy) if I didn't read this book (and other books too). Reading books, though often difficult, is way safer than other outlets because you can easily put a book down and give yourself time. I recommend this book whenever I can and I've had many people tell me it's helped them too.
The follow up to this video is linked here: th-cam.com/video/UW5kEOyaFKs/w-d-xo.html
Do you accept new clients? I have been looking for help since I was 19 years old and I have been through so much trauma, a lot of emotional trauma pain and stress. I am now 52 and I have been looking for help. My mother and I sat in a bookstore of Books A Million actually when I was 19 years old, and I was trying to describe to her depersonalization, and the realization no one back, then talked about it, but I was describing everything that now is common practice, so I'm a nurse and I went to school to be a life and health coach but unfortunately I think I should've done more counseling. I've been through it all. I really need somebody to help me. I looked up on your therapy link and there was nobody for my area. Thank you and God bless.
I understand I have this but how do I get rid of it now. It's tiring I want to live in peace. How to solve it.
Thank you very much, i discovered you today, but realy like your videos :)
Do you have a website or something that can provide us that are following you as a way to self help with things like worksheets or things for more hands on type of people? I personally love working with worksheets I can really take a good look at and think about as I answer
It’s sad as hell that people like us are the ones that got “left behind” so to speak. While others were navigating through life safely with love and support we were just trying to survive. But for the first time in a long time I actually have some hope. I finally found a good counselor, started exercising, intermittent fasting, taking a curcumin and magnesium supplement and I can finally see through this fog that has clouded my mind and judgement my entire life. Thank you for making your videos!
hi there! can you tell me more about the curcumin and magnesium supplements? what do they do for you?
Yes. It wasnt your fault & you didn't deserve this. I can only imagine how hard it is to see some people have it much "easier" & not realize how good they have it. You are worthy of so much, & I wish I could take some of that pain away. But you have come so far on your own & should be so proud. Sending love, light, and support your way ❤
Cambria Ashley, beautiful comment for us all that have been or still is traumatized.
Vashtibucket, same here with me 😢. If I could afford to move from the area where it all happened, I would be a lot better. Stay Blessed and Safe 💞.
Are you saying that people who go through trauma didn't go through life with support and love? Can you explain?
If I may, I'll add a few:
1) Persecution Complex. Even if you're no longer being traumatized, you constantly feel like everyone's out to get you.
2) Aggression toward family, friends, and even strangers (in an attempt to protect yourself).
3) Inability to forgive or even give a chance at forgiveness of people who have wronged the person.
4) Cutting yourself off from society... i.e. Unfriending EVERYONE on social media, blocking friends from being able to call you, purposefully not answering calls or visits, etc.
I'm sure there's so many more, but all of those 8 and these 4 are main issues I, personally, am experiencing with ongoing trauma.
Jesus christ, I don't like this...
Very accurate
I just read this comment before i finished the video & uhh holy shit all of these are somehow connected to me
and now im afraid
Not everyone is deserving of forgiveness. I wish society would stop pushing this on survivors of abuse.
No.2 is the one for me. My aggressiveness scares me sometimes 😳
Summary of the 8 signs:
1. (1:20) Disassociation or Numbing
2. (2:43) Body in an Aroused State
3. (4:48) Self-Loathing
4. (5:46) Stuck in the Past
5. (7:08) Speechless Terror
6. (7:44) Loss of Self
7. (8:29) Physical Immobility
8. (9:33) Difficulty Learning New Information
thank you
Thank you
Woow...thank you
Wow my trauma score is 8/8 😃
I question the wording used for point two in the video lol. I’d say it’s more of being on edge rather than “aroused”
This is literally my mother and I. Both of us traumatized by the men in our lives. In her case her dad and ex husbands. My case, my dad and older brother. It's a trauma bond we share and that we protect each other from now. While my mom still struggles with finding her voice and speaking up when she needs to, I step up to protect her. Ain't no one going to treat her badly again. I won't allow it. For those wondering we're Punjabi. Lots of family trauma in our lives from the men who surround us. But my mother has shown me to be independent and self reliant. She's made me the strong woman I am today.
Stay strong ❤
i understand
:(and i’m sorry
im glad you guys are strong❤️and doing better
Loss of self is probably one of the most confusing, scary and depressing things I've ever experienced. It took me several years to recover from. I wish I knew at the time that it was a trauma response. I think it would have helped me regain my identity much sooner if I knew what was happening to me. Loss of self is not talked about very often, however the effects are devastating. I'm happy to say I've crawled out of that dark place and am doing great now.
It took me several years to recover too. I am actually still recovering from it, but I feel more hopeful and I'm making progress in therapy so I'm on my way!
I'm beginning my journey
I don't know i wanna change i miss myself
Yes! Most people truly don't understand what we mean when we say "I've lost myself". Not feeling connected to who you are or who you have been for years and decades of your life is the scariest most painful thing in the world . Not feeling connected mentally to your normal thoughts and memories is devastating. It's like who you were prior to this trauma didn't even exist . And how can you truly have vision for your life and feel happy if you don't even know who you are anymore? So I get it and send out much well wishes to you
Does anyone in this thread know any articles/videos/any resources for learning more abt this and treating it? I've tried looking but haven't found anything, this video was the first i heard someone mention it but I still would like more info
I've struggled with this for so many years, and with therapy it's gotten a bit better, but there's still so much of myself that I don't know or feel disconnected from
I would love to hear what things we can do to help ourselves. I often hear the “Ask for help” or “go to therapy” all over the place but a lot of us don’t have anyone to ask for help and don’t even know what that means to get help from others and therapy is something we can’t all afford.
Personally, I dont feel comfortable telling a complete stranger how I feel and what I've been through and what I've done due to what I've been through🤷🏾♀️ ...then I dont have anyone to go to but MaryJ. The only constant in the past 17yrs that has been any help, but then has been what has been holding me back because my work depends on drug testing. Thankfully it never progressed past that, but I end up trapping myself because moving forward means giving that up. Then BOOM! I'm all alone with nothing to give me a break from the constant torment and memories and self-doubt, self-hatred, loneliness, heartbrokenness, etc etc etc.... My body doesn't take to liquor so becoming a drunk wasnt an option and I dont like shots or being totally wired so I never wanted anything past what MaryJ would do....😥 ...my daughter is my main goal. I put her before at all times, but when she sees me not doing what I'm teaching her, she is resisting my advice😔 ...so now I'm scared I'll loose her as she becomes a teenager. But other ppl have it worse, right. Greatest line I get to hear from others. Sorry just venting.
As someone whos been in and out of therapy for thirty years, i want to agree and there is help free online you just have to find what works for you. Like this video! Educating yourself is power and personality i watch a few helpful humans on you tube that helps with therapy on myself 🌟✌🏽💜
One important thing to know is that if you are on gov insurance like Medicaid it does cover therapy. That's how I was able to afford therapy.
@@redcandi01 Maybe try therapy anyways. They are probably used to people not wanting to open up. And I would say it's okay to not open up entirely at 1st, let them know you don't feel comfortable and just want to start out talking about the surface issues and slowly work your way down. If they don't want to work that way then get a new therapist that is willing to work slowly with you.
Jesus is ready to hear us our and help us if only we accept Him as our Lord and savior and tell Him our problems even though He knows but want us to willingly come to Him for help. He loves us So much and He is all we need in fact He is the solution to our problems. Am a living testimony to the Lord’s goodness. If He did for even me He will do for you too. Call upon His name and be safe!!! ✝️❤️❤️❤️✝️
i have only recently realized that i have childhood trauma, and relate to many of these points. i wanted to say thank you for spreading awareness about this topic
Thank you for watching and sharing a bit of your story ♥️
I just came to realize I have Childhood Emotional Neglect. The discovery and points have been mind blowing yet they fit so much about me
@@StephAnya can we talk I need a therapist :(((
I realized this about myself a couple years ago! I used to be a mean snooty high school girl until I realized I was like that bc of my trauma! It changed everything. I hope you're doing better too
@@famray2646 i used to be like that as well...I'm almost 31 and just realized it was because I grew up with a broken heart
I was born with a hole in my heart and had corrective surgery twice before the age of 4: I woke up from anesthesia once during one of the many procedures I underwent. I awoke to needles being stuck into the palm of my hand. I remember waking up crying from the pain. The doctor put his face inches from mine and yelled at me to stop crying. From that day on, anytime I have pain, I shut down emotionally. I become stiff and unresponsive. I still don’t know what was being done to me to this day. All I know is that sometimes, residents will be allowed to “practice” procedures on patients under anesthesia. All my other memories fit the facts. But this memory is so bizarre to me. But I do know that it is the reason that I freeze and allow bad things to happen to me
Poor girl. I wish I could hug you. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Man this is horrific and I am so sorry.
Am so sorry that this happened to you. 😕
Have you though about suing the doctor?
I can't imagine how terrifying that must've been as a literal toddler. What a piece of shit doctor
1:20 1:Disassociation or Numbing
2:39 2:Body in an aroused state
4:48 3:Self loathing
7:08 5:Speechless Terror
7:44 6:Loss of self
8:29 7:Physical Immobility
9:22 8:Difficulty learning new information
5:34 4: Stuck in the past
I feel 5 of the 8 out all the time.
I just verbally spoke it out loud to myself, my husband, and some of my family that I was raped by a family when I was a child. I didn't realize how much of a weight I was carry basically all my life. I buried that trauma SOOOO deep that one day out of nowhere it came rushing out like a tsunami, the tears that flowed and my feelings where unstoppable to the point where I thought I would have to go to the emergency room. The after affect of now dealing with this is SOOOOO HARD because now I have to face the ghost that was buried many many years ago. It's scary knowing that I have to go down that dark journey of facing my rape in order to see the light of the journey. I'M SOOOOOOOO SCARED TO GO ON THAT JOURNEY. My family are doing their best to help but they don't understand the PAIN (mentally, physically, and spiritually) that I have to relive. Even sharing this now is triggering like I want to run and hide. But I am glad this video popped up on my news feed so that I could speak my trauma again.
I'm so sorry
I hope you are somewhere better right now
It's scary to have to go through the darkness again and sometimes again and again for healing purposes. I've had to talk about my trauma to different therapists over the years and see how it has helped me overcome a lot of my anxieties, my depression, my lack of motivation, etc. I recently had a major breakthrough related to my trauma and motivation (which seemed unrelated - but surprisingly was), but this was years in the making. I still get triggered and heard things in this video that i still resonate with, and unfortunately it was a recent trauma, not childhood trauma that I buried. Either way, there are ways through this... Hopefully you have been able to find what helps you. 🤗
I’m a 17 year old and one of the things I learned is that you have to acknowledge a problem first in order to solve it. I already knew I was traumatized/living with trauma. I really wanna take the small baby steps in order to heal. A follow up video would be so helpful thank you❤️
good luck to you, I wish you the best 💚
I'm 15 and I have half of this but I'm not a narcissist and I also don't have Trauma 😃
I wish you the best because I know how you feel
Sending good thoughts your way. You're absolutely right, acknowledge there's a problem.
Im also 17, and Im sadly still living in the trauma. But I do wish you the best
I had told my mother several times that I can remember about "feeling like an empty soda can". And my doctor when I was a teenager. And several school counselors. None of them acted like they had ever heard of anyone else experiencing that. My mother told me to just cheer up, go take a nap, or she was too busy to handle me right then. As an adult, I found out I have DID which is caused by early childhood trauma. This isn't the first medical issue I have been handling as an adult that could have been addressed when I was much younger.
Sorry that no one listened to you. 😔
I can relate so much to this. I'm 20 years old and my mother has said some horrible things that I'm pretty sure she knows are trauma responses herself. She's gone through a heavy amount of sexual trauma for most of her life and her own mother didn't respond correctly to it. Now I haven't told my mother that I was sexually abused by two friends in my life from the age of six to ten. But I'm sure she has an idea from the way I acted growing up. Clear signs of trauma. She even has these trauma signs as well and has a degree in psychology. She drops hints that she possible knows what I've been through but then she'll say things like "you just copied your brother going to therapy". And it's crazy because even if she didn't know what happened to me something traumatic just happened to our entire family just recently and for her to say I don't need therapy for that big event and that I'm just copying my brother is a huge slap in the face.
@@Royalty_girlie You would think she would know better. I'm sorry you haven't received the support you need, especially when you need it most. Sometimes our parents don't know how best to parent us and fail in certain areas. Continue toget help and build your own support systems, with people who really know and understand you better and also note this so that you don't don't repeat the cycle with your kids. 💗
@@Lindamorena of course. And I know my mother would never say anything intentionally to hurt me because she doesn't know what happened to me. So I can't push the blame of how I feel onto her. And I know she would definitely never say those things if she knew what happened to me.
No credible therapist would diagnose you would DID. It’s a very controversial diagnosis for good reason. Most of the time it is a diagnosis created by poorly trained - conspiratorial therapists.
Bessel van der Kook rose to prominence during the Satanic Panic. He had his research assistant falsify data (proven in a court of law) and then pretended he never shared the falsified data while spewing it all over tv and print.
Evangelical preachers used to hold “exorcism therapy sessions” during the panic that allegedly released trapped traumatic memories stored in the abdomen or elbow. The same nonsensical crap Bessel promotes that is absurd at face value. Your arm, leg, stomach, etc… cannot store traumatic memories.
MPD/DID and repressed/recovered memory junk science started the Satanic Panic and destroyed countless lives, including the many troubled - mentally ill women that were told they had it.
I have so many traumas and my mind is a carnival ride that I can't get off. Everyone thinks I am great, yep, those smiles hide A LOT. I am 57 years old and never got the help I desperately needed so many decades ago. I did start therapy with a good therapist a couple years ago, then covid happened. I have SO many triggers, smells, music, certain scenes, you name it, it triggers me. Peeps get help young and stick with it, no one paid attention to the traumas that filled my brain, I was the "Robin Williams" , and just kept on smiling. Anyway ✌
I honestly wanted to start crying as I sat through this video. Especially the part when you said that the trauma can make it’s presence known physically. I got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia almost a year ago. I’ve been traumatized for so long, every single point you made was accurate. I’m currently trying to get help, I didn’t have much luck with physical therapy but I plan on changing my diet, practicing healthy coping skills, and finding a therapist soon. Thank you for making me wake up, and see that I need to take this more seriously. I lost my sense of self a while ago too. I’ve been trying to find her for two years now. I cry everyday because I don’t know who I am. I dissociate all the time. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD since I was 18, but for some reason I always feel like I don’t need help, because I’m always busy helping someone else, and avoiding my trauma. But the reality is I can’t avoid it. It is so bad that I feel it physically. My whole body always feels like I’m burning alive. I’m always depressed and tired. My hands and feet tingle and burn. My trauma has gotten the best of me, that it’s literally disabling me. If no one has told you this yet, YOU DESERVE TO GET HELP.❤️
Thank u for sharing your story, and letting others know it’s okay to get help. I hope you’re recovering has been better during this time 🙏 Sending care and love your way ❤️
Baby girl you will get better, I pray for you ❤ I feel on this, all my heart. I am going through this process again. But let me tell you, going to therapy, connecting with nature, ❤ God, you can take small steps download a app on your phone, for example ;) ❤ and a healthy diet really really do help. You may want to look up, for a holistic therapist specialized in bio- orthomoleculaire and nutrition medicine. And combine that with a Clinic therapeut- psychologist if you need. Oh yeah find a outlet to realise feelings ❤ I hope that helps 🙏🏼❤️🌜😘👒😍
I read your comment and hope you do better. I got serious back pain that developed to double hernia that had to be operated thanks to my trauma with covert narcisst ex. Its so true its easier to help others than ourselves bur nowadays when I feel I have been able to heal my creativity blocks that for me felt also like loss of self its a joy also to help others being now this 2.0 version of me. I have found ways to heal with my creativity and spirituality and awareness nd compassion of my emotions, especially sadness has been big part of my healing process. Beauty of healing is that on the other side of all pain can be new way to be stronger. Dont give up!
I don't know exactly what the perps did to you, but gossip and slander are known as "Slow murder" because they can do exactly what you are talking about. I don't have any great advice for you, but I wish you the best. I do pray about this thing which helps knowing God knows the truth whether good or bad on my part. I haven't directly harmed anyone, but I have stayed away from women for the past four years since my wife disappeared one morning, that made me crazy. I have made women angry for me ignoring them, but I can't go into something I don't feel
I hope you get the care you need. I'm in the medical field and you might wanna get the tingling and burning checked out, it could be a sign of neuropathy.
Would love to see the follow up video to this. The coping mechanisms to better one self. Thank you
Hi Natalie! I’ll be filming it this week. I love your channel ♥️
I can't wait for the way to address this issue. It's so heartbreaking to live like this
@@StephAnya we are waiting thank u 🥰
@@kimaniruth964 How are you now? In life there are only 2 problems--mind and the body. Be careful what you feed your mind. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and try to reach a state of equanmity. . Avoid comparing with others, reduce negative social media and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives relief from stress-anxiety. To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight, eyes closed, avoid moving too much and observe the sensations of your incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 5-10-15 minutes or more. Never meditate with expectations but with awareness. Don’t fight your thoughts. With practice the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations before sleep, when reading, in the kitchen, at work, when taking a walk etc -----anytime-anywhere with eyes open or closed. . Like me, make this a lifetime habit to have a better life. Best wishes--Counsellor.
Yes we need another video please 😊
As a person who has struggled with disassociation since my childhood traumas, and have recently accepted those traumas, learning new coping mechanisms would be great for me at this moment. Since I am between therapists/counselors.
Just discovered your channel and im loving it all. Thank you.
Journaling helps by acknowledging or targeting the origin of pain is the best way to express yourself.
It has taken years but I recognize when it's about to happen. The keywords I use to tell my wife is that "I feel funny. I'm having a moment." She tries hard to keep me grounded in the present by asking me to count backwards, or describe a happy memory to counteract it. I've had panic attacks that have resulted in near seizures, a cardiologist rushing to rip my shirt off, with the help of nurses, to apply leads to see if I'm having a medical episode. I have drank myself stupid, curled up in a ball in the shower, and found myself dealing with the dramas of others to keep myself busy.
The only thing that calms me is music. I pick a recent moment in time, I can remember, that means something to me and I replay it in my head. I hold onto to the positive feeling I got from it and try to feel the moment like it's happening that very second. The fraction of time that I get from feeling that kind of happy helps me push forward.
I'm married to a psychologist and I love your content. The work that you guys do is so important. Thank you for your impact.
The numbing sensation is called depersonalization/ derealization.
For anyone terrified of this feeling and needing the right term. Research it you are not alone ❤️
I remember the only time that happened was when I was deep within anorexia. Even after the eating disorder, codependency never left till I got raped and that when I was able to acknowledge the sexual abuse I had as a child was I able to fight and forgive myself. As human, trauma can trigger but can I confidently say I can deal with anyone and everyone and yes that includes personality disorder. Will of a human mind is the strongest thing when you find your identity.
I had this after my dad died.
I've dealt with mental health issues for almost my whole life,but they hit me differently. Never experienced any thing like it before.
@Laura Skillman
Yeah I suffer from depersonalization not all the time but it is a common enough occurrence to notice.
I’m currently dealing with DPDR induced by panic attacks, any tips on healing? I know it’s a work in progress but sometimes it’s difficult especially when you have set backs. Also to mention, mine is 24/7. It’s exhausting.
I've felt this way several times and the last time I felt it was when I realised something was wrong in feeling that kind of numbness. Someone said something horrible happened and while my mind processed it as it being terrible, overall I didn't react at all. It's honestly scary and I know that is the beginnings of going on a depressive spiral.
I’ve dealt with all of these… the disassociation, stuck in the past, loss of self, and the self loathing ones are definitely the strongest ones I’ve dealt with the most… I think my trauma has affected my body so much that it feels like I’m stuck in the body of a 50 year old, rather than a 26 year old. It’s so important to work on healing, instead of letting your trauma own you. It’s really hard, but I’m finally starting to reclaim my sense of self and my life. I don’t think it’s ever to late to heal, but the sooner, the better. Deep breathing, meditation, therapy, building healthy relationships, finding healthy hobbies, and exercising can do a lot to help you. Eating healthier is also beneficial. It’s very tiring, but don’t give up.
The "manual calm down" is so real, as someone who has self harming tendencies as a soothing mechanism, and next to zero interest in sex or alcohol unless I'm unable to relax
That first one, disassociation/numbness, is one of the strangest feelings. It's like you're a shell, and you're self-aware of it, and you don't feel anything other then just existence and knowing this is not how a human should feel. On one of my worse days having an episode like this, someone in a large pickup truck swerved without looking in the grocery store parking lot and almost hit me. Luckily the guy stopped in time otherwise I'm sure I would be dead or at least severely injured because the truck's hood was almost level with my head. I stopped like a deer in headlights, unable to feel anything - not even fear - just some surprise. And then I walked away and continued grocery shopping, and suddenly I knew how bad being so emotionally numb was because I should be feeling SOMETHING - fear, anxiety, exhiliatrtion from having a near death experience - but I felt NOTHING and that was the most troubling part. You can feel 'troubled', where the fact you feel nothing is bothering you, but it's not entirely an emotion. I'm even able to laugh and smile but I am very aware that I am acting.
Mind you, this isn't an every day thing for me. Some days I just wake up and realize it's a non-emotional day though I've been much better with therapy and meds. Now my body is in the "time to feel EVERYTHING we've been repressing" stage which is also not fun but it's part of the process.
Thank you so much for this! I am currently healing childhood trauma. I just recently found out that I have cptsd because I have a narc mom and had a very toxic father…had a narc ex….and was a victim of SA in the last year. I just noticed how all of those things have had a physical toll on my body. Thank you for your videos. Lots of love🧡
I don't know you personally, but I am so proud of you for initiating your healing process. It takes so much courage to unlearn the very trauma responses that seemed to keep us protected. The mind body connection is still so fascinating to me. Thank you for watching. Sending lots of love right back to you.
wow why is this my current life situation 😢, im 26 and I am slowly getting out of survival mode I definitely have symptoms of cptsd and panic attacks when im thinking about the past
YES YES YES, PLEASE DO A FOLLOW UP. This is extremely useful, not just for dealing with own traumas and those of our close relationships but also for understanding and creating empathy for other people in society, random people we meet. Especially now with the pandemic, we are living a collective trauma and we need to understand each other better thru it. Stephanie, you are touching so many people's lives, please continue. You are making a difference. Much love!
I read a book called"drama of gifted child" in my 40's.I am 72 years old now.I was so impressed with the author Alice Miller who wrote the book.I believe her last book"the body never lies"has the same intention about body and trauma.I was sad when heard she died at age 87.She was a controversial author with feminine dimension in a very patriarchal world,.Freud and Jung giants.Anyways I thought I just would put this out there....by the way she is a Swiss psychoanalyst :)
Thank you for sharing about this book!
Very important information, thank you!❤
It's been 2 years since I was diagnosed with PTSD and I'm just now coming to terms with it. I've been telling myself "it wasn't that bad, people have it worse" and "I didn't go to war" etc.. but I have so many symptoms and this year, I'm finally coming to terms with how bad it has gotten. I'm finally getting treatment (SGB treatment) and I have hope I can come out of this and live the life I've always wanted.
Edit: I did receive the stellate ganglion block in early April and I can confidently say that I have not felt this calm and happy since I was 8. It's only been 2 weeks and my life has done a complete 180. Science is truly a miracle and if anyone has questions, feel free to ask because I know I was scared shitless. I now have a new lease on life and I'm so eternally grateful 🙏
Congradulations! I know I'm a stranger but I am so happy for you and you give me hope ♡ I have depression and I am always saying to myself "it's not that bad people have it worse" it's good to not feel alone in that
@@smileygirl622 You are very kind, thank you 🥰 I completely understand how you feel. I was always comparing myself with others because maybe I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't so bad and hate myself more for not being able to accomplish what I wanted to. I believed I was "functionally" depressed but I believe we truly underestimate the importance of mental health in our society. I was really not functional. I went to work and paid my bills but I had no motivation to do anything new, I lost interest in all my hobbies, didn't want to talk to anyone, ended up crying pretty much everyday, being negative and irritable all the time... ever since the injection, all of that is better. I truly had given up and thought I would be depressed and anxious for the rest of my life and thought that was something I would have to deal with forever but I was so wrong. Everything is so much better and I'm so so grateful.
I hope you are able to one day find something that helps and works for you 💖 Never give up!
@@arielm1374 thank u for ur honesty and strength
It touched me in a profound way
I’m interested in this medicine
Could u please tell me more about it?
Thank u
@@MsJones3 sure! They basically inject anesthesia into a bundle of nerves in your neck that are in control of your "fight or flight" response. This basically resets your nervous system which to me was a blessing. My mental health was affecting my physical health really bad and I truly feel like a better version of myself now.
@@arielm1374 I want it now! Lol
Thank you for addressing trauma and I would love a follow up. Can you talk about treatment and types of therapy for dealing with trauma? I'm currently reading this book as well.
Absolutely! Thank you for letting me know that you'd like to see that.
@@StephAnya ways to cope after trauma
Agreed! Would love to see that!
@@janetbode4290 yes please
I am severely traumatized from my childhood. I live in fear and am anxious all day everyday. Thank you for this video.
May God heal and guide you every step of the way. Aameen
I wish you all the best. You probably have heard already of the renown trauma expert Gabor Maté. There's many Interviews and presentations on youtube. They are extremely helpful.
I started breaking down in tears and and was soothing myself because of the things I heard in this video. This video is so profound and spoke to me on such a deep level, I realize how much trauma I've been carrying around all my life. I'm in a perpetual state of "fine" that I realize I'm not fine and have just learned how to cope with all this trauma on the day to day. The truth is that I don't do that well even with that as I have to deal with undiagnosed bipolar symptoms as well, my mania is absolutely crazy.
I hope you're doing better. You'll get through this 🤍
Thank you Nina, I got out of therapy a couple months ago and I started coaching sessions (today actually) which I think will help me quite a bit.@@lo_ttie
I’m a younger teenager but I think I may have trauma from my childhood (current and past). I relate with a lot of these points, especially disassociation and difficulty learning. It’s very hard for me to function in the real world when I’m constantly backtracking due to this. Thank you for this, it really helped me :)
Great lesson for the narcissists,so they can learn to love themself instead of trying to destroy others to feel good about themselves. The best actors hiding their trauma-hood very well.
I've had panic attacks, i have anorexia, depression, and self harm. Only started presenting when i turned 16 to now at 19yrs old. I was sexually abused of course, so that's how I cope. Im pretty sure im traumatized, but there it is what it is. Appreciate this video, helps me understand myself
I hope you know that you are strong. You are resilient as hell!!! The fact that something that traumatic happened to you and your still here on this Earth moving forward is a amazing. I want you to keep on living because you are a beautiful soul. Don’t let ANY negativity get you down!!! I pray that your panic attacks, anorexia,depression,and self harming get better. You deserve to feel some relief. But please be careful I really hope the best for you!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ MUCH LOVEEEE💗 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
@@kailah6358 I know this wasn't directed towards me, but I'm pretty much dealing with the same thing except the effects of my trauma started effecting me at age 9. I just wanted to say reading this brought a tear to my face. I hope everybody who has dealt with trauma remains strong.
Sweetheart sending you love and light to the universe 💙💚💜
Two weeks not looking at food.., very scary... I’m struggling with long panic attacks
@@kailah6358 THANK YOU SM for kind message 💗it means a lot to me
I have been in a cycle of all of this for about 7 months. It’s been hell. I don’t understand how I got so overwhelmed. And how extreme it’s effected me. I’m literally living entirely in my head I’m so disassociated. And it’s so frustrating.
You’re not alone 🙏🏿❤️
you should check out this guy’s videos on depersonalization/derealization which are types of dissociative disorders. his videos were reassuring to me me. he even sells a manual to getting over dissociation. I haven’t bought it (yet) but am considering it given his understanding and personal accounts of dealing with the disorder.
th-cam.com/video/h7u59TkQTxY/w-d-xo.html
aside from him, look up on youtube “somatic meditation” or “vagus nerve exercises”. I did one by her (link below) and a lot of my anxiety that day was relieved. obviously it must be practiced continuously for long term relief but it helped that day. I 100% am in your boat. I live in an anxious, guarded state and this is the “survival mode” where you’re looking for threats or things that are a danger to you.
th-cam.com/video/eFV0FfMc_uo/w-d-xo.html
This subject is soo needed especially in the BLACK COMMUNITY...mental health issues are super important to address
I don’t believe trauma is related to skin color
@@Kate98755 IM SPEAKING ON BLACK PEOPLE POINT BLANK
No "community" needs it more than another. Any idea like that is so prideful
@@MonoKyrios I COMPLETELY DISAGREE.
@@Rue100 racist
Yep, I am traumatized... still at 25. Your voice's so calming to hear
It took me up until i was 18 to now 20, to realize the trauma i went through with having an absent/narcissistic mother. I didn’t understand why i was failing in relationships or failing myself. These were very accurate and I’m in a much better state of mind than i was. Thank you for being helpful
Same, narcissistic father it sucks
Absent father (especially emotionally) & Narcissistic mother here - such a wonderful pairing for my upbringing 😑 lol 😅
@@JBUHJBUHsame for me :-( and it took me so long to look back and say 'oh, they weren't SUPPOSED to treat me like that?'
That's good! You're so fortunate to have learned this about yourself at such a young age! I wish I knew about this sooner, lol.
I also experienced this but didn’t realise until my early 20s. It’s not an easy journey.
I would highly recommend reading “Breaking the habit of being yourself” by Joe Dispenza for people interested about neuroscience, he talks about how we can stay stuck in survival mode and how it affects our relationship with our environment, time and our body. It really helped me to understand the power I had over my thoughts and my reactions from my trauma.
Omg I love Joe Dispenza he’s so right! 💯
Watching this after being generally curious. I realize that everything I went through at the end of 2019-beginning of 2020, is what led me to a year of all of these symptoms.
I had a psychotic break at the end of 2019, which led me to having to take a 4 month leave of absence from school, dealt with the stress of the holidays, had my first seizure 5 days before my 20th birthday in February, finally went back to school 3 weeks later, and then was only back in school for 4 days before we went into shelter in place and everything shut down. No wonder I was literally traumatized for that entire year following. I felt every single one of these symptoms and was so cruel to myself for feeling them as I was going through it, wondering every day what was wrong with me. Now looking back, I realized how that was all incredibly traumatic.
I look back in retrospect and just wish I could’ve been kinder to that younger girl during my healing from trauma.
Thank you for shedding light on this subject, making so many of us watchers feel validated in what we went through.
I recognize I’ve experienced trauma that my body and brain are still dealing with, but I feel bad or guilty even actually admitting to myself that I’ve been traumatized because I keep telling myself that I’m not strong if I let the things that happened traumatize me. I keep thinking “others have had much worse things happen, I shouldn’t feel anything because of this”
Thanks! Just listed to grief. Excellent my husband was shot I was in the vehicle and started having flashbacks of words the shooter said to me. He was arrested on Friday and I wasn't happy??? Surprised me but a sadness for him came upon me. He's a lost soul too. Had compassion I want God to forgive me I have to forgive others. Wow
I don't remeber any traumatic event in my life but I always relate to all of the symptoms.
I have been through a lot of trauma due to my family ignoring me and placing me around people we didn’t know very well if u know what I mean. It’s sad to hear that many people go through this but I am glad to hear that I am not alone in this healing process. I swore it was only anxiety and depression until I went to a therapist and got accurately diagnosed. Lol nice video!!
My therapist recommended this book, and it was SO helpful! I am currently dealing with complex PTSD and it's a long haul. This book made me cry because at last I found text I could identify with and case studies I could relate to. It was hard to go through the emotions but a blessing to finally understand that what was happening to me was indeed as a result of trauma and that my reactions were "normal"!
does the book offer tips/solutions?
What’s the book
Hi Sarah,
Could you please share the name of the book?
@@iamflay3776 the name of the book is “The Body Keeps the Score”. This video is based on that book.
@@MochaRose990 yes it does!
The Body Keeps the Score is one of the most informative and eye opening books I ever read - if I'd never read it I would have never known I literally had a traumatic brain injury.
How do you heal it?
Wow. If only I had you as my therapist and not the one I had this past year! This is important info and I’m glad I found this.
Self-loathing
Had really affected me a lot. Not taking care of myself at all. No thought about the future. Constant battle for existence.
Also, it has opened my eyes to others' actions and reactions due to traumas and PTSD and I am leaning that it is not my fault or responsibility to "fix" anyone.
I was (and still am) experiencing mental trauma, and your comment on arousal was very insightful. I’ve struggled with anxiety for YEARS and severe OCD and releasing that momentarily with self pleasure is something I learned in my psychology classes in college. It stops anxiety for a moment but it is very difficult to maintain that. I miss anxiety medication but I moved abroad so I have to find new vices and I’m going back to old patterns.. it’s sad honestly):
Self pleasure as in sexually? Does that work?
@@Lindamorena Only for a short time.
What else raises your dopamine and endorphins? Try making time for those. Exercise can be done at home, you don't have to go anywhere. Unless it's walking/running. What about video/phone games for a set amount of time.
Love how direct and practical you are on your videos. People with trauma need simple and direct information, we are so confused most the times. God bless you!
You are the first person to mention speechless terror. I also froze in place on the ground, where I landed, after he threw me across the room. One instant I was standing, the next moment I was in the air. I wasn’t hurt when I landed, because I think my body was not expecting it. Very good work.
Someone gifted this book to my boyfriend about a year ago, and after watching your video, I’m gonna go try to find it in the basement! Great video, sub’d!
you bought tears to my eyes because i identity with more than half of the things on this list and it’s moving me because i know have to face the fact that i actually am traumatized. i didn’t think i was before but wow. it’s scary because i feel like i’m forever changed and didn’t even recognize it. ugh. thank you.
#8 "Difficulty Learning New Information" I've been in therapy and trying so many things. It seems like every step forward is two steps back. Every time I have an "aha" moment it disappears hours or days later like it never happened. I go back to where I started. It's like I learn it then I unlearn it, and it's more difficult to re-learn a second, third, or umpteenth time. I'm so frustrated and hard on myself, but understanding that maybe it's just hard for me to learn and retain makes me realize I've probably been too harsh on myself (thus making it even harder cause I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to get better now and not mess this up). Anyway, all that to say thank you.
Feels good hearing this, I've been dealing with trauma from when I was still a tiny toddler, and the possibility of it got flat out rejected by my mom, instead it all gets blamed on mental disorders instead of understanding there's a reason why I acted like I did, I've had to deal with physical and psychological abuse.
Usually when traveling other people don't notice I carry it with me, because at those moments I feel free from my past because no one knows me and can just judge me for who I am now instead of letting my past drag me down.
Therapy is so expensive nowadays I know this isnt exactly the same as one on with a therapist but I am so happy I found this page.
Thank ypu so much for this powerful and helpful video.
I'm a cutter and self abuser. I've been cutting myself since 14-15 years old, now at 34 y.o. and as a mom of 2 I still fall into it, especially after recent death of my mother from cancer. I blame myself for not curing her of cancer.
Throughout my whole life I was traumatized and retraumatized over and over again.
The most damaging is the difficulty learning new information bc I really do go through these waves of "yes! I feel free finally, let's do this! Let's move forward, let's dive into our passions learn new things, blah blah blah" only to end up shortly after back in the pits of loss of self, self loathing and self hatred. And unfortunately those bursts of positivity and activity have been short lived, where as the darkness is long lasting.
It's like my internal geography is that of the northern countries. Long ass winters and brief ass summers. It's exhausting and demoralizing to keep going.
Wauw im a speech therapist and sometimes children have so much trouble making steps in my therapy. Maybe it’s trauma thank u! I will be even more patient! X
As a child I was diagnosed with APD (auditory processing disorder). It applies more to speech but also to written information. I am slower at processing information and formulating responses than other people. Is it possible that I could have developed this because of childhood trauma? Thanks in advance!
@@Hannah-ov6ki trauma is not my specialty as I’m not a psychologist…. But I work in an area with loads of social problems. My experience is that language and speech problems is more complex than in rich areas. Also because of multiple language speaking at home… I don’t think I can answer you’re question sorry
I have not watched the entire video yet, am half way through the body keeps the score. Regarding speech/voice issues, ‘The polyvagal theory’ book is helpful in explaining how the vagus nerve is affected by trauma. You likely are already aware but just in case. Thanks for all you do for others!
definitely 1,2,3 and 8. however ive found that with time, 2 has been on a huge decline for the past few years. i’m so grateful that there are some parts of myself that i’ve been able to heal on my own with my own research and learning. this really helped a lot, thank you
I’ve experienced self-loathing and being stuck in the past since my most recent relationship ended. Dating him really brought my self-esteem to an all time low, and I genuinely feel like it’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. He wasn’t abusive or anything, but I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, and he put me down a lot towards the end of the relationship, and experiencing that rejection from someone I had invested so much time into up to that point was unbearable for me. I feel like I would be so much better off now if we had chosen to remain just friends. I don’t think I’m traumatized, but I do constantly feel like everyone around me is secretly thinking the criticisms he expressed about me, but they’re just to nice to actually say them.
I see this was a few months ago, hope you're doing better! Don't be so hard on yourself, it's something I have struggled with too.
I have complex-ptsd, major depression and anxiety and ocd. I been through years of every kind of abuse you can think of. I've been abused most of my life. I don't trust anyone anymore and I prefer to be alone most of the time because that's my nature and character. I'm a calm quiet person by nature. I don't like to be in large groups of people. I have come to realize that I need to just live by myself for my own sanity, privacy, calm and quiet environment. I can't handle anymore stress. I need my own little place and space to myself for my mental and emotional well-being.
as I watch this video, I am overcome and overwhelmed
by a deepest desire for true love.
I love somebody,
they don't feel the same way about me.
I long and ache:
to be wanted and needed
and loved and cherished
and desired.
I pray for this.
I pray to (re)unite
with my twin-flame/soul-mate/true-love...
It's strange, I could never really find the right way to describe what I feel but this honestly explained so much. I'm definitely going to make an appointment tomorrow with my doctor to see about my options and discussing this further. Thank you.
I experience all of this. Was diagnosed with dissociation, anxiety and depression when I was 16, but I never talked about my upbringing, because I was still brainwashed and too afraid. I think I have dealt with trauma since I was born and I still blame myself a lot for my trauma, because I often spoke up for myself. I went to psychologists since I was 12, and I was misdiagnosed with autism at 19, because I didn't speak about my trauma from my upbringing, and I feel like no one really asked me. I've dealt with digestive issues all my life and joint inflammation since I was 16. I also got hives on my hands. Went to a rheumatologist, and he said that there was nothing wrong, so I think it's all trauma. I had EMDR once, for one thing that happened to me when I was a kid, but I never spoke about all the other things. I'm 28 now and I have a lot of anxiety, I'm depressed most of the time, I isolate myself a lot even though I'm actually a very extraverted person, I never had a job and don't have an education and I feel so left out. I know now that there is nothing wrong with me other than trauma and that gives me hope for my future. I really hope I can heal from it one day.
From reading your comment, gathered that you have endured a lot. The only thing I can say is I for one recognize, acknowledge and accept you as the beautiful precious person you are. Also, I heard and felt every word you said. Your voice should be heard as well as everyone else. In doing so, your body, soul, and mind will feel better. You are dearly loved.
I really relate to most of these. Especially numbing and constantly in an aroused state. I still catch myself catastrophizing when it unnecessary due to past bad experiences. 🤦🏾♀️
I used to have a therapist, but I never talked to her so I think this is so much better
I got 6/8. I do self studies on mental health and having healthy people around had me reflect on myself and I came to a realization that there is trauma I have to overcome. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Van der Kolk and Peter Levine are 2 of my favorites- very insightful. Thank you for breaking this down. I hope you do more videos about trauma.
This video made me tear up. I was able to identify and relate to a lot of what you mentioned here. I’m in therapy but sometimes it’s hard to articulate or remember stuff I should bring up. Maybe a follow up video on how to address these traumas? Ty for this
Yep, I’m traumatized. The reason for it is because of abuse and bullying. I feel this symptoms. I’m glad I’m not alone though. That would be even tougher.
Sorry to hear this. You are definitely not alone
Excellent video!
I have been stalked by
an insane rich man
who has spent beaucoup
money abusing me.
I can relate to most of
these, and suspect most
victims of narcissism
or psycopathy should
see this video.
Thank you SO much.
Saw this pop on my feed a couple times before. I always skipped it. Im watching it now and now i am glad i clicked. Thank you 😊
Thank you. I learned some new things about this trauma. Now I understand why it’s hard for me to just study something without freaking out. Little by little I am getting better though. It’s just frustrating at times. I am also getting better with disassociation
I've recently been Diagnosed with PTSD. This really put into words I couldn't come up with. I would love another video! Just found you but I'm hooked!
Thank you so much for including the example of hearing about someone else's experience as being trauma. I invalidate myself a lot because I didn't experience the abuse myself. I just grew up knowing what happened to my family before I was born. Hearing that from you helps.
I am trying to heal from a narcissistic relationship and have spent my life in horrible toxic relationships....my childhood experiences have set me up to fail I'm relationships ...people pleasing with no self esteem and no coping skills as attention wasn't given in my house....my needs were not met as a child so as an adult, they aren't met either. I have found a good counselor helping me see the order of things and the dots are finally being connected.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for mentioning cutting.
People usually don't mention that in relation to trauma and it can leave you feeling crazier and more isolated.
I feel like this is a safe space so I'll vent a little: I've been verbally abused and degraded by my family for so long that I can't remember when it started. My father and mother never emotionally supported me and ignored my emotional needs and then my step-father constantly tells me I'm dumb (he uses the r-word that means the same thing) and things like that. My mother just stands there and lets him scream at me for the littlest things unless it "gives her a headache" because he's so loud. So, my family never gave me the emotional support I need. I use fiction (anime, fandoms, things like that) to give myself a happy feeling and make up self-inserted plots in my head about my favorite characters in a relationship with me to the extent of sometimes not being able to tell the difference between real life and my fake, fictional lives. I also have bad enough anxiety to the point of hives breaking out all over my body and repeating the same information in my head or out loud until I feel like it's "true". It can be really stupid information like a fictional character's hair color that I obsessively murmur to myself over and over again. I also can't take people yelling or being loud around me or raising their hand because I think they might hit me (my family doesn't physically abuse me yet but they do threaten to all the time). I don't even have feelings toward real people. I've never been "in love" with a real-life, not fictional man, and I've never cared for anybody, even people who consider themselves my friends. I feel horrible and like I'm a two-faced asswhole for not caring about people who obviously want to talk to me (my brother, for example. He's the only non-abusive person in our household, but he is favorited, which he hates) but I just can't care about real people. Fictional Characters on the other hand I will cry over and love like a real person. It doesn't make sense and I've been told I need to see a therapist by our family doctor, but my mother doesn't want to "waste money" and doesn't want to admit that she and my step-father are horrible parents. I'm also suicidal and have been cutting myself for 3 or 4 years (I'm 15 until May btw, my step-father came down from Pennsylvania 6 or 7 years ago, but my real father was still horrible. He'd watch Porn in front of us and not turn it off even if he knew we were behind him and were hungry.) and have tried taking my life once. My parents know this, but it's too expensive (my parents both work good jobs and get paid loads of money.) to get me help, even free help like the Suicide Prevention Line. I have constant panic attacks ( the really bad shaking, crying, hyperventilating ones) and I've been told to "control myself". I'm not allowed to cry at all or show any negative emotions (let alone emotions at all) or they will bully me and call me a crybaby and that "I'd never be able to live in their shoes." I also have this really weird superiority/inferiority complex that will switch super fast. One minute I'll be numb and the next feel like a Goddess. So that's my little (not very little) vent comment. Sorry for it being really really really long, I've never told anyone other than my brother any of this (I don't have friends at school and I'm controlled to the point of not being allowed to be out of the house at all and my internet time is an hour because the internet will "make me even stupider) but I think it's just because they know I cope by using fiction (again anime, manga, video games, stuff like that) and don't want me to. (They always tell me to "Be in the real world sometimes" in a derogatory way to make fun of me, but I can't go a minute, let alone a day, without my fictional lives) Again, I'm super sorry for posting this eye-sore of a huge comment, but it did help. I've got 3 or 4 more years until I can move out, so I hope I make it to then. I hope you have a really good week and feel happy. Bye-Bye! 😚
Hang in there!!!!!
I’m really sorry about everything that’s going on! I pray for you that things end up alright once you are able to leave your home. Have you tried talking to a trusted friend?
so much love for you ♡
You literally spoke as if you were telling me my past, save for the porn part. I also use fiction as an escape. When not working, I either go shopping or lock myself away in my bedroom. I rarely go out in public and associate with few people. I feel such a disconnect with others that I surround myself with inanimate objects to make me feel better. I much prefer the company of stuffed animals and the like over actual people.
Sending you love
Wow, I experience all those symptoms everyday..I have dealt with a lot of traumatizing events in my life that I dealt with on my own..I thought I was getting stronger when dealing with these issues, but now I know I’m not. Thank you for sharing this information..now I know what’s going on, I can find help to try to heal myself.
Great video Steph. I read this after completing my Masters in psychotherapy and it’s definitely been a helpful resource. Love how you broke things down
Awesome! Thank you!
The most frustrating one for me, not that the others aren’t, is trying to integrate and incorporate and understand NEW information!
It’s so challenging and frustrating. I try to remember to be self compassionate.
😢GOD BLESS AND PROTECT THIS WOMAN 🙏🏾 she read me to a T …I thought no one would ever understand me thank God she has given me hope I have flew through a back windshield in my early 20s,I have been in a medical induced coma for a month and half due to mal practice at hospital from contracting “severe sepsis” I wasn’t lucky and I’m still suffering and I was pregnant my daughter survived I just now suffer the after effects of sepsis ,my moms umbilical cord wrapped around my neck before I came out …I have had the “works” my whole life and I live to tell the tale but thank God I’m here I just THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME HOPE 😢❤️❤️🙏🏾
Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️❤️ I am currently dealing with my past traumas. I am always searching for things that will help. Your channel is an eye opener. It’s tough but we all have to dig so deep, just to stay awake. Blessings to anyone who is and has to live life with their traumas.
More please! This was incredible. Could you please put up a text bubble of terms with brief description please?
Your explanations are easy to understand and I appreciate you
Currently working with adolescents who’ve experienced trauma, and this was so insightful. I would love to see the part 2 with recommendations 😊
Thank you because I deal with the not being able to "learn" or progress forward. This perspective has given me a bright light bulb to where I can retrain my brain.
Trauma from an abusive person in a group setting often has the group-the enablers- as the ones pushing the idea: "if you only... then ..." but in the end you have internalised it real good.
I read the book but you made it more understandable, especially the part about the parasympathetic system shutting down. I was in a car accident a couple of years ago, minor with no injuries but ever since then I barely have any emotions. The accident happened at a time when I had already gone through a lot of other trauma. It finally makes sense. TY.
Girl the entire country is traumatized
Does anyone else think we WERE TRAUMATIZED from the craziness of 2020 & beyond????? I sure do!!! I think we are all messed up bc of what’s been done to us 😢😔
Yes. Absolutely. And that was by design.
Many of us have been in fight-or-flight mode for so long that our bodies, brains, and nervous systems are pretty shot...
You are not alone. Take whatever steps you can to help yourself recover. Nothing less than radical self-care is required now. Ask your body what it needs, and then do it
Just the fact that you are *still here* and surviving is a testament to how strong you are!
Never forget that
❤
Yes! Definitely! 2020 was collective trauma....like Covid PTSD isn't talked about much. Plus so many of us work from home, remotely, and are alone and pretty isolated and socially awkward.
Yeah 2020 was difficult to say the least, I got on psych meds in 2021…. Health concerns and the pandemic really took me for a loop. I finally got off the mental meds last month
I hate to say this but it almost seems like your comment is mocking. Almost like when people who like a clean space always refer to themselves as 'OCD'. This comment is almost insulting.
I just found you and realized two things. 1- I need a better psych/ therapist
2- gotten alot better with my trauma responses. Im currently dealing with the "ick" is the only way i could describe it. Almost as if my mind and body remember something i dont. It makes me feel disgusting in my skin.
Thank you for reassuring me that i'm actually not dramatic and I actually experienced trauma
Thank you so much for this video! As a survivor of trauma, this hit really close to home but was also incredibly validating. I'm currently studying to become a counselor and taking a Crisis and Trauma Counseling course where we use the book "The Body Keeps Score," and I'll definitely be showing your video to my professor!
Please please please in your future endeavors please stay open to the essential question of: what happened to you NOT what is wrong with you (a label/diagnosis). Please use ‘the body keeps the score’ close, please let the truth of a broken system as cataloged in this book drive you to practice outside the totally current inept, political and damaging system. ‘The wisdom of trauma’ documentary is also packed with evidence that our system IS broken. There is hope for healing should more of us compassionately listen to the pain of others. One more resource ‘The work’ very raw and real is an excellent example of what listening and holding each other in our pain can accomplish. God bless you as you endeavor to bring healing to the wounded souls of so many.
Thank you for this video definitely want that follow up on how to deal with or work through that trauma. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years and a car accident about a year ago. Since surviving both I’ve been not feeling like myself lately; I’ve been going to the doctor to have them tell me nothings wrong with me but me not feeling “ok” for lack of a better word. I’m concerned my problem may not be physical but more psychological and It’s disconcerting to say the lease.
You explained trauma super well. I'm really interested in understanding if one can "break the cycle" and I'm also interested to know if all trauma is the same, i.e. sexual vs. physical abuse. Thanks!
The not being able to learn new things is so real♥️ I read in the book she’s talking about that trauma takes up the side of your brain that has to do with creativity and problem solving which is why you can’t think your way out of it and need help to do that.
It also makes sense why doing creative things as therapy helps you deal with trauma cause the trauma is taking up that part of your brain.
I realized that the CPTSD I experienced was making it impossible for me to learn new skills and I’m still finding ways to heal so I can get my brain in a healthier place to grow!
I wasn't subbed but kept seeing this video suggested the last few days. I immediately thought "I already know I am, don't want to be reminded". But the more I kept seeing it suggested, I finally gave in and just watched it and I'm glad I did. You helped put into words what I wasn't able to and helped me realize a few things I didn't understand. Super thankful for your videos, definitely subbing. ❤
I was traumatized by my abusive "therapists" at Fort Eustis Behavioral Health, who stabbed me in the back and ruined my mental health and my life. Is there a word to describe this form of medical abuse and could you please speak on it? I think many people especially in the military have had this experience, and that is why there is such a large number of suicides and a stigma against receiving mental health help within the military. It's a topic that isn't spoken of enough, and sadly Army leadership just does not care about making changes that promotes proper treatment and diagnosis.
Crappy Childhood Fairy has a video on this that could probably be what you’re looking for! I wish you the best and more
@@kyfp528 Thanks so much! I'll check it out.
Speak to a lawyer if you can
Oh my goodness, this is awful. I have received services from this installation before. I am so sorry that your experience was like that.
@@kendras250 What makes it even worse is that I was called a liar by the chief, my commander, and multiple other people and made to feel guilty for talking bad about BH. The thing is, these individuals were not there when I was being gaslighted, given an attitude, and told not to take medication if I want to stay in the Army. Its sickening that suicidal soldiers have to go through so much abuse in order to receive treatment, only to be traumatized in return by their providers. Those same doctors still work there, and it makes me sick knowing that they're going to end up killing more people. One month was all it took to get stabbed in the back and thrown out onto the street where I became homeless.
I’m reading this book! I was in an abusive marriage and suffer from CPTSD. Thank you for sharing such important information.
Me too..he was a narcissist
I read this book while going through intense trauma therapy with my therapist and it helped me immensely. I wouldn't have recovered and healed so quickly (3 years, but that's my favorite number and relatively quick for trauma therapy) if I didn't read this book (and other books too). Reading books, though often difficult, is way safer than other outlets because you can easily put a book down and give yourself time.
I recommend this book whenever I can and I've had many people tell me it's helped them too.
My life...for real she just explained my entire life and how I live.