At 3:01 "Men need experiences!" Yes! Cooking together, playing cribbage, hiking, watching the sunrise at the beach, gardening, walking, star gazing. Lots of activities that don't cost money! I love this video! Mahalo!
Your 100 percent correct! What i notice is with both a lot of women and men is alcohol. (thats how they meet and get together). Cant we get to know one another without that???
Finally someone is explaining things clearly , that was brutal but true. I’m guilty of believing that I can bond with a man via texting, I think it’s because majority of women including me we make stories in our mind after two long conversions with a man we already see ourselves marrying him, whereas for the guy it was just a conversation .... thank you
Women who see themselves marrying a guy after a few conversations need to get Jonathon’s book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. Love yourself because you’re stuck with her!
I feel the same way. My last boyfriend thought that sitting at home staring each other is a relationship. I was always trying to get him to do stuff. He basically hated everything. 🤣 No thanks. He had good looks and other good qualities, but it wasn’t enough to compensate. Next time, I’m going to ask to see their passport. No more boring homebodies!
I was friends with my boyfriend for 18 years, before we got together. We talked online for 2 years, before we met. We met when I got stationed at the same base as him. We hit it off, even though, it took me 6 months to get the courage to meet him. The universe didn't have things in alignment at the time, and military life separated us. We dated others during this time, and I had a kid from a previous relationship. He would always tease that my kid was his, even though, she wasn't. We'd visit each other when we could. Now, we both live in the same town, and the bond of friendship has allowed our relationship to flourish. We enjoy each others company, see each other a few times a week, and talk everyday. He has treated me better than all of my other relationships.
@@JonathonAslay I have ditched over 100 guys I have dated from 2017-2019. Because they only text even I use every way to let them know it doesn't turn me on. Anyway, maybe I need to try with more men :P
I dislike texting and tell men up front to call me instead. Texting is such a low energy activity and it usually goes nowhere. A waste of my valuable time!
Wow.... I guess I didnt realize that men need "experiences"... In the beginning, when meeting someone brand new, I definitely feel like I start to "bond" with a man through LONG phone conversations, when a man is sharing information about himself with me.... I personally feel a connection that way, thru online messages, texts, phone calls...📱
This is So True - just hanging out in different situations and environments while getting to know one another is a sublime precursor to the true possibility of a lasting romance.
When I met my boyfriend he was in a LDR... he thought he loved her a lot but his actions showed the opposite. I think he was infatuated with the idea of her. When she finally moved here he realized he didn't like spending time with her as much as he thought. LDRs are a bubble
Johnathan, I'm a new subscriber back in the dating game at age 57. My husband passed four years ago & I just wasn't interested in any kind of entanglements earlier. Now that I'm putting my toe out the door, I want say thank you for your hugely valuable tips on mid life dating. I love the way you say your piece....direct, simple, meaningful & to the point. A big hug all the way from India!
Women need physical & social contact too with a man she's dating! I met this man at a Christmas party. Afterward, all he wanted to do was text me every day and talk on the phone once a week, but he would NOT ask me out on a date! So after about a month of it, I told him to stop texting me and was honest about wanting more than that. Needless to say, I never heard from him again and I was glad!
Friendship is the foundation for falling in love! So true. Lust and limerence mean nothing to me. Like you say here, you need experience and TIME with each other. That's why I will not pursue a long-distance relationship. I have never had one and at 59, I'm not about to start now. Lots of guys (and women probably) will use you as a therapist. It's tough to find the 5% or whatever it is that are emotionally mature. That 8 Dates book is very helpful. Hopefully, I'll meet someone who wants to read it with me. God bless, Jonathon!
You posted this before Covid, right? Everything you say is even more true now. Honestly, you just saved my sanity with your candor, delivered with love. My tendency to be a good listener with men on the phone just changed forever. Now, rather than suspecting they are not really getting closer I WILL KNOW IT! And I will probably just go read a book instead... May you be blessed this day and always, Jonathon.
Yes friendship... I noticed some men just don’t want to build up friendship first... When there is physical attraction they want the romantic/sex thing... How many men I’ve lost interest when I was taking it slow? Cause there were other instant connections available on the web. I started to build a friendship with a man, we really had and physical chemistry and some emotional/intellectual chemistry, we admitted it to each other. I told him: take the time, we might become friends or more que sera sera whatever will be will be. I do enjoy your company, let’s get to know each other. He agreed... and now he just disappeared... I do like him, for the great human being he is... it is a pity he is not there to establish the connection.
Exactly! That's how it works. This is my experience. Women work the same way, at least I do. I will be doing a lot of fun activities post covid. I am going to get out there and really enjoy life, others and myself as I normally would.
As a female, I need the in person and doing things together connection. Although you can learn of another person through phone and messaging, it's only a part of them you know. You aren't really getting the full them because we all can use words to say who we are... and in person, over time, you can see if that is who they are . People reveal their true self over time and you need that time together, so be careful to not get wrapped up in who they say they are right away, for one can act false for a bit before their true colors show thru, then believe that is who they truly are. But I agree, you can only go so far maintaining a non face to face relationship, or should I say, the hopes of one.
Thank you for this! Such a simple truth that makes so much sense! Experiences are how you really get to know someone, and experiences reveal how they will show up in your life and respond to you. Thanks again!
Though I also love physical touch I think it makes me rethink is it just the touch I miss or the person. I wouldn’t want just to miss the physical as lust.
I find messaging on a dating app then texting are necessary to know IF I want to meet a man. I listen to the guy ( for gut instincts and red flags), and see when he calls me, and how easy the conversation is. I can't be the only one conversing. It was through meeting and having shared experiences that we have a relationship. This guy was a player who knew one day in the future he'd want a relationship, but thought he'd play for now. He hadn't expected to find it with me. He admitted he was used to meeting and hooking up from dating apps, and not taking time to learn about the person while still fully clothed. He told me he chose me because of the time we spent together being flirty and playful. Not having sex allowed us to relax and get to know each other. Those experiences together are what helped him bond with me.
@@LisaGemini I was lucky when I figured out what his BS was all about. Time always shows you their true colours. I chose to give myself a chance to see if he was true to his words to honor a relationship. He only meant his initial words: he wanted to play around.
That sad moment when you realise all those guys fancy you but never want to spend time woth you and experience stuff = dont want to fall in love with you. Its all calculated what woman he will chose to do it with
I met a guy last year, we were at the early stage ie. "Talking". We met once before I leave the country for 3 months. He told me that he was in love with me, only 1 month after knowing each other. We didn't share any kind of experiences nor time with each other. I RAN !
I completely agree. You are so honest and funny and I appreciate that. Women also need time, friendship, experiences and some physical contact, too...before they fall in love. So in that way, the two genders aren't that different. I never put any faith in just texting and phone time. You gotta meet for real and test the chemistry before you can know just how far the relationship could go. Friendship is essential.
Thanks Jonathon, you are right on target ! Hell im 61 and my friend (interests) just had me out on a level 6 MOUNTAIN BIKE TRAIL.... LOL we share experiening each other's interests. Lol we are way more active than my kids/ Grandkids and their friends.. Nice to find someone (friend) that is the same age range that is in shape and active ..... we motivate each other . Maybe one day we might take it to a higher level.... right now.... we are VERY good and close friends.
Made a big mistake. Dated a guy only divorced for 6 months. I didn’t realize I was the transition person. Ugh. I totally felt like this was the guy for me now I am heartbroken because he was not ready and I pushed for more. Big mistake.
Jonathon Aslay thank you but it is the theme of the last three years. 3 boyfriend three guys I got ahold of way too early. I am like a magnet for guys just out of divorce. I am over getting my heartbroken every 8 months
Jonathon Aslay They never do come back do they? None of the others did. Though they are all friendly and we still see each other a couple times a year. What are your thoughts on no contact to get them back
I wasn’t a big fan of spending a lot of time texting or messaging. I used it as a tool to see if we had mutual interests. If I felt we did I would offer out to meet for a coffee or something that would give a better direct connection. I found men to want to spend more time wanting to message which I found a waste or time. It helps to see if they are interested or just wasting my time. If they want to just keep chatting by messages that tells me they aren’t that into me or just on to play and not connect.
Thank you, Jonathon, for putting this into words! I suspected it was true, but wow, listening to you validate my suspicions makes it so much more concrete! This is so important for women to understand, because we bond with others through the experience of shared communication, of making a connection through our conversations, our words. It's so natural for us to think that a man who enjoys long conversations with us is also bonding with us in return! To take the lesson one step further, I'm thinking one could also infer from this, that if a guy spends a lot of time with those three methods of communication, and yet hesitates to engage in those activities that would help to bring you closer to each other, then he's probably only in it for the emotional release of conversation, and no matter how much he seems to enjoy talking with you, there will probably never be any deeper connection between the two of you. At least, this has been my experience. Now I understand why. Thank you!!
VERY insightful, Rosemary. You just shed some light for me. Like many people go through different stages of grief, men go through different stages of love.
Agree with you 100 %. Very attracted to someone in another city. Bonded instantly video calling and the attraction surreal for us both with same sense of humor. Problem ? Man is flooded with work and cannot get to physically meet … time is dragging ….
Truly enjoyed this segment! I can see things in a very different light which will help me in future situations. Time and experiences are definitely top of the list. Building a friendship first thru' experiences will allow each person to get to know the other person so much better. Talk is talk but walking that talk is crucial. Verbal connection is one thing. Emotional, mental, physical, and friendship connection make up the entire package to bond with that person. Many times the excitement of a new person having interest in you can "cloud" logical thinking. I mean, how often do we meet someone when we least expect it and have an "interest" in them??? I know I have to keep this "cloud" at bay in the future. Thank you Jonathan for another wonderful discussion. I wanted to say I love how you are so real and open. That makes it all much more comfy and relatable. I am a hugger too so hugs back at you young man.
Hi! This was a great video... I like joe you got up close and personal... so true. We need to get to the point of doing things together.. I find it is difficult to even like anyone on these dating sites... how are you supposed to like someone based on a few pics and a small paragraph about what they like or want . Everyone’s into the beach and they are all caring and nice! My last date got out of his car and looked nothing like his picture! Oh well I rant after midnight in NJ! Thanks for the help... we need it out here! Good night Jonathan! And thanks!
I believe it's not experience .its happiness they need to feel and their power to influence our life.are the real things. Our ability to scan their generosity and ability to stay strong and acknowledge them in nice way.
The most difficult ones are the men who attract you, knows women. They know how to make a woman fall in love with them. Once he got her then he goes after another woman, try to make her jealous, disappear and appear, try to punish her and emotionally abuse her feelings. How do you protect yourself from these type of sharks? And especially they go after good girls sleep with them break their hearts and call them crazy when she gets attached.
In other words, men don’t have any problems with wasting a woman’s time and energy. If you want more from a man than demand more from him upfront and early in the relationship. Tell him that you need to see him more often and do so early in the relationship.
Thank you for speaking the truth. Please stop taking things back and saying you're sorry for what you've said you are right on point regardless if it hurts or not. Keep throwing those punches I love it
As someone who grew up in a dysfunctional family and is an introvert, I shy away from women with strong family and friend connections. I prefer to build a life with them and not hanging out with their family all the time. I want them to have that time but not always with me. Also, not all men are in a hurry to have sex. Some of us have very little libido (I am healthy and have high testosterone but no sex drive). Introverts are definitely different.
You sound mature and intelligent. It’s great to know who you really are. So many fake people out here in the dating world. Stay true to that, my friend.
I feel the exact same way you do. You need to date someone before you can put any title on it. A lot of men I date want to put a title on our before meeting and I'm not willing to do so, hence me being single
@@kimfrederick7710 God bless you so much my dearest 💓💓💓💓❤.I'm Oscar Williamson from Alabama, USA. Are you on hangout or gmail so we can always talk privately?
Hi Jonathon. You are absolutely right it is very true that men need experiences and time to bond. Thank you so much for your invaluable information. Have a nice day.
Wow you're so right! Thank you so much! None of my past relationships had either one of those and started cheated on me while I was still with them. I'm so blessed that the relationship that I'm in now is the complete opposite we are taking our time and I always try to give him a back rub or some sort of physical attention when I can!
Question: Jonathan I went out with this guy for three weeks and did everything for him and with him you said to bond but one day he just totally ignored me and stop talking to me. How much time does he need from me?
I had experiences and time in a four year relationship and never fell for him. I don't think he was in love with me either. It was going through the motions.
What if he only wants to see me in social situations with friends (even making remarks that suggest to his friends that we may be dating!) while in reality he never asks me out on a date? Guess he's not THAT interested then...
I think to have experiences & time how about if we choose the 90 day rule to have the experiences and then have the Cookie. Its slow and simple solution.❤
I have been spending time with a man who lives in the same complex and has been seeking me out to talk to because he said he loves talking to me. But he isn't interested in doing activities having experiences with me. I am pulling away he is so confusing.
Hi I really appreciate your video’s and would like to practice all of your advise... I just don’t get to the date stage. I chat a little with men online, I don’t meet single men in real life. Every single time the communication fizzles... 🤷🏼♀️ I am warm and soft and enthousiastic when chatting, yet no dates. What can women do to get a man to ask her out without asking him on a date. In the past every time I asked for a date, he flaked... so don’t want to do it anymore How can we have shared experiences if they do not step up and ask you out?
thanks JA--agree this time of texting and phone calls without face to face time has given so many people mixed feelings. Building a relations means spending quality time together! Great post! Sending you big hugs!
Experiences and time. I'm so impatient and we are like 2 time zones away. Dang this virus. I'm waiting to have those with him. Lol Jonathan you are sooo funny and real! I don't doubt the connection between this guy and I, but I want marriage. This is the way we're going to bond...through the experiences. I'm also tired of just texting and phone calls. We need to be video chatting more. Yes...now I understand why I wasn't able to go the distance with my past lovers. So this has to be the missing thing, experiences and physical intimacy. Thank you for also explaining the difference between connecting and bonding. Love this video!!
Thank you Jonathon. I needed to hear this. I like the fact that you said I need to meet him halfway. He's pulled back and I thought at our age of 60's, we had the past experiences to just say what you wanted and not bring old habits in. I was so wrong!
So how do you do this Jonathon ? (you share my son's name with same spelling) when many coaches out there say lay back and let the man pursue YOU! Well, that's fine and dandy and now I am finally for the first time in my life, doing that, ya know, by not being the one to always ask, text, call, initiate, run to see them, etc., etc., but the men I have been meeting don't want to do that after a date or two or more, and they act like if I act like I'm NOT interested (by laying back and letting them come to me by being patient, thoughtful and fair with them as advised by many coaches) nothing really happens and the experiences your suggesting do not happen. Initial experiences happen, and they were all great fun and I felt chemistry sometimes too, but then it kinds fizzles. What then? Do we ask them out so they can have more experiences with us or move on when THEY stop initiated more dates, meaning NEXT? It's really frustrating, especially when you know in your heart YOU ARE a fantastic catch and everyone in your whole life tells you that and believes that in you! When do you know to just move on? Coaches leave it up to us to decide but I think I need more concrete examples so that I can role model off of them, get my drift? Thank you for listening!
the reason why women want to have conversations is to determine if bonding on the level men want is worth it. you would hope a man would also understand the value of dating a woman who vets her potential partner and values communication. a man should also be vetting before investing time on experiences-communication isnt just used for bonding but also for negotiation and meeting personal and interpersonal needs.
Hi Jonathan I agree but I also think women need the same thing at least I know . Just want to say thank you you have come along just at the right time of my of my life’s journey as I learn to love myself for me and except who I am and find my beliefs joys and what direction I’m taking next Thank you ☺️
I can't stand hours in the phone, if I meet them face to face and we can't converse in a personal level, it's not about quantity it's about quality time...if he isn't into commitment , it anything work
Men like and want and must have experiences/sex to fall in love but then they fall in love with too many women at the same time... I thought I had a man friend and we talked by phone but now he says he will not talk to me if I don't give him sex. I have been silent 🤐 Men! 😏
I so needed to hear this. Thank you. I do tend to overanalyze things and i KNOW guys are a lot different thann u am through experience... ive struggled with it for years. Thank you :)
VERY TRUE! THAT'S WHY I INSIST ON TALKING TO A GUY FIRST, GET A FEEL OF WHAT HES LIKE, THEN GO ON A ***LIVE** DATE *** AND GO FROM THERE! OTHERWISE, UR WAISTING UR TIME! , THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS, THOUGH! IVE HAD A FEW FRIENDS FIND SOMEONE FROM ACROSS THE OCEAN!! THEY FOUND A WAY TO WORK THROUGH IT! ONE MOVED HERE TO CANADA & THEY ARE MARRIED NOW!! FAITH SOMETIMES, GO FIGURE! AHAHA
Thanks for putting things in perspectives! I use to have an ex who wanted to travel with me and explore new places with me and I didn’t quite get it why but now I do!
You have great videos and amazing information. Think about using Thumbnails pics on your videos to make it look more appealing clicking on your videos. Greetings and all the best ❤️
Men have been ghosting and standing up women for generations. That is not likely to change anytime soon. Collectively, women are just going to have to go old school and demand that men court them, delay s*x or no sex until an engagement or preferably marriage. Rotational dating is probably a really good tactic too. The current trends are not working. They say that loneliness is an epidemic. It is easy to see why.
At 3:01 "Men need experiences!" Yes! Cooking together, playing cribbage, hiking, watching the sunrise at the beach, gardening, walking, star gazing. Lots of activities that don't cost money! I love this video! Mahalo!
Cribbage? What’s that? 🤣
Your 100 percent correct! What i notice is with both a lot of women and men is alcohol. (thats how they meet and get together). Cant we get to know one another without that???
Finally someone is explaining things clearly , that was brutal but true. I’m guilty of believing that I can bond with a man via texting, I think it’s because majority of women including me we make stories in our mind after two long conversions with a man we already see ourselves marrying him, whereas for the guy it was just a conversation .... thank you
I am a woman. Just conversations to me until he invests significant in person time. Mm arr
Women who see themselves marrying a guy after a few conversations need to get Jonathon’s book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. Love yourself because you’re stuck with her!
I feel the same way. My last boyfriend thought that sitting at home staring each other is a relationship. I was always trying to get him to do stuff. He basically hated everything. 🤣 No thanks. He had good looks and other good qualities, but it wasn’t enough to compensate. Next time, I’m going to ask to see their passport. No more boring homebodies!
Totally agree. Frankly many people bore the crap out of me. I’m a Gemini and we like action and variety!
He sounds like he was depressed and boring.
I was friends with my boyfriend for 18 years, before we got together. We talked online for 2 years, before we met. We met when I got stationed at the same base as him. We hit it off, even though, it took me 6 months to get the courage to meet him. The universe didn't have things in alignment at the time, and military life separated us. We dated others during this time, and I had a kid from a previous relationship. He would always tease that my kid was his, even though, she wasn't. We'd visit each other when we could. Now, we both live in the same town, and the bond of friendship has allowed our relationship to flourish. We enjoy each others company, see each other a few times a week, and talk everyday. He has treated me better than all of my other relationships.
The fact is that most of them aren't even making TIME (aka planning dates) for these experiences to occur.
They would if women demanded more personal date time or at least limit texts, phone time and refuse emails.
I really do believe you may be gay I may never know but it's okay I'm healing myself.
As a woman, I'm bored with men who only text
Me too but when it's women. Texting without connecting is a waste of time.
@@JonathonAslay I have ditched over 100 guys I have dated from 2017-2019. Because they only text even I use every way to let them know it doesn't turn me on. Anyway, maybe I need to try with more men :P
I dislike texting and tell men up front to call me instead. Texting is such a low energy activity and it usually goes nowhere. A waste of my valuable time!
Wow.... I guess I didnt realize that men need "experiences"... In the beginning, when meeting someone brand new, I definitely feel like I start to "bond" with a man through LONG phone conversations, when a man is sharing information about himself with me.... I personally feel a connection that way, thru online messages, texts, phone calls...📱
Friendship is the foundation of falling in love. The previous relationship taught me this
Yes!!, true!! 😀
This is So True - just hanging out in different situations and environments while getting to know one another is a sublime precursor to the true possibility of a lasting romance.
When I met my boyfriend he was in a LDR... he thought he loved her a lot but his actions showed the opposite. I think he was infatuated with the idea of her. When she finally moved here he realized he didn't like spending time with her as much as he thought. LDRs are a bubble
Johnathan, I'm a new subscriber back in the dating game at age 57. My husband passed four years ago & I just wasn't interested in any kind of entanglements earlier. Now that I'm putting my toe out the door, I want say thank you for your hugely valuable tips on mid life dating. I love the way you say your piece....direct, simple, meaningful & to the point. A big hug all the way from India!
Women need physical & social contact too with a man she's dating! I met this man at a Christmas party. Afterward, all he wanted to do was text me every day and talk on the phone once a week, but he would NOT ask me out on a date! So after about a month of it, I told him to stop texting me and was honest about wanting more than that. Needless to say, I never heard from him again and I was glad!
Lillian Loves the Beach! Meaning he was dating other women ... or he was married be careful .. guy will waste your time
Preach! I bet he was married or otherwise engaged with work.
Friendship is the foundation for falling in love! So true. Lust and limerence mean nothing to me. Like you say here, you need experience and TIME with each other. That's why I will not pursue a long-distance relationship. I have never had one and at 59, I'm not about to start now. Lots of guys (and women probably) will use you as a therapist. It's tough to find the 5% or whatever it is that are emotionally mature. That 8 Dates book is very helpful. Hopefully, I'll meet someone who wants to read it with me. God bless, Jonathon!
We all need that to truly fall in love. The difference between lust and love is time.
You posted this before Covid, right? Everything you say is even more true now. Honestly, you just saved my sanity with your candor, delivered with love. My tendency to be a good listener with men on the phone just changed forever. Now, rather than suspecting they are not really getting closer I WILL KNOW IT! And I will probably just go read a book instead... May you be blessed this day and always, Jonathon.
Yes friendship... I noticed some men just don’t want to build up friendship first...
When there is physical attraction they want the romantic/sex thing...
How many men I’ve lost interest when I was taking it slow? Cause there were other instant connections available on the web.
I started to build a friendship with a man, we really had and physical chemistry and some emotional/intellectual chemistry, we admitted it to each other.
I told him: take the time, we might become friends or more que sera sera whatever will be will be.
I do enjoy your company, let’s get to know each other. He agreed... and now he just disappeared...
I do like him, for the great human being he is... it is a pity he is not there to establish the connection.
Exactly! That's how it works. This is my experience. Women work the same way, at least I do. I will be doing a lot of fun activities post covid. I am going to get out there and really enjoy life, others and myself as I normally would.
As a female, I need the in person and doing things together connection. Although you can learn of another person through phone and messaging, it's only a part of them you know. You aren't really getting the full them because we all can use words to say who we are... and in person, over time, you can see if that is who they are . People reveal their true self over time and you need that time together, so be careful to not get wrapped up in who they say they are right away, for one can act false for a bit before their true colors show thru, then believe that is who they truly are.
But I agree, you can only go so far maintaining a non face to face relationship, or should I say, the hopes of one.
Thank you for this! Such a simple truth that makes so much sense! Experiences are how you really get to know someone, and experiences reveal how they will show up in your life and respond to you. Thanks again!
Awe... thank you.
Though I also love physical touch I think it makes me rethink is it just the touch I miss or the person. I wouldn’t want just to miss the physical as lust.
I find messaging on a dating app then texting are necessary to know IF I want to meet a man. I listen to the guy ( for gut instincts and red flags), and see when he calls me, and how easy the conversation is. I can't be the only one conversing. It was through meeting and having shared experiences that we have a relationship. This guy was a player who knew one day in the future he'd want a relationship, but thought he'd play for now. He hadn't expected to find it with me. He admitted he was used to meeting and hooking up from dating apps, and not taking time to learn about the person while still fully clothed. He told me he chose me because of the time we spent together being flirty and playful. Not having sex allowed us to relax and get to know each other. Those experiences together are what helped him bond with me.
Debbie LG, I love your pretty smile ☺ ❤❤💓❤and I will be glad to know you
Wow, girl. You’re one of the lucky ones if you got a player to change his ways. God bless!
@@LisaGemini I was lucky when I figured out what his BS was all about. Time always shows you their true colours. I chose to give myself a chance to see if he was true to his words to honor a relationship. He only meant his initial words: he wanted to play around.
That sad moment when you realise all those guys fancy you but never want to spend time woth you and experience stuff = dont want to fall in love with you. Its all calculated what woman he will chose to do it with
I met a guy last year, we were at the early stage ie. "Talking". We met once before I leave the country for 3 months. He told me that he was in love with me, only 1 month after knowing each other. We didn't share any kind of experiences nor time with each other. I RAN !
I completely agree. You are so honest and funny and I appreciate that. Women also need time, friendship, experiences and some physical contact, too...before they fall in love. So in that way, the two genders aren't that different. I never put any faith in just texting and phone time. You gotta meet for real and test the chemistry before you can know just how far the relationship could go. Friendship is essential.
Thanks Jonathon, you are right on target !
Hell im 61 and my friend (interests) just had me out on a level 6 MOUNTAIN BIKE TRAIL.... LOL we share experiening each other's interests. Lol we are way more active than my kids/ Grandkids and their friends..
Nice to find someone (friend) that is the same age range that is in shape and active ..... we motivate each other . Maybe one day we might take it to a higher level.... right now.... we are VERY good and close friends.
Made a big mistake. Dated a guy only divorced for 6 months. I didn’t realize I was the transition person. Ugh. I totally felt like this was the guy for me now I am heartbroken because he was not ready and I pushed for more. Big mistake.
First off, sending you a hug. It sucks investing in someone who thinks they are ready only to find out they are not. May your next guy be the one.
💕
Jonathon Aslay thank you but it is the theme of the last three years. 3 boyfriend three guys I got ahold of way too early. I am like a magnet for guys just out of divorce. I am over getting my heartbroken every 8 months
Jonathon Aslay They never do come back do they? None of the others did. Though they are all friendly and we still see each other a couple times a year. What are your thoughts on no contact to get them back
@@tlforthman Sounds like you might benefit from a coaching call. www.jonathonaslay.com/coaching
Jonathon Aslay I am in recovery mode but will probably use this once I get back on the horse
I wasn’t a big fan of spending a lot of time texting or messaging. I used it as a tool to see if we had mutual interests. If I felt we did I would offer out to meet for a coffee or something that would give a better direct connection. I found men to want to spend more time wanting to message which I found a waste or time. It helps to see if they are interested or just wasting my time.
If they want to just keep chatting by messages that tells me they aren’t that into me or just on to play and not connect.
Cheaters like texting and hiding behind the screens.
Thank you, Jonathon, for putting this into words! I suspected it was true, but wow, listening to you validate my suspicions makes it so much more concrete! This is so important for women to understand, because we bond with others through the experience of shared communication, of making a connection through our conversations, our words. It's so natural for us to think that a man who enjoys long conversations with us is also bonding with us in return! To take the lesson one step further, I'm thinking one could also infer from this, that if a guy spends a lot of time with those three methods of communication, and yet hesitates to engage in those activities that would help to bring you closer to each other, then he's probably only in it for the emotional release of conversation, and no matter how much he seems to enjoy talking with you, there will probably never be any deeper connection between the two of you. At least, this has been my experience. Now I understand why. Thank you!!
No... thank you. Thank you for what you expressed and your words. Sending smiles.
@@JonathonAslay you are a sweetheart! thank you! (how do I "love" your comment?)
expressed well n agreed
That explains a lot to me . Hence to ghosting I'd experienced . Think I'll get a dog .
I agree... men go through stages so you have to go slowly and listen and pay attention! Thank you for being real♥️
VERY insightful, Rosemary. You just shed some light for me. Like many people go through different stages of grief, men go through different stages of love.
This is how healthy men and women bond👍
Exactly!
Agree with you 100 %. Very attracted to someone in another city. Bonded instantly video calling and the attraction surreal for us both with same sense of humor. Problem ? Man is flooded with work and cannot get to physically meet … time is dragging ….
You're so right Jonathan.
Friendship is platonic.
Truly enjoyed this segment! I can see things in a very different light which will help me in future situations. Time and experiences are definitely top of the list. Building a friendship first thru' experiences will allow each person to get to know the other person so much better. Talk is talk but walking that talk is crucial. Verbal connection is one thing. Emotional, mental, physical, and friendship connection make up the entire package to bond with that person. Many times the excitement of a new person having interest in you can "cloud" logical thinking. I mean, how often do we meet someone when we least expect it and have an "interest" in them??? I know I have to keep this "cloud" at bay in the future. Thank you Jonathan for another wonderful discussion. I wanted to say I love how you are so real and open. That makes it all much more comfy and relatable. I am a hugger too so hugs back at you young man.
Kathryn Cothern, you're so beautiful 💓💓💓💓❤
Really good video, Jonathon; thank you. This helps me understand why long distance relationships are tough.
Glad it was helpful!
FANTASTIC CONTENT👍🏽 don't usually get this kind of deep honesty. Very good.
Honored to hear you say that... thank you.
I love his hugs when I meet up with him. He loves them too.
That blue shirt looks nice on you 👌🏼
awe... thank you.
Hi! This was a great video... I like joe you got up close and personal... so true. We need to get to the point of doing things together.. I find it is difficult to even like anyone on these dating sites... how are you supposed to like someone based on a few pics and a small paragraph about what they like or want . Everyone’s into the beach and they are all caring and nice! My last date got out of his car and looked nothing like his picture! Oh well I rant after midnight in NJ! Thanks for the help... we need it out here! Good night Jonathan! And thanks!
How!
That's Exactly why I stopped getting on dating apps! Plus they don't want a relationship, just attention.
I believe it's not experience .its happiness they need to feel and their power to influence our life.are the real things. Our ability to scan their generosity and ability to stay strong and acknowledge them in nice way.
Men need a women to put her phone down when they are together.. seriously ladies it gets old. If you're married to your phone why are we on a date?
I understand! Now, I can make better choices. Now, I have a better understanding of my relationships that worked and the ones that did not.
Connection doesn't work long distance.
Without an spiritual. Love conection no one last in love...
Marisa Bella, you're absolutely gorgeous 💓💓💓❤❤🌹and I will be glad to know you
The most difficult ones are the men who attract you, knows women. They know how to make a woman fall in love with them. Once he got her then he goes after another woman, try to make her jealous, disappear and appear, try to punish her and emotionally abuse her feelings. How do you protect yourself from these type of sharks? And especially they go after good girls sleep with them break their hearts and call them crazy when she gets attached.
I suggest the Steve Harvey rule... make them wait 90 days. Play hard to get you cannot be easy to get
It’s a game for them. Usually they’re just bored..but it gives them validation. Sad.
Ask good questions, listen to Jonathon and protect yourself. No one else can do that for you. Good luck! 🍀
In other words, men don’t have any problems with wasting a woman’s time and energy. If you want more from a man than demand more from him upfront and early in the relationship. Tell him that you need to see him more often and do so early in the relationship.
Thank you for speaking the truth. Please stop taking things back and saying you're sorry for what you've said you are right on point regardless if it hurts or not. Keep throwing those punches I love it
As someone who grew up in a dysfunctional family and is an introvert, I shy away from women with strong family and friend connections. I prefer to build a life with them and not hanging out with their family all the time. I want them to have that time but not always with me. Also, not all men are in a hurry to have sex. Some of us have very little libido (I am healthy and have high testosterone but no sex drive). Introverts are definitely different.
just the right words!
You sound mature and intelligent. It’s great to know who you really are. So many fake people out here in the dating world. Stay true to that, my friend.
@@LisaGemini Thank you Lisa! That means a lot.
I feel the exact same way you do. You need to date someone before you can put any title on it. A lot of men I date want to put a title on our before meeting and I'm not willing to do so, hence me being single
Kim Frederick, I love your pretty smile ☺ ❤💓❤.
@@oscarwilliamson1264 thank you that's very much appreciated
@@kimfrederick7710 God bless you so much my dearest 💓💓💓💓❤.I'm Oscar Williamson from Alabama, USA. Are you on hangout or gmail so we can always talk privately?
I bond more through activities than just texting and phone calls. I can get more information through actions rather than just talk.
There is no,"I," in,"Teamwork"... Teamwork makes the Dreamwork!!!...😃😃😃
Hi Jonathon. You are absolutely right it is very true that men need experiences and time to bond. Thank you so much for your invaluable information. Have a nice day.
You are so welcome
Wow you're so right! Thank you so much! None of my past relationships had either one of those and started cheated on me while I was still with them. I'm so blessed that the relationship that I'm in now is the complete opposite we are taking our time and I always try to give him a back rub or some sort of physical attention when I can!
Question: Jonathan I went out with this guy for three weeks and did everything for him and with him you said to bond but one day he just totally ignored me and stop talking to me. How much time does he need from me?
Once I married my husband he quit talking to me. It felt very confusing.
?
I had experiences and time in a four year relationship and never fell for him. I don't think he was in love with me either. It was going through the motions.
What if he only wants to see me in social situations with friends (even making remarks that suggest to his friends that we may be dating!) while in reality he never asks me out on a date? Guess he's not THAT interested then...
He’s DL, needs you for outward appearances only. Not into you, he’s into the assumptions others might make.
No comments...simply binge watching your videos. 😋🥳✌️
Just happened upon your stuff today! Awesomeness.... Thanks!
Glad you enjoy it!
Jonathon Aslay I may need to schedule a consultation. Recently divorced after 32 years. I have a steep learning curve...🤦♀️
@@debraburson2057 here you go then... :) www.jonathonaslay.com/coaching
Same I just discovered his channel and now binge watching all his videos haha we’re in this together!
@@Dania.q I'm flattered, thank you.
I think to have experiences & time how about if we choose the 90 day rule to have the experiences and then have the Cookie. Its slow and simple solution.❤
I have been spending time with a man who lives in the same complex and has been seeking me out to talk to because he said he loves talking to me. But he isn't interested in doing activities having experiences with me.
I am pulling away he is so confusing.
He wants a free therapist
@@jalovlie I had not thought of that. Very true.
Girl, don’t sh*t where you eat! Don’t get involved with anyone at work or where you live 😂
This video was very helpful . Thanks so much . 😊
You’re welcome 😊
Dear Sir, your work authentically touches with a far sincere reach. Thank you.
Wow, thank you
Men are so mysterious thank you for sharing this information.
You're very welcome
I think that you are wise and thank you for such grateful advice.
You are so welcome
Hi I really appreciate your video’s and would like to practice all of your advise...
I just don’t get to the date stage.
I chat a little with men online, I don’t meet single men in real life.
Every single time the communication fizzles... 🤷🏼♀️
I am warm and soft and enthousiastic when chatting, yet no dates.
What can women do to get a man to ask her out without asking him on a date.
In the past every time I asked for a date, he flaked... so don’t want to do it anymore
How can we have shared experiences if they do not step up and ask you out?
thanks JA--agree this time of texting and phone calls without face to face time has given so many people mixed feelings. Building a relations means spending quality time together! Great post! Sending you big hugs!
Donna Kona, you're absolutely gorgeous 💓💓💓❤❤and I will be glad to know you
Experiences and time. I'm so impatient and we are like 2 time zones away. Dang this virus. I'm waiting to have those with him. Lol Jonathan you are sooo funny and real! I don't doubt the connection between this guy and I, but I want marriage. This is the way we're going to bond...through the experiences. I'm also tired of just texting and phone calls. We need to be video chatting more. Yes...now I understand why I wasn't able to go the distance with my past lovers. So this has to be the missing thing, experiences and physical intimacy. Thank you for also explaining the difference between connecting and bonding. Love this video!!
Thank you Jonathon. I needed to hear this. I like the fact that you said I need to meet him halfway. He's pulled back and I thought at our age of 60's, we had the past experiences to just say what you wanted and not bring old habits in. I was so wrong!
Lot's of sunshine your way Jonathon 🌼
How we would respond if after the first date they way to much affectionate?
Yes, this is very true and because of Covid 19 i was unable to meet and we were texting too long.
When the time is right, I need to call you first!!
So you're saying that long distance relationships don't work?
Great advice!! You're nice, yet real. Very important not to sugar coat 💩 too.
Thank you for this! It totally makes sense for the relationship that I’m currently building with my man. 👍😃👍😃
Kathryn watts, you're absolutely gorgeous 💓💓💓❤❤and I will be glad to know you
So how do you do this Jonathon ? (you share my son's name with same spelling)
when many coaches out there say lay back and let the man pursue YOU! Well, that's fine and dandy and now I am finally for the first time in my life, doing that, ya know, by not being the one to always ask, text, call, initiate, run to see them, etc., etc., but the men I have been meeting don't want to do that after a date or two or more, and they act like if I act like I'm NOT interested (by laying back and letting them come to me by being patient, thoughtful and fair with them as advised by many coaches) nothing really happens and the experiences your suggesting do not happen. Initial experiences happen, and they were all great fun and I felt chemistry sometimes too, but then it kinds fizzles. What then? Do we ask them out so they can have more experiences with us or move on when THEY stop initiated more dates, meaning NEXT? It's really frustrating, especially when you know in your heart YOU ARE a fantastic catch and everyone in your whole life tells you that and believes that in you! When do you know to just move on? Coaches leave it up to us to decide but I think I need more concrete examples so that I can role model off of them, get my drift? Thank you for listening!
Like boys bond with boys - through play/activities. Why did I never make the connection? And that is why adult dating is so boring. 🙈
In a long distance relationship this is kind of difficult to arrange. So are these kind of relationship doomed?
the reason why women want to have conversations is to determine if bonding on the level men want is worth it. you would hope a man would also understand the value of dating a woman who vets her potential partner and values communication. a man should also be vetting before investing time on experiences-communication isnt just used for bonding but also for negotiation and meeting personal and interpersonal needs.
Hi Jonathan I agree but I also think women need the same thing at least I know . Just want to say thank you you have come along just at the right time of my of my life’s journey as I learn to love myself for me and except who I am and find my beliefs joys and what direction I’m taking next Thank you ☺️
I can't stand hours in the phone, if I meet them face to face and we can't converse in a personal level, it's not about quantity it's about quality time...if he isn't into commitment , it anything work
Men like and want and must have experiences/sex to fall in love but then they fall in love with too many women at the same time... I thought I had a man friend and we talked by phone but now he says he will not talk to me if I don't give him sex. I have been silent 🤐 Men! 😏
I hope you told him to take a hike.
This is a great video that provided a lot of insight
Thank you! Sending hugs back to you! 🥰
Same to you!
I enjoy your positivity.
I appreciate that
So spot on! Thank you!
Stacey Rhodewalt,you are absolutely gorgeous 💓💓💓❤❤🌹and I will be glad to know you
Jonathon, Thanks for this video. Appreciate your honesty in all of your videos but I found this one to be especially helpful.
I so needed to hear this. Thank you. I do tend to overanalyze things and i KNOW guys are a lot different thann u am through experience... ive struggled with it for years. Thank you :)
Jasmine Butler, you're so beautiful💓💓💓💓💓❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@@oscarwilliamson1264 thank you for your kind words :)
@@jasmine2566 God bless you my dearest 💓💓💓❤❤.I'm Oscar Williamson from Alabama, USA. Are you on hangout or gmail so we can always talk privately?
This video has helped me immensely because going through exactly what you are talking about. I am very confused and have a lot of questions for you.
VERY TRUE!
THAT'S WHY I INSIST ON TALKING TO A GUY FIRST, GET A FEEL OF WHAT HES LIKE,
THEN GO ON A
***LIVE** DATE *** AND GO FROM THERE! OTHERWISE, UR WAISTING UR TIME! , THERE
ARE EXCEPTIONS, THOUGH! IVE HAD A FEW FRIENDS FIND SOMEONE FROM ACROSS THE OCEAN!! THEY FOUND A WAY TO WORK THROUGH IT! ONE MOVED HERE TO CANADA & THEY ARE MARRIED NOW!!
FAITH SOMETIMES, GO FIGURE! AHAHA
Or
“non communication” via text, email, phone, etc...
Thank you so much, Sir Jonathon. Godbless you as always, Sir. Thank you for sharing it. 😊👍
Thanks for putting things in perspectives! I use to have an ex who wanted to travel with me and explore new places with me and I didn’t quite get it why but now I do!
Happy to hear this resonated with you... much appreciated.
This is huge! I wish more women knew this. Thanks! 👍🏻
I agree! Thx
I don't believe in falling in love over the computer, or phone.
You have great videos and amazing information. Think about using Thumbnails pics on your videos to make it look more appealing clicking on your videos. Greetings and all the best ❤️
When will you tell MEN that it takes time so that they’re not so quick to ghost?
Men have been ghosting and standing up women for generations. That is not likely to change anytime soon. Collectively, women are just going to have to go old school and demand that men court them, delay s*x or no sex until an engagement or preferably marriage. Rotational dating is probably a really good tactic too. The current trends are not working. They say that loneliness is an epidemic. It is easy to see why.
Not sure why I watched this lol but I do agree with what you said
Thanks Drew.
🤭
Friendship 🙏🏻