Narcissistic Upbringing: Why You Don't Remember Your Childhood
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 มิ.ย. 2024
- In this video, I discuss the reasons behind memory gaps in those raised in narcissistic families. Some might have many vague memories, while others may only have a distinct few.
Learning about this will help you understand your childhood better, stop self-gaslighting, and overcome self-doubt caused by your upbringing.
If you're finally ready to get your dysfunctional, narcissistic family out of you and enjoy a life free of their toxic grip, here's how I can help👇🏼
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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 1000s of people in the same situation as you. As a family and self-differentiation coach, he uses his 45 years of experience to help clients get permanently unstuck from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a true sense of self.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to serve as a substitute for professional counseling. Be sure to consult a professional to help you integrate and utilize these concepts.
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Youtubr is blocking my.commemts...
Why is youtune blocking my.commemts
IF A NEIGHBOUR and relative bothered me [age9].. blocked mind until Fifth grade.. Yipes
I remember all the abuse. Everything else I forgot.
Are you sure that you remember all the abuse? I only remember a few "occasions" where I was abused, nothing else. I highly suspect that there were way too many traumatic events that my little brain just didn't want to remember. I remembered 3 times throughout my entire childhood and teen where my mom was nice. 3 times in total!
I ve been thinking the same.
“Remember when you had a birthday party when you were 9…with a cake..?”
“Remember when you got a ride to school that one time…remember?”
“Remember when I gave you $10…?”
👀 no.
Me too😢
Yes I’ve only realised why I panic, in exams, asked questions, people being horrible to me, is the abuse. I quite often feel the panic and sweat or everything goes misty and I can’t think straight, I feel small and helpless.
Ditto that
My mother was narcissistic and I was strong willed. The two didn’t match. Narcissistic mother’s see their daughters as a threat.
Same as narcissistic dads and their sons. I hope life worked out better for you than it has for me.
I remember a friend remarking "you never talk about your childhood". My reply: "there's nothing to talk about". 😢😢😢
I say the exact same thing.
Bonus points if you fix them with a cold stare and use your most serious voice to say it
(Yes, I have a background in theater; we all cope in different ways)
That's me😅
I just say "I don't want to talk about it too much. Anyways, it was a difficult complex traumatic childhood. And I cut ties with my whole family."
The same happens to me
I was living full time in my imaginary world, and these are my childhood memories. With some glimpses of reality here and there.
Yes without this imaginary world we won't be here today
My childhood was very very traumatic because of two people raising me.
I always imagined that, in broad daylight, an UFO would come to pick me up. I didn't feel this world was my world. Now I know why. This world was cruel, cold, abusive, unsafe, it was a world full of enemies and hurts.
I remember in year 9 I had to do some what's called in australia work experience. You work for free in an establishment for a week or two to gain skills for the subject you're studying. I was working at a Cafe for hospitality class. And I remember making this cinamon toast in the kitchen for customers and I was disassociating for the entire day of some imaginary world with like vin diesel coming to my rescue and I had imagined this whole story line and plot and fantasy. I remember it being 10am in the morning and all I remember is my brother picking me up at the front of the Cafe at 4pm. That's all I remember to this day I don't know where those several hours went. I thought I was mentally ill back then. But looking back on it I was molested just months before that happened and it was the beginning of the end for my development and social skills. Even my learning abilities declined. I was super smart as a child even put into the smart class but as soon as my mums partner did that to me I declined. I'm 35 today and still feel like maturity wise I'm behind everyone else. I'm still VERY intelligent. In things I'm interested in. But I couldn't do real world things like being a parent. I'm too emotionally immature I think.
Love you all survivors.
@@docbainl9504 You're not alone! Thank god for videos like this 🥰
My childhood memories have mostly been filed under "not worth remembering".
me too
I wish I could do that. I vividly remember the abuse but I cannot remember good things. There are a few things here and there but they had to be significant enough for me to remember them. My sister will say "Do you remember when..." and my answer is usually no.
@@KepiGal i saw doctor saying you don't have to remember, just focus on your emotion and find the reason behind it in daily basis, other than that not remembering won't damage you or your life
Yep, same here.... can still remember with a bit of effort, but why bother?
@klowen7778
I was thinking the same 5 days ago, until I was in a normal situation speaking with someone and we talked about personal problem and suddenly I start crying I felt scared in my stomach in strange way, I knew there's something bad but I can't remember, and the feeling continued for 4 days, every time I try to remember my hole body react in fear, Now I wish I can remember.
I’ve always wondered about my lack of memories, save a handful. Not having a solid sense of self rings true.
Boy, does this hit home. I have absolutely no memory of childhood before the age of ten. My adoptive mother was and still is a very cold woman (towards me); she even admitted that she wanted to return me to the adoption agency at four months of age, said there was "something wrong with me". And I've been the target of her disdain for 53 years and counting. Your YT videos have been such a blessing. And I'm now beginning to see myself through a more positive lens. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Very relatable, my mother told me as adult whilst berating me for not being compliant that I changed when I was 4 years old. Ridiculous, it never ends.
@@michellesorensen7518God has trained me; ■ my mother told me that when God took me away from her at two years old, "That it was not [f]air, because I was her baby." M
I have the same lack of memories before 10!
Yes, being adopted by people who have no nurturing in them, due to whatever unresolved issues they themselves have from also not being loved in a healthy and accepting way, packs one hell of a punch. I have three older sisters, also adopted, and our parents would have given back three of us and only kept the ruthless oldest one if it was socially acceptable.
An overt father and a covert mother. Zero healthy nurturing.
I knew I would never have kids before I was even a teenager.
God has trained me since I was two ■ My mother said it was not fair, because I was her baby. M
This is the "Jerry is reading our minds again, helping us to make sense of it all and helping us heal” Button >>>>>>>>>
Thank you confirming this Jerry! The only thing I remember from my childhood are looking outside of windows at school and the house of chaos wanting to run away and find a new life.
Amen to that...daydreamed about going anywhere else!
I did run away. Unfortunately I didn't get a new life; I ended up in foster care and with my narc dad. No one could be more surprised than me to see that I am still here.
I have memories. But they're shadowed by the violence, embarrassment, feelings of being alone and shame. Every good memory had a catch. If I bring up something I perceived as okay to my brother, he'll tell me something bad that I forgot and vice versa
I wish I remembered even less!
💯❣
Same, or nothing. Every memory is triggering, even "positive" bcs there are people or places in that memory who i dont like to see never again in life, even on picture.
Me, too!
@@FreedomAboveAll4i threw the picture’s away 🥺
My childhood memories are very sparse. Spent a lot of time in my room where it was fairly safe or out of the house if I was allowed out. My wonderful aunt (my guardian angel) used to take my brother, my cousins, and me to her family cabin. Those memories are the strongest and happiest. Other childhood memories are when I was always afraid or in 'trouble' with my narc father. Struggling with demons now at 72!
I don’t know if u believe in God. Excuse me if u don’t. But the only think that helps me is to lay my pain at His feet and tell Him I can’t do this. The calm and peace happen immediately. He cares. Possibly the only one you can trust. 🙏for your healing. I care. ❤️
Hypnotherapy will release the demons. ❤
Jesus will redeem you from struggling. Read New Testament.
Same here. I spent as much time as possible at my friends' homes, drinking in the normalcy there.
@@sandrab2589 thank god for that. I tried to have friends. I could never reciprocate by having anyone over to my house.
Omg, word "family" become so triggering to me lately. And word parent causing nausea and pain in stomach.
sometimes I read something like "a mother's love" etc,. my muscles tense up, and I instantly feel unsafe.
Me too
I have almost no memory of my early years, everyone I told this to found it hard to believe me. It's amazing to get some clarification
The problem started when I started dating.
My mum and my sister gona crazy.
I am 40 now.
Still going.
I had to step out from the family.
For my own peace
Me TOO!! My mom changed became worse when I was a teen. And both mom and sister started to act crazy when I married. The guy was violent, he tortured me but mom and sister were on his side. They’re crazy.
My only memories are flashbulb memories (rarely happy, mostly traumatic). Don’t remember much of daily life, I can “feel” childhood, mostly nervous feelings and shame. I must have lived my childhood feeling nervous and anxious most of the time.
You just described me exactly. What's terrifying is that I never stop feeling nervous and anxious. But yes, that's the perfect description.
My life exactly
I must tell you that I have complete memory of my narcissistic mother’s awful behavior…almost like I’m watching a video….I’m known in my family for remembering everything….i believe I have this skill as a reaction to being gaslighted by my mother….i refused to forget what was happening…I remember it all!
Same here. I’m just thankful I don’t remember being born!
Likewise!
I have decided to use my perfect memory in my present life and, I a positive way - loving myself and my life, like I know very well how to say and mean NO!!
So do I - all of it 100%!
I have learned to use my excellent memory when I do recearch and, in my daily life!!
Memories of my horrible families are still there and, will be there forever but, they don't hurt the same way anymore... I left my country almost 25 years ago, never to return!
They still do what they can to keep hurting me and, my most beloved people, my best friends and colleagues have been killed "for the fun of it"...with the help of their 100% evil religious "friends"
I, for my part, have learned to say and mean NO and, I've learned to love myself + enjoy my life and, will keep doing so!
As I got older, by about 10 or 11, I definitely developed the ability to remember conversations verbatim and notice every detail no matter how subtle. I also have few memories from earlier years.
I'm ex Jehovah's Witness and had a narcissist mother. I had Systemic Trauma, as this video author says.
I was hypnotised once and my childhood memory was the comfort of sitting on my grandfather's lap with my head on his chest. I can still smell his clothing.
Amazing, I remember the presence of my grandmother 🫂❤️🩹. I had no success with hypnosis because of aphantasia, I guess.
Grandma! She had a white leather lounge, just big enough for us together! We would watch scary movie together. She was my absolute safe space! My life hit a patch of black ice when she passed and I never recovered.
😢 ❤
My husband does not talk or remember his childhood. Cannot remember going to kindergarten. Only remembers riding his bike. To this day has never had a good friend. Very timid around men. I remember most of everything. It is difficult to share with him as he does not have memories, period. I feel sad for him. He hated his mother when I met him at age 16. She had a "higher" opinion of herself. Difficult to be in her company.
I can relate to you! My ex husband also said he doesn't remember most of HIS childhood! He ALSO says OR ACTS like he doesn't remember a LOT of our 23 year marriage! He has a delusional memory of it! Of course he is almost ALWAYS in HIS "delusional reality" or making it up as he moves along! He would have "rages" and then remember a totally different perception of the reality! He once told me: "I'm too real for him!" My ONLY regret is that I didn't divorce him sooner! According to him and his alcoholic/drug addict family:"I'm the "crazy one!" I did get counseling, attended Al a non for over 35 years and continue to heal on my journey. It's been over
Don’t be hard on him because of it. So many kids have lonely neglectful and abusive upbringings amd not remembering is the bodies defence for survival. 😢
"Why do you only remember the negative things? Don't you have any positive memories?"
No, not really. lol. I remember my mom smiled nicely and that's pretty much it.
You do not understand
How many many times have I heard this said/(oh, asked) in my family. 😕
My childhood memories are cooking and cleaning. As a adult I still occasionally have nightmares of my mother fighting with me about not cleaning the house properly and my father backing her up.
I use to clean the house when my mom and her boyfriend would fight... I hoped it would make her feel better, hoping it would get her out of the bed, she would lay there forever it seems... when she got up hoping she would notice... hoping it would make her happy!
Up until 2020, I only had memories of the cruel things my mother said to my siblings. I knew she had been cruel to me but I couldn’t remember what it was. Towards the end of 2020, memories came flooding back, like it was time for them to come out. I had no control over it. They would just pop up into my consciousness unrelated to the thought before. I simply do not know how I survived my childhood.
Yes, actually I’ve been thinking to myself lately about my childhood and how I hardly remember any of it except the traumas. And I’m fully aware now how horrible my childhood was. And, boy, am I angry and full of rage at my abusers.
I remember very little but I do remember some traumatic memories.
I have a sense of the house I lived in from 5-9.
I have to separate splices of memories from what I have been told.
I just have a lot of empty past. This makes sense.
Jesus Loves U
Coz we were told lie after lie by our narc parents , gas lit, and blocked out painful events to survive - it comes back when you have children- memories are in the DNA and after a while its triggered
Yes, I got some memory back after having a child.
Yep. We actually store trauma in our bodies!! Yoga can free it up and release it
My husband remembers even being 2 because he had to be on guard all the time. Never knowing what his mom would do to him.
My fiancé has all these stories about her childhood… memories, birthdays, trips. I had very few… to the point where I was concerned I had the beginnings of Alzheimer’s (I’m 30 🤦🏻). Why couldn’t I remember anything? I remember certain trips yeah but almost nothing pops out at me (at least positively).
This right here though? This makes sense… thank you
i cant remember half my life, just memories of constant fighting and yelling matches everyday when i got home from school. I actually got tested for Alzheimer's for this exact reason. The doctors kept asking me "why" i wanted the test. Thanks for mentioning this. I've never met or heard anyone discuss this almost complete lack of memories from 5-25 yrs old
Can’t remember it if it didn’t happen lol. My therapist really lit a bulb in when she said that.
It’s totally normal for a difficult/different childhood. We are just unconsciously protecting ourselves. :)
Thank you for validating this part of trauma for some us
Title sure got my attention! Omg 😱 it’s true!!! I can’t recall most of my childhood! I think I blocked out a lot of trauma from survival. You always have opened my mind up to other aspects of narcissist abuse nobody else on TH-cam has! My sense of self was trashed growing up. I suppressed a lot and remembered things later on and processed them finally.
Fantastic video! I can relate 100%. Took me to age 56 in 2019 to figure it all out, but I missed this topic and the family scapegoat and other family dynamic topics you cover because I was so focused on the narc BF and 2 abusive husbands in my life! You broadened my scope and I am still learning and it helps! You are masterful! Appreciated 🤗
It's amazing how we learn so much that we were not alone!
@@LimitlessThinker agree! 👍 as a woman abused I knew I was lucky it wasn’t physical like so many others abused by husbands, and I was just confused by all that manipulation and insults and other awful behavior of my ex hubby until I figured it out some 14 years after the divorce! Glad I did though as it’s been very valuable! Now I am learning about my father’s narcissist damages! And the family enmeshment of my evil siblings. It’s tough.
I was the 5th and final adopted child of Two co-dependent narcissist's. One was a malignant and the other covert.They first adopted my older brother and sister .who are biologically brother and sister. Then they adopted my two younger sisters. who are biologically sisters same mom but one white dad one black dad. and were infants at the time of adoption..they adopted another boy then named bobby, but he :didnt work out" and they made him a ward of the court. Then they adopted me. I was 5 yrs old at the time, the middle kid. Jerry Wise i have been so lost in this world for 50 of my 55 years and until i discovered you and a few others I had no idea even where to begin to find healing and understanding and hopefully eventually, peace. They raised me until i was 15 years old and made me a ward of the court. To this day i still am the scapegoat and my youngest black sister took the role after they sent me away. i feel like i am literally a case study on this topic and offer myself and my life experiences to you . Please reach out to me . And God Bless You for all the people you are helping every day by sharing your knowledge and wisdoms on here!
My mother told me that I was "spirited." A counselor said that my father crushed me.
My mom called me "different" and repeated it often. So, I felt weird, being so apparently unacceptable. As I listen to these videos, I get in touch with memories or flashes of scenes, beginning to understand the meaning of what happened back then.
My mother was always saying to me “ I just want you to be perfect”
Aw!! I felt that!! My step-dad killed my spirit. I think that’s the worst damage a person can do to another.
Oh, so this is a part of growing up in a narcissistic household. I had attributed it to this, but had never actually heard anyone talk about it. Thanks for making this video.
I was at my friends mothers funeral. I sat and listened to all the happy times they had as a family when my friend was a child. The happy holidays etc. It then came to me that I did not have any kind of memory like these. My narcissistic 87 year old mother is still alive. I am 66 and she still controls. I am so aware of what she does however, being aware and keeping distance you often without realising 'get manipulated and find slip back'. Never trust them and the older they get the worse they get.
This sounds silly, but as a small child I remember fanaticising about my ‘true’ parents who were aliens from another planet and trying to communicate telepathically that I was ready to leave earth!
Fast forward a few years and the entire church visited a boy’s orphanage. I enthusiastically said, ‘This place is great, what do you have to do to live here?’ Covert narcissist mother was horrified.
oh my goodness! Me too! I always imagined that one day, in broad daylight, an ufo would come to pick me up, my "real parents" were among them.
@@user-lf4td9xr4v 😀😃
Got chills reading this. I once had a passing but viscerally powerful feeling that my narcissistic parents had been installed in my life and that my actual parents, were on the other side and waiting for me to go home.
O i remember my childhood😢 just very very few happy memories. And many more bad ones. 😢
It feels so awkward around friend hangouts where people get on a topic talking about things relating to their childhood and nearly the whole group has something they can contribute to the story relating to their childhood and their fond memories of similar situations. Meanwhile, you'll be sat there just trying to recall anything at all you can bring up to be a part of the conversation and feeling so weird about the fact that you can't really remember anything significant to share that won't be a bad toxic memory that'll bring the whole mood down. The more you try to remember the more you realize there's less you can actually remember.
OMG; I am so glad you made this video. I thought it was just me. I didn't realize that others also experienced childhood amnesia, I never even tried to talk to anybody about it. What memories I do have aren't ones I want to remember anyway, so I have no desire whatsoever to get my missing childhood memories back. But; Thank You for letting me know it's dysfunctionally normal and I'm not alone.
I had spotty child memories, but completely blank age 19-23 before moving out, since that was when I was ripped away from my golden child status to the scapegoat from my dad. I had journaled what happened and I recently found it, and I was absolutely shocked at the insanely traumatic things that I wrote! No wonder I forgot about it!
As I've been helping myself, little child or 19 year old memories pop up that are ready to be healed, about once a week. It's been a wild experience slowly healing from everything of my past
For the life of me, I have no happy memories of my family of origin. The memories I do have, revolve around my loving paternal grandparents.
same for me, if it wasnt for my loving maternal grandparents I would have no happy memories
Whats VERY annoying to me are people who insist you MUST relive all the trauma to everyone who are curious to listen. I say its MY life and I will do with it what I want ..
right - never open up to curious people but try to do it with really empathic close people because it is astounding what can come back in presense of loving friends.
@@ChiefHerzensCoach NO. See you are one of those who insist your way is the only way. And it's NOT your life. It's MY life and if I am not comfortable putting all the nasty stuff on display to "Do Gooders" then it's wrong for me - NOT AMAZING. Id NEVER want friends to know what I had forced on me. Reliving abuse isn't therapeutic for me - just making me live thru it again!
@@user-cz5bx5pq5v it is not about ALL but however - you live your bitterness and keep yourself distanced from friends - your live, your decisions. right. but sad.
@@ChiefHerzensCoach Stop thinking you are the end all for everyone - you're not
@@user-cz5bx5pq5vSorry that one has no common sense. You're right, Its Your life. It's no ones business. . Going through Chronic trauma is overwhelming. Ignorant people have no boundaries. May God bless you. Proud of you for standing your ground.
🤯😳 this is me! I’ve always wondered why I can’t remember much about my childhood at home. I have vague memories of school, camp, etc., but not home life.
Wow, I can't remember much of my childghood.
I remember lots but I was the oldest of six so had to take a lot of responsibility. I am constantly being told that my memories are not true, until I could recall details, minute details which I kept to myself for fear of being told they were also wrong.
Gaslighting is garbage. Just be an adult and take responsibility for your shitty behavior, Mom and Dad. My old man liked to say "That's just your opinion." "That's not how it happened." "You're not remembering correctly." "That didn't happen." Bringing anything up to my mom results in unintelligible screaming, every single time. Boy howdy, I sure got tired of being called a liar when I KNEW what was going on because I suffered through it.
Hang in there and hold on to the truth. You know what happened. You know what you experienced, and all of it was wrong and unfair to you and your siblings.
Connecting the feelings to the memories has really helped me to heal my wounded, abandoned, scared inner child.
I grew up with my poor mother constantly telling me "Your father doesn't love you. And even if he did, he wouldn't know how to show it!" I was so stunned in my early 20s to realise she was the problem. Covert narc. And Borderline as well I'm pretty sure. Everything was always my fault, including who my father was 😮 Unbelievable.
I don’t know you but that makes me really mad for you!!! How dare your mother!!! How fricking wrong to say that to a kid.
That upset me.
This is the first mention of this. I am one of those adults with poor childhood recollection. My husband remembers almost everything!
I can't really remember anything before nine years old. I started a friendship with a girl that moved in the neighborhood. I spent most of my time at her house. Those are my memories.
I read books a lot to escape and painted with paint by number . I only remember trama parts of childhood. I hid and ran away a lot at the age of 4 years old . I thought these can't be my parents. My father often had rage fits and came after me . Someone said to me you never mentioned your parents , "I said I never will" Thank you for the video ❤
Yes, I find that I can't remember most of my childhood and teen years through all the screaming and neglect. My marriage was similar. I have very few memories of the entire decade, but I sure remember what the walls looked like. Every day was exactly the same. I used to consider myself as having a good memory, but this last decade obliterated so much from my mind that about all I can remember are song lyrics. It's comforting to know that memory gaps are 'normal' for traumatized people, but it's also infuriating that people suffer through trauma at all.
I purchased the Pete Walker book a couple weeks ago. It's bigger than I thought it would be, but that means it's just chock-full of information that'll help me understand myself better. Currently working through "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. Thank you for your book recommendations, Jerry.
High five to all you survivors. We're getting through it. We're making it! Thanks, Jerry!
I remember being terrified of beatings.
Not only do I remember select things about my childhood but I also remember select things in my present moment. I remember doing the tissue drill in Anatomy and Physiology where I got the weird one when nobody else did.. I had a difficult time with the normal ones..
I watched an episode of New Amsterdam when they were talking about how we can also make stuff up to what we wanted it to be like.. My siblings have a total different outlook on our childhood..
I thought I was going crazy because I don't remember. Much of my childhood.just a few bad things
*this is horrifying. This is true. This is horrifyingly true. This is truly horrifying. All of those moments somehow invisible a partially invisible. But we were still there. We made it through. How can we reconnect?*
It really WAS so unreal to realize you were different.
Very interesting!I can remember zero before 7 years old
I have almost total amnesia of my childhood.
The problem is that i remember a lott from my childhood.
I hate it,remembering al the abuse from my mother
I feel as if I remember everything, far too much! Dang near everything it seems almost.
Same. I remember everything. This is another reason narcissists hate us. We always remember and never forget and they never remember and always forget all the crap they want to deny they did to us.
I have few memories before 10 years old. Some things have come back, though they tend to be flashbacks more than anything else.
Myself, I have full memory of my childhood. Mostly the good times and bad times (trauma). However, in 1994 is when I had recalls of the traumatic experiences after getting sober in a rehab facility that used psychological treatment along with drying out. So I think prior to that self reflection I was suppressing the bad experiences. Definitely not healthy for us, and others if we expect to share honestly and completely for thier sake. To identify with. Be validated. Thanks again for another helpful video.
Yes, I would totally agree: our brain is amazing in protecting us from trauma and unbearable suffering and our brain is amazing in waiting for an appropriate time for us to process, recognize and heal from what happened.
Thanks ☺
My mother is a narcissist with BPD. I remember being in the crib before I was even 2 years old. I have a LOT of memories, good and bad. Yet my short term isn't good.
oh i remember my childhood , starting at about the age of 8 my father started calling me a big failure at things i would do. instead of helping me like a good man would do, it was just another way of demeaning me.
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us. This video explained why I have large memory lapses of my childhood and teen years. My sister suffers from this as well.
I have clear memories of things from baby to about 5. Then hardly anything and it's like watching not being involved. Most memories of my mother are only when other people are there too. Not her alone. The irony is that I have a phographic memory. It was picked up at school.
Recently I started listening to things like Siouxsie and the Banshees and The Cure. And it started bringing up some vague memories from early childhood, but I just can't quite place them. It was either my oldest brother who stayed behind when we moved across the country when I was 5, or my oldest sister who died less than a year later, that listened to them. My memories surrounding both of them are pretty hazy.
Spot on, Jerry! You are becoming better and better and better at describing these complex circumstances with clarity. It's really impressive.
Thank you kindly!
Because everything is dusted with a residue of evil. But God loved her enough to give her someone to work out her refinement on so she could go to heaven. Oh the praise she received for being such a godly woman.
You are not alone. Thankfully mine didn't use religion; but, she came out smelling of roses to the entire family. I'm not considered worth the ground I walk on! I think we are among the norm for victims of narcissists, especially the narcissistic mothers!
My mother as well. If this demon gets to go to heaven after what she's done and the lives she ruined because she wouldn't help herself, then I don't want to go. My life has been hell on earth because of her. I can't imagine an eternity with someone who knew what she was doing at home and then acted totally different in public. Get off the cross, mama, we need the wood.
Thank you Mr. Wise for this video & the book suggestion.
Glad it was helpful!
My parents died four years apart just after I had turned eighteen.
I am a music aficionado and realized I have no recollection of the popular music of those years.
Amazing ~ recalling watching family slide show where myself narcissistic brother and father went on week-long hunting trip to Idaho, me 14 early 1960's and honestly, I still have zero recall despite clear evidence I was there!! My 5-year older brother was lead narcissistic in family and is absent in near all my childhood memories, in recent years I have initiated total NO CONTACT w family ~~
OMG! I thought I was the only one. Try as I might, and I’ve tried, I draw a blank. 😢
I'm the opposite of this. NOTE: I haven't watched the video yet.
I REMEMBER EVERYTHING, I RUMINATE EVERYTHING CONSTANTLY.
It's always interesting hearing that others cannot remember.... because I do.... I remember it all. I've always had a great memory(until I started getting high).
I've never known if how I perceive memories is normal or not. I have no context for anything else, but it's always seemed off that my entire childhood, and well life really, when I look back is just a very vague surface level dreamy feeling. Some quick moments stick out, but it's surrounded by a lot of hazy nothingness like when you have just woken from a dream.
I think that's why I struggled so much with EMDR. I could not understand what the therapist was asking me to do, think back to a solid strong memory and put yourself back in it. It was like she was suddenly asking me to do math problems in some alien language. Especially when she wanted me to come up with 5 really strong happy memories to call back to. Uhhh..... still trying to come up with those years later lol.... Not saying I didn't have good moments, but they aren't what I'd consider super happy memories, and are often shrouded by feelings of pain and hurt of other things happening at the same time.
I remember trying to do the exercises suggested by a self help book; and couldn’t recall enough of my child to continue. My sisters also have no early childhood memories. I don’t want to recall any either.
I can’t remember my childhood.
There were such wild events, I remember events that happened before I was two. It's easier to remember, if you are later in foster care, and the people in your household change, etc. The weird thing, is if I was two, how reliable are those memories, but many are vivid. Not paying back-rent, and buying a car instead, is a memory that's hard to forget, even as a child you know that dont seem right. And you get 58+ years to roll that memory over in your head. And my father was in the navy, and kept fathering children all over the world. Never met any of them, but the drama was never ending, with new baby-mommies calling, and visiting and knocking at the door. I know several siblings by name, never met them, so, I know there are at least five I have never met, but the mothers came knocking. (5 mothers, 4 countries). Which makes me think, there must have been much more.
This blew my mind. I see my childhood as photos but no remembrance. But I remember scenes when I spent holiday in my grandmother's town.
Omg, yes. I've always said that, I don't remember. I rely on girlfriends who were there with me! How sad.....for us
What happens with me is not remembering some things that are painful. I just will forget - sometimes - even temporarily then remember later. I guess its a protection. I was criticized for that also on top of everything else..
I remember glimpses of here and there from my childhood. I’m glad I kept a diary since 3rd grade as my dad suggested since he had no time for me, and I found them recently and read them. I realized how some events or people affected me, how I felt back then as a child and process the emotions I didn’t process back then with more clarity.. Also, glad i wrote not as much as before but just enough as a pre-teen and adolescent for me to now see clearly what I went through. Reading my diaries felt truly eye opening, and I could now see through all the BS that I heard when growing up.
So true! I didn’t start remembering any of my childhood till I was in my 50’s. Things started coming back like Deja vu, it felt familiar first , then remembering. Still don’t remember much , but now it make sense.
I have very few memories of my early childhood and particularly have only a handful of memories of my father.
All wonderful, wise advice given here. I call them my black hole years. There were a few glimpses of normalcy and definitely memory of physical and mental abuse and of not feeling loved by my parents but most of it was just blank. As an adult going through a divorce, I started having flashbacks and there were specific triggers to those flashbacks. I started seeing a wonderful Christian therapist. Through three and a half years of intensive therapy (I saw her two to three times every week for that period of time) she helped me so much in coming to grips with my crazy, painful childhood. I joined a 12 step program, called Celebrate Recovery, as well, to deal with my addictions of co-dependency and online mindless shopping. I still journal to this day. And for me personally, prayer and daily reading my Bible helps to keep me grounded in the love of the Lord. Healing can be achieved. Don't give up on yourself. 🙏✝️🕊❤
I always wondered why I couldn't remember only bits of childhood. Now I'm old and spend a lot of time thinking I pieced most of it together and it's horrible. I wish I hadn't remembered
I'm the other way, remember far too much from far too young about my nightmare early life. My parents weren't emotionally capable of raising children and also sent us to faith school who destroyed us from the inside.
My sister and I went opposite ways. She had love from an early age, married young and had children. She also managed to have a career. Me, I always struggled, my entire working life was minimum wage, or was dole.
I had no love in my life until I met my now husband. I had become a Christian and so had he. Thirty years on, we are still together! Thank God, Leicester till I die, but for me Wednesday till I die!!!! WAWAW!!!
I just turned 65, and I can remember my childhood better than I can remember 10 minutes ago. I almost wish I couldn't. I thought things were bad back then. I was wrong. Seriously wrong. Things may not have been absolutely perfect, but they were a million times better than they are now.
Yeah, I feel this…
I remember the fights and the beatings- but I can’t even form a picture in my mind of mum and dad during my childhood other than that.
Thank God my grandparents took me away for a lot of the time- it’s THAT I remember.
Excellent video, thank you! I never knew there was ANY amnesia in my life until some years ago when i discovered that i had "DID" and eventually realized that early childhood was missing entirely and portions or entire years even through high school. (Further, as long as i was still with an abuser, the dissociation/amnesia continued as an adult because they activated it through trauma.)
After getting away to safety, memories began surfacing.
During the past year, when i created an art journal which undid a lot of religious traumas, major memories going back to about the age of two years old began surfacing here and there. Just this week, what could be one of the most significant memories ever, came up.
Some recovered memories even have beautiful elements and i'm SO happy to have them. And those that are painful, well, they are still part of my life and now i'm strong enough to know the truth and have more than a life of "swiss cheese" or full of missing time.
Here's to our healing & happiness!✴
I remember in detail almost every part of my childhood going back to 4 years old.
Some times I wish for amnesia.
😢
Asked my mother what I was like as a child, on two separate occasions her answer was "I don't remember" Nothing at all??!
My Dad and step Mum on the other hand can tell stories of what I was like and they only had me on me on holidays.
That first one sure rings a bell!
I’m so grateful to have found your channel. I wish I could find a local therapist to help work through some of this. I’ve had a hard time finding one
www.coaching.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/
Narcissistic family 😢
I just wish I had NO memory at all of my childhood. But, it is what it is. I can go back pretty far in my memory. Of course I can’t remember everything. But, I remember the good and the ugly.
Or worse, I remember everything in detail.
Not everyone's the same. I can remember, and revisit events, remember things said, things that were not done (neglect). This is the biggest problem for me.
I have at times temporarily forgotten something traumatic (more like blocked it out) but the memory returns.
I wish I could forget really, it would be better that way!
I don't remember very much at all. Thank you for bringing this subject up Jerry. Important topic!💖
You are so welcome
So what I might want to add here is a big thank you. This video is like a big hug of someone out there in cyber-land understanding this. And I truly believe that you wish you could make it better.
I am 57. I could write a book on my messed up childhood of being neglected, abused, raped, manipulated......
I do remember a few good times when I did actually felt wanted, loved and appreciated. All those times occurred at someone else's(non-relative) home. I thank those people for treating me like a Human.
To those younger than me, yes grey or yellow rock if you need, do your own thing and do not ever give in to the nonsense of societal expectations. As long as you are not doing anything illegal, then you are good. Family, especially will try to manipulate you into being a debt slave to not only make you feel pain(because they felt pain) but to control your future.