I also had to go no contact with my parents and I was 35 at the time. Now almost 3 decades later I know it saved my life. My three siblings are all dead or destroyed. I wish I could have helped them but they were flying monkeys at the time. Suicide and 'accidents' claimed them all. The horrors of a narcissistic parent and especially two cannot be underestimated. You do great work Meredith! I naturally became involved in narcissistic relationships but am doing better and better with all the knowledge and help available now that was non-existent only a few years ago. Keep it going, your video today is excellent. Thank you.
I am so so sorry for absolutely Everything you endured and for the loss of your children I am so sorry 🙏🏼🙏🏼💔🙏🏼💔💔💔💔🙏🏼💔😢💔😢💔😢💔❤️🙏🏼❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I’m so sorry you had so much loss in your family. I’m also really proud of you for taking the reins back and getting out before it claimed your life as well. Great job taking responsibility for your healing journey! 🙌
John Clayton I literally changed continents to get away from the narcissistic family. It's not easy but worth it. I understand about the energy drain. Persist and take good care of yourself. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
My husband abused me to the point of suicide. I just left, and of all the people I've found giving advice, YOURS is bar none the most helpful so far. Thank you!
Yes narcs have ruined millions of lives in this universe !!!!!! I have been experiencing cptsd , trauma , anxiety , dread , insomnia etc....life hasn't been easy for me at all !!!! Right now I'm in the shelter i shouldn't be in the shelter at all !!!!!! I deserve a place better than that !!!! I know my worth and value i just need help please !!!!!!!who ever comes across this message please help me if you could !!!!!
The Cognitive Dissonance is tough! It helped me to journal my memories of this, and to name each instance. It made things more concrete and “real” for me. I still go back and add to the list when a different memory pops back up. Thank you Meredith!! 💜
Very comprehensive, I have been stuck several times, I’m nearly two years free now. I’d like to add that loneliness is also a powerful force that can get you back in the realm of the abuser and possibly hoovered. It’s good to have written lists of abusive behaviors, or a journal you can look back on to see just how awful it was. I’ve not had a relationship since, and am still not ready, more self responsibility work to be done, and exploring my family dynamics to understand why I relate as I do. Boundaries are my biggest challenge. It’s very clear to me that to enter relationships too soon, with non narcissistic people, is not fair on you or them, do the work first. 🙏☺️
Enlightened! I have been following you since Aug 2016, when I first realized I was in a toxic narcissistic relationship and was discarded in the worst way and now dealing with no contact from my beautiful son due to lies and a smear campaign. Listening to this this morning woke me up! You are right knowledge about what your are going through (victim stage) is not recovery. Its just the beginning. I need to now dive into the other stages. Didn't know there was more than just TH-cam knowledge. Its 3 yrs last month my story started. I need to be the strongest mom ever to eventually pick up the pieces of my sons war he is in. My prays for him to come home to me safe so I can help the wounds. Ty Meredith
Wow, this sure hit home. I feel very stuck in the healing phase. Staying no contact wasn’t hard for me - it’s been 2 years and I’ve never been tempted to reconnect. But after 2 yrs of no contact I still feel depressed, angry, hopeless, and yes - disempowered. Like a victim. I need to figure out how to get past this phase and engage in self care and self love. I don’t know how.
Meredith, you helped me so much- found your channel in the beginning of my journey. Now, after two years NC from my mother, I feel joy in my heart everyday. My marriage has blossomed. Lots of comments here from people in the first weeks of no contact, I say to you; IT GETS BETTER! KEEP GOING! The first year of NC truly grieving the loss, like a death. It was hard to get dressed in the morning, but just put your pants on one leg at a time and allow yourself to cry and feel the pain. Treat yourself to self care moments. A great cup of coffee, Walks in nature, binging tv shows, taking a mental health day... whatever you need at that time, and dont feel guilty about it folks! Mother yourselves and there will be so many better days ahead. Cheers to Meredith!
Dear Meredith, After watching all your videos during the last 2 years, I need to thank you! You have to know that your videos are ALL spot on. During my pre- divorce time and now co'parenting you have the skill to even guide me much better than my therapeut could ever do. Thank you so much. Stay blessed, Namaste
Great video! Its nice that you did this and understand all of this. I never thought I would get to this point but I did and its a total shift. It just happened recently and all those thoughts are starting to finally stop consuming my life. I thought they would never go away, yet here it is three and a half years later and its easing up. I had a goal of 2020 and I think I am right on schedule. It does get better, and that shift does happen, just keep working towards it and you will get there. Kel
So helpful! Thanks! What I have found helpful is to make mental bins. One for the inner child and one for the real time adult. When the feelings of regret or wanting to engage come up, I bin them with my inner child. That is who is being triggered. The adult self is responsible for the child... teach them as you would your own children...about the wolf in sheep’s clothing. This helps with the cognitive dissonance. I believe this piece was missing with the first engagement with the toxic abuser in the first place It is never too late to learn new tricks!
I used to live with my best friend who was very needy and control freak. I had a lack of self esteem and confidence so I was relying on her opinions a lot. She succeeded to make me believe I didn't deserve to be loved and was wrong about every negative things in our friendship, and finally she put all of our common friends against me. It's been almost 7 years now and I am still stuck between stage "cognitive dissonance" and "self responsabiliy". For the first one, I have faced the truth but it's more in my daily life that I can't be aligned anymore and it frustrates me a lot to not be able to do or express what I believe is good for me. Then on the responsibility level, how do you handle the guilt and shame? Because I feel more guilty for letting myself drained by my ex BFF, not having seen the red flags etc. It's time for me to change because I can't cope anymore with that state of mind. Thanks for sharing your videos, it's really helping a lot to grief and move on in my life. Keep going! ;)
So clear, well-organized, empathetic, supportive, authentic and, most of all, helpful. I have gone back and re-listened to different chunks of this numerous times. For me, you are one the very best in this field.
Thanks Meredith for this Podcast. My healing journey is at the taking responsibility stage. It’s comforting to have an idea where I’m at on the scale of eventually I’m not to be messed with. Thank you!
honestly, thank you so much for all your help. thorough your videos I was able to understand my family dynamic and the reasoning behind most of the things that were happening to me. I went to multiple therapist and psychologists and they told me to run. I did, I put to practice all your advice and now im stuck in the victim mode still keeping in contact and feel frustrated. this video is really what I needed to hear to start my heal. it has really helped to understand what I need to do in order to heal. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR FREE MATERIAL.
I am so happy you're now posting your podcasts on youtube! :) Due to my digital detox, I deleted facebook and instagram, so it's great your podcast is now also available to your youtube audience. 👍🏼
I have struggled with recurring nightmares pertaining to my abuse for years. I also have trust issues in more than just personal relationships. Thank you, Meredith, for your comforting, helpful, and insightful videos. Thank you for putting your bubbly personality here, where I feel safer TRYING to figure some of this out for myself. This video just helped me realize I am stuck in the self responsibility stage, but these are hard issues to grapple with. I appreciate your willingness to help more than you know and will definitely return to this podcast.
Great insights and great job doing this difficult work! 🙌 I’m glad you got a new insight from this podcast episode about where you’re at now. I know it’s not easy but you’re going to figure it out!
Thank you very much, Meredith! I am very happy that I finally got away from my abuser! I feel like my healing process is going well, thank goodness! Thank you very much for the info and your support.
Recovery has to be more than “getting over it” and moving on, as many people imply. A person can “heal” without learning anything. It has to involve personal growth and emotional maturing.
It can be a really long process especially when the damage they did was deep. I hope this episode helps you figure out where you’re stuck so you can keep moving forward!
@@InnerIntegration Thank you Meredith for another great video. I got it. Stuck in Cognitive Dissonance is indeed such a dangerous perspective. It almost killed me.
No contact is the difficult one for me. My ex and I have an adult son who has Autism. But he seems to have abandoned our Son and now its all on me and my other children. I struggle with this. And My ex is in contact with my other children and I hear about things and then my curiosity gets the better of me. When I get more info on my ex, I immediately get sick in my stomach and feeling depressed. He was terrible to me, but when I see him being good to my kids, I all of a sudden crave something good from my Ex too. Ugh.
How funny--many years ago I was in a play called "Gas Light" (also known as "Angel Street"), which was the basis for the film. I played Manningham, the abuser...little did I know.. I'm very familiar with the concept from being in the play, and now again during the healing process. Cheers!
Thanks for posting your podcast on TH-cam, Meredith! I also subscribe via iTunes, but I am on TH-cam more often than I am in the podcast app. Kind Regards, Linda
❤ I wish yo say thank you from my inner soul Your words helped me and guided me to understand my eldest daughter She was diagnosed at a very early age with psychopath triads. And i trully trully believed that if you give love , care , hugs , boundaries, education., rolls , and reward, she will find it in her heart to feel love to feel what others feels. I was wrong ......i was wrong at the age of 20 i had to open the door wave goodbye and never look back . Today our home is a happy home i see the youngest sibling growing and developing right Our pets are happy the dogs will not go near her . My heart is broken ....i dont know how not to love her 3 years had gone and i still cry at night But i had to let her go for every one safety Does that make me a bad mum 👵
No.It makes you an intelligent one. She has no feelings for you or your broken heart. Or her family. Or anything. I have more feelings for you and your family and we're probably from opposite sides of the world. Much love and courage to you all!❤❤❤
@@curlytopkitty2468 Dear curly 🤗 Your words made me happy i felt a big hug from you Thank you sweetheart May God bless you and keep you and yours safe Thank you thank you for your love towards me Love from Ireland ❤👵
2 Years later and can so relate to this. It is extremely hard work. But I am worth it. I have had alot of results and progress but sometimes it seems discouraging. When u begin to feel like when will i fully recover?? It does come but we must keep on going and healing. It will soon come for now i will continue to celebrate and enjoy the recovery and healing that i have accomplished but keeping in mind i must keep working on me.. ITS A WIN WIN Thank you so much for all the help...
Thank you, doing the inner work but expecting to much to fast I guess... being part of the world again, showing myself scares the shit out of me! I’m in therapie now for 9 months already and there is progress...but it takes more time then I hoped. Just keep on moving forward. Much love ❤️
It does take a long time but you’re doing the work and getting yourself therapy so you will get through it! Keep celebrating the progress along the way 🙌
I'm stuck in cognitive dissonance. I've been no contact for a week. Yesterday I kept going back and forth with is he really a narcissist and did I make a mistake discarding him. No doubt, he is a covert narc, my therapist identified it. I'm just looming in denial.
Great so you totally understand where you’re at right now which means you can do something about it! I have a couple other podcast episodes on Cognitive Dissonance that will help you break free from that.
@@InnerIntegration you just don't know how much I value your videos. I was taken advantage by a narc 30 yrs ago, was in therapy for 2 years. I totally forgot these demons exist. This last one overwhelmed me with the love bombing, he was extremely attentive and caring. Realizing it was just another scene in his diabolical soap opera is numbing. Anyway, thanks again for your breakthrough videos ❤
Thanks! I still struggle after a year believing how she moved on so easily as I still pine for her! She discarded me and acts as if I never existed after 3 years together? She moved in with another man 2 months later, I'm still devastated!
@@thebluevelvetriver I'm good now! I really dodged a bullet! I am hurt by her actions but realized I was miserable with her as she controlled my emotions, I really am happy to not be associated with her anymore! Time really does heal, it would be great to meet a good person to share my life but I'm content being single also!
Going no contact with my family was a huge step for me. It’s been a couple years but I feel stuck in terms of healing. I’m still angry and depressed over their lifetime of abuse. I wonder if those feelings will ever subside. I pray they will because I want to be emotionally free and not held hostage by those negative emotions.
Thank you so helpful! I'm more interested in to find tools expecting to heal narcissist madness, considering my self as an exnarcissit or involved into my healing process. Now, grace to persons as you I can see a little bit more the forest. I was really so wrong but now I'm starting to forgive my self. I'm a native Spanish speaker trying to become a fluent English speaker, for this a prefer to listen you in English.
1. No contact. 2. Cognitive Dissonance. 3. Self Responsibility 4. 4 pillars of recovery that sustain. radical self care. ( self esteem, self worth, self trust, self love). A house built without truth and love will fall. All this focus on the self is exactly what causes a narc to be a narc, odd that it is the supposed remedy for the abused? Its all about the TRUTH and WHAT YOU SACRIFICE FOR BEING A LOVER OF TRUTH OVER A DESIRE FOR THINGS OR PEOPLE. People are straight up deluding themselves that there is no enemy who seeks to rob kill and destroy and who is the hidden Judas fraud and the competitive ego Cains from birth. But here we are applying labels to a real enemy who works through people exactly as we have all been warned. Its about even having the capacity to " care" about others suffering over your damned love of money, appearances, associations and ego propping. 666 IS MAN CHOOSING HIS WAYS OVER THE CREATORS WAY WHICH IS HIMSELF IN FLESH FORM EVEN FOR THE NUMB SKULLS OF TODAYS GIVE ME PROOF AGE. Not one new thing under the sun. Sell outs and concession makers grasping for creature comforts and for love from self professed witches and warlocks who seem manageable and harmless but in reality they are straight up demonic portals. The truth divides. Praise God. TURN AWAY AND STAY AWAY. GIVE UP ALL HOPE YOU HAVE FOR THESE VESSELS MADE FOR DESTRUCTION! PUT HOPE IN The TRUTH to free you. That is where LOVE IS FOUND. This is a supernatural attack against the SPIRIT OF A PERSON. The lying signs and wonders of the enemy are endless. The only true power and true signs and wonders belong to God and Yes sometimes LOVE LOOKS LIKE DANCING IN THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES. When a persons mind emotions and will are serving these beast creatures thats a mans soul! His body weakened. His spirit oppressed. Yep. its war.
Thank you, darlin' . . . it took you till you were 37 to be self-responsible. I'm 67. And just learning from you what this life of pain is all about. Self-trust, self-love . . . all of it. I'm still a work in progress. I'm clutching at toxic family because I need them. I'm really sick and getting sicker. How do I build boundaries with a loving/toxic mother who, with my son and daughter-in-law, have financial power over me? I'm drowning in fear . . . every morning. 5am. Alone but caged. My root guru of 19 years (Tibetan Buddhist) has disappeared. What is this lesson? Learning to be alone and sick with death in my face as I wake. All of it started 5 years ago . . . thorough PTSD. I am good at persevering, though this life is becoming unbearable. I took lay-person's vows not to kill or harm . . . myself, or anyone else. Not doing so good on the "anyone else" part. The sicker I get, the meaner I get.
I am defenetly stuck in that process of heiling...but one thing is true and clear for me now..... I know that those evils are real and unfurtunetely they took human being bodies.We can't even have pitty for them...we just need to avoid them if we want to survive.
The recovery after the abuse is going to a good psychiatrist and reading a bit about narcissism from good psychology books. Monstrification is the easier way but it's not the truth. Yes, they suck but if we stuck with them we have problems too.
If that strategy worked for you, great. The strategy you suggest did not work for me. I did a a lot of therapy, I read a lot of great psychology books, I knew a bit about narcissism, but none of it worked for me, in fact I remained blinded to covert abuse. What saved me is when I came across Meredith's teaching on covert narcissism. That's when how I felt, started making sense rtf me. Its when I began my intensive training with Meredith that the healing started for me.
Because of cognitive dissonance, I have been stuck wondering if it’s me, that I was just seeing red flags because of other narcissists in my life. I was familiar with the overt types but when I started my healing, right after a major discard from an overt narcissist, a covert narcissist came into my life, I was not used to this type and I think they are more damaging then the overts. My overt even told me “ he’s just like me but older and slicker”. Which of course I didn’t believe.
I have been fully no contact for almost five months, but I’m still looking back at things that happened and wondering why I let it continue for so long. Everything is so obvious now, but it wasn’t at the time - at least, not to me. He has not tried to contact me. I just continue to feel stupid, and angry with myself. It’s embarrassing. 🙁
Inner Integration Thank you, Meredith. We are married, but apparently the marriage only meant something to me. For him, I was only a means to an end. I’m glad I finally had the presence of mind to end it. At least he didn’t get what he was really after, so he didn’t win.
I think I’ve been married to a narcissist for 27 years. I told him to leave and he has abandoned our family. I’m stuck in the reaching out blaming myself stage because I loved him and we had a future. Now it’s gone. I don’t know how to go on.
Sorry to hear that you no longer offer one on one therapy sessions since you are a skilled therapist. I hope that you can build a successful practice at Better HElp.
Challenging, and essential! Thank you Meredith. I'll be listening to this more than once... there is a wealth of information in here that my brain is trying to reject. Quiet brain! We need this!! ... My new goal: To be unfuckwithable! 😄👍
😂 the brain is funny that way and you’re so right how that happens when we are trying to break old habits. The subconscious and primal brain want us to stay comfortable where we are used to being and it resists change. Love your new goal!
Well I met her in the garden Underneath that old apple tree Sitting with a handful of flowers Looking as cool as can be We talked away a couple of hours Then she laid her hand on my lap Oh I thought I got to be dreaming I didn't know I fell in her trap Then she made me say things I didn't want to say Then she made me play games I didn't want to play She was a soul stripper, yeah She took my heart She was a soul stripper, ooh And tore me apart She started moving nice and easy Slowly getting near to my spine Killing off each last little feeling Ooh everyone she could find And when she had me hollow and naked, yeah That's when she put me down Pulled out a knife and flashed it before me Stuck it in and turned it around Then she made me say things I didn't want to say, you know Then she made me play games I didn't want to play She was a soul stripper, yeah Ooh she took my heart Ooh was a soul stripper Tore me apart Soul stripper, soul stripper You're a soul stripper Soul stripper, soul stripper Soul stripper Took out my heart And tore it apart Aah you're a soul stripper Soul stripper, soul stripper
What if after crossing the threshold, you sort of lose track and feel so powerless Cuz, although you said that it's a point of no return, this is my story... However, I think it's because almost immediately, I lost my father, plus I befriended a new narcissist. Plus, I had to be in more constant contact with my abusive family. And my ex narc is a classmate.. Please do you think I definitely can still cross the threshold and truly not relapse...?? I presently feel so down..
What if after crossing the threshold, you sort of lose track and feel so powerless Cuz, although you said that it's a point of no return, this is my story... However, I think it's because almost immediately, I lost my father, plus I befriended a new narcissist. Plus, I had to be in more constant contact with my abusive family for the funeral. And my ex narc is a classmate.. Please do you think I definitely can still cross the threshold and truly not relapse...?? I presently feel so down..
What if after crossing the threshold, you sort of lose track and feel so powerless Cuz, although you said that it's a point of no return, this is my story... However, I think it's because almost immediately, I lost my father, plus I befriended a new narcissist. Plus, I had to be in more constant contact with my abusive family for the funeral. And my ex narc is a classmate.. Please do you think I definitely can still cross the threshold and truly not relapse...?? I presently feel so down..
El podcast en español viene en 2020!
😭😭
Kha hasta 2020
I also had to go no contact with my parents and I was 35 at the time. Now almost 3 decades later I know it saved my life. My three siblings are all dead or destroyed. I wish I could have helped them but they were flying monkeys at the time. Suicide and 'accidents' claimed them all. The horrors of a narcissistic parent and especially two cannot be underestimated. You do great work Meredith! I naturally became involved in narcissistic relationships but am doing better and better with all the knowledge and help available now that was non-existent only a few years ago. Keep it going, your video today is excellent. Thank you.
I am so so sorry for absolutely Everything you endured and for the loss of your children I am so sorry 🙏🏼🙏🏼💔🙏🏼💔💔💔💔🙏🏼💔😢💔😢💔😢💔❤️🙏🏼❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sorry not your children your siblings so so so sorry for the torture and heartache you endured 💔💔💔💔💔😢💯😢💯😢😢💔🙏🏼💔🙏🏼💔🙏🏼💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
I am very emotional and scatty recently and reading and writing things arse ways apologies 💯💯💯😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
I’m so sorry you had so much loss in your family. I’m also really proud of you for taking the reins back and getting out before it claimed your life as well. Great job taking responsibility for your healing journey! 🙌
John Clayton I literally changed continents to get away from the narcissistic family. It's not easy but worth it. I understand about the energy drain. Persist and take good care of yourself. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Know thyself+ Heal thyself=Love Thyself. Light thy candle from within and let no one blow it out.
My husband abused me to the point of suicide. I just left, and of all the people I've found giving advice, YOURS is bar none the most helpful so far. Thank you!
Yes narcs have ruined millions of lives in this universe !!!!!! I have been experiencing cptsd , trauma , anxiety , dread , insomnia etc....life hasn't been easy for me at all !!!! Right now I'm in the shelter i shouldn't be in the shelter at all !!!!!! I deserve a place better than that !!!! I know my worth and value i just need help please !!!!!!!who ever comes across this message please help me if you could !!!!!
The Cognitive Dissonance is tough! It helped me to journal my memories of this, and to name each instance. It made things more concrete and “real” for me. I still go back and add to the list when a different memory pops back up. Thank you Meredith!! 💜
Very comprehensive, I have been stuck several times, I’m nearly two years free now. I’d like to add that loneliness is also a powerful force that can get you back in the realm of the abuser and possibly hoovered. It’s good to have written lists of abusive behaviors, or a journal you can look back on to see just how awful it was. I’ve not had a relationship since, and am still not ready, more self responsibility work to be done, and exploring my family dynamics to understand why I relate as I do. Boundaries are my biggest challenge. It’s very clear to me that to enter relationships too soon, with non narcissistic people, is not fair on you or them, do the work first. 🙏☺️
Great insights and great job doing the work! 🙌 The loneliness is part of the Inner Child wound that comes up in stage 2.
Enlightened! I have been following you since Aug 2016, when I first realized I was in a toxic narcissistic relationship and was discarded in the worst way and now dealing with no contact from my beautiful son due to lies and a smear campaign. Listening to this this morning woke me up! You are right knowledge about what your are going through (victim stage) is not recovery. Its just the beginning. I need to now dive into the other stages. Didn't know there was more than just TH-cam knowledge. Its 3 yrs last month my story started. I need to be the strongest mom ever to eventually pick up the pieces of my sons war he is in. My prays for him to come home to me safe so I can help the wounds. Ty Meredith
Thank you for this video. I appreciate that you don't encourage victomhood
Wow, this sure hit home. I feel very stuck in the healing phase. Staying no contact wasn’t hard for me - it’s been 2 years and I’ve never been tempted to reconnect. But after 2 yrs of no contact I still feel depressed, angry, hopeless, and yes - disempowered. Like a victim. I need to figure out how to get past this phase and engage in self care and self love. I don’t know how.
Meredith, you helped me so much- found your channel in the beginning of my journey.
Now, after two years NC from my mother, I feel joy in my heart everyday. My marriage has blossomed.
Lots of comments here from people in the first weeks of no contact, I say to you; IT GETS BETTER! KEEP GOING!
The first year of NC truly grieving the loss, like a death. It was hard to get dressed in the morning, but just put your pants on one leg at a time and allow yourself to cry and feel the pain. Treat yourself to self care moments. A great cup of coffee, Walks in nature, binging tv shows, taking a mental health day... whatever you need at that time, and dont feel guilty about it folks! Mother yourselves and there will be so many better days ahead.
Cheers to Meredith!
Dear Meredith,
After watching all your videos during the last 2 years, I need to thank you! You have to know that your videos are ALL spot on. During my pre- divorce time and now co'parenting you have the skill to even guide me much better than my therapeut could ever do. Thank you so much. Stay blessed, Namaste
Great video! Its nice that you did this and understand all of this. I never thought I would get to this point but I did and its a total shift. It just happened recently and all those thoughts are starting to finally stop consuming my life. I thought they would never go away, yet here it is three and a half years later and its easing up. I had a goal of 2020 and I think I am right on schedule. It does get better, and that shift does happen, just keep working towards it and you will get there. Kel
So helpful! Thanks!
What I have found helpful is to make mental bins. One for the inner child and one for the real time adult. When the feelings of regret or wanting to engage come up, I bin them with my inner child. That is who is being triggered. The adult self is responsible for the child... teach them as you would your own children...about the wolf in sheep’s clothing. This helps with the cognitive dissonance. I believe this piece was missing with the first engagement with the toxic abuser in the first place It is never too late to learn new tricks!
This is great and it reminds me of a therapist lady who has a podcast named after her technique The Adult Chair. You might want to check it out!
Inner Integration thanks. I found her!
I used to live with my best friend who was very needy and control freak. I had a lack of self esteem and confidence so I was relying on her opinions a lot.
She succeeded to make me believe I didn't deserve to be loved and was wrong about every negative things in our friendship, and finally she put all of our common friends against me.
It's been almost 7 years now and
I am still stuck between stage "cognitive dissonance" and "self responsabiliy".
For the first one, I have faced the truth but it's more in my daily life that I can't be aligned anymore and it frustrates me a lot to not be able to do or express what I believe is good for me.
Then on the responsibility level, how do you handle the guilt and shame? Because I feel more guilty for letting myself drained by my ex BFF, not having seen the red flags etc.
It's time for me to change because I can't cope anymore with that state of mind.
Thanks for sharing your videos, it's really helping a lot to grief and move on in my life.
Keep going! ;)
So clear, well-organized, empathetic, supportive, authentic and, most of all, helpful. I have gone back and re-listened to different chunks of this numerous times. For me, you are one the very best in this field.
Thanks Meredith for this Podcast. My healing journey is at the taking responsibility stage. It’s comforting to have an idea where I’m at on the scale of eventually I’m not to be messed with. Thank you!
honestly, thank you so much for all your help. thorough your videos I was able to understand my family dynamic and the reasoning behind most of the things that were happening to me. I went to multiple therapist and psychologists and they told me to run. I did, I put to practice all your advice and now im stuck in the victim mode still keeping in contact and feel frustrated. this video is really what I needed to hear to start my heal. it has really helped to understand what I need to do in order to heal. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR FREE MATERIAL.
I am so happy you're now posting your podcasts on youtube! :)
Due to my digital detox, I deleted facebook and instagram, so it's great your podcast is now also available to your youtube audience. 👍🏼
Im 3 yrs out and recently had triggers from family. I went for counseling and found i have ptsd from many yrs of trauma that I ignored and went on.
Wow that's a Beautiful Photo of you Meredith... You are Happy..Right On !!!!
I have struggled with recurring nightmares pertaining to my abuse for years. I also have trust issues in more than just personal relationships. Thank you, Meredith, for your comforting, helpful, and insightful videos. Thank you for putting your bubbly personality here, where I feel safer TRYING to figure some of this out for myself. This video just helped me realize I am stuck in the self responsibility stage, but these are hard issues to grapple with. I appreciate your willingness to help more than you know and will definitely return to this podcast.
Great insights and great job doing this difficult work! 🙌 I’m glad you got a new insight from this podcast episode about where you’re at now. I know it’s not easy but you’re going to figure it out!
The most helpful video I have watched throughout this difficult journey.
THANKYOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY 💓
Thank you very much, Meredith! I am very happy that I finally got away from my abuser! I feel like my healing process is going well, thank goodness! Thank you very much for the info and your support.
Recovery has to be more than “getting over it” and moving on, as many people imply. A person can “heal” without learning anything. It has to involve personal growth and emotional maturing.
Meredith you’re saving lives. You’re saving my life, but I realize I have a long way to go. Thank you so much!
Thank you for posting!
Meredith, ir has been three years and that face and that pain still comes back to my mind!!!! It s a long process!!
It can be a really long process especially when the damage they did was deep. I hope this episode helps you figure out where you’re stuck so you can keep moving forward!
Thank you Meredith. Well said. I like all the tie-ins. I look forward to your next video on the specific dangerous perspective you refer to.
That one came out last week!
@@InnerIntegration Thank you Meredith for another great video. I got it. Stuck in Cognitive Dissonance is indeed such a dangerous perspective. It almost killed me.
And please keep posting the podcasts on youtube, that's the way I'm most likely to remember and access them.
No contact is the difficult one for me. My ex and I have an adult son who has Autism. But he seems to have abandoned our Son and now its all on me and my other children. I struggle with this. And My ex is in contact with my other children and I hear about things and then my curiosity gets the better of me. When I get more info on my ex, I immediately get sick in my stomach and feeling depressed. He was terrible to me, but when I see him being good to my kids, I all of a sudden crave something good from my Ex too. Ugh.
How funny--many years ago I was in a play called "Gas Light" (also known as "Angel Street"), which was the basis for the film. I played Manningham, the abuser...little did I know.. I'm very familiar with the concept from being in the play, and now again during the healing process. Cheers!
Thanks for posting your podcast on TH-cam, Meredith! I also subscribe via iTunes, but I am on TH-cam more often than I am in the podcast app.
Kind Regards,
Linda
❤️!
Es verdad; no tener ningún contacto es la clave.!!! Gracias bella mujer. Meredith!!
Por favor no te detengas.!!
Té quiero mucho amiga!!
Have to love and forgive, it raises vibrations from fear driven emotions, it’s a mantra when you find your thoughts time traveling.
❤
I wish yo say thank you from my inner soul
Your words helped me and guided me to understand my eldest daughter
She was diagnosed at a very early age with psychopath triads.
And i trully trully believed that if you give love , care , hugs , boundaries, education., rolls , and reward, she will find it in her heart to feel love to feel what others feels.
I was wrong ......i was wrong at the age of 20 i had to open the door wave goodbye and never look back .
Today our home is a happy home i see the youngest sibling growing and developing right
Our pets are happy the dogs will not go near her .
My heart is broken ....i dont know how not to love her
3 years had gone and i still cry at night
But i had to let her go for every one safety
Does that make me a bad mum 👵
No.It makes you an intelligent one. She has no feelings for you or your broken heart. Or her family. Or anything. I have more feelings for you and your family and we're probably from opposite sides of the world. Much love and courage to you all!❤❤❤
@@curlytopkitty2468
Dear curly 🤗
Your words made me happy i felt a big hug from you
Thank you sweetheart
May God bless you and keep you and yours safe
Thank you thank you for your love towards me
Love from Ireland ❤👵
@@Rebel377
Dear kristy ❤❤❤
Many thanks from us in Ireland.
@@graceandfaith869 I'm in italy but im Irish! 👍😘❤
@@curlytopkitty2468
Awwww curly 🤗🤗🤗🤗
I bet you miss tayto ...vinger or cheese and onion
Im in co.down
🌹🌹🌹🌹
2 Years later and can so relate to this. It is extremely hard work. But I am worth it. I have had alot of results and progress but sometimes it seems discouraging. When u begin to feel like when will i fully recover?? It does come but we must keep on going and healing.
It will soon come for now i will continue to celebrate and enjoy the recovery and healing that i have accomplished but keeping in mind i must keep working on me.. ITS A WIN WIN
Thank you so much for all the help...
Thank you, doing the inner work but expecting to much to fast I guess... being part of the world again, showing myself scares the shit out of me! I’m in therapie now for 9 months already and there is progress...but it takes more time then I hoped. Just keep on moving forward. Much love ❤️
It does take a long time but you’re doing the work and getting yourself therapy so you will get through it! Keep celebrating the progress along the way 🙌
I'm stuck in cognitive dissonance. I've been no contact for a week. Yesterday I kept going back and forth with is he really a narcissist and did I make a mistake discarding him.
No doubt, he is a covert narc, my therapist identified it. I'm just looming in denial.
Great so you totally understand where you’re at right now which means you can do something about it! I have a couple other podcast episodes on Cognitive Dissonance that will help you break free from that.
@@InnerIntegration you just don't know how much I value your videos. I was taken advantage by a narc 30 yrs ago, was in therapy for 2 years. I totally forgot these demons exist. This last one overwhelmed me with the love bombing, he was extremely attentive and caring. Realizing it was just another scene in his diabolical soap opera is numbing. Anyway, thanks again for your breakthrough videos ❤
Thanks! I still struggle after a year believing how she moved on so easily as I still pine for her! She discarded me and acts as if I never existed after 3 years together? She moved in with another man 2 months later, I'm still devastated!
Are you better now? I was with mine 3 years and he was engaged two weeks after discarding me and I'm a few months out now but still so shell shocked
@@thebluevelvetriver I'm good now! I really dodged a bullet! I am hurt by her actions but realized I was miserable with her as she controlled my emotions, I really am happy to not be associated with her anymore! Time really does heal, it would be great to meet a good person to share my life but I'm content being single also!
A gift of truth comes from true 'self-care',
a new term of beingness bestowed upon us;
...'unfuckwithable'. Thank you, Meredith!
Going no contact with my family was a huge step for me. It’s been a couple years but I feel stuck in terms of healing. I’m still angry and depressed over their lifetime of abuse. I wonder if those feelings will ever subside. I pray they will because I want to be emotionally free and not held hostage by those negative emotions.
You deserve love and happiness and I hope you are finding it. 🧡
Marianne Baker
Thank you ❣️
Thank you! You really helped me with going and staying no contact.
Great job!
Thank you for this well-advised podcast
Beautiful & super smart Meredith.
Thank you so helpful! I'm more interested in to find tools expecting to heal narcissist madness, considering my self as an exnarcissit or involved into my healing process. Now, grace to persons as you I can see a little bit more the forest. I was really so wrong but now I'm starting to forgive my self. I'm a native Spanish speaker trying to become a fluent English speaker, for this a prefer to listen you in English.
1. No contact. 2. Cognitive Dissonance. 3. Self Responsibility
4. 4 pillars of recovery that sustain.
radical self care. ( self esteem, self worth, self trust, self love).
A house built without truth and love will fall. All this focus on the self is exactly what causes a narc to be a narc, odd that it is the supposed remedy for the abused?
Its all about the TRUTH and WHAT YOU SACRIFICE FOR BEING A LOVER OF TRUTH OVER A DESIRE FOR THINGS OR PEOPLE.
People are straight up deluding themselves that there is no enemy who seeks to rob kill and destroy and who is the hidden Judas fraud and the competitive ego Cains from birth. But here we are applying labels to a real enemy who works through people exactly as we have all been warned.
Its about even having the capacity to " care" about others suffering over your damned love of money, appearances, associations and ego propping.
666 IS MAN CHOOSING HIS WAYS OVER THE CREATORS WAY WHICH IS HIMSELF IN FLESH FORM EVEN FOR THE NUMB SKULLS OF TODAYS GIVE ME PROOF AGE.
Not one new thing under the sun.
Sell outs and concession makers grasping for creature comforts and for love from self professed witches and warlocks who seem manageable and harmless but in reality they are straight up demonic portals.
The truth divides. Praise God.
TURN AWAY AND STAY AWAY.
GIVE UP ALL HOPE YOU HAVE FOR THESE VESSELS MADE FOR DESTRUCTION!
PUT HOPE IN The TRUTH to free you. That is where LOVE IS FOUND.
This is a supernatural attack against the SPIRIT OF A PERSON.
The lying signs and wonders of the enemy are endless.
The only true power and true signs and wonders belong to God and Yes sometimes LOVE LOOKS LIKE DANCING IN THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES.
When a persons mind emotions and will are serving these beast creatures thats a mans soul!
His body weakened.
His spirit oppressed.
Yep. its war.
I had an 8 month relationship with one and it took me 4 years to kind of heal. Yep it could take along time to become unemotionally attached to them.
Thank you, darlin' . . . it took you till you were 37 to be self-responsible. I'm 67. And just learning from you what this life of pain is all about. Self-trust, self-love . . . all of it. I'm still a work in progress. I'm clutching at toxic family because I need them. I'm really sick and getting sicker. How do I build boundaries with a loving/toxic mother who, with my son and daughter-in-law, have financial power over me? I'm drowning in fear . . . every morning. 5am. Alone but caged. My root guru of 19 years (Tibetan Buddhist) has disappeared. What is this lesson? Learning to be alone and sick with death in my face as I wake. All of it started 5 years ago . . . thorough PTSD. I am good at persevering, though this life is becoming unbearable. I took lay-person's vows not to kill or harm . . . myself, or anyone else. Not doing so good on the "anyone else" part. The sicker I get, the meaner I get.
You are my inspiration! Thank you!got to do this! So sick of it!
This is such a beautiful message! Omg thank you so much!!! Xoxo
Thanks so much I needed to here this
Oh how I love thee..so much gratitude beautiful warrioress of truth. .💖
Unfuckwothable lol😂😂
Really good and concise info.
Thanks so much for this video.
It's been 5 years and I still won't have a relationship with anyone. I call myself emotionally unavailable.
Constructive I Will listen to them on youtube.
I am defenetly stuck in that process of heiling...but one thing is true and clear for me now..... I know that those evils are real and unfurtunetely they took human being bodies.We can't even have pitty for them...we just need to avoid them if we want to survive.
Thanks Meredith!!!!
Despite the video is old, it has been a great help!! Thank you! Though, we're I'm able to download the pdf? I didn't manage to find the link
The recovery after the abuse is going to a good psychiatrist and reading a bit about narcissism from good psychology books.
Monstrification is the easier way but it's not the truth.
Yes, they suck but if we stuck with them we have problems too.
If that strategy worked for you, great. The strategy you suggest did not work for me. I did a a lot of therapy, I read a lot of great psychology books, I knew a bit about narcissism, but none of it worked for me, in fact I remained blinded to covert abuse. What saved me is when I came across Meredith's teaching on covert narcissism. That's when how I felt, started making sense rtf me. Its when I began my intensive training with Meredith that the healing started for me.
Because of cognitive dissonance, I have been stuck wondering if it’s me, that I was just seeing red flags because of other narcissists in my life. I was familiar with the overt types but when I started my healing, right after a major discard from an overt narcissist, a covert narcissist came into my life, I was not used to this type and I think they are more damaging then the overts. My overt even told me “ he’s just like me but older and slicker”. Which of course I didn’t believe.
Always excellent. Among the best. 🧡🤗
I have been fully no contact for almost five months, but I’m still looking back at things that happened and wondering why I let it continue for so long. Everything is so obvious now, but it wasn’t at the time - at least, not to me. He has not tried to contact me. I just continue to feel stupid, and angry with myself. It’s embarrassing. 🙁
You're not stupid. You tried to make it work but it just wasn't possible and that wasn't your fault.
Inner Integration Thank you, Meredith. We are married, but apparently the marriage only meant something to me. For him, I was only a means to an end. I’m glad I finally had the presence of mind to end it. At least he didn’t get what he was really after, so he didn’t win.
It passes. Have faith!
The podcast is super great!
I think I’ve been married to a narcissist for 27 years. I told him to leave and he has abandoned our family. I’m stuck in the reaching out blaming myself stage because I loved him and we had a future. Now it’s gone. I don’t know how to go on.
i'm stuck because i cant be able to have a new relationship without being gelous, i wasnt
To get straight to the point: it starts at 3:14.
My boss sits very close and its my life to save my job!
Sorry to hear that you no longer offer one on one therapy sessions since you are a skilled therapist. I hope that you can build a successful practice at Better HElp.
Challenging, and essential! Thank you Meredith. I'll be listening to this more than once... there is a wealth of information in here that my brain is trying to reject. Quiet brain! We need this!! ... My new goal: To be unfuckwithable! 😄👍
😂 the brain is funny that way and you’re so right how that happens when we are trying to break old habits. The subconscious and primal brain want us to stay comfortable where we are used to being and it resists change. Love your new goal!
Thanks ❤
Thank you so much💓🙏
Yes!
💖 thank you
Well I met her in the garden
Underneath that old apple tree
Sitting with a handful of flowers
Looking as cool as can be
We talked away a couple of hours
Then she laid her hand on my lap
Oh I thought I got to be dreaming
I didn't know I fell in her trap
Then she made me say things I didn't want to say
Then she made me play games I didn't want to play
She was a soul stripper, yeah
She took my heart
She was a soul stripper, ooh
And tore me apart
She started moving nice and easy
Slowly getting near to my spine
Killing off each last little feeling
Ooh everyone she could find
And when she had me hollow and naked, yeah
That's when she put me down
Pulled out a knife and flashed it before me
Stuck it in and turned it around
Then she made me say things I didn't want to say, you know
Then she made me play games I didn't want to play
She was a soul stripper, yeah
Ooh she took my heart
Ooh was a soul stripper
Tore me apart
Soul stripper, soul stripper
You're a soul stripper
Soul stripper, soul stripper
Soul stripper
Took out my heart
And tore it apart
Aah you're a soul stripper
Soul stripper, soul stripper
Hi. Thank you. I need a life coach specifically. Can you refer m?
Thank you so much! :-)
Meredith isn't there laws against abandoning an elder parent? I was working towards no contact, but in NC I don't think you can legally.
Tq i am from India🇮🇳
What if after crossing the threshold, you sort of lose track and feel so powerless
Cuz, although you said that it's a point of no return, this is my story...
However, I think it's because almost immediately, I lost my father, plus I befriended a new narcissist. Plus, I had to be in more constant contact with my abusive family. And my ex narc is a classmate..
Please do you think I definitely can still cross the threshold and truly not relapse...?? I presently feel so down..
I can attest ,no contact brings the reality of this abuser out
Great video, thank you. Here's to being unf*ckwithable :)
Hay podcasts en español???
Meredith: do you know therapists in Mexico?
I do know a really good one but she just moved out of CDMX. She’s up in Baja California now.
Hasta el 2020?
I feel like I giving up
DENIAL yes
I’m stuck in victim hood
Wow
❤
What if after crossing the threshold, you sort of lose track and feel so powerless
Cuz, although you said that it's a point of no return, this is my story...
However, I think it's because almost immediately, I lost my father, plus I befriended a new narcissist. Plus, I had to be in more constant contact with my abusive family for the funeral. And my ex narc is a classmate..
Please do you think I definitely can still cross the threshold and truly not relapse...?? I presently feel so down..
What if after crossing the threshold, you sort of lose track and feel so powerless
Cuz, although you said that it's a point of no return, this is my story...
However, I think it's because almost immediately, I lost my father, plus I befriended a new narcissist. Plus, I had to be in more constant contact with my abusive family for the funeral. And my ex narc is a classmate..
Please do you think I definitely can still cross the threshold and truly not relapse...?? I presently feel so down..