I just finished watching the entire video, and your recommendations are spot on. First of all, I am glad somebody is giving advice about how to get over an ex, instead of giving false hope that your ex will come back to you. My own breakup story was 45 years ago. I still remember the pain I felt to this day. As I listened to your steps toward recovery, I remembered doing exactly those things you recommend. I pretty much had to figure it out myself by instinct. But by one year afterward, I felt completely over her and ready to move on. When she came back to reestablish contact 13 months after leaving me, I had decided that I no longer wanted a relationship with her. Just after she left me, I could not have imagined I'd ever feel that way. I felt I had grown so much that getting back with her would have been a step backward. To anyone experiencing a breakup right now, please listen to and follow the advice in this video.
I feel absolutely discarded by my ex. I felt him emotionally detach from me, and I didn't know how to stop it! We broke up, in my opinion, without closure. He is very much an avoident attachment style, and I lean towards anxious attachment... he is breadcrumbing me constantly, pulling me back in. Then he dissappears again. I can't focus on work, and I'm making myself ill... I'm exhausted! My support network is telling me to walk away. But I can't. It's been 2 months now.
It’s been a year and I still struggle daily. 8 years together, we were planning a 2 year nomadic trip across North America, sold our house and everything we owned, everything was amazing. Or so I thought. 2 months into our adventure, he told me he is no longer in love with me and wants to be single and free. No warning, no conversations, no clarity. I was basically thrown to the wolves with nothing but a suitcase and ended up at my mothers to rebuild my life. I chased for clarity, communication etc for months…I had no idea he was FA until after the BU. He literally broke my soul and I just want to feel normal again.
That’s disgusting, you poor thing I’ve got off so lightly yet I still find it impossible to comprehend. DA’s are a different species. Love is the closest thing to heaven we can find and is an impenetrable force field of protection that’s not available to these people so we should pity them❤
My breakup story happened 45 years ago. It took me about a year to get over it. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me without giving me a clear reason or explanation. Besides the shock of the breakup, the painful part was not having any explanation from her. I felt if she had told me there was someone else, I would not have liked it, but it would at least have been a reason. I pursued her for months just looking for closure, but she refused to discuss. (I did figure out later she had been seeing someone else and had been lying to me for months.) I lost my appetite and lost 20 pounds in the following month. Once I stopped pursuing her, I started working on nursing myself back to stability. I started running with a friend and got myself I to much better shape. My friends were invaluable to me through this; they really helped me preserve my sense of self-worth. I poured myself into my new job and began to become a technical expert, gaining new respect from my coworkers. By about 6 months, I was on a more even keel, although I was still carrying a torch and didn't yet feel up to trying to date anyone new. It took me a year after the breakup when I finally felt I was over her. At 13 months she actually came to my apartment to "see how I was doing". I was able to be friendly but not verly emotional on seeing her, and didn't know or care whether I ever saw her again. It turns out that she did start dropping over unannounced on a more frequent basis. She would always start crying but could never tell me what it was she wanted of me. Eventually she did write me a letter telling me she wanted to get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend. At about the same time as her letter I had met somebody new (who I would later go on to marry). I had to tell my ex-gf that I could no longer see her. That was over 40 years ago, and I still think of her and still actually feel affection for. We actually did meet a few times 30 years later and still occasionally correspond by email, so I agree that you can get over the breakup, but you will never forget them. I have never regretted my decision to not get back together with her. If you are going through this, have faith. It does hurt; there is no getting around that. But concentrate on taking care of yourself and you will get through it.
Thank you for the video. It’s been 5 months since my breakup after 8 years of the relationship. I’m not healed yet, but I’m trying to go through each day and I feel a bit better with time. My partner moved on 2 months after, which is painful to know. I’m not able to date at the moment. I believe, one day I will be, although I keep hope deep inside for our reconsiliation in the future. Sending healing thoughts to everyone going through anything similar right now. Keep going, you are not alone.💛
Alexis I love your content because of the slides and how organised it is. I grieved the loss of my most serious relationship 16 years after it ended because I’m trying to heal my avoidant attachment and my partner was an avoidant too. I just knew that the phantom ex phenomenon would only stop if I looked at him “holistically” and not put him on the pedestal which will cause idealisation which was the theme for me until I grieved his loss. I shared my resentments with him as I struggled with sharing negative vulnerable and emotionally honest emotions earlier when we were together finally at the beginning of this year and I don’t know why all the charge that I carried for so many years has dissipated now. My questions for you Why has the emotional charge gone now? Why do I look back at him and not feel intense stuff now after writing that email? Is this what healing looks like for an avoidant attachment? Am I on the right path? Do respond :)
It’s been 7 months and I’m still so sad sometimes 😢. Unmuted him on socials a month ago thinking I could handle it but just put it back on. He will send me the odd video, said he missed me at New Years but nothing more, nothing actionable. I think we are keeping each other ‘there’ for comfort atm. I don’t want him back because he won’t change but I am struggling to forgive myself for the amount of time wasted. I went on my first date in 6 years last week and it went well enough but I wasn’t attracted to the guy. I am tired and hormonal right now though so everything feels a bit worse.
as i had it put to me one time. Dont see the intensity of the pain as evidence that youre broken, rather, as evidence that you are able to love deeply. That's a trait that probably also leaks into other areas of life that makes you remarkable. And someone will be so so lucky to get loved deeply by you.
a biiiit....merci,j'adore!And if it passed 10 yrs and y sickness is visible ( I struggle with walking) and I distrust man,though I am very social and usually man are nice towards me...where I still have to work?NEVER searched a man but if someone cares enough Im open,
I have a good story.. experience. I use the word "good" very loosely.. The quandary my ex broke up with me on New Years Day this year in a text . My head is still in bits. She has my house key and said she would send it back rhe very next day . But 22 days later I haven't had it. I have posted her stuff back some 2 weeks ago . I'm just not sure what to do or why she hasn't??.. is it because she forgot ? Or distracted?.. is it because she is playing a game of sorts.. or is because she can't due to attqched feelings etc . She was adamant it was over between us.. so even though I'd be thrilled if it was the latter I just can't give my head that hope. ( I do though )... it's awful . It's really tricky as at the time of the split her metal health wasn't good and she mentioned she shuts down when over stressed... I don't want to hassle her and make it worse ( if she is still struggling ) But it's effecting me.. "the not knowing" Hope someone can reach out to me as I really want a little clarity of mind. Best wishes to all . And as for you Alex . You are a saint. Pete .
I guess we all feel very lost if this is the first time with an avoidant, I didn't even knew they exist. Mine just ghosted me after 2 years of relationship she did let me on read and that's it... not even a text saying "it's over". It's horrible... The only thing I've been holding to help me get over this is the fact that they are damaged people and this sh*t would happen sonner or latter! As hard as it can sound trust me,... the best you can do is let it all go and forget everything! It's gonna be a painfull hell, but is the only healthy thing you can do for you! She will not come back and you will not want a woman like that in your life. After 3 months of being ghosted I'am far from feeling good or ok, I still miss her like crazy, but I know this is the only way! Keep strong!
Give her time. It might not be time she needs to come back to you sobbing about how she got things wrong. It's very likely that she just has built up anxiety about the interaction. The important question is, do you want to be with someone who never gets around to telling you they made a mistake? All you can do is move forward with your life as if this is the end. The universe will sort things out.
Hi , I just wanted to say thank you so much for replying to me . Your wise and kind words are absorbing me . I just have to get this real reality into my mindset. Wishing you well and thanks again ❤ @@jwilly_t
I just finished watching the entire video, and your recommendations are spot on. First of all, I am glad somebody is giving advice about how to get over an ex, instead of giving false hope that your ex will come back to you. My own breakup story was 45 years ago. I still remember the pain I felt to this day. As I listened to your steps toward recovery, I remembered doing exactly those things you recommend. I pretty much had to figure it out myself by instinct. But by one year afterward, I felt completely over her and ready to move on. When she came back to reestablish contact 13 months after leaving me, I had decided that I no longer wanted a relationship with her. Just after she left me, I could not have imagined I'd ever feel that way. I felt I had grown so much that getting back with her would have been a step backward. To anyone experiencing a breakup right now, please listen to and follow the advice in this video.
I feel absolutely discarded by my ex. I felt him emotionally detach from me, and I didn't know how to stop it! We broke up, in my opinion, without closure. He is very much an avoident attachment style, and I lean towards anxious attachment... he is breadcrumbing me constantly, pulling me back in. Then he dissappears again. I can't focus on work, and I'm making myself ill... I'm exhausted! My support network is telling me to walk away. But I can't. It's been 2 months now.
It’s been a year and I still struggle daily. 8 years together, we were planning a 2 year nomadic trip across North America, sold our house and everything we owned, everything was amazing. Or so I thought. 2 months into our adventure, he told me he is no longer in love with me and wants to be single and free. No warning, no conversations, no clarity. I was basically thrown to the wolves with nothing but a suitcase and ended up at my mothers to rebuild my life. I chased for clarity, communication etc for months…I had no idea he was FA until after the BU. He literally broke my soul and I just want to feel normal again.
That’s disgusting, you poor thing I’ve got off so lightly yet I still find it impossible to comprehend. DA’s are a different species. Love is the closest thing to heaven we can find and is an impenetrable force field of protection that’s not available to these people so we should pity them❤
@@Loversinadangeroustime stay strong you are a goddess grieving for an insect ❤️
My breakup story happened 45 years ago. It took me about a year to get over it. My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me without giving me a clear reason or explanation. Besides the shock of the breakup, the painful part was not having any explanation from her. I felt if she had told me there was someone else, I would not have liked it, but it would at least have been a reason. I pursued her for months just looking for closure, but she refused to discuss. (I did figure out later she had been seeing someone else and had been lying to me for months.) I lost my appetite and lost 20 pounds in the following month. Once I stopped pursuing her, I started working on nursing myself back to stability. I started running with a friend and got myself I to much better shape. My friends were invaluable to me through this; they really helped me preserve my sense of self-worth. I poured myself into my new job and began to become a technical expert, gaining new respect from my coworkers. By about 6 months, I was on a more even keel, although I was still carrying a torch and didn't yet feel up to trying to date anyone new. It took me a year after the breakup when I finally felt I was over her. At 13 months she actually came to my apartment to "see how I was doing". I was able to be friendly but not verly emotional on seeing her, and didn't know or care whether I ever saw her again. It turns out that she did start dropping over unannounced on a more frequent basis. She would always start crying but could never tell me what it was she wanted of me. Eventually she did write me a letter telling me she wanted to get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend. At about the same time as her letter I had met somebody new (who I would later go on to marry). I had to tell my ex-gf that I could no longer see her. That was over 40 years ago, and I still think of her and still actually feel affection for. We actually did meet a few times 30 years later and still occasionally correspond by email, so I agree that you can get over the breakup, but you will never forget them. I have never regretted my decision to not get back together with her.
If you are going through this, have faith. It does hurt; there is no getting around that. But concentrate on taking care of yourself and you will get through it.
What’s BU
@ break up
Thank you for the video. It’s been 5 months since my breakup after 8 years of the relationship. I’m not healed yet, but I’m trying to go through each day and I feel a bit better with time. My partner moved on 2 months after, which is painful to know. I’m not able to date at the moment. I believe, one day I will be, although I keep hope deep inside for our reconsiliation in the future. Sending healing thoughts to everyone going through anything similar right now. Keep going, you are not alone.💛
Alexis I love your content because of the slides and how organised it is.
I grieved the loss of my most serious relationship 16 years after it ended because I’m trying to heal my avoidant attachment and my partner was an avoidant too. I just knew that the phantom ex phenomenon would only stop if I looked at him “holistically” and not put him on the pedestal which will cause idealisation which was the theme for me until I grieved his loss.
I shared my resentments with him as I struggled with sharing negative vulnerable and emotionally honest emotions earlier when we were together finally at the beginning of this year and I don’t know why all the charge that I carried for so many years has dissipated now.
My questions for you
Why has the emotional charge gone now? Why do I look back at him and not feel intense stuff now after writing that email?
Is this what healing looks like for an avoidant attachment? Am I on the right path?
Do respond :)
It’s been 7 months and I’m still so sad sometimes 😢. Unmuted him on socials a month ago thinking I could handle it but just put it back on. He will send me the odd video, said he missed me at New Years but nothing more, nothing actionable. I think we are keeping each other ‘there’ for comfort atm.
I don’t want him back because he won’t change but I am struggling to forgive myself for the amount of time wasted. I went on my first date in 6 years last week and it went well enough but I wasn’t attracted to the guy.
I am tired and hormonal right now though so everything feels a bit worse.
I only had a relationship for 4 months and still not over it at all after 3 months.. :/ I feel like a complete failure.
as i had it put to me one time. Dont see the intensity of the pain as evidence that youre broken, rather, as evidence that you are able to love deeply. That's a trait that probably also leaks into other areas of life that makes you remarkable. And someone will be so so lucky to get loved deeply by you.
a biiiit....merci,j'adore!And if it passed 10 yrs and y sickness is visible ( I struggle with walking) and I distrust man,though I am very social and usually man are nice towards me...where I still have to work?NEVER searched a man but if someone cares enough Im open,
I have a good story.. experience. I use the word "good" very loosely..
The quandary my ex broke up with me on New Years Day this year in a text .
My head is still in bits.
She has my house key and said she would send it back rhe very next day .
But 22 days later I haven't had it. I have posted her stuff back some 2 weeks ago .
I'm just not sure what to do or why she hasn't??.. is it because she forgot ? Or distracted?.. is it because she is playing a game of sorts.. or is because she can't due to attqched feelings etc .
She was adamant it was over between us.. so even though I'd be thrilled if it was the latter I just can't give my head that hope.
( I do though )... it's awful .
It's really tricky as at the time of the split her metal health wasn't good and she mentioned she shuts down when over stressed... I don't want to hassle her and make it worse ( if she is still struggling )
But it's effecting me.. "the not knowing"
Hope someone can reach out to me as I really want a little clarity of mind.
Best wishes to all . And as for you Alex . You are a saint. Pete .
I guess we all feel very lost if this is the first time with an avoidant, I didn't even knew they exist. Mine just ghosted me after 2 years of relationship she did let me on read and that's it... not even a text saying "it's over". It's horrible... The only thing I've been holding to help me get over this is the fact that they are damaged people and this sh*t would happen sonner or latter! As hard as it can sound trust me,... the best you can do is let it all go and forget everything! It's gonna be a painfull hell, but is the only healthy thing you can do for you! She will not come back and you will not want a woman like that in your life. After 3 months of being ghosted I'am far from feeling good or ok, I still miss her like crazy, but I know this is the only way!
Keep strong!
Give her time. It might not be time she needs to come back to you sobbing about how she got things wrong. It's very likely that she just has built up anxiety about the interaction. The important question is, do you want to be with someone who never gets around to telling you they made a mistake? All you can do is move forward with your life as if this is the end. The universe will sort things out.
Hi , I just wanted to say thank you so much for replying to me .
Your wise and kind words are absorbing me . I just have to get this real reality into my mindset.
Wishing you well and thanks again ❤
@@jwilly_t
Thank you so much for your genuine and thoughtfully thought provoking reply.