CPTSD can cause it too but also causes Narcissistic Personality Disorder and some of Us who have CPTSD from Childhood Abuse git lucky and ended up being Super Empaths. As a Super Empath we are very Quick too pick up on Narcissistic but are also prone to being played y The, because we have poor Emotional Regualtors.
My husband has just recently started throwing things at me. So far, it’s pillows, blankets, & the like, but he whips them so forcefully, they actually hurt. This is always accompanied by the vile name calling. He cusses at me like a drunken sailor. He’s always used being Irish as his excuse & I bought that for years, but now, it’s escalated to a whole new level. I actually started looking at condos in the area today. If you have time, please keep me in your prayers. Thank you!
@kathleenosullivan8601 Oh my gosh, I certainly will. Mine went from throwing things to punching holes in walls then onto pushing me. It seems to escalate as they age. Be safe always!
Breaking your things, using or destroying your things, hollering, poking, punching walls or cupboards, breaking them, denting the steering wheel by punching it, the radio, cornering out, screaming in your face, throwing you off balance, whipping you with a clothing item, pillow, smacking, kicking, tossing furniture. All signs that it will probably escalate. They say your gut is the best indicator. People might not think of withholding nourishment or ability. To me I feel it's hard to pick an age but if you believe 7 to be the age of reason I would say maybe 7 or 8 they know and start using it as a learned tactic for purpose.
@@kathleenosullivan8601You are in danger. Contact a Center for abuse and a lawyer and make yourself safe. Don't just rely on the prayers of others rely on yourself to take action to protect yourself. If this person kills you it'll be too late.
@susanbennetttellstales7998 hahaha...yes I do! And with narcissistic & co-dependant parents, in-laws and siblings...there's not a lot of adults in the room but myself.
Correct, but we all pass through this stage. Look up The Michael Teachings. Those teaching claims it takes minimum of 35 lifetimes (and more typically 100) to graduate through all the 35 stages (year maturities) of life on Earth.
It’s painful to watch and experience when narcissistic people behave so immaturely and they can’t see it . They have given up on the most precious and beautiful things in life such as love, empathy, joy, kindness, reciprocity, connection, integrity, intimacy, authenticity and truth. Thank you 🙏 dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤
My late sister Sharon's greatest quote: "Things of great beauty are full of corruption." Perhaps that is because people expect too much out only just things.
The emotional age of most narcissists is 4 YEARS OLD. Smart enough to have some language skills and understanding of harmful behaviors but seriously lacking in future consequences for their actions. When all else fails, they can turn on the tears!
Whatever age it is, it is likely not an age where they can have the insight of what a true and healthy marriage means. Yet, some have made lifetime "commitments" and here we are.
When I first saw the tantrum in my ex, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, told him to 'stop acting like a 12y o'. A few years later my son turned 12, and was acting more matured than his dad! I wish I knew about this then, I wd hv gotten out sooner 😓
You doing good and your time is now. It's not that you couldn't see who they were, its that you're the kind of rare kind of spirit who could also see who they could be. He did his job and you got your sweet baby out of it. Regret is just a derivative of self-hatred; reject that. All his negativity and toxicity reject it. You are amazing, plan your escape place one foot in front the other, pace and place yourself and get out. These were lessons you had to go through - what separates valuable from invaluable experiences is that they are both precious, just some classes you would never sit again if you knew the whole course syllabus- those are the more precious/invaluable ones cuz you would never sign up knowingly. You doing good mama - now get out 🎉
That was totally hilarious & 'spot on'! Dealing with narcissists is like running a preschool for wayward toddlers. I'd add nasty, selfish & vindictive toddlers
This is absolutely 100% accurate. My eldest sibling my sister started to violently abuse me when i was 9 months old and she was 9-10 years old. My parents could not leave me alone with her for fear of what she would do to me. I was only 9 months old my mother told me when the abuse started. After my parents passed away and I turned 61 i finally cut off my eldest sister and brother and went no contact. I firmly believe my sister was born with a mentally defective personality.
I had a sister who was 2 years older than me and she was physically and emotionally abusive to me, it was awful growing up with her! I cut her out of my life many years ago for my own peace of mind. She is still a very unstable and mentally sick adult of which I will not tolerate any more.
That's very weird & awful! And frightening to think what she might have done to you. Makes me wonder if she had been abused herself. I was 9 when my youngest sister was born & loved her fiercely! She was my precious real live baby doll that I doted on & protected. I cannot imagine harming her & agree that something was very amiss with your sister. I'm 62 now.
@Whipporwhill No my sister was never abused. But she learned from a early age how to do hurtful and abusive things to me and then lie about it. My eldest brother also joined in and he was the golden child. But sister was in charge. In the end they both worked together to steal all of the inheritance.
I've been thinking for years that the max emotional age is 14, but when told "no", the emotional age drops to about a two year having a tantrum. Slams doors like a teenage girl was he's upset. He's 59 y/o, 6 ft tall and has access to the bank accounts and credit cards. Scary.
Yes, mine is younger yet. His level of engagement and enthusiasm with all things childish - say around age 7 or so - is downright embarrassing sometimes. With relish he prepares for our grandkids to come over, stocking up on sidewalk chalk, updating the scooter tires, constantly bringing home yet another bicycle he found at some yard sale. (Im not talking about NORMAL enjoyment of grandkids, which is GREAT). Im talking about him relating to that age group as his preferred social circle. His adult relationships are almost non existent and very superficial. He never talks about anything but the grandkids or sports. He has zero interest in investing in our marriage so that we can enjoy our sunset years. Once we had kids, he discarded me, and revolved around them; and now it’s the grandkids. He doesnt even hear me when i speak, and has a tantrum if i try to express my feelings about how he treats me. Then he sulks for a couple days as if he’s the most henpecked creature in all the world. 🤦🏻♀️
My partner's 33 y/o daughter targeted me right before Christmas. It was SO bad that my partner, HER FATHER, kicked her out of our home. While in the process of attempting to turn her father against me, she completely disregarded his MULTIPLE demands to leave our home while behaving like an immature adolescent in the presence of her impressionable, 7 y/o daughter. So, I began saying to my partner's narcissistic daughter: "You're behaving like a 12 y/o." With each tantrum this GROWN WOMAN threw, I went down in age to 10, 8. When I got to '8' I said to her 7 y/o dauhter that her and her mom are now about the same age. Then I continued to 5, then 4, and the narc daughter responded with: "4 years old... really??" She drew the line at 4. So, it appears that she's emotionally stuck at 5 years old, because 4 is too insulting and offensive to her.
I used the words, Dignity, Respect and Civility while in a calm discussion (on my end) with my N in hopes of gaining a mutual effort toward keeping relationship. I had to repeat them twice and explain what I was asking for to go forward. The N had just annihilated me and was in no mood to be sad or sorry - it was the "get over it and move on" mood. So even after repeating the three words, as understood and accepted requests to reconcile there was scorn and contempt. These 3 words are powerful because they require thought and action, and maturity beyond the arrested stage they live in. Incapable of remorse or even reflection. I think the N was very surprised that I could and would and will leave the relationship fully and without hesitation. They had been accustomed to me always picking up a thread and coming back into the rigid toddler-"MY WAY" world. Over 2 years now.
It always strikes me that he uses childish words when he’s angry. It keeps me thinking. In my mind, I picture him as a child arguing with another kid on a school playground.
My workplace has utterly collapsed due to narcissism run amok. No knows what they are doing and everyone is running around like chickens, firing people left and right, blaming everyone for everything. Stay safe out there folks!
I've seen some like that. Thankfully. my husband did TRY to be an adult. But, emotionally, he was 10. I guess that's what makes mine a covert narcissist. Although I must say that even covert narcissists can be very overt at times.
I have often wondered about this. Does a narcissist’s age of immaturity stay at the actual age they were abused, neglected, rejected, spoiled? Or does their age of immaturity begin when they realize as adults (or there close to adulthood) they’ve hit the jackpot on how to get people to do what they want them to do. And then, do all narcissists immature in reverse as a normal person would mature with age? It seems like the narcissists I’ve dealt with become more and more childish as they get older. Looking forward to this one, DrC!
They have a bunch of inner parts that for the most part have taken over. (In IFS, everyone has parts, but not everyone spends time taken over by a part, and not everyone spends as long stuck in one part). Each part is created when it is separated off, denied, rejected. Their actual self is on major lockdown. Look up the 8cs from Richard Schwartz, that is self energy. Their expression of those 8cs is severely limited, because other parts are for the most part running the show. So there is likely a 3yo, a 1yo, a 9yo, a 5yo, etc. from across their history. I believe the official text says up to age 7 but the hands on clinical cases say up to age 9, we are most susceptible to creating these parts within our psyche.
I don't know why it seems that definitely some outer force makes them a narcissist - perhaps they just are inclined that way from birth, as much as some people are born with congenital pain insensitivity or other qualities that most people don't have. In such cases at best, it's not that they were abused, but that the people around them didn't have enough training to be able to reduce the narcissistic inclination in them during childhood.
Thank-you so much, Dr. Carter. I learned a lot today and your knowledge explains why I felt that my ex-husband acted like a child so often. I also love your new Unbound format. And I would like to share some positive news with you. As you know I divorced a malignant narcissist five months ago and after not being able to work for 33 years, I was offered a part-time job today working with children at our local YMCA. It's your podcasts that have helped me heal. I understand that'm going to be healing for the rest of my life. This is okay with me because this means I'll carry the knowledge of what I endured and hopefully i will continue to grow and mature as I continue to work towards being a better version of myself.
This seems right. My mother was verbally and physically abusive every day of my childhood. She was a completely nasty hateful person - just like a nasty "mean girl" only-child preteen who was never corrected. I was her primary target, so my younger brothers didn't have to deal with her abuse so much, other than being raised in a house where another child was regularly beat up or cursed and screamed at. Needless to say, our "family" was pretty dysfunctional even though my father always worked and had us all in church every Sunday. He had lost most of his hearing in the war (and was always working) and I think he missed a lot of what went on. Also, I was extremely fortunate that everywhere we lived there were always other adults in my life, starting with her parents who were horrified and as I got older actually apologized to me for "what she had become." Back then, there weren't social workers who might intervene. In primary school I realized that if she did to any of our adult neighbors what she did to me every day she'd be locked up in jail or for being crazy. In junior high I became strong enough to mostly be able physically get away and stay away from her, but the verbal abuse continued. By high school I was completely disgusted that she could never behave like the adult in the room if I was present. At best, she seemed to be pretending for the other adults. Her complaining was endless, about many things, but also endless complaints about anything and everything about me (even though I got all A's in school and starting working for other families at 12 and for a paycheck at 15). In my twenties (still pretty naive) I started seeing a counselor to "learn how to get along with my family". Which of course was never going to happen. By the time I was 30 I realized "getting along" with her was never going to happen - she was endlessly nasty and negative to me - and my husband pointed out that none of my relatives (brothers and dad's side of family) ever corrected her or stood up for me. Ultimately I offered my parents a choice of of either being 100% respectful and no nasty comments when I visited or I would not be visiting any more. Of course, she had absolutely no idea what I was talking about and so I went "no contact." Surprisingly (or maybe not) my father's entire (fairly large) "Christian (Lutheran)" family seemed to believe everything she said about me. As a teenager I had asked an aunt if they would help me get away from her and they said I "deserved" the various punishments she delivered and that it was good for me. I haven't seen any relative in over 20 years. It's not the "best" outcome. It is very odd always telling people that I don't have/ don't see any family -- but my life is far, far more peaceful than if I had stayed in contact. Some people have told me that I should think of her as having been mentally ill - but I see that as an insult to mentally ill people. People have all kinds of problems and don't respond by beating up and screaming at a small child on a daily basis. So, yes, I agree with the video, she was definitely a pre-teen with a real nasty streak.
My mother was very similar to yours. She behaved towards me like a schoolgirl bully, making nasty comments, hurting me in private, and often smirking at me. She always seemed incapable of being an adult.
I have been learning more and more about narcissism and the more I learn the more I seem to realize how many people in my life seem to have these traits. When I feel like I am surrounded by them I wonder what am I supposed to do with these relationships now? Cognitive dissonance is real… I recognize and forget and then recognize the traits popping up again and again.
@@jessicazander5954 I was in the same place, what has been helpful for me was create distance and figure out why you attract these types of people. For me and many others, it is not setting or enforcing healthy boundaries. Being a people pleaser or people fixer is a magnetic trait for these types. No is a powerful word and can be difficult for many. But once you learn it, watch who stays and who disappears from your life. If you keep working on yourself, the right people will show up.
Gifted people also age "asynchronously". Intellect can be double their age but emotional can lag behind. That may complicate the situation with both gifted victims and gifted abusers.
I've met someone like this and God did he make a point of how intelligent he was. Went to gifted classes as child did well at university but was an absolutely controlling and critical ar..E with zero social skills or manners.
This is a very good discussion. I’ve observed the narcissists in my life do not develop at all emotionally with time. Their emotional development seems to have been arrested in the early teen years. They are all smart. Good at manipulating people. But their mask falls off when they are angered, and suddenly their real emotionally stunted self surfaces. I tend to see emotional maturity as correlate of all kinds of things, but particularly narcissism.
Family narcissists feel free to ask for things but will not help when we ask them. They don't do anything that isn't their own idea. I stopped suggesting things for us to do because they never cooperate, as though I did something wrong by suggesting we do something together. Even when I have offered to help them with something they turn me down just because I asked, so I stopped offering to help.
I've had dealings with, as I call him, "a sad little man" over a 50 year period. Even as far back as 45 years ago I decided it was like dealing with a 10 year old spoiled BRAT, in a grown up suit. Thanks for your comments, so true. 8)
My neighbours only associate with family members and they are all narcissistic. No sane person would have anything to do with them on an ongoing basis.
Very interesting topic and analysis. Dr Carter's estimate is that narcs' emotional age is around 9~14 years. This makes good sense. However the narcs I've had to cope with lacked any ability to value other people for the goodness within them. They could only see value in those people's social standing and utility. I would like to think that many children younger than nine can identify goodness in others. So I'm wondering if narcs' empathetic age is even lower, maybe at pre-school level.
My 61 year old brother has never had the responsibility of living on his own and paying rent, utilities etc. He lives with my mom in the house I bought for her and is trying to blackmail me to sign over my mom’s half of the house to him. I am the youngest and his little sister, I have financially and physically cared for our mom since I was 19. Now he’s turned our mom against me and went behind my back taking over as power of attorney. His mentality reminds me of a teenager, lack of empathy.
Dr. Les....you are my own personal Yoda when it comes to healthy insight. I'm divorcing a brutal, childish narcassistic, chronical age of 55. EQ age approx 15. Your ability to break down the concepts of a narcassist's personality & behavior is easy to understand. I always feel better after listening to you. Thanks a bunch!
Another great video! I work with preschoolers and some adults I know function very much like the preschoolers and Kindergarteners I have worked with. It is almost laughable at times. I married until a very emotional immature family and I thought things would get better as we got older, but it just got worse to the point that I am low/no contact to save my sanity. I love your videos, they are very validating and informative.
I have been following the comments with fun suspense. I am seeing different numbers and speculating that what is in common (tell me if I am wrong) is we are talking about someone who can martial enough knowledge to cause mayhem, but does not enough maturity to do better.
Don't discount EVERY childlike adult as a toxic person..Some are very sincere people who wouldn't harm a fly..But,yeah!Narcs are like petulant little assholes!
I never really know what's going on. I mean, humans are naturally selfish, and it's hard for some people to empathize if they have a relatively good life.
When you have a malignant one, or a high intelligence one they have “cognitive empathy “. They study you and use it against you. They are also total perfectionists so since they manipulate the rules you are always committing infractions. And they are so superior. They are the 8 year old on the playground belittling you, Subtile and planned.
Wow. Nailed it. My husband’s continuous manipulation of the rules is so crazy making. And ive long been seeing him as a school yard bully in his treatment of me, as well as the way he makes fun of other people like a mean 8 year old would.
I am so relieved to see this. For years, I couldn’t understand why it felt like i had a 50+ year old child. Always talking about college and high school. Stuck there. Thinks it’s cute to say “well i am the greatest so get used to it.” Frightening to realize he actually believes this. Smh!!
The narcissist in my family is older than that and still talks about her life from ages 6 to 19 like that is when life stopped. And the family is the reason for her unhappiness.
If narcissists are emotionally immature, do they also have a limited consciousness, both self and general. What I mean is, are they capable of thinking at a certain level of abstraction or being deeply creative?
I was 18 when it dawned on me that I was more emotionally mature than my mother, now I am 61 and she is 91. I think she is even less mature now in her old age. She acts like a pouty toddler when she doesn't get her way. Even if they don't have her favorite flavor drinks at the grocery store.
Dr. C, my 81 year old wife has been mean, angry and contemptuous toward me for the past 40 years but equally kind and thoughtful toward EVERYONE else. While I've always been supportive and helpful, she justifies her anger on the basis that 'it's my fault her life hasn't turned out the way she expected'. This begs the question of why she expects being so negative is the route to a good life when, if she'd treated me well, we could have had a wonderful time together. Can you comment about her emotional age, given she can turn her anger and charm 'on' and 'off' to suit herself. Also, while her anger toward me seems real, is her kindness toward everyone else genuine or an act.
After the narc in my life would have a rage episode, instead of hitting he would stick his tongue out at me-like a little boy, not getting his way, having a tantrum…it WAS a tantrum! He turned into about a 7 year old? I don’t know, I didn’t have children (grew up the youngest in a large family, in which patience was worn out!) But it was still terrifying in a 6 ft 2 inch tall man, older than me.
Great question. I figure my ex wife was 46 and stuck at about 13-14 when my 15 year old son started questioning her behaviors about not attending his local sporting events. Then, she unleashed the narcissistic rage on my son over the course of that weekend and I had to have a talk with him. Can’t badmouth his mom just her behavior, if that makes sense. Talk about living on a razor’s edge!
Wondering, if my father got stuck at age 14, when his last brother…an “oops” baby was born. Him, now being the baby of the family, he got lots of attention. As he grew up his love of music probably took center stage and it became too much for my father, who was a teenager, to handle. He married at 19…first kid born at 21…I came along 13 months later. 3 more kids joined the family in quick succession so lots of responsibility for 2 immature damaged people. Mother has narcissistic personality disorder & I feel he absorbed tendencies from her. All in all, the kids were doomed from birth. Thank you for your videos…..I’ve learned so much.
Oh, Amanda, I really do love 🥰 your kind of humor 😂. You are such a good comedian 🤭😍 Hope your surrounding is a bit peaceful these days 💫🕊Sending you lots of good wishes 💖🤗 P.S.: My daughter is coming back tonight from Vienna. We will see 😉
This also explanes why narcessists argue with and go into competion with children. I remember as a kid always somehow getting into an argument with that one particular adult and never understanding why it always came to that. It was like "what you can do I can do better", while I was 12 and the other person was 35.
Terrific discussion, Les Carter, if you don't mind my saying so. I think it really helps to recognise that you're dealing with people who were somehow interrupted in their development: I think knowing this improves one's ability to detach from the situation, rather than engaging in it, so as to effectively add oneself as another toddler to the playground chaos.
This is really interesting. I have never really thought this one through. I was raised by two narcissistic parents and saw them as adults because they paid the bills, sent me to good schools and gave me everything I needed. It is only as an adult that I have started referring them as two people who never grew up. Of course, I was totally emotionally and verbally abused as a child and grew up in a psychological warzone. What really scares me about this video is how much I see my adult self in it. I don't blame myself, as I am fully aware that I have had to teach myself how to be a person with very little grounding on how to do it. I give myself credit for challenging myself this way, but I must admit I still cringe when I process information like this. 😢
My 80 year-old mother face-planted on her bed and wailed when the conversation revealed that she'd done something dishonest. She bawled that something else was terribly sad. My father shooed everyone out because she was "upset". It was so slapstick. 🙄 She was never so blatant when she was younger.
I finally cut ties with my MIL just after figuring out that she most likely was a vulnerable narcissist. She behaved exactly like an adolescent would, and still does. She cannot accept that anyone would dare tell her to leave them alone and mean it.
Could this emotional immaturity be do in part to any of the abuses done to a narcissist at that age level? My husband is a narcissist. There is evidence of abuse in his childhood.
THANKS YOU DOCTOR CARTER, AND I AM VERY HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE US, MY FAMILY & I IN YOUR JOURNEY TOO, TO SURVIVE THE NARCISSISM ONE OF THE WORSE DISEASE THAT HUMANITY IS PASSING THROUGH THIS PAIN...
I've watched 100's of videos dealing with narcissist, they say quit. I'm tired of hearing that because there has to be a way to fight with this person that is fighting through this
Is it only me who has noticed for a long time that people who grew up during Great Depression seem more diverse in their outlook on life and their being expressed value system beyond the superficial than in later generations? Maybe far different story behind closed doors today among all in the approved of thinking cap crowd.
The people that left their cars were yelled at by fire officials to abandon them or they were going to die. This later blocked the road, and they bulldozed them. They weren't burned out from what I've gathered, although that wouldn't surprise me considering patterns from previous fires. The aftermath will be interesting. Im in the area for 30 years and these Santa Ana winds have never been the strong.
This is a really good description. Thank you. Now I need to get my eldest son to watch this and reflect on himself and his mother, who is a covert narcissist, because I'm starting to see some undesirable traits in him
I'd go with 11-13 as an average. Puberty is a vital component in the mix during this age range. Have certainly experienced a few adult characters behaving like 12 year olds...
The narcissism was bad and everything I've heard says run for the hills. I can't because she's trying, acknowledging and struggling with the reality of who she is. Its so difficult for her. I love this woman and I love Jesus so I'm compelled to not quit. And she's a bad narcissist. I need some direction to go with my research
My narcissistic ex often behaved like a toddler, especially when it came to getting dressed. He seemed to have no ability to put together clothes that matched and liked really bright colours and patterns. He would concoct the most bizarre combinations. I was concerned about how he came across to other people because he would wear those clothes to work or when presenting to groups or on stage. If I dared to point out that perhaps he would be better with a different combination or suggest what he might wear together, no matter how kindly I said it he would have a mega tantrum. He would, literally, shout and stamp his feet that he wanted to wear those exact clothes because they were his favourites and I wasn't going to tell him what to do. Sometimes he would do it in public in front of other people telling them that I was trying to control him to shame me, and then he'd smirk at me.
I'm cautious about emotionally immature people when I meet new ones. Emotional immaturity is a big red flag. 🚩
I’m not interested in babysitting anymore
@@caroleminke6116 I no longer take care of anyone's tantrums.
Good point!
CPTSD can cause it too but also causes Narcissistic Personality Disorder and some of Us who have CPTSD from Childhood Abuse git lucky and ended up being Super Empaths. As a Super Empath we are very Quick too pick up on Narcissistic but are also prone to being played y The, because we have poor Emotional Regualtors.
Me too. Sometimes people with drinking problems don't mature either.
The name calling, throwing things, etc., leads me to believe they're stuck at age 3-5 years old; arrested development.
My husband has just recently started throwing things at me. So far, it’s pillows, blankets, & the like, but he whips them so forcefully, they actually hurt. This is always accompanied by the vile name calling. He cusses at me like a drunken sailor. He’s always used being Irish as his excuse & I bought that for years, but now, it’s escalated to a whole new level. I actually started looking at condos in the area today. If you have time, please keep me in your prayers. Thank you!
@kathleenosullivan8601 Oh my gosh, I certainly will. Mine went from throwing things to punching holes in walls then onto pushing me. It seems to escalate as they age. Be safe always!
Breaking your things, using or destroying your things, hollering, poking, punching walls or cupboards, breaking them, denting the steering wheel by punching it, the radio, cornering out, screaming in your face, throwing you off balance, whipping you with a clothing item, pillow, smacking, kicking, tossing furniture. All signs that it will probably escalate. They say your gut is the best indicator. People might not think of withholding nourishment or ability.
To me I feel it's hard to pick an age but if you believe 7 to be the age of reason I would say maybe 7 or 8 they know and start using it as a learned tactic for purpose.
@@kathleenosullivan8601Please give in touch with a woman shelter and a lawyer. Yes , it will escalate , and yes , you are in danger.
@@kathleenosullivan8601You are in danger. Contact a Center for abuse and a lawyer and make yourself safe. Don't just rely on the prayers of others rely on yourself to take action to protect yourself. If this person kills you it'll be too late.
As a mama of 5 kids under 8, I can attest 100% that a narcissistic adult is often stuck in toddlerhood.
Yup & you’re their mommy supply who enabled them to separate from the original mother… but not quite, hence the cycle with you or another target
You've got your hands full!
@susanbennetttellstales7998 hahaha...yes I do! And with narcissistic & co-dependant parents, in-laws and siblings...there's not a lot of adults in the room but myself.
@@Fireside-Chat-With-Kat How I do sympathise! Take care of yourself xxx
Correct, but we all pass through this stage. Look up The Michael Teachings. Those teaching claims it takes minimum of 35 lifetimes (and more typically 100) to graduate through all the 35 stages (year maturities) of life on Earth.
It’s painful to watch and experience when narcissistic people behave so immaturely and they can’t see it . They have given up on the most precious and beautiful things in life such as love, empathy, joy, kindness, reciprocity, connection, integrity, intimacy, authenticity and truth. Thank you 🙏 dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤
Amen.
My late sister Sharon's greatest quote: "Things of great beauty are full of corruption." Perhaps that is because people expect too much out only just things.
@@francesbernard2445 Doesn't necessarily sound like a healthy take, seems more dismissive avoidant.
@@IzabelaWaniek-i1x I think this is so beautifully said.
@@IzabelaWaniek-i1x lol yeah ok 👌
Dealing with any of them, on any level is literally fruitless. It's like running a preschool for wayward toddlers. Great vid Dr. C.
Who never reach potty training
Rather run the preschool you mention! At least there's a chance for improvement... Not so with Narcis.
Very funny!
The emotional age of most narcissists is 4 YEARS OLD.
Smart enough to have some language skills and understanding of harmful behaviors but seriously lacking in future consequences for their actions. When all else fails,
they can turn on the tears!
I can't turn on the tears. I don't like I've really cried since I was 18.
@@martemacdougall1985 sounds like crazy bullshit lies. People cheating no one is telling the truth or their real intentions. Killing people idk
Whatever age it is, it is likely not an age where they can have the insight of what a true and healthy marriage means. Yet, some have made lifetime "commitments" and here we are.
Actually everyone is simply mommy supply to a narc 😉 even kids
Yep. Here we are😒
When I first saw the tantrum in my ex, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, told him to 'stop acting like a 12y o'. A few years later my son turned 12, and was acting more matured than his dad!
I wish I knew about this then, I wd hv gotten out sooner 😓
I realized the max emotional age of my husband was 14 when our son turned 15 and he was more mature than his dad.
Wish I had known so I would have never married him. The HARM he has caused is extremely Sad. Financial, Emotional, etc. Dangerous.
@@syebethel same
You doing good and your time is now. It's not that you couldn't see who they were, its that you're the kind of rare kind of spirit who could also see who they could be. He did his job and you got your sweet baby out of it. Regret is just a derivative of self-hatred; reject that. All his negativity and toxicity reject it.
You are amazing, plan your escape place one foot in front the other, pace and place yourself and get out. These were lessons you had to go through - what separates valuable from invaluable experiences is that they are both precious, just some classes you would never sit again if you knew the whole course syllabus- those are the more precious/invaluable ones cuz you would never sign up knowingly.
You doing good mama - now get out 🎉
Apologies, you said "sooner" - now you can heal in piece. It takes time but you're off the battlefield. Regret is just a derivative of self-hatred.
I will adamantly declare they are at the ages 0-13! That’s the absolute truth that I have discovered so far (age 60 years 😉).
Yup. Brother is same age with 0 Emotional intelligence
Very close, according to The Michael Teachings it is up to the moment person tuns 14 years old in maturity terms.
Me too.. 61 and finally went no contact with my eldest siblings.
That was totally hilarious & 'spot on'! Dealing with narcissists is like running a preschool for wayward toddlers. I'd add nasty, selfish & vindictive toddlers
He always says "I'm punishing him" when I hold him accountable for his actions. Its exhausting.
Keep in mind, their go to defense is projection. They see in you what they refuse to see within themselves.
@@SurvivingNarcissism😢
@@L.RaeHoldt get out and away!!!
My sister is 88 and acts like a bratty, hateful child. Always has, which is why I went no contact.
Mine too.. She a horrible person. I went no contact after my parents passed away at age 61. My two eldest siblings are mentally defective
This is absolutely 100% accurate. My eldest sibling my sister started to violently abuse me when i was 9 months old and she was 9-10 years old. My parents could not leave me alone with her for fear of what she would do to me. I was only 9 months old my mother told me when the abuse started. After my parents passed away and I turned 61 i finally cut off my eldest sister and brother and went no contact. I firmly believe my sister was born with a mentally defective personality.
I had a sister who was 2 years older than me and she was physically and emotionally abusive to me, it was awful growing up with her! I cut her out of my life many years ago for my own peace of mind. She is still a very unstable and mentally sick adult of which I will not tolerate any more.
That's very weird & awful! And frightening to think what she might have done to you. Makes me wonder if she had been abused herself. I was 9 when my youngest sister was born & loved her fiercely! She was my precious real live baby doll that I doted on & protected. I cannot imagine harming her & agree that something was very amiss with your sister. I'm 62 now.
@Whipporwhill No my sister was never abused. But she learned from a early age how to do hurtful and abusive things to me and then lie about it. My eldest brother also joined in and he was the golden child. But sister was in charge. In the end they both worked together to steal all of the inheritance.
I've been thinking for years that the max emotional age is 14, but when told "no", the emotional age drops to about a two year having a tantrum. Slams doors like a teenage girl was he's upset. He's 59 y/o, 6 ft tall and has access to the bank accounts and credit cards. Scary.
This would explain why he is obsessed with middle/high school. That time period is the frame of reference for everything even at 45 plus.
Wow! I'm wondering if that age group is worse than mine, which was 10.
Preadolescent thinker inside a toddler
that's better than being stuck at 2 or 3 - which some are
Yes, mine is younger yet. His level of engagement and enthusiasm with all things childish - say around age 7 or so - is downright embarrassing sometimes. With relish he prepares for our grandkids to come over, stocking up on sidewalk chalk, updating the scooter tires, constantly bringing home yet another bicycle he found at some yard sale. (Im not talking about NORMAL enjoyment of grandkids, which is GREAT). Im talking about him relating to that age group as his preferred social circle. His adult relationships are almost non existent and very superficial. He never talks about anything but the grandkids or sports. He has zero interest in investing in our marriage so that we can enjoy our sunset years. Once we had kids, he discarded me, and revolved around them; and now it’s the grandkids. He doesnt even hear me when i speak, and has a tantrum if i try to express my feelings about how he treats me. Then he sulks for a couple days as if he’s the most henpecked creature in all the world. 🤦🏻♀️
@@MB-sg8dx well you're the one that mentioned henpecked
Countless times I've thought "I'm married to a nine-year-old." Now, I know why.
My partner's 33 y/o daughter targeted me right before Christmas. It was SO bad that my partner, HER FATHER, kicked her out of our home. While in the process of attempting to turn her father against me, she completely disregarded his MULTIPLE demands to leave our home while behaving like an immature adolescent in the presence of her impressionable, 7 y/o daughter. So, I began saying to my partner's narcissistic daughter: "You're behaving like a 12 y/o." With each tantrum this GROWN WOMAN threw, I went down in age to 10, 8. When I got to '8' I said to her 7 y/o dauhter that her and her mom are now about the same age. Then I continued to 5, then 4, and the narc daughter responded with: "4 years old... really??" She drew the line at 4. So, it appears that she's emotionally stuck at 5 years old, because 4 is too insulting and offensive to her.
😂
Honestly, some people are more emotionally mature by the age of 5 than narcissistic persons.
I used the words, Dignity, Respect and Civility while in a calm discussion (on my end) with my N in hopes of gaining a mutual effort toward keeping relationship. I had to repeat them twice and explain what I was asking for to go forward. The N had just annihilated me and was in no mood to be sad or sorry - it was the "get over it and move on" mood. So even after repeating the three words, as understood and accepted requests to reconcile there was scorn and contempt. These 3 words are powerful because they require thought and action, and maturity beyond the arrested stage they live in. Incapable of remorse or even reflection. I think the N was very surprised that I could and would and will leave the relationship fully and without hesitation. They had been accustomed to me always picking up a thread and coming back into the rigid toddler-"MY WAY" world.
Over 2 years now.
Thanks for this great update. #TeamHealthy
It always strikes me that he uses childish words when he’s angry. It keeps me thinking. In my mind, I picture him as a child arguing with another kid on a school playground.
I told my husband all the time that he threw tantrums like a 5 year old
Narcissists' emotional age is at the first development stage.
My workplace has utterly collapsed due to narcissism run amok. No knows what they are doing and everyone is running around like chickens, firing people left and right, blaming everyone for everything. Stay safe out there folks!
Most are Middle School Bullies who Openly Brag about being 18 FOREVER!!! They literally are saying I’m a Spoiled Child in a Adults Body.
I've seen some like that. Thankfully. my husband did TRY to be an adult. But, emotionally, he was 10. I guess that's what makes mine a covert narcissist. Although I must say that even covert narcissists can be very overt at times.
When children start empathizing with others, they are about to age 3 or so. Then they realize others also have feelings. Narcs stay at age 1 or 2.
I have often wondered about this. Does a narcissist’s age of immaturity stay at the actual age they were abused, neglected, rejected, spoiled? Or does their age of immaturity begin when they realize as adults (or there close to adulthood) they’ve hit the jackpot on how to get people to do what they want them to do. And then, do all narcissists immature in reverse as a normal person would mature with age? It seems like the narcissists I’ve dealt with become more and more childish as they get older. Looking forward to this one, DrC!
Thanks, KellyJean. Hope you like the new format with it!
They have a bunch of inner parts that for the most part have taken over. (In IFS, everyone has parts, but not everyone spends time taken over by a part, and not everyone spends as long stuck in one part). Each part is created when it is separated off, denied, rejected. Their actual self is on major lockdown. Look up the 8cs from Richard Schwartz, that is self energy. Their expression of those 8cs is severely limited, because other parts are for the most part running the show. So there is likely a 3yo, a 1yo, a 9yo, a 5yo, etc. from across their history. I believe the official text says up to age 7 but the hands on clinical cases say up to age 9, we are most susceptible to creating these parts within our psyche.
Even young children are expert manipulators
I love that first question!
I don't know why it seems that definitely some outer force makes them a narcissist - perhaps they just are inclined that way from birth, as much as some people are born with congenital pain insensitivity or other qualities that most people don't have. In such cases at best, it's not that they were abused, but that the people around them didn't have enough training to be able to reduce the narcissistic inclination in them during childhood.
I'm going with the so-called terrible twos - along with teenage contemptuousness and adult ability to maneuver in the world.
I always laughed at “The Terrible Two’s” because the Three’s are Oh, So Very Much Worse!!!! 😂😂😂
@kathleenosullivan8601 is that b cause they are more articulate? My friend could not even come up with a word for three's except "ugh!"
@@sage9836 Hahaha! I’m just glad my kids & grandkids are all past the 2’s AND 3’s!
Yes all 3 are the motor of operation. The gameplay is definitely like teenage adolescence or there evilness!
Teenage libido.
They will tell you that you are immature. It’s really them.
Thank-you so much, Dr. Carter. I learned a lot today and your knowledge explains why I felt that my ex-husband acted like a child so often. I also love your new Unbound format. And I would like to share some positive news with you. As you know I divorced a malignant narcissist five months ago and after not being able to work for 33 years, I was offered a part-time job today working with children at our local YMCA. It's your podcasts that have helped me heal. I understand that'm going to be healing for the rest of my life. This is okay with me because this means I'll carry the knowledge of what I endured and hopefully i will continue to grow and mature as I continue to work towards being a better version of myself.
Thanks, Jackie...and good luck with that new job. My wife and I are members of the Y too! Great facilities!
@@SurvivingNarcissismThank-you so much, Dr. Carter.
Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you! ❤
@@Rachel-mz8koThank-you!
❤❤❤
This seems right. My mother was verbally and physically abusive every day of my childhood. She was a completely nasty hateful person - just like a nasty "mean girl" only-child preteen who was never corrected. I was her primary target, so my younger brothers didn't have to deal with her abuse so much, other than being raised in a house where another child was regularly beat up or cursed and screamed at. Needless to say, our "family" was pretty dysfunctional even though my father always worked and had us all in church every Sunday. He had lost most of his hearing in the war (and was always working) and I think he missed a lot of what went on. Also, I was extremely fortunate that everywhere we lived there were always other adults in my life, starting with her parents who were horrified and as I got older actually apologized to me for "what she had become." Back then, there weren't social workers who might intervene. In primary school I realized that if she did to any of our adult neighbors what she did to me every day she'd be locked up in jail or for being crazy. In junior high I became strong enough to mostly be able physically get away and stay away from her, but the verbal abuse continued. By high school I was completely disgusted that she could never behave like the adult in the room if I was present. At best, she seemed to be pretending for the other adults. Her complaining was endless, about many things, but also endless complaints about anything and everything about me (even though I got all A's in school and starting working for other families at 12 and for a paycheck at 15). In my twenties (still pretty naive) I started seeing a counselor to "learn how to get along with my family". Which of course was never going to happen. By the time I was 30 I realized "getting along" with her was never going to happen - she was endlessly nasty and negative to me - and my husband pointed out that none of my relatives (brothers and dad's side of family) ever corrected her or stood up for me. Ultimately I offered my parents a choice of of either being 100% respectful and no nasty comments when I visited or I would not be visiting any more. Of course, she had absolutely no idea what I was talking about and so I went "no contact." Surprisingly (or maybe not) my father's entire (fairly large) "Christian (Lutheran)" family seemed to believe everything she said about me. As a teenager I had asked an aunt if they would help me get away from her and they said I "deserved" the various punishments she delivered and that it was good for me. I haven't seen any relative in over 20 years. It's not the "best" outcome. It is very odd always telling people that I don't have/ don't see any family -- but my life is far, far more peaceful than if I had stayed in contact. Some people have told me that I should think of her as having been mentally ill - but I see that as an insult to mentally ill people. People have all kinds of problems and don't respond by beating up and screaming at a small child on a daily basis. So, yes, I agree with the video, she was definitely a pre-teen with a real nasty streak.
My mother was very similar to yours. She behaved towards me like a schoolgirl bully, making nasty comments, hurting me in private, and often smirking at me. She always seemed incapable of being an adult.
Thank you so much today for this broadcast! This was so helpful Dr. Carter. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
It’s all a game for them !
My brother is 60 but 10 in maturity. He has 0 and I mean 0 emotional intelligence
I have been learning more and more about narcissism and the more I learn the more I seem to realize how many people in my life seem to have these traits. When I feel like I am surrounded by them I wonder what am I supposed to do with these relationships now? Cognitive dissonance is real… I recognize and forget and then recognize the traits popping up again and again.
@@jessicazander5954 I was in the same place, what has been helpful for me was create distance and figure out why you attract these types of people. For me and many others, it is not setting or enforcing healthy boundaries. Being a people pleaser or people fixer is a magnetic trait for these types. No is a powerful word and can be difficult for many. But once you learn it, watch who stays and who disappears from your life. If you keep working on yourself, the right people will show up.
You can go no contact act,limited contact or continue knowing who they are
Gifted people also age "asynchronously". Intellect can be double their age but emotional can lag behind. That may complicate the situation with both gifted victims and gifted abusers.
I've met someone like this and God did he make a point of how intelligent he was. Went to gifted classes as child did well at university but was an absolutely controlling and critical ar..E with zero social skills or manners.
So my narc husband never developed to early adult age where an ounce of empathy was developed in spite of his highly gifted intellect.
This is a very good discussion. I’ve observed the narcissists in my life do not develop at all emotionally with time. Their emotional development seems to have been arrested in the early teen years. They are all smart. Good at manipulating people. But their mask falls off when they are angered, and suddenly their real emotionally stunted self surfaces. I tend to see emotional maturity as correlate of all kinds of things, but particularly narcissism.
I know! I know!
THEY are self-adventAGEous!!
Nailed it!
Now we know, so we will...
...Stay Healthy!
Thanks, Bara.
Family narcissists feel free to ask for things but will not help when we ask them. They don't do anything that isn't their own idea. I stopped suggesting things for us to do because they never cooperate, as though I did something wrong by suggesting we do something together. Even when I have offered to help them with something they turn me down just because I asked, so I stopped offering to help.
I've had dealings with, as I call him, "a sad little man" over a 50 year period. Even as far back as 45 years ago I decided it was like dealing with a 10 year old spoiled BRAT, in a grown up suit. Thanks for your comments, so true. 8)
When his mood changes and he starts pouting and then gesticulating and standing his feat ... I call him a toddler
What I have experienced is that they always have a narcissistic cult like family with a lot of people
My neighbours only associate with family members and they are all narcissistic. No sane person would have anything to do with them on an ongoing basis.
YES!! AS IN MY CASE 😢
Ooo, this is accurate.
Hm I wonder why 🤔
Very interesting topic and analysis. Dr Carter's estimate is that narcs' emotional age is around 9~14 years. This makes good sense. However the narcs I've had to cope with lacked any ability to value other people for the goodness within them. They could only see value in those people's social standing and utility. I would like to think that many children younger than nine can identify goodness in others. So I'm wondering if narcs' empathetic age is even lower, maybe at pre-school level.
My 61 year old brother has never had the responsibility of living on his own and paying rent, utilities etc. He lives with my mom in the house I bought for her and is trying to blackmail me to sign over my mom’s half of the house to him. I am the youngest and his little sister, I have financially and physically cared for our mom since I was 19. Now he’s turned our mom against me and went behind my back taking over as power of attorney. His mentality reminds me of a teenager, lack of empathy.
Hope you don’t sign it over to him.
@@ericb8413I have a Lawyer and will not be intimidated 👍
You've been taking care of your mom and brother. Why did you buy a house for your mother?
@ something I wanted to do for her since I was a kid. My brother needed a place to stay for a while but never left.
I've seen more mature 3 year olds on a sugar rush than the middle aged narc in my life.
Thank you for the wee laugh.
Ezt elhiszem😅
I'm right there with you!
On one hand they are clever and calculative where as on the other hand they are callous
They are very good at putting it into your court . Realizing that it is their issue is freeing 😊
Thank you Dr.C and Team Healthy ❤️
Dr. Les....you are my own personal Yoda when it comes to healthy insight. I'm divorcing a brutal, childish narcassistic, chronical age of 55.
EQ age approx 15.
Your ability to break down the concepts of a narcassist's personality & behavior is easy to understand. I always feel better after listening to you. Thanks a bunch!
Another great video! I work with preschoolers and some adults I know function very much like the preschoolers and Kindergarteners I have worked with. It is almost laughable at times. I married until a very emotional immature family and I thought things would get better as we got older, but it just got worse to the point that I am low/no contact to save my sanity. I love your videos, they are very validating and informative.
True story. Especially the histrionic narcissist. No consequences and all just fun and games.
I have been following the comments with fun suspense. I am seeing different numbers and speculating that what is in common (tell me if I am wrong) is we are talking about someone who can martial enough knowledge to cause mayhem, but does not enough maturity to do better.
@@sage9836 EXACTLY!!! Well said!
Don't discount EVERY childlike adult as a toxic person..Some are very sincere people who wouldn't harm a fly..But,yeah!Narcs are like petulant little assholes!
I never really know what's going on. I mean, humans are naturally selfish, and it's hard for some people to empathize if they have a relatively good life.
Great information as always!
Glad it was helpful!
When you have a malignant one, or a high intelligence one they have “cognitive empathy “. They study you and use it against you. They are also total perfectionists so since they manipulate the rules you are always committing infractions. And they are so superior. They are the 8 year old on the playground belittling you, Subtile and planned.
Wow. Nailed it. My husband’s continuous manipulation of the rules is so crazy making. And ive long been seeing him as a school yard bully in his treatment of me, as well as the way he makes fun of other people like a mean 8 year old would.
So I guess this means my ex husband was stuck on the 6-12 year old stage. That actually makes perfect sense after discovering his history.
❤ always awesome DrC! Thank you.
Thank you for updating your sponsor by the way, we appreciate it. 😊❤
I am so relieved to see this. For years, I couldn’t understand why it felt like i had a 50+ year old child. Always talking about college and high school. Stuck there. Thinks it’s cute to say “well i am the greatest so get used to it.” Frightening to realize he actually believes this. Smh!!
The narcissist in my family is older than that and still talks about her life from ages 6 to 19 like that is when life stopped.
And the family is the reason for her unhappiness.
If narcissists are emotionally immature, do they also have a limited consciousness, both self and general. What I mean is, are they capable of thinking at a certain level of abstraction or being deeply creative?
It's all interconnected, so you speculate correctly. A lack of emotional maturity has a major spill over effect related to contemplative thinking.
I was 18 when it dawned on me that I was more emotionally mature than my mother, now I am 61 and she is 91. I think she is even less mature now in her old age. She acts like a pouty toddler when she doesn't get her way. Even if they don't have her favorite flavor drinks at the grocery store.
Dr. C, my 81 year old wife has been mean, angry and contemptuous toward me for the past 40 years but equally kind and thoughtful toward EVERYONE else. While I've always been supportive and helpful, she justifies her anger on the basis that 'it's my fault her life hasn't turned out the way she expected'. This begs the question of why she expects being so negative is the route to a good life when, if she'd treated me well, we could have had a wonderful time together.
Can you comment about her emotional age, given she can turn her anger and charm 'on' and 'off' to suit herself. Also, while her anger toward me seems real, is her kindness toward everyone else genuine or an act.
Narcissists are HYPOCRITES all over. There's in fact NOTHING "genuine" about them.
Sounds like she’s a master manipulator. Whether she’s being mean or nice it’s all manipulative.
Sadly, it's an act.
Rule out dementia first. If she still has all her marbles, than it's an act.
After the narc in my life would have a rage episode, instead of hitting he would stick his tongue out at me-like a little boy, not getting his way, having a tantrum…it WAS a tantrum! He turned into about a 7 year old? I don’t know, I didn’t have children (grew up the youngest in a large family, in which patience was worn out!) But it was still terrifying in a 6 ft 2 inch tall man, older than me.
This is something I see and verbalize which in turn gets me the silent treatment with evil stares and more!!
Great question. I figure my ex wife was 46 and stuck at about 13-14 when my 15 year old son started questioning her behaviors about not attending his local sporting events. Then, she unleashed the narcissistic rage on my son over the course of that weekend and I had to have a talk with him. Can’t badmouth his mom just her behavior, if that makes sense. Talk about living on a razor’s edge!
I’m work in progress, thank you team healthy and Doc and family and Gus!
I’m a work in progress too. Glad we’re on the trail together!
3:24 Level 1. 0-5 years old: Functional stage of life
4:21 Level 2. 6-12: Learn rules & regulations
5:57 Level 3. 13-19: Principles & morals
7:03 Level 4. 18-25: Adulting, empathy at the forefront
7:45 Level 5. 26-99: Lay down the ego & tune into other individuals
Thank you!
Wondering, if my father got stuck at age 14, when his last brother…an “oops” baby was born. Him, now being the baby of the family, he got lots of attention. As he grew up his love of music probably took center stage and it became too much for my father, who was a teenager, to handle. He married at 19…first kid born at 21…I came along 13 months later. 3 more kids joined the family in quick succession so lots of responsibility for 2 immature damaged people. Mother has narcissistic personality disorder & I feel he absorbed tendencies from her. All in all, the kids were doomed from birth. Thank you for your videos…..I’ve learned so much.
Whatever the age is that they throw their toys out of the pram!
EXACTLY! So juvenile! My “child-husband” is 73!
😂
Oh, Amanda, I really do love 🥰 your kind of humor 😂. You are such a good comedian 🤭😍
Hope your surrounding is a bit peaceful these days 💫🕊Sending you lots of good wishes 💖🤗
P.S.: My daughter is coming back tonight from Vienna. We will see 😉
Have a lovely time with your daughter 🌸✨️❤️🕯🙏
Feeling a little creeped out, knowing this was my wife.
You’re really her parent because narcissists turn partners into mothers or fathers but everyone including children become mommy supply
Oops. Used my other (private) account to comment. We all make mistakes.
Yes, I became the mother he hated.@@caroleminke6116
Same here my husband has NPD just got fired on purpose from a job of 40 years throwing a tantrum! It’s creepy and disgusting!
You said I do... haa haa
I remember at age eight the strange feeling that my father was like a toddler and I had to take on being the man as things fell into chaos.
This also explanes why narcessists argue with and go into competion with children. I remember as a kid always somehow getting into an argument with that one particular adult and never understanding why it always came to that. It was like "what you can do I can do better", while I was 12 and the other person was 35.
Terrific discussion, Les Carter, if you don't mind my saying so. I think it really helps to recognise that you're dealing with people who were somehow interrupted in their development: I think knowing this improves one's ability to detach from the situation, rather than engaging in it, so as to effectively add oneself as another toddler to the playground chaos.
Thanks, Darryn.
This is really interesting. I have never really thought this one through. I was raised by two narcissistic parents and saw them as adults because they paid the bills, sent me to good schools and gave me everything I needed. It is only as an adult that I have started referring them as two people who never grew up. Of course, I was totally emotionally and verbally abused as a child and grew up in a psychological warzone. What really scares me about this video is how much I see my adult self in it. I don't blame myself, as I am fully aware that I have had to teach myself how to be a person with very little grounding on how to do it. I give myself credit for challenging myself this way, but I must admit I still cringe when I process information like this. 😢
My 80 year-old mother face-planted on her bed and wailed when the conversation revealed that she'd done something dishonest. She bawled that something else was terribly sad. My father shooed everyone out because she was "upset". It was so slapstick. 🙄 She was never so blatant when she was younger.
I finally cut ties with my MIL just after figuring out that she most likely was a vulnerable narcissist. She behaved exactly like an adolescent would, and still does. She cannot accept that anyone would dare tell her to leave them alone and mean it.
My experience is six years old.
Could this emotional immaturity be do in part to any of the abuses done to a narcissist at that age level? My husband is a narcissist. There is evidence of abuse in his childhood.
THANKS YOU DOCTOR CARTER, AND I AM VERY HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE US, MY FAMILY & I IN YOUR JOURNEY TOO, TO SURVIVE THE NARCISSISM ONE OF THE WORSE DISEASE THAT HUMANITY IS PASSING THROUGH THIS PAIN...
I've watched 100's of videos dealing with narcissist, they say quit. I'm tired of hearing that because there has to be a way to fight with this person that is fighting through this
I tried to focus,but couldn't,all my thougts went into one direction-Gus. I hope he's ok Please,please let us know. Sending all my love to him...
Is it only me who has noticed for a long time that people who grew up during Great Depression seem more diverse in their outlook on life and their being expressed value system beyond the superficial than in later generations? Maybe far different story behind closed doors today among all in the approved of thinking cap crowd.
I can't remember the number of times I have told my future X Wife: "I can not deal with you at the four year old level that you choose to interact."
The people that left their cars were yelled at by fire officials to abandon them or they were going to die. This later blocked the road, and they bulldozed them. They weren't burned out from what I've gathered, although that wouldn't surprise me considering patterns from previous fires. The aftermath will be interesting. Im in the area for 30 years and these Santa Ana winds have never been the strong.
This is a really good description. Thank you. Now I need to get my eldest son to watch this and reflect on himself and his mother, who is a covert narcissist, because I'm starting to see some undesirable traits in him
I'm going to say 5 years old, before listening...Mine is definitely no more than that and she's 77 actual years old.
I'd go with 11-13 as an average. Puberty is a vital component in the mix during this age range. Have certainly experienced a few adult characters behaving like 12 year olds...
Eye opening! Thank you!!
The only values and standards that a narcissist might have are what serves them the best and meets their demands.
I miss Gus
@@johnbodine8381 I’ve been out of touch. What happened with Gus?
My first duty station in the Navy in 1986. My work center. Deja vu. Relived my 5th grade year.
Digging the Unbound videos. Great info as usual Doc!
The narcissism was bad and everything I've heard says run for the hills. I can't because she's trying, acknowledging and struggling with the reality of who she is. Its so difficult for her. I love this woman and I love Jesus so I'm compelled to not quit. And she's a bad narcissist. I need some direction to go with my research
Age 8 and if they live for another thousand years they would not change.
We should always stay away from the village idiots who do not age
Very interesting - real food for thought. Thanks Dr. C 👍✨️
I would say between 5 and 7 ! Some are 9 !😅
That was fascinating. Thank you❤
Very good insight once again.
My narcissistic ex often behaved like a toddler, especially when it came to getting dressed. He seemed to have no ability to put together clothes that matched and liked really bright colours and patterns. He would concoct the most bizarre combinations. I was concerned about how he came across to other people because he would wear those clothes to work or when presenting to groups or on stage. If I dared to point out that perhaps he would be better with a different combination or suggest what he might wear together, no matter how kindly I said it he would have a mega tantrum. He would, literally, shout and stamp his feet that he wanted to wear those exact clothes because they were his favourites and I wasn't going to tell him what to do. Sometimes he would do it in public in front of other people telling them that I was trying to control him to shame me, and then he'd smirk at me.
Wait a Minute 😮 , Where's my Pen Pal 🐕 Dog Mr. Gus , Doc you're on his seat