Defuse An Aggressive Verbal Confrontation
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ค. 2016
- This video offers a technique for remaining calm during a verbal confrontation.
When confronted by an angry, aggressive person we often feel forced into defensiveness (shield) or retaliation (sword); this is rarely constructive and usually ruins our day. Rather than get drawn into combat, it is often better to allow the angry person to realize that aggression is not necessary. This can be accomplished by not even picking up a shield or sword.
I did this last week! The guy came to me very angry and i and i tried to focus in my breathing for the first seconds... i woke up a few minutes later with a black eye and bloody mouth, but yes, i was calm!
João Fernandes lol
HAHAHA!!
João Fernandes better git gud with some jujitsu brah.
breathe deeply and get out of the persons space. I am serious!! Some crazy guy was ready to punch me and I got out of his space. I was breathing deeply but watching for signs if he was going to punch me or not. I was ready block his punch as I knew he was ready to attack me but i kept my hands up in the air in an non agressive way. So i kept myself in the safe zone from a physical attack. Stay out of the persons space who is physically and or verbally angry!!
LMAO
1:57 that face there will get you punched alone
Hahahaha
😂😂😂😂
Staring at them in silence (even smiling) after they've asked you a question could be taken as a direct insult, especially if they think you're smirking, and even more so if you have done something which warrants their anger. I feel this could work in some situations and aggravate others.
He looked like he was smirking to me 😂
I wished I'd listen to your video 4 days ago,, next time ok : )))
Thanks I find the advice given in the video more helpful between couples.
I’ve been doing this and it works a lot because instead of me getting angry back and acting stupid I just stay calm
Basically, calm yourself down and think of your calmness as a gift you would like to give this person.
But you have to have that gift of calmness to give it.
You can’t give them what you don’t have.
A situation like this happened to me before. In short, I made an honest mistake in public and I was confronted angrily about it, but because I remained calm and collected about the situation the guy that got angry with me came back later and confronted me in an extremely calmer tone as though as if he was never really upset with me to begin with.
Perfect. Good job dude, not always easy to do.
excellent video, your emitting a strong vibration here it also beams full confidence and control. This advice is genius. New subscriber.
I like your charisma and the way you explaining and talking , thanks a lot man ❤🙏
Thank you; you are welcome.
Thank you, much appreciated! 👍
I have watched a lot of useless videos about this subject. But this one is good. Thanks ❤️✝️
nice video man thanks for this helpful tip.may God bless you brother
I sure hope this helps me today, I’m trying to not be hostile when people start throwing metaphorical jabs at me because I’m about to have a very important conversation today. Thank you for making the video.
I miss this!!! Waiting for more videos, Mark!!
Good tips. I ve been working on it and really works. Before that I couldn't stand any kind of confrontation, it had been ruining me. Started working on it very late, in my 30 th.
Awesome video. Wish you'd upload more of this content
Yes thank you I wish I have viewed this before and I anyways this video will help me because there's always someone there in front of me blaming me falsely and confronting me without knowing me or not liking me for no reason.
"That really sounds difficult... That's life heh?" If someone said that to me, it might make me angrier. If I said that to someone, either I'd get smacked or get a door slammed in my face. It actually sounds offensive, because it doesn't sound sincere and like you weren't listening.
Jer M If someone hands you a gift (thier anger) and you do not accept it, who does the gift belong to? And now, is it appropriate for the bearer of the gift to strike you if you don't accept the gift?
very true. This man in the video is not careful in his choice of words. The calm part is good, but not his choice of words.
@@personaldevelopmentperspec4384 Thanks for your video. I also feel that this might escalate rather than deescalate. You write that it wouldn't be appropriate for the bearer of the gift to strike. But who says they care?!
@@personaldevelopmentperspec4384 That sounds lofty and unrelatable. I understand that's a Buddhist quote, right? The only concern should not be whether or not you accept the anger they're trying to give you, but also whether or not they remain angry. If they do, they might find a way to forcefully gift you their anger if all you do is respond with dismissive remarks.
@@XXTheMoleXX You have no obligation to interact with someone who refuses to show you basic respect. If you think you should act a certain way in case they might physically attack you, the problem is that you give in to fear too easily. Narcissistic bullies depend on you acting weak because they mask their own weakness.
Thank you Mark!
The first useful video dealing with this theme I came across
Thank you for this.
Great video! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you; you are welcome.
this just made my day!
As I see it, it’s utilizing your breathing as well as your subcommunications so you can easily Speak directly to their subconscious mind. It’s like influencing them on multiple layers of communication with out saying much. Wow powerful stuff.
Thanks Mark
Im not sure of this would work for situations I've been in but you voice and face seem very relaxing so that was great
Yeah he has such a benign face it would be hard to stay angry at him 😃
this guy would piss me off
Useful indeed. Does work. Thanks
Thank you! This helps me a lot! I have subscribed to your channel.
Very helpful.. thank you.. Hope I can be consistent with this or at least learn to not pay attention to what someone might say about me.
Brilliant! This is def helpful. Thank you. Do you have more info on diffusing, deescalating?
Thank you for that video very helpful, next time my husband comes at me with the verbal attacking mode I will try that.
Excellent stuff
Thank you for the advice. 😁 There are a few hot heads working on construction sites these days and this can do much to diffuse them. We all must remeber that anger is not the issue at hand. Instead, the issue lies underneath the anger. It is merely a symptom of the problem. Therefore, diffusing the situation will inherently lead to resolving the underlying issue sooner. Responding in kind with anger only serves to vent your mental and emotional energy.
So true. I did this in a family situation and it worked!
If the anger is a fire, lower your anger to a frost.
Thank you for advice :) that's great
You're assuming that the angry person has some kind of rational thought process. When I don't respond the way they expect, they freak out even more because they think they're dominating. Eventually, I just walk away without a word, leaving them ranting and raving behind me.
Failing that, a busted nose usually quiets them down.
Genius!
Thank God 🙏 I listen to this before 4 days.
U know I just saved myself I didn't respond with anger so the more anger he was the more calm I was and sid lets talk logical now I think I even made him my friend let's see what's going to happen in 4 days
Awesome thank you
In my opinion this is a very passive aggressive way to deal with people. I'd rather calmly validate, offer solutions and allow for choice.
Very nice video! Thanks!
You are welcome.
I like this video...going to check out your other videos now.
I have used some similar techniques to defuse an angry person. Your calmness and seemingly lack of fear can trigger nervous anxiety in the angry person which will destroy their confidence of winning the conflict and thus cause them to back down.
It does not work with everyone though. Sometimes you have to summon every ounce of pure rage inside you and let it show in your eyes as you breath like an angry bull - as this can also make the angry person think twice in approaching you.
If you feel like they are going to resort to violence - get the first punch in quick lol
Get them the question there reality! Break the the image and you break them. Smile at your enemy's, it confuses them.
Exactly..even more confusing! Psychopath 😐
I'm sure that face would get me knocked out lol
Excellent!
Excellent! I will try this! Thanks...
NOT !!!
Excellent!! I've actually did that to a police officer once by default . Worked like a charm. Changing your environment by changing your emotions or more important your feelings. Also works great for discharging any residual feeling in yourself from a negative interaction. Also works as screener that let's you when a person doesn't self correct from the shift that things could escalate to violence.. Good Stuff!!
Perfectly put and very self-aware.
You're the man.
Thanks man
Omg tears rolling down my face, thank you so much for this technique, this can save my life!!
I did something similar the other day. Someone accused me of misplacing paperwork and I defended myself. My self defense was taken as attitude and began shouting demanding I "lose the attitude". I just looked back at him and calmly said, "sure man. Whatever. You do you."
The boss heard us and pulled me aside and asked if He should know what that was all about or if He should drop it. I told him it was no big deal,he just misplaced some paperwork and to leave it.
*Note* turned out the paperwork was in his (yelling guy) area all along. Lmao!
Excellent !!!! I found it helpful. I can't wait to start practicing more. I've known for many years slow breathing helps to calm down persons involved in interactions of many different types, for example aggression, or assaults of various types. But for me it's been mostly theoretical. I'd like to learn more about choosing my battles (or my negotiations) rather than always running away. Of course there's the cost of such practice. How many times do i need to get bloodied-n-bashed before i can use slow breathing with confidence ? Will i survive such training and such an ambition ???
quaz imodo how?
@@normadeluna3349 if u read my posting above you'll see i texted *it's been mostly theoretical.* Isn't it logical to assume i don't know any *practical* ways how to do it ??? (Do you understand the difference between things THEORETICAL and things PRACTICAL ?????? This is key.) I assume the worst. Without years and years of experience and correct practice . . . any beginner is risking getting bloodied-n-bashed. Be my guest. In other words you *DON'T* take your beginner - level skills into a full blown aggressive confrontation. Doing so is the height of folly.
I have a very long term cough. It's not COVID. I've had it for 30 years operations, drugs trials , you name it! I wear a mask and cover my mouth. I get verbally attacked by strangers lately on a regular basis. Today was bad. This is brilliant. I will try it next time and maybe post an update! I get tired of defending myself ...
This makes perfect sense. Unfortunately I've been the calm one and it got me punched, kicked and my head through the wall. Maybe this applies to normal people that actually want resolution and not just a punching bag. I like this though, I'm definitely going to calm my breathing because it's true. That is the first thing that locks up on me resulting in fear and anxiety. Thank you, love your videos!
I am sad to see your confrontations have gone beyond verbal. I wish you the best and leave you with a question I ask myself constantly when considering what I should do: What would somebody who loves and respects themselves do?
tnq for this they should've taught us these things in school
I liked the video amd is very helpful.
Sometimes, theres not much time to think of the breathing when another is attacking with smallest, imperceptible things; pushing to answer or to shut one up. I opt not to speak because thats manipulation, they want submission, I know that I end up crying if I engage in that kind of conversation.
From which text book did this advise emerge? I would enjoy the read. Are your encounters in a controlled environment, or face to face with a hostile subject? I'm no expert, but I would like to learn more. Thank you for the video!
Ok Agent 47 thanks for the tips
@Mark Hey man, how do you cope defuse and deescalate an angry neighbor who threathens to kill you, i dont want to be one that is doing it to him he is very narrow minded and he handles in a unsuspected way of anger handling..
I'm skeptical, but seems interesting. I'd love to see a first-person follow-up video in, say, a real-life road rage encounter.
I usually just draw my samurai sword, and they are gone.
In Mario land. 👍
Anger is like a raging firing flame that ....
needs to be tamed
Well spoken. Another way I can maybe respond would be um got to learn something unique today and say nothing else.
i am not often confronted with agressive people but when it happens, i get slight physical trembling/ shudders,.. could that be adrenalin? it is very uncomfortable. yeah focus on breathing i think is a good plan, maybe not staring but yeah anyway diffuse the situation, usualy i walk away without saying much, but in the end it's kinda frustrating sometimes when you weren't in the wrong but you still had to conceide? i dunno i guess i wish i was a bit taller and i had more physical overweight that would have helped a lot i guess
Thank you for your comment. For me, it underscores the importance of "frame control" and focus. Your frame (how you view life in the moment) is the most important thing in the world. Dot not let someone influence your frame unless it is HELPFUL in some way. Literally maintain focus on what is important and valuable to you and allow the other individual/s to do the same. When someone has their focus pulled into another's frame, they lose themselves and are unable to lead their own life; they simply become a follower in someone else's. Good day, and thank you.
The Key i believe is creating a social space or gap in the conversation when someone is angry, the lack of an immediate response trigger's a massive echo in their own mind's. You cannot control the person, but you can control yourself and through that put them infront of a mirrior. Of course this isn't the case for every scinario, like in the event you actually did something wrong.
I work in a call centre and I cry all the time
I wish I had seen this years ago. My daughter is truly mentally ill,and I have never known how to deal with her extremely aggressive, verbal behavior.
She's been gone for two years,and she's worse than ever. Tomorrow she's leaving, but I know I'll hear it again, so this time I'm going to try this. Wish me luck!
:(
so how it worked?
Fuck i did this to a manager who tried to get a reaction out of me. i can confirm this worked a little bit. he was angry at me and my performance, and he proceeded to tell me i was incompetent, and I told him that I felt i was. he gave his suggestion that I should use a cart to organize product from a pallet and I told him that perhaps I should get a cart then. he then compared my performance to another employee who was given a completely different task than I was. while wasting time on the floor when I could've gotten another cart, and followed his suggestion, which i did because I knew he was infact right. he walked with me all the way to the backroom and I explained that I was kinda brain dead and I had a lack of sleep, and I apologized for not applying my knowledge to an unfamiliar side of the store. His tone became more level. i got a cart and resumed work. he commented on how my performance improved, and I told him thank you for his kind advice. he did a double take, and said "you may think i'm incompetent but I know this side of the store". I was angry at him and I felt he could've told this to me in a simpler more calm manner.
what is the person is drunk? do we just leave the scene?
This guy looked me in the eye the hole time in this video
this made me more agitated about my hypothetical problem
Be sure to read the description. The unspoken message (or frame) of this "practice" is that: I will not fight and I will not run. However, use what works FOR YOU. If this video does not help you then disregard and find one that does. Cheers.
It's rather ironic most explosive people are equally vulnerable of their own insecurities pointed out. AHHHH GOD, I'M NOT PERFECT, WHY DID YOU REMIND ME, WHAT A WORLD...probably haven't hugged in years.
Is there any way, I can personally get a hold on you.
Coming here after watching No chill, and public freakout compilations
TheTinXe went and searched this up for prep haha
@@alicks9966 your damn right I did lmao
Come back! I like your videos
There are people I know if I did that smile @ 1:57 theyd probably punch me ...this advice really depends on who the angry person is ...
Amazing the person with the highest energy frequency wins.
I've tried for 5 decades ..... everything. This technic actually makes my abusers even more angry. Now days I just act like I don't care. Sometimes, I take a hot of weed and just let it bounce off the wall.
*What do you think of why maintaining calm gentle eye contact?? I don't get what emotions you have...*
Have the emotions you are already having. Focus on your breathing and the way you feel inside. Don't allow the other person to change your mood (easier said than done). Let people around you feel whatever they want; you don't necessarily have to join them. Good luck.
I like your lighting, what if you had some object in the scene too? Just a suggestion.
"be the slowest breathing person in the room"
WOW! It sounds so simply, stupid even. But what a transformative effect it has!
What happen if your in a grave yard 😂
Haha I’m training to be an officer, I can’t just say “that’s life”. Haha really good video it helped me a bunch
I had a guy chase me in November 2021 when I screamed at him for cutting me off and almost hitting the back of my car 🚗. It was a really scary 😟 situation and I’m glad I wasn’t hurt or no property damaged but more importantly that I was okay ✅.
I usually Mindfully Pray to myself, and say Lord please help my soul and save it. Because I don't want to be in strips. Amen.
I loved it I have an angry verbal abusive. Stepdad. So unused. Youre technique. And it worked. He turned. Pale cause. Usually. I was agrasive. But after. Resraching on how. Not. Argue I won. A lot thanks. Bro I m happier and i didnt go to jail for killing an old drmented man
Every time I see a completely bald man, and find him to be handsome, I hope that I too may be of them.
If you've done this a lot, could I ask what you do to make these people angry at you in the 1st place?
People are just crazy and will get upset at everything
@@Rationalist101 true, but he seems to have been in an abnormal amount of these type of situations 🤔
Ignore the aggressor or walk away if at all possible. There no way to reason with an idiot because no matter what you say they will not listen.
Damn that's creepy
Dude you should be in horror movies
Perfect illustration; thank you. "Creepy"describes your experience of the feeling you get in your body when someone calmly watches you as you try to illicit a reaction from them. If aggression (in this video example) does not illicit a reaction, what else might one try?
Personal Development Perspectives LoooooL love the counter argument
Dude make more videos!!! I’ve just watched a couple of videos and I’ve learnt so much from you already thanks for helping me.
I was getting bullied at work and the colleague would just yell angry at me for no reason daily for nearly 2 years i started standing up to him with these sort of tips and he then tried intimidating behavior he had a fight with 2 kick boxers and beat them both but the bully never had any marks on him.
Then as the intimidating had no no effect he started getting angrier trying to push and push and push me into a fight with him.
hahaha
There's people I've dealt with whose reaction to your silence would be to attack your long pause, either that you're dumb, or have nothing to say, or just continue their tirade.
Michael Keaton went bald.
What are the odds that I'm dealing with the stated 10% but every single time?
Zero. Is it possible you are telegraphing/sub-communicating anger, hatred, contempt or resentment during the critical moment? The idea is to NOT step into the tense, awkward space (silence) created by the the other party but to calmly and gently look at the awkwardness... waiting for the other to enter it and break the tension.
I wish I could remain calm but even if I try focusing on my breathing, my body instinctively begins breathing heavily and It starts overtaking me. I know this is a fight and flight response, but in I can’t control it despite trying to focus on my breathing.
Single pointed focus is the key. Any "object" should work. Try focusing on the feeling of your feet touching your socks, or shoes, or your pants touching your legs, a sound a sensation, calm, steady...
Personal Development Perspectives ok thanks
Thank you, I will put the techniques to work. When confronted with such scenarios.
You are welcome.
you did yoga, nice video. Longe practice... that is good. hope it goos well 4 u
I know this is very great advice and all but am I the only one who bussed out laughing when he said “calmly and gently say nothing”.
I did this to my Ex-Wife while she ranted and barked in the halls of divorce court. It worked beautifully!!
She nearly shot thru the ceiling: I gave her NOTHING to "grab" onto, to continue her Diatribe.
After she slithered away, several Court deputies came over to shake my hand!
They were thinking I was going to pounce on Mz. Vaa'voom and would need to intervene.
(which is EXACTLY what the Selfish Loudmouth wanted!)
As has been said previously, when someone pushes this Crap at you, REFUSE DELIVERY!!
Believe me, you'll gain Self-Power AND Self-Respect moving forward.
You'll definitely Cancel that person's Modus Operandi in the future as well!
No just no Science says no
This guy: if you jump of the Cliff gravity will pull you back up
Other guy: dies