Why do you undermine your work by always putting the "blame" for an attachment style on childhood? As a psychologist you _should_ be aware that most abnormal attachment styles (Fearful, Dismissive, Anxious) are formed either through early dating experiences, or through trauma / upset from adult relationships, eg bad / abusive marraiges and divorces. Most people who suffered less than perfect childhoods have arrived at reasonably secure styles by the time they are forming serious relationships simply due to having _had_ to learn about handling their emotions, and navigating other peoples emotions, far earlier. Sure that isn't true of a tiny minority who were very badly damaged in childhood, but the vast majority of people suffering the "wierd" attachment styles had perfectly good childhoods with perfectly good parents, as you'd know if you asked them.
I can relate to the childhood trauma. My parents went through a very unhealthy divorce and I still deal with their inappropriate behavior at the age of 23 now. I’m so disappointed in myself because I took the attachment style test knowing that I recognize my toxic habits because I’ve realized it in past and present relationships. I hate the emotional rollercoaster I put myself on and being overly dependent on my partners emotions but I don’t know where to start to fix the issues. I know it stems from insecurities/low self-esteem and trust issues. I’ve been watching your videos all day today to try and motivate me. Thank you for your words.
I recognize what you are saying, and am sure if I were able to have a private session with you that you would most likely have the right awnsers or solutions for me. I'm trying real hard to do this lesson but I just can't seem to make it work for some reason. The last situation/ perceived friendship that triggered me ,left me very confused.
theology & psychology 🙏🏼 lost my dad 12/21. ended my relationship 1/1 if he didn't want to do the work...its been 24hrs since I've heard from him. Letting go and letting God. dating him has exposed me to me... being adopted is definitely playing a role here. he is anti therapy. when he used to love that about me. our friendship of 10+ years to courting... just wow.
@@skyWalk02470 I may have at 1st. He definitely helped sharpen me in areas. And grateful for it. Anything observation he had I sat in it and took it to therapy. He was not always wrong and I told him that. Apologized when needed. Changed my behavior.. asked for grace when unlearning to relearn. He said he is depressed and sad.. that was the last thing he said. We use to work through that together. The minute my dad passed.. he couldn't even be a friend to me. Taking the time to heal where I need to... I played my part sure but immediately seeked helped and guidance. He did not nor things therapy can help him. thank you for listening skywalk
That was awsome bit of info and practical solutions! You ROCK! i want to thank you for helping me understand myself better, and giving actionable steps to change my life for the better! THANK YOU THAIS
Dear Thais, my attachment style changed three times. Since my childhood I was DA, then after therapy I was AA and after being cheated on I'm FA right now. Will I ever get to the point of being almost SA?
I am a fearful avoidant and ended a relationship with my ex as he was triggering me and he moved on and has now moved in with someone else. I am gutted. I hate the way I am. My childhood relationship with my parents emotionally erratic, abusive and destructive and I fail with every relationship I get in. My mother died just before Christmas. I am craving my ex who gave me affection I rarely had from about 10. I am grieving what I lost 😢
I was always told that hot and cold behavior from a FA is because they're actually mirroring their partner. Sometimes their partner could unknowingly be giving the FA mixed signals and are not being consistent and reassuring as they think
Ny trigger is my 18 year old goddaughter whos living w me rent free as shes been looking for a job for months w very munimal responsibility continuously not doing what she says shes going to do (to contribute to household chores). Im having to ask two or three times and get disregarded until i blow up and then she tells me not to yell and that im Disregardimg her boundaries by yelling, and still not tak i ng accountability. My trigger is being blatantly disrespected/disregarded. What if i genuinely cannot think of any ways that i am disrespecting or disregarding myself? Does it have to be something in my subconscious, or can it be that anger is a very valid response to the continued disrespect? We've had six or seven calm conversations after the eruptions with compromised solutions she agrees to each time, but is making no progress in holding herself accountable. I honestly and truly WANT to have ownrrship in this as its empowering to be able to take responsibility. But i dont see how im disregarding myself in any areas of my life, as ive been doing lots of work to really show up for myself over the past two years. And im a pretty self reflectivd person. Idk.
I think if you think it is subconscious, then there is a good chance it is. Our experience is often a mirror of our inner world, maybe this helps. Good luck 👍
I love your content, but I can't watch you in this video - because of the repetitive and consistent rocking to and from the screen. I began immediately to feel "seasick" with the to-ing and from-ing the screen, which is a crying shame because it detracted from your video.
The shame wound is the biggest one for most people, unfortunately
very true
Fearful Avoidants do you get triggered frequently in your relationships?
Why do you undermine your work by always putting the "blame" for an attachment style on childhood?
As a psychologist you _should_ be aware that most abnormal attachment styles (Fearful, Dismissive, Anxious) are formed either through early dating experiences, or through trauma / upset from adult relationships, eg bad / abusive marraiges and divorces.
Most people who suffered less than perfect childhoods have arrived at reasonably secure styles by the time they are forming serious relationships simply due to having _had_ to learn about handling their emotions, and navigating other peoples emotions, far earlier.
Sure that isn't true of a tiny minority who were very badly damaged in childhood, but the vast majority of people suffering the "wierd" attachment styles had perfectly good childhoods with perfectly good parents, as you'd know if you asked them.
I can relate to the childhood trauma. My parents went through a very unhealthy divorce and I still deal with their inappropriate behavior at the age of 23 now. I’m so disappointed in myself because I took the attachment style test knowing that I recognize my toxic habits because I’ve realized it in past and present relationships. I hate the emotional rollercoaster I put myself on and being overly dependent on my partners emotions but I don’t know where to start to fix the issues. I know it stems from insecurities/low self-esteem and trust issues. I’ve been watching your videos all day today to try and motivate me. Thank you for your words.
Loved the step by step approach given to resolve triggers!
❤
I love seeing more videos lately with specific steps 🙂
I recognize what you are saying, and am sure if I were able to have a private session with you that you would most likely have the right awnsers or solutions for me.
I'm trying real hard to do this lesson but I just can't seem to make it work for some reason. The last situation/ perceived friendship that triggered me ,left me very confused.
Thanks so much Thais - you are truly changing my life for the better!
Every one of your videos has a gem of advice! Thank you 😊
theology & psychology 🙏🏼
lost my dad 12/21. ended my relationship 1/1 if he didn't want to do the work...its been 24hrs since I've heard from him. Letting go and letting God.
dating him has exposed me to me... being adopted is definitely playing a role here.
he is anti therapy. when he used to love that about me. our friendship of 10+ years to courting... just wow.
Sounds like you're blaming him for your stuff.
@@skyWalk02470 I may have at 1st. He definitely helped sharpen me in areas. And grateful for it. Anything observation he had I sat in it and took it to therapy. He was not always wrong and I told him that. Apologized when needed. Changed my behavior.. asked for grace when unlearning to relearn. He said he is depressed and sad.. that was the last thing he said. We use to work through that together. The minute my dad passed.. he couldn't even be a friend to me. Taking the time to heal where I need to... I played my part sure but immediately seeked helped and guidance. He did not nor things therapy can help him.
thank you for listening skywalk
Love that. So simple but profound exercise. Thank you thank you thank you. I wish I knew about that sooner 😊
Better late than never! Good luck ❤
This is amazing information. Very helpful to helping me recognize my triggers in myself and how I can start healing them. Thx so much for this video.
That was awsome bit of info and practical solutions!
You ROCK!
i want to thank you for helping me understand myself better, and giving actionable steps to change my life for the better!
THANK YOU THAIS
You're welcome Jerry! ❤
I highly recommend shadow work of any kind.
Wow! This is powerful information. Tomorrow is a new day 😊
Thank you! ❤
Dear Thais, my attachment style changed three times. Since my childhood I was DA, then after therapy I was AA and after being cheated on I'm FA right now.
Will I ever get to the point of being almost SA?
Thank you. Great advice!
You're welcome! ❤
I am a fearful avoidant and ended a relationship with my ex as he was triggering me and he moved on and has now moved in with someone else. I am gutted. I hate the way I am. My childhood relationship with my parents emotionally erratic, abusive and destructive and I fail with every relationship I get in. My mother died just before Christmas. I am craving my ex who gave me affection I rarely had from about 10. I am grieving what I lost 😢
This makes so much sense ❤️
I was always told that hot and cold behavior from a FA is because they're actually mirroring their partner. Sometimes their partner could unknowingly be giving the FA mixed signals and are not being consistent and reassuring as they think
Oooooh! Very interesting ❤
if it's not in you it can't trigger you!
Ny trigger is my 18 year old goddaughter whos living w me rent free as shes been looking for a job for months w very munimal responsibility continuously not doing what she says shes going to do (to contribute to household chores). Im having to ask two or three times and get disregarded until i blow up and then she tells me not to yell and that im Disregardimg her boundaries by yelling, and still not tak i ng accountability.
My trigger is being blatantly disrespected/disregarded. What if i genuinely cannot think of any ways that i am disrespecting or disregarding myself?
Does it have to be something in my subconscious, or can it be that anger is a very valid response to the continued disrespect? We've had six or seven calm conversations after the eruptions with compromised solutions she agrees to each time, but is making no progress in holding herself accountable.
I honestly and truly WANT to have ownrrship in this as its empowering to be able to take responsibility. But i dont see how im disregarding myself in any areas of my life, as ive been doing lots of work to really show up for myself over the past two years.
And im a pretty self reflectivd person. Idk.
I think if you think it is subconscious, then there is a good chance it is. Our experience is often a mirror of our inner world, maybe this helps. Good luck 👍
🙏🏼💛
I love your content, but I can't watch you in this video - because of the repetitive and consistent rocking to and from the screen. I began immediately to feel "seasick" with the to-ing and from-ing the screen, which is a crying shame because it detracted from your video.
Can you listen without watching? I usually put the phone on speaker while I'm doing something else.