The Top Five Indicators of a Healthy Personality
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ต.ค. 2024
- We each want to have a healthy personality, right? Decades of research have narrowed the search for personality traits indicating what is needed to accomplish that. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter breaks down the top 5 indicators of a healthy personality, giving practical insight on how to integrate them into your lifestyle.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 39 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars.
Dr. Carter's books: store.bookbaby...
www.amazon.com...
www.amazon.com...
www.amazon.com...
Dr. Carter's online workshops on narcissism, anger management, and overcoming infidelity: drlescarter.com...
While Dr. Carter does not conduct online counseling, he has vetted a group who can help you: betterhelp.com...
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"Don't blame other people for who you are." Great counseling.👍
This is the first video I've seen that focuses on a healthy personality.
More on the way! Dr. C
Dr. Les Carter thank you....this is a great video. Best session I’ve had and I didn’t have to go to an appointment!
Well, he’s not an amateur
Breath of fresh air for sure
He has a main mission on helping people in troubles, I guess, so he focuses on different topics.
Dr. Carter is like the strong, but gentle father that soooooo many people need. 😀🙏🙏💕
Perfect evaluation!
Wow, imagine having a father like this, amazing.
I listen to him evernight to fall asleep, I've posted before that I wish he was my dad❤
@@randomname4726 if my father was like Dr Charter - I wouldn't be here now 😅
true and yes 🙂 .
Once you become healthy, life becomes so much easier. You'll always have circumstances you can't control but you'll have the inner strength/knowledge to handle what's thrown your way. Community is important but the right community for yourself is essential. Stay strong y'all.
Thank you Dr. for the content.
1: O-openness. Curious, inventive.
2: C-conscientious. Reliable, trustworthy, punctual.
3: E-extraversion. Outgoing, connected, sociable.
4: A-agreableness. Accepting, positive, cooperative.
5: N-neuroticism. Stable, calm, impulse control.
Well it's hard to keep up to these standards! I'd say I'm doing the best I can, maybe with number five, neuroticism, being my weakness, thank you for pointing that out Dr C!
thank you
When I was born doctor said to mum you have a perfect son . I’m 83 and nothing has changed ha ha ha lol
@@ronbaines8022 EXACTLY. 😊💜
I appreciate your post...
Something that has helped me become more calm is being slow to get angry, being slow to speak, and being quick to listen and anticipate. I’ll be needing to practice those skills around some tough narcs in my clan soon, but I’m not afraid as I used to be. I’m thinking, instead, about what they have to explain to God one day...
Neuroticism=predisposition of an individual to feel negative emotions, as opposed to emotional stability...
Only if you feel negative emotion from others, like an alarm system.But, if it it characterizes a persistent tendency to experience negative emotions, not at all.
Unfortunately, the healthy personality will inevitably attract, and must defend itself against, the envy of unhealthy personalities.
bscottb8
I'm dealing with exactly that type of unhealthy envious person right now in my social circle. Trying so hard to stay grounded in reality and to stay positive. These toxic types are so hard to avoid. 😖😫
Not every unhealthy personality is envious . Envy is a very subjective feeling and assuming that someone is envious of you can easily be a delusion . I think it's better to focus on your feelings , rather than how others feel about you, because you could misjudge them...
@@user-oz7nw9sq7y Another thing always done by unhealthy personalities is to invalidate your feelings and flip the blame back onto you. Even if they don't know you.
And agreeableness is the no.1 energy Narcs look for in a person.
@@mo7mdalmutairi yes absolutely!
You are a gem, Dr. C!
Openness
(curiosity, seeks a variety of experiences; engages with the world; accepting; uses imagination; seeks common ground (vs rigidity)
*Conscientiousness*
reliable, courteous, follows through, word is your bond, trustworthy; punctual
(versus sloppy, erratic, inconsistent)
Extroversion
makes the effort to engage with others (even if an introvert) and makes effort to connect; asks about others; interacts
(versus shyness to the point of making self unavailable; emotionally shut down; aloof)
Agreeableness
(not intellectually) accept that others are what they are; no rigid agenda; positive; cooperative; anticipate others needs
(verus stubbornness, pushiness, argumentative)
Neuroticism
tension, anxiety, easily bothered and annoyed
(versus emotionally stable, calmness, impulse control, steady)
Glad this one hit home for you. Dr. C
What impressed me the most was his statement about "the mark of maturity" is about maintaining a healthy personality when in a situation that is uncomfortable. I know a couple of people with great personalities and I really like being around them because I don't have to worry if I say the wrong thing because they won't get offended, I trust them to not size me up totally as a person just because I said something they don't agree with. I'm actually learning here what makes these great personalities so good. I assumed they had a gift but really, if we practice the skills I believe any of us can all develop good personalities and let the best part of ourselves shine.
Sure, but WHY did you attract/manifest a less than balanced situation in the first place? 🤓
Shining One, you didn’t understand his post.
I can’t agree with you more. It is a completely different experience being with healthy personalities that allow you to be yourself. It is my biggest frustration not being able to be me with someone trying to put me down or as you said “size you up” over one little comment that they most likely chose to misconstrue on purpose. Thanks for your post.
At work, I used to see that sign: "It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys." And I must admit that I sometimes fell into that trap. Establishing and knowing who you are (or even who you want to be) is the antidote to the turkey trap. Don't let others control your thoughts or emotions. Be true to yourself.
@@holographicc6974 : sometimes we have to unlearn learned behaviour patterns instilled from when we were young and vulnerable.
The challenge of not blaming bullies and narcissists who make it impossible to escape their damaging ways is difficult!
It’s impossible to be a healthy person around a narcissist because you have to grey rock to stay sane.
I've gone no-contact with my narc dad and his flying monkey/enabling girlfriend. Tranquility for me!
Reading these comments, I’m surprised nobody has complimented you on how well you speak. I was initially brought to this video by an accidental click, but before I was able to exit, I was drawn in by your eloquent and warm way of speaking. I ended up watching the whole thing! Well done, keep it up. 👍🏻
Thanks, Gabriella. Dr. C
I fully agree. I've learned so much from him!
What is the accent? I can only deduce Southern US. It's so cosy!
I loss my Family because learned to stand up for my self , it hurts ! They didn't like the new me
I can relate to you Sherry. I have lost some family, too (immediate and extended family) when I did some self work and learned to stand up to myself and some chose not to like me either. Now, when I feel lonely or miss them, I remind myself of some of the incidents and treatment I received and why I let go of those relationships. It works (usually). Regards, Li
I pretty much lost half of my immediate family when I started to stand up for myself. I just wish I started sooner. It's very hard at times. I catch myself from picking up the phone and calling some of them. They say one in seven people are narcs.... I think I have three in my immediate family...Quite sad.
dancerlisa I had a friend that said that there is something wrong with me b/c my siblings are not talking to me ! I'm to blame ! I say I was the scapegoated by my siblings and put a stop to it !
Same
Only extroverts think introverts are "unhealthy"...it's called listening, being aware and not needing people to feel healthy.
This. A lot of extroverts try to make you feel bad for being an introvert because they envy your ability to be alone, and they want access to you and want you to need them as much as they need you. They feel threatened when you are independent and have the ability to be happy without them.
Be aware it's narcs that are introvert to
One thing I don't agree with the Dr. is the "agreeable". That's a negative, instead of a positive. I understand there is positive aspect of it, but overall it is a negative personality trait. Agreeableness in itself may be fine, but agreeableness almost always comes with being emotionally weak, unsure. Women are more agreeable than man. You don't want a leader to be agreeable, you want him to be assertive. You don't want to put agreeable in your resume that's for sure.
Only introverts think they are superior and so unique and love to talk so much about them being this and that.
@@seanleith5312 You make an interesting point. I think this one completely depends on the situation and wouldn't think of it as a weakness. You know, agree to disagree, etc. I would hope a leader would be agreeable to input even if they are assertive. Perhaps we define the word differently? In my mind women are not more agreeable than men, just expected to be. I would say that yes, agreeableness could be a sign of an emotionally weak or unsure person or a trait of someone who knows how to pick their battles. For sure you don't put that on your resume though! Thanks for the pause.
When people say “you made me do it” ..... these are the weakest people my friends... don’t let people have control of you or your day...
I have heard someone say, "The devil made me do it." !!!! 😣
Sandy Heesom: Flip Wilson. "The devil made me buy this dress."
@@jilliansmith7123 , lol....
Tiphany Summers: I would like to point out that on occasion, when someone claims "you made me do it," you have been so crazy, so narcissistic, so unrelenting, so entrapping, that you may well HAVE made them do it. You cornered someone and you know what happens when some creatures get cornered. You force them to fight, because you make flight impossible. So there's that. Ordinarily, I think everyone is and should be responsible for their own actions, but sometimes...beware of who you corner and why.
@@jilliansmith7123 , yes....the opposite end. I know narcs that truly believe and blame the devil for some of their mean actions!
What I notice is that all of these require honesty.
true! it's like being 'authentically optimistic' as summarized in one description! which is one of many definitions of an ideal personality.
Absolutely, to yourself and others.
And humility
Funny you think that because I notice that almost none of those require honesty; trustworthiness and cooperativeness might be the only two that do. A person can display every one of the other mentioned qualities and still be a lying, backstabbing SOB.
@Andrea Sieberr: AND being real!
I would add responsible... Accepts responsibility for one's own actions.
Taking blame for others is gold star if you ask me.
I'm disagreeing with the other two replies I see here. Being conscientious has more to do with following through on commitments. And taking the blame for others is a distortion of truth. Nothing good will come from that.
Yep, a pet peeve of mine. Definitely a deal-breaker. IF they won't do that, they have a lot of other issues too.
Good one
@@surferdude4487 I’m with you
OCEAN:
1. Openness: curiosity, look for a variety of experiences, accepting, engaging with the world around them. They use their immagination. Inquisitive about opposite/different opinions.
NOT: single minded, rigid, close-minded, uptight, concrete, don't like to be challenged.
2. Conscientiousness: reliable, trustworthy, courteous, tuned to the world around them, aware of impact to others, consider others, punctuality.
NOT: unreliable, sloppy, messy, inconsistent. You never know if they will do sth, and if it will be done on time.
3. Extraversion: you don't need to be naturally extraverted. But at least making the effort to engage with other people, connect, sociability, friendliness, affirming, ask about interest/needs of other people.
NOT: shut down, shyness-unavailability, aloof, unavailable, disinterested, could not care less.
4. Agreeableness: can you disagree accepting others, no fixed agenda, tolerating other people, positive outlook, cooperative, like affirming others, anticipate needs of other people.
NOT: stubbornness, pushiness, pessimism, argumentative.
5. Neuroticism: not very neurotic, emotionally stable, calmness, impulse control, steadiness, mindedness.
NOT: tension, anxiety, agitation, easily bothered and annoyed.
------------------------------
Most important: contientiousness.
To be a healthy/mature individual you want to be:
1. intentional (I like to grow, want to make plans)
2. Don't blame other people for your flaws. (maturity)
You need to be able to stay healthy even when others don't cooperate.
3. Make sure other people don't establish your pace. People should not trip you up emotionally. And pull you into their flaws (co-dependency)
4. Be true to yourself (know who you are).
avgonyma1
Thank you for your kind post. That’s very considerate of you.
@@russellhawkins366 np. You're welcome. :)
Awesome notes. Thanks for sharing!
@@wheelerpat8 thanks for the feedback!
Thank you 🙂
"It's not what they call you, It's what you answer to." W.C. Fields.
That's a good one. Dr. C
It is wild and baffling to me that these things and other basic human relational and emotional skills are not taught to us in school growing up. It is not a trivial thing that can be pushed aside. It should be the foundation before and alongside everything else! I sincerely hope this changes in the future. The world would be so much better off with more informed, caring, conscientious individuals! I believe that starts with us as a society placing more value onto these traits. Love and blessings, thanks.
This video was so refreshing to watch after getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship. Being yelled & screamed at & criticized all the time at home was making me a rather nasty neurotic person to be around. My friends were so patient with me because they could tell I wasn't being myself. I got so upset at work over the smallest thing I almost walked out in an instant & quit.
Now that I am out of that relationship & am am free from the abuse I have simultaneously stopped being so short with people & have a much better sense of well being. It wasn't him that was causing me to behave in that way. It was me. Me consciously choosing to stay in a toxic situation. I knew i was not emotionally healthy but I remained there for reasons I laugh at now. People can drain us but it is up to us to help ourselves. Not everyone experiences everything the same. Just look after yourselves & your own emotional well being.
This is probably the most affirming video I've seen. I AM healthy and people have always tried to tell me I'm not. There's a lot of illness out there. I've really felt beated down a lot of my life. And yes, I'm imperfect, I sometimes have the unhealthy characteristics. Sometimes other people do create circumstances that cause us to fail but most of the time, it's us, ourselves.
Maybe the people claiming you are unhealthy are the unhealthy ones. To them, you are the odd one out.
I Love you man! I watch for people who have traits and skills that I would aspire to.
Role models if you will. You're one of them. I love the work that you're doing to help heal folks myself included.
Thanks for the kind words, received with gratitude! Dr. C
Really seriously awesome. I'm going to add this to my treatment plan, put it in my journaling. I spend bunch of time thinking about how I need to be a better person but haven't been looking for signs of healthiness. Thanks!!
Good info. Thanks.
People are much more complicated than this man would have you believe .
His view is very narrow and naive imho.
@@JohnSmith-vy4lh Narrow and naive? My only quibble with Dr Les is that he sometimes covers too many facets and variations and takes too many different possibilities into account..............
conscientious, fair minded, calm... integrity Truth speaker, Kind
Thank you! Been following your surviving narcissism series. I’m trying York on myself and improve my social skills and learn to not be codependent. I grew up in the 50s-70s in a very dysfunctional military family and because we moved so often (13 schools in 12 years) I never had the advantage of a good support system or validation from others, so I have a serious issue with social skills and making and keeping friends. I find your videos to be straightforward and I learn a lot! I might be in my 60’s but it is never too late to improve my life and learn to attract and build healthy relationships!
Absolutely! I find that in my 60's I too still have much to learn, and look forward to it happening. Glad to know you are along for the ride with me! Dr. C
I wish you lovely people to support your path to self confidence and peace within! It's great to hear of someone like you proving that regardless older age we still can prosper and generate to become more wholesome.
Bucket List Boomer Hi fellow boomer--what is York? I'm trying to learn, too.
I think They meant work not york?
U changed 13 schools!!!!!...i changed a single one and still suffering till now..39 years old....good work
Mental health check ups are now so easy to do, thanks to videos like these. No one needs to feel lost and alone especially in these times.
I'm your latest subscriber!
“To thine own self be true “ was my Mother’s mantra and we grew up hearing it on a regular basis! Wonderful outlook and I loved this video. Thank you Mum, thanks Dr Les!
We never stop learning ....... thank you for your efforts Dr Les
It’s very important to be reminded that these are qualities of value. Sometimes “noisier” personalities can be overwhelming and diminishing, particularly narcissistic ones. That happened to me, and I lost confidence in myself. I felt like a failure. But I’ve got things in perspective now and my confidence is back. I’ve learned a great deal from your videos these past few months. It’s not been an easy journey, but I’m so much happier and peaceful now. You have helped me very much, and your timing with this video was perfect for me. It shored up my confidence. Thank you😊
All Of Dr C’s vids are so helpful. I’m under covert assault right now and its amazing how much these videos help me work through recovery. I’m stunned at how the behavior of narcs that have selected me as a target, seem to escalate in all the ways i read about. Narcs with psych degrees are almost terrifying. And i know a few. Thanks Dr C.
I like when things are broken down in explanation. Makes it easier to understand without misunderstanding. Thank you Dr. C.
Isn't he wonderful? I have come a little bit further understanding myself, and my partner because of him. It's so much easier when it's all broke down and explained in such a way that is easier to comprehend. 😁💛😇 Have a great day..
So nice to consider ones self from the healthy angle & self responsibility & not the negative influence of others. Sometimes we forget that if the stability, strength and approval come from within then we don't have to worry about where we're going to obtain them. Thank you!
Thank you. We need to focus on where we want to go rather than the mess we might be in right now. Knowing what's healthy is important. If we know what having a healthy personality means, we can intuitively recognize what's not. And then we can build our sense of self-worth and our confidence to withstand bullying and manipulation from others. Let's stop crying for the world to change for us, let's change ourselves first.
Your clarion call for sanity, is a vital service to a disoriented and hurting world. We owe you our Gratitude Sir. 🙏
Very uplifting. Knowing who you are. Knowing your identity is important. Being true and authentic. To me this means 'value yourself'. Only I have the power to do this. Be steadfast and hold your dignity. Dont break. Be strong to my values that make me, me. I am challenged constantly with this for 2 reasons. I work in a dementia setting and am married to a raging, raving narcissist. This is a daily battle and it's grinding, however I adore the residents I care for. It is a sad debilitating disease that they cannot control. My narc husband on the other hand should know better. Regardless of his immature manipulation, abuse, lowest of negativity and humiliation he inflicts on me I remain true to my strength in knowing 'who I am'. I feel sorry for him and he can wallow in his depressed self knowing he's 'lost', with no sense of identity. Many, many masks however who is the real?
I alwayscsaycti my narc " we have to agree to disagree" bot this one seriously aggravates him to the core.
rhonda marecek,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌷🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
Thank you Dr. Carter, it's a good reminder that I am a good person, since the narcissist in my life has always made me feel the opposite.
Leah Doiron llll
Mm
K
I'm flowing with the ocean. Lovely to see a video on healthy ways of existing.
But most of us search in desperation explanations to these impossible people who do not respond normally, who leave us stumped, who abuse us, and we leave and are left with questions.
But it really is nice to see HEALTH, feeling reassured ones own self is healthy. Especially as narcissists and other psychos spent years twirling you around in their lies, deception, yelling, stealing, erratic, crazy, threatening CHAOS.
Great to see someone focusing on the healthy side of being a person!
As someone who has grown up in a family with a mother and brother who display several overlapping personality disorders, I have learned that the values of Truth, Justice, and Integrity, can inspire us all to nurture a healthy, happy, and fulfilled life.
Wow, you just made me realize that after 4 years on a keto diet, I have become much more of the healthy kind of person you speak of. All I needed to do is eliminate all the sugar and starchy foods that made me mentally fuzzed in and unable to function in a healthy way. Astounding to realize.
You are always a goldmine of information and make me think about things. Much appreciated.
I’m relieved and SO HAPPY, LAST NIGHT WAS THE MIRACLE OF A LIFETIME!!!! I thought I HAD LOST MY SON AND OVERNIGHT HE WAS ABLE TO WALK AWAY FROM A CELLPHONE OUT IN THE OPEN AND AVAILABLE TO HIM! Without me telling him anything! I was asleep when he left the house without it!!!!!!!
Wow. This video made me realize I REALLY AM a healthy person. I hit the majority of these points. Toxic people in my past who sought to confuse and debilitate put a question mark in my subconscious mind as to if I was the one with unhealthy traits, or if they really were. This video really helped clarify that to my conscious mind. Thank you.
I have been told I am overly conscientious and too sensitive almost my entire life. I tend to put others' needs ahead of my own. I, until recently, have made others' problems my own and went about solving others' problems to relieve the anxiety it was causing me. This is mainly with family members. I was being drained emotionally and physically ... so I've had to detach. Some for as long as 20 to 30 yrs. I was in medical management and was better to deal with daily putting out fires than w the family dramas. Love your approach to helping us understand people ...
Narcissist mother is the complete opposite of all of these. This is what she taught me. Thank goodness I have had jobs with some very healthy people and one friend who I have tried to learn from! The biggest insult I have ever gotten was someone saying, " you are just like your mom." Wow, that will get my attention and I will immediately work on changing.
@Pink Crayon WOW! If you had written "my youngest brother" instead of sister I would swear we had the same "mother."
I agree, dont even tell me I look like her. When I saw her on her death bed she looked so evil to me. I knew the inside!
Amen.
Pink crayon, I agreed with you until you brought politics into it. It saddens me that there are people like you that think narcissists are only on one side of the political spectrum. Way to go on pushing your bias. You might want to work on that.
I'm am introvert on the Meyers Briggs scale. It doesn't mean I'm shy, it just means my preference is solitude. I gain strength from being alone, while extroverts gain strength or recharge from being among others. So it doesn't quite mesh that I need to be an extrovert to have a healthy personality. I stopped the video to comment, so if you address this further on...my apologies.
I’m an introvert and married an extrovert. We have four kids, which I wanted more and he wanted less. It’s confusing. He likes being around people, I only like being around my kids (and him when he isn’t with his friends). I ask my friends to stay away sometimes. I may be slightly antisocial. But they’re all extroverts and want to be in big crowds, and I feel swallowed by crowds.
to your own self be true extrovert is just social standard.
Have you ever had solitude forced upon you though?
Myer Briggs is not a scientifically validated tool. The one that has the most research and acceptance is the Big Five, which are..
OCEAN!!
I am both, there are times I need to be alone and other times I am extrovert.
😍 Hallelujah! I'm not so bad after all. Neurotic, yes. 😄 Working on that- everyday. Thank you for your authenticity & compassion⚘💛
wow! thank you and thank God for the truth in the Word! truth and understanding coming from Dr. Les!
Me too, but good news is we are aware, which is huge.
My immediate thought too!! hugs Jeana im working on the N too keeping it stable.
I guess four out of five isn’t too bad.
@@michellebright8403 :) :) :)
Nothing compares to swimming successfully in the beauty of the wide-open and often unpredictable Ocean called Life. Thank you for today’s blessing, DrC .😊
RL,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
I think it's interesting how my expression of these characteristics can vary in different relationships or circumstances.
Also, I think E should be Engaging, not Extroversion...the word extroversion comes with certain cultural connotations that aren't necessarily what's being highlighted here. A quiet introvert can contribute well-thought-out-ideas to a conversation and invite others to dig deep for their thoughts and opinions, which is engaging, while a loud-mouthed extrovert can be particularly bullish and hog the conversation, which is extroverted but not engaging at all because everyone else feels steamrolled.
You need to rewatch that part. He certainly addresses the introvert, explaining it's not a bad thing and then elaborates on his meaning and how an introvert can be considered to display extroversion by willfully engaging with those around them rather than the stereotypical introvert that is considered extremely socially awkward. You're also thinking too much in terms of the socially accepted version of extroversion rather than the actual definition, though the lines are still a bit blurred, he explained himself thoroughly and clearly.
bygrace2me you don’t seem to understand what being an extrovert is.
Well, the doctor did explain that.
Actually, I stated clearly that I'm addressing the cultural connotations of the word extroversion, not the actual definitions of the term when discussing personality types or other psychological research. I'm well versed on personality psychology and related topics, including MBTI and similar systems that use the word extroversion differently than the average Joe on the street would. Even Dr. Carter here, who I greatly admire and have watched nearly all of his videos, points out that the term is really referring to engagement, not extroversion as we might normally think of it (and even to that point, engagement is not the same thing as extroversion from a personality psychology perspective). So my point is, if engagement is a more easily understood term and it even starts with an E to maintain the integrity of the acronym, why not use the better term? Then there's no confusion for people coming in who don't have the educational background to understand the nuances of the term extroversion. As it is, an introvert with little understanding of how that trait fits into a healthy psychological profile might feel like they have to talk with people more in order to become healthier, which is not what this item in the list is intended to indicate. So for the sake of clarity, why not switch to the more culturally helpful term?
Agreed
I truly appreciate your approach to explaining how to know oneself and others. I feel that you direct the talks in a very open direction that allows for inner reflection. Rather than accusatory, blaming, or shaming. Your approach is sobering in a sense. So thank you!
Glad you pick up on that. No need to "shout-teach." Dr. C
This is so helpful, thank you. I'm in therapy for depression and anxiety developed after years of psychological abuse in marriage, and this outline helps give me perspective. It helps me recognize how unhealthy my situation is, reminds me of what healthy actually is, and helps make me aware of the unhealthy behaviors I have developed over the course of this marriage, so I can work on them.
One of your best talks yet. I like the emphasis on looking for the healthy behaviors in others. I have viewed many of your talks and applied what I have learned to evaluating the men I meet through Internet dating and also to what I can offer to a healthy relationship. In particular, I was able to take responsibility for my own behavior and work towards changing it to a healthier way of living. Thank you for the many hours you have put into helping others.
So pleased, Joannie. Dr. C
I'm working daily to have a better healthier personality. My view on life is no longer damaged nor am band-aiding it to hide who I am.
Learned a lot in 90 days or so and my Cup Of Knowledge keeps being filled since I honestly don't much of anything.
Honesty, Serienty, Love and Joy! Today I am light that burns bright like the Sun. A new man of integrity. Thank you for the videos Dr. You have helped me in my growing since I have found your channels.
So pleased! That's why I'm here. Dr. C
I do respect people who want to grow. I’m leaving a toxic relationship because I’m tired of being shutdown.
@@heatheragostini4146 Leave. It hurts us but not them. They have no anything. You'll be fine, just find positive people to be around and let it all out. Let go. Let God.
@@Julie-ev5js Thank you, Julie! :)
There is one question that I ask myself about every situation I find myself in, and that question is What part of this did I play? Or what did I do or didn't do that brought out this outcome, what role did I play? I believe that whatever you involve yourself with, you have to look at yourself first and realize understand and except your part to get the best results for all involved.
But it is so healthy in that you learn how to handle the same situation another time. Just don’t be too hard on yourself
Focus on where I want to live!! ❣️
Cristina Acosta,You got a lovely smile 😊!!
In spite of a lot of challenges I was blessed to always be open to learning. I know some of that research and while OCEAN feels rich and useful I would add resilience and boundaries, which you and Shakespeare mention. I believe living a good life is a gift and an art to be practiced. I am both an introvert and extrovert. I love showing pessimistic friends how to flip views and when we hang, they get it even on a hectic shopping trip. I engage easily and step away if not received. Social worker Brene Brown has a nice video on accepting oneself as an Outsider. I take that as staying true to oneself and as much as possible not believing I know you without engaging w mutual respect. Life as art. What a gift! Thanks for another provocative lesson, Dr. C!
1-Openness (Abertura)
2-Conscientiousness (Consciência)
3-Extroversion (Extroversão)
4-Agreeableness (Agradabilidade)
5-Neuroticism (Neuroticismo)
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
You take good notes! Dr. C
*2. Conscientiousness
Awesome! Look forward sending my clients to your new Utube channel!!👍
@@DrLesCarter Thanks Dr. Carter. Visit Europe, Portugal 😊🌲🇵🇹 According to Myers-Briggs I'm an INFJ, so introversion is an item to improve 😉 kind regards
Thanks
Dr. Carter, Thank you for taking time to share what you have studied, learned and are practicing. This has helped me do introspection, take a more aware approach in my communication, but also helped me identify characteristics of people I'm associated with that I need to show empathy for, at a healthy distance.
Nearly 20 years ago , during a visit made to my parents as I was on a 2 week holiday from my work as a Dressage rider on tour throughout the U .S .A. & Canada , made an. appointment with a psychologist for myself and my parents as my mother was making all 3 of us MISERABLE .
We , all 3 went to the appointment and after 15 minutes , I was asked to leave as it wasn't me who was causing the problem within the family - my poor Father was left with dealing with my narcissistic mother .
Your information is bringing up so many memories that had been buried .
I'm certainly so far from a perfect person but I'm not going around harming others .
Thank you so very much for this wonderful information ! You are helping me to heal and move forward with my life .
The same thing happened to me when I went into a counselling session to try and help my Narcissistic husband. I He was silent and I tried explaining what was happening and the Counsellor asked me to leave as it was my husband paying???and the two of them went on to have a jolly time. Meanwhile I was left upset and bewildered in the car outside. It really does stay with you.
Excellent information!! Thank you!!
Dr. Cartes, thank you for your continued education on mental health. I especially enjoyed listening to these indicators of healthy individuals. I really wish that this was an ongoing coursework in high schools. It would help the world create healthy and happy adults:)
Really enjoyed this one. Thank you Dr !!!!
Hands up ✋ I'm very easily annoyed by people's rudeness lol.
Thank you for all the very good videos!
Thanks, this is what we needed. Not only is this a personal guide, but for those of us who have spent too long under narcissistic control, this gives us a check list to see if the person we are looking at is more normal or might have glaring personality issues that we continually fail to notice until it’s too late. Using this list, I can see where , 35 years ago, I chose to ignore some fairly basic personality flaws. Anything I have ever wanted to do I had to do alone because it didn’t fit my spouses “stay at home” preferred way of life. The indicators were always there, but I ignored them. Very good!
amazing! your videos are consistently interesting and informative to watch. never stop - because you are a great presenter.
Thanks. It is so easy to focus on the difficult people we live it and lose ourselves in the process. This talk is such a good reminder to "be true to the person we are and want to be." We either grow bitter or better. I choose better.
Thank you dear soul for the light you shine.
"I know who I am, I know where I'm going,
and I want to go someplace good." This was so reassuring to hear. Thank you.
I so appreciate Dr. Carter's warm, comforting style of delivery. Straightforward, yet caring.
- Curiosity, engagement, new experiences, asking questions
- Reliance, trustworthy, aware of their decisions
- Extraversion, engagement efforts, available
- Agreeable, tolerant, positive outlook
- Non-neurotic, impuls control
I agree with all of this except the "extroversion." Not all healthy personalities are extroverted. Those with wisdom and discernment are of a quieter nature.
Boa 77pp8 6p 00 que a 08wex××! 0! X
Reese Daniel When he used the word extrovert, he doesn’t mean natural extroversion. He just means the ‘willingness to engage’ as opposed to the wall flower. It is [making] the ‘choice to connect’ with people, he meant, not being born a natural extrovert or introvert.
Hi - we can add humility and honesty 👍🏼
Thank you so much Dr. Les Carter. When things just sound right.
people open up to you if they sense you are a good person. Non of us are perfect of course, but in this day and age of 'me first' and social climbing etc its very refreshing to have people who will stick to thier principles.
Finally someone focuses on a “ HEALTHY “ personality! Thank you, Sir!
Hello doctor Carter. Just want to tell you how much I appreciate your vidéos
Your caractère and your vision. I feel safe when I learn from you. God bless you. You Are a very Nice and wise person. God gave you a wonderful mission to speak truth and help broken souls. I bless you
ou
Received! And thank you. Dr. C
Love you Dr Les … from 🇳🇿 New Zealand. ‘To thine own self be true. If thou canst not be true to thine own self, thou canst not be true to any man’ … My daily reminder of how integrity serves me in relationship to self and other, flawed human that I am!
It's reassuring to know that I have a perfectly healthy personality.
Have you been in love yet? How old are you may I ask?
Clear and simply put. Thank you! Of course, there are moments of temporary off center behavior, in everyone’s life. Generally, though, these are brief, temporary, and forgivable with caring , true apologies and balance returns.
Dr.Les Carter ... Thank you for the OCEAN concept ... Crystal clear ... Merci!
Lise Dionne,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Thank you for sharing your expertise on a healthy person. This video gives me a healthy person barometer to help me focus on areas I need to improve or develop healthy coping methods. I have the same feelings as Cynthia Allen that this video focuses on a healthy personality. Your channel is the best I have experienced on youtube.
So pleased it resonated! Dr. C
You've taught me, and continue to teach me, so very much! Thank you, Dr. Carter, for all your words of wisdom! God bless!
I was a bit shocked at how much of the covert narcissist video I felt was how I am so I watched this and I think I have some work to do but I know I don't like hurting others so I think I may be a bit messed up but I'm going to work on these traits. I don't want to spend my life blaming other people for my lack of success I life and I can see doing that has been tripping me up. Thank you Dr Les you are a star.
Personality Traits : 'O-C-E-A-N'
O - openness
C - conscientiousness
E - extroversion
A - agreeability
N - neuroticism
You are so wonderful Dr. C. I’m so grateful you are here. 💙✌️🙏✝️
So pleased! Dr. C
I watch this periodically to check in with myself to see if I am developing into a healthy and safe person.
Hello i'm Danish.
Just wanna say that
Dr. Les Carter is my very best friend, and I share him with all my friends.
So pleased! Thanks, Sara Dr. C
Extroversion is teacher everywhere since when you are born. It’s a massacre.
Introverts must have the right to be introverts. This is their natural state. If we respect all individuals, we respect the introvert modus operandi also. We can’t say they are unhealthy. The mainstream’s rules are easy to extroverts because they have external goals and love to mingle and have their small talks, plus their objectives also need many experts helpers.
Introverts are wired differently and there is nothing wrong with it. I am not talking about shyness or a timid person.
Tibetan monks, Buddhist monks train long hours in meditation exactly to not be mainstream or gregarious (people pleasers).
Jung classified 50 percent of the population as introverts and 50 composed by extroverts.
Extroverts are more gregarious and introverts tend to pursue self-knowledge and to higher their vibrations. Both introverts and extroverts are important to the system. The system presses everyone to be extroverts and this is not wise.
I don't think you understand what he meant by extroversion or watched the video
Hello Rosely C ~ good news, You are Correct. Dr. Les said Introversion is FINE, as long as you're making an Effort to engage with other people. That is Why Poster with the Marvelous profile Name: > > > bygrace2me: suggested the "C" word WOULD BE BETTER as "ENGAGING", rather than the extroversion word. Yeh.
I understand what you are saying. It seems that a lot of people prize the quality of gregariousness and being the life of the party type or the one that’s not afraid to give a speech in front of a crowd. To me, that is neither a good nor bad quality. The perception that it’s a positive trait, however, can become a mess for the person trying to fit into that mold when it really isn’t their personality. (Trust me - done that. Lol) I suppose I’ll take it as we should not be afraid to either approach others or be approached in normal, everyday social situations. I think that’s a good thing.
I think there may be a better way to describe this .. You have an important and valid point. We tend to just expect others to engage like we do (I'm quite extrovert) I love this guys perspective but find it simplistic and superficial at times. For a general application its good, but not accurate enough.
The Greeks are both extrovert and introvert according to the situation
So they can give time have their privacy for better creativity. When they need compony you cannot keep them
Les, when I watch your videos I feel a consciencious person which is the missing element of my past relationships. .You are what has been missing, like a unicorn to me. thank you !
Julie
Very informative and a great list of points to focus on. I’ve thought from time to time what it’d be like to spend the day with ones self and how “I” would perceive “me”. Sounds kinda scary but what a way to learn how we come across to others. But then again we’re our own worst critic at times. Great video Dr.C
Finally.....something positive and uplifting. I am so sick of narcissism I could throw up! Must we obsess constantly about the aberrant, dysfunctional behaviors and phobias and sick personalities out there? It’s deafeningly depressing to me. I don’t need to psychoanalyze all the miserable, dangerously dysfunctional people out there......it’s best to avoid them. It’s not my job fix them either....life is too short! This was my favorite video.....please continue on the positive and healthy in this sad, miserable world !
Thank you Dr.Carter . Love your new Channel !
Something I have noticed , a common thread if you will ,that seems to run through unhealthy people or Narcissists lives is that they are rarely on time. Even when they set the time and date themselves ! If they call you and say " I will see you at 3pm." That should mean 3pm ! Maybe give and take 15 minutes here or there (given traffic issues , etc. ) But when this happens and the person shows up 5 HOURS LATER saying : " I had to make a few pit stops , then I got hungry and had to grab a bit to eat, etc." They KNOW ' YOU' are waiting on them to show up . If you say one sentence like " Hey, you had your cell phone on you ...why didn't you just call me and tell me you would be late ?"...they will came up with all kinds of excuses... I have seen Narcissists use this again and again , a way of CONTROLLING you and the situation. When a pattern develops . its time to wake up and know you cannot rely on that person. I use to think habitually late people were just lazy . Or, had bad timing. But almost every Narcissist I have dealt with is rarely punctual .
I mentioned in this video that the #1 indicator of a healthy personality is conscientiousness, but I didn't take it further in saying that the researchers also say the #1 indicator of a conscientious person is punctuality. All that to say...you and I are channeling the same notions. Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter Thank you Dr. C . I enjoy listening to your video's and your perspective on issues of Narcissism . Yes, you did mention the The indicator of healthy personality is conscientiousness. To be aware or self aware of how your behavior (such as being on time , etc ) effects others . I personally have dealt with more than a few people who flat out do not care or just don't have self awareness . These very same people are Know -it -all's who if you kept them waiting even one time , you would hear from them and they would let you know what an awful person you are ! Yet they do it time and time again .
Thank you again . BTW ...Happy " Resurrection Day" Tomorrow ! L.P.
Good observation! 😮 This is so true for my former bestie, who was a narcissist. I‘ve got rid of her after i‘ve found out, who she truly was, and now i see with such single observations how it fits into the whole picture of 1. lack of conscientiousness and 2. their sense of entitlement (they take their freedom to be late, but if you and i dare to do so -> nag, nag, nag).
Oh ... now in the retrospection, i see how many details there are.
We get the big picture, and this picture consists of many small details.
Glad she’s not part of my life anymore.
Lorie P. This is so true and such a marker. I finally learned to set a boundary that if the person didn’t show up in that grace period and/or didn’t call, I went on with my life. It’s actually funny when they find out that they didn’t keep you waiting and control your life.
Lorie P. It’s about control and disrespect for you and your time. That’s why they are late.
Love your observation style. It's easy sharing your videos with friends who deal with people difficult to communicate with, without coming from me personally (an unprofessional). It takes the shame out, leaving just encouragement. Being patient and wanting people to be happy and trying to rescue fixer-uppers, put a target on my back attracting narcissist's and BPD friends. Learned to identify the attributes early, but now so glad to have tools to prevent future toxic situations. LOL, Wish I'd found your mind sooner! So many broken people paving life with eggshells and no navigational equipment. This helps.
Dr Carter, I learned so much from your narcissistic channel with the result that i understood what a friend of mine was doing and i left her. (Actually, she made some drama and threatened to end the friendship, and i accepted much to her surprise, and don‘t even feel guilty about that.) I kept watching your narcissistic channel, because i can get so much out of your videos. But since i‘m done with narcissism, that toxic topic got a bit tiresome for me.
Therefore, it is great that you have opened a new channel to share other aspects of valuable knowledge with us!
Suedetussy I agree this new channel is a great break. Its great to finally focus on building a healthily social structure. Dr. C, has done such a wonderful service uncovering the narcissist ways and now this channel comes full circle
You're awesome and my parents must not have been too bad. My dad never met a stranger.
I've also seen this being referred to this as the 5 factor model, and I think it's a very good indicator of a "healthy personality". It also makes measuring unhealthy personalities (especially in the 10 personality disorders) much easier. While I think everyone would generally agree that these 5 traits are desirable, they are often not rewarded, or even discouraged in the real world. I would say that I have a very healthy personality, and I believe I have OK boundaries, but I feel that having these traits can be difficult for someone to maintain in world where others lack empathy. These traits can be perceived as being "weak" and make a person ripe for scapegoating.
Mr. Carter,
This is my last post 📫.
I appreciate all the time you have spent to provide an outlet for others who are in need of counseling.
I will keep you in my ❤ always ♥.
Thank you for your time.
John 15:13
Respectfully,
Jason Michael Carleton
Sadly enough, an healthy personality is not correlated with success, and dark triad's traits are quite common at the top...
In some environments. This is where seeking job opportunities and opportunities that make it a point to seek and maintain an environment of health comes in. There are companies that strive to maintain this and are very picky in their selections..
100%
Yes I have noticed that in my own life. The more unhealthy the person's personality the more others seem to dance to their tune.
Healthy personalities stay at the bottom and dark triads step on those people to get to the top and tend to make more dark triads.
Smart Collar Cat Project, not always.
Wow, Dr. Carter! You are a GEM!
I like spending time and thought characteristics of a healthy person. Your centers lucky to have you.
How could anyone give this a thumb's down? Tells you a lot, huh!
Cluster B's become butt hurt when they see what they are lacking (as in healthy personality traits).
It’s clear that the toxic unhealthy personalities had clicked the dislike button.
The narcissists. Lmao
So grateful to have found your channel. The information you bring to us ,helps us find our way back to who we r and to recover from the trauma we've been through. God bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you and yours. So thankful to be free.
Thank you, Dr. Les Carter! What a splendid video!