My Traumatic VBAC Birth Story
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ย. 2024
- Hey friends...today I'm sharing the final story in my birth story series, the birth of my son Jasper. My fifth baby, my first vbac, my first and only traumatic birth experience, at the hands of the midwife who should have been a source of safety. I've been avoiding this story for so long, because it still hurts to tell. I still carry guilt and shame over NOT standing up for myself and for my baby...but I do believe in the importance of sharing out stories. Not only for ourselves, but for the sake of others, as well.
Thank you for honoring my story.
Jaspers Birth Video: • JASPER'S BIRTH | Natur...
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Iv never even had a child and when you said she took him out your body instead of letting him be born I felt super emotional and I got chills.
This sounds like the midwife should be dismissed. She needs to be held account for how she treats women in her care.
Love to you Ashleigh xxx
Agreed. She should tell us her name and where she practices.
I’m so sorry that you went through this, it is so sad the amount of women who experience birth trauma and scares me so much as I go into giving birth to my next baby due soon. A healthy baby is not the only thing that matters and you’re feelings are completely valid. As women we are incredibly vulnerable while we give birth and we need midwives who are compassionate and caring, not rushing to finish the ‘job’.
I totally get your trauma. During my second birth my midwife was the same. I cried a lot afterwards even though my birth was a beautiful and fast experience with no complications. I had to pray a lot to have a power to forgive. Love you, Ashleigh!
oh man I'm sorry you went through that 😓😓 I've had my fair share of bad healthcare worker experiences, but I have to admit that a "hurtful" midwife is one of my biggest fears, especially because it's such an intimate and vulnerable time.
I think a lot of this goes for miscarriages as well - My doctor yelled at me for bleeding all over the floor while doing an internal exam during my miscarriage. I was losing a baby, try to be kind. The nurse was so sweet and comforting after he left the room. She wore a purple homemade sweater and she was amazing. But yes, trauma is real whether you get a baby or not. Thank you for sharing.
When you said she took him out I nearly cried. I could not imagine the emotional and physical pain. Thank you for sharing and being strong enough to tell this story.
I completely feel how this was traumatic. Your trauma is valid mama. I'm sorry that midwife treated you like that. You and your son deserved better. Much love to you and your family Ash💞
Oh girl. This sounds like my first (I’ve had 6). I was so incredibly blessed with the most amazing nurse, and even to this day my husband talks about her. She was like having a loving mother with me. But when that doctor came in... she acted like we ruined her night of peaceful sleep. She repeatedly told me “oh well, you’re gonna have to do this” when I was crying saying I couldn’t do it. I’ve gone natural with all my babies. She had me pushing when I didn’t feel the need while she held that lip. I tore so horribly. And later had an infection and had to be restitched. I was so exhausted afterwards that I wanted nothing to do with holding my baby, and that chokes me up every time. He didn’t deserve that.
My second, my water broke before labor ever started (hello horrible contractions). My nurse told me twice “don’t do all that crying, you wanted to go natural.” The second time another nurse told her to shut it 🙌. After that I vowed I’d stand up for myself, and so would my husband. I’ve had amazing births since those two. One being at a midwifery and that was absolute heaven. Since then I’ve stood my ground, and when I couldn’t, my husband has. It absolutely messes with you. I’m so, so sorry you went through that, because I completely understand 😞
I can’t imagine having my baby REMOVED from me like that. Birthing a baby and releasing them after 9 months of that connection is a big fat deal. I am so sorry that happened to you and your family. You are a strong woman, Ashleigh.
That’s also unnatural-- if the body hasn’t contracted to push out the baby, it’s super harsh to rip the baby out
I’m so sorry you had to endure this... I’m pregnant with my first baby and I’ve learned so much from your videos. This sounds incredibly traumatic. Thank you for sharing your story because it does help people like me know what is and isn’t acceptable. You’ve taught me to advocate for myself and God is definitely using you to make births for so many others a peaceful and healing experience ❤️
"If your birth was traumatic, I believe you..." I thank you for sharing your story and giving wonderful advice. I did have a traumatic birth and it felt so good in my heart when you started giving hope at the end of the video for those that had a traumatic birth. ❤
1st- Hearing you talk about jasper and what he looked like, how his temperament was, and how sweet he was- just brought me to tears because I can relate so much to your heart as a mama for your baby. 2nd- I am so sorry you went through so much in this delivery, and that it was traumatic. :( You are a rockstar and a warrior!!! Xoxoxo
I am acknowledging your pain and trauma Ashleigh, MORE women need to share their traumatic experiences like you have. May God bless you🙏
We can hold two things at once....that is so incredibly true! I have very few fond memories of my daughter’s somewhat traumatic birth but the joy of her miraculous life is held in that same experience ❤️ hugs to you momma!!!
You sharing this story means more to me than any birth story anyone else has ever shared! The oncall dr came into the room when i was 9cm dilated muttering something about someone hemorrhaging and acting aggressive but he clearly wasn't talking about me. He started yelling at me for screaming in pain after shoving his hands inside me and trying to manually tear me after i refused an epsiotomy. I was in too much pain to speak for myself and my husband looked terrified. Obviously i tore and while he stitched me he berrated me for not getting an epidural cuz it would take less time. I still struggle with incontinence and im terrified of ever having another child. I feel such panic still even thinking about it. I had a completely normal pregnancy and less than 8 hours labor. My daughter arrived healthy but i feel i wasn't able to be as present with her the first couple months due to this trauma. Thank you for sharing all your stories!!
I’m so sorry for your trauma. No one should be treated that way. 😔
I had a traumatic first birth that ended in a csection. It left me so scared to ever birth in a hospital again. I had my next 3 kids at home.
How we’re treated in birth matters so much and I wish more providers realized this.
As a nursing student with the career goals for midwifery, I am ashamed of the experience you endured. Thank you for sharing Ashleigh.
Dear Ashleigh, I am watching this video at 4am as I'm holding my 10 week old baby boy and nursing him. I just wanted to say huge thank you for sharing birth stories. Before birth, I had no idea what it was like, and it was very scary, also because doctors told me I couldn't have an epidural because of some health issues of mine. and it was really scary! Not knowing is scary, majority of people around me were only telling me horror stories about birth. And finding your videos was the best thing that could have happened to me. You are strong, you bring a totally different perspective to birth, you are truly inspiring. You inspired me and showed me that you don't have to be a victim. So to me, birth was a magical experience, I was strong, in control, and i smiled for as long as I could, because it felt like something magical was coming, even though it was difficult, not gonna lie. And for that I want to thank you. ❤️ You are such a beautiful soul ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your story as painful as it is. You are 100% correct about birth trauma and the effects of a traumatic birth, it has been scientifically proven. And the definition of a traumatic birth is one that the mother perceives as traumatic which is usually a result of insufficient clear communication between the mom and the birth team, which was clearly the case between you and your midwife. Complications do not necessarily equal a traumatic birth, insufficient communication does. I will also mention, it is the duty of the birth team to establish and sustain that communication pattern, as the mom's job is going through labor/birth. A traumatic birth is also a very strong indicator of/contributor to post-partum mental health struggles. I am very sorry you went through this!
This hurts my heart that it was so traumatic for the both of you. Especially since it's not supposed to be traumatic. I'm just thankful you guys are here telling your story
*"You don't have to understand it to validate it"*
I had that same little “procedure” performed during my second delivery. Had no time to question it. I cannot honestly say I was not traumatized but it hurt like absolute HELL, & I swore I would never let anyone do that again. Had one more baby, & you can be sure history did not repeat itself.👍 We CAN say NO. Thanks for standing up for mommas everywhere & giving them the tools & encouragement to stand up for themselves!🙌
Just know that we love you and we hear you. 💜
Thank you for sharing your story Ashleigh. ❤️ The birth of my 2nd daughter was awful. To make a long story short my husband almost delivered her because my nurse didn’t believe me when I said I was having a lot of pain and pretty much ignored me. Just because everything turned out ok doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt your heart when you look back on that day.
Thank you for talking about this, even with the trauma. It is so helpful to hear other women discuss this! I had my first child a year ago and am dealing with the trauma of not being listened to, not being supported trying to go natural, told over and over that I couldn’t do it, and then being talked into an epidural that ended up giving me complications due to the anesthesiologist going in too rough and pricking the dermal wall of my spinal cord. Luckily I didn’t have any long term physical damage from the epidural, but it is still hard to mentally process the experience. I feel guilty feeling bad about the experience because baby and I are okay, fine, and healthy. Knowing I’m not alone is so, so helpful. Thank you.
The way you introduced this made me think I wouldn't automatically understand what was so traumatic about your story. Once you shared what happened, though, it is BLATANTLY obvious to me that you were not treated right. If a woman's body was handled in that way in any context other than birth it would be considered assault. I am so angry that this midwife is practicing and I'm so sorry for what was done to you and your son.
I don’t often comment on your videos, but I am a faithful follower and have benefited so much from your info about birth and how to advocate for yourself!! I have had 2 completely different but very empowering births. My first, I gave birth to at home with midwives who weren’t even there until just before baby was born. I laboured with my husband, sister and best friend/doula. My second, I was planning a water birth for, and one day I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance and all my plans changed in a moment. I was diagnosed with a heart problem, Peri partum cardiomyopathy, I was induced and I delivered our son vaginally with no pain medication. Even though I was transferred to an OB, I received shared care with my midwife (who has become a friend) and the hospital staff. It was totally different but wonderful. I know I was blessed so much. I went in there with a birth plan (I basically used your birth plan for Hazel!) and asked so many questions along the way! I would never have had such a good experience if it hadn’t been for the amazing information you had given me! I know what you’re talking about with the cervical lip though... oh my!! With baby #2 I was exhausted the entire time (because of my heart problem) and I wanted to labour on my back. Baby was in distress and I was hooked up to the monitor; uncomfortable and too exhausted to move properly to move in labour so I had to push while my midwife manually pushed away my cervical lip. THAT IS THE MOST PAINFUL THING IN THE WORLD. I swear it is. Thanks for sharing this story. I love birth stories and I love watching your videos.
Thank you for your kind words! Thank you for sharing your story. You brought healing to my soul. I had two unnecessary c-sections and my third was a vba2c. I shared my story and people can’t see my why, the reason why it was so traumatic. But my first two births were and I know God gave me the strength to fight for my voice to be heard with my third pregnancy. It was so healing! Thank you Ashley! I’m sending you a big hug and prayers your way.
Thank you so much for sharing your VBAC story! My first VBAC was both healing and redemptive and so so traumatic in frankly stupid ways. Birth matters. How women are treated in birth matters. I'm so sorry you had this experience.
I had a somewhat physically traumatic VBAC almost two months ago. The women who attended my birth made it a really incredible beautiful experience. Postpartum care was a completely different story. Very emotionally traumatic. I can’t stand “all that matters is that mom and baby are healthy”. The people who say that never even ask how you are. And if they had asked they would know we weren’t even *physically* healthy! It feels like what they mean is “at least you’re not dead”.
Hi Ashleigh, I just wanted to say thank you for making this video. I'm a VBAC mama myself and LOVED hearing you say that a healthy baby is not ALL that matters. I agree that a healthy baby is the most important thing, but in trying to grapple with my own experiences of an emergency caesarean I have met so many women online who have had similarly difficult experiences and even though these women may or may not be physically harmed, they are not okay, and their stories matter. I have a couple of VBAC-related videos on my channel. It's mostly a knitting channel but I was very excited to be able to share my thoughts after my healing VBAC. I love your channel by the way (and your sister's channels too). I'm an aspiring homeschooler and positive-parenting parent and your videos are very inspiring.
I’m so so sorry! I agree provider is INCREDIBLY important! You are such a strong mama ❤️
Unfortunately there are a lot of burnt out medical providers out there practicing. Sounds like your midwife was not at all in tune with your birth or even your humanity. She just wanted to “get the job done”. I hope that if I even remotely approach that sort of burn out that I will get out of healthcare all together. I’m so sorry you and your family experienced this.
I was 19 when I birthed my first child and the OB attending me reminded me during my birth that “this is what happens when you get pregnant, it hurts” when I was crying from the pain. I had a horrible horrible birth where I was made to feel shamed, less than, foolish. The redemptive part to my birth story was it inspired me to become a nurse and treat others with compassion and care. Thank you for sharing your story and your words
Oh my gosh. This just broke my heart. I'm so sorry you went through that Ashleigh.
Thank you for sharing Ashleigh. Your experience does sound very traumatic. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I also had a bit of a nagitive experience at the hospital with my fifth... when i changed my decision to have a natural birth my nurse changed too. She became very annoyed with me. So she was rough and I could feel her attitude toward me it was a bit hateful. 😔
thank you for sharing, your story I needed to hear it. 💓
Oh how I wish someone could take all that pain away. You are such a beautiful person and I really appreciate you sharing this. I am pregnant with my 3rd child and planning a VBAC. I feel like this video helped me a lot. You are amazingly strong!
Thank you for sharing your story! I’m wanting to try for a VBAC with my future pregnancies after the traumatic birth of my son in 2/2021, but I’m scared I won’t be able to because of the complications I experienced.
I had bleeding at 24 weeks pregnant and was admitted to the hospital for preterm labor. I was 4cm dilated with a bulging bag. At 24+4 weeks pregnant, I went to the bathroom and my water broke (like I literally felt it moving down and it made a LOUD pop sound). I yelled for my husband and pulled the “help” cord on the bathroom wall. I was helped to the bed to be checked by the doctor and umbilical cord was coming out. She pushed it back inside and with her hand inside me, with her on the bed, I was rushed down to the OR for an emergency c-section. The absolute PAIN I felt from her hand inside me was worse than anything I’ve ever experienced. I thankfully was put under within a minute or two. After my son was born, I found out I have an incompetent cervix and that caused the preterm labor. I was told I would have to have c-sections for all future births and would need to meet with an MFM before getting pregnant again. It has been almost 20 months and I’d like to have another child, but I am scared because of my son’s birth.
I’m so sorry that you had such a traumatic delivery and birth. Thank you for sharing. I had a c-section with my first because he was a complete breech. When my daughter was ready to be born almost 3 years later my dr encouraged me to have a vbac. This was back in 1996 and it was successful.
I can't imagine! women are in such a vulnerable place emotionally, spiritually and physically during labor and delivery. I am so sorry for your experience.
I'm so sad that midwife said it wouldn't have hurt to stitch you up if you had gotten an epidural. I had OBs instead of midwives, and while the chief resident sometimes annoyed me during my labor, I was grateful that when they were looking for the source of my bleeding she said, "We're not managing our patient's pain!" And they took me to the OR to give me a spinal to find the tear and stitch me up. I was thankful that instead of treating me like I was being childish for screaming in pain or like it was my fault, the doctors knew they needed to do more for me.
Oh my goodness, love. I’m so sorry you went through that. That is truly traumatic. Thank you so much for sharing, it was beautifully said. I’m praying I have the strength to stand up for my baby and I at the hospital this time around. 🙏🏽
I had a very traumatic third delivery. After two unmedicated vaginal deliveries I had an emergency c section. I’ve blamed myself a lot for that but I’m so lucky to have people around me who listen and have empathy and understanding. I hope you have that too ❤️
I noticed for myself that when I was pregnant I didn’t stand up for myself like I usually would not being pregnant. I regret it too, I just was worried about stressing my baby out so I wanted to stay as calm as possible… I am so sorry that you had to go through this.. I had a traumatic birthing experience
This is so important for people to hear. Don’t allow someone to treat you like this in childbirth. I had a similar birth with one of my children. You never forget. Don’t be afraid to speak up or be sure your husband/ partner is ready and willing
oh beautiful Ashleigh thank you for sharing < 3
you and other women who have came out with their traumas have led me to my first about to be a free birth. so thank you for that.
I had a traumatic birth that ended in an emergency C-section that haunts me all the time. This was my 4th child after delivering twins vaginally. I am still working through it. He is now 17 months.
Courtney Drummond this is so similar to my story (other than the twins). My daughter is 18 months. I’m still working through it as well but talking and writing about it have helped a lot.
Wow, thank you for sharing your experience, Ashleigh. I have never given birth, but I did have a traumatic emergency room experience a couple of years back when I “sprung a leak” after my tonsillectomy. The physical pain was real, but it was dwarfed by the emotional pain of a care provider not listening to me and not caring that she was hurting me. I am glad to say that I walked out of that ER and went to a different hospital, where I was treated with dignity and compassion. That decision did not come without judgment from people close to me, but it has been an important part of my personal journey. Hearing your story was validating. Thank you for your bravery in sharing a piece of yourself with us.
I have never given birthbut i have a lot of empathy for you. I can totally see why getting treated like that would be traumatic, not to mention the physical things. I think u made a really good point about when people havent healed they can hurt others. I think this causes a lot of brokenness in the world.
Thank you for telling your story.
Thank you for sharing something so painful and personal. I’m sure there will be many families with traumatic birth experiences with the pandemic here. You video will definitely help them feel validated and not alone.
I've just watched all your birth videos. Thank you for sharing them with us so openly and honestly. I like how you share both the highs and lows of each birth, and you don't hold back what it was like for you. I can't express how much these videos have helped me. Thank you.
I’m so sorry for your traumatic birth story with your sweet son Jasper. Thank you for willing to be vulnerable in sharing that. That makes my heart sad that you experienced that from the hands of another woman- someone in the medical field no less, that’s so disappointing. Love your channel though and thanks for sharing your story. ❤️
This hits home for me. I too went through 2 traumatic birthing and 1 traumatic miscarriage. I'm not a "lucky" pregnant person which is why I feel soooooo blessed to have my 2 boys. I'm sorry this happened to you. More of us, I feel, need to speak up more just as you just did. We shouldn't feel this "shame" for lack of a better word. It's our bodies and baby we need to be able to get the basic respect and care we deserve when giving birth. I had 2 very complicated c-sections because they wouldn't let me try a vbac for my 2nd child. I look back at it and wish I faught more but with all my pregnancy issues I had no fight left in me.
Sending hugs to You for the worst c sections, I had and emergency c section, I belive I was unaware of my options at the time, let alone did not have the power to choose, right I am 33 weeks pregnant and have spoken to gym about VBAC, from our conversations You can hear that She is completely against it, I find myself second guessing my decision, thinking the worst case scenario and all, the gyn did not even bother doing the tests with me to check my risk factors, all She manages to do well is to give me negative answers about VBAC saying she is not on board with it, I feel so helps less right now,need all the motivation I could get
My heart hurts for you. I hope sharing this helps bring you some healing. I haven’t experienced trauma at the hand of a caregiver, but I have experienced great fear. My 7th birth was such a positive experience displaying God’s faithfulness that it helped heal and remove much fear.
When I heard the part that the midwife pulled Jasper out, I teared up. I’m so sorry you had to experience that :(
I ended up with an emergency c-section and my son in the NICU, on the ventilator because of thick meconium when my water broke. My birth was incredibly traumatic but the doctor, midwives and anesthetist were amazing. i still carry the trauma to this day (my son is 17 months old). I would like to have another child but i don't think i can get myself through pregnancy and birth again. I'm sending you hugs and healing
Why not just schedule a planned c-section for your second one if you choose to have more?
I am so sorry that you got treated like that! :( I have my own birth traumas and I understand so well. Hugs from Italy!!
Thank you so much for sharing! I can relate to some degree. I had a midwife with a similar bedside manner and attitude which was so disappointing because I chose a midwife thinking the care would be more "caring" and personal than an OB I had barely met. That wasn't the case... I was so extremely grateful we had hired a doula who was kind and supportive. She made it so much better.
I am so sorry Ashleigh. 💔
The birth of my son was with an OB and it was very traumatic for me. Scare tactics, incorrect information, unnecessary induction which lead to a cascade of interventions. Then my OB finally coming on shift led to me getting an "emergency" c-section an hour after she arrived. I later learned she had things to do that day and had 2 other scheduled c-sections later that morning. She had the highest c-section rate in the practice and I had no idea.
I 100% believe in birth/womb trauma and my postpartum recovery was made so much harder by the physical and emotional trauma I had endured. When the trust between you and your provider is broken it is so devastating.
So many hugs to you! You are not alone in your hurt and disappointment. ❤
I had a similar situation happen and after a few hours of that mans bs, I told him to leave and send me a different provider. He had an attitude about it, but he got tf out and sent someone else in. It saved my experience and I wish more people knew that you can do that.
Psa, if you dont know, and alot of women dont, you DONT have to deal with this. You DONT have to do anything you dont want to. If a doctor or mw tells you do something or does something to you dont want them to, you can say no and tell them to stop. They have to stop. They cant make you do anything. Period. Keep that in mind. Dont let anyone take your power away.
No matter how much school they have had or how much they think they know, YOU are the expert when it comes to your body. They are only there to intervene if there is an emergency. Otherwise, tell them to back tf off.
If you have a womb, you were born knowing how to give birth. Remember that.
Instant tears 😭 I am so sorry you went through this. Listening to you tell your birth story reminds me of my first sons birth. It was also very traumatic in many similar ways. Honestly I don’t think I notice until now how wrong that it truly was. I thought they were doing what was right but now I know I was valid in feeling like something was wrong. Thank you for sharing.
I really do sympathize with you. I've had one cesarean section and I'm hoping for a good vbac on this next one. I'm trying with all of my might to avoid a cesarean section because of how terribly I was treated by the doctor in my last one. She was mean and rude to me they had had a lot of emergency c-sections that day so I kept getting pushed back so I know she was tired and irritated but she wasn't comforting or nice at all and then I was supposed to put my life and life of my baby in her hands and I didn't have a choice. It made me feel very out of control of the situation and I know how much that hurts when someone who is supposed to take care of you you feel like they didnt can you feel betrayed. And I mean I'm from America so I gave this woman thousands of dollars to come in there that day and treat me like crap. I've changed on since and hopefully I will not have the same experience.
I have never been pregnant or given birth, but I have tears in my eyes after listening to your story. I'm so sorry, that you had to go through that. When you told the story, I kept thinking "this is wrong. This midwife is wrong!". I hope you'll continue to heal and feel good. You are great!
Refreshing my mind with some
Older vlogs. So happy you’re back sweet Ash 💛
Thank you for sharing your birthstory. I'm sorry to hear that. That was in fact traumatising, considering how sensitive a woman is, during Labor. No woman should experience that. Feeling with you!
As a labor and delivery nurse x 36 years, I want to offer my profound and deepest apologies for the way you were brutalized. It should NEVER have happened. I am literally crying while watching this.
I have 2 girls and 2 boys and am 10 weeks 1 day with #5 and it'll be our suprise ❤💙
My second sons birth was traumatic... he got stuck while coming out, doctor had to manually break his upper arm to get it out of the way, a nurse literally jumped over me & the bed & started shoving hard on my stomach while the doctor was yanking ... my son came out badly bruised with a limp hanging left arm ... i was terrified & thats what i remember about his birth.
This whole story made me sick, I'm so, so sorry you had to deal with this. I'm unmarried and without children at the moment, but stories like this encourage me even more to be an advocate for me & my future children. Thank you for sharing
I've just found this video after searching 'my VBAC was traumatic', because mine was too. There's so much out there about them being amazing and 'healing', but I'm still recovering from mine psychologically. I was told to go home despite contractions that were so bad and close together that I could barely make it a few feet. Over 24 hours in labour, 21 of which were in hospital. I was repeatedly told I was not in established labour. They ignored bub's struggling heart rate claiming that it was mine, then when they realised it wasn't, they broke my water for me (for some reason it refused to break) and gave me 3 hours to get her out. Her HR was dropping to 40 BPM. I was told to push her out asap, so I got her out in 10 minutes. She was really struggling when she came out and the midwives told me that I pushed her out 'too fast' - like what? They just ignored how long she'd been in distress for and blamed me? She ended up in the NICU, my husband went with her and after they were finished sewing up my episiotomy, I was left alone in the delivery room. No baby, legs still in stirrups, covered in afterbirth, completely traumatized, concerned about my baby and alone.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It's a relief to know I'm not alone.
Such a strong woman xxxxthanks for speaking up xxx
I’m so so sorry you went through this. As a labor and delivery nurse I try to advocate for my patients the best I can, but this is a good reminder to put their needs first, not just their physical needs but emotional ones. I just had a successful VBAC myself in July, so where I can kind of understand what you midwife might have been trying to do, she went about things completely the wrong way...you should have been treated with more respect and had more autonomy. With all that said, I’m glad you did have a successful VBAC!
I loved this. I had 2 very complicated and painful births but the second was a healing experience because of how I was treated by my midwife. She never left my side in 8 hours of labor, never questioned my instinct, and used her own to help me when I needed it. 💘 I always tell pregnant moms that the most important piece of their birth plan is WHO is allowed into the sacred space.
Evil wow , but you had your angel not downplaying I'm so sorry to hear this story , I'm with you. I had a traumatic birth and I felt it was due to someone being lazy when I first got admitted.. so glad you feel healed. I am praying for a vbac to. Sending love 💕 thankyou for sharing
Thank you for sharing. My first birth was traumatic. It ended unexpectedly with an emergency c section. Nothing like I had planned. My son is now almost 3 & it is still difficult for me to remember & talk about. 💖
This makes me so so sad. I honestly believe traumas like these keep people from having more children. My last birth was not what I would call traumatic but one that I certainly wouldn’t want to redo and because of that I’m thankful that baby #7 will be in a birth center with a midwife. My last 3 births were with a practice full of providers I loved, and one that I didn’t. And she was the one that delivered my last baby and it went exactly as I would have pictured a delivery with her. And though I like to think I can usually speak my needs and wants she spoke so matter of factly at me that in the moments of laboring I didn’t resist many things that I wish I would have. Thank you for sharing your story and encouraging people speak up for the deliveries they want.
Thank you so much for sharing! I genuinely appreciate your vulnerability with sharing to do so in a respectful way. I'm nowhere near having children of my own but I still really find this kind of this valueable to know. May God bless you, your family and your ministry!
I am so sorry and I hope you have reported her. I am glad you have found healing. I had a cervical lip with 2 of my labors. The first I met her that day. I was forced into position after position by the nurses for hours until she finally came in and moved it. I remember wishing she had just done that hours before. Now I know babies come when they are ready. I just wish they had not forced me into positions I did not want to be in and instead trusted my body. With my third I moved how it felt natural and pushed when I felt ready. Healing. I get it. I am so proud of you and grateful to you for sharing your story.
Omg I’m so sorry you went through this. You and your son deserved so much more respect than you were given 💙
Ashleigh, I am so sorry that you were made to feel this way. Some of the worst pain can happen when birth carers betray their patients. I hear you and honor your story.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. My first birth was extremely traumatic for everyone. I didn't even know birth trauma was a thing until I was pregnant the second time. I'm glad your next birth was healing. I had that same experience too! I changed practices and the midwife stood up for me during and after my birth explaining that I had trauma from my first birth.
I’m so sorry you were treated like that. That is so wrong. Your stories and sharing about birth helped me decide I wanted a homebirth (we’re in the UK so the system is very very different). I kept thinking about things you have shared and I was put under a lot of pressure to have a section or an induction. I gave birth naturally, unmedicated, at 42 weeks in our home. Your wisdom and openness had a huge impact on me. Thank you. 💓
I just read a comment that said something like, giving birth is such a vulnerable experience, and even though I have never experienced that myself, I can completely agree with that. It's such a vulnerable and personal experience that being met with anything other than compassion and comfort and professionalism is just wrong. I don't know why someone would go into a profession like labor and delivery and not have those qualities. I can completely understand your trauma with the way that she spoke to you and treated you.
And if this was the way she's been with other women I don't understand how she was kept around ??? Why would that continue to be allowed?
I'm glad you were able to see and feel the good moments of your birth experience.
Oh sweet mama. I hated seeing you hurt in this video. But thank you so much for sharing your experience. As a birth doula and an RN it makes me so angry that your power of choice and your voice was taken from you during Jasper's birth💜 Much love to you. Praying for your family that you are safe during this difficult time in the world4💜
I truly needed to hear this.❤️
that midwife is abusive. she was horrible and needs to be let go. before she causes someone their life. youre strong to even do what you did. and you handled it so gratefully afterwords
Ashleigh, I am so sorry you had to go through that. It breaks my heart, and honestly makes me angry. No woman should EVER have to fight for what they want their labor and birth to look like. A woman in labor does not always have the capacity to do so- mentally, emotionally, etc. It’s okay that you didn’t have the capacity to fight. Thank you for sharing your story with us, even if it’s hard. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story! This was very healing for me.... I’m so happy that you’re continuing to heal.... forgiveness for something like this is difficult ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your birth story. Sending you a huge digital hug. 🙏🏻💗
IM SO SORRY FOR YOUR EXPERIENCE! BIRTH TRAUMA IS SO VERY REAL AND SO GASLIGHTED!
MY FIRST WAS VERY TRAUMATIC
MY SECOND WAS FULL OF MOMENTS THAT I REGRET I DID NOT STAND UP FOR MYSELF.
I HOPE FOR MY NEXT BABIES, I WILL HAVE AMAZING HOME BIRTHS
Thank you for sharing Ashley! Much healing from listening to your story. Thank you.
Well that’s horrible. I’m an RN, in my career I’ve worked in multiple settings, but never L&D beyond my rotation over a decade ago. When you started and explained about the continual fetal monitoring, my response was “well, I understand when patients don’t care for an intervention we feel is a must for safety”. But the rest of it was very upsetting to me - both as a mother, and as a Nurse.
I don’t understand it, I really don’t. We go into Nursing to help and to comfort. One of my favorite roles has been in the PACU after a patient comes out of surgery. They are confused, in pain, cold, scared... just so vulnerable. It was a blessing in my life to do such little things for them like a cold wash cloth on their forehead, a warm blanket, pain meds, ice chips, but mostly - “you are ok”. Well I am so sorry that you had to go through that with your sweet baby’s birth. I’m so happy that your Nurses were there for you.
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for validating that Jasper experienced trauma as well, and that it matters, it’s real. I’m a single woman in my early 40’s, and my twin sister and I were born at 25 weeks. I carry the trauma and scars of being born premature, being in the NICU and of losing my twin. Few understand my pain. Thank you for validating and honoring yours and son’s birth trauma - in validating him, you’re validating me too, and I feel seen. Thank you!
Births can be traumatic in many different ways. It is so hard to have “bad” feelings share the day of birth of your child. The day that you want only happiness and love. I am 2 for 2 right now, both traumatic births both in different ways. I am very grateful that in my cases, it was not the treatment of my care providers that made my births traumatic. I can imagine how horrible that would be. I’m sorry for what you went through and thank you for sharing your story.
I'm so sorry! I'm with you on everything! I've had four babies and for the most part all of their births had gone really well but there's always a little bit of trauma when things don't go like you planned. I was especially disappointed this last time around and I feel like I have to give up the idea of having it go perfectly. But again, I've learned something to do different next time. Thank you for sharing! This really is helpful and honestly, when I first watched that birth video a while back, I was jealous. I'm jealous you got to have a birth like Ruby's too. I think I've grown enough to admit that. Not everybody understands what the big deal is. I think you're right, and a huge amount of it is just how you were treated by your doctor and your nurses. I've had a few bad apples and at the same time I am incredibly grateful for the doctors and nurses who where amazing. I'm grateful to have had four healthy babies. Sorry, just babbling, but I have a lot of emotions wrapped up in this subject and I really appreciate you talking about your experience. ❤️
I can't think how to convey all that I want to say in any sort of efficient way.
My heart breaks hearing this story. The things that are done to women in labor make me angry and sad beyond belief. My first birth was traumatic for my husband and I. We HATE that such awful memories are associated with such a beautiful gift. My midwife treated me so badly-and I know also that it came from her own traumas. She caused me both physcial and emotional pain then ultimately sent me to the hospital where 3 more people, 2 OBs and a nurse inflicted even more pain. And people DON'T understand. Because I didn't end up in an emergency C section. They feel I should be grateful.
I see you and hear you back. I understand the guilt and regret over not standing up for myself more or dismissing my midwife. I appreciate you saying the things you did about the trauma we may have experienced as well. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤
I have since done 2 free births. My first was sooo difficult to get through because of my previous trauma. My 3rd was beautiful and made me feel strong again. I highly recommend to women to consider fighting for the exact birth you want even if you are terrified.
Ok this wasn't brief at all. And yet I could write a novel on this topic...so maybe it was.
Hugs 🤗
Thank you for sharing your story. I am almost 37 weeks pregnant with my first baby and delivering during the covid19 crisis has me a bit nervous/scared. I have read that medicated and instrumented births as well as c-sections are increasing these days. Still, I hope and pray for a good experience. Your motherhood videos are helping me so much.
Praying you have a beautiful birth experience
I think it's important to share stories like this because we need to know we can/should speak up when we feel something is wrong.
I’m sorry you had to go through that at such a joyful time. 💖
I became angry watching you tell your story. I am so sorry you went through this. I delivered my son at 8cm with an OB manually opening my cervix, and it was the most traumatic experience, unfortunately 4mts later due to other complications He went back to Jesus. My heart breaks watching you tell the story of how you were treated and how you were spoken to. Birth trauma is absolutely real and raw and true. Thank you for sharing your story, Jasper is such a beautiful boy❤️