1:13 Mistake #1 -- Having an entire relationship inside of your head instead of in real life 3:29 Mistake #2 -- Expecting the honeymoon period to go on forever 5:03 Mistake #3 -- Leading with feeling and ignoring the realities 7:00 Mistake #4 -- Staying in bad relationships too long because we think we can recreate the past 8:02 Mistake #5 -- Expecting a relationship to fix our entire lives 9:45 Mistake #6 -- Thinking that being self-aware means being interpersonal aware 10:53 Mistake #7 -- Taking our fantasies literally instead of using them as guideposts 12:34 Mistake #8 -- Wrapping the relationship up in your personal identity 14:17 Mistake #9 -- Not setting proper boundaries 17:15 Mistake #10 -- Greener Grass Syndrome 19:09 Closing notes + Suggestions for healthy, happy relationships for ENFPs
INFJ and same here. We're the extraverted feelings, the checking-in people, so it's so refreshing when people know how THEY feel. We communicate well because we both NF types. And INFJs don't "consume" people because we are so focused on the feelings of others, good at helping people re-stocked so that they won't over-give of themselves.
The thought of being stuck with someone boring for the rest of my life is my worst nightmare 😱 But recently I've asked myself whether this means that I want my partner to entertain me and whether that's a realistic expectation. By " entertain me" I mean have engaging conversations with me. So I'm having a hard time figuring out what expectations are legit and which ones are unrealistic.
You can have lifelong engaging conversations with someone who is also growth-oriented and has interminable curiosity. If you both love learning new things and are adventurous, and happen to overlap in your interests, it won't get boring. Choose a partner who you'd consider your BEST FRIEND. You're basically hanging out with your best friend all the time.
this is me, oh shit... I'm like... I dream everyday about finding the love of my life but I am scared of being stuck with someone I don't love and having to maintain that relationship with that annoying person.. dude, only thinking about it drives me mad hahahaha I'm watching this video so I can at least try to learn more about myself and see what I can do to have a long lasting and happy relationship, and being realistic about it! I guess I just don't know when a relationship is bad and I should end it or when it is a good and realistic relationship but I think it's not anymore because I'm bored or something '-' hahaha
@@MoPoppins omg you're sooo right! I think that this is what is going to make me think "okay, THIS IS THE RIGHT PERSON FOR ME, BECAUSE HE'S MY BEST FRIEND AND WE LOVE LEARNING NEW THINGS AND EXPLORING NEW THINGS TOGETHER AND I CAN TALK TO HIM ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!" 😅 The world has so much into it that we can learn and experience! I should not be scared of being in a fix relationship, I mean, scared of it being boring as fuck, because I know that the person I'm with likes new things just like me, so it won't be boring! We are, above all, best friends! 🥰🥰🥰
1. inside of ur head (Fantasy), expect too much 2. expecting honeymoon forever, dont bailout 3. leading w feeling, ignoring reality 4. stay in bad Relationships too long, need to let go 5. expecting relationship to fix everything 6. self aware =/= interpersonally aware 7. taking fantasies literally 8. separate identity from relationship 9. dont set proper boundaries, giving, not paying attention to own need, Meeting their needs only 10. stop watering the fence
This is a such good advice for a young ENFP like me...but im still not ready for any relationship yet...idk it's quite hard for me to let others be my partner yet...im still not mature enough to start being committed to someone else
I knew the same about myself as a younger ENFP. But be proud of yourself for having the maturity to recognize it. You'll get there when you're ready, and frankly there's no stigma if you never do want a permanent partner. The bigger crime is promising something you can't give.
ENFP are good at saying how they feel openly to others so just be responsable and let your casual dates know what your intentions are. Do what makes you happy 😊
"Grass is greener" issue is a hard one for me. I'm always thinking of the wide possibilities for all the amazing personalities and people to meet that occasionally, I get a little too in my own head to appreciate the people right in front of me and not some detached, idealized version of what people _could_ be.
When I went to college I expected to make tons of new friendships that would last a lifetime, so I neglected my friends from highschool that actually are very lasting friendships. It wasn’t until my fragile college group completely fell apart that I started to appreciate how consistent and comforting my friends back home were.
O--M--G！My girlfriend is an ENFP and I am an INTP. Watching the whole video almost feels like seeing a painter sketching my girlfriend’s portrait. Omg, I was definitely burned by these 10 things. Also because I’m an INTP, I tend to suffer even more (imo) because I find it hard to resonate with her feelings that seems unreasonable to my logic framework. Fortunately we’ve been working it through together and it has been turned out a lot better now. I can expect that we’d still have some problems in the future but I gradually gained confidence for our relationship and thank you for your advices! Respect!
As an ENFP this is on point. I stayed in a toxic relationship 3 years to long because of most of these points.... Mistakes 1-6, 8 and 9. It was detrimental to my well being and sense of self. It allowed him to fully take advantage of me because in reality he did not fully love me and even though I always knew that I’m the back of my head, I kept fighting for a love and relationship that was never going to make me happy. It wasn’t until he cheated on me with someone we both knew and within a month publicly announced her as his girlfriend, introduced her to family and friends, moved her in, said he loved her first.... all of these things that I had wanted and was working so hard to achieve yet it took almost a year into our relationship for him to even acknowledge me as his girlfriend! I made it a point to be single for awhile so I could really take the time to understand myself and what I will not put up with again. Thank you for this video.... it’s accurate AF
Fellow ENFP, I totally understand you, I've been with a Narcissist for two years. I feel so bad about it, for allowing the psicological abuse to go on way too long. I think because we are givers, this often happens to us 😞
YOUR ARE 100% RIGHT it took me till 28 to realize it... YES FIX OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH US. I really hope this video helps all of us Anxious ENFP 7w6. Thank you for this Heidi
WOWOWOW I have made all of these mistakes... im currently not dating and learning about myself and this is SO helpful. Thank you so much for this! Definetly subscribing I feel so seen 💛
I have been in a relationship for 13 years since age 16 and it seems i have learned a lot of what you suggested along that way. What hit home though was 1. the part of setting boundaries: my relationship went downhill the more i understood my needs and voiced them since my partner was used to get his way a lot. And 2. that we live in the past and the future: yes, i left a good relationship, Potentially good though and once good as well. It felt like the most selfish thing to break up with the person I love when I realized I wasn’t happy anymore and didn’t had the strengh left to work it out. Great video, thank you ~ enfp
Dang..I thought I had grown, but I watched this & could see how almost all problems are my current problems in my relationship. Whoah I literally feel overwhelmed right now. Great video though🤗
You probably have grown! There will always be more work to do but don’t discredit the work you’ve done. Self awareness is the vehicle that makes it all happen and it’s clear you have that ❤️
@@heidipriebe1 thankyou for taking your time to respond🤗🌻 I appreciate it. I'm just currently trying to work through getting past dominant-tertiary loop & your video sent me down a rabbit hole of uncovering so much info that has made me appreciate the need for my auxiliary function Fi but also to want to get back to that state of just feeling that inner sense of security. I'm about to launch a business, & in purposing that I'll save any profit I get & invest it in myself but signing onto your enfp course. It really intrigued me, because I want to learn not to doubt my inner voice esp when you've grown up in a society that dictates for you to lool outside yourself
In my humble opinion, the most important video of the year so far! I've made all of them to someone within a year! Nine of them at least countless times, and then later dumped them for the 5th time and blocked them. I dont even know what to do now with the situation and mess and hurt that l have created on both sides. Plus the self disappointment and guilt about your impulsive decision making. Maybe the best way to deal with this, and am glad l've found it while writing now is to study myself more and do better. Thank you Heidi.
You will never find a more comprehensive, non-bs and useful video about relationship issues of ENFPs. Ever. This is fucking brilliant. All you ever need to know. Goldmine for a young ENFP. Talk about high NeTe + high IQ E8 nailing it. (My exact type, incidentally). - NeTe ENFP, 8w7, sx dom. 30+
Fellow ENFP here. Thank you for this video Heidi! For the longest time, I felt a lot of shame in what other people told me were areas I needed to work on. After seeing this video, I realize that they were unaware of my internal functions and projected how they would resolve my weaknesses with their own functions. This video has been insightful in how I have been overcoming some weaknesses already as well as showing areas I do need to work on. Definitely going to continue watching your videos thank you!
I’m an INFJ and this video made me realize that we don't share any cognitive functions with ENFPs although we’re both NF types. Now I can see how different we can experience the same relationship.
Same here! ENFP are a RED-FLAG to INFJ!!! 😱 ENTP are the safer, smarter, and exceedingly superior choice! You can think of the ENTP are the superior form of the ENFP! All the charisma of the ENFP - plus with more brains! There's virtually no risks (you'll have to watch out for 'narcissits', however, it's generally a given with any relationship).
This is interesting! As an ENFP I have found INFJs interesting but a little scary. How do you feel about these challenges she brings up? None of them apply to you?
@@Human_01 stop being creepy. No personality type is superior than the other. Just different. You sound like you’re insecure or something, that’s why you’re attempting to degrade ENFPs
@@mikaelandersson2338 infj here. We really like enfp because they are genuinely good, but betray us enough times and we'll spend every single second of every day plotting our revenge that you won't even see coming. We're just bad at expressing ourselves in most cases. We think too much, get lost in our thoughts.
I felt so called out with this video but I know I needed this. I’m so glad I’ve matured more and my INTP partner of 9 years stayed and matured with me.
God Bless you! I pray someone I know finds your channel. I had hoped for a resource like you to be available: Here you are! Thank you! Godspeed to you! Please continue your wonderful assistance to Enfps!
Yeah, this is probably why I look foolish when I look at myself when I talk to people who did me wrong, because I can't set boundaries and I keep thinking that they're still the same version of people inside my head, when they are not. Thank you! This video really enlighten me and also made me chuckle because it's true. 😂 I'm gonna stick around.
I feel so called out I've done all of these mistakes! Honestly I am so done with dating and I realised I am very happy right now with just having lots of great friends and some meaningless hookups....
This is crazy good. I'm sending this to my husband... I'm INTJ so zero skills in explaining... U just did that job for me so beautifully in this lovely video..
Loved listening to #10- ESFP type 7w8 x ENFP type 6w7.... we’ve definitely had to have these conversations. We realize we just have seasons, and that’s okay! And each season has something fun we can latch onto.
8:25 omfg this is too real :') I do this with EVERYTHING in my life I swear... "a new ___ will fix everything negative I feel about myself" stOP ROASTING MEEE
Well, new things are challenging and we need that from time to time. We have new problems to solve to cover up the old problems.... Oh I get your point now 🙄
Incredible video, great job with this. I'm an INFJ guy and I dated a young immature ENFP girl who did these things, I learned alot and have grown since this breakup. I'll keep this all in mind when dating more older mature ENFPs in the future. Thanks alot for this
Blown away by this video, I never heard of ENFP before yesterday. Probably the biggest amount of insight i ever got in my love life in one clip. Thank you!
So accurate and in depth. Thanks for the video. After 5 failed relationships, the number one thing I'm concerned about right now before I start to date a new person is to know who that person really is. I used to jump into relationships without knowing them well...I'm much more practical right now. I'm more concerned about setting more boundaries right now. Not giving, giving, giving, giving.....Fe: Not their wants, but their needs. Gut feelings. Things you know within 10 days of meeting the person.... Woohhh.... Fi + Si: Our perception of time is not the way it should. The way the things were vs. reality. Letting go of a bad relationship feels like letting go of a good relationship...... A relationship would not fix other things in life better. So true. Gotta have a better relationship with yourself. Do not outsource self-worth. Being self-aware does not mean being interpersonally aware. Forget to check on people in real time. Take your partner at face value. Do not wrap up the relationship in your identity. This is not who I am.
Oh right, you wrote the INFP book, I watched couple of your videos and didn't realize, how cool is that! It had so good looking cover so I bought it just because of that over the other INFP books. You are doing good work, keep it up 💪 I love ENFPs
I've experienced all 10 during my lifetime (65+) but I'm constantly working on myself. I can now work through relationship issues now that come up. I'm in a relationship with an INFJ woman. I am always learning from her.
Omg Heidi!! You were the FIRST person I really followed back in 2015 when I first learned about mbti. I would read every since article you’d write on thought catalog (and make all my friends read too). Also bought your “how you’ll do everything based on your personality type” book. Since then I’ve done so much research on carl jung and the functions to the point where most of my friends think I’m nuts. Excited to see your videos. Sincerely ~ISFJ
such a great video. as an infp, i especially relate to creating a fantasy in my head and then having a disappoinment because of my own unrealistic thoughts -not bc of that person actually-. i'd love to see an infp version of this topic 👉🏻👈🏻
Damn, i'm can't stop crying! This was too accurate, i didnt expected see myself in every single topic, but for the first time in my life, all of this problens sound like something i can actualy improve and not like if was something wrong with me. Thank you so much for the great video!
[6:27] "The reason for divorce for most married couples was something they knew and were worried about within the first 10 days of the relationship. So these gut feelings we have ('oh, this is gonna be a problem down the line' or 'I don't know if we can make this work') - we have to start listening to them earlier on. Often, they're telling us real information that becomes very important later on, when we're already a lot more emotionally invested, attached, and intertwined. And that will make it a lot harder to leave."
11:10 as an esfp, I see this as a good sign. It means that I’m actually aware that I can improve something with my spouse. Wouldn’t be surprised if ENFPs could come to similar conclusions
I relate to the Fi oriented ones! Especially the dating someone’s potential instead of who they are. That seems like a particular ENFP and intj thing. Having intuition first and Fi, perfect combo for fantasy relationships 😂😅
How insightful! So THAT's why Si users keep making the same, stupid mistakes in relationships! They live in their MEMORY of the relationship, and not using their Ni is why people keep choosing the "same" partner in a different physical body, conveniently forgetting what they did wrong the last 10 - 20 times over the last 20 - 50 years (or more). I've always made the observation, but it's so handy to be able to give it a label and tidily categorize it!
Wow! This is the best ENFP relationship video I have ever watched. I also really love how it wasn't just a negative train on what ENFP's do wrong but how to fix it. Thank you!
Done all the ten mistakes and that too to the full extent possible... That explains your knowledge regarding ENFPs is really amazing... Small clipping of Boot Camps seems really useful. I have learned a lot from this Video... Thank you Heidi
Oh wow this was very great to hear. The only one I've really noticed and worked on is the poor boundaries, and its still pretty hard for me. But, I have made progress, and I've become better at noticing signs of people I shouldn't become close friends with because they're toxic.
INFJ here, currently frustrated that my partner doesn't seem to fully acknowledge we're not doing that great as a couple right now. He's so optimistic and willing to work on it, which on one hand is great, but on the other hand what I really need is some space and acknowledgement from him that the situation is not that bright.
“I have to draw my own inner resource instead of constructing my entire self worth around how nice other people think I am. Precisely.” The accuracy OMG
Thank you for this video. I've been having issues with my husband not being who I thought, and now I'm starting to realize that that's not his fault and I shouldn't have just expected him to want to do exciting things with me constantly. This was very helpful.
UHHUUHUUHU this is sooo accurate. I always get stuck to unhealthy relationships. I always get to give and compromise too much because I always get so curious and interested about people who have sooo opposite personalities.
I can't believe she just said EVERYTHING that I do/am.. I wish I saw this video before! Now I get why my relationships used to be so hard for me... I recently started to identify this "fantasying" thing which I would create a person in my head and would fall in love with them but they never lived up to my expectations... Thank you for the eye-opening video!
Oh LORD, I loved the coffee beans yeaaaa. Xactly. And than we wonder, why we are that exhausted sometimes, giving and giving...till bottle is empty. So need to learn just not giving every human, and that is not egoistic, but just healthy. XD
I'm an ENFP that just got out of a 2 year relationship and I'm guilty of doing literally every single one of these in that relationship.. :( On the bright side, this information was very helpful and I strongly hope I can retain it and reflect on it to make positive changes in my future relationships. Thank you ~
Gosh, I thought I find your videos earlier, this made me understand what the heck is happening in different snippet of my life that I revisit and think why the hell am I like that… this makes some much senses in many of my past relationship now, and yes need to learn how to set my boundaries and know that what we looking for and want and express doesn’t necessarily devalue or cast shame on us. Sometimes it is miscommunication or personality mismatch or all of the above. Need to find someone that deserve those deep love and need to know what others love lauaguges are because everybody is born different and raise differently than us.
My own energy has been diminishing because I don’t set my own boundaries, thanks for letting me know that this is an problem cause it is and I just keep shoveling it off my shoulders and off my mind each time cause I thought it might made others feel better about me and themselves.
0:20 Incorrect. Neither am I an ENFP, nor have i been burned by one. But I am good friends with one who has somewhat-recently gone through a pretty bad break-up that she is still struggling with to some extent. And since I like her quite a lot, I seek to learn more about her personality type so that I can tailor the advice I may give to her more accurately to her personality so she in turn can make the best possible use of it.
Oh boy…I’m an enfp and you are describing my relationships up to about age 45..so accurately! I thought it was just me but it makes so much sense in the context of personality
Honestly, one of the best videos I’ve seen on this topic. Very helpful and it puts language to many points that I haven’t been able to express before. Thank you for sharing 😃✌️
Thank you Heidi. You obviously know your stuff and I can so relate to the many aspects that you are talking about. I am quite excited to listen to more of your videos. This video is definitely going to be a re-listen to. :)
wooooowowow this was so helpful and ACCURATE! I just got out of my first ever relationship that was four years long...i'm happy I'll go into the next one knowing these things!
This is so accurate- my pattern has been being in super impractical but passionate loving relationships that go on for years and end up in heartbreak for both of us. On the other hand - too compatible was boring to me and ended in divorce (not the only reason). Balance is hard! Working on it! I love you for these videos 💕
I do much identify with you compatible people bore me to tears , I live ESFJ s but the are such practical workaholics I can’t see a relationship with one work , I need someone with strengths i dont have but those relationships never work , Fuck it’s hard I don’t think it’s fixable
INTJ here again... I got burned out. I know is such an INTJ-ish thing to say but I saw that one coming from a mile away, bought the ENFP survival guide and didn't even get time to finish it before ENFP bailed out, during on one of her introversion pit stops. Not sure what kind of master plan I needed but mine totally failed, which sucks because I tried so hard man :'-(
Sorry to hear dude! 🤦🏻♀️ Makes me feel so sad reading your comment. I appreciate your efforts for our fellow ENFP. Did you relay EXACTLY how you felt about her? Was it mega CLEAR enough and not just hints? Has she has childhood or past traumas? Any ideas on her attachment style? Do many factors to include here. I have a feeling you still love & care for her
Thank you so much! I feel so related and I think I finally got the answer of why I always feel like I'm the bad guy whenever I don't help others as much as they want. #9 mistake literally wakes me up. I'm so thankful as a 17yrs old ENFP who always feel like a mess.
1:13 Mistake #1 -- Having an entire relationship inside of your head instead of in real life
3:29 Mistake #2 -- Expecting the honeymoon period to go on forever
5:03 Mistake #3 -- Leading with feeling and ignoring the realities
7:00 Mistake #4 -- Staying in bad relationships too long because we think we can recreate the past
8:02 Mistake #5 -- Expecting a relationship to fix our entire lives
9:45 Mistake #6 -- Thinking that being self-aware means being interpersonal aware
10:53 Mistake #7 -- Taking our fantasies literally instead of using them as guideposts
12:34 Mistake #8 -- Wrapping the relationship up in your personal identity
14:17 Mistake #9 -- Not setting proper boundaries
17:15 Mistake #10 -- Greener Grass Syndrome
19:09 Closing notes + Suggestions for healthy, happy relationships for ENFPs
ive made 145678 mistakes😃
Thanks hero
A tick next to all those points for me
Thank you :)
You are a true star
INFJ here, I now understand why we’re such a good match.
INFJ and same here. We're the extraverted feelings, the checking-in people, so it's so refreshing when people know how THEY feel. We communicate well because we both NF types. And INFJs don't "consume" people because we are so focused on the feelings of others, good at helping people re-stocked so that they won't over-give of themselves.
Why?
Why is that?
@@summero-my5in Why is what?
I’m an ENFJ and this makes so much sense 😬
this is the most real talk i've ever received about my relationship issues.
Totally
i've been mentally screaming the whole video
Same, I'm starting to realise why I never get a third date anymore lol
@@SquashyBurk I'm legit gonna send them this link on the first date, this is me, mull it over aaaaand yeah lets go from there XD
same everything thats on this vid is true aaAaaaa
The thought of being stuck with someone boring for the rest of my life is my worst nightmare 😱 But recently I've asked myself whether this means that I want my partner to entertain me and whether that's a realistic expectation. By " entertain me" I mean have engaging conversations with me. So I'm having a hard time figuring out what expectations are legit and which ones are unrealistic.
You can have lifelong engaging conversations with someone who is also growth-oriented and has interminable curiosity. If you both love learning new things and are adventurous, and happen to overlap in your interests, it won't get boring.
Choose a partner who you'd consider your BEST FRIEND. You're basically hanging out with your best friend all the time.
this is me, oh shit... I'm like... I dream everyday about finding the love of my life but I am scared of being stuck with someone I don't love and having to maintain that relationship with that annoying person.. dude, only thinking about it drives me mad hahahaha I'm watching this video so I can at least try to learn more about myself and see what I can do to have a long lasting and happy relationship, and being realistic about it! I guess I just don't know when a relationship is bad and I should end it or when it is a good and realistic relationship but I think it's not anymore because I'm bored or something '-' hahaha
@@MoPoppins omg you're sooo right! I think that this is what is going to make me think "okay, THIS IS THE RIGHT PERSON FOR ME, BECAUSE HE'S MY BEST FRIEND AND WE LOVE LEARNING NEW THINGS AND EXPLORING NEW THINGS TOGETHER AND I CAN TALK TO HIM ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!" 😅 The world has so much into it that we can learn and experience! I should not be scared of being in a fix relationship, I mean, scared of it being boring as fuck, because I know that the person I'm with likes new things just like me, so it won't be boring! We are, above all, best friends! 🥰🥰🥰
Better to be with some one boring... than to be alone...
@@MoPoppins Did it once, but fucked it up. Told the truth about something when i should have not. But hey. Cant lie. So im ok with it
I am an INFJ-A and I am addicted to ENFP people. Yall always put me in a better mood because of y'all's redbull energy that you have nonstop. 🤣🤣
I can confirm us ENFP's are crackheads
@@supergirlysofia3054 😂🤣😂🤣
Yes, take all my coffe beans. I'll go to sleep and tomorrow I'll regenerate about a ton anyway 😂
Thank you REV1517, I feel quite honoured haha
- An ENFP
And when we do crash, it takes us a few days or if it's an identity crisis, maybe a lot longer to recover hahaha...
-"Why did you do that?"
-"It made me feel good"
Me: #Attacked
Man that was painful. I've cycled through all of them.
Absolutely! They are impossible to fix , I can’t stand Extraverted feelers
Hello from a fellow ENFP. I can relate to EVERY ONE of these relationship mistakes.
1. inside of ur head (Fantasy), expect too much
2. expecting honeymoon forever, dont bailout
3. leading w feeling, ignoring reality
4. stay in bad Relationships too long, need to let go
5. expecting relationship to fix everything
6. self aware =/= interpersonally aware
7. taking fantasies literally
8. separate identity from relationship
9. dont set proper boundaries, giving, not paying attention to own need, Meeting their needs only
10. stop watering the fence
This is a such good advice for a young ENFP like me...but im still not ready for any relationship yet...idk it's quite hard for me to let others be my partner yet...im still not mature enough to start being committed to someone else
I knew the same about myself as a younger ENFP. But be proud of yourself for having the maturity to recognize it. You'll get there when you're ready, and frankly there's no stigma if you never do want a permanent partner. The bigger crime is promising something you can't give.
ENFP are good at saying how they feel openly to others so just be responsable and let your casual dates know what your intentions are. Do what makes you happy 😊
No need to rush things. Im an older ENFP and i can tell you from experience that only fools rush in. The best cakes take the longest to bake.
I can relate to this as a younger ENFP. I'm glad see people, who feel the same
"Grass is greener" issue is a hard one for me. I'm always thinking of the wide possibilities for all the amazing personalities and people to meet that occasionally, I get a little too in my own head to appreciate the people right in front of me and not some detached, idealized version of what people _could_ be.
Literally me
When I went to college I expected to make tons of new friendships that would last a lifetime, so I neglected my friends from highschool that actually are very lasting friendships.
It wasn’t until my fragile college group completely fell apart that I started to appreciate how consistent and comforting my friends back home were.
O--M--G！My girlfriend is an ENFP and I am an INTP. Watching the whole video almost feels like seeing a painter sketching my girlfriend’s portrait. Omg, I was definitely burned by these 10 things. Also because I’m an INTP, I tend to suffer even more (imo) because I find it hard to resonate with her feelings that seems unreasonable to my logic framework. Fortunately we’ve been working it through together and it has been turned out a lot better now. I can expect that we’d still have some problems in the future but I gradually gained confidence for our relationship and thank you for your advices! Respect!
Yooo I'm an ENFP dating an INTP. I think it's a neat pairing lol
As an ENFP this is on point. I stayed in a toxic relationship 3 years to long because of most of these points.... Mistakes 1-6, 8 and 9. It was detrimental to my well being and sense of self. It allowed him to fully take advantage of me because in reality he did not fully love me and even though I always knew that I’m the back of my head, I kept fighting for a love and relationship that was never going to make me happy. It wasn’t until he cheated on me with someone we both knew and within a month publicly announced her as his girlfriend, introduced her to family and friends, moved her in, said he loved her first.... all of these things that I had wanted and was working so hard to achieve yet it took almost a year into our relationship for him to even acknowledge me as his girlfriend! I made it a point to be single for awhile so I could really take the time to understand myself and what I will not put up with again. Thank you for this video.... it’s accurate AF
Fellow ENFP, I totally understand you, I've been with a Narcissist for two years. I feel so bad about it, for allowing the psicological abuse to go on way too long. I think because we are givers, this often happens to us 😞
@@octavia88me in a narcissistic relationship for 20 years... Just a year ago, I got out... Finally.
YOUR ARE 100% RIGHT it took me till 28 to realize it... YES FIX OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH US. I really hope this video helps all of us Anxious ENFP 7w6. Thank you for this Heidi
I’m only just discovering all this now. It’s seriously eye opening! 👀
I'm 50 and still completely lost, lol.
It’s so ENFP do a video for help another ENFP. I love you ❤️ this really help me
WOWOWOW I have made all of these mistakes... im currently not dating and learning about myself and this is SO helpful. Thank you so much for this! Definetly subscribing I feel so seen 💛
Same!!!
@@smirzabajeva We in this together!!!
Yes!!!
same
Same!! I definitely made all these mistakes growing up with my family members. OUCH!!
- A Fellow ENFP
I have been in a relationship for 13 years since age 16 and it seems i have learned a lot of what you suggested along that way. What hit home though was 1. the part of setting boundaries: my relationship went downhill the more i understood my needs and voiced them since my partner was used to get his way a lot. And 2. that we live in the past and the future: yes, i left a good relationship, Potentially good though and once good as well. It felt like the most selfish thing to break up with the person I love when I realized I wasn’t happy anymore and didn’t had the strengh left to work it out. Great video, thank you ~ enfp
So we're Joseph Gordon Levit from 100 Days Of Summer.
I had that thought once.. lol I like that movie ^-^
I remember the movie and totally relate to it as an ENFP.
Dang..I thought I had grown, but I watched this & could see how almost all problems are my current problems in my relationship. Whoah I literally feel overwhelmed right now. Great video though🤗
You probably have grown! There will always be more work to do but don’t discredit the work you’ve done. Self awareness is the vehicle that makes it all happen and it’s clear you have that ❤️
@@heidipriebe1 thankyou for taking your time to respond🤗🌻 I appreciate it. I'm just currently trying to work through getting past dominant-tertiary loop & your video sent me down a rabbit hole of uncovering so much info that has made me appreciate the need for my auxiliary function Fi but also to want to get back to that state of just feeling that inner sense of security. I'm about to launch a business, & in purposing that I'll save any profit I get & invest it in myself but signing onto your enfp course. It really intrigued me, because I want to learn not to doubt my inner voice esp when you've grown up in a society that dictates for you to lool outside yourself
In my humble opinion, the most important video of the year so far! I've made all of them to someone within a year! Nine of them at least countless times, and then later dumped them for the 5th time and blocked them.
I dont even know what to do now with the situation and mess and hurt that l have created on both sides. Plus the self disappointment and guilt about your impulsive decision making.
Maybe the best way to deal with this, and am glad l've found it while writing now is to study myself more and do better.
Thank you Heidi.
this felt like a roast but like the most constructive and useful roast ive ever been a part of hahaha
“Thinking that being self-aware means being interpersonally-aware”
I feel attacked 😂
Yeah 😂
You will never find a more comprehensive, non-bs and useful video about relationship issues of ENFPs. Ever. This is fucking brilliant. All you ever need to know. Goldmine for a young ENFP.
Talk about high NeTe + high IQ E8 nailing it. (My exact type, incidentally).
- NeTe ENFP, 8w7, sx dom. 30+
Fellow ENFP here. Thank you for this video Heidi!
For the longest time, I felt a lot of shame in what other people told me were areas I needed to work on. After seeing this video, I realize that they were unaware of my internal functions and projected how they would resolve my weaknesses with their own functions. This video has been insightful in how I have been overcoming some weaknesses already as well as showing areas I do need to work on. Definitely going to continue watching your videos thank you!
Fascinating! Thanks for sharing, feels uncomfortably accurate
I’m an INFJ and this video made me realize that we don't share any cognitive functions with ENFPs although we’re both NF types. Now I can see how different we can experience the same relationship.
Same here! ENFP are a RED-FLAG to INFJ!!! 😱 ENTP are the safer, smarter, and exceedingly superior choice!
You can think of the ENTP are the superior form of the ENFP! All the charisma of the ENFP - plus with more brains! There's virtually no risks (you'll have to watch out for 'narcissits', however, it's generally a given with any relationship).
This is interesting! As an ENFP I have found INFJs interesting but a little scary. How do you feel about these challenges she brings up? None of them apply to you?
@@Human_01 stop being creepy. No personality type is superior than the other. Just different. You sound like you’re insecure or something, that’s why you’re attempting to degrade ENFPs
@@mikaelandersson2338 infj here. We really like enfp because they are genuinely good, but betray us enough times and we'll spend every single second of every day plotting our revenge that you won't even see coming. We're just bad at expressing ourselves in most cases. We think too much, get lost in our thoughts.
@@Human_01that's pretty judgy
INTJ here. Just started a relationship with an ENFP. Very interesting and radiant person. She's like a unicorn.
I really hope this works out....
As an ENFP, I relate to this 100%!
I felt so called out with this video but I know I needed this. I’m so glad I’ve matured more and my INTP partner of 9 years stayed and matured with me.
Isfp make here. I absolutely adore and enfp woman I work with. She’s energy. She’s a star.
God Bless you! I pray someone I know finds your channel. I had hoped for a resource like you to be available: Here you are! Thank you! Godspeed to you! Please continue your wonderful assistance to Enfps!
Yeah, this is probably why I look foolish when I look at myself when I talk to people who did me wrong, because I can't set boundaries and I keep thinking that they're still the same version of people inside my head, when they are not.
Thank you! This video really enlighten me and also made me chuckle because it's true. 😂 I'm gonna stick around.
i dont want to be this wayyyyyyyyyyyy. y cant i just be chill my god
I feel so called out I've done all of these mistakes! Honestly I am so done with dating and I realised I am very happy right now with just having lots of great friends and some meaningless hookups....
This is crazy good. I'm sending this to my husband... I'm INTJ so zero skills in explaining... U just did that job for me so beautifully in this lovely video..
Thank you for loving our fellow ENFP
Loved listening to #10- ESFP type 7w8 x ENFP type 6w7.... we’ve definitely had to have these conversations. We realize we just have seasons, and that’s okay! And each season has something fun we can latch onto.
8:25 omfg this is too real :') I do this with EVERYTHING in my life I swear... "a new ___ will fix everything negative I feel about myself" stOP ROASTING MEEE
Well, new things are challenging and we need that from time to time. We have new problems to solve to cover up the old problems.... Oh I get your point now 🙄
Incredible video, great job with this. I'm an INFJ guy and I dated a young immature ENFP girl who did these things, I learned alot and have grown since this breakup. I'll keep this all in mind when dating more older mature ENFPs in the future. Thanks alot for this
I'm stunned by your eyes and your hair. They look so beautiful!!
Blown away by this video, I never heard of ENFP before yesterday. Probably the biggest amount of insight i ever got in my love life in one clip. Thank you!
I'm here because I'm an INTJ and I like energy and adventure.
So accurate and in depth. Thanks for the video. After 5 failed relationships, the number one thing I'm concerned about right now before I start to date a new person is to know who that person really is. I used to jump into relationships without knowing them well...I'm much more practical right now.
I'm more concerned about setting more boundaries right now. Not giving, giving, giving, giving.....Fe: Not their wants, but their needs.
Gut feelings. Things you know within 10 days of meeting the person.... Woohhh....
Fi + Si: Our perception of time is not the way it should. The way the things were vs. reality. Letting go of a bad relationship feels like letting go of a good relationship......
A relationship would not fix other things in life better. So true. Gotta have a better relationship with yourself. Do not outsource self-worth.
Being self-aware does not mean being interpersonally aware. Forget to check on people in real time. Take your partner at face value.
Do not wrap up the relationship in your identity. This is not who I am.
You're the only ENFP content creator out here. And for that I thank you for being the platform where we all meet and feel understood ❤️
Is that true. ? She is the only enfp content creator ? Are we that stupid ?
Most of these things made me warmly smirk at myself--and I appreciate your making them more explicitly and understandably salient.
Oh right, you wrote the INFP book, I watched couple of your videos and didn't realize, how cool is that! It had so good looking cover so I bought it just because of that over the other INFP books. You are doing good work, keep it up 💪 I love ENFPs
I'm at 2:48 and I genuinely don't like how you're putting my business out here. This is too accurate who you been talking to.
as an ENFP, I'm amazed that you (as an ENFP) are able to dissect these things
This called me out on every conceivable level and I’m so deeply grateful
I've experienced all 10 during my lifetime (65+) but I'm constantly working on myself.
I can now work through relationship issues now that come up.
I'm in a relationship with an INFJ woman. I am always learning from her.
Im an INFP and when you said you grew up in xSxJ culture.. my heart just went out to you.. :(
Omg Heidi!! You were the FIRST person I really followed back in 2015 when I first learned about mbti. I would read every since article you’d write on thought catalog (and make all my friends read too). Also bought your “how you’ll do everything based on your personality type” book. Since then I’ve done so much research on carl jung and the functions to the point where most of my friends think I’m nuts. Excited to see your videos. Sincerely ~ISFJ
such a great video. as an infp, i especially relate to creating a fantasy in my head and then having a disappoinment because of my own unrealistic thoughts -not bc of that person actually-. i'd love to see an infp version of this topic 👉🏻👈🏻
Damn, i'm can't stop crying! This was too accurate, i didnt expected see myself in every single topic, but for the first time in my life, all of this problens sound like something i can actualy improve and not like if was something wrong with me. Thank you so much for the great video!
Hi Heidi, I'm Mike, a 60 yr old Disabled Veteran. I'm INFJ-T Heyoka. You make complex psyc subjects very easy for me to understand.😊
this video punched me in the face wtf this was such a loud callout
"outsource the self-work that we have to do ourselves" oh yes. I was like this before!
Insightful as always - thank you!
[6:27] "The reason for divorce for most married couples was something they knew and were worried about within the first 10 days of the relationship. So these gut feelings we have ('oh, this is gonna be a problem down the line' or 'I don't know if we can make this work') - we have to start listening to them earlier on. Often, they're telling us real information that becomes very important later on, when we're already a lot more emotionally invested, attached, and intertwined. And that will make it a lot harder to leave."
11:10 as an esfp, I see this as a good sign. It means that I’m actually aware that I can improve something with my spouse. Wouldn’t be surprised if ENFPs could come to similar conclusions
That never ever ever ever ever was so good and apt. And the bootcamp excerpts. Love your videos Heidi!
-an INFP
I relate to the Fi oriented ones! Especially the dating someone’s potential instead of who they are. That seems like a particular ENFP and intj thing. Having intuition first and Fi, perfect combo for fantasy relationships 😂😅
having awareness of sustaining a faulty relationship is one epiphany; getting out. it making a change is difficult transition
THIS IS THE MOST ACCURATE VIDEO. SO IN DEPTH!!! I LOVE IT!! I'M ENFP AND ALL OF THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'VE MADE IN MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS
How insightful! So THAT's why Si users keep making the same, stupid mistakes in relationships!
They live in their MEMORY of the relationship, and not using their Ni is why people keep choosing the "same" partner in a different physical body, conveniently forgetting what they did wrong the last 10 - 20 times over the last 20 - 50 years (or more).
I've always made the observation, but it's so handy to be able to give it a label and tidily categorize it!
Your videos make me feel so seen. I have never been able to put to words or explain these issues until now. Thank you for this!
Come for the enlightenment, stay for the fireworks! Amazing!
i have never been profiled better, dayuuuummmm! i need some work... btw,🥺🥺 you have beautiful eyes
Wow..... Absolutely gobsmacked!! I wish I saw this video at the start of the year! Everything you talked about it rediculously accurate!
Wow! This is the best ENFP relationship video I have ever watched. I also really love how it wasn't just a negative train on what ENFP's do wrong but how to fix it. Thank you!
its so weird how accurate this is
You called me out! I'm an ENFP and came here because of the first reason you metionned 😂
Heidi... I can’t tell you how understood I feel and how intensely helpful this was for me. You have a gift. Thank you so so so much!!!
Done all the ten mistakes and that too to the full extent possible... That explains your knowledge regarding ENFPs is really amazing... Small clipping of Boot Camps seems really useful. I have learned a lot from this Video...
Thank you Heidi
Oh wow this was very great to hear. The only one I've really noticed and worked on is the poor boundaries, and its still pretty hard for me. But, I have made progress, and I've become better at noticing signs of people I shouldn't become close friends with because they're toxic.
Bugger... so many relationships that only happen inside my head
God, this video speaks truths, and now I have to figure out how to integrate it into my life
INFJ here, currently frustrated that my partner doesn't seem to fully acknowledge we're not doing that great as a couple right now. He's so optimistic and willing to work on it, which on one hand is great, but on the other hand what I really need is some space and acknowledgement from him that the situation is not that bright.
“I have to draw my own inner resource instead of constructing my entire self worth around how nice other people think I am.
Precisely.”
The accuracy OMG
DAMN i just realized this is so me! Besides boundaries, I don't have any
Thank you for this video. I've been having issues with my husband not being who I thought, and now I'm starting to realize that that's not his fault and I shouldn't have just expected him to want to do exciting things with me constantly. This was very helpful.
ENFP-T here and you basically summed me up in 10 points.....god I suck....
UHHUUHUUHU this is sooo accurate. I always get stuck to unhealthy relationships. I always get to give and compromise too much because I always get so curious and interested about people who have sooo opposite personalities.
I can't believe she just said EVERYTHING that I do/am.. I wish I saw this video before! Now I get why my relationships used to be so hard for me... I recently started to identify this "fantasying" thing which I would create a person in my head and would fall in love with them but they never lived up to my expectations... Thank you for the eye-opening video!
Oh LORD, I loved the coffee beans yeaaaa. Xactly. And than we wonder, why we are that exhausted sometimes, giving and giving...till bottle is empty. So need to learn just not giving every human, and that is not egoistic, but just healthy. XD
This video hits hard! I have never feel more relatable to any video until this one. Wow
Reaching out to all you enfps in case you're feeling lovely. At least there are some of us who get each other.
I'm an ENFP that just got out of a 2 year relationship and I'm guilty of doing literally every single one of these in that relationship.. :( On the bright side, this information was very helpful and I strongly hope I can retain it and reflect on it to make positive changes in my future relationships. Thank you ~
Its honestly so freshing and eye opening to hear how i am and why
Gosh, I thought I find your videos earlier, this made me understand what the heck is happening in different snippet of my life that I revisit and think why the hell am I like that… this makes some much senses in many of my past relationship now, and yes need to learn how to set my boundaries and know that what we looking for and want and express doesn’t necessarily devalue or cast shame on us. Sometimes it is miscommunication or personality mismatch or all of the above. Need to find someone that deserve those deep love and need to know what others love lauaguges are because everybody is born different and raise differently than us.
My own energy has been diminishing because I don’t set my own boundaries, thanks for letting me know that this is an problem cause it is and I just keep shoveling it off my shoulders and off my mind each time cause I thought it might made others feel better about me and themselves.
And yes I gave everything I have usually lol, it so accurate that you made the coffee beans scenario, I love it 🥲
0:20 Incorrect. Neither am I an ENFP, nor have i been burned by one. But I am good friends with one who has somewhat-recently gone through a pretty bad break-up that she is still struggling with to some extent. And since I like her quite a lot, I seek to learn more about her personality type so that I can tailor the advice I may give to her more accurately to her personality so she in turn can make the best possible use of it.
This was so spot on what the heck 😩
Oh boy…I’m an enfp and you are describing my relationships up to about age 45..so accurately! I thought it was just me but it makes so much sense in the context of personality
Honestly, one of the best videos I’ve seen on this topic. Very helpful and it puts language to many points that I haven’t been able to express before.
Thank you for sharing 😃✌️
Okay, it feels like you've been spying and taking notes on me my entire life and now I'm severely creeped out.
Thank you Heidi. You obviously know your stuff and I can so relate to the many aspects that you are talking about. I am quite excited to listen to more of your videos.
This video is definitely going to be a re-listen to. :)
From a young ENFP - Thank you so much!!
wooooowowow this was so helpful and ACCURATE! I just got out of my first ever relationship that was four years long...i'm happy I'll go into the next one knowing these things!
This is so accurate- my pattern has been being in super impractical but passionate loving relationships that go on for years and end up in heartbreak for both of us. On the other hand - too compatible was boring to me and ended in divorce (not the only reason). Balance is hard! Working on it! I love you for these videos 💕
Unpractical as in long distance relationships? Been there done that 🤔😂😂😂
I do much identify with you compatible people bore me to tears , I live ESFJ s but the are such practical workaholics I can’t see a relationship with one work , I need someone with strengths i dont have but those relationships never work , Fuck it’s hard I don’t think it’s fixable
I've never felt more understood in my life. Wow.
INTJ here again... I got burned out. I know is such an INTJ-ish thing to say but I saw that one coming from a mile away, bought the ENFP survival guide and didn't even get time to finish it before ENFP bailed out, during on one of her introversion pit stops. Not sure what kind of master plan I needed but mine totally failed, which sucks because I tried so hard man :'-(
Sorry to hear dude! 🤦🏻♀️ Makes me feel so sad reading your comment. I appreciate your efforts for our fellow ENFP. Did you relay EXACTLY how you felt about her? Was it mega CLEAR enough and not just hints? Has she has childhood or past traumas? Any ideas on her attachment style? Do many factors to include here. I have a feeling you still love & care for her
Thank you so much! I feel so related and I think I finally got the answer of why I always feel like I'm the bad guy whenever I don't help others as much as they want. #9 mistake literally wakes me up. I'm so thankful as a 17yrs old ENFP who always feel like a mess.