I was adopted at 3 months old, when I was 7 years old my adopted narcissist mother tried to give me back to the adoption agency… she wasn’t able to and she punished me for it for years… I finally went no-contact (divorced my entire toxic family) 3 years ago. I am now in the process of legally changing my name back to my original birth name and legally changing my birth certificate… it was difficult at first, however I finally escaped the role of the scapegoat that I was crowned with at age 7…
Hi Monica: you just described an amazing identical dynamic as to what happened to me. The only difference for me was instead of being adopted at 3 months old, I was adopted at 3 weeks old...lol
Mr. Tudor helped me when no one or nothing else would. Listening every day for months so that I would see it through realistic eyes instead of emotional eyes kept me on track until a REAL no contact regimen was possible. I have no problem realizing instantly when I am triggered to make a mistake and it never even begins to come to fruition. My best friend is dealing with the same and I introduced him to HG months ago. He and I spent hours the other night with me sharing HG’s information and it gets frustrating watching his narcissist do exactly what mine did and what HG says happens. And I watch him do exactly what HG says doesn’t work and it turns out exactly as expected 100% of the time when he has any dealings with her. I love my friend and I will never judge because I understand how hard it is to grasp this stuff when anyone with an ounce of empathy can’t really understand how a living human can be this empty. No matter HG’s reason for doing this, I put everything on this statement… he is the only resource that will be completely accurate and offers the fastest path to taking what’s yours back… control of your life.
HG was my hero by letting me aware about narcissists and their toxic behaviors and by helping me in going no contact... And he is the only narcissist I know that I'm very grateful to listen to... Thank you HG ❤
He’s helped me tremendously. I always felt not good enough, and thought it was my fault. Now I know that nothing would have ever been enough, even though I had been tested as a genius by MENSA, other achievements and had a solid career and marriage.
What a beautiful person, Doug was. I have listened to HG Tudor for years to help me cope with running away from my narc-ridden family at 16 (now 44). It's so difficult not to like the gentleman (which is alarming). I can sniff out a repulsive lower narcissist fairly quickly. The ultra is on a wholly different level. Absolutely fascinating
Doug is such a nice guy! And he can really zero in on the topic so HG can do exactly what he does best. This has been great! An excellent platform for HG. I can't say enough about this interview. It's the best.
No one has helped me more than HG to get over my narcissists. I have listened to so many different so called experts, but HG knows both sides so well it is scary, yet so incredibly helpful, thank you HG!!!
I discovered HG around November last year - I listen every day. When one subject gets too much, I watch another topic in his vast material. I find his voice comforting - I like the straightforward approach. I'm learning about my family dynamic and my psychological state - am going through changes and having realizations - it is tiring sometimes, but I have learned long ago that you have to go through your stuff - suppressing it doesn't help. Actually, I don't feel so alone anymore - which is very comforting too.
I`m on the same journey. It`s like sitting behind the glass and beeing able to ask Dr Hannibal Lector talk about your childhood, without him beeing able to devalue/humiliate/manipulate/lovebomb as he did with agent Starling. The most important tool he has is the total no contact strategy. What i have always feelt have been hard is that most people don`t even know that narcissism exist or how it is to be. You are not alone!. Stay safe, and on " Team healthy" and get these toxic assholes out of your life
Doug is great that you have HG on so much. You guys really connect and so we get so much valuable information. HG, you are the best and I am constantly learning more things all the time. You truly are a life saver.
HG Tudor thank you so much for the instruction on cutting off a narcissist parent. Finally broke off the relationship with my narcissistic mom and totally controlled empath father after 48 yrs. I am six years out on finally placing them at arms length. Your explanation backs up the logic I have used to stop myself from returning to the abuse.
I did the same 2 years ago from my mother. Best move i ever made!. It helps to look at them like a drug, and that you are a addict. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE JUST ONE DRINK. That is follow Mr Tudors advice of " zero contact regime"
People who get triggered have to realize that's part of the healing process and look deeper within.. HG's voice is an asset in the work he does..It's all part of a very unique process.. If people could get over themselves and listen to what HG has to say; is when the healing process can begin. Since I tuned in to his TH-cam channel in 2021 , I am finally getting it.. He's Good. Thanks Doug for having HG speak on your channel....
HG, you are so liberating, thank you so much in a weird way you make this fun. It's a simple thing, narcs don't feel empathy, well suddenly everything makes sense.
They only gave us birth, or if they adopted you had you in their care. They where never a real parent. I view it as in the film " artifical intelligence", where people who don`t have children are able to buy a robot child who is created to spark the emotions that a only a child can give to a parent. My role was just to make them feel needed. But they never did the role of beeing a functional parent. That is to care with 1: food, roof over the head etc 2: learn skills so the child can survive on their own in the world 3: emotional support. When 1 or more of these lack then there is dysfunction. A person who is in care of a child who don`t give them these 3 functions. Then they are by definisjon " dysfunctional". If they also are high in 1: entitelment 2: Zero or low empathy 3: impullsivity 4: zero accountability 5: gaslighting/manipulation/lies/lovebombing then the person is high in narcissism. They might also have narcissistic personality dissorder. if they are simply a narcissist or have narcissistic personality dissorder don`t matter. The important part is to get the " no contact regime". And get these assholes out of our life!
I believe in my case my stepmother knew I would never be able to make her feel as needed bc she knew as everyone else knew that my bond with my own mom and grandfather was tighter than it could ever be with her, the step-parent. I really didn’t need her. This is so helpful to move on passed her shadiness that was so hurtful. I could look at it as I really didn’t need her hurt either and she knew that too. Thank you.
I’m guessing there wasn’t a need in my marriage also. Me not needing to play the game with him. It’s the same thing as with the stepparent. They felt I didn’t need them and their games of abuses. The not needing them is carried over through the tight enough bond with my mom and grandfather. The nurturing I received back then helped me to make the decisions to leave the abuses in the relationships. You’re explanation gives way to head your advice by not being drawn back to those types of hidden abuses. We don’t need their abuse. Thanks for teaching me.
@@Ikaros23 Figured Out. The stepmother, father and probably others had seen the first year with them that I wasn’t in need of them emotionally for sure because I was pretty well set in that category. I remember well I was displaying that by the time I was nine y/o. They saw that, didn’t like that, therefore placed me in a position of need by confining me to my room for ten years. Well, it didn’t work out for them. I didn’t give into them and held on to myself and the love of my mom and grandfather. Then came my rescue. Finally I was free from them. My go so.
Absolute gold this interview, great rapport and very informative. Thank you to HG and Doug... 👏🏻 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🎧so close to 100k. Share this as far as you can folks!
True that the “no bullshit” approach is a lot more effective than sugarcoating. The most lingering reflex, even after years, is the hated feeling of guilt that most of us get when fighting back. Even if rationally you know that you shouldn’t feel guilty, it pops up when you least expect it. That seems to be a common denominator. At a certain point, I wondered if I was a narcissist, since you read everywhere that children from narcissists are in danger of becoming one themselves. Also, I did not recognise myself in most of the victim’s profiles, they did not resonate. I am so unemotional and even coldly calculating towards my own mother and able to discart anyone who exhibits some of the same mechanics, including the family, either without bothering to explain , without a second thought, or by being very, very coldly direct, whatever I deem to be the most effective at getting them out of my sight and life. The emotions die and my brain zeroes in on that particular person. It’s scary shit! It’s almost instant if you even slightly push the right buttons. So I was left with the questions: so mother, so daughter? Am I a monster? Where does my father fit in the whole mess? (I struggled with that one). The thought of having become what I swore I’d never be, made me want to howl. Still does, for that matter. The more I read, the more quesions I had but no answers. That was the first reason I listened to HD. Listening to nearly all of his video’s, I checked with myself all of the points he mentioned, all the time. And for the first time in my life, I realised that my actions and reactions are NORMAL and that the steps I took, are healthy. They come from the gut but now, my brain is on the page too. The last pieces of the puzzle found their rightfull place, as it were. I think that this is a very, very important thing for all victims of narcissistic abuse: getting rid of the confusion by understanding what’s going on, including within yourself. And for God’s sake, get rid of the guilt in stride. So thank you HG in my name and in the name of everyone you help.
So glad I caught this interview live, one of my favorites, so far. These guys do have a great rapport!HG, ironically, has saved me a thousand times over. When you know, you go. Thank you.🖤💯🔥👍
We DON'T need to know, H.G. Please know that your students are spreading the word about your valuable work. The benefits you give us evoke our deep loyalty. I'm happy you realize this. 💖
My hub and kids have learned the whole spectrum because I use the terms all the time and discuss his work. My kids are in their first adult entry level jobs and are using the HG knowledge to identify narcs at their workplaces and succeed in handling them. My hub’s boss is one and HG’s work has helped him understand and work with her.
Love the interviews between these two .And Doug .your a very kind smart ,sweet man .I also have been on receiving end of a parental narcissist and have also attracted many romantic relationships of various degrees of same .We need to just be kind to ourselves and get best education from HG himself.Thankyou ..
This interview was soo good, full with a lot good information, I was glad that you talked about how we need to view a Narcissist Parent, and remain us that narcissist are empty shells, simply don't exist, false from A to Z. Thanks so much for continue educating us about Narcissism, that is soo important for everybody to know.
As a therapist (and empath) I will say that EVEN if I had not experienced the narc dynamics in my personal life (which I def have 😅), I would have immediately gasped for air listening to someone FINALLY describing what happens with certain clients in a 🎯manner. This is simply the best help for empaths to both get narcissism (we simply cannot imagine it, since projection will NOT help, only confuse and keep us mystified and thus weak), and actually also to see and accept that normals are different too. It does not come easy to us to accept that there are different levels of empathy and of capacity to feel and sense and that the nuance we expect others to operate with, they will not. I love that HGs work actually also helps us in this acceptance, pointing out that he for instance feels he is just fine as he is, ”effective”, and just sees the world in a very different manner. It is NOT unkind to be aware that some people lack empathy. And that trauma work and compassion will not change that. That vulnerable people should be kept at a safe distance from them. Etc. Normals will also be fine as they are. We are not being judgemental arguing for taking these differences into account and trying to truly see them clearly, and, yes, be effective. That is the very awareness that will set us free. Free to be us and enjoy it. (Instead of confusing ourselves with guilt and struggle in relationships). And take responsibility for our needs, loving all (which we cannot help doing), yet at the wise and rational distance. If the lion proves he can lay down with the lamb that will be great. But the lamb should not count on it until it is a well proven fact. No sign of that so far. Reality. It is not terrible. The suffering of the empath is ok. As is the narc suffering the fuel crisis. It looks painful but it has to be like this. Part of the suffering of the empath for the whole will be alevited in a very radical manner though, when we truly embrace and allow ourselves to let go of our own projection of how things should be and start protecting what needs to be protected in a manner that works. And enjoy life as it actually is. This stuff is one of the pillars of true empowerment and freedom. You need not agree with every detail. Every map is drawn from a perspective. That is not the point. The point is that it brings clarity to the issue that is hidden from view to such an extent in our society on every level. And it is true what you are discussing here: incorrect information does not help. However well meaning.
I would love to hear a commercial and realize 'It's HG!' Thank you HG and Doug for this interview. It never occurred to me that any of the material was a trigger, but my experience was not nearly as destructive as so many others. I feel grateful to be hearing the videos in the time when HG is unfolding his legacy, much like contemporaries of Renoir or Mozart. If people didn't think those men were creating legacies, they should have! We are witnessing the same kind of thing, and appreciating the author/creator/artist during his lifetime for that work.
I love learning about all this. And while I wasn't looking for clarity on things in my life it certainly has open doors on past failures and problems. Human behavior is certainly a wide and fascinating topic thank you so much
That was an awesome video. Even if the youtube gods are choking you, your videos are having a snowball like effect. Keep it up H G. You are a real threat, we need you.
Like I told a girl who got discarded by a narc, she cried and wanted him back. I just said: Everything's gonna be al-wrong honey... everything's gonna be al-wrong. She playfully said: You're a bit of a jerk.. aren't you? me: You'll thank me for it later! and we just laughed. That's what a lot of these people fail to understand. There is NO recipe for a successful relationship with a narc. All the good things are just calm before the storm.
Why would she call you a jerk and not the narcissist... there's the problem right there. Maybe we should stop blaming narcissistic people and change our behavior, time to 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️
@@kirstenbrogan5958 because she is a codependent addict. Her brain simply gets " high" from the highs/lows that the narcissist creates. Try telling a junky that the junk is killing her, and is the reason why she is in pain. Not a remedy to take the pain away.
Whenever my emotional thinking starts to take control of me I just listen to the assistance package I got from you and 1) it calms me down, 2) it obliterates emotional thinking. Can't argue with logic. Plus it feels nice to have the Ultra on your side. How could my middle range narcissist win against the Ultra? That's how I get some confidence back lol
HG when you said “what can you actually do for me to benefit me ?” My BPD ex said that at the start of the relationship word for word. I remember thinking it was a bizzarre comment , but now it all makes sense after you explained it.
I am looking forward to the video about therapist's. I think my old therapist was a narcissist. I always got a strange vibe from her. Also, what kind of therapist goes off on a client because they don't agree on something...
My mother works with mental health. She is a alcoholic and a narcissist. All her " friends" are also addicts and also work in health. Her closest friend is a therapist. What`s important is that you learn to see the difference of people who are " functional", and people with some traits. people who have more traits. And lastly people who have most if not all of them ( the narcissist). If your therapist gaslight you, devalue you, not listening,lovebombing ( flattery) is constantly talking about her self. She might be a narcissist.... you can test her. try to ask questions that are " open ended" like " how was your day?". " why did you choose to become a therapist?" and so on. Try to see of she gets obsessed with her self, and go into a transe where she just talks and talks about her self. A true narcissist will have it hard often to listen even for just a few minutes. They are always where they can get power/controll and attension. They are addicted to both.
My one and only tutor on narsassist the one and only HG Tudor. Thank you so much for your valuable advice, I have learned so much from you. For ever thankful.
Excellent!!! As an empath who was loved and did not see how hard to come by my lovely life was I was easy target for a narcissist - I lost it all and with it my future too. It has been a long sad road back and I am angry at the loss. HG cleared the fog and I then had the facts to see, to grow and to protect myself - this discussion nails so much - it took me a long time to be angry with my narcissist because as an empath that's not my default - now they would not get near me - HG is brilliantly honest and I see so many people and so much clearer now - with thanks for assisting me to bring my life back
Really like this interview, there is always value in listening the breakdown of certain subjects and values to understand them. Fantastic channel to understand a spectrum of society that has not been explored nearly as well as HG has provided.
You are both the perfect match for interviews.Easy rapport with each other.Lots of information from you on new videos coming out.Looking forward to that.Too dumb to be a lawyer said a parent.Too dumb to be a parent more the case.Great work HG.
Yes I too found HG’s channel Knowing the Narcissist in 2015 ~ I was changed forever, mind blowing 🤯 HG Tudor saved my life. I continue to share this invaluable knowledge with my clients in my professional role as a Social Worker. Thank you so much for this important work 🙏🏼
His view makes perfect sense. Psychologists would greatly benefit to see it through his lens and use it to understand people’s behavior. I think most therapists had just scratched the surface on what HG has refined. Bravo.
Yes, run , get out and do no contact. It's so hard because you remember the love bombing stage , however in the night when you have been crying and are exhausted and you get that text from them. Turn your phone do not answer. My narc almost killed me he made my health decline so rapidly I had a massive asthma attack and ended up on a ventilator. I found out what he was by going online and it helped me to heal. It's so hard though....
Interesting when Doug asks how HG feels towards him, I know exactly what he means. It comes across like there is a bond forming between them but of course there is not, but you forget that when you’re listening to it & start to think they have a real connection but of course that’s not possible. Although I completely get from a logical point of view HG is genuine in wanting to do the interviews & is ok with Dougs style of doing that & it’s beneficial to both. When he says there’s nobody there or words to that effect it’s the most eerie thing
I appreciate this discussion with both of you gentlemen. I have listened to a handful of HG's videos. Thank you for Your personal experience. Clearly more people should just try to be honest with each other. I find this particular video helpful for understanding in a very respectful manner. Oh, if people think that Your voice is "scary" just change it in your mind to something else that is comfortable...Shakespeare, James Earl Jones...l can hear a lot of tones in his voice. Thank you and have a good night.
Yes voice overs! We all love it when you tell those scary stories too because it's like a Stephen King novel scares the h*** Out of you you just can't stop listening lol until the video is done.
Accepting I was wrong about the narcissists of yesteryear freed me of shame I owned for decades. It had become part of me and could influence the rest without warning. Thank you again💋
Belated thanks to both of you for this excellent interview. The dialogue is always fantastic. Particularly enjoyed the discussions regarding the dichotomy of the narcissist and triggering, the latter of which seems to be an overused, misapplied term at this point.
I have listened to HG for about two years. I am a failed empath/narcissist to a narcissist. I haven't been able to get away from him and use the "work" excuse. I'm 70 and he is 70 and we have worked together 12 years and began seeing each other two years after my husband's death. When I think I will make it with no contact for two weeks (longest I've gone). I go to a work meeting and he is there. Or worse, I start a story in my head that is completely delusional that he really cares about me. Same story line I had about my narcissitic mom and absent father. Living alone, with only five dogs, the story calls me to the phone like a magnet and I text with the dark consequences that follow. I have been so grateful to HG as I listen hoping to be kicked into action like retiring. I'm not just dealing with this current relationship. Because of it I am now coming to terms with all the relationships in the past 70 years of my life. Aging has brought some wisdom to me but absolutely none when it comes to relationships. Just wanting to let go and be at ease, be free before death overtakes me and I die totally fucked up.
Great! Fascinating! Stunning! I love the interviews. I am infinitely greatful for the deep insight you allow to us, HG. Your excellent work is unpayable.
I loved the information in this video. I have learned to use logic and give the evidence. My narc has no where to turn. So of course he gets angry or sulks and then ignores me. I laugh to myself and then get reprieve for a day or so.
I had a narcissistic father and mother, (ticked all 7 boxes) both of whom were contemptuous and competitive with me. I'm a super empath and (probably) a dirty super empath. I chose people I disliked, or who were emotionally stunted or unavailable for friendships/relationships But in recent years, I've gone no contact with several "friends". and stopped volunteering for victimhood. I appreciate HG Tudor for helping to cut through emotional thinking and act logically.
I initially started listening to HG after coming across his earlier interview with Doug (I was already researching narcissism on youtube, but his videos did not come up; I think youtube likely suppresses them). In that earlier interview HG explained how the various world leaders responded to the pandemic from the prism of narcissism. It was illuminating. BTW, for anyone who has not listened to HG's series of Putin, and has an interest in world affairs, it's a must. In this interview, Doug asks the questions that I wish I could ask (like how many hours a night does HG sleep and how he manages to be so productive). Also excited to learn that HG is working on a series of videos about the various classifications empaths.
There are misinformed TH-camrs who say that you can never get over and heal from a narcissistic relationship. This is false. By following HG's advice, you can stop the rumination and the cycle of bad relationships. Knowledge is power!
Knowledge sets you free!!! The truth, as HG puts it, really helps you understand you, your situation and the person or people who put you there. I find it so ironic that a lot of my questions have been answered by a narcissistic psychopath.
Looking forward to HG's future discussion (hopefully!) distinguishing narcissist vs sociopath vs narcissist-psychopath combination! Two family members have lower mid-range features.....but could there be a psychopathic component as well? Instinctively, I want to say yes, but I will have to wait for HG's revelations! Suspenseful! Thank you HG and Doug for another great interview!
HG, the psychologists you speak of probably saw in you a WEALTH of information, being a Narcissist that is self-aware enough to evaluate and share what your kind does and why!
When you said that you don’t exist, I felt like that was a brutal statement. I still have difficulty to grasp the idea that you feel completely empty, like how it is possible to not have a personality? Thank for answering with such honesty.
The childhood trauma wiped out his ability to form a real personality. Because of the fear of shame and losing controll. That is if you grow up in a invironment where there is total chaos, and you are shamed/blamed and so on. The brain creates " narcissism" as a survival mechanism. So instead of having a " public self" a " personal self" and a " secret self", that most healthy people have. The narcissist has a split personality. This is in the form of " superiority complex" and " inferiority complex". That is most often a mix of both. And they hide this personality behind " masks". That is their broken and traumatised self creates a " fiction" or a " self image", that`s there to protect the underneeth personality. When he say that he is completly empthy he is not telling the truth. Remember he is a narcissist and a patological liar. Reality is that behind the mask of this polite gentleman ( the mask), there is a fragile self ( the mix of inferiority complex and superiority complex). Try to look at him as agent Starling in Silence of the Lambs looks at Hannibal Lector behind the glass. He can help you to look into the mind of narcissists. the same way as Hannibals narcissism and superiority complex and need for narcissistic supply made him help agent Starling. He say that here is nothing there, but the truth is that underneeth the fasade of the " helping narcissist", there is a deep wounded man ( the inferiority complex). The truth about narcissists is that they are mentaly ill. And the lack of empathy makes them always have problems. Their need for controll is desperat and is never something they can truly get in the long term. I do have respect for mr Tudors work. But what he needs is to get help from his personality dissorder
Mega thanks to HG and Doug for their brilliantly honest exchange. Good questions from Doug and great answers from HG. Thank you for sharing this on your channel, HG
I was adopted at 3 months old, when I was 7 years old my adopted narcissist mother tried to give me back to the adoption agency… she wasn’t able to and she punished me for it for years… I finally went no-contact (divorced my entire toxic family) 3 years ago. I am now in the process of legally changing my name back to my original birth name and legally changing my birth certificate… it was difficult at first, however I finally escaped the role of the scapegoat that I was crowned with at age 7…
Sending you hugs.
Well done for escaping! Sending you lots of good wishes. ❤️
Wow. Adoption is so impossible nowadays and she was lucky enough to get you. Yet she did that. What a witch!
You can’t choose your parents… I cringed at the idea of visiting my dad for 20 minutes with my 2 kids on Easter
Hi Monica: you just described an amazing identical dynamic as to what happened to me. The only difference for me was instead of being adopted at 3 months old, I was adopted at 3 weeks old...lol
Mr. Tudor helped me when no one or nothing else would. Listening every day for months so that I would see it through realistic eyes instead of emotional eyes kept me on track until a REAL no contact regimen was possible. I have no problem realizing instantly when I am triggered to make a mistake and it never even begins to come to fruition. My best friend is dealing with the same and I introduced him to HG months ago. He and I spent hours the other night with me sharing HG’s information and it gets frustrating watching his narcissist do exactly what mine did and what HG says happens. And I watch him do exactly what HG says doesn’t work and it turns out exactly as expected 100% of the time when he has any dealings with her. I love my friend and I will never judge because I understand how hard it is to grasp this stuff when anyone with an ounce of empathy can’t really understand how a living human can be this empty. No matter HG’s reason for doing this, I put everything on this statement… he is the only resource that will be completely accurate and offers the fastest path to taking what’s yours back… control of your life.
This conversation is gold.
Platinum surely?!
@@hgtudor-theultra
Platinum for sure! 🙂
@@hgtudor-theultra Platinum - certainly.
@HG Tudor - Knowing The Narcissist : Ultra Most definitely Platinum. My mistake.
@@hgtudor-theultra 🙂
Fantastic!!! So cute the welcoming entrance, "the only narcissist I allow in my life."
HG was my hero by letting me aware about narcissists and their toxic behaviors and by helping me in going no contact... And he is the only narcissist I know that I'm very grateful to listen to...
Thank you HG ❤
You’re welcome
I like these interviews between HG and Doug. Looking forward to this 🤍
HG'S insights on narcissistic parents and how to handle them is invaluable.
No doubt it is I believe you
He’s helped me tremendously. I always felt not good enough, and thought it was my fault. Now I know that nothing would have ever been enough, even though I had been tested as a genius by MENSA, other achievements and had a solid career and marriage.
What a beautiful person, Doug was. I have listened to HG Tudor for years to help me cope with running away from my narc-ridden family at 16 (now 44). It's so difficult not to like the gentleman (which is alarming). I can sniff out a repulsive lower narcissist fairly quickly. The ultra is on a wholly different level. Absolutely fascinating
Doug is such a nice guy! And he can really zero in on the topic so HG can do exactly what he does best. This has been great! An excellent platform for HG. I can't say enough about this interview. It's the best.
Glad you found it interesting
No one has helped me more than HG to get over my narcissists. I have listened to so many different so called experts, but HG knows both sides so well it is scary, yet so incredibly helpful, thank you HG!!!
I discovered HG around November last year - I listen every day. When one subject gets too much, I watch another topic in his vast material. I find his voice comforting - I like the straightforward approach. I'm learning about my family dynamic and my psychological state - am going through changes and having realizations - it is tiring sometimes, but I have learned long ago that you have to go through your stuff - suppressing it doesn't help. Actually, I don't feel so alone anymore - which is very comforting too.
I`m on the same journey. It`s like sitting behind the glass and beeing able to ask Dr Hannibal Lector talk about your childhood, without him beeing able to devalue/humiliate/manipulate/lovebomb as he did with agent Starling. The most important tool he has is the total no contact strategy. What i have always feelt have been hard is that most people don`t even know that narcissism exist or how it is to be.
You are not alone!. Stay safe, and on " Team healthy" and get these toxic assholes out of your life
Doug is great that you have HG on so much. You guys really connect and so we get so much valuable information. HG, you are the best and I am constantly learning more things all the time. You truly are a life saver.
Glad you enjoyed it.
@@hgtudor-theultra yes!
Yay! Doug!
Each interview gets better and better. The dynamic between the two of them is great!
Oh Yay yay yay!!! I love HG and Doug interviews! I think these 2 have good chemistry.
HG Tudor thank you so much for the instruction on cutting off a narcissist parent. Finally broke off the relationship with my narcissistic mom and totally controlled empath father after 48 yrs. I am six years out on finally placing them at arms length. Your explanation backs up the logic I have used to stop myself from returning to the abuse.
I did the same 2 years ago from my mother. Best move i ever made!.
It helps to look at them like a drug, and that you are a addict. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE JUST ONE DRINK. That is follow Mr Tudors advice of " zero contact regime"
People who get triggered have to realize that's part of the healing process and look deeper within.. HG's voice is an asset in the work he does..It's all part of a very unique process.. If people could get over
themselves and listen to what HG has to say; is when the healing process can begin.
Since I tuned in to his TH-cam channel in 2021 , I am finally getting it.. He's Good.
Thanks Doug for having HG speak on your channel....
Fair observations
HG, you are so liberating, thank you so much in a weird way you make this fun. It's a simple thing, narcs don't feel empathy, well suddenly everything makes sense.
They stole the title of “parent”. They do not deserve that title. You’re right HG.
They only gave us birth, or if they adopted you had you in their care. They where never a real parent. I view it as in the film " artifical intelligence", where people who don`t have children are able to buy a robot child who is created to spark the emotions that a only a child can give to a parent. My role was just to make them feel needed. But they never did the role of beeing a functional parent.
That is to care with 1: food, roof over the head etc 2: learn skills so the child can survive on their own in the world 3: emotional support. When 1 or more of these lack then there is dysfunction.
A person who is in care of a child who don`t give them these 3 functions. Then they are by definisjon " dysfunctional".
If they also are high in 1: entitelment 2: Zero or low empathy 3: impullsivity 4: zero accountability 5: gaslighting/manipulation/lies/lovebombing then the person is high in narcissism. They might also have narcissistic personality dissorder.
if they are simply a narcissist or have narcissistic personality dissorder don`t matter. The important part is to get the " no contact regime". And get these assholes out of our life!
@@Ikaros23 Thank you!
I believe in my case my stepmother knew I would never be able to make her feel as needed bc she knew as everyone else knew that my bond with my own mom and grandfather was tighter than it could ever be with her, the step-parent. I really didn’t need her. This is so helpful to move on passed her shadiness that was so hurtful. I could look at it as I really didn’t need her hurt either and she knew that too. Thank you.
I’m guessing there wasn’t a need in my marriage also. Me not needing to play the game with him. It’s the same thing as with the stepparent. They felt I didn’t need them and their games of abuses. The not needing them is carried over through the tight enough bond with my mom and grandfather. The nurturing I received back then helped me to make the decisions to leave the abuses in the relationships. You’re explanation gives way to head your advice by not being drawn back to those types of hidden abuses. We don’t need their abuse. Thanks for teaching me.
@@Ikaros23 Figured Out. The stepmother, father and probably others had seen the first year with them that I wasn’t in need of them emotionally for sure because I was pretty well set in that category. I remember well I was displaying that by the time I was nine y/o. They saw that, didn’t like that, therefore placed me in a position of need by confining me to my room for ten years. Well, it didn’t work out for them. I didn’t give into them and held on to myself and the love of my mom and grandfather. Then came my rescue. Finally I was free from them. My go so.
Absolute gold this interview, great rapport and very informative. Thank you to HG and Doug... 👏🏻 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🎧so close to 100k. Share this as far as you can folks!
I really appreciate listening to Doug and HG together. It's always a pithy, engrossing and insightful discussion.
The time flies past, every time.
Utilizing the “Pros & Cons” list. Works every time HG. Thank you.
You’re welcome
This was fantastic. I love the interaction with HG Tudor, the Narcisistic Psychopath and Doug the Empath. He asks the right questions .
True that the “no bullshit” approach is a lot more effective than sugarcoating. The most lingering reflex, even after years, is the hated feeling of guilt that most of us get when fighting back. Even if rationally you know that you shouldn’t feel guilty, it pops up when you least expect it. That seems to be a common denominator. At a certain point, I wondered if I was a narcissist, since you read everywhere that children from narcissists are in danger of becoming one themselves. Also, I did not recognise myself in most of the victim’s profiles, they did not resonate. I am so unemotional and even coldly calculating towards my own mother and able to discart anyone who exhibits some of the same mechanics, including the family, either without bothering to explain , without a second thought, or by being very, very coldly direct, whatever I deem to be the most effective at getting them out of my sight and life. The emotions die and my brain zeroes in on that particular person. It’s scary shit! It’s almost instant if you even slightly push the right buttons. So I was left with the questions: so mother, so daughter? Am I a monster? Where does my father fit in the whole mess? (I struggled with that one). The thought of having become what I swore I’d never be, made me want to howl. Still does, for that matter. The more I read, the more quesions I had but no answers. That was the first reason I listened to HD. Listening to nearly all of his video’s, I checked with myself all of the points he mentioned, all the time. And for the first time in my life, I realised that my actions and reactions are NORMAL and that the steps I took, are healthy. They come from the gut but now, my brain is on the page too. The last pieces of the puzzle found their rightfull place, as it were. I think that this is a very, very important thing for all victims of narcissistic abuse: getting rid of the confusion by understanding what’s going on, including within yourself. And for God’s sake, get rid of the guilt in stride. So thank you HG in my name and in the name of everyone you help.
H.G., surely you will achieve your legacy. I am happy for you. You deserve it.
So glad I caught this interview live, one of my favorites, so far. These guys do have a great rapport!HG, ironically, has saved me a thousand times over. When you know, you go. Thank you.🖤💯🔥👍
You’re welcome
We DON'T need to know, H.G.
Please know that your students are spreading the word about your valuable work.
The benefits you give us evoke our deep loyalty.
I'm happy you realize this. 💖
My hub and kids have learned the whole spectrum because I use the terms all the time and discuss his work. My kids are in their first adult entry level jobs and are using the HG knowledge to identify narcs at their workplaces and succeed in handling them. My hub’s boss is one and HG’s work has helped him understand and work with her.
These interviews are great! So entertaining and informative.
Of course, Doug is my favorite interviewer.
I am very much looking forward to this. Thank you H.G.
I do really like the interview format. Doug is great. I enjoy him. I'd love to see some more with him and also some interviews with other people too.
‘Holy shit that’s HG Tudor!’ Omg that would be the funniest and coolest thing ever 😂😍
Love the interviews between these two .And Doug .your a very kind smart ,sweet man .I also have been on receiving end of a parental narcissist and have also attracted many romantic relationships of various degrees of same .We need to just be kind to ourselves and get best education from HG himself.Thankyou ..
This interview was soo good, full with a lot good information, I was glad that you talked about how we need to view a Narcissist Parent, and remain us that narcissist are empty shells, simply don't exist, false from A to Z. Thanks so much for continue educating us about Narcissism, that is soo important for everybody to know.
Excellent interview with excellent questions. I continue to be fascinated with HG. It shows that narcissists can do good in the world.
Thank You! This interview was excellent. Chock full of information! H.G Tudor, you are helping so many people. My personal thank you.
You’re welcome
As a therapist (and empath) I will say that EVEN if I had not experienced the narc dynamics in my personal life (which I def have 😅), I would have immediately gasped for air listening to someone FINALLY describing what happens with certain clients in a 🎯manner.
This is simply the best help for empaths to both get narcissism (we simply cannot imagine it, since projection will NOT help, only confuse and keep us mystified and thus weak), and actually also to see and accept that normals are different too. It does not come easy to us to accept that there are different levels of empathy and of capacity to feel and sense and that the nuance we expect others to operate with, they will not.
I love that HGs work actually also helps us in this acceptance, pointing out that he for instance feels he is just fine as he is, ”effective”, and just sees the world in a very different manner. It is NOT unkind to be aware that some people lack empathy. And that trauma work and compassion will not change that. That vulnerable people should be kept at a safe distance from them. Etc.
Normals will also be fine as they are. We are not being judgemental arguing for taking these differences into account and trying to truly see them clearly, and, yes, be effective. That is the very awareness that will set us free. Free to be us and enjoy it. (Instead of confusing ourselves with guilt and struggle in relationships). And take responsibility for our needs, loving all (which we cannot help doing), yet at the wise and rational distance. If the lion proves he can lay down with the lamb that will be great. But the lamb should not count on it until it is a well proven fact. No sign of that so far. Reality. It is not terrible.
The suffering of the empath is ok. As is the narc suffering the fuel crisis. It looks painful but it has to be like this. Part of the suffering of the empath for the whole will be alevited in a very radical manner though, when we truly embrace and allow ourselves to let go of our own projection of how things should be and start protecting what needs to be protected in a manner that works. And enjoy life as it actually is.
This stuff is one of the pillars of true empowerment and freedom. You need not agree with every detail. Every map is drawn from a perspective. That is not the point. The point is that it brings clarity to the issue that is hidden from view to such an extent in our society on every level. And it is true what you are discussing here: incorrect information does not help. However well meaning.
Very interesting interview. Doug asked some very intelligent questions
Awesome interview !!
I would love to hear a commercial and realize 'It's HG!' Thank you HG and Doug for this interview. It never occurred to me that any of the material was a trigger, but my experience was not nearly as destructive as so many others. I feel grateful to be hearing the videos in the time when HG is unfolding his legacy, much like contemporaries of Renoir or Mozart. If people didn't think those men were creating legacies, they should have! We are witnessing the same kind of thing, and appreciating the author/creator/artist during his lifetime for that work.
I love learning about all this. And while I wasn't looking for clarity on things in my life it certainly has open doors on past failures and problems. Human behavior is certainly a wide and fascinating topic thank you so much
That was an awesome video. Even if the youtube gods are choking you, your videos are having a snowball like effect. Keep it up H G. You are a real threat, we need you.
Great video with interesting questions. Much appreciated. Thank You 🙏
Thoroughly enjoyed this interview HG 👍
Good to see.
Like I told a girl who got discarded by a narc, she cried and wanted him back. I just said: Everything's gonna be al-wrong honey... everything's gonna be al-wrong. She playfully said: You're a bit of a jerk.. aren't you? me: You'll thank me for it later! and we just laughed. That's what a lot of these people fail to understand. There is NO recipe for a successful relationship with a narc. All the good things are just calm before the storm.
Why would she call you a jerk and not the narcissist... there's the problem right there. Maybe we should stop blaming narcissistic people and change our behavior, time to 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️
@@kirstenbrogan5958 because she is a codependent addict. Her brain simply gets " high" from the highs/lows that the narcissist creates. Try telling a junky that the junk is killing her, and is the reason why she is in pain. Not a remedy to take the pain away.
I love what You just mentioned. Once You Know You Go. If that's not positive and sparks Personal Empowerment! I don't know what is.
Another great exchange between Doug and HG. I always enjoy listening to the interaction.
Evidence and logic always conquers emotional thinking. Thanks
This is a wonderful interview thank you Doug and H.G.
Fantastic interview, Doug, thank you.
Please please please I NEED to see an interview between HG and Jordan Peterson. I'D PAY TO SEE THAT
HG & Doug great logical & scientific reason to write & journal to lessen emotional thinking, increase logic & get it out of my head.
A memory will come, which is quite painful, then I remember “they’re dead.” How is this past memory able to still hurt after all these years?
your deconstruction of emotional thinking is fucking singular. absolute legend.
I have loved all of these conversations
Thank you!😍😍This really helps me much just in this moment.🍀
Your best interview yet, HG!! Brilliant!!
Whenever my emotional thinking starts to take control of me I just listen to the assistance package I got from you and 1) it calms me down, 2) it obliterates emotional thinking. Can't argue with logic. Plus it feels nice to have the Ultra on your side. How could my middle range narcissist win against the Ultra? That's how I get some confidence back lol
Yay!!!! HG and Doug!!!!!❤️
HG when you said “what can you actually do for me to benefit me ?” My BPD ex said that at the start of the relationship word for word. I remember thinking it was a bizzarre comment , but now it all makes sense after you explained it.
Fantastic interview.
I am looking forward to the video about therapist's. I think my old therapist was a narcissist. I always got a strange vibe from her. Also, what kind of therapist goes off on a client because they don't agree on something...
My mother works with mental health. She is a alcoholic and a narcissist. All her " friends" are also addicts and also work in health. Her closest friend is a therapist.
What`s important is that you learn to see the difference of people who are " functional", and people with some traits. people who have more traits. And lastly people who have most if not all of them ( the narcissist).
If your therapist gaslight you, devalue you, not listening,lovebombing ( flattery) is constantly talking about her self. She might be a narcissist....
you can test her. try to ask questions that are " open ended" like " how was your day?". " why did you choose to become a therapist?" and so on. Try to see of she gets obsessed with her self, and go into a transe where she just talks and talks about her self. A true narcissist will have it hard often to listen even for just a few minutes.
They are always where they can get power/controll and attension. They are addicted to both.
My one and only tutor on narsassist the one and only HG Tudor. Thank you so much for your valuable advice, I have learned so much from you. For ever thankful.
Excellent!!! As an empath who was loved and did not see how hard to come by my lovely life was I was easy target for a narcissist - I lost it all and with it my future too. It has been a long sad road back and I am angry at the loss. HG cleared the fog and I then had the facts to see, to grow and to protect myself - this discussion nails so much - it took me a long time to be angry with my narcissist because as an empath that's not my default - now they would not get near me - HG is brilliantly honest and I see so many people and so much clearer now - with thanks for assisting me to bring my life back
Love this interview.. great questions and amazing answers.. thanks to you both.
Really like this interview, there is always value in listening the breakdown of certain subjects and values to understand them. Fantastic channel to understand a spectrum of society that has not been explored nearly as well as HG has provided.
You are both the perfect match for interviews.Easy rapport with each other.Lots of information from you on new videos coming out.Looking forward to that.Too dumb to be a lawyer said a parent.Too dumb to be a parent more the case.Great work HG.
Yes I too found HG’s channel Knowing the Narcissist in 2015 ~
I was changed forever, mind blowing 🤯 HG Tudor saved my life. I continue to share this invaluable knowledge with my clients in my professional role as a Social Worker. Thank you so much for this important work 🙏🏼
Great interview.
His view makes perfect sense. Psychologists would greatly benefit to see it through his lens and use it to understand people’s behavior. I think most therapists had just scratched the surface on what HG has refined. Bravo.
Yes, run , get out and do no contact. It's so hard because you remember the love bombing stage , however in the night when you have been crying and are exhausted and you get that text from them. Turn your phone do not answer. My narc almost killed me he made my health decline so rapidly I had a massive asthma attack and ended up on a ventilator. I found out what he was by going online and it helped me to heal. It's so hard though....
Interesting when Doug asks how HG feels towards him, I know exactly what he means. It comes across like there is a bond forming between them but of course there is not, but you forget that when you’re listening to it & start to think they have a real connection but of course that’s not possible. Although I completely get from a logical point of view HG is genuine in wanting to do the interviews & is ok with Dougs style of doing that & it’s beneficial to both. When he says there’s nobody there or words to that effect it’s the most eerie thing
I appreciate this discussion with both of you gentlemen. I have listened to a handful of HG's videos. Thank you for Your personal experience. Clearly more people should just try to be honest with each other. I find this particular video helpful for understanding in a very respectful manner. Oh, if people think that Your voice is "scary" just change it in your mind to something else that is comfortable...Shakespeare, James Earl Jones...l can hear a lot of tones in his voice. Thank you and have a good night.
Yes voice overs! We all love it when you tell those scary stories too because it's like a Stephen King novel scares the h*** Out of you you just can't stop listening lol until the video is done.
You need to grow up!!
HG genuinely helped turn my life around …. Forever grateful 💙
Fantastic information about
Logical thinking.
Pro's and con's list,
Grieving a Narcissist, and Narcissistic parents.
Accepting I was wrong about the narcissists of yesteryear freed me of shame I owned for decades. It had become part of me and could influence the rest without warning.
Thank you again💋
Belated thanks to both of you for this excellent interview. The dialogue is always fantastic. Particularly enjoyed the discussions regarding the dichotomy of the narcissist and triggering, the latter of which seems to be an overused, misapplied term at this point.
I have listened to HG Tudor... found him very knowledgeable and he can help others understand their kind.
I have listened to HG for about two years. I am a failed empath/narcissist to a narcissist. I haven't been able to get away from him and use the "work" excuse. I'm 70 and he is 70 and we have worked together 12 years and began seeing each other two years after my husband's death. When I think I will make it with no contact for two weeks (longest I've gone). I go to a work meeting and he is there. Or worse, I start a story in my head that is completely delusional that he really cares about me. Same story line I had about my narcissitic mom and absent father. Living alone, with only five dogs, the story calls me to the phone like a magnet and I text with the dark consequences that follow. I have been so grateful to HG as I listen hoping to be kicked into action like retiring. I'm not just dealing with this current relationship. Because of it I am now coming to terms with all the relationships in the past 70 years of my life. Aging has brought some wisdom to me but absolutely none when it comes to relationships. Just wanting to let go and be at ease, be free before death overtakes me and I die totally fucked up.
Great! Fascinating! Stunning!
I love the interviews. I am infinitely greatful for the deep insight you allow to us, HG. Your excellent work is unpayable.
Very important insights.
Again thank you!
I loved the information in this video. I have learned to use logic and give the evidence. My narc has no where to turn. So of course he gets angry or sulks and then ignores me. I laugh to myself and then get reprieve for a day or so.
I had a narcissistic father and mother, (ticked all 7 boxes) both of whom were contemptuous and competitive with me. I'm a super empath and (probably) a dirty super empath. I chose people I disliked, or who were emotionally stunted or unavailable for friendships/relationships But in recent years, I've gone no contact with several "friends". and stopped volunteering for victimhood.
I appreciate HG Tudor for helping to cut through emotional thinking and act logically.
Oh boy, can´t wait for the Empath-series! 😍😍🥰🥰 Excited! 😍
I get so much from these interviews, thank you for taking the time to do these… I appreciate it…
Damn, I just subscribed at 11:57 am. (PST) 11/27/22. Got Doug's a week or so ago. THANKYOU both,
I initially started listening to HG after coming across his earlier interview with Doug (I was already researching narcissism on youtube, but his videos did not come up; I think youtube likely suppresses them). In that earlier interview HG explained how the various world leaders responded to the pandemic from the prism of narcissism. It was illuminating. BTW, for anyone who has not listened to HG's series of Putin, and has an interest in world affairs, it's a must. In this interview, Doug asks the questions that I wish I could ask (like how many hours a night does HG sleep and how he manages to be so productive). Also excited to learn that HG is working on a series of videos about the various classifications empaths.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻Bravo!
Love your interviews with HG! Such a fascinating man!
There are misinformed TH-camrs who say that you can never get over and heal from a narcissistic relationship. This is false. By following HG's advice, you can stop the rumination and the cycle of bad relationships. Knowledge is power!
OMG I’m desperately trying to stay awake for this HG 😊
If not, shall we extend a hello for you?
@@achirichello1208 Yes. Thanks 😊
Knowledge sets you free!!! The truth, as HG puts it, really helps you understand you, your situation and the person or people who put you there. I find it so ironic that a lot of my questions have been answered by a narcissistic psychopath.
Can’t wait to hear your views on the narcissist therapist 👍😘
Looking forward to HG's future discussion (hopefully!) distinguishing narcissist vs sociopath vs narcissist-psychopath combination! Two family members have lower mid-range features.....but could there be a psychopathic component as well? Instinctively, I want to say yes, but I will have to wait for HG's revelations! Suspenseful! Thank you HG and Doug for another great interview!
Thanks for posting this on your site, looking forward to listening to parts 1 - 4
HG, the psychologists you speak of probably saw in you a WEALTH of information, being a Narcissist that is self-aware enough to evaluate and share what your kind does and why!
When you said that you don’t exist, I felt like that was a brutal statement. I still have difficulty to grasp the idea that you feel completely empty, like how it is possible to not have a personality? Thank for answering with such honesty.
The childhood trauma wiped out his ability to form a real personality. Because of the fear of shame and losing controll. That is if you grow up in a invironment where there is total chaos, and you are shamed/blamed and so on. The brain creates " narcissism" as a survival mechanism. So instead of having a " public self" a " personal self" and a " secret self", that most healthy people have. The narcissist has a split personality. This is in the form of " superiority complex" and " inferiority complex". That is most often a mix of both. And they hide this personality behind " masks". That is their broken and traumatised self creates a " fiction" or a " self image", that`s there to protect the underneeth personality.
When he say that he is completly empthy he is not telling the truth. Remember he is a narcissist and a patological liar. Reality is that behind the mask of this polite gentleman ( the mask), there is a fragile self ( the mix of inferiority complex and superiority complex).
Try to look at him as agent Starling in Silence of the Lambs looks at Hannibal Lector behind the glass. He can help you to look into the mind of narcissists. the same way as Hannibals narcissism and superiority complex and need for narcissistic supply made him help agent Starling. He say that here is nothing there, but the truth is that underneeth the fasade of the " helping narcissist", there is a deep wounded man ( the inferiority complex). The truth about narcissists is that they are mentaly ill. And the lack of empathy makes them always have problems. Their need for controll is desperat and is never something they can truly get in the long term.
I do have respect for mr Tudors work. But what he needs is to get help from his personality dissorder
Mega thanks to HG and Doug for their brilliantly honest exchange. Good questions from Doug and great answers from HG. Thank you for sharing this on your channel, HG
Stellar work. Thank you both.