I do this. As well as asking myself "would I be 100% fine with my partner seeing these texts/ how I'm talking or being talked to/etc." If I hesitate in my mind: I end or shift the relationship with the coworker or friend. Clearly something isn't right (or 100% innocent like we try to justify to ourselves) if I wouldn't be comfortable with my significant other seeing the behavior.
I often use this rule even when I’m fixing to offer advice, criticism, etc. or do something. I always think how would I feel if the roles were reversed!
It’s not gonna get any better. She’s for the streets. He needs to get out. If he stays she’ll cheat again, but this time take half his stuff and move on with the new guy without caring. Women are great at that lol
You know its bad. She said her father n step father cheated on her mother with a co worker n saw the damage it caused her… yet she entertained a co worker.
Oh we know how bad it got, she literally got caught just before going over and hooking up. She was 100% going to do it and pretend she didn't know what was happening until too late.
I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s worse than she’s making it sound on this call. He would be wise to read the messages and see her true character firsthand, then decide what to do based on a clear picture of her and of the situation at hand. It’s unwise to believe a retelling of a story told by someone who isn’t trustworthy.
My own line for cheating would be anything I wouldn't want to tell my girlfriend about. If I wouldn't do or say whatever to another girl with my girlfriend standing right there and watching or listening to the conversation, then it ain't happening. If you have to ask if something is over the line, then it's already over the line. Some of these calls make my head hurt.
Yeah I have to be honest myself there are several calls that I get about a quarter of the way through or halfway through and I cannot continue to listen just to protect my own mental health LMAO
Bazinga. That's where my husband of 32 yrs messed up. He thought sexy flirting was harmless as long as I'd never know or see it. I did. It shattered me.
@@ivywildwssyeah I was married to one of those for 30 years. I never knew who he truly was, he played exactly how he was supposed to when in my presence. It’s absolutely shocking to say the least.
This is slippery but things definitely crossed the line when the coworker said he would invite her over for dinner and basically treat her the way her boyfriend didn't treat her. That's just inappropriate/desperate of a guy on so many levels.
100%. It’s why I blame him wayy more than this lady on the phone. He’s married and made the offer. She did the right thing by choosing that pt to put her foot down and refuse
I agree with you. When did the BF find the text messages, right away or weeks after they were sent? If enough time has passed it is reasonable to suspect that she already hooked up with this man in some way. I dont recall hearing how far they lived away from eachother.
And if she hadn't already told him about those feelings he probably wouldn't have gone there - her accountability seems to be lacking when she looks on the internet and call people to plan her way around the fiasco
This reminds me of the, ‘I only kissed him but I stopped because I love you,’ lines you hear in movies. She didn’t come forward, she was caught. Move on boyfriend, your not with a faithful person.
“Boyfriends” these days are using women just as much as these married, unfaithful men. Men in general need to quit leading with their nether regions. Please gain virtue bc these young women are desperate for a mans romancing. They need to use their IQ too
My ex had an affair with a coworker and ended up leaving me for her. Started with talking about her a lot, turned in to a ton of texting, next it was we went Christmas shopping while you were at work, to her coming to our house for dinner for us to "officially meet" so I wasn't so suspicious. She was hanging off of him and telling me how I should be addressing my fiancée at the time. I was gaslit by everyone. I was told I was jealous and controlling when I questioned it. That is how that crap escalates. Please just don't be like that to your partner.
That is big time treason. Always trust your gut feeling. We men have the same gut feeling. When I hear about "over-controlling men" I always first thing of men who just have a gut-feeling, yet my advice to them is to relax-but-monitor-closely and with the first evidence or even strong suspicion, to leave.
Im really sorry you went through that, and when everyone is against you when you were victimized it's hard to not want to just go ballistic. I've cut off most of my family, as badly as I wish I had a big happy family because they're toxic or can't take accountability. People really suck sometimes. Hope ur doing better
@@Fokas-n8t100% I was called jealous and controlling and crazy, when I was right all along. I knew it. If you get a weird feeling, it's for a reason. But it's hard to fully support these suspicions without evidence, and then we're playing games & trying to check their phones when they're asleep. Such a shitty way to live.
Aw, wow that is so incredibly hurtful and disgusting to do a person, I havent had anything to that level happen but most of us have been cheater on or at least had relationships end with finding out your s.o. had someone else teed up waiting at some point….my heart hurts for you reading this I hope you did find or do find someone genuine and amazing to move forward with ❤
To whoever needs to hear this, when you’re in the dating phase, it’s the easiest it’s going to be, if they’re already failing at basic fidelity, that’s probably just a sign to move on. They haven’t built up the equity with you for all this forgiveness and rebuilding. They have work to do on their own maturity first.
Wonderful point about the built up equity. I have a friend who dated a man who had *just* asked her to be his girlfriend, and then was found on dating apps a few weeks later. He then asked her to go therapy with him, if you can believe it lol, to 'work on their communication issues'. What communication issues lol? They'd been dating for two months. She agreed to one session, found it super weird, and then broke up with him. I strongly disliked that he seemed to want to avoid accountability for something that was 100% a him problem, by implying my friend was a bad communicator. That, to me, is a huge red flag for him as a person and I'm very glad she left.
Exactly! If she loved him as much as she says, the idea of being romantic towards someone else wouldn't even be a distant thought. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks like this
Never stay with a cheater period. This lady isn’t girlfriend material let alone wife material. She’s loves the attention and validation and will do it again with someone else.
@@AmonAnon-vw3hrseek? You mean receive. Her boyfriend wasn't being there for her and when another man gave her what her boyfriend should have, she accepted and was lead into this. Ultimately this woman wanted a man, not a boy. She wants to be a wife with kids, not stuck wondering if her boyfriend will grow up.
She hold the line. Before she got caught she emailed Dr John to get advice on how to tell her boyfriend. So she wanted to come clear BEFORE she got caught.
@@jollyquinn430Rewatch it. She emailed Dr. John after she got caught, but before she laid out all of the details for her boyfriend. She's already in jail. She just called for her lawyer before she talked.
If you guys are already dating and starting to get the wondering eye, something is wrong with your relationship and you need to back away. This a moment to examine your relationship
Not true. Like Doc said, this ain’t the Notebook. People will have doubts and even thoughts in the greatest relationships. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with the relationship. The individual, maybe. But it all comes down to your actions, that determines where your heart is, YOUR ACTIONS
💯 When a woman is really there for you, she'll recognize the advance immediately and shut it down.. not only shut it down, but she'll come and tell you, show you the message and laugh at it.
@@BD-1-And-OnlyWait just a second, the MARRIED man is deliberately looking to cheat. There are two guilty parties here and one of them is actively working to cheat on his WIFE. Why would you just focus on her when his sin was the greater betrayal?
She’s so gullible. What her co-worker was feeding her was a line. When a guy says “I want to take you on a date and treat you well and give you the things you want” , the unspoken end of that sentence is “and then get into your pants.”
@@GardenerEarthGuy You can choose not to believe it. But it is absolutely true. This co-worker wasn't interested in treating her like a lady and then stopping it there.
You’re spot on. He’s a Chad doing what Chad’s do. A smooth talking man that knows all the right things to say - he is a man who has been with ALOT of women. She is just another notch on the belt, and guess what the cashier at the grocery store is younger and hotter, and on Fridays there’s a hot girl at the club he goes too, there’s a cute girl in his church, and this girl is just one of his many options he keeps open.
I was thinking the same thing. Half the stuff it sounds like she's saying stuff just because it sounds good, not because she means it. You don't cheat on someone you "love to death" her exact words.
I find this 'emotional affair' topic useful when thinking of how I can exercise healthy boundaries between me and married female coworkers. I had a similar relationship with another remote female coworker who is the same age as me and married; I'm single. We would have an awesome coworker relationship, almost like siblings, and chat about life, family and what we wanted for the future. I even met her husband and kids on a work trip, BUT things never got crossed the line into emotional affair. Plain and simple, if someone is off the market .they are 'off the market'. Do not try and mess with their head to get what you want. It's manipulative, selfish and despicable.
I have had wonderful sibling type relationships with guys at my job too. I really value the relationship and I always LOVE meeting their wives and kids! I have been married for almost 12 years and many of them have been married 15+. I am very lucky
@@user_abcxyzz what more is there to say? Look at the comments about all the other people behaving inappropriately. I would say it is definitely luck to be able to meet such wonderful people! I hope you have the same good fortune!
There is no such thing as male and female “friendships” in a marriage or committed relationship unless it’s as couples or group events. Period!! Such relationships can turn into infidelity in a heartbeat.
@@gregorycarlson6632 That's definitely not true. I have plenty of female friends. I think the key is total lack of attraction. These girls aren't bad looking, I just have zero interest in them beyond friendship. A lot like with men. If they can turn into infidelity, that's not about men or women, lol, that's about that person.
yeah she got caught, but shes also examining her own actions and trying to fix things.. some people would just run off and gaslight if they were caught, shes trying to be accountable and sounds genuine and I think thats worth something, life is hard and we do dumb things, if she really wants to salvage it I think thats a green flag in the big picture
@@audilecreations if she had no respect for him before as soon as he takes her back she will loose the ability to ever respect him in the future. Either way trust is broken
@@Iknowyoureright Not necessarily. If her bf starts listening to her needs and uses this as a wake up call, they can build back. She didn't go through with anything, she became aware of what was happening and stopped it. She's analyzing and trying to rectify it, but afraid at the same time and beating herself up for falling for the same traps that her father and step father fell for! No one who's just upset they got caught would do that. Something like this is a hurdle. Some choose to let the hurdle stop them. Others choose to try jumping over it, even if their ankle clips. Had she chosen to go to dinner or a hotel it would be different. But she stopped, recognized what was happening and said no. Those are green flags.
The biggest thing my husband tells me when my anxiety is awful is “what do you need from me today? What do you need to hear? How can I help?” I always tell my friends communication is the biggest thing that helps prevent and de-escalate arguments (for me)
I’ve been married for 15 years. When I was single, If someone I knew was married was flirting with me, asking me out on dates, etc - I would tell them to go to hell and that they should be ashamed of themselves. How incredibly gross of him to do that. I’ve never understood why anyone would even consider giving the time of day to someone who would betray their spouse like that. If someone were to approach me since I’ve been married, I would tell them I’m married and I’m not interested, period. I hate when people excuse this type of crap. It’s called don’t cross lines and don’t even put yourself in a situation/environment for something like this to possibly occur. It’s not hard. AT ALL. So few people have the ability and/or moral fortitude to set firm boundaries. It’s pathetic. What exactly is attractive about a married man coming on to you?! To think that is even remotely ok shows how very little she thinks of herself. It’s not cute, it’s not fun, it’s not special. It’s vile and repugnant. This is a major red flag and the boyfriend should break up with her. Even though nothing physical happened, that’s not the point. She betrayed his trust, talked negatively about him behind his back to another guy (a MARRIED one at that), and she clearly can’t be trusted.
As one who deals with this professionally, your comment is the wisest of all comments on this video. Dr. John is wrong when he said this sort of thing happens in the best relationships. WRONG!! It’s unthinkable. To even develop an infatuation or “crush” if you will says there’s something seriously wrong in your relationship. You best get about fixing it.
Well, I've been married for 14 years and never cheated, but I certainly understand how it happens; usually an acquaintance who shares common interests and you both talk a lot and it builds from there. There's a point when you catch yourself daydreaming about the person and that is where you stop it, but it's not easy when _both_ people feel it, even though it's necessary. I'm my experience, immediate distance for a couple of weeks gives plenty of perspective to emotionally sober up (i.e. respect boundaries) and you go from there. I realize my wife is not the _only_ person out there for me, but she is the one I _choose_ and I get out of my marriage what I put into it (not to mention we always discount what we have compared to what is "new" but the grass isn't greener on the other side, or if it is _greener_ heaven knows what they put on that grass to keep it that way.
I think she genuinely feels bad however i honestly believe if her boyfriend didn't find the messages she would of gone through with the affair Her boyfriend needs to find a loyal woman who respects him Sorry doc she didnt hold the line she got caught and it stopped
Thanks you . Their is no reason to believe she was ever gonna tell her bf and honestly if it wasn't for the distance I bet she would have already been over
This is the exact comment I was looking for as it expresses my immediate thoughts. She was toast. Only reason she didn't get buttered was she got caught. No judgement. Just keeping it real. I don't understand why she is getting credit for holding the line.
If she can't even fend off the cheating married creeps & communicate her failings in the emotional cheating to her boyfriend....there is no way she's ready for the sacrament of marriage & responsibility of children.
I think part of the issue is that people think their feelings of infatuation mean something more than just fleeting emotions. I've been married 14 years and we've both been faithful, but I do remember being caught off guard once by a female friend a couple of years ago. We never acted on it and distanced ourselves and it never developed from there, but to say it was easy would be a lie. I guess the whole experience woke me up at 38 to say: Hey, my wife is not the _only_ person out there who I could make a life with, but she is the only person I _choose_ and I get out of my marriage what I put into it. Feelings of attraction are normal, but the grass is not greener on the other side ...or if it is _greener_ heaven knows what they put on that grass to keep it that way.
Hate to victim-blame, but it sounds like the bf is not giving her what she wants in a relationship. Cheating is never ok, but if there was no void in her relationship, the co-worker couldn't have gotten between them. They should break up.
@@CyeOutsider But yet you did just what you said you hated to do. Victim blame. No relationship is perfect. No person is perfect. You can always make excuses for cheaters with this mentality, because someway or another, you can gaslight and say they didn't give me this. They didn't give me that. They just weren't there for me. Because no one can do 100% of what another person wants. So at the end of the day, no matter what, you have to talk to your spouse first. If you feel you cannot communicate with them(which is a red flag in and of itself), you still do everything you can to try to. Text them if you have to. Really lay it all out there. Go to counseling, whatever it takes. If they still aren't responsive, then you have to consider the alternative of ending the relationship. Running straight to the another person is the ultimate sign of weakness and immaturity. Yet too many justify it. Too many friends give the person a pass. Oh he just wasn't treating you right. You did what you had to. Go get yours girl!
@@CyeOutsider”hate to victim blame” Proceeds to victim blame lmao. You sound like the type to justify cheating. “Oh my needs weren’t met!” Be an adult and have a fucking discussion then.
@bradleypowers3580 Facts. When you commit to someone, that is a promise. What she did is betrayal, and those who betray their friends, spouse, etc. are worse than scum.
I truly hope that if her bf had not found those texts that she would have nipped this in the bud. I’ve been in her situation before and I saw the signs and cut it off. I was newly postpartum and my marriage was in a bad spot which wasn’t fun at all. You have to be proactive in protecting your relationships even when you’re not happy. There will be times when you’re not happily married. It happens. But you better figure it out.
You’re a good woman for that. Us as men don’t expect this stuff not to happen, we expect our wives to act appropriately. We can’t get mad at men for trying to shoot their shot, it’s on the woman to block it.
@@shroomssadow4981 I wasn’t at all proud of having flirty feelings towards another man, but like I said, postpartum was awful and had me feeling anything but myself. That’s not an excuse, but I blocked it all and shut it down. And I was transparent with the guy and he knew I was married with a baby and he wasn’t pushy or offended at all. Married people need to protect their marriages even when it’s not the happiest of times, because there will always be ups and downs.
You are absolutely right, and a very wise woman. I’ve dealt with this professionally for many years. My experience has taught me that she has already had sex with this guy. Put it in the bank. There was a long pause and she got very emotional when John told her she had “held the line”. It was guilt because she hadn’t held the line. Here’s a question to ponder. When she admitted that she would have gone to his house or met him at a hotel, what makes us think that she hasn’t already??🤔
@@Chreeves You don't. I know life seems less scary and unpredictable when you view things in such a black and white way, but the fact of the matter is that you AND I both don't know if this woman would've ended up physically cheating on her boyfriend. This could be her wake up call...or it might not be. But just because she did this doesn't mean it would've developed into a physical relationship. Anyway, have a good day.
@@ijustneedmyself the only reason things stopped is because she got caught. And sure, being that it didn't actually happen no one can say, but the seeds were planted. You have a good day as well.
Any messages/conversations with someone the opposite gender that you wouldn't want your partner to see/hear is likely crossing a boundary. It may give you a rush but you know it within yourself that it's wrong. Talk to your man, be truthful, and let the chips fall where they fall.
@@DuffyGabi Actually it's right, a guy is not going to go out of his way to vent to a woman about problems he's having at home. He would normally talk to his guy friends about those things. He's clearly fishing for romantic interest.
@@DuffyGabi Νο you are wrong. A man who opens up to a female co-worker (or any other woman) to complain about his wife/girlfriend is just his attempt as an "engaged man" to declare his openness to "anything", provided the co-worker also wants it. Opening up like that to her is also a way to measure up her interest. If she sits and listens, then that is a green light.
@@JustinCase780 I'll poop in front of my wife. granted I'll close the door and not expect her to come in, BUT if she did come in, I'm not hiding that I poop from her....
@@David-wo9unYou're not wrong. Women have been taught from birth that their only value and worth is in their looks, sexuality, and youth - not who they are as a person. So if a man - especially a married man - flirts with a woman with this wounded mindset, she thinks he sees her as special and she must have something his wife doesn't have. To her it affirms her value. To all the fathers, brothers, and uncles out there, please teach and show the girls/young women in your life that they are more than looks and that they have true value. Men are SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT in a young girl's life than you can begin to imagine. Girls learn to see themselves through the way MEN speak about and treat other women. Men are the missing link to a girl's healthy mindset. With that said, her boyfriend needs to seriously consider committing to her. If she can't be trusted while they are dating then she's not ready to be a lifelong partner.
I think some just want a fling. From my experience, as a man who's always wanted to find the girl I'll marry, I've had to get over countless women who just wanted to hook up. I'm convinced men want to be married 10x more than women do
What happened here is quite common and normal in a mans world. Men are artists at swooning women. They know women love to be told they're pretty, beautiful, cute, smart, adorable, caring and will say they would take exceptional care of them if they were with them. This woman fell for that. The co-worker can not give her any more than her boyfriend can. He just tried to swoon her into his love nest. I hope this woman learned a lesson about the other men out there whom she's not dating. They'll say anything to make you feel like a Goddess just to get close to you.
Yep, and he's got a few other women he's doing it with too most likely. And if she did give in to him he'd drop her after he's had his fun and completed the conquest.
Hilarious how you make this all about men while implying that the receiving party is too naive and dumb to know better. Way to help the cheating caller avoid accountability and be misandrist and the same time
No, because she Email Dr. John about six days before her boyfriend found the messages on her phone, so she was obviously at least feeling guilty and wanted to find a way to fix things with her boyfriend.
I'm hearing a lot about what the male coworker said or did and very little about how she reacted or what she said in response. Which is critically important to this conversation and kind of feels like she is avoiding some accountability.
The Sisterhood(TM) is out in force on this one, always trying to shift blame, avoid accountability and make it seem like she could never have possibly done this without somehow being tricked into it by a villainous (gasp) straight man
I don't think what she replied is as important as her belief that she crossed a line. She knows she did something wrong and she admitted it. Now it's up to her and her boyfriend to decide what to do about it. The public does not need to know any details.
@@LateNightRewrites She took accountability for her actions. But, yes, the married man also did something wrong. It seems you're acting like it's all her fault and the married man is blameless. I'm guessing you're not trying to say that, but it seems like you are.
If she is willing to go outside of the relationship emotionally, then she is willing to be physically adulterous. One option for him is to leave. I think she told the guy she loved him.
@kanajingly8957 It was only when he discovered her texts to the other guy that she stopped. She was emotionally invested with the other guy to the detriment of her relationship with her boyfriend.
As one who has dealt with situations like this professionally for many years, you are absolutely right! Based on what I’ve seen and learned, I’ll take it one step further. She’s already had sex with the guy. Why do I believe that?? There was a long pause and she got extremely emotional when he said “but you held the line”. That display of emotion was guilt because she knew she didn’t “hold the line”.
@kanajingly8957 lol 😂 you know if the boyfriend didn’t read the text message, she would have gone. There’s a reason why the boyfriend had the urge to read her text
@@DoomMishimashe literally flirted with her coworker and texted him things that you only text your partner. She concedes to it on the video. That’s literally cheating. 🤡🤡🤡
Na dude, when she started asking if the bf should be allowed to see the messages... i think there was much more said/done than shes letting on and im sure he'll only see like 25% of all the messages.
Exactly bro, you know even if he asks to see everything, the "everything" she shows him is gonna be a highly edited, redacted and carefully curated version of events that shows her only in a positive light
He wants to cook you dinner? He's married babe, you can't be that stupid. She was saying that she wants to be married, but she's not open with her partner and was hesitant to take full responsibility for her actions. She's trying to play the "if he knows it might hurt him." well you should have thought of that beforehand. Her boyfriend needs to leave- ASAP.
My 18 year marriage ended because my wife enjoyed this type of attention but let it go MUCH further. What I wouldnt give for her to have stopped herself and talked to someone about it, even if it wasnt me. Even if it was a podcast.
What a joke. This girl's boyfriend caught her before it got to that point. But it was headed there. And had he not found those texts, she's still going. It's cool to take responsibility, but he needs to dump her. She's too weak to be loyal.
She says the boyfriend is like "family", and she sees a future with him, probably because he makes her feel safe and secure. The married coworker makes her feel genuine burning desire that's missing in her relationship with her boyfriend. I suspect she's already crossed the line with the coworker. Now she's trying to figure out a strategy to keep the boyfriend on the hook because she got caught.
She is caught because she confessed. She felt the urge to confess even to a point of letting her bf know. All this time, she could of just use self control and just treat that coworker like he is her associate/acquaintance. I mean anyone can have a crush on anyone but have options not to act upon them. Where I come from, that work environment does not even allow coworkers to date coworkers. Besides, she only communicate with him remotely. There is definitely no proof that she cheated. I mean to judge talking to people remotely, there is absolutely no way to have physical sex with someone in zoom meeting. Any women could of been in a same position as her and choose to admire that coworker in zoom. If she feel that she will lose her control, she mind as well just stick to zoom meeting with this guy. Only reason why she is getting caught is just due to her confessing when all this time, she could of kept quiet about it.
As I’ve watched this a couple more times, a couple more important things strike out at me. It is completely disingenuous of her her say in one breath how much she loves her boyfriend “to death” and see’s a future with him, and in her next breath admits that she would have met the guy at a hotel. Really?? In my world the two are diametrically opposed, and this is what I present to people I counsel. Somebody who loves their partner as they should won’t even for one second consider meeting someone else for sex. In my view, it doesn’t happen. Period. But beyond that, there’s a common thread that runs through every illicit relationship. People don’t confess until they’re caught. I haven’t encountered one exception to that rule. So the hotel thing would have happened, and that would have only been the beginning.🤔
Nah they need to break up. Marriage is hard enough and they will entering it in the negative. It makes more sense to work on things if it’s a 10 yr marriage not someone you are dating
A lot of unanswered questions. She expressed to the co worker that she is unhappy where she is in life and thought she would be married by now. If her and her “boyfriend” are so close that they call each other family, then why aren’t they married yet? Something caused her to do this once, and if the boyfriend doesn’t propose or start saying those things that made her feel alive then she will do it again.
@@linhaton4957Huh? No she’s not a single lady who can do as she pleases - she has a boyfriend. She should have a level of commitment to that relationship until it is ended. Should a man who’s dating a women, still go on dates with other women?
‘I know you were desperately angry and beat a person to an inch of death and caused incredible pain, but good job you held the line because you really wanted to murder them and you didn’t. That was really hard’ Dr. John, I don’t know how your closing statement regarding holding the line was intended to help her. But I would love an explanation. Because in my mind she did nothing of the sort. She obliterated and blew past multiple lines. So ‘kudos you held the line’ in my mind is saying more or less ‘yes you did 10 things to betray your boyfriend’s trust but congratulations you didn’t do the one thing.’ Feels hollow. Especially because by her own admission she only stopped since she was caught.
This part really made sense to me and it takes a different kind of empathy to understand what Dr John is saying. She crossed a line in her head, which is why she’s upset. She thought it was innocent (naively so but she’s never been in this position before) and it sounds like it snowballed when she was already hooked on the feeling he gave her. It wasn’t at all sexual. She said that. But that was the next step. And to have that being offered after months of being sugared up and for her to take a breath to think about it - long enough for her bf to see the messages - does count for something. In my opinion this poor gal didn’t even realise the relationship was entirely constructed for sex. I think she genuinely thought her coworker was seeing her in a way no one else had.
This woman lied to Dr. John and he bought it. I’ve also been dealing with this kind of thing professionally for a long time. She paused and got very emotional when he said she had held the line. Here’s a question to ponder. When she readily admitted that she would have met him at a hotel or gone to his house, , what makes you think she hasn’t already done so??🤔
@@randybobandy9828I just started watching him and also noticed it as well. However I think most of his Fanbase is women so he has to because the ratings will fall. I don’t agree with it but it’s reality. I bet if you were to meet John in an elevator and the conversation was off the records Man to Man he would say the samething. Plus his wife probaly listens to the show he really is not trying to create unnecessary problems and also keep his job at the same time. I read the comments and if not all 85% is saying the samething I truly believe that if John could he would say how he really feels but in all actuality it was would cause to much of an issue. Just look what happened to Kevin Samuels
@@GoKU-xx2vgWhat “time stamp” are you talking about? She did most certainly say she would have done it and got very emotional about it. As far as being an Attorney, let’s bear in mind that attorneys defend a lot of people who they know are guilty.
Dr. John I saw another video of a woman who called in because her husband was hanging out with their neighbor and without any evidence or background on the guy you immediately said hes cheating and he has no character AND has no integrity. Why didnt you tell this women she has no character and no integrity and how horrible she is?
If your boyfriend hasn’t read all the messages and those messages will definitely hurt him more, the relationship will never work. He will know he is an inferior partner and that will always be in the back of his mind. Learn from this and go your separate ways.
Me and my wife have an agreement we never talk about our relationship with anyone but our parents. No room for anyone to wiggle in. “Do you ever feel like you wife doesn’t do enough” NOPE. “Do you ever feel like your husband doesn’t spend enough time and affection on you?” NOPE. We are the border between North and South Korea, nothing crosses in or out.
@@Jugoplastika7nor do they like having to admit fault, blame, or wrongness whatsoever. In fact, many will resist that so strongly that they'll lie, gaslight and flip the script on their partner by accusing him of being controlling, crazy or toxic
"I don't know what happened" - typical statement signifying lack of accountability and boundaries. That being said, it's good that the caller is cautious and likely called in to reinforce her boundaries since it was this coworker who was trying to go too far. I don't think she went too far but was getting close to the edge
14:00-15:00 man, thank you for this--I needed to hear that. You calling it a bull crap hollywood story was a wake up call-something that I really resonate with the caller. In my last relationship I was shamed and brainwashed into thinking that crap but really we just need to communicate. Watching your videos have been so helpful John, thanks brother
8:23 This seems like a big red flag to me, she tries to make an argument to herself that its actually a good thing towards her boyfriend to lie to him and not show him the extent of those messages, and that lying to him will protect him. She is making it out to be that the reasons she would potentially want to lie to her boyfriend and hide these things from him, is for his own sake (somehow). She tells herself that she is doing something noble, when she should know that hiding things from him and lying to him is NOT a good thing. It makes it seem as tho she is actually doing this to protect herself and being selfish, while claiming to be doing something well meaning and for his sake
I think she wasn’t sure what to do because of all the things she had read online because she also mentioned showing him everything and wasn’t sure which one to do.
@@tacooflove6175 Yeah i don't fully want to ascribe ill intent, i just wanted to point out how this seems like something more selfish than as well meaning as she makes her intentions out to be But of course theres a possibility she really means well
@@tacooflove6175she knew which one to do. This language of “I didn’t know what to do/say” comes from the folks that lack accountability for their actions.
This episode won me over. You earned my subscription. 8:30 facts 1000 % u knew u crossed a line, and keeping him in the dark is sinister and heartbreaking 💔
I wrote on the original full length video...But this lady sounds naive and confused, almost blindsided by what happened. I think she just needs to be more assertive when a married man starts doing this. Because of things that happened to me, I see a con man right away when the flattery begins. Don't believe the flattery. They use flattery to get something from you. I still think the co-worker was purposely pushing boundaries and using predatory tactics. She doesn't sound like someone who was actually trying to cheat on her BF. She really sounds stunned and confused by the tactics of the co-worker and how she fell for it.
You are treating her like she is just a passive observer in this scenario, or like she has no agency, or like she has no ability to exhibit discernment and good judgment?
@@LateNightRewrites I dunno. There have been others on this show that very clearly knew they were cheating. This caller sincerely sounded confused and naive. I hope that she is aware of her weaknesses now and learns from this.
@@Soulsphere001 because her partner has a right to understand what was going on, she was looking for an excuse to limit his knowledge of the affair. How could that be okay?
@@tehbobb08 It's also possible that she's not sure if her boyfriend was asking for too much or not. She doesn't need an excuse to say 'no', so I'm not sure she was looking for an excuse to say 'no'. Then again, it's possible that you're right. I don't pretend to know what she's thinking.
Luckily he's just her boyfriend she hasn't trapped him yet☠️ I agree he needs to leave her for the streets since she's trying to play the game lmao she needs to go to therapy as she's clearly repeating her childhood trauma cycle on her poor boyfriend :/
@@mozerm she got vulnerable, sexual and complained over the phone with the co worker. That's straight up cheating. You can't ever trust a partner again after something like that. When trust is gone, a relationship is over
that married dude is a predator and a total piece of crap. This caller is looking at her life glass half empty. If she look at her life properly, she could say at least i am not married to that guy preying on his coworkers.
Yep! The fact that he felt comfortable asking is something that she allowed. She allowed him to cross that boundary in the relationship and she prolly wanted the D too obviously
Women and men always fall to the script of a few nice compliments. No one deserves to be cheated on no matter the circumstances. I remember my partner felt that I should just know what she wanted. I told her I can’t read minds, that’s I need you to talk to me about what you want. Don’t talk to me about it once a year. When I ask you how can I help you, then just tell me.
If a married coworker hitting on you and you’re open to it, you’re either naive and oblivious, a hor, a saboteur who’s fed up with a long relationship with no sign of marriage or someone seeking praise and affection.
The problem with trying to use the internet to solve your problems, is that the internet is a sound board. You're gonna get people that are wanting to feel better about the situation that they are in so they are going to give advice based on how they handled a situation. It'll never be about doing what was right, it's about making themselves feel better by having other people doing the same thing. Don't trust what you see online, trust your gut instinct and be true to yourself.
My husband of 32 yrs did this to me, three times, passionate emotional affairs with sexting, nothing physical. I found out three weeks ago, of 2004, 2010, and 2018 and it shattered my heart. He loves me and is ashamed, but that doesn't fix the hurt. Is love worth fighting for? Yes.
Good topic, I just don't get how she still like yea I was in the wrong but I love my BF and our families love each other, if you genuinely love someone you would never do anything to hurt them.
She got caught in the emotional cheating before the sexual cheating started. She would have cheated sexually if her boyfriend hadn't seen the text messages. When a man has interest in a woman outside of work it is sexual interest. Most women are too naive to understand this. Men are not interested in just being friends.
This is the way I think about things. “Will my wife be embarrassed or angry with my actions right now” if the answer is yes I am leaving that situation immediately.
@ryanhiga2904big facts, he let's a lot slide that he absolutely does not with male callers when ironically, most of the time it's the lady callers who need him to be more direct and honest with them
I think she saw red flags when the lines started getting crossed. It just felt good and she felt unkept or univested in the relationship with her boyfriend...she wouldnt have been allowing or looking for fun elsewhere if she was happy in her relationship...thats screams a serious deficit in a relationship.
If another guy can light her up like a Christmas tree, then what isn't the boyfriend doing? So many people blame the girl. She's not innocent, but if guys want to keep their girls, then they have to captivate her heart and keep it captivated. There's no such thing as, now that I have her, I can relax.
If another woman can suck the crome off of his unit, then what isn't the girlfriend doing? So many people blame the man when he cheats, but if women want to keep their men, then they have to take it in every single hole they have and keep the man sexually satisfied. There is no such thing as, now that I have him, I can relax.
@@emmaphilo4049 Has anyone told you that your hair looks absolutely fantastic? If you ever need someone to talk with when it just feels like nobody understands you or will listen, I will be there for you... 😆
If she didn’t get caught, it would have only escalated from there. What she has been leading herself into is unforgivable and a giant red flag. They definitely need to break up. That boyfriend is only going to get hurt. It’s the fact that her boyfriend had to FIND those things her in phone in order for her to fess up which is a giant problem. It’s like no one realizes how important communication is.
It's a bit severe to suggest that she should tell her supervisor that she needs zero contact with the flirt guy. Sure .. make him look suspicious in his workplace as if it was all his doing.
If she values her relationship with her bf, then she can’t work with the married creep anymore. Either he’ll keep trying to get in her pants or it will just get too awkward for them to work productively together.
@@tpeters85 No way. To go to management when she was taking part in the same is so stupid and could hurt both of their careers. They can be adults about it and cut it off. People need to be responsible for themselves not needing a manager or HR involved. Grow up, made a stupid mistake, we aren't hanging out again and move on.
The longer a person waits to tell a relationship partner about something like this or worse, it absolutely gives off the impression that said person didnt intend to say anything ever. And then the thoughts of "what else are they hiding" creeps in. It can blow a possibly fixable situation (through time and maybe therapy) into the "it is absolutely over" with anger and hate attached. The real solution is just not to partake in the initial flirt. Or at least say something to your relationship partner as to why a completely different person made you feel better than your partner. First wake up call your relationship is in trouble.
She needs to be fully transparent and just accept that he may choose to leave her after reading the texts. It's interesting to me that she expressed all of these emotions and feelings to this co-worker, it could be assumed her relationship is lacking but yet and still she is obviously afraid of losing her boyfriend. I bet the boyfriend has been planning to propose, and then he found the texts....
If it was me and my boyfriend did this to me...I'd be DONE The caller is some one i couldn't trust, no matter if she's experiencing some remorse. I would walk
John is too easy on these women, she ruined two relationships. and the way he coddles this woman like she's a child who was manipulated is so weak of him. hes doing her a disservice. Women who do this need to hear the unfiltered truth not this pillow smooth its not your fault talk.
If you aren’t even married yet and to the point that your partner is so dissatisfying that you are seeking/accepting the attention of another man…you are done. Do the poor boyfriend a favor and be honest about not wanting him anymore and move on.
Immediately they both need to end it. He’s going through her phone, she is communicating with her coworker more than her bf. Him going through her phone is saying I don’t trust you. Her chatting and flirting constantly with her coworker is saying I like you more than my bf. Quit wasting each others time and move on. That guy needs to break up with this girl immediately and tell her she’ll never find anyone better because she won’t find some guy who lets his gf cheat on him without knocking her coworker tf out.
She knows what she needs to do...she's fooling herself in saying she needs help. AND the guy was coming on to her..in your face coming on to her..and she wasn't aware???!! Come on...she knew. I'm old school...men and women cannot have platonic relationships in the workplace. Anyone who thinks otherwise is in my mind playing the fool. If you don't want to fall into the river STAY AWAY from the river bank.
Unfortunately this lady is doing her best to minimise what has happened, control this situation entirely (including how her boyfriend responds), and avoid all responsibility.
If she didn't get caught she definitely would have starched the sheets with this MARRIED MAN. She's weak and gullible. Find someone else. You marry her and this is your life.
She only feels bad bc she got caught. Women need to realize men will tell you anything. Just to get into their pants. Zero sympathy for this lady. My husband did the exact same thing as this woman. And it’s just as devastating as if he had sex with her. In my book I think in emotional affairs are more destructive.
A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't feel comfortable doing/saying it in front of your partner, then it's probably crossing a line.
Exactly. That works for any relationship with any kind of boundaries, if you feel a need to hide it from your partner, that a red flag
I was just thinking the same thing if its a text or something u wouldnt say to a friend but u do tell him/her u have definitly crossed a line .
The problem with that is, most people who do that already know they’re crossing a line and then gaslight their S.O. if it’s brought to light.
Great point
Oh I just commented the same thing. This this this!
Rule of thumb - think how you’d feel if the situation was reversed and do so honestly (we often try to rationalize our actions)
awesome rule...to be biblical it is treat thy neighbor as thy self.
I do this. As well as asking myself "would I be 100% fine with my partner seeing these texts/ how I'm talking or being talked to/etc."
If I hesitate in my mind: I end or shift the relationship with the coworker or friend.
Clearly something isn't right (or 100% innocent like we try to justify to ourselves) if I wouldn't be comfortable with my significant other seeing the behavior.
I often use this rule even when I’m fixing to offer advice, criticism, etc. or do something. I always think how would I feel if the roles were reversed!
@@elkforestsAbsolutely right!
Yes! That's basic empathy. If we can't feel it for our SO, they're not a real SO.
Boyfriend needs to read it all and decide whether or not to stay. He has to see how bad it got.
It’s not gonna get any better. She’s for the streets. He needs to get out. If he stays she’ll cheat again, but this time take half his stuff and move on with the new guy without caring. Women are great at that lol
You know its bad. She said her father n step father cheated on her mother with a co worker n saw the damage it caused her… yet she entertained a co worker.
Oh we know how bad it got, she literally got caught just before going over and hooking up. She was 100% going to do it and pretend she didn't know what was happening until too late.
I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s worse than she’s making it sound on this call. He would be wise to read the messages and see her true character firsthand, then decide what to do based on a clear picture of her and of the situation at hand. It’s unwise to believe a retelling of a story told by someone who isn’t trustworthy.
And she deletes ones she really doesn't want him to see, beforehand.
My own line for cheating would be anything I wouldn't want to tell my girlfriend about. If I wouldn't do or say whatever to another girl with my girlfriend standing right there and watching or listening to the conversation, then it ain't happening. If you have to ask if something is over the line, then it's already over the line. Some of these calls make my head hurt.
Yeah I have to be honest myself there are several calls that I get about a quarter of the way through or halfway through and I cannot continue to listen just to protect my own mental health LMAO
Too true. If you have to ask, then you already know.
Bazinga. That's where my husband of 32 yrs messed up. He thought sexy flirting was harmless as long as I'd never know or see it. I did. It shattered me.
@@ivywildwssyeah I was married to one of those for 30 years. I never knew who he truly was, he played exactly how he was supposed to when in my presence. It’s absolutely shocking to say the least.
@@shellymichelle904 it's definitely a shocker, thought he was such a shy boy scout.... nooe
This is slippery but things definitely crossed the line when the coworker said he would invite her over for dinner and basically treat her the way her boyfriend didn't treat her. That's just inappropriate/desperate of a guy on so many levels.
100%. It’s why I blame him wayy more than this lady on the phone. He’s married and made the offer. She did the right thing by choosing that pt to put her foot down and refuse
I agree with you. When did the BF find the text messages, right away or weeks after they were sent? If enough time has passed it is reasonable to suspect that she already hooked up with this man in some way. I dont recall hearing how far they lived away from eachother.
And if she hadn't already told him about those feelings he probably wouldn't have gone there - her accountability seems to be lacking when she looks on the internet and call people to plan her way around the fiasco
Hes tryna get poonany and its working. Women just want the cake and to eat it too. They just need excuses when they get caught doing either one
You’re spot on
This reminds me of the, ‘I only kissed him but I stopped because I love you,’ lines you hear in movies. She didn’t come forward, she was caught. Move on boyfriend, your not with a faithful person.
Exactly 4 billion women on the planet, you owe it to yourself
find one who is at bare minimum loyal.
They are not in alignment. Relationships require major work in any case to be successful.
You're*
😂😄
He also saw the message before she had a chance to act on it
“Boyfriends” these days are using women just as much as these married, unfaithful men. Men in general need to quit leading with their nether regions. Please gain virtue bc these young women are desperate for a mans romancing. They need to use their IQ too
My ex had an affair with a coworker and ended up leaving me for her. Started with talking about her a lot, turned in to a ton of texting, next it was we went Christmas shopping while you were at work, to her coming to our house for dinner for us to "officially meet" so I wasn't so suspicious. She was hanging off of him and telling me how I should be addressing my fiancée at the time. I was gaslit by everyone. I was told I was jealous and controlling when I questioned it. That is how that crap escalates. Please just don't be like that to your partner.
That is big time treason. Always trust your gut feeling. We men have the same gut feeling. When I hear about "over-controlling men" I always first thing of men who just have a gut-feeling, yet my advice to them is to relax-but-monitor-closely and with the first evidence or even strong suspicion, to leave.
Im really sorry you went through that, and when everyone is against you when you were victimized it's hard to not want to just go ballistic. I've cut off most of my family, as badly as I wish I had a big happy family because they're toxic or can't take accountability. People really suck sometimes. Hope ur doing better
@@Fokas-n8t100% I was called jealous and controlling and crazy, when I was right all along. I knew it. If you get a weird feeling, it's for a reason. But it's hard to fully support these suspicions without evidence, and then we're playing games & trying to check their phones when they're asleep. Such a shitty way to live.
i’m sorry that happened to you. that sort of deception cuts deep. i hope you’re doing well. 🤍
Aw, wow that is so incredibly hurtful and disgusting to do a person, I havent had anything to that level happen but most of us have been cheater on or at least had relationships end with finding out your s.o. had someone else teed up waiting at some point….my heart hurts for you reading this I hope you did find or do find someone genuine and amazing to move forward with ❤
To whoever needs to hear this, when you’re in the dating phase, it’s the easiest it’s going to be, if they’re already failing at basic fidelity, that’s probably just a sign to move on. They haven’t built up the equity with you for all this forgiveness and rebuilding. They have work to do on their own maturity first.
Agreed
Periode.
💯
Accurate
Wonderful point about the built up equity. I have a friend who dated a man who had *just* asked her to be his girlfriend, and then was found on dating apps a few weeks later. He then asked her to go therapy with him, if you can believe it lol, to 'work on their communication issues'. What communication issues lol? They'd been dating for two months. She agreed to one session, found it super weird, and then broke up with him. I strongly disliked that he seemed to want to avoid accountability for something that was 100% a him problem, by implying my friend was a bad communicator. That, to me, is a huge red flag for him as a person and I'm very glad she left.
“I love my boyfriend and could see a future with him”
Proceeds to emotionally cheat
Exactly! If she loved him as much as she says, the idea of being romantic towards someone else wouldn't even be a distant thought. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks like this
Women allowed to talk to men and have a friendship with men, it doesn't make it cheating, it's not 18th century. jeez.
Yep. It's just a lie shes telling herself to make herself feel better and alleviate the guilt.
NO SINGLE GIRL EVER HAD AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR!
Its a Cover which married/attached women use to hide their desire to fk a guy they are attracted to!
Thats women….0 accountability and 0 rational
Never stay with a cheater period. This lady isn’t girlfriend material let alone wife material. She’s loves the attention and validation and will do it again with someone else.
Girlie was tempted by a REMOTE coworker? Likeee good luck mate
Everyone needs attention and validation. If they don't get it from the people they love, they'll get it elsewhere.
@Soulsphere001 the problem is when they seek that validation from random people while dismissing the validation from their partner.
@@AmonAnon-vw3hr
That could happen, yes.
@@AmonAnon-vw3hrseek? You mean receive. Her boyfriend wasn't being there for her and when another man gave her what her boyfriend should have, she accepted and was lead into this. Ultimately this woman wanted a man, not a boy. She wants to be a wife with kids, not stuck wondering if her boyfriend will grow up.
Gotta love the fact that the married co-worker's wife was probably not notified of her husband's infidelity either.
Right. He will just go onto the next co-worker.
She didn’t hold the line. She got caught. Big difference
She hold the line. Before she got caught she emailed Dr John to get advice on how to tell her boyfriend.
So she wanted to come clear BEFORE she got caught.
@@jollyquinn430Rewatch it. She emailed Dr. John after she got caught, but before she laid out all of the details for her boyfriend.
She's already in jail. She just called for her lawyer before she talked.
that part....🤨🤔🤐
@@jollyquinn430 like any good liar would say, but Delony did not confirm that she actually sent the email.
She didn't hold the line. She got caught before it got physical. She was 100% headed there.
By the sound of her voice when John brought up holding the line, she already jumped in the hay with the AP
Thank YOUUUUU
Yep, agree 💯%
@@LateNightRewrites The hesitation gives it away as well.
Exactly 💯
If you guys are already dating and starting to get the wondering eye, something is wrong with your relationship and you need to back away. This a moment to examine your relationship
*wandering
Agree, let it go, you are not even married and she's unhappy. Being married to the bf won't solve ANYTHING
Not true. Like Doc said, this ain’t the Notebook. People will have doubts and even thoughts in the greatest relationships. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with the relationship. The individual, maybe. But it all comes down to your actions, that determines where your heart is, YOUR ACTIONS
It’s over bro. If you’re the boyfriend, and you’re reading this….. it’s over. Saddle up, and ride off into the sunset.
💯
When a woman is really there for you, she'll recognize the advance immediately and shut it down.. not only shut it down, but she'll come and tell you, show you the message and laugh at it.
Dating for men is over lol
@@BD-1-And-OnlyWait just a second, the MARRIED man is deliberately looking to cheat. There are two guilty parties here and one of them is actively working to cheat on his WIFE.
Why would you just focus on her when his sin was the greater betrayal?
Same for the wife of the man.
@@Jakuboooooooooo she's stringing you along to keep her options open.. don't fall for it! She'll do the same to you the moment things aren't perfect.
She’s so gullible. What her co-worker was feeding her was a line. When a guy says “I want to take you on a date and treat you well and give you the things you want” , the unspoken end of that sentence is “and then get into your pants.”
No.... Not true at all.
@@GardenerEarthGuy You can choose not to believe it. But it is absolutely true. This co-worker wasn't interested in treating her like a lady and then stopping it there.
No all men are an AH.
You’re spot on. He’s a Chad doing what Chad’s do. A smooth talking man that knows all the right things to say - he is a man who has been with ALOT of women. She is just another notch on the belt, and guess what the cashier at the grocery store is younger and hotter, and on Fridays there’s a hot girl at the club he goes too, there’s a cute girl in his church, and this girl is just one of his many options he keeps open.
@@Dansyoung
Speculation....
She’s clearly trickle truthing
I was thinking the same thing. Half the stuff it sounds like she's saying stuff just because it sounds good, not because she means it. You don't cheat on someone you "love to death" her exact words.
Hear how her voice cracks when he says "but you didn't go down to the hotel did you"
I find this 'emotional affair' topic useful when thinking of how I can exercise healthy boundaries between me and married female coworkers. I had a similar relationship with another remote female coworker who is the same age as me and married; I'm single. We would have an awesome coworker relationship, almost like siblings, and chat about life, family and what we wanted for the future. I even met her husband and kids on a work trip, BUT things never got crossed the line into emotional affair. Plain and simple, if someone is off the market .they are 'off the market'. Do not try and mess with their head to get what you want. It's manipulative, selfish and despicable.
I have had wonderful sibling type relationships with guys at my job too. I really value the relationship and I always LOVE meeting their wives and kids! I have been married for almost 12 years and many of them have been married 15+. I am very lucky
@@KatieLHall-fy1hw luck? Tell me more about that...
@@user_abcxyzz what more is there to say? Look at the comments about all the other people behaving inappropriately. I would say it is definitely luck to be able to meet such wonderful people! I hope you have the same good fortune!
There is no such thing as male and female “friendships” in a marriage or committed relationship unless it’s as couples or group events. Period!! Such relationships can turn into infidelity in a heartbeat.
@@gregorycarlson6632 That's definitely not true. I have plenty of female friends. I think the key is total lack of attraction. These girls aren't bad looking, I just have zero interest in them beyond friendship. A lot like with men. If they can turn into infidelity, that's not about men or women, lol, that's about that person.
She didn’t “hold the line” She got caught.
Exactly, the boyfriend needs to leave her. She has broken trust that will never be repaired ever.
Yea, and her partner already admitted he thinks he did something wrong to drive her to another man, and those feelings are very hard to overcome.
yeah she got caught, but shes also examining her own actions and trying to fix things.. some people would just run off and gaslight if they were caught, shes trying to be accountable and sounds genuine and I think thats worth something, life is hard and we do dumb things, if she really wants to salvage it I think thats a green flag in the big picture
@@audilecreations if she had no respect for him before as soon as he takes her back she will loose the ability to ever respect him in the future. Either way trust is broken
@@Iknowyoureright Not necessarily. If her bf starts listening to her needs and uses this as a wake up call, they can build back. She didn't go through with anything, she became aware of what was happening and stopped it. She's analyzing and trying to rectify it, but afraid at the same time and beating herself up for falling for the same traps that her father and step father fell for! No one who's just upset they got caught would do that.
Something like this is a hurdle. Some choose to let the hurdle stop them. Others choose to try jumping over it, even if their ankle clips. Had she chosen to go to dinner or a hotel it would be different. But she stopped, recognized what was happening and said no. Those are green flags.
The biggest thing my husband tells me when my anxiety is awful is “what do you need from me today? What do you need to hear? How can I help?” I always tell my friends communication is the biggest thing that helps prevent and de-escalate arguments (for me)
Your husband is emotionally intelligent but most men are like donkeys. Head-stuck on their ways.
I’ve been married for 15 years. When I was single, If someone I knew was married was flirting with me, asking me out on dates, etc - I would tell them to go to hell and that they should be ashamed of themselves. How incredibly gross of him to do that. I’ve never understood why anyone would even consider giving the time of day to someone who would betray their spouse like that. If someone were to approach me since I’ve been married, I would tell them I’m married and I’m not interested, period. I hate when people excuse this type of crap. It’s called don’t cross lines and don’t even put yourself in a situation/environment for something like this to possibly occur. It’s not hard. AT ALL. So few people have the ability and/or moral fortitude to set firm boundaries. It’s pathetic. What exactly is attractive about a married man coming on to you?! To think that is even remotely ok shows how very little she thinks of herself. It’s not cute, it’s not fun, it’s not special. It’s vile and repugnant. This is a major red flag and the boyfriend should break up with her. Even though nothing physical happened, that’s not the point. She betrayed his trust, talked negatively about him behind his back to another guy (a MARRIED one at that), and she clearly can’t be trusted.
Bingo! Cheating and attempted-cheated are the same. The only difference is one you could not carry out what you clearly intended to do.
Absolutely right on the money!👍
As one who deals with this professionally, your comment is the wisest of all comments on this video. Dr. John is wrong when he said this sort of thing happens in the best relationships. WRONG!! It’s unthinkable. To even develop an infatuation or “crush” if you will says there’s something seriously wrong in your relationship. You best get about fixing it.
Well, I've been married for 14 years and never cheated, but I certainly understand how it happens; usually an acquaintance who shares common interests and you both talk a lot and it builds from there. There's a point when you catch yourself daydreaming about the person and that is where you stop it, but it's not easy when _both_ people feel it, even though it's necessary. I'm my experience, immediate distance for a couple of weeks gives plenty of perspective to emotionally sober up (i.e. respect boundaries) and you go from there. I realize my wife is not the _only_ person out there for me, but she is the one I _choose_ and I get out of my marriage what I put into it (not to mention we always discount what we have compared to what is "new" but the grass isn't greener on the other side, or if it is _greener_ heaven knows what they put on that grass to keep it that way.
Have you never had crushes or feelings before? They don’t just go away when you’re taken.
I think she genuinely feels bad however i honestly believe if her boyfriend didn't find the messages she would of gone through with the affair
Her boyfriend needs to find a loyal woman who respects him
Sorry doc she didnt hold the line she got caught and it stopped
Thanks you . Their is no reason to believe she was ever gonna tell her bf and honestly if it wasn't for the distance I bet she would have already been over
She belongs to the streets!
PREACH BROTHER!
This is the exact comment I was looking for as it expresses my immediate thoughts. She was toast. Only reason she didn't get buttered was she got caught. No judgement. Just keeping it real. I don't understand why she is getting credit for holding the line.
He just said that like before I saw this comment. I wanted to punch John for saying that lol. Holding the line 😂
If she can't even fend off the cheating married creeps & communicate her failings in the emotional cheating to her boyfriend....there is no way she's ready for the sacrament of marriage & responsibility of children.
I think part of the issue is that people think their feelings of infatuation mean something more than just fleeting emotions. I've been married 14 years and we've both been faithful, but I do remember being caught off guard once by a female friend a couple of years ago. We never acted on it and distanced ourselves and it never developed from there, but to say it was easy would be a lie. I guess the whole experience woke me up at 38 to say: Hey, my wife is not the _only_ person out there who I could make a life with, but she is the only person I _choose_ and I get out of my marriage what I put into it. Feelings of attraction are normal, but the grass is not greener on the other side ...or if it is _greener_ heaven knows what they put on that grass to keep it that way.
It's greener the side you water it
Yes!!! Exactly!!!! Its a fleeting emotion!!
The boyfriend should bail. Personally, I wouldn’t tolerate that level of disrespect
Hate to victim-blame, but it sounds like the bf is not giving her what she wants in a relationship.
Cheating is never ok, but if there was no void in her relationship, the co-worker couldn't have gotten between them.
They should break up.
@@CyeOutsiderit’s not victim blaming she’s of a victim 😂
@@CyeOutsider But yet you did just what you said you hated to do. Victim blame. No relationship is perfect. No person is perfect. You can always make excuses for cheaters with this mentality, because someway or another, you can gaslight and say they didn't give me this. They didn't give me that. They just weren't there for me. Because no one can do 100% of what another person wants.
So at the end of the day, no matter what, you have to talk to your spouse first. If you feel you cannot communicate with them(which is a red flag in and of itself), you still do everything you can to try to. Text them if you have to. Really lay it all out there. Go to counseling, whatever it takes. If they still aren't responsive, then you have to consider the alternative of ending the relationship.
Running straight to the another person is the ultimate sign of weakness and immaturity. Yet too many justify it. Too many friends give the person a pass. Oh he just wasn't treating you right. You did what you had to. Go get yours girl!
@@CyeOutsider”hate to victim blame”
Proceeds to victim blame lmao. You sound like the type to justify cheating. “Oh my needs weren’t met!” Be an adult and have a fucking discussion then.
@bradleypowers3580 Facts. When you commit to someone, that is a promise.
What she did is betrayal, and those who betray their friends, spouse, etc. are worse than scum.
I truly hope that if her bf had not found those texts that she would have nipped this in the bud. I’ve been in her situation before and I saw the signs and cut it off. I was newly postpartum and my marriage was in a bad spot which wasn’t fun at all. You have to be proactive in protecting your relationships even when you’re not happy. There will be times when you’re not happily married. It happens. But you better figure it out.
You’re a good woman for that. Us as men don’t expect this stuff not to happen, we expect our wives to act appropriately. We can’t get mad at men for trying to shoot their shot, it’s on the woman to block it.
@@shroomssadow4981 I wasn’t at all proud of having flirty feelings towards another man, but like I said, postpartum was awful and had me feeling anything but myself. That’s not an excuse, but I blocked it all and shut it down. And I was transparent with the guy and he knew I was married with a baby and he wasn’t pushy or offended at all. Married people need to protect their marriages even when it’s not the happiest of times, because there will always be ups and downs.
You are absolutely right, and a very wise woman. I’ve dealt with this professionally for many years. My experience has taught me that she has already had sex with this guy. Put it in the bank. There was a long pause and she got very emotional when John told her she had “held the line”. It was guilt because she hadn’t held the line. Here’s a question to ponder. When she admitted that she would have gone to his house or met him at a hotel, what makes us think that she hasn’t already??🤔
Exactly
Lol ok
SHE GOT CAUGHT! she de did not hold the line.. this would have progressed to physical cheating if she wasnt caught.
Exactly.
You don't know that
@@ijustneedmyself yes.. yes I do. The cheating was already done.. the degree of that cheating is the only thing in question.
@@Chreeves You don't. I know life seems less scary and unpredictable when you view things in such a black and white way, but the fact of the matter is that you AND I both don't know if this woman would've ended up physically cheating on her boyfriend. This could be her wake up call...or it might not be. But just because she did this doesn't mean it would've developed into a physical relationship. Anyway, have a good day.
@@ijustneedmyself the only reason things stopped is because she got caught. And sure, being that it didn't actually happen no one can say, but the seeds were planted.
You have a good day as well.
Haven't heard the podcast yet but my guess is, if you have to ask that question the answer is probably yes.
Exactly
Yup
Was thinking the same
I thought the same thing!
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't"
- Erica Jong
Any messages/conversations with someone the opposite gender that you wouldn't want your partner to see/hear is likely crossing a boundary. It may give you a rush but you know it within yourself that it's wrong. Talk to your man, be truthful, and let the chips fall where they fall.
Very well said!
The only reason a man in a relationship will openly complain about his spouse to another woman is to let her know he is open to something.
Wrong.
@@DuffyGabi Actually it's right, a guy is not going to go out of his way to vent to a woman about problems he's having at home. He would normally talk to his guy friends about those things. He's clearly fishing for romantic interest.
@DuffyGabi So me asking relationship advice from my sister is me telling her i wanna bang? 😂
@@DuffyGabi Νο you are wrong. A man who opens up to a female co-worker (or any other woman) to complain about his wife/girlfriend is just his attempt as an "engaged man" to declare his openness to "anything", provided the co-worker also wants it. Opening up like that to her is also a way to measure up her interest. If she sits and listens, then that is a green light.
Big facts
If you wouldn’t do it in front of your partner, it’s wrong
So it's wrong to make a poopy. My bad.
@@JustinCase780 I'll poop in front of my wife. granted I'll close the door and not expect her to come in, BUT if she did come in, I'm not hiding that I poop from her....
@@JustinCase780open door policy lmao
@@JustinCase780what? U don’t do that front of your partner ? lol u should review your concept about partnership lol
If the guy is cheating on his wife, wouldn’t she think he would do the same to her? She’s no difference.
Wahmen like her think they have that something special that would make it never happen to them.
Don't forget she is also a cheater, just like the married man.
*different
@@David-wo9unYou're not wrong. Women have been taught from birth that their only value and worth is in their looks, sexuality, and youth - not who they are as a person. So if a man - especially a married man - flirts with a woman with this wounded mindset, she thinks he sees her as special and she must have something his wife doesn't have. To her it affirms her value.
To all the fathers, brothers, and uncles out there, please teach and show the girls/young women in your life that they are more than looks and that they have true value. Men are SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT in a young girl's life than you can begin to imagine. Girls learn to see themselves through the way MEN speak about and treat other women. Men are the missing link to a girl's healthy mindset.
With that said, her boyfriend needs to seriously consider committing to her. If she can't be trusted while they are dating then she's not ready to be a lifelong partner.
I think some just want a fling. From my experience, as a man who's always wanted to find the girl I'll marry, I've had to get over countless women who just wanted to hook up. I'm convinced men want to be married 10x more than women do
What happened here is quite common and normal in a mans world. Men are artists at swooning women. They know women love to be told they're pretty, beautiful, cute, smart, adorable, caring and will say they would take exceptional care of them if they were with them. This woman fell for that. The co-worker can not give her any more than her boyfriend can. He just tried to swoon her into his love nest. I hope this woman learned a lesson about the other men out there whom she's not dating. They'll say anything to make you feel like a Goddess just to get close to you.
💯
Yup, another notch on the belt.
Yep, and he's got a few other women he's doing it with too most likely. And if she did give in to him he'd drop her after he's had his fun and completed the conquest.
Hilarious how you make this all about men while implying that the receiving party is too naive and dumb to know better. Way to help the cheating caller avoid accountability and be misandrist and the same time
@@LateNightRewritesI'm glad I made you laugh.
She did NOT hold the line. She got caught! If it wasn't for him finding the texts, she would have sooner rather then later "met up".
You are so right.👍
No, because she Email Dr. John about six days before her boyfriend found the messages on her phone, so she was obviously at least feeling guilty and wanted to find a way to fix things with her boyfriend.
@Soulsphere001 thanks Lynn.
@@AmonAnon-vw3hr
That's what was stated anyway.
I'm hearing a lot about what the male coworker said or did and very little about how she reacted or what she said in response. Which is critically important to this conversation and kind of feels like she is avoiding some accountability.
The Sisterhood(TM) is out in force on this one, always trying to shift blame, avoid accountability and make it seem like she could never have possibly done this without somehow being tricked into it by a villainous (gasp) straight man
I don't think what she replied is as important as her belief that she crossed a line. She knows she did something wrong and she admitted it. Now it's up to her and her boyfriend to decide what to do about it. The public does not need to know any details.
@@LateNightRewrites
She took accountability for her actions. But, yes, the married man also did something wrong. It seems you're acting like it's all her fault and the married man is blameless. I'm guessing you're not trying to say that, but it seems like you are.
She is a cheater and makes excuses. Dude should dump her.
If she is willing to go outside of the relationship emotionally, then she is willing to be physically adulterous. One option for him is to leave. I think she told the guy she loved him.
@kanajingly8957 It was only when he discovered her texts to the other guy that she stopped. She was emotionally invested with the other guy to the detriment of her relationship with her boyfriend.
As one who has dealt with situations like this professionally for many years, you are absolutely right! Based on what I’ve seen and learned, I’ll take it one step further. She’s already had sex with the guy. Why do I believe that?? There was a long pause and she got extremely emotional when he said “but you held the line”. That display of emotion was guilt because she knew she didn’t “hold the line”.
@kanajingly8957 lol 😂 you know if the boyfriend didn’t read the text message, she would have gone. There’s a reason why the boyfriend had the urge to read her text
She didn't hold the line. You could tell. She's lying. That's the second or third dinner he was gonna cook. She got caught.
lol where did you get your psychology degree? Do you know this person?
@@DoomMishimashe literally flirted with her coworker and texted him things that you only text your partner. She concedes to it on the video. That’s literally cheating. 🤡🤡🤡
Na dude, when she started asking if the bf should be allowed to see the messages... i think there was much more said/done than shes letting on and im sure he'll only see like 25% of all the messages.
She probably told the married guy she loves him.
@@carnivoreRon I wouldn't doubt that for a second!
Exactly bro, you know even if he asks to see everything, the "everything" she shows him is gonna be a highly edited, redacted and carefully curated version of events that shows her only in a positive light
He wants to cook you dinner? He's married babe, you can't be that stupid. She was saying that she wants to be married, but she's not open with her partner and was hesitant to take full responsibility for her actions. She's trying to play the "if he knows it might hurt him." well you should have thought of that beforehand. Her boyfriend needs to leave- ASAP.
women will believe whatever makes them the happiest at the time, and act on those emotions, thus fucking with everyone else's life around them.
Good advise but DO NOT involve your manager in this
yeah, this aint a husband this is a boyfriend. You don't risk your job for a boyfriend, no way no how.
My 18 year marriage ended because my wife enjoyed this type of attention but let it go MUCH further. What I wouldnt give for her to have stopped herself and talked to someone about it, even if it wasnt me. Even if it was a podcast.
That's so sad.
The dude starts sending u memes consistently.... he's into you.
What a joke. This girl's boyfriend caught her before it got to that point. But it was headed there. And had he not found those texts, she's still going. It's cool to take responsibility, but he needs to dump her. She's too weak to be loyal.
Facts!!!
She says the boyfriend is like "family", and she sees a future with him, probably because he makes her feel safe and secure. The married coworker makes her feel genuine burning desire that's missing in her relationship with her boyfriend. I suspect she's already crossed the line with the coworker. Now she's trying to figure out a strategy to keep the boyfriend on the hook because she got caught.
She wants the comfort of a husband but the dangerous rush of messing with a stranger.
She is caught because she confessed. She felt the urge to confess even to a point of letting her bf know. All this time, she could of just use self control and just treat that coworker like he is her associate/acquaintance. I mean anyone can have a crush on anyone but have options not to act upon them. Where I come from, that work environment does not even allow coworkers to date coworkers. Besides, she only communicate with him remotely. There is definitely no proof that she cheated. I mean to judge talking to people remotely, there is absolutely no way to have physical sex with someone in zoom meeting. Any women could of been in a same position as her and choose to admire that coworker in zoom. If she feel that she will lose her control, she mind as well just stick to zoom meeting with this guy. Only reason why she is getting caught is just due to her confessing when all this time, she could of kept quiet about it.
As I’ve watched this a couple more times, a couple more important things strike out at me. It is completely disingenuous of her her say in one breath how much she loves her boyfriend
“to death” and see’s a future with him, and in her next breath admits that she would have met the guy at a hotel. Really?? In my world the two are diametrically opposed, and this is what I present to people I counsel. Somebody who loves their partner as they should won’t even for one second consider meeting someone else for sex. In my view, it doesn’t happen. Period. But beyond that, there’s a common thread that runs through every illicit relationship. People don’t confess until they’re caught. I haven’t encountered one exception to that rule. So the hotel thing would have happened, and that would have only been the beginning.🤔
When she says love she means 'use'
@@jackdeniston59Absolutely right!!
11/10 for the Advice Dr. John Delony gave to her about letting her boyfriend know from her what she needs to hear from her boyfriend
If your partner does this - leave them. They lack the discipline a long term relationship takes.
Nah they need to break up. Marriage is hard enough and they will entering it in the negative. It makes more sense to work on things if it’s a 10 yr marriage not someone you are dating
Dr. John never holds women to account for affairs. I feel this boyfriend needs to walk away.
Of course not. Those are the main watchers of his show
Have you listened this at all?
@@wutang23361he panders to women
A lot of unanswered questions. She expressed to the co worker that she is unhappy where she is in life and thought she would be married by now. If her and her “boyfriend” are so close that they call each other family, then why aren’t they married yet? Something caused her to do this once, and if the boyfriend doesn’t propose or start saying those things that made her feel alive then she will do it again.
The boyfriend should make her feel special. The situation doesn’t add up. At the end of the day, she’s a single woman who can do as she pleases.
Yes, saying that to a married flirt player is throwing the boyfriend under the bus and is like feeding a tiger and wondering why the tiger wants more.
Yeah, I agree. Alot more going on here than we've heard.
Aaaaannnndddd BINGO was his name O!
@@linhaton4957Huh? No she’s not a single lady who can do as she pleases - she has a boyfriend. She should have a level of commitment to that relationship until it is ended. Should a man who’s dating a women, still go on dates with other women?
‘I know you were desperately angry and beat a person to an inch of death and caused incredible pain, but good job you held the line because you really wanted to murder them and you didn’t. That was really hard’
Dr. John, I don’t know how your closing statement regarding holding the line was intended to help her. But I would love an explanation. Because in my mind she did nothing of the sort. She obliterated and blew past multiple lines. So ‘kudos you held the line’ in my mind is saying more or less ‘yes you did 10 things to betray your boyfriend’s trust but congratulations you didn’t do the one thing.’ Feels hollow. Especially because by her own admission she only stopped since she was caught.
This part really made sense to me and it takes a different kind of empathy to understand what Dr John is saying. She crossed a line in her head, which is why she’s upset. She thought it was innocent (naively so but she’s never been in this position before) and it sounds like it snowballed when she was already hooked on the feeling he gave her. It wasn’t at all sexual. She said that. But that was the next step. And to have that being offered after months of being sugared up and for her to take a breath to think about it - long enough for her bf to see the messages - does count for something. In my opinion this poor gal didn’t even realise the relationship was entirely constructed for sex. I think she genuinely thought her coworker was seeing her in a way no one else had.
He panders and mollycoddles her
This woman lied to Dr. John and he bought it. I’ve also been dealing with this kind of thing professionally for a long time. She paused and got very emotional when he said she had held the line. Here’s a question to ponder. When she readily admitted that she would have met him at a hotel or gone to his house, , what makes you think she hasn’t already done so??🤔
She did not say that. Give the time stamp. Hopefully you are not a lawyer cause you would be a horrible one.
John coddles women and slams men on this show. Its insane how biased he is.
@@randybobandy9828I just started watching him and also noticed it as well. However I think most of his Fanbase is women so he has to because the ratings will fall. I don’t agree with it but it’s reality. I bet if you were to meet John in an elevator and the conversation was off the records Man to Man he would say the samething. Plus his wife probaly listens to the show he really is not trying to create unnecessary problems and also keep his job at the same time. I read the comments and if not all 85% is saying the samething I truly believe that if John could he would say how he really feels but in all actuality it was would cause to much of an issue. Just look what happened to Kevin Samuels
@@GoKU-xx2vgWhat “time stamp” are you talking about? She did most certainly say she would have done it and got very emotional about it. As far as being an Attorney, let’s bear in mind that attorneys defend a lot of people who they know are guilty.
@@randybobandy9828* mollycoddles *
Dr. John I saw another video of a woman who called in because her husband was hanging out with their neighbor and without any evidence or background on the guy you immediately said hes cheating and he has no character AND has no integrity. Why didnt you tell this women she has no character and no integrity and how horrible she is?
If your boyfriend hasn’t read all the messages and those messages will definitely hurt him more, the relationship will never work. He will know he is an inferior partner and that will always be in the back of his mind. Learn from this and go your separate ways.
You never fix a relationship by turning away from your partner- those words have always resonated with me.
I agree
Women always expect to have it both ways
Me and my wife have an agreement we never talk about our relationship with anyone but our parents. No room for anyone to wiggle in.
“Do you ever feel like you wife doesn’t do enough”
NOPE.
“Do you ever feel like your husband doesn’t spend enough time and affection on you?”
NOPE.
We are the border between North and South Korea, nothing crosses in or out.
Lol I like your analogy! And you guys are doing it the right way.
He caught her. My guess is that she told the guy she loved him and that's why she hasn't shown the boyfriend the text messages.
Women want these dumbass adventures but don’t like the consequences
@@Jugoplastika7nor do they like having to admit fault, blame, or wrongness whatsoever. In fact, many will resist that so strongly that they'll lie, gaslight and flip the script on their partner by accusing him of being controlling, crazy or toxic
@@LateNightRewrites facts, reason and logic non existent
"I don't know what happened" - typical statement signifying lack of accountability and boundaries.
That being said, it's good that the caller is cautious and likely called in to reinforce her boundaries since it was this coworker who was trying to go too far. I don't think she went too far but was getting close to the edge
14:00-15:00 man, thank you for this--I needed to hear that. You calling it a bull crap hollywood story was a wake up call-something that I really resonate with the caller. In my last relationship I was shamed and brainwashed into thinking that crap but really we just need to communicate. Watching your videos have been so helpful John, thanks brother
8:23 This seems like a big red flag to me, she tries to make an argument to herself that its actually a good thing towards her boyfriend to lie to him and not show him the extent of those messages, and that lying to him will protect him.
She is making it out to be that the reasons she would potentially want to lie to her boyfriend and hide these things from him, is for his own sake (somehow). She tells herself that she is doing something noble, when she should know that hiding things from him and lying to him is NOT a good thing. It makes it seem as tho she is actually doing this to protect herself and being selfish, while claiming to be doing something well meaning and for his sake
I think she wasn’t sure what to do because of all the things she had read online because she also mentioned showing him everything and wasn’t sure which one to do.
@@tacooflove6175 Yeah i don't fully want to ascribe ill intent, i just wanted to point out how this seems like something more selfish than as well meaning as she makes her intentions out to be
But of course theres a possibility she really means well
@@tacooflove6175she knew which one to do. This language of “I didn’t know what to do/say” comes from the folks that lack accountability for their actions.
This episode won me over. You earned my subscription. 8:30 facts 1000 % u knew u crossed a line, and keeping him in the dark is sinister and heartbreaking 💔
I wrote on the original full length video...But this lady sounds naive and confused, almost blindsided by what happened. I think she just needs to be more assertive when a married man starts doing this. Because of things that happened to me, I see a con man right away when the flattery begins. Don't believe the flattery. They use flattery to get something from you. I still think the co-worker was purposely pushing boundaries and using predatory tactics. She doesn't sound like someone who was actually trying to cheat on her BF. She really sounds stunned and confused by the tactics of the co-worker and how she fell for it.
You are treating her like she is just a passive observer in this scenario, or like she has no agency, or like she has no ability to exhibit discernment and good judgment?
@@badwolf3618 Yeah she has to own what she did. I was mostly writing so that she doesn't fall for the manipulation again.
@@ChaiLatte13assuming she even fell for it the first time and didn't know exactly what it was off rip
@@LateNightRewrites I dunno. There have been others on this show that very clearly knew they were cheating. This caller sincerely sounded confused and naive. I hope that she is aware of her weaknesses now and learns from this.
She actually asked him if she should allow her partner to see the texts. That's a huge red flag.
Why is asking questions a red flag?
@@Soulsphere001 because her partner has a right to understand what was going on, she was looking for an excuse to limit his knowledge of the affair. How could that be okay?
@@tehbobb08
It's also possible that she's not sure if her boyfriend was asking for too much or not. She doesn't need an excuse to say 'no', so I'm not sure she was looking for an excuse to say 'no'. Then again, it's possible that you're right. I don't pretend to know what she's thinking.
@@Soulsphere001
What would you consider “asking too much” after your partner finds out that you just had an emotional affair
@@tehbobb08
It matters more what she thinks than what I think. Who cares what I think? Everyone is different.
I cant believe this guy wants to work it out with her. To her husband, if you're watching this... RUN, its over.
Luckily he's just her boyfriend she hasn't trapped him yet☠️ I agree he needs to leave her for the streets since she's trying to play the game lmao she needs to go to therapy as she's clearly repeating her childhood trauma cycle on her poor boyfriend :/
@@monsutades9999 oh, I don't know why I thought I heard husband. Whoops. Lucky for him, hopefully he gets some self respect soon before its too late
Disagree but she is extremely naïve and hopefully has learned an important lesson from this.
@@mozerm she got vulnerable, sexual and complained over the phone with the co worker. That's straight up cheating. You can't ever trust a partner again after something like that. When trust is gone, a relationship is over
I just want to shake my head. Yeah, let's go on a date with a married person. Geez.
I know, that didn’t sound the alarm when she heard the word “date”?!?
that married dude is a predator and a total piece of crap. This caller is looking at her life glass half empty. If she look at her life properly, she could say at least i am not married to that guy preying on his coworkers.
@@triplecheesemacShe’s the one that’s a total piece of crap. Gotta love the simps and white knights defending women lol
How did she respond to his invitations for dates? She didn't say she said no, just that he asked and it hadn't happened yet.
Yep! The fact that he felt comfortable asking is something that she allowed. She allowed him to cross that boundary in the relationship and she prolly wanted the D too obviously
All this personal chatter took place on the company dime? Both should be fired.
These comments are the best
Women and men always fall to the script of a few nice compliments. No one deserves to be cheated on no matter the circumstances. I remember my partner felt that I should just know what she wanted. I told her I can’t read minds, that’s I need you to talk to me about what you want. Don’t talk to me about it once a year. When I ask you how can I help you, then just tell me.
If a married coworker hitting on you and you’re open to it, you’re either naive and oblivious, a hor, a saboteur who’s fed up with a long relationship with no sign of marriage or someone seeking praise and affection.
The problem with trying to use the internet to solve your problems, is that the internet is a sound board. You're gonna get people that are wanting to feel better about the situation that they are in so they are going to give advice based on how they handled a situation. It'll never be about doing what was right, it's about making themselves feel better by having other people doing the same thing. Don't trust what you see online, trust your gut instinct and be true to yourself.
My husband of 32 yrs did this to me, three times, passionate emotional affairs with sexting, nothing physical. I found out three weeks ago, of 2004, 2010, and 2018 and it shattered my heart. He loves me and is ashamed, but that doesn't fix the hurt. Is love worth fighting for? Yes.
And that’s the only ones you know of lmao trust is gone
Best of luck to you in this difficult time and finding what is best for YOU.
@@Jocelyn123rox 💯
Trust is gone . He has now devalued your relationship to nothing . He’s a dog !
"You held the line, and it wasn't easy." Ridiculous.
Good topic, I just don't get how she still like yea I was in the wrong but I love my BF and our families love each other, if you genuinely love someone you would never do anything to hurt them.
She got caught in the emotional cheating before the sexual cheating started. She would have cheated sexually if her boyfriend hadn't seen the text messages. When a man has interest in a woman outside of work it is sexual interest. Most women are too naive to understand this. Men are not interested in just being friends.
This is the way I think about things. “Will my wife be embarrassed or angry with my actions right now” if the answer is yes I am leaving that situation immediately.
Dr. John the way you broke this down was second to none. You sir are an expert at your craft. God bless you for trying to help others.
@ryanhiga2904big facts, he let's a lot slide that he absolutely does not with male callers when ironically, most of the time it's the lady callers who need him to be more direct and honest with them
I think she saw red flags when the lines started getting crossed. It just felt good and she felt unkept or univested in the relationship with her boyfriend...she wouldnt have been allowing or looking for fun elsewhere if she was happy in her relationship...thats screams a serious deficit in a relationship.
Defect in Her
If another guy can light her up like a Christmas tree, then what isn't the boyfriend doing? So many people blame the girl. She's not innocent, but if guys want to keep their girls, then they have to captivate her heart and keep it captivated. There's no such thing as, now that I have her, I can relax.
If another woman can suck the crome off of his unit, then what isn't the girlfriend doing? So many people blame the man when he cheats, but if women want to keep their men, then they have to take it in every single hole they have and keep the man sexually satisfied. There is no such thing as, now that I have him, I can relax.
"I let myself get swept into it"
Saying it without taking personal responsibility for her choices.
Accountability is always the woman’s kryptonite
A good rule of thumb: would you be comfortable with your partner having the exact type of relationship with their coworker that you have with yours?
As one whose Profession has been working with this for a long time, your comment is the best and truest one I’ve read yet. Kudos!!👍
The married flirt dude lit her up like a Christmas tree. Love the holiday spirit! 😂
And almost Popped her bulb lol
Had the honkers blinking like tail lights!
You guys stop it😂😂😂😂
@@emmaphilo4049
Has anyone told you that your hair looks absolutely fantastic? If you ever need someone to talk with when it just feels like nobody understands you or will listen, I will be there for you...
😆
@@emmaphilo4049Yikes watch out for the simp above, he’s the type to ask for foot pictures 🤣
If she didn’t get caught, it would have only escalated from there. What she has been leading herself into is unforgivable and a giant red flag. They definitely need to break up. That boyfriend is only going to get hurt. It’s the fact that her boyfriend had to FIND those things her in phone in order for her to fess up which is a giant problem. It’s like no one realizes how important communication is.
It's a bit severe to suggest that she should tell her supervisor that she needs zero contact with the flirt guy.
Sure ..
make him look suspicious in his workplace as if it was all his doing.
If she values her relationship with her bf, then she can’t work with the married creep anymore. Either he’ll keep trying to get in her pants or it will just get too awkward for them to work productively together.
@@tpeters85 No way. To go to management when she was taking part in the same is so stupid and could hurt both of their careers. They can be adults about it and cut it off. People need to be responsible for themselves not needing a manager or HR involved. Grow up, made a stupid mistake, we aren't hanging out again and move on.
@@JustinCase780you’re a bit slow obviously
The longer a person waits to tell a relationship partner about something like this or worse, it absolutely gives off the impression that said person didnt intend to say anything ever.
And then the thoughts of "what else are they hiding" creeps in. It can blow a possibly fixable situation (through time and maybe therapy) into the "it is absolutely over" with anger and hate attached.
The real solution is just not to partake in the initial flirt. Or at least say something to your relationship partner as to why a completely different person made you feel better than your partner. First wake up call your relationship is in trouble.
You are absolutely right on the money. As one who works with this for a living, I have said the exact same thing in these comments.
She needs to be fully transparent and just accept that he may choose to leave her after reading the texts. It's interesting to me that she expressed all of these emotions and feelings to this co-worker, it could be assumed her relationship is lacking but yet and still she is obviously afraid of losing her boyfriend.
I bet the boyfriend has been planning to propose, and then he found the texts....
If it was me and my boyfriend did this to me...I'd be DONE
The caller is some one i couldn't trust, no matter if she's experiencing some remorse. I would walk
John is too easy on these women, she ruined two relationships. and the way he coddles this woman like she's a child who was manipulated is so weak of him. hes doing her a disservice. Women who do this need to hear the unfiltered truth not this pillow smooth its not your fault talk.
John knows that around 80% of his listeners are women so he panders to them and mollycoddles them
The only question that ever needs to be asked in a case like this is whether you would be okay with your partner doing what you just did.
If you aren’t even married yet and to the point that your partner is so dissatisfying that you are seeking/accepting the attention of another man…you are done. Do the poor boyfriend a favor and be honest about not wanting him anymore and move on.
Whoever the boyfriend is, run! Any partner that decides to go that far instead of seeking the partner, talk and fix things, will do it again.
Immediately they both need to end it. He’s going through her phone, she is communicating with her coworker more than her bf. Him going through her phone is saying I don’t trust you. Her chatting and flirting constantly with her coworker is saying I like you more than my bf. Quit wasting each others time and move on.
That guy needs to break up with this girl immediately and tell her she’ll never find anyone better because she won’t find some guy who lets his gf cheat on him without knocking her coworker tf out.
Why knock out the coworker but not her? He doesn’t we her boyfriend loyalty. 🤡🤡🤡
Shout out to that boy for being understanding and wanting to work it out, I would not have been so understanding...
She knows what she needs to do...she's fooling herself in saying she needs help. AND the guy was coming on to her..in your face coming on to her..and she wasn't aware???!! Come on...she knew. I'm old school...men and women cannot have platonic relationships in the workplace. Anyone who thinks otherwise is in my mind playing the fool. If you don't want to fall into the river STAY AWAY from the river bank.
So true!👍
“Someone said something nice to me so I opened my legs teehee”
Unfortunately this lady is doing her best to minimise what has happened, control this situation entirely (including how her boyfriend responds), and avoid all responsibility.
If she didn't get caught she definitely would have starched the sheets with this MARRIED MAN. She's weak and gullible. Find someone else. You marry her and this is your life.
If that's all it takes to make herself available to other men , then she doesn't really love or respect the boyfriend. The boyfriend deserves better.
She only feels bad bc she got caught. Women need to realize men will tell you anything. Just to get into their pants. Zero sympathy for this lady. My husband did the exact same thing as this woman. And it’s just as devastating as if he had sex with her. In my book I think in emotional affairs are more destructive.
Well have a look at the other women here defending her and literally saying "its not cheating theyre not married" lmao so think about that...