Yes I agree but at the same time, she knows him so she probably call him b4 she goes in the gym to see him. Gets her freak on, then calls him again after cheating and say she's leaving the gym. Then again, she probably skips the gym altogether and ride off with him on those cheating days...and he drops her back at the car after the fun 😅
Right! She probably is not good with spending it probably spends on drugs so he was just probably trying to manage everything. This girl doesn’t deserve anyone
She's gaslighting herself into justifying her behavior. She's likely not being abused. She's a former addict who's been given a budget to work with and just asks to be informed of her whereabouts when she goes out. That's not abuse.
Can you imagine a man that HELPS an addict recover turn abusive? Cuz I can't. To me it sounds like the guy had boundaries in place to protect her. and not to control her. If he would've been controlling she wouldn't have had the chance to cheat.
@@believers2012 "Controlling and abusive" is just the go to for women to avoid responsibility. "Oh, he's controlling and abusive because he won't give me full access to all money even though I'm a recovering addict and really can't be trusted with access in order to avoid relapse..." And depending on the drug, that relapse can be fatal. "He's controlling and abusive because he's really not ok with me going on a girls vacation to spring break drunken orgy clubs" "He's controlling and abusive because he's not cool with me having a bunch of "guy friends" that I go on dates with one on one" Her husband isnt abusive, he's trying to not go back to the life of being a punching bag for a mentally ill drug addict. HE falls back into old habits of not giving HER validation and affirmation, and yet She's the one cheating on him - she's so deep into avoiding responsibility of cheating on her husband she's so willing to call him a controlling abuser so she can go bang her gym guy. So typical.
"I know what to do; but at same time I don't know what to do!"- -- 99% OF WOMEN! She likes her husband i s a "good man & provides" & is BORING! He stayed and helped her in her time of need! So basically didn't love him, just used him and he is only man who stuck around! + BUT is LUSTING / AROUSED by CHAD the boyfriend"! Fun fact in America; + 70% of divorces INITATED by women +90% of divorces INITATED by women if she is COLLEGE EDUCATED! **SOURCE: 2015 American Sociology Association study on divorce!
Thank you! Telling your partner where you are isn’t controlling. It’s respect. Controlling would be if a partner decides if you can or can’t do something. There’s a thin line, but a huge difference between the two.
Yes!! The right thing for them as as a couple would be to ask other people outside her marriage to help her be a responsible person, so she can actually have a normal relationship with her partner. This adult child relationship will never make her be able to live and decide freely. I don’t get her husband either. Don’t you want an equal partner. Looks toxic to me.
@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 Right. And i don’t mean this as a man vs woman thing either. I’ve seen women try to “fix” their spouses who behaved the same way.
@@MarkTrueblood She is chaos and will only be chaos. Chaotic women like her are for being used by a guy at the gym for sex. They’re not built for marriage !! I wanna laugh 😂 how she thinks this guy cares about her as he’s pumping her. He is most likely sleeping with some other cute chicks at the gym. She isn’t the brightest.
I think calling her husband abusive is validating this woman’s terrible behaviour. Not only is she cheating on her husband but is now tainting his reputation by calling him abusive. I doubt that he is. This woman is manipulative.
@@milkboccle Her husband is not abusive. She is being a child and having a tantrum because she can't spend every dime he makes. I hope she ends up alone.
It's her way of avoiding accountability for her shitty behaviour. Shes probably not even aware shes doing it. It's a way of her subconscious justifying it to herself so that she doesn't have to be the bad guy in this.
Yes. What I found surprising that Dr. Malone interjected that he was abusive and controlling. Unbelievable. Sometimes loving someone means, you have to put boundaries in or be somewhat like a parent. I mean I guess you could ignore that and just let her become a zombie in Philadelphia or in Portland like a lot of those people are who can’t get off the drugs and just keep going back. Maybe he realized his advice was bad when he suddenly backed out his advice at the end of the video ?
Why of course! Got to fabricate what a Monster the Husband is to justify STABBING HIM IN THE BACK after all he's done for her ! Sounds like she's still struggling with her old demons !
She's an addict who has simply swapped one addiction for another. She loves the thrill she's getting. She'll find that thrill in someone else once she's bored with the boyfriend.
The Wall is coming for this woman and it is going to hit hard no matter if she likes it or not. The gym bro is going to dump her once the newness wears off or the sex stops, he will move on.
Ive accidently been the other woman he told me his WIFE was his room mate. that horrible feeling of being used when I found out. Why would anyone settle for being the side bit it makes zero sense.
to call someone abusive without knowing the back story is insane. he might have done those things to protect her from going back into drugs and past life situations
He obviously did. John even said it outright. He said something very close to: You don't know what I've been through w/ her, all the times I had to rescue her... So John does know, and yet he fell for the abuse shtick? I'm frankly baffled.
Yes exactly my thoughts. Very disappointing. My wife has very mild bi-polar and so she can occasionally go on spending sprees. She doesn’t work either, so I have a limit on her card and visibility on what she spends. Otherwise it gets out of control. I also like to know where she is when she goes out with her friends and I have no problem telling her where I am when I go out with mine. Nothing wrong with that. He’s a moron for defining that as abusive
Cheaters often LIE about their spouses! She’s simply not coping with living a clean addiction-free life and being married to a straight arrow husband who she feels is cramping her style.
This is facts!! They will lie about anything…and I mean anything…just so they can cheat. And I’ve experienced this. I was the other person without knowing it. Not only did she lie about her “ex’s” name, but his height, nationality…basically everything. Even her sob stories were full of crap. Idk how her group of friends still decided to stay close to her after everything that happened.
I'm a recovering addict. My fiance has been with me through it all. He met me as an addict in 2016 and didn't get clean until 2019. Do I think we are perfectly compatible all the time? No. But I would never cheat on him. What a slap in the face. I would be honest if things weren't working out..
An addict who almost died a couple times and ended up on a hospital bed several times because her addictions goes “He is just so controlling…watches every cent I spend…” I wonder why??
Exactly!. Ive been in abusive relationships and worked with women in the same situation for 10 years. No way could she have this affair if he was this controling
and plus how does she have such freeedom, pretty much all abusive relationships end up in the women being isolated and afraid, she ahs none of those shes a manipulative liar, pretty much narassistic
"I know what to do; but at same time I don't know what to do!"- -- 99% OF WOMEN! She likes her husband i s a "good man & provides" & is BORING! He stayed and helped her in her time of need! So basically didn't love him, just used him and he is only man who stuck around! + BUT is LUSTING / AROUSED by CHAD the boyfriend"! Fun fact in America; + 70% of divorces INITATED by women +90% of divorces INITATED by women if she is COLLEGE EDUCATED! **SOURCE: 2015 American Sociology Association study on divorce!
The reason she doesn’t have access to the finances and needs to tell her husband where goes is because she’s an *addict* and he doesn’t want her to *relapse* . For her to use that as an excuse to cheat on the man whose been by her side for 7 years through sickness and health, good times and bad, only to say “I only married him out of obligation” is just disgusting, this guy deserves way better. Praying for them both.
@andrewjackson9948 no that’s controlling and not be a husband. He shouldn’t have married her until he could trust her. If you don’t have trust it’s not a relationship. Sure I’m the beginning but that’s the chance you take. Eventually you have to trust them and if you can’t or they slip up it’s time to let go. He knew this when he met her
@andrewjackson9948 she does deserve it when she learns to love hers and is whole. Sometimes it’s best to become who you need to be by yourself 1st so the other party deserves love too. She doesn’t love this man. She felt like she owed him like she said.
@andrewjackson9948 yes it’s controlling and there for it’s not a marriage and that marriage needs to end. Moral of the story don’t marry someone you have to parent. People don’t need $ to cheat or get drugs. Most people lie, cheat, steal, and sell their body. He can’t prevent crap! He thinks he can but obviously he’s not.
Patient, kind and a bunch of other stuff I don't remember but that are all the opposite of lying, cheating and potentially putting their health in jeopardy from your poor decisions.
Il est du véritable amour comme de l'apparition des esprits : tout le monde en parle, mais peu de gens en ont vu True love is like seeing ghosts: everyone talks about them, but few have seen them.
I agree. That abuse word is gross. Now she can use that to justify her actions. The guy is not that abusive if he let's her go to the gym where a lot affair occurs. She is a total piece of work. I hope her stbx get relief from her and they divorce. I hope his self confidence is not destroyed enough for him to find someone that better for him. i am going say a lot woman would be better than her.
I totally agree! She likely manipulated the description of her husband to make it sound emotionally abusive to help justify her infidelity. I suspect that she and her husband came to an agreement about monitoring her expenses and spending cash to help protect her from previous addictions.
Her “it feels that way sometimes” said it all. The same way I felt “abused” by my parents when they grounded me for acting a fool. Grow up, little girl. This man probably saved your life when he could have chosen a much more peaceful life for himself. Better hang on to him because there won’t be many others willing to do that for you.
She’s a recovering addict. He’s been through all of that chaos and has lived that life with her. Of course he’s going to hold her accountable for her spending and want to know where she’s going. I wouldn’t dream of walking out of the house and not telling my husband where I was going.
Neither spouse should be doing that. It's called being devoted to each other. You want them to feel secure and to trust you, and you also want to look out for each other. Even though men tend to look out for women in more ways, you still want to know if your husband should have been gone 10 minutes and its been hours, that maybe something bad happened and you better start checking around for him, just in case.
6:58 Dr. John I think you’re spot on about 90% of the time. This one falls in the 10% for me. I doubt she’s in an abusive relationship simply bc her husband wants to know where she’s going and what she’s doing. She is a recovering drug addict, and he helped to save her. It’s possible that the only way to save her 7 years ago was to keep tabs on where she’s going and what she’s doing. It’s not easy to continually keep tabs on someone who is a recovering addict, and he’s probably exhausted. Let’s also remember that we are getting the details and history of her relationship with her husband from someone who is morally bankrupt and cares so little about her husband that she’s potentially exposing him to STD’s including HIV, etc. I had to say something here bc I don’t trust much of what this woman says. I think it’s very unfair to her husband to instantly label him as an emotional abuser based on her history. He’s trying to save her from herself. Just think about it: she says she’s not able to go anywhere. Yet she meets someone at the gym while alone and has seen him so many times to have an affair and fall in love with him. Sounds to me she has more freedom and more free time than she’s letting on. She has unreal expectations and is comparing a new love fling to a 7 year old relationship. She says that her husband will give her affection and reassurance but that he eventually fails her demands. I do like, however, that you instantly told her she didn’t love her husband. Kudos for having the courage to say that so confidently!
@@gracieo6561 I appreciate you adding this comment. I work in health care and admire Dr. John, so it’s not easy to not give him praise every time. But he’s a strong man with great character, and I know he can handle it. That is in the super rare instance he reads comments. Thanks!
Agree 100%, John was WAY off base to describe her relationship as "controlling and abusive". Just before she said that he gives her an allowance and he needs to know where she is going, she said that she was a recovering drug addict and he was the one who was with her through thick and thin and helped her in recovery. Maybe, juuuuuuuuuust MAYBE, her husband is aware that she is extremely impulsive and will make some dumb decisions if she isn't on a short leash......... I personally wouldn't even deal with a woman like this, but to call that man controlling because he doesn't want her to blow their life savings (I'm guessing HIS money) on a drug relapse, or be gone for several hours, you know, fucking another dude............give me a brea
Who you have to be to save a grown adult from themself is 100% the opposite of who you have to be as life partner. Husband chose to be those guard rails, but the worst part of addiction is you never know when that corner has been turned. You never know when to be the life partner. She just might have done the best thing possible for him - he can now leave and make a better life for himself.
@@offthetrail636ditto. But now I'm happily re-married to a wonderful, mature and thoughtful woman. I'm so grateful that our God is a God of second chances! "The LORD says, 'I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts.' " Joel 2:25 NLT
My ex-husband was a drug addict. I can speak from experience, his keeping track of the finances and her whereabouts is a thing of love in this situation.
No worries, women like this lie routinely. She wants to paint her husband as overbearing and controlling yet she’s able to hide an affair- it’s laughable. Women like this turn decent men into bad guys who in turn treat women horribly. Good guys who are wronged by seemingly good women will sometimes become jaded or not treat women as worthy of best treatment.
Having an affair 6 months into her marriage... I don't believe for one second she's never done anything like this before. And, normally I love John's advice, but vehemently disagree here. Her husband is not inherently controlling, he's reacting to his circumstances. It's called safety seeking behavior. You can not carry on an affair without engaging in behavior like lying, gaslighting, justifying, and likely minimizing and blame-shifting. It's not just wrong to call this man abusive, it's dangerous. Now this woman, who seems very entitled and manipulative, gets to go around calling the man she abused "her abuser." I feel so bad for him. His hell just dropped a few levels.
She can't go anywhere without telling her husband. And she's having an affair that he doesn't know about. Yeah... the math doesn't add up. "Hey honey, I'm going to go to this hotel for the night all by myself. So yeah I'll be there all by myself, nobody there." And Mr. Controlling is apparently cool with that? Doesn't sound controlling at all! And I just find an issue with how Deloney turned the guy who went through thick and thin with this addict, went to hell and back for her BY HER OWN DESCRIPTION, and turned him into a abusive and controlling husband. He probably realized that and why he retracted everything he said.
Dude absolute props for Dr. Delony being blunt about this and calling her out when she said she loves her husband. This woman is wild. Its not my place to say at all and I always err on the side of believing victims but it is weird how she talks about her husband being controlling/abusive as almost an afterthought (at least it appeared like that to me, could be wrong). Saying that it "feels that way sometimes" not that he *is* abusive made my ears perk up. As for the controlled spending, maybe again as a recovering addict she has had impulsivity issues in the past and maybe the husband gave her some ground rules that she agreed to and is now resentful of? I know it's impossible to get the full story here but I'm glad that Dr. Delony gave her the tough love she needed with the information he had available.
She's not going to tell her husband though. Because she doesn't want to lose the stability and security the moment she loses that she will go right back into her old ways and the affair partner will be done with her real quick
@@BIGEAGLEDUDE yeppp. Her affair only cared about her for his needs. He penetrated her mentally and physically 🤦🏼♂️. Remember Gentlemen, she’s not your wife. It’s just your turn.
I absolutely agree that she is full of crap about her husband being abusive and supposedly controlling. Seems like that would have been thr bigger issue and thr first thing she mentioned but instead it was as if it was to save face, an excuse as to why she is cheating. That being said, regarding your comment about thr spending and maybe it was due to her past addiction issues that's no excuse for controlling someone's spending like that. Either they are past that and he trusts her in that regard or he doesn't. I actually heard Dave Ramsey himself explain that to a man whose wife had a history of drug addiction(or it may have been the husband that had the issue I don't remember for sure) that he could nor attempt to continue to control her like that. Either he trusts her or he doesn't.
Can you imagine being with someone for years, helping them through addiction and through their worst and then be labeled an "abuser"? I guess no good dead goes unpunished.
Some Good Samaritans turn out to have been guided by the spirit of domination and possessiveness. A recovering drug addict would be a prime target for such a person.
@@vaska1999 I don't think so, especially in this situation. If he was "guided by the spirit of domination and possessiveness", she would be too coerced to be able to facilitate an affair that he was unaware of.
@@vaska1999 Lol, if a relationship doesn’t work out because she isn’t doing well, it’s because he wanted someone to control and if it doesn’t work because she is doing well, it is because he was threatened by her success. I guess men just can’t win.
I survived a horrible relationship with an alcoholic and it was the worst situation I was ever in. If they are sober, then they usually have transfer addiction issues. Plus many get bored and want to cause chaos in their lives like this lady. No way, never again.
Yeah, I feel like we aren't getting the full story about why the husband keeps tabs on her finances and whereabouts. It's totally possible that he's a cruel abuser, but it's also possible that she's developed a shopping or gambling addiction and has proven repeatedly that she can't be trusted. I mean heck, even John himself has advised people to limit the money their spouse's can access in extreme cases like these, he's also advocated for cheaters to give their spouses full access to their cell phones and answer repeated questions about their schedules. So he's kind of being hypocritical here. It's entirely possible that the husband is acting rationally and trying to protect his wife from financial ruin, access to drugs, etc. I'd argue he clearly isn't doing enough surveillance, because he apparently doesn't know his wife has been screwing another man for 6 months..
Yeah unfortunately I am the daughter of a marriage of that nature. Just like this woman, once my father was clean he looked for a woman and left my mother for her, just looking for another way to blow up his life. John is also right, that woman left my father 10 years later for another man, you reap what you sow
Her: "Hi i cheat on my husband" Guy: "Oh thats not good" Her: "Im an ex drug addict and he sees what i spend money on, also i need to tell him where i go" Guy: " Oh, so he abusive and controlling" What a crock
My immediate thought was she has to tell him her every move because she isn’t trustworthy. Over 7 years she didn’t prove herself to be trustworthy and her husband was obviously right. She must have more freedom than it sounds seeing that she found time and freedom to have an affair.
This woman is going to say/do everything to justify her poor behavior. Also, she's a former addict - that could be a reason why the husband watches the bank account, wants to know what she's doing.
Not to mention I think that's the main reason he wants her to let go of the control over the finances so that way she can have money to do what she wants with the problem is when you're an addict for that long and you just recently became sober you don't get to dictate how the relationship goes especially if you were the one who was to combatted one
Great convo! Husband most likely deserves a bit more credit. Can’t really blame him for acting controlling towards the finances, seeing as how she probably spent a lot of his hard earned money on drugs. That combined with potentially rebounding if he doesn’t know where she’s at. I believe if of us husbands were in the same boat that our actions would be similar
She began the call pretty smug, thinking she’s cute and in charge and John wiped that away very quickly. Good for him. I hope her soon to be ex finds great happiness after divorcing this mess.
She's not going to do it though because she knows automatically that if she tells him he will drop her like a bad habit or he will put even more rules on it to the point where he will make sure she has a post-nup in front of her from him saying what's going to happen if you pull this mess again or get back on drugs we will be done and you will lose everything
I am concerned by how quickly we concluded that a man, her husband who by her own confession stayed with her through the worst of times of her life caring for her when most men wouldn't, a man who probably had never laid his hands on her, I am kind of concerned with how quickly it was concluded that he was "abusive". Also worthy of note is how it seemed like some blame for her behavior was pushed on him immediately after that conclusion was reached. This lady is not happy, and she probably would never be going forward in this relationship. She's going to cheat again and again and again. The most humane thing to do right now is for her to divorce her husband and find happiness with another. She's done enough
\John corrected that right towards the end. I think he was focusing on the cheating and forgot that she was a recently recovered drug addict. He realized his error and corrected her use of "abuse" because of the nature of their situation.
She's never going to be happy. The problem with most addicts is low baseline dopamine. Their neutral state is a gray mediocrity, and they live for the thrill. No one can ever change that.
So she's choosing a guy who breaks up a family over a man who committed himself to her for the lowest part of her life. She's also reaping the percussion of being a trash person who blew through their money for drugs, probably couldn't find her some nights, and she wonders why her husband has trust issues.
Yep, for her husband’s sake I hope her divorces her and tell her to pursue the guy she cheated with. I wouldn’t even honor her infidelity with a conversation.
Yeah, he honestly sounds like he really cares about her to stand by her side through so much. And then she throws it away for some dude at the gym?? Give me a break!
1)He doesn’t show affection: yet he stuck through her addiction, hospitalizations and recovery 2)he’s abusive: yet He brings home the bread, and gives to her money. She victimizes herself but it’s an excuse to do the wrong.
Someone can be a good provider and supportive to make themselves look good. However, she needs to walk away from her husband and thr bf..... She needs to sort herself out alone.
@@marissathomas9327 why is he abusive though?? Cos a lying cheating in recovery addict says so. Sorry but I have been woth one of those and addict lie about everything even once in recovery. And they r usually the abusive ones. He needs to be on the phone as well
Cheaters are such fucking cowards! She didn't have the guts to tell him she wasn't in love with him or compatible with him before the marriage, she allowed him to waste money on a wedding, make a fool of himself professing his commitment in front of all his family and friends, and compromised his financial situation with a legal marriage, all because she couldn't put on her big girl panties and be honest. I know someone like this irl and have zero respect for this level of cowardice. Now she still can't find the courage to have an honest convo, so instead she created this painful situation in order to force her husband into a situation where he would have to be the bad guy and end the relationship. What the hell is wrong with these people? Why do they act like being single is a fate worse than death and refuse to end relationships that aren't working before grabbing onto the next monkey bar?
You’re assuming she hasn’t deluded herself into thinking that as a justification for having the affair. My wife swore up and down her AP showed her that she had never really loved me. Well now she knows she never loved him and I have gone bsck through old letters of hers where she goes so far to list 50 reasons she loves me and tells me she will be mine forever. We lie to ourselves just as much as we lie to others.
So glad you walked back all of your advice on this one. Lol almost totally dropped the ball here by calling the dude abusive. I have heard plenty of times on this show and the Dave Ramsey show that if one spouse isn’t capable of handling the money then they shouldn’t. I would say someone who has almost killed themself with drugs would qualify.
Her: My husband is abusive and controlling because he doesn't trust me with our finances and wants to know where I'm going when I leave the house. Also Her: I'm having an affair with a guy from the gym, and my husband helped me achieve sobriety because I'm a recovering addict.
Her being a recovering addict is probably the reason why he doesn’t trust her financially and checks up on her wherever she goes. He wants to make sure she’s not blowing money on drugs again or hanging out places getting high. I remember one of my old friends who fell into drug addiction, her parents had to KEEP TRACK of her everywhere cause she could meet up with dealers and spend all their money doing it if given the chance. I can remember going grocery shopping with her, I thought we were just picking up chocolate to go make s’mores with, she had a dealer whistle her over in the parking lot. It definitely opened my eyes to how sneaky addicts can be.
My late husband was NOT abusive or controlling, we both told the other where we were going. Partly because, wrecks, violence etc can happen and it was a respect issue. We both kept each other accountable financially
She needed a justification for her bad behaviour 😂 Controlling spouses won’t even let you to the gym alone…. or to wherever she goes to sleep with the affair partner
@@devadii24 yes and if her husband is as controlling as she says then how is she getting away with cheating on him.......her side of things just doesn't add up........
I like John but this is a microcosm about why this quick and dirty form of “therapy” can be counterintuitive. He simply has no relationship with this woman, and had spent approximately 8 minutes with her before forgetting that she is a recovering drug addict and deciding that her husband is abusive. Then he remembers and tried to back track. I have no doubt though that the damage was done, and he has affirmed her excuses and she will now continue to justify her behavior because it was suggested that her husband was abusive with insufficient information. This show works great for simple life problems, like John helping people deal with obsessive schedules or giving them advice on how to deal with temptations and fears or communication tips and tricks. It isn’t a good space to get a background and draw conclusions about specific people with extreme histories, and I wish he would stay away from that. This woman says “he controls my finances and asks where I’m going” and instead of having hours and sessions to ask her about her financial past or what the specific “rules” are about their communication and situations in which these rules might arise from, he immediately shifts the blame without thinking about it for more than 2 seconds.
Let’s be real she didn’t like that Jon was bashing her for cheating and all the sudden “he’s abusive “ lol all cheaters say he’s abusive just to make it sound better
Well tbf, she didn't say it, John said it, she alluded to it on purpose. But the reality is he should have chose better bc who wants to marry an addict but an unhealthy person themselves?
She just admitted that she suffers from mental illness and has been through addiction issues and rehab...then she is shocked that her husband is keeping her accountable? :|
If he is watching “every dime” she spends that’s pretty unnerving. But the second you say recovering drug addict I’m sorry but that now becomes a much more understandable behavior. How? She starts missing a grand he is going to know she’s right back in drugs, and he is desperate to find that out now rather than later. But that also makes me think this relationship isn’t good for him either.
@@treymiller5736She never said she worked. If anything the conversation indicates she doesn’t. Perhaps he’s watching every dimes because they are, in fact, his dimes.
This is why you need to get out of a relationship if you are dating someone who has no self-control with money or substances. Do not waste your time trying to change them. You will eventually become "Mr. No" in the relationship, and your partner will not see you as responsible but as controlling. They will likely end up resenting you and/or cheating on you with someone who enables their bad habits.
Caught my EX wife at another dudes house, I didn't give her a chance to make the decision, I made it for her that night. Funny part is, she moved in with the man she "thought" had money, come to find out the dude was broke. Last I heard, they fought all of the time. The grass on the other side of the fence may be dead instead of greener! Catching her was the best think for our marriage, best to find out a few years in than a couple decades in! I found a good woman and been extremely happily married for many years, life couldn't be better!
Glad you found out early that your former wife was no good, and even more glad you found a good woman that treats you right. It sucks when a man is cheated on or something by a woman then him and others immediately label all women as no good and evil or whatever.
@@leviacronym6770 - That is defiantly where the mind goes in the beginning, after being hurt like that. Her older sister helped me realize that just because her sister was a piece of sh**, didn't mean all women were.
@@leviacronym6770 yes, it's always "not all men" but if a woman behaves poorly suddenly it's "all women". It's very frustrating because whenever I recount my story of being gRaped, men come crawling into the comments telling me it's "not all men" and I "shouldn't generalize" (even though I never did that in the first place, they still feel the need to tell me that). But if a man is cheated on by a woman, there are zero comments of "oh but not all women", instead he gets tons of sympathy and is told things will get better. Me, a gRape victim, gets less sympathy than a man who had an unfaithful partner. It's incredibly frustrating the double standards we have in society. If I told a man that had been cheated on "oh, but it's not all women" every one would agree that that's such a silly comment to say and entirely redundant. But if a woman recounts a terrible experience with a man, suddenly she must be instructed that it's "not all men" even if she never generalised in the first place 🤦🏼♀️
And look how you repaid him...selfish selfish woman, I cannot relate to ppl like this who CHEAT, lie, & steal their way to happiness. & I'm a recovering addict as well, & as someone who's out of the trenches- I don't owe my recovery to anyone but ME, & a lot of recovering addicts should know that deep down, it was our choice, we did the hard work, we woke up every morning choosing better, regardless of the support we may or may not have been given, we can be grateful and give thanks for the support, but the credit for being sober goes 💯 to US
What's wrong with him knowing where she's going if she isn't doing anything wrong? That's just common courtesy and being safety-conscious in case she doesn't come back in a reasonable time frame. My adult daughter who lives with us always tells us where she's going.
Right? It's just plain rude to leave the house without telling your SO you're leaving or where you're going. If you don't want to answer to anyone, stay single 😊
Dr. John has grown a lot. There was another woman who called with the same situation several months ago and he was WAY too easy on her. He was much more direct with this caller and I appreciate him holding her accountable for her devastating actions.
@@cjwsk12 It's called "I destroyed my marriage (can I forgive myself?)" and it was posted a year ago. The woman had 3 affairs and he was way too understanding of her. It made me really mad.
Having to tell your significant other where you’re going or where you’ll be isn’t controlling & he probably watched her finances so that she wouldn’t splurge, sound like she’s not good at decision making so he did it for her.
How can you buy it when she says the husband is abusive and controlling? For 7 years she’s been an addict, a cheater, and a liar. And she’s complaining that he doesn’t give her enough allowance and asks to know where she’s going? There’s nothing abusive about it, she doesn’t work and can’t be trusted- and she proved it yet again.
I like how she mentions that telling her husband where she is going is controlling. I thought a husband and wife would often tell each other where they are going as a default. I think she threw that in to get sympathy.
@@edwo6648 yep. just seems odd that you wouldn't know where your wife/husband is. aside from them stopping at a grocery store on the way home or something minor.
@@Ka_Gg LOL usually one of the big reasons to know where the other is, is just in case something is needed at home, like the grocery store. LMFAO On the way home from work my wife telling me what she needs from the store, If I know she is going to costco I can tell her what i need. LOL that's part of a marriage, sharing your life and location.
This doesn’t sound like an abusive relationship. I hate that he just throws that word around. She sounds chaotic and stressful. It sounds like the husband is trying to keep it together and give a woman he loves some guidance.
Honestly, since she is a recovering drug addict., she need strict boundaries so she doesn't fall into drugs again. She needs to learn responsibility with oversight and gain trust. Drug addicts when they get $ they spend it on drugs. So of course she feels like it is controlling. He isn't abusive. I don't think he understands drug addiction.
Maybe not abusive, but not a healthy marriage. This is why caregivers aren't supposed to foster deep relationships with their clients. It can get messy. Marriages work on partnership. This isn't that and so it creates this toxic environment where one person ends up holding all the power and it backfires even if it's well-meaning. This dynamic cannot work. It's almost a Florence Nightingale syndrome and it will end badly as it has because the relationship is onesided.
I hate how easily he slanders men and offers outs for women when they are on the verge of accountability. If the woman handled the finances and gave him discretionary money that fit in the budget, he would call it responsibility. Man does it, abuse and control.
WILD. She sure is a piece of work. Literally wants a guy who'll pay half her bills and wants the other guy from the affair. And doesn't even seem to show any remorse. Also notice how she conveniently says she's never SAID anything like this, not that she's never DONE anything like this. Run for the hills dude.
Honestly I don't think she cares think about it if this man has been with you for 7 years through rehab stays hospitalizations and potentially emotional abuse from you and he still marries you and then you end up cheating on him within the first year of your marriage and he's been with you through thick and thin for 6 years before that what does that say about you to begin with because I guarantee you the moment you tell him which she's not going to do is the moment he's going to tell your family his family your mutual friends your church and everyone that knows you and him because you're going to realize for everything you put him through and he stood behind you and you do him that wrong you're going to lose way more than just him
It's times like this where in divorce court where the judge should just be like "look lady, u don't deserve anything from this man because of what you did and are entitled to nothing".
She presents as what is called a “dry drunk.” She’s not actively abusing substances, but all the manipulation and addictive behaviors are alive and well. Also, how is she being controlled if she has time to cheat and cover it up?
She never loved him and when she finally got her life together she's having doubts about staying with him because she doesn't want to lose the stability and I know for a fact about 6 months this affair is going to fizzle out and she'll have to be with her husband again and then it's going to make her choose to get in another affair or to just be numb to it
Knowing the way she talked during the call, I bet she is really good at convincing her husband that she truly loves him. I mean for God sakes...he doesn't even know about her affair for who knows how long it has been. If she was not any good at lying, her husband would have sniffed her out already.
@@erichchan3 yes, she may just be a good actress. It's important to look at clues like lack of attention or disinterested in sex. They can only keep up an act so long. He probably is noticing something off
Best thing I ever heard was if you find yourself in a position that you are choosing between two people to choose the second, because you never would’ve fallen for the second if you truly loved the first
Affair within the first year of marriage…interesting. Funny how signing a piece of paper makes people outside the marriage forever invisible to some and to others, clarifies how wrong that decision was.
Not a single time in almost 30 years of marriage was I tempted once by another woman, but…invisible? And if I didn’t think my wife noticed other guys, I think that would be a pretty strong indication that she wasn’t noticing me either.
Dr John made a big mistake on this call. Glad at the end he had a moment of clarity. We have no way of validating this woman’s claims about her husband’s financial abuse.
Fr, I survived through a heroin addiction and lying became so second nature I didn't realize I was even lying, I was just believing my own constructed reality where I was never responsible. Self accountability has been a majorly freeing thing once I took it on, but I met plenty of people who were technically clean but still their same addict selves. I see a lot of that in her.
He realized it at the end when he took back everything he was bought into the female sob story and snapped out of it at the end the guy isn’t controlling if she is having an affair that he doesn’t know about he wants to know where she goes and tracks her spending because she was a drug addict bro pretty simple she’s not a prisoner and she’s a manipulator putting him at risk of std/sti also
I'm glad that Dr John asked enough questions to realise that this situation requires more than a short phone call. The relationship with her husband sounds complicated, and he sounds perhaps a bit emotionally distant or neglectful, however monitoring finances isn't abusive in the case of being a carer to an addict. He also provides her an allowance, which many non-working women don't recieve from their husbands. Big messy situation, but I could hear a distinct lack of care for her husband over the conversation, the question is whether that's warranted or not.
The reason why her husband is 'controlling' is because she's a recovering addict... he cares for her he's trying to protect her from herself, but the only person who can do that is her...
I feel like if you have to hold onto somebody so tightly that you control every major aspect of their life, you need to let them go. He's not protecting himself by being with her, he's not behaving with dignity. He deserves better than a wife who cheats and lies, and she doesn't need to be in a relationship right now.
@GetOfflineGetGood So tightly??? She's literally having a whole different life with some one else. How can you say something like that witha straight face🤔🤔🤔
He's not "abusive" he just hasn't learned to trust his former addict wife. Those are things you do with someone who has an active addition and hasn't gotten sober clarity yet.
As someone that has been cheated on, all I can say is the best thing you can do is just be honest. Tell the other person that it is over and leave. It’s going to hit like a ton of bricks but it’s sooooo much better than finding out someone you love has been lying to you. Just be honest and leave.
I respect John’s self-correction at the end as he realized more of the dynamic in this relationship. What comes off to her as controlling is really his efforts at trying to keep her on the straight and narrow in recovery. He watches her spending to make sure she’s not spending it on drugs. Allowance is also likely so she doesn’t spend it on drugs. Knowing her whereabouts is so she doesn’t go to places where she can relapse. It IS controlling but not with malicious intent.
I think you are all wrong. The person that is responsible for her life is her. Babysitting her doesn't work. She is cheating on him. She is a loser trading one drug for another. He should find out and drop her. He is worth more than that. I hope he does find out and gets on with his life. She is just trading one bad behavior for another! Dump her!!!!!!
She was a drug addict. Of course he is going to have a problem trusting her with financial records. Of course he is going to have a problem wondering what she is going to do next. He has good reason to feel the way he does. They need joint counseling to build a sober relationship out of the old one--if they want to at all.
Honestly I don't think she wants that because she wants to go to the clubs and party without a care in the world knowing her history could make her easily relapse without a single thought. However she knows automatically that the moment she tells him and he leaves her it's the moment everyone in her circle is going to drop her like a bad habit and she will be right back in her old ways way worse than before
“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you truly loved the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second,” ~Johnny Depp.
Props on this one for calling out the behaviour. Let the husband know and he can move on and live his best life. Once you understand your wife isn’t worth the investment you can focus on moving forward and having a great life. Best of luck to the new guy 🤷♂️.
Yeah once you invest 7 years into someone who literally you saved and then they treat you like dirt by sleeping with another person it seems to me like she never really loved him to begin with but if it wasn't for him she probably would be the maggots dinner or in prison
When my ex did the same I told her she could pay half the bills until she found a new place to stay. She told me she couldn’t afford that, I said that’s too bad and not my problem maybe you should have made different decisions.
She got mad, moved in with a friend of hers. This was 2 years ago. Since then I know she has been with at least 3 different people, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was significantly more. She has then tried to come back…. Oh yeah and I forgot to mention, we have two kids 🤨🙄
And she spent her settlement in one year and now complains to the kids that she has no money. It’s a ridiculous thing to experience, all I can say is “covert female narcissist”. And of course this caller would suddenly claim the husband is abusive, my ex claimed I was financially controlling - because I took issue with her spending over $5000 in two months on beauty treatments, hair removal, Botox, make up, clothes etc
‼️ PEOPLE, before you get mad at Dr. John calling her husband abusive like I did. Keep watching. He backs out all on all of the advice and ends this with all of the right advice! ‼️
John was WAY off base to describe her relationship as "controlling and abusive". Just before she said that he gives her an allowance and he needs to know where she is going, she said that she was a recovering drug addict and he was the one who was with her through thick and thin and helped her in recovery. Maybe, juuuuuuuuuust MAYBE, her husband is aware that she is extremely impulsive and will make some dumb decisions if she isn't on a short leash......... I personally wouldn't even deal with a woman like this, but to call that man controlling because he doesn't want her to blow their life savings (I'm guessing HIS money) on a drug relapse, or be gone for several hours, you know, fucking another dude............give me a break.
@@mightymouse1005John is a male feminist and he's pandering to females like you, because he knows if he starts calling women on their bullshit they'll not watch his videos anymore.
There was a saying i remember reading, just looked it up. It was a saying by johnny depp "if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."
It sounds like she's never stood on her own feet. That's a huge disadvantage out in the real world. If she's never earned her own living and she would be starting at ground zero, that's a rough road, especially for a recovering addict.
I’ve been him. When you “counsel” and pour life into your person when they don’t even see it themselves you become subconsciously entitled and it’s extremely difficult to even the playing ground after that. When they have nothing to offer you and you are the one in a position to give value then you take on that role for the rest of the relationship and become they’re parent whose responsible for their actions.
You’ve put into words something many are living out subconsciously. I can relate, and my pouring was into an addict as well. I would add how it also creates resentment on both sides.
1) the relationship would not be “abusive controlling” if she had a career and could support herself, 2) the ABSOLUTE worst place to find a hook up is the gym. Your name is ALREADY on the bathroom wall. And..switch gyms. 3) that gym hookup…he’s not looking to support you
exactly but John said it best, someone that is willing to sleep with a married woman does NOT have a moral character. She in the back of her mind knows the guy she is having an affair with is not a guy with good character. Also, her AP knows she is trash and a cheater too.
If I was married to a drug addict, I wouldn't let her have access to any money or accounts either. I'd make sure I knew where she was going all the time too. This man doesn't trust his wife at all, and he has good reason. She's NOT trustworthy AT ALL. But boy can she play the victim. I feel bad for her husband.
What a F'in C***!! SMH... You can tell this hit hard with John. Hey Husband, I'm no psychologist but from one man to another, I'm sorry for how much time and money you spent pulling your wife out of her additive mess. You are a good man and I salute you brother! Move on and leave the trash she has created.
If her husband is so controlling and abusive, how does she manage to be hiding an affair? Does not add up.
Bingo.
she is full of lies.
Yes I agree but at the same time, she knows him so she probably call him b4 she goes in the gym to see him. Gets her freak on, then calls him again after cheating and say she's leaving the gym. Then again, she probably skips the gym altogether and ride off with him on those cheating days...and he drops her back at the car after the fun 😅
She full shi*
She is lying where she is going.
Holding a recovering addict accountable isn’t abusive
FACTS 👌!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right! She probably is not good with spending it probably spends on drugs so he was just probably trying to manage everything. This girl doesn’t deserve anyone
But that’s not what her husband is doing.
Exactly
@@hillarybillary21by her accounts? Does she sound like someone to be trusted lmao omg you ppl are brain dead
She's gaslighting herself into justifying her behavior. She's likely not being abused. She's a former addict who's been given a budget to work with and just asks to be informed of her whereabouts when she goes out. That's not abuse.
I wonder if the bf is a drug user and enables her, don't hold her accountable.
Can you imagine a man that HELPS an addict recover turn abusive? Cuz I can't. To me it sounds like the guy had boundaries in place to protect her. and not to control her.
If he would've been controlling she wouldn't have had the chance to cheat.
I agree with you.
@@believers2012 "Controlling and abusive" is just the go to for women to avoid responsibility. "Oh, he's controlling and abusive because he won't give me full access to all money even though I'm a recovering addict and really can't be trusted with access in order to avoid relapse..." And depending on the drug, that relapse can be fatal.
"He's controlling and abusive because he's really not ok with me going on a girls vacation to spring break drunken orgy clubs"
"He's controlling and abusive because he's not cool with me having a bunch of "guy friends" that I go on dates with one on one"
Her husband isnt abusive, he's trying to not go back to the life of being a punching bag for a mentally ill drug addict. HE falls back into old habits of not giving HER validation and affirmation, and yet She's the one cheating on him - she's so deep into avoiding responsibility of cheating on her husband she's so willing to call him a controlling abuser so she can go bang her gym guy.
So typical.
@@believers2012yup, this guy just doesn’t want her to fail. Hopefully she leaves so this guy can move on with his life!
Telling your partner where you are going is basic courtesy to your partner.
Thank you!! This comment right here !
"I know what to do; but at same time I don't know what to do!"-
-- 99% OF WOMEN!
She likes her husband i s a "good man & provides" & is BORING! He stayed and helped her in her time of need! So basically didn't love him, just used him and he is only man who stuck around!
+ BUT is LUSTING / AROUSED by CHAD the boyfriend"!
Fun fact in America;
+ 70% of divorces INITATED by women
+90% of divorces INITATED by women if she is COLLEGE EDUCATED!
**SOURCE: 2015 American Sociology Association study on divorce!
Right? If my wife or I had to hide where we were going there is no question one of us would be up to no good
Thank you! Telling your partner where you are isn’t controlling. It’s respect.
Controlling would be if a partner decides if you can or can’t do something. There’s a thin line, but a huge difference between the two.
Yes! You would WANT them to know.
She's not in love with two men. She's in love with one woman. Herself. 💁
Yes!!!
Bingo!
No. If she really loved herself, she wouldn't be up for this situation.
I love this comment 😄 and wanna hug you for putting it this way.
Nice.
Drug use > dopamine fix
Affair > dopamine fix
same thing
Wow great point. Damn
Her husband should find out and buy dr*gs and leave them around the house.
Yes!! The right thing for them as as a couple would be to ask other people outside her marriage to help her be a responsible person, so she can actually have a normal relationship with her partner. This adult child relationship will never make her be able to live and decide freely. I don’t get her husband either. Don’t you want an equal partner. Looks toxic to me.
The husband’s mistake was thinking he could fix a person who has committed to the spirit of chaos.
@@lipsticknista5319 Depends on a lot of factors. I think TN is relatively fair & balanced on such issues though.
Amen!!!!
@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 Right. And i don’t mean this as a man vs woman thing either. I’ve seen women try to “fix” their spouses who behaved the same way.
@@MarkTrueblood She is chaos and will only be chaos. Chaotic women like her are for being used by a guy at the gym for sex. They’re not built for marriage !! I wanna laugh 😂 how she thinks this guy cares about her as he’s pumping her. He is most likely sleeping with some other cute chicks at the gym. She isn’t the brightest.
"I can fix her" 😂😂😂
I think calling her husband abusive is validating this woman’s terrible behaviour. Not only is she cheating on her husband but is now tainting his reputation by calling him abusive. I doubt that he is. This woman is manipulative.
Also, if he was overly controlling, how on earth would she be able to have an affair, he wouldn’t give her enough space to do that?
@@milkboccle Her husband is not abusive. She is being a child and having a tantrum because she can't spend every dime he makes. I hope she ends up alone.
It's her way of avoiding accountability for her shitty behaviour. Shes probably not even aware shes doing it. It's a way of her subconscious justifying it to herself so that she doesn't have to be the bad guy in this.
Swoje błędy zwalić na żonę albo męża -
Nic dodać nic ująć.
Yes. What I found surprising that Dr. Malone interjected that he was abusive and controlling. Unbelievable.
Sometimes loving someone means, you have to put boundaries in or be somewhat like a parent. I mean I guess you could ignore that and just let her become a zombie in Philadelphia or in Portland like a lot of those people are who can’t get off the drugs and just keep going back.
Maybe he realized his advice was bad when he suddenly backed out his advice at the end of the video ?
She is 100% not going to tell her husband. She will continue until she's caught.
And then she will blame him and gaslight him
Or gives him VD.
Why of course! Got to fabricate what a Monster the Husband is to justify STABBING HIM IN THE BACK after all he's done for her ! Sounds like she's still struggling with her old demons !
@@thornyrose1235then he will call in asking can he save his marriage, as he hasn’t be intimate with wife for over a year 😂
John Delaney gives awful advice to women. He literally will empathize with women and come down hard with men
She's an addict who has simply swapped one addiction for another. She loves the thrill she's getting. She'll find that thrill in someone else once she's bored with the boyfriend.
FACTS 👌!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Exactly my thoughts as she explained her history.
When you marry the one you're having an affair with, you leave a job opening.
The Wall is coming for this woman and it is going to hit hard no matter if she likes it or not. The gym bro is going to dump her once the newness wears off or the sex stops, he will move on.
she's probably still using.
“The other gentlemen does know I’m married”
Sounds like a keeper
“Gentleman.” Lol
Yeah I noticed her choice of words there. Anything but a gentleman
Ive accidently been the other woman he told me his WIFE was his room mate. that horrible feeling of being used when I found out. Why would anyone settle for being the side bit it makes zero sense.
@@Em-im1yz lol no offense but how did you buy that😂
Lol.
to call someone abusive without knowing the back story is insane. he might have done those things to protect her from going back into drugs and past life situations
He obviously did. John even said it outright. He said something very close to: You don't know what I've been through w/ her, all the times I had to rescue her... So John does know, and yet he fell for the abuse shtick? I'm frankly baffled.
@@saintejeannedarc9460yeah its disgusting that hes empowering her mentality
Yes exactly my thoughts. Very disappointing. My wife has very mild bi-polar and so she can occasionally go on spending sprees. She doesn’t work either, so I have a limit on her card and visibility on what she spends. Otherwise it gets out of control. I also like to know where she is when she goes out with her friends and I have no problem telling her where I am when I go out with mine. Nothing wrong with that. He’s a moron for defining that as abusive
I don’t think she gets how terrible she’s been and how she’s not an easy person to love.
Good thought. Addiction and other mental problems are hellish to deal with even for family, let alone a romantic partner.
Totally agree 👍🏼.
Stability and restraint may be viewed as non exciting and controlling.
Unfortunately, she may only realize it when it's too late.
@@mrcool9672sorry not sorry but people like this cant be fixed. Its a personality trait that lasts forever
They both have issues to sort through
@@mrcool9672
Yup. Nowhere near “high” life she lived as an addict.
Cheaters often LIE about their spouses!
She’s simply not coping with living a clean addiction-free life and being married to a straight arrow husband who she feels is cramping her style.
This is facts!! They will lie about anything…and I mean anything…just so they can cheat. And I’ve experienced this. I was the other person without knowing it. Not only did she lie about her “ex’s” name, but his height, nationality…basically everything. Even her sob stories were full of crap. Idk how her group of friends still decided to stay close to her after everything that happened.
She admitted she has had substance abuse issues. So when she said her husband controls the finances, I'm thinking that is a loving thing to do!
Why would she hide the height and nationality?
@@harundaniel7705
I'm a recovering addict. My fiance has been with me through it all. He met me as an addict in 2016 and didn't get clean until 2019. Do I think we are perfectly compatible all the time? No. But I would never cheat on him. What a slap in the face. I would be honest if things weren't working out..
Nobody has ever been perfectly compatible all the time - the only ones who are are lying to each other.
An addict who almost died a couple times and ended up on a hospital bed several times because her addictions goes “He is just so controlling…watches every cent I spend…”
I wonder why??
Yeah it’s abuse to her. Drug addicts steal money to buy drugs
FACTS 👌!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drugs cost money and he wants to feel safe in the relationship.
This woman has repeatedly proven she is untrustworthy.
I don’t blame him.
Obviously that and not because he loves her and wants her to be safe and healthy
If her husband was actually abusively controlling, she probably wouldn't be getting away with the affair hahahaha
Great point!!!!
Exactly
Exactly!. Ive been in abusive relationships and worked with women in the same situation for 10 years. No way could she have this affair if he was this controling
and plus how does she have such freeedom, pretty much all abusive relationships end up in the women being isolated and afraid, she ahs none of those shes a manipulative liar, pretty much narassistic
"I know what to do; but at same time I don't know what to do!"-
-- 99% OF WOMEN!
She likes her husband i s a "good man & provides" & is BORING! He stayed and helped her in her time of need! So basically didn't love him, just used him and he is only man who stuck around!
+ BUT is LUSTING / AROUSED by CHAD the boyfriend"!
Fun fact in America;
+ 70% of divorces INITATED by women
+90% of divorces INITATED by women if she is COLLEGE EDUCATED!
**SOURCE: 2015 American Sociology Association study on divorce!
She betrayed him but he’s the abusive one? Make that make sense. Let’s hear his side before we pass judgement on him.
The reason she doesn’t have access to the finances and needs to tell her husband where goes is because she’s an *addict* and he doesn’t want her to *relapse* . For her to use that as an excuse to cheat on the man whose been by her side for 7 years through sickness and health, good times and bad, only to say “I only married him out of obligation” is just disgusting, this guy deserves way better. Praying for them both.
Exactly! I was thinking the same thing. Can't imagine how much she put him through for the last 7 years.
@andrewjackson9948 no that’s controlling and not be a husband. He shouldn’t have married her until he could trust her. If you don’t have trust it’s not a relationship. Sure I’m the beginning but that’s the chance you take. Eventually you have to trust them and if you can’t or they slip up it’s time to let go. He knew this when he met her
@andrewjackson9948 then you shouldn’t marry someone you knew was an active or a newly recovering addict. Obviously she isn’t make good choices.
@andrewjackson9948 she does deserve it when she learns to love hers and is whole. Sometimes it’s best to become who you need to be by yourself 1st so the other party deserves love too. She doesn’t love this man. She felt like she owed him like she said.
@andrewjackson9948 yes it’s controlling and there for it’s not a marriage and that marriage needs to end. Moral of the story don’t marry someone you have to parent. People don’t need $ to cheat or get drugs. Most people lie, cheat, steal, and sell their body. He can’t prevent crap! He thinks he can but obviously he’s not.
"You don't know what love is," is a line we need to use a lot more.
Correct. I doubt she’s ever loved anyone, including herself.
Patient, kind and a bunch of other stuff I don't remember but that are all the opposite of lying, cheating and potentially putting their health in jeopardy from your poor decisions.
Il est du véritable amour comme de l'apparition des esprits : tout le monde en parle, mais peu de gens en ont vu
True love is like seeing ghosts: everyone talks about them, but few have seen them.
Love is a verb. Love the feelings is the fruit of love... The action
I actually don't know what love is
“The gym… of course” had me dying 😅
John I’m glad you came around to stop using the abuse word. This mans actions are literally for her survival. She continues choose chaos.
Yep. Addicts are liars, and they will do anything to do what they want. I doubt the husband is abusive, just wants her alive.
I agree. That abuse word is gross. Now she can use that to justify her actions.
The guy is not that abusive if he let's her go to the gym where a lot affair occurs. She is a total piece of work. I hope her stbx get relief from her and they divorce. I hope his self confidence is not destroyed enough for him to find someone that better for him. i am going say a lot woman would be better than her.
Exactly!!! He spent yes of his life taking care of her and helping her , he’s smart to watch her spending. DUHHH
I totally agree! She likely manipulated the description of her husband to make it sound emotionally abusive to help justify her infidelity. I suspect that she and her husband came to an agreement about monitoring her expenses and spending cash to help protect her from previous addictions.
Her “it feels that way sometimes” said it all. The same way I felt “abused” by my parents when they grounded me for acting a fool. Grow up, little girl. This man probably saved your life when he could have chosen a much more peaceful life for himself. Better hang on to him because there won’t be many others willing to do that for you.
Well done John for holding her accountable
Agreed. He hit her hard when he had to but always with grace.
Is she serious?? She owed it to him? She’s terrible
@Imia323 I couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth!
🙄
Ramsey's gonna write JD up for this one...
She’s a recovering addict. He’s been through all of that chaos and has lived that life with her. Of course he’s going to hold her accountable for her spending and want to know where she’s going. I wouldn’t dream of walking out of the house and not telling my husband where I was going.
Neither spouse should be doing that. It's called being devoted to each other. You want them to feel secure and to trust you, and you also want to look out for each other. Even though men tend to look out for women in more ways, you still want to know if your husband should have been gone 10 minutes and its been hours, that maybe something bad happened and you better start checking around for him, just in case.
6:58 Dr. John I think you’re spot on about 90% of the time. This one falls in the 10% for me. I doubt she’s in an abusive relationship simply bc her husband wants to know where she’s going and what she’s doing. She is a recovering drug addict, and he helped to save her. It’s possible that the only way to save her 7 years ago was to keep tabs on where she’s going and what she’s doing. It’s not easy to continually keep tabs on someone who is a recovering addict, and he’s probably exhausted. Let’s also remember that we are getting the details and history of her relationship with her husband from someone who is morally bankrupt and cares so little about her husband that she’s potentially exposing him to STD’s including HIV, etc. I had to say something here bc I don’t trust much of what this woman says. I think it’s very unfair to her husband to instantly label him as an emotional abuser based on her history. He’s trying to save her from herself. Just think about it: she says she’s not able to go anywhere. Yet she meets someone at the gym while alone and has seen him so many times to have an affair and fall in love with him. Sounds to me she has more freedom and more free time than she’s letting on. She has unreal expectations and is comparing a new love fling to a 7 year old relationship. She says that her husband will give her affection and reassurance but that he eventually fails her demands. I do like, however, that you instantly told her she didn’t love her husband. Kudos for having the courage to say that so confidently!
EXACTLY!!!!!! Couldn’t have said it better myself-literally what I was thinking the whole time.
@@gracieo6561 I appreciate you adding this comment. I work in health care and admire Dr. John, so it’s not easy to not give him praise every time. But he’s a strong man with great character, and I know he can handle it. That is in the super rare instance he reads comments. Thanks!
Agree 100%, John was WAY off base to describe her relationship as "controlling and abusive". Just before she said that he gives her an allowance and he needs to know where she is going, she said that she was a recovering drug addict and he was the one who was with her through thick and thin and helped her in recovery.
Maybe, juuuuuuuuuust MAYBE, her husband is aware that she is extremely impulsive and will make some dumb decisions if she isn't on a short leash.........
I personally wouldn't even deal with a woman like this, but to call that man controlling because he doesn't want her to blow their life savings (I'm guessing HIS money) on a drug relapse, or be gone for several hours, you know, fucking another dude............give me a brea
Who you have to be to save a grown adult from themself is 100% the opposite of who you have to be as life partner. Husband chose to be those guard rails, but the worst part of addiction is you never know when that corner has been turned. You never know when to be the life partner. She just might have done the best thing possible for him - he can now leave and make a better life for himself.
Watch starting at 12:02
Imagine helping someone through their drug addiction and all their trama to only get cheated on and thrown to the side. I couldnt imagine.
For him it would be goodbye to bad rubbish.
It was a mistake for him to think he could fix someone committed to the spirit of chaos.
This happened to me. 2 kids with her
@@MarkTruebloodthat s an accurate way of putting it
@@offthetrail636ditto. But now I'm happily re-married to a wonderful, mature and thoughtful woman. I'm so grateful that our God is a God of second chances! "The LORD says, 'I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts.' " Joel 2:25 NLT
My ex-husband was a drug addict. I can speak from experience, his keeping track of the finances and her whereabouts is a thing of love in this situation.
The sad thing is she wasted 7 years of HIS life, and now she blows it up. Give me a break.
Exactly this
Did you listen to the whole call?
@@mistermanman why?
U never lose when u love only when u didnt.
He was dating an active addict, he wasted his own life.
All I ever wanted was to meet a good man, marry him, and start a family. Women like this drive me crazy
All you have to do is develop a serious dysfunction...some codependent with low-self esteem will take you on as a project
THIS.
No worries, women like this lie routinely. She wants to paint her husband as overbearing and controlling yet she’s able to hide an affair- it’s laughable. Women like this turn decent men into bad guys who in turn treat women horribly. Good guys who are wronged by seemingly good women will sometimes become jaded or not treat women as worthy of best treatment.
@@standground8284 yes. I understand why men hesitate to get married nowadays
This isn’t a good man. He’s a messed-up man who wants an unstable woman.
Having an affair 6 months into her marriage... I don't believe for one second she's never done anything like this before.
And, normally I love John's advice, but vehemently disagree here. Her husband is not inherently controlling, he's reacting to his circumstances. It's called safety seeking behavior. You can not carry on an affair without engaging in behavior like lying, gaslighting, justifying, and likely minimizing and blame-shifting. It's not just wrong to call this man abusive, it's dangerous. Now this woman, who seems very entitled and manipulative, gets to go around calling the man she abused "her abuser." I feel so bad for him. His hell just dropped a few levels.
Well said
She can't go anywhere without telling her husband.
And she's having an affair that he doesn't know about.
Yeah... the math doesn't add up.
"Hey honey, I'm going to go to this hotel for the night all by myself. So yeah I'll be there all by myself, nobody there."
And Mr. Controlling is apparently cool with that?
Doesn't sound controlling at all!
And I just find an issue with how Deloney turned the guy who went through thick and thin with this addict, went to hell and back for her BY HER OWN DESCRIPTION, and turned him into a abusive and controlling husband.
He probably realized that and why he retracted everything he said.
When people hook up, they can hook up anywhere. Any time of the day. She's getting it while she's "at the gym."
I'ts called lying about where you are lmao how can you be this dense?
Dude absolute props for Dr. Delony being blunt about this and calling her out when she said she loves her husband. This woman is wild. Its not my place to say at all and I always err on the side of believing victims but it is weird how she talks about her husband being controlling/abusive as almost an afterthought (at least it appeared like that to me, could be wrong). Saying that it "feels that way sometimes" not that he *is* abusive made my ears perk up. As for the controlled spending, maybe again as a recovering addict she has had impulsivity issues in the past and maybe the husband gave her some ground rules that she agreed to and is now resentful of? I know it's impossible to get the full story here but I'm glad that Dr. Delony gave her the tough love she needed with the information he had available.
She’s not done getting ran through by Chads, Tyrones and Karens. She’s forever for the streets.
She's not going to tell her husband though. Because she doesn't want to lose the stability and security the moment she loses that she will go right back into her old ways and the affair partner will be done with her real quick
@@BIGEAGLEDUDE yeppp. Her affair only cared about her for his needs. He penetrated her mentally and physically 🤦🏼♂️.
Remember Gentlemen, she’s not your wife. It’s just your turn.
I absolutely agree that she is full of crap about her husband being abusive and supposedly controlling. Seems like that would have been thr bigger issue and thr first thing she mentioned but instead it was as if it was to save face, an excuse as to why she is cheating. That being said, regarding your comment about thr spending and maybe it was due to her past addiction issues that's no excuse for controlling someone's spending like that. Either they are past that and he trusts her in that regard or he doesn't. I actually heard Dave Ramsey himself explain that to a man whose wife had a history of drug addiction(or it may have been the husband that had the issue I don't remember for sure) that he could nor attempt to continue to control her like that. Either he trusts her or he doesn't.
@@mikenelson8377why? Because she has a history of drug addiction?
Ramsey calls an allowance having a budget while Delony calls it an abusive relationship 😂😂😂
Delaney giving serious advice after speaking to one person for 10 minutes😂
Except you don't know how along they talked and what he knows ahead of time. This video is highly edited.
SHE HAS N ACCESS TO ANY ACCOUNTS. THAT IS WEIRD.
Can you imagine being with someone for years, helping them through addiction and through their worst and then be labeled an "abuser"? I guess no good dead goes unpunished.
That's why being Bob the Builder is a terrible idea.
literally
Some Good Samaritans turn out to have been guided by the spirit of domination and possessiveness. A recovering drug addict would be a prime target for such a person.
@@vaska1999 I don't think so, especially in this situation. If he was "guided by the spirit of domination and possessiveness", she would be too coerced to be able to facilitate an affair that he was unaware of.
@@vaska1999 Lol, if a relationship doesn’t work out because she isn’t doing well, it’s because he wanted someone to control and if it doesn’t work because she is doing well, it is because he was threatened by her success. I guess men just can’t win.
I survived a horrible relationship with an alcoholic and it was the worst situation I was ever in. If they are sober, then they usually have transfer addiction issues. Plus many get bored and want to cause chaos in their lives like this lady. No way, never again.
Good ur free!!!
Yeah, I feel like we aren't getting the full story about why the husband keeps tabs on her finances and whereabouts. It's totally possible that he's a cruel abuser, but it's also possible that she's developed a shopping or gambling addiction and has proven repeatedly that she can't be trusted. I mean heck, even John himself has advised people to limit the money their spouse's can access in extreme cases like these, he's also advocated for cheaters to give their spouses full access to their cell phones and answer repeated questions about their schedules. So he's kind of being hypocritical here. It's entirely possible that the husband is acting rationally and trying to protect his wife from financial ruin, access to drugs, etc. I'd argue he clearly isn't doing enough surveillance, because he apparently doesn't know his wife has been screwing another man for 6 months..
Yeah unfortunately I am the daughter of a marriage of that nature. Just like this woman, once my father was clean he looked for a woman and left my mother for her, just looking for another way to blow up his life.
John is also right, that woman left my father 10 years later for another man, you reap what you sow
100 percent true!
Her: "Hi i cheat on my husband"
Guy: "Oh thats not good"
Her: "Im an ex drug addict and he sees what i spend money on, also i need to tell him where i go"
Guy: " Oh, so he abusive and controlling"
What a crock
My immediate thought was she has to tell him her every move because she isn’t trustworthy. Over 7 years she didn’t prove herself to be trustworthy and her husband was obviously right. She must have more freedom than it sounds seeing that she found time and freedom to have an affair.
This woman is going to say/do everything to justify her poor behavior. Also, she's a former addict - that could be a reason why the husband watches the bank account, wants to know what she's doing.
Not to mention I think that's the main reason he wants her to let go of the control over the finances so that way she can have money to do what she wants with the problem is when you're an addict for that long and you just recently became sober you don't get to dictate how the relationship goes especially if you were the one who was to combatted one
You're never a former addict - juist an addict in remission.
@@michaelpalumbo4880everything is possible with Jesus
FACTS 👌!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But thats also why he should have never wanted to marry her at all.
Great convo! Husband most likely deserves a bit more credit. Can’t really blame him for acting controlling towards the finances, seeing as how she probably spent a lot of his hard earned money on drugs. That combined with potentially rebounding if he doesn’t know where she’s at. I believe if of us husbands were in the same boat that our actions would be similar
She began the call pretty smug, thinking she’s cute and in charge and John wiped that away very quickly. Good for him. I hope her soon to be ex finds great happiness after divorcing this mess.
She's not going to do it though because she knows automatically that if she tells him he will drop her like a bad habit or he will put even more rules on it to the point where he will make sure she has a post-nup in front of her from him saying what's going to happen if you pull this mess again or get back on drugs we will be done and you will lose everything
she is trouble by all means. stay away from this woman.
I am concerned by how quickly we concluded that a man, her husband who by her own confession stayed with her through the worst of times of her life caring for her when most men wouldn't, a man who probably had never laid his hands on her, I am kind of concerned with how quickly it was concluded that he was "abusive". Also worthy of note is how it seemed like some blame for her behavior was pushed on him immediately after that conclusion was reached. This lady is not happy, and she probably would never be going forward in this relationship. She's going to cheat again and again and again. The most humane thing to do right now is for her to divorce her husband and find happiness with another. She's done enough
\John corrected that right towards the end. I think he was focusing on the cheating and forgot that she was a recently recovered drug addict. He realized his error and corrected her use of "abuse" because of the nature of their situation.
@@ErinWilkespot on dude
She's never going to be happy. The problem with most addicts is low baseline dopamine. Their neutral state is a gray mediocrity, and they live for the thrill. No one can ever change that.
Bro this woman's ability to hold herself accountable is non existent.
So she's choosing a guy who breaks up a family over a man who committed himself to her for the lowest part of her life. She's also reaping the percussion of being a trash person who blew through their money for drugs, probably couldn't find her some nights, and she wonders why her husband has trust issues.
Yep, for her husband’s sake I hope her divorces her and tell her to pursue the guy she cheated with. I wouldn’t even honor her infidelity with a conversation.
Yeah, he honestly sounds like he really cares about her to stand by her side through so much. And then she throws it away for some dude at the gym?? Give me a break!
@@jellyrcw12poor guy
Moralizing doesn't work. She doesn't love the husband. Period.
It is scary how quickly good men get thrown under the bus as controlling and abusive.
Not giving a drunk a drink is not an abusive relationship.
1)He doesn’t show affection: yet he stuck through her addiction, hospitalizations and recovery
2)he’s abusive: yet He brings home the bread, and gives to her money.
She victimizes herself but it’s an excuse to do the wrong.
Someone can be a good provider and supportive to make themselves look good. However, she needs to walk away from her husband and thr bf.....
She needs to sort herself out alone.
@@mightymouse1005 i am 100% sure her husband is innocent.. She just trying to portray him abusive so that she feel less guilty of cheating
Tick Tock syndrome
I agree however I will like to say just because someone pays the bills and give you money does not make him not abusive .
@@marissathomas9327 why is he abusive though?? Cos a lying cheating in recovery addict says so. Sorry but I have been woth one of those and addict lie about everything even once in recovery. And they r usually the abusive ones. He needs to be on the phone as well
He cannot meet my needs. AKA he cannot fill the void inside of my soul that I cannot fill myself.
i’ve just recently discovered dr.john. you are brilliant.
Cheaters are such fucking cowards! She didn't have the guts to tell him she wasn't in love with him or compatible with him before the marriage, she allowed him to waste money on a wedding, make a fool of himself professing his commitment in front of all his family and friends, and compromised his financial situation with a legal marriage, all because she couldn't put on her big girl panties and be honest. I know someone like this irl and have zero respect for this level of cowardice. Now she still can't find the courage to have an honest convo, so instead she created this painful situation in order to force her husband into a situation where he would have to be the bad guy and end the relationship. What the hell is wrong with these people? Why do they act like being single is a fate worse than death and refuse to end relationships that aren't working before grabbing onto the next monkey bar?
You’re assuming she hasn’t deluded herself into thinking that as a justification for having the affair. My wife swore up and down her AP showed her that she had never really loved me. Well now she knows she never loved him and I have gone bsck through old letters of hers where she goes so far to list 50 reasons she loves me and tells me she will be mine forever. We lie to ourselves just as much as we lie to others.
So glad you walked back all of your advice on this one. Lol almost totally dropped the ball here by calling the dude abusive. I have heard plenty of times on this show and the Dave Ramsey show that if one spouse isn’t capable of handling the money then they shouldn’t. I would say someone who has almost killed themself with drugs would qualify.
He is so biased against men that his immediate response was to call him abusive.
Great call again John . And once again I am so impressed with your callers with their courage and honesty and openness
Her: My husband is abusive and controlling because he doesn't trust me with our finances and wants to know where I'm going when I leave the house.
Also Her: I'm having an affair with a guy from the gym, and my husband helped me achieve sobriety because I'm a recovering addict.
Her being a recovering addict is probably the reason why he doesn’t trust her financially and checks up on her wherever she goes. He wants to make sure she’s not blowing money on drugs again or hanging out places getting high. I remember one of my old friends who fell into drug addiction, her parents had to KEEP TRACK of her everywhere cause she could meet up with dealers and spend all their money doing it if given the chance. I can remember going grocery shopping with her, I thought we were just picking up chocolate to go make s’mores with, she had a dealer whistle her over in the parking lot. It definitely opened my eyes to how sneaky addicts can be.
My late husband was NOT abusive or controlling, we both told the other where we were going. Partly because, wrecks, violence etc can happen and it was a respect issue. We both kept each other accountable financially
@@mightymouse1005 sounds like you had a very stable and healthy relationship. I am sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace!
She needed a justification for her bad behaviour 😂 Controlling spouses won’t even let you to the gym alone…. or to wherever she goes to sleep with the affair partner
@@devadii24 yes and if her husband is as controlling as she says then how is she getting away with cheating on him.......her side of things just doesn't add up........
How did she cheat if her husband truly tracked her every move?
She’s not controlled and abused. Lying, not convincing.
Right. She wouldn't be allowed to go to the gym if that's the case.
Yes, and never mind going somewhere with a man after gym.
@@CrystalM1917
it's to even out the playing field so she doesn't feel as bad about the fact that she's a cheater.
@@CrystalM1917no most likely he would go with her
I like John but this is a microcosm about why this quick and dirty form of “therapy” can be counterintuitive. He simply has no relationship with this woman, and had spent approximately 8 minutes with her before forgetting that she is a recovering drug addict and deciding that her husband is abusive. Then he remembers and tried to back track. I have no doubt though that the damage was done, and he has affirmed her excuses and she will now continue to justify her behavior because it was suggested that her husband was abusive with insufficient information. This show works great for simple life problems, like John helping people deal with obsessive schedules or giving them advice on how to deal with temptations and fears or communication tips and tricks. It isn’t a good space to get a background and draw conclusions about specific people with extreme histories, and I wish he would stay away from that. This woman says “he controls my finances and asks where I’m going” and instead of having hours and sessions to ask her about her financial past or what the specific “rules” are about their communication and situations in which these rules might arise from, he immediately shifts the blame without thinking about it for more than 2 seconds.
me and my wife always tell each other where we are going, that is NOT controlling.
Let’s be real she didn’t like that Jon was bashing her for cheating and all the sudden “he’s abusive “ lol all cheaters say he’s abusive just to make it sound better
Well tbf, she didn't say it, John said it, she alluded to it on purpose. But the reality is he should have chose better bc who wants to marry an addict but an unhealthy person themselves?
She just admitted that she suffers from mental illness and has been through addiction issues and rehab...then she is shocked that her husband is keeping her accountable? :|
Telling your husband what you spend and where you’re going is abusive? After she’s been an addict and cheating 🤦🏾♂️ wow
If he is watching “every dime” she spends that’s pretty unnerving.
But the second you say recovering drug addict I’m sorry but that now becomes a much more understandable behavior. How? She starts missing a grand he is going to know she’s right back in drugs, and he is desperate to find that out now rather than later. But that also makes me think this relationship isn’t good for him either.
exactly like what
@@treymiller5736She never said she worked. If anything the conversation indicates she doesn’t. Perhaps he’s watching every dimes because they are, in fact, his dimes.
This is why you need to get out of a relationship if you are dating someone who has no self-control with money or substances. Do not waste your time trying to change them. You will eventually become "Mr. No" in the relationship, and your partner will not see you as responsible but as controlling. They will likely end up resenting you and/or cheating on you with someone who enables their bad habits.
Did she ever mention why she doesn't have a job
Caught my EX wife at another dudes house, I didn't give her a chance to make the decision, I made it for her that night. Funny part is, she moved in with the man she "thought" had money, come to find out the dude was broke. Last I heard, they fought all of the time. The grass on the other side of the fence may be dead instead of greener! Catching her was the best think for our marriage, best to find out a few years in than a couple decades in! I found a good woman and been extremely happily married for many years, life couldn't be better!
It’s astroturf.
FACTS 👌!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glad you found out early that your former wife was no good, and even more glad you found a good woman that treats you right. It sucks when a man is cheated on or something by a woman then him and others immediately label all women as no good and evil or whatever.
@@leviacronym6770 - That is defiantly where the mind goes in the beginning, after being hurt like that. Her older sister helped me realize that just because her sister was a piece of sh**, didn't mean all women were.
@@leviacronym6770 yes, it's always "not all men" but if a woman behaves poorly suddenly it's "all women".
It's very frustrating because whenever I recount my story of being gRaped, men come crawling into the comments telling me it's "not all men" and I "shouldn't generalize" (even though I never did that in the first place, they still feel the need to tell me that). But if a man is cheated on by a woman, there are zero comments of "oh but not all women", instead he gets tons of sympathy and is told things will get better. Me, a gRape victim, gets less sympathy than a man who had an unfaithful partner.
It's incredibly frustrating the double standards we have in society. If I told a man that had been cheated on "oh, but it's not all women" every one would agree that that's such a silly comment to say and entirely redundant. But if a woman recounts a terrible experience with a man, suddenly she must be instructed that it's "not all men" even if she never generalised in the first place 🤦🏼♀️
And look how you repaid him...selfish selfish woman, I cannot relate to ppl like this who CHEAT, lie, & steal their way to happiness. & I'm a recovering addict as well, & as someone who's out of the trenches- I don't owe my recovery to anyone but ME, & a lot of recovering addicts should know that deep down, it was our choice, we did the hard work, we woke up every morning choosing better, regardless of the support we may or may not have been given, we can be grateful and give thanks for the support, but the credit for being sober goes 💯 to US
What's wrong with him knowing where she's going if she isn't doing anything wrong? That's just common courtesy and being safety-conscious in case she doesn't come back in a reasonable time frame. My adult daughter who lives with us always tells us where she's going.
Right? It's just plain rude to leave the house without telling your SO you're leaving or where you're going. If you don't want to answer to anyone, stay single 😊
Dr. John has grown a lot. There was another woman who called with the same situation several months ago and he was WAY too easy on her. He was much more direct with this caller and I appreciate him holding her accountable for her devastating actions.
Do you remember which video title?
@@cjwsk12 It's called "I destroyed my marriage (can I forgive myself?)" and it was posted a year ago. The woman had 3 affairs and he was way too understanding of her. It made me really mad.
Yeah he really dropped the ball on that vid. She manipulated him and dodged questions whilst he failed to give any pushback.
He is still a lot harder on men.
Having to tell your significant other where you’re going or where you’ll be isn’t controlling & he probably watched her finances so that she wouldn’t splurge, sound like she’s not good at decision making so he did it for her.
How can you buy it when she says the husband is abusive and controlling? For 7 years she’s been an addict, a cheater, and a liar. And she’s complaining that he doesn’t give her enough allowance and asks to know where she’s going?
There’s nothing abusive about it, she doesn’t work and can’t be trusted- and she proved it yet again.
It’s scary how calmly she can talk about this. Narcissism at its finest
I like how she mentions that telling her husband where she is going is controlling.
I thought a husband and wife would often tell each other where they are going as a default.
I think she threw that in to get sympathy.
My late wife and I always did.
@@edwo6648 yep. just seems odd that you wouldn't know where your wife/husband is. aside from them stopping at a grocery store on the way home or something minor.
@@Ka_Gg LOL usually one of the big reasons to know where the other is, is just in case something is needed at home, like the grocery store. LMFAO On the way home from work my wife telling me what she needs from the store, If I know she is going to costco I can tell her what i need. LOL that's part of a marriage, sharing your life and location.
This doesn’t sound like an abusive relationship. I hate that he just throws that word around. She sounds chaotic and stressful. It sounds like the husband is trying to keep it together and give a woman he loves some guidance.
When you give the modern women guidance they retaliate.
Honestly, since she is a recovering drug addict., she need strict boundaries so she doesn't fall into drugs again. She needs to learn responsibility with oversight and gain trust. Drug addicts when they get $ they spend it on drugs. So of course she feels like it is controlling. He isn't abusive. I don't think he understands drug addiction.
Maybe not abusive, but not a healthy marriage. This is why caregivers aren't supposed to foster deep relationships with their clients. It can get messy. Marriages work on partnership. This isn't that and so it creates this toxic environment where one person ends up holding all the power and it backfires even if it's well-meaning. This dynamic cannot work. It's almost a Florence Nightingale syndrome and it will end badly as it has because the relationship is onesided.
Financial control is abuse
I hate how easily he slanders men and offers outs for women when they are on the verge of accountability. If the woman handled the finances and gave him discretionary money that fit in the budget, he would call it responsibility. Man does it, abuse and control.
WILD. She sure is a piece of work. Literally wants a guy who'll pay half her bills and wants the other guy from the affair. And doesn't even seem to show any remorse. Also notice how she conveniently says she's never SAID anything like this, not that she's never DONE anything like this. Run for the hills dude.
Honestly I don't think she cares think about it if this man has been with you for 7 years through rehab stays hospitalizations and potentially emotional abuse from you and he still marries you and then you end up cheating on him within the first year of your marriage and he's been with you through thick and thin for 6 years before that what does that say about you to begin with because I guarantee you the moment you tell him which she's not going to do is the moment he's going to tell your family his family your mutual friends your church and everyone that knows you and him because you're going to realize for everything you put him through and he stood behind you and you do him that wrong you're going to lose way more than just him
Trash. Her and the other scumbag.
FACTS 👌!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's times like this where in divorce court where the judge should just be like "look lady, u don't deserve anything from this man because of what you did and are entitled to nothing".
My read is he pays all her bills.
She presents as what is called a “dry drunk.” She’s not actively abusing substances, but all the manipulation and addictive behaviors are alive and well. Also, how is she being controlled if she has time to cheat and cover it up?
I hope the husband finds out and unloads this baggage of a wild wife. He definitely deserves a normal woman.
Never marry someone who thinks they're doing you a favor or felt an obligation to. I wonder if he saw it that way
She never loved him and when she finally got her life together she's having doubts about staying with him because she doesn't want to lose the stability and I know for a fact about 6 months this affair is going to fizzle out and she'll have to be with her husband again and then it's going to make her choose to get in another affair or to just be numb to it
Knowing the way she talked during the call, I bet she is really good at convincing her husband that she truly loves him.
I mean for God sakes...he doesn't even know about her affair for who knows how long it has been. If she was not any good at lying, her husband would have sniffed her out already.
@@erichchan3 yes, she may just be a good actress. It's important to look at clues like lack of attention or disinterested in sex. They can only keep up an act so long. He probably is noticing something off
Best thing I ever heard was if you find yourself in a position that you are choosing between two people to choose the second, because you never would’ve fallen for the second if you truly loved the first
Affair within the first year of marriage…interesting. Funny how signing a piece of paper makes people outside the marriage forever invisible to some and to others, clarifies how wrong that decision was.
Not a single time in almost 30 years of marriage was I tempted once by another woman, but…invisible? And if I didn’t think my wife noticed other guys, I think that would be a pretty strong indication that she wasn’t noticing me either.
@@greenAbbotlol
@@thebeegood1731 shes a "former" (never a former always chasing something) drug addict. Who would have thought she wouldn't have morals...
Actually it was 7 yrs She’s a horrible human being.
She probably cheated in the 7years, but as they were not married didn't consider it as such
Dr John made a big mistake on this call. Glad at the end he had a moment of clarity. We have no way of validating this woman’s claims about her husband’s financial abuse.
How did he not put together "recovering addict" and "he sees where I spend my money"?
I like John, but that's a huge piece to forget.
That hit hard!…. “Sometimes what seem like the kindest thing to do, can end up being the cruelest thing to do.”
Dr. John dropped the ball on this one. As smart as he is, he did not see through the BS she was feeding him..
Fr, I survived through a heroin addiction and lying became so second nature I didn't realize I was even lying, I was just believing my own constructed reality where I was never responsible. Self accountability has been a majorly freeing thing once I took it on, but I met plenty of people who were technically clean but still their same addict selves. I see a lot of that in her.
He realized it at the end when he took back everything he was bought into the female sob story and snapped out of it at the end the guy isn’t controlling if she is having an affair that he doesn’t know about he wants to know where she goes and tracks her spending because she was a drug addict bro pretty simple she’s not a prisoner and she’s a manipulator putting him at risk of std/sti also
@@DemonTime08 Yup, that pretty much 180 degree turn on that. He stepped in the biggest steaming pile of BS and smiled at first.
I hope she left her husband because it's sounds like he deserves SO much better!
Baloney never holds the woman accountable.
I'm glad that Dr John asked enough questions to realise that this situation requires more than a short phone call.
The relationship with her husband sounds complicated, and he sounds perhaps a bit emotionally distant or neglectful, however monitoring finances isn't abusive in the case of being a carer to an addict. He also provides her an allowance, which many non-working women don't recieve from their husbands.
Big messy situation, but I could hear a distinct lack of care for her husband over the conversation, the question is whether that's warranted or not.
The reason why her husband is 'controlling' is because she's a recovering addict... he cares for her he's trying to protect her from herself, but the only person who can do that is her...
He's codependent.
Right bc any healthy person wouldn't want to marry an addict let's be real.
I feel like if you have to hold onto somebody so tightly that you control every major aspect of their life, you need to let them go. He's not protecting himself by being with her, he's not behaving with dignity. He deserves better than a wife who cheats and lies, and she doesn't need to be in a relationship right now.
@GetOfflineGetGood So tightly??? She's literally having a whole different life with some one else. How can you say something like that witha straight face🤔🤔🤔
“Relationships and love out of obligation eventually runs out of gas.” Oof, that’s good.
I was reading the comments just the moment he quoted that. What a beautiful coincidence. 😊
Dude.
She said she feels like she’s abused in her marriage. Her feelings might be wrong! Just like when she cheated on him first place.
He's not "abusive" he just hasn't learned to trust his former addict wife. Those are things you do with someone who has an active addition and hasn't gotten sober clarity yet.
As someone that has been cheated on, all I can say is the best thing you can do is just be honest. Tell the other person that it is over and leave. It’s going to hit like a ton of bricks but it’s sooooo much better than finding out someone you love has been lying to you. Just be honest and leave.
I respect John’s self-correction at the end as he realized more of the dynamic in this relationship. What comes off to her as controlling is really his efforts at trying to keep her on the straight and narrow in recovery. He watches her spending to make sure she’s not spending it on drugs. Allowance is also likely so she doesn’t spend it on drugs. Knowing her whereabouts is so she doesn’t go to places where she can relapse. It IS controlling but not with malicious intent.
I think you are all wrong. The person that is responsible for her life is her. Babysitting her doesn't work. She is cheating on him. She is a loser trading one drug for another. He should find out and drop her. He is worth more than that. I hope he does find out and gets on with his life. She is just trading one bad behavior for another! Dump her!!!!!!
She was a drug addict. Of course he is going to have a problem trusting her with financial records. Of course he is going to have a problem wondering what she is going to do next. He has good reason to feel the way he does. They need joint counseling to build a sober relationship out of the old one--if they want to at all.
Honestly I don't think she wants that because she wants to go to the clubs and party without a care in the world knowing her history could make her easily relapse without a single thought. However she knows automatically that the moment she tells him and he leaves her it's the moment everyone in her circle is going to drop her like a bad habit and she will be right back in her old ways way worse than before
FACTS 👌!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her addiction, her responsibility. Time to join a 12 step program.
"I love my husband"
..."you don't, AND you just hurt him, so that ship has sailed."
YES. Dr. John you are the best! Calling it for what it is!
“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you truly loved the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second,” ~Johnny Depp.
Props on this one for calling out the behaviour. Let the husband know and he can move on and live his best life. Once you understand your wife isn’t worth the investment you can focus on moving forward and having a great life. Best of luck to the new guy 🤷♂️.
Yeah once you invest 7 years into someone who literally you saved and then they treat you like dirt by sleeping with another person it seems to me like she never really loved him to begin with but if it wasn't for him she probably would be the maggots dinner or in prison
When my ex did the same I told her she could pay half the bills until she found a new place to stay. She told me she couldn’t afford that, I said that’s too bad and not my problem maybe you should have made different decisions.
@@Dansyounghow did she take that when you told her and where is she now
She got mad, moved in with a friend of hers. This was 2 years ago. Since then I know she has been with at least 3 different people, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was significantly more. She has then tried to come back…. Oh yeah and I forgot to mention, we have two kids 🤨🙄
And she spent her settlement in one year and now complains to the kids that she has no money. It’s a ridiculous thing to experience, all I can say is “covert female narcissist”. And of course this caller would suddenly claim the husband is abusive, my ex claimed I was financially controlling - because I took issue with her spending over $5000 in two months on beauty treatments, hair removal, Botox, make up, clothes etc
‼️ PEOPLE, before you get mad at Dr. John calling her husband abusive like I did. Keep watching.
He backs out all on all of the advice and ends this with all of the right advice! ‼️
Thank you because I'm at that point now. It's not control, it's accountability for an ex drug addict.
He would call the husband abusive regardless. His Jada type wife has dj all torn up.
Yeah I wanted to be like WHAT but I got what we was doing. Overall wow
he saved himself at the end
@@joeriveracomedy Jada-type? what? this doesn't sound like a separated couple dating other people. they're married and she's cheating.
I can agree with detaching from both men, be alone for a few months, heal.
After a long period, perhaps clarity with either man (or none) will result
John was WAY off base to describe her relationship as "controlling and abusive". Just before she said that he gives her an allowance and he needs to know where she is going, she said that she was a recovering drug addict and he was the one who was with her through thick and thin and helped her in recovery.
Maybe, juuuuuuuuuust MAYBE, her husband is aware that she is extremely impulsive and will make some dumb decisions if she isn't on a short leash.........
I personally wouldn't even deal with a woman like this, but to call that man controlling because he doesn't want her to blow their life savings (I'm guessing HIS money) on a drug relapse, or be gone for several hours, you know, fucking another dude............give me a break.
How long should she be "on a short lease "? She's been sober a long time. Or, do we punish someone for eternity?
She should get a job and earn Her own money. If he doesn't allow it, then he IS controlling
@@mightymouse1005 then she could simply be a grown adult, and get a job and rely on no one to take care of her.
@@mightymouse1005John is a male feminist and he's pandering to females like you, because he knows if he starts calling women on their bullshit they'll not watch his videos anymore.
@@mightymouse1005 Recovering addicts are on whatever leash the person they are trying to preserve a relationship with decides.
There was a saying i remember reading, just looked it up. It was a saying by johnny depp
"if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."
My ex wife was in love with me and another man. I divorced her and at this point she has zero men. She overvalued herself at 45 years old.
Typical cheating wife response to why I cheated… My husband is abusive.
I love how direct Delony was here. It wasn’t over the top or rude, just right to the point. Perfect.
It sounds like she's never stood on her own feet. That's a huge disadvantage out in the real world. If she's never earned her own living and she would be starting at ground zero, that's a rough road, especially for a recovering addict.
I’ve been him. When you “counsel” and pour life into your person when they don’t even see it themselves you become subconsciously entitled and it’s extremely difficult to even the playing ground after that. When they have nothing to offer you and you are the one in a position to give value then you take on that role for the rest of the relationship and become they’re parent whose responsible for their actions.
This is very interesting and it seems to be true from many stories I have heard.
You’ve put into words something many are living out subconsciously. I can relate, and my pouring was into an addict as well. I would add how it also creates resentment on both sides.
1) the relationship would not be “abusive controlling” if she had a career and could support herself, 2) the ABSOLUTE worst place to find a hook up is the gym. Your name is ALREADY on the bathroom wall. And..switch gyms. 3) that gym hookup…he’s not looking to support you
exactly but John said it best, someone that is willing to sleep with a married woman does NOT have a moral character. She in the back of her mind knows the guy she is having an affair with is not a guy with good character. Also, her AP knows she is trash and a cheater too.
The first is not true.
If I was married to a drug addict, I wouldn't let her have access to any money or accounts either. I'd make sure I knew where she was going all the time too. This man doesn't trust his wife at all, and he has good reason. She's NOT trustworthy AT ALL. But boy can she play the victim.
I feel bad for her husband.
What a F'in C***!! SMH... You can tell this hit hard with John.
Hey Husband, I'm no psychologist but from one man to another, I'm sorry for how much time and money you spent pulling your wife out of her additive mess. You are a good man and I salute you brother! Move on and leave the trash she has created.
FACTS 👌!!!!!!!!!!!!!!