I do think that that is the sweet spot of a healthy relationship: "I love you. I am committed to you. I am choosing to spend my life with you. But I will not fall apart if you were to ever leave me." That speaks highly to your own self-esteem, reliance and respect. And to the amount of love you are able to give to your partner.
Attachment style is largely formed in childhood, but a lot of the questions made me think about how much mental illnesses like depression can affect attachment.
It also goes the other way. A lot of the time unsecure attachment style is able to predict numerous mental health/illness issues. Last year I taught a class that looked at a case study where the child had an anxious attachment style and the students were able to see how this impacted the client in pretty much all aspects of life.
@@Dewdrops3 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality traits, so not enough to qualify for the Disorder, but enough for it to be a problem. I've had anxiety and depression all my life. I'm not sure, but i think the anxiety, depression and loneliness is what made me develop those personality traits.
I've seen some comments asking to elaborate about the avoidant style; I am a Psychologist. Avoidant styles don't show when they are hurting, don't ask for help, are uncomfortable with intimacy in relationships, and have like the stereotypical "walls put up" all the time. They may appear cold, "rational no-touchy-feely" people. Whoever, while they may not show it on the outside, it has been proven that they do hurt emotionally and have pretty elevated cortisol levels (your stress hormone), which is unhealthy in the long term. Like all unsecure styles, they have trouble with solving social/interpersonal problems, and while anxious types have their emotions overwhelmed them, the avoidant suppresses that to not feel. But deep down they feel unloved, unworthy of love, and like the world will never be able to respond to their needs so why bother. Now, keep in mind that in reality most people have a mix of styles with different people and, most importantly, THE STYLE IS NOT RIGID. It can be changed with a close relationship with someone who is secure and can bring that to the table, or with a therapist.
Great explanation, a good example of this style is Will from Good Will Hunting. He refuses to delve up any deep issues, resorting to jokes or even getting angry in order to avoid discussing his trauma
There are 2 "subtypes" if you like- these correspond to what is commonly called stereotypes. The supposedly severely "rational" focuses on mind and either denies or glosses over feelings (either denies them or 'notices them' then passes beyond it as if unimportant) in favor of thoughts and theoretically unemotional reactions while riding like a big boat on the emotions moving beneath them. Seeing everything from a rational view as if nothing else existed. "Rational" can be seen in both male and female. On the other end is the "Casual Emotional", who like the Rational rides on underlying emotions but depends more on reaction in the moment and because feelings are expressed to some degree the variations in emotion on the surface isn't as severe as that of the underlying ocean of feelings. They often see things but like shortsighted ideals often they react in a way that is only in the moment [this is the casual part] and if it should occur again they either dismiss it ("already 'dealt' with it, no need to process it again") or leave it be so they aren't upset by it popping up. The Casual Emotional is more calm but less connected. In a similar way, the supposed Rational is while rational in certain ways more emotional than they like and are upset when someone points it out. On another hand altogether you have those either respond in the moment with either NO EMOTION whatsoever at that point as if entirely rational and recognize emotion only later; Or those who react to emotions right then [happy when things are good, despaired when things are bad, doubtful when it's not "stable" (whatever that means at the moment), and needs outer balance for inner peace] and are the common an emotion rises to a peak and then gradually goes back to not appearing emotional. Whatever the case, if you deny emotions or try to "top" emotions with rationality [a.k.a. mind over matter- seen in both Rational and Casual Emotional] without analyzing the thoughts and feelings as they are (a.k.a. if you yourself don't look at it, this doesn't apply to a purely external "intervention") they become seen to the mind as excess. And this 'excess' is then either rejected or put into an out of mind/doesn't matter placement. It can be compared to a table as if always on your side, it goes with you whatever happens. You focus on or feel things, but the 'excess' is put on this table; either cherished (seperated to be preserved) or not focused on (put on the side, unimportant). Unless both feelings and thoughts are analyzed as they are [not in comparison to something else], whatever is thought or felt becomes 'mysterious' to the one who has those thoughts or feelings. If you don't balance what the thoughts and feelings mean in actual reality [here an external help can assist but it has to be done by the one who has those thoughts or feelings] they can create imbalance. And I do mean in a way that certain "therapies" may or may not be able to help. The mind is no simple thing to organize, it both remains within and can rise above the thoughts and feelings within itself.
Either A) Dan is always sarcastic or B) Dan is not a morning person. But really we all know it's C) all of the above! haha I love Dan's sense of humor!
The questions where they're asking you to choose a specific option is to stop people from choosing random answers without reading any of the questions. It's common when the data is being used for research in some way, and I guess this test might have been developed for use in research and the questions were never removed. If the questions were answered with a different option then they would have been removed from the result set in the research.
Andy Hartley I was about to comment this as I learned it in research methods. Here is a thread of a similar case. I cannot remember the specific term in order to prevent bias data like this. www.researchgate.net/post/How_do_you_weed_out_fake_or_spam_respondents_in_Qualtrics_or_other_online_questionnaire_platforms
For people who are feeling down due to their result: it can change! A few years ago I was definitely anxiety driven in my relationship, even to the point of losing a relationship. After years of personal development and trust I am now secure in my relationships living happily and safe in my current relationship.
Thank you so much for this comment... I recently got out of a relationship which didn't work largely due to my anxious-preoccupied attachment style. My heart is still very much broken that I've lost him, but I've been learning a lot about my attachment style and really want to do better in the future. Your comment gives me hope.
@Sakina Fletcher Don't be " :( " about it . Taking the piss and sarcasm are a part of all good British relationships (romantic or otherwise) . It's not malicious 👍
The question that told you to put "strongly disagree" is on purpose; it's a control to make sure you're actually reading the questions and not filling it out randomly. It's used commonly in these kinds of studies :) I got my undergrad in psych and master's degree in social work, attachment styles are so important!
I also took the test and got the secure type for everyone. I had a lot of therapy and now I love communicating in different ways. If I have an issue with my father I resolve it in a completely different way than with my boyfriend. Gosh darn I love personality tests.
Attachment theory is my new way of life... In the past year I've been reading about it quite a lot trying to figure my shit out after basically sabotaging every relationship I've ever had... What I learned is that my attachment style varies a lot - taking the test a couple of months apart shows a significant change, my mental state has also shifted during that time. Also I learned my attachment varies in between types of relationships - I'm secure with friends; highly avoidant with my parents; and extremely anxious with romantic partners... Also figured out my avoidance with my parents is connected with emotional wounds, feelings of neglect and disrespect and apparently when my romantic partners evoke similar feelings in me I close up like a clam and push them away - so in stressful situations I have the anxious-avoidant double whammy which is difficult to navigate even for me... let alone a partner. TMI but I am on journey to learn to manage my shit... it's great.
"If someone tried to get close to me, I would try to keep my distance" right after "I'm afraid someone will want to get too close to me" in times of Corona... it gave me pause :D (especially as it would be a hard disagree normally)
I think I'm a mixture of anxious and avoidant. One book I would recommend looking at on this topic is "Polysecure" (even if you're monogamous) because some of the questions definitely felt as though they were measuring secure attachment by seeing if you would form other relationships.
Absolutely true! I think I definitely used to be in the dismissive quadrant and some bad experiences have recently shifted me into the preoccupied quadrant, which is super weird and new for me. But hopefully if a negative experience can change someone for the worse, a positive experience can change someone for the better!
I'm dismissive, no surprise. Happily single and probably married to my career, I don't need love, I just really want to read more books and sew some clothes and enjoy life.
Same, I ended a 3 year relationship a couple months ago because i felt we weren't a good fit in the end, and then something traumatic happened to me and my closest friends abandoned me. So now i'm just living the single life, doing my own damn thing, i do feel very free i must say.
Quizzes like these, always help me understand parts of myself, that I don't always understand fully. Even if I do understand some of it, it's really interesting to see how I work on my relationship with myself through these.
I literally just wrote web copy for a psychotherapist, and found a paper written by the psychotherapist online and turns out he was adopted! Very interesting, a lot of issues stem from being adopted that even adoptees don't seem to realise themselves :(
This is pretty cool as it can reflect how people feel about themselves. People who are anxious may struggle to love themselves, where people who are secure can see their own worth. Great video 😝
Yes I'm a giant nerd for attachment, one of my favorite things to study as a psychology student is all the ways early attachment is related to future development and now I just learned that your attachment style can alter in adolescence because of peer relationships!! I'm anxious/ambivalent and learning that has helped to understand what I need and why I feel the way I feel so so much. I'm also super curious about why having anxious attachment seems to be more and more common now a days. This test calls it preoccupied btw.
i study a level psychology and we've looking into attachment styles pretty in depth but this was a fun way of revising that and seeing it in a real world context love u :)
so excited to see you do this video! i love the attachment style concept after learning about it like 5 years ago in college psychology. i always end up coming back to it to help figure out my reaction to relationship issues as i'm anxious attached. my previous relationship was with someone who was avoidant so understanding the problems between that coupling really helped me to learn about myself and move in the right direction for next time!
You can also become securely attached if you’re anxious or avoidant! It generally happens through forming a relationship with someone who is secure, whether that’s a romantic relationship, or a therapist, or a close friend. Also anxious and avoidant types generally are attracted to one another but create incredibly toxic relationships as they both play up each others basic fears: the avoidant people will push the anxious folks away, confirming their fears of being unloved, and the anxious people will cling to the avoidant person and make the avoidant person feel trapped and unsafe and cause them to push away.
Unrelated: I really don't like yellow as a color and would NEVER buy it for a clothing item... Yet you Hannah manage to make yellow look really nice and joyful on you. I am fascinated * _ * It suits you and I don't know how.
I am a VERY VERY preoccupied attacher in all relationships. I and very needy (like codependent level needy) but am convinced no one loves me back at all. I legit cried in my room 4.5 hours ago that my whole family actually hate me and only support me because of society's pressure
I’m a classical example of the anxiously attached who is attracted to the avoidantly attached. My first instinct is always to freak out that my partner is going to leave me.
Hannah, have you considered making a video on fear of intimacy/commitment? The person who I like and likes me back doesn't want to have a relationship with me, and while I understand her motives (taking her time to move on from her ex) it's been a couple of confusing months and it'll be super useful to listen to your advice on it.
The whole 'please choose strongly disagree' is a question to see if you're actually paying attention to the questions, or just randomly choosing. It's like checking that 'i am not a robot' box, except you're saying 'i am not a troll'.
I studied psychology at uni and four years ago I took the test and was fearful avoidant i believe... I took it today and came up secure! Yay for progress!! (From what I remember I think it’s pretty rare to change attachment styles but I think I’ve matured a lot in the last four years woo)
I've got "preoccupied" and that's quite true :D It fits with my Emotional Instability Personality Disorder (with which I get along very well now that I'm 23) :)
the "test questions" are part of how they clean up their data if they use your responses/results for research or analysis! Those questions 1) make sure you're not a bot 2) if you're not a bot, make sure you're actually responding to the questions and not just picking random answers. Definitely feels like you've seen the matrix when it happens tho 😂
the `'n'kay" with the nose rub at the end to Dan made me CRACK,, the shaaaaaade xD loved this video, Hannah! Thank you for sharing, as always! Hope you're keeping safe and healthy! xoxoxo
For anyone who wants some (interesting) background on attachment types, I recommend watching some old videos of studies of attachment between babies and their mums. E.g. try searching 'the strange situation experiment'
I’m an anxiety consumed mess with adhd and depression and with that comes the fun little addition of “rejection sensitive dysphoria” where like basically any perceived slight will make me convinced someone hates me and that I’m annoying and no one wants to be around me so 😂 I don’t even want to know where I fall on this chart
Hey Hannah, this thing where they ask you to tick a certain box in questionnaires is a very common practice in scientific studies. It's to evaluate whether the test subject is actually reading the questions or just clicking through them, which then would lead to the test being invalid. I've never seen it done in an online quiz though since usually, these type of questions are there to outrule invalid tests in big analyses. I am guessing, the fact that this question is in there indicates that there will be (or has been) analysis done on the replies to this quiz.
I'm a psychology student so if someone is interested a bit more about this it's the attachment theory who was brought by John Bolwby and Mary Ainswort besides these three styles, there's a fourth one called the disorganized attachment style which is common in those who have suffered some kind if trauma or neglect there are a lot of very interesting reaserches and experiments about this subject, it's honestly one of my favourite things I learned about in university so yeah I highly encourage everyone to look this up! 😁 also sorry if my english is not the best, not my first language 😅
took the basic test which resulted in high anxiety and middel avoidant, kinda new that so i'm hoping for a secure partner and that im able to improve my mental state. Love the video!
Go to therapy for that! While it can happen with a romantic partner or with other types of relationships, really that is a burden that no one should put on another person. It seems like you aren't talking just about an attachment style, but more of a general mental health issue. Therapy is the correct place for that (scientifically, legally).
@@ojiverdeconfleco I know, which is why im single :P I have been to therapy and are taking some SSRI anti depression medication but havent noticed any changes..
@@grolillkland6991 I'm sorry to hear that. Know that it takes some time to take effect, but def talk to your therapist and/or doctor about how you're feeling. Wish you the best!
That’s my partners favourite Tim Minchin song! He sings it all the time! 😂 So good! I’m going to take this quiz but nervous since I just had to cut my off my parents thanks to abuse. It’s been horrible. But I’m looking forward to do it, work through therapy for a year and then try again. ☺️
fearful avoidant here lol, can't say I'm surprised but hoping that will change now I'm at uni and have friends who actually care about me and can support me to develop as a person and all that
Did the basic test and results were. My attachment-related anxiety score is 1.11, on a scale ranging from 1 to 7 and my attachment-related avoidance score is 1.28
I like long term supportive/cooperative/collaborative/coordinated action relationships. I've been married twice and both relationships. ended because of one of the items given above. Lack of support if not outright antagonism of who I am, no desire to coordinate with another on common family issues, no desire to cooperate with common decisions, and actual and obvious actions taken to oppose and destroy every inevitability and decision. How about refusing to talk for months? Passively filled with anger and insecurity.
I got dismissive-avoidant in general, though secure with my parents & friend (though they are few and far between). Independent, career-oriented for so long that not sure where to even begin with a romantic relationship if I wanted one (which I might).
Well, this made me properly envious. :D But also happy for you, Hannah, obviously. Because I'm clearly in the more anxious part of the diagram and I don't even have to take the test to realize that. On the other hand - I've just started going to therapy (over Skype now, of course) so what I'm taking from this video is that this is another thing that I definitely need to work on.
It said I was secure in all my relationships but one, and then said According to your responses, your general attachment style is Dismissing-avoidant. Well, that does sound like me. I can live with that. :)
Have not taken the quiz yet but I know I am preoccupied with everyone except my primary partner with whom I am securely attached just from the description and the axis. Mom is likely closer to the center than anyone else but yeah I'm an anxious mess who just wants to be loved
I got preoccupied but almost secure on the avoidance axis which is huge for me because i used to be suuupper fearful avoidant. Thankgod for therapy lol
Securely attached! Surprisingly, as I am very insecure and I worry a lot about being left ;( But low avoidance and more to the secure side :D I guess it has helped me a lot by being in a relationship with someone who cares so deeply for me, lets me know, and reassures me when I'm feeling insecure
Mine is different depending on who it is. Friendship and Relationship- preoccupied General and Father - Fearful-avoidant Mother - Dismissing-avoidant Got to love having EUPD and having different attachments depending on how scared I am. I would say it's fairly accurate. For people close to me I'm terrified of them leaving me or not wanting me like I want them. With others I'm scared of people wanting attachments in case they leave and I find it terrifying.
@@hannahwitton its Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (formerly known as BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder) Sounds worse than it really is, intense emotions with unstable relationships (along with a lot of other things but these are relevant to the video). Thanks to emotional abuse as a child unfortunately.
Hannah, I think we crashed the site for the quiz "could not connect to MySQL: User rcfraley5 already has more than 'max_user_connections' active connections"
Took the Love Language test for myself and the bf did his seperately. My primary was Acts Of Service and his was Physical Touch. Both of our made sense to us. And I guess Im more content with washing dishes than I thought. :P
I think too many people are trying to use the site at once bc mine is having trouble loading 😅 I can predict I'm going to be firmly in the anxious category though before even taking it
"i often worry that people don't really care for me"
hannah: disagree
me: oh....what's that like? 😅
I do think that that is the sweet spot of a healthy relationship: "I love you. I am committed to you. I am choosing to spend my life with you. But I will not fall apart if you were to ever leave me." That speaks highly to your own self-esteem, reliance and respect. And to the amount of love you are able to give to your partner.
Attachment style is largely formed in childhood, but a lot of the questions made me think about how much mental illnesses like depression can affect attachment.
100%
It also goes the other way. A lot of the time unsecure attachment style is able to predict numerous mental health/illness issues.
Last year I taught a class that looked at a case study where the child had an anxious attachment style and the students were able to see how this impacted the client in pretty much all aspects of life.
Oops just wrote a similar comment specifically about BPD but of course other mental illness like anxiety and depression would contribute to the result
@@Dewdrops3 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality traits, so not enough to qualify for the Disorder, but enough for it to be a problem. I've had anxiety and depression all my life. I'm not sure, but i think the anxiety, depression and loneliness is what made me develop those personality traits.
I've seen some comments asking to elaborate about the avoidant style; I am a Psychologist.
Avoidant styles don't show when they are hurting, don't ask for help, are uncomfortable with intimacy in relationships, and have like the stereotypical "walls put up" all the time. They may appear cold, "rational no-touchy-feely" people. Whoever, while they may not show it on the outside, it has been proven that they do hurt emotionally and have pretty elevated cortisol levels (your stress hormone), which is unhealthy in the long term.
Like all unsecure styles, they have trouble with solving social/interpersonal problems, and while anxious types have their emotions overwhelmed them, the avoidant suppresses that to not feel. But deep down they feel unloved, unworthy of love, and like the world will never be able to respond to their needs so why bother.
Now, keep in mind that in reality most people have a mix of styles with different people and, most importantly, THE STYLE IS NOT RIGID. It can be changed with a close relationship with someone who is secure and can bring that to the table, or with a therapist.
Great explanation, a good example of this style is Will from Good Will Hunting. He refuses to delve up any deep issues, resorting to jokes or even getting angry in order to avoid discussing his trauma
There are 2 "subtypes" if you like- these correspond to what is commonly called stereotypes. The supposedly severely "rational" focuses on mind and either denies or glosses over feelings (either denies them or 'notices them' then passes beyond it as if unimportant) in favor of thoughts and theoretically unemotional reactions while riding like a big boat on the emotions moving beneath them. Seeing everything from a rational view as if nothing else existed. "Rational" can be seen in both male and female. On the other end is the "Casual Emotional", who like the Rational rides on underlying emotions but depends more on reaction in the moment and because feelings are expressed to some degree the variations in emotion on the surface isn't as severe as that of the underlying ocean of feelings. They often see things but like shortsighted ideals often they react in a way that is only in the moment [this is the casual part] and if it should occur again they either dismiss it ("already 'dealt' with it, no need to process it again") or leave it be so they aren't upset by it popping up. The Casual Emotional is more calm but less connected. In a similar way, the supposed Rational is while rational in certain ways more emotional than they like and are upset when someone points it out.
On another hand altogether you have those either respond in the moment with either NO EMOTION whatsoever at that point as if entirely rational and recognize emotion only later; Or those who react to emotions right then [happy when things are good, despaired when things are bad, doubtful when it's not "stable" (whatever that means at the moment), and needs outer balance for inner peace] and are the common an emotion rises to a peak and then gradually goes back to not appearing emotional.
Whatever the case, if you deny emotions or try to "top" emotions with rationality [a.k.a. mind over matter- seen in both Rational and Casual Emotional] without analyzing the thoughts and feelings as they are (a.k.a. if you yourself don't look at it, this doesn't apply to a purely external "intervention") they become seen to the mind as excess. And this 'excess' is then either rejected or put into an out of mind/doesn't matter placement. It can be compared to a table as if always on your side, it goes with you whatever happens. You focus on or feel things, but the 'excess' is put on this table; either cherished (seperated to be preserved) or not focused on (put on the side, unimportant). Unless both feelings and thoughts are analyzed as they are [not in comparison to something else], whatever is thought or felt becomes 'mysterious' to the one who has those thoughts or feelings. If you don't balance what the thoughts and feelings mean in actual reality [here an external help can assist but it has to be done by the one who has those thoughts or feelings] they can create imbalance. And I do mean in a way that certain "therapies" may or may not be able to help. The mind is no simple thing to organize, it both remains within and can rise above the thoughts and feelings within itself.
I feel seen
Either A) Dan is always sarcastic or B) Dan is not a morning person. But really we all know it's C) all of the above! haha I love Dan's sense of humor!
CORRECT it is all of the above
The questions where they're asking you to choose a specific option is to stop people from choosing random answers without reading any of the questions. It's common when the data is being used for research in some way, and I guess this test might have been developed for use in research and the questions were never removed. If the questions were answered with a different option then they would have been removed from the result set in the research.
HOW DID YOU COMMENT 15 HOURS AGO?????
We are Patreon’s of Hannah so got the vid a day ago
@@arkavi Also I have a time machine!
Andy Hartley I was about to comment this as I learned it in research methods. Here is a thread of a similar case. I cannot remember the specific term in order to prevent bias data like this.
www.researchgate.net/post/How_do_you_weed_out_fake_or_spam_respondents_in_Qualtrics_or_other_online_questionnaire_platforms
To add to this, this is also why tests tend to switch the way that they are asked. Like the double negative question Hannah pointed out :)
For people who are feeling down due to their result: it can change! A few years ago I was definitely anxiety driven in my relationship, even to the point of losing a relationship. After years of personal development and trust I am now secure in my relationships living happily and safe in my current relationship.
Aw yay!! Absolutely with work it can change 💛💛
Thank you so much for this comment... I recently got out of a relationship which didn't work largely due to my anxious-preoccupied attachment style. My heart is still very much broken that I've lost him, but I've been learning a lot about my attachment style and really want to do better in the future. Your comment gives me hope.
I love the dynamic between you and your partner Dan... you are so DIFFERENT.
SO DIFFERENT
I don't understand why we like each other haha
Hannah Witton a vídeo idea if ever there was one 😂😭
Best video idea since he's the only on you can sit next to
@Sakina Fletcher Don't be " :( " about it . Taking the piss and sarcasm are a part of all good British relationships (romantic or otherwise) . It's not malicious 👍
The question that told you to put "strongly disagree" is on purpose; it's a control to make sure you're actually reading the questions and not filling it out randomly. It's used commonly in these kinds of studies :) I got my undergrad in psych and master's degree in social work, attachment styles are so important!
Have to say I really enjoy the Dan content we're getting recently
I also took the test and got the secure type for everyone. I had a lot of therapy and now I love communicating in different ways. If I have an issue with my father I resolve it in a completely different way than with my boyfriend. Gosh darn I love personality tests.
Attachment theory is my new way of life... In the past year I've been reading about it quite a lot trying to figure my shit out after basically sabotaging every relationship I've ever had... What I learned is that my attachment style varies a lot - taking the test a couple of months apart shows a significant change, my mental state has also shifted during that time. Also I learned my attachment varies in between types of relationships - I'm secure with friends; highly avoidant with my parents; and extremely anxious with romantic partners... Also figured out my avoidance with my parents is connected with emotional wounds, feelings of neglect and disrespect and apparently when my romantic partners evoke similar feelings in me I close up like a clam and push them away - so in stressful situations I have the anxious-avoidant double whammy which is difficult to navigate even for me... let alone a partner. TMI but I am on journey to learn to manage my shit... it's great.
Best of luck on your journey! First step is knowing yourself and looks like you figured that bit out.
"If someone tried to get close to me, I would try to keep my distance" right after "I'm afraid someone will want to get too close to me" in times of Corona... it gave me pause :D (especially as it would be a hard disagree normally)
"I didn't wake up just to be abused!" Even as a morning person, this speaks to me :D.
Also, Dan is just generally hilarious, I love it.
I think I'm a mixture of anxious and avoidant. One book I would recommend looking at on this topic is "Polysecure" (even if you're monogamous) because some of the questions definitely felt as though they were measuring secure attachment by seeing if you would form other relationships.
*I think most people go through phases where they step into each style depending on who they are with and what is happening in lives.*
aye I think that can be entirely possible!
Absolutely true! I think I definitely used to be in the dismissive quadrant and some bad experiences have recently shifted me into the preoccupied quadrant, which is super weird and new for me. But hopefully if a negative experience can change someone for the worse, a positive experience can change someone for the better!
Hannah's making D&D alignment references, can the next video be speculating about the alignments and classes of a fantasy youtuber D&D party? :D
The excitement when I placed as "Secure" in my relationships
My results were:
General: Fearful-avoidant
Mother: Dismissing-avoidant
Father: Fearful-avoidant
Romantic : Fearful-avoidant
You are not alone 💖
I'm dismissive, no surprise. Happily single and probably married to my career, I don't need love, I just really want to read more books and sew some clothes and enjoy life.
Classic dismissive
(I don’t know what I’m talking about)
Same
Same, I ended a 3 year relationship a couple months ago because i felt we weren't a good fit in the end, and then something traumatic happened to me and my closest friends abandoned me. So now i'm just living the single life, doing my own damn thing, i do feel very free i must say.
Quizzes like these, always help me understand parts of myself, that I don't always understand fully. Even if I do understand some of it, it's really interesting to see how I work on my relationship with myself through these.
just did a paper in attachment styles in adopted children and it is in fact highly important for your emotional and social development
I literally just wrote web copy for a psychotherapist, and found a paper written by the psychotherapist online and turns out he was adopted! Very interesting, a lot of issues stem from being adopted that even adoptees don't seem to realise themselves :(
I’m adopted and I don’t trust anyone for shit and constantly worry that people secretly are just putting up with me so that’s cool
This is pretty cool as it can reflect how people feel about themselves. People who are anxious may struggle to love themselves, where people who are secure can see their own worth. Great video 😝
Yes I'm a giant nerd for attachment, one of my favorite things to study as a psychology student is all the ways early attachment is related to future development and now I just learned that your attachment style can alter in adolescence because of peer relationships!! I'm anxious/ambivalent and learning that has helped to understand what I need and why I feel the way I feel so so much. I'm also super curious about why having anxious attachment seems to be more and more common now a days. This test calls it preoccupied btw.
i study a level psychology and we've looking into attachment styles pretty in depth but this was a fun way of revising that and seeing it in a real world context love u :)
That is one overly attached thumbnail! Nailed it.
That thumbnail. For a second I thought overly attached girlfriend had returned.
Hahaha I was trying to reference her in the thumbnail so glad you spotted that!
Hannah looks like a crazy sex stalker in the thumbnail. Stay safe. 😅
Best thumbnail I've seen in ages. XD
so excited to see you do this video! i love the attachment style concept after learning about it like 5 years ago in college psychology. i always end up coming back to it to help figure out my reaction to relationship issues as i'm anxious attached. my previous relationship was with someone who was avoidant so understanding the problems between that coupling really helped me to learn about myself and move in the right direction for next time!
You can also become securely attached if you’re anxious or avoidant! It generally happens through forming a relationship with someone who is secure, whether that’s a romantic relationship, or a therapist, or a close friend. Also anxious and avoidant types generally are attracted to one another but create incredibly toxic relationships as they both play up each others basic fears: the avoidant people will push the anxious folks away, confirming their fears of being unloved, and the anxious people will cling to the avoidant person and make the avoidant person feel trapped and unsafe and cause them to push away.
Unrelated: I really don't like yellow as a color and would NEVER buy it for a clothing item... Yet you Hannah manage to make yellow look really nice and joyful on you. I am fascinated * _ * It suits you and I don't know how.
"Others? There's only you and me in it!" .... the sheer annoyance is priceless
I am a VERY VERY preoccupied attacher in all relationships. I and very needy (like codependent level needy) but am convinced no one loves me back at all. I legit cried in my room 4.5 hours ago that my whole family actually hate me and only support me because of society's pressure
I’m so excited to watch after my online lecture, I don’t know much about attachment styles!! I hope you’re doing well Hannah 💗
I taught attachment style in psychology, so I've heard a lot about it - but not in the bedroom sense!
33% fearful avoidance, 33% dismissive avoidance, 33% secure, 0% anxious preoccupied. I just. I wasn't ready for that perfectly even split.
I’m a classical example of the anxiously attached who is attracted to the avoidantly attached. My first instinct is always to freak out that my partner is going to leave me.
Could not help noticing the Natalia was coming out at the start of the vid. She really is part of your life now 😉
Hahahaha she part of me
Hannah, have you considered making a video on fear of intimacy/commitment?
The person who I like and likes me back doesn't want to have a relationship with me, and while I understand her motives (taking her time to move on from her ex) it's been a couple of confusing months and it'll be super useful to listen to your advice on it.
Thanks for the link to the quiz! I got secure as well; and feel very lucky for my circumstances.
FFS I JUMPED when Dan spoke at the 12:08 mark when Dan responded to the bit about your relationship cause he was so much louder than you LMAO
Dan is such a mood. "I didnt wake up this early to be abused"
The whole 'please choose strongly disagree' is a question to see if you're actually paying attention to the questions, or just randomly choosing. It's like checking that 'i am not a robot' box, except you're saying 'i am not a troll'.
Anyone else here with BPD thinking... "maybe I don't wanna take this test.... But I'm curious..." 😂
Hahahaha this
I knew I couldn't be the only one!
The surprise when my borderline ass placed as secure 😂
THANK YOU FOR THIS COMMENT
I'm very secure. Not surprised. Definitely want to see if my friends will take this.
Dan is my spirit animal!
I studied psychology at uni and four years ago I took the test and was fearful avoidant i believe... I took it today and came up secure! Yay for progress!! (From what I remember I think it’s pretty rare to change attachment styles but I think I’ve matured a lot in the last four years woo)
I've got "preoccupied" and that's quite true :D It fits with my Emotional Instability Personality Disorder (with which I get along very well now that I'm 23) :)
I got an ad about attachment styles. Damn the algorithm is good
Just finished "Doing it" and there was a new hannah video ❤
me: *goes to take quiz* question one: are you male or female? me: ok i guess not then
I'm feel sorry for that. There are still so many forms that need to include other options (at least one!).
That is awful.
I'm confused. What other option is there?
I was searching for this comment a year later and I relate :(
🎶 No hidden catch 🎶
🎶 No strings attached 🎶
🎶 Just free love 🎶
"Free Love " - Depeche Mode.
not gonna lie, the thumbnail really drew me into this one. Love those eyes. :)
I think I was the avoidant and dismissive type, I tend to run away when things get rough. It was pretty interesting
the "test questions" are part of how they clean up their data if they use your responses/results for research or analysis! Those questions 1) make sure you're not a bot 2) if you're not a bot, make sure you're actually responding to the questions and not just picking random answers. Definitely feels like you've seen the matrix when it happens tho 😂
the `'n'kay" with the nose rub at the end to Dan made me CRACK,, the shaaaaaade xD loved this video, Hannah! Thank you for sharing, as always! Hope you're keeping safe and healthy! xoxoxo
For anyone who wants some (interesting) background on attachment types, I recommend watching some old videos of studies of attachment between babies and their mums. E.g. try searching 'the strange situation experiment'
I’m an anxiety consumed mess with adhd and depression and with that comes the fun little addition of “rejection sensitive dysphoria” where like basically any perceived slight will make me convinced someone hates me and that I’m annoying and no one wants to be around me so 😂 I don’t even want to know where I fall on this chart
Hey Hannah, this thing where they ask you to tick a certain box in questionnaires is a very common practice in scientific studies. It's to evaluate whether the test subject is actually reading the questions or just clicking through them, which then would lead to the test being invalid. I've never seen it done in an online quiz though since usually, these type of questions are there to outrule invalid tests in big analyses. I am guessing, the fact that this question is in there indicates that there will be (or has been) analysis done on the replies to this quiz.
I'm a psychology student so if someone is interested a bit more about this it's the attachment theory who was brought by John Bolwby and Mary Ainswort
besides these three styles, there's a fourth one called the disorganized attachment style which is common in those who have suffered some kind if trauma or neglect
there are a lot of very interesting reaserches and experiments about this subject, it's honestly one of my favourite things I learned about in university
so yeah I highly encourage everyone to look this up! 😁
also sorry if my english is not the best, not my first language 😅
oh ok the forurth style was talked about too hahah commented before the end of the video 😅
You two are cute. Id love to see more of Dan commenting from the background 😂
Ended up in the dismissing region. Not a surprise.
*uses lunch break from marking psychology papers to watch more psychology content*
yes, this is a break.
took the basic test which resulted in high anxiety and middel avoidant, kinda new that so i'm hoping for a secure partner and that im able to improve my mental state. Love the video!
Go to therapy for that! While it can happen with a romantic partner or with other types of relationships, really that is a burden that no one should put on another person. It seems like you aren't talking just about an attachment style, but more of a general mental health issue. Therapy is the correct place for that (scientifically, legally).
@@ojiverdeconfleco I know, which is why im single :P I have been to therapy and are taking some SSRI anti depression medication but havent noticed any changes..
@@grolillkland6991 I'm sorry to hear that. Know that it takes some time to take effect, but def talk to your therapist and/or doctor about how you're feeling. Wish you the best!
That’s my partners favourite Tim Minchin song! He sings it all the time! 😂
So good! I’m going to take this quiz but nervous since I just had to cut my off my parents thanks to abuse. It’s been horrible. But I’m looking forward to do it, work through therapy for a year and then try again. ☺️
fearful avoidant here lol, can't say I'm surprised but hoping that will change now I'm at uni and have friends who actually care about me and can support me to develop as a person and all that
Did the basic test and results were. My attachment-related anxiety score is 1.11, on a scale ranging from 1 to 7 and my attachment-related avoidance score is 1.28
I haven’t taken the test yet, but I have a feeling I will be in the “fearful” category.
I am currently treating this as psychology revision hagahagaa 👀👀
Hahaha do it!
Dan is actually THE BEST 😂
I'm glad therapy helped me go from preoccupied to secure 😅
Love the Overly Attached Girlfriend thumbnail. Clickbait on point lol.
before I even watched the vid or knew what was going on read the title and went 'avoidant... there's avoidant that's me '
The whole video was on a time crunch.... “Damn it Daniel!” Hahaha I’m stealing the ‘fuck’ dance.
Dan is a mood! 😅
I like long term supportive/cooperative/collaborative/coordinated action relationships. I've been married twice and both relationships. ended because of one of the items given above. Lack of support if not outright antagonism of who I am, no desire to coordinate with another on common family issues, no desire to cooperate with common decisions, and actual and obvious actions taken to oppose and destroy every inevitability and decision. How about refusing to talk for months? Passively filled with anger and insecurity.
I got dismissive-avoidant in general, though secure with my parents & friend (though they are few and far between). Independent, career-oriented for so long that not sure where to even begin with a romantic relationship if I wanted one (which I might).
Well, this made me properly envious. :D But also happy for you, Hannah, obviously. Because I'm clearly in the more anxious part of the diagram and I don't even have to take the test to realize that. On the other hand - I've just started going to therapy (over Skype now, of course) so what I'm taking from this video is that this is another thing that I definitely need to work on.
It said I was secure in all my relationships but one, and then said According to your responses, your general attachment style is Dismissing-avoidant. Well, that does sound like me. I can live with that. :)
the quiz is full!
This video has made me realise how different hannah and I are. Almost all the questions I answered the opposite 🙈🤣
I can't wait to do this test!
I think your viewers have broken the website! I got to the second page and got a "max users" message. I'm excited to try again tomorrow though!
hahaha omg!
Have not taken the quiz yet but I know I am preoccupied with everyone except my primary partner with whom I am securely attached just from the description and the axis. Mom is likely closer to the center than anyone else but yeah I'm an anxious mess who just wants to be loved
I got preoccupied but almost secure on the avoidance axis which is huge for me because i used to be suuupper fearful avoidant. Thankgod for therapy lol
Securely attached! Surprisingly, as I am very insecure and I worry a lot about being left ;( But low avoidance and more to the secure side :D I guess it has helped me a lot by being in a relationship with someone who cares so deeply for me, lets me know, and reassures me when I'm feeling insecure
All of the above. Depends on the day and what's going on.
Love you hannah! Your videos are brilliant!!!
12:33 That's a mood right there.
Mine is different depending on who it is.
Friendship and Relationship- preoccupied
General and Father - Fearful-avoidant
Mother - Dismissing-avoidant
Got to love having EUPD and having different attachments depending on how scared I am.
I would say it's fairly accurate. For people close to me I'm terrified of them leaving me or not wanting me like I want them. With others I'm scared of people wanting attachments in case they leave and I find it terrifying.
What is EUPD?
@@hannahwitton its Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (formerly known as BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder)
Sounds worse than it really is, intense emotions with unstable relationships (along with a lot of other things but these are relevant to the video). Thanks to emotional abuse as a child unfortunately.
You're my favourite TH-camr 💖
okay, i feel like im majorly f*cked up by just answering the questions!! lol
Hazan and shaver would be proud
Hannah, I think we crashed the site for the quiz
"could not connect to MySQL: User rcfraley5 already has more than 'max_user_connections' active connections"
Avoident! Just asking the wrong thing in the wrong manner causes a nuclear reaction. Best just left alone.. And we work fine on that..
Took the Love Language test for myself and the bf did his seperately. My primary was Acts Of Service and his was Physical Touch. Both of our made sense to us. And I guess Im more content with washing dishes than I thought. :P
12:02 lmao dan... sweet bean...
If Dan wanting to leave the office is his way of saying that you're overanalyzing, I have to agree with him.
I think too many people are trying to use the site at once bc mine is having trouble loading 😅
I can predict I'm going to be firmly in the anxious category though before even taking it
You and Dan are funny 🤣
I have a emotional personality disorder so yeah..... mental health will influence these results based on those questions