I love the silent treatment. It's a vacation from the almost constant talking, fishing for compliments, insulting me, swearing at me, and accusing me of doing what he's doing. But my peace only lasts a few days before he calls again, asking for favors again like nothing happened.
Same, I act like I don't care, he replies with - you don't give me anything , you dont buy me things, or give me money that means you don't care. I am like why would I care for a person that is so mean to me and mistreats me? Hella no, you getting nothing from me. You have no respect for your piggy bank, ask someone else.
Well said. Every time there's a silent treatment/ no word from them and we think that maybe they'll leave us alone, days later they pop up again. Those times that they are silent is when they are working on new supply and then when they reach back out to us it most likely means the new supply didn't work out or they got bored.
After blocking her everywhere, I received a card in the mail this week, less than a week after her hoovering calls to my landline-- something I suspected would happen as it has happened before. I didn’t open it and considered sending it back to her unopened in another envelope. I recalled you mentioning “no contact” really must mean “no response” if you want to not play “the game”. As I’m not interested in games at all, I decided sending it back would be a form of response, giving her some energy to keep things going in her mind, so I simply shredded her unopened mail. Next imght be her showing up to my house. I see it now as an ‘entity’ operating in a vampiric energy, nothing personal. Thanks Jess for the clarifying definition of what "no contact" really needs to be for those who simply want to move on for good.
3 days after Valentine's Day, the narc sent me a message from a new and different FB account from the one I blocked. He had sent me his phone number, a heart emoji, and a message saying that he'd love to hear from me. Mind you, this guy had been vile and violent toward me. So, I blocked him again. I've been with my husband 16 years now, and throughout all these years, this fool had made many attempts to get a hold of me via phone, text, social media, reaching out to my relatives, and stalking. What a sick individual!
Yeah, mine would accuse me of being abusive. So when I used that to leave, he backtracked and said if he really believed that he wouldn't want me to be with him. It was a go away come back thing for years. Until I finally left for good. There is no respect from ppl like that. Don't give in to the hoover. If you want a happy life, you have to leave.
This video is golden. I had/have a clinger! Hahahaha. It’s been HELL. I am doing better and everyone can get better!!!!! Don’t look back! We are not going that way!!!
I went no contact and he’s losing his mind. But he looked at me during our marriage so many times like I was gross and disgusting and had very very little time for me. When they know they have you 100%, they don’t respect you and I don’t want you. It’s all about the game and as soon as you walk away, then they want to just play the game again. It’s all ridiculous and not anything worth paying your attention to! No contact❤️. I am starting over and I am much wiser than I have ever been before❤️☀️🐎
I responded to a hoover thinking that they might apologize this time. They were talking like nothing had happened in the past. Went a couple weeks still no apology so I asked why they honestly wanted to contact me again. They said they just wanted to know how I was doing. I told them how I was flooded again with these negative thoughts and feelings, wished them well and said to never contact me again. Their response was they just wanted to give me a second chance and see how I was but forget they ever said anything. When I asked a second chance at what exactly they said nothing important, bye. I think I dodged a bullet by finally saying to never contact me again.
Omg yes mine would get psychically violent break things in the house call me every name in the book and I would tell him this is it I want out don't ever want to see him again and he would wake up the next day and act like nothing ever happened. You have to get them out and cut off contract
Yes, you did. And they are going to make it look as if it was them who told you not to contact them again because it is impossible to make things work with them.
This just happened to me. I refused his behaviors because I started to figure him out. I was relieved. He ran to his daddy who is also a Narc. He runs back when they fight. It's so bizarre. I have replaced his mom is some disgusting way. He's a giant child. Luckily I'm states away now and am out of his grasp entirely.
Absolutely right, narcissistic people have inherent need for attention, constantly pushing your boundaries for a reaction. Keep your boundaries strong and protect yourself. Thanks for the many insightful videos and support. Andrew
My narc sister in law sent a text congratulating me on my daughter's wedding this week. My hubby knows what she is and simply said thank you. I just stayed silent, but secretly I felt like texting back F@CK OFF! I wish that narc witch would just disappear. Thank you Jess for another excellent video! ❤
Their like a bad penny that just keeps coming back 🤣 you'll never be good enough to the wrong person and they'll never be good enough for you, eventually you'll get sick of their toxic bs games and just not give a fck anymore, your the light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to turn it on, that's being done with them and just moving forward 👍 Jess and survivors and thrivers 🦋
This is a great video, Jess. I'm dealing with this now. I don't know why I can't completely cut contact with ex-narc. There's still some trauma bond left. I know that he only reaches out when he's bored, etc. like you mentioned in the video. His new supply supposedly isn't interested in a relationship but he's highly interested in her, which in turn destroys me yet again. He's treating her like how I wanted to be treated. It makes me feel like dirt and that I was just never good enough and never will be. I don't know how to move past this. I know I need to cut ties completely because it will just continue to bring me down. So grateful for your videos.
This video was amazing. It perfectly described my NPD sibling who, at least 4 times now, has said they want nothing to do with me. I've gotten the silent treatment, been called every name you can imagine, and threatened physically for not giving them what they want. They then return saying "it would break our parents heart if they knew we were fighting...." (she was the only one fighting and name calling). Then I get the, "I want to be close again". When I respond with I don't really want that... the tantrum, name calling, and I'm leaving your life forever cycle begins anew. This time I had enough and just blocked her and went no contact.
@@JessStanley Jess I have a serious question. I have tried for six months to get away from my ex. He called threatening suicide I caved n let him come home fast forward a week I'm getting abused again and the cycle continued. My question is this when I look at him and I tell him I want nothing to do with him and he either just stares at me or he agrees to leave in the morning but then he will wake up like nothing ever happened. Does he understand what I am saying or is this seriously just an act ??? He is getting crazier by the day and I'm honestly in fear of my life he was arrested and I filed an order of protection and he called me 75 times from the jail. He is in the stage now where he is smearing my name he even logged into my fb and was sending nasty msgs to my make friends and then told me he had screenshots of those nsga and he would use them in court to take my kids away from me . I apologized to my friends and they knew it wasn't me as i dont talk that way but does he really think something that ridiculous would work ??? Pl help I'm at my wits end
I needed to hear this...especially towards the end of the video. He literally was bringing me down with his negativity and self-loathing. The new supply believes I should've been more patient. Well, hope she enjoys it.
You are truly speaking to me in this video. This is my relationship to a T. I am the punching bag I am the everything thank you so much for these videos
He hoovers through proxy. Since i kept him blocked. He has sent more people. It seems to be happening more. Like desperately more. He Is still blocked.
They come back over and over because they see you as nothing more than just a toaster, a washing machine, an iron, the refrigerator, or even toilet bowl. You are nothing but a useful item to use when they need to use it. We all use kitchen appliances without a second thought about their "lives" and "needs" like maintainence, cleaning and polishing. When we need to pee really bad, the toilet is such a wonderful sight to see, or when hungry, the fridge is suddenly a Godsend. You do not think twice about whether or not the toilet has any feelings at all about you taking a stinky pee and dump in it. Just like all these appliances, this is what the narcissists sees in you. No more, no less. After you use your toilet, you flush it and turn away forgetting that it exists. If this toilet clogs up and malfunctions like a human being that complains about being treated bad, the narcissist is surprised and can't believe they did anything wrong. So... This is all you are to a narcissist. They do not see a human being. This sounds so cold and cruel...but knowing this will help you accept their cruelty and callousness, so that you can leave and begin to heal. Live again for real.
Great video Jess! Perfect timing for me to have landed on it. I have been struggling with writing an Impact Statement for my ex’s sentencing for abuse charges, coming up. I’ve gone back and forth emotionally about writing it at all, as he’s facing prison. I know he blames me for his abuse and being locked up, not his disgusting abusive bs! But that’s typical, right! Anyhow, getting back to my point, I listened to a recording I made of an argument we had, where he did his typical projectile vomiting of horrible name calling, telling me I’m not a good woman, nothing but trash, won’t shut my hole, I’m just stupid, and he cannot be with a stupid ass c#%*, I said exactly what you said in video. “If I am so terrible, why do you keep coming back!” Truth is. He used me as his punching bag, and more. I’m glad he’s out of my life! I thank you for validating what I felt and said to him, when he was tearing me apart verbally.
It took me decades to figure out my narc neighbor. She wore the mask so well. Now I’ve gone no contact but she stalks me. The creatures will stop at nothing to gain control. They are not human but they can fake empathy.
Yes, this is perfect video of what I am currently dealing with. Omg to the dot- yes why do they? He wont admit to that though. I might need to schedule a talk with you.
Boy did this video hit home & I really needed it! I got discarded almost 4 months ago & mine pops his head in by texting once a month. He won't reply back if I reply! It annoying! It really plays with my emotions. I'm a good person & to he ignored hurts!
It is extremely frustrating when they text and won't respond back or they tell you to call them and then they won't pick up the phone. They are doing this to play games and get more control again. It is sickening what they do.
Thank you Jess, hope all your days are beautiful for you🙏 Sometimes it’s kinda funny how they try to punish you with silent treatment They don’t get that it’s actually a break from all the word salad spewing out their Two mouths
Great video, it's true that they come back around, that you haven't "waited" long enough. I stopped talking to my aunt because the way she treated me was too much and I tried everything to get along with her. I thought that if she cared about me at all, she would contact me. I waited for over a month and nothing, so I blocked her on everything. 7 months later, she contacts my mom, saying she "misses us" and continues to do this every other month or two, also calls on the landline and then goes on social media telling my mom to "please call", just so she can ask for me to help her. No way! I do miss her, the "mask", it's too late, I know better now. I've learned a lot from your videos.
My sister. She's sent me tons of emails about how horrible I am. Everything is my fault. Then she tries lovebombing me. I ignore her and then the NASTY emails and hoovering start again. A vicious cycle that NEVER ends with my sister 😮
My long time "friend" contacted me after 30 years of no contact. After talking to me in one day,, I remember how badly she used to make me feel. She needs me now for sure she tried every narc trick in the book to get me back. I blocked her but she still texts me I can't block her texts. She will die before she gives up. She's a senior citizen now. I could change my number I guess. She only texts on holidays. Thank you for pointing out that I am valuable to her since she will never admit it. ✌️❤
This is most accurate discription of the “situation” I have with this highly narcissistic woman. We were a couple at first, I left wen discovered her cheating. Although she’s probably gotten away with SO many other times! Yet she still stays in my life, under pretense either “couple” or broken up haha. It’s all the same anyway dealing with her. Honestly, she has and does things for me. Gifts, dinner, etc etc. she refuses any gift I’ve offered her, refuses any money from me, always insists on paying wen we go out to eat. That part confuses me 😳
Same. Even after he was caught out cheating for 5 years. They show us our weaknesses. Neither my mother or father ever told me they loved me when I was young and I was starved of affection and abandoned. These are the exact buttons my nex learned to push. Do the inner shadow work. Love thy self, heal old wounds and those buttons will no longer control ones emotions ❤
Mirrored everything I ever said and used my emotional romantic personal conversation to see if I would be susceptible to a Hoover “I need you in my life “. How is that true if I acted so wrong towards her, “that’s not normal and I don’t believe anything you say “.
Good Morning Jess Thank You so much for the video, and for your channel it's very helpful, and much appreciated ❤ Yes, Jess I agree Block Them You take them back they will do twice as much damage the second time around from experience
Yep, he tells me to move out then stops me within 48 hrs, but now we decided I will move out after my senior dog passes, and now he keeps going on about our future life together after my dog passes, I remind him I won't be here, he keeps saying I will. But I'm already building an enclosure on a small flatbed trailer to move into and live free like a nomad. I plan to block him, change my email and phone number, but he uses my kids as flying monkeys but now my kids don't have much to do with me-claims they are too busy to call. Too many narcs around me, I will be happy to be on my own at 55+/-. Keep up the great videos.
Here's one,I'm the father of a child who's mother is a narcissist. For eight years I was told how much of a wonderful dad I am how I do such wonderful things for our daughter and when I went out of state to visit learning that her mom had new supply all along while we maintain a long distance relationship and when I decided to leave after five days on a nine day vacation for the way I had been treated all of the sudden I was a horrible father as she said in front of him,I just love how different they act when others are around, needless to say she unfriended and blocked me from hers and our daughter's social media. Now,I'm not so bothered that she had someone else all this time and unfriended and blocked me from her social media however I am bothered she did that with our daughter in which our daughter has already bonded with me and my family including my mom and dad/ her grandma and grandpa who is recovering from a battle with cancer which he was diagnosed with two months after I was discarded by her mother.
jess, you are wonderful! thank you im a marxist. i need connection between luv and class, in marxian terms, luv and class don mix i hope you can make a video on class relations and narcos + borderline
My ex female narc hoovered me last month. It was weird. Because she is blocked everywhere she hacked into my Google account and then my legal zoom account where she proceeded to change all of my personal information to herself. I was able to change everything back and I think the intention of the hoover was to provoke me into an angry reaction which failed because I did not respond. An angry reaction would have given her fuel so by not responding I gave her nothing. I have not heard the last from her. I would not be surprised if she shows up at my front door. She has been here hundreds of times. I dread it and her black vortex of energy.
My ex narc will never bother me again because I'm on to him and he knows it. I was with him for 5 years. One yr into our relationship we became engaged. Thru the years, I asked him about setting a wedding date, looking for rings, and planning our venue. He kept saying, DON'T WORRY WE WILL. This went on for 5 years. Finally. I broke up with him. I yelled at him and told him I CAN'T STAND YOU ANYMORE AND I WANT TO GET RID OF YOU. I put the engagement ring in my pocket and left. 2 weeks later, he rebounded and married her. ISN'T THAT SICK? THANK GOD IT'S OVER. THIS HAPPENED 10.5 YEARS AGO....HE WONT BE BACK!!
My ex doesn’t come around but he refuses to refinance the car that we share a loan on. He makes late payments, or no payments at all, I has a motion to enforce the decrees hearing. The judge once again ordered him to refinance the car. Two months later, still no refinance. He has filed bankruptcy so he doesn’t care about his credit and if the car gets repoed, I am the one who will be held responsible. I am now in the process of holding him in contempt. He can’t do anything else now due to my PFA so now he financially abuses me!
How do I get rid of mine unfortunately we work together and I give him no attention. I blocked him and he tries to talk to me like nothing happened and I don’t want anything to do with him. I’ve been over it
Jess! U know ur shiiiii!!! I left this lame ass dude 2 years ago. Keep in mind, we had trial a month ago but it got adjourned BC he offered to plead to lesser charges and I refused BC I will fight for him to be found guilty for all. Even after all of this, HES STILL HOOVERING ME. I'm confused. I have a restraining order. I'm not giving him any attention. This guy STILL makes an appearance. Why.!?..my circumstances r different.
@@JessStanley 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Hi Jess ! Thank you so much for the explanation 😊 I'm actually binge watching your videos right now and this is helping me emotionally. Right now I'm in a bigger shit. I know I need to leave but he trapped me so well. He even told me with his predatory eyes and voice that I'm his now. Of course, after he destroyed everything I've worked for coming here. I've seen red flags already before coming here, during the job interview but I was in a bad situation and I had to leave that place. I've never had a chance now that I'm thinking about it. I was already f....befire even coming here.I'll never be he's I'm just mine .. I think he's more a malignant narcissist. I don't have enough economical resources, I'm left without a job (he was my manager so he destroyed me from inside out both in private life and working environment), and I am in a foreign country after going no contact with my narcissistic family, I must find a way. I lost my job because he replaced me with his new supply at work so of course I was a danger to him...oh Gosh, harder to put it in a few words.. I hope one day I can have a talk with you. I feel so isolated and I need to take care of my baby (cat)... Please, just tell me that everything is gonna be okay Jess... sorry for the long message. Thank you for everything, I hope one day I could help other survivors as you ❤️❤️🤗
Im going through this now, i feel so tormented. I went "no contact" and he found me on tiktok and messaged me, i blocked him there as i did in other apps too,,,,,then at work yesterday he touched my hair, greeted me with "hi darling" as if I AM HIS darling, which i am NOT< saying as if nothing ever changed,,,,,sighhhh. Then he asked me for a kiss, he was hanging around near me at work,,,,i told him no way, and told him to stop it, then he backed off. Later that day i opned a can of worms, i unblocked him to tell him, that he is a narcissist and that we arent a couple and he cant call me darling and ask for kisses and that i have found someone new,,,,,he replied with ok thank you and 4 laughing emoji cons...........so toxic! get this, he always compliments other women on tiktik and other social media outlets, but he would "NEVER" "EVER" give me a like on my videos,,,,how strange! huh,,,,,at work he would flirt with others and completly ignore me,,,,then he comes back to hoover me, He turned up at work when my shift finished,,,,,,i thought what a coincidence. or is he stalking me? i feel so tired of this,,,,,i was feeling strong until we were on the same shift and he tried to hoover me, and each time he does this, it sets me back 20 steps. Am not feeling strong today. I regret writing to tell him what i did,,,,,but i didnt want to let him get away with that.
They chase you and will lie and say you are chasing them. Block 🚫
Trueeeeee
I love the silent treatment. It's a vacation from the almost constant talking, fishing for compliments, insulting me, swearing at me, and accusing me of doing what he's doing. But my peace only lasts a few days before he calls again, asking for favors again like nothing happened.
Same, I act like I don't care, he replies with - you don't give me anything , you dont buy me things, or give me money that means you don't care. I am like why would I care for a person that is so mean to me and mistreats me? Hella no, you getting nothing from me. You have no respect for your piggy bank, ask someone else.
Well said. Every time there's a silent treatment/ no word from them and we think that maybe they'll leave us alone, days later they pop up again. Those times that they are silent is when they are working on new supply and then when they reach back out to us it most likely means the new supply didn't work out or they got bored.
After blocking her everywhere, I received a card in the mail this week, less than a week after her hoovering calls to my landline-- something I suspected would happen as it has happened before. I didn’t open it and considered sending it back to her unopened in another envelope. I recalled you mentioning “no contact” really must mean “no response” if you want to not play “the game”. As I’m not interested in games at all, I decided sending it back would be a form of response, giving her some energy to keep things going in her mind, so I simply shredded her unopened mail. Next imght be her showing up to my house. I see it now as an ‘entity’ operating in a vampiric energy, nothing personal.
Thanks Jess for the clarifying definition of what "no contact" really needs to be for those who simply want to move on for good.
I sent a card back unopened in another envelope and it will make her think twice about sending another!!! I say do it!
good for you that you didn't respond at all, no need if you did then she would say YES, he is still thinking of me.
poltergeist
yes
remember, the film excorscist
3 days after Valentine's Day, the narc sent me a message from a new and different FB account from the one I blocked. He had sent me his phone number, a heart emoji, and a message saying that he'd love to hear from me. Mind you, this guy had been vile and violent toward me. So, I blocked him again. I've been with my husband 16 years now, and throughout all these years, this fool had made many attempts to get a hold of me via phone, text, social media, reaching out to my relatives, and stalking. What a sick individual!
Yeah, mine would accuse me of being abusive. So when I used that to leave, he backtracked and said if he really believed that he wouldn't want me to be with him. It was a go away come back thing for years. Until I finally left for good. There is no respect from ppl like that. Don't give in to the hoover. If you want a happy life, you have to leave.
Underscoring that last part, *“If you want a happy life you have to leave”*
Oh you got called abusive too, for taking their abuse but being upset and reacting?
@@jackidezell3401 yes, that is what happened!!!
Divorced 4 months ago..
Continues to hoover.
He doesn't want me back. He just doesn't want me to move on with my new life...
This video is golden. I had/have a clinger! Hahahaha. It’s been HELL. I am doing better and everyone can get better!!!!! Don’t look back! We are not going that way!!!
I went no contact and he’s losing his mind. But he looked at me during our marriage so many times like I was gross and disgusting and had very very little time for me. When they know they have you 100%, they don’t respect you and I don’t want you. It’s all about the game and as soon as you walk away, then they want to just play the game again. It’s all ridiculous and not anything worth paying your attention to! No contact❤️. I am starting over and I am much wiser than I have ever been before❤️☀️🐎
My goodness, same for me, he would look at me with disgust, negatively comment on my appearance and make me feel so worthless 😔❤️
@@shamimtemour They are the disgusting ones. They’re just mean. Take good care of you❤️. You deserve way better!!
I responded to a hoover thinking that they might apologize this time. They were talking like nothing had happened in the past. Went a couple weeks still no apology so I asked why they honestly wanted to contact me again. They said they just wanted to know how I was doing. I told them how I was flooded again with these negative thoughts and feelings, wished them well and said to never contact me again. Their response was they just wanted to give me a second chance and see how I was but forget they ever said anything. When I asked a second chance at what exactly they said nothing important, bye. I think I dodged a bullet by finally saying to never contact me again.
That sounds exactly like the kind of responses I used to get from my ex narc. No contact forever 💪🏻
Omg yes mine would get psychically violent break things in the house call me every name in the book and I would tell him this is it I want out don't ever want to see him again and he would wake up the next day and act like nothing ever happened. You have to get them out and cut off contract
Yes, you did. And they are going to make it look as if it was them who told you not to contact them again because it is impossible to make things work with them.
It feels like a roller-coaster ride!
Yes with no seatbelt 😬
This just happened to me. I refused his behaviors because I started to figure him out. I was relieved. He ran to his daddy who is also a Narc. He runs back when they fight. It's so bizarre. I have replaced his mom is some disgusting way. He's a giant child. Luckily I'm states away now and am out of his grasp entirely.
You leave them be and move ahead and along
They definitely need you. They need someone to project their crap onto, blame, and smear so they can be the poor innocent victim.
Absolutely right, narcissistic people have inherent need for attention, constantly pushing your boundaries for a reaction. Keep your boundaries strong and protect yourself. Thanks for the many insightful videos and support. Andrew
Thank you very much! Stay strong!
@@JessStanley Thank you, Jess Bless You, and Please have a great day.
My narc sister in law sent a text congratulating me on my daughter's wedding this week. My hubby knows what she is and simply said thank you. I just stayed silent, but secretly I felt like texting back F@CK OFF! I wish that narc witch would just disappear. Thank you Jess for another excellent video! ❤
They'll always find any reason to reach out. Glad you said nothing! Thanks so much for the kind words!
@@JessStanley You're welcome Jess! Love your channel and always look forward to your videos! ❤
The timing of this video is insane. I really needed this, thank you.
Their like a bad penny that just keeps coming back 🤣 you'll never be good enough to the wrong person and they'll never be good enough for you, eventually you'll get sick of their toxic bs games and just not give a fck anymore, your the light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to turn it on, that's being done with them and just moving forward 👍 Jess and survivors and thrivers 🦋
This is a great video, Jess. I'm dealing with this now. I don't know why I can't completely cut contact with ex-narc. There's still some trauma bond left. I know that he only reaches out when he's bored, etc. like you mentioned in the video. His new supply supposedly isn't interested in a relationship but he's highly interested in her, which in turn destroys me yet again. He's treating her like how I wanted to be treated. It makes me feel like dirt and that I was just never good enough and never will be. I don't know how to move past this. I know I need to cut ties completely because it will just continue to bring me down. So grateful for your videos.
Thank you so much for the kind words! This whole community is here to support you!
None of them are ever welcome anywhere near or back in my life
Mine kept coming back for over a year. This last time I never responded and he’s finally stopped.
This video was amazing. It perfectly described my NPD sibling who, at least 4 times now, has said they want nothing to do with me. I've gotten the silent treatment, been called every name you can imagine, and threatened physically for not giving them what they want. They then return saying "it would break our parents heart if they knew we were fighting...." (she was the only one fighting and name calling). Then I get the, "I want to be close again". When I respond with I don't really want that... the tantrum, name calling, and I'm leaving your life forever cycle begins anew.
This time I had enough and just blocked her and went no contact.
It's a painful choice to have to make, especially when its family. We have to do what is best for us!
@@JessStanley Jess I have a serious question. I have tried for six months to get away from my ex. He called threatening suicide I caved n let him come home fast forward a week I'm getting abused again and the cycle continued. My question is this when I look at him and I tell him I want nothing to do with him and he either just stares at me or he agrees to leave in the morning but then he will wake up like nothing ever happened. Does he understand what I am saying or is this seriously just an act ??? He is getting crazier by the day and I'm honestly in fear of my life he was arrested and I filed an order of protection and he called me 75 times from the jail. He is in the stage now where he is smearing my name he even logged into my fb and was sending nasty msgs to my make friends and then told me he had screenshots of those nsga and he would use them in court to take my kids away from me . I apologized to my friends and they knew it wasn't me as i dont talk that way but does he really think something that ridiculous would work ??? Pl help I'm at my wits end
I needed to hear this...especially towards the end of the video. He literally was bringing me down with his negativity and self-loathing. The new supply believes I should've been more patient. Well, hope she enjoys it.
With all these videos it’s game over for the narcissist.
I certainly hope to reach as many people as I possibly can
@@JessStanley you are doing a much needed service.
I thank you for your efforts.
You are truly speaking to me in this video. This is my relationship to a T. I am the punching bag I am the everything thank you so much for these videos
He hoovers through proxy. Since i kept him blocked. He has sent more people. It seems to be happening more. Like desperately more.
He Is still blocked.
They come back over and over because they see you as nothing more than just a toaster, a washing machine, an iron, the refrigerator, or even toilet bowl. You are nothing but a useful item to use when they need to use it. We all use kitchen appliances without a second thought about their "lives" and "needs" like maintainence, cleaning and polishing. When we need to pee really bad, the toilet is such a wonderful sight to see, or when hungry, the fridge is suddenly a Godsend. You do not think twice about whether or not the toilet has any feelings at all about you taking a stinky pee and dump in it. Just like all these appliances, this is what the narcissists sees in you. No more, no less. After you use your toilet, you flush it and turn away forgetting that it exists. If this toilet clogs up and malfunctions like a human being that complains about being treated bad, the narcissist is surprised and can't believe they did anything wrong. So... This is all you are to a narcissist. They do not see a human being. This sounds so cold and cruel...but knowing this will help you accept their cruelty and callousness, so that you can leave and begin to heal. Live again for real.
This is exactly what happened to me!
If I would only do things her way, and agree with her, we would never argue. My wife actually told me this the other day.
That's called using you. Blaming you, and she is choosing to be a responsible adult woman. I would say no to all of it
💯 true as usual Jess. Thank you for exposing them and validating us.🙏❤️
Great video Jess! Perfect timing for me to have landed on it. I have been struggling with writing an Impact Statement for my ex’s sentencing for abuse charges, coming up. I’ve gone back and forth emotionally about writing it at all, as he’s facing prison. I know he blames me for his abuse and being locked up, not his disgusting abusive bs! But that’s typical, right! Anyhow, getting back to my point, I listened to a recording I made of an argument we had, where he did his typical projectile vomiting of horrible name calling, telling me I’m not a good woman, nothing but trash, won’t shut my hole, I’m just stupid, and he cannot be with a stupid ass c#%*, I said exactly what you said in video. “If I am so terrible, why do you keep coming back!” Truth is. He used me as his punching bag, and more. I’m glad he’s out of my life!
I thank you for validating what I felt and said to him, when he was tearing me apart verbally.
It took me decades to figure out my narc neighbor. She wore the mask so well. Now I’ve gone no contact but she stalks me. The creatures will stop at nothing to gain control. They are not human but they can fake empathy.
Omg this sooooooo spot on!
Yes, this is perfect video of what I am currently dealing with. Omg to the dot- yes why do they? He wont admit to that though. I might need to schedule a talk with you.
Boy did this video hit home & I really needed it! I got discarded almost 4 months ago & mine pops his head in by texting once a month. He won't reply back if I reply! It annoying! It really plays with my emotions. I'm a good person & to he ignored hurts!
It is extremely frustrating when they text and won't respond back or they tell you to call them and then they won't pick up the phone. They are doing this to play games and get more control again. It is sickening what they do.
Thank you Jess, hope all your days are beautiful for you🙏 Sometimes it’s kinda funny how they try to punish you with silent treatment They don’t get that it’s actually a break from all the word salad spewing out their Two mouths
I like how you kind of Crack up talking about these irksome individuals
Great video, it's true that they come back around, that you haven't "waited" long enough. I stopped talking to my aunt because the way she treated me was too much and I tried everything to get along with her. I thought that if she cared about me at all, she would contact me. I waited for over a month and nothing, so I blocked her on everything. 7 months later, she contacts my mom, saying she "misses us" and continues to do this every other month or two, also calls on the landline and then goes on social media telling my mom to "please call", just so she can ask for me to help her. No way! I do miss her, the "mask", it's too late, I know better now. I've learned a lot from your videos.
This is one of my most favourite videos ♥️🤩
Just came from filing no contact he is not normal the rage is still now even more f scary
Just will not go away
My sister. She's sent me tons of emails about how horrible I am. Everything is my fault. Then she tries lovebombing me. I ignore her and then the NASTY emails and hoovering start again. A vicious cycle that NEVER ends with my sister 😮
My ex narc went on and on about how everyone was an idiot and how much better he was than everyone he worked with. It was irritating
My long time "friend" contacted me after 30 years of no contact. After talking to me in one day,, I remember how badly she used to make me feel. She needs me now for sure she tried every narc trick in the book to get me back. I blocked her but she still texts me I can't block her texts. She will die before she gives up. She's a senior citizen now. I could change my number I guess. She only texts on holidays. Thank you for pointing out that I am valuable to her since she will never admit it. ✌️❤
This is most accurate discription of the “situation” I have with this highly narcissistic woman. We were a couple at first, I left wen discovered her cheating. Although she’s probably gotten away with SO many other times! Yet she still stays in my life, under pretense either “couple” or broken up haha. It’s all the same anyway dealing with her. Honestly, she has and does things for me. Gifts, dinner, etc etc. she refuses any gift I’ve offered her, refuses any money from me, always insists on paying wen we go out to eat. That part confuses me 😳
He used,” I love you”, as an instrument with which to Hoover.
Same. Even after he was caught out cheating for 5 years.
They show us our weaknesses.
Neither my mother or father ever told me they loved me when I was young and I was starved of affection and abandoned.
These are the exact buttons my nex learned to push.
Do the inner shadow work. Love thy self, heal old wounds and those buttons will no longer control ones emotions ❤
Mirrored everything I ever said and used my emotional romantic personal conversation to see if I would be susceptible to a Hoover “I need you in my life “. How is that true if I acted so wrong towards her, “that’s not normal and I don’t believe anything you say “.
I did/ do! I just blocked him.
Spot on, Lady Jess! Narcissists are gluttons for OUR punishment.
Good Morning Jess Thank You so much for the video, and for your channel it's very helpful, and much appreciated ❤
Yes, Jess I agree Block Them
You take them back they will do twice as much damage the second time around from experience
Good morning, Mia! Thank you! Have a great day!
I must have lucked out.
Not one single hoover.
I'm either not with the hoover, or the hoover is inbound.
Yep, he tells me to move out then stops me within 48 hrs, but now we decided I will move out after my senior dog passes, and now he keeps going on about our future life together after my dog passes, I remind him I won't be here, he keeps saying I will. But I'm already building an enclosure on a small flatbed trailer to move into and live free like a nomad. I plan to block him, change my email and phone number, but he uses my kids as flying monkeys but now my kids don't have much to do with me-claims they are too busy to call. Too many narcs around me, I will be happy to be on my own at 55+/-. Keep up the great videos.
Thank you. Im a survivor
No contact 5 years 🙏🏽
Here's one,I'm the father of a child who's mother is a narcissist. For eight years I was told how much of a wonderful dad I am how I do such wonderful things for our daughter and when I went out of state to visit learning that her mom had new supply all along while we maintain a long distance relationship and when I decided to leave after five days on a nine day vacation for the way I had been treated all of the sudden I was a horrible father as she said in front of him,I just love how different they act when others are around, needless to say she unfriended and blocked me from hers and our daughter's social media. Now,I'm not so bothered that she had someone else all this time and unfriended and blocked me from her social media however I am bothered she did that with our daughter in which our daughter has already bonded with me and my family including my mom and dad/ her grandma and grandpa who is recovering from a battle with cancer which he was diagnosed with two months after I was discarded by her mother.
jess, you are wonderful!
thank you
im a marxist. i need connection between luv and class, in marxian terms, luv and class don mix
i hope you can make a video on class relations and narcos + borderline
Hey Jess! Thanks for this!
💯 truth being spoken to real issues 👍🏽
Mine moved out of state like 12 hours away he moved in with a woman he met online doesn't know her at all first one popped up he moved in with her
Correct
My ex female narc hoovered me last month. It was weird. Because she is blocked everywhere she hacked into my Google account and then my legal zoom account where she proceeded to change all of my personal information to herself. I was able to change everything back and I think the intention of the hoover was to provoke me into an angry reaction which failed because I did not respond. An angry reaction would have given her fuel so by not responding I gave her nothing. I have not heard the last from her. I would not be surprised if she shows up at my front door. She has been here hundreds of times. I dread it and her black vortex of energy.
I have one that still clings. Just waiting out of curiosity to see how long before she gives up
Excellent Jess 💕👍🏻😊
Thank you!
My ex narc will never bother me again because I'm on to him and he knows it. I was with him for 5 years. One yr into our relationship we became engaged. Thru the years, I asked him about setting a wedding date, looking for rings, and planning our venue. He kept saying, DON'T WORRY WE WILL. This went on for 5 years. Finally. I broke up with him. I yelled at him and told him I CAN'T STAND YOU ANYMORE AND I WANT TO GET RID OF YOU. I put the engagement ring in my pocket and left. 2 weeks later, he rebounded and married her. ISN'T THAT SICK? THANK GOD IT'S OVER. THIS HAPPENED 10.5 YEARS AGO....HE WONT BE BACK!!
Scared the shit out of me I am alone but now on video 😈🙏🏽
Beautifully accurate as always. Thank you Jess!
Thank You 🙌
He’s been blocked since 1/8/22 and I was hoovered on 1/13, 2/14, and yesterday! All No Caller ID calls, I know it’s him but he can go to HELL
Giiirl yess
My ex doesn’t come around but he refuses to refinance the car that we share a loan on. He makes late payments, or no payments at all, I has a motion to enforce the decrees hearing. The judge once again ordered him to refinance the car. Two months later, still no refinance. He has filed bankruptcy so he doesn’t care about his credit and if the car gets repoed, I am the one who will be held responsible. I am now in the process of holding him in contempt. He can’t do anything else now due to my PFA so now he financially abuses me!
Daaaaaamn
😏
My thoughts exactly.
I needed this Jess.
Str8 shoota.
Thank you so much ❤️
God knows what I'm in the middle of. I'm confused as fck
It’s not gonna be better getting out is the only way
@@split_jcgg9613 thanks
How do I get rid of mine unfortunately we work together and I give him no attention. I blocked him and he tries to talk to me like nothing happened and I don’t want anything to do with him. I’ve been over it
I'm sorry to say this...but you must leave your job. I've been in your situation so I understand...but I don't regret this
A good title for a video would be dealing with "supply and demand" hahahaha....
Amen
Jess! U know ur shiiiii!!! I left this lame ass dude 2 years ago. Keep in mind, we had trial a month ago but it got adjourned BC he offered to plead to lesser charges and I refused BC I will fight for him to be found guilty for all. Even after all of this, HES STILL HOOVERING ME. I'm confused. I have a restraining order. I'm not giving him any attention. This guy STILL makes an appearance. Why.!?..my circumstances r different.
They cling and sometimes the reasons aren't clear. Make sure you let authorities know he continues to violate the RO.
He’s desperately hoping that you will be able to help with the consequences he’s facing. Please don’t. You’ll regret protecting him and not yourself!
@@Amy-oy5hk LOL nah he prob hates me 😂😂😂 it's mutual 😝
😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
❤️
Yes I do, Jess, have a clingy ex narc....she's an absolute PITA !!!😱 Great video! Happy Friday, Jess!
They're ALL a PITA!! HAHA! Have a wonderful day, Peter!
@@JessStanley what does mean Pita? 🥲
@@c3909 Haha PITA stands for Pain In The Ass!
@@JessStanley 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Hi Jess ! Thank you so much for the explanation 😊 I'm actually binge watching your videos right now and this is helping me emotionally. Right now I'm in a bigger shit. I know I need to leave but he trapped me so well. He even told me with his predatory eyes and voice that I'm his now. Of course, after he destroyed everything I've worked for coming here. I've seen red flags already before coming here, during the job interview but I was in a bad situation and I had to leave that place. I've never had a chance now that I'm thinking about it. I was already f....befire even coming here.I'll never be he's I'm just mine .. I think he's more a malignant narcissist. I don't have enough economical resources, I'm left without a job (he was my manager so he destroyed me from inside out both in private life and working environment), and I am in a foreign country after going no contact with my narcissistic family, I must find a way. I lost my job because he replaced me with his new supply at work so of course I was a danger to him...oh Gosh, harder to put it in a few words.. I hope one day I can have a talk with you. I feel so isolated and I need to take care of my baby (cat)... Please, just tell me that everything is gonna be okay Jess... sorry for the long message. Thank you for everything, I hope one day I could help other survivors as you ❤️❤️🤗
❤️💯
Im going through this now, i feel so tormented. I went "no contact" and he found me on tiktok and messaged me, i blocked him there as i did in other apps too,,,,,then at work yesterday he touched my hair, greeted me with "hi darling" as if I AM HIS darling, which i am NOT< saying as if nothing ever changed,,,,,sighhhh. Then he asked me for a kiss, he was hanging around near me at work,,,,i told him no way, and told him to stop it, then he backed off. Later that day i opned a can of worms, i unblocked him to tell him, that he is a narcissist and that we arent a couple and he cant call me darling and ask for kisses and that i have found someone new,,,,,he replied with ok thank you and 4 laughing emoji cons...........so toxic! get this, he always compliments other women on tiktik and other social media outlets, but he would "NEVER" "EVER" give me a like on my videos,,,,how strange! huh,,,,,at work he would flirt with others and completly ignore me,,,,then he comes back to hoover me,
He turned up at work when my shift finished,,,,,,i thought what a coincidence. or is he stalking me?
i feel so tired of this,,,,,i was feeling strong until we were on the same shift and he tried to hoover me, and each time he does this, it sets me back 20 steps. Am not feeling strong today. I regret writing to tell him what i did,,,,,but i didnt want to let him get away with that.