Because they see you as their property, something they should be able to put away in storage when not in use, and should still be there waiting for when it’s wanted again.
I wish.. even when he’s been with others, my ex has never stopped trying.. it’s been years.. just wanted to share that’s not always the case. They usually have multiple sources which should help give us even more courage to leave and to stay away- it will never be a safe and honest relationship with someone who is broken and unwilling to seek help
They always have supple they just want access to all their sources of supply when they want it. Especially if you’re grade A supply. They will always want to keep grade A supply from getting away and doing better
This is the most miserable thing i went through almost 7 yrs with her i would leave her and block her.. but there she goes after a few days she come looking for me apologizing and i would fall again and again ! Narcissistic people drain the heck out of you ! Until u burst please if u block a narcissist dont unblock them because theyre just waiting for a optirnity to wiggle their way in ...and the miserable cycle starts all over again and just gets worse and worse !!!
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Absolute truth! I knew nothing about narcissism and my ex came back countless times and had me believing he kept coming back to me because he loved me. I literally could not get rid of him! He would apologize and show me this great man for about 6 weeks and back to the bs again. I went thru it for years!! I even went 10 months no contact after going thru it for 5 damn years and went back! Got pregnant and he totally switched up on me. It’s like he kept coming back to destroy me and break me. He never could do it, but then he felt in control and I guess like he had conquered me when I got pregnant. It was a total mind f***!! It was hard to let go from the person I thought I knew and so I kept dealing with him off and on because I didn’t know anything about narcissism and he convinced me that it was me who pushed him away with my attitude and criticism of him. But in 2021 I came across some videos on TH-cam and everything made sense. It took me another 2 years and more back and forth for me to break away for good. Next month marks 1 whole year of limited contact since we have an 8 year old. I only communicate when absolutely necessary. Other than that, he doesn’t exist to me. I plan on keeping it like that forever! I don’t want a friendship with an emotionally and mentally abusive creep!
@@robertswift6101 I just keep reminding myself that he never cared about me, so why would I ever return? I was just used for what I had to offer. Stay strong.
I ended my relationship with him when he was still in love bomb phase but some cracks in the mask were beginning to show and one day he flew into the most horrific rage. Too good to be true was revealed to be exactly that. I shut the door six weeks ago and he has been relentless in trying to get me back. Over a hundred emails, texts, phone calls. Not engaging with him is the hardest act of self control I’ve ever had to endure. He drives by my house, calls my family members and vacillates between loving words and verbal abuse. Cognitive Dissonance and the strong trauma bond are at war with my soul. I know this man’s wounds - if only he understood them. That switch from normal to rage is terrifying- they leave and someone else comes in. It’s like a blackout of some sort for them. When things were good between us he once told me he would never leave my life, even if I asked him to. I was in such a state of euphoria with the love bombing that I swept that comment under the carpet. He knew what was going to happen. Never ignore red flags! If it’s too good to be true, it isn’t good!
My narc ex is as big a believer in no contact as I am. Shit sucked, but it ended quickly, and she didn't wreck my life. Best thing that ever happened to me. A quick but intense burst of narcissistic abuse that put my principles into proper alignment.
💯 I had to cut off a few "friends" after I realized that they were NEVER happy for my successes, they were always putting me down, always criticizing me, patronizing me.... and after a while I noticed that I would feel exhausted at the idea of hanging out with them before the actual date of the plans.... I started canceling the plans and Grey rocking them.... no one else's feelings are more important than my own mental health
I attempted a short 1 month separation, space for us both to think about our actions. He spent no time working on him!! He would not stop texting and calling EVERYDAY. Told me he loved me, missed me and he knows now how to make me happy. So I came back. Few months later I learned about narcissists. Wow!! A vail was lifted. Suddenly so much made since. I plan to be out of here in a few months. He will NEVER change, I accept that now.
omg this was so englightening. After 7 years of this and being pushed away, he told me "Im losing you", I broke it off, blocked him for the last of many times and he passed away October 2022 from an overdose. There were times throughout the relationship that he would threaten his life if I left him and when I would break up with him he would show up at my house. One of the times, I wasnt home and came home to him on my bed (he came into my house through my bedroom window), His mom thinks he overdosed accidentally. Now that Ive had time to think and think and think, I think he took his life to spite and hurt me. Deep down. I also think his mom knows what he did but wont admit it. Hes threatened to take his life "if i blocked him again" Alot of mental abuse. Im not the same person and I wont ever be ever again. So damaged and broken. Somehow I still feel guilt and regret. If I didnt block him, he would be here. Ive been married and in long term stable relationships. This relationship by far was the worse experience of my life. So much of my experiences puzzle into this disturbing this order. Ive learned I was the empath. Naive to think these people didnt exist. At 40 years old, I never knew what narcissism was until the last few years. THAT was when it all made sense and made it easier to subconsiously push away and fall out of love. So much damage and trauma he caused me Thank You for sharing.
I stupidly got into an affair with my old crush from HS who was married.He would not leave his wife yet he is obsessed with keeping me on the side as a double life situation.l didn't know he is a narcissist.l believed all his lies.His poor wife too.She knows and came to meet me.We are both trauma bonded to him.l was but thanks to platforms like this l know who he is.l am fully no contact yet l find huge letters in my snail mail.Straight to trash.Block in every way.
4 years of spying stalking and harassing. 2.5 years of rejecting her and staying away. And all they ever do is follow you like some damn Bigfoot on crack
My narc ex just won’t go away when I though he would after I discarded. Constant hoovers and ongoing battle for him to leave me alone. Ignored him so much he just constantly keeps on and on.
My ex narcissist is scared that he won’t be able to handle life alone. He has girlfriend and I am trying to move on with my life. We share children so I see him at least once a week when he visits. Whenever something happens in his life that causes emotional deregulation. He is at my doorstep or on the phone. He cannot self soothe. I am pulling away slowly but I’m tired. I don’t owe him kindness but I am not him. This is what he said the last time I pulled away. “Don’t close the door so fast. Can you do it slowly please? Don’t you understand that I need you in my life even if it’s just friends.” He wants control over our children and me. He would be happy to have a secret romantic relationship even if he has a girlfriend or a wife. He has told me as much. I don’t fully understand how someone can have skewed values but he calls them exception’s. They are self serving. So I pull away slowly so that he doesn’t lose it. Ben, could you please talk about the suicide rates of narcissist. I’m not sure if this is an appropriate topic but it’s something he always brings up when faced with fears of being alone or in dealing with the shame and self loathing.
He's emotionally manipulating you when he says that. That's basically his reaction to not being in control, my ex did this soooo much! Even after he got caught cheating, he wanted us both! When I cut communication with him he threatened to kill his self and all over and over. I even sent the police to his house to do a well check after he stopped answering his phone. He was fine, the point is you're not responsible for his feelings he's grown. Set boundaries and make him respect them, thats not fair for him to want to keep u stuck when he knows he has nothing to offer. He has no respect for u either bc he wants u to be a damn side chicken. What MAN thinks that's ok, he's very selfish and manipulative and he plays on your kind heart. He knows exactly how to make u feel bad. Don't play his game at all, so what if he can't self regulate thats not yo problem ur not responsible for him. He acts up and goes crazy around u or the kids call the cops. Cut the cord and let him go
My narc ex actually went into my kitchen cabinet and took all the pills I had in there, after he left me for another woman which made him homeless and penny-less Had to rush him to hospital nearly lost my job as i couldn't go work as i was fending to him it was because he knew i was serious when I told him to leave and that he can only come round to see our son As the previous person said its manipulation, you don't have to do anything slowly your not responsible for him or what he may or may not decide to do, to his own body I was foolish and eventually got back with him, for him to leave me again for someone else and told me he would not have told me as he wanted both of us but that the other woman would be the gf I have cut him and his flying monkeys off F them
My ex did cut himself over the video at the beginning of our relationship when I said I wanted to leave .I was scared and had to threaten to cut myself with a knight to stop him .but years after when each time I told him that I think there is something wrong with his behavior .he said then he would kill himself ..but he never did ,but he just keep hurting me instead .
@@Emma-ee6mc i’ve since learned that it’s a manipulation tactic. They’re too much of a coward to do anything really. They’re absolutely vain so they wouldn’t think of harming not one hair on their head. They just love controlling people. They love to see people in pain so don’t let him. You can still coparent together. Just don’t fuel anything in him. Don’t give him positive responses or negative responses. Act as he he doesn’t matter. Your biggest revenge is to be happy and free.
The second I start to feel like I'm moving on he resurfaces. It's like he has a sixth sense for when I'm getting stronger and can't have it! And I was so incredibly happy when we were together, right up to the moment I walked in on another woman that had spent the night with him, right after he made love to me that afternoon he spent the night with a female that showed up out of the blue and basically spread her legs for him, no prior connection other than they grew up in the same small town we live in. When I asked him why? Because we were happy and getting along great, he said there really was no reason. When I asked what I did wrong he said I didnt do anything wrong that there was no reason. He could have said just about anything else and it would have been better than that!! And now he says he misses me but just doesnt want us to be together. But like I said he knows when I'm starting to feel stronger and hits me up. And me being the weak stupid little girl ( not really I'm 58 but I act like a child when it. Comes to him) and invite him over! I've told him I'm to weak and I need him to do me a favor and just leave me alone. He laughed and says things like " well you know that psychic told me there is a blonde woman close to me that will always be a part of my life" implying that I'm that woman and hes not going away and so I should just get used to that fact that I belong to him even though we are not together. (He pretty much said those very words) The really sick thing is on some level that gives me comfort! Comfort in watching him give commitment after commitment to other women! I wish I knew what was wrong with me! I've never had a problem moving on but even after all the horrible things hes done to me and there have been a few. I would still give anything to hear him say he wants me to be with him and be "his woman". What twisted thing is wrong with me that I cant stop crying myself to sleep over him? We saw each other casually for 8 years then lived together very happily for another year and this game of his has been going on for another year plus. How do I stop this cycle of pain when I cant even refuse his calls? I'm not afraid to be alone as a matter of fact I enjoy being on my own after a 30 year marriage (yes there was some overlap, I'm not proud of it but I'm also not perfect) I wish there was a magic pill I could take that would erase the past couple of years and take me back to when I just cared for him as a friend. Or one that just ends the pain so you could breath again. I feel doomed to live this out for the rest of my days. Why wont he leave me alone if he doesnt want to be in a relationship? He says it's the best sex hes ever had! and I agree but that's not enough for me. I feel like he has feelings for me but chooses women he has no feelings or respect for on purpose cause they cant hurt him and doesnt want me cause I can hurt him. But I'm sure this is just a delusion on my part to give myself hope. But the hope is what's killing me slowly.
From reading your post, I feel the reason is that you are leaving the choice of the relationship up to him. There are two people in the relationship, but you are operating as if your choice isn't valid. You have to put up boundaries and enforce them..They will come back and hoover but if you want peace you have to respect your boundaries because he sure wont.
That happened to me so much. I am still trauma bonded. One of my parents is a narcissist so it was clear i would feel attracted to become the people pleaser friend to other narcissists in my life. I even became narcissistic myself for some period of time.
@@RawMotivations Unfortunately i still live at my parents place plus need to gain more money to afford a one on one but it would be helpful to have a one on one. Btw yeah just wanted to tell you whar you are doing is great and since i lived through the narcissistic game and saw it from all perspectives, i can highly resonate with what you are saying.
@@lisamariegriffin2012 my mums a narc and I have narc traits but have empathy . My ex said I sent him into a frenzy they literally go crazy as your screwing with the snapshot he has of you . I would do back to him what he did to me .Like silent treatment insulting devaluing gaslighting etc . At the time I didn’t know what a narc was and I have worked on my narc traits . He confided In me that his worst fear was to be dumped by a dear John letter well when I was dumping him it was by a dear John letter 😂😂😂
@Mandy Mckeown oh my, you and I! I started acting like the 48 year old I'm still married to (he won't sign, of course, as he cheats away), and withing 3 days, he was telling our 3 kids I was the narcissist! How cunning! He can't even see what's in the mirror. Projection. Always. EVERYTHING they accuse you of? I create chaos. I'm the problem. Im a narc. I'm a shitty parent. I don't care about my kids. I'm an irresponsible F*** ( he got fired the next day)?? Those are tells. They are literally tattling on themselves with every insult.
Very informative video. Thank you for your content. A side note: narcissts tend to leave finally once they have new supply in line. And the new supply doesnt have to be a new girl/guy. It can be work, career, or anything else, that helps them get distracted from feelings the "negative" feelings, and serves as a source of validation, admiration etc. For example, a new group of friends which doesnt know him yet, where he/she can put up his/her mask up or he/she is focusing even more time on work, getting money, and other stuff.
On point. I want people to know this is not just when a "relationship" ends. It's also when an affair ends. If you ever saw the video by Lise LeBlanc about how the female covert narc baits a married man ... Lise gives a different perspective as to why an affair may happen. We like to think the cheater is a narcissist. Once a cheater, always a cheater, right? But that's not true at all. Sometimes, affairs happen when the cheater did not seek an affair, had no history of cheating, but fostered a friendship that he (or she) should not have (great book: "not just friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass). This will be a friend of a friend, a coworker, something like that. No affair was on his radar. Heck, she's probably not even cute (we know we have all seen people who cheated and thought to ourselves "WTF?!" when we saw with who they cheated with). He senses no danger. He's had friends of the opposite gender his whole life, and nothing ever happened. But what life was like when you were single, having newness all the time ... cannot compare to how life is now, married many years, newness is gone and real life becomes heavy. The brand new friend is the narcissist preying on that heavy and her attention will be over inflated. No matter what, infidelity should never happen ... no justifications. I don't care who started it. I don't want to hear that one made the vows, the other didn't. Grow up! If I never married, do I get to screw over whoever I want, just because I didn't vow not to? NO! We are to treat others as we want to be treated. Period. It's called: Basic human decency. Narcissists don't have it. So, I recently started working with couples who survived infidelity (I'm a volunteer, not a therapist) ... and I can tell you one thing: Even when the formerly wayward spouse gave the AP closure, made it clear he loves his wife, she won't go away. She might fake apologize for all the hurt and act like this is closure ...she's lying. A year or more could go by, she could be living with a guy now, engaged even ... she will still try to text the married man. In her mind, she's checking in to see how he's doing and she's not doing anything wrong (but this is so very wrong, it's not even funny). I've known couples who blocked the AP's number, changed their own numbers, blocked the AP on social media, ended friendships with flying monkeys. They did anything and everything to disconnect ... Somehow, some way ... she pops up again like a bad hemorrhoid that just won't go away. There is no such thing as closure to a narcissist. Sad, but true. So folks, remember this if you even think about cheating ... that charming person pretending to care about you, that new friend at work who claims to care about your spouse and your struggles ... she's so sweet that she wants to listen to you, you can call her anytime ... What is really happening, he or she is collecting data on you and grooming you ... this is a wolf in sheep's clothing or a pig in a dress. If she really loved you ... she would not be okay with either of you destroying your integrity or being scum. She wouldn't ever agree to being a cockroach, calling at certain times. Real love is patient. Lust is not. Usually when an affair is over for at least a year (this would negate any affair fog still lingering) ... that's when you can clearly see who the narcissist was. One apologizes, heartily, and works hard to fix what broke or to change for a future relationship ... the narc just keeps smearing, hoovering, deflecting, gas lighting, rewriting history, blaming, playing victim ... and whatever else narcs do. I can't believe so many affairs have happened throughout history and we never saw narcissism in the AP? Dude ... watch the 8 part series: "Unmasking Nicol Kessinger." You won't unsee, what I've seen.
Not sure how to think about my STBX's demands for support in our divorce process. Is this an aspect of wanting me to remain her "supply"? I hope the system can see how unfair it is for me to make payments to support her given she made much more money than I ever did. Yet she expected me to pay to support her.
What does it mean if the narcissist doesn't try to come back? They can't possibly obsess over every relationship they have right? And how long after the physical discard do they usually come back? How long does it take for them to go through all the cycles ?
My ex narc won't leave me alone. The moment I moved on in 2020, she went straight to social services and told them a fabricated story and had me arrested. Now I have been dealing with this custody battle that I'm not even fighting! I told her let's just agree to her terms so that I can move on. She won't even agree to her terms!! She just keeps dragging this on and on and I don't understand! What the fuck went she let me go? She left me twice in 8 years. Why can't she just move on
Narcissists NEVER move on, same thing happened to me in my childhood the narcissist drags this stuff out so they can prevent you from moving on, same thing my mum did to my dad, they do it to cause damage and distress They also do it because they have an insecure attachment to people, doesn't mean the love or like you they just fear abandonment and cannot stand people moving on with their selves
Why don’t they move out? They don’t want the relationship never did but always keep hanging out or stay living with the person they don’t like. Why do they keep you a prisoner?
You can tell them to hit the road Jack and don’t come back, treat them like a unwanted roommate/husband, shut down low you become a couch potato, so every move you make-every word you speak they watch and your ID is stolen from your soul. The shame, guilt, the doubt of who you are. Then the trauma bonding, so they get attention, and the pat’s on the back after stroking their own complaints, and the trophies of being right even when they are so wrong. Specially if you are gray-rocking them. They cry like a baby with gaslighing gestures, bait and switch conversations, loud noises. You Know!!! A daily trauma, argument, Look what I know, I’m right your wrong gaslighting. It must be you b/c it can’t be me attitude back at you. The smirks and behind the sub-conscience body language the denial and the twister/tornado comes and your in a up roar puking your just served daily dose breakfast from the narcissist b/c they just woke up and have to interrupt, for the attention of Look at me I’m here, I’m awake, and it is all about me again today… woo~Hoo who cares!!! LOL the life and times of living with a narcissist you fell in love with and realize who and what the personality disorder or life style as they call it now days. Because they can. Your right about that, they silently force their B/C they can bullying on the ones they rob. Their pride is of the evil heart to steal and rob b/c they are entitled too. It doesn’t make it right, it makes them a bully who has entrapped someone like a silent kidnapping. It isn’t as easy as some people thing to leave and have no contact. They are wormwood of the earth and they came to kill steal and destroy others. That is how broken they are. It’s time to fix me and if you see this in your relationship know you can not fix what other people choose to keep.. You can lead a donkey to water but you can’t make the jackass drink. Your not their fixer and you can’t fix them so keep you empathy to a simple level. And stop letting them BECAUSE THEY CAN. And folks I’m working on it. Oil does not mix with water unless you blend it together and narcissist do not blend well with oil, it breaks. Thank you for reading if you got this far. Hope it helps
I cant say for sure if he is or i am. The only way i can think to figure it out is to break up and see whats what because honestly im very confused. Is it him or is it me.
I'm a fan and this video was dead on in my opinion. But if I can offer constructive criticism. The video is less than 12 minutes. The self promotion is almost 5 minutes. I get you are running a business, but so is everyone else on here. I feel people are going to miss your message in the mess. Maybe consider only promoting one aspect per video and rotate. Or promote in the comments. There has to be a better way.
Because they see you as their property, something they should be able to put away in storage when not in use, and should still be there waiting for when it’s wanted again.
I agree 500%
A Narcissist will not let you go if they don't have other supply. 🍒
I wish.. even when he’s been with others, my ex has never stopped trying.. it’s been years..
just wanted to share that’s not always the case. They usually have multiple sources which should help give us even more courage to leave and to stay away- it will never be a safe and honest relationship with someone who is broken and unwilling to seek help
They always have supple they just want access to all their sources of supply when they want it. Especially if you’re grade A supply. They will always want to keep grade A supply from getting away and doing better
@MH even if they do, they lie.
He has another supply i cut him off completely he won't go it dosent matter how much time passes still as obsessed if not more than b4
@@ddajani45 It's true that while ever we give them supply, they'll keep us in the loop.
Childrem families and even vulnerable adults must be physically protected from these demons..
This is the most miserable thing i went through almost 7 yrs with her i would leave her and block her.. but there she goes after a few days she come looking for me apologizing and i would fall again and again ! Narcissistic people drain the heck out of you ! Until u burst please if u block a narcissist dont unblock them because theyre just waiting for a optirnity to wiggle their way in ...and the miserable cycle starts all over again and just gets worse and worse !!!
It's never too late to begin your healing journey! Join our free masterclass and discover how to break free from toxic relationships here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass..
Absolute truth! I knew nothing about narcissism and my ex came back countless times and had me believing he kept coming back to me because he loved me. I literally could not get rid of him! He would apologize and show me this great man for about 6 weeks and back to the bs again. I went thru it for years!! I even went 10 months no contact after going thru it for 5 damn years and went back! Got pregnant and he totally switched up on me. It’s like he kept coming back to destroy me and break me. He never could do it, but then he felt in control and I guess like he had conquered me when I got pregnant. It was a total mind f***!! It was hard to let go from the person I thought I knew and so I kept dealing with him off and on because I didn’t know anything about narcissism and he convinced me that it was me who pushed him away with my attitude and criticism of him. But in 2021 I came across some videos on TH-cam and everything made sense. It took me another 2 years and more back and forth for me to break away for good. Next month marks 1 whole year of limited contact since we have an 8 year old. I only communicate when absolutely necessary. Other than that, he doesn’t exist to me. I plan on keeping it like that forever! I don’t want a friendship with an emotionally and mentally abusive creep!
We have to learn to let them go too once we go no contact and stay no contact.
thats the hardest part
@@robertswift6101 I just keep reminding myself that he never cared about me, so why would I ever return? I was just used for what I had to offer. Stay strong.
I ended my relationship with him when he was still in love bomb phase but some cracks in the mask were beginning to show and one day he flew into the most horrific rage. Too good to be true was revealed to be exactly that. I shut the door six weeks ago and he has been relentless in trying to get me back. Over a hundred emails, texts, phone calls. Not engaging with him is the hardest act of self control I’ve ever had to endure. He drives by my house, calls my family members and vacillates between loving words and verbal abuse. Cognitive Dissonance and the strong trauma bond are at war with my soul. I know this man’s wounds - if only he understood them. That switch from normal to rage is terrifying- they leave and someone else comes in. It’s like a blackout of some sort for them. When things were good between us he once told me he would never leave my life, even if I asked him to. I was in such a state of euphoria with the love bombing that I swept that comment under the carpet. He knew what was going to happen. Never ignore red flags! If it’s too good to be true, it isn’t good!
Great discussion as always Ben
Don’t ever stop teaching us
Lots of us need you greatly!!
My narc ex is as big a believer in no contact as I am. Shit sucked, but it ended quickly, and she didn't wreck my life. Best thing that ever happened to me. A quick but intense burst of narcissistic abuse that put my principles into proper alignment.
Happens in friendships too unfortunately😑
💯 I had to cut off a few "friends" after I realized that they were NEVER happy for my successes, they were always putting me down, always criticizing me, patronizing me.... and after a while I noticed that I would feel exhausted at the idea of hanging out with them before the actual date of the plans.... I started canceling the plans and Grey rocking them.... no one else's feelings are more important than my own mental health
@@larac0 💯 true! That knot in your stomach, and the depression that comes with it when you're around them, is just not worth it 💕
I attempted a short 1 month separation, space for us both to think about our actions. He spent no time working on him!! He would not stop texting and calling EVERYDAY. Told me he loved me, missed me and he knows now how to make me happy. So I came back. Few months later I learned about narcissists. Wow!! A vail was lifted. Suddenly so much made since. I plan to be out of here in a few months. He will NEVER change, I accept that now.
How long have you been w this person?
@@kirjoy991 to damn long.
29 years at that point. How was I so blind.
omg this was so englightening. After 7 years of this and being pushed away, he told me "Im losing you", I broke it off, blocked him for the last of many times and he passed away October 2022 from an overdose. There were times throughout the relationship that he would threaten his life if I left him and when I would break up with him he would show up at my house. One of the times, I wasnt home and came home to him on my bed (he came into my house through my bedroom window), His mom thinks he overdosed accidentally. Now that Ive had time to think and think and think, I think he took his life to spite and hurt me. Deep down. I also think his mom knows what he did but wont admit it. Hes threatened to take his life "if i blocked him again" Alot of mental abuse. Im not the same person and I wont ever be ever again. So damaged and broken. Somehow I still feel guilt and regret. If I didnt block him, he would be here. Ive been married and in long term stable relationships. This relationship by far was the worse experience of my life. So much of my experiences puzzle into this disturbing this order. Ive learned I was the empath. Naive to think these people didnt exist. At 40 years old, I never knew what narcissism was until the last few years. THAT was when it all made sense and made it easier to subconsiously push away and fall out of love. So much damage and trauma he caused me
Thank You for sharing.
Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com
It's like damn your married,let me gooooo
Document what they do and show it to the spouse. It worked for me 😆
I stupidly got into an affair with my old crush from HS who was married.He would not leave his wife yet he is obsessed with keeping me on the side as a double life situation.l didn't know he is a narcissist.l believed all his lies.His poor wife too.She knows and came to meet me.We are both trauma bonded to him.l was but thanks to platforms like this l know who he is.l am fully no contact yet l find huge letters in my snail mail.Straight to trash.Block in every way.
4 years of spying stalking and harassing. 2.5 years of rejecting her and staying away. And all they ever do is follow you like some damn Bigfoot on crack
They’re crazy
Big foot on crack.😅 That's funny.
My narc ex just won’t go away when I though he would after I discarded.
Constant hoovers and ongoing battle for him to leave me alone. Ignored him so much he just constantly keeps on and on.
They don' t Let us Until they don' t take every atom of Energy AND hope. Especialy hope to Make sure that you can' t get up.
Your Friday night 🔥sessions have helped me in more ways than imaginable
My ex narcissist is scared that he won’t be able to handle life alone. He has girlfriend and I am trying to move on with my life. We share children so I see him at least once a week when he visits. Whenever something happens in his life that causes emotional deregulation. He is at my doorstep or on the phone. He cannot self soothe. I am pulling away slowly but I’m tired. I don’t owe him kindness but I am not him. This is what he said the last time I pulled away.
“Don’t close the door so fast. Can you do it slowly please? Don’t you understand that I need you in my life even if it’s just friends.”
He wants control over our children and me. He would be happy to have a secret romantic relationship even if he has a girlfriend or a wife. He has told me as much.
I don’t fully understand how someone can have skewed values but he calls them exception’s. They are self serving.
So I pull away slowly so that he doesn’t lose it.
Ben, could you please talk about the suicide rates of narcissist. I’m not sure if this is an appropriate topic but it’s something he always brings up when faced with fears of being alone or in dealing with the shame and self loathing.
He's emotionally manipulating you when he says that. That's basically his reaction to not being in control, my ex did this soooo much! Even after he got caught cheating, he wanted us both! When I cut communication with him he threatened to kill his self and all over and over. I even sent the police to his house to do a well check after he stopped answering his phone. He was fine, the point is you're not responsible for his feelings he's grown. Set boundaries and make him respect them, thats not fair for him to want to keep u stuck when he knows he has nothing to offer. He has no respect for u either bc he wants u to be a damn side chicken. What MAN thinks that's ok, he's very selfish and manipulative and he plays on your kind heart. He knows exactly how to make u feel bad. Don't play his game at all, so what if he can't self regulate thats not yo problem ur not responsible for him. He acts up and goes crazy around u or the kids call the cops. Cut the cord and let him go
Schedule consultation with Ben
My narc ex actually went into my kitchen cabinet and took all the pills I had in there, after he left me for another woman which made him homeless and penny-less
Had to rush him to hospital nearly lost my job as i couldn't go work as i was fending to him it was because he knew i was serious when I told him to leave and that he can only come round to see our son
As the previous person said its manipulation, you don't have to do anything slowly your not responsible for him or what he may or may not decide to do, to his own body
I was foolish and eventually got back with him, for him to leave me again for someone else and told me he would not have told me as he wanted both of us but that the other woman would be the gf
I have cut him and his flying monkeys off F them
My ex did cut himself over the video at the beginning of our relationship when I said I wanted to leave .I was scared and had to threaten to cut myself with a knight to stop him .but years after when each time I told him that I think there is something wrong with his behavior .he said then he would kill himself ..but he never did ,but he just keep hurting me instead .
@@Emma-ee6mc i’ve since learned that it’s a manipulation tactic. They’re too much of a coward to do anything really. They’re absolutely vain so they wouldn’t think of harming not one hair on their head. They just love controlling people. They love to see people in pain so don’t let him. You can still coparent together. Just don’t fuel anything in him. Don’t give him positive responses or negative responses. Act as he he doesn’t matter. Your biggest revenge is to be happy and free.
Thanks for all you do Ben!
Thank you for your support!
You speak very intellectually, your a smart person.
💯. All FACTS!
The second I start to feel like I'm moving on he resurfaces. It's like he has a sixth sense for when I'm getting stronger and can't have it! And I was so incredibly happy when we were together, right up to the moment I walked in on another woman that had spent the night with him, right after he made love to me that afternoon he spent the night with a female that showed up out of the blue and basically spread her legs for him, no prior connection other than they grew up in the same small town we live in. When I asked him why? Because we were happy and getting along great, he said there really was no reason. When I asked what I did wrong he said I didnt do anything wrong that there was no reason. He could have said just about anything else and it would have been better than that!! And now he says he misses me but just doesnt want us to be together. But like I said he knows when I'm starting to feel stronger and hits me up. And me being the weak stupid little girl ( not really I'm 58 but I act like a child when it. Comes to him) and invite him over! I've told him I'm to weak and I need him to do me a favor and just leave me alone. He laughed and says things like " well you know that psychic told me there is a blonde woman close to me that will always be a part of my life" implying that I'm that woman and hes not going away and so I should just get used to that fact that I belong to him even though we are not together. (He pretty much said those very words) The really sick thing is on some level that gives me comfort! Comfort in watching him give commitment after commitment to other women! I wish I knew what was wrong with me! I've never had a problem moving on but even after all the horrible things hes done to me and there have been a few. I would still give anything to hear him say he wants me to be with him and be "his woman". What twisted thing is wrong with me that I cant stop crying myself to sleep over him? We saw each other casually for 8 years then lived together very happily for another year and this game of his has been going on for another year plus. How do I stop this cycle of pain when I cant even refuse his calls? I'm not afraid to be alone as a matter of fact I enjoy being on my own after a 30 year marriage (yes there was some overlap, I'm not proud of it but I'm also not perfect) I wish there was a magic pill I could take that would erase the past couple of years and take me back to when I just cared for him as a friend. Or one that just ends the pain so you could breath again. I feel doomed to live this out for the rest of my days. Why wont he leave me alone if he doesnt want to be in a relationship? He says it's the best sex hes ever had! and I agree but that's not enough for me. I feel like he has feelings for me but chooses women he has no feelings or respect for on purpose cause they cant hurt him and doesnt want me cause I can hurt him. But I'm sure this is just a delusion on my part to give myself hope. But the hope is what's killing me slowly.
From reading your post, I feel the reason is that you are leaving the choice of the relationship up to him. There are two people in the relationship, but you are operating as if your choice isn't valid. You have to put up boundaries and enforce them..They will come back and hoover but if you want peace you have to respect your boundaries because he sure wont.
That happened to me so much. I am still trauma bonded.
One of my parents is a narcissist so it was clear i would feel attracted to become the people pleaser friend to other narcissists in my life. I even became narcissistic myself for some period of time.
Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones
@@RawMotivations Unfortunately i still live at my parents place plus need to gain more money to afford a one on one but it would be helpful to have a one on one.
Btw yeah just wanted to tell you whar you are doing is great and since i lived through the narcissistic game and saw it from all perspectives, i can highly resonate with what you are saying.
Narc fleas from being around a narc
@@lisamariegriffin2012 my mums a narc and I have narc traits but have empathy . My ex said I sent him into a frenzy they literally go crazy as your screwing with the snapshot he has of you . I would do back to him what he did to me .Like silent treatment insulting devaluing gaslighting etc . At the time I didn’t know what a narc was and I have worked on my narc traits . He confided In me that his worst fear was to be dumped by a dear John letter well when I was dumping him it was by a dear John letter 😂😂😂
@Mandy Mckeown oh my, you and I! I started acting like the 48 year old I'm still married to (he won't sign, of course, as he cheats away), and withing 3 days, he was telling our 3 kids I was the narcissist! How cunning! He can't even see what's in the mirror. Projection. Always. EVERYTHING they accuse you of? I create chaos. I'm the problem. Im a narc. I'm a shitty parent. I don't care about my kids. I'm an irresponsible F*** ( he got fired the next day)?? Those are tells. They are literally tattling on themselves with every insult.
Very informative. Thanks
Very informative video. Thank you for your content.
A side note: narcissts tend to leave finally once they have new supply in line. And the new supply doesnt have to be a new girl/guy. It can be work, career, or anything else, that helps them get distracted from feelings the "negative" feelings, and serves as a source of validation, admiration etc.
For example, a new group of friends which doesnt know him yet, where he/she can put up his/her mask up or he/she is focusing even more time on work, getting money, and other stuff.
Very true!
Listening to this makes me think I’m the Narcissist 😞
Awesome job Ben! KEEP it up!
I was a heavy drug user but this is a WAY DIFFERENT thing
he's saying he will commit suicide.. and that he loves me so much he cant let go of me
SAME
Same omg they all the same
Really excellent depiction of how it goes
Control Freakery
On point. I want people to know this is not just when a "relationship" ends. It's also when an affair ends.
If you ever saw the video by Lise LeBlanc about how the female covert narc baits a married man ... Lise gives a different perspective as to why an affair may happen. We like to think the cheater is a narcissist. Once a cheater, always a cheater, right? But that's not true at all. Sometimes, affairs happen when the cheater did not seek an affair, had no history of cheating, but fostered a friendship that he (or she) should not have (great book: "not just friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass). This will be a friend of a friend, a coworker, something like that. No affair was on his radar. Heck, she's probably not even cute (we know we have all seen people who cheated and thought to ourselves "WTF?!" when we saw with who they cheated with). He senses no danger. He's had friends of the opposite gender his whole life, and nothing ever happened. But what life was like when you were single, having newness all the time ... cannot compare to how life is now, married many years, newness is gone and real life becomes heavy. The brand new friend is the narcissist preying on that heavy and her attention will be over inflated.
No matter what, infidelity should never happen ... no justifications. I don't care who started it. I don't want to hear that one made the vows, the other didn't. Grow up! If I never married, do I get to screw over whoever I want, just because I didn't vow not to? NO! We are to treat others as we want to be treated. Period. It's called: Basic human decency. Narcissists don't have it.
So, I recently started working with couples who survived infidelity (I'm a volunteer, not a therapist) ... and I can tell you one thing: Even when the formerly wayward spouse gave the AP closure, made it clear he loves his wife, she won't go away. She might fake apologize for all the hurt and act like this is closure ...she's lying. A year or more could go by, she could be living with a guy now, engaged even ... she will still try to text the married man. In her mind, she's checking in to see how he's doing and she's not doing anything wrong (but this is so very wrong, it's not even funny). I've known couples who blocked the AP's number, changed their own numbers, blocked the AP on social media, ended friendships with flying monkeys. They did anything and everything to disconnect ... Somehow, some way ... she pops up again like a bad hemorrhoid that just won't go away. There is no such thing as closure to a narcissist. Sad, but true. So folks, remember this if you even think about cheating ... that charming person pretending to care about you, that new friend at work who claims to care about your spouse and your struggles ... she's so sweet that she wants to listen to you, you can call her anytime ... What is really happening, he or she is collecting data on you and grooming you ... this is a wolf in sheep's clothing or a pig in a dress. If she really loved you ... she would not be okay with either of you destroying your integrity or being scum. She wouldn't ever agree to being a cockroach, calling at certain times. Real love is patient. Lust is not. Usually when an affair is over for at least a year (this would negate any affair fog still lingering) ... that's when you can clearly see who the narcissist was. One apologizes, heartily, and works hard to fix what broke or to change for a future relationship ... the narc just keeps smearing, hoovering, deflecting, gas lighting, rewriting history, blaming, playing victim ... and whatever else narcs do. I can't believe so many affairs have happened throughout history and we never saw narcissism in the AP? Dude ... watch the 8 part series: "Unmasking Nicol Kessinger." You won't unsee, what I've seen.
Very good break down, never cheated but almost the person would not let me sleep for weeks ( literally).
Not sure how to think about my STBX's demands for support in our divorce process. Is this an aspect of wanting me to remain her "supply"? I hope the system can see how unfair it is for me to make payments to support her given she made much more money than I ever did. Yet she expected me to pay to support her.
What does it mean if the narcissist doesn't try to come back? They can't possibly obsess over every relationship they have right? And how long after the physical discard do they usually come back? How long does it take for them to go through all the cycles ?
My ex narc won't leave me alone. The moment I moved on in 2020, she went straight to social services and told them a fabricated story and had me arrested. Now I have been dealing with this custody battle that I'm not even fighting! I told her let's just agree to her terms so that I can move on. She won't even agree to her terms!! She just keeps dragging this on and on and I don't understand! What the fuck went she let me go? She left me twice in 8 years. Why can't she just move on
Narcissists NEVER move on, same thing happened to me in my childhood the narcissist drags this stuff out so they can prevent you from moving on, same thing my mum did to my dad, they do it to cause damage and distress
They also do it because they have an insecure attachment to people, doesn't mean the love or like you they just fear abandonment and cannot stand people moving on with their selves
Why don’t they move out? They don’t want the relationship never did but always keep hanging out or stay living with the person they don’t like. Why do they keep you a prisoner?
Because they can
You can tell them to hit the road Jack and don’t come back, treat them like a unwanted roommate/husband, shut down low you become a couch potato, so every move you make-every word you speak they watch and your ID is stolen from your soul. The shame, guilt, the doubt of who you are. Then the trauma bonding, so they get attention, and the pat’s on the back after stroking their own complaints, and the trophies of being right even when they are so wrong. Specially if you are gray-rocking them. They cry like a baby with gaslighing gestures, bait and switch conversations, loud noises. You Know!!! A daily trauma, argument, Look what I know, I’m right your wrong gaslighting. It must be you b/c it can’t be me attitude back at you. The smirks and behind the sub-conscience body language the denial and the twister/tornado comes and your in a up roar puking your just served daily dose breakfast from the narcissist b/c they just woke up and have to interrupt, for the attention of Look at me I’m here, I’m awake, and it is all about me again today… woo~Hoo who cares!!! LOL the life and times of living with a narcissist you fell in love with and realize who and what the personality disorder or life style as they call it now days. Because they can. Your right about that, they silently force their B/C they can bullying on the ones they rob. Their pride is of the evil heart to steal and rob b/c they are entitled too. It doesn’t make it right, it makes them a bully who has entrapped someone like a silent kidnapping. It isn’t as easy as some people thing to leave and have no contact. They are wormwood of the earth and they came to kill steal and destroy others. That is how broken they are. It’s time to fix me and if you see this in your relationship know you can not fix what other people choose to keep.. You can lead a donkey to water but you can’t make the jackass drink. Your not their fixer and you can’t fix them so keep you empathy to a simple level. And stop letting them BECAUSE THEY CAN. And folks I’m working on it. Oil does not mix with water unless you blend it together and narcissist do not blend well with oil, it breaks. Thank you for reading if you got this far. Hope it helps
Sent my cousins to check on me smh
I cant say for sure if he is or i am. The only way i can think to figure it out is to break up and see whats what because honestly im very confused. Is it him or is it me.
What if a therapist does not understand or is on the side of the narc
Here's a video, th-cam.com/video/nL_TimimlUo/w-d-xo.htmlsi=1wQYBTOFHNV75T-L
Stack Trial
Https://www.rawmotivations.com/trial
A year and still calls or texts everyday if not every other day. (Blocked)
Change that number! They won't stop contacting if they know how to get you.
You have to do a better job of no contact...
I'm pretty sure my two have let me go.
I left twice and in in the dirt, he don't let me go! I don't know how to get out, I'm dying!
@@utrnagel9441 No contact! I blocked both of them.
@@josievaccaro you got out! Congrats 👍😘
Agreed. We need to let them go.
@@daniellemorse6929 It's hard, but better in the long run.
I'm a fan and this video was dead on in my opinion. But if I can offer constructive criticism. The video is less than 12 minutes. The self promotion is almost 5 minutes. I get you are running a business, but so is everyone else on here. I feel people are going to miss your message in the mess. Maybe consider only promoting one aspect per video and rotate. Or promote in the comments. There has to be a better way.
Appreciate your sharing your thoughts, will think of something.
@@RawMotivations Yes, you have to appreciate the time of your subscribers.
Sighs.
Can you just stop being a narcissist and simply provide awareness? Thanks.
I am providing awareness