When I tried to call out inconsistencies (along with my daughter in a three-way text), she told us we were bullying her and she would not reply any more. I am grateful that at last my daughter could see the madness so clearly.
You’re changing my life, literary. I was raised by a narcissistic father, and now I'm trying to get out of a relationship of 12 years with a narcissistic partner. The way you explain and the examples you give help me a lot to understand how I managed to stay in a toxic relationship for so many years. In almost every example you give, I find a correspondent in a situation that I had with my partner. I have reached the point where I question my own reality. I know that my partner did not explicitly set out to manipulate me, but that is their personality. And I tried for so many years to find excuses, to understand them, to remain loyal and especially to have the patience for them to change. Every time I have doubts about ending the relationship, I listen to your videos. Thanks you again for what you do!
Back in day I wasn't aware of what Narcissism was, in the scientific DSM-V sense. I simply assumed it was a synonym for vanity. Looking back at the behaviour of some of the people who created many problems in my life over the years, I now see very clear patterns and systematized behaviours as outlined in the scientific literature and in the more practical real-life based TH-cam videos about narcissistic people and behaviours.
@@bradmcewen Yes, I used to have very weak boundaries and shared info with people with maximum security penitentiary boundaries who only divulged self-interested info mixed with lies in carefully crafted narratives.
@9:08 yep told me she had a law degree but struggled to read the first 10 pages of Animal farm in 3 months. Couldn’t even be bothered to read the tenancy agreement on her flat! No pictures of graduation in her flat or mothers house no framed certificate. Very strange for a woman who came from a humble background and who boasted all the time not to have any more displayed evidence of an achievement like a law degree!
Your level on understanding is unmatched. You are so perfect for the community of abused women and men. Please never stop doing what you are doing but please don’t forget to rest from time to time and recharge.
I BEGAN TALKING TO MY SISTER, WHEN I GOT WELL FR BEING EXTREMELY WEAK ABOUT MORE COMPLEX MATTERS AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN SHE DID NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS TRYING TO CONVEY, I REALISED HER THINKING WAS ON A VERY SIMPLE LEVEL, SHE WAS A BORING, MANIPULATIVE, DRONE, SHE SEEMED TO HAVE A KNACK FOR BE-LITTLING YOU AND TALKING TO ME LIKE I WAS A CHILD, IT WAS ALL ABUSE, IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER, SHE MUST HAVE BEEN SITTING THERE THINKING UP WAYS SHE COULD UNDER-MINE ME AND I THINK SHE WAS EXTREMELY PRACTICED BECAUSE THAT WAS HOW SHE THOUGHT 24/7! THEY DON'T THINK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE, THEY ARE SCHEMERS, TRYING TO FIND WAYS THEY CAN MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK BIGGER AND BETTER!
You are very wise and really understand the narcissist topic deeply. Thank you for your videos and for helping us gain more clarity about these monsters. Thank you.
Great video, yet again. Listening to your videos has been like therapy for healing the final layer of my denial about who the covert narc partner is (I’ve been working on this non-stop for 4.5 years; this, after I had already completed decades of work to get over my narc mother and her mind games). Here is my light-bulb clarity that came to me yesterday: My choosing people who mattered to me yet, in various ways, dismissed me (my choices, experiences, perspectives, feelings, beliefs, values, and ethics) are what got me in a partnership with a narc in the first place. The narc's love-bombing consisted of relating to me, being like me, highly-valuing me (all of which pertain to my choices, experiences, perspectives, feelings, beliefs, values, and ethics). Yet, most of the narc's behaviors, interests and choices were polar opposite; and the narc actually mocked the very things which the narc love-bombed me with. I believe a life-time of my being dismissed by those who I chose to love, and even friends telling me something is wrong with me for wanting what I do in a partnership, turned the narc's love-bombing pertaining to these very things into a sort of kryptonite to me. The kryptonite was created by my wanting so badly to believe I finally met my emotional and spiritual match--which would validate my desires and cancel any and all doubt in me that such a person--one who was like me in ways that mattered--existed; and to redeem myself and cancel out all the doubters' and mockers' messages throughout my life. It was this kryptonite-affect that prompted me to continuously excuse (and relentlessly try to change) the hundreds of disturbing red flags, and to convince myself the narc will change (anyone who said those love-bombing declarations surely "gets it." The problem is I just need to improve my virtues of patience and kindness, be a better teacher, and be around the narc a lot so the narc will finally see the light). What a trap!
Sometimes it seems exhausting hearing all the ways a narcopath wears you down. No wonder those uninitiated pay no attention till affected. Then I thought about being with one. It was a thousand times worse. It's like your patience is your worst enemy. Everything you take in as surface indicators need held in check till time tells the full story. Once you know common traits it doesn't take long. Even with a couple of passes given.
Yeah, when I used to have a job he'd be asking me about my job all the time. And when I noticed that this was gonna be a regular thing. I quit my job and then wouldn't tell him cause I manage all the money. I mean to I don't know what would happen if I agreed for him too. But it really is like Groundhog Day. Like you remember the day before the argument and the just mental English the day before or even 30 minutes before, but they sure don't seem to I got to a point where I'm guess. I get the f away from me, shut the f. Up go cry in your room like a baby I can tell you what being with him so long, his dad and mom, they we'll get a number on him. I'll tell you that much. I mean mineded too. But I think I got a whole different like experience of life. And they were always stuck cause II did go to foster homes and juvenile detention. Different schools and different group homes. But I was fine like I loved it. I'd like it there because all the rules were fair and people force you. To be honest, you know what I mean and the adults in your life weren't manipulating. They were honest straight up. People who you could rely on who you could trust who didn't hold every little thing against you. And so once you're in the environment, then you realize some really waft with your parents and you know. Deserve it and has nothing to do with you. More likely it has some to do their parents. But my husband's dad. He would like knocked the c*** out of him. He was always angry. They always screamed at each other hymnos. Mom, because she was always reactionary abuse. She never learned what I'm learned a long, long time ago. They are still in it though. What if I do get a job. He's not gonna want me to have a job because that's all Begun. I like that he works. He's like a workand I think so, he don't have to deal with nothing. Then he comes home in his space as either making him something to eat or his faces in his candy crush game on his phone I say you still playing the same stupid game. Yeah, the playing the same stupid game, all right. Especially when they say stuff when you know they're mad about something. And it's not you cause you didn't do anything right then you know or nothing, and then they start yelling at you and bringing up all this stuff it's always part of the story and their own twist to where they put their own memory of how you feel into it and you're. Like okay, that's not how it went. 😂😂😂😂😂😂. And my mom and my sister and I just laugh when they try to tell me anything about my relationship. My life what I should be doing blah. Blah, and I'm just like yeah, you too. Are the last people on the planet? I would take a chance. I wouldn't even take your advice. Are you kidding me? I mean, you all can't even be honest with me about our own past. Are you serious? And you can't share space with these people because it's like a bunch of big elephant butts sitting on your the next explosion. And it's all in their heads. That's a funny part. Could you like okay? I don't think that I wasn't thinking that. And I don't really feel that way. Because I mean I don't like. It's hard because the law stuff that occurs to them. That is like whack. Don't occur to you. And you're sitting there when you realize. Is he even listening to what I'm saying? Because his answers it's like he's listening to somebody else in there acting as me
I often wondered if he was bipolar or some other mental illness. He once told me a psychiatrist had diagnosed him as bipolar and schizoaffective while he angrily pointed at me and made the statement he wasted 5 years of his time! The more I researched narcissism it was fitting. I think I was expecting the Hollywood narcissist that is high functioning! My narcissist was bottom barel, very spotty work history and in debt
I used to have a boss like this. My 1st writeup was for missing a mark no one knew existed. The 2nd writeup was because I stupidly asked what metrics I was supposed to meet because it wasn’t made clear during meeting and writeup 1. By meeting 3 I was told he had no problem with my performance. It was the Twilight Zone at work every day. My reputation was ruined with all the PIPs. He literally just talked for the sake of talking.
Movie set food and fake appliances is an excellent analogy
When I tried to call out inconsistencies (along with my daughter in a three-way text), she told us we were bullying her and she would not reply any more. I am grateful that at last my daughter could see the madness so clearly.
You’re changing my life, literary. I was raised by a narcissistic father, and now I'm trying to get out of a relationship of 12 years with a narcissistic partner. The way you explain and the examples you give help me a lot to understand how I managed to stay in a toxic relationship for so many years. In almost every example you give, I find a correspondent in a situation that I had with my partner.
I have reached the point where I question my own reality. I know that my partner did not explicitly set out to manipulate me, but that is their personality. And I tried for so many years to find excuses, to understand them, to remain loyal and especially to have the patience for them to change.
Every time I have doubts about ending the relationship, I listen to your videos. Thanks you again for what you do!
You’re welcome. I’m so glad to hear that my videos are helpful for you.
Narcissists fart in the bed and blame the blanket
Never heard it explained so spot on! You have moving forward! I want to hear what you want to explain you make it make sense! So glad I found you!🎉
Back in day I wasn't aware of what Narcissism was, in the scientific DSM-V sense. I simply assumed it was a synonym for vanity. Looking back at the behaviour of some of the people who created many problems in my life over the years, I now see very clear patterns and systematized behaviours as outlined in the scientific literature and in the more practical real-life based TH-cam videos about narcissistic people and behaviours.
Well said. With the knowledge you become an unattractive target. Careful, polite discernment dispensed as needed.
@@bradmcewen Yes, I used to have very weak boundaries and shared info with people with maximum security penitentiary boundaries who only divulged self-interested info mixed with lies in carefully crafted narratives.
U R my therapist !!! Married 48 yra to a narcissist she passed away march 2023
@9:08 yep told me she had a law degree but struggled to read the first 10 pages of Animal farm in 3 months. Couldn’t even be bothered to read the tenancy agreement on her flat! No pictures of graduation in her flat or mothers house no framed certificate. Very strange for a woman who came from a humble background and who boasted all the time not to have any more displayed evidence of an achievement like a law degree!
Your level on understanding is unmatched. You are so perfect for the community of abused women and men. Please never stop doing what you are doing but please don’t forget to rest from time to time and recharge.
I BEGAN TALKING TO MY SISTER, WHEN I GOT WELL FR BEING EXTREMELY WEAK ABOUT MORE COMPLEX MATTERS AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN SHE DID NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS TRYING TO CONVEY, I REALISED HER THINKING WAS ON A VERY SIMPLE LEVEL, SHE WAS A BORING, MANIPULATIVE, DRONE, SHE SEEMED TO HAVE A KNACK FOR BE-LITTLING YOU AND TALKING TO ME LIKE I WAS A CHILD, IT WAS ALL ABUSE, IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER, SHE MUST HAVE BEEN SITTING THERE THINKING UP WAYS SHE COULD UNDER-MINE ME AND I THINK SHE WAS EXTREMELY PRACTICED BECAUSE THAT WAS HOW SHE THOUGHT 24/7! THEY DON'T THINK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE, THEY ARE SCHEMERS, TRYING TO FIND WAYS THEY CAN MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK BIGGER AND BETTER!
You are very wise and really understand the narcissist topic deeply. Thank you for your videos and for helping us gain more clarity about these monsters. Thank you.
I love your use of examples. It definitely makes it more relatable.
Great video, yet again. Listening to your videos has been like therapy for healing the final layer of my denial about who the covert narc partner is (I’ve been working on this non-stop for 4.5 years; this, after I had already completed decades of work to get over my narc mother and her mind games). Here is my light-bulb clarity that came to me yesterday:
My choosing people who mattered to me yet, in various ways, dismissed me (my choices, experiences, perspectives, feelings, beliefs, values, and ethics) are what got me in a partnership with a narc in the first place. The narc's love-bombing consisted of relating to me, being like me, highly-valuing me (all of which pertain to my choices, experiences, perspectives, feelings, beliefs, values, and ethics).
Yet, most of the narc's behaviors, interests and choices were polar opposite; and the narc actually mocked the very things which the narc love-bombed me with.
I believe a life-time of my being dismissed by those who I chose to love, and even friends telling me something is wrong with me for wanting what I do in a partnership, turned the narc's love-bombing pertaining to these very things into a sort of kryptonite to me.
The kryptonite was created by my wanting so badly to believe I finally met my emotional and spiritual match--which would validate my desires and cancel any and all doubt in me that such a person--one who was like me in ways that mattered--existed; and to redeem myself and cancel out all the doubters' and mockers' messages throughout my life.
It was this kryptonite-affect that prompted me to continuously excuse (and relentlessly try to change) the hundreds of disturbing red flags, and to convince myself the narc will change (anyone who said those love-bombing declarations surely "gets it." The problem is I just need to improve my virtues of patience and kindness, be a better teacher, and be around the narc a lot so the narc will finally see the light).
What a trap!
Sometimes it seems exhausting hearing all the ways a narcopath wears you down. No wonder those uninitiated pay no attention till affected. Then I thought about being with one. It was a thousand times worse. It's like your patience is your worst enemy. Everything you take in as surface indicators need held in check till time tells the full story. Once you know common traits it doesn't take long. Even with a couple of passes given.
Narcissism and OCD is not a good mix. They won’t understand you unless you fit into their perfect perception of you
Omg this just unlocked so much for me
Yeah, when I used to have a job he'd be asking me about my job all the time. And when I noticed that this was gonna be a regular thing. I quit my job and then wouldn't tell him cause I manage all the money. I mean to I don't know what would happen if I agreed for him too. But it really is like Groundhog Day. Like you remember the day before the argument and the just mental English the day before or even 30 minutes before, but they sure don't seem to I got to a point where I'm guess. I get the f away from me, shut the f. Up go cry in your room like a baby I can tell you what being with him so long, his dad and mom, they we'll get a number on him. I'll tell you that much. I mean mineded too. But I think I got a whole different like experience of life. And they were always stuck cause II did go to foster homes and juvenile detention. Different schools and different group homes. But I was fine like I loved it. I'd like it there because all the rules were fair and people force you. To be honest, you know what I mean and the adults in your life weren't manipulating. They were honest straight up. People who you could rely on who you could trust who didn't hold every little thing against you. And so once you're in the environment, then you realize some really waft with your parents and you know. Deserve it and has nothing to do with you. More likely it has some to do their parents. But my husband's dad. He would like knocked the c*** out of him. He was always angry. They always screamed at each other hymnos. Mom, because she was always reactionary abuse. She never learned what I'm learned a long, long time ago. They are still in it though. What if I do get a job. He's not gonna want me to have a job because that's all Begun. I like that he works. He's like a workand I think so, he don't have to deal with nothing. Then he comes home in his space as either making him something to eat or his faces in his candy crush game on his phone I say you still playing the same stupid game. Yeah, the playing the same stupid game, all right. Especially when they say stuff when you know they're mad about something. And it's not you cause you didn't do anything right then you know or nothing, and then they start yelling at you and bringing up all this stuff it's always part of the story and their own twist to where they put their own memory of how you feel into it and you're. Like okay, that's not how it went. 😂😂😂😂😂😂. And my mom and my sister and I just laugh when they try to tell me anything about my relationship. My life what I should be doing blah. Blah, and I'm just like yeah, you too. Are the last people on the planet? I would take a chance. I wouldn't even take your advice. Are you kidding me?
I mean, you all can't even be honest with me about our own past. Are you serious? And you can't share space with these people because it's like a bunch of big elephant butts sitting on your the next explosion. And it's all in their heads. That's a funny part. Could you like okay? I don't think that I wasn't thinking that. And I don't really feel that way. Because I mean I don't like. It's hard because the law stuff that occurs to them. That is like whack. Don't occur to you. And you're sitting there when you realize. Is he even listening to what I'm saying? Because his answers it's like he's listening to somebody else in there acting as me
Hello, I just came across you yesterday and your videos are amazing, Amazing. Amazing.
God bless you so much.
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
I often wondered if he was bipolar or some other mental illness. He once told me a psychiatrist had diagnosed him as bipolar and schizoaffective while he angrily pointed at me and made the statement he wasted 5 years of his time! The more I researched narcissism it was fitting. I think I was expecting the Hollywood narcissist that is high functioning! My narcissist was bottom barel, very spotty work history and in debt
very well said
I used to have a boss like this. My 1st writeup was for missing a mark no one knew existed. The 2nd writeup was because I stupidly asked what metrics I was supposed to meet because it wasn’t made clear during meeting and writeup 1. By meeting 3 I was told he had no problem with my performance. It was the Twilight Zone at work every day. My reputation was ruined with all the PIPs. He literally just talked for the sake of talking.
It may be for show but many people are fooled. My mother talks rubbish but people get sucked in by her personable manner.
You are also describing gurus and tarot readers😅
Trying to communicate 🗣️ with the Narc is laughable and trying to establish a connection is a lesson in futility. 🥹