I didn't think the love languages was supposed to be used to determine if a couple was a "match" or not. I thought it was to better understand the person you choose to love.
Totally agree. Smh.....not sure why this question was either scripted or why in the world Kim Allen thought to ask that question??? ill-informed optics either way. Glad the panel answered her specific question well. In the beginning of the book, it highlights the book is not just limited to romantic relationships. Just wish someone clarified it was intended to help elevate any relationship.
Everyone has a natural way that they show someone they love them. Some are willing to step out of comfort and do those things and some are not. It is a persons natural inclination to do what’s natural to them. If what’s natural is giving affirmation and your mate wants touch. You may not be compatible. They have to adjust how they show love to you in way they don’t desire (touch is not just sex). Everyone is not touchy and may not want someone all over them or constantly in there space. It’s about what you’re willing to sacrifice and for how long you’re willing to sacrifice it.
@@imperfectlyperfect3961 Finding someone who is willing to love you with your love language is a beautiful thing. As far as not being compatible because someone is not doing the work for the LL, I agree. But having the same LL = compatibility, I strongly disagree. It’s extremely rarely to find two people with the same love language. Please take the time to ask a long lasting couple you know, and you will discover each person’s LL is generally different. Subconsciously, I think we often pair with someone who loves us differently. Although we don’t understand it, the love they have for us is mysterious in the way they express it.
@@MAURICEEPACE I am a long lasting couple. I have been married for 19yrs and we are military family. I served with 3 tours and a husband that is still serving...some of the toughest trials as a couple We’ll ever go through. My point is and still is, it’s about sacrifice & giving, and no you don’t have to have to same LL as I stated above. Not everyone just have 1. I have a more prominent LL and and runner up as I like to call it. Ask yourself in your relationship, what are you willing to sacrifice? people are selfish and only think of themselves oftentimes. Women are highly emotional when they feel they are not getting what they need. We didn’t take the LL test and do any type of marriage counseling until our 7th year of marriage. He found out I need more acts of service and I found out he need affirmation. I set a reminder everyday to compliment my husband. Leave little notes everywhere he was/is, text, email. This has to become habit (sacrifice/giving). I do it even when pissed off and I don’t see my husband sometimes 9mths out of a year, every year. While taking care of a house, working, and a host of other things. We have friends, some of who have been married 3-4 times(no sacrifice/no giving). “I am not new to this, I am true to this.”!!! Also put Christ first, understand your non-negotiable’s, and communicate, no matter how hard a topic maybe. Avoidance doesn’t accomplish anything, only makes things worst and builds resentment. Being intentional is how you achieve longevity.
19 years married and a military family!! That is something to celebrate!! Glad we are all on the same page now. I am sure there are many unmarried people and young eyes reading this. Glad “if what’s natural is giving affirmation and your mate wants touch. You may not be compatible.” by your own testimony, should not be the standard for anyone looking for love. Agreed, finding someone who’s willing to makes these sacrifices is. 3 years married and a military family, I understand and appreciate all that you and your family give up to keep our country safe. Thank you for the open and honest discussion. Hopefully this thread will help someone consider realistic compatibility traits for marriage.
I seen a meme that said “you have to know your woman’s love language. You buying purses and the whole time all she wants is a hug”. Make your partner your learning project for as long as the relationship last. Study them and hear closely at what they like and dislike. If you don’t connect to their love language, ask them how can you meet them where they’re at / if you’re doing a good job.
Knowing what "keeps" your partner happy (they must already be that) and "adding" to their happinest by speaking to their LL is essential. The reason they're happy is because they already know what makes them happy and have been making themselves happy prior to you. (hopefully or there is a problem). As partners we just add to it. The LL assist us in doing so. Learning to speak your partners LL or finding someone whose you already speak is the interesting part.
She wasn’t saying to make him happy in every sense of the word. My understanding of it was that if she knows everyday her person enjoys toast or not to leave the bathroom floor wet after a shower, she will do those things to give that boost to her partner for the day.
I think you are taking this out of context. They are of course talking about in a relationship, not about being happy with yourself or making yourself happy. When you are with someone, I think we can collectively agree that wanting to be happy in the relationship and with your partner is normal. If your partner isn't giving you what you need (and vice versa) or showing you love in the way you perceive love on a consecutive basis, then what are you really doing but wasting each other's time?
@@vanessak.2353 it’s one thing to promote your video and it’s another thing to say something relevant and in context to the current discussion. No desire to view it your approach is off putting.
Can we truly make someone happy though? I believe we can add to their happiness and be happy WITH someone. But to MAKE someone happy I disagree. But I love these videos ❤️❤️❤️
I agree. That’s just like when I discussed with a man that it ain’t my job to lead him to the church - he has to have that already in him and I may add to it because we can now go to church as a couple, however, the responsibility of initiation should not solely be for your future relationship, you have to already break ground and build upwards together
exactly unless you have a magic spell you can sail across seas and lift the heavens but if they are not happy there is nothing you can do about that, anybody that tells me oh i am not happy am like well make yourself happy that is not my job
My job or goal is to not make anyone happy. My goal is to be happy and also assist to adding happiness to my mate. My focus is to make sure that I know what my love language is, to express to him how that looks and for him to carry out those actions and vise versa. When we both speak or take actions that meets the love language of the other then we both are filled. Great talk ladies! 💗
@@TheDstinfrared34 I think a person should try to do things that make the other person happy. But you stated that your goal is not to make anyone happy. I was wondering if that is something that you practice in your relationship.
@@workingonmyself Yes I said that but I also stated that I can assist in adding happiness to my mate. However, my goal in life is not to make them happy. Happiness is an inside job and that responsibility is on the individual not their partner. If they don't know what makes them happy, how is someone outside of themselves suppose to know?
I believe to be partnered with someone that has different love languages shouldn't be a deal breaker. Its actually a good way to help us evolve and grow in the way we express love as an individual. However, core values should be similar simply because it speaks to who you are as a person and whats important to you. That is something that maybe shouldn't be extreme opposites because the common goals may not be the same.
Happiness is not the responsibility of any other person but your self. You just need to do things the other person likes or love but their happiness is not solely dependent of a partner
Happiness and love is ones own responsibility. However, you can provide and extend such happiness and love to others once you’ve incorporated and mastered self-care and self-love accordingly. You must care for and love yourself first before you can care for and love others.
I look at this like when you're in a relationship you want to do things that compliment the person. I want to be a blessing to you and I want you to do the same for me. It's not about making somebody happy. It's about we're building something beautiful together. Let's help each other grow and enjoy it. So when she said; my love language is, 'I need to be touched and spend time'. His with might be; he wants to hear it. Why be in a relationship, if you don't want to put in effort. You care about one other. To make that work, you communicate.
If you don't LOVE yourself...how can you expect others to Love you. Secret to find a good Partner. Choose someone whose Happy. Someone who loves themselves.
I know this has nothing to do with the video but homegirl with the straight hair was starring from 1:56 until 2:06. 😂 She just started laughing. Didn’t catch anything ole girl was saying 😂
Love languages are to aid you in making a connection in areas that mean the most to your partner. It is not like a 'vetting tool" like zodiac signs were back in the day. You may think that spending time with your mate is the best way you can show them love. But if words of affirmation are their love language then they would feel more love from you if they receive an encouraging text in the middle of the day. This may seem weird or insignificant to you, but that shows the importance of knowing how "they feel loved". The goal is to meet each other's emotional and physical needs, which oftentimes, differ.
Why did the man get a longer video and they're literally on their speaking nonsense. They don't even know what the five love languages are and they are talking all around in circles. I wanted to keep hearing what these ladies were saying
@@jayc5756 do you have a lot of people in your life who are up in arms a lot? I know it's not that serious. I'm curious why you assumed my tone through writing lol I was just sharing my thoughts thinking maybe someone thought the same.
@Desairee, your comment was rude, immature when you stated that the men were talking nonsense and that they did not even know the FIVE love languages. Your opinion is more nonsense than what I recall the men said in their conversation. You sound like a bitter person. You should consider therapy for yourself.
@@ileniepowell do you have a lot of people in your life who are bitter and require therapy? I'm curious why you assumed my mental health status through writing lol I was just sharing my thoughts thinking maybe someone thought the same.
Yall goal is to not make eachother happy... true happiness comes from within, not outside... a relationship aka a marriage is work, nothing should go infront ur spouse... the minute u start putting something r someone infront ur spouse, ur setting urself up for failure.
Love Languages for each spouse is such an important topic and thing to do for the other. However and something to always keep in mind that God did not create us to be happy. He created man and woman to have dominion over the earth and populate it.
It all starts with God; for God so loved the world that he GAVE his only begotten son... to love with intentionality giving unselfishly of ones self in every way and having that reciprocated is everything. Add serving which Jesus did,; with communication and respect you have a strong foundation to build upon.
I didn't think the love languages was supposed to be used to determine if a couple was a "match" or not. I thought it was to better understand the person you choose to love.
Totally agree. Smh.....not sure why this question was either scripted or why in the world Kim Allen thought to ask that question??? ill-informed optics either way. Glad the panel answered her specific question well. In the beginning of the book, it highlights the book is not just limited to romantic relationships. Just wish someone clarified it was intended to help elevate any relationship.
Everyone has a natural way that they show someone they love them. Some are willing to step out of comfort and do those things and some are not. It is a persons natural inclination to do what’s natural to them. If what’s natural is giving affirmation and your mate wants touch. You may not be compatible. They have to adjust how they show love to you in way they don’t desire (touch is not just sex). Everyone is not touchy and may not want someone all over them or constantly in there space. It’s about what you’re willing to sacrifice and for how long you’re willing to sacrifice it.
@@imperfectlyperfect3961 Finding someone who is willing to love you with your love language is a beautiful thing. As far as not being compatible because someone is not doing the work for the LL, I agree. But having the same LL = compatibility, I strongly disagree. It’s extremely rarely to find two people with the same love language. Please take the time to ask a long lasting couple you know, and you will discover each person’s LL is generally different. Subconsciously, I think we often pair with someone who loves us differently. Although we don’t understand it, the love they have for us is mysterious in the way they express it.
@@MAURICEEPACE I am a long lasting couple. I have been married for 19yrs and we are military family. I served with 3 tours and a husband that is still serving...some of the toughest trials as a couple We’ll ever go through. My point is and still is, it’s about sacrifice & giving, and no you don’t have to have to same LL as I stated above. Not everyone just have 1. I have a more prominent LL and and runner up as I like to call it. Ask yourself in your relationship, what are you willing to sacrifice? people are selfish and only think of themselves oftentimes. Women are highly emotional when they feel they are not getting what they need. We didn’t take the LL test and do any type of marriage counseling until our 7th year of marriage. He found out I need more acts of service and I found out he need affirmation. I set a reminder everyday to compliment my husband. Leave little notes everywhere he was/is, text, email. This has to become habit (sacrifice/giving). I do it even when pissed off and I don’t see my husband sometimes 9mths out of a year, every year. While taking care of a house, working, and a host of other things. We have friends, some of who have been married 3-4 times(no sacrifice/no giving). “I am not new to this, I am true to this.”!!! Also put Christ first, understand your non-negotiable’s, and communicate, no matter how hard a topic maybe. Avoidance doesn’t accomplish anything, only makes things worst and builds resentment.
Being intentional is how you achieve longevity.
19 years married and a military family!! That is something to celebrate!! Glad we are all on the same page now. I am sure there are many unmarried people and young eyes reading this. Glad “if what’s natural is giving affirmation and your mate wants touch. You may not be compatible.” by your own testimony, should not be the standard for anyone looking for love. Agreed, finding someone who’s willing to makes these sacrifices is. 3 years married and a military family, I understand and appreciate all that you and your family give up to keep our country safe. Thank you for the open and honest discussion. Hopefully this thread will help someone consider realistic compatibility traits for marriage.
Marriage, in my opinion, is about serving each other in the way the other feels love. I feel like happiness is your own responsibility.
Preach
Yes...but your Partner should be making you happy.
I seen a meme that said “you have to know your woman’s love language. You buying purses and the whole time all she wants is a hug”. Make your partner your learning project for as long as the relationship last. Study them and hear closely at what they like and dislike. If you don’t connect to their love language, ask them how can you meet them where they’re at / if you’re doing a good job.
"Make your partner your learning project for as long as the relationship last." I love that!
Knowing what "keeps" your partner happy (they must already be that) and "adding" to their happinest by speaking to their LL is essential. The reason they're happy is because they already know what makes them happy and have been making themselves happy prior to you. (hopefully or there is a problem). As partners we just add to it. The LL assist us in doing so. Learning to speak your partners LL or finding someone whose you already speak is the interesting part.
She wasn’t saying to make him happy in every sense of the word. My understanding of it was that if she knows everyday her person enjoys toast or not to leave the bathroom floor wet after a shower, she will do those things to give that boost to her partner for the day.
Its nobody's responsibility to make anyone happy. It comes from within
I think you are taking this out of context. They are of course talking about in a relationship, not about being happy with yourself or making yourself happy. When you are with someone, I think we can collectively agree that wanting to be happy in the relationship and with your partner is normal. If your partner isn't giving you what you need (and vice versa) or showing you love in the way you perceive love on a consecutive basis, then what are you really doing but wasting each other's time?
🙄 you have obviously missed the whole point and meaning of love languages.
i totally agree with you, i can't stand people that expect someone else to make them happy, you make your own self happy its nobodys job to do this
@@SoAnesu I haven't, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk🚶🏾♀️
@@vanessak.2353 it’s one thing to promote your video and it’s another thing to say something relevant and in context to the current discussion. No desire to view it your approach is off putting.
Can we truly make someone happy though? I believe we can add to their happiness and be happy WITH someone. But to MAKE someone happy I disagree. But I love these videos ❤️❤️❤️
I agree with you. No one can make anyone happy. I think she should have said, "wake up to make the marriage continue to work." That's more feasible.
I agree. That’s just like when I discussed with a man that it ain’t my job to lead him to the church - he has to have that already in him and I may add to it because we can now go to church as a couple, however, the responsibility of initiation should not solely be for your future relationship, you have to already break ground and build upwards together
exactly unless you have a magic spell you can sail across seas and lift the heavens but if they are not happy there is nothing you can do about that, anybody that tells me oh i am not happy am like well make yourself happy that is not my job
@@Tricey.89 Take this from me (with your comment), you’ve got Sense, Intellect, Understanding. You’re priceless!!! 💯
No we can't make someone happy
My job or goal is to not make anyone happy. My goal is to be happy and also assist to adding happiness to my mate. My focus is to make sure that I know what my love language is, to express to him how that looks and for him to carry out those actions and vise versa. When we both speak or take actions that meets the love language of the other then we both are filled. Great talk ladies! 💗
Are you married or in a long term relationship?
@@workingonmyself Why do you ask?
@@TheDstinfrared34 I think a person should try to do things that make the other person happy. But you stated that your goal is not to make anyone happy. I was wondering if that is something that you practice in your relationship.
@@workingonmyself Yes I said that but I also stated that I can assist in adding happiness to my mate. However, my goal in life is not to make them happy. Happiness is an inside job and that responsibility is on the individual not their partner. If they don't know what makes them happy, how is someone outside of themselves suppose to know?
@@TheDstinfrared34 For my understanding, is adding to your partner’s happiness, one of your goals in your relationship?
I believe to be partnered with someone that has different love languages shouldn't be a deal breaker. Its actually a good way to help us evolve and grow in the way we express love as an individual. However, core values should be similar simply because it speaks to who you are as a person and whats important to you. That is something that maybe shouldn't be extreme opposites because the common goals may not be the same.
We are each responsible for our own feelings.
Love should not be complicated & if your spirits aren't aligned, it may not come to pass.
Happiness is not the responsibility of any other person but your self. You just need to do things the other person likes or love but their happiness is not solely dependent of a partner
Happiness and love is ones own responsibility. However, you can provide and extend such happiness and love to others once you’ve incorporated and mastered self-care and self-love accordingly. You must care for and love yourself first before you can care for and love others.
I look at this like when you're in a relationship you want to do things that compliment the person.
I want to be a blessing to you and I want you to do the same for me.
It's not about making somebody happy. It's about we're building something beautiful together.
Let's help each other grow and enjoy it. So when she said; my love language is, 'I need to be touched and spend time'. His with might be; he wants to hear it.
Why be in a relationship, if you don't want to put in effort.
You care about one other. To make that work, you communicate.
If you don't LOVE yourself...how can you expect others to Love you. Secret to find a good Partner. Choose someone whose Happy. Someone who loves themselves.
I literally love 💕 your conversations.
I wonder if any black men watch videos like this, teaching them to prepare for marriage? Or is it only women?
I know this has nothing to do with the video but homegirl with the straight hair was starring from 1:56 until 2:06. 😂 She just started laughing. Didn’t catch anything ole girl was saying 😂
I thought I was the only one that noticed lol
Love languages are to aid you in making a connection in areas that mean the most to your partner. It is not like a 'vetting tool" like zodiac signs were back in the day. You may think that spending time with your mate is the best way you can show them love. But if words of affirmation are their love language then they would feel more love from you if they receive an encouraging text in the middle of the day. This may seem weird or insignificant to you, but that shows the importance of knowing how "they feel loved". The goal is to meet each other's emotional and physical needs, which oftentimes, differ.
I don’t know man our ladies seem to expect a man to break his back for her love but it seem that nothing is ever enough
Why did the man get a longer video and they're literally on their speaking nonsense. They don't even know what the five love languages are and they are talking all around in circles. I wanted to keep hearing what these ladies were saying
@@jayc5756 do you have a lot of people in your life who are up in arms a lot?
I know it's not that serious. I'm curious why you assumed my tone through writing lol I was just sharing my thoughts thinking maybe someone thought the same.
@Desairee, your comment was rude, immature when you stated that the men were talking nonsense and that they did not even know the FIVE love languages. Your opinion is more nonsense than what I recall the men said in their conversation. You sound like a bitter person. You should consider therapy for yourself.
@@ileniepowell do you have a lot of people in your life who are bitter and require therapy?
I'm curious why you assumed my mental health status through writing lol I was just sharing my thoughts thinking maybe someone thought the same.
Thanks ladies 🙌🏾
Where can we get the full conversation? Is this channel just snippets of good convo?
Where can I find full videos?
Yall goal is to not make eachother happy... true happiness comes from within, not outside... a relationship aka a marriage is work, nothing should go infront ur spouse... the minute u start putting something r someone infront ur spouse, ur setting urself up for failure.
GLAD THAT WAS SHORT
Thanks ladies, I identified that this is the problem I am having in my marriage.
Please read the book. It was not just intended for romantic relationships.
Black love
Not bad could use more content
Love Languages for each spouse is such an important topic and thing to do for the other. However and something to always keep in mind that God did not create us to be happy. He created man and woman to have dominion over the earth and populate it.
It all starts with God; for God so loved the world that he GAVE his only begotten son... to love with intentionality giving unselfishly of ones self in every way and having that reciprocated is everything. Add serving which Jesus did,; with communication and respect you have a strong foundation to build upon.