This is what Elliot means by how us women are so outcome dependent. I just want a loving man whom I'll marry and give everything with in the future… I don't have time to play games. 😭
Just be your best self. Move on. Improve. If people what to leave you, let them go. They were leaves on a tree that change every season. Do NOT depend on leaves, instead stay and value the time of people who are like roots. Lots of love.❤️
It sucks that we have to hold back but men don't. It feels like women may be expected to constantly be on the defense to hold the man back. It can be exhausting.
I've been learning to set boundaries with a guy lately, and I've never better. In the past I would let a guy drag me along with whatever he wanted out of fear of losing him, but now I set boundaries and show him that he needs to work/wait for me. When he respects my boundaries, it interestingly enough makes me trust him more and respect him back, and it qualifies him as boyfriend material to me. It's this back and forth dance of the man moving closer, and the woman pacing him but not pushing him away, and him still staying there because he's interested, and then the woman can let him in on her terms, and the man feels like he worked for his reward, and thus will appreciate her more. It's amazing, to say the least. 😊
@@BlackOreoCookie So I have tried that and it's what I continue to do...but for me all it does is weed out the men who only pretended that they were interested in a relationship. No matter how many times I position myself as a high value woman and also weed out the men who don't want a relationship, it seems that many men these days aren't really looking for one at all and most men out there are really players who are not being honest about what they are really looking for. It's disappointing.
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I walked away from a guy who doesn’t want to be exclusive. He’s still attracted to me and begs for us to stay friends atleast and he wants to talk to me all the time. I just say no. He keeps pursuing and I don’t understand why he wants to talk to me so bad if he doesn’t want to be exclusive. This is confusing.
This should not be confusing: he knows you like him a lot, wants to press hard and hope for your vulnerability to be intense enough so you can eventually accept him as friend with benefits. No doubt that he is attracted to you, but he will not commit and if you accept his conditions you will end up in emotional pain and distress unnecessarily. You won’t even have the right to claim, he will remind you that he just wanted to be friends and did not want a relationship. Don’t put yourself in that position and never accept from any guy conditions that you don’t agree with just hoping for him to have a change of heart, that seldom happens. Again, don’t fool yourself, there is nothing to be confused about, what he is doing is cristal clear.
My weigh in...he is testing you to see if you will backtrack on your values. Men are very persistent and like to chase. Don't let him convince you to change your standards and values....Anyone who asks that of a person is not worth the time or trouble.....
I know this is confusing and exhausting, especially if you have feelings for that person. I am in a very similar situation and I am truly sorry that you have to go through this. My understanding is that they have unresolved issues, potentially childhood (bigger or smaller) traumas. They may truly like you but are not emotionally mature enough to build a secure bond. It's all fear and lack of self love. Their fear of abandonment might be so great that they sabotage any potential good relationship. They seek validation in all the wrong places (other people, sex etc.). It's all those different factors that influence such behaviours. They may not event fully realize that they hurt others because they are hurting themselves. Takes a lot of self care and hard work to process and understand this stuff. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, you need to focus on yourself, your wellbeing, your self love... and walk away. You will not fix them and they will not change. There's work that needs to be done on their side and it will not be done if you stick around. I wish you all the best!
I agree with both this ladies, don't compromise your values for anyone. It would lead you in the wrong direction. The other thing you mentioned is the guy is still pursuing you, the question is not whether he is pursuing you, but how is he actually pursuing and investing in you. Is he just using low level tricks anyone can do or he taking you out on dates, investing money, time and energy. Men generally talk with their money and if he isn't using a significant portion of his money, he is just looking to see what he can get with low levels of investment.
Hey Elliot, given that the pandemic has led to more socialising online, any chance of a video geared around online dating? I guess a lot of the things you mention still apply, but it would be good to see your take on it all.
Can you please define what so called, "normal speed", exactly is? I've only really experienced relationships at very unhealthy (fast with love bombing, super slow, etc...) speeds. Thanks my love! ❤😘🥰
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If a guy says he’s “going with the flow” on a dating app is that just code for wanting something casual? Whenever they say this it seems like they’re about to waste your time lol
“I’m not sure what I’m looking for” is code for “I’m a sleeze bag who is hoping to use you because I’m shallow and have nothing of substance to offer”. Done with dating apps!
@christina Orlando not necessarily. Some people say that so they don't look desperate. A lot of guys don't want to say "i'm looking for a serious relationship" or marriage because they think it makes them look desperate. Women sometimes downplay what they're looking for in order to avoid men who will tell women what they want to hear. If you tell a guy you want something serious, sometimes they'll pretend they want the same and waste your time. So by saying you're going with the flow, they'll likely be honest about what they want too. If a person flat out says they're looking for a hookup or not looking for anything serious, believe them! But if they say "I'm going with the flow" or "looking for a friend and we'll see where things go", id feel them out a bit. Now, after dating a person for a bit, like 2 or 3 months, and they don't want to talk about where the relationship is going by saying "I'm going with the flow", then they're wasting your time. But, saying that on a profile is usually a safe medium. It's not saying you don't want anything serious, but it's not saying you're looking for marriage either.
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This is the scenario when our thoughts are on the collision course with actions. As the ultimate true freedom is in saying it loud, not afraid of wanting, letting out our desires to be known but also not afraid to let it go. So often the freedom when we say I want to **** you, is misjudged. We are then labelled too easy, too fast or not partner material. I wonder..do men really want to know what we think or want sometimes 🤔😉?
@@sansadrake4133 i know and i take full responsibility for that... but is there anything you recommend me doing to eventually get him back i don't want to be with anyone else and i just want to make him happy
@@earthhquaakee I would start with an apology and go from there. But definitely don't go overboard in trying to win him over. Start slowly trying to be his friend, if that's possible.
“Normal Speed” cannot be defined. It’s too elusive and subjective. “Normal Speed” therefore is the speed at which both people are somewhat comfortable. However The woman should always be a a step behind the man so he stays in the purser gear.
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What if we moved at a normal pace but we "met" online and then we met each other physically. But when we actually met for a week he wanted to rush these things at some point and for me it was like I started to meet him from zero (and I think for him too) and I was shy at first for 5 days which is logical. Then, when I started being less and less shy he had to go because we had an ldr. After 2 weeks, he told me to break up by text because he thought that we don't want the same things in a relationship. But he wants the things he had with "online me" who it's me but I hadn't so much time to be "that girl". He seeks for validation that's for sure. He has also anxious attachment style.
Make him und exactly that, if he cannot understand and respect your own pace, move on... you want a guy that understand you, and try and try harder to understand you. It's the beginning of the relationship and he is not trying to undestand you? That's not got for what's to come.
It’s hard to set a first impression twice. I’m in the same boat. With that being said, what I did is completely cut him off. If he comes back, he has to start at zero. Do NOT contact him at all. And do not let him back where you left off. You have to mentally be at a place where you can take it or leave it. He has to come back on his own and you reset the clock. If he doesn’t come back and invest his time, effort, energy, resources, move on. The guy who told me he “doesn’t have time for dating right now” came back and I offered friendship only. He was surprised. I’m not willing to invest my time in him romantically. He took me out to dinner, he reached out twice afterwards and I gave non-engaging replies because I’m at a point where I’m gladly walking away if he doesn’t prove that he is willing to put in the work. If not, it’s his loss. Good luck!
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Many people break their own hearts by loving a fantasy not the person that stands before them.
Wow yesss.
Very very true 👏🏼
Agreed
This is what Elliot means by how us women are so outcome dependent. I just want a loving man whom I'll marry and give everything with in the future… I don't have time to play games. 😭
The odds are low unfortunately. It's the degradation of society...
Not getting what I want is actually a blessing sometimes 🙏
is it a paradox?
This is like a chemistry lesson
I see what you did there... :)
Yea sexual chemistry 🧪
Lol right 🤣🤣
@@SuzD0n lmao no I wasn't punning I'm dead serious🤣
What does this have to do with him thinking of you non stop? Its the name of this video?
Just be your best self.
Move on. Improve.
If people what to leave you, let them go. They were leaves on a tree that change every season. Do NOT depend on leaves, instead stay and value the time of people who are like roots.
Lots of love.❤️
It sucks that we have to hold back but men don't. It feels like women may be expected to constantly be on the defense to hold the man back. It can be exhausting.
Right
I've been learning to set boundaries with a guy lately, and I've never better. In the past I would let a guy drag me along with whatever he wanted out of fear of losing him, but now I set boundaries and show him that he needs to work/wait for me. When he respects my boundaries, it interestingly enough makes me trust him more and respect him back, and it qualifies him as boyfriend material to me.
It's this back and forth dance of the man moving closer, and the woman pacing him but not pushing him away, and him still staying there because he's interested, and then the woman can let him in on her terms, and the man feels like he worked for his reward, and thus will appreciate her more. It's amazing, to say the least. 😊
@@BlackOreoCookie Can you give some examples of how to pace?
Exactly
@@BlackOreoCookie So I have tried that and it's what I continue to do...but for me all it does is weed out the men who only pretended that they were interested in a relationship.
No matter how many times I position myself as a high value woman and also weed out the men who don't want a relationship, it seems that many men these days aren't really looking for one at all and most men out there are really players who are not being honest about what they are really looking for.
It's disappointing.
Favorite part “shut up boy yes u do”
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My favourite line! Hilarious
"Shut up boy, yes you do." 😂
I’ve watched this a few times to get it engrained in my mind. So helpful, thank you Elliot!
Favorite coach
Can't go a day without your videos
Congrats 🎉🎉🎉🎉
I walked away from a guy who doesn’t want to be exclusive. He’s still attracted to me and begs for us to stay friends atleast and he wants to talk to me all the time. I just say no. He keeps pursuing and I don’t understand why he wants to talk to me so bad if he doesn’t want to be exclusive. This is confusing.
This should not be confusing: he knows you like him a lot, wants to press hard and hope for your vulnerability to be intense enough so you can eventually accept him as friend with benefits. No doubt that he is attracted to you, but he will not commit and if you accept his conditions you will end up in emotional pain and distress unnecessarily. You won’t even have the right to claim, he will remind you that he just wanted to be friends and did not want a relationship. Don’t put yourself in that position and never accept from any guy conditions that you don’t agree with just hoping for him to have a change of heart, that seldom happens. Again, don’t fool yourself, there is nothing to be confused about, what he is doing is cristal clear.
My weigh in...he is testing you to see if you will backtrack on your values. Men are very persistent and like to chase. Don't let him convince you to change your standards and values....Anyone who asks that of a person is not worth the time or trouble.....
I know this is confusing and exhausting, especially if you have feelings for that person. I am in a very similar situation and I am truly sorry that you have to go through this. My understanding is that they have unresolved issues, potentially childhood (bigger or smaller) traumas. They may truly like you but are not emotionally mature enough to build a secure bond. It's all fear and lack of self love. Their fear of abandonment might be so great that they sabotage any potential good relationship. They seek validation in all the wrong places (other people, sex etc.). It's all those different factors that influence such behaviours. They may not event fully realize that they hurt others because they are hurting themselves. Takes a lot of self care and hard work to process and understand this stuff. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, you need to focus on yourself, your wellbeing, your self love... and walk away. You will not fix them and they will not change. There's work that needs to be done on their side and it will not be done if you stick around. I wish you all the best!
I agree with both this ladies, don't compromise your values for anyone. It would lead you in the wrong direction. The other thing you mentioned is the guy is still pursuing you, the question is not whether he is pursuing you, but how is he actually pursuing and investing in you. Is he just using low level tricks anyone can do or he taking you out on dates, investing money, time and energy. Men generally talk with their money and if he isn't using a significant portion of his money, he is just looking to see what he can get with low levels of investment.
Wants to have his cake and eat it. I'd personally let him have the icing without the cherry.
One of your best videos so far!
Happy Valentine's Day Elliot ❤
😊😊😊😊
What’s an example of moving too slow? Not texting much not seeing each other weekly?
Thank you Elliot, appreciate you x
Hey Elliot, given that the pandemic has led to more socialising online, any chance of a video geared around online dating? I guess a lot of the things you mention still apply, but it would be good to see your take on it all.
Jesus Christ, don’t online date. We’ve been in the pandemic for 2 years, get your butt out and meet people.
@@j-tenn226 I'm disabled.
@@SuzD0n I’m an asshole. I’m sorry.
@@j-tenn226 You did make a very good point, though.
Elliottttttt what happened to the cartoonsssss!!!!!!! I need my lil dude back when I’m reading the attraction guide 😭😂
What does threading mean?
Can you please define what so called, "normal speed", exactly is? I've only really experienced relationships at very unhealthy (fast with love bombing, super slow, etc...) speeds. Thanks my love! ❤😘🥰
Professor 👨🏫 Scott is in da house! Love how you explain things. Best coach out there! Hope to read your book soon 🔜
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How does a woman increase her value while in contact in LDR?
Thank you sir!! This took a deep dive into my situation 👍🏽
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Bro you fkin crack me up 😂😂 thanks for the advice!!
I love your personality you’re the man 😂
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If a guy says he’s “going with the flow” on a dating app is that just code for wanting something casual? Whenever they say this it seems like they’re about to waste your time lol
Most are players on apps or criminals
@@samboriboun2213 😂😂😂😂💀
“I’m not sure what I’m looking for” is code for “I’m a sleeze bag who is hoping to use you because I’m shallow and have nothing of substance to offer”. Done with dating apps!
@christina Orlando not necessarily. Some people say that so they don't look desperate. A lot of guys don't want to say "i'm looking for a serious relationship" or marriage because they think it makes them look desperate. Women sometimes downplay what they're looking for in order to avoid men who will tell women what they want to hear. If you tell a guy you want something serious, sometimes they'll pretend they want the same and waste your time. So by saying you're going with the flow, they'll likely be honest about what they want too. If a person flat out says they're looking for a hookup or not looking for anything serious, believe them! But if they say "I'm going with the flow" or "looking for a friend and we'll see where things go", id feel them out a bit. Now, after dating a person for a bit, like 2 or 3 months, and they don't want to talk about where the relationship is going by saying "I'm going with the flow", then they're wasting your time. But, saying that on a profile is usually a safe medium. It's not saying you don't want anything serious, but it's not saying you're looking for marriage either.
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This is the scenario when our thoughts are on the collision course with actions. As the ultimate true freedom is in saying it loud, not afraid of wanting, letting out our desires to be known but also not afraid to let it go. So often the freedom when we say I want to **** you, is misjudged. We are then labelled too easy, too fast or not partner material. I wonder..do men really want to know what we think or want sometimes 🤔😉?
I like the analogies referenced 🤣
What does this have to do with him thinking of you non stop? Thats the name of the video. I like u better when your in your car.
Shut up lolol
What is a "normal" speed, though? And which authority is dictating What a "normal" speed is?
i reached out after 11 weeks of no contact and he said he has no interest.. i've done some extremely embarrassing and horrible things in the past
That's your fault then
:(((
@@sansadrake4133 i know and i take full responsibility for that... but is there anything you recommend me doing to eventually get him back i don't want to be with anyone else and i just want to make him happy
@@earthhquaakee I would start with an apology and go from there. But definitely don't go overboard in trying to win him over. Start slowly trying to be his friend, if that's possible.
@@earthhquaakee take him off the pedestal, what is for you will find you. You don’t need him.
“Normal Speed” cannot be defined. It’s too elusive and subjective. “Normal Speed” therefore is the speed at which both people are somewhat comfortable. However The woman should always be a a step behind the man so he stays in the purser gear.
Exactly
Heyyy Elliot!
🤣 🙄 if it turns into a game then leave. High value woman do not want a man that don’t know what he has. 🤷♀️
Good video but felt your talk on specialty was off
Just talk to him
😂
I freaking love you 😂
Is a month too fast? He’s wanting me to sleep over? Is that too fast.
Amen. 💗
I'm autistic, behaviours change with autism
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Are vs our
What if we moved at a normal pace but we "met" online and then we met each other physically. But when we actually met for a week he wanted to rush these things at some point and for me it was like I started to meet him from zero (and I think for him too) and I was shy at first for 5 days which is logical. Then, when I started being less and less shy he had to go because we had an ldr. After 2 weeks, he told me to break up by text because he thought that we don't want the same things in a relationship. But he wants the things he had with "online me" who it's me but I hadn't so much time to be "that girl". He seeks for validation that's for sure. He has also anxious attachment style.
Make him und exactly that, if he cannot understand and respect your own pace, move on... you want a guy that understand you, and try and try harder to understand you. It's the beginning of the relationship and he is not trying to undestand you? That's not got for what's to come.
“Online you?”… oh please 🙄 be honest with him and tell you don’t want to waste your time if he doesn’t want to pursue a real relationship.
Acts 2:38 Acts 22:16 Mark 16:16
Hebrews 9:17*
1 Corinthians 11 (veil)
Gospel
Now how do I 'fix' the mistakes made with the same guy lmaoooo
It’s hard to set a first impression twice. I’m in the same boat. With that being said, what I did is completely cut him off. If he comes back, he has to start at zero. Do NOT contact him at all. And do not let him back where you left off. You have to mentally be at a place where you can take it or leave it. He has to come back on his own and you reset the clock. If he doesn’t come back and invest his time, effort, energy, resources, move on. The guy who told me he “doesn’t have time for dating right now” came back and I offered friendship only. He was surprised. I’m not willing to invest my time in him romantically. He took me out to dinner, he reached out twice afterwards and I gave non-engaging replies because I’m at a point where I’m gladly walking away if he doesn’t prove that he is willing to put in the work. If not, it’s his loss. Good luck!
💙💙💙
Lol. Wtf??
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Whats@app him now^_^^_^^_^