After Narcissistic Abuse My Goals, Passions, Hobbies, Creativity STILL Destroyed/Erased
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After Narcissistic Abuse My Goals, Passions, Hobbies, Creativity STILL Destroyed/Erased
This video breaks down first of all how narcissistic abuse changes you, how covert abuse changes and erases you often without any words. It also explains the cptsd aspect of healing and working through the side effects of this kind of emotional abuse and psychological trauma. Leaving the toxic person/difficult person or toxic relationship will end the direct suffering and manipulation of that toxic person, but it does not remove the internal damage done by long term narcissistic relationships and chronic stress and trauma. If you do not understand the cptsd recovery piece of healing after narcissism - you can stay stuck in trauma loops, you can come to think it is all your fault and you can continue to feel the same helplessness, anxiety and fear that the narcissist themselves planted and conditioned you to feel. BUT - you CAN break out of it - you CAN get back to you!!!! And this video really gives some powerful tips on narcissistic victim recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery and/or complex ptsd recovery.
narcissistic abuse erases passions, narcissistic abuse erases you, living with fear after narcissistic relationship, intense shame after narcissistic relationship, how covert narcissists change you, how covert narcissists control you, cptsd recovery, cptsd after narcissist, complex ptsd trauma after narcissistic abuse, ptsd after narcissistic upbringing
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Narcissists also steal ideas from people and act like they thought of it. I have had this happen many, many times. They discount your idea to your face and then bring it out as their idea, saying, "Oh, you mentioned that, too? I don't remember you saying it."
🎯💯💯💯🎯
They have no insight and are ALWAYS looking for things to STEAL in order to become relevant. Ideas are one of thier favorite things to steal because there are no receipts . If you have a hidden witness to the fact that they STOLE the idea they can still spin it till you get frustrated and walk away
He not only stole my passion for cycling but everything.. I’m left with depression and disassociation that makes me cry and feel weird every minute of every day.
Disassociation how?
@@rismoody3906isconnecting from yourself/feelings/life because you have been abused and when it gets triggered
Stole your passion for cycling? How?
When they torture you and hurt you it makes them happy. I have nothing left that brings me pleasure anymore.
Theer is a song by Annie Lennox - think she wrote it. There is this lyric that says how people who are hurting, hurt others most ferociously. ( Difficult to keep that in focus when facing a Narc. ;)
This was so helpful! My father would steal my passions and copy what I was doing in many areas. So I went into creating a handmade jewelry business. When I was published in a magazine I was family mobbed. I went no contact but have been struggling with my creativity. Somethings I can do...like your story of driving...with no thought. But, the flow of creativity was gone. Last week I made a pair of chandelier earrings that really excited me, full of my creativity. And they sold within a few hours! I find your videos so informative and helpful. Thank you!
So super happy for you! Could you post
Your website here?
you gotta do many things secretly nowadays. Many thieves all around.
Gypsy, your story so mirrors mine, down to the shutting down my jewelry making. Thank you for your courage and yes to chandelier earrings!!
He would always invade my space in my art room and tell me about my passions and how I should do this or that and I could make money selling my art...I would just get my oils all set up and right when I picked up a brush...he would show up again and want to pull me away from it to spend time with him! Same thing with my music. He did make one mistake when he picked up my instrument... it's the only thing that's actually mine....I told him to never touch that instrument again... immediately offended. In his mind he was thinking it would be more time with me😂...I felt suffocated... it's like an empty shell who has no interests of their own... It's like they try to force their way into every aspect of your life in a really fake way. I'm still trying to get my passions back.
Creepy the way they know--it's because of being constantly watched--when you're just about to pick up the brush.
I fully relate to being an empty shell--an empty shell of what I was when I wasn't here. I'm fighting for my life.
Kirsten Vogel... He would leave out his pad of paper with things he would write about me... constantly monitored...to make me feel guilt or shame...
Yes it's a continual fight for your life... I'm out but still battle as he will not leave me alone. Divorce will come but had to put myself first as I live with chronic illness that I believe stem from all the stress. I work with an inner healing minister who works with this type thing...it is helping. I will pray for you.💜🔥
I experienced 17 years of this sabotaging behavior from my narc wife CONSTANTLY.
EVERYTHING with a narc is about competing with you. You are not their companion but their competition… although you didn’t get the memo. It’s all about their relentless need for power over you in every form.
My wife would be purposely argumentative and disagreeable to keep me off balance mentally regarding my employment but if I lost my job then she’d complain about my inability to contribute financially. She would claim that I just didn’t want to work and that her abusive behavior did nothing to contribute to me failing at all.
Yes, they are ultra competitive. This may sound strange to you but I do wonder, at the deepest level, if I signed up to this as my parents were the same. I don't want to compete with people. As an English teacher, I'm here to help folks and discuss issues, not compete. I understand the push for self in people but come on, trampling on others is no good. Keeping you off balance? Exactly. They do that a lot. It is sadistic. Others don't see what we are put through and still want payments when we are hugely depleted. It takes a while to get one's strength back. How are you faring now?
narcissts destroying youre plans is abuse
The malignant NPD I divorced constantly sabotaged and destroyed the passions, goals,dreams, talents , self esteem , self worth of my children and I.
He thrives off of his sadistic drive, and envy
I wish i never meet him
It is disastrous to be in such a predicament. I couldn't get over just how wicked they are. Divorced? Good. That helps. Hope you are faring better now!
This is what happened in my 11 year marriage, still married. Trying to get out. I am now grey rocking him an my MIL. I don't have money to leave with my kids. I already asked for a divorce, now he is stonewalling. He has taken any little joy and happiness from my life. Everytime I garden, He'll say something. I stopped talking about what makes me happy, he won't take it away from me anymore. It's over. It's like living a censored life. I just figured out 6 months ago what was happening to me. I starting to educate myself, and I finally came to the conclusion that my husband and my MIL are narcissist. They have been manipulating me by using shame and guilt to get what they want from me. I decided to soul distance myself. Let's see how this plays out.
Thank you so much for this. I couldn’t figure out why I was so paralyzed to return to my passions.
I used to feel “impending doom “ constantly and needed Xanax. I kept asking my doctor why do I feel this impending doom. Now I know why.
So what happened, what helped it
Man the allways confusing since of everything is to good to be true it’s sucks needed something just to cope cuz they make you feel like what you like want and everything else is something to shame I’m still feeling guilty about just going on the porch and I moved out but still feel this way praying for us
Yes, their insidious ways dig deep into our core. They are parasitic vermin that deplete us and this is not sb speaking here who has the mentality of a victim. I simply felt it. Together we are stronger.
I ended up losing interest in things I loved after narc abuse but the abuser never attacked the things I loved. It was almost as if that open heart and passion that I felt while doing those things itself was attacked and in order to do the things I loved I needed to be in that space. Opening myself up again would throw me into such an emotional flashback that I would put away the things I loved so the emotional flashback wouldn’t happen. Even the interest in the subject would be suppressed minus the small voice in my head that said “one day”
Wow. Yes. This.
When looking for a home once; I found the perfect lot, at the perfect price, perfect place, the perfect town, on and on..... I kid you not!..and I sabotage myself with a low offer, because I KNEW that my mother was going to mess my happiness up.
I do similar things, just when everything is in line, I just for no obvious reason, destroy it all.
My younger sister stole my passions and took them as her own.
From her hair, to her career, to her views. But discouraged all those things
at least she can't steal your good looks babe! God loves you; you keep being your creative yourself!
Few days ago I asked this exact question....Why I cannot enjoy doing things I used to be really good at? Universe answered this question thru you Michele!!!! Thanks...
Yeah, you feel really old and sucked dry by narcs. I honestly feel I had divine help in getting out of my situation. My soul cried out and the call was answered. But it's been a long hard slog back and even after 15 years, I'm not there yet.
Plz tell your experience
Yes, before I knew what was actually going on in my relationship, I would tell my friend that I felt like he was a vampire just sucking the life out of me. He fed on my spirit, my confidence I barely had when I met him, and kept me on an approval treadmill. He got my best years. All the stress has stolen my beauty. Literally lost 12 inches of muscle from my hips and butt, my skin sags from so much stress. Not being able to sleep, bc I’m scared to. He did inappropriate things to me while I sleep a few times.
@@krystalgardiner5591 Good that you are out now, and I have to say that even though I'm not 100% recovered, in my worst moments now I think hey at least I'm not back there with the narcs. It all up from there, trust me. I'm alone but at least I have peace now.
@@krystalgardiner5591 My 'thumb up' only means I completely relate.
I started painting a year and a half ago. It makes me happy, connects me to my past (my mom painted and passed away in 2009), and the feedback I got from people have been amazing. I give most of my paintings away to make others happy, but have been slowing down painting lately and I didn’t know why. I never realized until watching your video that I was “brain-trained” that painting made my narcissistic ex partner feel left out and would often throw that in my face like I should paint on my own time and not when he was around. I recently removed this person from my life and now I’m looking at my easel, and I finished watching your video and now I’m going to dance to my studio over there. I love your content. Thank you so much
This is classical conditioning, a subtype of implicit memory that you are describing. You may even be describing one cause of depression, when the narcissist treats a person aversively (unpleasantly) just for being happy, just for being oneself. Cognitive therapists would be looking for a core belief with negative content that would accompany the unpleasant feelings. This is a fine presentation.
Yeah. I find that I can 'overdo' my euphoria sometimes - just to gauge whether he is happy for me. ;))))))))))))
I am obsessed with neuroscience as well!!! 🧠♥️✌️☺️✨ (i wonder how common it is for survivors to become highly educated in psychology, psychoanalysis, therapy or neurosciences, etc. ?!) 🤔🙂👍❣️
Might as well be a highly paid therapist at this point my goodness lmao
My first major was neuroscience. I’ve always been obsessed with it I understand totally but I have been abused by every partner I’ve been with even though I’m a very strong woman and I fight back, but it hurts when is mental and hurt so much worse
Omg, i remember one day i was being interviewed by the news and wanted my husband to just stand next to me for support and he refuse to assist. Omg, eye opening. Ty
This spoke to me. I used to perform music. I had quite a following. She met me doing a show. It's attractive to them to be with the one who everyone is watching, until they realize no one is watching them. Jealousy, questions, coming to every show watching every move I made.. if another person approached me to talk ..look out! Not to mention if they touch my shoulder.. even if I had a look of discomfort. As a performer, you wear an entertainment hat.. it's a show.. but they can't separate anything.. I stopped playing after awhile.. thought it would give me peace. The only peace happened once I smartened up.
YES!!! .. exactly the same timeline of events here, I use to DJ.... USE TO ....
@@randycoolbaugh1408 Have you gotten back into it?
@@faa1412 no, not really. I only have one gig a year dj'ing a local car show. but covid put the breaks even on that.
Secret jealousy is more dangerous than the open jealousy. Their jealous of you when you are happy because they don't know what will make them happy. They dont know what will make them happy because they receive the same pattern in the family. But if you are aware of this pattern you can choose to break it.
This video brought me such peace. Thank you! I’ve just come out of a dangerous and treacherous marriage of 34 years. I did NOT know! (well, technically, God showed me the clear signs and I eventually caught up, 3 years ago-but he just left me this year) This is a perfect example of HOW strategic and covert he was. I started to play piano (our oldest daughter is teaching me) and he said to me, “I really like to hear you practice piano, why don’t you practice at night when I’m home?” Which, btw, wasn’t said like a question it was more of a demand/request. So, I would practice in the evening. 1st step: coming into the room when I’m practicing and touching me … in a fond loving way-he would do this ONLY ONCE. 2nd step: stopping at the door of the room I’m practicing in but not entering and then leaving-he would DO THIS TWICE. 3rd step: passing by the doorway loudly and not stopping-he would DO THIS 4 TIMES. 4th step: EVERY TIME I went to practice, he would leave the house. This cyclical pattern continued for 2.5 years, until I figured it out. Then, whenever he would say, “I love to hear you practice,” (which I was supposed to “start” a fight by pointing out that he always went outside whenever I did practice, so he could project onto me and/or gaslight me)… instead, I just smiled, and continued on with whatever I was working on in the kitchen. Seriously, I've got 1000s of different examples OF EXACTLY this behaviour.
That is INSANE behavior(on his behalf)
Yasss! Thank you for this.
I've been away from my abuser for 2 years now and STILL have this deep down "guilty" feeling when im just sitting down relaxing at the end of the day. He would never let me rest. Any time I had a day off that was going to be special to me, he would take the same day off. I could never enjoy just "me" time.
Thanks again 💜
What a pathetic loser he is. Get losers out of your head and enjoy your free time to the fullest! Be well 😊
This is very true - my narc wife hampered me from listening to the music I loved, building model cars and aircraft and creative writing on entertainment related matters. I regained my interest in these things over the past year and finally left her two months ago after 14 years - now I'm free to be me!
Michelle, for me it was different. The worse my life became with the narcissist, the more I threw myself into my crafts (sewing, scrapbooking, card-making, knitting, reading) so I could escape away from my life with him. It was what helped me keep my sanity. It still does and I do have one friend who is going through the same thing. She also has been married to a narc for 50 years. Our hobbies and friends help us keep our sanity because neither one of us can leave our situations.
Actually, yes! You're so right.
That's how I learned drawing, writing, crafting stuff since I was a kid. My parents never tried to help me develop any skills, never provided me with any decent tools for that. I was abandoned, locked up inside the house 24/7, lonely, bored to death. Abuse took place, too. So I started drawing on scraps of paper with some pen, coming up with exciting stories and memorising them, doing DIY projects from all the trash I could find in the house, to escape the unbearable reality and create stuff I could call my own. Those were the first things that came to my mind and also the most accessible - they didn't cost anything. And it was great, it really helped me to save my sanity. I still enjoy those activities and treat them very seriously now.
But there were times when my life became even harder, that's when I lost my creativity for quite a while, because I was way too depleted mentally. Even though I was always so good at that, at escaping all the stress by creating a safe space. I'm definitely not as active as I used to be anymore, I'm still recovering, but my passions are almost already back and I've discovered a couple of new ones, too. Finally, I can be excited about this all over again.
@@gmoney6595 I can't answer right now but I'll be back in awhile. Babysitting my grandkids.
@@gmoney6595 No money to leave and no place to go and he would not leave me alone if I DID leave.
@@gmoney6595 I keep my distance from him even though we're in the same apartment. He suffers more than I do because the kids all hang around me not him. He has no friends and I have many. He's a physically sick and unhappy person and as long as I stay away from him, I'm as happy as can be, having children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, friends, hobbies. Oh, I'm the blessed one, but I DO keep my distance from him as much as I can.
Yes! After enduring narcissistic abuse and ignoring the narcissist, I threw myself into my writing, biking, learning about acting which is my passion and just spend time focusing on myself because I had ignored my passions for so long.
so the whole point is not to celebrate connections being made so much as it is to celebrate so the connections can be made. Neuroplasticity!
The entire concept of helping others is the thing that now makes me go into recoil.
I can see where those celebrating small changes and victories can really make a difference.
Particularly with the foster care institionalized childhood trauma CPTSD background I never really did celebrate anything with family or close friends growing up.
as i’ve grown - i have found things that i loved to do & but i never make a huge deal of things & everyday is like another day doing what i loved.
So this idea of using celebrating & drawing lots of attention to goal oriented steps of healing really makes sense neurologically.
my nephews birthday party is tomorrow. we’re all gonna be sitting around him making lots of noise & being happy making a huge fuss because something SPECIAL is happening & his little brain is just gonna light right on up & start making new connections.
thanks for today’s video!
❤️🧡
Happened to me especially because the person who abused me tried to co-opt all my interests just to turn them around and abuse me via those interests.
I am so happy i took off their grip out of my soul! 😇🙏✌
My ex is a covert . I am not the same person anymore . I am not sitting around sad or depressed but I don’t feel anymore happiness or joy. For years people described me as happy go lucky and now my sparkle for life is gone . I feel like I have brain and soul damage
Thank you Michele! What happened to me is that my emotional center was stymied and failed to function normally which is where I get my creative urges and creative drive from....as I endured repeated abuse from the narcissist my hypervigilance intensified which prevented me from seeing that little kitty 🐱 and saying hello, thus, my, what should be, normal expressions of emotion were not there.... and my desire to create, both in an inner way and in an outer way, stopped almost totally as the narcissist increased her abuse....this has become a pattern and it's not healthy! Thank you for offering solutions and a way out of this horrible dilemma....WONDERFUL video!!!!💞🙏🐱
Praying for you
@@annacarter4879 many blessings 🙏 to you! Thank you! 💞
Before my 7 years in narcissist abuse, I would have notice that kitten and smiled, no matter what chaos was coming. I am struggling to get that peace and my calm back again
@@timrepetti1883 it’s sad that we lose special properties or qualities along the way, but through a lot of inner work, they will come back!
I have to say, I've been binge watching your videos and many are more helpful than any I've seen. The way you break down the entire process of how my brain has become this way is exactly what I need in order to heal. Many youtubers have helped me see what others have done to me, but you have become my go-to for figuring out how to undo it. And I just realized I've watched over a dozen of your videos without saying thank you. So, thank you! Especially for covering topics like this (the way my creativity has been shamed and distorted is one of the most painful things for me) -- thank you, thank you!
What to do Michele when the "celebration" is precisely one of the things I loved to do? How can I celebrate the celebration and the laughter? Just this afternoon I was thinking that I'm doing things I enjoy and still I'm irritated much of the time and why I don't laugh, sing, jump anymore as I used to do when I completed something. Then you released this video, just in time for me. Thank you very much Michele 🙏
Ppl often ask how I manage to constantly be so happy.
I had a hard time growing up- my parents and family have only ever cared about themselves. As a young adult, I went along with what everyone else wanted instead of deciding and choosing parts of life for myself. Being happy was the only thing I felt I could decide to do that no one could take away from me. I worked hard for every smile, even when folks gave me crap for seeming to feel “too good.”
These days, I accept that the moments of fake positivity in the past hurt me in ways, but my ability to keep smiling and seek happiness is my reminder that this life is full of hope and joy. I celebrate the smallest, most minute things alone and quietly, sometimes, but they are still celebrated. I celebrate the fact that I can be honest enough about my background so I can try to help others thrive right now. I celebrate my ability to share these words with you.
Celebrate, have fun, laugh and smile all you want. And when those evil, sordid scowls pop into your mind or your eyes from those who glare at you bc you’re happy, CELEBRATE EVEN MORE. Thank God and the Universe that you didn’t turn out miserable and frigid like those ppl. 😂😊
❤️🧡
My Narc. Husband has Narc. parents - my Dad and brother were.
My passions ...when I was young...were copied and I was manipulated or oppressed when I was fulfilling
them. My Husband, does the same but very covertly - even more so if I have shared what they did to me.
Now - after all I have put up with - and his own abuse ...I have decide that I am no longer an 'Ammo Dump' !
I am not going to keep on not knowing when I will be 'triggered' and blOOOOW UP !?!?! ;)
Thank You Michele! This is so true - I personally think it's about control
Or destroying/stopping you and feeling superior
@@onetwo234 Yes, that too
Thank you for this video, Michele. When I went into therapy last Christmas after my narcissistic mother finally broke me one of the questions that came out was “what do i enjoy doing, what gives me pleasure?” And I couldn’t think of one thing. Yes, I’ve done things that were ok but I have no feeling of joy from anything I do. Even things like beautiful views or sunrises etc just have me emotionless. This I guess is the legacy of being 54 and raised by a narcissistic parent? I feel emotionally empty and have no passion in life that can take me to a happy place. Everything is just meh…😢 It’s an awful place to be and I feel so lost
100% correct! The past 12 years of my life spent figuring out and submitting to just that! Now instead of spending time on my hobbies I find myself sitting in front of this computer or the TV. I have been conditioned to do just this!!
I am so grateful for you!!! I found your videos in 2019 while I was in the worst of my abuse and your story hit me in my soul! I have two little ones with him. I made the decision to leave but had nowhere to go for so long it seemed impossible but I grew my mind, I healed my heart, I saved up and everything just aligned for me to finally have the courage. I have been out for just about two years now! It has been a journey but your videos speak to me still and I am just so thankful! You are so valued and so so beautiful inside and out!!! Same to all of you sweet souls healing and growing. Keep going🙏🏼🤍💪🏼🥳🙌🏼
My sister copies my passions and claims them as hers. Even to the point of buying tickets for a gig abroad. I found this one weird in the extreme. She loathes me and cannot hide it. The contemptuous look is commonplace from her. I have set boundaries to allow myself self care. I will not subject myself to her presence anymore and refuse to be shamed for it. Self love and kindness to one's self is essential.
My ex narc. tried to steel my joy and happiness by always trying to talk me out of my travel hobby she used to make me explain simple things over and over again untill I felt like I was the crazy one. So how I copped was I dumped her and lost weight and went on longer and better and newer destinations and the trips me and her went on I deleted all photos of us on vacation together. In my mind I pretended that she was very proud of me. But in reality I knew she was pissed of to the max even though we split up a few years ago. My vacations now are joy and happiness to the max.
Sad isn't it , Bro when they cannot handle the joy you have in things !?!? It is like thinking they have to 'compete and not complete' us. ;))))
I think she hates me worse then that ever that im doing good and now she has zero controll over me its seem to me it has made her age she looks old and worn out now. When i went out with her she was the prettiest girl i have ever seen i never dreamed that it was all fake. To cope I pretend in my mind that she's happy for me and I keep trying to do good for myself.
Every single topic you speak about is right to the core of the problem. Today was one of those days that I struggled with these dark feelings not knowing where they were coming from... It's desperating to feel like a helpless child and not feeling capable of snapping out of it! Thank you dear Michelle💝💌
Omggg Michelle 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙏🏻. Waooo this is bringing back so many memories were I was harassed In various ways for following whatever I want from career to basic emotions by my covert narcissist mother and somatic narc childhood friend. I was actually feeling stuck with my recovery this just escalated many good feelings, actually my mom did a number on me related to my education and work a lotttt of manipulation and more. And that friend used to always never acknowledge and used to be jealous of my creativity and say to the people that I copy her loll. She took my identity I didn't. Waoo... I have very bad anxiety and get panics when I used to study. I was for years not able to pin point and get a solution but finally I got it.🙌🏻🙏🏻💐. Thank Youu so muchhh and love and appreciate the other cptsd videos as well... ✨🌹🌻💐... 🙌🏻💪🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻...
This is incredibly useful information, Michele, it's the second time I stumble upon your video an exact moment I need it the most.
I used to draw since childhood as an escape mechanism to hide from abuse. Created my worlds, characters and stories.
After I escaped toxic household I stopped doing that. It started to scare me.
Then my coping techingue started to remind me of passed traumas and traumatic events, I couldn't relax anymore while drawing.
It took me 8 years to realize what is wrong.
Only about a year ago I started to connect needed links.
I catch myself now every time I'm about to fall into traumatic flashback and tell myself it's ok. It's so weird to feel that emotion that comes from deepest depths of myself..huh.
I'm slowly getting back to drawing!
Man, it's so hard to train that brain to work properly x_o
You're the most kind , skilled and precious psychotherapist around TH-cam.
I totally understand your point I get this feelings when my husband stops talking to me for weeks and I try to focus on the things that I love doing but right when I start enjoying them I get overwhelmed with panic attacks I feel guilty for being happy and I’m afraid that he is gonna come and mess it up for me so I stop I know it’s crazy !!
I’m glad you touched this subject and thank you Michel 🙏 you brought so much peace to me today and always God Bless!!!
Get a divorce !!
I totally relate to feeling the loss of joy, passion, or interest in anything anymore. I've even been considering getting rid of all my therapy horses due to the loss of the dream. I quit the home rental business and gave up the house because she told me I was a lousy landlord; I was too soft on the tenants, so my source of income is gone now, and I don't have the means to fund my ranch. I feel like quitting everything and moving to....I don't know. Thank you for pointing out where this comes from. I am discovering, since I've gone no contact for 5 months, I'm beginning to get glimpses of pleasure and joy when I'm walking my dog; I look up from dragging my face on the ground and see snow on the mountains, new flowers in the fields, or puppies and wild animals scurrying around. Then I feel myself smiling again. I'm glad for the hope you presented in time for me not to give up on the horses. I've even been really sad for them, because they have no life beyond their corrals anymore. Maybe I need to get the Narcs out of my life instead of the animals. The Narcs are the ones draining my bank account; why should I get rid of my animals so I can continue supporting these people who wore out their welcome a long time ago?
First the narc sabotaged my healthy eating with cakes and pizzas and made me put on 30 kilos then when I tried to go for walks to loose the weight he started driving around where I was walking and talking to all the people I met in my walks . So once again he sabotaged whatever I tried to do … 2 years after he’s out of my life I can’t b bothered with anything I just sit in my room and cry still over the person I once was 😢
In my grief and mourning of two of my adult children, This guy came in and somehow took over my whole life. It has even kept me from being strong enough to fight for my daughter's 3 (15,13, & 7) daughters. I just want to be a good grandma.
I am a painter and since i was with my narc i lost the ability and flow to paint .. i pray to get it back 🙏
At 3:12 , we call that operant conditioning
You are truly a blessing and an Earth angel Michele, so grateful for your presence and guidance. Your daughter is very lucky to have a woman like you as her mother. God bless you and your family ❤️
Wow, I just realised how my ex girlfriend used to always shame me about spending so much time editing videos, going to events to network, working with clients etc because she felt it was threatening the relationship.
I’ve actually always felt this heavy guilt and shame around my videography work, I didn’t want to have to face the drama and triggering insecurity in my partner.
I think I’ve associated my success in business with not being able to have love so I’ve tried to downplay myself and clip my wings.
Since birth I've battled this,😞
me too
It’s very helpful to consciously remind myself that my lack of passion comes from FEAR and what has been done to me..
NOT actually not having passion at all. The passion and affinity for music is still there, in my true self, underneath the fears.
💖💖
Oh, this makes so much sense!!! This is all too familiar and crazy and only now I understand why I struggle so much to write and have not gotten any joy out of it for so long. My eyes are slowly opening to see the level of emotional sickness.
I feel like a Zombie just coasting through life ever since and dealing with a family of them.
Thank you. I have been healing and doing better and better day by day, after a brutal discard (from out of nowhere on Mother’s Day 3 years ago after 18 years of marriage and daughter), but I just can’t seem to get my zest for life back. I am a very passionate, goal-oriented person by nature, and after 3 years, I’m living my life of course, and I’m achieving goals I need to to get out of this narc financial mess, but I feel no excitement or joy or zest for living like I used to. I’ll keep at it. Thank you. This is my next focus- get my passion back.
I absorb information like a subconscious sponge
"I've been dodging bullets since I was just a "wee lad"!!...😅
Yeah, he kept ripping out my plants, made it very stressful for me to garden, then he started growing plants after they made it super hard for me to enjoy it.
Thankyou so much for identifying what I've been experiencing. I didn't realize how badly affected I was by my own narc parents/ ex's when it comes to my artistic passion. I literally cried because I remember being bullied badly everytime I wanted to pursue a career in art or design. This video helped me immensely. Thankyou 🙏
For me it's dancing..something that made me come alive as a child became associated with this intense sense of shame. I've tried getting back to it but there is always this passion+resistance combo. Now I get why.
🔥🔥🔥 Concise & so informative! Best advice on healing from this!! 💓 Grateful.
Phenomenal video💜💜💜
One day I decided to started a TH-cam channel and I sent the covert narc a clip of the footage & that very night, he made a TH-cam channel of his own and had about 10 videos by the end of the week. We met on a chat program & I see him saying phrases and words that I normally say.
P.S I received counseling back in the mid 80s after leaving the narc. This was back when narcissism wasn't even"a thing ". I had a LOT of magical thinking going on.
Thank you Michele!🖖🏻
Used to have a passion to farm 10 years ago and today sold all farm machinery and could care less about it still with her THANKS for afl your education videos
Wow fantastic video. Soo helpful, and, I feel a bit more confident in my future.
Thank you Michele 🕊
Very good point, subconscious association will create a behavior.
Thank you sooooo much for that breakdown - everything makes so much sense now 💎
Losing the people you love is the worse
I used to love to play Starcraft with my brother and for almost a decade I stopped. It is only after leaving my wife that I restarted and feel guilty about it. So true what Michele is saying.
My wife can’t ride a bike, as a child she tried teaching herself how to ride one but her father whipped her with a belt and said girls don’t ride bikes. She told me she had a pet dog, came home from school and dog was missing, dad gave it to the neighbors because they had a birthday party planned. No, it wasn’t a present, it was part of the feast🤢
You're spot on. It's the most bazaar experience. I've had that happen to me in multiple relationships. I obviously attract those people.
And the next level of it is when your so called friends or colleagues steal your hobbies after they ruined them for you or even made it impossible, and brag about their "new" hobbies in front of you as if they said 'hey it's your hobby I'm doing, not mine, see? I stole it from you! Why don't you do it? oh, yeah, because I ruined it for you!'... And then they call you lazy, say you're not persistent in doing anything, you don't have goals in life(!!), ask what you are WAITING for? Wtf?? As if it was you... 😯 I mean, what kind of people are these? Where does all this cruelty come from? How can anyone do that on purpose and then even act as if they were your friends?😯
You're such an enormous help in putting down all these chains. Professionals advices I got are worth nothing.
Wow! I see how difficult is to process all this. 2 years after, and I think is impossible.... as this is like rewiring my subconscious
When this finally came crashing down, I believed ALL my interesting hobbies, talents, and passions made me "weird," "boring," and "unloveable" and that if I didn't act more mainstream no one could ever love me. Everything that used to make me proud and special was suddenly devalued. It was AWFUL. I've been taking it back though, one area at a time AND meeting new friends and acquaintances that SHARE my interests. It's been so nice, like becoming alive again. I'm finally finding community that I didn't have time for before.
Fascinating! Wow thank you for making this video! I’ve grown up with Narcissistic abuse and currently live with two horrible narcissists- so this information of when I do what I love they were determined to undermine it, ruin it etc_ and now I understand why I felt frozen when I would go to do something I thought I enjoyed like reading or making jewelry …I would feel so much tension etc and wondered do I really like this? Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this etc. Thank you so much for this!!!
So much clarity provided! Thank you!!
After watching this video. pretty much confirming what I have been thinking all along, and then some... I feel the need to pay you for your services.
Do you know how to retrain your implicit memory? What about retraining the amydala?
This is so beautifully done. Seriously. The science of it, and the accurate and specific examples are so clarifying. Thank you ❤
That is my question to my self back in 2007 when i leave my house to study college. Whenever i am suppose to study well i feel uncomfortable..😢 thanks for your explanation
Informative and transformative. Thank you.
Even if im just listening to "you- tube", it sticks in my brain somewhere,even if my mind wanders a bit,... To other topics "!😮!....
me and my narc brother shared many hobbies, and he hated it. he would say that i was copying him or skin walking him and everyone treats me the same. i would ignore this had he not beaten me and subjected me to severe psychological abuse and physical abuse as a teenager, i want to just enjoy those things again...
I'm going to return to my passions and celebrate!
Thank you for great advice Michele. God bless you❤
....and you must change,patterns all re-ranged...
Omg, this video actually made me cry when you said it make it personal.
I stopped doing Yoga. Because of my current mental state I have been guided towards breathing which is a part of Yoga but I can't even imagine myself doing it
I know now why.
*Crys Because it all makes sense not because I'm sad.*
Awesome dear❣ looking forward to discover my passions & start living (them) again🔥
💫🕊🐛💝🙏🏼💝🦋🕊💫
Lived through this abyss
Thank you thank you thank you
I have some people who would harass me and attack me behind things I would do and things I would end, and it was none of their business. I lost so much of myself prior to this as well behind their toxic narcissistic attempts to control my life. It's gotten to the point where I don't care to be around to many people and can't really be comfortable around alot of people as well because of these toxic individuals. Depression was caused and sometimes arise because of these people. I don't regret the changes I made but I don't care to even do what I use to do in which I never needed permission from no one and wasn't doing shit for tge approval of others yet to get attacked by miserable people in my business only make me more better at being by myself. I tell you the devil is real, and he comes in the form of these types of manipulating people.
Thank you so much for your insight. it s so very on point, such a blessing. Thank you.
God,great!!!.... Changes your 🧠
My dad told me ,me mum would "never" apologize to me😂
What an excellent video! Thank you!
....before I "PINE AWAY-AY"....