The biggest red flags I ignored, which caused the most destruction, were, "You deserve better than I can give" and "I'm a bad communicator. I don't like to talk about things". Let's look at the first one, "You deserve better than I can give". That meant either, "I know I'm going to hurt/fail you and you don't deserve that" or it meant, "You don't deserve my best, someone else does, so I'm not going to give it to you." It really doesn't matter, this is a person to avoid. The second one meant "Don't ever ask me to explain anything I do because it's none of your business." This is someone who wants blanket acceptance of any all they say or do with no accountability.
Wow. I had similar types of things said to me! How are you feeling about it all? I feel like it was the most painful experience I ever had. I got statements like; “I’m with my people, you’re not going to be a priority.” “I will unintentionally hurt you and I don’t want that,” “you have always been an option, Brian. I have told you that for years.” “Who or what I follow on soxial media should be of no concern to you…” “you’re not good enough for me…”‘among many others.
This video is so interesting. I dated a girl with similar characteristics. It's amazing how we can delude ourselves because the good times were good times. Dating an emotional immature woman is damn near impossible.
My ex did the same thing with the comments about him being terrible at relationships and that he always ends up bailing after a couple of months. I chose to ignore it since we've known each other since high school and he's supposedly had a crush on me all this time (we're in our early 30s now). Next time, I know to actually listen to what the person is saying regardless of how much he seems to be into me and pursuing me as much as my ex did. Such a let down.
I did the same with someone from my childhood that I had a crush on and he pursued me. I ignored all the red flags bcuz my fantasy was being with him and giving him the love he didnt get growing up. Hes avoidant maybe disorganized attachment.
you know when i first started watching your videos. i was lost hurt and confused. after watching this one. i realized why me and my ex from work, didn't work out. i ignored the red flags, she told me how she is and who she was. now i see it. this video hit home for me.
Great insight in this video on how important communication and communicating correctly are important to a successful relationship and conflict resolution.
I feel sorry for the woman in the email. No parent should tell their child they were not wanted if they were an accident. That's horrible. I told my son he was a surprise. A wonderful, wanted surprise.
I followed Craig’s advice with the no contact rule. It lasted a week and my ex reached out on Wednesday to meet and have dinner on Saturday night. Of course I accepted. What I don’t know, is if I should stay in no contact and not reach out until after we meet? Craig, thanks for putting out these videos that help us stay sane during these hard times!
Micheal Morris The long and short of it is she should do about 80% of the reaching out after the date. Make her chance you. You have high value and she now sees that. Hope all goes well.
Craig you are the best, I have watched so many of your videos and I can't believe that I keep coming across new and useful information that is relatable which helps me understand and soothe my anxiety as well as develop confidence in myself. I would recommend to everyone to keep watching your videos and try the workbooks.
This is so unreal This happened to me! My guy said over phone in middle of unrelated phone call I have a short fuse. I said, oh you have a temper..I said we all have our moments...but filed it in my head. I myself have had a bad temper in my life, but working in travel industry tamed that down! Well, his "fuse" erupted more than once especially back in OCT / 17 when he called me from job screaming and broke up with me and I do not know why!! To this day. 19Feb! I am presently out of work but soon I will receive unemployment $$ and I intend to contact you for coaching! Watch you every nite and thank you for this!! God bless! Barbara
Because they are unconsciously emotionally unavailable as well. But instead of squashing intimacy in their lives themselves, they do this second hand, through dating unavailable partners
Coach Craig Kenneth quick question . Ex gf came back and I acted cold like I didn't even care .. can I reach out and see if we can make it work .. we're both in a long distance
Is there any literature about attachment styles, that you'd consider worth to recommend? I want to understand that problem better. By the way, you're doing a great job, Craig. Keep it up!
this second one sounds exactly like my ex.I can probably give you the reasoning behind the second one. She's not angry, well maybe a little bit. She's seeing someone else, and that's what she meant by "becoming a disappointment". She didn't want to be public because an ex or someone she was currently seeing would find out. Your reaction to her is what pushed her away. It's not your fault, but she's not your type. You have to be a certain kind of person to be able to handle someone with very low self esteem.
The beginning relationship euphoria is so true. Living on cloud nine. I guess in some ways it is also called lust, haha. A very good reminder of how many relationships start until the true colors start coming out. SSRI's have changed the dating game for us guys..a new playing field. I keep running into these kind of ladies. Their behavior is very indifferent. The dopamine and oxytocin have been suppressed due to the antidepressants. I think it is important for this day and age for us guys to be aware. Their morals could be very different from ours.
Mine is madness.. she says .... I want a partner that is similar financially and intellectually and socially. It pushes down on me so hard..... and IAM NOT!!! jesus
This is probably my ex girlfriend!!!! Exactly the same! Word for word! Worked together, didn't want people to know, found out she was dating other guys from work! Extremely good in bed! Is this the same woman???????
My mother raised me telling me I would never have anyone or anything and that MY daddy didn't want me. I can relate to alot of this video although there are some differences in my case. My man called me one night telling me he needed physical attention and was thinking of ME...but within 2 days after that his behavior towards me began to change quickly. It wasn't anything that I did but when my anxiety about it kicked in I went off the chain. Now he thinks 20 years of waiting for this time to have him in my life wasn't enough. He feels maybe some where down the line we can try again. I am too old to wait any more. I am 54 now.
![ปฏิเสธไม่ไหว (Crush on you) - LIPTA feat. No One Else [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/NBw1jF342vw/mqdefault.jpg)
The biggest red flags I ignored, which caused the most destruction, were, "You deserve better than I can give" and "I'm a bad communicator. I don't like to talk about things". Let's look at the first one, "You deserve better than I can give". That meant either, "I know I'm going to hurt/fail you and you don't deserve that" or it meant, "You don't deserve my best, someone else does, so I'm not going to give it to you." It really doesn't matter, this is a person to avoid. The second one meant "Don't ever ask me to explain anything I do because it's none of your business." This is someone who wants blanket acceptance of any all they say or do with no accountability.
Wow. I had similar types of things said to me! How are you feeling about it all? I feel like it was the most painful experience I ever had. I got statements like; “I’m with my people, you’re not going to be a priority.” “I will unintentionally hurt you and I don’t want that,” “you have always been an option, Brian. I have told you that for years.” “Who or what I follow on soxial media should be of no concern to you…” “you’re not good enough for me…”‘among many others.
This video is so interesting. I dated a girl with similar characteristics. It's amazing how we can delude ourselves because the good times were good times. Dating an emotional immature woman is damn near impossible.
My ex did the same thing with the comments about him being terrible at relationships and that he always ends up bailing after a couple of months. I chose to ignore it since we've known each other since high school and he's supposedly had a crush on me all this time (we're in our early 30s now). Next time, I know to actually listen to what the person is saying regardless of how much he seems to be into me and pursuing me as much as my ex did. Such a let down.
I did the same with someone from my childhood that I had a crush on and he pursued me. I ignored all the red flags bcuz my fantasy was being with him and giving him the love he didnt get growing up. Hes avoidant maybe disorganized attachment.
you know when i first started watching your videos. i was lost hurt and confused. after watching this one. i realized why me and my ex from work, didn't work out. i ignored the red flags, she told me how she is and who she was. now i see it. this video hit home for me.
Great insight in this video on how important communication and communicating correctly are important to a successful relationship and conflict resolution.
I feel sorry for the woman in the email. No parent should tell their child they were not wanted if they were an accident. That's horrible. I told my son he was a surprise. A wonderful, wanted surprise.
When people tell you who they are, listen to them
Many a truth is said in jest
Um,, I have been dating a guy AND he told me HE IS A BAD PERSON! O M G !
I followed Craig’s advice with the no contact rule. It lasted a week and my ex reached out on Wednesday to meet and have dinner on Saturday night. Of course I accepted. What I don’t know, is if I should stay in no contact and not reach out until after we meet? Craig, thanks for putting out these videos that help us stay sane during these hard times!
Micheal Morris The long and short of it is she should do about 80% of the reaching out after the date. Make her chance you. You have high value and she now sees that. Hope all goes well.
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Coach Craig Kenneth 🤝
This sounds so familiar ☠️ Thanks for sharing. I needed the reminder.
Craig you are the best, I have watched so many of your videos and I can't believe that I keep coming across new and useful information that is relatable which helps me understand and soothe my anxiety as well as develop confidence in myself. I would recommend to everyone to keep watching your videos and try the workbooks.
This is so unreal This happened to me! My guy said over phone in middle of unrelated phone call
I have a short fuse. I said, oh you have a temper..I said we all have our moments...but filed it in my head. I myself have had a bad temper in my life, but working in travel industry tamed that down!
Well, his "fuse" erupted more than once especially back in OCT / 17 when he called me from job screaming and broke up with me and I do not know why!! To this day. 19Feb!
I am presently out of work but soon I will receive unemployment $$ and I intend to contact you for coaching! Watch you every nite and thank you for this!!
God bless!
Barbara
The Lord makes NO mistakes. We are loved by many, we just have to open our eyes and look around.
A bit anxious, but highly aware brunette here... Thanks for a good job, Craig. Greetings from Poland;)
Jestem zaskoczona ze nie tylko ja z PL to ogladam 😉 pozdrawiam
@@agnieszkanowaczewska590 nie jesteście same ;)
and correct me if I'm wrong, but i suppose these folks with low self-esteem will simply opt to be with "emotionally unavailable" partners
yes, and that partner was me (avoidant)
You seem to be Dissmissive avoidant and a narcissist yourself... Couldn't hear the truth about yourself baby in the video... Han??? 🤣
Because they are unconsciously emotionally unavailable as well. But instead of squashing intimacy in their lives themselves, they do this second hand, through dating unavailable partners
Coach Craig Kenneth quick question .
Ex gf came back and I acted cold like I didn't even care .. can I reach out and see if we can make it work .. we're both in a long distance
Is there any literature about attachment styles, that you'd consider worth to recommend? I want to understand that problem better.
By the way, you're doing a great job, Craig. Keep it up!
januPL
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
I haven't read Attached yet but I recently heard some things about it that I strongly disagree with. I suggest Susan Johnson. She's amazing
Thank you, Craig. Gonna get her works asap :)
Coach Craig Kenneth I am reading Attached now. What is it that you disagree with?
16:56 that impression has me in stitches 😂
Or maybe it's an excuse to get out of the relationship. Maybe she's afraid to bluntly say she doesn't want to be with him. Who knows, that's my take.
Yes, sometimes they’re already on their way out when they say that. Typically avoidants
this second one sounds exactly like my ex.I can probably give you the reasoning behind the second one. She's not angry, well maybe a little bit. She's seeing someone else, and that's what she meant by "becoming a disappointment". She didn't want to be public because an ex or someone she was currently seeing would find out. Your reaction to her is what pushed her away. It's not your fault, but she's not your type. You have to be a certain kind of person to be able to handle someone with very low self esteem.
The beginning relationship euphoria is so true. Living on cloud nine. I guess in some ways it is also called lust, haha.
A very good reminder of how many relationships start until the true colors start coming out.
SSRI's have changed the dating game for us guys..a new playing field. I keep running into these kind of ladies. Their behavior is very indifferent. The dopamine and oxytocin have been suppressed due to the antidepressants.
I think it is important for this day and age for us guys to be aware.
Their morals could be very different from ours.
Big brother in the house!!!!!. Thank you for your work.
Oh boy, how old are these two characters ? Behavior is pretty childish and complicated
Coach Craig :( feeling alone, hurt, bad and lost again
I signed up for your mailing list several months ago and have never received a newsletter or email. Are you actually sending things?
Mine is madness.. she says .... I want a partner that is similar financially and intellectually and socially. It pushes down on me so hard..... and IAM NOT!!! jesus
Great video!
Cluster B?
This is probably my ex girlfriend!!!! Exactly the same! Word for word! Worked together, didn't want people to know, found out she was dating other guys from work! Extremely good in bed! Is this the same woman???????
Good video
She's cluster b run away.
My mother raised me telling me I would never have anyone or anything and that MY daddy didn't want me. I can relate to alot of this video although there are some differences in my case. My man called me one night telling me he needed physical attention and was thinking of ME...but within 2 days after that his behavior towards me began to change quickly. It wasn't anything that I did but when my anxiety about it kicked in I went off the chain. Now he thinks 20 years of waiting for this time to have him in my life wasn't enough. He feels maybe some where down the line we can try again. I am too old to wait any more. I am 54 now.