gonna timestamp some interesting moments for me What does it matter how my heart breaks - 52:37 The way ahead feels lonely - 1:21:04 And heart breaks - 1:29:42 Hell Sirens - 2:47:40 Was it a dream? - 3:43:21 Friends Past Reunited - 6:27:30
This is just 6 and a half hours. Imagine living this for 6 and a half YEARS. Stage 4, on repeat. Stage 5, on repeat. Stage 6, until your eventual, inevitable brain death. You wish for it, you long for it, you want it to stop. Dying brings you peace, for once in a long time.
The thing is, you begin to forget to forget entirely. Not even knowing what the hell misery means, so even tho death would bring you to piece, your final memories you hold onto are so long and strewn out for long until it fades, and you forget the end of things. You don't know anyone anymore, or yourself, just believing you are your old self getting by or reliving old memories but you don't even know YOU. You don't know what pain is, where you are, what is happening, but you forget where you are even when you think you are in control. Its the best thing I could say with my great grandfather going through dementia... god forgetting to forget, just forgetting in general. Its a terrifying thought... but I hope I never get it. Luckily he was who my great grandmother remarried too so I have no genes or anything in my family to get this haunting disease... just please live ya life before the oldie times friend!! I'm crying with my man's reaction even tho this is my 2nd time sitting through this. ❤❤
I did it once on a saturday. I think its the best way to listen to it because if you take breaks, i feel like it ruins the experience. But it really is disturbing. Especially parts 4 and 5. Its a great project but ill never listen to it again haha.
@@ReckSaber3664 Actualy one of the best way to experience it is to listen to each stages separately with weeks long poses between them without looking back on previous stages whatsoever. This was one of the entended way to experience it and the stages originaly came out that way, one by one, troughout multiple years. It goes like this: after listening to stage one and waiting for stage 2, you forget more or less about the music's structure, but unconciously your brain will still remember the patterns, so when you finaly listen to stage 2, the effect of recognising the music without knowing what's wrong about it is duplicated, further giving you the fealing of dimentia/alzheimer's.
6:20:00 Patients with final stage with dementia don't have memory at all. They live in the moment, in the present forever. This is why the last minutes of sound, before the sad song, is like a "bliss of peace"; the real nirvana. There are a TEDx Talk of a neuroscientist that had a stroke, she tells experienced "nirvana" after all confusions. th-cam.com/video/UyyjU8fzEYU/w-d-xo.html Budha described nirvana like this: "There are not space There are not time" Sorry for my bad english.
It is also said that the last thing to go in the memory of dementia patients is music so the music fading represents the last memory they ever have before death
This album definitely tends to have that effect on people. It's almost like Kirby *actually* tapped into something here. It truly simulates losing your mind to dementia. Scary fucking stuff...
Joshua Blackman When I listened to it for the first time, it was like a trance that I couldn't click away from. I never lost interest and no matter how depressing or disturbing it got, I couldn't stop listening
@@kirefyx that's kinda creepy but at the same time i wish my experience was like that, i didn't really get affected that much by it. Although it has made me view life a little weirder, it's made me realise that a whole chunk of my life is gone that i will never get back, it was a weird experience
to anyone who hasn't seen my most resent stream, i would like to say thank u for all the love and support on this 6 hour and 30 somethin minute journey, and thank u to all who endured this mentally draining album with me during or after the stream, i love and appreciate all of u. p.s. im never doing anything like ever again
The first time I heard this I thought I've got time to kill. House work done, day off, granddaughter's present was wrapped. I live alone and 50. Spooky enough to pee myself. Stage 3 is how I heard things before my small brain tumor was removed.
☆☆☆☆☆ - Everywhere At The End Of Time ' Its go the catchy tunes, its got the lyrics, its got... um... its... ' - PizzaManSteve, not diagnosed with dementia
STAGE 1 : 1:53 Here we experience the first signs of memory loss. This stage is most like a beautiful daydream. The glory of old age and recollection. The last of the great days. 1:53 - A1 - It's just a burning memory 5:25 - A2 - We don't have many days 8:55 - A3 - Late afternoon drifting 12:30 - A4 - Childishly fresh eyes 15:29 - A5 - Slightly bewildered 17:30 - A6 - Things that are beautiful and transient 22:04 - B1 - All that follows is true 25:36 - B2 - An autumnal equinox 28:25 - B3 - Quiet internal rebellions 31:54 - B4 - The loves of my entire life 35:59 - B5 - Into each others eyes 40:34 - B6 - My heart will stop in joy STAGE 2 : 43:14 The second stage is the self realisation and awareness that something is wrong with a refusal to accept that. More effort is made to remember so memories can be more long form with a little more deterioration in quality. The overall personal mood is generally lower than the first stage and at a point before confusion starts setting in. 43:14 - C1 - A losing battle is raging 47:51 - C2 - Misplaced in time 52:37 - C3 - What does it matter how my heart breaks 55:16 - C4 - Glimpses of hope in trying times 1:00:06 - C5 - Surrendering to despair 1:05:11- D1 - I still feel as though I am me 1:09:17 - D2 - Quiet dusk coming early 1:12:54 - D3 - Last moments of pure recall 1:16:47 - D4 - Denial unravelling 1:21:03 - D5 - The way ahead feels lonely STAGE 3 : 01:25:26 Here we are presented with some of the last coherent memories before confusion fully rolls in and the grey mists form and fade away. Finest moments have been remembered, the musical flow in places is more confused and tangled. As we progress some singular memories become more disturbed, isolated, broken and distant. These are the last embers of awareness before we enter the post awareness stages. 1:25:26 - E1 - Back there Benjamin 1:29:41 - E2 - And heart breaks 1:33:46 - E3 - Hidden sea buried deep 1:35:07 - E4 - Libet's all joyful camaraderie 1:38:20 - E5 - To the minimal great hidden 1:40:01 - E6 - Sublime beyond loss 1:42:11 - E7 - Bewildered in other eyes 1:44:05 - E8 - Long term dusk glimpses 1:47:37 - F1 - Gradations of arms length 1:49:08 - F2 - Drifting time misplaced 1:53:30 - F3 - Internal bewildered World 1:57:00 - F4 - Burning despair does ache 1:59:37 - F5 - Aching cavern without lucidity 2:00:56 - F6 - An empty bliss beyond this World 2:04:31 - F7 - Libet delay 2:08:29 - F8 - Mournful cameraderie STAGE 4 : 02:11:07 Post-Awareness Stage 4 is where serenity and the ability to recall singular memories gives way to confusions and horror. It's the beginning of an eventual process where all memories begin to become more fluid through entanglements, repetition and rupture. 2:11:07 - G1 - Stage 4 Post Awareness Confusions 2:33:16 - H1 - Stage 4 Post Awareness Confusions 2:55:09 - I1 - Stage 4 Temporary Bliss State 3:17:24 - J1 - Stage 4 Post Awareness Confusions STAGE 5 : 03:39:24 Post-Awareness Stage 5 confusions and horror. More extreme entanglements, repetition and rupture can give way to calmer moments. The unfamiliar may sound and feel familiar. Time is often spent only in the moment leading to isolation. 3:39:24 - K1 - Stage 5 Advanced plaque entanglements 4:02:00 - L1 - Stage 5 Advanced plaque entanglements 4:24:49 - M1 - Stage 5 Synapse retrogenesis 4:45:36 - N1 - Stage 5 Sudden time regression into isolation STAGE 6 : 05:07:44 Post-Awareness Stage 6 is without description. 5:07:44 - O1 - Stage 6 A confusion so thick you forget forgetting 5:29:40 - P1 - Stage 6 A brutal bliss beyond this empty defeat 5:51:15 - Q1 - Stage 6 Long decline is over 6:12:26 - R1 - Stage 6 Place in the World fades away
status report on stage 5: there is so much nothing that I jump for joy when I hear even a super distorted single instrument key! "finally a solid sound!"
I might be slightly less to the party, but here's how the album went for me: Stage 1: Pretty much, one singular music on repeat, even calming to be exact, I can listen to this casually. Though, echoing sounds are kinda making this eerie. Stage 2: This stage feels...sad, I could listen to this casually too, it sounds like the music just wants to cry but they have to keep on going and they try their best. Also, was that "It's just a burning memory" I've heard around the beginning? Stage 3: The beginning...it's haunting me, remember the echoing in the first two stages? It's gotten angry now, it's frustrated. I can listen to this as well but at times, it doesn't sound like music, more like loud repeating noises. Echoing applies to every single track too, it's like the mind is getting emptier and noises begin to fill the emptiness. Apart from that, now we have this...distortion that defiles the memories. Wait a minute, this track sounds familiar... Stage 4: Dear god...is this even music anymore? No way I can listen to this casually, hell, I don't even think I can make it to the end in one sitting. Only noises that can count as music anymore are either inaudible, or very distorted. Despite everything, all the random noises, distortion and all, I can still make out some tunes. Finally! Something that I don't get disturbed while listening to! However, this joy does not last long, as loud noises begin to swallow the only regular sounds. Oh goodness...can I make it to the end? It's so hard to listen to this, why can't this stop? I want it to end, this is definitely not good. At least at some point, it has some pieces that are not too bad. While still distorted, I can still make it out. Stage 5: OH GOD. Hell no, no no no. No god freaking way. I can't take it anymore. (Realises that while I can still leave this album, a person with dementia has no way of leaving their eternal doom) ...I have to do it, don't I...? Well, I've already come this far. Stage 6: ...I made it to the end. This does not feel triumphant. Last minutes of Stage 6: ... Realising that my grandma has been diagnosed with dementia: Oh no.
Those final 6 minutes have to be the most beautiful and peaceful yet at the same time saddest ambiance I've ever heard. This whole album is a work of art. Just the though that anyone could develop dementia is horrific and i hope to god a cure is made, death would be a peaceful option if i ever found out I had it.
I had a philosophical conversation around this recently, most people upon asking wether they would choose death or to live through it chose suicide. My response was this, well that's very understandable, but while you have the capability to recognise your loved ones, your partner, your family you want to hold onto that before it gets too bad.... However by the time it gets rough, when do you remember that you were going to chose death?
@@phalanxiatheroan863 Which is probably why Robin Williams chose suicide. He was forgetting things, having more and more bad days, and likely wanted to go while there was still some sanity in the tank. But I'll never understand why he chose to go the way he did.
A lot of people end themselves because of terminal illnesses like this. It's a sad state of affairs, but hardly an insane choice. Assuming one knows how to treat a dementiac during the process though, the sufferer doesn't need to be in hell all the time.
The final six minutes for me are absolute nightmare fuel. Even if its a release from the sick and twisted fate that is dementia and alzhimers, its still death and im pretty scared of it...also it just irrationally scares me. theres a lot of sharpness and gain in the choir in the background, and if you listen closely you can hear coughing which is even more disturbing. Nevertheless, its beautiful.
The beauty of the last 6 minutes is the patient reaches what's called "terminal lucidity". Essentially they've come full circle and for just a brief moment they remember it all the soon after pass away.
“Past friends reunited” ,the last 6 minutes, was one of the caretakers oldest songs coming from their first album. They say the last thing you remember before you die is your favorite song. It was the caretakers favorite. When the music stopped, so did the dementia. There was nothing left to decay. A beautiful representation and great way to spread awareness, kinda been obsessed for a while.
If you're wondering, the "footsteps" you heard in Surrendering to Despair is a remnant of the device it was recorded on. It was recorded on what's called a cylinder recording. They were made of wax wrapped around a tube, which was then mounted on an axle with a playing needle. The "footsteps" are present in many cylinder recordings, caused by imperfections and wear.
For me it’s the bliss of the end. Because you forget forgetting, there are no more worries left. You live specifically in the moment without having to think of anything at all because you forget.
to me it is the burst of endorphins and euphoria you get once you die, usually people's lives flash before their eyes but i dont think this patient would remember.
Here are my takes on the covers of the albums in this project. Stage 1 - It's a magazine or newspaper folded up, I guess. You see it and you're like "yeah that's what it looks like" it shows how you may start to forget things but just play it off. Stage 2 - A flower pot? Sure, we'll call it a flower pot. You can't really tell what the pot is really made out of, but you can still tell it's a flower pot, symbolizing that you are starting to forget things. Stage 3 - Maybe a tree, maybe seaweed, maybe even some vines. Whatever it is, you know it's green. This represents how you forget more yet you still know very basic things. Stage 4 - That's... that's a... human head? Not too sure, I guess it's a human, but it's a terrifying depiction of one that is made from your brain since you forgot about it. Maybe that person was a loved one of yours... but you're too scared to talk to them... you're scared. Stage 5 - That's a... what? That's... that's... THAT'S... a... whatever that is. Everything's messy, you can't really do things anymore. What time is it? How long have you had the disease at this point? What's going to happen to you? You get scared of everything. You start to forget what life is... Stage 6 - A back of a painting. That's it. The memories you had come back in your very last moments. You recognize things again. Then it's all gone.
I personally interpret the ending music as the last semblance of any memory and a sort of boost of energy most people get before death, and the last 60 seconds of silence is the death of the caretaker
I like to think that music is after death, whether it be the afterlife or an intense dream due to a chemical release in your brain that feels like a years long dream when you die. The Caretaker uses that sample a lot in his work and titles it as Friends Past Reunited which makes me think that part represents heaven and the caretaker reuniting with with his dead friends and family.
nope... the person isnt dead. its when dementia fully takes over and everything is gone. caretakers at the old age homes have always noticed how even when the persons mind is gone, they still hum bits of songs theyve heard
HipsterFoxx I disagree but that’s your interpretation. There’s no concrete proof that that’s what that is. In my interpretation, technically the brain is functioning still but the body is dead.
"Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die." -Mary Elizabeth Frye
It’s Just A Burning Memory is the only song here I feel comfortable listening to. And even then... after listening to Heartache it’s just... sad. I wouldn’t wish schizophrenia or dementia on my worst enemies. Not even the guy that abused me for years, who I’ll not talk about.
To me, dementia is Cosmic Horror: the disease. So wishing it to your worst enemy would be like wishing them to die to Cthulhu. To say the least you understandably wouldn’t wish it to even your worst enemy
I think Stage 6 has the most literal description it could have. "Post Awareness Stage 6... is without description." Cause what could a person, any person, possibly describe a Mind's slow descent into the moment where they're living a mayfly life with a ticking clock?
Easy. If we actually could study and understand the brain. Current laws and morals make it impossible to actually study these things in detail because we must always save the few at the expense of the many to keep some sort of facade of morality in our society to cover up the insane amounts of actual horrificness that exists within it. We chain down scientists so we can claim to be moral without touching the religions that cause most of the amorality.
Man it’s eye opening to just hear how other react to this piece. It’s inevitable for me to suffer from dementia later in my life as all women in my family have shown it’s early signs around their late 50s-early 60s. It was literally listening to my fate. It’s kinda crazy hearing how someone without that in their mind reacts to this. ❤️ good job broski you a lad for real
2:07:15 Totally agree. There’s a point where it stops becoming music and just devolves into noise. That’s about the right place to draw the line between the two.
It takes a particular person to make it through this. Someone with a high degree of emotional intelligence and someone with depth. I've subbed simply on that basis. Your commentary around 4:35:00 was powerful and a little hard to hear for me.
Hearing you cry at Stage 6 killed me. I reacted the same way. EATEOT and ACLAM are two albums I’m probably never going to listen to again because of how f*cking sad they are. Respect to listening to the whole thing in one sitting though, a real trooper indeed👊
I have listened to each of the albums separately because I suffer from anxiety and I feel like I would be *ruined* if I listened to it in one sitting, this makes me want to listen to it in full though
@@theahughes703 A Crow Looked At Me’s by Mount Eerie (a musical project by Phil Elverum who’s made music under different monikers in the past). The entirety of the album’s about his dead wife (Geneviève) who died of pancreatic cancer in 2016. The album itself with this context is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever heard, it’s very minimalist and Phil’s soul crushing lyrics made me an absolute wreck by the end. I’d recommend it but it’s something I’m never listening to in its entirety ever again.
I feel you man. This album broke me. As someone who deals with memory problems, this album broke me. I can’t remember anything before the age of 11, and it’s getting worse, to the point where I sometimes don’t recognize myself in the mirror for a solid minute or two. This album captures the fear so many people feel perfectly. The scrambled chaos of not being able to remember your childhood friend’s faces or where you used to live is so crushing. I’m so sorry you had to experience this. But you aren’t alone.
Oh shit you're doing the whole thing!!! (edit) I'm going to comment alongside your experiences as they happen here. I will comment and edit each comment into each stage of the musical experience. Ooft, this gonna be a bumpy ride. Technically dementia has 7 stages m, but the first is full clarity. Which is a scary thought. The first stage takes place in stage 2 of dementia, where you can't really notice anything happening but there are tiny tiny fragments (little scratches and digital artifacts) I know what's coming, I've heard this album 3 times now. (as a hobbyist composer I want to deconstruct how he did some things) I dont know how you will be 6 hours from now, but you're not alone. Let's dive in.
I will try not to write a comment novel down here but I am going along with you. As we come closer to the end of part one, gentle details can be found, echo, little bits are already out, an increase in crackle (you were correct in noticing that) I believe he is using two crackles at this point and very very subtle detuning. (edit) YES YES YES! You are feeling it, "can we stay on stage 1" That is actually intentional. You are picking up on the tiny teensy parts of destruction, for example songs ending a little sooner than they are meant to. Your brain is picking up on that. Love the nervous laughter.
So how I'm going to work this comment novella, I'll edit my comments to be part of each stage. So you will get a comment per stage. I'm genuinely excited in how you will take this. I haven't jumped forward. We are now at stage 2, so from here you will get 4 heavily edited comments as I re-experience this masterpiece with you. Yes, it's a track from the first stage, your gonna see a lot of that, more and more common as the dementia ramps up its degradation of your cognitive functions. I love how you are already second guessing wether it's a repeat of the first song or not. (edit) That already sounds off, yep, it's pretty broken ain't it. You can feel its really wrong, the artist is using your own memory recollection of the song against you. He's abusing your own memory of the song. Much like early dementia abuses memories. (edit) from my understanding, The artist actually worked with dementia patients, caregivers (ergo the name) and the loved ones of dementia patients. Each one has said this album is accurate to the degradation experienced. (edit) "How much longer? Not that much longer" Oh dear, you have no idea how much you are going to want this to end quickly later on. You hit stage 4 and you need it to end because its a hell of noise reflecting broken memory. You are an empathic person I think, just judging by your reactions so far, you are not going to enjoy what is to come. (edit) "it sounds like it's coming from a different room" that's really interesting, never thought about it that way. Yeah the reverb is super pronounced here. (edit) "I'm gonna have an existential crisis, i don't wanna have an existential crisis" Whoo boy, you have no idea, this one is gonna hurt. (I am reacting as you go, knowing what is coming)
Stage 3. You missed on my favourite part, the part that a thematic is given to you yet is cut short. However is replaced with a piano motiff and heavy vinyl noise, then the piano motiff repeats, and that entire experience repeats itself. And suddenly thematic number one comes back, but it's worse and decayed. (edit) I am loving how your general mood is shifting, you are kinda shifting from giggly and "meh this isn't a big deal" to the record kinda being a worm in your ear. (edit) You recognised the music from stage 1. Not many people do, not on their first pass. That's damn cool. Well done. (edit) "it physically hurts" maybe a possible exaggeration from you but I hope, maybe not, it is designed and written as I said earlier, with doctors and people who suffer dementia, this is written to make you uncomfortable, in a way, to make you suffer. (edit) The cut off from the chasm just before empty bliss, it's horrifying. I'm glad you picked up on that. (edit) This is where the album turns into something genuinely wrong. You just said you feel genuinely uncomfortable right now. Yeah, that mood is gonna go for a bit and then get worse as the memories of the music you listened to fragment harder and harder. You're gonna recognise themes even into stage 5, but they will have no concrete structure or meaning other that your ability to remember the fragments of fleeting music. That is memory loss. The flavour of a thing you remember but slurred amongst all your other memories simultaneously. (edit) "we are almost done, we are almost done, we are almost on stage 4." You don't want to be there, this broken sense of reality, this is the best hope of happiness you can expect. "it feels like we are trying to grasp the last little bit of sense we have left" Yes, and that is what is true about this album. The way it is created, it forces you to realise what it's talking about. "it feels like the memories are fighting to come back" Yeah dude, that's the reality of dementia, when you are at this stage, your perceived reality versus knowledge is in combat. This is where I know things get worse. Kinda looking forward to how you react from here on.
Stage 4. Here be the beasts of dementia. Now you are wrong in the first part, nothing makes sense. In the very first 10 seconds and actually repeated again and again, you will hear the first phrase of the brass section from the very first song of stage 1, James pushes this motiff obliteration as far as he can. What you are hearing are things you have already heard, it's all made from the music you already heard. This is memory incorrectly correcting itself. When you remember a specific memory, you say, oh wait no there was this detail, or this detail, or this person had brown hair not my daughter waved hello to me earlier this morning, I'm so proud of her, she is the light of my life, that nurse looks a lot like my daughter, I miss my daughter she's the light of my life, she reminds me of the time I....... (edit) "I love the album art" the artist is a super surreal artist. He really did a great job of the album art. Im surprised you aren't able to hear the repeated music motiffs. Im loving your reaction. (edit) I forgot how much this bit sucks, (in a good way) I don't know what to say. It's reusing melodies all from what we have heard. This is not ok. The memory broken beyond repair. (edit) "is everyone ok, is everyone still sane, has everyone gone into an existential crisis. What the hell is going on, what is this" Hehe. This is the part of memory recollection where everything in your memory from now to point zero childhood becomes blurry, there is no meeting point between memories. Its just a flow of memory, unabated, no friendliness only confusion. This is the darkest point of dementia. Because you have no understanding, just confusion. Things loop, things don't make sense, memories are there, but they are buried under gravel, you can't just recall them, they just happen, randomly. But you can still operate at this level. You can still exist. There are moments of clarity, All be them short. At this point you have succumbed to the nasty sound, which is good because later on, you will "feel" the chaotic sound. This is what dementia sounds like. I'm gonna quiet down a little because these few coming fragments of lucidity are important.
I listened to this a couple days ago, what a fantastic album, thetes nothing i can say that can replicate the just raw amount of dread it gives, and overall just how much heart was put into it.
My grandpa's in Late Stage 4 right now. He had an abusive dad... All I know that happened is he threw my grandpa's cat, Puff, into the fireplace... And as he said, 'Puff went Puff'. He cares. He's bigoted, and I'm trans, so I can't come out to him. But he does care. I hope this album lets me understand him better. Maybe, someday, I can ask him what his favorite song is. Maybe he'll call me Vera someday. Maybe I'll talk to him like I did when I was a child someday.
Jeez, I'm also trans, and I thought I had abusive parents... Wow. He literally abused an animal just to make a joke. What an a**hole. I hope your grandpa is doing fine, and I hope that, even though he is slowly losing his sanity, he can experience happiness. My dad has Alzheimer's, and I can tell that he is going through some of the same stuff your grandpa is going through. It's not fun...
I salute you, for doing this for the whole six hours in one sitting. I did mine in three sittings. Edit: The reason I did mine in three because... ummm... I have seen the deterioration of my great grandpa... almost like this. The last year of his life was a sad one. Bedridden and can't even recall a damn thing...
its surpising that this album could bring me through such an emotional rollercoaster. i didnt cry, but i was panicking and afraid for a few days after i listed to the entire thing, especially that last part
I'm really late to discovering this stream, but I've just had to say this is much, MUCH safer to listen to with your voice providing commentary than to listen alone. I feel like you'd make a very comforting friend. Have a swell time and stay safe out there.
This feels like actually experiencing a slow fading death. The gradual unraveling of consciousness, attachments, power and self. It's beautiful and lonely.
I must say I am grateful for this! I finally got to mid stage 4 but was too scared to do it alone, so I went through EATEOT memes and discovered your video. Again, I thank you so much.
bro this is a powerful work of art. my grandma had alzheimers, she would call me by my uncles name all the time and she couldn't hardly remember anything. I was young so I didn't understand it but after listening to this piece I was began to grasp it. I hope I never have to experience or see another family member experience it
This is literally the only way I could ever listen to this album. You were equally as afraid of this as I am currently. I know I’m cheating though, cuz you have to be completely alone and on your own to get the full complete experience, and that’s something I know I just can’t handle. Thanks bro :)
You are a trooper! I'm glad someone else got jumpscared from the sudden jump of Stage 3 to Stage 4, from distorted music to fucking horror music in just a few seconds
A few days ago I started watching bojack horseman again since I had left him in season 4 a few years ago and due to the quarantine I decided to start over and I can only say that it is one of the best series I have seen and it made me think a lot about life, with new perspectives to explore and just the day before I found a video where they talked about this project and I decided to look for it, I'm curious but at the same time I don't find the courage to be able to see it in its entirety since at the end of the series I was a bit "fragile" mentally, maybe it has something to do with the personal things I've been going through but I don't know, maybe it sounds stupid but it os what it is
I think the almost holy, angelic, and comforting music at the end is supposed to represent the possible last moment of clarity a dementia or Alzheimers patient may encounter before their passing. The realization of the situation they’re in, that they’re death is but moments away, or death being the only thing able to relieve them of their suffering. Their passing finally meaning they’ll be being able to ascend into whatever awaits us all after death. A bitter, yet sweet end...
It’s speculated that the abrupt ending of the drone just before that music is The Caretaker’s death, and the music that plays is either A) played at the funeral or B) is what is heard as he enters the afterlife
Wow, you are a legend, when I listened to this for the first time I thought it was the most painful experience, but now I view it as beautiful in a way. GOOD JOB BRO
I'm watching this for the first time with you. Genuinely one of my new biggest fears is losing memories. I fear one day I might wake up and think a passed love one is alive, and then likely forget that I thought they were alive, and thus the cycle continues. Anything like that is terrifying to me.
Heya, hope you're doing well. I've never been able to make it past the third or fourth phase, I'm glad to take this ride with someone else, even if it's just a recording. Everywhere at the end of time is a tough listen, but so powerful. Thank you for sharing your experience!
You see, the character was a capitalist which has strong memories of their advertisement, every ad is a moment of clarity. “It’s so sad! He’s not even the-“ “Mercedes Benz!” “What da-“
The 7 Worst Foods for Your Brain: 1) Alcohol. 2) Aspartame. 3) Sugary Drinks. 4) Fish High in Mercury. 5) Highly Processed Foods. 6) Refined Carbs. Refined carbohydrates include sugars and highly processed grains, such as white flour. 7) Foods High in Trans Fats. Trans fats are a type of unsaturated fat that can have a detrimental effect on brain health. *A Complete Macrobiotic Yin Yang Philosophic Understanding Combined With Its Practical Dietary Discipline Is Timeless Universal Law. All Other Teachings Are Incomplete. ― Herman Aihara, Michio Kushi & **_Master/teacher_** George Ohsawa* ☯ ✞ ∞
by far the most interesting thing for me, was your reactions to the deteriorating versions of heartaches/it's just a burning memory. Despite the different sample, you instantly recognized, "what does it matter how my heart breaks". It took you a little longer, for "and heart breaks". You barely recognized burning despair does ache and finally in mournful cameraderie, you just said nothing. So I'm assuming you didn't recognize it anymore. Really shows, how well this was made. Either that, or im overinterpretating lmao
This album is a life experience... After I first listened to the whole thing once I searched desperatly for someone live reacting it and thank you for doing this... It's just... reassuring know someone feels the same, I just wish people going through dementia could feel this kind of embrace. Thank you, man.
Hi man, I haven't seen the entire livestream but you honestly deserve a round of applause. Your final sentiment is amazing. You deserve the biggest possible hug. Hope you're feeling well.
Oddly enough, Stages 2 and 3 are scarier to me than the Post Awareness Stages. In the earllier stages, the person with dementia is painfully aware of their condition, even if they are in denial about it. They are terrified, bewildered, angry, and grief stricken. There is that awful sense of foreboding and dread. Every unpleasant emotion known to humanity is experienced, intensely, and the person knows there is no hope and nothing can stop the descent into the void. By Stage 4, as the person has lost awareness of their condition, everytihing is just a mess of confusion and chaos, causing terror and constant frustration, but the sadness and hopelessness is gone. This stage is the point at which the dementia patient can no longer live independently. By Stage 5, the person is caught in a chaotic maelstrom of memory fragments that can be truly terrifying. The memories are disconnected, tangled, and have lost their meaning because the person can't make any sense of them. The dementia patient is descending into the abyss of nothingness while their mind self destructs. And yet...there is peace and the "music" at this stage is oddly calming. (There is NOTHING calming or soothing about Stage 3). Synapse Retrogenesis is the best example of what I mean. If you were to listen to this out of context, not realizing it was a musical representation of the blackness and emptiness of the void , you would think it was a piece of ambient new age music intended for meditation. The drone is melodic and otherworldly and gives a feeling of vastness of both time and space, like an impossibly deep ocean on another world. I believe this is the point at which the person's memories and thoughts are pretty much gone, and the void becomes dominant but they are at peace now, aware of nothing (except during sudden moments of clarity and lucidity, which do happen at this stage). The last track, Sudden Time Regression into Isolation, is the final chaotic hurtle into the void, the transition to the final stage of dementia. All remaining memories are "zapped" out of existence (or out of the mind's ability to access them), leaving the person eternally stuck in the present, isolated from their past and from their entire previous life. Stage 6 depicts nothing but the void, except for unexpected bursts of activity (sudden single piano notes, for example), especially when nearing death and of course, the last moments of terminal lucidity.
Haha, this might be interesting, anyone who takes this whole thing on deserve some respect. Its too bad though, I was just a few hours late with my Shortened Project upload it seems :)
I listened to this and I skiped one track in stage 5 for time reasons. I was doing other productive things while I was listening but you did it just sitting there with the only thing to think about was the music. Props to you this is amazing dude.
It would've been a better idea to simply stop it and continue later. A lot of people think it's important to listen to it in one sitting, but one of the intended way to listen to it is in 6 segment, one each stage with long pauses between each of them. The long pauses accentuate the memory loss, because it's harder to remember the tracks correctly. It makes it a little bit less immersive, but in the right settings it shouldn't take the immersion away that much.
hey Vision! yeah this really hits different if you’re really dead focused on the music. i listened to this over the course of 3 days in school/work and the ending certainly had an impact on me, but not to the point that i would’ve cried. i wouldn’t doubt that i would if i had listened to it all in one sitting like this guy. good luck on Silent Clubstep by the way :D
you commented at one point that you couldnt imagine people listening to this casually, which im ashamed to say is exactly what i do. some parts of stage 4 and 5 just sound nice to me. it was horrible at first but after listening it through 4 times its more tame now.
I have a need sometimes to have a background boise tgat isnt musical, be it asmr or nature sounds or whatever. I think stage 4 n 5 also fall under that "not music noise" category
Just earned a subscriber, this is heavy stuff and how cool was it to see someone experience it all in one sitting with an open mind and emotion. Good stuff
Stage 1 - 1:50
Stage 2 - 43:13
Stage 3 - 1:25:26
Stage 4 - 2:11:07
Stage 5 - 3:39:25
Stage 6 - 5:07:45
this comment is so underrated thank you
thanks for taking the time to make timestamps, pizzamansteve should pin it.
thx
Nice Stream
gonna timestamp some interesting moments for me
What does it matter how my heart breaks - 52:37
The way ahead feels lonely - 1:21:04
And heart breaks - 1:29:42
Hell Sirens - 2:47:40
Was it a dream? - 3:43:21
Friends Past Reunited - 6:27:30
Imagine listening to this in a sensory deprivation tank
How
About
No
I listened to this in a pitch black claustrophobic bathroom, and I can say, it was not okie dokie and a bad idea.
Did this in the dark with my eyes closed and headphones on. Heart racing, palms sweating, felt like I was dying. Real fun.
... No thanks o-o
@@AlastorTheNPDemon Mom's Spaghetti
Me and the boys descending into Darkness
@@Lotenz-bl3dt at 3am
@@bendysans1077 gone wrong
@@niklasdavind4722 gone sexual
@@Forcoy cops called
@@niklasdavind4722 demon found
This is just 6 and a half hours. Imagine living this for 6 and a half YEARS. Stage 4, on repeat. Stage 5, on repeat. Stage 6, until your eventual, inevitable brain death. You wish for it, you long for it, you want it to stop. Dying brings you peace, for once in a long time.
The thing is, you begin to forget to forget entirely. Not even knowing what the hell misery means, so even tho death would bring you to piece, your final memories you hold onto are so long and strewn out for long until it fades, and you forget the end of things. You don't know anyone anymore, or yourself, just believing you are your old self getting by or reliving old memories but you don't even know YOU. You don't know what pain is, where you are, what is happening, but you forget where you are even when you think you are in control. Its the best thing I could say with my great grandfather going through dementia... god forgetting to forget, just forgetting in general. Its a terrifying thought... but I hope I never get it. Luckily he was who my great grandmother remarried too so I have no genes or anything in my family to get this haunting disease... just please live ya life before the oldie times friend!! I'm crying with my man's reaction even tho this is my 2nd time sitting through this. ❤❤
You're describing the meaning behind the title "An Empty Bliss Beyond this World"
What does a person even think during stages 5 and 6?
@@brandonlee934 Not much I'm afraid.
@@brandonlee934 their last coherent memories (whatever they have left). This disease takes everything from you.
The man put himself on the line for science...
All in the name of science
@@deliverymansteve572 You monster...
@@bullcheese2236 how???
@@dumbass6804 it's a portal 2 reference
@@deliverymansteve572 Sciens
You're a trooper for listening to this whole thing in one sitting.
Not many have the fortitude to do it, so yeah he's a trooper. I'm commenting as I go along, this will be my 4th playthrough end to end.
I did it once on a saturday. I think its the best way to listen to it because if you take breaks, i feel like it ruins the experience. But it really is disturbing. Especially parts 4 and 5. Its a great project but ill never listen to it again haha.
@@ReckSaber3664 Actualy one of the best way to experience it is to listen to each stages separately with weeks long poses between them without looking back on previous stages whatsoever. This was one of the entended way to experience it and the stages originaly came out that way, one by one, troughout multiple years. It goes like this: after listening to stage one and waiting for stage 2, you forget more or less about the music's structure, but unconciously your brain will still remember the patterns, so when you finaly listen to stage 2, the effect of recognising the music without knowing what's wrong about it is duplicated, further giving you the fealing of dimentia/alzheimer's.
I did this yesterday, it’s the only way to feel the full experience.
its tough dude
6:20:00 Patients with final stage with dementia don't have memory at all. They live in the moment, in the present forever. This is why the last minutes of sound, before the sad song, is like a "bliss of peace"; the real nirvana.
There are a TEDx Talk of a neuroscientist that had a stroke, she tells experienced "nirvana" after all confusions. th-cam.com/video/UyyjU8fzEYU/w-d-xo.html
Budha described nirvana like this:
"There are not space
There are not time"
Sorry for my bad english.
yeah its supposed to be like that
just like i wanted to be...
Your english is good! Don't worry =)
yeah...
deep shit.
Thank you for explaining this
It is also said that the last thing to go in the memory of dementia patients is music so the music fading represents the last memory they ever have before death
22:22 "I don't even remember what I was talking about"
uh oh
Its the begining of the end.
(Its just a burning memory starts to play)
This album definitely tends to have that effect on people. It's almost like Kirby *actually* tapped into something here. It truly simulates losing your mind to dementia. Scary fucking stuff...
Haha funny dementia joke. Because we all know that dementia is just forgetting, ha, ha ha.
I honestly was afraid of the dark and struggled to sleep the first few days after listening to it for the first time.
i liked it, the first time i listened i had a lucid dream and it was sick
Joshua Blackman When I listened to it for the first time, it was like a trance that I couldn't click away from. I never lost interest and no matter how depressing or disturbing it got, I couldn't stop listening
@@kirefyx that's kinda creepy but at the same time i wish my experience was like that, i didn't really get affected that much by it. Although it has made me view life a little weirder, it's made me realise that a whole chunk of my life is gone that i will never get back, it was a weird experience
Joshua Blackman Very weird indeed. And now i'm attempting to remake it for some reason.
@@kirefyx good luck
Best and Worst experience in the world
honestly
I turn philosophical: life is like that
to anyone who hasn't seen my most resent stream, i would like to say thank u for all the love and support on this 6 hour and 30 somethin minute journey, and thank u to all who endured this mentally draining album with me during or after the stream, i love and appreciate all of u. p.s. im never doing anything like ever again
so you WON'T be doing disintegration loops then?
4:14:40 "Pianoooo... That's a nice piano... :("
I think about this moment alot
The first time I heard this I thought I've got time to kill. House work done, day off, granddaughter's present was wrapped. I live alone and 50. Spooky enough to pee myself. Stage 3 is how I heard things before my small brain tumor was removed.
Hope you're better now
Wow it has to be especially scary to listen when you have experienced it yourself and gone back to normal
@Zoomer Waffen I see you everywhere at the end of time. You doing alright?
Wow..
Congrats on Being cancer free
☆☆☆☆☆ - Everywhere At The End Of Time
' Its go the catchy tunes, its got the lyrics, its got...
um...
its...
'
- PizzaManSteve, not diagnosed with dementia
you sat there for over 6 hours only 50 subscribers and 2k views you’re a mad man sitting through that
Indeed I am
bro maybe 'mad man' is a poor way to word a video about dementia lol
@@bicyclewaltz5879 maybe it's a perfect way to word it
@@bicyclewaltz5879 maybe it is... i think... wait... wait what am i talking about again?
STAGE 1 : 1:53
Here we experience the first signs of memory loss. This stage is most like a beautiful daydream.
The glory of old age and recollection. The last of the great days.
1:53 - A1 - It's just a burning memory
5:25 - A2 - We don't have many days
8:55 - A3 - Late afternoon drifting
12:30 - A4 - Childishly fresh eyes
15:29 - A5 - Slightly bewildered
17:30 - A6 - Things that are beautiful and transient
22:04 - B1 - All that follows is true
25:36 - B2 - An autumnal equinox
28:25 - B3 - Quiet internal rebellions
31:54 - B4 - The loves of my entire life
35:59 - B5 - Into each others eyes
40:34 - B6 - My heart will stop in joy
STAGE 2 : 43:14
The second stage is the self realisation and awareness that something is wrong with a refusal to accept that. More effort is made to remember so memories can be more long form with a little more deterioration in quality. The overall personal mood is generally lower than the first stage and at a point before confusion starts setting in.
43:14 - C1 - A losing battle is raging
47:51 - C2 - Misplaced in time
52:37 - C3 - What does it matter how my heart breaks
55:16 - C4 - Glimpses of hope in trying times
1:00:06 - C5 - Surrendering to despair
1:05:11- D1 - I still feel as though I am me
1:09:17 - D2 - Quiet dusk coming early
1:12:54 - D3 - Last moments of pure recall
1:16:47 - D4 - Denial unravelling
1:21:03 - D5 - The way ahead feels lonely
STAGE 3 : 01:25:26
Here we are presented with some of the last coherent memories before confusion fully rolls in and the grey mists form and fade away. Finest moments have been remembered, the musical flow in places is more confused and tangled. As we progress some singular memories become more disturbed, isolated, broken and distant. These are the last embers of awareness before we enter the post awareness stages.
1:25:26 - E1 - Back there Benjamin
1:29:41 - E2 - And heart breaks
1:33:46 - E3 - Hidden sea buried deep
1:35:07 - E4 - Libet's all joyful camaraderie
1:38:20 - E5 - To the minimal great hidden
1:40:01 - E6 - Sublime beyond loss
1:42:11 - E7 - Bewildered in other eyes
1:44:05 - E8 - Long term dusk glimpses
1:47:37 - F1 - Gradations of arms length
1:49:08 - F2 - Drifting time misplaced
1:53:30 - F3 - Internal bewildered World
1:57:00 - F4 - Burning despair does ache
1:59:37 - F5 - Aching cavern without lucidity
2:00:56 - F6 - An empty bliss beyond this World
2:04:31 - F7 - Libet delay
2:08:29 - F8 - Mournful cameraderie
STAGE 4 : 02:11:07
Post-Awareness Stage 4 is where serenity and the ability to recall singular memories gives way to confusions and horror. It's the beginning of an eventual process where all memories begin to become more fluid through entanglements, repetition and rupture.
2:11:07 - G1 - Stage 4 Post Awareness Confusions
2:33:16 - H1 - Stage 4 Post Awareness Confusions
2:55:09 - I1 - Stage 4 Temporary Bliss State
3:17:24 - J1 - Stage 4 Post Awareness Confusions
STAGE 5 : 03:39:24
Post-Awareness Stage 5 confusions and horror. More extreme entanglements, repetition and rupture can give way to calmer moments. The unfamiliar may sound and feel familiar.
Time is often spent only in the moment leading to isolation.
3:39:24 - K1 - Stage 5 Advanced plaque entanglements
4:02:00 - L1 - Stage 5 Advanced plaque entanglements
4:24:49 - M1 - Stage 5 Synapse retrogenesis
4:45:36 - N1 - Stage 5 Sudden time regression into isolation
STAGE 6 : 05:07:44
Post-Awareness Stage 6 is without description.
5:07:44 - O1 - Stage 6 A confusion so thick you forget forgetting
5:29:40 - P1 - Stage 6 A brutal bliss beyond this empty defeat
5:51:15 - Q1 - Stage 6 Long decline is over
6:12:26 - R1 - Stage 6 Place in the World fades away
Your a legend bro 🙌
●〔:〕●.. Thanks man!
@@habratss Np Np
What a chad you are
Thank you man, I’m normally the one who has to timestamp all the songs.
bro I feel like I need to give you a hug or something
Same
Have a hug
status report on stage 5: there is so much nothing that I jump for joy when I hear even a super distorted single instrument key! "finally a solid sound!"
I remember feeling the EXACT same way
It's actualy what is intended so that's realy cool.
status report on stage 6:
I get happy when I hear anything!
I might be slightly less to the party, but here's how the album went for me:
Stage 1: Pretty much, one singular music on repeat, even calming to be exact, I can listen to this casually. Though, echoing sounds are kinda making this eerie.
Stage 2: This stage feels...sad, I could listen to this casually too, it sounds like the music just wants to cry but they have to keep on going and they try their best. Also, was that "It's just a burning memory" I've heard around the beginning?
Stage 3: The beginning...it's haunting me, remember the echoing in the first two stages? It's gotten angry now, it's frustrated. I can listen to this as well but at times, it doesn't sound like music, more like loud repeating noises. Echoing applies to every single track too, it's like the mind is getting emptier and noises begin to fill the emptiness. Apart from that, now we have this...distortion that defiles the memories. Wait a minute, this track sounds familiar...
Stage 4: Dear god...is this even music anymore? No way I can listen to this casually, hell, I don't even think I can make it to the end in one sitting. Only noises that can count as music anymore are either inaudible, or very distorted. Despite everything, all the random noises, distortion and all, I can still make out some tunes. Finally! Something that I don't get disturbed while listening to! However, this joy does not last long, as loud noises begin to swallow the only regular sounds. Oh goodness...can I make it to the end? It's so hard to listen to this, why can't this stop? I want it to end, this is definitely not good. At least at some point, it has some pieces that are not too bad. While still distorted, I can still make it out.
Stage 5: OH GOD. Hell no, no no no. No god freaking way. I can't take it anymore. (Realises that while I can still leave this album, a person with dementia has no way of leaving their eternal doom) ...I have to do it, don't I...? Well, I've already come this far.
Stage 6: ...I made it to the end. This does not feel triumphant.
Last minutes of Stage 6: ...
Realising that my grandma has been diagnosed with dementia: Oh no.
A heart-drenching experience, you've had the courage to listen to it in one go at night, impressive. Cheers mate.
Those final 6 minutes have to be the most beautiful and peaceful yet at the same time saddest ambiance I've ever heard. This whole album is a work of art. Just the though that anyone could develop dementia is horrific and i hope to god a cure is made, death would be a peaceful option if i ever found out I had it.
I had a philosophical conversation around this recently, most people upon asking wether they would choose death or to live through it chose suicide.
My response was this, well that's very understandable, but while you have the capability to recognise your loved ones, your partner, your family you want to hold onto that before it gets too bad....
However by the time it gets rough, when do you remember that you were going to chose death?
@@phalanxiatheroan863 Which is probably why Robin Williams chose suicide. He was forgetting things, having more and more bad days, and likely wanted to go while there was still some sanity in the tank. But I'll never understand why he chose to go the way he did.
A lot of people end themselves because of terminal illnesses like this. It's a sad state of affairs, but hardly an insane choice. Assuming one knows how to treat a dementiac during the process though, the sufferer doesn't need to be in hell all the time.
The final six minutes for me are absolute nightmare fuel. Even if its a release from the sick and twisted fate that is dementia and alzhimers, its still death and im pretty scared of it...also it just irrationally scares me. theres a lot of sharpness and gain in the choir in the background, and if you listen closely you can hear coughing which is even more disturbing. Nevertheless, its beautiful.
The beauty of the last 6 minutes is the patient reaches what's called "terminal lucidity". Essentially they've come full circle and for just a brief moment they remember it all the soon after pass away.
2:47:41 Hell sirens start
3:43:20 Moment of normal music in stage 5
Thank you
3:45:18 second clarity in stage 5
*Sees thumbnail*
...Time to listen to it again...
Your profile pic just summarizes my entire relationship with this
Lol I'm watching the stream again.
It hurts when you're old enough to have several friends who have died this way
May they rest in power. My condolences
Start: *LETS GOOOOO*
*Jumps to **6:21:43** : depressed sniffles*
That’s how it gets you
“Past friends reunited” ,the last 6 minutes, was one of the caretakers oldest songs coming from their first album. They say the last thing you remember before you die is your favorite song. It was the caretakers favorite. When the music stopped, so did the dementia. There was nothing left to decay. A beautiful representation and great way to spread awareness, kinda been obsessed for a while.
To spread *Post* Awareness?
6:27:29 this is the moment you've been waiting for
I decided to pull one of those things movies do and cut to this timeframe after he said " go ".
Jesus Christ.
Listening to this entire album in one sitting made me feel so empty.
The ending is phenomenal.
If you're wondering, the "footsteps" you heard in Surrendering to Despair is a remnant of the device it was recorded on. It was recorded on what's called a cylinder recording. They were made of wax wrapped around a tube, which was then mounted on an axle with a playing needle. The "footsteps" are present in many cylinder recordings, caused by imperfections and wear.
What part was this?
@@Feelinchoppy "If you're wondering, the "footsteps" you heard in Surrendering to Despair"
@@fregi8779 oh sorry I’m dumb :b
i hope you’re doing alright, that ending totally shattered you as it did me on my first listen.
everybody gangster until stage 6 is without description
The fact that the ending resembles music is the saddest part of all because they slowly remembered little bits before they left this world
I interpreted it as the angels welcoming them into heaven. To me the last track of stage 6 is their death and burial and then movement to heaven
@@TheRealGovika yeah same its like angels humming a familiar tune
To me it's a church choir, and you can slightly hear the Caretaker being carried in a coffin at the start of the six minutes, so a funeral.
For me it’s the bliss of the end. Because you forget forgetting, there are no more worries left. You live specifically in the moment without having to think of anything at all because you forget.
to me it is the burst of endorphins and euphoria you get once you die, usually people's lives flash before their eyes but i dont think this patient would remember.
2:47:40 (the moment everyone had been waiting for)
Also, no one ever talks about how the transition from Stage 4 to Stage 5 is such a jumpscare
Thank you
6:27:48 is when you hear the best part with a legendary legend...
Your "that can't be the end" actually broke me because it was literally the end. The end of everything for the character. And it's heart wrenching.
well, there is the epilogue album Take Care, It's A Desert Out There
Been searching for people who have reacted to this and WHOOO. The fact that you streamed this is amazing!
Here are my takes on the covers of the albums in this project.
Stage 1 - It's a magazine or newspaper folded up, I guess. You see it and you're like "yeah that's what it looks like" it shows how you may start to forget things but just play it off.
Stage 2 - A flower pot? Sure, we'll call it a flower pot. You can't really tell what the pot is really made out of, but you can still tell it's a flower pot, symbolizing that you are starting to forget things.
Stage 3 - Maybe a tree, maybe seaweed, maybe even some vines. Whatever it is, you know it's green. This represents how you forget more yet you still know very basic things.
Stage 4 - That's... that's a... human head? Not too sure, I guess it's a human, but it's a terrifying depiction of one that is made from your brain since you forgot about it. Maybe that person was a loved one of yours... but you're too scared to talk to them... you're scared.
Stage 5 - That's a... what? That's... that's... THAT'S... a... whatever that is. Everything's messy, you can't really do things anymore. What time is it? How long have you had the disease at this point? What's going to happen to you? You get scared of everything. You start to forget what life is...
Stage 6 - A back of a painting. That's it. The memories you had come back in your very last moments. You recognize things again. Then it's all gone.
I think stage 5 is elton john on some stairs and stage 4 is the girl with the pearl earring
@@koolkat-hq5xc Possibly, no one knows except the Caretaker/Kirby himself
@@gddiggy3828 actually more on ivan seal which is the person who painted them. maybe kirby knows too since they might've brainstormed it.
I always thought number two was a rotting armor chest plate that had a flower in it
Number 2 looks like two people dancing around a tree, molded into a vase
3:36:09
"imagine a screamer at the end of this"
*foreshadowing*
I personally interpret the ending music as the last semblance of any memory and a sort of boost of energy most people get before death, and the last 60 seconds of silence is the death of the caretaker
I like to think that music is after death, whether it be the afterlife or an intense dream due to a chemical release in your brain that feels like a years long dream when you die. The Caretaker uses that sample a lot in his work and titles it as Friends Past Reunited which makes me think that part represents heaven and the caretaker reuniting with with his dead friends and family.
nope... the person isnt dead. its when dementia fully takes over and everything is gone. caretakers at the old age homes have always noticed how even when the persons mind is gone, they still hum bits of songs theyve heard
@@jacknightingale4428 nope, much worse. caretakers in old age homes have said that even when the person is completely gone, they still hum music
HipsterFoxx I disagree but that’s your interpretation. There’s no concrete proof that that’s what that is. In my interpretation, technically the brain is functioning still but the body is dead.
@@jacknightingale4428 terminal lucidity. Sudden recollection due to dmt release via pineal gland
Netflix: are you still watching Someone’s daughter: 2:11:26
nice
i-
"Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die."
-Mary Elizabeth Frye
It’s Just A Burning Memory is the only song here I feel comfortable listening to. And even then... after listening to Heartache it’s just... sad. I wouldn’t wish schizophrenia or dementia on my worst enemies. Not even the guy that abused me for years, who I’ll not talk about.
Yeah it’s worse than a painful death in fact I would even call it a slow and painful death not just mentally but sometimes physically...
To me, dementia is Cosmic Horror: the disease. So wishing it to your worst enemy would be like wishing them to die to Cthulhu.
To say the least you understandably wouldn’t wish it to even your worst enemy
This.......this is what I've been looking for, thanks for streaming ur reaction
I think Stage 6 has the most literal description it could have. "Post Awareness Stage 6... is without description." Cause what could a person, any person, possibly describe a Mind's slow descent into the moment where they're living a mayfly life with a ticking clock?
Easy. If we actually could study and understand the brain. Current laws and morals make it impossible to actually study these things in detail because we must always save the few at the expense of the many to keep some sort of facade of morality in our society to cover up the insane amounts of actual horrificness that exists within it. We chain down scientists so we can claim to be moral without touching the religions that cause most of the amorality.
Man it’s eye opening to just hear how other react to this piece. It’s inevitable for me to suffer from dementia later in my life as all women in my family have shown it’s early signs around their late 50s-early 60s. It was literally listening to my fate. It’s kinda crazy hearing how someone without that in their mind reacts to this. ❤️ good job broski you a lad for real
Try to minimize the chances though, go outside, eat health, interact and play chess, there are many ways to possibly prevent it
2:07:15 Totally agree. There’s a point where it stops becoming music and just devolves into noise. That’s about the right place to draw the line between the two.
There's a thing called "noise music"
It takes a particular person to make it through this. Someone with a high degree of emotional intelligence and someone with depth. I've subbed simply on that basis. Your commentary around 4:35:00 was powerful and a little hard to hear for me.
Your reaction at the end. Priceless.
@@bitspop8239 It is very difficult.going for some. I would imagine you are someone who thinks deeply about things.
Dear God I got to stage four after avoiding it for a few weeks (surprise, couldn't get through it) so I came here
why i didnt get emotional at all after listening through this am i emotionless or what
@@tukezdi no, different people process things differently.
I didnt get emotional after listening to it either, so your not alone
2:47:00 are about where the hell sirens start :)
thanks to this i have a scene of my grandma looking at me and asking who i am running through my head over and over
Pizza Steve really fell off after uncle grandpa
Stage 2 “it’s getting way worse” I’m excited to hear the later reactions
Hearing you cry at Stage 6 killed me. I reacted the same way. EATEOT and ACLAM are two albums I’m probably never going to listen to again because of how f*cking sad they are.
Respect to listening to the whole thing in one sitting though, a real trooper indeed👊
I have listened to each of the albums separately because I suffer from anxiety and I feel like I would be *ruined* if I listened to it in one sitting, this makes me want to listen to it in full though
Whats ACLAM?
@@Silancet A Crow Looked At Me
@@PLAGUE-KARM ooooh, sounds interesting. who is it by? and what is it about?
@@theahughes703 A Crow Looked At Me’s by Mount Eerie (a musical project by Phil Elverum who’s made music under different monikers in the past).
The entirety of the album’s about his dead wife (Geneviève) who died of pancreatic cancer in 2016.
The album itself with this context is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever heard, it’s very minimalist and Phil’s soul crushing lyrics made me an absolute wreck by the end.
I’d recommend it but it’s something I’m never listening to in its entirety ever again.
I feel you man. This album broke me. As someone who deals with memory problems, this album broke me. I can’t remember anything before the age of 11, and it’s getting worse, to the point where I sometimes don’t recognize myself in the mirror for a solid minute or two. This album captures the fear so many people feel perfectly. The scrambled chaos of not being able to remember your childhood friend’s faces or where you used to live is so crushing. I’m so sorry you had to experience this. But you aren’t alone.
Oh my god. I hope you have a happy life. you don't deserve this torture
Oh shit you're doing the whole thing!!!
(edit) I'm going to comment alongside your experiences as they happen here. I will comment and edit each comment into each stage of the musical experience.
Ooft, this gonna be a bumpy ride.
Technically dementia has 7 stages m, but the first is full clarity. Which is a scary thought. The first stage takes place in stage 2 of dementia, where you can't really notice anything happening but there are tiny tiny fragments (little scratches and digital artifacts)
I know what's coming, I've heard this album 3 times now. (as a hobbyist composer I want to deconstruct how he did some things)
I dont know how you will be 6 hours from now, but you're not alone.
Let's dive in.
You have sub number 24. :)
I will try not to write a comment novel down here but I am going along with you.
As we come closer to the end of part one, gentle details can be found, echo, little bits are already out, an increase in crackle (you were correct in noticing that) I believe he is using two crackles at this point and very very subtle detuning.
(edit) YES YES YES! You are feeling it, "can we stay on stage 1"
That is actually intentional. You are picking up on the tiny teensy parts of destruction, for example songs ending a little sooner than they are meant to. Your brain is picking up on that. Love the nervous laughter.
So how I'm going to work this comment novella, I'll edit my comments to be part of each stage.
So you will get a comment per stage. I'm genuinely excited in how you will take this. I haven't jumped forward.
We are now at stage 2, so from here you will get 4 heavily edited comments as I re-experience this masterpiece with you.
Yes, it's a track from the first stage, your gonna see a lot of that, more and more common as the dementia ramps up its degradation of your cognitive functions.
I love how you are already second guessing wether it's a repeat of the first song or not.
(edit) That already sounds off, yep, it's pretty broken ain't it. You can feel its really wrong, the artist is using your own memory recollection of the song against you. He's abusing your own memory of the song. Much like early dementia abuses memories.
(edit) from my understanding, The artist actually worked with dementia patients, caregivers (ergo the name) and the loved ones of dementia patients. Each one has said this album is accurate to the degradation experienced.
(edit) "How much longer? Not that much longer" Oh dear, you have no idea how much you are going to want this to end quickly later on. You hit stage 4 and you need it to end because its a hell of noise reflecting broken memory.
You are an empathic person I think, just judging by your reactions so far, you are not going to enjoy what is to come.
(edit) "it sounds like it's coming from a different room" that's really interesting, never thought about it that way. Yeah the reverb is super pronounced here.
(edit) "I'm gonna have an existential crisis, i don't wanna have an existential crisis"
Whoo boy, you have no idea, this one is gonna hurt. (I am reacting as you go, knowing what is coming)
Stage 3.
You missed on my favourite part, the part that a thematic is given to you yet is cut short. However is replaced with a piano motiff and heavy vinyl noise, then the piano motiff repeats, and that entire experience repeats itself. And suddenly thematic number one comes back, but it's worse and decayed.
(edit) I am loving how your general mood is shifting, you are kinda shifting from giggly and "meh this isn't a big deal" to the record kinda being a worm in your ear.
(edit) You recognised the music from stage 1. Not many people do, not on their first pass. That's damn cool. Well done.
(edit) "it physically hurts" maybe a possible exaggeration from you but I hope, maybe not, it is designed and written as I said earlier, with doctors and people who suffer dementia, this is written to make you uncomfortable, in a way, to make you suffer.
(edit) The cut off from the chasm just before empty bliss, it's horrifying. I'm glad you picked up on that.
(edit) This is where the album turns into something genuinely wrong. You just said you feel genuinely uncomfortable right now.
Yeah, that mood is gonna go for a bit and then get worse as the memories of the music you listened to fragment harder and harder. You're gonna recognise themes even into stage 5, but they will have no concrete structure or meaning other that your ability to remember the fragments of fleeting music.
That is memory loss. The flavour of a thing you remember but slurred amongst all your other memories simultaneously.
(edit) "we are almost done, we are almost done, we are almost on stage 4."
You don't want to be there, this broken sense of reality, this is the best hope of happiness you can expect.
"it feels like we are trying to grasp the last little bit of sense we have left"
Yes, and that is what is true about this album.
The way it is created, it forces you to realise what it's talking about.
"it feels like the memories are fighting to come back"
Yeah dude, that's the reality of dementia, when you are at this stage, your perceived reality versus knowledge is in combat.
This is where I know things get worse.
Kinda looking forward to how you react from here on.
Stage 4.
Here be the beasts of dementia.
Now you are wrong in the first part, nothing makes sense.
In the very first 10 seconds and actually repeated again and again, you will hear the first phrase of the brass section from the very first song of stage 1, James pushes this motiff obliteration as far as he can. What you are hearing are things you have already heard, it's all made from the music you already heard.
This is memory incorrectly correcting itself.
When you remember a specific memory, you say, oh wait no there was this detail, or this detail, or this person had brown hair not my daughter waved hello to me earlier this morning, I'm so proud of her, she is the light of my life, that nurse looks a lot like my daughter, I miss my daughter she's the light of my life, she reminds me of the time I.......
(edit) "I love the album art" the artist is a super surreal artist. He really did a great job of the album art.
Im surprised you aren't able to hear the repeated music motiffs.
Im loving your reaction.
(edit) I forgot how much this bit sucks, (in a good way) I don't know what to say. It's reusing melodies all from what we have heard.
This is not ok.
The memory broken beyond repair.
(edit) "is everyone ok, is everyone still sane, has everyone gone into an existential crisis. What the hell is going on, what is this"
Hehe. This is the part of memory recollection where everything in your memory from now to point zero childhood becomes blurry, there is no meeting point between memories.
Its just a flow of memory, unabated, no friendliness only confusion.
This is the darkest point of dementia.
Because you have no understanding, just confusion. Things loop, things don't make sense, memories are there, but they are buried under gravel, you can't just recall them, they just happen, randomly.
But you can still operate at this level.
You can still exist.
There are moments of clarity, All be them short.
At this point you have succumbed to the nasty sound, which is good because later on, you will "feel" the chaotic sound.
This is what dementia sounds like.
I'm gonna quiet down a little because these few coming fragments of lucidity are important.
3:43:21 for the moment of clarity in Stage 5
Perfect thanks
Thx
I listened to this a couple days ago, what a fantastic album, thetes nothing i can say that can replicate the just raw amount of dread it gives, and overall just how much heart was put into it.
lmao my man said "what its like trying to remember obama's last name"
My grandpa's in Late Stage 4 right now. He had an abusive dad... All I know that happened is he threw my grandpa's cat, Puff, into the fireplace... And as he said, 'Puff went Puff'.
He cares. He's bigoted, and I'm trans, so I can't come out to him. But he does care.
I hope this album lets me understand him better. Maybe, someday, I can ask him what his favorite song is. Maybe he'll call me Vera someday.
Maybe I'll talk to him like I did when I was a child someday.
...oh dear. im very sorry about your grandpa. hopefully his last days are a little more enjoyable than most!
Jeez, I'm also trans, and I thought I had abusive parents...
Wow. He literally abused an animal just to make a joke. What an a**hole. I hope your grandpa is doing fine, and I hope that, even though he is slowly losing his sanity, he can experience happiness. My dad has Alzheimer's, and I can tell that he is going through some of the same stuff your grandpa is going through. It's not fun...
I salute you, for doing this for the whole six hours in one sitting. I did mine in three sittings.
Edit: The reason I did mine in three because... ummm... I have seen the deterioration of my great grandpa... almost like this. The last year of his life was a sad one. Bedridden and can't even recall a damn thing...
Im so sorry..
its surpising that this album could bring me through such an emotional rollercoaster. i didnt cry, but i was panicking and afraid for a few days after i listed to the entire thing, especially that last part
I'm really late to discovering this stream, but I've just had to say this is much, MUCH safer to listen to with your voice providing commentary than to listen alone. I feel like you'd make a very comforting friend. Have a swell time and stay safe out there.
I agree, I feel so much better listening with someone who is equally as afraid as I am
This feels like actually experiencing a slow fading death. The gradual unraveling of consciousness, attachments, power and self. It's beautiful and lonely.
I must say I am grateful for this! I finally got to mid stage 4 but was too scared to do it alone, so I went through EATEOT memes and discovered your video.
Again, I thank you so much.
bro this is a powerful work of art. my grandma had alzheimers, she would call me by my uncles name all the time and she couldn't hardly remember anything. I was young so I didn't understand it but after listening to this piece I was began to grasp it. I hope I never have to experience or see another family member experience it
Everytime a new stage starts after stage 2, I get this chill down my spine.
This is literally the only way I could ever listen to this album. You were equally as afraid of this as I am currently. I know I’m cheating though, cuz you have to be completely alone and on your own to get the full complete experience, and that’s something I know I just can’t handle. Thanks bro :)
You are a trooper! I'm glad someone else got jumpscared from the sudden jump of Stage 3 to Stage 4, from distorted music to fucking horror music in just a few seconds
A few days ago I started watching bojack horseman again since I had left him in season 4 a few years ago and due to the quarantine I decided to start over and I can only say that it is one of the best series I have seen and it made me think a lot about life, with new perspectives to explore and just the day before I found a video where they talked about this project and I decided to look for it, I'm curious but at the same time I don't find the courage to be able to see it in its entirety since at the end of the series I was a bit "fragile" mentally, maybe it has something to do with the personal things I've been going through but I don't know, maybe it sounds stupid but it os what it is
I think the almost holy, angelic, and comforting music at the end is supposed to represent the possible last moment of clarity a dementia or Alzheimers patient may encounter before their passing. The realization of the situation they’re in, that they’re death is but moments away, or death being the only thing able to relieve them of their suffering. Their passing finally meaning they’ll be being able to ascend into whatever awaits us all after death. A bitter, yet sweet end...
It’s speculated that the abrupt ending of the drone just before that music is The Caretaker’s death, and the music that plays is either A) played at the funeral or B) is what is heard as he enters the afterlife
omg, when you sat trough it all and hear the fisrt stage back... certain song hits a lot harder than the first time.
Wow, you are a legend, when I listened to this for the first time I thought it was the most painful experience, but now I view it as beautiful in a way. GOOD JOB BRO
and together we cry.... 😢
I'm watching this for the first time with you. Genuinely one of my new biggest fears is losing memories. I fear one day I might wake up and think a passed love one is alive, and then likely forget that I thought they were alive, and thus the cycle continues. Anything like that is terrifying to me.
Heya, hope you're doing well. I've never been able to make it past the third or fourth phase, I'm glad to take this ride with someone else, even if it's just a recording. Everywhere at the end of time is a tough listen, but so powerful. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Congrats. It’s a hard listen for sure. Impressed you did it in one sitting. Took me a few listening sessions due to time restrictions.
You see, the character was a capitalist which has strong memories of their advertisement, every ad is a moment of clarity. “It’s so sad! He’s not even the-“ “Mercedes Benz!” “What da-“
stage 0: Hello
stage 1: HellO
stage 2: HeLllo
stage 3: HHEeeloool
stage 4: hhhhELLLloo..::
stage 5: hel..
stage 6:
Stage 6 is without greetings
Stage 5: Hel...p me...
Congratulations dude, you are very brave, have a nice life and enjoy memories.
The 7 Worst Foods for Your Brain:
1) Alcohol.
2) Aspartame.
3) Sugary Drinks.
4) Fish High in Mercury.
5) Highly Processed Foods.
6) Refined Carbs. Refined carbohydrates include sugars and highly processed grains, such as white flour.
7) Foods High in Trans Fats. Trans fats are a type of unsaturated fat that can have a detrimental effect on brain health.
*A Complete Macrobiotic Yin Yang Philosophic Understanding Combined With Its Practical Dietary Discipline Is Timeless Universal Law. All Other Teachings Are Incomplete. ― Herman Aihara, Michio Kushi & **_Master/teacher_** George Ohsawa* ☯ ✞ ∞
okay "social isolation" 👍
*Oh no. I drink a lot of coke*
by far the most interesting thing for me, was your reactions to the deteriorating versions of heartaches/it's just a burning memory. Despite the different sample, you instantly recognized, "what does it matter how my heart breaks". It took you a little longer, for "and heart breaks". You barely recognized burning despair does ache and finally in mournful cameraderie, you just said nothing. So I'm assuming you didn't recognize it anymore. Really shows, how well this was made.
Either that, or im overinterpretating lmao
This album is a life experience...
After I first listened to the whole thing once I searched desperatly for someone live reacting it and thank you for doing this... It's just... reassuring know someone feels the same, I just wish people going through dementia could feel this kind of embrace.
Thank you, man.
I think the sound of you eating the apple at the beginning is fun. You're quite a trooper for listening the whole thing through in one sitting.
Hi man, I haven't seen the entire livestream but you honestly deserve a round of applause. Your final sentiment is amazing. You deserve the biggest possible hug. Hope you're feeling well.
I don't even know you but at the end of this whole video, I wish I could hug you.
I feel so sorry for him at the end... He’s so emotional... Best of luck man...
Death of the Superego, the ego, and then the Id.
The death of one's perception of others, perception of oneself, then the brain itself
Oddly enough, Stages 2 and 3 are scarier to me than the Post Awareness Stages. In the earllier stages, the person with dementia is painfully aware of their condition, even if they are in denial about it. They are terrified, bewildered, angry, and grief stricken. There is that awful sense of foreboding and dread. Every unpleasant emotion known to humanity is experienced, intensely, and the person knows there is no hope and nothing can stop the descent into the void.
By Stage 4, as the person has lost awareness of their condition, everytihing is just a mess of confusion and chaos, causing terror and constant frustration, but the sadness and hopelessness is gone. This stage is the point at which the dementia patient can no longer live independently.
By Stage 5, the person is caught in a chaotic maelstrom of memory fragments that can be truly terrifying. The memories are disconnected, tangled, and have lost their meaning because the person can't make any sense of them. The dementia patient is descending into the abyss of nothingness while their mind self destructs. And yet...there is peace and the "music" at this stage is oddly calming. (There is NOTHING calming or soothing about Stage 3). Synapse Retrogenesis is the best example of what I mean. If you were to listen to this out of context, not realizing it was a musical representation of the blackness and emptiness of the void , you would think it was a piece of ambient new age music intended for meditation. The drone is melodic and otherworldly and gives a feeling of vastness of both time and space, like an impossibly deep ocean on another world. I believe this is the point at which the person's memories and thoughts are pretty much gone, and the void becomes dominant but they are at peace now, aware of nothing (except during sudden moments of clarity and lucidity, which do happen at this stage). The last track, Sudden Time Regression into Isolation, is the final chaotic hurtle into the void, the transition to the final stage of dementia. All remaining memories are "zapped" out of existence (or out of the mind's ability to access them), leaving the person eternally stuck in the present, isolated from their past and from their entire previous life.
Stage 6 depicts nothing but the void, except for unexpected bursts of activity (sudden single piano notes, for example), especially when nearing death and of course, the last moments of terminal lucidity.
6:33:50 it's ok it's ok it's ok it's ok it's ok
for those looking for THAT part: 6:27:40
And so The Caretaker album claims another victim who thought it was a good idea to listen to this legend
Fr
2:47:41
Aw yeah hell sirens
Maybe the sounds are memories from the war
@@uglylie678 I’ve known that for months
You are a good man.
Thanks for this man. I was way too scared to listen to this by myself, so I decided to look up a reaction. Truly life-changing.
Haha, this might be interesting, anyone who takes this whole thing on deserve some respect. Its too bad though, I was just a few hours late with my Shortened Project upload it seems :)
"Post Awareness Stage 6 is without description" is by far the most horrifying thing ive ever read.
Just as terrifying as the implications of Stage 6's album art.
"I don't think we should, but I want to" everyone who listens to this album in a nutshell
I listened to this and I skiped one track in stage 5 for time reasons. I was doing other productive things while I was listening but you did it just sitting there with the only thing to think about was the music. Props to you this is amazing dude.
It would've been a better idea to simply stop it and continue later. A lot of people think it's important to listen to it in one sitting, but one of the intended way to listen to it is in 6 segment, one each stage with long pauses between each of them. The long pauses accentuate the memory loss, because it's harder to remember the tracks correctly. It makes it a little bit less immersive, but in the right settings it shouldn't take the immersion away that much.
hey Vision! yeah this really hits different if you’re really dead focused on the music. i listened to this over the course of 3 days in school/work and the ending certainly had an impact on me, but not to the point that i would’ve cried. i wouldn’t doubt that i would if i had listened to it all in one sitting like this guy. good luck on Silent Clubstep by the way :D
GD!?
Absolute chad
I'm too scared to listen to stage 3 and past by myself so this having you 'here' helps so much 😅 thanks
you commented at one point that you couldnt imagine people listening to this casually, which im ashamed to say is exactly what i do. some parts of stage 4 and 5 just sound nice to me. it was horrible at first but after listening it through 4 times its more tame now.
yea
I have a need sometimes to have a background boise tgat isnt musical, be it asmr or nature sounds or whatever. I think stage 4 n 5 also fall under that "not music noise" category
Same, been listening to the later stages as study music sometimes. Stage 5 is a favorite lol, 4 is a close second though!
Jumpscares at:
2:58:48
Just earned a subscriber, this is heavy stuff and how cool was it to see someone experience it all in one sitting with an open mind and emotion. Good stuff