The Saga of Bethany Beal (Girl Defined)
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the major problem in saying "i got pregnant because god loves me and has gifted me a child" is that you automatically imply that your equally religious sister somehow isn't loved by god and doesn't deserve a child. which is something i wouldn't say about my worst enemy, let alone my sister.
Yeah also implying that her sister don't trust in God because she is trying and stressing about it. Really awful
Same. Miscarriages are heartbreaking.
And this sentiment is across the board not just with kids and marriage but also like being well off and having success, as if god picks and chooses who is worthy of living comfortably and not experiencing poverty. The idea that good things only happen to people that worship god and are god loving people is honestly kind of pretentious at times.
Exactly. The whole sentiment of “I’m so blessed” to me implies that others are not. That god chose to show you favor for whatever reason, and screw others over for whatever reason.
(As an atheist who has a remarkably lucky life, I find it so ironic that my Christian friend is struggling with some of the issues I’ve been lucky with- she’s the more “deserving” one, certainly in the eyes of god. But I’m the one with the house and the part time wfh job…)
22:00: “why, god”
How does she even presume to question gods plan??? I mean, aren’t they supposed to bow to the greater wisdom of sky daddy? I thought it was all about accepting gods will… OY VEY
All I see is Kristen waving her marriage in Bethany’s face for years, and now Bethany waving her babies in Kristen’s face. I’m sure they love each other, but I sense a real rivalry below the surface. Also sad they’ve based their whole value on marriage and kids, regardless of what they claim. Those things can be wonderful but aren’t what make you worthy as a woman.
This!
I know
The problem with being a conservative women is that you're taught to think that women are your enemy and not your sisters. Life of pick me's are miserable, no matter what they say on social media
100 percent this
I didn't even think about that but you're right.
Crazy how they condemn others for idolizing sex while simultaneously talking non-stop about it.
Pretty typical for these folks. The call is coming from inside the house.
@@spOOkytimes i agree. seems like they are condemning themselves more than anyone
Sex👏🏿is 👏🏿natural👏🏿. Sex 👏🏿is 👏🏿not 👏🏿a👏🏿sin. Sex out of marriage is the sin not the act itself. Have open conversations, educate each other.
@@ntombimadu8437congrats on missing the entire point of op’s comment
@@ntombimadu8437 marriage aint natural
My friend that I met in college grew up in purity culture and was sa'ed as a girl. Back in college, she casually said something about sex before marriage being wrong. I said, "how can you say that when you're having sex with you bf?" and she responded, "well, it's too late for me because I was r-ed when I was 9." She honestly thought she was going to hell because she was "ruined" so she might as well "sin" now. I was floored. It took YEARS for her to untie the knots that her father and her church tied her up in. Purity culture is MESSED UP.
This is insane. I truly pity her.
I can relate to this, but in a completely opposite way. I grew up Catholic because of my family, but I was never religious outside of Bible study and family get-togethers. Just before Roe V. Wade was overturned (Roe granted us the right to a safe and legal abortion) I was at a family event, and was talking to my cousin about my experiences at Planned Parenthood. I’m not sure if it’s outside the US, but PP is essentially a family health center, that offers comprehensive non-abstinence focused sex education, reproductive health services, UTI tests, pregnancy care, contraception, and pregnancy ending options. It’s an essential service, especially if you’re low income; because you can get reproductive healthcare for little to no cost. Because abortion is a political minefield here, PP is abhorred by many conservatives. My uncle overheard me and went on a rant about “if someone isn’t whoring around, they wouldn’t need to go to PP”. When I said “but it’s a clinic for everyone, including married women” he told me “well you’re not married, why would you need to go there?”. If it was a good faith question, I probably would have ignored it, but he was rude and insulting. I mentioned that I went to get an STD test, and he got this disgusted look on his face. This man literally went to tell my SUPER Catholic Grandma, and brought her to the living room so she could hear it from me. I told her, and she didn’t really judge me, but my uncle made an offhanded comment about me taking a dip in the lake of fire because I was “living in sin”. I clarified to my grandma that is was SA’d and wanted to make sure every was good, but that I also decided to get an IUD in case it happened again. She told my uncle that there is nothing wrong about looking after your reproductive health and pulled him out of the room. She called me later that night to ask if I was doing alright, and apologized for not saying anything to my uncle earlier. She’s non-confrontational so I understood, but my uncle hasn’t spoken to me since.
Oh please.. not you condemning all PURITY culture just because of one girl. Seems to me you are the one MESSED UP
Edit: Purity culture is meant for CHRISTIANS, why can’t people understand that??? I am not going around in Muslims videos complaining about why they cover their head🙄 just don’t listen to it. You are not Christian’s and do not care about God and what he teaches in the Bible, so why listen to Purity culture. Live in your freaking free sex culture and that’s it.
@@peregrina5208 There’s a major difference between purity culture and choosing abstinence.
By promoting abstinence as the only option, purity culture becomes inherently damaging. There is little to no accurate sex education, people are made to feel shameful about what they choose to do with their bodies, and SA/R victims are looked down upon (women primarily) because they are no longer seen as pure and are sometimes blamed for their assault.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with abstinence in itself. It should always be a person’s choice to be sexually active (or not at all) in whatever manner they choose, as long as it is safe and consensual.
@@isabellevkdI'm so sorry you were assaulted and had to also endure your uncle's ignorance and his gross willingness to spread it. You are worthy of all things great and peaceful, please remember that.
the first kiss ever being at the wedding is so horrifying to me because there have been a lot of people i thought i was attracted to and compatible with but then we kiss and there's just nothing there... imagine being legally stuck with a person after that
Not just legally, but they believe divorce is only excusable in cases of extreme abuse and occasionally after infidelity. What a nightmare
I feel you! I believe healthy relationships need compatible chemistry. But, then again, I suppose these people cannot even comprehend the idea of testing chemistry healthily, because it's unholy (?) to kiss etc. 💀
@@rowanquynn9964 A person I know (evangelist) married in her 40s a man she didn't really know (he went to the same church she went to and their pastor kinda pushed her to marry him to help bring him closer to god or some bs like that) after maybe like 3 "dates". She was extremely unhappy and her husband treated her like an employee, asking her to clean and cook everyday (she works, at the time she worked 5 days a week full-time). After a while, she understood that there was nothing good in that relationship and decided to part ways... but to do so, she had to confess in front of her whole church that she was being unfaithful because she was going to cut ties with a man she married under the eyes of god. I was livid, she's such a good and caring person and she has lived through so much in her life, she didn't deserve that type of public shame. I believe she left that church and goes to a different one now, or at least there's a different pastor.
It makes me genuinely wonder.... if the kiss was a flop and the couple very clearly never slept together, if they would consider an annulment as a possibility?
I mean in this culture you often have almost no say in who you marry anyway D:
Bethany complaining that the Christian world expects you to blindly 180 between no sex to sex after marriage is so ironic when that's what she's just done with the channel.
They actively recommended people to try the “no kissing until marriage” thing like they did as well. It’s just weird how they haven’t addressed how they’ve perpetuated this culture too.
@Lauren A I think that fact hasn't quite hit her yet-but she also seems real close to realizing that her issues with "them" are also issues she perpetuated
I remember reading about how after marriage the knowledge that everyone knew she and her husband had had sex absolutely shot a woman’s social anxiety to the rafters and she didn’t know how to tell her husband that she wasn’t enjoying herself even through having two kids
It was a heartbreaking read - luckily she broke down and told her husband and her husband was supportive and she got therapy and the end of the bit was about how she’s working towards better mental health and open communication in their relationship
@@moodycowcrafts4862wait, but you’re talking about Bethant? :o
@@olexvndrv maybe - I don’t remember the names in the article, and her experiences aren’t so far separate from other women’s experiences with religious imposed gender roles that I could say it wasn’t a different person the article was about
The clip where she keeps talking about sex in front of her toddler is crazy. Imagine if a gay person kept saying “sex” like a dozen times in front of a literal baby. These same people would lose their minds.
Yeah. They also probably think gay people are groomers. Meanwhile, Bethany was 22 when she met Dav, WHO WAS 16.
WHAT??? This is new to me, how could I miss this in the lore??@@amybess
@@amybess Holy crap, I didn't know that! Eww, Bethy the groomer! I hope that Dav gets away from her if he's miserable. My parents stayed together "for the kids" and I would have preferred they split.
@@amybess fuck I completely forgot about that
I think he was rather groomed by the church rather than directly by Beth. They were matched by their church
They do. It’s called Drag Queens Story Hour.
Their ability to say sooooooooo many words, but not actually say anything is profound. They’re master chefs of word salads.
Truly, a gift.
Maybe they studied post modern social sciences in uni and are trying to make good use of that diploma
Right? Also English is my second language and I struggle to understand Bethany because she throws a “like” every two or three words
Lol I'm sure it's the words that mean nothing that are confusing....... most of their talking points could be one or two sentence.
I'm not happy. I am trying to figure it out.
I need money, here is my product about something I'm just learning about.
You need to try in a relationship.
You still need to be pure just can have more in marriage. If you don't find someone that's your destiny.
I really hope they figure it out. It's really sad to see how dark and sad their personal life is...I feel also very strange that I know so much. It scares me to know what the social media age holds for other public relations.
a lot of scriptures in the bible are doing the same, throwing long paragraphs after paragraphs as in basically just one message, "faith in god, don't ask", so it's not a surprise that their ability of articulating their ideas, that is if there really are any meaning message apart from " god, god god, no sex before marriage, sex = sin, get married, BREEEEEED, get pregnant, repeat, children, (surface level, fantasy story) love, and also the underlying message is "the two of us are utterly mindless puppets, but still, trust us"
I’m so angry at their parents for pulling them out of school to keep them ignorant. I find the mental image of twenty-year-old Bethany discovering how sex works from a literal children’s book very sad. Plus, at the age of twenty, she’d been old enough to vote in the US for two years. I’m horrified to think she might have voted on legislation covering reproductive care or similar while not knowing how reproduction worked!
Horrifying.
In so many ways. Imagine how terrifying sex had to seem to her being so afraid of it and then finding out a man is going to implant his seeds in her body like some sort of alien movie.
Like it's a horror story and she says it like ha-ha how quirky. Girl, your parents failed you.
this is why sex ed is so important. so many people say it should be up to the parents, but the reality is because there's so much shame around sex parent DO NOT.
this is exactly the situation an abuser would love to take advantage of too. god forbid.
The fact that she doesnt understand why its horrifying is next level horrifying.
@@isidoreaerys8745 to be fair it's already pretty gross, (I could just be sensitive) but yesh
GD, & Bethany especially, badly need to differentiate between “i have personally experienced X” and “i am an expert qualified to teach others about X”.
Both for themselves and the people they bring on/consult with
She’s kind of reminds me of a 12 year old who listens to their first Beatles song then goes around telling all her 12 year old friends about how great and cool they are and they’re all so impressed because they’ve never heard The Beatles before either. So then she is telling *everyone* about the cool, new band she’s like obsessed with. The enthusiasm is genuine and she wants to share it with everyone but also like, girl, we all know who The Beatles are and we don’t all enjoy their music.
I bet part of this mindset comes from the culture of everyone telling their “testimony” in church in order to evangelize and reinforce the doctrine.
YES! And it becomes all the more obvious when they shift their opinions over time without acknowledging that the stuff they said before was wrong and/or harmful.
But then they wouldn't be able to grift surface-scraping PDFs on whatever subject they want. Begany don't like that idea.
“He can’t satisfy me in a way only god can” The way I spit out my drink at this! The girlies are doing what w god now??!
lmaooooo 😂😂
Oh how I wish I could like your comment but your comment goes so well with the amount of likes your comment has 😆 I know I'm immature 😅
@@XxLostFinalGirlxXYou can like it now, someone else was #70
@@BiologicalClock dang it!
Zeus has entered the chat
It was so sad when her sister was talking about her first miscarriage and said that they had no idea this was even a possibility, this is why sex education is so important because they could have been at least prepared for the possibility that that might happen
@@SJTJ sadly you're spot on. I really wish they had better education man
no woman for more information she has is prepared for something like that, much less if the baby is desired 🙄
@@user93944 she didn't know it was possible dumbass. Knowing that miscarriages exist is important
@@SJTJ Be good or God will punish you. If you were good, then He is testing you. Literally damned if you do, damned if you don't.
@@user93944obviously
They didn't mean prepared as in it won't affect them
Of course it will be painful either way
But at least they will know it's a possibility
Imagine the pain on top of the shock because you never even thought that could happen
“What do we enjoy doing together?” “Spending time with other people.” The chemistry is PALPABLE 😂
😭😭😭
Dave, if you want out, blink twice.
I really do think that they have chemistry, it’s especially clear towards the end of the video. It seems to me that the pressure on him to give off the image of a perfect marriage and to perform for the camera made for a lot of awkward, uncomfortable moments, especially considering he was going through a lot of mental health issues behind the scenes.
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING!
My mom is very religious. She's very open and loving and never forced it on me. She told me about sex and to be safe... but she said the biggest mistake she made was waiting til marriage. Purity culture just breeds insecurity
Your mom sounds lovely, wish more religious people weren't into forcing their children to be religious and were open and loving whether their child believed the same as they do or not
When I was around 16, my mom told me specifically to have sex before I get married to them so I know if we are sexually compatible. It was really good advice.
@S Meza You’re very misinformed about the themes of those holy books you’re taking about and about what it means to be religious. Hint: it doesn’t mean worshipping a book.
@@smeza3391 Shitty take, tbh. What about "progressive Christians"? How do you feel about them? Are they doing Christianity wrong according to your assessment?
@S Meza lol! There are lots of stupid guidelines in the Bible that normal people (Christians) disregard.
After I had sex for the first time, what really struck me was how nothing had changed. In me. I was the same person. I had gained some knowledge, but I was inherently the same person. I don’t believe your “pure” or true self can be soiled, certainly not by sex.
I'm absolutely sex-positive, I also don't happen to be religious, yet I think that sex is quite overrated generally. It is important, but not to an extent some people/ad ect make it so. Putting so much pressure on losing your virginity is just hurtful in the long term, as example shows
Omg yes, when I lost my virginity I just sat there and thought “… so this is it?” It was just an experience as were all the other experiences I had already dealt with beforehand
@@Niphredyl well said my friend
Well for Christians and other religions it is something very important and I do not know why you all bother about it, it is the life of each person
@@user93944because it pushes harmful ideologies ab it. for example in this video bethany had no idea what sex really was until she was 20. and a lot of christians push purity culture onto women and that’s extremely harmful.
The story about understanding sex through accidentily reading a children's book when you're 20 is so, so sad.
How do you accidentally read a book though, lol
time stamp?
@@charli8143 1:32:17
@@skarletcharity it’s sad that they can’t even admit they were curious about sex at 20 yrs old.
@@charli8143 01:32:20
Purity culture stopped 9 year old me from telling anyone someone had SAd me.
Really fudged up my life.
I am so sorry you went through that❤
Purity culture teaches you that your worth is in your virginity, and losing it before marriage means you’re no longer valuable and won’t have successful future relationships. They don’t ever talk about what sex looks like, not even abuse. So it teaches you that you’re wrong and worthless for losing it, even if it was SA. You can’t tell anyone. I know I internalized it. I didn’t even blame the person, I didn’t view it as them doing something wrong to me. I viewed me as being wrong and worthless. It’s so hurtful. We shouldn’t have to hold this pain. I also think that Christians should be the most supportive and accepting people, but unfortunately that’s not usually how it goes.
I’m really sorry that this happened to you and it wasn’t your fault. I hope you’re safe now. ❤️
This culture hurts the victims FAR MORE than the aggressors. It's sickening and people who push this garbage should be ashamed. I am sorry that happened to you and you did not deserve any of that.
I’m so sorry 😢
I’m so happy I had sex before being married.
My dad told me when I was in high school that having sex isn’t something to be ashamed of and not having sex before marriage is dumb cause you might not be sexually compatible with the person you’re with he always told me to be careful but not to be ashamed.
It blows my mind that people actually give purity culture any legitimacy it drives me nuts.
Yayyyyyyyy for awesome dads
Sounds like a great father.I can't even ask my father to buy me a pad.
Not an excuse for pushing it and upholding it on the internet…but for believing in it and living it…when it’s such a big part of how you are brought up, and when it’s to this fundie culty degree…we don’t think there is a choice! I’d love for kids to have proper consent Ed and then proper sex Ed required in their schooling. Purity culture isn’t something you buy into randomly for fun, you are primed from birth to be controlled…it sucks
Lmao my dad was a doctor and my mom was a nurse. When I was 15 and had a boyfriend they were like, "Hey do you feel like you want or need long-term birth control? Something more reliable than condoms?" I just kinda stared at them and they were like, "Okay well let us know! And let us know if you ever have any questions or feel like something is wrong. Love you!!" It was awkward at the time but now as an adult I appreciate the shit out of it.
@@overworkedcna412 well yea he always made it clear to be careful
I can't imagine how much stress "the wedding night" is for them. Your wedding day is long and tiring and emotions are so high - my wife and I took a shower and went straight to bed, and I know lots of couples who've done the same, but that's because we didn't have 700 tonnes of purity culture pressure on that night
I eloped with just 1 days planning. It was a very simple thing with just 3 people. We also showered and just went to bed on our wedding day.
My husband and I waited until marriage (we’re Catholic and Middle Eastern so there’s a lot of cultural traditions we need to adhere to, aka living with your parents until you’re married… very very very traditional) and we literally took a bath in the hotel because our feet were dead and we passed out in bed after the wedding was over. We thankfully didn’t feel pressured to HAVE to do anything on our wedding night, honestly everybody’s sex life is very personal, and we never listened to any opinions about what we “should” do and we just did what we wanted to do lol.
This! My husband and I passed the hell out, we were completely exhausted and had lots to drink, we got to the hotel room and completely passed out
Right?? How are you supposed to have all these (potentially) life changing milestones in less than 12 hours and be fine? The first kiss, the emotions one feels during the wedding, the legal part of getting married, the party with all these people, mentally preparing to move in with your now husband for the first time, get out of the house, have a sleepover with a man for the first time - and you’re supposed to have sex? Just a couple of hours after your first kiss? I cannot even imagine, how mentally and physically exhausting.
Or an audience, like in the olden days
no amount of advanced torture methods could convince me to sit next to a sibling discussing our sex lives on the internet
It’s wild to me that some Christian women can believe sex is just not enjoyable for women while also seeing hookup culture and other women argue for sexual freedom. Did they think that these women just like to torture themselves? And to come to the conclusion that they are just broken women or that it’s just their “duty” is so scary to think about. I feel like these women are being continuously traumatized 😢
I'd wager that the logic is OF COURSE those loose, unbelieving women think they're having fun, because they're broken sinners who are doing sinful, broken stuff in the bedroom.
I think it's moreso they think you're NOT supposed to enjoy it because they aren't enjoying it.
@@blueismylove3128 , that's very likely a major part of it, too!
Yes they are torturing themselves, 99% of the time a girl whos engaging in hook up culture talks about their friends with benefits it's literally describing a boyfriend
@@maximilianomadrigal6661ah yes, a guy announcing how he knows every girl (99% to be exact!) on what they want & need😌👍🏼
nobody asked you, Max
I can NOT stand when people say that the first year of marriage is supposed to be hard and to be prepared for a lot of fights. I dated my partner for 4.5 years before we got married, and the first year was the most fun we had. Kids and life meant that we had our disagreements, but we had the hard conversations early and I truly believed that helped us
The only thing where I think it gets actually hard is like - when somet hings just change because you are married and you have to figure it out - in a legal scene. Like in many countries the tax rate changes and similar things. And sometimes you have to figure that out on your own.
Maybe when you didn't have the chance to live together beforehand that might cause some trouble but it should never be a fight.
I totally agree… the only reason my husband and i had a hard first year of marriage was because of a very serious health crisis. It’s sad because we both felt robbed of a very important and special time in our relationship. I think this kind of toxic culture telling people to expect a hard first year of marriage filled with arguments may also rob them of that joy and specialness as well.
Yes but actually getting to know your spouse needs to wait til marriage!
Same! Everyone says “everything changes when you get married” like, sorry, marriage is just a ceremony and a certificate - it’s not like we become different people? As long as you’ve spent time to build your life with your person nothing should change. It’s just a bizarre mindset, steeped in such old traditions 😂
Absolutely agree to Sid Vids
"I did the mandatory number of times sex in a month.....but there was not pleasure in it for me." I literally could not believe how her husband and Bethany were both nodding at that woman's statement like nonconsensual sex is normal thing. What an awful way to live. Purity culture is disgusting and so damaging for the women that are involved.
I know, I was like ummm they do realize they’re discussing spousal r*pe, right? I don’t think they have that vocabulary actually which is all the more horrifying.
@@Sarah-re7cg it's not considered spousal rape. It's considered normal and "godly". A pastor at my old church recommended it to my father, and I'll honestly never see that man or his poor wife in the same way again.
@@siriuspope3552 you know those movies like Texas chainsaw massacre and the hills have eyes? That’s what these people make me think of. They make me think of like cult religious people living in the middle of nowhere and terrorizing people who have made a wrong turn
Idk if it’s bc I have a really imaginative imagination but when I get a husband, if I do, I would want it to be spontaneous. You can call it non consensual but I wouldn’t mind him doing it to me in my sleep. It sounds hot. I guess, the only rule I have there for my husband is that he has to stop when I tell him to stop.
@@dianalove539 I have absolutely no idea how to respond to this comment to be completely honest
Despite all the terrible things Bethany and all the rest at Girl Defined have preached over the years, I just can't seem to muster any emotion towards them except pity. They're all victims of purity culture as much as they are perpetrators.
Completely agree and I think the cognitive dissonance Bethany has between her thoughts now vs. what she's shared in the past proves that the road to deprogramming is hard and not perfectly linear. To do accurate self reflection would require her to acknowledge the harm caused by her parents and the church and I can appreciate that that's a place she's not ready to go yet, at least publicly. And while I think she does have a responsibility to ultimately accept her mistakes publicly, the obvious improvement in her marriage feels like she's doing some of that privately. I was not expecting to be rooting for Bethany and Dave to make it but I kinda am.
100%
exactly :(
Same I watched this entire thing just feeling sad, she doesn't seem like a bad or an unintelligent person. it's just like watching her and her husband wrestle with the damage that "purity culture" has wrought on their lives and marriage in real time, that cannot be easy. They seem like they really do care about each other though, I hope they make it and keep working through it
it’s so strange to me how people who waited until marriage to have sex (and in this case didn’t even know ABOUT SEX until they were adults!) say so confidently that sex is better within marriage. but they never experienced so how would they know?
It's because everything, not just sex, if presented by fundamentalist leadership as being better or the best if you just avoid the easy, tempting, worldy way and do that thing "God's way." Therefore, if they did it "God's way," it has to be the best. Which...I'm surprised more women/people don't leave fundamentalism at some point out of disappointment/frustration with "the best."
Exactly, and if they didn't and their partner did, the celibate partner resents them for it ex. Paul and Morgan.
@@ReneeAnnette Same. I just don't get why so many women stick with fundie lifestyles when they're the least likely to benefit from any of it and often suffer the most under it.
I waited until marriage and I regret it.
They do this with everything: assuming authority over subjects they have very limited experiences with. I'm in a committed long term monogamous relationship now, I fully believe we'll be life partners, and our level of intimacy is great. That doesn't mean I've never had good sexual experiences with people I wasn't particularly committed to. In my early twenties I had sexual experiences with friends, people I'd met on dating apps, in bars, clubs etc., and most of it was a good and worthwhile experience.
I actually feel sorry for Bethany. She had to deal with so much sexual repression. I hope she leaves purity culture and doesn't saddle her children with it.
She seems to also have a personality disorder or bipolar disorder so would need psychiatric help as well as leave purity culture.
Big Doubt
People Such As Herself Would *Rather Dig Their Heels In & Keep Running Into The Same Wall* _Over & Over Again,_ *_Remaining Permanently Stagnant,_* Than To *_Ever_* Have To *Admit They Were Wrong.* My Mom's The *Exact Same Way.*
@@lemsip207interesting. why do you think so?
@@primariecolors i would assume sunk cost fallacy
It's always been so weird to me when people normalize constantly fighting with a significant other...
Right? That just shows you’re with the wrong person 💀
@@agairuma1788 I never dated much and my mom was in an abusive relationship and my grandparents are not loving towards each other but even then...I knew this shit was not normal?? Or at least not supposed to be? The amount of times I've heard people say something like "the strongest relationships argue the most" or that they get on each others nerves the most ...why though??? I don't get why they stay with them then. Like ok anyways I love my bf I love living with him and I love that we can actually communicate without arguing 💀
@@MultiParallelGirl I'm so proud of you for having a healthy relationship and for not letting the environment you grew up in yo set you look ve up for failure 👏🏾👏🏾
@@lamoskgr ☺️🙏🪷
Honestly. I've been with my partner almost 10 years, married 2 years, and I don't think we've ever fought one time.
21:40 They didn't think miscarriage was an "option"? Jeeeeeesus honey. I can only imagine the heartbreak of wanting a child and miscarrying, but all I hear from that is Kristen seemed to believe miscarriages happened to those who are bad or undeserving and is not only hurt by this outcome, but also confused and wondering what she or her husband did wrong to deserve god taking their baby. Fucked up mentality tbh
A gross amount of people truly believe that if you miscarry it’s because you secretly didn’t want the baby or was somehow your fault as a woman.
Science doesn’t exist to these people it’s really damaging
Another layer of fucked up: miscarriages are already super common in fundie families, because they're pressured to have another baby as soon as possible after giving birth to the last one, for years in a row. Maybe it's not the actual pregnancies themselves being so close together, but rather the extreme stress of going through morning sickness, then swollen feet and fatigue, on top of the demanding care of a newborn/infant, and depending on how long they've been doing this, a couple of toddlers and older children on top of THAT. And even when they do miscarry, they're still pressured to get pregnant a couple months later, when they really need to let their body and mind heal. The physical and mental toll must be soul crushing. And you just know they have a lot of older relatives who tell them bs like 'well I had 10 plus kids and didn't miscarry once, clearly it's because young people these days don't value their children'
Rachel I just want to let you know that you educated me as a young Christian girl and helped me to believe in myself and have power over my own body.
I had an arranged marriage at 15 and I didn't go through with it partly because of you. I'm now 18 and I love you so much Rachel. I'm also a lesbian and I don't want children. I've never been more happy with my sexuality!
so happy for u !!
I hope she would see this!
Jesus, 15? What denomination was that if you don't mind me asking? That sounds horrible.
You go Girl! Be true to yourself! All the best for you and any partner you have. 😄
i’m so proud of you! sending you light & love
Is it just me or does anyone else suspect that being unmarried for what she percieved to be an inordinate amount of time, and having to watch her sister get married super young and "get picked" in the "right amount of time"(according to them), and having to sit by idly as her sister is happy in her married life, made Bethany really fucking insecure? So that now that the tables are kind of turned and she had a baby super easily and her sister is/has been struggling, she's feeling some weird type of vindication and that's maybe why she isn't being a sensitive as she probably should be about it? Because honestly, with how much they preach and condescend the choices of other women, she definitely seems like the type of woman to treat another woman in that way, even her own sister.
You're absolutely right
Oh definitely. I have always gotten the vibe that neither really liked each other all that much and that maybe they were compared to each other a lot while growing up.
I understand the value of being sensitive to her sister’s infertility, but people are asking Bethany to diminish her joy and celebration about her pregnancies and births. I don’t think it’s entirely fair to expect Bethany to be “less than” because her sister is experiencing a hardship. If Kristen wasn’t experiencing infertility, no one would ask Bethany to temper herself or her excitement about her reproductive choices.
I’m not saying that I personally wouldn’t be deferential to my sister if I was in Bethany’s position, but I’m not convinced that it’s Bethany’s responsibility to take on Kristen’s struggles and pain.
@@alexwyatt2911 She doesn't have to stop living her life for the sake of her sister it's just kinda weird that she's being so sexually open considering how she was before. It feels a little pointed so she's getting those side eyes. But her self discovery is her journey so may she find herself.
@@yukikanegawa7470 Your point speaks to the content of this YT video, but your point is off-topic to this particular comment thread. We’re discussing Bethany celebrating her own pregnancies and births while her sister, Kristen, is struggling with infertility.
For a 30 year old Bethany’s immaturity really shows she can’t read his body language very well and giggles all the time like a 15-16year old with their first crush
I guess that’s what happens when you don’t get to spend your 20s doing the things lots of other women do. Dating, living on your own, living for yourself, exploring life, making mistakes, learning new ideas through further educating or new skills through working. Meeting people different from yourself, culture, music, literature.
I know a lot is made of them waiting til marriage at 31 to have sex and even kiss for the first time. But I feel it’s bigger than that. I feel like her whole 20s were a state of arrested development. She lived like a 15 year old girl, waiting for marriage so her adult life could begin, the way I waited to move away for university so my adult life could begin at 18.
Because relationship-wise she truly is immature.
I think a lot of high demand religions really keep people immature, because they layer on the shame and guilt and don’t allow people to even feel comfortable speaking freely like adults. The one good thing I think they are doing for themselves is practicing speaking openly, but sadly they’re using it to grift.
She's 30??????
I didn't really know much about her, just a bit here and there from people like Rachel, but I thought she's at oldest early 20's because of how immature she is in the way she communicates and understands thing. I didn't think she's my age.
Good gods, you'd think people would give serious, mature thought about marriage and partnership, but what can I expect from someone like this with a full on "fairy tale marriage fantasy"?
maybe it’s more of a nervous laugh? morgan does the same thing whenever paul’s around
So basically Bethany spent 30 years in Christmas Eve, because the anticipation was more interesting than opening the presents. Then they opened the presents and that was over. For life.
The perfect setup for a let down.
Absolutely brilliant analogy
Good analogy. Literally nothing can live up to 30 years of hype and anticipation.
I’ve always felt that Kristen was the pretty golden girl & Bethany was the more homely younger sister in her shadow. Makes sense that they would hold their “accomplishments” aka marriage, childbirth over each other.
It's also just general older-younger sinling dinamic I would.say
@@Niphredyl not at all. in a normal sibling dynamic, what two average sisters would give a fuck about who marries the better man or bears children first.. 😂
@@cowaburbertrue, but siblings annoying each other isnt uncommon. I do think theres something deeper going on tho
@@jauume, I’d say siblings annoying eachother in *childhood* isn’t uncommon. When you’re both adults, living apart, having your own lives, you really shouldn’t be annoyed by your siblings at that point.
This is honestly just women in general. A woman's worst enemy will always be other women, they will never be judged, bullied and ostracized more than when they are around jealous women.
Honestly I can understand why Bethany keeps referring to her marriage day as her peak and the last time she was happy, she’s spent her whole life valuing her purity and virginity (as many Christian women like her do) to the point where that’s her personality. That’s all they see themselves as, because to them their purity and virginity is vital to who they are. And once their virginity is gone, they have nothing left. The day she got married, her entire personality that she developed her whole life up to that point disappeared. That’s definitely why she’s latched onto sex and making her new personality “horny housewife”. It’s so sad.
It’s really sad that these people attach their value to males. They value themselves as virgins because they’re saving themselves for their future husband, then once married, they value themselves because they’re now a fulfilled wife. No personality outside of the male. It reinforces the whole “women are objects” shit.
Nail on the head.
I agree about the purity-personality aspect, but having grown up in a similar community to them, no longer being a virgin once married isn’t really a loss of purity. As in, it’s not a bad thing, she’s “meant to” be having sex w her husband because that’s apparently what god made her to do (be subservient to her husband and reproduce). Her wedding was the highlight of her life because marriage and being a wife is what you were raised to be as a woman, that’s the #1 goal - and the marriage won’t live up to the dream she had.
She is mother now. She should find it valuable too.
The vibe I get from Dave & Bethany, as well as Paul & Morgan, is of two people who want a genuine connection with one another, but they don't know how because they where not given the tools to build an intimate romantic relationship. It's sad.
True. But I think D&B have had more growth than P&M. And they seem to be more open to learning
@@mimimo6010 , I detect that vibe, too.
Also, with Paul, I detect a vibe of someone who is visibly scared of losing control, and who will cling to that power and control at all costs.
@@dinosaysrawr"When I say something really hurtful to Morgan, I think wow I'm glad she can't leave me".
That can definitely be the case, specially when they think they need to adapt themselves to a perfect marriage model, instead of solving issues between themselves and building a relationship that makes most sense. I mean, how can you honestly discuss your relationship this way?
Exactly. They followed all of the “rules” for a good marriage, and now they are realizing that marriage doesn’t work that way
THE PART ABOUT THE PARENTS USING THEIR DAUGHTER AS AN ANATOMICAL DUMMY. my jaw dropped that is SCARY. how are people like that allowed to have children???
OMG I WAS SCOURING THE COMMENTS FOR A MENTION OF THIS!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?? This is crazy!! That poor baby girl.
Time stamp?
That's the worst part of the video.
@@09Jule it's at around 1hr 40min
basically at the 2 hour mark
"Men typically want respect, and women typically want love" i kind of hate this. I'm pretty sure people of any gender want to feel both loved and respected in a relationship (if they want one, it's completely okay to choose to be single or be aro and not want one, etc.) And also I feel like this feeds into the idea that men don't want love/it's weird for a man to want to be loved narrative.
like... do men want their female partners to treat them like a boss or something? 😂 "I respect my husband far too much to actually love him." who wants that?
@@raywilliams212 certainly not me or my bf but we're a queer couple so Bethany probably isn't even thinking of us existing.
@@yourlocalnerd7788 yea... I'm queer as well and somehow my girlfriend and I manage to love AND respect each other
I don't know about the average guy but I'm pretty needy and definitely require regular clear displays of love and affection.
I can however see how social/cultural/religious conditioning might teach men to be these stoic provider/protector figures who shouldn't care about love. -although that's obviously not something I think we should normalize or perpetuate.
@yourlocalnerd7788 oooh this sentence can so very easily be derived into justifying domestic abuse ("she doesn't need respect, she needs to respect me" blablabla eww) and men being forced to bottle up their emotions ("crying is for women, she broke up with you it's okay it was juste for the sex right bro ?" and all that shit), that is actually disgusting
The person who snorted during the wedding video when the preacher said it was Bethanys first kiss is my hero.
Agreed! 😂
I think it's because the officiator said Bethany "shared her first kiss" and corrected it to say "saved her first kiss" 😅
It was an awkward ass kiss at that.
21:34 notice how it’s, “/we/ were pregnant,” and then “/I/miscarried.” The dissonance and implications are just devastating, to me
Eh yeah, saw it too. :( Also I don’t want to read too much into facial expressions or body language or any of such things because OF COURSE I know that those thing vary - but!
I was so confused when I saw almost no sadness on his face when she said it… :( Or maybe, okay, “almost no sadness”may be too harsh, yeah - I know it. So maybe I should use other words - and also I want to highlight the fact that I say it in a non judgmental way, but I was genuinely worried whether she receives the supports she needs and that’s something I noticed. But ofc I may be wrong! Please keep that in mind. Definitely not judging a stranger by some few seconds or their one reaction, but u know what I mean.
Can you imagine saying "bro, I barely know you!" on your WEDDING NIGHT?!
And saying it like it’s some cute normal thing everyone can relate to. 🥴 I think she and Paul got married after dating for 4 months. Not engaged after 4 months. Together TOTAL 4 months before being married for life.
Hearing that made me feel a whole new type of icky dude
@@cheesecake134, my husband and I were married 3 months after we met. During that time I met his kids, we discussed what we wanted in life, how many kids we wanted to have, how we could complement each other, and how we weren’t going to be a super religious family like the one I came from. We’re coming up on our 19th anniversary. It’s possible, but I also know that we are a unique situation.
@@jentroytravel312 You had past relationships though right?
@@jentroytravel312 Saying you met his kids tells me you were probably older than Morgan(who I think was 22 when they got married?) and that you both had clearly had previous relationships and life experiences that had matured you. It doesn’t sound like you went into it completely naive to what marriage truly means, like P+M definitely did. They very quickly discovered how incompatible they actually are. Turns out marrying someone just because they’re a ~hottie who loves Jesus~ isn’t enough to sustain a marriage 😂
My Sunday School growing up taught me that 70% of couples who move in together before marriage end in divorce. When I got older, I learned that pretty much the opposite is true. Purity culture isn’t just toxic and misleading, it’s an outright lie.
Same here. My church was still trying to teach us this as high schoolers. I was 17, I stopped going after that.
I think it is actually true that most couples that move in together before marriage end in divorce, but that changes when you look at couples who intentionally move in together vs couples who move in together due to other circumstances like money, convience, etc. Basically, if you are viewing moving in together as a step in your relationship and choosing to take that step, you are more likely to stay together than if you just end up living together because you can't afford to live on your own or something.
@@rachelbbq Also couples that move in together before marriage often are in another mindset. I would guess that a huge part of couples that move together only after marriage are from religious backgrounds where divorce is looked at as something bad.
While the other couples know, that it is okay to divorce when it doesn't work out. So these rates are also higher because of this. They aren't ''forced'' to stay together.
I cannot believe that they say "God gave me this gift" of being pregnant when people in their life cannot get pregnant. Guess Kristen isn't godly enough 💁♀️💁♀️
God is not that generous.
They do it with their entire lives, have money? Thank you God for blessing ME with money. Have a house? Thank you God for blessing ME with a house. And on and on. It doesn't take too much research to learn that most religions were used to feel superior. Being closer to "god", or your "gods" gives you a sense of entitlement and superiority over others. If positive things are a sign that you are loved more, then obviously anything negative just means you haven't worshipped God enough, or the right way to get blessings.
I caught that, too. She was calculated with what she said.
It was like a big middle finger to her sister, especially when in the video she was like ‘we weren’t even trying and it happened’ it’s like a slap in the face to her sister. If you watch videos with the two of them together you can tell how competitive they are with each other and that Bethy especially can’t stand it when Kristen is talking and is always trying to shift focus to herself
Honestly? I feel like Dave may end up divorcing Bethany and leaving the faith. I just get the vibe that he's very tired of the life that he's leading and that might be the only way out for him.
Sidenote: You look lovely in this video!
I know that Bethany has done harm but I genuinely hope the best for both of these people, that they will get out of this cult.
There's the possibility that as he grows she will follow him in that bc his healing might hold space for her to really make bigger changes in her worldview.
He seems pretty patient and it does seem there is genuine love in there between the struggles and the religious obstructions, so who knows
@@runew9732 I really hope so
These folks hold marriage as the ultimate connection so I doubt they would get divorced for any reason which is unfortunate for them. Not to sound brash, but Bethany wouldn't be able to give her half-baked relationship advice anymore so I'm sure she would at least try to compromise.
@Spooky Time if he leaves the faith behind though, he may no longer view marriage that way and won't care about filing for divorce.
I vividly remember being in public school in the Philippines and sex education being implicitly taught to us by our Science teacher at 4th grade. It wasn’t taught inappropriately, but rather as a matter of factly, and part of life.
To add to this, that teacher was extremely religious and had a pastor for a husband. That wasn’t even the only time she taught us about the birds and the bees, but was also teaching this until the 6th grade (she was the science teacher from 3rd to 6th grade in our school). And although we were encouraged to stay pure and wait for marriage, it was never the main message.
When most of the girls in class started having their periods, she made it a point to teach everyone, even the boys, about it earlier than the lecture plan intended. So when girls bled through their skirts, boys wouldn’t make fun of us but actually help us.
We were educated in the most age-appropriate manner and were allowed to ask questions, which were answered in an equally professional, honest, and appropriate way. This talk on sex, biology, and anatomy were further nourished in the years of school that progressed. And again, these were information given to us by mostly Catholic and Christian women who continued to encourage us not to engage in sexual activity until we were in the right age and situation.
I look back at all the people in those classes and see how positively we have taken these lessons we were taught. It gave us liberty and autonomy, and were still able to put value on sex despite having been exposed to the idea at a young age.
That's awesome! Having sex education taught by a science teacher makes so much sense. In the states my sex education teacher in Middle school was the Home Ec. teacher (she taught baking & sewing). She was the *last* person on the planet who should have been teaching such a sensitive subject. She was mean and nasty to all the kids and was uncomfortable using medical terms like "penis" and "vagina". 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
We had to draw the reproductive organs to familiarize it too! We learn their functions and process by our science teacher, she told us that these are the parts we have and shouldn't laugh about it, we still did though because the organs looked funny when we drew them, lol
Dave sounds like his earlier appearances were as many suspected, just to please Bethany and the brand. So glad he is finding his own place and self.
Exactly… hopefully she can continue deconstructing as Dave clearly is… it’s not at all easy at first… it starts to snowball and get easier. And so worth it
I'm a little out of the girl defined loop, did they separate or get divorce or whatever?
@@grosebud4721 im curious about this too
@@grosebud4721they're together, but in recent videos Dav is open about how much purity culture harmed him and he's getting therapy from a qualified therapist and showing signs of deconstruction.
I suspect there’s something else going on with Dav but can’t put my finger on what it is.
that last couple is horrifying. I can't imagine seeing your partner be in literal pain whenever you had sex with them and say that they ACTIVELY AVOIDED IT throughout the entire beginning of their marriage and still think SHES the broken one. He KNEW it was hurting her, and that sex was something she tried to avoid each time and just did it anyway??? How can anyone claim to love their partner knowing that you're hurting them and doing it anyway? It honestly scares me that this poor woman was TORTURING herself because she felt like it was simply a duty to fulfill. Not only that, but she felt bad FOR HIM because she couldn't bring herself to enjoy him actively hurting her. Why is it that somehow it always ends up being the womans fault?
Wheeeew man this is deep and scary... Im no virgin im not a pure woman lol. But my partner knows who and how many people i have been with. I have endometriosis and it causes sexual pain . and he takes time to be gentle or just says hey lets watch a movie or cuddle cause he doesn't want to hurt me or make me feel uncomfortable... I just can't get how her dude is like cool ur in pain? Well its gods plan lets make those babies!!!
@@kathyowens8400 I was going to say, that poor woman probably had or even still has vaginismus! It’s not uncommon for ppl who grew up literally indoctrinated to fear penetration. Her creep of a husband thought of everything short of forplay and lube 😭
I didn't grow up christian or in purity culture and in my first relationship this was my experience as well. It traumatised me, because I would tell him stop and no and he would just ignore me or manipulate me until I would say yes anyways. It was horible and Im still dealing with it 10 years later. We get told it's normal that sex hurts at the start, but it isn't. If it hurts you tell your partner and you take a step back. I wish everyone was told this and I wish I was told that when I was younger.
@@ST-vt4nu I agree with everything you say, but just want to mention that it is normal for sex to hurt IF the woman isn't adequately prepared. It's not normal for _healthy_ sex for the woman to be unprepared. But it's not NOT normal for a woman to be unprepared no matter how much she has sex, at the start of having sex or after ten years of experience. I just wanted to mention that because a lot of people have a perception that women who've had a lot of sex are 'loose' or easier to have sex with. That's not the case, stuffing a hard object into a smaller cavity will almost always hurt without proper lubrication. That's normal for a woman, to need lubrication (natural or otherwise), whether you have sex several times a week or once a year, or never. What isn't normal (or isn't good/healthy/kind) is your partner being such a twat they don't bother to get you adequately prepared or ignore you when you say you're not in the mood.
Sorry about your partner. I know that all too well. Sometimes it feels like a lot of guys purposefully push boundaries constantly to get their sexual pleasure, like a child pressuring their parent for sweets, and you only give in because you're so exhausted with their constant pushing and hassling rather than because you want to. But because it's not like the movies where everyone's screaming and the villain has an obvious evil smirk, you rationalise it in your head to make excuses for him. It sucks.
My ex was like this
Someone please tell Bethany her baby isn't a bloody prop and doesn't need to be there especially when she's talking about sex, please.
Edit : I am not saying teaching nor conversing about sex in front of your children in general is wrong. I am simply critiquing the manner in which Bethany is handling her child in her videos(which wittingly or not is like a prop). I am not shaming her just stating an observation and for the love of baby jesus please watch the video in full before commenting.
She's literally juggling her around in that video like dang
That and she isn't responding to her needs.
I understand not hiding things from your kids, but you don't read a PHD thesis on cloud formation as a bed time story.
It worried me that they don't know their child's body parts though. The medical issues that can come without cleaning properly! Or if their kids have questions when their older. The lack of basic sex ed is so sad.
*worried
This video made me want to learn a little more about them. I read an interview Bethany did for Vice. In the first couple paragraphs the interviewer mentioned that she held her baby the whole time. I don't have any kids, but from what I've observed, it seems like people are always trying to pass their babies off on someone else to hold for a while. It's even one of my pet peeves. I don't like holding people's babies because they tend to disappear into the ether. But seriously, it does seem like the baby is a prop. Does she think people won't believe she has one unless they see it?
She’s like the girl in high school who lost her virginity first and suddenly became an expert overnight, except she definitely wasn’t the first
the very fact she doesn't know to go to the toilet after sex to avoid UTIs is actually shocking. Imagine being in your 30s and being so abysmally sexually unaware
What I'm 25 and I didn't know this and I have been having sex for years now 🥺
Although my partner and I instinctively go to the toilet to clean up after the act
Just don't like the feeling of leaving those juices there (Sorry for TMI).
@Estrella Nathali Guerrero Gutierrez if you have a vagina are sexually active and have been treated for any of kind of yeast infection/bv/ph imbalance your doctor should've told you to always use the toilet after any kind of penetrative sex! Idk where you are in the world either so your sex ed in schools might've been very different, but in the uk, that's part of our curriculum lmao
There's also a difference between just being simply oblivious to this one fact and being naive to this one quite commonly known bit of information yet continuing to spread sexual misinformation to other naive young women
@@abigailxmary I started having sex when I was 21 and also didn’t realize how easy it was to get yeast infections and UTIs after having sex. I reallyyyy struggled with them because I didn’t pee or wash myself right away. Literally just waiting to pee and wash 20-30 mins after (since I was never taught to immediately wash/pee) would wreak havoc on my body. No one explicitly told me what I should be doing after unfortunately. I’m also from the US and from what I remember from Health class, this was not discussed. The majority of our Sex Ed was in the form of discussing STIs and STDs and how to be safe (condoms) and how to check for any abnormalities and breast cancer. That’s about it as far as I remember. So frustrating that this kind of stuff is not properly discussed here and a lot of parents do not go into detail either. I’m also Latina like the girl who commented above and as far as I’m aware, lots of Hispanic families do not discuss things like this openly and do not bother educating their kids at all. It’s pretty much just “make sure you’re safe”. 😕
Ehh I had normal sex ed and liberal/barely religious upbringing. I learned that from a random make up youtuber when I was 23 😅
the fact that i also didn’t learn this from school or family but wattpad-
At an hour and 21, when her husband says "I don't like you" through that massive smile, it gave me chills. I hate it.
I came here to say the same thing
I dont know if he actually meant "I dont like how you are acting right now" or "I dont like how fake you act in front of cameras and how you expose me" but that still pretty bad
It seemed to me to be a joke like he’s smiling at her because he does like her and he’s joking when he says he doesn’t ? Idk that’s how I saw it as I could see my bf saying that but tbf our relationship it pretty different to theirs haha so his might sincere hahah
@@zom3g yeah like when my partner would make a stupid joke or pun I’d laugh and say “I hate you ahahahha” obvi a joke.. not sure about them but maybe the same?
@@annarandall6468meet we
I laughed out loud when these girls said “yeah if you’re single then god has sentenced you to abstinence love ❤”
What I find to be one of the most disturbing parts of their media presence is their ability to talk SO much without saying anything… they just ramble on and on. It drives me absolutely bonkers. They deal in the realm of the ephemeral all the time. They only dance around issues without ever saying anything of consequence. It’s absolutely maddening
ps you look fabulous, a slay for the ages
That’s just being a woman.
@@Edible_Kittens what is being a woman?? Idk what you're referring to from the comment
@@alim.9801that’s just being misogynistic, don’t worry about it 😊
There is an unfortunate habit amongst some TH-camrs to believe that the quantity of words they use makes up for the lack of meaning in their statements.
@@Edible_Kittensyou’ve got a fascinating subscriptions list for being so unashamedly sexist
It’s so sad and aggravating that not only did that couple admit to assaulting their daughter with their friends, but they essentially also admitted to the husband assaulting the wife on multiple occasions
Huh?? Where?
@@dianalove539they mean the obligatory sex thing. The woman hated and avoided it, which kinda makes it rape
*raping her
'I'm a real adult at last!' omg I wanted to laugh but actually this is so sad. in this sort of culture single women are so infantalized since you're meant to be passed off from your dad to your husband, you're still expected to stay under your parents *authority* until you're married, even if you're 30 when that actually happens. its like her adult life wasn't allowed to begin until some guy agreed to marry her :(
Accurate.
Well put! They don’t have their own identity outside of a man. They’re constantly chaperoned as if they can’t function themselves or they can’t be trusted. It’s bleak af.
The older couple talking about their experience is breaking my heart. How could you want to keep on doing sex when your partner is in pain in the meantime. That's just sick. And her having the feeling to endure that as a wively duty...
Exactly. He couldn't have loved her knowing she didn't like it and was in pain. And he STILL got off. That's disgusting.
Everytime they used the word "broken" I came closer and closer to throwing my phone.
It was one thing to hear the wife describe herself, and wanting to tell her "NO! YOURE NOT!"
But the husband AGREEING? No. No that's my line. You don't just go "yeah she's 'broken,'... but I'm having fun."
Gtfo.
Honestly this is why I love my bf, he always emphasises consent when I am in pain or not feeling it, I can tap out even on the middle of sex
their whole story is about how wrong they were. i’m not really sure how you guys missed that. they were so beyond ignorant, now they’re sharing their story and educating people. they lost me at the inappropriately touching and examining an infant though.
@@allisonhogarth2983 Literally no body missed that. We're simply pointing out the fact that their own ideology is what promoted that, and that don't seem to have changed much.
I went from laughing at them with Cody and Noel to listening to deep dive dissections on their rebrand LOL
Same lol
I though they were just goofy when I watched Cody and Noel but nah, these girls are fucked up
no literally i wasn’t aware it was this crazy
One of the things i find both funny and frustrating about Bethany's "sex advice" is that the vast majority of the time she doesn't actually give any real sex advice. She just talks in vagaries about how "you need to have a servant mindset and a positive attitude", and later on she talks a little about struggling to connect with your partner sexually, but through all of it she never gives any advice or details about the messy realities of sex. Like, when she talked about getting a UTI she just talked about how "it happens sometimes and you don't need to be embarrassed about it" which is a perfectly fine thing to say, but then for some reason she DIDN'T tell her audience that peeing after sex is a really effective way of preventing UTIs bc it flushes out any bacteria that could end up causing irritation. Like it's SUCH a simple bit of advice and yet she couldn't even muster that. It's the same with basically all the other stuff she talks about too. The fact that she thinks she's somehow a sex educator now despite not being able to give any real concrete advice on the messiness of sex and intimate relationships is laughable to me.
It's almost like she has not much of a clue about sex...
This is kind of why I have some faith in Bethany - she seems to have the desire to be different to how she was raised, but she doesn’t quite know how to do it.
I experienced something similar, like I hated what I was living with but I had no other environment, I didn’t know how else to act or react or how to vocalize certain things. Seems like Bethany wants to empower women and a lot of the things she preaches have a strain of feminism, but Christianity has been drilled into her since birth. Getting married probably put some distance between her parents/sister which probably let her grow independently a little, which might explain how she’s started posting slight criticisms of the Christian community. If she wasn’t still so wrapped up in an insular community, she may develop the perspectives, language, etc to communicate better about the topics she’s trying to discuss.
Yes. Another tip is being wet/lubricated enough (this is usually why women get a uti)
THIS.
@@mchlle94that’s more likely to get you BV or a yeast infection as it creates microtears in your vulvar tissue. A UTI takes place in your urinary tract
It’s wild to watch two people get to know each other when one is 7months pregnant with the other’s baby.
Even crazier finding out where the clit is after having a child 💀
Their baby. But yeah, and they seem like it's not going that well.
@@bethanychatman9531 my bad, didn’t realize hubbie was non-binary
@@smaugkat they mean because the baby isn’t just his
@@sophiathefurbst aaaaahhhhhv omg. i smoke a lot of weed.
Another danger in suppressing sexuality until marriage is that many people don’t realize they’re gay until they’re in a heterosexual marriage. I grew up in a fundamentalist community and it’s crazy how many people I know have married someone of the opposite sex only to realize years later that they’re queer. A lot of the expectations to be abstinent can mask that incompatibility- as one of my friends said “He never tried to kiss me or touch me sexually and I thought it was because he was so godly / respected me so much spiritually.” They’re divorced now and doing well, but man, so much pain and struggle could be avoided by encouraging people to accept who they are and not repress those natural parts of themselves at an early age.
In case this came across that way, I’m NOT saying that’s the case for the Beals! I have no idea. But it’s more common than a lot of people think.
@@AChickandaDuck I know! I am also wondering if he's not just asexual as I am! I know there were a lot of talks about him being "gay" some time ago, but not a lot of people realize they're asexual until they try experimenting with both genders, because they have an average libido as I have, but do not feel comfortable with sex with any gender! I was a virgin for all my college years (actually I still am) and wondered if I was a lesbian, and growing up in a very Catholic family that was a no-no, so I also had suicidal ideation and all things that a lot of closeted gay people go through until I actually tried being with girls and saw I didn't enjoy that either, I just enjoy the platonic idea of sex with each gender and I just use toys to be satisfied. I am also aromantic! And I am still a virgin. but a much happier and more satisfied one now I have my toys!
Edit: I did not mean that I'm happier now because I know I'm not a lesbian, my family still believes I'm a lesbian and do not believe in asexuality! I am just happier now that I let go of religion and accepted myself the way I am!
Yes 100% and I think bisexuality complicates this too. Where you might never find out the full truth of your sexuality bc you were pushed into straightness at a young age
that lowkey makes a lot of sense, that culture idolizes abstinence and repression so it would be so easy for a someone to interpret their lack of attraction to the opposite sex as them being more naturally “godly” or “devoted” (especially while they already deny their same sex attraction), trippy (lowkey i think about how this ties into the origins of priest abstinence too sorry dont come for me)
@@dgo333 I agree! And I'm from an American Irish Catholic/Half-Brazilian-German Catholic family! I had a friend from high school who always gave gay vibes and was very religious and always said he would save himself for marriage! Also, a lot of priests I knew while I was still in the church gave those vibes as well. I am not saying that every person who sometimes comes off as gay is, but stereotypes exist for a reason! I know what is like to be someone who is a victim of wrong assumptions about sexuality (just because I didn't hook up with any boys, I actually was always a very feminine person) . I also know many guys who gave those vibes and denied fiercely being gay and are today married to men!
Lmao. Bethany is stuck in the equivalent of a really "meh" tinder date where you have no chemistry with the other person but have sex with them anyway because "hell, why not." Expect its legally binding.
Because a random ass book told her to.
That's grim.
Yeah I pity both of them tbh. Because I can only imagine how they must question things because theyre not as happy as they were promised. Its so fucking sad.
You can’t forget that most of us were RAISED this way. Literally from when we could walk. My parents would make me believe God was always watching. At school, in the bathroom, in my dreams, in my thoughts…… There were aspects of religion that made me feel safe and when that was threatened, I lashed out. I’m embarrassed to say that i genuinely believed that i was going to burn in Hell for my mental health symptoms. I had ADHD and OCD, and my of my teenage years were absolutely Hell. I wanted to be like my friends so badly. But my brain would not let me forget. Anytime I made a mistake, or had an intrusive thought, or lied, I immediately felt dread and guilt. It felt so horrible. I thought maybe converting people out of fear they’d burn in Hell or even, that taking it out on others “for being bad” made me feel like maybe I was in God’s good graces for “trying to convince others to see God”. But as I got older, I realized that most of this stuff is just a tactic to keep me in line. Of course, they THOUGHT they were helping me. But, maybe this stuff only helps people who aren’t (as) mentally ill. Just in the fact that for some people, even after meds and therapy it is still hard to live daily life. And for years, knowing that I was always being watched and everything I did could possible send me to Hell?? Well, it helped me make changes to realize that God is good but I think that it depends WHO you learn it from. That matters.
Going to Morgan about sex during infertiltiy instead Kirsten feels like SUCH a choice.
We know Morgan had struggles with infertility also, but it is weird to not ask your sister who you probably have a closer relationship with.
@@blueismylove3128 Maybe Kristen didn’t want to talk about it. At that point, Morgan had gotten pregnant and given birth. Kristen never got to that point. I would imagine that’s still a deep wound for Kristen.
Edit: changed “would” to “wound”
@@alexwyatt2911 That's a possibility too
I always saw it as a “business” decision, she has thousands of videos with her sister, it’s just a ft with another relatively known Christian influencer
It makes me so sad that such a simple question like: "What things do you guys enjoy doing together?" evolves into them not being able to find more than two things they both enjoy.
Literally 😳 I mean I love doing puzzles with my boyfriend but there’s a million other things I can list before that, endless list
I can think of more things I enjoy doing together with my dog. Let alone your partner.
Literally like I figured sex would be one of the things on the list 💀 puzzles?
Puzzles can def be a thing couples enjoy but she barely knew how to pronounce Sudoku or list literally any other puzzle game out there
And one of this things is "hanging out with other people"
Holy shit... Bethany not knowing till 20, and her husband not knowing till 18 what sex actually was is insane and explains SO MUCH about her. And the thing of it is you can blame her parents for the first 18 years or whatever of her life for i guess home schooling her, and sheltering her... but at a certain point the fact she never even bothered to look this stuff up on her own is mind blowing and a real testament to the harm fundamental religions can do to people in their development as a human being.
They're taught to look for answers in the Bible, and they can twist any verse to mean whatever supports their position. They're in this weird little echo chamber, where they don't know what they don't know. If you know what I mean.
I don’t think that’s insane at all, teenagers are children I don’t get this obsession with over sexualising them. Learning about sex and sexuality in your 20s is probably better you’re more mature, you’re out of the peer pressure bubble.
@@tashansofwa2426 it’s pretty essential for preteens to learn about sex since that’s when the hormones that make you horny and experience sexual attraction start kicking in. Most people who aren’t asexual and don’t have hormone issues experience sexual attraction by 18, so it’d be pretty detrimental for everybody involved if they didn’t know what sex is and how to have it safely
@@tashansofwa2426 Teens experience sexual desires and changes and need to be aware of whats going on with their own bodies. Ignorance gets people hurt and gets people pregnant. That is why we KNOW areas where abstinence for example is the only thing taught see a much higher rate of teen pregnancy and miscarriages. Teaching kids _about_ sex so they have knowledge to arm themselves in their decisions is not at all the same as sexualising them. This is a dishonest comparison through and through.
Kids _need_ to be taught these things. Its their body, its their hormones, they deserve the right to understand what is going on with them. AND to add to that proper education protects them from things like abuse and rape. Kids who know nothing about sex have a hard time talking to people if they are abused because they do not have the language or understanding about their abuse. Keeping your kids ignorant about sex sets them up to be victims. And part of the conversation around sex is CONSENT. Something a lot of Christians seem to have little to no understanding off. And talks of consent, again, give kids the actual tools to recognize and report abuse. Like i dare you to find ANY Bethany video where they talk about real consent in a sexual relationship. Iv sadly seen hours and hours and hours of their content and never a single time have i seen them talk about actual consent issues, which is one of the MOST important things in a healthy sexual relationship.
Keeping kids ignorant to sex and sexuality not only harms them down the road as adults, but primes them to be victims as kids. That is why proper education is so important. I do wonder if Bethany and her husband could have maybe avoided some of their pitfalls if they had just been educated on what a healthy sexual relationship looks like, rather than them stumble into it like blind babes in the woods. I mean Bethany kinda already alludes to this being the case because it seems one of the whole reasons she is now a "Christian sex guru" is because she doent want other couples to struggle like she did.
@@tashansofwa2426 Not teaching teenagers what sex is and safe sexual practice is a surefire way to increase unsafe sex and sexual abuse
But also, something no one addressed, it must be borderline traumatizing to on a single day, not only have your first kiss but to have sex for the first time and everything in between. Those are all major milestones in a woman discovering who they are as women (and men too!). To insist that all of these very emotionally charged things have to happen within 6 hours of each other would genuinely cause serious problems and cause self esteem issues for most people.
And the fact that no matter how these things go they're legally bound to this person, and a lot of times people rush into marriages because they feel like they can't have meaningful relationships without being married (and they just want to have sex without feeling stained for their entire life)
@@comcat8524 exactly. Like do you remember what it was like when you discovered kissing!? I was in space every time I kissed someone and when I started dating, each ‘base’ lasted months because we were exploring each other. Kissing was the bees knees and we slowly began to become more intimate… having all that in the span of a couple hours seems like it will more likely lead to infidelity and other things like pushing your partner too fast. You didn’t enjoy the excitement of more playful intimacy and went through all the stages right away so there isn’t any sexual buildup it’s just all at once. That will get boring real quick.
Can you imagine?? I went three years between kissing and sex and I NEEDED those three years!!!
I had my first kiss the same evening I lost my virginity and it wasn’t traumatizing at all lmao
@@igottaberpbut I assume you chose to do it rather than being essentially given no other choice by cultural conditioning and social and familial pressure
How can you listen to your partner not only say they don’t experience pleasure from sex but that it causes them pain, they hate it and endure through it and you still think it’s fine and demand sex multiple times a week? How can you physically enjoy it and get off knowing you’re causing your partner physical and emotional trauma? What the fuck is wrong with people like that?
Wow.... Paul saying he can say horrible stuff to Morgan and she can't leave.... wtaf
And they say romance is dead 🙃
I want Morgan to RUN
I have to avoid Paul and Morgan content because it's so upsetting to watch him treat her the way he does.
She puked during his vows, that should have been a sign from god telling her DONT MARRY HIM
Not as horrifying as the couple who SA'd their child tho. Literally NO one is talking about that.
As someone who grew up in a Christian household and went to a Christian school I so thought it was normal for your 1st years married to be full of arguments and listening more to the man since I was supposed to be a helper. I am very outspoken and my fiancé loves that about me. We have such great communication and talk about everything. He would never expect me to hold my thoughts even if it is a hard conversation to have.
Sounds like to me Bethany was sex obsessed more than marriage obsessed. Like the married part was to get to the sex part that's how she talked before she got married. Then she put such a high expectation for it that it ultimately let her down in the end
lol she married a gay person
I think she was obsessed with both. Her wedding was the highlight of her life, and she was certain that marriage would make her whole. And then when it wasn't, she believed she could make it that way with sheer willpower. I mean, she has their wedding photos blown up huge and hung on their living room wall 🙄
I think you're right. When you hear how she talked about marriage before she got married, she sounds like a boy-obsessed teenager. And given how she has become such a "sexual being" post-marriage, I think she is a horny person. Which is totally fine. It's just a bit sad that, if my speculations are correct, she had to repress that side of herself for so long, only to end up in a marriage with "bad sex" (as she and Dave described it).
Bethany has always come across to me like someone who desperately needs everyone to view her as perfect. Especially when it comes to her marriage. But the body language is always off. I just think it’s been obvious that their marriage has been a struggle from the beginning. I don’t believe they are compatible but they are trying SO hard to be because they’ve made this lifelong commitment without really knowing what they were getting into.
It's a very common thing in Christianity to obsess over appearing like the perfect person even down to the tiniest things. For example, I asked my dad why he's so adamant about raking leaves and he said that he actually doesn't mind the leaves, but he's worried what the neighbors would think if he didn't rake them. Or how my mom yelled at me after my middle school graduation for wearing jeans and a t-shirt while all the other kids wore dress clothes and how I made her look like a "bad Christian mom." I think it comes from this belief that if they were to express that they are imperfect, people may be less inclined to convert to Christianity. Kind of reminds me of how some vegans insist they don't miss any kind of animal products when in actuality they probably do and it doesn't mean you're a bad person or less vegan if you do miss them
@@gothduck9842 , yes! A lot of fundagelicals in particular feel they *have* to project an infallible aura of joy-joy-joy-joy and perfection, or else unbelievers won't want to convert and believers will think they're not holy and faithful enough.
She’s way too girl boss/type a personality. I think that annoys him.
I can't imagine the confusion they must have in their relationship. My husband and I have great communication and we still struggle with communicating our perspectives. We've been together 11 years.
i believe its a persona she invented in front of camera but fail completely bcs we can see thru her BS. compare when she's in a vid with her husband she seems more relaxed
This top is EVERYTHING. The color + cut + fit were made for you. Very much giving Beach Rollerblading Barbie
I think it's from shein, I bought a very cute top of the same series :)
It’s a dress I got from urban outfitters around 2 years ago. I never buy from Shein / Primark / any of those super-fast fashion places anymore. I try and make sure I mostly buy from smaller and more ethical brands like The Hippie Shake or at least brands who are making a real effort to do better like Disturbia and The Ragged Priest. That said, I’m not exactly rich so I do supplement my wardrobe with a few highstreet pieces like this. I also get a lot of stuff secondhand.
@@RachelOatesThank you for giving your support for more ethical habits! ❤️
What makes me sad is how little Kristen seems to understand about infertility. When I called my Dr after my first positive tests, she told me "be ready to miscarry. Do not put too much stock into this until you pass 16 weeks". I thought that was something Drs just tell you. Like ik it's scary, but it's a very real possibility in those first weeks. And then she couldn't understand that it has nothing to do with God it literally just a biological thing. Some pregnancies start strong and end strong, some start weak and end strong, and some start weak and end shortly thereafter because the body was either rejecting it or the hormones didn't increase quickly enough. It's sad to hear someone struggle with these feelings because their faith pushed them into that corner
I think I read somewhere that about 10-20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage and a lot of women don't even know that they might have had a miscarriage that one time when their menstruation was late and heavy. So yeah, experiencing a miscarriage - maybe even unbeknownst to the owner of the uterus, hence the uncertain number of 20% - is more common then I thought.
She had one pregnancy last until 11 weeks 😔 I felt terrible for her being so close to the second trimester.
This is why a lack of sex education is SO damaging. People seem to think that kids are just going to be shown porn or something. But sex education (where I teach anyway) covers miscarriages, infertility, family planning, consent and so much more. The kids may not remember everything, but hopefully, it plants a seed in their minds of less shame.
Even as a non-religious person, I found it hard to stop myself over-analysing why my miscarriages took place and feeling guilt for them, I feel awful for religious women who will be convinced that it's some punishment or a sign they're not pious enough or something.
@@Frogface91 and on the other side of that religious coin, feeling guilty for feeling terrible about it, because it must be "god's plan" so "who am I to question it?"
It's scary, those poor people. That's so much trauma
“Let’s fully commit for life first, and then find out if we even like being together”
This video should be in a museum. A pure work of art and labour. Thank you for compiling all this content. Amazing.
I feel like the reason why Dav’s “I'm uncomfortable with Bethany talking about our sex life online because it could expose me as inadequate” response is so alarming is that it reads as though he validly expressed discomfort with Bethany telling everyone about an area of his life that he wanted to keep private and either Bethany or someone else he spoke with about this told him that “if you're good at sex then there's nothing to worry about.” It feels like he was tricked into believing that this kind of publicization of his private life and speculation on his sexual proficiency is supposed to be a learning experience and something he has to grow from to become better when in reality, he is right to be uncomfortable and speculation on “if he’s good in bed” is extremely inappropriate and not something he has to put up with.
Wow, the fact that she had to read a CHILDRENS book at 20 to figure out the basics of sexual function?? It explains so much while bewildering me equally at the same time. It’s also very sad.
My mom wasn’t able to do the sex talk but, she dang sure signed all the right permission slips so I wasn’t going into a teenage body ‘blind’.
As someone raised Christian, something that irritates me now as an adult is that general antomical health often gets roped in with sex ed as something to not talk about, which has terrifying implications for teen girls. Yes, a lot of vaginal health tips are related to sex, e.g. use the bathroom after sex to prevent a UTI, but a lot of it is just important knowledge. Periods aren't supposed to be extremely painful and if they are, talk to a doctor. Most people with vaginas will get a yeast infection at some point. Here's how to do a simple breast exam. Etc. I bet a lot of women who were raised under purity culture couldn't label parts of the reproductive system, which is really sad.
When Morgan said led god take over in the bedroom it makes me think she’s just trying to disassociate
She looks so sad. I don’t like her message but I do feel bad for her
In the US, my sex education was the teacher just showing us graphic images of STDs and basically saying "this is what happens when you have sex." You could see on the teacher's face how mad she was that this was what she had to teach, but she had to follow curriculum or risk her job. She was really cool and kind to students, and looking back on it now, I know she was pissed she couldn't teach proper sex education to students.
From the US too, they only taught us about male anatomy. I wish I were kidding, they planned the lessons so poorly so we didn’t have enough time to even learn what a vulva was. I didn’t even know a woman could organism until quite recently
That was pretty much mine too. No descriptions of actual safe sex or how it worked; definitely no mentions of what it looked like as an LGBTQ+ person. Barely any anatomy discussed and they assumed that everyone was pretty much the same. As an ace lesbian, you can imagine how harmful all of this was to the way I thought about myself
I am thankful to have had good sex education back in the 80’s which I needed cuz my parents taught me nothing (from the US)
We had pretty decent education about periods, childbirth, and sex itself. But when it came to STIs and contraception... We were taught *once* how to put on a condom (easy to miss that lesson because many of us were taken out for a different activity that day, about a quarter of the year group), and then in a separate lesson, were shown a slideshow with graphic pictures of STIs in various parts of the body (and not genitals, I'm talking about eyes, throat, nose, mouth). No explanation of what to do if you got one, only, "condoms WILL stop this happening and if you don't use one, this WILL happen and it WILL be your fault." We learned in detail about the combined pill ONLY in science class, got one mention of the mini pill (but not what it is or how it works), and no mention of IUD or other contraceptives, nor any warning that they won't prevent STIs. No mention of UTIs at all, and the boys weren't taught about periods. No useful discussion of consent, and they taught us about image laws by saying, "If you make an image of your body and someone else shares it with everyone you know, you're just as much to blame." And literally no mention at all of pleasure or anything relevant to Queer people. This was the UK in 2010 up to 2015.
Yeah, most states do abstinence based sex ed. It's just "Here's what STDs look like, you get a period and this is how it works, babies are in the uterus for 9 months, here's the percentages of how effective these birth controls are but the 100% way to prevent them and pregnancy is abstinence. Don't drive drunk or do drugs." Which is funny because I knew that a lot of teens at that age were having sex and one girl got pregnant so they did fuck all to help. If you're lucky your science teacher makes you watch a birth video to traumatize you further lmao. Very few schools just do a regular well rounded sex ed which sucks. But thankfully, with the internet existing so easily at our fingertips I think think teen pregnancies have actually gone down.
I learned more from the internet and friends who had different sexual experiences in my adult life than I have from that crappy sex ed. I will say that they did do a good job showing us how to put pads on underwear.
The Great Sex Rescue is actually a very refreshing Christian book about sex. It still focuses on sex within marriage, but also dismantles a lot of false teachings about sex by other Christian teachers.
Imagine being her kid and growing up to see your mom talking about how much she likes sex while you flip about in her arms. I’d be so mortified
Half the women these days are naked on the Internet, I'd be more concerned about that. 😅
@@sukamayoutube2323they’re not involving their children
@@sukamayoutube2323L
@@sukamayoutube2323really half? like where are you finding these half of the women population on the internet from, Do you own a sex trafficking ring somewhere
imagine being her kid and hearing your mum openly admit to saing you
Dave seems so normal compared to his wife and I really feel for him. This is so strange to watch. Also good on him for speaking up about all of this and his mental health. That's huge for someone with his background (esp for a man)!!
He seems like a genuinely good dude that I'd enjoy being around, and I often don't say that about these kinds of people!
What an amazing deep dive, Rachel! I would feel sorry for Bethany.. But I can't. In her case, the abused became the abuser. To her husband, to her children, and to her audience. Not only does she promote a harmful doctrine, but she's also a scam artist. Her relationship with purity culture can only be described as "leopards ate my face".
I feel bad for her. But I also agree she has become, if not an abuser, an incredibly harmful presence for many. BUT I see hope for her. She seems to be starting to break away from purity culture, and I hope she starts to unlearn other things.
I agree with rinrin. She makes money off being this way. She has hurt so many. I'll forgive her when she deserves forgiveness
@@FIRING_BLIND only time will tell, of course. IMO, I can see Dav leaving this relationship and even deconstructing, but I don't think she will do this on her own. Maybe separation would be a wakeup call for her, but who knows.
Rachel promised a Saga and she friggin DELIVERED! 💪
I think empathy for how she got where she is isn’t mutually exclusive with demanding accountability from her.
I do see her becoming less toxic and I hope she can grow enough to acknowledge the part she played in perpetuating shame
Both of them, but Dav especially, seem to have a much better marriage now than they used to. You can really see the change in Dav from the honeymoon phase, to realizing he’s not happy, to figuring out what the problems are and addressing them and becoming happier for it.
I don’t expect Bethany and Dav to totally break away from Christianity or anything like that, but I do hope they realize that this change came after they reached out into the secular world for help. They got actual therapists and sex counselors that have a background in psychology and sexology rather than just a theistic background. People who actually know what they’re doing, and base their advice on science rather than their interpretation of the Bible. Hopefully, Bethany and Dav can grow into healthier and more loving Christians, rather than remaining strict fundamentalists with harmful views. All progress is good progress, but I’m interested to see if it continues. Maybe they can become significantly better people. That would be awesome.
I really liked how you said you hope they can become more loving Christians rather than saying you hope they completely abandon it. I don’t usually see comments like this. It’s usually just, “they’re horrible people and so is their God. They should leave it all behind” type of rhetoric instead of seeing any possible good and hoping they move toward that. I don’t know if you consider yourself a Christian, but if you don’t, for you to have that outlook for them is pretty cool.
@@hollywoodstar6421 .
I think HE got a REAL therapist...not her. Based on Fundie Fridays' most recent video about those 2 cornballs. But god knows I don't watch GD videos, soooo...idk.
@@hollywoodstar6421 I’m not a Christian, but I come from a family of Catholics, all of whom are genuinely very good people. I know that the church is a really awful institution, and I know that Christianity can be the basis for a lot of hatred. But I also know firsthand that it can lead to a whole lot of good. And even if Dav and Bethany do go the route of full deconstruction, I don’t expect them to up and leave the church right away. It’s a process.
@@caseyw.6550 I think you’re right. But still, I think the fact that Dav’s life has been improved by a secular therapist might help Bethany be more trusting of resources outside of her fundamentalist bubble.
It's almost like ignoring and full-on repressing even the most basic feelings and desires for 30 years is super unhealthy and causes incredible emotional strain and unhappiness
I come from the fundie community. I ‘escaped’ I suppose, but I was so shocked when I first got married and my husband and I didn’t fight very much that first year!😅 I remember waiting for it to happen and when it never did, I was shocked. Everyone where I came from always talked so much about how the first year was the hardest, but for us it was soooo easy. Not that we never disagreed, but it was always infrequent and rarely very heated.
I didn't actually fight much with my last ex but I would call out to him from room to room because I was too lazy to move from the room. Then his daughter would come and say that I was shouting at him. There is a massive difference in shouting at someone in anger and calling out to them. You hear friends and neighbours calling each other across the street. They are not arguing nor verbally abusing each other but she was too stupid not to see that.
She wanted me to be the little woman at home not going anywhere except with my boyfriend while my boyfriend was happy for me to have outside interests which he didn't share as that meant he got some space from me & I got space from him. She was the main or even sole reason why I split up with my boyfriend. He never ever stood up to her with her coming round whenever she felt like it with no set day of the week or set time of day and delivering her boring monologues at him. I would be too scared to leave the room when that happened as she would be the type to take offence at that.
Often the first year of marriage for couples is the most exciting and fun! It's the years afterward that can become routine and aggravating.
My wife and I both have fundamentalist backgrounds, but her more than me. We were both taught that marriage is super crazy difficult and there will be constant fighting and we have to trust god to make it work.
We definitely disagree on stuff, but we just communicate about it, compromise if it is warranted, and move on. It is not any more difficult than having a normal disagreement with your best friend. We are on the same page for most things, and most of our drama comes directly from our families that are still stuck in fundamentalism.
Also we are *way* outside of the honeymoon period now. Some people keep trying to move the goalposts to pretend that we totally wont be out of it until 10 years or something, but that is crazy.
Same! I was mostly apathetic about marriage and shifting from long-term dating to marriage because it just seemed like an unnecessary complication and weight. I always told my partner that I was cool with getting married if he wanted to, but I wasn't pushing for it. And then we got marriedm and I was prepared for "the work" part. And no? lIke, it's been such a smooth transition? The most difficult thing is arranging my workouts around his work schedule when school's out because he works from home in my workout room. :-D
I wasn't raised fundie but we broke all the rules. Lol. Didn't live together before marriage. Only saw each other like 6 months face to face before marriage. Didn't have sex until married... we were also warned and warned and warned... then we got married and its been just perfect.
I attribute this to him and I being older and communicating copiously. We also both had clearly laid boundaries from the first time we spoke.
I suspect people who fought or struggled were just younger when they got together and had more maturing to do.
Bethany and Kristen's view of purity culture is "well I hated this but I survived so you have to suffer too" which is such a deranged way at looking at it all. Breaking generational and religious trauma is recognising that you hated how you were treated so you don't want to do that to others.
Unfortunately I don't see that happening with this family, tho it should. Like they pride themselves of many generations of purity.
It's both horrible and fascinating that Girl Defined can just say the most awful, horrific things you've ever heard with a smile and say "God said so!"
People have killed in the name of Jesus. It’s a marketing strategy. “Sponsored by Sky Daddy.”
And they are not even remotely the worst example of that phenomenon, which is the scary part.
@@dinosaysrawr Yup 100%. Absolutely terrifying.
Right? Like how does that make anyone want to pursue a relationship with God? If anything, you're pushing people away from Him...
@@sezzyridge Yep. People like them are part of the reason why I lost my faith so quickly. I have other reasons for leaving my faith entirely, but hearing all of this horrific rhetoric really sent me away from it. I have a lot of respect for people who believe in a higher being and act like actual normal people and let others live their lives.
I have so many thoughts about this... but mainly the fact that the "sex" these women are talking about is not sex. It's consentual assault. The extreme pain, not getting aroused, not feeling any pleasure, avoiding it, feeling pressured to do it is in my eyes checking all boxes of sexual assault and the body is protecting itself, yet they think it's just normal and to be expected.
Honestly I wish these women see their own values and realize they are not just a body, a vessel for their man to ejaculate in.
Sex can be so amazing, spiritual and bonding so I feel sorry they are never going to experience it.
I can't remember where I read it, but I've seen this called a 'self-violation'; the person is agreeing, but doing so against their honest wishes and at the expense of their comfort/well-being.
@@jojobookish9529 yeah, I am not saying their husbands are rapists or sexual offenders at all since they also believe the woman was designed by god to be submissive to the man and has a duty to be available for him sexually, if they however KNEW that what they're doing is a violation and assault on her body - then I would say they are offenders.
But I agree that what they are doing is a consentual violation and is really sad for all parties that it's expected to be like that.
I think they so woefully misinformed. I mean, as a woman, if you have no real understanding of how an orgasm (see the woman who used her child as a live anatomy doll) works and how to have them, how on Earth are you going to instruct your husband?? Bethany said it herself, she thought it was the man's job to do it all, and she just had to show up. What?? Thankfully, she figured it out. It's terrifying these women are teaching other women..TERRIFYING.
exactly :( it's honestly horrifying to hear about
But also how do you as a loving and caring partner not actively notice when your partner isn’t having fun or is in pain? That’s selfish as hell.
Listening to her and her husband talk at 1:10:59 really feels like when you’re at your friends house and there’s the shadow of an argument that is still lingering and everyone is being super passive aggressive so you’re just sitting there trying to eat your pizza😂
Watching Bethany and her husband interact is awkward but watching how Paul and Morgan interact is scary
And the final couple is downright horrifying!
Omg “shadow of an argument” is the PERFECT way to describe that!
@@lolok6338 , seconded! I think I will steal that wording for future use.
Also, yeah, it's troubling how many married couples don't seem to genuinely enjoy, respect, and/or feel at ease around each other, especially when they're prone to brag about how great their relationship is.
@@dinosaysrawr I know right.. just because you’re 35+ doesn’t mean it’s too late to leave a relationship and find something that works better!
Yeah dude I had to pause the video and walk away for a bit after that part
I only made it in to like 20 minutes before being horrified how the husband is talking lol... (Bethany I think and her husband? Tbh I mix up their names) Watching any of the partners interact is bizarre
My mom only ever dated my dad and one thing that stood out to me was when she said “Marriage was so hard because [my father] was so different from when they were dating once they married” he is a tyrant in their marriage and very emotionally abusive. She actually ended up hospitalised due to weight loss and extreme depression in the years where they were married without kids (there are five of us now, and I think it’s truly to fill a void) and my grandparents made it clear when she was hospitalised that to be happier in marriage that she needs to ‘manage him’ and not set him off so that marriage will be ‘easier’. She does all the work because divorce in Christianity is not an option. Ugh it breaks my heart
"Freedom can only be experienced within certain restraints" thats a wild statement.
It always makes me laugh when they try to say the word "sex" as fast as possible, and quieter than the rest of their sentence, like little kids trying to sneak a swear word past their parents lmao
omg i noticed that too!! i was raised mormon and i still catch myself doing that sometimes lol.
She keeps putting him on the spot, acknowledging "Here's a really big complicated and difficult question... off you go, you go first😊"
Dave seems to be so honest, self aware and like he refuses to let his ego dictate how he relates to others. This is very inspiring
he sounds like an intelligent guy who's in touch with reality and it's such a relief to know his upbringing didn't snuff out that spark.
@@b.collins2656 so true and well said !
@@b.collins2656 Yes, exactly, he screams *aware*
the fact that they just kept calling that one woman “broken” like it’s her fault she wasn’t properly educated and also validated. absolutely disgusting and every time they said that work i got chills down my spine. she’s not broken. she’s human. it’s all about word choice. good fkn god.
Same! Everytime he called his WIFE “broken” I felt so triggered, I felt hurt, shamed and offended on the wife’s behalf, like how dare he??! on a podcast too?? He still doesn’t respect her.
And no where did he admit any fault or personally responsibility. Also with what happened with their child, I find it CRAZY that no one is talking about that.
@@blueismylove3128 tons of people are talking about it; there was a massive backlash and was all over every social media platform. It's how I really became aware of the Bairds at all.
@@pfloydsux I'm talking about in the comment section. I literally had to scroll for a good minute to find just one comment about it.
that entire segment massively disturbed me. i’m surprised i didn’t see more people comment about it!!! the whole time i was watching with my mouth hanging open. to think that Christian women are so generationally traumatized they’re afraid and disgusted of their own sexualities and believe it’s purely for male pleasure… it saddens me. watching him talk about how it was “the best 11 seconds of his life” all while she talked about how awful it was made me want to recoil into my own skin
That interview with the couple close to the end where the wife was in pain during sex and their friend use their newborn daughter as an anatomical doll to show them where the clitoris was was just absolutely horrifying. Like holy crap it was so uncomfortable and just plain alarming and shame on bethany for platforming that!
Holy 😮 that was a whole of a lot
im sorry they did WHAT ??? that has to be abuse in some form
When that man said "we are both smart people and even we didn't know", you can just tell how clueless they are. Being blindly religious isn't the same as being "smart".
I don't see anything wrong with that I think it's weird that other people find problem with that actually
@@globalphenomena6979 how is that NOT wrong to use your baby as basically a anatomy tool? do you not understand how disgusting it is?
Fun fact: once in a lesson only for the girls in my Mormon church we watched a girl defined video about modesty. I was already over purity culture by then and I was like "ok so why are we supposed to cover up instead of teaching boys to keep their eyes to themselves"
Exactly!
The whole thing is actually doubly gross because the flip side of it is the notion that men/boys CAN'T control themselves, that they're just slaves to their baser instincts and can never be expected to be better. What a crappy attitude toward boys/men! So while girls/women take the brunt of the damage when it comes to purity culture, it also damages boys/men. It's just crap all around, for everyone.
If i remember in the bible jesus himself says to gouge out your eyes if you cannot keep your hands off of someone or something like that.
I grew up Mormon too, the similarities with fundamentalist Christianity are huge.
@AChickAndADuck I'm pretty sure Mormonism is a branch of fundamentalism in Christianity. One of the branches from the Mormon faith is the FLDS faith. Pretty sure the only difference between the two is the FLDS refuse to give up on polygamy as part of their faith.
As someone who is currently a Christian saving themselves for marriage, I have taught myself about sex and refuse to look at it as a shameful topic of conversation with married friends because purity culture is harmful and toxic.
I'm glad you educated yourself!! Its really important to understand sexuality and sexual health and anatomy even if you want to wait. Arming yourself with knowledge helps you protect yourself :)
I would love to kill the term “saving myself”….I think waiting for marriage is much better. Saving yourself makes the alternative wasting yourself or spending yourself. Words matter 😊😊😊
@@whitney88b this is such an insightful thought. That term is engrained in a lot of people including myself and I have never considered the connotation of the word saving. Thanks for sharing this :)
@@readingwithreagan24 thank you for taking it the way I meant it! I was worried it came across as mean. I love how the younger gens understand the importance of language 🥹🥹🥹
@@readingwithreagan24 thank you for being so open to different points of view! So refreshing.
I find Dave’s development over the years super interesting. He seems really introspective whereas Paul projects every possible insecurity onto Morgan and random women minding their own business
i do too! I was pleasantly surprised and IMPRESSED by Dave's high emotional intelligence, self awareness and ability to self reflect.
@@okaywow3486yep
I feel like there’s no enough empathy for these women who are brainwashed. She’s going through marital rape and has been abused by her family, with a warped view of sex because she was taught her body isn’t hers. I feel deeply for this woman, and I truly recommend everyone read “Right wing women” by Andrea Dworkin to get a better understanding as to where these women are coming from.
You mean Bethany or the woman in the end? Because if you read through the comments, people are horrified for the woman and have a lot of sympathy for her
What they are experiencing is a consentual sexual assault, not sex. I feel so sorry for them missing this what could be an amazing part of life
Am not big fan but majority of Christians have sex after marriage and it worked out well for most.
If they weren't pushing these harmful ideas (Bethany and Kristen) to the rest of the world I'd have more sympathy.
People are sympathetic to Bethany but not empathetic because she’s 100% aware now how purity culture has caused harm to her and her partner. However, she doesn’t acknowledge how she perpetuated that culture and still promotes it to this day which further causes harm to other women.
And she’s not being raped, she wants to have sex - she talks about it constantly.
If you’re talking about the other woman, plenty of people have empathy for her and are quite shocked by what’s said to her.