CW: I do discuss my personal mental health and history with SH at times in this video. I'm a little late discussing this but it took me a couple of weeks to actually film this when I got ill and lost my voice, sorry! 0:00 Intro 5:00 A Personal Rant About Growth 18:30 You're Not A Silly Goose 21:18 Just 'Get Over It' 25:01' But, Like, What If They Deserve It?' 30:49 Being Approachable 37:30 The Epitome of the Dunning-Kruger Effect 40:20 Heartless: 'Get A Life, Go Make Money' 49:01 Bullying HAS To Happen My beautiful necklace in this video was made by my wonderful friend Nervardia: www.youtube.com/@Nervardia Go send her some love :) Sources and Further Reading: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4552909/ www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/coping-with-life/bullying/ www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/ learning.nspcc.org.uk/safeguarding-child-protection/anti-bullying-resources anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/
I’ve been following you for years now and I remember the initial thing that sparked your bully into bullying you. I just want you to know that you have my support. I had no idea they were still actively doing this. It’s horrific that they are. You don’t deserve any of it but from what it seems they have an unhealthy obsession with you and the law might be your only recourse to find peace. Don’t feel bad for asking police and lawyers for help after years of this ❤. Wish you the best ❤
I had no idea that what happened in 2019 is still continuing. Looking through recent videos is insane. If you fixing the "wrong" is not enough, then your actions didnt warrant this type of response. Your personality is one of the most pleasant and genuine I have come across on TH-cam. You are open and encouraging towards challenging ideas and new information while still maintaining true to your beliefs. You are someone who can disagree with someone without disrespecting and attacking them. A trait that many people would benefit from. I really do wish you all the best
I came to your chanel because I heard about that BS that was going on and decided that I wanted to support you, even if the only thing I could do was to be one more sub. When I started to watch your videos, I learned something new every time and my english improved as well. I saw you grow in those 5 years and you helped me to see new perspectives and grow in those 5 years as well. I'll turn 30 this year and you've helped me to find my place in life during hard times. Because of (now finally diagnosed) ADHD and working I'm still a student, so I don't have that much money or that much time but I'm very happy to be able to support you (as one of two people) on patreon (even if it's the lowest one) for 2 years and watch your videos when I can. As a queer person I only ever felt your love and acceptance for us, so I really don't get where they pulling that sht out of and I'm shocked and disappointed that you're still harassed. I really hope you know that most people do see you as the amazing, kind and strong person that you are! You're everything but worthless! ❤
I seriously just saw someone in the comment section of another video say this exact thing. They were saying that tribalism (which is not even tribalism)is some thing that just happens with children. Which is insane. Hate is some thing that is taught.
This is the argument of someone who is grasping at straws to justify their behaviour with anything other than the reality that they might just be a bad person. Not saying bad people have to stay that way, growth is possible, but bullies that don't regret it are bad people.
@@sinestesianestesia9079she doesn't show any empathy whatsoever for the people she was "mean" to. At no point does she say anything that indicates that she recognizes how she could have harmed them, nor does she show any remorse for her actions. She speaks in a totally flat tone the entire video (which she chose to record so it's not like she's being put on the spot and forced to speak). She's defending her actions and putting the blame on the people she bullied. No empathy, no remorse, flat affect (not displaying emotions because of not feeling them), etc are symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopathy). We can't diagnose her obviously, but she is absolutely showing multiple signs of sociopathy.
Suffering is the cause of all pain. Suffering is caused by desire. Relinquishing desire eliminates pain and suffering. Nirvana is the state of lacking desire and pain. -buddhism
There is this guy at my work place who does “virtues training”… (and he almost always goes back to the military being such an exemplary example of virtues). He has supported the idea that suffering is absolutely key to mastering certain virtues, which I’ve just found kind of gross. He’s gone to the extent to stating that “people who have had horrible things happen to them would choose to have them happen again, because it builds character and wisdom.” Something tells me he hasn’t worked with a lot of SA and abuse survivors.
@@8114梦见Can you explain a bit more about what it means that he “does virtues training”? Like… he leads workplace virtues training? Or … he like, does lunges and squats while whispering his virtues? I’m sorry, but I absolutely have to know. Sounds incredibly weird either way.
If she truly believed bullying needed to happen "from a biological standpoint" she wouldn't have set her TikTok page to private after receiving backlash. 🤪🥴
I was diagnosed with a panic and anxiety disorder at the age of _seven years old._ The cause? A bully. He tormented me the entire year. So no, bullying does _not_ have to happen. I guarantee you, if she had been bullied rather than the one doing it, her opinion would be drastically different.
funnily enough, she experienced a large backlash from her video (not balanced discussions like this video, it's tiktok comments I'm sure you can imagine what a lot of the backlash looked like) and completely shut down her account. So for all her talk about how people "need to experience bullying" she certaintly didn't seem to like being on the receiving end. Obviously I don't think she fully deserved all of the backlash she got, but still I hope now being on the receiving end for once will help her understand just how ridiculous her opinion on bullying is/was. e:spelling
I tried to scrub my black skin off at six years old, in the shower, due to the bullying of being the only black skinned kid in class. "Bullying is meant to happen. Makes you stronger" my ass. I "wanted to get the dirt off." The kids refused to let me play at stations (would all purposefully fill them out, too), because I "was brown," and in their parental influenced minds, brown = dirt. Say that to the six year old who grew up internally racist towards herself for years, who had her white relatives go through with destroying my 4B hair by giving into my constant pleads for them to straighten it. Then say that to the eleven year old who was diagnosed with Major Depression. I will admit that mental illness runs in my family blood. And there were many, many outside forces that didn't help. But neither did that internalized racism. And you know what? This TikToker should really look into the various cases of kids bullied so far to the edge, that they either take their own lives (Trojan Terry Badger, Jamel Myles, Eli Fritchley. Do I need to go on?), or punch their tormentor's face in with tears rolling down their cheeks, before being expelled for breaking down and actually fighting back. People with the mindset of "bullying needs to happen. Toughen up" piss me off to no end. I know this is long, I'm sorry, I'm just real passionate about this. I sincerely hope you've found peace. If I could protect all of the kids in the world from the sheer mindfuck that is bullying, I would.
(TH-cam erased my reply. Sorry!) I tried to scrub my black skin off at six years old, in the shower, due to the bullying of being the only black skinned kid in class. "Bullying is meant to happen. Makes you stronger" my ass. I "wanted to get the dirt off." The kids refused to let me play at stations (would all purposefully fill them out, too), because I "was brown," and in their parental influenced minds, brown = dirt. Say that to the six year old who grew up internally racist towards herself for years, who had her white relatives go through with destroying my 4B hair by giving into my constant pleads for them to straighten it. Then say that to the eleven year old who was diagnosed with Major Depression. I will admit that mental illness runs in my family blood. And there were many, many outside forces that didn't help. But neither did that internalized racism. And you know what? This TikToker should really look into the various cases of kids bullied so far to the edge, that they either take their own lives (Trojan Terry Badger, Jamel Myles, Eli Fritchley. Do I need to go on?), or punch their tormentor's face in with tears rolling down their cheeks, before being expelled for breaking down and actually fighting back. People with the mindset of "bullying needs to happen. Toughen up" piss me off to no end. I know this is long, I'm sorry, I'm just real passionate about this. I sincerely hope you've found peace. It's truly awful.
I was bullied for approx five years until I snapped when I was fifteen and started "bullying back" my bullies. Let me tell you what I learned: the girls that dish it out, can never take it.
💯!!! I'm pretty sure I'm autistic (but not diagnosed) and honestly looking back, I think a lot of of people tried to bully me, but....couldn't? Because I'd either A. Take their words so literal I'd just take it normally, so if someone said "That dress is ugly on you" I'd be like "Oh? Well sorry you think so, and thanks for trying to make me aware, but I like it so I'll keep wearing it." And I'd walk off. But I wasn't trying to sass anyone back, I was just being genuine cause I thought they were. I think bullies didn't know what to do with that cause I never 'reacted'. Or, B. I'd realize someone was trying to be purposefully mean to me or another (pushing me headfirst into my locker days in a row, so not an accident, actively calling someone else names, shoulder checking me every day in the hallway), but I had an abusive alcoholic father I was used to standing up to and was always ready to fight at the drop of a hat. So as soon as I realized they were trying to bully me, I'd clap back (verbally) with something real nasty/embarassing such as "You can push me into my locker headfirst as much as you want, your head is still gonna go bald before mine does." (said to the guy pushing me into the locker who everyone knew early male hairloss ran in his family (he complained about it constantly) and his friends all began giggling at my comment. I felt terrible saying it, but tried not to show it). And suddenly, he vanished. No more locker pushing. Once when sticking up for a girl who was being bullied, the bully tried to test me by saying "Well let's go outside and fight then," but when my response was "Okay, let's go. We'll probably both get detention, but when we get to the principal's office, we'll see whose story they'll believe and who ends up with ISS on top of detention for bullying. Do you really think it'll be me?" And suddenly? She didn't want to fight anymore and sat down. She was in and out of the principal's office constantly, whereas I graduated with 0 detentions on my record and never caused problems. I only ever defended myself or others, and because she sat down I never got into a physical altercation in HS. People tried to start rumors but I paid them little mind, and because I was a generally liked person who kept to myself and didn't react to the rumors, other people in my grade would take care of shutting it down for me by asking me and then calling the rumor-spreader on their BS, cause I was overly honest about anything I was asked about back in HS. They can never, EVER take the same cruelty they dish, and their brain breaks when you don't notice their bullying. Some of the people who tried to bully me later came to respect me and try to be friends-'no thanks, I don't want to be friends with the person who thought it was funny to push my head into my locker, but I'll be civil to you since you stopped'. But I think overall, being generally unaware of bad intentions, taking things too literal, and being a respected person to my peers and teachers and only ever defending myself or others when pushed to a breaking point saved me a lot of torment, that I only really came to realize I dodged in hindsight. I got lucky.
I wonder if the reason they do it is because they can't take it to such a degree that they're constantly misperceiving things as attacks on them & are in hand, constantly lashing out?
All the bullies that I bullied back couldn't handle it, it was extra embarrassing for them because i was the silent nerd. I've had the same experience in adult life, people with shitty attitudes hate it if you mirror their behaviour back at them
@@zekova I think it's generally accepted that most of the typical type of bully are incredibly insecure and attempting to build security through establishing themselves in a pecking order. Basically, there's something going on in their life or their mental health that makes them think they need to push someone else down in order not to be crushed or humiliated themselves. Often abuse at home that makes them feel small and powerless and constantly under attack, so they try to get power at school, or they think the whole world works like that and you NEED to act like that or you'll be the one being bullied. So yeah, often if they get any pushback, they'll either give up and find a different person to bully, or if they feel really backed into a corner, they might snap and try to save face. So be careful when standing up to a bully, but often it will be effective.
Yep. People are going to go through bad experiences and will eventually learn that not everyone can be trusted. You're not supposed to BE the bad experience. You're supposed to be the person they come back to after a bad experience, so you can support them and vent with them. You're not supposed to traumatize kids your age.
You know who everyone hates or pretends to like but secretly hates? Bullies that never grow tf up. Hope they have fun with 0 true friends since they will only attract other mean and nasty people.
there’s something so frustrating about passive-aggressive, more “low key” kinds of bullying. It’s not physically or verbally aggressive, and it also feels so poisonous. It can be comments or looks or stifled laughs. eek not a fan of this creator or others normalizing casual meanness Edit: To be clear, there’s nothing “low key” about the valid pain/trauma of ANY kind of bullying.
I read a book one time (I wish I remembered the name) which talked about how girl on girl bullying is hard to combat and hard to pick out co.pared to boy on boy because it's more emotional, social, psychological and girls hold grudges longer vs guys fight it out and get over it quickly.
This is also very hypocritical of her because I am sure she doesn't agree that everyone needs to be bullied when it happens to her. That was proven when she closed her social media after the backlash and bullying she was receiving for her videos.
this! "at least" if someone is being outwardly or phisically mean you have "proof". The low key laughs, backhanded comments etc are just as terrible but aren't as easy to prove. I used to be bullied like that and the teachers that did anything to stop that were like... one or two. The others just turned their backs because it just looked like I was overly sensitive
My brain doesn't register that kind of behavior lol. I will take you at face value, and passive aggressive people don't like it if you don't play into it.
She honestly gives big "I was a bully because they didn't like me" vibes. She was miserable in HS and is now pretending that she's so above it whilst not dealing with her own lingering issues.
To me she gives “I was a bitch in high school and I mistake being mean for being ‘real’”. There are certain people that are so lacking in empathy and self absorbed that the people around them are seen as ‘NPC’s for them to treat as they wish. If the NPCs aren’t interesting to them, they’re not people and thus don’t get the same respect as people. Then again, I could very well be describing the effect rather than the cause.
@@talynhastime9343it's the whole "brutally honest" thing where they enjoy the brutality more than the honesty, which I think is a quote from Richard Needham
“People who did me dirty” is the line that stands out to me. Narcissistic tendencies demonize everyone different so you can be the one who is the hero and in the right.
I was getting this vibe too that she had her own stuff going on, and she was mean and thinks that she did people a favour. However, I didn't hear her say that the stuff she went through did her any favours or doesn't damage or upset her to this day. Should someone ask her why she's still wasting time thinking about whatever she went through, too?
I've wondered about that. Is autism some kind of "bully magnet" for jerks who really can't stand it that anyone is not a homogeneous/carbon-copy of everyone else? Kinda?
Me too, I was bullied horribly, verbally and physically- still have trauma!!! So no, *bullying doesn’t have to happen* and should never happen. It’s so frustrating that she can even say those things so casually.
Absolutely. All the 'weird kid' behaviours I was bullied for (even blamed for being bullied because I acted this way) were all just signs of neuro divergence. I wasn't hurting anyone. Just a bit too quiet and a bit too awkward and a bit too unaware of social cues... In fact, all the bullying I've ever come across has been rooted in some kind of prejudice: ableism, racism, misogyny, homophobia... Absolutely all of it.
My child’s first bully was his second grade teacher. He went from a happy, loving, sweet little boy, to an anxious, frightened and angry boy with an anxiety disorder. At SEVEN years old. We got him into therapy and I turned his teacher in a number of times. Confronted her personally a number of times, but she still took his recess away every single day and humiliated him by forcing him to stand against the wall next to his “red flag” every day. I should have pulled him out of school. My biggest mistake was thinking we could just get through the year. No. Don’t hesitate to pull your kids out of school because of bullying. Especially if its a teacher. I never got my sweet innocent boy back. I later found out that this teacher was like this with little boys all the time. It was never a girl she targeted. There’s a whole group of mothers here who have had their children in therapy because of this teacher.
That teacher sounds sadistic and shouldn't be near kids! I'm so sorry that happened to your son 😢 my son luckily isn't angry, but is definitely more closed off, guarded, and unemotional (at least in how he portrays himself) than he used to be, because of pressure and teasing, and that was just mild stuff compared to serious bullying (at least from what I know).
Something like this happened to me. I’m in my 30s and fantasize about unaliving the ADULTS who saw fit to bully me as a child. My life was ruined by depression and addiction. I’m getting better but I still have serious issues…. This sucks so much I’m so sorry.
i had a teacher in first grade who absolutely refused to believe i kept being beat up by a boy in my class. it was happening literally every day and my mom had to take me out of school.. she stuck by ‘boys will be boys’. in third grade, my teacher would make fun of me in front of the class for my stimming and autistic behavior. he made school a nightmare and reinforced the bullying i was already experiencing. never trusted a teacher again. can’t ask for help now as a college student. teachers can seriously ruin your confidence in a way a lot of people don’t understand or recognize.
My best friend was bullied (a lot) by one girl in particular in high school. It was bad. We saw the girl 10 years later at the high school reunion and she actually came to my friend to apologize and they talked a lot like two mature adults with respect. We were pleasantly surprised and it was nice to see that people grow.
I had this happen but not with a bully. My first ever bf in highschool (I was home school and bounced schools a lot) I was “so in love”, he cheated on me. The girl messaged me YEARS after graduation saying she was sorry. Mad respect for her (and I was young and dumb so I didn’t even know he was cheating🙄)
I'm really glad to hear that happened. My high school friend was somewhat of a bully, but I would hear about her arguments or the rude thing she said, talk to her and say "Hey, I'm not sure if you realize, but _______ was really hurt when you said that yesterday. I think you owe her an apology." And with some badgering from me, she would go apologize, (which I wrongly understood to be her acknowledging she was wrong). Anyways, after a few years of this, I realized she wasn't ever actually sorry, but stayed friends with her until she started talking poorly about me behind my back, at which point I finally dumped her. Now, she has broken all her friendships that same way, and is back to having nobody like her, and her marriage is struggling (unfortunately she did find someone who wanted to marry her, but I'm not sure they still want that). I would feel bad except that as far as I can tell, she still doesn't ever want to apologize or admit wrongdoing.
I'm 42 and the bullying I experienced in my school years still affects my life. But now that someone who was still at school during Covid has told me to get over it I'm magically cured!
The worst part to me has been watching my worst bully succeed at everything in her life. Great job, loving husband, cute kids... while I can barely leave my house because of the PTSD and agoraphobia she caused me. The girl literally tried to kill multiple times. She killed a whole litter of kittens in a creek in front of me to try and get me to jump in after them... knowing there was no way I would have survived it. But she's doing great so everyone thinks I need to just get over it... I'm also 42... the damage she did to my brain chemistry is permanent
@@WarPoodle-pc5wuomg I am so sorry that your still dealing with trauma from that the people telling you to get over what happened are totally in the wrong
@@WarPoodle-pc5wuNah...don't feel bad that your bully is living a great life rn. I'm pretty sure under all that sheen or perfectness of her life, there's some drama and stuff brewing in there. Most people in seemingly good relationships, unless they're both really good people in it for the long haul, tend to gave messy relationships with one another/turbulent fam lives. Idk if I made sense here but yep...that.
She is giving "I bullied people because I could" vibe. I don't believe for a second she bullied anyone because they did her "dirty." Her body language and the way speaks says volumes of what type of person she is. She seems like they type to attack someone because she gets joy out of making others miserable and fearful.
TW (mentions of su*cidal ideation) I was bullied for years when I was younger. I was bullied for my looks, my height, my intelligence, and my undiagnosed ADHD. I was bullied so subtly that I felt like I was going crazy because nobody else noticed it. It got so bad I wanted to end it all. I had 0 confidence left, I became quiet and withdrawn, I lashed out at the people I cared about most. I am not "stronger" for being bullied. I am not grateful for being bullied. Being bullied is not something "needed" in life, it is a disgusting act rooted in insecurity from the bully. To this day I still struggle with knowing if people genuinely like me or if they are being snarky and two-faced. It eats me alive, at times. Bullying destroys lives. Bullying is not okay.
I identify so much! I was methodically bullied from 3th grade up to finishing high school by a group of inhuman monsters that broke my spirit and caused a complete change in my personality, from a very friendly and extrovert child to an introvert, anxiety riddled adult that's sure everyone hates me, I must be a terrible person if people treated me that way. I've been s*icidal since I was 10 years old, and now in my mid 30s I STILL have nightmares of those years. The harm they did to me can never be undone. No one desreves this!
And it's so hard as a teacher to catch that kind of bullying! It makes me sick knowing I can't catch everything. Once a bunch of students kept talking about "Big Ben". I had no idea what they were talking about, but I assumed they were bullying someone so I called it out. I thought they might be calling someone fat in a negative way, although I had no idea who -- there were no Bens in my class. Turns out they were bullying someone, a girl whose name had nothing to do with "Ben". Apparentally she has a big _forehead_? Like foreheads didn't even used to be a beauty standard, and her forehead is not abnormally large. But I guess she looks like the clock because of her big forehead??? WTF. Highschoolers can be very mean in very subtle ways. Like in that class where they were always mentioning "Big Ben" there was no Ben / Ben related last name, there was nobody overweight, there was nobody who was super tall, and nobody with an accent. As a teacher I thought I was going crazy or overreacting. It worries me to know so much of this stuff will never even be noticed by teachers because of the subtlety.
@@SmolTrailer I'm glad you did catch that! It is a major burden to put on yourself to catch them all, so don't beat yourself up for not realizing certain things. I think the best way to notice something is wrong is to look at the kid's behavior and if it changes rather suddenly. It is extremely difficult, especially depending on how many kids you teach, but I think that is the best way to tell the signs of subtle bullying. People react in different ways, but there is usually a switch in behavior. For example, I went from chatty and determined to withdrawn and quiet. One of my teachers noticed but unfortunately couldn't do much about the situation-- so instead she offered her support in ways I could never repay. Sometimes that is all a person needs, as well. Knowing not everyone is against them and that there are people out there who care.
Honestly, the fact that this bully was, ironically enough, bullied off the internet for being pro-bullying? That shit’s therapeutic to me like nothing else. Like yes, babe, show us how you really feel about your own actions reflected back at you. Please, continue demonstrating how actions speak louder than words and all your talk of bullying being “helpful” was just hot air the moment it’s _you_ who has to go through it. This whole situation feels like a cure for gaslighting. There’s no more excuses, no backpedaling, no “you’re crazy! It wasn’t that bad!” She just responded the way any bullied kid wants to respond to bullying, by escaping it. Because bullying _f*cking hurts._ The vindication just slaps, dude.
I hate this "it makes you stronger" take so, so much. No Becky, being bullied and rejected throughout my childhood made me weaker, actually. It gave me a bag full of triggers and mental health issues I'm still dealing with DECADES later. My mum once said the same thing to me, "at least it has made you stronger" and I just kind of had to ignore it because she'd been told the same when she was young, but wow, that hurt. Even if suffering always made a person stronger, I'd rather be weaker and not suffer. How is that so hard to understand?
To add to the "copying people to fit in", I'm also autistic and I remember in primary school most of the other kids bullied me, which made me think "oh this is how you treat people the same age as you". I was completely oblivious to the fact that they were all being horrid to me and just bullied everyone back. I only realised what was going on when I was about 9 and my mum was very confused about why I suddenly hated everyone.
I like how she’s trying to sound bored by this whole thing but like: if she actually didn’t care, she wouldn’t be trying so hard. She wouldn’t be talking about it at all if she wasn’t bothered. To borrow a phrase from her, it’s giving: “and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad.”
This. Her behavior really stands out as her being VERY upset that someone brought up that she was and still is a bully. Butt-hurt would be an understatement.
thank you so much for speaking about this. i was bullied in secondary school for years for my looks and my "weird personality" (turns out it was undiagnosed neurodivergency) and i had never felt more depressed because of mean girls like her. That kinda stuff never fully leaves you and i still to this day have deep rooted insecurities in myself and my relationships with others because of it.
You can tell on her entire demeanor that she's still got a high school mindset. Also a 22 year old acting like they've become such a proper adult and matured so so much, like, sure - some things happen in a couple of years - but lady, you've been able to drink legally for 1 year lol
It doesn’t take much life experience to know you’re out of your depth in your early twenties. This girl probably grew up and still lives hyper sheltered.
At 25 I still feel like a kid. I hate seeing young 20 year olds acting like they’re so grown. Like sit down we still have a lot of time. Now do some reflecting!
The Most adult people i know (regardless of age) are the ones who acknowledge they dont feel all that grown Up. It's a self awareness that there isnt that clear demarcation where you have suddenly figured Life Out. Realizing that your parents AND other adults werent those wise gods when you were a child.... They Just knew how to shield you from the chaos they were dealing with. People who act Like theyre "proper adults", in my experience, can be quite juvenile. Think the 16 year old who Just got a Car and thinks that makes them grown. Thats the vibe im getting
@@annabeinglazy5580 At late 40s and technically a leader within my job, I still find myself looking around for the 'adult in the room' before remembering that others see me as that!!
I have known so many middle-aged women who said that exact thing and they were all acting like it was still high school. They insist high school prepares you for the real world. High school bullies remain high school bullies and then say that it's only natural to be a high school bully. It's wild. Although it does prepare them to be middle managers, I will admit that.
When I think of bullying, I think of the bullying girls and women engage in most. It's typically passive aggressive, quiet, and about appearance. As a young autistic girl, I did not even really understand I was being bullied, I just thought that they had weird opinions. It "went over my head" frequently. Until it turned physical and I knew something was not right. My point is: neurodivergent children often miss bullying happening to them. This creates a dangerous environment for accepting abuse later in life. Typical children are more likely to tell a peer or an adult about the bullying, and less likely to stand up for themselves. Bullying has no basis in evolution, what is she even talking about? Scientists have conducted mass amounts of research regarding the effect of bullying on children under 10, and being a bully under 10, and they are far more likely to delay academically, socially, and emotionally. On both ends. Bullying hurts everyone.
literally! i think she meant it in a kind of 'survival of the fittest', 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' kind of way, but really bullying is just incredibly traumatic and not in any way some sort of maturing experience that prepares you for the world. you can move on the best you can and no longer think about it, for sure, but even if it's just at the time it happens it causes a lot of pain. as you say, if anything it can make you more vulnerable to those abusive behaviours because 'this must just be how it is'.
Rachel, your true fans know the person who makes you feel bad is completely wrong.From way over here in Texas, I was actually able to meet you at the 2019 faithless forum and you were completely a wonderful and sweet person. I was nervous and you conversed with me for half a hour. You are a wonderful person, don’t let this internet troll bring you down.
I hope she sees this comment. Rachel, you are lovely and your videos have helped so many people. Everyone who follows you knows that person is lying and that you're a brilliant, friendly, witty, passionate, empathetic, gorgeous and kind person. We all know that you're a lovely woman and that this person is a cruel harasser, stalker, and abuser and you're doing a right thing by takinf them to court if that's what you choose to do. Something about them is very sick and very wrong. We support you and wish you nothing but the best. Please be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
The way she stifles laughter when she talks about how people who were bullied in high school retain the trauma of being bullied years after graduation: that's some bully shit. She is 100% still a textbook "mean girl". Even if she supposedly has learned life lessons and such since high school, she clearly has not applied herself in those lessons. I did not go out of my way to bully people in school, but I know now that I was at some point unjustly mean to people as a defense mechanism so that they would not be mean to me first. That does not excuse my actions, but it does explain them in a way that I can understand and learn from. I now try and make an effort to treat everyone with respect until they give me a genuine reason not to, as opposed to just immediately lashing out. This girl needs to actually learn what empathy is and recognize the error of her ways. Hopefully she'll look back on this tiktok one day and realize how callous and wrong she was.
I could tell she was still a bully because she was trying to sound wise and superior but came across like a snob, telling everyone to just go travelling like we could all afford it. And telling everyone to just make money. It's ridiculous how ignorant TikTok girl is when some people are working three jobs and struggling to pay the bills.
The fake little laughs and mocking gestures almost sent me over the edge. Like girl…. Look in the mirror. She’s acting almost cartoonishly mean in this whole TikTok and then has the audacity to claim that she wasn’t actually a bully (but also that people who were bullied really should just get over it). And then calling herself smart after exposing herself on the internet like this… the whole TikTok is an infuriating mess
You're not funny, Lyanna. Shut up. I have heard some say that people who act wierd online (weebs, mainly) should have been bullied to knock some sense into them. But this hits so much harder. It feels there's some narcissism in here.
this bully person is really sad and pathetic. when we all were teenagers and struggling to fit in and find friends, making ourselves more independent from our families, i can see how bullying and trolling and underestimating mental health was a reaction to that. but that development should be done now. we all should be developed enough to understand that malice will not improve our own life. i really struggle to see how an adult can turn to mocking and bullying others, if they’re not extremely underdeveloped themselves or have some other issues they should get a grip on. like i sad a really sad and pathetic person. there is no personality that is worthy of giving any judgement
i have a degree in neuroscience and i was losing my mind when she insisted there’s a “biological need” for bullying. UH… NO? you could call it a “psychosocial phenomenon” but just because something happens frequently doesn’t mean it’s SUPPOSED to happen!!!
The most infuriating part is that she is so confidently wrong and then has the audacity to hype up her intelligence like…. I’m sure she’s not dumb, but trying to say that your opinion is backed up by psychology when you so clearly didn’t even do a quick google search is just stupid.
@@washada comparing animal behavior and neurology can be very informative for how brain structures developed for certain skills, but we can’t study human behavior that specifically because there’s no “control group” of humans who didn’t evolve. for that reason, human evolutionary psychology is mostly based on theories rather than real evidence of cause-and-effect. i particularly don’t love the evolutionary perspective because it’s very heteronormative and assumes all humans are driven to reproduce, as they study “averages” and “commonalities” across cultures instead of the (much more interesting imo) sociocultural and epigenetic impacts on behavior. a lot of biological essentialists, like in the manosphere, point to evolutionary psych to justify their sexism, so i think you make a really good point!
@@washadagod, the manosphere nuts lean HARD into the “biology” bullshit without the slightest hint of irony. They’ll bring up that “alpha wolf” study as if it wasn’t disproven decades ago by the guy who originally made it! I’m always suspicious now when I hear someone mention how a certain behavior is “scientific” or “hard-wired” at this point, because 9 times out of 10, it’s just someone making a bald-faced lie and pawning it off like it’s peer-reviewed.
my blood ran cold when she started literally laughing about how ''if you're dwelling on this 4 years after highschool'' blah blah... dude, that triggered some trauma response in my body. hate is a strong word but dang.. i do hate her for her mentality
Rachel, you have a community here who loves you. You aren't alone. Please continue to take care of yourself and continue with your case against this person. You very much deserve to be alive and be yourself. In regards to the ticktok person, she's just looking for excuses to be a bully by using arguments like it's part of evolution or 'good' for people. The travelling she bragged about in the video really didn't seem to improve her.
She said bullying is a necessary thing and its totally good for you, and then proceeded to run away because she couldnt take the bullying she got as the backlash. Someone clearly couldnt take what she kept dishing out. 😑
I just wanted to say I appreciate you being so open and vulnerable online and especially in this video. I know that's hard and I hope you're doing well. Also, as a psychology student who's had depression, I absolutely despise it when people claim that abuse and mistreatment will just magically make you stronger
As a person who never been psychology student, I want to clarify it for myself, please. If you don't mind! 🙏 Abuse and mistreatment will never make someone stronger, right? (I mean in general, not in cases when in some individuals it's leads to overcompensating) And it's scientifically proven, right? And even abuse and mistreatment without physical violence (only verbal) not gonna make you stronger or "more prepared" for difficulties in life, right? If my questions require too much effort to answer - please ignore it! I probably asked it for encouraged something in myself in the first place. I wish you good luck with your studies! And remission for your depression ofc! 🌷
as someone with extreme social anxiety, GUESS what this kind of advice taught me? MORE SELF HATRED AND SOCIAL ANXIETY! If i wasn't such an introvert, i wouldve turned into a bully too. It's like a virus. You dont learn anything from being bullied or being a bully. People who mindlessly spew the phrase "we need to bring back bullying" is a huge part of the problem, they do not understand why they're DEAD wrong.
I'm diagnosed with CPTSD and BPD, guess why, bullying. People often don't realize how damaging bullying can be, I'm still dealing with the repercussions of what my bullies did to me years later and I graduated 10 years ago. I'm not "stronger" after getting bullied, the only thing bullying did to me was break me mentally and lead to multiple s**cide attempts
human beings are naturally very social creatures, perhaps with it's outliers but generally rejection, ridicule etc so heavily or consistently from other people can really damage us and our psychological development and stability. not social creatures in the sense we want to be around people all the time, just that our relationships with other people are incredibly important and affect us massively if things go askew.
Oof this prompted me to look the whole situation up again. The sheer number of videos they have made about Rachel just seems creepy at this point. I genuinely don’t understand how a person has time to spend thousands of hours recording videos about someone, filtering comments to make sure they all agree with you, etc, over the course of years, even when the other person isn’t interacting at all with you. I hold a lot of (justified) anger towards certain people in my life (it’s something I’m working on), but even I don’t have the time to do all that.
It’s definitely not something someone who is mentally and emotionally healthy or happy in life does. It’s obsessive behaviour and, as Rachel pointed out, it makes no sense. Unfortunately, it’s likely this person is unwell and has, for whatever reason, targeted Rachel. They need help and Rachel needs protection. It’s so awful that this has been going on for five years and, clearly, neither of these things has happened to the extent they need to. I’m extremely grateful that Rachel has a strong support system online and, especially, in her personal life. I hope this gets resolved in a way where no one gets further hurt because, unfortunately, the hurt and trauma that Rachel has suffered won’t just go away even after a resolution. Sending my love and support to Rachel and my hope that this other person truly gets the help they need.
I’ve yet to meet a former school bully who was able to admit they were wrong or regret the damage they did. Not to say it’s impossible I just don’t think it’s very common, if anything they usually find a job that lets them continue to be bullies like a cop or a nurse. It’s probably because our society hesitates to actually call them out on their bad behaviour, even anti bullying campaigns in school when I was growing up put the responsibility on the bystanders to stop it, a tactic that only works in movies.
I feel that peer pressure can help to deter bullying but there needs to be an authority figure to step in for it to be truly effective. Expecting peers to police themselves can only go so far when you’re a minor.
i only really had one person who bullied me intensely apologize, and i genuinely believed them because they are very sweet and supportive of me now. sometimes kids are just misguided and they figure out what they were doing wrong later on in life. its just all about whether those people decide to be self-aware and improve or not.
I was bullied in middle school because I have Autism. I was naive into thinking that my bullies were my friends back then. My bully was trying to make me drink water from the floor tile at the swimming pool, which thankfully I didn't because my brother saw it and told my mom. That bully ended up moving to another school and I still feel guilty that I didn't stand up for myself. Rachel, I also watched your Debi Pearl video and you talked about what you went through with you ex and the way Kyra looked at you with the "it's gonna be alright" look, it had me on the verge of tears. I'm so sorry you went through that and you didn't deserve it. I'm glad you're still here with us. I agree people can change for the better and I want to be happy for people to change for the better, but I realize at the same time that some people are a lost cause if they still refuse to change 30 years later for example and still wanna bring harm to people. So no, Bullying is not okay and it will never be okay in my eyes. I'm glad I still have friends IRL even if all of them have moved away and I'm glad I made some friends on Twitch and TH-cam and this community
Similar story, though I was in elementary school: I was “encouraged” to try to run through a swingset. I got bodied so hard my shoes literally got knocked off and I fell unconscious for a few moments.
43:50 You opening up about all your trauma and mental health issues really hits home for me. It helps make me feel less alone in my struggles. Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest ❤ Self-harm should be a topic people can talk about without judgement or threats of being forced into psychiatric inpatient. A lot of people feel passively su*cidal their whole lives and we need a safe space to talk about it.
I'm so sorry to hear about the bullying/harassment you've been going through Rachel - know that you have so many supporters who don't believe that rubbish
In a wonderful case of irony, she was bullied right the hell off tik tok. So much for the followers she bragged about and she is the classic case of can dish it out just fine but absolutely cannot take even a hint of her own behavior turned against her. Karma swept in swift and firm and the internet is free of this awful person that just videos herself flipping her hair all around while smugly complimenting herself. Good riddance!
Bully culture is so horribly damaging to the victims and potential victims, it disgusts me that this girl is acting like it’s no big deal. I knew people in high school who were targeted relentlessly for being “weird”, they acted a little eccentric and they liked “weird” stuff like Sonic and anime. These particular kids were genuinely so nice and fun to hang out with, but with the way they were treated I was always so embarrassed to be seen with them and scared of what would happen if the people who didn’t like them would see me with them. I regret being so shallow and caring so much, but in the moment it was like social self preservation. It’s awful that we’re made to even feel like being seen with someone will be enough to paint a target on our backs, at the end of the day people with “weird” tastes and personalities aren’t harming anyone, so what’s the point in othering them?
Sonic didn't used to be weird. It was a best selling videogame series for the Sega console. Anime used to be cool when it was just Pokemon, Digimon, Dragon ball Z, and Studio Ghibli films like Howl's moving Castle and Spirited Away.
It isn't "being shallow" to not hang out with them if you're legitimately fearing for your own life and mental health. It's not just social preservation, it's preservation of your own self as well due to how harmful and traumatic bullying is. You can't blame yourself for also being a helpless kid who didn't want to be bullied. Personally I still made friends with kids who were bullied, but that's because I was able to fight back and had virtually no fears in regards to them. It's not going to be the same case for everyone. The fault is always the bullies and the adults who stood by and did nothing.
@@facthunt2facthunt245 I went to high school where it was considered nerd culture to like anime and sonic, if you didn’t like sports or shows like Euphoria or whatever then you were considered a weirdo
@@facthunt2facthunt245 nah, it's only been in the last 10 or 15 years that anime has made it to the acceptable mainstream. I was an anime freak back in grade school, luckily I didn't catch much shit because everyone like, thought I would fight them I guess? Insanity, because I genuinely want to throw up even thinking of confrontation. I guess older kids would make fun of me behind my back, but I didn't know anything about it so it didn't impact me.
I didn't start to "put school behind me" until my late 30s. High school was fine, i disappeared into the throng, i was miserable but not bullied. But bullying in junior high at a very small private school where i was a scholarship kid scarred me for years and led to a lot of self harming and damaging hypersexuality. Bullying turned my sister from a happy little kid to a sullen, withdrawn, teenager and she never on her life has been that happy outgoing person. She struggles to this day. I'm legit trying not to cry listening to what's happening to you, Rachel. I'm so sorry.
That woman is infuriating. I wasn't really bullied in high school, but I have been bullied as an adult at work and that trauma doesn't just go away. She's probably going to become someone's workplace bully now because she refuses to admit that maybe she's the bad guy and try to grow as a person.
She probably works for a company owned by her dad or something. She seems like she was spoilt rotten by her parents. They probably paid for all her vacations.
All the things you felt are such a familiar feeling. I was bullied horribly in school just for being overweight due to a hormone imbalance. But what can you tell those kids to make them stop? When I tried to be understanding and said my testosterone was higher than my estrogen, they'd ask why I was trying to be transgender or that I was always a man. I had ADHD, OCD, HF autism, OCD, and growing depression and anxiety on top of a wonky puberty to deal with. My period was a nightmare, so I was always scared of wearing white, and just, it was awful. And when the TEACHERS turn on you, too. I felt so helpless, but I had to keep going. Eventually, it got so bad that I like to think my brain was trying to comfort me and made it possible for me to lucid dream so I could at least have good, fun dreams. It was to the point I wanted to be asleep, stay asleep in a lucid dream, and never have to wake up to face the cruel reality again. I had motor tics with my disorders, which can be just as noticeable and get worse with stress. The nurse thought I was faking when I was sent to her for throwing up for over a week straight. She told the teachers to follow me and make sure I threw up or not to send me to her. The nurse yelled at me loud enough for the class at the very end of the hall. They heard her scold me for my grandma telling her that she felt I didn't think the nurse believed me. Then, after I dropped out in 10th grade, the nurse was on a conference call with my mom and ADMITTED she didn't believe me after having yelled at me. I'm 28 years old now, and I still hyperventilate and feel so sick to my stomach just at the idea of getting a GED if it means I have to deal with people, online or in person. But despite ALL of that bullcrap, I have the bestest friend I could ever ask for who loves to spoil me; she's funny, she's sweet, and we go out to eat once or twice every couple of months. We'll split the bill, she treats me for my birthday, and back in high school her parents NEVER let her sleepover with any friends, but they let her have a sleepover at my house, and I've never been so grateful. For anyone struggling, I'm sorry, and I can't promise it'll get better, but just know you're loved. And if you feel no one loves you, try to love yourself. It's so hard to love yourself after hearing the worst things imaginable, but you're not worthless, you're not useless, you're not a waste of space. At some point, someone will take you in. For those with neurodivergencey, I see you, I understand, and as you get older, you will learn to mask better after so much trial and error, until you eventually find that person you don't have to mask in front of. Best wishes to all who read this. ♡
I'm 27 and I still haven't completely gotten over the crap that went on in my teen years (undiagnosed neurodivergent - autism + cptsd). It has truly messed me up and turned me into a self-hating people pleaser. What is she on about, honestly??? I bet her perspective would be different if she was on the receiving end.
fr. im turning 17 this month and everything that gave me c-ptsd and all the other trauma rooted disorders just keeps making me more easy to wanting to please the most horrible people just because of how lonely i am and how desparate i am for validation. then i become like those horrible people who didnt even actually like me in the first place so they can use anything they can against me to stab me in the back. its a cycle. but noooo i NEEDED my bullying and traumas to evolve!!!! (sarcasm) ugh.
Yeah, because evolutionarily it makes sense when all of the chickens in the hen house decide to peck another chicken to death. Do you know why they do it? Because they see a small sore, a little blood, a little pain that would heal in a day. Then they peck that wound bigger and bigger until the other chicken dies. There are no evolutionary benefit to this, it is literally a mistake in their society. Those chickens with a small sore, when set aside and left to heal, can rejoin the coop with no problem. If you think that the other chickens benefit because the smell of blood will draw predators, well instead of a little blood, now it's a lot of blood. We use "henpecked" to unfortunately describe how wives treat their husbands (usually when the wife just wants help around the house), but I think it's a good way to describe bullying. Bullies see a small "sore" and one by one they start to peck you to death. If it's the shape of your body, your ability level, your culture, your accent, your clothes, your income level. And unlike chickens, these things aren't even "sores" to begin with, they are beautiful marks that humanity is diverse.
My family raise chickens, and the first batch we ever had (before we moved and had to restart) had one poor hen, who ended up getting pecked so badly you could see her skullbone because the other hens pecked away everything on top. We ended up naming her “Zombie” and while she WAS the strongest of the chickens we had, it was clear that the pecking from the other hens did serious damage. She was always nice, but the energy and enthusiasm she had before were gone. She healed perfectly, and outlived all the other hens who had bullied her, so she got some of the peace and quiet she so well deserved, even if it came late. As for the main chicken who had started the bullying, I forgot her name by now, because I didn’t feel like remembering her that much. We ended up keeping her away from the other hens for a while, and when we remembered her to the flock she wasn’t top dog anymore, she got a similar treatment as Zombie, only a fraction as cruel, but it was enough. She eventually withered from a tyrant to a grumpy, harmless hen. Bullying didn’t help her either, but in her case it was more appropriate since the hens were sticking up for themselves at that point. My point is: yep, “henpecked” is a perfect word for bullying, a terrible “scientific” excuse for people’s behavior, and the outcome when hens do it is the same as when people do it. Bullying isn’t ok, and bullies should already know this.
I think being upset in your 20s about bullying you received in high school can be a good thing sometimes. I only realised a few years ago that I was *allowed* to be angry and upset about it. At the time it was happening, I thought I deserved it. I’d think ‘yeah, this guy is cool, he’s just treating me badly because I’m an annoying loser’. I’m mad about it because I realised, now that I have better self esteem, I actually did not deserve it and those people were jerks.
I don't like this sentiment of how it has been a long enough time to get over it. In my opinion that is completely up to the victim and no one can really speak on how much it is supposed to affect you and for how long. For me personally it has been 10 years. I am still dealing with some of the aftermath and I know for a fact that I will never be the same as I was before these incedents. I think encouraging growth is important but saying things like this is definitely not a sign of growth.
Very similar here. I was bullied from kindergarten until graduation, for my weight, for my dialect, for being poor (no fancy hobbies or fashionable clothes and stuff), for being "weird" (I'm on the autistic spectrum, but went undiagnosed and therefor untreated until my early 30s), and so on. It was so bad it still affects me in a way nearly 20 years later. I still have a really hard time trusting people, I'm hyper vigilant all the time, I get very defensive and it still takes a lot of concentration and self control to not feel cornered and lash out at people. The only real difference is, it's long enough that in the mean time I'm able to be around young people without having to fight a panic attack, or to tell the stories of the bad old times without crying. Although the open bleeding wounds in my psyche have mostly closed, the scars are still there, they don't look pretty and are very sensitive at times.
I was an extremely lonely kid in school. My first real (and currently best) friend, I met in the eighth grade. Any friends I had before that I either lost touch with, or they decided to bully me. I have some absolute horror stories, like how one girl messaged me out of the blue years after I left the school I was in with her, just to remind me of something dumb I did a while back as a young kid, and call me a horrible person, which genuinely made me burst into tears upon reading it. Another time, I had lost my first ever dog, and carried around a plushie that reminded me of him for comfort. Not long after, one kid I thought was my friend told me that said dog was stupid, and deserved to die. I have more awful stories, but I don’t think I’d be able to detail all of them. To put it simply I have been bullied almost my whole life, and have become an extremely angry, depressed person as a result. This right here absolutely DISGUSTS ME. Nobody should EVER have to go through these things, and I find it downright revolting for this girl to say that bullying “needs to happen”. Fuck that.
As someone who was a victim of savage bullying throughout middle school, I can say with certainty that this woman is an idiot for thinking that it’s the fault of the _victims_ if they’re still impacted by their perpetrators’ actions. Literally, if it hadn’t been for one of my awesome 8th grade teachers (love you, Ms. Warne) who reported my bullies when I was too scared to, I wouldn’t have made it into and past high school. This woman needs to grow up and learn from her mistakes, but it sadly doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. :(
The whole idea of bullying needing to happen from a “biological standpoint” is… interesting. 🤨 The biggest targets of bullying are marginalized groups or people who others perceive as marginalized (whether they’re aware of it or not). And like, there’s a name for people who think the ostracization and abuse of marginalized groups is “biological” and I don’t this girl would like it.
There was a bully in my grade. From age 7-10/11 he would call me black girl or blackie. If I was alone he would run up to me say it and run away. If I was near an adult he would get behind me in line and whisper in my ear. We were in the same class for two years. No bullies do not help you grow. No I do not accept he had a crush on me. Thankfully, I haven’t seen him since 6th grade, but it shaped how I interact with my peers since no one stopped him in case he bullied them too.
LMAO THAT APRT WAS ACTUaLLY FUNNY TO ME. "This fictional show thats entirely centered on being over dramatic proves that your trauma is invalid!" LMFAOOOOO (also, she does realize dramas arent ONLY a korean thing right??)
I was "self-destructive" by age 8-9. I couldn't even be diagnosed with Autism under DSM-3, I just got the crap beat out of me every day at school from about age 6 and didn't know why. I couldn't fit in, I couldn't figure it out, and I couldn't get help. It's not "OK" or "Necessary" in any way.
The thing about being a bully in high school is that high schoolers dont have the life experience to reject a bully or leave them for being a bad person.
i’ve been meaning to comment this for awhile, but i adore your transparency on camera. from personal anecdotes (loved the one about the silly gooses), to being vulnerable enough to cry in front of your audience, to telling us about puking from period pains, to leaving in the sentence stumbles you sometimes have i adore it all to pieces. and i appreciate it so much. you’re so precious and wonderful rachel!!
Hearing Rachel talk so openly about her struggles is not only inspiring it’s heartbreaking. I was bullied a lot in my childhood, not only by the other kids at school, but also by my dad. You can just imagine how my therapy sessions went. Keep your head Rachel. In your hardest moments just remember there’s a load of us out here who don’t believe the lies and will continue to support you just being yourself.
I was bullied into developing a personality disorder and the idea that bullying in any way 'has to happen is the most bonkers thing I've heard in a LONG time >:(
FR. like oh yesssss me having extremely hurtful bursts of rage from my BPD w npd traits for one example was TOOOTALLY NEEDED for me to EvOLvE. i love when privleged people act like they can just... tell us things .sarcasm
I don’t think anyone that’s ever watched like even 2 minutes of your videos would believe this bully. They’re literally making shit up about you. You’re one of the few TH-camrs I’ve seen that I find incredibly genuine and honest, and very passionate about what interests you and I think it’s very apparent. They’re literally saying anything they can to hurt you, and none of it is true. Don’t believe it. You’re a wonderful, kind hearted, interesting person and everyone that watches your videos knows it. THAT person needs to get a life.
People DO bully because of their own problems. As Rachel pointed out in the video, victims of bullying can become bullies themselves. I myself had lots of anger issues as a kid due to depression, ADHD, and CPTSD that resulted in me lashing out, hitting, hurting, being awful to people. Depression didn't "make" me do it, but ignoring my mental health problems and my immaturity due to my age wouldn't give you the full picture behind it. The whole trope of "bully had a bad home life" in movies is literally based off of the fact that many kids who become bullies had problems. The reason we talk about mental health is that mental health can be a cause of bullying, it is not a justification. So in short, that's your individual lived experience. Totally valid. But people DO bully because of problems they have, that was the one thing she wasn't dead wrong about.
@@ettaetta439that's still not an excuse. You do not have a right to harm other people just because you were harmed. Period. Harming other people is a CHOICE. You made the choice to harm people. No one forced you to do it. And you need to do something about that mindset that makes you think to this day that it was okay to hurt people who didn't hurt you. If you're defending it, you think it's okay. And ftr, I experienced horrific abuse my entire childhood as well. I never bullied anyone. Because my problems were MY problems.
@@unicorn-glasses I am aware of that. I was telling OP that bullies do harm because they themselves have problems, otherwise they wouldn't do it. It's not a justification, it's a reason. They still shouldn't do it. As for me, I tried my best to be kind to strangers and to other people, and I was awful to my younger siblings and mom instead. My anger issues were limited to lashing out at innocent family members, but that doesn't mean that my behavior was okay. Given that it was a family member who originally abused me so badly, I now have a lot of sympathy and understanding for the child that I was. I've apologized to the family members who deserved it (not the ones who abused me) and I've grown as a person. I just didn't think it was necessary to share all that in my original comment when I was just using my experience to explain that yes, mental health issues DO cause people to become awful. They're not a justification, they're a driving force behind why you make the choices you do. That's good that you and OP never were awful to others because of your problems. We don't need more bullies in this world. As I said to OP, your experiences are valid. They do not diminish the fact that mental health problems are multifaceted.
god, i hate when people use that to brush it off. this one kid was tormenting my friend who was on a different part of the spectrum then me and all the kids already bullied her and stuff all because she had epilepsy and liked carrying plushies around, and he tormented so many other people like me and my friends (basically just neurodivergent afabs,) and then ANYTIME we went to ANYONE, EVEN OUR OWN PARENTS about him and how extreme and dangerous he could be , "oh, his parents are really bad to him so he does that." THEN YOU SHOULD BE HOLDING HTEM ACCOUNTABLE TOO??? and "oh he has bipolar so he does that." okay??? so then help him so he can stop??? i have BPD and a bunch of other stuff and can uncontrolably be a horrible person to people and regret it horribly after but dont use that as a way to just brush it off and excuse it! yes its a reason it happens, but dont act like it gives him a privlege to do it.
That necklace was the very first thing I noticed about your outfit. It’s so awesome!! I make jewelry myself so I really admire the skill and care that clearly went into it
The way she has so much empathy for ppl who bully and none for ppl who are bullied…then contradicts her point by saying bullies probably were bullied like girl…
Hi Rachel I hope you have success in getting peace from the “person” who is tormenting you and I hope you have lots of peace and healing and remember you are loved worthy and don’t deserve that treatment ❤
Bullying used to be a common occurrence at my school in the mid to late 90s, and hearing all these cheap excuses and pathetic attempts at justification from this young woman reminds me so much of the very same horseshit that many parents of bullies and even some of the teachers came up with to trivialise this despicable behaviour.
48:29 i really hope the legal action you’re taking against them goes in your favor. and good on you for doing that! i’m really proud of you for taking action against this person who is harassing you. (this goes far beyond bullying.) i’m so glad you’re here, rachel. you’re such an inspiration for me, and i see a lot of myself reflected in the parts of yourself that you choose to share with us. i’m a 21 year old girl, an intersectional feminist, a queer person, a book lover, an artist, animal lover, etc. i kind of see you as the older sibling i’ve always wanted. like a sister who shares her wisdom. i’ve learned so much from you, and you feed my eagerness to keep learning and growing and improving as a person. all of this to say, i know you aren’t what they’re trying to make you out to be. most of us know. you’re not alone.
I'm right there with you pushing 60. I wish women would let go of misogynistic youth obsession that tells women we're only valuable when we're young or desperately trying to look young. I think getting old is badass, because you no longer have to give a fuck about petty bullshit.
I'm 32 and still experience the long term consequences of childhood bullying. As a "weird kid" who was rejected by their peers, I grew up feeling like I was never good enough and that I was unworthy of basic human decency. Having such a complex made me shut down and close myself off to opportunities that would have benefited me. Things like joining a club or a team sport that could have helped build my confidence and self worth felt off limits to me because I automatically assumed I would be rejected by those groups. While I've managed to make friends over the years, I still struggle with my confidence and my insecurities can still present themselves in some ugly and unhealthy ways. I'm currently in therapy to try and address these issues but it's been a very long and arduous process. The idea that a person who was bullied should just "get over themselves" is absurd. Its unfortunately something that stays with you for life.
If it means anything, I'm glad your attempt failed. I'm glad you're here. You inspire me and bring joy to so many of your followers. This video is so important, as so many of us have been bullied to some dark places. People need to accept when they've done wrong in the past. I will admit, I did some terrible things in my deepest depression. I don't care if the person bullied me, I did wrong. And I did apologize to them, and they me. We grew, we became adults, and I'm glad neither of us pushed too far. It terrifies me to know I could have ended up like this person, completely unempathetic and uncaring. People need to take accountability for their actions. Anyway, I just wanted to spread a little positivity, and I wish you luck against your harasser
I hate how she went on about how sad that the bullied girl was still thinking about her when she (the bully) had already moved on with her life and "growing" as a person. You were the bully, so yes it was easy for you to move on and forgot your victims. But it is not that same for the bullied victims. I still think about my bully (she was my senior at work) from my previous work (I have become quite apathetic now but when I had just left that place, just hearing her name made me so angry and my heart would start beating very fast and my hands would shake.... unfortunately she has a very common name so I would hear it every now and then) and it has been almost 8 years since I quit.
even then smiling physically hurts my cheeks and just makes me feel really like. ew . (?) so instead when i try to be nice looking i just do a ^_^ irl in hopes that it doesnt just look like im sleeping or something (its also just way easily and doesnt make me feel like im trying to fake being nice. smiling on purpose instead of just naturally from beign extremely very happy or from laughter makes me feel really gross , so i dont even like practicing it as much as other faces. ^_^ is more pleasant to do anyway for me)
I was kind of a bully around 5th-8th grade (10-14) and I’m horrified and embarrassed by my behavior. An explanation NOT an excuse - I was dealing with a lot of my own issues (depression, anxiety, migraines, stomach problems) and so I just copied what my friends did or did what they told me to do. It was like I wasn’t my own person I was just a reflection and culmination of other people. I will never forgive myself for things I said or did. I wasn’t the worst in the group and some situations were complicated but that’s not an excuse. I hope the few people who I bullied have forgotten me but if they are still upset I would understand. I am a completely different person than I was 10-14 years ago. Unrecognizable. But I know that doesn’t fix anything. Rachel, from the bottom and top and middle of my heart - I’m so sorry you have been treated so horribly. You don’t deserve that at all. Anyone with a brain can see your sincerity in your videos and poetry. It’s heartbreaking to see how much someone’s words affected you. But if their words can affect to that much maybe my words can too - you are so kind, genuine, creative, and so so so smart. I think I speak for most if not all your followers when I say your passion and care for people is obvious in every video and book recommendation. Also your research skills are incredible. I know ignoring a bully is easier said than done, especially if that bully is so loud. But they’re a full grown adult being childish and making themselves look stupid. Self reflection and self improvement is an important part of life for a good person like you. But for someone yelling from the top of a mountain of delusion - self reflection is the enemy and cognitive dissonance is the wall they built to hide the mirror. Love the video!
Of course this lady (the tiktok bully) uses the "calm tiktoker voice with contempt and actually is saying the most idiotic thing ever in history" voice. Also that is a gorgeous necklace! /gen
That "I just took a Xanax and think I would literally die if I expressed any type of emotional inflection in my voice" tone made it all the more triggering.
First of all thank you so much for opening up on your struggles and being so vulnerable and genuine. I can't understand how anyone could believe this is just a persona or façade. The thing that makes me uncomfortable as hell about her video is... four or five years is not even that long. I took more than that to seek therapy for the extensive bullying I got even before high school, so I'm not surprised if someone from her past decided to confront her after that much. She has the luxury to leave high school behind because she isn't traumatized. A victim of bullying doesn't have that, I would do anything to leave my past behind, anything, but I still get anxiety and I still get panic attacks, all because of people like her. Even if she was "going through something" the fact that a bully is leaving scars in their wake is undeniable, and having the luxury and the privilege of leaving the past behind and cringing at people that are still processing stuff from 4 or 5 years ago is not something everyone has. It's clear to me that she never had anything truly traumatic happening to her, but that's not an excuse to not have a bit of compassion and emphathy. I'm still processing stuff from 10 years ago. To have someone that hurt you so deeply laugh in your face for "still thinking about it" must be devastating. My heart goes to all the victims of bullying, especially now that social media makes anything 10 times worse
I wasn’t personally bullied in school but the woman in the video reminds me of a lot of people I did know in high school and people I know still act this way: people who think they know everything or think they’re so great because they are privileged and rich and think they know better than other people. People who don’t think they need to learn or continue to pursue learning or education. People who willfully choose ignorance for convenience. Being around those people was so insufferable and in a way was traumatic too because they make you feel so small and stupid because of how over confident they are about what they perceive. They belittle you and put you down for different beliefs or daring to be curious. Also. She is lying about being above it all because if she’s harping on being outcast or abandoned by her peers because she didn’t fit in isn’t she also hung up about high school happenings too? What an awful woman. I hope she can look back on this with some real wisdom one day and recognize what a little shit she was. Good god
I don't know where I heard this, but her whole "I don't even think about high school any more" reminds me of the fact that "ab*sers are able to forget, the ab*sed are forced to remember." Your analysis is very thoughtful Rachel, as always!
i was diagnosed with a severe panic disorder, anxiety, and depression at the age of 11 because i was so heavily bullied. people who say shit like "everyone needs to be bullied at least once" or "we need to bring bullying back" clearly have never had to go through that/were the bully and want to get away with bullying again. don't let them normalize it
Oh my god. I was undiagnosed adhd, depressed and was severely bullied. All of it made me unable to study at all, nearly fail school every year, barely pass to next grade, not be able to work until i was 21 and medicated (and i am from poor family so you can imagine how great it was) and till this day, nearly 29, i remember what they did to me, and i will never forgive them.
I absolutely agree that people are capable of changing for the better. I've seen it first hand and I've even had to change for the better myself, but I've also noticed that the people who do genuinely change are people actually WANTED to change. Some people aren't interested in changing for the better and frankly, I find that sad.
In the 12 years that I've been bullied it has NEVER made me 1)Confident or 2) Stand up for myself without then being ridiculed for that too. I t destroyed who I was, everything I was before starting secondary school (when my bullying was the worst) was lost and I became the more insecure unconfident and smallest I ever was. I brought that back myself through learning not to give a fuck and be confident in myself since starting college. The idea that it is a lesson is abhorrent and cruel, there is no lesson in abuse and humiliation.
CW: I do discuss my personal mental health and history with SH at times in this video.
I'm a little late discussing this but it took me a couple of weeks to actually film this when I got ill and lost my voice, sorry!
0:00 Intro
5:00 A Personal Rant About Growth
18:30 You're Not A Silly Goose
21:18 Just 'Get Over It'
25:01' But, Like, What If They Deserve It?'
30:49 Being Approachable
37:30 The Epitome of the Dunning-Kruger Effect
40:20 Heartless: 'Get A Life, Go Make Money'
49:01 Bullying HAS To Happen
My beautiful necklace in this video was made by my wonderful friend Nervardia: www.youtube.com/@Nervardia Go send her some love :)
Sources and Further Reading:
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4552909/
www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/coping-with-life/bullying/
www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/
learning.nspcc.org.uk/safeguarding-child-protection/anti-bullying-resources
anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/
I’ve been following you for years now and I remember the initial thing that sparked your bully into bullying you. I just want you to know that you have my support. I had no idea they were still actively doing this. It’s horrific that they are. You don’t deserve any of it but from what it seems they have an unhealthy obsession with you and the law might be your only recourse to find peace. Don’t feel bad for asking police and lawyers for help after years of this ❤. Wish you the best ❤
I had no idea that what happened in 2019 is still continuing. Looking through recent videos is insane. If you fixing the "wrong" is not enough, then your actions didnt warrant this type of response.
Your personality is one of the most pleasant and genuine I have come across on TH-cam. You are open and encouraging towards challenging ideas and new information while still maintaining true to your beliefs. You are someone who can disagree with someone without disrespecting and attacking them. A trait that many people would benefit from.
I really do wish you all the best
I came to your chanel because I heard about that BS that was going on and decided that I wanted to support you, even if the only thing I could do was to be one more sub. When I started to watch your videos, I learned something new every time and my english improved as well. I saw you grow in those 5 years and you helped me to see new perspectives and grow in those 5 years as well. I'll turn 30 this year and you've helped me to find my place in life during hard times. Because of (now finally diagnosed) ADHD and working I'm still a student, so I don't have that much money or that much time but I'm very happy to be able to support you (as one of two people) on patreon (even if it's the lowest one) for 2 years and watch your videos when I can. As a queer person I only ever felt your love and acceptance for us, so I really don't get where they pulling that sht out of and I'm shocked and disappointed that you're still harassed. I really hope you know that most people do see you as the amazing, kind and strong person that you are! You're everything but worthless! ❤
Please remember that you have a whole community here that loves you and always will
Rachel you are so awesome, thank you for making such amazing content. Your community loves you 💘
"bullying needs to happen from a biological standpoint"...
*THAT NOT HOW BIOLOGY WORK*
Literally the only thought I had was 'then where's your research paper?'
I seriously just saw someone in the comment section of another video say this exact thing. They were saying that tribalism (which is not even tribalism)is some thing that just happens with children. Which is insane. Hate is some thing that is taught.
“That’s a nice argument random person on TikTok, why don’t you back it up with a source?”
This is the argument of someone who is grasping at straws to justify their behaviour with anything other than the reality that they might just be a bad person.
Not saying bad people have to stay that way, growth is possible, but bullies that don't regret it are bad people.
@@warlordofbritannia my source is that I made it the fuck up
She’s clearly still a bully, or at the very least, apathetic. “Go travel” is such a privileged thing to say.
Yes!
Yep
The way she talks reminds me of people who test high in sociopathic traits it’s very concerning to say the least
@@xg2513 how so?
@@sinestesianestesia9079she doesn't show any empathy whatsoever for the people she was "mean" to. At no point does she say anything that indicates that she recognizes how she could have harmed them, nor does she show any remorse for her actions. She speaks in a totally flat tone the entire video (which she chose to record so it's not like she's being put on the spot and forced to speak). She's defending her actions and putting the blame on the people she bullied. No empathy, no remorse, flat affect (not displaying emotions because of not feeling them), etc are symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopathy). We can't diagnose her obviously, but she is absolutely showing multiple signs of sociopathy.
"Suffering doesn't make people better, it just makes them suffer." -Art Spiegelman
This is especially powerful considering who said it 😢
Suffering is the cause of all pain.
Suffering is caused by desire.
Relinquishing desire eliminates pain and suffering.
Nirvana is the state of lacking desire and pain.
-buddhism
Louder for the willfully ignorant
There is this guy at my work place who does “virtues training”… (and he almost always goes back to the military being such an exemplary example of virtues). He has supported the idea that suffering is absolutely key to mastering certain virtues, which I’ve just found kind of gross. He’s gone to the extent to stating that “people who have had horrible things happen to them would choose to have them happen again, because it builds character and wisdom.” Something tells me he hasn’t worked with a lot of SA and abuse survivors.
@@8114梦见Can you explain a bit more about what it means that he “does virtues training”?
Like… he leads workplace virtues training? Or … he like, does lunges and squats while whispering his virtues?
I’m sorry, but I absolutely have to know.
Sounds incredibly weird either way.
If she truly believed bullying needed to happen "from a biological standpoint" she wouldn't have set her TikTok page to private after receiving backlash. 🤪🥴
Lmao, true!
You have to understand that she was talking about regular people. She’s different 😊
(/s)
She should've took her own advice🤭
Wow she must be super tough after this /s 😂
She's back!
I was diagnosed with a panic and anxiety disorder at the age of _seven years old._ The cause? A bully. He tormented me the entire year. So no, bullying does _not_ have to happen. I guarantee you, if she had been bullied rather than the one doing it, her opinion would be drastically different.
@OfficerZ637 ...uhh...why did you just copy and paste my comment?
funnily enough, she experienced a large backlash from her video (not balanced discussions like this video, it's tiktok comments I'm sure you can imagine what a lot of the backlash looked like) and completely shut down her account. So for all her talk about how people "need to experience bullying" she certaintly didn't seem to like being on the receiving end.
Obviously I don't think she fully deserved all of the backlash she got, but still I hope now being on the receiving end for once will help her understand just how ridiculous her opinion on bullying is/was.
e:spelling
@@tacocatt6808 Ahh, gotta love karma.
I tried to scrub my black skin off at six years old, in the shower, due to the bullying of being the only black skinned kid in class. "Bullying is meant to happen. Makes you stronger" my ass. I "wanted to get the dirt off." The kids refused to let me play at stations (would all purposefully fill them out, too), because I "was brown," and in their parental influenced minds, brown = dirt.
Say that to the six year old who grew up internally racist towards herself for years, who had her white relatives go through with destroying my 4B hair by giving into my constant pleads for them to straighten it.
Then say that to the eleven year old who was diagnosed with Major Depression. I will admit that mental illness runs in my family blood. And there were many, many outside forces that didn't help. But neither did that internalized racism.
And you know what? This TikToker should really look into the various cases of kids bullied so far to the edge, that they either take their own lives (Trojan Terry Badger, Jamel Myles, Eli Fritchley. Do I need to go on?), or punch their tormentor's face in with tears rolling down their cheeks, before being expelled for breaking down and actually fighting back.
People with the mindset of "bullying needs to happen. Toughen up" piss me off to no end. I know this is long, I'm sorry, I'm just real passionate about this.
I sincerely hope you've found peace. If I could protect all of the kids in the world from the sheer mindfuck that is bullying, I would.
(TH-cam erased my reply. Sorry!)
I tried to scrub my black skin off at six years old, in the shower, due to the bullying of being the only black skinned kid in class. "Bullying is meant to happen. Makes you stronger" my ass. I "wanted to get the dirt off." The kids refused to let me play at stations (would all purposefully fill them out, too), because I "was brown," and in their parental influenced minds, brown = dirt.
Say that to the six year old who grew up internally racist towards herself for years, who had her white relatives go through with destroying my 4B hair by giving into my constant pleads for them to straighten it.
Then say that to the eleven year old who was diagnosed with Major Depression. I will admit that mental illness runs in my family blood. And there were many, many outside forces that didn't help. But neither did that internalized racism.
And you know what? This TikToker should really look into the various cases of kids bullied so far to the edge, that they either take their own lives (Trojan Terry Badger, Jamel Myles, Eli Fritchley. Do I need to go on?), or punch their tormentor's face in with tears rolling down their cheeks, before being expelled for breaking down and actually fighting back.
People with the mindset of "bullying needs to happen. Toughen up" piss me off to no end. I know this is long, I'm sorry, I'm just real passionate about this.
I sincerely hope you've found peace. It's truly awful.
I was bullied for approx five years until I snapped when I was fifteen and started "bullying back" my bullies. Let me tell you what I learned: the girls that dish it out, can never take it.
So true. Same with mean exes. The moment I stopped being nice and dished it back, they start getting all hurt. 😅
💯!!! I'm pretty sure I'm autistic (but not diagnosed) and honestly looking back, I think a lot of of people tried to bully me, but....couldn't? Because I'd either A. Take their words so literal I'd just take it normally, so if someone said "That dress is ugly on you" I'd be like "Oh? Well sorry you think so, and thanks for trying to make me aware, but I like it so I'll keep wearing it." And I'd walk off. But I wasn't trying to sass anyone back, I was just being genuine cause I thought they were. I think bullies didn't know what to do with that cause I never 'reacted'.
Or, B. I'd realize someone was trying to be purposefully mean to me or another (pushing me headfirst into my locker days in a row, so not an accident, actively calling someone else names, shoulder checking me every day in the hallway), but I had an abusive alcoholic father I was used to standing up to and was always ready to fight at the drop of a hat. So as soon as I realized they were trying to bully me, I'd clap back (verbally) with something real nasty/embarassing such as "You can push me into my locker headfirst as much as you want, your head is still gonna go bald before mine does." (said to the guy pushing me into the locker who everyone knew early male hairloss ran in his family (he complained about it constantly) and his friends all began giggling at my comment. I felt terrible saying it, but tried not to show it). And suddenly, he vanished. No more locker pushing.
Once when sticking up for a girl who was being bullied, the bully tried to test me by saying "Well let's go outside and fight then," but when my response was "Okay, let's go. We'll probably both get detention, but when we get to the principal's office, we'll see whose story they'll believe and who ends up with ISS on top of detention for bullying. Do you really think it'll be me?" And suddenly? She didn't want to fight anymore and sat down. She was in and out of the principal's office constantly, whereas I graduated with 0 detentions on my record and never caused problems. I only ever defended myself or others, and because she sat down I never got into a physical altercation in HS.
People tried to start rumors but I paid them little mind, and because I was a generally liked person who kept to myself and didn't react to the rumors, other people in my grade would take care of shutting it down for me by asking me and then calling the rumor-spreader on their BS, cause I was overly honest about anything I was asked about back in HS.
They can never, EVER take the same cruelty they dish, and their brain breaks when you don't notice their bullying. Some of the people who tried to bully me later came to respect me and try to be friends-'no thanks, I don't want to be friends with the person who thought it was funny to push my head into my locker, but I'll be civil to you since you stopped'. But I think overall, being generally unaware of bad intentions, taking things too literal, and being a respected person to my peers and teachers and only ever defending myself or others when pushed to a breaking point saved me a lot of torment, that I only really came to realize I dodged in hindsight. I got lucky.
I wonder if the reason they do it is because they can't take it to such a degree that they're constantly misperceiving things as attacks on them & are in hand, constantly lashing out?
All the bullies that I bullied back couldn't handle it, it was extra embarrassing for them because i was the silent nerd. I've had the same experience in adult life, people with shitty attitudes hate it if you mirror their behaviour back at them
@@zekova I think it's generally accepted that most of the typical type of bully are incredibly insecure and attempting to build security through establishing themselves in a pecking order. Basically, there's something going on in their life or their mental health that makes them think they need to push someone else down in order not to be crushed or humiliated themselves. Often abuse at home that makes them feel small and powerless and constantly under attack, so they try to get power at school, or they think the whole world works like that and you NEED to act like that or you'll be the one being bullied. So yeah, often if they get any pushback, they'll either give up and find a different person to bully, or if they feel really backed into a corner, they might snap and try to save face. So be careful when standing up to a bully, but often it will be effective.
"bullying is something that needs to happen whrn you're young"
says the girl who was the bully and most likely wasn't bullied herself
Yep. People are going to go through bad experiences and will eventually learn that not everyone can be trusted. You're not supposed to BE the bad experience. You're supposed to be the person they come back to after a bad experience, so you can support them and vent with them. You're not supposed to traumatize kids your age.
She needed something to placate her conscience.
She probably was bullied by her parents tho 😑
@@juicyparsonsTHIS PART THO
You know who everyone hates or pretends to like but secretly hates? Bullies that never grow tf up. Hope they have fun with 0 true friends since they will only attract other mean and nasty people.
The way she speaks and intones and mocks the specific person from 4 years ago... the bully is in the room with us
there’s something so frustrating about passive-aggressive, more “low key” kinds of bullying. It’s not physically or verbally aggressive, and it also feels so poisonous. It can be comments or looks or stifled laughs. eek not a fan of this creator or others normalizing casual meanness
Edit: To be clear, there’s nothing “low key” about the valid pain/trauma of ANY kind of bullying.
I read a book one time (I wish I remembered the name) which talked about how girl on girl bullying is hard to combat and hard to pick out co.pared to boy on boy because it's more emotional, social, psychological and girls hold grudges longer vs guys fight it out and get over it quickly.
This is also very hypocritical of her because I am sure she doesn't agree that everyone needs to be bullied when it happens to her. That was proven when she closed her social media after the backlash and bullying she was receiving for her videos.
@JuicyUTTP Oh, my god, _would you stop?!_
this! "at least" if someone is being outwardly or phisically mean you have "proof". The low key laughs, backhanded comments etc are just as terrible but aren't as easy to prove. I used to be bullied like that and the teachers that did anything to stop that were like... one or two. The others just turned their backs because it just looked like I was overly sensitive
My brain doesn't register that kind of behavior lol. I will take you at face value, and passive aggressive people don't like it if you don't play into it.
She was run off of TikTok due to the backlash. Oh what’s the matter, can’t take a bit of bullying yourself? Funny, that.
Exactly. I thought she considered it part of evolution. That's how she should see it anyway. It will help her grow as a person.
When I threw my support behind the leopards eating people’s faces party, I never imagined that leopards would eat *my* face 😱
She was not even being bullied. She was being called out on her behavior.
Mind you you could say that she feels like that that is what she was doing to her victims.
She's back!!! She unprivated her tiktok!
She honestly gives big "I was a bully because they didn't like me" vibes. She was miserable in HS and is now pretending that she's so above it whilst not dealing with her own lingering issues.
To me she gives “I was a bitch in high school and I mistake being mean for being ‘real’”. There are certain people that are so lacking in empathy and self absorbed that the people around them are seen as ‘NPC’s for them to treat as they wish. If the NPCs aren’t interesting to them, they’re not people and thus don’t get the same respect as people. Then again, I could very well be describing the effect rather than the cause.
@@talynhastime9343it's the whole "brutally honest" thing where they enjoy the brutality more than the honesty, which I think is a quote from Richard Needham
“People who did me dirty” is the line that stands out to me. Narcissistic tendencies demonize everyone different so you can be the one who is the hero and in the right.
I was getting this vibe too that she had her own stuff going on, and she was mean and thinks that she did people a favour. However, I didn't hear her say that the stuff she went through did her any favours or doesn't damage or upset her to this day. Should someone ask her why she's still wasting time thinking about whatever she went through, too?
The tree remembers, the axe forgets.
@@Lord_Skeptic??
@@Lord_Skeptic ??
@@Lord_Skeptic what's the joke?
@@Lord_Skeptic okay, and how is that a joke?
I think my bullying began because of my autism. They sensed I was different and targeted me.
Similar experience.
I've wondered about that. Is autism some kind of "bully magnet" for jerks who really can't stand it that anyone is not a homogeneous/carbon-copy of everyone else? Kinda?
Me too, I was bullied horribly, verbally and physically- still have trauma!!! So no, *bullying doesn’t have to happen* and should never happen. It’s so frustrating that she can even say those things so casually.
Absolutely. All the 'weird kid' behaviours I was bullied for (even blamed for being bullied because I acted this way) were all just signs of neuro divergence. I wasn't hurting anyone. Just a bit too quiet and a bit too awkward and a bit too unaware of social cues...
In fact, all the bullying I've ever come across has been rooted in some kind of prejudice: ableism, racism, misogyny, homophobia... Absolutely all of it.
Same here. I even ended up becoming homeschooled after middle school because of the bullying
Ive been bullied my whole life and this girl telling her victim to just get over it is like a slap in the face
Totally agree with you what she said is truly offensive
@anielarutowicz7673
If it's any constellation I saw another comment saying she got a lot of backlash for it (and that it wasn't pleasant).
@@kellycowley3535 hey I just wanted to let you know you might have a typo, I think you meant consolation :)
@@alim.9801
Yeah I did thank you. (My spelling is just bad haha.)
My child’s first bully was his second grade teacher. He went from a happy, loving, sweet little boy, to an anxious, frightened and angry boy with an anxiety disorder. At SEVEN years old. We got him into therapy and I turned his teacher in a number of times. Confronted her personally a number of times, but she still took his recess away every single day and humiliated him by forcing him to stand against the wall next to his “red flag” every day. I should have pulled him out of school. My biggest mistake was thinking we could just get through the year. No. Don’t hesitate to pull your kids out of school because of bullying. Especially if its a teacher. I never got my sweet innocent boy back.
I later found out that this teacher was like this with little boys all the time. It was never a girl she targeted. There’s a whole group of mothers here who have had their children in therapy because of this teacher.
You should have sued (based on her being bully and sexist) that b*tch long ago.
That way she would regret her action and would have been fired.
That teacher sounds sadistic and shouldn't be near kids! I'm so sorry that happened to your son 😢 my son luckily isn't angry, but is definitely more closed off, guarded, and unemotional (at least in how he portrays himself) than he used to be, because of pressure and teasing, and that was just mild stuff compared to serious bullying (at least from what I know).
Something like this happened to me. I’m in my 30s and fantasize about unaliving the ADULTS who saw fit to bully me as a child. My life was ruined by depression and addiction. I’m getting better but I still have serious issues…. This sucks so much I’m so sorry.
i had a teacher in first grade who absolutely refused to believe i kept being beat up by a boy in my class. it was happening literally every day and my mom had to take me out of school.. she stuck by ‘boys will be boys’. in third grade, my teacher would make fun of me in front of the class for my stimming and autistic behavior. he made school a nightmare and reinforced the bullying i was already experiencing.
never trusted a teacher again. can’t ask for help now as a college student. teachers can seriously ruin your confidence in a way a lot of people don’t understand or recognize.
My best friend was bullied (a lot) by one girl in particular in high school. It was bad. We saw the girl 10 years later at the high school reunion and she actually came to my friend to apologize and they talked a lot like two mature adults with respect. We were pleasantly surprised and it was nice to see that people grow.
I had this happen but not with a bully. My first ever bf in highschool (I was home school and bounced schools a lot) I was “so in love”, he cheated on me. The girl messaged me YEARS after graduation saying she was sorry. Mad respect for her (and I was young and dumb so I didn’t even know he was cheating🙄)
Some bullies who didn't change became criminals and domestic abusers to their spouses
I'm really glad to hear that happened. My high school friend was somewhat of a bully, but I would hear about her arguments or the rude thing she said, talk to her and say "Hey, I'm not sure if you realize, but _______ was really hurt when you said that yesterday. I think you owe her an apology." And with some badgering from me, she would go apologize, (which I wrongly understood to be her acknowledging she was wrong). Anyways, after a few years of this, I realized she wasn't ever actually sorry, but stayed friends with her until she started talking poorly about me behind my back, at which point I finally dumped her. Now, she has broken all her friendships that same way, and is back to having nobody like her, and her marriage is struggling (unfortunately she did find someone who wanted to marry her, but I'm not sure they still want that). I would feel bad except that as far as I can tell, she still doesn't ever want to apologize or admit wrongdoing.
I'm 42 and the bullying I experienced in my school years still affects my life. But now that someone who was still at school during Covid has told me to get over it I'm magically cured!
The worst part to me has been watching my worst bully succeed at everything in her life. Great job, loving husband, cute kids... while I can barely leave my house because of the PTSD and agoraphobia she caused me. The girl literally tried to kill multiple times. She killed a whole litter of kittens in a creek in front of me to try and get me to jump in after them... knowing there was no way I would have survived it. But she's doing great so everyone thinks I need to just get over it... I'm also 42... the damage she did to my brain chemistry is permanent
@@WarPoodle-pc5wuomg I am so sorry that your still dealing with trauma from that the people telling you to get over what happened are totally in the wrong
@@WarPoodle-pc5wuNah...don't feel bad that your bully is living a great life rn. I'm pretty sure under all that sheen or perfectness of her life, there's some drama and stuff brewing in there. Most people in seemingly good relationships, unless they're both really good people in it for the long haul, tend to gave messy relationships with one another/turbulent fam lives. Idk if I made sense here but yep...that.
This is horrendous. I'm so sorry.
@@WarPoodle-pc5wu
She is giving "I bullied people because I could" vibe. I don't believe for a second she bullied anyone because they did her "dirty." Her body language and the way speaks says volumes of what type of person she is. She seems like they type to attack someone because she gets joy out of making others miserable and fearful.
"It's been 4 years get over it."
Yeah I was bullied 30 years ago and I'm still working to unpack it. Geez!
TW (mentions of su*cidal ideation)
I was bullied for years when I was younger. I was bullied for my looks, my height, my intelligence, and my undiagnosed ADHD. I was bullied so subtly that I felt like I was going crazy because nobody else noticed it. It got so bad I wanted to end it all. I had 0 confidence left, I became quiet and withdrawn, I lashed out at the people I cared about most.
I am not "stronger" for being bullied. I am not grateful for being bullied. Being bullied is not something "needed" in life, it is a disgusting act rooted in insecurity from the bully. To this day I still struggle with knowing if people genuinely like me or if they are being snarky and two-faced. It eats me alive, at times. Bullying destroys lives. Bullying is not okay.
Thank you for sharing, this happened to me and it was absolutely awful. I hope you're doing better now and I'm so glad you're still here ❤
@@frankensteinlives Aww thank you! I am doing better, and I hope you are as well!
I identify so much! I was methodically bullied from 3th grade up to finishing high school by a group of inhuman monsters that broke my spirit and caused a complete change in my personality, from a very friendly and extrovert child to an introvert, anxiety riddled adult that's sure everyone hates me, I must be a terrible person if people treated me that way. I've been s*icidal since I was 10 years old, and now in my mid 30s I STILL have nightmares of those years. The harm they did to me can never be undone. No one desreves this!
And it's so hard as a teacher to catch that kind of bullying! It makes me sick knowing I can't catch everything. Once a bunch of students kept talking about "Big Ben". I had no idea what they were talking about, but I assumed they were bullying someone so I called it out. I thought they might be calling someone fat in a negative way, although I had no idea who -- there were no Bens in my class. Turns out they were bullying someone, a girl whose name had nothing to do with "Ben". Apparentally she has a big _forehead_? Like foreheads didn't even used to be a beauty standard, and her forehead is not abnormally large. But I guess she looks like the clock because of her big forehead??? WTF. Highschoolers can be very mean in very subtle ways. Like in that class where they were always mentioning "Big Ben" there was no Ben / Ben related last name, there was nobody overweight, there was nobody who was super tall, and nobody with an accent. As a teacher I thought I was going crazy or overreacting. It worries me to know so much of this stuff will never even be noticed by teachers because of the subtlety.
@@SmolTrailer I'm glad you did catch that! It is a major burden to put on yourself to catch them all, so don't beat yourself up for not realizing certain things. I think the best way to notice something is wrong is to look at the kid's behavior and if it changes rather suddenly. It is extremely difficult, especially depending on how many kids you teach, but I think that is the best way to tell the signs of subtle bullying. People react in different ways, but there is usually a switch in behavior. For example, I went from chatty and determined to withdrawn and quiet. One of my teachers noticed but unfortunately couldn't do much about the situation-- so instead she offered her support in ways I could never repay. Sometimes that is all a person needs, as well. Knowing not everyone is against them and that there are people out there who care.
Honestly, the fact that this bully was, ironically enough, bullied off the internet for being pro-bullying? That shit’s therapeutic to me like nothing else.
Like yes, babe, show us how you really feel about your own actions reflected back at you. Please, continue demonstrating how actions speak louder than words and all your talk of bullying being “helpful” was just hot air the moment it’s _you_ who has to go through it.
This whole situation feels like a cure for gaslighting. There’s no more excuses, no backpedaling, no “you’re crazy! It wasn’t that bad!” She just responded the way any bullied kid wants to respond to bullying, by escaping it. Because bullying _f*cking hurts._ The vindication just slaps, dude.
"it's giving biological... things" -absolutely airtight logic, all of science is convinced
Lol
I hate this "it makes you stronger" take so, so much. No Becky, being bullied and rejected throughout my childhood made me weaker, actually. It gave me a bag full of triggers and mental health issues I'm still dealing with DECADES later. My mum once said the same thing to me, "at least it has made you stronger" and I just kind of had to ignore it because she'd been told the same when she was young, but wow, that hurt. Even if suffering always made a person stronger, I'd rather be weaker and not suffer. How is that so hard to understand?
I've had terrible, undiagnosed anxiety from year 2 which lead to me being mute
To add to the "copying people to fit in", I'm also autistic and I remember in primary school most of the other kids bullied me, which made me think "oh this is how you treat people the same age as you". I was completely oblivious to the fact that they were all being horrid to me and just bullied everyone back. I only realised what was going on when I was about 9 and my mum was very confused about why I suddenly hated everyone.
I did that kind of thing too. I figured you were supposed to talk to boys by being rude because that's how boys spoke to me.
I did the same thing. Didn't help that sometimes "friendly jibes" is a real thing.
I like how she’s trying to sound bored by this whole thing but like: if she actually didn’t care, she wouldn’t be trying so hard. She wouldn’t be talking about it at all if she wasn’t bothered.
To borrow a phrase from her, it’s giving: “and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad.”
This. Her behavior really stands out as her being VERY upset that someone brought up that she was and still is a bully. Butt-hurt would be an understatement.
thank you so much for speaking about this. i was bullied in secondary school for years for my looks and my "weird personality" (turns out it was undiagnosed neurodivergency) and i had never felt more depressed because of mean girls like her. That kinda stuff never fully leaves you and i still to this day have deep rooted insecurities in myself and my relationships with others because of it.
Same
You can tell on her entire demeanor that she's still got a high school mindset.
Also a 22 year old acting like they've become such a proper adult and matured so so much, like, sure - some things happen in a couple of years - but lady, you've been able to drink legally for 1 year lol
Yep she sounded about 14
It doesn’t take much life experience to know you’re out of your depth in your early twenties. This girl probably grew up and still lives hyper sheltered.
At 25 I still feel like a kid. I hate seeing young 20 year olds acting like they’re so grown. Like sit down we still have a lot of time. Now do some reflecting!
The Most adult people i know (regardless of age) are the ones who acknowledge they dont feel all that grown Up. It's a self awareness that there isnt that clear demarcation where you have suddenly figured Life Out. Realizing that your parents AND other adults werent those wise gods when you were a child.... They Just knew how to shield you from the chaos they were dealing with.
People who act Like theyre "proper adults", in my experience, can be quite juvenile. Think the 16 year old who Just got a Car and thinks that makes them grown. Thats the vibe im getting
@@annabeinglazy5580 At late 40s and technically a leader within my job, I still find myself looking around for the 'adult in the room' before remembering that others see me as that!!
I have known so many middle-aged women who said that exact thing and they were all acting like it was still high school. They insist high school prepares you for the real world.
High school bullies remain high school bullies and then say that it's only natural to be a high school bully. It's wild.
Although it does prepare them to be middle managers, I will admit that.
When I think of bullying, I think of the bullying girls and women engage in most. It's typically passive aggressive, quiet, and about appearance. As a young autistic girl, I did not even really understand I was being bullied, I just thought that they had weird opinions. It "went over my head" frequently. Until it turned physical and I knew something was not right. My point is: neurodivergent children often miss bullying happening to them. This creates a dangerous environment for accepting abuse later in life. Typical children are more likely to tell a peer or an adult about the bullying, and less likely to stand up for themselves.
Bullying has no basis in evolution, what is she even talking about? Scientists have conducted mass amounts of research regarding the effect of bullying on children under 10, and being a bully under 10, and they are far more likely to delay academically, socially, and emotionally. On both ends. Bullying hurts everyone.
literally! i think she meant it in a kind of 'survival of the fittest', 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' kind of way, but really bullying is just incredibly traumatic and not in any way some sort of maturing experience that prepares you for the world. you can move on the best you can and no longer think about it, for sure, but even if it's just at the time it happens it causes a lot of pain. as you say, if anything it can make you more vulnerable to those abusive behaviours because 'this must just be how it is'.
Rachel, your true fans know the person who makes you feel bad is completely wrong.From way over here in Texas, I was actually able to meet you at the 2019 faithless forum and you were completely a wonderful and sweet person. I was nervous and you conversed with me for half a hour. You are a wonderful person, don’t let this internet troll bring you down.
I hope she sees this comment. Rachel, you are lovely and your videos have helped so many people. Everyone who follows you knows that person is lying and that you're a brilliant, friendly, witty, passionate, empathetic, gorgeous and kind person.
We all know that you're a lovely woman and that this person is a cruel harasser, stalker, and abuser and you're doing a right thing by takinf them to court if that's what you choose to do. Something about them is very sick and very wrong. We support you and wish you nothing but the best. Please be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
The way she stifles laughter when she talks about how people who were bullied in high school retain the trauma of being bullied years after graduation: that's some bully shit. She is 100% still a textbook "mean girl".
Even if she supposedly has learned life lessons and such since high school, she clearly has not applied herself in those lessons.
I did not go out of my way to bully people in school, but I know now that I was at some point unjustly mean to people as a defense mechanism so that they would not be mean to me first. That does not excuse my actions, but it does explain them in a way that I can understand and learn from. I now try and make an effort to treat everyone with respect until they give me a genuine reason not to, as opposed to just immediately lashing out.
This girl needs to actually learn what empathy is and recognize the error of her ways. Hopefully she'll look back on this tiktok one day and realize how callous and wrong she was.
I could tell she was still a bully because she was trying to sound wise and superior but came across like a snob, telling everyone to just go travelling like we could all afford it. And telling everyone to just make money. It's ridiculous how ignorant TikTok girl is when some people are working three jobs and struggling to pay the bills.
The fake little laughs and mocking gestures almost sent me over the edge. Like girl…. Look in the mirror. She’s acting almost cartoonishly mean in this whole TikTok and then has the audacity to claim that she wasn’t actually a bully (but also that people who were bullied really should just get over it). And then calling herself smart after exposing herself on the internet like this… the whole TikTok is an infuriating mess
The lesson some people learn is how to delude themselves and/or barely mask their intent
You're not funny, Lyanna. Shut up.
I have heard some say that people who act wierd online (weebs, mainly) should have been bullied to knock some sense into them. But this hits so much harder. It feels there's some narcissism in here.
She is not Living her Best Life.
She clearly still needs the Boost she thinks Bullying gives her.
I'm sorry someone is bullying you Rachel. you are one of the sweetest youtubers I follow. You are not the bs they say you are.
this bully person is really sad and pathetic. when we all were teenagers and struggling to fit in and find friends, making ourselves more independent from our families, i can see how bullying and trolling and underestimating mental health was a reaction to that. but that development should be done now. we all should be developed enough to understand that malice will not improve our own life.
i really struggle to see how an adult can turn to mocking and bullying others, if they’re not extremely underdeveloped themselves or have some other issues they should get a grip on.
like i sad a really sad and pathetic person. there is no personality that is worthy of giving any judgement
i have a degree in neuroscience and i was losing my mind when she insisted there’s a “biological need” for bullying. UH… NO? you could call it a “psychosocial phenomenon” but just because something happens frequently doesn’t mean it’s SUPPOSED to happen!!!
The most infuriating part is that she is so confidently wrong and then has the audacity to hype up her intelligence like…. I’m sure she’s not dumb, but trying to say that your opinion is backed up by psychology when you so clearly didn’t even do a quick google search is just stupid.
@@washada comparing animal behavior and neurology can be very informative for how brain structures developed for certain skills, but we can’t study human behavior that specifically because there’s no “control group” of humans who didn’t evolve. for that reason, human evolutionary psychology is mostly based on theories rather than real evidence of cause-and-effect.
i particularly don’t love the evolutionary perspective because it’s very heteronormative and assumes all humans are driven to reproduce, as they study “averages” and “commonalities” across cultures instead of the (much more interesting imo) sociocultural and epigenetic impacts on behavior. a lot of biological essentialists, like in the manosphere, point to evolutionary psych to justify their sexism, so i think you make a really good point!
@@washadagod, the manosphere nuts lean HARD into the “biology” bullshit without the slightest hint of irony. They’ll bring up that “alpha wolf” study as if it wasn’t disproven decades ago by the guy who originally made it! I’m always suspicious now when I hear someone mention how a certain behavior is “scientific” or “hard-wired” at this point, because 9 times out of 10, it’s just someone making a bald-faced lie and pawning it off like it’s peer-reviewed.
my blood ran cold when she started literally laughing about how ''if you're dwelling on this 4 years after highschool'' blah blah... dude, that triggered some trauma response in my body. hate is a strong word but dang.. i do hate her for her mentality
Rachel, you have a community here who loves you. You aren't alone. Please continue to take care of yourself and continue with your case against this person. You very much deserve to be alive and be yourself.
In regards to the ticktok person, she's just looking for excuses to be a bully by using arguments like it's part of evolution or 'good' for people. The travelling she bragged about in the video really didn't seem to improve her.
She said bullying is a necessary thing and its totally good for you, and then proceeded to run away because she couldnt take the bullying she got as the backlash.
Someone clearly couldnt take what she kept dishing out. 😑
I just wanted to say I appreciate you being so open and vulnerable online and especially in this video. I know that's hard and I hope you're doing well. Also, as a psychology student who's had depression, I absolutely despise it when people claim that abuse and mistreatment will just magically make you stronger
As a person who never been psychology student, I want to clarify it for myself, please. If you don't mind! 🙏
Abuse and mistreatment will never make someone stronger, right? (I mean in general, not in cases when in some individuals it's leads to overcompensating) And it's scientifically proven, right?
And even abuse and mistreatment without physical violence (only verbal) not gonna make you stronger or "more prepared" for difficulties in life, right?
If my questions require too much effort to answer - please ignore it! I probably asked it for encouraged something in myself in the first place.
I wish you good luck with your studies! And remission for your depression ofc! 🌷
as someone with extreme social anxiety, GUESS what this kind of advice taught me? MORE SELF HATRED AND SOCIAL ANXIETY! If i wasn't such an introvert, i wouldve turned into a bully too. It's like a virus. You dont learn anything from being bullied or being a bully. People who mindlessly spew the phrase "we need to bring back bullying" is a huge part of the problem, they do not understand why they're DEAD wrong.
I'm diagnosed with CPTSD and BPD, guess why, bullying. People often don't realize how damaging bullying can be, I'm still dealing with the repercussions of what my bullies did to me years later and I graduated 10 years ago. I'm not "stronger" after getting bullied, the only thing bullying did to me was break me mentally and lead to multiple s**cide attempts
human beings are naturally very social creatures, perhaps with it's outliers but generally rejection, ridicule etc so heavily or consistently from other people can really damage us and our psychological development and stability. not social creatures in the sense we want to be around people all the time, just that our relationships with other people are incredibly important and affect us massively if things go askew.
BPD is CPTSD
Oof this prompted me to look the whole situation up again. The sheer number of videos they have made about Rachel just seems creepy at this point. I genuinely don’t understand how a person has time to spend thousands of hours recording videos about someone, filtering comments to make sure they all agree with you, etc, over the course of years, even when the other person isn’t interacting at all with you. I hold a lot of (justified) anger towards certain people in my life (it’s something I’m working on), but even I don’t have the time to do all that.
It’s definitely not something someone who is mentally and emotionally healthy or happy in life does. It’s obsessive behaviour and, as Rachel pointed out, it makes no sense. Unfortunately, it’s likely this person is unwell and has, for whatever reason, targeted Rachel. They need help and Rachel needs protection. It’s so awful that this has been going on for five years and, clearly, neither of these things has happened to the extent they need to. I’m extremely grateful that Rachel has a strong support system online and, especially, in her personal life. I hope this gets resolved in a way where no one gets further hurt because, unfortunately, the hurt and trauma that Rachel has suffered won’t just go away even after a resolution. Sending my love and support to Rachel and my hope that this other person truly gets the help they need.
I’ve yet to meet a former school bully who was able to admit they were wrong or regret the damage they did. Not to say it’s impossible I just don’t think it’s very common, if anything they usually find a job that lets them continue to be bullies like a cop or a nurse. It’s probably because our society hesitates to actually call them out on their bad behaviour, even anti bullying campaigns in school when I was growing up put the responsibility on the bystanders to stop it, a tactic that only works in movies.
I feel that peer pressure can help to deter bullying but there needs to be an authority figure to step in for it to be truly effective. Expecting peers to police themselves can only go so far when you’re a minor.
i only really had one person who bullied me intensely apologize, and i genuinely believed them because they are very sweet and supportive of me now.
sometimes kids are just misguided and they figure out what they were doing wrong later on in life. its just all about whether those people decide to be self-aware and improve or not.
It’s because they were people who lacked empathy in the first place, and so they grew into adults who are as you’d expect them to be.
The way nearly all my bullies went into nursing, disability care work, and child care roles 💀
I was bullied in middle school because I have Autism. I was naive into thinking that my bullies were my friends back then. My bully was trying to make me drink water from the floor tile at the swimming pool, which thankfully I didn't because my brother saw it and told my mom. That bully ended up moving to another school and I still feel guilty that I didn't stand up for myself.
Rachel, I also watched your Debi Pearl video and you talked about what you went through with you ex and the way Kyra looked at you with the "it's gonna be alright" look, it had me on the verge of tears. I'm so sorry you went through that and you didn't deserve it. I'm glad you're still here with us.
I agree people can change for the better and I want to be happy for people to change for the better, but I realize at the same time that some people are a lost cause if they still refuse to change 30 years later for example and still wanna bring harm to people. So no, Bullying is not okay and it will never be okay in my eyes. I'm glad I still have friends IRL even if all of them have moved away and I'm glad I made some friends on Twitch and TH-cam and this community
Similar story, though I was in elementary school: I was “encouraged” to try to run through a swingset. I got bodied so hard my shoes literally got knocked off and I fell unconscious for a few moments.
43:50 You opening up about all your trauma and mental health issues really hits home for me. It helps make me feel less alone in my struggles. Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest ❤ Self-harm should be a topic people can talk about without judgement or threats of being forced into psychiatric inpatient. A lot of people feel passively su*cidal their whole lives and we need a safe space to talk about it.
I'm so sorry to hear about the bullying/harassment you've been going through Rachel - know that you have so many supporters who don't believe that rubbish
I was bullied from ages 6-12(?). I'm 24 and I say I'm scarred from it. I had nightmares for many years. It got better with therapy
Wow, I’ve never seen someone try to intellectualize bullying before… I hope that gal gets the reality check she so desperately needs.
In a wonderful case of irony, she was bullied right the hell off tik tok. So much for the followers she bragged about and she is the classic case of can dish it out just fine but absolutely cannot take even a hint of her own behavior turned against her. Karma swept in swift and firm and the internet is free of this awful person that just videos herself flipping her hair all around while smugly complimenting herself. Good riddance!
Bully culture is so horribly damaging to the victims and potential victims, it disgusts me that this girl is acting like it’s no big deal. I knew people in high school who were targeted relentlessly for being “weird”, they acted a little eccentric and they liked “weird” stuff like Sonic and anime. These particular kids were genuinely so nice and fun to hang out with, but with the way they were treated I was always so embarrassed to be seen with them and scared of what would happen if the people who didn’t like them would see me with them. I regret being so shallow and caring so much, but in the moment it was like social self preservation. It’s awful that we’re made to even feel like being seen with someone will be enough to paint a target on our backs, at the end of the day people with “weird” tastes and personalities aren’t harming anyone, so what’s the point in othering them?
Sonic didn't used to be weird. It was a best selling videogame series for the Sega console.
Anime used to be cool when it was just Pokemon, Digimon, Dragon ball Z, and Studio Ghibli films like Howl's moving Castle and Spirited Away.
It isn't "being shallow" to not hang out with them if you're legitimately fearing for your own life and mental health. It's not just social preservation, it's preservation of your own self as well due to how harmful and traumatic bullying is. You can't blame yourself for also being a helpless kid who didn't want to be bullied.
Personally I still made friends with kids who were bullied, but that's because I was able to fight back and had virtually no fears in regards to them. It's not going to be the same case for everyone. The fault is always the bullies and the adults who stood by and did nothing.
@@facthunt2facthunt245 I went to high school where it was considered nerd culture to like anime and sonic, if you didn’t like sports or shows like Euphoria or whatever then you were considered a weirdo
@@facthunt2facthunt245 depends on the school. Different schools, different perceptions of what's nerd stuff or not.
@@facthunt2facthunt245 nah, it's only been in the last 10 or 15 years that anime has made it to the acceptable mainstream. I was an anime freak back in grade school, luckily I didn't catch much shit because everyone like, thought I would fight them I guess? Insanity, because I genuinely want to throw up even thinking of confrontation. I guess older kids would make fun of me behind my back, but I didn't know anything about it so it didn't impact me.
I like how the girl started off saying she wasn't a bully and then proceeds to show her bullying ways on camera for everyone to see 💀
The problem with bullies is that their faces are above water.
I hope they forget how to breathe
Yep!
I didn't start to "put school behind me" until my late 30s. High school was fine, i disappeared into the throng, i was miserable but not bullied. But bullying in junior high at a very small private school where i was a scholarship kid scarred me for years and led to a lot of self harming and damaging hypersexuality. Bullying turned my sister from a happy little kid to a sullen, withdrawn, teenager and she never on her life has been that happy outgoing person. She struggles to this day. I'm legit trying not to cry listening to what's happening to you, Rachel. I'm so sorry.
Bro really tried to say she wasn't a bully anymore while demonstrating all the core facets of a stereotypical bully
That woman is infuriating. I wasn't really bullied in high school, but I have been bullied as an adult at work and that trauma doesn't just go away. She's probably going to become someone's workplace bully now because she refuses to admit that maybe she's the bad guy and try to grow as a person.
She probably works for a company owned by her dad or something. She seems like she was spoilt rotten by her parents. They probably paid for all her vacations.
All the things you felt are such a familiar feeling. I was bullied horribly in school just for being overweight due to a hormone imbalance. But what can you tell those kids to make them stop?
When I tried to be understanding and said my testosterone was higher than my estrogen, they'd ask why I was trying to be transgender or that I was always a man.
I had ADHD, OCD, HF autism, OCD, and growing depression and anxiety on top of a wonky puberty to deal with. My period was a nightmare, so I was always scared of wearing white, and just, it was awful.
And when the TEACHERS turn on you, too. I felt so helpless, but I had to keep going. Eventually, it got so bad that I like to think my brain was trying to comfort me and made it possible for me to lucid dream so I could at least have good, fun dreams. It was to the point I wanted to be asleep, stay asleep in a lucid dream, and never have to wake up to face the cruel reality again.
I had motor tics with my disorders, which can be just as noticeable and get worse with stress. The nurse thought I was faking when I was sent to her for throwing up for over a week straight. She told the teachers to follow me and make sure I threw up or not to send me to her.
The nurse yelled at me loud enough for the class at the very end of the hall. They heard her scold me for my grandma telling her that she felt I didn't think the nurse believed me.
Then, after I dropped out in 10th grade, the nurse was on a conference call with my mom and ADMITTED she didn't believe me after having yelled at me.
I'm 28 years old now, and I still hyperventilate and feel so sick to my stomach just at the idea of getting a GED if it means I have to deal with people, online or in person.
But despite ALL of that bullcrap, I have the bestest friend I could ever ask for who loves to spoil me; she's funny, she's sweet, and we go out to eat once or twice every couple of months.
We'll split the bill, she treats me for my birthday, and back in high school her parents NEVER let her sleepover with any friends, but they let her have a sleepover at my house, and I've never been so grateful.
For anyone struggling, I'm sorry, and I can't promise it'll get better, but just know you're loved. And if you feel no one loves you, try to love yourself. It's so hard to love yourself after hearing the worst things imaginable, but you're not worthless, you're not useless, you're not a waste of space. At some point, someone will take you in.
For those with neurodivergencey, I see you, I understand, and as you get older, you will learn to mask better after so much trial and error, until you eventually find that person you don't have to mask in front of.
Best wishes to all who read this. ♡
bullying just had me attempt at 11 lmao it didn't make me stronger, just made my list of diagnostics and symptoms longer. thanks for speaking up!
I'm 27 and I still haven't completely gotten over the crap that went on in my teen years (undiagnosed neurodivergent - autism + cptsd). It has truly messed me up and turned me into a self-hating people pleaser. What is she on about, honestly???
I bet her perspective would be different if she was on the receiving end.
fr. im turning 17 this month and everything that gave me c-ptsd and all the other trauma rooted disorders just keeps making me more easy to wanting to please the most horrible people just because of how lonely i am and how desparate i am for validation. then i become like those horrible people who didnt even actually like me in the first place so they can use anything they can against me to stab me in the back. its a cycle. but noooo i NEEDED my bullying and traumas to evolve!!!! (sarcasm) ugh.
Yeah, because evolutionarily it makes sense when all of the chickens in the hen house decide to peck another chicken to death.
Do you know why they do it? Because they see a small sore, a little blood, a little pain that would heal in a day. Then they peck that wound bigger and bigger until the other chicken dies.
There are no evolutionary benefit to this, it is literally a mistake in their society. Those chickens with a small sore, when set aside and left to heal, can rejoin the coop with no problem. If you think that the other chickens benefit because the smell of blood will draw predators, well instead of a little blood, now it's a lot of blood.
We use "henpecked" to unfortunately describe how wives treat their husbands (usually when the wife just wants help around the house), but I think it's a good way to describe bullying.
Bullies see a small "sore" and one by one they start to peck you to death. If it's the shape of your body, your ability level, your culture, your accent, your clothes, your income level. And unlike chickens, these things aren't even "sores" to begin with, they are beautiful marks that humanity is diverse.
wow that is an incredible analogy. thank you for sharing!
My family raise chickens, and the first batch we ever had (before we moved and had to restart) had one poor hen, who ended up getting pecked so badly you could see her skullbone because the other hens pecked away everything on top. We ended up naming her “Zombie” and while she WAS the strongest of the chickens we had, it was clear that the pecking from the other hens did serious damage. She was always nice, but the energy and enthusiasm she had before were gone. She healed perfectly, and outlived all the other hens who had bullied her, so she got some of the peace and quiet she so well deserved, even if it came late.
As for the main chicken who had started the bullying, I forgot her name by now, because I didn’t feel like remembering her that much. We ended up keeping her away from the other hens for a while, and when we remembered her to the flock she wasn’t top dog anymore, she got a similar treatment as Zombie, only a fraction as cruel, but it was enough. She eventually withered from a tyrant to a grumpy, harmless hen. Bullying didn’t help her either, but in her case it was more appropriate since the hens were sticking up for themselves at that point.
My point is: yep, “henpecked” is a perfect word for bullying, a terrible “scientific” excuse for people’s behavior, and the outcome when hens do it is the same as when people do it. Bullying isn’t ok, and bullies should already know this.
Smol that was just beyond beautiful 💖💗
I think being upset in your 20s about bullying you received in
high school can be a good thing sometimes. I only realised a few years ago that I was *allowed* to be angry and upset about it. At the time it was happening, I thought I deserved it.
I’d think ‘yeah, this guy is cool, he’s just treating me badly because I’m an annoying loser’.
I’m mad about it because I realised, now that I have better self esteem, I actually did not deserve it and those people were jerks.
I don't like this sentiment of how it has been a long enough time to get over it.
In my opinion that is completely up to the victim and no one can really speak on how much it is supposed to affect you and for how long.
For me personally it has been 10 years. I am still dealing with some of the aftermath and I know for a fact that I will never be the same as I was before these incedents.
I think encouraging growth is important but saying things like this is definitely not a sign of growth.
Very similar here. I was bullied from kindergarten until graduation, for my weight, for my dialect, for being poor (no fancy hobbies or fashionable clothes and stuff), for being "weird" (I'm on the autistic spectrum, but went undiagnosed and therefor untreated until my early 30s), and so on.
It was so bad it still affects me in a way nearly 20 years later. I still have a really hard time trusting people, I'm hyper vigilant all the time, I get very defensive and it still takes a lot of concentration and self control to not feel cornered and lash out at people.
The only real difference is, it's long enough that in the mean time I'm able to be around young people without having to fight a panic attack, or to tell the stories of the bad old times without crying.
Although the open bleeding wounds in my psyche have mostly closed, the scars are still there, they don't look pretty and are very sensitive at times.
I was an extremely lonely kid in school. My first real (and currently best) friend, I met in the eighth grade. Any friends I had before that I either lost touch with, or they decided to bully me. I have some absolute horror stories, like how one girl messaged me out of the blue years after I left the school I was in with her, just to remind me of something dumb I did a while back as a young kid, and call me a horrible person, which genuinely made me burst into tears upon reading it. Another time, I had lost my first ever dog, and carried around a plushie that reminded me of him for comfort. Not long after, one kid I thought was my friend told me that said dog was stupid, and deserved to die. I have more awful stories, but I don’t think I’d be able to detail all of them. To put it simply I have been bullied almost my whole life, and have become an extremely angry, depressed person as a result. This right here absolutely DISGUSTS ME. Nobody should EVER have to go through these things, and I find it downright revolting for this girl to say that bullying “needs to happen”. Fuck that.
I love the parodies of this girl that I saw before I knew she existed
I think some of those who do parodies of her got bullied in the past and make her sound a sarcasm and mimic her
i'm sorry you're going through all this, rachel
As someone who was a victim of savage bullying throughout middle school, I can say with certainty that this woman is an idiot for thinking that it’s the fault of the _victims_ if they’re still impacted by their perpetrators’ actions. Literally, if it hadn’t been for one of my awesome 8th grade teachers (love you, Ms. Warne) who reported my bullies when I was too scared to, I wouldn’t have made it into and past high school. This woman needs to grow up and learn from her mistakes, but it sadly doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. :(
Please heal babe :hug: ❤
The whole idea of bullying needing to happen from a “biological standpoint” is… interesting. 🤨 The biggest targets of bullying are marginalized groups or people who others perceive as marginalized (whether they’re aware of it or not). And like, there’s a name for people who think the ostracization and abuse of marginalized groups is “biological” and I don’t this girl would like it.
Taking that into consideration, the whole “it’s giving evolutionary thing” she said really takes an even worse flavour.
There was a bully in my grade. From age 7-10/11 he would call me black girl or blackie. If I was alone he would run up to me say it and run away. If I was near an adult he would get behind me in line and whisper in my ear. We were in the same class for two years. No bullies do not help you grow. No I do not accept he had a crush on me. Thankfully, I haven’t seen him since 6th grade, but it shaped how I interact with my peers since no one stopped him in case he bullied them too.
she used K-dramas as evidence that people from "other countries" are meaner??? is she 8?
LMAO THAT APRT WAS ACTUaLLY FUNNY TO ME. "This fictional show thats entirely centered on being over dramatic proves that your trauma is invalid!" LMFAOOOOO (also, she does realize dramas arent ONLY a korean thing right??)
I was "self-destructive" by age 8-9. I couldn't even be diagnosed with Autism under DSM-3, I just got the crap beat out of me every day at school from about age 6 and didn't know why. I couldn't fit in, I couldn't figure it out, and I couldn't get help. It's not "OK" or "Necessary" in any way.
The thing about being a bully in high school is that high schoolers dont have the life experience to reject a bully or leave them for being a bad person.
i’ve been meaning to comment this for awhile, but i adore your transparency on camera. from personal anecdotes (loved the one about the silly gooses), to being vulnerable enough to cry in front of your audience, to telling us about puking from period pains, to leaving in the sentence stumbles you sometimes have i adore it all to pieces. and i appreciate it so much. you’re so precious and wonderful rachel!!
Hearing Rachel talk so openly about her struggles is not only inspiring it’s heartbreaking. I was bullied a lot in my childhood, not only by the other kids at school, but also by my dad. You can just imagine how my therapy sessions went.
Keep your head Rachel. In your hardest moments just remember there’s a load of us out here who don’t believe the lies and will continue to support you just being yourself.
the majority of my school bullies are still assholes to this day. still living their popular mean secondary school fantasy i guess
I was bullied into developing a personality disorder and the idea that bullying in any way 'has to happen is the most bonkers thing I've heard in a LONG time >:(
FR. like oh yesssss me having extremely hurtful bursts of rage from my BPD w npd traits for one example was TOOOTALLY NEEDED for me to EvOLvE. i love when privleged people act like they can just... tell us things .sarcasm
Its decided… I’m sending rachel photos of my rats.
I don’t think anyone that’s ever watched like even 2 minutes of your videos would believe this bully. They’re literally making shit up about you. You’re one of the few TH-camrs I’ve seen that I find incredibly genuine and honest, and very passionate about what interests you and I think it’s very apparent. They’re literally saying anything they can to hurt you, and none of it is true. Don’t believe it. You’re a wonderful, kind hearted, interesting person and everyone that watches your videos knows it. THAT person needs to get a life.
54:23 "People bully bc of problems" But I didn' bully kids when I was DEPRESSED from age 8-16
People DO bully because of their own problems. As Rachel pointed out in the video, victims of bullying can become bullies themselves. I myself had lots of anger issues as a kid due to depression, ADHD, and CPTSD that resulted in me lashing out, hitting, hurting, being awful to people. Depression didn't "make" me do it, but ignoring my mental health problems and my immaturity due to my age wouldn't give you the full picture behind it.
The whole trope of "bully had a bad home life" in movies is literally based off of the fact that many kids who become bullies had problems. The reason we talk about mental health is that mental health can be a cause of bullying, it is not a justification. So in short, that's your individual lived experience. Totally valid. But people DO bully because of problems they have, that was the one thing she wasn't dead wrong about.
@@ettaetta439that's still not an excuse. You do not have a right to harm other people just because you were harmed. Period. Harming other people is a CHOICE. You made the choice to harm people. No one forced you to do it. And you need to do something about that mindset that makes you think to this day that it was okay to hurt people who didn't hurt you. If you're defending it, you think it's okay. And ftr, I experienced horrific abuse my entire childhood as well. I never bullied anyone. Because my problems were MY problems.
@@unicorn-glasses I am aware of that. I was telling OP that bullies do harm because they themselves have problems, otherwise they wouldn't do it. It's not a justification, it's a reason. They still shouldn't do it.
As for me, I tried my best to be kind to strangers and to other people, and I was awful to my younger siblings and mom instead. My anger issues were limited to lashing out at innocent family members, but that doesn't mean that my behavior was okay. Given that it was a family member who originally abused me so badly, I now have a lot of sympathy and understanding for the child that I was.
I've apologized to the family members who deserved it (not the ones who abused me) and I've grown as a person. I just didn't think it was necessary to share all that in my original comment when I was just using my experience to explain that yes, mental health issues DO cause people to become awful. They're not a justification, they're a driving force behind why you make the choices you do. That's good that you and OP never were awful to others because of your problems. We don't need more bullies in this world. As I said to OP, your experiences are valid. They do not diminish the fact that mental health problems are multifaceted.
god, i hate when people use that to brush it off. this one kid was tormenting my friend who was on a different part of the spectrum then me and all the kids already bullied her and stuff all because she had epilepsy and liked carrying plushies around, and he tormented so many other people like me and my friends (basically just neurodivergent afabs,) and then ANYTIME we went to ANYONE, EVEN OUR OWN PARENTS about him and how extreme and dangerous he could be , "oh, his parents are really bad to him so he does that." THEN YOU SHOULD BE HOLDING HTEM ACCOUNTABLE TOO??? and "oh he has bipolar so he does that." okay??? so then help him so he can stop??? i have BPD and a bunch of other stuff and can uncontrolably be a horrible person to people and regret it horribly after but dont use that as a way to just brush it off and excuse it! yes its a reason it happens, but dont act like it gives him a privlege to do it.
That necklace was the very first thing I noticed about your outfit. It’s so awesome!! I make jewelry myself so I really admire the skill and care that clearly went into it
The way she has so much empathy for ppl who bully and none for ppl who are bullied…then contradicts her point by saying bullies probably were bullied like girl…
The creator of the TikTok?
@@ankaline yes omg not Rachel she’s great
@@ejaviolin yeah I was confused for a sec 💀 but Fr how could you not feel bad for victims of bullying
Hi Rachel I hope you have success in getting peace from the “person” who is tormenting you and I hope you have lots of peace and healing and remember you are loved worthy and don’t deserve that treatment ❤
I adore everything about your outfit and your necklace. It’s lovely, as are you!
That necklace looks so badass. Compliments your outfit so well!
And it POPS with Rachel's gorgeous red hair!
I was thinking she looks like a dragon girl here~
I grew up with four brothers. Bullying began at home. Anybody who has siblings knows what I mean.
Bullying used to be a common occurrence at my school in the mid to late 90s, and hearing all these cheap excuses and pathetic attempts at justification from this young woman reminds me so much of the very same horseshit that many parents of bullies and even some of the teachers came up with to trivialise this despicable behaviour.
48:29 i really hope the legal action you’re taking against them goes in your favor. and good on you for doing that! i’m really proud of you for taking action against this person who is harassing you. (this goes far beyond bullying.)
i’m so glad you’re here, rachel. you’re such an inspiration for me, and i see a lot of myself reflected in the parts of yourself that you choose to share with us.
i’m a 21 year old girl, an intersectional feminist, a queer person, a book lover, an artist, animal lover, etc. i kind of see you as the older sibling i’ve always wanted. like a sister who shares her wisdom. i’ve learned so much from you, and you feed my eagerness to keep learning and growing and improving as a person. all of this to say, i know you aren’t what they’re trying to make you out to be. most of us know. you’re not alone.
Thank you so much ❤️
"I'm kind of a bit old." Oh shush. I'm over half a century. I make old grunting noises when i squat down and I pee too much. That's old.
I'm right there with you pushing 60. I wish women would let go of misogynistic youth obsession that tells women we're only valuable when we're young or desperately trying to look young. I think getting old is badass, because you no longer have to give a fuck about petty bullshit.
Right? Her comment made me laugh
I was recently introduced to your bully's videos and I'm so sorry I listened to her.
I'm 32 and still experience the long term consequences of childhood bullying. As a "weird kid" who was rejected by their peers, I grew up feeling like I was never good enough and that I was unworthy of basic human decency. Having such a complex made me shut down and close myself off to opportunities that would have benefited me. Things like joining a club or a team sport that could have helped build my confidence and self worth felt off limits to me because I automatically assumed I would be rejected by those groups. While I've managed to make friends over the years, I still struggle with my confidence and my insecurities can still present themselves in some ugly and unhealthy ways. I'm currently in therapy to try and address these issues but it's been a very long and arduous process. The idea that a person who was bullied should just "get over themselves" is absurd. Its unfortunately something that stays with you for life.
If it means anything, I'm glad your attempt failed. I'm glad you're here. You inspire me and bring joy to so many of your followers. This video is so important, as so many of us have been bullied to some dark places. People need to accept when they've done wrong in the past.
I will admit, I did some terrible things in my deepest depression. I don't care if the person bullied me, I did wrong. And I did apologize to them, and they me. We grew, we became adults, and I'm glad neither of us pushed too far. It terrifies me to know I could have ended up like this person, completely unempathetic and uncaring. People need to take accountability for their actions.
Anyway, I just wanted to spread a little positivity, and I wish you luck against your harasser
I hate how she went on about how sad that the bullied girl was still thinking about her when she (the bully) had already moved on with her life and "growing" as a person.
You were the bully, so yes it was easy for you to move on and forgot your victims. But it is not that same for the bullied victims.
I still think about my bully (she was my senior at work) from my previous work (I have become quite apathetic now but when I had just left that place, just hearing her name made me so angry and my heart would start beating very fast and my hands would shake.... unfortunately she has a very common name so I would hear it every now and then) and it has been almost 8 years since I quit.
The autistic rite of passage is practising smiling and saying hello to people in the bathroom mirror cause you don't know how much smiling is too much
or eye contact
even then smiling physically hurts my cheeks and just makes me feel really like. ew . (?) so instead when i try to be nice looking i just do a ^_^ irl in hopes that it doesnt just look like im sleeping or something (its also just way easily and doesnt make me feel like im trying to fake being nice. smiling on purpose instead of just naturally from beign extremely very happy or from laughter makes me feel really gross , so i dont even like practicing it as much as other faces. ^_^ is more pleasant to do anyway for me)
I was kind of a bully around 5th-8th grade (10-14) and I’m horrified and embarrassed by my behavior. An explanation NOT an excuse - I was dealing with a lot of my own issues (depression, anxiety, migraines, stomach problems) and so I just copied what my friends did or did what they told me to do. It was like I wasn’t my own person I was just a reflection and culmination of other people. I will never forgive myself for things I said or did. I wasn’t the worst in the group and some situations were complicated but that’s not an excuse. I hope the few people who I bullied have forgotten me but if they are still upset I would understand. I am a completely different person than I was 10-14 years ago. Unrecognizable. But I know that doesn’t fix anything.
Rachel, from the bottom and top and middle of my heart - I’m so sorry you have been treated so horribly. You don’t deserve that at all. Anyone with a brain can see your sincerity in your videos and poetry. It’s heartbreaking to see how much someone’s words affected you. But if their words can affect to that much maybe my words can too - you are so kind, genuine, creative, and so so so smart. I think I speak for most if not all your followers when I say your passion and care for people is obvious in every video and book recommendation. Also your research skills are incredible. I know ignoring a bully is easier said than done, especially if that bully is so loud. But they’re a full grown adult being childish and making themselves look stupid. Self reflection and self improvement is an important part of life for a good person like you. But for someone yelling from the top of a mountain of delusion - self reflection is the enemy and cognitive dissonance is the wall they built to hide the mirror.
Love the video!
Of course this lady (the tiktok bully) uses the "calm tiktoker voice with contempt and actually is saying the most idiotic thing ever in history" voice.
Also that is a gorgeous necklace! /gen
That "I just took a Xanax and think I would literally die if I expressed any type of emotional inflection in my voice" tone made it all the more triggering.
@@IzzyFeegs415 FR
First of all thank you so much for opening up on your struggles and being so vulnerable and genuine. I can't understand how anyone could believe this is just a persona or façade. The thing that makes me uncomfortable as hell about her video is... four or five years is not even that long. I took more than that to seek therapy for the extensive bullying I got even before high school, so I'm not surprised if someone from her past decided to confront her after that much. She has the luxury to leave high school behind because she isn't traumatized. A victim of bullying doesn't have that, I would do anything to leave my past behind, anything, but I still get anxiety and I still get panic attacks, all because of people like her. Even if she was "going through something" the fact that a bully is leaving scars in their wake is undeniable, and having the luxury and the privilege of leaving the past behind and cringing at people that are still processing stuff from 4 or 5 years ago is not something everyone has. It's clear to me that she never had anything truly traumatic happening to her, but that's not an excuse to not have a bit of compassion and emphathy. I'm still processing stuff from 10 years ago. To have someone that hurt you so deeply laugh in your face for "still thinking about it" must be devastating. My heart goes to all the victims of bullying, especially now that social media makes anything 10 times worse
@JuicyUTTP good, since nobody asked you to :)
@JuicyUTTPand?
I wasn’t personally bullied in school but the woman in the video reminds me of a lot of people I did know in high school and people I know still act this way: people who think they know everything or think they’re so great because they are privileged and rich and think they know better than other people. People who don’t think they need to learn or continue to pursue learning or education. People who willfully choose ignorance for convenience. Being around those people was so insufferable and in a way was traumatic too because they make you feel so small and stupid because of how over confident they are about what they perceive. They belittle you and put you down for different beliefs or daring to be curious.
Also. She is lying about being above it all because if she’s harping on being outcast or abandoned by her peers because she didn’t fit in isn’t she also hung up about high school happenings too? What an awful woman. I hope she can look back on this with some real wisdom one day and recognize what a little shit she was. Good god
I don't know where I heard this, but her whole "I don't even think about high school any more" reminds me of the fact that "ab*sers are able to forget, the ab*sed are forced to remember." Your analysis is very thoughtful Rachel, as always!
5 seconds in I knew this woman is STILL a mean girl. As an undiagnosed autistic kid, bullying has a real long-term impact .
Mean girl is too mild a description. C word is more accurate.
i was diagnosed with a severe panic disorder, anxiety, and depression at the age of 11 because i was so heavily bullied. people who say shit like "everyone needs to be bullied at least once" or "we need to bring bullying back" clearly have never had to go through that/were the bully and want to get away with bullying again. don't let them normalize it
Oh my god. I was undiagnosed adhd, depressed and was severely bullied. All of it made me unable to study at all, nearly fail school every year, barely pass to next grade, not be able to work until i was 21 and medicated (and i am from poor family so you can imagine how great it was) and till this day, nearly 29, i remember what they did to me, and i will never forgive them.
I absolutely agree that people are capable of changing for the better. I've seen it first hand and I've even had to change for the better myself, but I've also noticed that the people who do genuinely change are people actually WANTED to change. Some people aren't interested in changing for the better and frankly, I find that sad.
Thank you for being open about SH. SH is something I struggle with and I feel like it's not talked about often, which has led to a lot of shame
Also I love your bookshelves!
In the 12 years that I've been bullied it has NEVER made me 1)Confident or 2) Stand up for myself without then being ridiculed for that too. I t destroyed who I was, everything I was before starting secondary school (when my bullying was the worst) was lost and I became the more insecure unconfident and smallest I ever was. I brought that back myself through learning not to give a fuck and be confident in myself since starting college. The idea that it is a lesson is abhorrent and cruel, there is no lesson in abuse and humiliation.