I introduced my bi sis to the show a while back, and we were talking about podcasts being too long today and she goes “except for Chosen Family, they could just keep going. Give me multiple hours of that. It’s never enough”
Yes!!!! I got my fruity little sister to watch one, which she insisted was a bad idea because it was 'long' and she has ADHD. But she watched it, and she laughed, and I think she's gonna tune in again!
I’ve had exes reach out to me after a period of time (months, sometimes years) to apologize or give a bit or hindsight introspection about how things went and personally i found it to be really nice. Knowing they’ve develloped and grown as a person helped me close a chapter by respecting them, letting them go with love. I would not say to never contact your ex. Just make sure you’ve really taken the distance you need in order to come back to yourself and reflect. Use tools like blocking etc to prolong the time that you distance yourself from them, because even tho it doesnt always feel like it, it will definetely help you to love yourself again, gain perspective, stop the addiction to them. Sorry if i’ve made grammar mistakes, i am not a native english speaker
The idea that my ex is probably watching chosen family as well as I is something I've never considered and now I'm very very uncomfortable. Thanks a lot for that guys! New fear unlocked 😭
"Can you eat garlic bread with chili?" Adorable question. Ashley's answer is correct, you(and anyone else!) can eat garlic bread with anything you want!
Watched Ashley's short about being called obscenities on stage and then clicked on the chosen family video - on theme! "Did they think you were Alayna?" 😂
Hearing Alayna speak about the urges she sometimes gets to reach out to the ppl from her past to apologize/make amends really struck a chord in me bc that's something I've been dealing with for so many years now and I didn't realize how alone I felt in that.
To Alayna: I left a high demand religion (low key cult/Mormons) several years back, and in my self-reflection identified a few people that I wanted to apologize to. I'd considered whether reaching out was just for me, or if they would appreciate it as well. In the end, I did, and they thanked me and I think (for one person in particular) it was needed closure for them as well.
Thanks to this episode, I went to my contacts and deleted all the numbers of old situationships and blocked them on Instagram too, so I don't get tempted to look them up anymore :) feels much more free somehow
Alayna: Your update on how much work it takes to onboard new team members is totally relatable! Your efforts will pay off and you'll have more bandwidth soon - until then, be kind to yourself during this adjustment period. Most people have probably been on the side of starting a job and know how intense it can be, and that it takes a while to learn the ropes and adjust to a new work environment. I've been on the other side as well and I'm always amazed by how much time, mental energy and intentional communication it takes to integrate someone into a team. It's not just about the technical aspects of how to execute tasks, but also about establishing a positive work relationship. People have to get comfortable with each other and learn each other's work and communication styles. I tend to forget about how much effort that takes as soon as things start to run smoothly. But I do try to remember to always plan plenty of time (as in: a lot more than I expect) in my calendar for the first few weeks/months for this extra workload.
In the words of Dr Cox from Scrubs "give me a new doctor that only doubles my workload". If they treble it, that's still ok! It means they're getting valuable training & aren't flying by the skin of their pants without checking in. I once had a new grad like that & it was hell
Matt Rife NEVER showed up on my fyp until the first episode you guys posted where you talked about him! And then after I closed TH-cam and opened TikTok, he was the FIRST video on my fyp and has continued to show up all over my socials 😂 there was a couple funny ones I saw, but the other comments made just rubbed me the wrong way, so noooo thanks
He's way less crude than Ashley. He's funny and after he roasts an audience member, he laughs and gives them eye contact. I don't take him as legitimately mean. The man has true talent!
I really like the "actually" bit. Makes me laugh every time. On the topic of ex's and reaching out - years ago I had an ex reach out on IG to follow me since mine is private. Knew that seemed like a bad idea so decided to sit on it until I could discuss with a few friends. Friend: "from your stories they sounded really toxic for you, I would not" I did not and later asked a friend who knew the ex "oh yeah they got divorced" Me: "I think I know why they reached out" Glad I didn't allow the connection (even if it was just as a friend, not the friend I needed at the time) and if they had really wanted discuss something could've reached out through the mutual friend to ask if we could discuss something. Also to make the comment longer for the algorithm an ex uncle dropped off a box of pictures to my grandma from when he was married to my aunt. My aunt didn't want any of them, she wished he hadn't even bothered, and was really glad he didn't reach out to her. But I understand his point, or hopefully this was his point: he had pictures of my grandparents visiting them and stuff and didn't want to just throw it away, probably especially since my grandpa has since passed away.
Petition to have the 3 cameras at the same time because sometimes i feel i miss stuff - day 3! (Or at least have the 2 formats or something like that) :)
I love this podcast!!!! I literally set an alarm so I can download this podcast as soon as it comes out to listen to on my way to work! It’s 9 AM here, in Germany!
Oh boy. I've 1000000% been through the situation of- relationship has ended in a sticky way, confusing, messy, etc. But I loved them as a person and hated how they were going to live the rest of their lives with this skewed version of me that fits their narrative. And I hated that it got even worse, losing friends, lies being spread, and alot of hurtful things being thrown my way when all I wanted at the end of the day was to have a public forum between the two of us with a mediator so we could both walk away understanding each other. But that never happened. And I still fight myself, and it's been 6 years, holding back from reaching out with a 'how have you been?' and tell them I'm happy they look happy. I wish I could have that best friend back. But I've had to grieve it. The death of that relationship altogether. Our best friendship, 4 years of being together almost daily, even the fact that I allowed them to keep our dog because I knew they were going to need that pup through the process. It's been 6 years almost to the date. And it still hurts when it comes up. But it hurts less as time goes on. Truly, time heals all wounds. Wounds leave scars still, but you can learn to keep their peace by wishing it into the ether. You just have to accept sometimes that you might be the villain in someone else's story.
I came out again during the pandemic while I was with a male partner. We had recently been through some trauma together and I didn't feel like I could leave them while we were both processing trauma. They ended up withdrawing and eventually leaving and at the time I felt so betrayed because I had been holding on so hard for their sake. I lashed out when they left but after having some time to process I really wanted to reach out and thank them for having the courage to do what I couldn't. I still get that urge sometimes so the advice this episode was very helpful to listen to.
The smile Mak had on her face when she said that chilly makes her puke. Made me crack up. It was definitely I am being serious, but I know this is gonna mix stuff up smile.
This was extremely helpful advice that I needed to hear. An ex of mine had randomly reached out to me a few days before I listened to this episode and I had been struggling with how to respond to this person that had hurt me and who was now seeking validation. I see now that I need to set a boundary with them to shutdown these toxic conversations.
A couple days ago I just deleted a text conversation thread from my phone..after an ex crush who blocked me on social media responded "thank you" to a "hbd" txt i forgot i had scheduled to send on their bday months prior back before they blocked me..i did call her out for blocking me before i deleting the chat i knew she wouldnt respond and she hasnt... I'm oversharing this to say that i think i'm getting better at not staying connected reaching out or being emotionally affected by them anymore if there is any correspondance but rn i'm struggling to go into deleting txt convo threads, old photos and unfollowing removing social media stuff...bc i'm sentimental to good memories and materials but if i wont want them to be important in my life moving forward i'm going to have to let go or at least not value them as high anymore
Me never getting Matt Rife in my algorithm until I started watching Chosen Family 😂 Also thank you for the time and energy y'all put into this! As someone who is new to the community and in a hetero passing marriage and has all straight friends, this is one of the few places that I feel heard/seen in regards to my bisexuality. It means a lot!
When I was 28, I broke up with my ex. We had been together for 8 years, so it was fare assumption that I would start to miss them at some point, when I start to forget negatives. I assumed, that at some point, I would forget that we had only ok partnership, because there were key differences growing that prevented it from ever evolving to better than ok relationship. So, when I had made peace with break-up, I made Excel of them as a partner for me. And gave the points very negative (-2), negative (-2), neutral (0), positive (+1), very positive (+2). I had that Excel sheet on my computer for years. I really dig deep into it. I had that Excel sheet on my computer for years. Never once, I needed to go back to that Excel. And I never started to miss the false image of them. Maybe I don't anymore remember all the specific positives or negatives...But at least, I remember that number I got when summing up the positives and negatives, was negative. I am 35 now. They are in the past and will stay there.
The first time I ever heard of Springfield Missouri is really because of a true crime case called The Springfield Three. I wonder if Mattea knows about it since she's a true crime fan hahaha
my climbing gym has that sign too! i think it’s because to go in the bathroom you have to take ur shoes all the way off and it’s easier to just walk over to the water fountain
Guys I just wanna say thank you, I so enjoy your content and you give me so much (Alayna) Joy 😂❣️ I have breakfast with you guys every Wednesday and it makes me glad to get up in the morning. Your the most fun routine:)💘
(I’m old…) My last breakup was before social media were a thing. But I’m a wiser person for having heard this conversation. So thanks! I have one (maybe personal, maybe common?) thing to add. Our breakup, after a seven year relationship, was consensual and in good dialog and balanced result. And it still took me about ten years before I could see her again without pain and negativity on my side. So what I want to say is: distance is probably the best thing, because the wound of a breakup can stay raw for a very long time. Way longer than you might expect from yourself. I consider myself a pretty stable guy and I was very surprised by the unexpected depth and duration of my pain and negativity. (To finish: these days I see her a few times a year, and my grown up daughters go to her for advice. And I am very Ok with that because she’s a very wise and very smart woman.)
This legit helped me have some perspective on my ex who has recently been reaching out to me wanting to apologize and why I felt weird about it. Actually helpful. I feel like I can let that go now.
I have three different people to talk to if I'm ever missing my ex-best friend. One for when I need to be reminded how awful they were, one for when I need to process the fact that I loved them very much and still miss them, and one to indulge in schadenfreude. Grief is weird, and having support during the different facets helped a lot. Surrounding yourself with people who love you is hugely important for not going back to people who don't treat you well, too.
Wow! Y’all got me extra hooked in on this one. If you haven’t heard of making a “living amends” please take a sec to keep reading here or do a quick google search. Because it’s astonishing the similarities I was hearing between your convo and what countless people like myself live by. As a sober person, this whole episode had me nearly saying aloud some things I and countless others in the program live by. It’s almost word for word what was being said in this episode about (paraphrasing) learning and growing as a person and wanting to reach out to someone from your past that you’d like to either apologize to or enlighten on your growth since your history together. In AA (I’m not representing the program- just myself so I’m speaking publicly about it as it might help someone live a more peaceful life) the 8th of the 12 steps is to make a list of those you’ve harmed. So, logically, the 9th is "Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” So, if reaching out to someone you’ve harmed in your past would be more self-serving than genuinely helpful to that person, you can do something we call making a “living amends” where you basically admit to yourself that you were in the wrong in some way with this person and decide to live a clean/sober/generous/kind life where you try to do good each day. Your lifestyle and character going forward is your amends to that person because anything else would just be harming them more for the sake of clearing your conscience. Obviously, most folks don’t need live by the “clean/sober” part of that in order for this to work but for those of us who have umm lost our privileges with mood altering substances lol, it’s a key component. Anyway, I’ve been sober for years and, early on, had to come to terms with the fact that no matter how many “good” years I make for myself and those around me…I’ll always be the villain in some people’s stories. And I’m ok with that because I’ve made my amends to them (internally) and am living openly and honestly where I can admit when I’m wrong and do the work to be a better person each day. I know this was very long but it was eating at me because it was just SO similar. Y’all are doing some big work with this podcast and making us laugh along the way. That’s the best medicine around! Thank you and I hope this was helpful to someone in letting them know they don’t have to beat themselves up for their past nor feel torn emotionally about contacting them in order to keep improving. Thanks, y’all! You’re the best!
If you would like to apologize to past behaviors, write a letter and don't send it. Write a letter to yourself, too. It's about you taking accountability and then you learning to forgive yourself and promising yourself to make it better in the next relationship - and actively work on how to do better. If you really do feel like both of you could benefit from sending the letter - send a second version. And do not expect them to accept your apology. They might, but they don't need to. Only send the letter if you are able to deal with both possibilities. And realize healing comes from you forgiving yourself and you doing better now.
I was at one of your shows in OKC and have been waiting for the podcast you recorded while here! Lol I’m such a crazy fan!!! It was so nice to meet you and see you do your thing, you and Maddie were absolutely amazing!!! And so down to earth, thank you for blessing us with a trip to our crappy place!
I think Ashley is coming to sac in September and I wanna go! I've never been to a comedy show but I'll definitely go see her. I'm also an assholey millennial lesbian and I love her comedy and sense of humor 😭
This is the best episode of the podcast I've watched so far! And I've watched each of the 19 before! Good advice, good jokes, good conversation! And I related so much to the conversation, I discussed with my wife talking to my ex about some stupid things I did and now I know better, she's thinking the same about an ex of hers also, but Alayna said everything I needed to hear! I wanted my wife to watch this episode too. Thanks for your work, thanks for this podcast!
Ashley I'm often interested to hear what sorts of comedians you're into. Do you like Taylor Tomlinson's stuff? I like both their scripted stuff and their crowd-work.
i didn't realise this was a question i wanted to hear y'all answer but damnnn these were some amazing answers definitely going to try and remember how messaging an ex (or doing anything that involves giving up your self control) is a result of a cascade of decisions, not just one, so putting as many blocks or walls between those decisions will make it easier on yourself and how even if the reason you're messaging someone is to clear up a past wrong that you did, that might not actually be the best for that person to hear atm, so the reasoning you're messaging is more selfish
This entire episode was so good and so cathartic. I think about my exes all the time, especially my most recent serious one, who was abusive. But the urge to reconnect with her, with my ex-wife... is so strong, and so toxic. I'm like Ashley, I want to poke the wound to just feel something; but the three of you bringing your wisdom and perspective is so helpful. Thank you!
@24:30 never have I ever related to Ashley so much before. I like to blame my anxious attachment style 😅. (Still friendly with all my ex’s, even the walking red flags 😫)
WOW, i related so much to what alayna answered to the first question regarding reaching out to an ex or people from one's past! Thank you for sharing that.
I started seeing Matt Rife in TH-cam lot after you mentioned him in an episode. But to be fair, there is also Emma Willmann and Jessica Kirson in there.
The entire but about wanting to keep people because of your dad dying young is something I relate very closely to & yeah. Block them. It’s hard af but it’s very hard for me to choose myself so I have to use what I can to out of sight out of mind as much as possible.
I love how you described how ignorant young people are to the rules of stand-up and then immediately said it was an older woman that called you an asshole. 😂 like what’d you say fuck me for?
He showed up in your algorithm because the social media apps listen all the time unless you turn that off in the app permissions on your phone. You all were talking about it in a previous episode and that is why it came up in your feed. The apps pick up on everything you talk about, even when you are not on the apps. I learned that one when I was talking about getting a new bed or mattress cover on a walk with my spouse. I never Googled it or anything prior to that talk. When we got home, I already had adds popping up in my feed. Same thing when we were looking at lawyers for something and my spouse joking said we were at a divorce lawyer. Right away we both started seeing adds for divorce lawyers. Later on I came across how to turn a lot of it off. I still get them if I send pictures of something like vans to someone though.
i totally understand alayna's want or need to apologize for how i reacted to people in the past and not being understanding to people i may have affected due to my ignorance
Longtime Sunday Sqool attendee - about audiences being quiet… I don’t think it’s a “new to comedy” thing because we are loud for the other comedians! It’s just.. the yelling at us to laugh is not conducive to laughter 😭 I genuinely love the rest of your set, and I know that you’re not seriously trying to make anyone uncomfortable but. I think it makes sense that yelling directed at the audience would put people on edge 🤷🏻♀️
Hey Alice, as I do this every day multiple times a day, statistically, the roasting works. I don’t do it when the audiences come in behaving normally (clapping when the music comes on and the lights go down, when I get on stage, and are immediately open to jokes). I do it when the audiences don’t pick up on those cues (because they are new to comedy or whatever the reason they might be). The reality is, and other podcasters and I chat about this problem, pod audiences simply don’t know what to do in a comedy environment, so it takes a lot of work to adjust the crowd and their behavior and expectations. So my approach is roasting, and statistically it works. Sometimes it doesn’t, but it usually does. If it didn’t, I wouldn’t do it, I assure you that, because the only thing I want is for people to laugh the appropriate amount (some comedians actually talk about how they don’t care and will tolerate a bad crowd because they don’t know any better, but I don’t do this because I want everyone to leave having fully experienced the show!) You’re entitled to your opinion and if you don’t like it that’s totally fine. But I’m not stopping 😂
this comes out for me at about 7 in the evening when i should be doing my homework. but between homework and chosen family podcast, is it even a question??
The whole ex conversation was hard for me as my ex and I are still friends as we had a healthy relationship and probably the best breakup someone could get (probably helps that he’s an 1 & a half away) but it really is that we are better friends than in a relationship now as I have a preference for women now and we grew as individuals instead of as a couple over the course of our 3 year relationship so sometimes it’s okay but other than this rare situation that I have/am in I 1000% agree with these 3 lovely ladies as my first ex I have since blocked and have no contact with him as it was toxic (I was 16 at the time)
I introduced my bi sis to the show a while back, and we were talking about podcasts being too long today and she goes “except for Chosen Family, they could just keep going. Give me multiple hours of that. It’s never enough”
Yes!!!! I got my fruity little sister to watch one, which she insisted was a bad idea because it was 'long' and she has ADHD. But she watched it, and she laughed, and I think she's gonna tune in again!
@@Shoot4AlarmFire I also have ADHD - I think Ashley's podcasts have this way of jumping around to different topics that helps keep me engaged
@@IndefinableSin Maybe that is why it works!
Yeah it feels like chatting with friends one hour goes by like 20 minutes lol
Oh my god the running joke gonna turn from "ashley you're so inspiring, you're such an inspiration" to "you're so friendly". A friendly inspiration.
ashley saying they punch the babies to make them breathe is fucking kill me rn 🤣🤣
She's a trained lifeguard. We should be writing this stuff down in case we ever see a baby
I’ve had exes reach out to me after a period of time (months, sometimes years) to apologize or give a bit or hindsight introspection about how things went and personally i found it to be really nice. Knowing they’ve develloped and grown as a person helped me close a chapter by respecting them, letting them go with love. I would not say to never contact your ex. Just make sure you’ve really taken the distance you need in order to come back to yourself and reflect. Use tools like blocking etc to prolong the time that you distance yourself from them, because even tho it doesnt always feel like it, it will definetely help you to love yourself again, gain perspective, stop the addiction to them. Sorry if i’ve made grammar mistakes, i am not a native english speaker
40:13 Mak like *how do you think that affected me?* was THE MOST hot teenage brother thing of all time and she deserves an award for it.
She legit looked and sounded like a teenage brother
“Chili makes me puke” and Ashley’s reaction annihilated me
SAME
at the exact same time that ashley and alayna are having a moment with "you're so cute 🥰" i LOST it
"Randy. I know. I listened." Gave such dad vibes
The idea that my ex is probably watching chosen family as well as I is something I've never considered and now I'm very very uncomfortable. Thanks a lot for that guys! New fear unlocked 😭
When there’s a new episode,it’s immediately going to be a good day😍
So true
Facts😁
"Can you eat garlic bread with chili?" Adorable question. Ashley's answer is correct, you(and anyone else!) can eat garlic bread with anything you want!
Watched Ashley's short about being called obscenities on stage and then clicked on the chosen family video - on theme!
"Did they think you were Alayna?" 😂
Ashley Gavin, the friendly neighborhood lesbian in the Sappho Cinematic Universe
Hearing Alayna speak about the urges she sometimes gets to reach out to the ppl from her past to apologize/make amends really struck a chord in me bc that's something I've been dealing with for so many years now and I didn't realize how alone I felt in that.
To Alayna: I left a high demand religion (low key cult/Mormons) several years back, and in my self-reflection identified a few people that I wanted to apologize to. I'd considered whether reaching out was just for me, or if they would appreciate it as well. In the end, I did, and they thanked me and I think (for one person in particular) it was needed closure for them as well.
This was the most therapeutic episode ever...
"you can eat garlic bread with whatever you want",🤣🤣
This podcast is my favorite thing about Wednesdays
Thanks to this episode, I went to my contacts and deleted all the numbers of old situationships and blocked them on Instagram too, so I don't get tempted to look them up anymore :) feels much more free somehow
Alayna: Your update on how much work it takes to onboard new team members is totally relatable! Your efforts will pay off and you'll have more bandwidth soon - until then, be kind to yourself during this adjustment period.
Most people have probably been on the side of starting a job and know how intense it can be, and that it takes a while to learn the ropes and adjust to a new work environment.
I've been on the other side as well and I'm always amazed by how much time, mental energy and intentional communication it takes to integrate someone into a team. It's not just about the technical aspects of how to execute tasks, but also about establishing a positive work relationship. People have to get comfortable with each other and learn each other's work and communication styles.
I tend to forget about how much effort that takes as soon as things start to run smoothly. But I do try to remember to always plan plenty of time (as in: a lot more than I expect) in my calendar for the first few weeks/months for this extra workload.
In the words of Dr Cox from Scrubs "give me a new doctor that only doubles my workload". If they treble it, that's still ok! It means they're getting valuable training & aren't flying by the skin of their pants without checking in. I once had a new grad like that & it was hell
Omg yes! going through this right now.
The garlic bread conversation made my day
Glad to see Mak nearly kill Ashley with that last line. I feel like we don’t get to see Ashley caught off guard all that often.
Matt Rife NEVER showed up on my fyp until the first episode you guys posted where you talked about him! And then after I closed TH-cam and opened TikTok, he was the FIRST video on my fyp and has continued to show up all over my socials 😂 there was a couple funny ones I saw, but the other comments made just rubbed me the wrong way, so noooo thanks
He's way less crude than Ashley. He's funny and after he roasts an audience member, he laughs and gives them eye contact. I don't take him as legitimately mean. The man has true talent!
I really like the "actually" bit. Makes me laugh every time.
On the topic of ex's and reaching out - years ago I had an ex reach out on IG to follow me since mine is private. Knew that seemed like a bad idea so decided to sit on it until I could discuss with a few friends. Friend: "from your stories they sounded really toxic for you, I would not"
I did not and later asked a friend who knew the ex "oh yeah they got divorced"
Me: "I think I know why they reached out"
Glad I didn't allow the connection (even if it was just as a friend, not the friend I needed at the time) and if they had really wanted discuss something could've reached out through the mutual friend to ask if we could discuss something.
Also to make the comment longer for the algorithm an ex uncle dropped off a box of pictures to my grandma from when he was married to my aunt. My aunt didn't want any of them, she wished he hadn't even bothered, and was really glad he didn't reach out to her. But I understand his point, or hopefully this was his point: he had pictures of my grandparents visiting them and stuff and didn't want to just throw it away, probably especially since my grandpa has since passed away.
Alayna is such an effervescent human. So kind and lovely.
Petition to have the 3 cameras at the same time because sometimes i feel i miss stuff - day 3!
(Or at least have the 2 formats or something like that) :)
yes please!
Isny that too much?
@@rosericmercedes2460 it would require less editing
Not just trying to be the favorite cousin rn, but Ashley- you legit are the FIRST and only comedian I have actually gone to see
Ashley, there's a Springfield in every state. Every dad knows that..
I love this podcast!!!!
I literally set an alarm so I can download this podcast as soon as it comes out to listen to on my way to work! It’s 9 AM here, in Germany!
Trying to learn German on duolingo I hope to visit there one day!
“Chili makes me puke” with such nonchalance 😂💀
Oh boy. I've 1000000% been through the situation of- relationship has ended in a sticky way, confusing, messy, etc. But I loved them as a person and hated how they were going to live the rest of their lives with this skewed version of me that fits their narrative. And I hated that it got even worse, losing friends, lies being spread, and alot of hurtful things being thrown my way when all I wanted at the end of the day was to have a public forum between the two of us with a mediator so we could both walk away understanding each other. But that never happened. And I still fight myself, and it's been 6 years, holding back from reaching out with a 'how have you been?' and tell them I'm happy they look happy. I wish I could have that best friend back. But I've had to grieve it. The death of that relationship altogether. Our best friendship, 4 years of being together almost daily, even the fact that I allowed them to keep our dog because I knew they were going to need that pup through the process.
It's been 6 years almost to the date. And it still hurts when it comes up. But it hurts less as time goes on. Truly, time heals all wounds. Wounds leave scars still, but you can learn to keep their peace by wishing it into the ether. You just have to accept sometimes that you might be the villain in someone else's story.
"The talking sage" 😂
I came out again during the pandemic while I was with a male partner. We had recently been through some trauma together and I didn't feel like I could leave them while we were both processing trauma. They ended up withdrawing and eventually leaving and at the time I felt so betrayed because I had been holding on so hard for their sake. I lashed out when they left but after having some time to process I really wanted to reach out and thank them for having the courage to do what I couldn't. I still get that urge sometimes so the advice this episode was very helpful to listen to.
Me at 11:20pm: I'm soooooo tired
Me at 12:20am: I've never been so awake in my life!
Send help y'all. I need to be awake for work at 5am!
mak has finally accepted her baby status omg!!!!!!
If alana starts wearing Patagonia, cakai pants and a body warmer she’s become a finance bro
So am gonna enjoy by breakfast now with you guys. Thanks for posting at the perfect time
Saaame :)
they're also my breakfast podcast!
37:56 thank you Ashley for the good lifeline advice!
Ashley is so chaotic in this episode lol
on wednesdays, we watch chosen family podcast.
i would love to hear alayna talk about business stuff actually. it sounds fascinating
Love this episode. When Ashley says I'm gonna be vulnerable for a minute, I know it's gonna be a good one. This was so helpful too
ashley’s laugh is the cutest thing ever
Ashley are you ever gonna tour in the UK? Everyone would LOVE you here !!!! 🎉
Can you do an extra long episode on day??? Like I feel like the time passes so fast because I'm laughing along and then it ends too suddenly 🥺
The smile Mak had on her face when she said that chilly makes her puke. Made me crack up. It was definitely I am being serious, but I know this is gonna mix stuff up smile.
Mak’s hair is always so clean
My work place has a sign that says "no hanging from the ledge," and I don't want to know what caused it.
This was extremely helpful advice that I needed to hear. An ex of mine had randomly reached out to me a few days before I listened to this episode and I had been struggling with how to respond to this person that had hurt me and who was now seeking validation. I see now that I need to set a boundary with them to shutdown these toxic conversations.
happy international women's day
A couple days ago I just deleted a text conversation thread from my phone..after an ex crush who blocked me on social media responded "thank you" to a "hbd" txt i forgot i had scheduled to send on their bday months prior back before they blocked me..i did call her out for blocking me before i deleting the chat i knew she wouldnt respond and she hasnt...
I'm oversharing this to say that i think i'm getting better at not staying connected reaching out or being emotionally affected by them anymore if there is any correspondance but rn i'm struggling to go into deleting txt convo threads, old photos and unfollowing removing social media stuff...bc i'm sentimental to good memories and materials but if i wont want them to be important in my life moving forward i'm going to have to let go or at least not value them as high anymore
Me never getting Matt Rife in my algorithm until I started watching Chosen Family 😂 Also thank you for the time and energy y'all put into this! As someone who is new to the community and in a hetero passing marriage and has all straight friends, this is one of the few places that I feel heard/seen in regards to my bisexuality. It means a lot!
When I was 28, I broke up with my ex. We had been together for 8 years, so it was fare assumption that I would start to miss them at some point, when I start to forget negatives. I assumed, that at some point, I would forget that we had only ok partnership, because there were key differences growing that prevented it from ever evolving to better than ok relationship.
So, when I had made peace with break-up, I made Excel of them as a partner for me. And gave the points very negative (-2), negative (-2), neutral (0), positive (+1), very positive (+2). I had that Excel sheet on my computer for years. I really dig deep into it.
I had that Excel sheet on my computer for years. Never once, I needed to go back to that Excel. And I never started to miss the false image of them. Maybe I don't anymore remember all the specific positives or negatives...But at least, I remember that number I got when summing up the positives and negatives, was negative.
I am 35 now. They are in the past and will stay there.
Alana joy needs to do standup!
The first time I ever heard of Springfield Missouri is really because of a true crime case called The Springfield Three. I wonder if Mattea knows about it since she's a true crime fan hahaha
my climbing gym has that sign too! i think it’s because to go in the bathroom you have to take ur shoes all the way off and it’s easier to just walk over to the water fountain
Twist: the person who yelled “asshole” was Matt Rife.
Guys I just wanna say thank you, I so enjoy your content and you give me so much (Alayna) Joy 😂❣️ I have breakfast with you guys every Wednesday and it makes me glad to get up in the morning. Your the most fun routine:)💘
(I’m old…) My last breakup was before social media were a thing.
But I’m a wiser person for having heard this conversation. So thanks!
I have one (maybe personal, maybe common?) thing to add.
Our breakup, after a seven year relationship, was consensual and in good dialog and balanced result.
And it still took me about ten years before I could see her again without pain and negativity on my side.
So what I want to say is: distance is probably the best thing, because the wound of a breakup can stay raw for a very long time. Way longer than you might expect from yourself.
I consider myself a pretty stable guy and I was very surprised by the unexpected depth and duration of my pain and negativity.
(To finish: these days I see her a few times a year, and my grown up daughters go to her for advice. And I am very Ok with that because she’s a very wise and very smart woman.)
Everyone cracking up at the end made me smile so hard ☺️
This legit helped me have some perspective on my ex who has recently been reaching out to me wanting to apologize and why I felt weird about it. Actually helpful. I feel like I can let that go now.
I love this podcast! It's a perfect mix of helpful, heartfelt advice and funny stories!
OMG Ashley losing it at the end and just like wtf LMAO
Great episode as always, guys ❤ thanks for being such friendly lesbians 😃
I have three different people to talk to if I'm ever missing my ex-best friend. One for when I need to be reminded how awful they were, one for when I need to process the fact that I loved them very much and still miss them, and one to indulge in schadenfreude. Grief is weird, and having support during the different facets helped a lot. Surrounding yourself with people who love you is hugely important for not going back to people who don't treat you well, too.
Your therapist picks up and asks: are you drunk again!? 😆😆😆
Wow! Y’all got me extra hooked in on this one. If you haven’t heard of making a “living amends” please take a sec to keep reading here or do a quick google search. Because it’s astonishing the similarities I was hearing between your convo and what countless people like myself live by. As a sober person, this whole episode had me nearly saying aloud some things I and countless others in the program live by. It’s almost word for word what was being said in this episode about (paraphrasing) learning and growing as a person and wanting to reach out to someone from your past that you’d like to either apologize to or enlighten on your growth since your history together. In AA (I’m not representing the program- just myself so I’m speaking publicly about it as it might help someone live a more peaceful life) the 8th of the 12 steps is to make a list of those you’ve harmed. So, logically, the 9th is "Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” So, if reaching out to someone you’ve harmed in your past would be more self-serving than genuinely helpful to that person, you can do something we call making a “living amends” where you basically admit to yourself that you were in the wrong in some way with this person and decide to live a clean/sober/generous/kind life where you try to do good each day. Your lifestyle and character going forward is your amends to that person because anything else would just be harming them more for the sake of clearing your conscience. Obviously, most folks don’t need live by the “clean/sober” part of that in order for this to work but for those of us who have umm lost our privileges with mood altering substances lol, it’s a key component. Anyway, I’ve been sober for years and, early on, had to come to terms with the fact that no matter how many “good” years I make for myself and those around me…I’ll always be the villain in some people’s stories. And I’m ok with that because I’ve made my amends to them (internally) and am living openly and honestly where I can admit when I’m wrong and do the work to be a better person each day. I know this was very long but it was eating at me because it was just SO similar. Y’all are doing some big work with this podcast and making us laugh along the way. That’s the best medicine around! Thank you and I hope this was helpful to someone in letting them know they don’t have to beat themselves up for their past nor feel torn emotionally about contacting them in order to keep improving. Thanks, y’all! You’re the best!
So glad I read this. I hadn't heard of that "living amends" thing before but I'm def gonna think back to it when I get that urge to reach out. Thanks!
If you would like to apologize to past behaviors, write a letter and don't send it. Write a letter to yourself, too. It's about you taking accountability and then you learning to forgive yourself and promising yourself to make it better in the next relationship - and actively work on how to do better.
If you really do feel like both of you could benefit from sending the letter - send a second version. And do not expect them to accept your apology. They might, but they don't need to. Only send the letter if you are able to deal with both possibilities. And realize healing comes from you forgiving yourself and you doing better now.
I was at one of your shows in OKC and have been waiting for the podcast you recorded while here! Lol I’m such a crazy fan!!! It was so nice to meet you and see you do your thing, you and Maddie were absolutely amazing!!! And so down to earth, thank you for blessing us with a trip to our crappy place!
I think Ashley is coming to sac in September and I wanna go! I've never been to a comedy show but I'll definitely go see her. I'm also an assholey millennial lesbian and I love her comedy and sense of humor 😭
This is the best episode of the podcast I've watched so far! And I've watched each of the 19 before!
Good advice, good jokes, good conversation! And I related so much to the conversation, I discussed with my wife talking to my ex about some stupid things I did and now I know better, she's thinking the same about an ex of hers also, but Alayna said everything I needed to hear! I wanted my wife to watch this episode too.
Thanks for your work, thanks for this podcast!
Ashley I'm often interested to hear what sorts of comedians you're into. Do you like Taylor Tomlinson's stuff? I like both their scripted stuff and their crowd-work.
Taylor’s great!
Alayna looks so good this episode
i didn't realise this was a question i wanted to hear y'all answer but damnnn these were some amazing answers
definitely going to try and remember how messaging an ex (or doing anything that involves giving up your self control) is a result of a cascade of decisions, not just one, so putting as many blocks or walls between those decisions will make it easier on yourself
and how even if the reason you're messaging someone is to clear up a past wrong that you did, that might not actually be the best for that person to hear atm, so the reasoning you're messaging is more selfish
The way y'all cracked up at "...chili makes me puke" was my fav 😭
This entire episode was so good and so cathartic. I think about my exes all the time, especially my most recent serious one, who was abusive. But the urge to reconnect with her, with my ex-wife... is so strong, and so toxic. I'm like Ashley, I want to poke the wound to just feel something; but the three of you bringing your wisdom and perspective is so helpful. Thank you!
This episode was really relevant and relatable to my life right now and I’m really grateful for this podcast. Thank you❤❤
@24:30 never have I ever related to Ashley so much before. I like to blame my anxious attachment style 😅. (Still friendly with all my ex’s, even the walking red flags 😫)
WOW, i related so much to what alayna answered to the first question regarding reaching out to an ex or people from one's past! Thank you for sharing that.
I’ve been binging your guy’s podcast for 2 weeks now. I never thought I could enjoy listening to 3 people talk for so long. I adore y’all!!
This episode was oddly relevant to some stuff I’m working through😭
Y’all always create a fun space for productive dialogue and it is very appreciated
I learn something new about the world or myself everytime I watch your podcast 🙂❤ I love you guys
Broooo literally both my ex's slipped back into my inbox this week and I wanted to interact so bad this is such great timing like literally wtff
I started seeing Matt Rife in TH-cam lot after you mentioned him in an episode. But to be fair, there is also Emma Willmann and Jessica Kirson in there.
I think you're the best Ashley, don't ever change.🏳️🌈🫶🏻
Every time I reach the end of the episode I’m like why did that end so quick 🫠🥺
Same! WTF?? It kills me, lol!
I always watch your podcast while I eat lunch at the dining hall and it makes me laugh so hard. everyone around me probably thinks I'm crazy
Chosen Family podcast saving my day by reminding me not to check my ex’s social media or reach out.
"This week Mak accept their baby status"
"No"
"Yes"
*hits chair* "No"
The entire but about wanting to keep people because of your dad dying young is something I relate very closely to & yeah. Block them. It’s hard af but it’s very hard for me to choose myself so I have to use what I can to out of sight out of mind as much as possible.
The realization that I have cried my make up off at a comedy show and that might not be normal.
I can’t believe it’s episode 20
I feel cozy Alayna, so good job : )
I love how you described how ignorant young people are to the rules of stand-up and then immediately said it was an older woman that called you an asshole. 😂 like what’d you say fuck me for?
Also you eat cornbread with chili, Alayna!
@@moody7470 any bread pairs well
@@Sapphic288 I know but she seemed to be wondering what is the conventional bread which I would usually say cornbread for chili.
This episode was way too short!! I could've heard you talk hours about this topic it was so heartwarming to listen to
He showed up in your algorithm because the social media apps listen all the time unless you turn that off in the app permissions on your phone. You all were talking about it in a previous episode and that is why it came up in your feed. The apps pick up on everything you talk about, even when you are not on the apps. I learned that one when I was talking about getting a new bed or mattress cover on a walk with my spouse. I never Googled it or anything prior to that talk. When we got home, I already had adds popping up in my feed. Same thing when we were looking at lawyers for something and my spouse joking said we were at a divorce lawyer. Right away we both started seeing adds for divorce lawyers. Later on I came across how to turn a lot of it off. I still get them if I send pictures of something like vans to someone though.
I love how friendly this episode is!! 😅
i totally understand alayna's want or need to apologize for
how i reacted to people in the past and not being understanding to people i may have affected due to my ignorance
You, ladies, are not just funny and beautiful. You are very wise and loving. This was awesome thank you.
Longtime Sunday Sqool attendee - about audiences being quiet… I don’t think it’s a “new to comedy” thing because we are loud for the other comedians! It’s just.. the yelling at us to laugh is not conducive to laughter 😭 I genuinely love the rest of your set, and I know that you’re not seriously trying to make anyone uncomfortable but. I think it makes sense that yelling directed at the audience would put people on edge 🤷🏻♀️
Hey Alice, as I do this every day multiple times a day, statistically, the roasting works. I don’t do it when the audiences come in behaving normally (clapping when the music comes on and the lights go down, when I get on stage, and are immediately open to jokes). I do it when the audiences don’t pick up on those cues (because they are new to comedy or whatever the reason they might be). The reality is, and other podcasters and I chat about this problem, pod audiences simply don’t know what to do in a comedy environment, so it takes a lot of work to adjust the crowd and their behavior and expectations. So my approach is roasting, and statistically it works. Sometimes it doesn’t, but it usually does. If it didn’t, I wouldn’t do it, I assure you that, because the only thing I want is for people to laugh the appropriate amount (some comedians actually talk about how they don’t care and will tolerate a bad crowd because they don’t know any better, but I don’t do this because I want everyone to leave having fully experienced the show!) You’re entitled to your opinion and if you don’t like it that’s totally fine. But I’m not stopping 😂
this comes out for me at about 7 in the evening when i should be doing my homework. but between homework and chosen family podcast, is it even a question??
It comes out at 3 am for me lol choose between sleep and podcast
The whole ex conversation was hard for me as my ex and I are still friends as we had a healthy relationship and probably the best breakup someone could get (probably helps that he’s an 1 & a half away) but it really is that we are better friends than in a relationship now as I have a preference for women now and we grew as individuals instead of as a couple over the course of our 3 year relationship so sometimes it’s okay but other than this rare situation that I have/am in I 1000% agree with these 3 lovely ladies as my first ex I have since blocked and have no contact with him as it was toxic (I was 16 at the time)