Alayna should be a therapist. Always asking questions to dig deeper, giving very kind feedback, having the energy of every wonderful english teacher that you’re secretly in love with.
This was such a meaningful episode filled with a necessary level of vulnerability for so many of us to feel heard. Alayna, nothing in your life is as important as you and your well-being. We’re all rooting for you! Mak, it’s a gift to know someone is doing genuinely well amidst the chaos this world brings. Ashley, you’re changing the lives of those with similar struggles and the way you immediately showed up for Alayna in the way she needed it in that moment - with validation and empathy - is what we need more of in this world. Thank you, guys for being here and for being who you are ❤. The more episodes you put out, the less this feels like entertainment and the more it feels like a kinship.
Aww this comment is so sweet and was almost my exact same reaction to this episode. It’s truly something special when people can come together and connect like this and genuinely establish a feeling of family. I WILL manifest beautiful souls like this in my life. ❤
I wrote mine before I read any comments -but this one just said it so much better than I ever could! The feeling of having found my online-tribe and sitting around the table with all of you is so good! I am looking forward to the watch party for this episode over at the chosen familypatreon so much!
Great comment. I’m catching up on podcast eps bc I’ve been busy, but I was just diagnosed with Autism and the things that were talked about this episode really resonated with me
I’m trying so hard not to cry writing this, but Ashley, I know you think you’re pathetic for “breaking down” on a podcast, but so many people needed to hear what you had to say. Namely me. I have struggled with many chronic illnesses, the primary one being EDS for many years, i’ve had four surgeries in my life, and i’m only 18. Living with EDS is so hard and it often feels like nobody else gets it. Hearing your experience and you being vulnerable really touched my heart.
THANK YOU!!! I retired 7 months ago and have hit the point where I have no idea who I am without my job. 50-60 hours a week for years. I cherished my time after being with coworkers patients and families all day. I lost all my social connections. Now at 62 I feel like I'm in my 20s figuring out who I am. The depth and honesty you 3 share with makes it less frightening to start reaching out. Thank you. You have no idea how valuable this podcast is and how you 3 touch lives. I'm crying now. Thank you
Ashley is seriously so sweet and such an amazing friend. When she realized how bad Alayna was doing, she made as much of an effort as she could to help her. I've been in the same place as Alayna for the past half year and it's really hard. Seeing Alayna talk about it was definitely nice. I'm glad Alayna is doing better now! (She said so in her newest video on her channel.) I hope Ashley is doing better too, she just deserves so much and I want her to be happy
Dude, this episode was massively needed. Fuck, without even knowing it, you held up the mirror to alot of my issues and it's needed so thank you to all of you ❤️
I really needed to hear this today. Like Alayna, I've been on a downward spiral and while I'm fully aware, I just can't do anything about it. Hearing that for the time being, tying self- care into something that I HAVE to do rather than something I SHOULD do may just be the push I need to get out of this headspace. Honestly, I want to thank the 3 of you for always allowing yourselves to be vulnerable with us. You guys could've easily scrapped this episode if you wanted and yet you chose to share it with us so that we knew we weren't alone in our own struggles. And the willingness to show us the good, the bad, and the ugly, does far more than you guys realize. To say I, or rather we, appreciate it, is a massive understatement. Thank you.
This is my favourite episode yet. Watching your vulnerability and the three of you supporting each other reinstated my faith in humans. We need more content like this. This is the family dinner table I wish I had modelled for me as a kid. You all rock 🤘
Agreed! Online community is so uplifting! And it’s a safe space we can tap into whenever we want -I love that about it! The episode will be rewatched a lot cause it is healing to see how they treat each other. It rubs of and comforts us all!❤
I 1000000% identify with what Alayna was saying. There's a point I feel overwhelmed and I stop doing things that are good for me like hiking, reading, going for walk, stop hanging out with my friends so, I get it. Alayna, you are not alone in this.
It is currently 3 AM where I’m at. Right before I looked at this TH-cam notification, I criticized how late I was staying up, but now I feel like there is a purpose I just didn’t realize until now 😂 this is that purpose
Alayna telling Ashley her feelings are valid and what she's talking about is important and relatable and then minutes later denying her own feelings is the epitome of anxiety. What Ashley said about one persons pain not negating or erasing the existence of other peoples pain is so incredibly important! Thank you guys
It is very difficult to accept that you are no longer healthy when diagnosed with a chronic illness, and it is definitely a form of grieving. It is something that cannot be understood unless it happens to you and my friends/family have tried their best to be supportive but being in pain everyday is unimaginable and completely changes your life and how you approach living it. Thank you for this episode and this awesome podcast. I have thoroughly enjoyed it so far!
It's so true! My brain just can't come to terms that chronic illness is life long. It's hard not to default to the idea that if you can just find what's wrong you can fix it and be healthy again. ❤️
As someone with a chronic health condition and anxiety/depression, this is an episode that hit so hard. So meaningful to see all of your vulnerability and how your support each other. Really impactful!
I'm in such a bad situation mentally so seeing that everyone has hard times makes me feel better in the sense of not being alone and it's okay to have bad times. THank you for being so brave and honest! Sending hugs to everyone who needs em
Something that helps me when I'm having a bad time is remembering that I've had difficulties before & it didn't last forever. This too shall pass, dude
You are not alone. Let’s huddle together in this comment section and spread some warmth 😊. I also “liked” your comment, because it resonates so much with me. Whenever I feel seen in my struggles it takes some of the pressure and the burden away. This even happens when I watch our three family protagonists care for each other. It feels so good not feeling so lonely in these struggles.
Ashley is so wise! Hearing her advice to Alayna was so beautiful and it was such a good reminder to everyone to take care of themselves. Sending all the good vibes :)
Seeing Ashley cry made me cry and then seeing Alayna almost cry made me cry again, but I needed a good cry, I don't like crying because it gives me horrible headaches, but so much has been happening lately that I found myself constantly wanting to cry but avoiding it because how it makes me feels physically. This helped immensely to think about how I'm feeling and what to do to process it, it really helped. Thank you so much, you guys. What you do is incredibly helpful. Big hug to all of you :)
This episode was so cathartic as someone who has chronic pain and PTSD, so thank you for being vulnerable your work here can save lives. (I’ve been there)
Alayna really is the accepting mom I never had and for years has been an encompassing figure of positivity and kindness for me, even in times when you're not okay. Hopefully now you've found a way to take care of yourself the way you care for others.
I relate so deeply to how Alayna is feeling. My anxiety has been so overwhelming lately and I’m dealing with the fact that my old coping mechanisms don’t work anymore and I cancel so many plans. I felt so heard and validated by this episode. Thank you all for being so open 💜
Melting down = opening up, it is inspiring. My chronic pain and mental health issues, realizing how much I have to do versus the people around me, I can get so hard on myself. I appreciate all 3 of you on this podcast, and I hope it feels like a safe place for y'all and anyone watching.
I have a chronic illness and it has been so relatable and inspiring to have representation from Ashley and for her to be vulnerable like this and share how hard it is. Thank you 🙏
Ashley, seeing someone with such a strong personality, who presents so self-assured, be OPEN about these challenges is incredibly affirming. Chronic illness is a bitch… and having a team to face the challenges helps a lot. I wish you all the best and Thank you for sharing - even the tough parts.
I'm still in the process of getting an EDS diagnosis, but Ashley hearing you talk about these things is so deeply comforting and validating and I'm extremely grateful that you have a space where you can safely speak about these things.
Ashley being so vulnerable was so refreshing to hear. I have two chronic illnesses that I’ve been dealing with since I was 14. This world isn’t built for people with chronic illnesses, just as Mak said, and it’s so hard fighting to just live pain free. I have to fight insurance constantly just to get the meds I need to stay out of the hospital. It’s so hard. So I’m sorry Ashley you are going through this, but thank you for opening up. From someone who understands at some level it’s nice knowing I’m not alone ❤
That even people who seem to have it all together, like Alayna, also struggle is always sad to see. I've been dealing with anxiety for some time now and your podcast has been my comfort watch for the last weeks. Hope things get better soon. Much love ❤
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST Ashley crying just... broke my goddamn heart. I am a VERY empathetic person, I am a "fixer," and it just broke my heart that there's nothing that I can do to help. But I hope you all know just how much we all love and support you; like I'm going through one of the absolute worst times in my life right now, and just listening to you guys joke and even talk seriously about things has helped my mood SO much. Like you guys will never know how much it means to me to know that just listening to this (and Ashley's other podcast) will make me laugh my ass off even when I'm freaking depressed
THIS is why representation is so important. My queerness is somehow one of the lowest things on the list of things you all validate in this podcast, I have had my anxiety, my attachment style, my communication, my priorities, and my sexuality all validated repeatedly since listening to this podcast. thank you.
Ashley and Alana are so awesome for being vulnerable this week! I’m disabled with physical and mental issues and I attribute most of my resilience and pride to seeing other people talking about their struggles publicly. It helps reduce the shame and stigma and reminds people that really amazing cool and talented people struggle too. It’s incredibly important to see people you think are cool and attractive and living good lives talk about their struggles. People need this representation and you guys rock for providing it to your listeners!
literally only a few minutes in and hearing someone actually talk about the stress of having a chronic disability was really comforting to hear!! i am hypermobile with suspected hEDS and i was diagnosed when i was 2 but no one thought to tell me that until november 2022. so i'm only just now accepting that i am disabled and that this Is going to affect my work life and it's really reassuring to hear that someone else is going through it
This episode was amazing. I really needed this. Ashley, Alayna, Mak. Your openness and sharing is so validating. Chosen family indeed. I wish I had even a fraction of the acceptance and understanding you guys show in my life. I am so thankful that I have you now. Please never hide yourselves. The world needs more crying on podcasts 💜
This might be a video I save for a rainy day. The way you all support each other is so heartwarming! Every week you three bring a smile to my face to the point that it really does kinda feel like a family! This podcast helps me a lot just because you are courageous enough to be vulnerable and acknowledge your emotions as what they are. Please know that even though I'm just some enby accross the Atlantic, finding you three online has made significant changes in my life for the better and I genuinly love you for it. Sending some warm hugs your way! (if you consent of course)
"your problems dont invalidate other peoples problems" THANK YOU ASHLEY.. say it louder for the people in the back oh my gosh.. i get this ALL THE TIME. im in a wheelchair, my life is hard.. but that does not mean others dont have it hard..we all need to do life together and support each other in each others hard places. Alayna.. you being real is an inspiration in itself. We dont need perfect.. we need to know our youtube friends/fam are struggling with the same things we are. . I dont know you the way Ashley does but i can see just from watching your youtube journey how accurate her words about you are. I had a friend give me a similar pep talk yesterday and im glad Ashley was there to do the same you my friend yesterday said "I need you to be kind to my friend Julia because Julia needs kindness" so ill say the same to you "We need you to be kind to our friend Alayna Joy.. shes worth it and she deserves the kindness she spreads to others"
Damn I am crying with Ashley. I have chronic pain too and I started sobbing when she said that main main took out the trash for her. Healthy people don’t know how much little things like that take out of us, and how much it means when somebody does those little things to support us. We love and support you Ashley❤❤❤
so ik i`m on my period but bro i just started tearing up when ashley started telling alayna how good of a person and how important she is .. ugh idk if any of yall are gonna ever see this but you guys have really helped me.. i appretiate the safe place yall created for everyone longing for queer folks... thank u guys, truly
multiple months late to this podcast but as someone who has diagnosed anxiety and is currently going through the testing process for both ADHD and chronic pain conditions this was much needed I often feel so stuck and paralyzed like Alayna and like Ashley said, realizing that I'm going to be in pain for the rest of my life, most likely getting worse over time, is so hard physical and emotional/mental pain were never part of the plan and now I have to re-invsion my future thank you all so much❤
As an early 30-something woman with EDS who also recently had the realization that this pain is what the rest of my life is going to look like, I'm so grateful for Ashley talking about it. Representation matters and I didn't know how much I need to know that I'm not alone. Even though I hate that anyone else has to have this experience. Thank you for being so vulnerable.
what alayna is talking about is so relatable to me. anxiety is debilitating, and things like therapy, and putting in work towards healing reveal wounds and reveal things that end up becoming physically disabling. even though i rationally know talking to friends will help, my instinct is always to isolate. i'm thinking though that trauma is stored in the body so this makes sense. another thing is, i forget that the human experience is so unique, and just because I can't explain something to someone, or nobody relates, does not take away from my humanly and bodily experience. more power to alayna, thank you for talking about this.
I have chronic back pain with sciatica, chronic migraines, endometriosis, PCOS, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. I was lying in a weird serpentine position on my belly trying to ice my back while listening to this, and when Ashley started talking about asking main-babes to take out the trash, I started crying. It really is that hard sometimes, where the basic stuff is too much and I feel like I want spinal fusion and a full hysterectomy and whatever else I can add or remove to get rid of these horrible things. But Alayna’s right - I’m the “sick friend” who needs to hear more about chronic pain issues. And Ashley’s right - I need an effing meditation/yoga buddy. And Mak is right - I need to focus on what’s going well in my life. Mother, Father, hot baby brother: you’re all doing an amazing job with this podcast. I had no idea how much I needed this 🖤
I totally get where Ashley is coming from with being disabled. My health issues blew up in 2013 with two small stokes and being diagnosed with stage three kidney disease, which is now at stage four. My wife was and is my rock. At that time we didn't have reliable transportation so she would walk 18 miles, one way, to work to make sure we had money for my blood pressure meds. I felt completely useless. I was only 44 at the time. We have been together 21 years now and I feel fortunate that she is so supportive and understanding. The strokes caused some residual dizziness that will just creep up out of nowhere and I have comprehension issues so she usually makes sure to accompany me to doctor visits and such. I don't struggle with feeling useless anymore because I do the things that I can and understand my limitations. We have a good life together with our fur babies, Hazel and Sugar Bear. This podcast is one thing I look forward to each week. I was a fan of each one you already, the three of y'all together.....Fucking Magic!!!
Alayna it was super hard for me to start my spiritual practice as well. It’s easier to sit with the anxiety than try to change it because the thought of that creates more anxiety. What I did: set an alarm for each day of the week when I knew I’d be at home and told myself I’d dedicate only five minutes to meditation. Only five minutes. It doesn’t have to be sit down meditation, you can decide that your spiritual practice that day will be walking and connecting with nature or writing or just finding a way to get in touch with your highest self. Some days it’s actually only five minutes, some days it turns into an hour and then an hour of free writing and then hour of nature walking. There are just some periods of time where it feels so much more genuine. But on the days where it doesn’t, I sit there for five minutes and consider how I’m feeling and simply come up with a few things I’m grateful for. Set a timer for five minutes, some days I can’t turn it off quick enough and continue being an anxious train wreck. Some days I’m super grateful that I made it a priority.
Ashley, I still go to school. I'm still a teenager. I'm still young. I get bullied, have so many mental disorders and physical disorders and doctors, that I've lost count. I used to be religious until the bullying started. I thought I was an Atheist because I didn't want to believe g-d gave me such a bad hand in the universe. After hearing you share how you feel, I feel less alone. I'm in fucking tears. I've had to move because my bullying got so bad. For the first time in almost a year, I don't feel completely alone. Thank you so so much. I'm going to NYC as soon as I can to see you perform at Sunday Sqool. Thank you for just being you. I felt like a nerd, so I watched your computer science videos and felt less alone. Throughout the years, you're one of the only things that has kept me from acting on bad thoughts. You've probably unknowingly saved my life 3-7 times. Thank you. I've gone through a breaking point after watching this. I'm going to survive. I'm going to be ok. Thank you for saving me. Thank you, Ashley Gavin. (This sounds like a mixture between a speech, a poem, and a therapy session, so ignore that).
"You will always struggle with not feeling productive until you accept that your own joy can be something you produce. It is not the only thing you will make, nor should it be, but it is something valuable and beautiful." - from A Beautifully Foolish Endeavour by Hank Green I know Alayna is in a better place now from her recent TH-cam videos but I figured she and everyone here could use this reminder. I had it as my phone lock screen for like a year to remind myself
As someone who struggles with anxiety, I really appreciated what you shared Alayna. Never minimize your struggles or your positive impact by being vulnerable and sharing them ❤
8 minutes in and crying. I'm 27 and have had severe back and leg pains since I was 24. Finally saw a spinal surgeon a few months ago and got some extra scans done. I've got degenerative disc disease, schmorl's nodes, scoliosis, bursitis and sciatica. My back is literally that of someone 3x my age. All he said is that it's not bad enough for surgery so now I just have to take my cocktail of meds every single day, go to work and then come home and go straight to bed. I don't have any energy or anything left after work and I only work 5 hours 5 days a week. I'm in Australia and although it's much cheaper here, the medical system still sucks 😕
for anyone who is feeling down or hit rock bottom. im really sorry. you are so strong, its going to get to get better. take advantage of life... don't let life take advantage of you. it is very hard.
Hey! Just to tie into the tons of comments that Ashley already expected. Thank you! There needs to be more content like this! I have been following you each individually for a while now, and just seeing you come together having open conversations about these things is amazing. I only started listening to episode one two days ago because it randomly showed up on my for you page and now that I've reached this episode I couldn't be more grateful about this content. To throw my own pity party: I struggle with BPD, Depression, ED, and anxiety, and as if today am in treatment because I've felt really suicidal and out of control. Listening to your conversations is helping so freaking much, I can't even put it into words. So thank you. Thank you for giving me a reason to keep going, so that I'll be able to engage in my own life and experience all those things again. I know it's not easy to open up. And I know it's even harder to be able to reflect and realize that things are going wrong and that you need help. And I know that it's the hardest to actually do something about it. Hearing that from you people. It's like a big, gay wake up call. The reminder I needed. Major thanks.
Alayna, the executive dysfunction and feeling frozen and unable to get myself to just DO THE THING when I know it’ll help was so relatable. I’m so glad you shared so much with us
Jeez I didn't expect to cry in the first 10 minutes. But if this whole community is a chosen family then it only fits that some days we're laughing together and other days we're having serious conversations and tearing up. I can tell that Ashley isn't the most comfortable being vulnerable online, but I really appreciate her talking about her chronic illness because like you all said, it's something that not many people understand.
Thank you guys for this episode of vulnerability and support. It makes me remember the importance of having good friendships in life. ❤️❤️❤️ Ashley: At 19, my friend/roommate was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. The grief of losing the life she imagined for herself was torturous for her. Over a decade later, I'm sure it's still hard for her. But she is living a Rockstar life striving for and achieving her dreams. My heart goes out to you, and my friend and everyone who deals with debilitating conditions. 💖
Ashley, as someone who has lived with severe chronic illness for a few years now (and moderate illness since 2015) it’s a MASSIVE adjustment. (I have Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, Endometriosis, and Multiple Chemical Sensitivity). There was so much grieving initially. And many parts of my life that I lost are a continual source of grief and sadness for me. The “is this my life now forever?” thoughts are real. Even with the permanence of my conditions, I will say that the violent intensity of the emotional and physical experience has lessened over the years. Humans are so adaptable, and you will find ways to make things a little more comfortable and pleasant at each stage / moment. Even though I can no longer work or travel or socialize in groups, I have found new hobbies, new friends, and new ways to enjoy the moments of my days within my limitations. It’s really not as bleak as it felt in the beginning. I also super appreciated that you highlighted the difference that money makes to the experience of chronic illness. I burned through my savings with so many holistic therapies, supplements and retreats , then racked up a ton of debt, especially as I became more and more unable to work. I spent a year and a half being financially supported by my best friend (rent, groceries, utilities, etc) until I finally got onto disability support (AISH). Now I just have access to the medical services that are covered by Alberta Health, which is very narrow in the scope of chronic illness management. Just wanted to say that I can 100% relate to the thoughts you are experiencing, and appreciate you sharing your experience. It does get better (if not physically, in mindset). ❤️
Ashley sharing about chronic pain and Alayna sharing about struggling for self care are both genuinely helpful and inspiring, I'm going to start doing my PT exercises again
Thank you so much for sharing, Alayna. I'm going through something similar, where if it's not for work I won't do anything else, cancel appointments and being constantly anxious. Well, THAT'S called CRIPPLING ANXIETY, folks, it's not just being merely lazy. Thanks again for speaking about it. Also lots of love to Ashley, I, too, get excited by any new content from you, you're hilarious and such a sweet piece of shit 🖤 ... And Mak, keep going! 💪
Def started crying when Ashley started crying, talking about needing help while in a flare. I felt that so hard. And I really appreciate hearing someone talk about it.
16:37 Ashley saying that your brain tells you the opposite of what you should do sometimes is so true. I’ve been pretty sporadic about taking my meds (anxiety and antidepressants) for months now and I’ve been feeling like shit the whole time, but when it comes time to take them at night I have to put extra effort into actually getting up and doing it because my brain is like “ehh you don’t need to you’re good”
I don't have EDS but I followed a TH-camr over a decade ago who openly documented her experience with it when she could even though her and her husband's channel was about K-POP and Korea and language. I didn't realize at the time that I had a different chronic illness, much less more than one, but I still appreciated and admired her willingness to share and be so vulnerable and open about what her experience truly is. TH-cam has been my favorite platform for most of my life because of the authenticity I can find here. So thank you for being vulnerable. Thank you for being authentic, through crying AND joking to lighten the mood. Thank you so much for working to be truly who you are, in everything you do, in all of your gay, traumatized, chronic, hilarious, genuine, beautiful glory. It is people like you that give others hope to keep moving forward. Every single person who keeps going, who keeps trying, who shows who they are even when it's hard, is helping someone else keep going even if they don't realize it. So, if you don't already know and you happen to see my comment floating among the hundreds, YOU ARE SO F***ING HILARIOUS; YOU ARE SO F***ING REAL; YOU ARE SO. F***ING. APPRECIATED.
I've been binge re-watching the pod.. and this episode still hits and I'm so proud of u ashley ik it's difficult to be vulnerable about smth that's isolating.. sending u love
Thank you for sharing what's going on in your lives. I relate both to the chronic pain and anxiety stuff as well as the struggling with lack of motivation/spark to get to action. This episode made me feel so validated just hearing about other people, especially quite successful people whom I look up to, going through similar challenges. You don't have to try to help us overcome all our challenges and some can't even be solved. Just recognition is more than enough, along with a family hug. It is exactly what this episode felt like to me. 🤗
Mental health can be absolutely challenging because it needs to be maintained and you can never give it for granted. I loved this content so much, it's actually my favourite episode. I felt seen, understood, heard and validated from all three of you. I love y'all and what you do for us 🫂
Alayna's right, Ashley shouldn't feel embarrassed or anything to share her troubles and battles and how hard it is. We need more people being honest on the internet so that others can finally relate to someone and understand how strong they are
I'm watching this before going to work because I was feeling too anxious to get myself out the door this morning and needed something to distract me for a moment so this episode really came at the perfect time. I appreciate you sharing how you're doing, it made me feel less alone in this.
7:05 Ashley, thank you so much for being vulnerable about this. I was diagnosed with "benign hypermobile joint disorder", which is like less severe EDS. I don't need braces all the time, and I've learned, for better or worse, to position myself so that I don't have spontaneous subluxations/dislocations. That said, I've been in pain throughout my entire adult life. Everything hurts, all the time, and it really does take a toll on my mood, my ability to focus, my ability to connect with others. The past few weeks have been really rough, because I had a severe pain flare up that I don't think I've felt in over a year. This weekend, it was so bad that I was trembling and on the verge of sobbing. It's gotten better since then, but I had to cancel plans and take a step back in life. It definitely made me realize I need to actually see the pain management doctor my rheum referred me to a few years ago. I didn't have the time or resources then to follow through, but I feel like I do now. Sometimes, we just don't realize how much pain we're in and the toll it takes until it either gets really bad, or you're just suddenly not in pain and think, "Wow, is this how people normally feel?"
I know I’m 3 months late, but I just discovered this channel after finding Ashley’s stand up. I have been having a REALLY difficult time lately, family members substance abuse, my own physical disability, my own sexuality, learning to work with my ADHD and not against it. I have never resonated with an episode more than this one. Absolutely Alayna, just sharing that you have anxiety is so helpful. I have had 25 surgeries (mostly spinal) since I was 10 years old and now left with nerve damage and chronic pain. Thank you three so much for creating this podcast! I ❤ my chosen family! 😊😊
Seeing Ashley cry made me wanna cry too, because I think I'm struggling with EDS as well (I'm 20) and some other conditions. Being young and being in constant pain everyday (some days more than others) it's so exhausting. Seeing someone that I learned how to appreciate dealing with the same problems as me helps me to accept my struggles as well. Sometimes, when you don't feel like you have any representation at all, you can feel hopeless. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Ashley. Also, with Alayna, I completely get it. As a neurodivergent person (I'm autistic and ADHDer), dealing with executive dysfunction it's complicated. Some people may think that it's because "you're lazy" or say thinks like "but just do it, it's not that hard", without knowing that your brain is literally holding back your body to initiate a task that you know you need to do, getting to a point being paralyzed by how overwhelm you feel. Thank you for sharing as well, Alayna. As Ashley said, you bring so much value to the world without noticing.
I’ve recently been really struggling with anxiety and Alena really but my thoughts into words and made me feel so much less alone. This episode was so meaningful, seeing everyone talk about their struggles and being so real. Thank you guys for sharing this with us I hope you know how many people you’ve helped :)
As someone who deals with chronic illness and has gone/ is going through the whole thing, I hope Ashley understands how much it means for her to be so honest about her experiences. It is hard. It is so hard especially when you've been "normal' your whole life. And it will continue to be hard, but all these challenges that are thrown our way shape us into who were meant to be. If i was reading this 1.5 years ago I'd say that's complete bs, but you have to believe this is how things have to be or you'll fall into nihilism. You have to go through the hard things but there's a beauty in seeing your own resilience and who you will become afterwards. There's a beauty in every little thing that shapes you into who you are. We love and support you Ashley
I am only 10 minutes into the podcast, but I have to say…. Thank you so much, Ashley, for being open and vulnerable. People with chronic pain and invisible disabilities are suffering mostly in silence. Your openness about EDS is reassuring to me and likely others because we feel less alone when we see the people we turn to for comfort going through something that is so dismissed in society. It is so important to see this representation. I can’t speak for everyone else, but I thank you for being open about your health even when it can feel embarrassing or frustrating. So much respect and support for you. Chronic pain is no joke and I am so thankful that you continue to put out content despite the struggles you are facing. As someone with chronic pain, it is inspiring and reassuring to me to keep going despite the roadblocks I face daily. Much love to the three of you ❤ The conversations you all have are so helpful and comforting. You all provide insight and conversations that are so important, and I appreciate you all! Also it’s 4 am so sorry for the rambling
This is actually the first time I am commenting on a video but this podcast nearly brought me to tears. I figured out I was a lesbian nearly a year ago and came out to my friends. Fortunately they were extremely supportive and have been my chosen gay family. My parents are progressive or atleast that is how they seem but I am too scared to come out because I know that it will tear apart the family and the way we used to function will change. Around the time I realised I was gay, I was hit with a BAD period of depression. Luckily I was able to get the help I needed but since then and the stress of my final year of school and the uncertainty of my future, I have been really dipping in and out. I relate so much to how I cannot do anything for myself and for my health if I can't justify it as a way that it will help my studies. I would forget to take care of my body and would fall ill. And because I was ill, I wouldn't be able to study and then it would cause a whole downward spiral. I have been watched all of your channels individually before this podcast announced. Alayna's video when she came out as a lesbian was actually one of the videos that helped me realise that I was gay and just trapped in a vicious cycle of comphet. I soon found Mak's channel and it felt like I had someone my age who had lived a wildly different life that what I was living but I could see their struggles and could find some solace in that. I found Ashley through her comedy and in some of my darkest times they made me laugh. And listening to this podcast late at night it made me feel less alone. Thank you for that. Thank you.
Alayna you probably won´t read this comment, but I need to tell you that listening to you describing what you are going throung was reallyyyyy reassuring. I`m a med student and facing the exactly the samething as you, but I didn´t have the courage to face it and admit it, so for the bottom of my heart: Thank u for showing me that my feelings are valid and I need to treat my self with kindness
Ashley, I broke my leg in Sept pretty severely and recovery has been the second hardest thing in my life,. Number one is losing my mom to suicide. Now my current circumstances also include heartbreak and major job issues and financial issues with insurance, bills, etc ... but I could not have gotten through this alone. (still getting through it). My brother has lots of chronic and mystery illness and I hear you so loud and clear. You are not alone and thank you for being open and sharing.
Trust me, alayna this was SO helpful. As an anxious person who has to cancel plans all the time, it helps me knowning im not the only one, because it feels like it sometimes.
i fully burst into tears when alayna was talking about what she’s dealing with and ashley was talking about how valid her experience is. i didn’t know how deeply i was going to resonate w alayna or appreciate what ashley responded with. thank you guys so much for being so open and vulnerable with us. i cant express how meaningful it is
I'm disabled and have been trying to get back into the rhythm of daily exercise after burning out at the end of the year with work and therapy. I really appreciated the vulnerability and realness. Thank you.
I became interested in this podcast because of Ashley. But now I’m a hardcore fan of all three of you and don’t think it would be the same if even one of you were not here. The balance of perspective is so enlightening. I hope this podcast will continue to evolve if you all feel it should. 💕
Hey Ashley, we have EDS in our house, two people, one disabled by it, and I totally recognize what you’re going thru. Thank you Chosen Family Podcast for sharing your lives!
ahhh okayyy! i saw the clips of the comphet q and was interested that Alayna cleared up that they realised what Mak described wasn't comphet but now i totally get why. Yes Mak actively choosing to have a fake crush to hide her true sexuality was because of a comphet environment/society but it wasn't because of subconscious comphet actions, which is what i think people think of when you say "comphet crush", like you were unaware that you were only "crushing" on the person because of comphet, because you thought you must be straight. very interesting to think of the different types of ways comphet crush can be interpreted
Ashley is the freaking bravest, she deserves a monument. And holly shit Alayna talking about she can't do anything not related to work/productivity, that has been my whole life and is a damned agony. I just want to say that what Alayna shared is by no means small, insignificant or weak. It is a struggle for a lot of people that have to make an effort to validate ourselves outside the things that make us feel productive. YOU MATTER OUTSIDE YOUR JOB AND PAYCHECK BRO, never forget that. Also happy as hell that Mak is gonna see her girlfriend. Long distance relatioships are super hard, hope they both have a wonderful time.
This felt healing. Thank you for being so honest about how hard chronic illness and mental health can be. I sometimes struggle with not allowing myself to feel how I feel because overall my life is going well but that doesn't mean you can't be struggling. Even if you've had it worse, even if other people have it worse, if you're struggling, you're struggling and you don't have to hide it or justify it or have everything to be going wrong for those struggles to be real. Feelings are valid, mental health issues are valid, chronic pain is real and it can all be really difficult. Thank you for being honest and open.
oh my gosh. i really didnt know i needed this today.. im blown away. i have several chronic illnesses and nearly died multiple times.. just got out of the hospital..two christmases in a row there...im so grateful i live in canada and healthcare is free because i wouldnt be alive if i was in the US...its impossibly hard just to survive let alone thrive
I relate so much to Alayna in this episode. Ashley saying, "Don't be so hard on yourself buddy..pal" after Alayna dismissed that she said anything helpful by explaining her anxiety and inability to fix it at the time, made me want that as a recording to listen to in tough mental state times.It's hard to feel genuine even commenting this because I have the same issue/strength as Alayna in being most critical to self, but so helpful, nurturing, and kind in other's mental health sharing. I want her to know, if she reads this that I so appreciate your being vulnerable on this, because wow the amount of times I've said I need to meditate and didnt..felt like a total imposter giving other's advice on mindfulness while I still so lack. To wrap it up, your words are important and we (& you) are doing the best we can ❤ so much love..also, I guess they fasted this meal 😅
To re-emphasise, Elena, what you said was INCREDIBLY helpful, comforting, validating and emotional. You're not the only one with the same struggle and now thanks to you, we others know that too and I'm thinking about ways I can reach out to my friends for support.
I feel so validated, hearing Ashley talk about looking at her future and realizing it is not going to be the same and she is going to have to work harder than her peers to just go day to day. I have fibromyalgia and I still struggle so much with the knowledge that I can't keep up with my peers, and they will not always understand when they look at me and see me struggling to just get from one day to the next. To me, I feel like it looks like I'm being lazy and not trying all that hard, when in reality, I'm pushing through so so much to get through that day. Thank you for talking about this stuff, Ashley ❤
Alayna should be a therapist. Always asking questions to dig deeper, giving very kind feedback, having the energy of every wonderful english teacher that you’re secretly in love with.
very that
Yes! I have thought that so many times, even when I was just watching Alayna’s channel.
i use her like therapy for me tbh
No but she is genuinely my therapy😂
One of this things is not like the others 🎶
Ashley's smirk to camera at Mak's joke about "filling in" has me dying with laughter. That look says "I don't know if I should be upset or proud."
A true parent‘s look…:D
whats the timestamp!!! i missed it :(
timestamp plsss
@@abadeerly 6:17
@@yasmim1661 6:17
This was such a meaningful episode filled with a necessary level of vulnerability for so many of us to feel heard. Alayna, nothing in your life is as important as you and your well-being. We’re all rooting for you! Mak, it’s a gift to know someone is doing genuinely well amidst the chaos this world brings. Ashley, you’re changing the lives of those with similar struggles and the way you immediately showed up for Alayna in the way she needed it in that moment - with validation and empathy - is what we need more of in this world. Thank you, guys for being here and for being who you are ❤. The more episodes you put out, the less this feels like entertainment and the more it feels like a kinship.
Aww this comment is so sweet and was almost my exact same reaction to this episode. It’s truly something special when people can come together and connect like this and genuinely establish a feeling of family. I WILL manifest beautiful souls like this in my life. ❤
This comment was perfectly worded
I wrote mine before I read any comments -but this one just said it so much better than I ever could! The feeling of having found my online-tribe and sitting around the table with all of you is so good! I am looking forward to the watch party for this episode over at the chosen familypatreon so much!
Great comment. I’m catching up on podcast eps bc I’ve been busy, but I was just diagnosed with Autism and the things that were talked about this episode really resonated with me
I’m trying so hard not to cry writing this, but Ashley, I know you think you’re pathetic for “breaking down” on a podcast, but so many people needed to hear what you had to say. Namely me. I have struggled with many chronic illnesses, the primary one being EDS for many years, i’ve had four surgeries in my life, and i’m only 18. Living with EDS is so hard and it often feels like nobody else gets it. Hearing your experience and you being vulnerable really touched my heart.
❤
THANK YOU!!! I retired 7 months ago and have hit the point where I have no idea who I am without my job. 50-60 hours a week for years. I cherished my time after being with coworkers patients and families all day. I lost all my social connections. Now at 62 I feel like I'm in my 20s figuring out who I am. The depth and honesty you 3 share with makes it less frightening to start reaching out. Thank you. You have no idea how valuable this podcast is and how you 3 touch lives. I'm crying now. Thank you
I love this 💕 Sending you lots of light and love
good luck glenn wishing you the best
Mak's ultimate baby moment was the little "I love you guys" 😀 40:10
Ashley is seriously so sweet and such an amazing friend. When she realized how bad Alayna was doing, she made as much of an effort as she could to help her. I've been in the same place as Alayna for the past half year and it's really hard. Seeing Alayna talk about it was definitely nice. I'm glad Alayna is doing better now! (She said so in her newest video on her channel.) I hope Ashley is doing better too, she just deserves so much and I want her to be happy
Dude, this episode was massively needed. Fuck, without even knowing it, you held up the mirror to alot of my issues and it's needed so thank you to all of you ❤️
I really needed to hear this today. Like Alayna, I've been on a downward spiral and while I'm fully aware, I just can't do anything about it. Hearing that for the time being, tying self- care into something that I HAVE to do rather than something I SHOULD do may just be the push I need to get out of this headspace.
Honestly, I want to thank the 3 of you for always allowing yourselves to be vulnerable with us. You guys could've easily scrapped this episode if you wanted and yet you chose to share it with us so that we knew we weren't alone in our own struggles. And the willingness to show us the good, the bad, and the ugly, does far more than you guys realize. To say I, or rather we, appreciate it, is a massive understatement. Thank you.
This is my favourite episode yet. Watching your vulnerability and the three of you supporting each other reinstated my faith in humans. We need more content like this. This is the family dinner table I wish I had modelled for me as a kid. You all rock 🤘
Same here, I don't have an irl support network so it's really eye opening to see it demonstrated like this
My fav ep so far too. Agree 💯 with you that this is the family dinner table we wish we had irl.
Agreed! Online community is so uplifting! And it’s a safe space we can tap into whenever we want -I love that about it! The episode will be rewatched a lot cause it is healing to see how they treat each other. It rubs of and comforts us all!❤
I 1000000% identify with what Alayna was saying. There's a point I feel overwhelmed and I stop doing things that are good for me like hiking, reading, going for walk, stop hanging out with my friends so, I get it. Alayna, you are not alone in this.
It is currently 3 AM where I’m at. Right before I looked at this TH-cam notification, I criticized how late I was staying up, but now I feel like there is a purpose I just didn’t realize until now 😂 this is that purpose
Alayna telling Ashley her feelings are valid and what she's talking about is important and relatable and then minutes later denying her own feelings is the epitome of anxiety. What Ashley said about one persons pain not negating or erasing the existence of other peoples pain is so incredibly important! Thank you guys
This feels like a therapy session in the best way possible
That frozen feeling Alayna is talking about .. is my daily feeling & I really wish I knew how to start.
This was a 5 star meal at the dinner table. Thankyou for feeding us the words a lot of people needed. ❤
Good loving comfort food
Yeah LOL it was.
It is very difficult to accept that you are no longer healthy when diagnosed with a chronic illness, and it is definitely a form of grieving. It is something that cannot be understood unless it happens to you and my friends/family have tried their best to be supportive but being in pain everyday is unimaginable and completely changes your life and how you approach living it. Thank you for this episode and this awesome podcast. I have thoroughly enjoyed it so far!
It's so true! My brain just can't come to terms that chronic illness is life long. It's hard not to default to the idea that if you can just find what's wrong you can fix it and be healthy again. ❤️
Thank you so much, all of you ❤ this is one of the best podcasts and it really does feel like our chosen family 🏳️🌈
As someone with a chronic health condition and anxiety/depression, this is an episode that hit so hard. So meaningful to see all of your vulnerability and how your support each other. Really impactful!
Same 💜
❤
I'm in such a bad situation mentally so seeing that everyone has hard times makes me feel better in the sense of not being alone and it's okay to have bad times. THank you for being so brave and honest! Sending hugs to everyone who needs em
Something that helps me when I'm having a bad time is remembering that I've had difficulties before & it didn't last forever. This too shall pass, dude
You are not alone. Let’s huddle together in this comment section and spread some warmth 😊. I also “liked” your comment, because it resonates so much with me. Whenever I feel seen in my struggles it takes some of the pressure and the burden away. This even happens when I watch our three family protagonists care for each other. It feels so good not feeling so lonely in these struggles.
Ashley is so wise! Hearing her advice to Alayna was so beautiful and it was such a good reminder to everyone to take care of themselves. Sending all the good vibes :)
Seeing Ashley cry made me cry and then seeing Alayna almost cry made me cry again, but I needed a good cry, I don't like crying because it gives me horrible headaches, but so much has been happening lately that I found myself constantly wanting to cry but avoiding it because how it makes me feels physically. This helped immensely to think about how I'm feeling and what to do to process it, it really helped.
Thank you so much, you guys. What you do is incredibly helpful. Big hug to all of you :)
This episode was so cathartic as someone who has chronic pain and PTSD, so thank you for being vulnerable your work here can save lives. (I’ve been there)
Alayna really is the accepting mom I never had and for years has been an encompassing figure of positivity and kindness for me, even in times when you're not okay. Hopefully now you've found a way to take care of yourself the way you care for others.
I relate so deeply to how Alayna is feeling. My anxiety has been so overwhelming lately and I’m dealing with the fact that my old coping mechanisms don’t work anymore and I cancel so many plans. I felt so heard and validated by this episode. Thank you all for being so open 💜
Melting down = opening up, it is inspiring. My chronic pain and mental health issues, realizing how much I have to do versus the people around me, I can get so hard on myself. I appreciate all 3 of you on this podcast, and I hope it feels like a safe place for y'all and anyone watching.
I'm very anxious rn and somehow hearing someone else talk about being anxious is so helpful
I have a chronic illness and it has been so relatable and inspiring to have representation from Ashley and for her to be vulnerable like this and share how hard it is. Thank you 🙏
Same!
Ashley, seeing someone with such a strong personality, who presents so self-assured, be OPEN about these challenges is incredibly affirming. Chronic illness is a bitch… and having a team to face the challenges helps a lot. I wish you all the best and Thank you for sharing - even the tough parts.
I'm still in the process of getting an EDS diagnosis, but Ashley hearing you talk about these things is so deeply comforting and validating and I'm extremely grateful that you have a space where you can safely speak about these things.
Thanks guys for opening up, it really means a lot. We love you ❤️💜💖
Ashley being so vulnerable was so refreshing to hear. I have two chronic illnesses that I’ve been dealing with since I was 14. This world isn’t built for people with chronic illnesses, just as Mak said, and it’s so hard fighting to just live pain free. I have to fight insurance constantly just to get the meds I need to stay out of the hospital. It’s so hard. So I’m sorry Ashley you are going through this, but thank you for opening up. From someone who understands at some level it’s nice knowing I’m not alone ❤
That even people who seem to have it all together, like Alayna, also struggle is always sad to see. I've been dealing with anxiety for some time now and your podcast has been my comfort watch for the last weeks. Hope things get better soon. Much love ❤
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST Ashley crying just... broke my goddamn heart. I am a VERY empathetic person, I am a "fixer," and it just broke my heart that there's nothing that I can do to help. But I hope you all know just how much we all love and support you; like I'm going through one of the absolute worst times in my life right now, and just listening to you guys joke and even talk seriously about things has helped my mood SO much. Like you guys will never know how much it means to me to know that just listening to this (and Ashley's other podcast) will make me laugh my ass off even when I'm freaking depressed
Everyone needs an Ashley in their life to tell them how special they are and their worth.
THIS is why representation is so important. My queerness is somehow one of the lowest things on the list of things you all validate in this podcast, I have had my anxiety, my attachment style, my communication, my priorities, and my sexuality all validated repeatedly since listening to this podcast. thank you.
Okay but after such a deep and emotional conversation, Ashley's joke and Mak's face at 31:37 really got me 💀💀⚰️
Ashley and Alana are so awesome for being vulnerable this week! I’m disabled with physical and mental issues and I attribute most of my resilience and pride to seeing other people talking about their struggles publicly. It helps reduce the shame and stigma and reminds people that really amazing cool and talented people struggle too. It’s incredibly important to see people you think are cool and attractive and living good lives talk about their struggles. People need this representation and you guys rock for providing it to your listeners!
literally only a few minutes in and hearing someone actually talk about the stress of having a chronic disability was really comforting to hear!! i am hypermobile with suspected hEDS and i was diagnosed when i was 2 but no one thought to tell me that until november 2022. so i'm only just now accepting that i am disabled and that this Is going to affect my work life and it's really reassuring to hear that someone else is going through it
This episode was amazing. I really needed this. Ashley, Alayna, Mak. Your openness and sharing is so validating. Chosen family indeed. I wish I had even a fraction of the acceptance and understanding you guys show in my life. I am so thankful that I have you now. Please never hide yourselves. The world needs more crying on podcasts 💜
This might be a video I save for a rainy day. The way you all support each other is so heartwarming! Every week you three bring a smile to my face to the point that it really does kinda feel like a family! This podcast helps me a lot just because you are courageous enough to be vulnerable and acknowledge your emotions as what they are. Please know that even though I'm just some enby accross the Atlantic, finding you three online has made significant changes in my life for the better and I genuinly love you for it. Sending some warm hugs your way! (if you consent of course)
"your problems dont invalidate other peoples problems" THANK YOU ASHLEY.. say it louder for the people in the back oh my gosh.. i get this ALL THE TIME. im in a wheelchair, my life is hard.. but that does not mean others dont have it hard..we all need to do life together and support each other in each others hard places.
Alayna.. you being real is an inspiration in itself. We dont need perfect.. we need to know our youtube friends/fam are struggling with the same things we are. . I dont know you the way Ashley does but i can see just from watching your youtube journey how accurate her words about you are. I had a friend give me a similar pep talk yesterday and im glad Ashley was there to do the same you my friend yesterday said "I need you to be kind to my friend Julia because Julia needs kindness" so ill say the same to you "We need you to be kind to our friend Alayna Joy.. shes worth it and she deserves the kindness she spreads to others"
Damn I am crying with Ashley. I have chronic pain too and I started sobbing when she said that main main took out the trash for her. Healthy people don’t know how much little things like that take out of us, and how much it means when somebody does those little things to support us. We love and support you Ashley❤❤❤
so ik i`m on my period but bro i just started tearing up when ashley started telling alayna how good of a person and how important she is .. ugh idk if any of yall are gonna ever see this but you guys have really helped me.. i appretiate the safe place yall created for everyone longing for queer folks... thank u guys, truly
multiple months late to this podcast but as someone who has diagnosed anxiety and is currently going through the testing process for both ADHD and chronic pain conditions this was much needed
I often feel so stuck and paralyzed like Alayna and like Ashley said, realizing that I'm going to be in pain for the rest of my life, most likely getting worse over time, is so hard
physical and emotional/mental pain were never part of the plan and now I have to re-invsion my future
thank you all so much❤
watching this while eating brunch is the best wednesday morning i could have imagined
Agreed, I'm going to have to do re-run Wednesday brunches when they take a brake.
and gay
Just jumping in to tell Alayna how incredibly helpful her vulnerability was in this episode ❤
Alayna we all love you so so much!! Don’t rush yourself. And thank you for being vulnerable!! This is not taken for granted❤
As an early 30-something woman with EDS who also recently had the realization that this pain is what the rest of my life is going to look like, I'm so grateful for Ashley talking about it. Representation matters and I didn't know how much I need to know that I'm not alone. Even though I hate that anyone else has to have this experience. Thank you for being so vulnerable.
what alayna is talking about is so relatable to me. anxiety is debilitating, and things like therapy, and putting in work towards healing reveal wounds and reveal things that end up becoming physically disabling.
even though i rationally know talking to friends will help, my instinct is always to isolate.
i'm thinking though that trauma is stored in the body so this makes sense.
another thing is, i forget that the human experience is so unique, and just because I can't explain something to someone, or nobody relates, does not take away from my humanly and bodily experience.
more power to alayna, thank you for talking about this.
As someone who has felt a lot of emptiness lately, I love listening to this as if it's my own friend group having a conversation. Thank you❤️
I have chronic back pain with sciatica, chronic migraines, endometriosis, PCOS, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. I was lying in a weird serpentine position on my belly trying to ice my back while listening to this, and when Ashley started talking about asking main-babes to take out the trash, I started crying. It really is that hard sometimes, where the basic stuff is too much and I feel like I want spinal fusion and a full hysterectomy and whatever else I can add or remove to get rid of these horrible things. But Alayna’s right - I’m the “sick friend” who needs to hear more about chronic pain issues. And Ashley’s right - I need an effing meditation/yoga buddy. And Mak is right - I need to focus on what’s going well in my life. Mother, Father, hot baby brother: you’re all doing an amazing job with this podcast. I had no idea how much I needed this 🖤
I totally get where Ashley is coming from with being disabled. My health issues blew up in 2013 with two small stokes and being diagnosed with stage three kidney disease, which is now at stage four. My wife was and is my rock. At that time we didn't have reliable transportation so she would walk 18 miles, one way, to work to make sure we had money for my blood pressure meds. I felt completely useless. I was only 44 at the time. We have been together 21 years now and I feel fortunate that she is so supportive and understanding. The strokes caused some residual dizziness that will just creep up out of nowhere and I have comprehension issues so she usually makes sure to accompany me to doctor visits and such. I don't struggle with feeling useless anymore because I do the things that I can and understand my limitations. We have a good life together with our fur babies, Hazel and Sugar Bear. This podcast is one thing I look forward to each week. I was a fan of each one you already, the three of y'all together.....Fucking Magic!!!
Alayna it was super hard for me to start my spiritual practice as well. It’s easier to sit with the anxiety than try to change it because the thought of that creates more anxiety. What I did: set an alarm for each day of the week when I knew I’d be at home and told myself I’d dedicate only five minutes to meditation. Only five minutes. It doesn’t have to be sit down meditation, you can decide that your spiritual practice that day will be walking and connecting with nature or writing or just finding a way to get in touch with your highest self. Some days it’s actually only five minutes, some days it turns into an hour and then an hour of free writing and then hour of nature walking. There are just some periods of time where it feels so much more genuine. But on the days where it doesn’t, I sit there for five minutes and consider how I’m feeling and simply come up with a few things I’m grateful for. Set a timer for five minutes, some days I can’t turn it off quick enough and continue being an anxious train wreck. Some days I’m super grateful that I made it a priority.
Ashley, I still go to school. I'm still a teenager. I'm still young. I get bullied, have so many mental disorders and physical disorders and doctors, that I've lost count. I used to be religious until the bullying started. I thought I was an Atheist because I didn't want to believe g-d gave me such a bad hand in the universe. After hearing you share how you feel, I feel less alone. I'm in fucking tears. I've had to move because my bullying got so bad. For the first time in almost a year, I don't feel completely alone. Thank you so so much. I'm going to NYC as soon as I can to see you perform at Sunday Sqool. Thank you for just being you. I felt like a nerd, so I watched your computer science videos and felt less alone. Throughout the years, you're one of the only things that has kept me from acting on bad thoughts. You've probably unknowingly saved my life 3-7 times. Thank you. I've gone through a breaking point after watching this. I'm going to survive. I'm going to be ok. Thank you for saving me. Thank you, Ashley Gavin. (This sounds like a mixture between a speech, a poem, and a therapy session, so ignore that).
"You will always struggle with not feeling productive until you accept that your own joy can be something you produce. It is not the only thing you will make, nor should it be, but it is something valuable and beautiful." - from A Beautifully Foolish Endeavour by Hank Green
I know Alayna is in a better place now from her recent TH-cam videos but I figured she and everyone here could use this reminder. I had it as my phone lock screen for like a year to remind myself
this got me to punch my anxiety and send my friend a text message. thank you lesbians
As someone who struggles with anxiety, I really appreciated what you shared Alayna. Never minimize your struggles or your positive impact by being vulnerable and sharing them ❤
8 minutes in and crying. I'm 27 and have had severe back and leg pains since I was 24. Finally saw a spinal surgeon a few months ago and got some extra scans done. I've got degenerative disc disease, schmorl's nodes, scoliosis, bursitis and sciatica. My back is literally that of someone 3x my age. All he said is that it's not bad enough for surgery so now I just have to take my cocktail of meds every single day, go to work and then come home and go straight to bed. I don't have any energy or anything left after work and I only work 5 hours 5 days a week. I'm in Australia and although it's much cheaper here, the medical system still sucks 😕
for anyone who is feeling down or hit rock bottom. im really sorry. you are so strong, its going to get to get better. take advantage of life... don't let life take advantage of you. it is very hard.
Hey!
Just to tie into the tons of comments that Ashley already expected. Thank you!
There needs to be more content like this! I have been following you each individually for a while now, and just seeing you come together having open conversations about these things is amazing. I only started listening to episode one two days ago because it randomly showed up on my for you page and now that I've reached this episode I couldn't be more grateful about this content. To throw my own pity party: I struggle with BPD, Depression, ED, and anxiety, and as if today am in treatment because I've felt really suicidal and out of control. Listening to your conversations is helping so freaking much, I can't even put it into words. So thank you. Thank you for giving me a reason to keep going, so that I'll be able to engage in my own life and experience all those things again. I know it's not easy to open up. And I know it's even harder to be able to reflect and realize that things are going wrong and that you need help. And I know that it's the hardest to actually do something about it. Hearing that from you people. It's like a big, gay wake up call. The reminder I needed. Major thanks.
Alayna, the executive dysfunction and feeling frozen and unable to get myself to just DO THE THING when I know it’ll help was so relatable. I’m so glad you shared so much with us
I appreciate you guys talking about EDS and anxiety. I struggle with both of those things and it's nice to not feel alone.
Jeez I didn't expect to cry in the first 10 minutes. But if this whole community is a chosen family then it only fits that some days we're laughing together and other days we're having serious conversations and tearing up. I can tell that Ashley isn't the most comfortable being vulnerable online, but I really appreciate her talking about her chronic illness because like you all said, it's something that not many people understand.
Thank you guys for this episode of vulnerability and support. It makes me remember the importance of having good friendships in life. ❤️❤️❤️
Ashley: At 19, my friend/roommate was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. The grief of losing the life she imagined for herself was torturous for her. Over a decade later, I'm sure it's still hard for her. But she is living a Rockstar life striving for and achieving her dreams.
My heart goes out to you, and my friend and everyone who deals with debilitating conditions. 💖
Ashley, as someone who has lived with severe chronic illness for a few years now (and moderate illness since 2015) it’s a MASSIVE adjustment. (I have Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, Endometriosis, and Multiple Chemical Sensitivity).
There was so much grieving initially. And many parts of my life that I lost are a continual source of grief and sadness for me.
The “is this my life now forever?” thoughts are real. Even with the permanence of my conditions, I will say that the violent intensity of the emotional and physical experience has lessened over the years.
Humans are so adaptable, and you will find ways to make things a little more comfortable and pleasant at each stage / moment. Even though I can no longer work or travel or socialize in groups, I have found new hobbies, new friends, and new ways to enjoy the moments of my days within my limitations. It’s really not as bleak as it felt in the beginning.
I also super appreciated that you highlighted the difference that money makes to the experience of chronic illness. I burned through my savings with so many holistic therapies, supplements and retreats , then racked up a ton of debt, especially as I became more and more unable to work. I spent a year and a half being financially supported by my best friend (rent, groceries, utilities, etc) until I finally got onto disability support (AISH). Now I just have access to the medical services that are covered by Alberta Health, which is very narrow in the scope of chronic illness management.
Just wanted to say that I can 100% relate to the thoughts you are experiencing, and appreciate you sharing your experience. It does get better (if not physically, in mindset). ❤️
Ashley sharing about chronic pain and Alayna sharing about struggling for self care are both genuinely helpful and inspiring, I'm going to start doing my PT exercises again
Thank you so much for sharing, Alayna. I'm going through something similar, where if it's not for work I won't do anything else, cancel appointments and being constantly anxious. Well, THAT'S called CRIPPLING ANXIETY, folks, it's not just being merely lazy. Thanks again for speaking about it.
Also lots of love to Ashley, I, too, get excited by any new content from you, you're hilarious and such a sweet piece of shit 🖤
... And Mak, keep going! 💪
Def started crying when Ashley started crying, talking about needing help while in a flare. I felt that so hard. And I really appreciate hearing someone talk about it.
16:37 Ashley saying that your brain tells you the opposite of what you should do sometimes is so true. I’ve been pretty sporadic about taking my meds (anxiety and antidepressants) for months now and I’ve been feeling like shit the whole time, but when it comes time to take them at night I have to put extra effort into actually getting up and doing it because my brain is like “ehh you don’t need to you’re good”
I don't have EDS but I followed a TH-camr over a decade ago who openly documented her experience with it when she could even though her and her husband's channel was about K-POP and Korea and language. I didn't realize at the time that I had a different chronic illness, much less more than one, but I still appreciated and admired her willingness to share and be so vulnerable and open about what her experience truly is. TH-cam has been my favorite platform for most of my life because of the authenticity I can find here. So thank you for being vulnerable. Thank you for being authentic, through crying AND joking to lighten the mood. Thank you so much for working to be truly who you are, in everything you do, in all of your gay, traumatized, chronic, hilarious, genuine, beautiful glory. It is people like you that give others hope to keep moving forward. Every single person who keeps going, who keeps trying, who shows who they are even when it's hard, is helping someone else keep going even if they don't realize it.
So, if you don't already know and you happen to see my comment floating among the hundreds, YOU ARE SO F***ING HILARIOUS; YOU ARE SO F***ING REAL; YOU ARE SO. F***ING. APPRECIATED.
I've been binge re-watching the pod.. and this episode still hits and I'm so proud of u ashley ik it's difficult to be vulnerable about smth that's isolating.. sending u love
Thank you for sharing what's going on in your lives. I relate both to the chronic pain and anxiety stuff as well as the struggling with lack of motivation/spark to get to action. This episode made me feel so validated just hearing about other people, especially quite successful people whom I look up to, going through similar challenges.
You don't have to try to help us overcome all our challenges and some can't even be solved. Just recognition is more than enough, along with a family hug. It is exactly what this episode felt like to me. 🤗
Mental health can be absolutely challenging because it needs to be maintained and you can never give it for granted.
I loved this content so much, it's actually my favourite episode. I felt seen, understood, heard and validated from all three of you. I love y'all and what you do for us 🫂
Alayna's right, Ashley shouldn't feel embarrassed or anything to share her troubles and battles and how hard it is. We need more people being honest on the internet so that others can finally relate to someone and understand how strong they are
Alayna stop demeaning yourself you beautiful human being
I'm watching this before going to work because I was feeling too anxious to get myself out the door this morning and needed something to distract me for a moment so this episode really came at the perfect time. I appreciate you sharing how you're doing, it made me feel less alone in this.
7:05 Ashley, thank you so much for being vulnerable about this. I was diagnosed with "benign hypermobile joint disorder", which is like less severe EDS. I don't need braces all the time, and I've learned, for better or worse, to position myself so that I don't have spontaneous subluxations/dislocations. That said, I've been in pain throughout my entire adult life. Everything hurts, all the time, and it really does take a toll on my mood, my ability to focus, my ability to connect with others. The past few weeks have been really rough, because I had a severe pain flare up that I don't think I've felt in over a year. This weekend, it was so bad that I was trembling and on the verge of sobbing. It's gotten better since then, but I had to cancel plans and take a step back in life. It definitely made me realize I need to actually see the pain management doctor my rheum referred me to a few years ago. I didn't have the time or resources then to follow through, but I feel like I do now. Sometimes, we just don't realize how much pain we're in and the toll it takes until it either gets really bad, or you're just suddenly not in pain and think, "Wow, is this how people normally feel?"
I know I’m 3 months late, but I just discovered this channel after finding Ashley’s stand up. I have been having a REALLY difficult time lately, family members substance abuse, my own physical disability, my own sexuality, learning to work with my ADHD and not against it. I have never resonated with an episode more than this one. Absolutely Alayna, just sharing that you have anxiety is so helpful. I have had 25 surgeries (mostly spinal) since I was 10 years old and now left with nerve damage and chronic pain. Thank you three so much for creating this podcast! I ❤ my chosen family! 😊😊
Seeing Ashley cry made me wanna cry too, because I think I'm struggling with EDS as well (I'm 20) and some other conditions. Being young and being in constant pain everyday (some days more than others) it's so exhausting. Seeing someone that I learned how to appreciate dealing with the same problems as me helps me to accept my struggles as well. Sometimes, when you don't feel like you have any representation at all, you can feel hopeless. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Ashley.
Also, with Alayna, I completely get it. As a neurodivergent person (I'm autistic and ADHDer), dealing with executive dysfunction it's complicated. Some people may think that it's because "you're lazy" or say thinks like "but just do it, it's not that hard", without knowing that your brain is literally holding back your body to initiate a task that you know you need to do, getting to a point being paralyzed by how overwhelm you feel. Thank you for sharing as well, Alayna. As Ashley said, you bring so much value to the world without noticing.
Alayna is so caring. Its hard for me to comprehend that there are people that kind and understanding out there.
I’ve recently been really struggling with anxiety and Alena really but my thoughts into words and made me feel so much less alone. This episode was so meaningful, seeing everyone talk about their struggles and being so real. Thank you guys for sharing this with us I hope you know how many people you’ve helped :)
As someone who deals with chronic illness and has gone/ is going through the whole thing, I hope Ashley understands how much it means for her to be so honest about her experiences. It is hard. It is so hard especially when you've been "normal' your whole life. And it will continue to be hard, but all these challenges that are thrown our way shape us into who were meant to be. If i was reading this 1.5 years ago I'd say that's complete bs, but you have to believe this is how things have to be or you'll fall into nihilism. You have to go through the hard things but there's a beauty in seeing your own resilience and who you will become afterwards. There's a beauty in every little thing that shapes you into who you are. We love and support you Ashley
I am only 10 minutes into the podcast, but I have to say…. Thank you so much, Ashley, for being open and vulnerable. People with chronic pain and invisible disabilities are suffering mostly in silence. Your openness about EDS is reassuring to me and likely others because we feel less alone when we see the people we turn to for comfort going through something that is so dismissed in society. It is so important to see this representation. I can’t speak for everyone else, but I thank you for being open about your health even when it can feel embarrassing or frustrating. So much respect and support for you. Chronic pain is no joke and I am so thankful that you continue to put out content despite the struggles you are facing. As someone with chronic pain, it is inspiring and reassuring to me to keep going despite the roadblocks I face daily. Much love to the three of you ❤ The conversations you all have are so helpful and comforting. You all provide insight and conversations that are so important, and I appreciate you all! Also it’s 4 am so sorry for the rambling
This is actually the first time I am commenting on a video but this podcast nearly brought me to tears. I figured out I was a lesbian nearly a year ago and came out to my friends. Fortunately they were extremely supportive and have been my chosen gay family. My parents are progressive or atleast that is how they seem but I am too scared to come out because I know that it will tear apart the family and the way we used to function will change. Around the time I realised I was gay, I was hit with a BAD period of depression. Luckily I was able to get the help I needed but since then and the stress of my final year of school and the uncertainty of my future, I have been really dipping in and out. I relate so much to how I cannot do anything for myself and for my health if I can't justify it as a way that it will help my studies. I would forget to take care of my body and would fall ill. And because I was ill, I wouldn't be able to study and then it would cause a whole downward spiral. I have been watched all of your channels individually before this podcast announced. Alayna's video when she came out as a lesbian was actually one of the videos that helped me realise that I was gay and just trapped in a vicious cycle of comphet. I soon found Mak's channel and it felt like I had someone my age who had lived a wildly different life that what I was living but I could see their struggles and could find some solace in that. I found Ashley through her comedy and in some of my darkest times they made me laugh. And listening to this podcast late at night it made me feel less alone. Thank you for that. Thank you.
Alayna you probably won´t read this comment, but I need to tell you that listening to you describing what you are going throung was reallyyyyy reassuring. I`m a med student and facing the exactly the samething as you, but I didn´t have the courage to face it and admit it, so for the bottom of my heart: Thank u for showing me that my feelings are valid and I need to treat my self with kindness
Ashley, I broke my leg in Sept pretty severely and recovery has been the second hardest thing in my life,. Number one is losing my mom to suicide. Now my current circumstances also include heartbreak and major job issues and financial issues with insurance, bills, etc ... but I could not have gotten through this alone. (still getting through it). My brother has lots of chronic and mystery illness and I hear you so loud and clear. You are not alone and thank you for being open and sharing.
It’s nice to feel like we’re just sitting in a room with our friends, talking about their lives ❤
Trust me, alayna this was SO helpful. As an anxious person who has to cancel plans all the time, it helps me knowning im not the only one, because it feels like it sometimes.
i fully burst into tears when alayna was talking about what she’s dealing with and ashley was talking about how valid her experience is. i didn’t know how deeply i was going to resonate w alayna or appreciate what ashley responded with. thank you guys so much for being so open and vulnerable with us. i cant express how meaningful it is
I'm disabled and have been trying to get back into the rhythm of daily exercise after burning out at the end of the year with work and therapy. I really appreciated the vulnerability and realness. Thank you.
I became interested in this podcast because of Ashley. But now I’m a hardcore fan of all three of you and don’t think it would be the same if even one of you were not here. The balance of perspective is so enlightening. I hope this podcast will continue to evolve if you all feel it should. 💕
Hey Ashley, we have EDS in our house, two people, one disabled by it, and I totally recognize what you’re going thru. Thank you Chosen Family Podcast for sharing your lives!
ahhh okayyy! i saw the clips of the comphet q and was interested that Alayna cleared up that they realised what Mak described wasn't comphet but now i totally get why. Yes Mak actively choosing to have a fake crush to hide her true sexuality was because of a comphet environment/society but it wasn't because of subconscious comphet actions, which is what i think people think of when you say "comphet crush", like you were unaware that you were only "crushing" on the person because of comphet, because you thought you must be straight.
very interesting to think of the different types of ways comphet crush can be interpreted
Ashley is the freaking bravest, she deserves a monument. And holly shit Alayna talking about she can't do anything not related to work/productivity, that has been my whole life and is a damned agony. I just want to say that what Alayna shared is by no means small, insignificant or weak. It is a struggle for a lot of people that have to make an effort to validate ourselves outside the things that make us feel productive. YOU MATTER OUTSIDE YOUR JOB AND PAYCHECK BRO, never forget that.
Also happy as hell that Mak is gonna see her girlfriend. Long distance relatioships are super hard, hope they both have a wonderful time.
This felt healing. Thank you for being so honest about how hard chronic illness and mental health can be. I sometimes struggle with not allowing myself to feel how I feel because overall my life is going well but that doesn't mean you can't be struggling. Even if you've had it worse, even if other people have it worse, if you're struggling, you're struggling and you don't have to hide it or justify it or have everything to be going wrong for those struggles to be real. Feelings are valid, mental health issues are valid, chronic pain is real and it can all be really difficult. Thank you for being honest and open.
Alayna is really good at empathizing and feeling extremely nonjudgmental. I appreciate her intentional education on topics and openness to listen.
oh my gosh. i really didnt know i needed this today.. im blown away. i have several chronic illnesses and nearly died multiple times.. just got out of the hospital..two christmases in a row there...im so grateful i live in canada and healthcare is free because i wouldnt be alive if i was in the US...its impossibly hard just to survive let alone thrive
I relate so much to Alayna in this episode. Ashley saying, "Don't be so hard on yourself buddy..pal" after Alayna dismissed that she said anything helpful by explaining her anxiety and inability to fix it at the time, made me want that as a recording to listen to in tough mental state times.It's hard to feel genuine even commenting this because I have the same issue/strength as Alayna in being most critical to self, but so helpful, nurturing, and kind in other's mental health sharing. I want her to know, if she reads this that I so appreciate your being vulnerable on this, because wow the amount of times I've said I need to meditate and didnt..felt like a total imposter giving other's advice on mindfulness while I still so lack. To wrap it up, your words are important and we (& you) are doing the best we can ❤ so much love..also, I guess they fasted this meal 😅
To re-emphasise, Elena, what you said was INCREDIBLY helpful, comforting, validating and emotional. You're not the only one with the same struggle and now thanks to you, we others know that too and I'm thinking about ways I can reach out to my friends for support.
I feel so validated, hearing Ashley talk about looking at her future and realizing it is not going to be the same and she is going to have to work harder than her peers to just go day to day. I have fibromyalgia and I still struggle so much with the knowledge that I can't keep up with my peers, and they will not always understand when they look at me and see me struggling to just get from one day to the next. To me, I feel like it looks like I'm being lazy and not trying all that hard, when in reality, I'm pushing through so so much to get through that day. Thank you for talking about this stuff, Ashley ❤