These betrayal videos are helping me alot. My heart is broken. I tried to walk away and thought I could handle it, but I have all of these symptoms, and the worst part of it all is I cant even talk to him about it. I feel like I lost my best friend, and now I think he never even existed.
Betrayal trauma can feel so insidious, intangible and confusing. It’s important to understand how it’s showing up in your life and try to make sense of two very different truths: 1) I loved my partner and we had a relationship 2) that partner deeply hurt and betrayed me Both can co-exist.
Wow and that’s a big wake up when you feel that you may have never known your partner. I discovered that many years after breaking up and it was a eye opener, but at the same time help to put closer of this muster about her that kept me tied to her all these years wondering why she did this and that..
My wife had an affair through social media and with a co worker for a lengthy time it’s been very traumatic experience. We tried to make it work but sometimes it was paralyzing. Currently separated 9 months later and trying to work on myself. Your videos have been very helpful. I still try to make sense of the whole situation
I’m so sorry to hear about all the pain you’ve had to endure through this betrayal. In addition to my TH-cam content I have several blog articles on infidelity, why it happens and some stories of couples healing post infidelity. I also have an online course that discussed some of that, as well.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
I really appreciate all your videos. They represent exactly how I feel after being betrayed by partner with lying, sneaky behavior behind my back. It gets minimized because it's claimed not to be "full blown cheating" and yet, it all still feels like it. Betrayal is betrayal. And I am now trying to regain trust with him, but it is very hard because triggers or feelings of inadequacy pop up and sometimes the partner can't understand the connection between their actions and your now hyper-vigilance. Your videos are so intelligently on target. Thank you so much.
@@KristinSnowden hey Kristen I am going through a discard and also betrayal trauma. I stuck by my spouse and lived by myself for a year and a half while he refused to go to a treatment facility but instead stayed with his mother and would come to visit on weekends. She was able to stay with him at all times Etc I did not agree with it but it seemed to be going well but of course there would be times and we would argue and I would worry that he was using at the end of the day it turns out that I was correct all those times and of course it was gaslighting and all that stuff. Fast forward and now he has decided that he can't be in this relationship because he cannot get clean in this quote environment. While he he agrees that his addiction has molded the way that I treated him and are fighting he still states that I should work on myself and that he can't promise me anything in the future because he he needs to heal himself. My mind has not stopped since May it is now September almost and I'm constantly wondering was he ever happy. I will say he has been good in talking to me as I'm experiencing the symptoms of betrayal trauma and constantly asking questions. I guess I just don't understand how this seems to have turned on me for having stuck by him. Why wouldn't he even say something like if in the future you're every single I would love to be with you again if I got myself right I feel like this was a cop out even though yes he is very sick but seems to be doing a lot better which is a great for him but also hurts very much that he never did that when he was here and saw how her I was with it but all the while was saying he would change and wanted to for me and him
This doesn’t pertain to everyone but, watch out for the same type of people lying, cheating and sneaking around in 12 step groups such as SLA and CODA with unsuspecting recovery buddies. They hide their dishonesty behind anonymity principles and no cross talk rules. Still doing what they've always done without accountability, all the while talking as if they're doing the work. Make sure you're in a group with transparency and ability to talk with each other
I would strongly encourage you to check out the free and helpful resources for betrayed partners at WeTonglen, SexandRelationshipHealing.com, my website KristinSnowden.com and many of the other resources listed on my website. The more you can surround yourself with a helpful, understanding, supportive community, the faster you’ll heal.
Did you ever heal? I'm 36 weeks currently, and I find it hard every day. I've lost myself. My reality has been shattered. I feel like I bamboozled myself, and now I hate myself and him. I started realizing something was wrong as my body started to reject him. Anytime he would come near me or physically put a hand on me, my body felt so uncomfortable. I started to hate being near him. Then I started to be angry, and now im just so upset. I feel triggered by him, and he doesn't even have to say a word to me. His presence just pisses me off.
1.Set non negioatable boundary’s. Define what sobriety looks like. 2. Establish Consequences list. 3. Setting emotional boundaries. Support for yourself. 4. Physical & sexual boundaries. What do you feel safe with? 5. Set Boundaries with people, places & things. 6. Oops .. establish self care list. Activities, what makes you feel safe. Thank you for sharing your years of education & knowledge & validating our reality.
I just went through another staggered discovery last month and I feel like something broke in me and I can’t get out of the house and I’m so scared and begging God to rescue me...the first time I was faced with the discovery was almost 19 years ago
I totally understand you I hope you are a little better I have been going through all this for most of my 32 yrs marriage I didn’t leave I was scared not knowing what to do I m so broken I really prefer to die at this point I don’t care about life anymore
That’s why I always encourage betrayed partners to get Into a community of other betrayed partners so they can rekindle their instincts and engage in safe, validating relationships with others who understand betrayal trauma.
He agreed to get help and then violated the rules by saying he had a sponsor… but I couldn’t talk to that person… big red flag! He never did get honest… to this day I’m blamed for his inappropriate actions… he had no remorse! I believe he is a criminal!
You’re not alone in that response. It’s a survival coping skill. Perhaps you may benefit from some trauma treatments like EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) or IFS (internal family systems). Or engage a free support group like WeTonglen or SexandRelationshipHealing.com
I guess I’m curious how anyone could stay with someone who betrayed them so terribly. I found out in January my partner was cheating for months with a coworker. I kicked her out and went straight to divorce, yes I loved her and yes this has been traumatic. We were together 14 years. Am I weird? I just can’t see being with someone I can never trust again.
You are absolutely not weird. Everyone gets to decide whether someone’s transgressions/betrayal are too much to overcome. Everyone is different. The acts of betrayal are different. But just as you wouldn’t want to be judged for choosing to end the relationship, those who try to stay and repair wouldn’t want to be judged. Everyone has their own journey. But I appreciate you sharing your story. I hope you find healing no matter if you’re in or out of a relationship. Betrayal is deeply painful. I’m sorry you’ve experienced it.
You did the right thing. She did not love you or she would have never done what she did. We don't need to mentally torture ourselves any further than that. If you yourself have a steady heart then God will Bless you with something or someone better (if you want that). If not, you are still okay. I'm a wife who was betrayed so to be very frank I don't actually like or Trust guys all that much but I can appreciate and relate to the Pain you have been going through. May you find Peace through Healing. God Bless. Take Care.
For context, imagine being a mom with three kids, raising your family. Being 100% ALL IN…😕 then finding out: he “messed up”… (I know that’s why I stayed … or thought if I just tried harder in the relationship, he wouldn’t hurt me and lie to me or our kids any more… boy, was I wrong. 💔😢)
@@nataliatrumpo3893 The very reason they CHEAT & LIE the first time is the same reason they will cheat and lie again and again. And that Reason is their Selfishness and Lack of Empathy. It's called Narcissism too. Your Marriage and their Cheating is all about THEM. You and the kids were never really his Priority. It was always Me, Myself & I. You and the Kids were just in there to make him look good to the neighbors, friends, his boss and coworkers and also those women he was going to eventually cheat with. Lots to gain there for him. Nothing unfortunately for you and the kids. Just a cardboard Placeholder for a husband and a Father. Even Lifeless Scarecrows do a better job. At least they try to keep the flying intruders and thieves from stealing the harvest. I'm sorry you had to go through it. Hope it's behind you. I have two kids. Went through the same thing so I do feel you.
I had a long distance marriage for 17 years and dreamt of being with him ..at last I moved and found out he had been having an affair ..there was no disclosure or conversation except to blame and gaslight me..he lied to me that our house was being sold so I found a condo and he was lying and told me he just wanted to get “rid” of me and to jump off the balcony if I was going to cry ..he left to be with her…I wish Kirsten you could do a video on this situation ..it is an endless open wound ..I have no money for therapy..sometimes it seems suicide is the only way to escape this pain and sadness…incredible sadness…I am trying to heal but it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever faced
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Oh my God! Please don't let yourself go their. He was a POS whereas you are a loyal, trusting soul. It was his loss. Not yours. Just let go of him. Your life is too precious to squander over the worthless PO💩
Thankyou for understanding...this is the worst pain & grief I have ever been through..Don’t know if the hurt truly goes. I’m still struggling 3 years after he left with his affair woman who was also married with children..We were married 30 years .
I’m so sorry. It is absolutely devastating. In this article I wrote I discuss how divorce after infidelity is a much different experience than divorce, in general. www.kristinsnowden.com/amp/2017/11/16/the-myths-realities-of-divorce-after-betrayal I would encourage you to find a support group. Perhaps women at WeTonglen can be supportive.
Or being ghosted without warning or explanation by my previously loving partner, then discovering that the partner has pathologoical naricissm and manipulated you for the entire relationship.this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Pathological narcissism is devastating. My ex-husband is one and I may have survived the experience, but it took YEARS for the hyper vigilance to subside. I never fully recovered and neither did my kids. We are better, but I still have to work through the recurring day and nightmares. I’m still pissed that I’m paying dearly for his sociopathic behavior, not just mentally but also financially and emotionally, relationship-wise... Name it. I’m so sorry I’m not alone in this, and for the pain you suffered from that monster. I’m not sure if it helps you, but you’re not alone in this.
I’ve been going through the cycle of discovery over and over for the past 19years and I can barely get out of bed now. I have severe ptsd and I need help to get out of my house and marriage. Please pray and I can’t find any help on these videos for spouses like me who have gone through this for decades. If I can go back in time I would have gotten out right away...No one in my family or friendships understand and my husband won’t protect me even though..my husband won’t leave even though he knows he triggers panic attacks if I see him or hear his voice so he lives in the office next door and uses the garage for work and I am trapped inside my house trying to avoid being triggered...Please pray he will leave please please! I stayed together for our kids and wish I had never taken antidepressants because it masked how terrible being in this marriage has been...stay away from drugs and get away to a safe place till you get stronger. Have family or friends stay with you if you have kids and get him out of the house. God was my biggest help and showed me to get a divorce back in 2011 and if I had obeyed I wouldn’t be so broken and weak and in pain ...God will help me but I haven’t protected myself! I had staggered discoveries and that ruined every time I would start getting strong! It ruined me the most!
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
I just got out of a 40 yr horrible marriage… life is so wonderful without him in it. I did the same, stayed for the kids . Now they are supporting me in ending it and I am free. I hope you have found help and hope. It’s possible to get your life back.
So glad you’ve been benefiting from the videos. I’m actually not on any insurance panels, unfortunately. But I do my best to add great content here, for free, for everyone.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Hi. There are many support groups for betrayed partners. WeTonglen and sexandrelationshiphealing.com have several free options. There are also 12 step groups like Prodependence anonymous
This is the world I am living in, where a person who is betraying with a manipulated mind is not being taken care and treated of ? and the person going through painful trauma has to cure himself. Should the world not teach the betrayers ? should they not be punished ?
Hopefully it goes without saying that anyone who’s hurting others should seek help and heal from whatever is causing them to lie, cheat, manipulate and/or harm others. However, we only have control of ourselves. We can’t change anyone. So once we’ve been harmed by another’s betrayal, we can only work to heal ourselves (and maybe appeal to our loved one to get the help they need, but one can never make that happen for another).
how can the betrayed even entertain a plan to stay in these relationships or attempt to fix them? I find this incredibly difficult to believe once trust has been breached you can go back
After my betrayal trauma: I automatically second guess men who tell me their wife cheated on them. I ALWAYS now wonder in the back of my head: "Well... were you looking at porn constantly and gaslighting her? Was her affair a desperate attempt at 'revenge' towards you?" Not that that would make it ok... but I see it constantly. Men who look at porn and tell their wife "All men do it" and so eventually--- she seeks out another mans affection. Because if YOU are allowed to use other people for your sexual needs... why isn't she?
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
It's not just this. I learned the hard way that a man that experiences betrayal trauma can become a cheater himself if he hasn't properly healed. But let's not justify cheating.
Through the therapist directories under iitap.org and apsats.com. Iitap trains CSATs and APSATs trains therapists to understand all the nuances of couples therapy when there’s betrayal involved.
An additional, complementary resource for your therapy would be my online library of educational videos on curriculum exercises. It’s called Resiliency, recovery and Relationships. I’ve had couples complete it together and say it’s extremely eye-opening and helpful to their healing process. www.kristinsnowden.com/resilience-recovery-relationships
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
I hope you did the right thing and Divorced her. I am a wife who was betrayed and I am all for spousal support normally but I don't believe cheaters should get any financial support or benefits at all. Half the time they tag you along while cheating behind your back just so they can get the money at the time of Divorce. Shameful and disgraceful to say the least. I see no end to this until and unless we as a Society make Adultery illegal and Punishable. Does anyone really believe that classifying Adultery as a petty Class B misdemeanor with a maximum penalty of up to just 3 months imprisonment and a laughable $500 fine is going to dissuade / deter anyone from committing adultery, much less make up for the devastation and immeasurable Pain and Havoc that Adultery wreaks in the lives of the spouse and children in the Betrayed Families?
Did they establish a circle/sobriety plan? I’d encourage you to talk this out with a trained mental health professional and a support group. There are free resources on my website, sexandrelationshiphealing.com and WeTonglen (to name a few)
Thanks for the informative talk Kristin. If I may, I'd like to ask a controversial question. While I think cheating is not justifiable, don't you think our current monogamous model of marriage is flawed? Just the fact that the stats regarding cheating is staggering may tell us something about our current partnership model. What do you think?
Hey Nikan Rst check out: th-cam.com/video/MoZPZlygxJI/w-d-xo.html from Esther Perel. Or search her name and Monogamy there are many more ideas and models we all should have more discussions about. ☺️
@nikan4now - If you are saying there should be an option for polygamy for those who cannot stay faithful to one person, I'd say fine. Give them that option. But you do realize that polygamy mostly translates to *polygyny NOT polyandry*? Even so I think for those polygamous arrangements (one man several women) they all need to agree and be content with that arrangement for it to work without dead bodies showing up in the basement out of the blue one sunny day. These polygamous marriages can offer some women and their children better legal rights (financial support. Inheritance etc) since they will be married compared to the tough predicament being a single mother can leave women in. Having said that, not all women will or should have to agree to this type of arrangement. As an option it's okay (if those involved all agree). As a mandatory lifestyle or model to be imposed on everyone, it is not okay. Will it reduce infidelity / adultery? I personally don't think so. Why? Because those who cheat do it regardless of whether or not they are in a commitment and there is no actual LIMIT in their heads to how many times they will cheat regardless of the lies they might tell you because at the very fundamental level all cheaters lack self-discipline and they don't observe boundaries, theirs or others'. Not something you can *teach* them if they haven't put in the effort to learn themselves.
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These betrayal videos are helping me alot. My heart is broken. I tried to walk away and thought I could handle it, but I have all of these symptoms, and the worst part of it all is I cant even talk to him about it. I feel like I lost my best friend, and now I think he never even existed.
Betrayal trauma can feel so insidious, intangible and confusing. It’s important to understand how it’s showing up in your life and try to make sense of two very different truths: 1) I loved my partner and we had a relationship 2) that partner deeply hurt and betrayed me Both can co-exist.
Wow and that’s a big wake up when you feel that you may have never known your partner. I discovered that many years after breaking up and it was a eye opener, but at the same time help to put closer of this muster about her that kept me tied to her all these years wondering why she did this and that..
Omg.....me too!
Same here…so devastating!
I'm in the same boat, husband will not talk to me about what is going on with him.
My wife had an affair through social media and with a co worker for a lengthy time it’s been very traumatic experience. We tried to make it work but sometimes it was paralyzing. Currently separated 9 months later and trying to work on myself. Your videos have been very helpful. I still try to make sense of the whole situation
I’m so sorry to hear about all the pain you’ve had to endure through this betrayal. In addition to my TH-cam content I have several blog articles on infidelity, why it happens and some stories of couples healing post infidelity. I also have an online course that discussed some of that, as well.
Sorry
instablaster
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now......
I really appreciate all your videos. They represent exactly how I feel after being betrayed by partner with lying, sneaky behavior behind my back. It gets minimized because it's claimed not to be "full blown cheating" and yet, it all still feels like it. Betrayal is betrayal. And I am now trying to regain trust with him, but it is very hard because triggers or feelings of inadequacy pop up and sometimes the partner can't understand the connection between their actions and your now hyper-vigilance. Your videos are so intelligently on target. Thank you so much.
Thank you! And thank you for sharing some of your story. I hope you can find healing. Betrayal trauma is real and devastating.
@@gbatardekela644 STOP THIS !!!!!
@@KristinSnowden hey Kristen I am going through a discard and also betrayal trauma. I stuck by my spouse and lived by myself for a year and a half while he refused to go to a treatment facility but instead stayed with his mother and would come to visit on weekends. She was able to stay with him at all times Etc I did not agree with it but it seemed to be going well but of course there would be times and we would argue and I would worry that he was using at the end of the day it turns out that I was correct all those times and of course it was gaslighting and all that stuff. Fast forward and now he has decided that he can't be in this relationship because he cannot get clean in this quote environment. While he he agrees that his addiction has molded the way that I treated him and are fighting he still states that I should work on myself and that he can't promise me anything in the future because he he needs to heal himself. My mind has not stopped since May it is now September almost and I'm constantly wondering was he ever happy. I will say he has been good in talking to me as I'm experiencing the symptoms of betrayal trauma and constantly asking questions. I guess I just don't understand how this seems to have turned on me for having stuck by him. Why wouldn't he even say something like if in the future you're every single I would love to be with you again if I got myself right I feel like this was a cop out even though yes he is very sick but seems to be doing a lot better which is a great for him but also hurts very much that he never did that when he was here and saw how her I was with it but all the while was saying he would change and wanted to for me and him
This doesn’t pertain to everyone but, watch out for the same type of people lying, cheating and sneaking around in 12 step groups such as SLA and CODA with unsuspecting recovery buddies. They hide their dishonesty behind anonymity principles and no cross talk rules. Still doing what they've always done without accountability, all the while talking as if they're doing the work. Make sure you're in a group with transparency and ability to talk with each other
Thanks for this. I've been trying to get through my trauma for 2 years now it's like it's not going away.
I’m sorry to hear that. I offer betrayed partners groups and SexandRelationshipHealing.com and WeTonglen.com also have a lot of free support.
I am trying to heal quickly because there is a baby in my life and I need to be strong for him 💗🌟✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
I would strongly encourage you to check out the free and helpful resources for betrayed partners at WeTonglen, SexandRelationshipHealing.com, my website KristinSnowden.com and many of the other resources listed on my website. The more you can surround yourself with a helpful, understanding, supportive community, the faster you’ll heal.
Did you ever heal? I'm 36 weeks currently, and I find it hard every day. I've lost myself. My reality has been shattered. I feel like I bamboozled myself, and now I hate myself and him. I started realizing something was wrong as my body started to reject him. Anytime he would come near me or physically put a hand on me, my body felt so uncomfortable. I started to hate being near him. Then I started to be angry, and now im just so upset. I feel triggered by him, and he doesn't even have to say a word to me. His presence just pisses me off.
1.Set non negioatable boundary’s. Define what sobriety looks like.
2. Establish Consequences list.
3. Setting emotional boundaries. Support for yourself.
4. Physical & sexual boundaries. What do you feel safe with?
5. Set Boundaries with people, places & things.
6. Oops .. establish self care list. Activities, what makes you feel safe.
Thank you for sharing your years of education & knowledge & validating our reality.
That’s such a great summary. Thank you for sharing.
I just went through another staggered discovery last month and I feel like something broke in me and I can’t get out of the house and I’m so scared and begging God to rescue me...the first time I was faced with the discovery was almost 19 years ago
Check out SexandRelationshipHealing.com for free support.
I totally understand you
I hope you are a little better
I have been going through all this for most of my 32 yrs marriage
I didn’t leave I was scared not knowing what to do
I m so broken I really prefer to die at this point I don’t care about life anymore
@@carlalb6182 I’m praying for you right now! How are you doing? I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment until just now! Your life is important!
You have said and confirmed everything I have encountered and noone understood
That’s why I always encourage betrayed partners to get Into a community of other betrayed partners so they can rekindle their instincts and engage in safe, validating relationships with others who understand betrayal trauma.
He agreed to get help and then violated the rules by saying he had a sponsor… but I couldn’t talk to that person… big red flag! He never did get honest… to this day I’m blamed for his inappropriate actions… he had no remorse! I believe he is a criminal!
Wish I heard this years ago...Sometomes I think I'm still feeling the effects of the betrayal and I have built a wall so I cant get hurt again.
You’re not alone in that response. It’s a survival coping skill. Perhaps you may benefit from some trauma treatments like EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) or IFS (internal family systems). Or engage a free support group like WeTonglen or SexandRelationshipHealing.com
I guess I’m curious how anyone could stay with someone who betrayed them so terribly. I found out in January my partner was cheating for months with a coworker. I kicked her out and went straight to divorce, yes I loved her and yes this has been traumatic. We were together 14 years. Am I weird? I just can’t see being with someone I can never trust again.
You are absolutely not weird. Everyone gets to decide whether someone’s transgressions/betrayal are too much to overcome. Everyone is different. The acts of betrayal are different. But just as you wouldn’t want to be judged for choosing to end the relationship, those who try to stay and repair wouldn’t want to be judged. Everyone has their own journey.
But I appreciate you sharing your story. I hope you find healing no matter if you’re in or out of a relationship. Betrayal is deeply painful. I’m sorry you’ve experienced it.
You did the right thing. She did not love you or she would have never done what she did. We don't need to mentally torture ourselves any further than that. If you yourself have a steady heart then God will Bless you with something or someone better (if you want that). If not, you are still okay. I'm a wife who was betrayed so to be very frank I don't actually like or Trust guys all that much but I can appreciate and relate to the Pain you have been going through. May you find Peace through Healing. God Bless. Take Care.
For context, imagine being a mom with three kids, raising your family. Being 100% ALL IN…😕 then finding out: he “messed up”… (I know that’s why I stayed … or thought if I just tried harder in the relationship, he wouldn’t hurt me and lie to me or our kids any more… boy, was I wrong. 💔😢)
@@nataliatrumpo3893 The very reason they CHEAT & LIE the first time is the same reason they will cheat and lie again and again. And that Reason is their Selfishness and Lack of Empathy. It's called Narcissism too. Your Marriage and their Cheating is all about THEM. You and the kids were never really his Priority. It was always Me, Myself & I. You and the Kids were just in there to make him look good to the neighbors, friends, his boss and coworkers and also those women he was going to eventually cheat with. Lots to gain there for him. Nothing unfortunately for you and the kids. Just a cardboard Placeholder for a husband and a Father. Even Lifeless Scarecrows do a better job. At least they try to keep the flying intruders and thieves from stealing the harvest. I'm sorry you had to go through it. Hope it's behind you. I have two kids. Went through the same thing so I do feel you.
I had a long distance marriage for 17 years and dreamt of being with him ..at last I moved and found out he had been having an affair ..there was no disclosure or conversation except to blame and gaslight me..he lied to me that our house was being sold so I found a condo and he was lying and told me he just wanted to get “rid” of me and to jump off the balcony if I was going to cry ..he left to be with her…I wish Kirsten you could do a video on this situation ..it is an endless open wound ..I have no money for therapy..sometimes it seems suicide is the only way to escape this pain and sadness…incredible sadness…I am trying to heal but it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever faced
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now......
Oh my God! Please don't let yourself go their. He was a POS whereas you are a loyal, trusting soul. It was his loss. Not yours. Just let go of him. Your life is too precious to squander over the worthless PO💩
If you have to babysit them is not worth it
Thankyou for understanding...this is the worst pain & grief I have ever been through..Don’t know if the hurt truly goes. I’m still struggling 3 years after he left with his affair woman who was also married with children..We were married 30 years .
I’m so sorry. It is absolutely devastating. In this article I wrote I discuss how divorce after infidelity is a much different experience than divorce, in general. www.kristinsnowden.com/amp/2017/11/16/the-myths-realities-of-divorce-after-betrayal I would encourage you to find a support group. Perhaps women at WeTonglen can be supportive.
Its ABUSE, not Sex Addiction.
Can it be both? Many experience another persons addiction and the lies and behaviors that go with it as abusive.
@@KristinSnowdenwell I used to be in denial and thought it was addiction. Maybe addiction to abusing others, and using sex as the tool.
I’m reminded of the poem “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost, the choice is yours and yours alone.
Or being ghosted without warning or explanation by my previously loving partner, then discovering that the partner has pathologoical naricissm and manipulated you for the entire relationship.this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now......
Pathological narcissism is devastating. My ex-husband is one and I may have survived the experience, but it took YEARS for the hyper vigilance to subside. I never fully recovered and neither did my kids.
We are better, but I still have to work through the recurring day and nightmares. I’m still pissed that I’m paying dearly for his sociopathic behavior, not just mentally but also financially and emotionally, relationship-wise... Name it.
I’m so sorry I’m not alone in this, and for the pain you suffered from that monster. I’m not sure if it helps you, but you’re not alone in this.
Just move on! You walk away with your dignity.
Yeah I couldn't do all that I just had to get divorced. I would never be able to trust her again.
I’ve been going through the cycle of discovery over and over for the past 19years and I can barely get out of bed now. I have severe ptsd and I need help to get out of my house and marriage. Please pray and I can’t find any help on these videos for spouses like me who have gone through this for decades. If I can go back in time I would have gotten out right away...No one in my family or friendships understand and my husband won’t protect me even though..my husband won’t leave even though he knows he triggers panic attacks if I see him or hear his voice so he lives in the office next door and uses the garage for work and I am trapped inside my house trying to avoid being triggered...Please pray he will leave please please! I stayed together for our kids and wish I had never taken antidepressants because it masked how terrible being in this marriage has been...stay away from drugs and get away to a safe place till you get stronger. Have family or friends stay with you if you have kids and get him out of the house. God was my biggest help and showed me to get a divorce back in 2011 and if I had obeyed I wouldn’t be so broken and weak and in pain ...God will help me but I haven’t protected myself! I had staggered discoveries and that ruined every time I would start getting strong! It ruined me the most!
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now......
I just got out of a 40 yr horrible marriage… life is so wonderful without him in it. I did the same, stayed for the kids . Now they are supporting me in ending it and I am free. I hope you have found help and hope. It’s possible to get your life back.
I'm the same. 23 years. Good luck and stay strong, it slowly gets better although I'm still not over it all.
I truly love and enjoy ur videos
I’m from Texas
Do u accept blue cross for services
So glad you’ve been benefiting from the videos. I’m actually not on any insurance panels, unfortunately. But I do my best to add great content here, for free, for everyone.
Whatzapp him now......
Thank you😭
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now......
Are there any support groups? If not I would like to star one for us...
Hi. There are many support groups for betrayed partners. WeTonglen and sexandrelationshiphealing.com have several free options. There are also 12 step groups like Prodependence anonymous
This is the world I am living in, where a person who is betraying with a manipulated mind is not being taken care and treated of ? and the person going through painful trauma has to cure himself. Should the world not teach the betrayers ? should they not be punished ?
Hopefully it goes without saying that anyone who’s hurting others should seek help and heal from whatever is causing them to lie, cheat, manipulate and/or harm others. However, we only have control of ourselves. We can’t change anyone. So once we’ve been harmed by another’s betrayal, we can only work to heal ourselves (and maybe appeal to our loved one to get the help they need, but one can never make that happen for another).
Thank you
how can the betrayed even entertain a plan to stay in these relationships or attempt to fix them? I find this incredibly difficult to believe once trust has been breached you can go back
After my betrayal trauma: I automatically second guess men who tell me their wife cheated on them. I ALWAYS now wonder in the back of my head: "Well... were you looking at porn constantly and gaslighting her? Was her affair a desperate attempt at 'revenge' towards you?" Not that that would make it ok... but I see it constantly. Men who look at porn and tell their wife "All men do it" and so eventually--- she seeks out another mans affection. Because if YOU are allowed to use other people for your sexual needs... why isn't she?
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now......
It's not just this. I learned the hard way that a man that experiences betrayal trauma can become a cheater himself if he hasn't properly healed.
But let's not justify cheating.
How would I go about finding a good couples therapist who is familiar with betrayal trauma?
Through the therapist directories under iitap.org and apsats.com. Iitap trains CSATs and APSATs trains therapists to understand all the nuances of couples therapy when there’s betrayal involved.
@@KristinSnowden thank you!!
An additional, complementary resource for your therapy would be my online library of educational videos on curriculum exercises. It’s called Resiliency, recovery and Relationships. I’ve had couples complete it together and say it’s extremely eye-opening and helpful to their healing process. www.kristinsnowden.com/resilience-recovery-relationships
@@KristinSnowden great I’ll check it out!
Have you ever come across someone with post betrayal trauma testing positive for ADHD?
Possibly. But a symptom of trauma is struggling to focus. So one who is in a state of trauma may struggle with memory or focusing on things, etc.
OohRah!!
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now......
How do I find a group in Georgia?
What kind of support are you looking for?
Theres also HATE Rhers roo.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now......
Sadly I found video and still pics of the multiple sex partners my wife was with while by myself. No safety there whatsoever.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now......
I hope you did the right thing and Divorced her. I am a wife who was betrayed and I am all for spousal support normally but I don't believe cheaters should get any financial support or benefits at all. Half the time they tag you along while cheating behind your back just so they can get the money at the time of Divorce. Shameful and disgraceful to say the least. I see no end to this until and unless we as a Society make Adultery illegal and Punishable. Does anyone really believe that classifying Adultery as a petty Class B misdemeanor with a maximum penalty of up to just 3 months imprisonment and a laughable $500 fine is going to dissuade / deter anyone from committing adultery, much less make up for the devastation and immeasurable Pain and Havoc that Adultery wreaks in the lives of the spouse and children in the Betrayed Families?
What if they're still watching porn after disclosure?
Did they establish a circle/sobriety plan? I’d encourage you to talk this out with a trained mental health professional and a support group. There are free resources on my website, sexandrelationshiphealing.com and WeTonglen (to name a few)
Thanks for the informative talk Kristin. If I may, I'd like to ask a controversial question.
While I think cheating is not justifiable, don't you think our current monogamous model of marriage is flawed? Just the fact that the stats regarding cheating is staggering may tell us something about our current partnership model. What do you think?
Hey Nikan Rst check out: th-cam.com/video/MoZPZlygxJI/w-d-xo.html from Esther Perel. Or search her name and Monogamy there are many more ideas and models we all should have more discussions about. ☺️
Whatzapp him now......
The model isn't flawed humans are
I think that way of thinking is flawed.
@nikan4now - If you are saying there should be an option for polygamy for those who cannot stay faithful to one person, I'd say fine. Give them that option. But you do realize that polygamy mostly translates to *polygyny NOT polyandry*? Even so I think for those polygamous arrangements (one man several women) they all need to agree and be content with that arrangement for it to work without dead bodies showing up in the basement out of the blue one sunny day. These polygamous marriages can offer some women and their children better legal rights (financial support. Inheritance etc) since they will be married compared to the tough predicament being a single mother can leave women in. Having said that, not all women will or should have to agree to this type of arrangement. As an option it's okay (if those involved all agree). As a mandatory lifestyle or model to be imposed on everyone, it is not okay. Will it reduce infidelity / adultery? I personally don't think so. Why? Because those who cheat do it regardless of whether or not they are in a commitment and there is no actual LIMIT in their heads to how many times they will cheat regardless of the lies they might tell you because at the very fundamental level all cheaters lack self-discipline and they don't observe boundaries, theirs or others'. Not something you can *teach* them if they haven't put in the effort to learn themselves.