Is My Partner An Addict? Know the Signs & Symptoms
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ย. 2024
- Kristin Snowden, MA, LMFT, CDWF is a licensed therapist and coach that specializes in helping individuals and couples in crisis after infidelity, emotional abuse, and/or uncovering addiction issues. Kristin discusses the important differences between cheating and infidelity versus more chronic patterns of sex, love, and porn addiction. All forms of betrayal are traumatizing and devastating. However it’s important that trained professionals assess the betraying behaviors for signs of a more pervasive and chronic problem like sex, love, and porn addiction. Treatment approaches are also different for various forms of betrayal. Kristin shares the symptoms of addiction and helps viewers understand how/why sex, love, and porn develop and become addictive, along with various treatment approaches. This is for anyone in relationship crisis exploring answers and a path to healing and recovery.
(This is educational, NOT THERAPY)
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Timestamps:
2:23 Know the differences and signs of infidelity, problematic porn use, and sex/love addiction
3:00 Humans naturally seek “state changes” to get them out of uncomfortable feelings by numbing, distracting, seeking pleasure or intensity
4:10 A problem isn’t diagnosable until it’s become a problem
4:50 Mental health professionals must be trained in assessing for addiction, especially process addictions
5:30 Assess for pervasive, chronic patterns, severity of behaviors or consequences
6:12 Different treatment approaches required
8:02 Define process addictions, obsessive, compulsive behaviors
9:25 Addiction includes rituals that change one’s mental/physical state
10:20 Dual diagnosis-having both substance and process addictions and/or other mental health disorders
11:12 Addiction is a brain/trauma wiring disorder where addicts obsess and behave compulsively and engage in behavior/rituals to change their state and seek intensity, distraction, numbing
12:00 Defining intimacy disorders-the disordered way of connecting to others. All addicts have intimacy disorders
14:03 Addicts choose to form “intimate relationships” with their drug or behavior of choice rather learning to acknowledge, process and get through fears, shame, trauma, and vulnerabilities
15:30 What Sex, Love, and Porn Addiction can look like
16:30 Symptoms of addiction 1) increased use and frequency 2) tried to stop but couldn’t 3) negative consequences due to use 4) problems in relationships and life due to use 5) physical, mental, legal harm caused by use 6) increased dependency, withdrawal, tolerance, intensity
22:29 The different ways one can display addictions
24:05 Sex addiction is not…
26:41 Assessing and treating these addictions-what kind of help will you need?
27:35 Addicts believe they’re unique, driving shame and secrecy. Treatment must include group work with others who have struggled similarly so they can share their story without judgement, receive accountability, ask for help, develop empathy, and learn healthy vulnerability and intimacy
30:50 Screening tools SAST, PAST, LAA
Download Kristin's FREE eBook: A Guide to Navigating Relationship Crisis: bit.ly/Relatio... to set you down a path toward healing and clarity. It’s a small collection of education, important first steps, and resources to get you through the initial crisis period.
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I just want to say that I love that you're still making content (whether through webinars or otherwise) and uploading it to TH-cam! I found your channel back when I felt that I was in a crisis (2:26). I've learned a lot from your channel and while I don't check in on your videos as regularly, I still enjoy the fact that you're still making videos. Thank you for all that you do!
Glad you’ve found my content helpful! That’s what it’s here for!!
ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR VIDEOS! They’re my favorite
Yay! Thank you!
My partner has had a long chronic issue of porn and sex, and he does cheat, but uses the guise of thinking he's Polyamorous. He's a recovered alcoholic 14 years now. I think it's showing up now with betrayal.
SAA would help...as a man with similar issues I am finally seeing change in my addiction with SAA❤
I’m polyamorous and so is my man and I just caught 3 years worth of porn behind my back which doesn’t make since 💔💔💔
I beg to differ with you, morality is part of this issue.
I have a feeling he takes his guilt out on me. I just wanna run away I. Just cant stand it,him Hes not leaving so I will have to leave my home..
I’m sorry. I know it’s hard.
I think that's my situation too. I can't do anything right, I'm made the ass off so many situations in front of our son. It's like he's mad at me for catching him cheating and ruining his fun. It really is, he makes me feel irrelevant. I even got the courage to say something. Now I swear he does it more. I can't take it much longer but I don't want to leave my kid. I know I'll barely see him if I did💔 It makes me so sad to see so many other women that have been through the same thing. I appreciate Kristen bringing us all together because other than this I'm alone in my struggles.
The first question is excally what my partner is going threw I'm the betrayed partner and I definitely incredibly hurt an td trying to get threw this and my partner is trying not do the behavior but needs help .This patucular video has been very helpful to me to understand why she has been making the choices she has ,but it's very scarry for me because I have had enough of the behavior, but love my partner and she lives me we are currently separated and have been communicating about all of thus and of course there has been thing happen that I never knew about that has been uncovered .That was very shocking to me .
all has just been validated for me....THANK YOU❤❤❤
I have question about affairs. Can people have affair or cheat on someone without never having sex
Yes. Emotional affairs are sometimes worse. Financial affairs are also cheating w/o sex involved.
There are a lot of people who keep secrets and turn outside their marriage to get their needs met, without sex being involved. If you’re sharing things with another person intimate thoughts and feeling you’d only share with a spouse (or if your spouse knew what you were sharing they’d feel betrayed and hurt) that is a level of betrayal. Problematic porn use can also feel like betrayal without sex.
I guess it's possible in the beginning, but if the emotional infidelity goes on long enough, the physical betrayal is just a given. When that much emotion is involved, of course it's going to become physical. Human nature.
Is porn use in a marriage considered infidelity (if it was agreed upon prior to marriage that it wouldn't be something that is welcomed in our marriage) and the wife finds out the husband has been using it the whole marriage?
And when a wife expresses how she feels about it, if a husband says "ill stop watching it when when I age out" indicative of an addiction?
IMO yes. There is a subreddit life after porn if you want to go over there and ask questions or just read through the posts.
I try not to apply values and rules to someone else’s relationship. But I like to ask the following when people ask me “Is it ok if I do ‘x’ behavior” (while in a relationship-ie talk to a coworker about my marriage, view porn, use substances, spend money on things, etc) I will ask them some follow up questions: 1) Is that behavior in line with your values and goals? 2) Do you have to lie, cheat, sneak around or manipulate anybody in order to make that behavior happen? And then it’s fair to ask a third question if you’re in a relationship 3) If my partner knew the whole story around this behavior, how would s/he really feel about me and my choices? That line of questioning usually sorts out what is “ok” and “not ok”
@@KristinSnowdenBrilliant answer/information - a hidden gem in the comments section
👏🥳
Well thank you! I try my best to offer responses to many questions.
Any words of wisdom or advice please?
When its addiction their state on judgement and behaviour or right and wrong is not working..how will they distinguish between morality etc
The idea is that most addicts struggle with good judgement and “making the next right choice”, so they have to surround themselves with a community of other recovering addicts (like the 12 steps), to help them talk it out, make the “next right choice”, and live in consultation while they re-learn a new way of living and coping and engaging with others. Learning how to live congruently, rather than compartmentalizing, acting out, lying, manipulation, etc.
@@KristinSnowden it’s so difficult for them firstly they don’t see it as addiction, cos they are functional addicts doing good at work and covering up hiding very well.But ultimately the self sabotage becomes visible… Still the acceptance for the problem is not there which is a real issue… They call it normal getting drunk,I’ll treating ppple ard,womenizing,even parents think they are fine there’s nothing wrong with them…,such a strange thing,,for self convenience even loved ones go blind not realising it’s going to harm them in longer run…
🤔Opposites Attract doesn't mean Opposites should be Attached 🦋 👎
I have a question. Would a man with this problem who is raising a young daughter be at risk of molesting her?
Not all people who struggle with sexual or porn “problematic behaviors”/addiction are perpetrators of criminal sexual misconduct. However, there are sexual perpetrators who also have sex/porn addiction issues.
were they sexually abuse at a young age? Not an absolute but those who were victims as kids and have porn/sex addiction are more prevalent to committing sexual abuse on a child.
Actually, one training I went to reports the most common childhood trauma that leads to one becoming a sex offender is growing up in domestic violence, it’s not being sexually abused as a child. Let me see if I can find that data.
Children who are raised in a home with domestic violence are at higher risks of becoming abusers themselves (physically and sexually. lawecommons.luc.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1232&context=clrj#:~:text=Children%20who%20experience%20domestic%20violence,assaulted%20than%20the%20national%20average.
I should add that is not my specialty and I’ve had limited training regarding sexual offender behavior versus sex addiction recovery (my speciality). They are different things and different treatment structures.
🤔Attraction 👁 leads to Reaction😋⚘️❤️