not leaving yet + yardwork + starting therapy (DBT)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.พ. 2023
- I've decided not to leave yet. I think that was another impulsive decision based on emotion, but I struggled to come to the decision. I cleaned up my backyard and signed up for therapy (DBT).
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Cindy L.
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take it one step, one day at a time. we all love you unconditionally. always ❤
this was so kind of you aw
So nice to see you here ❤
This is lovely Matt! So kind of you to help this queen ❤️
Aww Matt you are so lovely, that is so kind of you 💖
Aw pixelade! How sweet. The sims community is one loving family❤️
I cannot help but see so much symbolism in the things you are doing…cleaning up and cleaning out the shed…looking at repotting dying plants in hopes of giving them new life…what you are physically doing now, while it may seem tedious or like busy work to keep your mind occupied, is actually a reflection of what your heart and brain are trying to do…sort through, clean out, and get rid of old habits, mindsets, behaviors…planting yourself in a better place with better care and more room to grow and bring about new life…
Just saw a lot of hopeful symbolism in this video.
me too ♥️
Cindy the fact that you are addressing the issues, you are admitting you do these things, These are GOOD signs. This is the best time to get therapy because you are self aware and acknowledging you need help. This was where I was 8 months ago when I first started therapy.
Take some deep breath
Write in a notebook
Give it some time
And another piece of advice from my impulsive self, NEVER reply to a text right away. Give it an hour. Come back to the text when all the impulses are gone and return with a level head. You are aware of what you’re doing, so you can’t act right away.
Also remember
It’s important to feel pain and emotions
It’s a trauma coping mechanism to not let yourself feel your emotions. I do thhe EXACT same thing, and the only way to be able to deal with the emotions and the pain is to let yourself feel them and face them head on.
Again, this is advice from my therapist to me and your therapist might tell you something different. But until you get a care plan going with your therapist, it doesn’t hurt to try!
Hey Cindy, I want to tell you that I’m so so proud of you. You are stronger than you know, and you can and will get through this.
Here’s something that helps me with impulsivity, because I have ADHD and struggle with being impulsive
Get a notebook.
Whenever you have the impulse to do something you know you shouldn’t do, open the notebook and write it down. Then give it a day.
It’s advice my therapist gave me about practicing mindfulness and I’ll pass the advice to you. I’m proud of you for taking the steps you need to get help and change your life. You can do it.
All the love to you Cindy
This is great advice!
@@audacious69 it’s helped so much for me 😅 after a day when I go look at what I’ve written down i either realize “yeah maybe I don’t need to buy that thing that I have no use for that I saw and instantly wanted to buy” or “yeah that seems like a good decision, I should do that.”
That way the impulse then becomes a calm headed decision. It’s honestly super helpful.
I love that notebook idea!
Writing helps a lot! I usually do it when I'm sad, suicidal or angry. It makes all of the darkness leave me and live in the paper/notepad. After a day or two I usually can't even understand why on earth I would have said or thought the things I wrote.
It's definitely better than doing the things or saying them to someone else.
Oh god I am glad to see this. I’ve been thinking about you all day
Neither you or Andrew is a bad person, the love between you shows through screen. Please give him his time and space indeed. Work on yourself. Trust the process. It will not be easy, but you are already learning so much in this short period. These lessons do not have to be for nothing, use them to learn! We are always here for you, whether you are happy or sad. Thank you for being you, even with the flaws that you may have, this only makes you a real human instead of a robot that you normally see online. I think you are an amazing person who touched the hearts of all of us. Normally do not reply, but this time, 3 replies on 2 video's, just because I want you to know that we are here for you. no matter what!
this aged badly.
As a therapist (not specific to DBT) I can email you a DBT workbook that I've found useful. Sending love and positivity to you 💜
@user-fe4zl4vf5d yes if you feel comfortable leave your email and I'll forward you the material 👍
I don’t think you can put emails in the comments so maybe add it to your channel description for a bit and then remove it
After watching this video, I definitely think the best you can do is stay home and actually deal with the pain. No more running, no more not allowing yourself to feel anything cause it hurts too much. Whether Andrew comes back or not is not the point- the point is getting real, honest change to happen. And I believe you can do it. Sending you both lots of love
I don't know if this is helpful for you but I think I can relate to how Andrew is feeling. Several years ago I was in his situation. I loved my partner much, I wanted to have a family with him. He was 100% the love of my life. When the relationship ended it crushed me, it was the worst pain I ever experienced BUT at the same time I felt this weight lifted off my shoulders. As the days went on I felt more and more relief while also grieving the relationship, it was bizarre. Long story short, getting out of a relationship with someone who's got mental health issues is confusing AF so you're right in giving him time and space to process his own feelings. I also think it's important you address everything that has led to his decision to leave you because once he feels that relief he will not be willing to take this burden on again - he needs to know that things will be different. So going through with therapy and being consistent with it will be the key. You're on the right path (in my opinion).
I’m only 1/2 way through your video and I just had to scream YES YES YES!! You’re totally right about leaving too soon!! I thought that yesterday after the last video!! It’s SO MATURE that you’ve realized this on your own. Therapist’s ALWAYS tell you that when you are having a crisis you cannot make any big decisions!!! You need to calm yourself down first (By doing healthy positive things for yourself not numbing yourself with alcohol) and then take BABY steps toward healing. Good luck Cindy!! We’re all here for you and rooting for you. You will get through this and come out better on the other side no matter what happens!!!
If you feel the urge to text Andrew has a coping mechanisms, you could write everything down on paper, like you used to do. Or you can ask to talk with your other friend from Arkansas. You're not alone in this, even if it feels like it. Feel free to talk to us too, yes maybe we are stangers, but we are your community and we support you through this. You are but a simple Human with flaws, like everyone of us.
All of this to say, we are proud of you. Changing is really difficult, I won't be lying saying it will. But, you will do it. We believe in you.
Big hug from Canada, please take care
This is a great idea, it can be really helpful to just get it all out of your head
I know I haven't watched the full thing, I just wanted to send love and praise you for finding the strength to even seek therapy. Like, I know i've needed to go for YEARS and the furthest i've made is a phone call, to actually drive over there and show up, and continue it every week is a monumental task. I wish you so much luck and love.
I'm so glad you're able to get help immediately! I hope you and Andrew are able to talk some more as you begin your therapy sessions, even if to get closure. But fingers crossed things work out the way you hope! Sending much love again and every day 💖
I went through DBT as a treatment for my CPTSD and autism. It saved my life. I was in and out of the psych ward over 7 times in a year. DBT is difficult and grueling but it changed my life. I feel like I can *live* my life. The key is that you get out of DBT what you put in. Do it whole heartedly. It’s painful. They will make you angry. AND you will get better. I’m proud of you and I believe in you. You’re doing the best you can
I’m glad to hear you may be able to talk, I know being able to express fully can give closure no matter the outcome. I applaud you for uploading again Cindy, I know how hard this has been for you 🤍 you know we’re here for you always. This journey is so personal but the fact that you allow us to be here for you means a lot. I am so proud of you for waking up and pushing forward through this difficult time. Love you!
I hope you are able to cope Cindy. We will be here for you no matter what!
I'm relieved you uploaded today Cindy
I was so worried for you last night 💜💙💜💙
I wish you all the luck and love for recovery 🙏
Honey, the fact that you consider his feelings and acknowledge your own issues is enough to be proud of. The fact that you are motivated to work on yourself and are so aware of your shadows, shows that you can do anything you set your mind to. I saw someone say that mental illness isn’t your fault, but it is your responsibility. I have to say that ever since I went to therapy it made me look at things differently. Every time you consider your actions, BE proud of it. See it as an accomplishment. Don’t punish yourself, you’re allowed to make mistakes but don’t let those determine the way you feel about yourself. YOU are not the problem, you are suffering from something that is impacting your life and the people around you. The people around you know that you’re not a bad person, you’re someone who’s struggling and they will see your progress. You smiled more in this video already and you mentioned that you were proud of yourself, HOLD ONTO THAT! That’s your first bit of therapy, you’re doing small things that make you feel proud and that’s the first step of healing and gathering your thoughts. You’re an amazing woman, don’t ever doubt that. Thank you for sharing your emotions with us, you’re not alone. ❤️ ALSO! If you ever need tips, feel free to ask us and I’m sure there’s something that will help you. We’re in this together.
Cindy, I'm 55....I'm alone.....absolutely I had no clue how abusive I was until it was too late...my disability caused me to treat my loved ones so bad...I became paralyzed at age 16 and literally lost my mind....mentally I'm much better...the solitude sucks...u are getting a second chance and you deserve it......I just found your channel yesterday.......blessings, peace and love to you 🙏
💖
Cindy, do you realize how self conscious you are? And how responsible you are being now by starting therapy? Dont think, not even for one second, that there is no hope for you cause there is! A lot of people dont seek for help, and thats the worst mistake. You are gonna do great! Believe in yourself!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. :( I hope I’m not rude by saying this, but is it safe for you to be making these videos about this? You’ve always been honest about your life which in most situations is great! But these videos are public and I know you’ve mentioned his family watching them before. I’m worried that something in these videos will hurt your communication with Andrew going forward. He seems a bit shy so I’m wondering if he would be upset that you’re talking so much about his struggles. I’m only saying this because I’m worried so please don’t take it the wrong way. You don’t have to make videos about this if it’s not safe for you or your relationship.
I did wonder the same.
Better this then her suffering alone…do you guys think she was better off before she told us? Drinking and taking sleeping pills, nah. The right people will be here for Cindy.
she is literally only talking about herself and her experience. she deserves an outlet. she’s completely isolated in colorado and deserves a supportive community not one that tells her to leave the internet until she feels better?!? Not to mention that andrew has a great family and I highly doubt they are trying to stick their nose into their marriage by watching her videos. if you don’t wanna know you don’t have to watch.
I just want to clarify that I don’t think she needs to leave the internet or even stop making videos, especially if that helps her! All I want to do is offer a viewpoint that cautions her about saying or showing specific things about Andrew publicly as I fear it could make things worse if he found out. This fear could be for nothing, but I was concerned enough that I wanted to bring the possibility to her attention. I think all of us feel terrible for Cindy and don’t want to see more harm or hurt come her way. In the end though, she knows him and his family way better than I do (which is zero) so I may be off base here.
either if you agree with this or not arguing isn’t the right thing to do here. Cindy is going through her own thing and we should all be supportive and not arguing about who’s right or wrong.
You were so much on my mid Cindy. I hope things get better for you and I hope Andrew and you work things out. Much much love to you Cindy.
Even though the circumstances aren't ideal, I think this time alone is going to be amazing for you to see your self worth and just how capable you are of doing things alone. I just recently went through something similar and I realized I was in my head with so much anxiety and fear of being alone when I actually thrive on my own! You got this Cindy. You are so strong and able!
I'm so glad to see such a title! You got this Cindy! We are all here for you! We are always going to be by your side!❤️
Cindy my love, The biggest change you need to do, from one BPD girlie to another, is to live your life WITH andrew, not FOR Andrew. We so often build our whole lifes FOR someone, and not WITH them, and when the relationships fall, we fall with it.
That doesn't mean you can't fight for him and the relationship, it just means that you need to start living this life with learningto love yourself first, and when you do that, that's when you can start loving with someone else!
English isn't my first language, so I really hope I'm not sounding too weird haha, you can do this cindy, we are here with you all the way ❤
Reaching for contact is not a bad thing. If you take responsibility for your actions and how they affected someone that's the first thing to make things better. It's wonderful you're going to therapy (especially DBT - it has great results with BPD). I'm training to become therapist myself and root for you so so much, Cindy. You're important to many people.
No matter what happens I'm proud of you for working on yourself!
Be EXTREMELY proud of yourself for getting things done and going a day without alcohol! It may be impulsive to leave, so give yourself some time to think some more, even if it’s painful to stay in the house. The best option would be to stay at an Airbnb or hotel/motel temporarily but I don’t know if you’d be able to use your funds for that realistically at the moment.
Edit: I watched the rest. And I’m so relieved you signed up for therapy, you don’t even know. Mention your desire to leave as well and ask for how to cope being at home for now.
You CAN do this! ♥️
Have you considered leaving but more as a 'vacation'? Like go to Arkansas, be with your family even just for a week, take time away from the place that (rightfully so) hurts to be in, while at the same time giving Andrew time to think about it? I agree that you should let him be the one to reach out to you. If he ever comes around he will, regardless of what you do, trust me. I think by waiting for him to make a decision to do anything, you would keep the pattern of relying on him for everything and making him your whole everything. But right now imo you should focus on yourself and what you need in order to feel better regardless of what he does. I know what it feels like so this all comes from a place of love, I don't know if it's any help, I hope it is though 💞🫶
This video was hard to watch, but it made me so happy for you. I can see your mind is clearing up a bit, and you're making the right decisions. You're gonna get through this! We're for you!
Don't leave just yet. Give him some space and time to process things. I'm glad he contacted you again. If he does come back I hope that you guys get therapy together and separately. I wish you guys all the best ❤
We're in this together, Cindy! I also made the step to start therapy (literally just left a message at one therapist's office and I'm waiting to hear back but it's a start!!) I can relate to feeling like all of your feelings are just screaming out. When I get dragged through the trenches it just feels like every thought and emotion is white-hot and overwhelming. Just take things a day at a time and try to keep yourself busy (I'm mainly saying this to myself, as I've laid in bed all day) but all of us here are with you! ❤️
i'm so glad you're keeping us update❤❤❤ I've been thinking about you all day. Along with counseling for yourself I think that if you and Andrew continue to work together, that it may be benefitial for u both to recieve counseling together. It sounds like there is a communication gap between you two and that he hasn't fully processed a lot of things as well. We're so proud if you gurl keep going!
I hope everything gets better, Cindy. 🫂
I've just barely started (I came in late to yesterday's and only just saw it, then just saw this one pop up now.) But I saw the title and I just wanted to say how relieved I am that you're going to wait at least a little while before leaving. Hearing about your plan, watching you pack, all knowing you hadn't had a chance to even start looking for a place to live there yet; that DID feel like another act of pure impulsivity. So the fact that you're giving yourself a little more time and that you're going to try to start therapy first is such a good thing. And I know I'm just a random person on the internet, and you don't know me from Adam, but from what it's worth, I am so PROUD of you. Letting Andrew know you were planning to leave instead of just going without saying anything was such a mature, responsible thing to do. It wasn't manipulative. It was brave, and respectful, and it let him make an informed choice of his own. Signing up for therapy now, before you do anything else, shows your commitment to it. For you, for him. Just in general. Maybe you will still decide that leaving is the best choice. But if you do, you'll have the time to sort things out financially more first, and hopefully line a place up to move into before you go anywhere, etc. Because the last thing anyone with any kind of mental health struggle (but especially BPD) needs is more instability on top of what is already such a volatile and vulnerable moment.
Therapy isn't easy. But it's worth it. And regardless of how things go with Andrew going forward, YOU deserve to find balance and mental wellness.
the self awareness and recognition of your actions is suuuuch a crucial first step, and all too often it takes hitting rock bottom and almost losing it all to see the depths of the actions and the consequences of them - I’ve been there. you can turn this around.
You have good intentions, dear. I think the impulsive actions you're taking are really harming Andrew and his processing the situation. He's under pressure, he needs time. Cindy, I know you don't want to leave, and you shouldn't. I think this is helping you change and get help, and that must be what he wants from you. I hope you get better and not make any life changing decisions YET. Things will go well for you if there's no rush in moving out, you can continue cleaning up the mess you were both put through and he could come back if he decided to. Imagine how you're leaving, no chance of Andrew coming to talk to you, no more Bella and Morty. On the bright side, you're cleaning up the house and getting rid of some negative energy built up. Love you as always, take care!
Progresss I love to hear that!!!! I’m telling you things willll work out for both of you. Even the little steps go a long way
So glad to see you today Cindy! Wishing you both peace, understanding, and a way forward 🩵
The fact that you're able to notice when you might be impulsive/destructive is a good sign. I am proud of you and hope you receive the help you need.
I think what is likely the best course of action is actually to lean into that distance Andrew is asking for. You both need time to recover and cope with your feelings. I’m really glad you’re considering DBT. Please do this for yourself, not him. You deserve peace and coping skills for self-regulation!
Cindy, you are in the PERFECT place for therapy, and I don't mean because of your situation. The fact that you are already being introspective, you're analyzing your thoughts, emotions, impulses, and actions, and you are _actively_ working to better yourself already. This is the #1 most necessary part for therapy to help/have a positive impact, and you already have it down pat! Those therapists, psychiatrists, and counselors are going to love you 😆
And DBT, and even CBT, were both really helpful for me and my impulses, especially when I'm angry. I really found the Wise Mind and helicopter thinking super helpful, and hopefully those and everything else will be helpful for you too.
And it's great that you're doing group therapy _and_ individual therapy! It'll be helpful to have multiple professionals in different settings sharing their input, advice, and coping skills. You may also benefit from a specialized trauma therapist as well.
My biggest piece of advice as you work on yourself to grow and heal: remember that progress isn't linear. One set back today does NOT undo all the work you've done up until that point, you didn't suddenly forget all your skills just because you had a slip-up. It's okay to make mistakes, especially if you use them to grow from. Progress isn't linear.
And most importantly, Cindy: You got this! You can do this! You are strong, you are brave, you are capable! You have survived so much and fought to get this far, and you are so much more powerful than you know. You WILL get through this AND come out a better, stronger, healthier person! We believe in you! ❤
i hope you get better!!
So nice to see these old videos. You're doing so well. You've come so far
i hope you doing better. ❤️❤️ Sending you sooo much hugs, love & positive energy✨
I love you and I know that you’ll get through this. You are so strong no matter what happens. Will be here for you.❤️❤️
You’re so strong Cindy. Not everyone has the strength and self reflection to see their faults and try to change. You’re on the right path
My lovely amazing cindy, one day at the time ❤
I'm SO proud of you for signing up forvDBT and I'm so proud of you for getting outside in the sun and moving your body!
I know it's so easy to go being mean to yourself but please please try being kinder to your being, you can admit to your flaws without putting yourself down, you are human.
Self love and self-compassion is such a hard concept but it's SO important. One of the best things I've learned in therapy is self-compassion and the importance of taking even just one step to be kinder to yourself.
I am like you in so many ways when I'm dealing with being hurt, and I think a lot of people are like that. It's so obvious that Andrew loves and cares about you, people don't just stop caring out of nowhere after that long although our brains tend to go to that, trust me I get that. I do know many people that end up in therapy from sharing a life with someone who lives with BPD but, it's also good for anyone to be in therapy to learn to work through their problems.
Journaling the pain, keeping hydrated, talking to your loved ones etc. are all great steps. and I hope you are proud of yourself Cindy. You're a strong individual who has been through so much and I really hope you are reminding yourself of that.
I sent you a msg on IG and I hope you know here's SO many of us that are here if you need to talk.
Sending you SO much love and well wishes ❤❤❤❤
I think staying and working on yourself, giving Andrew more time is a good decision. I don’t know if you’ve thought about this but there are therapists online who you can talk to relatively quickly and get some help with your feelings right now. I really wish you all the best❤️
I didn't write a comment yesterday because everyone else was already being so thoughtful and compassionate, but I was so worried for you I had trouble sleeping. You have no idea what a relief this video is. I'm grateful you've decided to be patient and give Andrew his space. I think it's safer for you to stay at home for as long as you can and find comfort in your furbabies and your friend from Arkansas and the community you've created online. I can't imagine how devastating this is for you, but you are loving and introspective and willing to grow, and you will get through this. I've been to that place where I thought my life was over, and I thought everyone would be better off without me, but therapy saved me. You and Andrew both deserve to heal and to be happy, even if you don't stay together. Please stay safe.
I could not stop thinking about you yesterday even when I went to bed. I am so proud of you for seeking therapy this soon. As always, I am sending you love and light. 🌛🌕🌜
Look back at these and see how far you really have come :)
When we’re you diagnosed? Just asking because it’s very common for autistic women to be misdiagnosed. Difficulty with Emotional regulation, impulse control, difficulty with social interactions, sensory overload and issues can be a sign on Autism, and adhd.
I genuinely think you two should split up for a while. Just simply take a break, not divorce (if that's not what Andrew wants), because you seem to badly need alone time to work on your self confidence. Your codependency patterns might only get worse if he's around, and he's going to be under a lot of pressure he needs a break from again.
having this level of honesty with yourself is one of the hardest things to process and the fact that you’re brave enough to share it like this is incredible ❤ there are so many of us who go through this living with personality disorders (among the other diagnoses that go hand in hand with them) and it helps so much to know that we aren’t the only person going through it. We’re never as alone as we think we are, there’s a whole community who has made it to the other side of the healing process for this
the cindy I see here seems in a better place already, even if it feels like it’s only by a 0.0001%. Time truly helps heal all wounds, you will get through this.
Cindy, I thought of you the whole day! You are far stronger than you think and you will get even stronger, I'm sure about that!
Thank you for the update, we are there for you! ❤
As somebody who was in a relationship for a few years with a wonderful lady with BPD, I can definitely feel Andrew's pain as well as yours, especially being somebody with mental health issues and recently being diagnosed as neurodivergent.
So glad to hear that Andrew has started reaching out again and am hoping that you two can work together on this rather than separately! One person having to figure out how to split income, property, etc. just isn't fair.
Hope all goes well 💕 Take time to breathe!
i think the biggest common denominator here is grief and trauma that occurred. everyone handles grief and or trauma differently and sometimes we don’t handle it great, especially when you’re in a relationship where both parties need to be considered. i think once y’all truly heal from this past year you will both make it out stronger than before. sometimes “conflict” like this is necessary to create a new beginning. i have a lot of hope that things will work out for both of you so long as you both consciously try. you guys are in this life together not against each other! y’all got this.
Not all the way done with the video. But my personal advice, don’t rush to leave. Give it time. I think you both need space and time to yourselves. Enjoy the fur babies, keep busy, and work on yourself♥️
Starting therapy is such a good news! It won't be easy but in the long run it can help a lot. I think it was already impressive that you were able to notice your pattern of impulsive behaviour. That will help you a lot.
You also did good job with the backyard! 😊
I recently stumbled upon your channel through sims, fell in love with your beautiful personality, and after I found your vlog channel I was so excited to see more of your life! But when I saw your last video, it made me cry… like a lot😅 you are a wonderful person & we all come with our flaws, but you are stronger than you know! And I can’t wait to keep watching you channel and watch you flourish through this (because I know this video is old and I know it’s coming!) you are an inspiration, even if you don’t feel like it! Be so proud! Everything in this video was so healthy & well done you for recognising what needs to be fixed!
i've been thinking about you all day cindy, thank you for uploading and keeping us updated 💜
Thank you for the quick update, i’m glad and proud to see you’ve already looked for help. Things will surely get better, even if you feel lost right now you’re following the right path. Please take care and update us when you want and can. Sending you so much love and strength ❤
I had no idea where to start with commenting on your previous video, my heart hurts so much for you.
I know everyone always says 'it gets better' and I do agree with it, but I also think that sometimes it's not exactly helpful when it's really difficult. It will get better, but it will take time. It took three years for things to get better for me, to the point when I could say I was genuinely happy.
So rather than 'it gets better', my advice to you is 'just keep going'. Even if you have to take it second by second, keep pushing through the pain and never give up. Don't let the pain win, remind yourself of all the good little things that make life worth living (like the weather you mentioned at the beginning, being back in your hometown, being in nature) and take your time to allow yourself to grieve, cope and heal. In time you will realise that it did get better ❤️
I wish you the best of luck, please take care of yourself and reach out to your family and friends in Arkansas. We are all here to listen, give advice and help you on your journey to the next chapter of your life, whatever it may be. Much love to you Cindy ❤️
Cindy, I'm not sure exactly what has happened to get you both to this point, but the fact that Andrew has checked up on you or asked his parents to,etc means that he still loves you whether you get back together or not. Sometimes the hardest thing for us to do is see the flaws in our own selves and our behaviour, but by seeing them we can face them and become better people by working through them. Take the therapy, is also suggest the one on one therapy if it's a good therapist. Sometimes we just need to 🌟 and once you're doing that and in a better place you can let Andrew know how you're coping and dealing with everything and after he's had time away to deal with his own thoughts and mind, you two might be able to sit down and work things out. But even if you don't we are all here for you and clearly Andrew abd his family still cares for you. ❤️
*start not 🌟 (autocorrect!)
You will get through this! ❤️
It's worth taking the time, no matter how excruciating. It's normal in the moment to want to fight for everything to just go back to how they were no matter the costs; but, things can/will never go back to exactly how they were. Which is a good thing in this case.
It's frustrating to have to set these unfamiliar boundaries that weren't there before, but this really is a new foundation you're starting from the bottom up. It's going to set the tone for the rest of the future, so it's worth taking a few extra days/weeks :)
Also I know you probably don't want to hear this, but everyone really should experience living alone and being self-sufficient at (some point) in their lives. These are shitty circumstances, but just like surprising yourself doing yard work you didn't think you could do, try to use this time to build up your confidence/comfort with being alone and doing things you are afraid you can't do. It goes a long way :)
Hey Cindy! You've been in my thoughts since your video yesterday. Sending you much love and healing 💙💛
It is SO APPARENT that you are trying SO HARD!!! That definitely counts for something, big time. Stay strong and don't give up!!!!!! After surviving this hellish year you went through, you will be able to get through anything. 💜💜💜
I hope I can be brave enough to open up like you just did, one day.
im only saying this out of love- i personally thought it was a little too soon to leave. i think it could be even more regrettable especially when the love is still there. but i know how it can be SO painful and conflicting to be surrounded by all the memories. but it’s not impossible! i think with making use of all the support you have on here, starting therapy, and learning to healthily cope with your emotions and be aware of your actions could all be very beneficial- you’re already aware of a lot of your thought and behavior patterns and that’s a great thing to be conscious of! you’re already on your way to an even more productive mind and lifestyle
Running away might not be the best solution until you have a conversation with Andrew. If you guys are going to walk away from your marriage, it should be a decision that you both have talked about and decided on even if the decision to quit is on his end. Either way, things should be clear. Andrew loves you Cindy and I agree with you, he probably just needs some time. Let him stew and talk to whoever he needs to and get his thoughts together. Then when he's ready you two can sit down and really chat about moving forward whatever that looks like.
Socks before shoes. As long as you listen to what he tells you and try to take it to heart and work on it instead of waving it away, you guys have great chances. Also, moving is stressful on top of everything else, especially if you have a heavy heart. No matter what happens, he did the right thing by being blunt and honest with you. Stay Strong Cindy and I hope you don't give up if the first therapy place you check out isn't for you. You as a human being are worth it. And so is Andrew ♥ edit: My BPD/CPTSD ex did .... a lot worse than anything you could've ever done and I would've taken him back in a heartbeat if he took me seriously and did therapy properly. I just feel like I have to say this. The connection you guys have kept him this long with you without therapy, that says a lot! I pray for the both of you ♥
I have never been so happy about someone putting things into a dumpster, look at you go Cindy!
I can't think of a more narrow-minded perspective on this than saying Andrew is in the wrong. Ignore those comments, you know better than any of us the reality of all of this. I'm glad you are taking time to think and giving him time also. I wish you two the best, whatever outcome that is 💜
Hey Cindy, I'm so glad you're going back on the decision to leave. I wanted so bad to leave a comment and say this yesterday, but thought your friend from Arkansa maybe advised you so and didn't want to come across as a know it all, or take from you the opportunity to get there on your own. As someone with BPD, I could clearly see myself in your decision to just run away and leave so abruptly. I'm also on therapy with clinical psychotherapists and group therapy, and still got lots to learn
We LOVE you Cindy
Haven’t watched the full vid yet but already I am so pleased to hear Andrew has been in touch. Hope is alive ❤️ you got this x
you have such wonderful insight and you are so deeply reflective -- it's a real gift that is often also a curse as your therapist will likely tell you!
you were more than understandably acting from a place of deep hurt, and human instinct will always be to pull the knife out of the wound, even when leaving it in the wound is better for survival. leaving so soon while so raw might have been like pulling the knife out and staying put might feel like leaving the knife in -- going against the instinct to remove yourself from pain is a difficult and unnatural thing, and you should be commended for recognising that staying in a little extra pain now will almost certainly serve you better in the long term.
you can't outrun pain and you can't outrun yourself, and you can certainly always leave later -- no need to do it today or tomorrow or next week.
very very proud of you for this and very very relieved to be updated so soon -- to see that things seem to be moving positively, and that you are safe.
So glad to see from you. Stay strong Cindy❤️
The amount of self reflection is so real and honest. Sending you all of the love. ❤
We love and support you Cindy, thinking of you, sending my best vibes💜💙
Although it’s a really horrible situation I’m so proud of your determination to not only repair your relationship but to work on yourself. Saying it out helps so so much and I’m so pleased you’re starting therapy it’s life changing honestly. Much love to you both ❤️
So glad you uploaded sending love to help you get through these tough times! 🤗
Ive been sort of a ""lurker"" on your channels . I came for The Sims videos but I stayed cause you're such a real and warm person. Please keep us updated :)
I think you are proving to yourself how strong you are. not knowing you at all and just watching these last couple of videos, I see someone with so much potential to grow and heal.
Keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you the very best ❤
Cindy it is extremely incredible that you’re being so productive and veering that work done !!!
If content creating is a safe way for you to express emotions and helps you work through thoughts and feelings, I support it 100% Just remember that when you are healing yourself it’s okay to be selfish about what you keep to yourself. You don’t owe anything to anyone but yourself and Andrew. You have survived 100% if your worst days and you can do this.
Sending you both lots of peace and positivity. It will all work itself out.
Cindy, I just want to say that you are a good person and that you are loved. I will be praying for you and Andrew.
The fact that he’s talking to you is a very good sign. It is important to be very careful now in terms of your communication. I was in the same situation, and I can tell you that reconciliation is 100% possible. Please reach out if you need help, advice or just someone to talk to. My offer of course materials still stands too. I can’t stop thinking about you because I know how it feels. Try to focus on yourself now. I sent you a message on Instagram, I hope it’s not too intrusive. But I just feel for you so much and want to help in any way I can. Take care, dear Cindy. You are not alone!
I am so glad to hear that you are not leaving yet. That’s what I did, and it worked out. It wasn’t instant, but bit by bit things improved, and one day I received a message that he wanted to come back. It’s important not to say anything manipulative and even try not to contact him yourself. That’s what I learned from the course, it opened my eyes. And yes, you’re absolutely right. Use this time to work on yourself and do what you want, what feels good
It’s true that sometimes we’re trying to do good, and it seems that we are just doing how we feel, but it’s still manipulative from the other party’s standpoint. When I learned that, my life changed completely.
It’s also very important to go smart contact (basically reply, but not message yourself)
Ok I watched the whole video and I’m so proud of you. I’m glad these videos have been helpful/cathartic for you - we love you and your community is here for you as much as we can be. We don’t want you to feel alone. I know you can do this! I am really proud of you for already finding therapy. Sending all of my love and healing thoughts. I also have a lot of childhood trauma and it’s been the hardest process to start working through it in therapy but it’s the best and most important thing I have ever done for myself.
Hi Cindy. You can get through this, don't give up.
I'm so sorry you are going through this Cindy.
Your honesty is amazing and you're helping so many people, so many people. It's real and raw and not perfect but it's real life and you are helping so many people, including me. It will be ok, no matter what. You will be ok, no matter what! Keep your mind on your goal and you'll get there. Much love.
You've been on my mind nonstop since I saw your previous video. So happy to see you pop up on my feed.
As painful as it is, I think it's a wise decision to stay for now. You can always make the decision to leave in the future. While escape can temporarily bring relief, I think it's worth it to look the pain in the eye and sit with it as you learn new skills through DBT. I'm so excited for you to begin your journey with therapy.
It's unimaginably difficult, but you're right that the best possible thing to do is to give Andrew space and let him come to you.
So proud of you Cindy.
i’m so glad you uploaded ! i was so worried & i wish you the best 🤍