Dating Germans as an American
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 มิ.ย. 2018
- The dating scene in Germany is different from the US and it really took me by surprise. Watch my video to hear what my thoughts are on dating Germans as an American living in Germany.
Check out my Merch! www.redbubble.com/people/kemc...
Subscribe to my channel! / kellydoesherthing
Become one of my patrons! / kellydoesherthing
Instagram @KellyDoesHerThing and @kem302
Twitter @K_DoesHerThing
![เจอประจำ ตอน เปิดเทอมวันแรก [EP.29]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/eFK-B836i60/mqdefault.jpg)
On my first date with a German lady (I'm Belgian) we talked for hours ! I never had anybody listen that much to me ! And it wasn't about clothes, what we earn, if we have a car or house, what kind of job we do, but about life !
This is impossible to find in America. Everybody is so superficial and materialistic.
@@contrerasedgar86 You also could say the americans are more honest. Money and private property actually does mean a lot to most German women. They just won´t reveal it at the first date.
@@Musikpunx It really isn't unless the woman has no income of her own or the guy doesn't. So long as you're self-sufficient and (depending on whether the German woman looks for that) have enough financial stability to support a potential future family, it doesn't matter. Same thing goes for German men though. Most of them also look for financial security in a potential female partner. Those topics do come up. Just not during the first few dates but once a compatibility was established and some sort of commitment is on the table because until then they don't matter. Americans are lot less honest than Germans actually.
Thats how 95% of all my dates be haha
Dating a German and you expect light conversation?? 😁
Germans don’t do light conversation. Small talk is not something that we do much here. I personally don’t mind talking a bit heavier subjects, it makes the decision if you are compatible with your partner a lot too.
As a German I generally agree but not in the pretty special case of a first Date. I'm not Interested in discussing foreign policy or characteristics of education on my first meet with a strange person - foreigner or not. And I also don't need heavy tropics like these to find out if she's nice.
Dokker62 well I’m German too, and while I don’t particularly like these topics on the first date, it does happen.
I think it still saves times on finding out how compatible you are, but it’s maybe not necessarily the best conversation topic for a first date.
@@NoraMalia and here we see 2 germans talking to each other in english, and me, another german, responding in english as well
Just because we can :D :D
@@NoraMalia I like it, its funny. :D
Germans talk about politics and serious topics all the time, even to people they just met at the park while having a chill. That is part of the way they are. Dating is no exception. Guys just wanna see if you align with their views, and light-headed conversations without any depth are often considered a turn-off. You're putting waaaaaaaaayyyy too much thought into it.
i don't think she is... She shouldn't be asked to represent all Americans ...The rise of the far right in Germany is probably not a great first date conversation im guessing
@Mew Tje. You are so right. No matter how diplomatically I attempt to sidestep their questions they will wind up cornering me, at which time I will suddenly remember that I am late for an appointment. The most charming German women I have met always turned out to believe in Collectivism and/or man-caused climate change, two to them quasi-religious beliefs which are anathema to me. When visiting Germany I do much better with people from Eastern Europe or Turkey who work in Germany.
Germans talk about serious topics but they all say the same, hardly contradict each other and talk politically correctness and avoid with so many taboos that you don't need to be in the country for long to understand it's easy to adapt and be/talk like them. It's just fake seriousness.
@Alex Noon. Adapting to "be/talk like them" would mean to have to abandon all my deeply rooted beliefs and pretend to be the very antithesis of the person I am. Getting along with people whose beliefs and convictions are the exact opposite of mine is easy as long as BOTH parties are willing to avoid the contentious issues. I am willing to do so, but unfortunately they are not.
Because they are so much in the political correctness that they don't notice that what they express is not a personnal idea but the way they have been taught to think. Most of them are simply empty. You can't talk to robots and expect them to express something personnal. Germans hardly take the risk to be different. It's scary to them.
I'm a German guy and obviously I can only talk about my own preferences, but to me a topic like international politics for example is just as important as music, art, literature or scientific topics on a date, maybe even more so because political opinions and general knowledge about politics tells you a lot about a person. Having a super hot girl just cause she's hot gets kinda pointless after being together for a couple weeks to me. Of course it's nice I won't deny that but if I have nothing I can talk about with her I wouldn't care how good she is looking cause this kind of relationship gets really frustrating at least once you stop having sex all day long and actually want to share your thoughts on something, just to notice the other party is completely oblivious regarding that matter or has such an extreme opinion to the point of simply denying facts, that any discussion would be useless. Therefore, while I won't deliberately start a discussion about politics out of nowhere, I would try to talk about it in case it fits well in the ongoing conversation.
To me, lighthearted topics are intresting in a way to learn a little about what you like or dislike in general, but in the end politics and stuff along these lines gives the best impression regarding moral standards and how much someone has a grasp on what's actually going on in the world we are living in. That's really important to me. But probably Americans are more into the lighthearted stuff at the beginning, because you usually tend to have more dates with multiple people before actually thinking about having a relationship. In Germany you don't really have this kind of dating culture among most people and people are usually more picky early on because we get serious a lot faster as well. At least ppl who are looking for long-term relationships often do.
Naturally people who have quite the temper especially when talking about politics should avoid this kind of discussion. Starting an argument about that or looking down on the other party's opinion/culture is totally unacceptable.
However, really interesting video. Keep up the good work and please excuse my somewhat subpar English.
I completely agree with you and I love talking about politics (I’m currently getting a masters in legislative affairs so if I didn’t, I’m really wasting my time! Lol) but on the first date, I just want to see if I even like the dude’s personality and if our personalities collectively mesh well. I also love to laugh so if a guy can’t make me laugh on the first date, it’s not going to work even if we have complimentary views of the world. And I think I can usually tell a lot about the guy’s intelligence even with lighter topics...especially if I bring up one of my fav hobbies - travel. And back to humor, I think it takes a certain amount of intelligence and wit to make a well crafted and funny joke so that is very telling too. After the first date, if we agree to meet again, that’s when I start to be more comfortable talking about deeper topics. And I also think the way someone talks about these topics is telling as well...not just with how much they know or how current they are, but also with how well they are able to think outside their little box, as you said at the end of your comment. Like, if I bring up a different opinion, does the guy immediately get defensive or tell me I’m wrong? Or does he consider it and then decide from there? I think it takes a lot of good character for someone to be able to do some critical thinking when presented with a different view. These people who are writing that they would never date a trump supporter - trust me, I get it - but how are you responding to someone that presents a different opinion than yours? Are you demeaning? Defensive? Aggressive? Or are you listening, thinking, and responding with thoughtful points. These are the types of conversations I appreciate having with people because we collectively learn from each other in whatever topic it is...gun control, abortion, civil rights, data privacy rights, war, etc etc. sorry for the ramble :) I really should be studying right now hahah thanks for watching and making me think with your comment :)
Thanks for the interesting reply.
I totally agree with you that humor is quite important and needs a certain amount of wit.
I didn't mean to say that anyone should ever focus on serious stuff only on a date. It's just a part that might come up especially with 2 people being interested in it and I think it's a good chance to get to know the person you are talking to. More like a don't force it but don't avoid it either kind of thing. :)
It's probably the best to just let the topics be decided by the overall mood of the conversation. I often get these topics cause I've always been interested in politics, economy, history...that stuff...ever since I was a kid and therefore when talking about hobbies and so on it just comes up naturally and is pretty helpful to me at the same time.
Usually if you get along with someone they notice when a topic makes you feel really uncomfortable or anything like that. At least I only ever had problems like that with people that I didn't really like anyways....and for much more important reasons than just choosing the wrong topic in a conversation at that. ^^
Yeah completely intolerant people or people who are just so full of themselves that they couldn't even be bothered to properly listen are probably the worst people to talk to because it's completely pointless. It's literally like talking to a wall.
I'd never expect people to agree with me cause my opinions are often rather critical, sometimes even cynical.
However, I really like having a discussion with someone whose well informed cause usually both parties learn something from it even if you end up with keeping different opinions. I enjoy the process of trying to convince each other by elaborating facts in an eloquent manner. I really can't stand people who are completely unable to have a discussion. Even if it's a Trump supporter.....as long as they are able to proof their point through knowledge, not propaganda, and are also able to accept anothers opinion, I have absolutely no problem with them in daily life even though I often disagree with them. After all aside from the person Trump itself they do have some valid points when adressing certain issues even though they're often hidden behind walls of propaganda and hatespeech. Biggest problem for me aren't the topics they have or the problems they wanna solve, but the crazy "solutions" they are providing for said problems.
Actually I often encounter people who are so dead set on being tolerant/liberal in every aspect, and because of that are against e.g. Trump, that they become totally intolerant and biased to a degree where they can't see the bigger picture anymore, completely disregarding other opinions.
So, avoiding Trump supporters might not even be the solution. :D
Err ... what subpar English, bitte? I thought it's all very well said!
No subpar English here, you write and I'm sure speak better than most Americans. Very well said by the way. Oder sollte ich sagen sehr gut gesagt.
@@realityyy4047 I really do like the way you explained everything
You made me miss my old job in which I used to meet different people. But I must admit, Germans were always interested in important facts or culture, traditions, way of thinking and were open minded and ready to listen to argument.
And they knew to ASK really important questions. It was SO interesting.
It seems to me, generally, they have the good feeling of what matters, what is important. I've learned so much from them.
COFFFFEEEE DATE! I think you put too much thought into it. Dating is supposed to be easy and fun.. If you already stress yourself out about food, language, drinks, location etc etc I feel like the date is bound to fail. Embarrass yourself, make mistakes, ask him for help... It adds character and it shows that you are human and are trying your best to adapt to a different culture. You also need to tell a German guy upfront when a guy offends you, they will usually apologize and fix their way of speaking and learn something from you. German guys are usually really sweet and understanding but can be asses if you don't put them in their place.
Oh don’t get me wrong, that stuff wasn’t stressing me out to the point where I wasn’t able to go on a date and have fun, but I wanted to let people watching my video know that this is something to be aware of :) it was a part of my experience of dating in Germany
Kelly does her thing Explain 'put them in their place' please 🤔😁😋
? to put someone in his place = einem einen Dämpfer aussetzen = ausschimpfen = eine Lektion erteilen ?
In seine Schranken verweisen.
Ja. Danke!
I agree with you Kelly. Based on my experiences living and traveling in Europe, compared with Americans, Europeans tend to be more blunt and direct in expressing their opinions. Europeans appear to have a tradition of intellectual and political debate that we do not have and are not accustomed to and that many Americans interpret as rude, conceited and patronizing. Our reaction then reinforces their view that we are intellectually empty, thin-skinned, etc., etc., and the cycle continues.
It can be challenging for us Americans to deal with as we place more of a priority on surface friendliness, politeness especially in our day to day encounters with strangers and on first dates especially! My sympathies to you with your dating experience!
Based on my own experiences I think you're right about the fact that many European countries have a much stronger tradition of political debate than the USA has. Perhaps it's also because politics is (much) more pluriform here, so it's not always one party versus the other, making debate so much more interesting. If I try to debate politics with Americans it often ends in a very non-constructive left vs. right wing discussion. It often sounds more like arguing for "your favorite sports team" where a good sound-bite is more important than a good argument.
well said, both of you!
Thank you all this was really an eye opener. I now understand why are Americans too often seen as "stupid" and "superficial" (while obviously it is impossible for that to be true). It is just a different etiquette.
It appears that to make friends with an American person, you have to master the art of superficial, light conversation before you get to talk about interesting stuff :)
Kata Vidosusic To become friends with an American one must be them selves. You just stereotyped Americans as the majority aren’t superficial. Being polite and talkative is just how we are. And that’s not how every part of the US is either. When in reality many Europeans are more so than Americans (not all but German speaking countries are for the most part). They aren’t quick to open up but will talk behind ones back very fast
Well.. Generally I would say that Europeans have a culture of intellect the US does not have. ;)
IQ statistics should be sufficiently meaningful
We germans just hate smalltalk, unless we are insanely drunk ore very lonely, we tend to avoid it at all cost. Instead heaving strong opinions on important topics and being interested about heavier topics is popular and kind of attractive to us.
Just speak for yourself and not for all of us please 😊
I didn't date a nationality, I dated a human being. I don't know why some people have problems related to where someone is from or what culture they have. If you have a good character and are a good person other things will work out that seem to be a problem because of superficial thinking.
I completely agree with you!
So? What is a good character? The answer varies a lot from culture to culture.
hxxx kxxx a good character doesn't care where you are from. If that is the case I find out if you are the one I want to date or not.
I get that. But that's your opinion. and it's a western world opinion. but in other societies, it might be very important, who sombody comes from. and I would be cautious to imply, that millions of people have a bad character beacause of that.
Yh but i bet you will never date an arab man
The thing about US foreign policy is that in Germany it's not a hot button issue, we can all make fun of it together.
Just like we make fun of Geman politics.
@Sarah Rusell bro you good XD who tf hurt you XD
If you are an American living abroad expect to be asked about politics, even on a date. And to be fair...the answers you give might help your date decide, if you are worth his/her time. 😂
i will talk a little bit more about this in my date story i mentioned haha
No matter how beautiful the woman is, if she is a Trump fan, there wouldn’t be any future possible ...
So, specially politics is an important topic to talk about, at least since 2016
thats it
Says a Merkel voter?@@achimwokeschtla7582
@Sir Walter SixPence
Who says that I voted for Merkel?
But Trump is not the equivalent of Merkel. If you want to compare him to German politicians, than either Seehofer or anybody if the AFD
I don't know if this is just me, but if I went out with an american girl in Germany, I'd ask them if they'd need help with the menu, because, you know, it's nice to help.
My boyfriend (who is german and who I met in Germany) met me for dinner and was at the restaurant before me. He had already asked for an English menu (which thankfully they had) and had it at my seat for when I arrived :)
And it's so appreciated. Finally someone has something kind to offer in this discussion.
Im American and my boyfriend is born and raised in Germany. we've been together for almost two years and he's the most kind hearted, generous, and loving man Ive ever dated.
Kelsey Withers do you live in Germany with him?
nah come on. be honest. you are just using him as a emotional pillow. you want something else, you know it yourself.
@@derbauer2891 How do you know? You can read her mind and heart based on one sentence on TH-cam?. My, my, that's quite a talent. Yes, I am being sarcastic.
To be honest that " dating" concept is an american thing, meaning that the idea of how "dating" is supposed to work & look like is pretty specific american......i believe Germans(,and probably most Europeans) are much more random about relationships, one would go out once or twice as in "Kaffee trinken gehen"(to go for a coffee) or "einen trinken gehen" (to get some drinks together) meaning something less formal than than "dating" , then decide if there was more interest.....
As to those german men who don't like to date geman women it is mostly guys who want a more traditional , somewhat servile woman (they tend to prefer east european or asian women) and have a problem with on average more emancipated german women
Thank you for sharing you perspective! I think maybe we have a similar dating concept...there are lots of Americans who will be “dating” multiple people at the same time because it’s very informal until a certain point. Of course it’s different for everyone and the expectations here can get tricky haha but I would say that usually if you’ve been on a date with the same guy like 5 times and it’s clear you’re really enjoying each others company, you might then have the talk about dating each other exclusively.
That’s a really interesting take on the why german men wouldn’t want to date german women, I don’t think I had heard that one yet so thank you :)
Kelly does her thing BTW there isn't even a word "dating" in german....
I don't think Germans have something like "dating exclusively"... either you are dating or in a relationship
phunny onqel I would say either you are in a relationship or not. That word & concept "dating" doesn't exist in german. You might go out with someone but that is the only word I can directly translate into german.
I have a lot of friends which have a modern concept of woman and still married a foreign woman, because they thought that German girls can be pretty demanding, spoiled and nitpicky. But as always: all people are individuals!
Light conversations are boring to most germans, which is why we usually just skip over them. Foreign policies or science or philosophy are favoured topics because it can initate a discussion in which you get to know the other person better, their beliefs and their ideals aswell. Germans do also like a friendly argument
Really cool to see the dating concept from another perspective!
It's very strange to me as a German to not really talk about "unfun" topics (like politics or money or personal stuff) on dates. How else would you really get to know the other person, if you could be a great match :)
"I'm sure all of you have been on a first date before"
that's unintentionally hilarious
Here's a German, guilty of not dating other Germans lol. That was basically, because my first boyfriend was a German and the experience was horrible to say the least. Sure, they aren't all the same, but in Europe, it's not so difficult to go to other countries and meet people, so that can also get a little more exciting than just dating your neighbor, if you get what I mean. I think we are all pretty open to those around us and like to explore, also in love. I've always wanted to move to another country and that decision is way easier done when you are in love with somebody there.
technical hint: this is too quiet. Forces you to turn volume way up and get a shock at the next video.
Congratulations on your videos, I discovered you yesterday and I can't stop watching because you analyze the grounds for the cultural differences deeply, connecting them with history, economy, politics, etc., which most of the videos comparing cultures neglect. Besides that, the overall tone is very conciliatory, you manage to stay away from judgmental or condescending remarks. I'm Spanish German, met my American partner in Germany and live in the DC area since last August. It's funny how we go through so many of the situations you describe with Mischa. I can relate soooo much! Thanks for sharing your experiences!
I don't understand this concept of "light/heavy" conversations. It sounds like Kelly and some commentators refers to topics while a lot of "weight" comes to the tone. In other words it is not just "what you're talking about" but also "how". In my view any topic is acceptable once people say interesting things, show mutual respect and generally positive attitude. One thing I strongly dislike about any communication situation (would it be your first date or 50th wedding anniversary) is when you're limited by some formal and pretty silly rules.
I never met someone who didn't want to date a person from his/hers country. oO
Forget all those dating apps. Go outside and live your life.
Hello Kelly, first of all my congratulations for making such a great channel and finding a toping that works so well! I think you are doing a great job in communicating between the American and German culture. My grandmother lived in the US for around 50 years and I still have family in the US, despite me living in Germany. That's why I know pretty good how it feels to travel between the two cultures. I just wanted to pay you a compliment on balancing the interests of the two cultures so well. Germans ofter are very direct and tend to talk about severe subjects right from the start on. Americans often like to keep the first meeting fun, comfortable and positive. My point is, as a German, of course a little more towards the "severe" type. It is great that you "function" as a person who brings the two countries closer together and who strengthens the understanding of each other. That is just the right role you can be very proud of and every German should engage just as much as you do for this topic. Sometimes I have the impression that you talk slightly more about positive things of Germany than about those in the US. This is of course very charming for us Germans, but it is our German role to keep the relations right. The Americans have done so much for Germany historically like ending the two world wars, protection western Europe during the Cold War and allowing and helping Germany to establish a stable and long lasting democracy after Word War II, so we owe you respect and thankfulness. Sometimes this gets lost in translation, but it shouldn't. The US have reached so much in the four centuries they exist, that Germany just can't compete in many areas. I just wanted to make these relations clear in a public manner, because you said you also had some experiences in Germany that were not enjoyable. What we really need in Germany are people like you who create the future with such a good spirit. Keep goin', Kelly! Bye bye, Konstantin
I'm married to a German guy. We're still newly weds though. I initiated the friendship, but it took us a good 2 years to warm up and get to know each other. It takes time, but I find people to a lot more genuine in the long run. I can relate to your language barrier stress...my level is B1-ish and I'm still very very stressed out and feel a bit socially isolated, but I've only been here for a few months so...I'm think it'll be okay with time.
*people here
Sorry, doesn´t work that way here. Most Germans are not too much into the superficial "yadda yadda just don´t say anything of substance or your dialog partner might get his/her feelings hurt" stuff. Guess we´re not too much into the thought to invests a lot of time into someone we then - weeks later when the first "serious" conversation occurs - find out to be someone we do not agree with on practically anything. Also, not to be offensive, but if you date german men in Germany maybe do not expect them to date you "the american way"?
Mirko Hess And there is The Problem. It’s not superficial. You can actually learn something faster about an America as compared to a German from just talking to them. So it seems the German way is really a waste of time.
Luxus Qualität I mean honestly I’d rather have an actual serious conversation with someone rather than some small talk until like 5 dates later we start actually talking and I realize that this person is the complete opposite of me
xuximytuxi UwU And that is Exactly how it’s done “the Americans way”. The entire thing about small talk is just away for other cultures to make them selves feel good about them being so introverted.
Germans will date in the ways they know. They have their own culture just like all countries do. Expect it to be different than how it's done in the USA or Greece or anywhere else.
Tormageddon lol, what? You have idea i see.
Wait, so you had never been to a restaurant in a foreign country before those dates? I feel like going with a local would actually help with the language barrier because they could translate the menu or order for you if the waiter doesn't speak English. Asking for help can also be a great icebreaker as generally German guys aren't good at small talk ;-)
I think in general there isn't much of a dating culture in Germany. Usually you meet someone through friends, start talking and then meet up for coffee or drinks or whatever. Dinner dates aren't really something people do until they're in a relationship already.
Good timing in a way - I've just finished booking a week in Amsterdam next month with a friend from the US!
I second what you say about menus and the language. My last relationship was with a translator, and visiting her home country was difficult for me - *most* of the waiters spoke some English, but not all, and not all had English menus available either. (German or French would have been OK, but this was Macedonian: not even the same alphabet!)
We'll be on a more equal footing at least - my Dutch is very limited, and everyone there speaks fluent English anyway, but I still hate the feeling of being in a country whose language I don't speak, particularly when I'm with someone who does and have to rely on them.
Whew! I’m glad I’m not the only one who had experienced these factors that you otherwise would probably never think about haha :) I hope that you enjoy your time in Amsterdam! What a beautiful city!
I totally agree. Making comments about stereotypical traits of previous dates from the same country and thus talking down on said culture is a no go!
However, although i heard from americans that service in germany is rude and distant they will nearly always try to help you if you are having language problems. If it is not the cheapest takeaway or a restaurant in a very small town it is almost a given that the waiter/waitress can speak english. So i would absolutely not worry about that. Also as a gentleman it should be the guys job to make you feel comfortable and help you out if necessary, translate the menu or whatever.
Don't know how your conversations went but political topics are definetly ok in germany. A Date is not small-talk because you want to get to know the other person, their believes and character. Also most men i know would like to come across as smart or intelligent to talk to. So there is that.
Yes bill splitting is a common thing.
Thank you for sharing :) yeah I just think that on a first date, I prefer to sort of just skim the surface - talk about hobbies, swap funny stories, talk about favorite this and favorite that....the more serious conversations I prefer to have after I’ve decided whether or not I even like the guy’s personality haha but maybe politics are a bit more emotionally charged for Americans? I’m not sure haha
Well maybe there we have the Dating difference. Me as a german, i go "on a date" with someone when i already like them. I would never meet up with someone i just know the face or what ever. If i met someone at a Party my intuition says be there already, if i like that Person More or not. And then, if i already get goosbumbs when he writes back, i wanna meet up again. So i am sure if i sit in a Café , i like thats Person s company
I agree with you. You sound like a good guy.
Why do Germans seem to believe that only political discussions show intelligence? There are SO many other topics in the world to discuss that show who a person is rather than where they stand on the current state of German-American foreign relations. Anyone can read the paper and watch the news. Anyone can repeat what they read in an opinion column or on their favorite newscast. Anyone can complain about all the numbnuts holding political office. Even in the USA that's like a national passtime.
Not everyone can speak about your life and how you live it. Where you're from, what do you do for a living? Are you a dog person or a cat person? What do you like to do in your spare time? What books have you read? What did you do last Saturday? Do you enjoy sports? Who's your favorite team? Do you like to travel? What's your family like? Did you go to college? What degree do you have? What's the craziest or most fun thing you've ever done? What are your dreams about the future? Heard any good jokes lately?
I think the big disconnect here is that, from what I've read here, Germans don't want to discuss their own lives. They don't like personal discussions. Personal stuff is deemed unintelligent and frivolous, even though you're trying to understand a person's personality and whether or not you'd be compatible with that person. NO! VERBOTEN! FRIVOLOUS! People who bother to discuss such things are stupid! Let's talk about Trump's latest diss of Merkel (Or Macron, or Abe, or Trudeau, or anyone who isn't Putin or himself), or what's happening in the South China Sea, or tax policy, or the rise of the Right Wing................................... Just please don't discuss anything personal, that's not intelligent enough for me.
Sorry, it's just a crutch to keep from discussing what's really important for getting to know each other. Yes, political views are important, but they're not the only thing. I am more than who I voted for on Tuesday. So are you. Allow all those other sides of yourself out. You might like what you find.
"I refuse to acquire some tourist niveau language skills, so I can only order a meal in English and only if I get an English menu. Also I don't want to be judged as beeing one of these oblivious American stereotpyes! How dare you?"
I thought the same thing. I live in China now for 2 month and I have no problem ordering food or talking to the taxi driver in Chinese (very bad Chinese). Why just accept the inability?
+Frank Gütle
I think the main problem for Americans is that they don't grasp that outside the USA tourists are actually out of their home country to actively expirience an other culture...actively as in learning some words of the foreign cultures language(please, thanks, numbers, produkt names, phrases to get around) and learning some cultureal quirks and behaviours in advance, and when you are there you apply what you learned and expirience all the wierd ,strange and cool things out there on your own.
Beeing a tourist is not living in a colonial bubble.
And living as an expat should inspire even more flexibility and willingness to learn language and behaviour.
TremereTT maybe. I don’t know about that. My comment was for me and for her specifically, not in general.
And that’s the typical American arrogance. I had to learn and adjust. I learned here in Germany and other European nations not being scared just to ask is better then insulting them by butchering there language. But France ya here just rude. If you decide to visit Europe just go with an open mind.
Ha I cringed at that too! Despite being a sadly under-traveled Californian, habe viel deutsch gelernt ganz allein mit der internet, filme u.s.w.;) Es ist nicht wie ein unzerbrechliches Code. Es macht spass! The U.S. is racked by lazy-brain disease. *shudder* Helps the powers-that-be take massive advantage of us, zu fatale folgen...
I'm always fascinated by the American dating rules.
Back in the 50s there was a similar set of rules for dating in Germany.
But then many things changed, especially with feminism.
So, fun is what you make it.
When I was single and I met a nice guy who asked me out on a date, I expected him to pay the bill. He had already talked to me and found out that he liked me so the actual date was the beginning of his courtship.
But when I tried blind dates (lonely hearts ads, it was way before tinder!) I thought it wasn't fair to let the men pay the bills for every date with every girl. Those were no real dates but only first contact situations. We didn't go to fancy restaurants, just some coffee or cocktails.
There is a really funny song about dating German men:
"Aurelie" by "Wir sind Helden":
th-cam.com/video/_KOUCOYVAos/w-d-xo.html
Maybe your boyfriend can help you translate the lyrics.
Henriette
+Henriette - Most women expect, that the man pays the complete bill.
It shows, that the man respects and honors the woman like a gentleman.
And that it is worth for him, to find a woman.
To split the bill looks like:"I don´t want too see you any more. I pay my part, so you cannot expect anything from me."
But some men are more terrible. They tell stories or make tricks, not to pay anything.
ie "Sorry, I forgot my wallet." or they go to the mens bathroom, when the waiter presents the bill.
But this is rare in germany.
Why do you explain all that to me?
Did you even read my comment?
sunnymas I expect the woman to pay the the complete bill, because it shows that the woman respects and honors the man like a real woman.
And that it is worth for her, to find a man. :) See how ridiculous that sounds?
Henriette - Funny song! At least partly true about Dutch men as well, I guess.
Henriette thank you for sharing this song! my boyfriend and I just watched it together so that he could translate it for me and then we talked it. very funny! :) also interesting to note that i tried to open it up on my computer and couldn't. it said "This youtube video has not been made available in your country" which cracked me up because i'm used to seeing that in germany, not the US. fortunately my boyfriend was able to open it up because he has a VPN to germany still. thanks again!
gefällt mir was du machst weiter so :)
Can't wait to hear about that date! lol
Oh it’s a doozy! hahaha
It looks like I may be a couple of decades older than many of you (big fan of Kelly though), but you do learn things more as you do get older (hopefully!).
It doesn’t matter if you are of different cultures, if you can’t respect both cultures as well be aware of biases on both sides.
My hope is to make a move abroad and whether I meet someone who is also an expat or someone is a native to Germany is their character and how they treat others. I’m more looking for a “nice” guy to be able to enjoy spending time. Having a sense of mutual respect of both our similarities as well as differences.
I also feel that as you get older, “dating” as used when you are first meeting puts such high pressure on the outcome. To me...meeting for coffee and conversation (definitely light to start) is preferable to starting with a meal, unless at a Biergarten (😋) .
As a man i don't understand women that expect the man to pay for a first date. From my understanding this originates from times where a woman earning her own money was rare and it would be hard for her to pay for a fancy meal. But these times are over. And a man paying a woman for her time isn't chivalry in my head - i call it prostitution.
This would only change if i knew beforehand that the person i want to date doesn't have enough money, in that case i INVITE the other person and if that wouldn't be clear from the get go, assure that i'm paying (no strings attached).
Hahah your comment about prostitution is exactly what I was alluding to when I said “paying for their time...which could be an interesting conversation” I’ve heard several people express a similar opinion and it makes perfect sense. I personally always offer to pay because I want to be seen as an equal :)
I expect the person who asks on a date to pay - so usually when I've been dating, the man pays for the first couple of dates (since he is usually the one asking). Though I have asked a man on a first date a couple of times, and then I have paid. But once we have gone out a couple of times I will start asking him out and then we sorta take turns treating... I would rather do that (be treated sometimes and treat him sometimes) then split the bill because I think it's more romantic. It works out to be about the same, usually, in terms of money, but it just feels more romantic to me... LoL... no problems though if other people like to split 50/50, everyone is different.
That's why you go for drinks instead. You offer to pay for the first round. If she objects you smile and say she can get the next round. If she does not object she expects you to pay, and that counts against her in my opinion but I wouldn't make a fuss about it.
You come across as cheap and judgemental.
If a man didn't pay that would count against him.
So funny to hear you in the first min and a half. You sounded so much like my ex parents in law, who are from Turkey. The advantage I found by also traveling the world and coming from a intercultural family is this: mentalities is similar to languages, the more you speak other languages a new one is easier as you are able to help yourself to relate, because the others help you. F.e. French: i was able to help me with what I new of Spanish grammar, but certain sounds was easier to relate with German sounds like "ö" and "oe". Coer, that sounds like kör :) and cultural stuff and mentality is similar. My ec parents in law loved me because of my mx part, which is very similar to turkish mentality ;)
2:04 Maybe if you are exposed longer to Italiens and Romanians you will also sometimes hear similar things. Surley, there are cultural traits that are really unique to one country but after diving more deep you may also find things that are comparable in other countries/cultures.
I agree :) and I do remember my Romanian friends always complaining about how much Romanians complain hahaha always made me laugh
The first date is there to get to know your date so why cut out politics ? It is a rather important topic so if you can sense conflict potential early on its good, aint it ?
If you're dating an American girl and you're obsessed with discussing politics,
you're obviously more interested in "American", than "girl".
Nothing (!) is more boring, than Germans complaining about the US !
@@oh_my_god6731 in my opinion that's a really important thing to discuss since pairs doesn't work out with totally different political views!
I feel like whoever I'm meeting from the US, be it at work or a date or just whatever, if we're having a conversation I will most likely mention politics... 🤔 (I'm Austrian btw)
12:48 That's a great advice. So true.
I don't know if anyone already suggested this, but one other way to eliminate the stress with ordering in a restaurant would be to visit a restaurant you already know fairly well. I mean, you can make a suggestion to meet at a certain place after all. And if you familiar with the restaurant you'll know what you like there or if there is anyone speaking English
That’s a good idea!! Thanks :)
You are very welcome ^^
well this was refreshing :) Its always interesting to see the differences in how other ppl or cultures react an see things.
About the why do germans dont like germans anymore you can read it between the lines under your own post I guess.
The book of rules/roles you have to follow.
The usual beeing funny, polite, understanding, honest, carring but also manly, strong, a little checky but not to much, of cause educated, you need to earn money the more the better but you dont show it because the only reason you do good is because you are a men (in this age of sexism there cant be another reason). Of cause you are not cheap, but on the other hand also not waistfull, you should see both sexes as equal but of cause respect the little differences that sometimes she needs you to be strong, make all the desitions, sometimes she wants to be taken but be carefull to read all the signs in the right way first. Oh and you should lead an interesting life, love to travel and have many friends, you love children but the desition to have some someday is of cause only up to the woman oh of cause u should...blablabla... you see where this is going?
Basicly just be perfect, because you are a man! Take care of everything but consider everything she might want...
She on the other hand offers, yeah... well did you know that in the younger german generations there are significant more man that can cook a simple meal then woman? Not that I see the girl in the kitchen, I love to cook myself but its the prime example for why a lot of german men are fed up with.
On the other hand my fiance that I love dearly loves me back for the person I am and not for the best score on her "checklist" and the same goes the other way around. I just want my relationship to be easy, natural, without pressure and equal as much as posible and made the expirience that this is much easier with other nationalitys.
If you demand everything from your partner, you have to bring as much to the table as you demand that is equality.
You know the funny thing is these are the exact things that drive me nuts about America. In other countries almost nothing is off the table and people relate over serious issues. They’re trying to nail you down when they meet you, and if your personalities just don’t mesh then you respectfully part ways. I honestly don’t see the point in attempting to make a relationship work only to find out a month in that your girl/boyfriend is a trump supporter or whatever. It’s never made sense to me. If someone disagrees they probably have a good reason and I’m interested in hearing it. Frankly, their reasoning might be a deal breaker. Hearing about someone’s values is essential to me right off the bat. If you disagree, you can still be friends with a person, and if you line up, you can really appreciate the other for their core values. I don’t know why we get so defensive when someone disagrees with us. I mean are we afraid they might actually have valid points and that we might learn something from a stranger and admit we’re not God?
Are you dating Trump or what ???
What does Trump have to do with dating a woman ?
What's next ? Kim Il Un ? Putin ? Merkel ?
@densch123 Putin the mega-oligarch a decent politican? My ass... this was a good laugh.
Smarter than supporting Biden I guess
so - how did you meet your bf? I really love hearing how people met, thanks
I'm really sorry you had such experiences in germany xD And i will take your advice with the vine at the rhine =)
*wine (oops)
I've never heard anything like that from my German friends. Of course they want to date people from their own country, I think it just doesn't matter to them where their date is from. Maybe that's what your friends meant when saying they didn't want to date someone from Germany.
And yes, Tinder is a mainly a hook-up app in Germany too so it's good you didn't try that out 😅
I think that perhaps people might say different things when talking to foreigners than they would when talking to someone from their own country and vice versa.
@@Kellydoesherthing yes, I'm pretty sure of that. Even if they don't do it willingly it's just different to talk to a foreigner than to someone from their own country. I've been texting with a boy from the US for quite a long time (on a friendship basis) and I have to admit I didn't notice it back then but when I think about it now I might have talked to him in a different way than I would have talked to a German boy. Think I would have been way more distant when talking to a German boy but maybe it was just because I only knew him from texting. We never met in person and that's also a totally different thing
There she is again. Thank God we're in the same time zone now. This is really an interesting topic. In fact, it's extremely intelligently thought out. And, in addition, good advice.
Aw thank you :) I find it to be a very interesting topic as well and I wish I would’ve thought to look at some TH-cam videos about it before moving to Germany haha. I’m glad you enjoyed listening to what I had to say. As always, thank you for watching!
So funny. I am heading to Germany next week and I have been commuting with a German girl that I met. She brought up the whole "guy picking up the tab" thing and how it's not like there when on dates.
"I decided to date - so I went on a few dates" HOW do you arrange that just out of the blue??
"... I thought, maybe Germans are better at meeting people in social situations..."
That was a good one! We hate social situations! We are a nation of engineers!
Yes! LOL geek central
❤️
I am extremely surprised. It's true I am already out of the "dating age", but in my generation and time I never heard this about german men not wanting to date german women and vice versa.
I have als dated in the US, when I was living in the US, but honestly I wasn't very comfortable with it.
As far as dating apps go, I really have no clue. Never used one, but as I said, I am already out of the dating age :-)
Where did you live in Germany? Are there really still places that don't have an english menu? I am very surprised.
Why would you want to keep conversation light on a first date? isn't it a lot smarter getting to know each other better and see if you click and have the same kind of interests, opinions and values, instead of going on five or more dates to only find out that you have nothing in common? That's a waste of time for both of you.
As a woman I would NEVER EVER let a guy pay on a first. ALWAYS pay for yourself.
i lived in Mainz. I think most restaurants had english menus, it was just a matter of getting one. i don't talk about the date i had with my boyfriend in this video (i plan to tell the story in a different one) but he got to the restaurant before me and got an english menu for me to avoid the whole thing and make me feel comfortable. i took it as a really, really sweet and caring gesture and it truly was indicative of his personality. as for the light conversation, i want to make sure i actually like the guy's personality and that we reach some common ground with our personal interests before delving into the political realm/potentially polarizing topics. but don't get me wrong, i'm talking about a first date and only a first date. after that, it's fair game to talk about more topics to learn more about the person.
This is a general phenomenon. You think people are stupid whose language you do not understand properly. In response, people then talk louder and often in baby talk with that person!
I've heard A LOT of people, men and women, say that they would never date someone from their own country, German, British, American, different South American and Eastern European countries including Romania :D Some stuck to it, some were surprised by reality and changed their mind. Your experience really surprised me
Err, I feel like I just spent 15 minutes listening to you ramble on and still don't know what it's actually like dating a German man. You just listed random tidbits of information regarding a few dates you have had. But what was it generally like? Were all the dates horrible? Have you concluded that you prefer dating American men?
Seems to me like you this video is just an outlet for you to complain about some bad dates you had. Poor you.
Well, it's hard not to speak about American politics these days. And it's also a great way to tell if the other person is worth seeing again if you find out right away if they support or oppose Trump.
Lol this is exactly what part of the date story I’m going to share entails
It's very easy not to speak about American politics, for example I never do it because it's completely irrelevant to my life. And evaluating someone's character based on their politics is ... weird.
Someone's political opinion is based on their morals, understanding of ethics, on their vision of how society should be. I think that are very important things to know about a person. If a person has wildly different values than you, then being in a non toxic relationship/friendship with them is flat out not possible.
Not if, it is why they do so or so.
@@faultier1158 I want to add this does not mean you have to be on the same party or something. But you can check the reasons someone is supporting this or that party or position and its really enlighting. Some are just not toleratable in a partner for life like dismissing of science and reason or the concensus we try to have a good life for everybody.
If you ask most restaurants have english menus by now.
However they are not given out by default.
I will date an english speaking woman pretty soon. Do you guys have any tips for me? We are both working and living in Germany. She is here since almost one year. (I grew up in germany)
Altough we germans learn english in school, it's not enough to be pretty safe in talking / interaction. Not even close in my opinion.. Anyway I should be able to manage the language problem through time and practice. (Typing is way easier)
(Not saying her nationality for protection)
If you want to engage in a conversation with a German, it is best to start talking about the weather.
Wolfgang Kohn haha thats right
Wether or not your dating or just casually talking with someone, you should talk about politics with them, because, atleast in Germany, many people hold a grudge vs the US because of the US foreign policy and other political/cultural differences (e.g. the whole "2nd amendment" debate).
Exchanging opinions helps deconstructing stereotypes, opens up minds for the other perspective, since, I guess, there are german political debates or cultural differences, that appear strange to interested americans too.
i 100% agree with you in the value of these types of discussions and i strive to have these types of conversations every day but honesty...i don't really want that on a first date.
@@Kellydoesherthing year maybe not the first date but later on ;)
The reason people from the USA or Germany would not want to date people from their
own country is the old thing of the 'grass looking greener on the other side'.
We hear of the classic stereotypes of a different country's people and
if it is something we prefer, all of a sudden we adopt this idea of 'I would
never date a person from my country I only want a Romanian or Hungarian
or Polish girl or guy". We do this because at some time,
we had heard that people from those other countries have the attributes
we prefer in a person we plan to date. Problem with this way of thinking is
that you can end up over looking a perfect person to date just because
you are so focused on this dream person from some foreign land who
may well not exist in the real world. Myself, I do prefer the classic looks of
women from Poland, Hungary and Romania but who am I with? A girl
who is half Irish and half Jewish born and raised in the USA. When you meet the right
one, everything else flies out the window.
2:40 i'm a german guy and don't understand it either. If someone said to me: i am not dating someone with a specific nationality (even if its their own) i see red flags popping up left and right. It seems so shallow and short sighted, maybe it stems from insecurity idk. I have fortunately never met a german girl who rejected me for being german. I think when german people say things like that it is based on the fact that you get taught from a young age to be very indifferent about your one nationality because of the german past.
When I was a lad in Germany I found the German girls fascinating and fun. I learned about the culture and quickly became fluent in the language. Back then we dressed to the nines. Today Germans are far more casual and that’s a shame. We spent our weekend evenings in Frankfurt Discotechs dancing and partying until dawn. We’d spend the next day in bed celebrating our youth. That was the greatest time of my life. I only regret I did not stay there after my military discharge. I guess it’s more about how you take advantage of that opportunity. I stayed as far away from my fellow Soldiers as I could. All they did was sit around, drink beer and complain. As a medical corpsman I was blessed to have hair like Englebert Humperdinck rather than a military haircut. I never wasted a second in Germany!
Crimefile News "sit around, drink beer, and complain", come on man thats just military garrison life in general
I could not imagine living in a foreign country without learning the language. Great that you took that opportunity!
Russell .Harris garrison life was not for me with all those elegant babes that needed my attention!
Crimefile News: Oh my gosh! Engelbert Humperdinck, you made my day. Those surely were completely different times ;-) Glad to hear that you enjoyed your time in germany.
Kelly, you have a special talent to give any thesis a new priority, a spin. This is how Tabliod Media works. ;-)
First:
The vast majority of Germans, whether men or women, have relationships with other Germans.
Quite simply, because the probability of meeting a German in Germany is much higher than a foreigner.
When one speaks, thinks and dreams two different languages, one projects a depth into the other, which perhaps is not there at all.
Some may even think that two-person relationships are such a basic simple thing that does not need a complex language. Maybe animal sounds are perfectly adequate.
"Come on darling, lets play the animal with the two backs!"
We live in a complex world and it needs a complex language, with tourists English you don`t get very far. Even Americans and the Brits have got enormous problems to get along, although they speak the same language, have many cultural similarities aso.
Maybe a tourist English / German is better for one night stands and simple people.
In order to be able to share the nicety of humor, the relation to a cultural experience, one has to master a more complex language and shared cultural background.
Even the distinction between irony and sarcasm can lead to controversy and misunderstandings.
With generalizations one doesn`t do justice to the topics.
Every man or woman has only a very limited subjective horizon.
A statement:" I don`t date German man any longer, because they are boring, have got no humor aso!" tells me more about you, then about the subject.
But prejudice makes the world so much easier and clearer, even if you ignore all the intermediate notes.
But love in general is an anarchistic beast, it skips almost all fences at times.
On liberty in Australia, I heard several women comment about not wanting to date men from their own country.
so i'm not the only one who has heard this then :)
Hmmm the first question on my first dates in Germany usually is what the girl thinks about the dispute between Leibniz and Voltaire about living in the best of all worlds.. plus whose arguments she supports more.. :)))
11:22
Not sure about Germany, but in Norway it would actually be considered offensive by quite a few women if the man pays for her.
In the Netherlands I guess a lot of guys would expect to split the bill of a date, as Dutch people often do ("going Dutch") when in groups as well. But a lot of women wouldn't mind not paying at all. Some other women might actually insist on paying (at least half). It can also depend on the setting, the "status" of the date, the ages of both and of course also when there's a "wealth gap" between the two!
Personally I find the "rule" of men paying rather awkward in this day and age where many women have jobs and can make as much money as a man can, basically. It feels like a "rule" from the days when women had to stay at home and were unable to financially support themselves.
+ZorbaTheDutch
Yeah, sounds a bit puritan in nature...
what*s the point of light conversation? Light conversation is for people you dont care about or people you know very well and don't care abouth them telling you every excrushingly boring detail of their shopping trip or soccer training.
I once hooked up with a turkish girl, took her home, we talked and it turned out she thought that curdish people are all stupid (for genetical reasons) and should not be allowed to live in bigger cities. So i called a cap, payed for it and send her home. And man was i glad i didnt have light conversation with her.
I agree on the stereotypes, but one would like to know, wether he(she) is on a date with a total jerk/idiot, right?
also light conversation can be very dangerous terretory and Mister Henry Rollins did put that perfectly in words for me.
th-cam.com/video/OiSPA93VRWg/w-d-xo.html
Man muss doch irgendwo anfangen.....
it's 1am. I can't sleep. youtube recommended this. I'm now invested in this woman's life for some reason now.......
Hahahaha we’ve all been there. welcome! :)
As an American, I'm pretty forward with women I date, I express how I feel about them and sometimes even get sexual (usually works when they like me)... I go for a kiss relatively early in the date if its going well, etc... Would this work with a German woman?
when you say you never heard of people not wanting to date someone from the same country then what about in the USA some girls/guys don´t date white/black/mexican etc. I think thats pretty much the same as when a german girl would say she doesnm´t want to date a german guy but rather a turkish guy maybe. or not ?
Yannis Baum Das ist was anderes für Amis - Die Chick im Video zb ist eine Weiße Amerikanerin, für viele Weiße sind Schwarze Amerikaner nicht dasselbe wie sie.. Ich höre immer "different Culture" als hätten Schwarze Amis eine "andere Kultur" als Weiße Amis.. Aber so ist es eben. im Grunde leben die Leute immer noch getrennt. Es herrscht zwar keine Rassentrennung aber jede Ethnie lebt für sich, außer in Großstädten.
Some people have very narrow taste. Some say they only date black men. Some will only date men with muscles. Some men only want Asian women etc. It's very limiting. There's a whole world of different kinds of people in the world who will gladly brake your heart. LOL
Manu Dreyer, wenn du keine Ahnung hast wovon du sprichst, denke das ist es dich besser wenn du deinen Mund zuhällst. Bevor du solche Scheisse sprichst, finde doch was da wirklich los ist.
Gleichberechtigung (gender equality) goes both ways so pay your share so you can feel free instead of feeling owned
Rock on Kelly!!!
Thank youuuu! :)
Have you lived in Romania or Italy?
As a American man in Germany I’ve only seen German men with out a backbone. Not saying this as an insult just as an observation. I’ve got a few good German friends but when push come to shove they find a way out. Talk big but not there when needed. Woman in Germany on the other hand there tuff. Yet you can just walk up and talk. No game needed. Just food for thought.
The best things I heard about German. "You're hurting my feelings" we don't have that here. It's your feelings and your response for it.
Honesty is key. Chivalry is so much alive I'm Germany, they just don't think that paying for dinner=chivalry. Opening doors, standing up when introducing yours to a woman, etc is the chivalrous part.
Where did you live in Germany?
How long are you living in Germany? Long enough to date with an app, obviously, which means long enough to learn some basic conversational German and work your way through a menu, I would think. I was in Germany for 2 weeks and by the end of the trip was able to order food by myself.
Of course by that time I knew a lot of basics, but I’m the kind of person that wants to really know what I’m ordering not just “ok this has chicken...some salad...ok that’s strawberry...and mushrooms. I’ll go with that.” Haha like that’s fine here and there but it gets old when you think you’re getting one thing and it turns out to be something completely different because you missed a few very critical words. Again...it’s fine here and there and I like trying new things but it gets old.
even though you might have met some people who don't want to date within the same culture, I wouldn't see this as the norm.
There are no rules like first dates should be light and easy in Germany. We don't beat around the bush. These days you can bet that a big part of a first date with an american would be about Trump. ;)
It's because "American" ist your top priority.
And not romance ...
Or are you dating Trump ?
Should Kelly start the conversation about right wing extremism in Germany ?
That's politics too ... and sooo romantic !
@@oh_my_god6731 we germans would talk about it and afterwards say that it was and interesting evening. Because it shows interest in the ways of life of your talking partner. We germans see that as totally normal and acceptable.
When we germans want it romantic, we don't talk much at all. We take the other to a romantic place or event and just relaxe and let the mood speek for us. No need for "romantic chit chat" here in Germany.
I for my part don´t respect ANY culture. I respect people. The poor souls had to deal with their cultures for a life-time.
Horrible. They deserve my respect for staying nice, friendly, open-minded and non-psychotic despite their culture(s).
frankohero wow fuck youre brainwashed
for me culture is everything. no bullshit.
An addition, to make it a bit more clear:
Art is not culture! Art is a product of the human mind FIGHTING against culture.
Culture is slavery, war, political and religious power-grabbing, inhuman behaviour all around and such an incredible amout of evil stupidty... it is ridiculous.
People all over the world, all over human history were brain-washed into thinking their ancestors were good people who did well. ("Honour the old ones" - crap like that.)
In f.e. the greek antke (Platon and such), people were not more stupid than we are today.
So, if they had been good people who did well, they would have ended all religion and started looking for a cure for cancer and ways to get to the stars with more than the speed of light.
But they were just idiots, celebrating bigger idiots. Nothing to honour them for.
(And the old greeks were even "better" than everything that came after them, until we started looking for truth in science.)
That's political culture, not social culture which are traditions and rituals which people enjoy and take comfort from.
I really love you. Stay stong, you are right!
Funny I wrote quite a bunch of other things before that I deleted, about generalism and such but a second ago, this thought popped up which may play into what you mentioned.
Keep in mind, for a minute, that while in several other countries nationalism and pride are taught from the get go (US -> Even singing the national hymn in schools? ), while, due to our history, in many places and schools in Germany, we get taught not to be too proud, too patriotic, and aside from Neo Nazis still existing, even harmless patriotic behavior is still often misread or judged as national socialism by other cultures, we're basically taught to dislike or at least look down on our own culture and be humble, and I think it can lead to the opposite of pride as in being ashamed of your own heritage as well. Maybe I'm totally far off the truth but as this is not the case like this in most other countries, it could explain why only in Germany you have heard Germans say they don't want to date other Germans.
So I'm half and half. My mom was born and raised in Germany, and my dad is an American who was stationed in Germany in the Army.
Similar to what you said in the video, I asked my mom if she dated anyone before she met my dad, and she said she kinda dated this one German, but decided she didn't want to seriously date any German men. And apparently she wasn't the only one. My mom has a few girl friends; one in Arizona, one in Alabama, one in Ohio, and one in upstate NY who all married American men and moved back to the US with them. Her best friend married an American who stayed in Germany. But unfortunately after 18 years they got divorced and he moved back to the US alone.
So as someone who grew up bi-culturally, I have noticed I will actually sift through guys on dating apps and try to find either someone who is also half German that feels strongly about his German culture, or German men who are living in the US for either college or work. And it has been interesting. I tend to think my mom has instilled a lot of German in me. I'm semi-fluent in German, and have a basic understanding of the geography an over-view of political policy, and an affinity for German (mostly Bavarian) food. But when I go on dates with Germans or German-Americans, somehow something happens on the date where the guy is like "well that doesn't seem very German of you." Making me feel like I'm just a pretender or something. And as much as I love Germany (arguably more than America) and want to eventually move over there, I know my dad and his family have also had a strong influence on my upbringing and that in some ways I am very much a typical American.
Vice versa, if I date an American who has no affiliation with Germany, he has that all American attitude of forgetting America is a melting pot, and that he has no other blood in him other than American. Which, in my mind, I'm like "Well you're not native American, so your ancestors had to come over from somewhere." But that's just my personal mindset, since I know I'm not 100% American and am proud of having multiple nations mixed in (my dad is part French, part Mexican, and part Native), and I make a point of knowing and identifying as not just "America" but as someone born in America from multiple backgrounds. And I feel most Americans have had generations and generations of Americans marrying Americans, and raising Americans, that the cultures get watered down, traditions aren't passed down and are soon forgotten, and all you have left is the American stereotype in a human body.
While I'll notice something about them, like a certain characteristic about their face, or skin, or hair, and I'll wonder where their family is from, and they'll just say "Here. America."
Long story short, I go for Germans or German-Americans, or other Americans who identify strongly with whatever country their parents or grandparents, or even great-grandparents are from.
i can completely understand that
Suggestions:
1. Date your neighbor from the US to avoid meeting unfamiliar guys with weird ideas.
2. Surprise! Dating culture in Germany (or any other country) is different than in the US! That is shocking!
3. You're from the US, Germany has been occupied since the end of World War II, it is expected that the occupied ppl would line to discuss politics with someone from the country occupying them! And perhaps see if you agree with their occupation by your country.
Don't worry. Many Germans don't realize they have been under occupation since the 1940s.
I suggest enrolling in the many German courses offered throughout the land. Goethe is expensive, many universities offer them during their vacation periods (food courses).
Deutsche Welle has a good A1 course for free. No excuse not to learn the language of you live there. It would be a wasted opportunity!
I found dating in Germany very difficult. Men don't approach women and actually wait for women to approach them, which I didn't know. Plus many Germans prefer to date within their circle of friends. They'll date people from their childhood and remain lifelong friends after breakup. It can take months or even years to discover someone likes you. So I ended up marrying a French guy who had no problems showing me his feelings!
+Kimberly Celse - I´m a german man, and approached many women in germany.
My personal experiences were mostly bad.
Mostly bad, if via Internet.
I think, most women expect too high level of a good looking man.
charakter and personality is not important.
If you are a man, you must be careful to show emotions.
Because many german women don´t like to see all emotions.
For some reasons, you are "not male enough" and get laughing from the women.
I had the chance to marry german women. Three times.
All three women: Only for not to live alone. To have someone, who pays for all.
And to have children.
Love is not necessary. They would accept near every man ?
I reject all three. I don´t want to be a couple, without love.
And not the stupid guy, who pays for her wishes.
Don_jlc, how so? Could you elaborate? Thank you
if you are meeting to e.g. go to a restaurant: expect to pay yourself
if you get invited to e.g. go to a restaurant: you are likly not going to have to pay for yourself
thats why when you invite people to your birthday you pay for what gets on the table :P
u had a BF over there right?? u mentioned it on ur "German beds" video
Yep! And he’s still my boyfriend :) he’s actually here visiting me in DC right now. The video I posted before this one has him in it
I get your point totally, living here in Germany for nearly all my life, as I came here with my British/French parents as a schoolchild, I still find it hard to be around Germans, being of a lighter more easy going and warmer person myself. I also noticed that the Germans have quite a bit of preconseptions and easily stereotype also their own nation, they still seem to condemn and want to avoid -therefor preferring to date a foreign nation. I see a lot of problems for foreign nations is in general their stiffness which is also a consequence of not using any gestures, minics or motion when talking and having a very clinical and constratcted language verse e.g. the more picturesque English language or a more temperamental French language, making it easier to follow or emaphasise. In general Germans seem to not want to look to connect on a light easy ground as over humour or as we Brits like making fun of ourselfs which the German doesn't understand and would never do, as he takes him-/herself or life too serious for that; where I have the most problems with, as they seem very self centred to me and seeing or making problems everywhere. I do respect their analytical skills very much though, especially in analysing and formulating their own probelms and needs...I wish I could ;-). I do like also that German men usually are more reserved and wait for the woman to make the first move...I guess no woman likes feeling like prey and that men are predators. They seem to respect women more than other nations too and emancipation, giving up traditional roles...which of course also means splitting bills and equaliy both genders holding doors open etc. As I practically grew up with this I quite like it and feel freer this way, as I don't owe anyone something and don't have to follow gender conventions...where we come to their general way of thinking of black & white, good or bad and also owing to someone, as nothing is for free and even life costs your death. I do after all thing the cliche of the Brits known for dry or black humour, the French for style and charm verse the German for analysing and engineering fits somehow...they just really need to take life with a pinch of salt though. ;-)...Oh and BTW, dating is a pure American think to do in Europe it doesn't exist...you just go out together as in meeting up but it doesn't have a specifically formulated agenda.
You know what is also german? We like to criticise ourselves, but we don`t like if foreigners who are guests in this country do it. If you feel so uncomfortable: France is not far away.
I have lived in Germany for 12 years now and dating here is a big problem...The men are just different...Alot of them have been raised in such a way that they no longer think it is necessairy to "treat a woman like a lady"...In other words...chivalry is almost dead among the younger than 40 generations ( I am over 40 but I have dated both older and very much younger Germans... I have to admit that I just cant get past my American (or old fashioned) idea that the man is supposed to pay for the woman and when the man doesn't offer to pay for the first date it is such a turn off for me that I might not date him again. In Germany it happens 50% of the time. Also young German men are not going to help you change your tires or do any of the traditional things that American women think of as "Men stuff" unless you tell them straight out "This case of beer is too heavy for me can you carry it?" LOL They are also very unromantic and make critique a science....You will be told sometimes before the first date exactly what is on their mind ...("I want to have a relationship with sex ") for example...AN american finds that phrasing a bit rough LOL even though we may want that too, the lack of mystery and subtlety can be a big put off. Often German men are fine to date you at first because you are exotic...but then they miss Mama's sunday schnitzel and they're gone. I wish I could move back to the US. BUt I have built a life here so I guess I will remain single
thank you for sharing your experiences with me :) i hope that you are able to find someone there. keep your hopes up! i was surprised to find the guy who is now my boyfriend
I am german and I love my boyfriend but oh boy he is sooo german ;) I get why a lot of women want something else... Sometimes itsa challenge.
Yes, I'm German and I also have a hard time dating German men. They say, they don't do that things anymore because of gender equality, but I found American Cavaliers much more into equality than most German men. They're very often just lazy and use that as an excuse. My feeling is that one reason for Germans don't want to date Germans is, that a lot of german women are very strong and self sufficient and modern in their demands for equality, while a lot of german men are still very traditional in their expectations and ideas. Of course that's only my subjectively impression and there are very great German men out there. Just hard to find them...
@@sonjaenste647 prfectly said!
Who has ever changed a tire in Germany. That's what the ADAC is for, in the very rare case it happens.
if the other part wants to split bills after the first date it means to not have a second date.
I dunno why ,but in Switzerland we have the same issues like in germany...in every section..possibly a cultural thing?
Hi im a German guy too. But i have a few points. Im just wondering about your views. I spent my whole live here in Mainz. The city where you dated some German Guys. I have a big circle of friends, and there is no one of them, that dont want to date German girls too. And the most of the guys are Germans too. I never heard that Germans dont want date Germans. Its a rumor.
Also the point with the bills. The most German men wouldnt split the bill. Its absolute normal here that the Man kick the bill. Also its absoluty normal the open the car door for the girls, helping them up in there jackets and so one. I think many Germans are gentlemens.
Ok if you are dating a man around 20 years, than maybe not. But the most parents teached us (in young age) to be a gentleman.
Just me 2 cents :-)
Greetings from Mainz
You are a cute freak! :)
You sound like the perfect german: preconceived expectations about things to come, constant thinking and reassuring of already taken decisions and a purposedly maintained bliss to keep that 'Eukrasie' :D
I bet You anything: those german friends who told you they don't want to date other germans were pulling your leg. It's our in-build irony - a tool to avoid unnecessariy states of affairs.
I am 65 now, a German and I never "dated", I think. In my times I met girls (in school, in "Vereinen" or at Parties with friends). We talked there, maybe met again in other groups and at some time we felt drawn together and started doing things together (bike tours, cinema, swimming, dancing). So there never was a first date the way you describe it. If I met a girl alone for the first "date" I already "knew" her. When I look at my daughter's now I see both worlds: One was going the tinder way, the other one picked a guy from work, who she already knew for some time. So I think there are two different approaches. Obviously both work.
What I think is a big mistake is to live in some country and don't speak the language. Why? I don't get it. It is like Living in that country with eyes cloased. Who would want that?
I don’t think it is really possible to learn german within the 2 months that I found out I was moving there. Maybe if you’re incredibly intelligent and very gifted with learning languages, but otherwise if I had let not knowing german stop me from moving to Germany, I would’ve missed out on such a wonderful, broadening experience. And that would’ve been such a shame. There’s plenty you can learn and observe without knowing the language....Sometimes even more that way.
I understund that you don't speak it at all. I apologize if I got you wrong. Prior to coming to a country one can really learn only basic terms in a period of two months. But now you live here and i suppose you do speak german. I am expat too and had to learn german. Only after that I was really able to "know" the country and be really independent.I find it almost an Insult when people live here for couple of years and don't speak german. I don't get it why are they then living here at all.
+Kelly - Learning german is (very) difficult. More difficult as english.
I´m a german man, but with good english.
So no problems for me to date an english speaking woman.
Maybe later, to live together in her home country.
But most people wants a relationship in their own language.
Because you speak more together.
But you cannot expect german speaking from everyone.
Since I learned both languages from schratch - to live in ANY Country and not be able to speak their language is really a bad Thing for me.
+Monika Nan: I agree with you.
My brother emigrates from Germany to France.
Many french people there speak also german. (Region Alsace)
But he learned french, because it´s better for him.
You are always a "tourist" if you don´t speak their language.
Women from American lives in Germany and whant anything to be like in America. LOL
That is quite common in german speaking countries. in Switzerland it is even more extreme in some parts. I dont know any local people who have local boyfriends/ girlfriends. it is mostly the girls that are not interested. But foreigners have easy game, to the point that many girls deal with kids and marrying early, like what is more normal for these foreigners from eastern Europe. A local couple would normally wait a long time. The other way around, local guys find girls incredibly stuck up, and would not date them once they had a hookup with a few obnoxious foreigners. (I am friends with many cool foreigners, and they have a very very active sexlife.) This ist just a small portion of people though, I think even in germany most girls obviously dont mind dating a german
8:20 "do I bumble with the JUMPCUT server" - Oh, the irony …
Women only doing small talk are boring. I want to hear something about her thinking. You should be tolerant while talking about "heavy" topics. But I would never have a second date with a woman that is for instance politically right-winged. I could not fall in love with her.
By the way, paying for a woman as a man at the first date is sexistic. They are grown up and can pay for themselves.
Self loathing is the national sport of Germany.
Oh that's a general north European thing. Trust me the Norwegians are the true champs on that.
@@DaDunge But you do know where that self loathing stems from?
@@zzy2620 From making some pretty bad choices in the last century?
@@DaDunge So you don't.
@@zzy2620 A lot better than you do I would argue.
As a German guy who lived in the US for a while and had a American girlfriend (unfortunately we broke up): I'd take an American woman over a German one anytime, no questions.
You could be my sister, we think the same about so many topics. It is great, I am glad I found you.