I think we have to have a bigger conversation about consent. So many people, and I’ve seen this a lot with the BDSM community, see consent as a magic spell that makes everything okay and that’s not what it is. Just because someone consented to an activity, that doesn’t mean it’s not harmful nor that it wasn’t coercive. People are constantly engaging in activities WILLINGLY that are detrimental to their lives and wellbeing. Self-harm can come in many forms. That being said, I’ve seen way too many women post about how they’ve been graped by their husband who convinced them to try BDSM so I’m instantly going to side eye any man who wants to “dominate” a woman in that capacity. I wish we could all be adults and have these difficult conversations without being afraid of “kink shaming” people who are into activities that a lot of men use as a way to coerce women into their own grapes. All that does is protect these kinds of men.
YES! I completely agree! You ate with that one 💯 I just hope that women and fems in bdsm communities see this and start to actively have these conversations....
***EDIT: ( i am blocked from replying to ah-sh9dw below, so here's the pasta ): @ah-sh9dw you're not getting what i'm saying. i'm saying "why isn't PARTICIPATION itself seen as consent?" also, *some things are illegal regardless of whether consent is present, such as "neutralization"... as i mentioned.* oh, because this is the courts admitting that some people - often women - live in very compromised situations of another's design. and SO they invent legal consent as a way to say "hey, she said he could wrong her, so we're going to now put the blame on her. she consented." that way, the creepy sadists who run the courts can keep doing what they're doing and keep women from coming forward. if you were kidnapped and then dropped on the streets of wherever in the freezing cold with your little one, and someone said "do x to me for my pleasure and i'll give you a warm space.. or you and your offspring freeze to death"... and you CONSENT to that... do you think that whole deal is ok? that no moral crime has been committed? that's what i'm talking about. consent is a loophole for perpetrators. otherwise, just DOING the thing would serve the same legal purpose as consent does. ***END EDIT**** Agree 100%. I make this comment everywhere all the time. Just because someone says "I'll let you do it to me" doesn't make it right. Even the courts agree. Someone can consent to be neutralized, but if you neutralize them.. guess what. You're going down. Consent is a legal loophole for the perpetrators. Otherwise, participation itself would be considered consent.
yeah but Gaimen didn't even have a conversation with them! There was no- "hey I'm into some pretty different* kinda stuff. Are you into that?" No he immediately rushed them with intense, painful acts. It was designed to shock them. Designed to traumatize them. Designed to create a traumatic bond- which is where the later "consent" came from. A TRAUMA BOND. Which is why as they heal and recover they recover their NO that was shocked, frozen and trauma bonded into a YES. There was no bdsm consent "confusion" here. A.P explicitly said "it's better if it's a surprise" to the 20 year old she fed him. Shock and trauma and the subsequent freeze, fawn, terror and trauma bond IS the intention.
Wealthy people hire vetted nannies with formal training and degrees in early childhood education. No normal person would hire a woman who was sleeping on a beach only days prior to watch their kid. That was NEVER what those women were for.
amanda isn't a normal person though, she herself is a "nomad" type of person, i can see why she'd like a woman that was homeless. but she definitely knew what would happen to her. and they're definitely bad parents.
@@VeganBambi I was homeless. It was a symptom of my greater mental health issues and chaotic lifestyle. Of course there were underlying reasons that I eventually did address, but until I did, my life was a mess. That said, though I would never have hurt a child in my care at that time, I did come with a load of drama because I was very vulnerable and desperate and damaged. Being in that state meant I attracted predators and life was a series of car crashes. Amanda Palmer saw that this woman wasn’t playing out some bohemian lifestyle fantasy by sleeping on the beach. She was in fact, pretty desperate and yet Amanda still thought it would work out somehow. Not great insight on Amanda’s part but such a story (had her husband not assaulted the women) for dinner party chatter. Knowingly putting a vulnerable woman in with a man whom she seems to have already suspected at that time might do something not exactly ethical and possibly criminal is some kind of messed up thinking to my mind. What I don’t understand is, why couldn’t he look after the kid himself? Even if it was only for a few nights until they could hire someone more suitable. It got me thinking that she was placating him in some way by finding him a playmate, but also aware the woman needed protecting. Hence her telling him not to touch her. A kind of, “I did my best at getting you someone, but she’s not actually gonna work out, thing is, I’ve run out of ideas and/or time”. If he’s after custody of the kid she must be terrified, he will no doubt mount a case against her as to her being an unfit mother and I’m sure he will use many things she’s done to paint a great picture. He’s an unfit father too, but a very, very rich one, which will buy him the best lawyers available. It wouldn’t shock me if she lost custody, unless they can prove he had sex in front of his child l, which would be deemed as sexual abuse, so maybe she wins there. Poor bloody kid, didn’t do very well with that pair as parents did he?
You're absolutely correct. Predators can smell unresolved trauma. Hide and heal and be sure to vet people properly. It took me 43 years to get to a place where I'm no longer a target.
well done on healing. it means a lot that you shared that. i started healing when i was 29-30 and sometimes still full of rage of how broken i am because of my parents' 4bu5e. i sometimes still feel like like i've wasted my 20's living in trauma, but i also know that i can only move forward. thank you.
@@TheNinnyfee how can he be an “extremely smart writer“? He plagiarized the stories he put out. The source of that extreme intelligence was a black woman.
“Good girl”. I hate the phase so much, I shudder every time I hear it from a man… especially in a sexual setting. My abuser would instruct me and tell me I was a good girl if I obeyed and did everything he told me to… and if I didn’t, things would just get worse. Just happy to move on and it’s only a distant memory.
His 'apology', making it seem like the issue was his 'emotional unavailability' plays into classic sexist tropes; that the main and only 'harm' the women suffered were 'jilted hearts'. It's like he cannot, no matter what, not make himself the prize and make it all about him, that all women want is MORE of him, not fair and equal treatment.
Another creature exposed as a villain from a Marquis de Sade novel. Masquerading as a moral man while doing depraved shit to these female hostages. Even involving his own child in his crimes! And Amanda Palmer’s participation is so bizarre. She is the seducer and the trafficker, Gaiman abuses them, and then Palmer gives them ‘aftercare.’ It’s twisted.
I must say Palmer at the moment really does seem to be involved. Sounds like two horrible people recognized evil in each other and got together. I’ve never liked her and he just creeped me out, but I never thought either of them would be so dark. You never know, maybe he had something over Palmer or threatened to take the kid if they divorced. In cases like this, involving people so complex and full of ego, the situation is often chaotic and confusing and dramatic. They create their lives to be that way. He probably didn’t do anything illegal because in his mind he convinced himself they consented but if we base our society solely on what is legal, then we lose our humanity in the process.
@@Egg_Apron This non-payment thing really gets me. Amanda Palmer set up a go-fund/me because she explicitly stated she did not want to be in a relationship with a very wealthy man and not have her own money. Why was that, why would that have been so bad? Because she knows that money is power (and it is) The power it holds is even more pronounced if you have none at all - and this ‘sleeping on the beach’ woman had none! Yet knowing all about the power game Amanda still put this woman in harm’s way. So much for humanity and common decency, let alone feminism, Amanda. Paying the woman would at least have given her options. I may well have let some man sexually assault me if I thought I might get a roof over my head, though I’m sure there wasn’t a shed of consent on behalf of the woman, but a freeze response in the face of a sexual predator. The woman in question didn’t even have a family to fall back on, unlike Amanda, who now appears to be living with hers.
When I was 20, I worked for a middle aged man who was running some weird crypto business. This was like 10 years ago so crypto wasn’t as widely talked about and I had no idea it was probably a scam. He brought me to an Italian restaurant for lunch on day 3 and I remember getting this weird sinking feeling as I was sitting there. As soon as we got back to his place I grabbed my car keys and said I needed to get something from my trunk. I left, blocked him, and never went back. It scares me to think about what he might’ve been planning.
It`s the entitlement that stands in the way. A lot of men think they have a right to womens bodies, so if you don`t make it agressively clear that you want them to back off, they will just ignore the signs, since they feel like they have the right to do what they want anyway. But Gaiman ignored women shouting "No" repeatably, so there is no ambivalance or supposed misunderstanding there.
You are so right that predators seek out the wounded. I was preyed on by a 45 year old man, my singing teacher, when I was 16. I spent a decade in a "relationship" with this man where I suffered every kind of abuse possible. Once, near the end, he got really drunk and told me that he had "chosen" me to hit on because he saw I had low self esteem and was probably a closeted gay girl (true, though I am now a trans man). He outright told me he saw I had a bad relationship with my parents and so they wouldn't get in the way. These men are very calculated.
Wow! I want to thank you for doing this. I was SA'd at a job interview when I was 17 years old. I'd already endured a lot in my childhood, so this was more icing on the cake of abuse. The man's wife was in the office in another room when it happened. He didn't care. I had answered an advert for an office assistant. At a different job, a guy attempted to grape me in the copy room...still 17. Anyway, I hope that he gets the hell that is much deserved. I agree that nothing external will happen to him. Every time I think that there's no new low for males to reach, in comes another from the "hold my beer" crowd. May all of these girls and women find healing, peace, and return to wholeness.
I bought Amanda Palmer's book to learn about starting your own crowdfunder (since she's the world record holder). Half way through I had to stop reading because of the unbelievable entitlement on display. This woman would take, and take, and take, and take from her 'fans' (but it's ok because she 'asked'), siphoning free labour out of them, for the chance that maybe, someday, one of them might be alluded to in one of her trashy songs. There was one time when somebody scammed her and her entire community with a fake death story, but she thought it was beautiful because it 'brought people together'. No accountability for anybody's bad actions, ever, as long as it brought more attention her way. Amanda Palmer and her ilk are the very reason I thought something was 'off' with feminism pre-2020. It's now starting to make sense.
Yes it really shows a total lack of care of power dynamics and consent. Of course people who idolize you will say yes to whatever you ask them for. "it's just asking they are free to say no" only makes sense in certain contexts. Its manipulative and predatory,
The declaration that "I'm not perfect" from someone being called out for horrible behavior is a depressingly common phenomenon. We are not talking about human perfection, but rather the EXACT OPPOSITE, meaning utterly degenerate, cruel, exploitive, dangerous abusive treatment of other human beings.
Thank you so much for reading this. The New Yorker/Vulture should remove the paywall to access this information. This is nightmare stuff. I’m sure several docu-series are already in the works. 🙄🙁
As a life long comic fan, this was really discouraging to find out. I know I shouldn't be surprised at these types of allegations coming out anymore, because all types of men can be predators, no matter what their status or popularity. I also hate that predators use the BDSM world as an excuse to abuse women and girls. Consent is very important in that world. But many predators and abusers claim to be "doms" as an excuse to be abusive or SA'ers. The minute consent is removed from that world, it's not a "kink" anymore. It's simply abuse and SA.
him being in his 40’s for some of these stories and even entertaining 18 year olds is already enough to make me disgusted. a man who is willing to go that low WILL breach consent.
Thank you for helping to spread this information. I love the metaphor of the angler fish for narcissistic abusers: it's such a profoundly uncanny and brain breaking experience to be attracted to a sympathetic persona and then savaged by the predator behind the persona.
it's quite a metaphor, indeed. when i had to emotionally detach from my unhealthy, cheating ex (to be fair, we were very young, late teens to early twenties), i imagined his public persona as a store front... but the content of the store is questionable at best. it was quite a harrowing experience.
Identifying as Sandman/Dream of the Endless is not a flex. Dream is very powerful, but he’s also very cruel, vindictive, selfish, self-centred, self-pitying, narcissistic, controlling, emotionally immature, entitled, sullen, weaponises his incompetence, treats women, and pretty much everyone around him, terribly especially when he’s in a mood - which is most of the time. He’s neither admirable nor likeable; an emo manchild with very little empathy, consideration or care for others and waaay too much power. Which he most definitely abuses when he feels slighted. Dream is, essentially, an emotionally-stunted misogynistic jerk who slowly gains a tiny bit of self awareness and (resentfully and sullenly) becomes a tiny bit less of a jerk. Several female characters play key roles in this, notably his sister Death of the Endless who sometimes coddles him and sometimes calls him out on his shit. But after 10 books of self-pitying, navel-gazing, moping, mollycoddling/ lectures from Death and taking his feelings out on subordinates, randoms and enemies, he’s ultimately unable to change. So he chooses to die and is then reborn. I’ve noticed male fans of the Sandman comics seem to find Dream’s character arc incredibly profound. Personally I find it frustrating and disappointing. Dream does some truly terrible things and there are very few real consequences for his cruel behaviour other than “woe is me”, which is basically his whole aesthetic. Despite existing for aeons he has not emotionally developed past the age of about 5. His greatest pains and regrets revolve around how his shitty behaviour fucked things up for him rather than the impact on his victims and the pain + trauma he caused them. Pathetic. But it’s all juxtaposed against Dream facing up against crueller and even more problematic characters (some of which he created) where at times he swings his dick around and does some “hero” stuff. In light of these allegations, that’s all very awkward. Neil Gaiman was telling on himself in Sandman. Can’t stomach reading those books again 🤢 Also, his female-female dialogue is weird and artificial. He has no idea what women talk about or how they relate to each other when there are no men around.
In American Gods, there's a forest spirit character pretending to be an affable old man. He murders a different woman from a small town every year, hides her body in the trunk of a car and sinks it in the town's lake. It's revealed that this character was a human boy once, raised by an ancient village to be a sacrifice. They kept him in a dark hut and fed him well, but only so they could kill him later for the town's protection. I wonder if he wasn't telling on himself here too.
@thecasualchemist-S Those were girls, not women. He meets the this-year-offering on the bus, she is still a schoolgirl. 😒 I think he uses his victims as muses. He's in one way or another always writing about himself. The most reavealing story is Ocean, I remember him saying back then it's kind of an autobiography. If I am to guess: his scientology father almost drowned him in a cold bathtub after he hired a nanny he abused. Because the father was untouchable and way too scary the boy projected the blame onto the nanny, making some ancient monstrous thing up, wanting to devour the world. Seeking out very vulnerable, young women - too much of a coward for minors, too dangerous for him -, punishing them for what his father did to him, doing the same thing his father did to the nanny, feeling invincible and powerful. I survived a family of covert narcs, and my brother is very similar. Only their cowardice prevents them from doing what they fantasize about, but NG revels in writing about it. If they would'nt be afraid of what happens when they get caught it would be much worse. They are very dangerous when they feel threatened, their worst fear is to lose their cover. It's everything for them, they can only do what they do as long as nobody believes the victims. So they threaten them in any way they can. They do their worst when you are little and nobody believes you. Later on they use the triggers to make you submissive out of a fear you often can't even remember. But my mother told me all the stories, too. They love it when you don't get it, but still react on a deep level. The stories were the best source for recovering my memories and to understand how they operate. He does almost the same. He tells exactly what happened, but twists it so he is'nt in the picture. He is Shadow in the book, but in that part - that felt somehow totally unrelated to the story to me - he is the old deity, drowning kids. He switched personas in Calliope, too. He is Dream, but not in this story. That's how they twist your brain as a kid. It's not them who are the monsters, you are imagining things, they rescue you from your own imagination. You are the monster. They managed to make me fear myself so I would never stand up against them. They are so sick. And he is a master of this blame shifting technique.
12 years ago, when I was in London for the first time I was hooked on the bookstores over there. One of the books I bought was Gaiman's 'Fantastic mistakes', which is his 'make good art' speech he gave at the Philadelphia University of the Arts as the commencement adress back in 2012. I was starting out as a designer and illustrator at that time. The book was showcased on my shelf as an important part of this journey. I feel effing betrayed, especially since art and illustration is such an important part of healing for many women who survived abuse. I am a survivor as well. This is disgusting.
I had a boss who invited me on an Ibiza vacation to his villa at 19. I said no and he pushed me constantly to go. I didn’t even quit and just didn’t tho anymore. He was around 60.
1:16:27 the “would you like to talk about it?” reminds me so much of my abusive ex-husband. The air of rationality, the expectation of having some kind of detached, unemotional conversation about violent abuse (as if it was all a miscommunication or misunderstanding). It’s a way of minimizing and downplaying what he did IMO.
Even before the article got into the gory details, I found the dangers displayed by both gaiman and palmer very striking. The way palmer seems to basically gr**m Scarlett. Her asking for *favours* when she’s basically a millionaire or married to one - rich people are exploitative but to so obviously prey on an emotionally and financially destitute young person…And then the bathtub incident: when Scarlet clearly repeatedly told gaiman she didn’t want to get in the bath and he badgered her into it. That’s when he first disregarded consent. The rest is a devastating logical consequence. I really appreciate it that this channel always looks at the bigger picture; that this is textbook predatory behaviour and this channel really highlighted this in other videos. The booktube community is a disappointment in how they are responding to this and focusing in their personal grief of losing a hero. This is so much bigger than our favourite books being tainted. And for what it’s worth, his writing was kinda juvenile anyway. Thank you Lisa always.
I understand that insisting on "this isn't real BDSM" might have been important to deprive him of this defence but literally every single man into BDSM that I know (of) turned out to be a predator. Maybe the community should do some cleanup or unpack their trauma instead of indulging it
i have to agree. i have some kink that is actually directly related to my trauma (childhood physical a, religious trauma). it's a heavy load to unpack and a hell to heal, but it's still my job to do so.
This! So much this! I got out of the BDSM community when I realized that my "kinks" were simply unhealed trauma and that I was just feeding into it. I'm not suggesting that we suppress our sexualities, but perhaps looking deeply into where these desires stem from is in order.
if you haven’t heard of it, i would recommend looking into the delia day story. it’s very heavy and dark but it’s a great example of how these “bdsm” dynamics are often covertly abusive and manipulative. i would never trust a dude whos into k*nk or anything related.
If we're talking straight, cis, male doms, I've unfortunately encountered a lot of red flags with that demographic as well. I have to strongly push back on the implication that all or even most of the community indulges predatory behavior, though. That hasn't been my experience, but I suppose it varies between local scenes.
This could have been avoided if he had gotten psychiatric treatment 40 years ago, now what he needs is a prison sentence. Honestly the more I learn about this situation the most disgusted I feel, I'm also glad I never read any of his works, I can't imagine the betrayal and grief his readers feel because of this.
I remember reading Sandman in the late 80's and thinking his stories were particularly cruel to women and I had....hoped it was coming from a place of empathy, if gratuitous. Palmer, on the other hand, always came across as a complete narc. When you said they are the couple you know is poly because they will tell you..I laughed, because man, that could not be more accurate. I really did love American Gods. I am GenX, obv. I grew up in one of the more openly sexist and misogynistic eras, I keep thinking, but damn if we aren't hitting new lows all the time. Fecking monster.
I don’t know why this would surprise me about any man anymore, but as a book lover this one was still so disappointing. And wow the guy had *gall* to call himself a feminist while banging twenty year olds, let alone physically harming them. Ugh.
I hesitated clicking on this video because I knew how hard it would be to hear it. Just had a breakdown this morning hearing about a man burning his wife and three little boys alive and unaliving himself. Not sure I'm ready to hear the details of the NG allegations, but I owe it to his victims. Just starting your video now.
These rumors keep coming out about Neil Gaiman, there are more victims and everyone was talking about when Tumblr was THE social media years back. This behavior is a pattern he perfected, always
I used to be a big NG fan. It's still difficult to wrap my brain around it, though I absolutely believe these allegations. I can now see hints: especially in the Calliope story (its pronounced Kuh-lie-oh-pee, but that hardly matters). Sandman wasn't a "good" misunderstood character: he was a whiney POS who abused his lovers, friends and family. I thought it was all parody or critique, but it was all a confession. It really REALLY bothers me that I fell for it.
Oofff. This is monstrous. He needs to be in prison for the rest of his life. I also hate other women's roles in recruiting younger women into situations like that. While I know their motives I just can't fathom how they can live with themselves. Also: exploiting people and not paying them for their labour during a world health crisis and/or cost of linving crisis is Not "clever/genius fundraising". It's just deplorable avaricious😢
He also milked a lot of ideas from other writers, terry pratchett for example is a blatant rip off . Ive always found him to be entertaining but steals and re hashes other peoples work like george rr martin
At the time of abuse with Pavlovic, NG was 60 years old. 60. He was old enough to be her grandfather . How much does he have to learn and goddamn learn? He is old enough to understand consent; he just has contempt for it, and he had contempt for the fragile people he assaulted. PS: stay away from pick me women like Amanda Palmer, who, like you said, can lose everything.
Thank you so much for covering this topic in depth! I was looking for the article but could't access it... It's great to make this info available to us and opening the discussion.
Thank you so much for this ; I couldn’t access the article because of the paywall but still wanted to know the full extent of that man’s twisted crimes. Color me disgusted but aware, now…
I also had a creepy boss that was like 45 and i was 19-21. Always make weird comments and requests. Mind you we worked at an elementary school. It got to a point where i just ignored him when he would talk to me. Like he would be in my face and i would just straight up not talk and just have a rbf. He would still try to talk to me every day, even with me being a rude B. Ive since moved and my friends who still work there tell me he still asks about me and talks about me 🤢. I hated working there because of him. Wasted 3 years of my life at that job.
What’s going on with his son (who is still a child) at this point? Does anyone know about the custody situation? It’s the part of this that is horrifying me the most.
1:25:34 These trash guys will come across a woman with everything going for herself, just to try to clip her wings (instead of being an artist, she is now living with her parents - with child - in Massachusetts). Same story, different woman, and I hope more women continue to wake up to the nature of men.
This is so much worse than I could have ever imagined. I used to be a fan & this has me actually nauseous. And I cried. I wonder what Terry Pratchett would've said. Edit: what you said about predators seeking out vulnerable girls/girls who are already victims, and also I'm not sure if it was in this video or another one I watched today.. I think it was a different one.. But anyway, you said something about girls who are young and desperate for love and validation, and that goes into this too... Because that's what makes victims so vulnerable. I was that girl most of my life. My parents' neglect & abuse made me vulnerable to the sexual abuse of another man, my preschool best friend's dad. & That trauma which led to me having an eating disorder by 6yo, gave me body dysmorphia & also taught me that the only time that I'm ever going to be loved or worth anything is if I'm being used for my body.. And that was hard to unlearn. I was taken advantage of by so many boys and older men as a teen, and.. Well, i won't trauma dump and go into it all but I'm still feeling the consequences of all that today. My life could have been so much different, so much better if I hadn't been desperately seeking love and affection and validation until my late 20s when I finally started learning self love and how to feel happy by myself.
@@yv_edit I'll never be able to read or watch anything by Neil Gaiman again. I kind of had a feeling he had some sort of mother wound after watching Coraline. Thank you for all the work that you do!
My take on this: He's acting out his own traumas. Ocean is his story, and that means he was drowned in a bathtub by his father after he hired a nanny he probably abused. The kid shifts the blame to the nanny because the father was untouchable and impossible to blame. This theme shows up everywhere. He punishes the nanny by copying his fathers actions for what his father did to him. American Gods: Shadow reveals the secret of an old deity, drowning a kid every year so the village can be the perfect little world. The self insert Shadow is the saviour of the children but sacrifices the wellbeing of the whole village. The self insert Dream is the saviour of Calliope from Maddox. He clearly switched personas in this one. He presents himself as the saviour, tricking potential victims to identify the author with the saviour. My covert narc family used exactly the same technique. My mother used the stories of the abuse, too, shifting the blame. She was never in there, there was never any abuse. It was always me being stupid, clumsy, disobedient or unbearable. By telling those stories she saved me from my own imagination, nothing bad ever happened to me, I made it all up. In reality those "accidents" were potentially deadly. I was so young that those memories were forgotten and retold when I had the first chance to talk about it at school. I was watched 24/7 before that, I had no contacts outside of their circle. Not only similar to a cult, it's exactly the same dynamic. No outside interference until the brainwash is complete and the child can't remember anything because it depends on the family 100% and is punished for every word, every reaction, every unwanted emotion. Traumatic fears prevent you from even thinking the wrong thing. I know exactly how those strange texts from the victims came about. They please him instead of accusing him, they freeze instead of run. That's what overwhelming fear does to you. The similarities are so uncanny that the accusations first shocked me and then lead to me finally breaking the brainwash, realizing what he is and at the same time uncovering the whole truth about my own family. NG is exactly like my brother who managed to play his victim role successfully until now. I'm 59 now and I fought against them for all my life. But I knew that he was a victim, too, so I could'nt see that they turned him into a predator at a very young age. I was his first victim, and he used the brainwash to hide in plain sight. I went no contact with the rest of them but renewed contact with him after 10 years. Worst mistake of my life. That's what NG does. He hides behind his saviour personas he makes up and inserts into his stories to lure his victims. That's the role he plays in real life, too. Just like my brother.
Thank you so much for this! I managed to get a free archive link to the article on Reddit somewhere, but I’m glad to have an audio version breaking it down so I can go over it again for anything I missed ❤
Thank you for pointing out how excited people get over true crime content and the victimization of women. So often I read that TC content improved their dinner or made their day. Content about victims that were real people. Are they serious?
I listen to true crime for the same reason I watched this video. I only follow true crime pods where the victim is represented respectfully and I hate those podcasts that glamourize the crime or try to shock in a cheap way. It's important that these criminals are exposed.
I tried to read Amanda Palmers book and something about it gave me the ick especially when she started talking about him and these events. Now I know why I found her so loathsome
I will never be able to watch Coraline or Stardust the same way, if I can without thinking of what a depraved sociopath he is. Two of my favorite movies, I have them on dvd. He is in every one of his stories, they’re all autobiographical. 😮 There are no heroes.
GROSS! Never was a fan of Gaiman but I was of The Dresden Dolls, so Palmer by extension and that leaves me conflicted. Not paying for childcare is wrong but withstanding an obviously sick and sadistic husband, that you know is doing unconscionable things to the women who are caring for your child, is doubly wrong. I can't really separate the artist from her actions, even though she now has a life wrecked by this man's actions.
saddened but not surprised that he had such a messed up childhood. still never an excuse. i was also physically, emotionally, and s-ly abüsed as a child and every day i am trying to heal from this is a day of terror. i could never wish this to anyone.
@yv_edit and that was a rollercoaster to hell. I wish nothing but the worst for that man and men like him. Thank you, I couldn't have gone through that article alone, stuff of nightmare that even his ass can't conjure.
Off-topic, but your pronounciation of Pavlović/Pavlovic surname on the first try was *perfect* . In Serbian language, the accent is almost uniformly on the first syllable. And Pavlović is a Serbian surname, just saying. I loved (not all episodes though) Sandman (the TV adaptation), but what I love so much more is JUSTICE. Throw him to the wolves, I don't need season 2 that badly.
If i had girls, there is no way i would move them into a predators house just to live rent free. Dude should be in jail, but women should be held accountable also.
The women who came forward are immemselly brave for doing this and I unfortunatelly know how brave you have to be for something like this, when no one believes you and everyone gaslights you....I hope they know they are brave and strong and that we all believe them and will stand by every survivor ❤
Thank you for doing this! The way you broke it down I learned so much. The way they will shock you and assault you but not have gun. What abuse really is like I think the article really showed that how the victim can second guess herself. Thank you for reading it.
I was also made homeless, permanently unable to work because of injuries to my breasts and bowels , all my friends have left the building a long time ago but i have lots of professional help, police doctors womens aid and shelter homeless charity. I was given a social housing apartment
Regarding requests to read the full article - I didn’t make that request but I can understand a good faith question because the article is paywalled and I myself did want to have the full picture of who he is and what he’s done, but couldn’t read the actual article myself. I appreciate you doing this! I know it had to be difficult to read aloud 😢
This is truly insanity.My jaw is on the floor.As somone who previously looked up to Niel I am now quite saddened and shocked to find he has been acting in this way.Using his fan base for his own sick perverted pleasure.Prime example of how men with status think they are untouchable. I wonder if the artists who worked on the comics were aware of his character? I’m a fan of Aaron campbells illustration within the comics I just hope he’s not like this too.I suppose we don’t truly know a creators person only what they present to the world.Very scary stuff.
Thank you for this. I don't think I would have the guts to read it by myself, but I feel like in the company of you and your channel community, I have more strength to bear listening to what these women had to live through...
Thank you for this video! Now is the time for women to speak up in America on behalf of all women. We need to stand with our sisters in Afghanistan. This stuff is not new. ❤
I agree with you! He doesn't want to be a better person and I think I have an idea why. In his mind (possibly as a result of all of the alleged abuse he endured and unresolved trauma after that) if he resolves this trauma and stop with the cycle of abuse he is perpetrating - he will not have that 'muse' for his writtings. As in - he doesn't just view women as a 'source' for his 'inspiration' to write those fanatsy books - he also views the abuse as a part of that source. He sees that abuse as inspiration for his stories. He views their pain as some sort of a life force that keeps him in power and 'inspired'. And for those women (his ex wives or daughters) who he didn't abuse, he probably saw as some sort of leverage, women who will, in his mind (like in that story with that boy) tjose women serve as the protective power, which will not just protect him but protect his staying in power, protect his 'right' to abuse more and more women, perpetuating the same cycle until possible his dying breath.
Also, I think he litterally sees himself as that Sandman guy, he is so enchanted in his own power and fantasies that he sees himself as beyong human or God. That's why he doesn't even flinch when he does this in front of his child. He thinks he's a God or smtng, whoch is waaaay beyond narcissism. The proof, I would say, is in the fact that he included the story about Caliope (Kaliope, not sure on the spelling, english is not my mother tongue) in his Sandman series on Netflix as a sort of 'Easter egg' for the readers and 'a small pleasure' for the viewers. I also saw this episode (I watched that series) and I'm beyond disguisted that I didn't know what that was all about (I'm not one of his readers or fans). I can now also tell that he dedicated special attention to attract new Gen Z fans by the way he concoted those series for TV, the way he tried to 'ensnare' the viewer, not to mention all the themes he pulled through the series....
I was a big big fan of Amanda Palmer- got gradually disillusioned by her when I discovered her social media presence in about 2020- she weaponises not just her previous traumatic experiences but she also weaponises the fact that she's a singer-songwriter ('I'm an artist, so I'm beyond criticism') - its like brock turner with his swimming scores but at least it wasn't brock turner himself who bought his swimming scores up but the media! Whereas Amanda *herself* makes the fact that she's 'an artist' the excuse for so many messed up things. Exploiting vulnerable people yes but also groping fans (check out the Dresden Dolls subreddit), ableism, racist language, cultural appropriation, centering herself relentlessly... 'disappointing' isn't the word
20:40 okay, at this point im not gonna be suprised to learn something like this about Sapkowsky. I read his Witcher books and i was surprised of how detailed women's experience were described, like, the amount of time someone was trying to rape Ciri is... close to the number of attempts every girl handle through life. Female characters were interesting powerful and believable(with just a little bit of his own projections and fantasies about perfect woman). I thought its a sign of a femenist's inherent views of an author. But also, women were tortured a lot, they usually got cruel deaths, kinda more than men caracteres. I'm just... Well, im ready. I will not be surprised at all, although i enjoyed books a lot and thought its a feminist literature.
This exact scenario happened to me a year and a half ago. He is a successful inventor his brother was a famous actor.ihave tonns of audio evidence but still dont know if cps will take my case, its a 14% chance
Was there anything dysturbing that was not supposed to, or that is indicating what kind of a person the autor is? Because as far as i know it is suposed to be disturbing, a horror book?
I think we have to have a bigger conversation about consent. So many people, and I’ve seen this a lot with the BDSM community, see consent as a magic spell that makes everything okay and that’s not what it is. Just because someone consented to an activity, that doesn’t mean it’s not harmful nor that it wasn’t coercive. People are constantly engaging in activities WILLINGLY that are detrimental to their lives and wellbeing. Self-harm can come in many forms.
That being said, I’ve seen way too many women post about how they’ve been graped by their husband who convinced them to try BDSM so I’m instantly going to side eye any man who wants to “dominate” a woman in that capacity. I wish we could all be adults and have these difficult conversations without being afraid of “kink shaming” people who are into activities that a lot of men use as a way to coerce women into their own grapes. All that does is protect these kinds of men.
Pinning this brilliant take 🙏🩷 thank you!
YES! I completely agree! You ate with that one 💯 I just hope that women and fems in bdsm communities see this and start to actively have these conversations....
“[…] activities that a lot of men use as a way to coerce women into their own grapes.” Mic drop, babe. 💯
***EDIT: ( i am blocked from replying to ah-sh9dw below, so here's the pasta ):
@ah-sh9dw you're not getting what i'm saying. i'm saying "why isn't PARTICIPATION itself seen as consent?" also, *some things are illegal regardless of whether consent is present, such as "neutralization"... as i mentioned.*
oh, because this is the courts admitting that some people - often women - live in very compromised situations of another's design. and SO they invent legal consent as a way to say "hey, she said he could wrong her, so we're going to now put the blame on her. she consented." that way, the creepy sadists who run the courts can keep doing what they're doing and keep women from coming forward.
if you were kidnapped and then dropped on the streets of wherever in the freezing cold with your little one, and someone said "do x to me for my pleasure and i'll give you a warm space.. or you and your offspring freeze to death"... and you CONSENT to that... do you think that whole deal is ok? that no moral crime has been committed?
that's what i'm talking about. consent is a loophole for perpetrators. otherwise, just DOING the thing would serve the same legal purpose as consent does.
***END EDIT****
Agree 100%. I make this comment everywhere all the time. Just because someone says "I'll let you do it to me" doesn't make it right.
Even the courts agree. Someone can consent to be neutralized, but if you neutralize them.. guess what. You're going down.
Consent is a legal loophole for the perpetrators. Otherwise, participation itself would be considered consent.
yeah but Gaimen didn't even have a conversation with them! There was no- "hey I'm into some pretty different* kinda stuff. Are you into that?" No he immediately rushed them with intense, painful acts. It was designed to shock them. Designed to traumatize them. Designed to create a traumatic bond- which is where the later "consent" came from. A TRAUMA BOND. Which is why as they heal and recover they recover their NO that was shocked, frozen and trauma bonded into a YES. There was no bdsm consent "confusion" here. A.P explicitly said "it's better if it's a surprise" to the 20 year old she fed him. Shock and trauma and the subsequent freeze, fawn, terror and trauma bond IS the intention.
Wealthy people hire vetted nannies with formal training and degrees in early childhood education. No normal person would hire a woman who was sleeping on a beach only days prior to watch their kid. That was NEVER what those women were for.
amanda isn't a normal person though, she herself is a "nomad" type of person, i can see why she'd like a woman that was homeless. but she definitely knew what would happen to her. and they're definitely bad parents.
@@VeganBambi she comes from wealth, let's stop this nonsense of her being a quirky struggling artist
BOOM 💥 🎯
@@VeganBambi I was homeless. It was a symptom of my greater mental health issues and chaotic lifestyle. Of course there were underlying reasons that I eventually did address, but until I did, my life was a mess. That said, though I would never have hurt a child in my care at that time, I did come with a load of drama because I was very vulnerable and desperate and damaged. Being in that state meant I attracted predators and life was a series of car crashes. Amanda Palmer saw that this woman wasn’t playing out some bohemian lifestyle fantasy by sleeping on the beach. She was in fact, pretty desperate and yet Amanda still thought it would work out somehow. Not great insight on Amanda’s part but such a story (had her husband not assaulted the women) for dinner party chatter. Knowingly putting a vulnerable woman in with a man whom she seems to have already suspected at that time might do something not exactly ethical and possibly criminal is some kind of messed up thinking to my mind. What I don’t understand is, why couldn’t he look after the kid himself? Even if it was only for a few nights until they could hire someone more suitable. It got me thinking that she was placating him in some way by finding him a playmate, but also aware the woman needed protecting. Hence her telling him not to touch her. A kind of, “I did my best at getting you someone, but she’s not actually gonna work out, thing is, I’ve run out of ideas and/or time”.
If he’s after custody of the kid she must be terrified, he will no doubt mount a case against her as to her being an unfit mother and I’m sure he will use many things she’s done to paint a great picture. He’s an unfit father too, but a very, very rich one, which will buy him the best lawyers available. It wouldn’t shock me if she lost custody, unless they can prove he had sex in front of his child l, which would be deemed as sexual abuse, so maybe she wins there. Poor bloody kid, didn’t do very well with that pair as parents did he?
@@VeganBambishe absolutely knew
You're absolutely correct. Predators can smell unresolved trauma. Hide and heal and be sure to vet people properly. It took me 43 years to get to a place where I'm no longer a target.
hiding and healing as we speak. you're so right 🙏
well done on healing. it means a lot that you shared that. i started healing when i was 29-30 and sometimes still full of rage of how broken i am because of my parents' 4bu5e. i sometimes still feel like like i've wasted my 20's living in trauma, but i also know that i can only move forward. thank you.
They also smell fear, low self estime. Do you know the book "the gift of fear" ? It dives into this topic.
@ my dear friend who did bachelor of criminology gifted it to me, but i feel daunted. is it really important for trauma and cptsd, would you say?
The federal government is unable to accurately vet men ❤
He understands consent. You can't live over 18 years and not know what consent is. He chose to violate it.
This right here.
He understood it well enough that he knew that's what got him off. A True rapist at heart.
Especially because he is an extremely smart writer trained and abused by Scientology as a child. He is extremely smart.
Yeah he’s just gaslighting everyone
@@TheNinnyfee how can he be an “extremely smart writer“? He plagiarized the stories he put out. The source of that extreme intelligence was a black woman.
“Good girl”. I hate the phase so much, I shudder every time I hear it from a man… especially in a sexual setting. My abuser would instruct me and tell me I was a good girl if I obeyed and did everything he told me to… and if I didn’t, things would just get worse. Just happy to move on and it’s only a distant memory.
I’m sorry that happened to you 🫶🫶🏻🫶🏻
💜⚖️
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Praying for your healing journey ❤️🙏
oh I’m so sorry you had to survive that 😪 sending you my love 🫂🩷
"Just because they do it confidently doesn't mean you did anything to encourage it." WOOOOOF. That hit hard.
His 'apology', making it seem like the issue was his 'emotional unavailability' plays into classic sexist tropes; that the main and only 'harm' the women suffered were 'jilted hearts'. It's like he cannot, no matter what, not make himself the prize and make it all about him, that all women want is MORE of him, not fair and equal treatment.
Another creature exposed as a villain from a Marquis de Sade novel. Masquerading as a moral man while doing depraved shit to these female hostages. Even involving his own child in his crimes!
And Amanda Palmer’s participation is so bizarre. She is the seducer and the trafficker, Gaiman abuses them, and then Palmer gives them ‘aftercare.’ It’s twisted.
I must say Palmer at the moment really does seem to be involved. Sounds like two horrible people recognized evil in each other and got together. I’ve never liked her and he just creeped me out, but I never thought either of them would be so dark. You never know, maybe he had something over Palmer or threatened to take the kid if they divorced. In cases like this, involving people so complex and full of ego, the situation is often chaotic and confusing and dramatic. They create their lives to be that way. He probably didn’t do anything illegal because in his mind he convinced himself they consented but if we base our society solely on what is legal, then we lose our humanity in the process.
She's a pimp
Her aftercare doesn't involve paying them for their actual labor, either. She's a procuress.
@@muriel3928 Well that’s rather direct ! 😂 but probably true. I wonder if she sees it that way.
@@Egg_Apron This non-payment thing really gets me. Amanda Palmer set up a go-fund/me because she explicitly stated she did not want to be in a relationship with a very wealthy man and not have her own money. Why was that, why would that have been so bad? Because she knows that money is power (and it is) The power it holds is even more pronounced if you have none at all - and this ‘sleeping on the beach’ woman had none! Yet knowing all about the power game Amanda still put this woman in harm’s way. So much for humanity and common decency, let alone feminism, Amanda. Paying the woman would at least have given her options. I may well have let some man sexually assault me if I thought I might get a roof over my head, though I’m sure there wasn’t a shed of consent on behalf of the woman, but a freeze response in the face of a sexual predator. The woman in question didn’t even have a family to fall back on, unlike Amanda, who now appears to be living with hers.
When I was 20, I worked for a middle aged man who was running some weird crypto business. This was like 10 years ago so crypto wasn’t as widely talked about and I had no idea it was probably a scam. He brought me to an Italian restaurant for lunch on day 3 and I remember getting this weird sinking feeling as I was sitting there. As soon as we got back to his place I grabbed my car keys and said I needed to get something from my trunk. I left, blocked him, and never went back. It scares me to think about what he might’ve been planning.
good on you! great self perservation skills !!
I’m so glad you listened to your gut and got away!
“When men ask you what you bring to the table you should always laugh in their face”. Girl I love you for this ❤ it’s so freakin true 🤣
That's a mistake, men's thrive to Live comes from sex, not women, it's sex. As in nature sex.
Males absolutley understand consent
Exactly. I think they do but they just don’t give a f.
@@Hi-PhiNo, they just want to take one.
It`s the entitlement that stands in the way. A lot of men think they have a right to womens bodies, so if you don`t make it agressively clear that you want them to back off, they will just ignore the signs, since they feel like they have the right to do what they want anyway. But Gaiman ignored women shouting "No" repeatably, so there is no ambivalance or supposed misunderstanding there.
You are so right that predators seek out the wounded. I was preyed on by a 45 year old man, my singing teacher, when I was 16. I spent a decade in a "relationship" with this man where I suffered every kind of abuse possible. Once, near the end, he got really drunk and told me that he had "chosen" me to hit on because he saw I had low self esteem and was probably a closeted gay girl (true, though I am now a trans man). He outright told me he saw I had a bad relationship with my parents and so they wouldn't get in the way. These men are very calculated.
Wow! I want to thank you for doing this.
I was SA'd at a job interview when I was 17 years old. I'd already endured a lot in my childhood, so this was more icing on the cake of abuse. The man's wife was in the office in another room when it happened. He didn't care. I had answered an advert for an office assistant. At a different job, a guy attempted to grape me in the copy room...still 17.
Anyway, I hope that he gets the hell that is much deserved. I agree that nothing external will happen to him. Every time I think that there's no new low for males to reach, in comes another from the "hold my beer" crowd.
May all of these girls and women find healing, peace, and return to wholeness.
I bought Amanda Palmer's book to learn about starting your own crowdfunder (since she's the world record holder). Half way through I had to stop reading because of the unbelievable entitlement on display. This woman would take, and take, and take, and take from her 'fans' (but it's ok because she 'asked'), siphoning free labour out of them, for the chance that maybe, someday, one of them might be alluded to in one of her trashy songs. There was one time when somebody scammed her and her entire community with a fake death story, but she thought it was beautiful because it 'brought people together'. No accountability for anybody's bad actions, ever, as long as it brought more attention her way. Amanda Palmer and her ilk are the very reason I thought something was 'off' with feminism pre-2020. It's now starting to make sense.
@scummediacensoredarchive8166 - 💯 That late 90’s ‘feminism’ was _S K E T C H Y_ af
Yes it really shows a total lack of care of power dynamics and consent. Of course people who idolize you will say yes to whatever you ask them for. "it's just asking they are free to say no" only makes sense in certain contexts. Its manipulative and predatory,
Your part about being a young woman working for an older man, happened to me. Sad part is that he was a family friend.
ugh that breaks my heart 💔 im so sorry that happened, that’s deplorable. sending you my love 🫂🫂🫂
The declaration that "I'm not perfect" from someone being called out for horrible behavior is a depressingly common phenomenon. We are not talking about human perfection, but rather the EXACT OPPOSITE, meaning utterly degenerate, cruel, exploitive, dangerous abusive treatment of other human beings.
exactly. it is in fact INHUMAN and uncommon.
Thank you so much for reading this.
The New Yorker/Vulture should remove the paywall to access this information.
This is nightmare stuff.
I’m sure several docu-series are already in the works. 🙄🙁
As a life long comic fan, this was really discouraging to find out. I know I shouldn't be surprised at these types of allegations coming out anymore, because all types of men can be predators, no matter what their status or popularity.
I also hate that predators use the BDSM world as an excuse to abuse women and girls. Consent is very important in that world. But many predators and abusers claim to be "doms" as an excuse to be abusive or SA'ers.
The minute consent is removed from that world, it's not a "kink" anymore. It's simply abuse and SA.
him being in his 40’s for some of these stories and even entertaining 18 year olds is already enough to make me disgusted. a man who is willing to go that low WILL breach consent.
99% of men will do the same and prey on women in vulnerable position.
Amanda Palmer is complicit.
Give her no privacy.
Thank you for helping to spread this information. I love the metaphor of the angler fish for narcissistic abusers: it's such a profoundly uncanny and brain breaking experience to be attracted to a sympathetic persona and then savaged by the predator behind the persona.
it's quite a metaphor, indeed. when i had to emotionally detach from my unhealthy, cheating ex (to be fair, we were very young, late teens to early twenties), i imagined his public persona as a store front... but the content of the store is questionable at best. it was quite a harrowing experience.
Identifying as Sandman/Dream of the Endless is not a flex.
Dream is very powerful, but he’s also very cruel, vindictive, selfish, self-centred, self-pitying, narcissistic, controlling, emotionally immature, entitled, sullen, weaponises his incompetence, treats women, and pretty much everyone around him, terribly especially when he’s in a mood - which is most of the time.
He’s neither admirable nor likeable; an emo manchild with very little empathy, consideration or care for others and waaay too much power. Which he most definitely abuses when he feels slighted.
Dream is, essentially, an emotionally-stunted misogynistic jerk who slowly gains a tiny bit of self awareness and (resentfully and sullenly) becomes a tiny bit less of a jerk. Several female characters play key roles in this, notably his sister Death of the Endless who sometimes coddles him and sometimes calls him out on his shit. But after 10 books of self-pitying, navel-gazing, moping, mollycoddling/ lectures from Death and taking his feelings out on subordinates, randoms and enemies, he’s ultimately unable to change. So he chooses to die and is then reborn.
I’ve noticed male fans of the Sandman comics seem to find Dream’s character arc incredibly profound. Personally I find it frustrating and disappointing. Dream does some truly terrible things and there are very few real consequences for his cruel behaviour other than “woe is me”, which is basically his whole aesthetic. Despite existing for aeons he has not emotionally developed past the age of about 5. His greatest pains and regrets revolve around how his shitty behaviour fucked things up for him rather than the impact on his victims and the pain + trauma he caused them. Pathetic. But it’s all juxtaposed against Dream facing up against crueller and even more problematic characters (some of which he created) where at times he swings his dick around and does some “hero” stuff.
In light of these allegations, that’s all very awkward. Neil Gaiman was telling on himself in Sandman. Can’t stomach reading those books again 🤢
Also, his female-female dialogue is weird and artificial. He has no idea what women talk about or how they relate to each other when there are no men around.
In American Gods, there's a forest spirit character pretending to be an affable old man. He murders a different woman from a small town every year, hides her body in the trunk of a car and sinks it in the town's lake. It's revealed that this character was a human boy once, raised by an ancient village to be a sacrifice. They kept him in a dark hut and fed him well, but only so they could kill him later for the town's protection. I wonder if he wasn't telling on himself here too.
@@thecasualchemist-Sprobably, as it has nothing to do with killing a woman. Men fantasize about this.
Well damn. Haven't read the book but appreciate this disturbing insight!
@thecasualchemist-S Those were girls, not women. He meets the this-year-offering on the bus, she is still a schoolgirl. 😒
I think he uses his victims as muses. He's in one way or another always writing about himself. The most reavealing story is Ocean, I remember him saying back then it's kind of an autobiography.
If I am to guess: his scientology father almost drowned him in a cold bathtub after he hired a nanny he abused. Because the father was untouchable and way too scary the boy projected the blame onto the nanny, making some ancient monstrous thing up, wanting to devour the world.
Seeking out very vulnerable, young women - too much of a coward for minors, too dangerous for him -, punishing them for what his father did to him, doing the same thing his father did to the nanny, feeling invincible and powerful.
I survived a family of covert narcs, and my brother is very similar. Only their cowardice prevents them from doing what they fantasize about, but NG revels in writing about it. If they would'nt be afraid of what happens when they get caught it would be much worse. They are very dangerous when they feel threatened, their worst fear is to lose their cover. It's everything for them, they can only do what they do as long as nobody believes the victims. So they threaten them in any way they can.
They do their worst when you are little and nobody believes you. Later on they use the triggers to make you submissive out of a fear you often can't even remember. But my mother told me all the stories, too. They love it when you don't get it, but still react on a deep level. The stories were the best source for recovering my memories and to understand how they operate.
He does almost the same. He tells exactly what happened, but twists it so he is'nt in the picture. He is Shadow in the book, but in that part - that felt somehow totally unrelated to the story to me - he is the old deity, drowning kids. He switched personas in Calliope, too. He is Dream, but not in this story.
That's how they twist your brain as a kid. It's not them who are the monsters, you are imagining things, they rescue you from your own imagination. You are the monster. They managed to make me fear myself so I would never stand up against them. They are so sick. And he is a master of this blame shifting technique.
Thank you for your analysis of the books and carakters. It was insightful
12 years ago, when I was in London for the first time I was hooked on the bookstores over there. One of the books I bought was Gaiman's 'Fantastic mistakes', which is his 'make good art' speech he gave at the Philadelphia University of the Arts as the commencement adress back in 2012. I was starting out as a designer and illustrator at that time. The book was showcased on my shelf as an important part of this journey. I feel effing betrayed, especially since art and illustration is such an important part of healing for many women who survived abuse. I am a survivor as well. This is disgusting.
The bro code is so strong in the patriarchy.
I had a boss who invited me on an Ibiza vacation to his villa at 19. I said no and he pushed me constantly to go. I didn’t even quit and just didn’t tho anymore. He was around 60.
1:16:27 the “would you like to talk about it?” reminds me so much of my abusive ex-husband. The air of rationality, the expectation of having some kind of detached, unemotional conversation about violent abuse (as if it was all a miscommunication or misunderstanding). It’s a way of minimizing and downplaying what he did IMO.
He deserves prison, where they will gladly treat him the same way in which he treats women.
No. He is the predator. And that is why prison must be abolished. But that’s another discussion. I recommend examining the Norwegian prison system.
Even before the article got into the gory details, I found the dangers displayed by both gaiman and palmer very striking. The way palmer seems to basically gr**m Scarlett. Her asking for *favours* when she’s basically a millionaire or married to one - rich people are exploitative but to so obviously prey on an emotionally and financially destitute young person…And then the bathtub incident: when Scarlet clearly repeatedly told gaiman she didn’t want to get in the bath and he badgered her into it. That’s when he first disregarded consent. The rest is a devastating logical consequence. I really appreciate it that this channel always looks at the bigger picture; that this is textbook predatory behaviour and this channel really highlighted this in other videos. The booktube community is a disappointment in how they are responding to this and focusing in their personal grief of losing a hero. This is so much bigger than our favourite books being tainted. And for what it’s worth, his writing was kinda juvenile anyway. Thank you Lisa always.
33:32 Men understand. They're choosing to protect him.
I understand that insisting on "this isn't real BDSM" might have been important to deprive him of this defence but literally every single man into BDSM that I know (of) turned out to be a predator. Maybe the community should do some cleanup or unpack their trauma instead of indulging it
Heavy on the last part!!!
i have to agree. i have some kink that is actually directly related to my trauma (childhood physical a, religious trauma). it's a heavy load to unpack and a hell to heal, but it's still my job to do so.
This! So much this! I got out of the BDSM community when I realized that my "kinks" were simply unhealed trauma and that I was just feeding into it.
I'm not suggesting that we suppress our sexualities, but perhaps looking deeply into where these desires stem from is in order.
if you haven’t heard of it, i would recommend looking into the delia day story. it’s very heavy and dark but it’s a great example of how these “bdsm” dynamics are often covertly abusive and manipulative. i would never trust a dude whos into k*nk or anything related.
If we're talking straight, cis, male doms, I've unfortunately encountered a lot of red flags with that demographic as well. I have to strongly push back on the implication that all or even most of the community indulges predatory behavior, though. That hasn't been my experience, but I suppose it varies between local scenes.
I read the article after your former video. I'll skip this one, but like & comment for algorithm ❤ your work, thank you for everything
much respect, I wouldn’t want to hear it twice either I promise 😭😭😭 tysm for engaging anyway!!
Same 💛
This could have been avoided if he had gotten psychiatric treatment 40 years ago, now what he needs is a prison sentence. Honestly the more I learn about this situation the most disgusted I feel, I'm also glad I never read any of his works, I can't imagine the betrayal and grief his readers feel because of this.
Wasn't looking for horror stories before bed, but ill check it out later.
😭😭 pls i very much approve of this!!! take your time and be prepared 😪🚨
I remember reading Sandman in the late 80's and thinking his stories were particularly cruel to women and I had....hoped it was coming from a place of empathy, if gratuitous. Palmer, on the other hand, always came across as a complete narc. When you said they are the couple you know is poly because they will tell you..I laughed, because man, that could not be more accurate. I really did love American Gods. I am GenX, obv. I grew up in one of the more openly sexist and misogynistic eras, I keep thinking, but damn if we aren't hitting new lows all the time. Fecking monster.
I don’t know why this would surprise me about any man anymore, but as a book lover this one was still so disappointing.
And wow the guy had *gall* to call himself a feminist while banging twenty year olds, let alone physically harming them. Ugh.
It's the ones who call themselves "feminists" who are the worst.
I hesitated clicking on this video because I knew how hard it would be to hear it. Just had a breakdown this morning hearing about a man burning his wife and three little boys alive and unaliving himself. Not sure I'm ready to hear the details of the NG allegations, but I owe it to his victims. Just starting your video now.
you are incredibly strong. thank you.
These rumors keep coming out about Neil Gaiman, there are more victims and everyone was talking about when Tumblr was THE social media years back. This behavior is a pattern he perfected, always
I used to be a big NG fan. It's still difficult to wrap my brain around it, though I absolutely believe these allegations. I can now see hints: especially in the Calliope story (its pronounced Kuh-lie-oh-pee, but that hardly matters). Sandman wasn't a "good" misunderstood character: he was a whiney POS who abused his lovers, friends and family. I thought it was all parody or critique, but it was all a confession. It really REALLY bothers me that I fell for it.
Me too
Oofff. This is monstrous. He needs to be in prison for the rest of his life.
I also hate other women's roles in recruiting younger women into situations like that. While I know their motives I just can't fathom how they can live with themselves. Also: exploiting people and not paying them for their labour during a world health crisis and/or cost of linving crisis is Not "clever/genius fundraising". It's just deplorable avaricious😢
Thank You, yv_edit 🙏🏾 I’m grateful I’ve ‘found’ your channel!
He also milked a lot of ideas from other writers, terry pratchett for example is a blatant rip off . Ive always found him to be entertaining but steals and re hashes other peoples work like george rr martin
appreciate your blunt no bs insight on this nightmare.
Thanks!
He's in his sixties actually... Disgusting. So disappointing
At the time of abuse with Pavlovic, NG was 60 years old. 60. He was old enough to be her grandfather . How much does he have to learn and goddamn learn? He is old enough to understand consent; he just has contempt for it, and he had contempt for the fragile people he assaulted. PS: stay away from pick me women like Amanda Palmer, who, like you said, can lose everything.
Thank you so much for covering this topic in depth! I was looking for the article but could't access it... It's great to make this info available to us and opening the discussion.
i am so disgusted and disturbed i cant put in words
Thank you for reading this in full. Something about hearing it in a human voice is very powerful.
Thank you so much for this ; I couldn’t access the article because of the paywall but still wanted to know the full extent of that man’s twisted crimes. Color me disgusted but aware, now…
Lisa you are a gem 💎
tysm friend!!! 🫂🩷
I also had a creepy boss that was like 45 and i was 19-21. Always make weird comments and requests. Mind you we worked at an elementary school. It got to a point where i just ignored him when he would talk to me. Like he would be in my face and i would just straight up not talk and just have a rbf. He would still try to talk to me every day, even with me being a rude B. Ive since moved and my friends who still work there tell me he still asks about me and talks about me 🤢. I hated working there because of him. Wasted 3 years of my life at that job.
Thank you for sharing the article. You weren't kidding about the disclaimer: I am disturbed.
I appreciate you reading this as I needed to hear a perspective like yours on this. Shame must change sides!
I call the "freeze" reaction "keeping sweet".
Fawn as well
@ 💯 you’re right
What’s going on with his son (who is still a child) at this point? Does anyone know about the custody situation? It’s the part of this that is horrifying me the most.
The historically accurate term for Amanda Palmer is "Procuress."
The Marquis de Sade used one too.
1:25:34 These trash guys will come across a woman with everything going for herself, just to try to clip her wings (instead of being an artist, she is now living with her parents - with child - in Massachusetts). Same story, different woman, and I hope more women continue to wake up to the nature of men.
This is so much worse than I could have ever imagined. I used to be a fan & this has me actually nauseous. And I cried. I wonder what Terry Pratchett would've said.
Edit: what you said about predators seeking out vulnerable girls/girls who are already victims, and also I'm not sure if it was in this video or another one I watched today.. I think it was a different one.. But anyway, you said something about girls who are young and desperate for love and validation, and that goes into this too... Because that's what makes victims so vulnerable.
I was that girl most of my life. My parents' neglect & abuse made me vulnerable to the sexual abuse of another man, my preschool best friend's dad. & That trauma which led to me having an eating disorder by 6yo, gave me body dysmorphia & also taught me that the only time that I'm ever going to be loved or worth anything is if I'm being used for my body.. And that was hard to unlearn. I was taken advantage of by so many boys and older men as a teen, and.. Well, i won't trauma dump and go into it all but I'm still feeling the consequences of all that today. My life could have been so much different, so much better if I hadn't been desperately seeking love and affection and validation until my late 20s when I finally started learning self love and how to feel happy by myself.
The scientology vibes are strong in this one. 😢
Im from NZ. You pronounced pohutukawa correctly 😉.
omg im so happy!! 😁
I was already watching Nightmare Expo when this video posted.
Why not watch more horror related content before going to bed!😅
You know Nexpo is in the same boat. Except his channel was too small at the time that no one cared when the victims came out.
If you can point me in the direction of some sort of actual proof of your accusations, I am more than willing to consider this. @@SteveoDeMayo
😱 it really is
@@yv_edit
I'll never be able to read or watch anything by Neil Gaiman again. I kind of had a feeling he had some sort of mother wound after watching Coraline.
Thank you for all the work that you do!
My take on this: He's acting out his own traumas. Ocean is his story, and that means he was drowned in a bathtub by his father after he hired a nanny he probably abused. The kid shifts the blame to the nanny because the father was untouchable and impossible to blame.
This theme shows up everywhere. He punishes the nanny by copying his fathers actions for what his father did to him.
American Gods: Shadow reveals the secret of an old deity, drowning a kid every year so the village can be the perfect little world. The self insert Shadow is the saviour of the children but sacrifices the wellbeing of the whole village.
The self insert Dream is the saviour of Calliope from Maddox. He clearly switched personas in this one. He presents himself as the saviour, tricking potential victims to identify the author with the saviour.
My covert narc family used exactly the same technique. My mother used the stories of the abuse, too, shifting the blame. She was never in there, there was never any abuse. It was always me being stupid, clumsy, disobedient or unbearable. By telling those stories she saved me from my own imagination, nothing bad ever happened to me, I made it all up. In reality those "accidents" were potentially deadly.
I was so young that those memories were forgotten and retold when I had the first chance to talk about it at school. I was watched 24/7 before that, I had no contacts outside of their circle. Not only similar to a cult, it's exactly the same dynamic. No outside interference until the brainwash is complete and the child can't remember anything because it depends on the family 100% and is punished for every word, every reaction, every unwanted emotion. Traumatic fears prevent you from even thinking the wrong thing. I know exactly how those strange texts from the victims came about. They please him instead of accusing him, they freeze instead of run. That's what overwhelming fear does to you.
The similarities are so uncanny that the accusations first shocked me and then lead to me finally breaking the brainwash, realizing what he is and at the same time uncovering the whole truth about my own family. NG is exactly like my brother who managed to play his victim role successfully until now.
I'm 59 now and I fought against them for all my life. But I knew that he was a victim, too, so I could'nt see that they turned him into a predator at a very young age. I was his first victim, and he used the brainwash to hide in plain sight. I went no contact with the rest of them but renewed contact with him after 10 years. Worst mistake of my life.
That's what NG does. He hides behind his saviour personas he makes up and inserts into his stories to lure his victims. That's the role he plays in real life, too. Just like my brother.
Thank you so much for this! I managed to get a free archive link to the article on Reddit somewhere, but I’m glad to have an audio version breaking it down so I can go over it again for anything I missed ❤
Thank you for pointing out how excited people get over true crime content and the victimization of women. So often I read that TC content improved their dinner or made their day. Content about victims that were real people. Are they serious?
Some women claim they watch true crime to educate themselves about red flags.
I listen to true crime for the same reason I watched this video. I only follow true crime pods where the victim is represented respectfully and I hate those podcasts that glamourize the crime or try to shock in a cheap way. It's important that these criminals are exposed.
I tried to read Amanda Palmers book and something about it gave me the ick especially when she started talking about him and these events. Now I know why I found her so loathsome
They always tell on themselves. She has a song about it too
I will never be able to watch Coraline or Stardust the same way, if I can without thinking of what a depraved sociopath he is. Two of my favorite movies, I have them on dvd. He is in every one of his stories, they’re all autobiographical. 😮
There are no heroes.
Thank you so much for exposing all of this. It’s so important that people are made aware of this. Great work as always!
GROSS! Never was a fan of Gaiman but I was of The Dresden Dolls, so Palmer by extension and that leaves me conflicted. Not paying for childcare is wrong but withstanding an obviously sick and sadistic husband, that you know is doing unconscionable things to the women who are caring for your child, is doubly wrong. I can't really separate the artist from her actions, even though she now has a life wrecked by this man's actions.
yep. male centered women hurt other women more often than not!!
saddened but not surprised that he had such a messed up childhood. still never an excuse. i was also physically, emotionally, and s-ly abüsed as a child and every day i am trying to heal from this is a day of terror. i could never wish this to anyone.
Well, thank you! I appreciate it 💗 didn't ask for the tea. I just wanted to hear it from your prospective.
Oh I know dw 🙏🫂 it wasn’t so much TH-cam as it was Tik Tok honestly!!
@yv_edit and that was a rollercoaster to hell. I wish nothing but the worst for that man and men like him.
Thank you, I couldn't have gone through that article alone, stuff of nightmare that even his ass can't conjure.
I wish I’d had the benefit of your content 30 years ago. Thank you for working tirelessly to save generations of women now.
Off-topic, but your pronounciation of Pavlović/Pavlovic surname on the first try was *perfect* . In Serbian language, the accent is almost uniformly on the first syllable. And Pavlović is a Serbian surname, just saying.
I loved (not all episodes though) Sandman (the TV adaptation), but what I love so much more is JUSTICE. Throw him to the wolves, I don't need season 2 that badly.
If i had girls, there is no way i would move them into a predators house just to live rent free. Dude should be in jail, but women should be held accountable also.
13:59 I'm only a few minutes in, and i agree it's disturbing that some people were begging you to read the terrible parts of the article. 😢
So glad to have found this channel!!
It's All Men! How Many Times I Told You Ladies..🙏🙏💕
I feel like this story is the worst example of a monkey's paw wish in wanting to be famous.
The women who came forward are immemselly brave for doing this and I unfortunatelly know how brave you have to be for something like this, when no one believes you and everyone gaslights you....I hope they know they are brave and strong and that we all believe them and will stand by every survivor ❤
Thankyou for reading this out and for the insights you gave into behaviour of such people
Thank you for doing this! The way you broke it down I learned so much. The way they will shock you and assault you but not have gun. What abuse really is like I think the article really showed that how the victim can second guess herself. Thank you for reading it.
I was also made homeless, permanently unable to work because of injuries to my breasts and bowels , all my friends have left the building a long time ago but i have lots of professional help, police doctors womens aid and shelter homeless charity. I was given a social housing apartment
thank you for doing this.
Regarding requests to read the full article - I didn’t make that request but I can understand a good faith question because the article is paywalled and I myself did want to have the full picture of who he is and what he’s done, but couldn’t read the actual article myself. I appreciate you doing this! I know it had to be difficult to read aloud 😢
This is truly insanity.My jaw is on the floor.As somone who previously looked up to Niel I am now quite saddened and shocked to find he has been acting in this way.Using his fan base for his own sick perverted pleasure.Prime example of how men with status think they are untouchable.
I wonder if the artists who worked on the comics were aware of his character? I’m a fan of Aaron campbells illustration within the comics I just hope he’s not like this too.I suppose we don’t truly know a creators person only what they present to the world.Very scary stuff.
Very disturbing…thank you for including these details, I don’t know much about him.
Thank you for this. I don't think I would have the guts to read it by myself, but I feel like in the company of you and your channel community, I have more strength to bear listening to what these women had to live through...
Thank you for this video! Now is the time for women to speak up in America on behalf of all women. We need to stand with our sisters in Afghanistan. This stuff is not new. ❤
I agree with you! He doesn't want to be a better person and I think I have an idea why. In his mind (possibly as a result of all of the alleged abuse he endured and unresolved trauma after that) if he resolves this trauma and stop with the cycle of abuse he is perpetrating - he will not have that 'muse' for his writtings.
As in - he doesn't just view women as a 'source' for his 'inspiration' to write those fanatsy books - he also views the abuse as a part of that source. He sees that abuse as inspiration for his stories. He views their pain as some sort of a life force that keeps him in power and 'inspired'.
And for those women (his ex wives or daughters) who he didn't abuse, he probably saw as some sort of leverage, women who will, in his mind (like in that story with that boy) tjose women serve as the protective power, which will not just protect him but protect his staying in power, protect his 'right' to abuse more and more women, perpetuating the same cycle until possible his dying breath.
Also, I think he litterally sees himself as that Sandman guy, he is so enchanted in his own power and fantasies that he sees himself as beyong human or God. That's why he doesn't even flinch when he does this in front of his child. He thinks he's a God or smtng, whoch is waaaay beyond narcissism.
The proof, I would say, is in the fact that he included the story about Caliope (Kaliope, not sure on the spelling, english is not my mother tongue) in his Sandman series on Netflix as a sort of 'Easter egg' for the readers and 'a small pleasure' for the viewers.
I also saw this episode (I watched that series) and I'm beyond disguisted that I didn't know what that was all about (I'm not one of his readers or fans).
I can now also tell that he dedicated special attention to attract new Gen Z fans by the way he concoted those series for TV, the way he tried to 'ensnare' the viewer, not to mention all the themes he pulled through the series....
Holy projection !! He said to her that he thought she was a 👹
Finnegansache on youtube has a good short video about predators in the publishing industry. It's not just Neil Gaiman unfortunately
I'm pretty sure almost everyone in Hollywood does this kind of thing. Around and including their own kids, too.
Palmer wants to be a feminist icon but it's giving wannabe manic pixie dream girl
I was a big big fan of Amanda Palmer- got gradually disillusioned by her when I discovered her social media presence in about 2020- she weaponises not just her previous traumatic experiences but she also weaponises the fact that she's a singer-songwriter ('I'm an artist, so I'm beyond criticism') - its like brock turner with his swimming scores but at least it wasn't brock turner himself who bought his swimming scores up but the media! Whereas Amanda *herself* makes the fact that she's 'an artist' the excuse for so many messed up things. Exploiting vulnerable people yes but also groping fans (check out the Dresden Dolls subreddit), ableism, racist language, cultural appropriation, centering herself relentlessly... 'disappointing' isn't the word
Ka-lie-o-pee. Emphasis on lie.
This was way way way more awful than what I was expecting. that is just fucked. i am appalled
20:40 okay, at this point im not gonna be suprised to learn something like this about Sapkowsky. I read his Witcher books and i was surprised of how detailed women's experience were described, like, the amount of time someone was trying to rape Ciri is... close to the number of attempts every girl handle through life. Female characters were interesting powerful and believable(with just a little bit of his own projections and fantasies about perfect woman). I thought its a sign of a femenist's inherent views of an author. But also, women were tortured a lot, they usually got cruel deaths, kinda more than men caracteres.
I'm just... Well, im ready. I will not be surprised at all, although i enjoyed books a lot and thought its a feminist literature.
This exact scenario happened to me a year and a half ago. He is a successful inventor his brother was a famous actor.ihave tonns of audio evidence but still dont know if cps will take my case, its a 14% chance
13:20 This makes me sick I hate that she went through this.
53:08 "never do this" YUP don't think you can fix them
Coraline was a disturbing book
Was there anything dysturbing that was not supposed to, or that is indicating what kind of a person the autor is? Because as far as i know it is suposed to be disturbing, a horror book?