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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ต.ค. 2017
- When people think of abuse they often equate it to physical violence but that isn’t where abuse starts or ends. Abuse can be physical, mental, or emotional and everything in between. We share 10 common relationship red flags in this video.
Original Article: psych2go.net/10-red-flags-abus...
Script: Nick Urbonas
Voice Over: Jim Monteforte
Animation: Grace Cárdenas Cano
Feedback Editor: Risha Maes
Project Manager: Erin Bogo
Producer: Psych2Go
More Psych2Go here: / psych2go
Website: psych2go.net
Twitter: / psych2go
Facebook: / psych2go
Tumblr: psych2go.me
Hope everyone have a great weekend. We know we're releasing a lot of new videos lately, but hope they all help! Also, what do you guys think of these next few topics: 1) psych2go.net/10-ways-deal-unrequited-love/
2) psych2go.net/7-psychological-tricks-can-help-make-good-impression/
3) psych2go.net/10-smart-signs-school-may-not/
4) psych2go.net/10-thoughts-can-destroy-relationships/
Feel free to post requests below.
Deleted lol.
Psych2Go my "friend" who I dated (I ended it but it was not bad for us we were still mates) text me today and told me how they were feeling down and cutting themselves for the first time because they want to go back out with me THEN asked who I would date if I could THEN proceeded to tell me that it is a one way thing so I should give up then said will I go out with them and night. I'm so frustrated and angry they are making it sound as though I MADE them cut themselves and making me feel bad. I explained(in a few angry texts) how that was a Dick move and told them how addictive that is and how it ruined my life when they said it was too much I showed a picture of my scars and said they think it's too much they are stupid and don't want that. Guilt tripping me into dating them again I feel terrible!
Advice? 😖
You too.
Psych2Go. This video is a vague generality if that's the case, everybody is abusive especially parents it blurs the line between concern and discipline only a few of these things r obvious forms of abuse this needs more details to the definition for this can b misleading and have your audience think everything is abuse n create paranoia, oversensitivity, and radical fanatisim
Psych2Go
🌿👀 Thank you very much, I saw myself in a lot of that.
Most of us are constantly abused and don't even notice, sad.
David Calado true
No kidding. It's important to recognize the signs.
Yeah abuse more harder when it's been passed down in your family like it's supposed to be "normal" in some kind of way . Some people just deal with it without knowing the truth that they experienced somthing sad in there life.
Yup, once it is wide spread it is considered as "normal", no matter how hurtful it turns into.
David Calado yeah it blurs the line of what is supposed to be considered fine and being too sensitive to somthing :/
One thing you forgot to cover is that a victim usually doesn't know until someone points it out, because abusers will choose someone they know is lonely. They will also do something later to try to make it look like they're sorry. For example, the abuser might hit their partner, but then later take them to their favorite place for dinner to "make up for it"
true
Oh god. My older sister is stupid then.
Miles Wenger this is true, sadly. It's hard to really see that you're in an abusive relationship when the abuser uses these tactics well. I know from experience that this is hard, and I really hope that people in these relationships can have a friend help to point out that what they're dealing with isn't okay.
Yup. They always tell the wife to order a pizza after a fight. These "men" reek of weakness.
Yeah... that was my ex-fiancé to a T. :-( February 2018 will mark 4 years since I found the strength to contact my parents and get myself and my cats out of that Hell after 9 and a half years of physical, emotional, verbal and monetary abuse. The ex had a habit of throwing me out, then telling me that he was sorry (however I shouldn't have riled him up that way, according to him). One too many of those saw me calling my parents (they are divorced) to get me from work and then getting the cats out when I knew my ex was working. We're all safe now.
I was lucky. In the UK, where I am from, it's estimated that 50% of cases (female and male victims) end up in the death of the victim. It could have been a lot worse - especially as I was threatened with an axe, kitchen knife and butcher knife respectively by him.
Why did I put up with it? It's simple - he was a clever, manipulative man, who knew the right words to say to people ("Oh, it's just a lover's tiff - You know that she's oversensitive!"). He was what you would call a gaslighting ass. I was made to feel like I was going crazy. I was so scared that nobody would believe me. Thankfully that was proven wrong when my best friends noticed that something was up and of course my parents immediately coming to my aid like that.
I seriously checked like 7 of these off. I don’t even feel abused. That’s the scary part.
U numb to it
sadly same
If you are around narcissist will make you feel like that. They are very emotionally/verbally abusive.
Probably because like how stuff are passed down its "normal"
Please get help, maybe it's time to think about how your relationship is developing, how it affects you in every way, I really want you to find happiness even though I don't know you.
You should make videos on how to get out of abusive/toxic relationships. Because it's really really hard and I need help we arnt even dating anymore and he still has a hold on me.
Yep! Thanks for suggestion. We understanding and doing so now.
Alice you have ptsd probably from the relationship if you can get flashbacks and feel like your still in the situation even though you’re out of it I would know that is happening to me rn also you should get emdr therapy if you want to look it up it basically disassociates the emotional attachment to the trama from the trama so you no longer feel pain or anger towards the situation and from there on can continue to heal 💓
i seriously felt this, i tried to leave my boyfriend many many times but he would black mail me by saying he was going to post very embarrassing pictures of me if i left and at one point did it. ive tried many times to leave him but it never works he always find away around it and constantly wants my location and freaks out when i don’t answer the phone fast enough
@@lilyclaire2740 you can press charges if he's threatening to leak personal pictures. Only when you're ready, it's not right of him to be holding it against you. Hoping better days are ahead!
I checked them all off. My bf won’t even tell me his real age. He claims he’s 19 but idek anymore cuz one minute he tells me he’s 23, the next it’s 26, now it’s 19. And his ID’s all show different ages. One of them shows him as being a resident of Mexico and being 30. Yet he looks somewhere around 18-22 years old so that doesn’t add up either. Plus he uses multiple last names for work and just in general. He’s a pathological liar too. So much so that he believes his own lies but doesn’t realize it. I do it too sometimes but I usually recognize when I do it. Today he hit me in public (in front of a crowd of people waiting in line outside). When he hits me, he always brags about doing it again. And he says he’s a good bf cuz “If I was a bad bf, I would have done way worse. I would’ve beat the shit out of you and cracked your skull.” We got into an argument 3 days ago which resorted to us getting into a physical fight. Then he saw the little scratch I put on his precious little face. “You bitch! Look what you did to my face!” And he socked me dead in the center of my face. My eye was swollen and red and my nose broke. He knows I’m an alcoholic (and he is too but not as much as I am) and he knows I can’t control myself once I take one sip so he buys a big bottle, tells me to drink, gets upset if I don’t, then I end up waking up without my pants on like this morning. When I tell him I don’t want to fuck, he pulls my pants down anyway and forces himself on me. Especially when he’s mad at me. He’s hate-fucked me a couple times. And disregards whether it hurts or not. When I don’t wanna do anal, he cops a bottle and says “I’m getting that ass tonight.” He constantly ridicules me, and when I call him out, he just says he’s joking and I’m just getting “offended.” He’s constantly looking at himself in the mirror and he’s the only guy I’ve ever known who was so invested in their face and hair like a woman. I think he uses my ‘currently being a homeless 20 yr old in NYC’ to his advantage. He knows I have virtually nowhere else to go. (I have friends who’d let me crash at their place but I don’t wanna be a burden so I wouldn’t do that). I was staying in youth shelters before I moved in with him. I don’t wanna go back to that with the corona going around. Plus it’s a toxic environment with rude staff. My ex was abusive too. Currently in jail right now and on his way upstate to Prison soon. It seems I just can’t get away from these abusive narcissistic men. After all, my father is one.
Abusers will also convey selfishness with "compassion", making it appear they are a good and selfless person when they're really just a selfish asshole so that people don't see that side of them
my ex
amen
My ex as well
My x.. the dr Jekyll and Hyde syndrome.. i hate him
I'm a guy that was emotionally abused by my first girlfriend. I've been too scared to get into a relationship since. It's been 2 years and I still occasionally have haunting memories of it that just don't go away.
Same here except it's been 3 years. Don't give up on love and cultivate a supportive group of friends. You will find love one day.
As someone with similiar experience, my advice is to actually find another gal whom you know well and doesn't treat you bad. If you can spot their flaws right away and they don't hide it, I've found that these people are less likely to be abusive. Good luck man.
Batarn Or maybe he could just not get into another relationship? Look up MGTOW, relationships are basically useless nowadays and could get you falsely accused of rape or caught in a baby trap.
TheRealHagrid it could be good to go to therapy. It can help, definetely. It's okay of you don't want get in a relationship anymore or if you're scared. Still, treating your emotional wounds will help you and maybe you'll stop being scared.
I know exactly how you feel. Except, I just got out of my toxic relationship last year. And I have haunting thoughts about it sometimes, too, sometimes I really hate on myself for what I'd gotten myself into. But, I promise that there's hope. You'll find somebody who will treat you right. Start finding ways to clear your head when those thoughts creep into your mind (list some things your grateful for, remind yourself they're gone, indulge in something that you love, etc.) and be sure to know the difference between what is a healthy relationship, and what is unhealthy (considering the fact you commented on this video, I'm sure you know). Be brave, stay strong, and keep smiling. Things will get better. 😊
A summary of the points;
1) Controlling behaviour
2) Humiliates you
3) Guilt trips
4) Forces you to take responsibility for their feelings
5) Ultimatums
6) Physical violence
7) A bad temper
8) Forces you to do things you don’t want to do
9) Constantly checks up on you
10) Picking a fight
All off these except physical violence go with someone I respected wholeheartedly
my grandma would normally do this to me. I asked my mom for help but my mom wouldn't believe me, she says respect the elders only. I respected her but she still keeps doing this.
My boyfriend only checks off 2, maybe three of these...is that bad? Its 1, 7, and sometimes 9
I have a bad temper but it is something I’m going to counseling for but I don’t think I’m an abuser tbh
He had nine of these, I did not even know what I was abused. I was made to think that I'm not a good lover or a good person.
Nice video. We shuld totally avoid people with abusive behaviour even if they are very close to us.
Black Screen Education you probably should though
Black Screen Education exactly, we should
It’s easier said than done, Ive been in one, it really isn’t easy to get out of it
I just had to break up with someone who was abusive
Fortunately , I left my crush who did emotionally abuse to me ;-;
...
This reminds me of my mum, and yes, I know it's normal for parents to keep watch over their children, argue etc, but still...
;-;
same
fuck
This reminds me of my dad :(
Oh, I thought I was the only one who thought of that during the video...
same
You know it’s bad when the vibration sound stresses you out
omg never realized I had the same stress symptoms when my ex called
This is so weird, every time I got a text I was kind of scared
When you realize you've done some of the things In your "fresh" relationship
I always seek out for abuse/red flags from my partner because of my insecurities without noticing that I am actually toxic
This really opened my eyes
Temper can also be a sign of heing abused as the victim is so frustrated by their abusers manipulative behavior that they blow up feeding into the abusers guilt trips and manipulation
Yes! PTSD
This comment deserves a million likes. That was me and always felt bad afterwards, end up apologizing. Then she'll say "you'll just do it again" like she did nothing wrong.
Yep. My bf always ridicules me until I blow up. He says he likes seeing my pissed off face. I checked off each and every sign smh
I lost it so bad recently, and then I was called dramatic, unhinged and that I ruined everything. I got tired of the constant barrage of texts and threats to leave me. :( then I apologized for getting so mad. She told me to not contact her at all anymore then contacted me the next day by saying her dog was sick, I came to help the dog, then she reminded me of how horrible I am and sent me away. 😢
Before you realise it you have confided with another abuser about your current abusive relationship and they start doing the same thing while pretending to be a friend.
M. J. This comment deserves to be on top. I think people should see this.
Sooo true
@M. J. Yep.
Happened to me
My ex did this
I worry about some of the people here wondering if they are the abuser. If they truly are, they need to seek help. However, to my knowledge, an abuser can also make the victim think that they are the problem. So, I hope none of the people are wondering if they are abusive because their abuser has tried to convince them that they are.
1.ex-partner
2.ex-partner
3.ex-partner
4. ...
Glad I stopped talking to anyone who was treating me bad. I am so much happier now. It was a difficult step but it was totally worth it. Please be strong and free yourself too, you can do it! Life will be so much more enjoyable with the right people around you
Maybe it comes to bad parenting. But abuse as character traits are getting more common, convoluted and as a whole society is just in ignorant bliss about it being corrected or accounted for. Hmm
This video makes me so angry because my ex was like this and I hate myself for giving him most of my time and energy
My ex bf did some of this, he was aggresive, never hit me but almost. I broke up with him today
Paulie O'
I’m glad you did.
My ex bf did the same.
You deserve somebody better
Good job
Same here.. I broke up with him today after being with him for almost 8 years
@@user-f91731 thank you Livuu! I'm glad you got out of there also. Hope you are doing fine, big hug
@@shortmeditation6464 Thank you friend :) big hug
I’m finally getting out of my 15 years of mental abuse and physical, I could breath and feeling beautiful. He did all 10 and more.
Another, lesser-known but equally damaging form of abuse is financial abuse. It is often mixed with other forms of abuse but can exist on its own. While from the outside looking in, it can seem nice that the people involved are so smart about money, and that the victim doesn’t have to worry about financial instability, but in reality, it is a crippling situation that can be almost impossible to escape.
Help my mom is the abuser I'm 20 and I can't do anything cause I have to work to keep a roof over her head and I don't have friends or close family and I don't have enough money monthly to get out on my own I stopped my dreams of going to college cause I have to help her and I don't want her on the streets she also has my bank card so if I take it back ill be on the streets till my next pay check if I can even get a place
And I live in Shawnee OK so I can't just live on the streets cause I'll get arrested eventually I don't even have a drivers license or a car cause she has those things I can't escape cause of my job not being flexible and I can't take it anymore I almost wish she'd do what she says she's gonna do and kill herself and I now that's bad to think of but I'm also scared she'll do it and she's to stubborn to go to a psychiatrist and she can hide it from everyone and only went to a crazy house once where they said she was fine know after trying to slit her wrists as I wrestled them off of her
basically describes my ex, damn he was my first bf and he made me feel I was wrong about everything that I didn't know how to love properly and he always was angry and disappointed in me
so happy he's outta my life now
I watched this video to remind myself that it wasn't in my head. I was abused for almost three years. Emotionally, physically, and sexually. And I feel grateful to be out
There are several forms of abuse: financial, religious, psychological,(gaslighting, manipulation, guilt trips, constant antagonizing, name calling-degrading/demoralizing behavior) physical, sexual (physical+psychological), and neglect none of which should never be ignored ! For many of us, we have been subjected to many abuses...and now justice will finally be served...
it is not helpful when professionals such as police and doctors only ask if they have physically hurt you, emotional abuse, financial abuse are all damaging.
My ex literally did all of these things to me while we were together. In just a few days, it will be the one year anniversary of me leaving her. I'm still scarred to the point where just thinking about being in a relationship again makes me have a panic attack. Thank you for making this video, it will help so many people out there.
Calling 911 is BS. The police believed my abusers over and over again. Even when I was in the hospital after one of my abusers attempted to murder me, the police didn't believe me. Another thing, people who are abused as children often end up in abusive relationships as adults. When it's all one knows, how does one break free? But even knowing that it's abuse is just one step in the battle. Once the victim knows, then they can seek help, right? In my case and the case of many others, seeking help made everything way worse. So, when seeking help makes things worse, the victim is even more alone than before. And when the victim finally does get away, where do they go to? DV shelters would not help me because, well, it depends on which abusive relationship I was seeking safety from. They wouldn't help when it was my family abusing me because they can only help people who are being abused by an intimate partner. When it was a partner I was seeking refuge from, they wouldn't help because I called from a Walgreens, which obviously meant I had gotten away and didn't need their help. I went back to him after picking up whatever it was I had gone shopping for. I told myself that if it wasn't the dead of winter, I'd run away and sleep on the streets. But, the abuse was always less severe in the nicer months of the year. I guess they knew my line of thinking, yea?
Even now that I'm safe, when it starts to get cold, I still mentally withdraw from those around me. My body and mind just seems to be preparing itself for the worst. That brings up another point. Even after getting away from all forms of abuse, going through years of therapy and becoming independent, the body and mind still carry the effects of what was done. I still have nightmares. I still find myself tensing up when someone picks up a belt/blunt object/cigarette. I feel like that frightened child all over again. Are they gonna hurt me? Are they gonna pretend to be nice to draw me close? Are they gonna get mad at me for being hesitant to approach? I never knew back then and even though I know now that the person picking up the belt is doing so to get dressed for work, my body still tenses up, waiting for the impact. My mind goes far away, as I watch it in third person, feeling helpless and confused. My roommate has never hurt me. It's out of his character to harm others. But, the ingrained bodily response is still there.
When someone is abused, they carry that with them for life. Sure, they can learn to cope and what not. They can learn about the chemical constitution of the brain and the biological responses to danger, real or perceived. They can read book after book, understanding more and more about biology, psychology and more. But, even with all that knowledge, even in the midst of an anxiety attack when the person is telling themselves that there is no danger and they are safe, the body still sends out the fight/flight/freeze response and the victim can only wait it out. Body and mind seem at war with each other at that point, even though the person has been safe for years. The person knows it's irrational at this point to be so scared, but the logical mind cannot outweigh the bio-chemical response. "It's okay. You're safe. It's just anxiety.", I tell myself over and over again, hoping that my brain will get the hint and stop pumping adrenaline.
Maybe Psych2Go (I don't know how to tag them, to ensure they see this comment) can do a video on the long term after effects of abuse. Or maybe they can can do a video on why abusers are often believed over victims and what can be done about it.
Thanks for bringing this up. Abusers are often really good at hiding their abuse. They have often been doing it all life long, and it has often been passed down through generations.
I don't know if you're still dealing with this, but check out Alan Robarge's videos. He focuses on healing attachment trauma, which is caused by an abusive childhood. That helps us stay out of bad relationships and make our relationships healthier as well.
The body keeps the score is also a great book about this stuff if you haven't read it yet.
Any hobby that involves physical activity will help get your body used to feeling safe again. Rock climbing, yoga, dancing, martial arts, running... all of them are great. There are lots of great grounding techniques out there, too!
Good luck to you!
Sending you strength and love...♡
Oh yes please, a video about why the abusers are almost always believed and the victims hardly ever would be great. And not even online attorneys have ever answered me when i tried to explain my situation.
I checked them all off. My bf won’t even tell me his real age. He claims he’s 19 but idek anymore cuz one minute he tells me he’s 23, the next it’s 26, now it’s 19. And his ID’s all show different ages. One of them shows him as being a resident of Mexico and being 30. Yet he looks somewhere around 18-22 years old so that doesn’t add up either. Plus he uses multiple last names for work and just in general. He’s a pathological liar too. So much so that he believes his own lies but doesn’t realize it. I do it too sometimes but I usually recognize when I do it. Today he hit me in public (in front of a crowd of people waiting in line outside). When he hits me, he always brags about doing it again. And he says he’s a good bf cuz “If I was a bad bf, I would have done way worse. I would’ve beat the shit out of you and cracked your skull.” We got into an argument 3 days ago which resorted to us getting into a physical fight. Then he saw the little scratch I put on his precious little face. “You bitch! Look what you did to my face!” And he socked me dead in the center of my face. My eye was swollen and red and my nose broke. He knows I’m an alcoholic (and he is too but not as much as I am) and he knows I can’t control myself once I take one sip so he buys a big bottle, tells me to drink, gets upset if I don’t, then I end up waking up without my pants on like this morning. When I tell him I don’t want to fuck, he pulls my pants down anyway and forces himself on me. Especially when he’s mad at me. He’s hate-fucked me a couple times. And disregards whether it hurts or not. When I don’t wanna do anal, he cops a bottle and says “I’m getting that ass tonight.” He constantly ridicules me, and when I call him out, he just says he’s joking and I’m just getting “offended.” He’s constantly looking at himself in the mirror and he’s the only guy I’ve ever known who was so invested in their face and hair like a woman. I think he uses my ‘currently being a homeless 20 yr old in NYC’ to his advantage. He knows I have virtually nowhere else to go. (I have friends who’d let me crash at their place but I don’t wanna be a burden so I wouldn’t do that). I was staying in youth shelters before I moved in with him. I don’t wanna go back to that with the corona going around. Plus it’s a toxic environment with rude staff. My ex was abusive too. Currently in jail right now and on his way upstate to Prison soon. It seems I just can’t get away from these abusive narcissistic men. After all, my father is one.
Abusers are always believed over their victims. Most people are abusers. People don't know how much abuse is tolerated.
I was in a relationship for 15 years with someone that did everything but the physical violence. The video puts it into such simple clear terms and it was really powerful for me. I have been out of that relationship for nine years and still working on trusting men again. When I was in the relationship my self-esteem was very low and I had a severe anxiety disorder that made me quite dependent. I know that victims don't leave until they are ready. I know that truth very well. I work very hard to heal from the wounds I have from this experience and I sympathize with anyone that is in or has been in an abusive relationship. Thank you for making a video of a difficult but important topic.
Cheryl Kastas Victims do not leave, until they are financially stable, or they have complete security from their abuser. 😉
(Using friend's account)
The issue is that he is great 80% of the time. He helps me a lot with doing life, network connections but he loses his temper when I don't help him when he wants. We have a cultural barrier. Today he said he has never hit me, just played a bit rough. Then why was I always fearing for my life, shaking after his episodes, but so scared of leaving at the same time? I'm so devastated by his actions emotionally it pierces my heart. Though it's small scratches kicks and pulling and pushing me around, nothing broken.
I was in a abusive relationship for almost 4 years. I let them walk all over me, and that lead to emotional and mental abuse. It took a while but close friends pointed out that they didn’t see the relationship as healthy. I ignored them. I truly believed the lies the other person told me was true. That if i left I would never have someone better. That this was the best I deserved. After almost four years I snapped. I couldn’t take it. I screamed and cried and cut all ties with them. I was diagnosed with depression soon after. I had believed all the lies the told me that now that I was on my own, I felt worthless. Today I’m in a much better place with loving friends and family. If you catch red flags early, see help. I wish I would’ve back when it first started. Don’t make the same mistake
1. Controlling behaviour
2. Humiliates you
3. Guilt trips
4. Forces you to take responsibility for their feelings.
5. Ultimatums (ex: if you don't come out with us I'll burn your books, etc.)
6. Physical violence
7. A bad temper
8. Forces you to do things you don't want to
9. Constantly checks up on you
10. Picking a fight
I hope this helps and I hope whatever situation you are in, you heal and have a much better life. ❤🌟
This made me realize I was in an abusive “relationship” (it was by force but he made me think I wanted it) when I was 12, with a guy on the internet, literally, he did everything here but physical abuse, this went on for months because I was scared to ask for help, and it didnt help I was a complete pushover,, thank God I cut him him out before it got worse
Please help, I'm in one of those, he doesn't stop screaming down my ear and yelling about the single loss of a match being my fault. Everythings my fault.
I've been worried recently that my parents might be abusive, but i was never sure because i didn't know what signs of it was. this video was helpful for me.
This reminds me of both of my parents...They even force us (me and my sister) to do things we don't want to physically and mentally and other times they don't allow us to do things we want to (one time i wanted to delete my OWN social media but my dad wouldn't allow me to and when i said that ' don't i have the permission delete my own social media?' he emotionally blackmailed me and i ended up not doing it)...my mother beats me up everyday.....Guilt Trips , humiliating, putting blames is a common thing for us...we always need to think how to not make them angry even over littlest most tiniest things .....Both of them abuses me and my sister in every way possible...and we can't do anything about it
Hopefully you'll get yourselves out! You deserve better!
This video hits quite close to home >.
Crazy Shadow same...I wish you luck!!
B To The T To The S To The BTS Yeah, it does
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship without realizing it for so long. Hindsight is 20/20 but I had very low self esteem at the time and was very new to relationships: I was naive. It took time to realize how unhappy I was after our dates, how inappropriate the putdowns were (I couldn’t share anything positive that happened to me about my life without it being mocked/minimized, or having it disregarded as the conversation shifted instantly to something that made him remember) and eventually I just broke it off and cut all ties: Young people, my advice to you is to be self-confident and respect yourself before giving yourself to anyone. Get in touch with your emotions/wants and learn to properly communicate them.
Oh my god this video has made so many things clear about my relationship!! I have been going crazy running in circles wondering what exactly was my mistake to apologise for a fight I didn’t even start. Thank you #Psych2Go
I left my ex-partner today because of the red flags mentioned. Not only was I constantly belittled, I was also accused of things that I didn’t do. My mental health was deteriorating and after rounds and rounds of conversations, I always find myself at fault. I decided that enough is enough and sometimes it’s worth going through the short period of pain than to be in an abusive relationship. I felt relieved and not guilty.
.. well then. My ex had been really suicidal and whenever we had a fallout, he would threaten to self harm himself or even kill himself..
Gabby This happens to me too. It’s a terrifying trap and I’m glad that you are not with him anymore.
My Grand Mother did the same. And when i stoped to respond she asked me if I DIDENT CARE. well i told her the truth that it was she that did not care!. well from that they she stoped, but still she harrasd my sister and mother with the same guilt terrorism
Say fine do it leave look after you
There’s also social isolation. When a abuser feels like they are losing control they will try to isolate the victim but any means necessary, but typically by force. I just got out of an abusive relationship a few months ago and y’all really hit the nail on the head with this one! Thanks so much
My ex girlfriend was emotionally abusive towards me. A few days ago I found out she had been cheating on me and she broke up with me to be with the other person instead. Now when I look back at it, I realize that I spent all my time and effort to keep her happy. The time I remember trying to leave her myself since she had slapped me for the first time, she threatened to end her life, saying it would be my fault. Therefore I stayed. Now that I’m out of that relationship I feel a bit better. I’m still facing constant struggles and I can’t help but miss her. But I’m thankful that our relationship ended before it was too late...
Someone who says they’ll kill themselves if you leave is SICK! 🤬
*And meanwhile 50 Shades of Gray sold 125 million copies worldwide and the film was breaking numerous box office records.*
*Maybe you can guess the point I'm trying to make...*
JustsomeSteve As bts album was sold out after 20 minutes
As long as you are handsome and very rich this issue doesn’t apply
This defines my dad perfectly.
Radom Persey Mine too ☹
Same
Same
Same
Same here i feel for all of you.
Also something that they didn’t mention in the video is that an abuser could also give in a pity themselves to make you look like the bad one.. like if your in an argument and you start name calling back or pointing out the the abusive red flags to him he can actually agree with you and then never change his behavior
I think you guys do amazing work and I'm so grateful that you guys are out there doing it. My comment about this video is I think there is another sign of abuse that wasn't really touched on and that is: Abusers go to great lengths to keep their private life private. If no one outside of the relationship is privy to all the goings on's inside the abusers home, the abuser can easily keep a sunny face on how the relationship is going. If the partner discusses what is actually going on, the abuser will immediately shoot that information or accusations down with others, saying things like: "they're lying" or "they're crazy" or "they r just trying to start drama" there in under-minding the credibility of the abused partner with others, which leaves the partner even more isolated and the abuser with even more control.
Well, some points reminded me of myself... I just called my boyfriend and he told me I'm just in an abusive relationship with myself and that I can talk with him about everything cos he loves me.
But wouldn't the partner of an abuser say the same thing?
I have Borderline and abusive relationships aren't rare in this type of personality disorder so I'm afraid now I just didn't realize all the time that I emotionally abuse my boyfriend
My parents were in a toxic relationship. They divorced 8 years ago. My dad was the abuser and my mom the victim.Then a year ago, that narcissistic piece of crap finally realized his stupid mistakes and said sorry to us. It was legit. My mom even had a dream of him saying sorry to her while crying. Things are way better now. He still has some of his old flaws but his abusivness is gone. Now I can look at him as a dad ☺️😭🤧
If you don’t mind me asking, how are things going with your family? Is your father truly committed to changing his behaviour and is he consistent with it?
@@bleakburd4965 I'm glad u asked, it's been 4 years now. So, turns out he's still the same as before and I've cut almost all contact with him. He's consistent at being a bad father and person. I found out other things about him that made it easy for me to cut contact with him. He tries to reach me and my siblings, but we ignore him
@@achi7440 So his apology and the seemingly "happy" ending was a fake.
@@bleakburd4965 Yep, sadly. At least now I know
Yooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣
My boyfriend and I broke up today. I’m 5 months pregnant with our son this is both of our first kids and I’ve been abused through out my entire pregnancy and most of this relationship. Didn’t realize any of these things til I started watching these videos...
the tears won’t stop flowing
All them flashbacks when living with my mom still hit me sometimes, lives good now
A friend of mine acts like this... she can be a really good friend, but she's in a pretty stressful situation, so she's alot more emotional at the moment. She tries to make everyone around her feel guilty for stuff that is her fault, and constantly tries to stop me speaking to certain friends, mocking me when I hang out with them. She's also quite violent sometimes, And I have had to personally deal with that.
Most of the time she's fine, being a good friend and helping me with my own problems. But since things have got more stressful for her, it's got alot worse for everyone else too.
my last relationship had like six of these and it was really difficult to get out of it. i’m really happy that i did though, i may be lonely but i’m on the road to being a lot happier than i could’ve been with them
this channel went from making me happy every time I saw a new upload to depressing me every time I see a new upload. I doubt it's anybody's fault but it just started pretty soon after a breakup, I think a video came out about how to get over a breakup or something along the lines of that but none of them worked for or applied to me and that and the why not to go back to your ex video put me in a really bad state because it made me think of what would happen if he saw it and this video has kind of just added salt to the wound because the reason we broke up was because i was abusive but i don't want to be abusive and I want to stop but i dont know how so I asked for a video on that but that hasn't happened and now this makes me imagine people seeing it and being pushed away from me because of it and I don't want to be alone
It pains me of how much this reminds me of me and my mother's relationship, I'm glad I no longer live with her.
I was in an abusive relationship exactly like this. It lasted almost 3 years. It's been over a year now and I'm glad its over.
i used to be emotionally abused by a "best friend" during my childhood. now, growing up, my mother's actions are slowly making me remember/giving me bad memories a lot more terrible things in my past
i dont know what to do. i feel like i cant escape
You guys are amazing!!! Keep up the good work with new videos.
This fits my family for sure! My dad was awful to us, but mostly to Mom. And out of frustration, she would take it out on me. I'm not sure how old I was, but she stopped bullying me before I started high school. But Dad wouldn't stop being a controlling, manipulative, story twisting prick. I was just so fed up with the constant shouting between them.
Then in 2010, things escalated. I always knew he was no good, but what I heard from Mom confirmed it. He was jealous of me for the longest time and didn't want to compete with me, all because of a stupid grudge. The fact I was first to her and not him, my height, and the fact I wasn't like him. Mom left Dad when I was 3, but he's come and gone. Spring of that year seemed all right, but the summer, he barged in at midnight and they started shouting. They woke me up, too. I was surprised it last 2 whole hours. Then that one cold, fall night. I didn't realize I was standing up to him, but he was so mad he wasn't in control that he picked a fight with me. He doesn't fight fair, either.
Then, just last year, he contacts Mom and tries to weasel his way back by bringing up that night, making her feel like it was her fault he was carted off. She knew right there he was still the same. A few messages later with no response from Mom and she finally blocks him.
I remember those days when my dad used to abuse my mom and treat her like total and utter crap. Funny thing too was when you she separated from him yet not divorced since I looked like him she took her anger out on me throwing anything she can get her hands on and yelling at me. She still defends him to this day and constantly tells me she misses him to this day. Honestly I can’t wait to move out both him and her are useless parents who deserve to get ghosted
My mom acts so nice when my friends are around she dose everything for us but when they leave....
thank you for that video! im trying to help a friend that is in an abusive relationship and those topics made me understand more how she feels.
I crossed with this channel by accident, great content, I'm really enjoying them, keep the good work!
i known all along for the past 10 years of my childhood I had been abuse by my parents. But i couldn't do anything because i was weak and indecisive. I felt like i want to die and have several thoughts of suicide. But i know it is not worth it. Because of the abuse, i had a very low self esteem, depression and social anxiety. Those 10 years are the most harshest time of my life. But my life are getting better for i can manage myself independently without relying solely upon my parents. I had my freedom and are in college to study more about life. I realise I'm on my own and my happiness is the only thing i want in my life for the upcoming 10 years.
I really hope one day I'll have as much luck as you and be able to escape this hell of a place and go far enough that I may be able to forget about all this some day, or at least simpply be happy (like genuine happiness)
Can you do a similar video about parents and perhaps a vid about not so obvious anxiety symptoms or autism?
I second this.
Sure thing! So signs of parental abuse and show the video to your parents?
My mum can barely understand english and I'd rather suspect some things for myself before i try to get a therapist. She wouldn't even really care if I showed her, because it's just a Video instead of a professional telling her. (my dad moved very often and i broke contact last year if you were wondering idk). So a Video on parental abuse would be great haha
B To The T To The S To The BTS As someone who has also gone through parental mistreatment, I wanna see it too.
I'm in an abusive relationship and I was in denial for two years. Being away from him during this quarantine has made me realise how much control my boyfriend has over me. He's never hit me but I've been scared that he might. I'm afraid to leave him because he knows where I live and I'm afraid that he might hurt me or my family. I'm also afraid that he might harm himself. I actually have no idea what to do 💔.
He won't kill himself trust me I'm a guy we aren't that brave
I never realized all of this was happening to me since 3 years was all about abusing. I only thought it was my husband's nature and his family followed the same direction as his. I always felt suffocated and chocked up everyday. Thanks for making this video, now I understand what was happening with my relationship.
*reads Video title*
So...
Abuse Script is basically a typed out, written, or said lines that are used in movies, plays, music, and overall entertainment. But you abuse the script, by crumbling up the script, or writing it in un neat handwriting
lol. Why did you guys have to catch that. It's fixed now haha. Cheers!
Awwwwwww! But my joke was funny! :)
Precious X3 What was the original title?
10 Red Flags of Abuse Script
Haha! Nice one! I'm glad the notification shows me the original title so I able to get the joke.
I can't leave my relationship with my boyfriend. He mentally, emotionally and physically tries to be controlling. He doesn't respect boundaries and doesn't allow me of decide for myself. He doesn't like to get no for an answer and when he doesn't get his way he sit outside my residence or damages things I have outside. He's broken the window and the door is completely mishapen. He won't leave me alone at all and when I have threaten to do something he has said that he'll violate whatever it is I get on him. He says he will take my dog, things and or that he'll chop me up me up.
I pray you have left him.
2:24 damn when those words were drawn in, that hit hard
Thank you for these helpful scenarios.
I grew up with a mother like this, no wonder I ended up in a relationship with an abusive guy for over a year, and a half.
this isnt just romantic relationships too, platonic relationships can be a abusive as well! dont be scared to think that the current platonic relationship your in is abusive just because its platonic!
Your videos have really help me out. Thank you, so much!
My ex did most of these things to me, and I catch myself doing it to others now. It's not that I want to do it, it just feels like I care too much and I get way too insecure, which makes me angry. He absolutely crushed me and left me in this paranoid mess. It is very difficult to control my temper and anxiety but I do try my best to. It sucks :(
Is yelling at me or talking over me loudly a form of abuse?
Occasionally, no. Daily Yes. Mentally
I had teachers do that. When they got impatient or angered with how I was doing work, they would raise their voices, sometimes even yelling at me. My parents and I had to keep moving because this toxic behavior among other stuff was so common in many of the schools in the town. We FINALLY left that community when I was a teenager.
Yeah that all sounds about right.
I once had a girl who, when I got in an argument with her the prior night, waited until I left for school before she slashed and burned her own arm. She then called the police, and said I was doing it in my sleep.
Because the police didn't believe me, they arrested me and I had to go through expensive court cases to get my name and the incident cleared off the record.
Needless to say, we're broken up, but even though I blame her for a majority of the abuse she did to me, I could had broke it off way earlier when there were signs that she was capable of this. I should had listened to my gut.
After being in a relationship that had basically all of these factors, I don't even know what to do. Why do I feel like I still love him even after all of this happened? I have to keep reminding myself that he's not good for me because I always would do anything to make him forgive me. He's really good at making me feel guilty as if I did something to him. I don't know how to move on because I keep thinking about him
The environment you're in inevitably influences your self and your life. It is of vital importance to leave a bad environment, the truth is you must leave these types of relationships if you wish to move forward in life. Staying loyal to these types of people or trying to fix them is doing nothing but keeping you down and wasting your energy. It might be the hardest thing you've ever had to do to cut out people you're so close with, but ultimately it's worth it. Stay strong, move forward, this life is yours. Never accept anything untolerable from it.
I just realized how terrible it is that my friends and I casually talk about how we’ve been abused and think nothing of it. Yes, it might be our parents, but should parents really be *abusing* their children? I understand if parents ask for pictures of you and your friends your with or maybe texting at certain intervals. One of them is with physical, one with mental, and I’m over here with verbal and physical.
We shouldn’t be taking this lightly. We just sit down and talk until someone who doesn’t get abused points out that we’re being abused and need to seek help. It’s not normal for a parent to restrain you by force (choke you by pulling your shirt back, beat you with a belt, blame their actions on you, etc).
that’s all I got
This whole "victim" and "abuser" dichotomy is over-simplified. In most cases, there is more than one abuser in the relationship. Both parties can be abusive- and this is not an uncommon thing.
Yep. I've seen that sickening dance more often than I care to remember.
I was always confused if I'm the victim or the abuser. Thanks for pointing that out, I actually never learned that before.
I definitely agree. I think that there can be many abusers in one persons life in any relation they may have, and in return being around that negativity can cause that person to act out in similar ways against others.
Reace Foster My old relationship was like that.
I feel like those relationships always go like this
1.yelling at each other
2.beating the crap out of each other
3.having really unhealthy sex
very true. a friend of mine just got out of a relationship that was also abusive. When she let him go, she blocked him on every social media, and contact info. He would call her multiple times about making her feel bad for him. He sounds like he is the victim in the relationship and she's been using her, which is not true. So she is willing to call the police for a restraining order (since he know where she lives), but hasn't shown up yet with physical violence yet.
it's hard to get out of an abusive relationship, but if u seek the right help, u can finally remove a big weight off ur shoulders. Do what's right for u, your surroundings and most importantly, your health :)
I remember all ten of these things and I have never been happier to know that person is far from me and never going to hurt me again.
Stay strong, my friends.
Experienced 3,4,5,7,8 and 10. I’m so glad I ended it💯
My fiance just threatened to body slame me and kill me after he had a couple of drinks. And he put his hands on me. I feel trapped.
So sorry babe. I pray you get out of the relationship alive and healthy ❤️🧡
The last relationship- Let’s call him ‘Jack’ was a lot like this. He didn’t have a short temper, but he always treated me like an item and dumped all of his issues on me. When I finally left, Jack guilt tripped me since he knew exactly how far I could go and that I was a very empathetic person, but I told him I needed to leave and carried on with my life. He still contacts me with subtle threats and blames me for things, but I know that every thing is okay and that he can no longer manipulate me because I knew where I stood and I could be strong. Now I’m in a healthy, balanced, and wonderful relationship with a really great guy. We understand each other and can talk about anything, and he makes me feel alive, happy, and safe. Relationships like Jack happen but it’s important to stand up for your feelings and self. Don’t let someone hurt you, you’re worth it and you matter in this universe. You have a voice, and there’s always help around. Stay strong
it's nice seeing people in this comment section helping each other out :)
Sounds like my parents and some past friends I had...
I Went Through Physical Abuse as A Kid! :(
Wow this made me question if I am abusive and I hadn’t even thought about it once
Yes, more videos like this! Many Women do not know how to recognize emotional or psychological abuse.
I was abused by my dad (mentally) when I was young. I live in Europe now and i don't see him that much, but it is still there, but, I'm speaking with a lawyer on what to do with it. But, it has caused me to develop severe depression and anxiety, and when I was 12, after I got off the phone with him, I tried to kill myself. Abuse is abuse, and I hope my story lets people know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Wether it's a parent, a sibling, a family member, a friend, or a significant other, no one should be abused, no matter what type.
Kanra That's quite a story... But you're right. Abuse is still just that. You'll find the light at the end of the tunnel like my family did if you haven't already.
I have a question what if the abuser doesn't exacly like hurt me in a fight but they will play fight and get rough almost like there taking it out in a passive agressive way but they get a too little rough. And it always happens when they get salty about a incident.
Alice Madness then it is abusive still. They're obviously doing it with malice, with the intention to more or less hurt you and it is not okay.
Yes because he’s trying to make you uncomfortable and perhaps even intimidate you.
The fact I am here searching it up just means a lot...
This is always good information to know.
My abusive "friend" always says "I feel really sad when *insert me not doing something she wants*" the thing is she always wants something and it always about her. I always have to change myself and my schedule around her and even when I do everything she told me to, even after I told her it would be a big problem form me, she is still unsatisfied and she humiliates me by changing everything to suit her even though I changed everything in my schedule to suit her to begin with. Once I waited for her for over two hours in the freezing cold in a skirt because she kept messaging me with far fetched excuses but that she was coming, when she arrived she told me that she decided to take the later train because she heard that there was a special train coming with heated seats, free coffee and the ride was all free, as if she hadn't messaged me all those lies just a few minutes ago. That's right, I stood in the freezing cold for over two hours waiting for her and she wasn't ashamed to tell me that the reason she was late was because she wanted to ride a fancy train that served her free coffee(+she straight up unmasked herself that all those messages she sent me were lies). I have plenty of stories like this about her and I kind of feel like this is a good reason to break up this "friendship" and don't you dare tell me ghosting her is not right because talking to her does not work, I tried and many others have tried, but since she's a narcissist she will always see herself as the victim and apparently I'm not even aloud to tell her that she's a narcissist so what the heck am I supposed to do?
That describes me to a tee, because I'm too nice to people who are narracistic jackasses towards me. Then others wonder why it is that I will never trust another person again. Sometimes it's better to keep to yourself.
What a horrible friend 😢
I’ve been in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship
Part of me wants a girlfriend part of me don’t I still get flashbacks and etc to it
I honestly LOVE this channel!! Stay awesome!! :D
My parents behavior towards me match all of these symptoms. My mother broke a wooden broom while hitting me when I was 7 (because I had crossed the street without her permission). now we live in different countries and that made my life much, much happier.
I may have mad a mistake dating this one guy, he seems to get mad really quickly, uses guilt trips and monitors my social media, should I be worried for myself?
It depends on the extent to which he does those things. If he uses his anger to intimate you, guilt trips you regularly, or monitors your social media to the point you're acting in the ways he wants you to instead of how you would without his influence out of fear or shame, the best thing you can do for yourself and your long-term mental health would be to get out of that situation. Stay safe!
My first girlfriend was an abuser!!! Now i hate her!!
My friend was in an extremely emotionally abusive relationship I tried to do what I could but she wouldn't listen.she just recently broke up with him and I'm so happy.
I was this person being abused by my boss of 3 1/2 yrs. I told him to stop or I would quit..he continued to talk down to me and I gave him 2 weeks notice then and there. He told me to go home instead. He then called me just to talk down to me more. I hung up and blocked him. Im just saying, this can happen with anyone. DO NOT STAND FOR IT, EVER. Im free!!! ❤️